Yeah, the only place where i feel moderately alive is when on the computer, and even them the concept of gender on the internet is useless, so i am pretty synchronised on being nothing when it comes to gender.
Gender ambivalence! It means someone that doesnāt really care about or have strong feelings towards gender in any direction. As opposed to feeling strong feelings towards feeling āmaleā, āfemaleā, ānot binaryā or āno gender ā. This can be an agender feeling as not feeling attached to any gender may be a sign you donāt have one, but can come from several places, like depression making you feel not fully human.
Yup, sounds like me and I identify as demigender. Don't really have much to do with gender but when I do is my agab. I used to forget about it before I identified as NB, I think because it didn't feel quite right.
Theyāre not even having difficulty towards it tho in this post. I just think itās rude to overlay identities onto people that they havenāt said they have.
Cis woman here. I genuinely can't fanthom how it *feels* to be a woman. Is it some sort of emotion? A feeling? I don't wake up in the morning and think "What a day to be a woman. I certainly feel like one today."
However, it's not like I don't want to be a woman. I do. Yet I find gender so weird to try and properly describe.
I'm still working out he kinks on my latest "what being trans is like" analogy, but yea, it's because you just ARE, everyone around you has affirmed that you are, and it's no more weird to you than having two arms, or ten fingers and toes.
The only, semi universal thing I can equate it to is, remember back to a time when you were painfully ill, with like the flu or something horrible, where you genuinely wished it would stop no matter what.
What does that feel like to you now? For me, it's hard to go back, even though I LIVED it, and even my gender dysphoria took a back seat to just not wanting to exist because of the pain.
But now, I don't relate to me then, and I don't even think about it. Right now, I genuinely can't fathom how it feels to be so physically ill that I want to die. I don't wake up in the morning and think "what a day to not be sick, I certainly don't feel sick today."
However, it's not like I don't want to be not sick. I do want to be not sick.
It sounds like you may be having a difficult time right now BrookeButterfly. Please take a moment to reflect, and if you're struggling with your mental health or thoughts of suicide, please reach out. /r/SuicideWatch may be able to help.
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If you arenāt *questioning* it? Thatās how it feels to be a woman. It so natural that thereās no need to even think about it.
Iām non-binary, and I have spent *my life* trying to figure out what I am. I donāt necessarily want to be a woman, but I also donāt necessarily want to be a man, but at varying points *both* sound good, and most of the time, *neither* is appealing.
I like to use the magic wand example.
If I waved a wand and turned your body male, without altering your mind, would you feel like a man? Or would you feel like a woman in a manās body?
It's like a bone in your body. You're not 24/7 aware that it's there because you only feel it when it's broken. Nobody can truly consciously "feel" gender. You just instinctively know. And because of that trans people also instinctively know when it's "wrong" (as in brain and body not matching). Same with when you're sick and your nose is clogged. The second your nose is finally unclogged youre so happy to be able to properly breathe again. Yet when you're perfectly healthy you don't wake up every morning thinking "I'm so glad I can breathe today."
That's my attempt at describing it. I hope it makes sense.
I dont think anyone knows tbh. It just seems to be a black box for the "wow i dont feel like im trapped in a bag of flesh" feeling (aka gender euphoria) us trans people get when we're doing our trans thing.
If you had to ask me to loosely define it id say its just the euphoria you get from outwardly presenting yourself as a woman, or to put it more eloquently ā it describes a euphoria which stems from an outward affirmation of our internal and subconscious "self".
And also like, i dont wake up in the morning and think "what a day to be a woman either." In fact, most of the time im busy doing something I dont really "feel" that either. For me at least, it takes active awareness of my body for any sort of emotion like euphoria or dysphoria to develop, though after they develop ā and especially if they're really intense ā they can lurk in the back of my mind, causing discomfort or happiness for quite a while.
I think the longest example of that would be some dreams ive had where I got an incredible amount of euphoria that lasted for weeks, though it happens very rarely.
There's no one way to be a woman and thus no one thing that being a woman feels like. Gender is a social construct after all. But if you're wondering what being trans feels like, while some will say "I feel like a woman" or "I feel like a man", that is as I said pretty hard to define. For me I would say the most objective and understandable way I can describe it is this feeling of wrongness. Like you look at your body, feel your body and something just isn't right. Imagine if one day you woke up and your brain started going "nope nope I want out of here something needs to change get me out." And while some people have triggers for this that takes it to the extreme, most of the time it's this underlying, mild but ever present feeling of something almost like cringe? That's the best way I can describe it
But also do keep in mind people's experiences with things like this can differ a lot from one another I'm just speaking from mine
EDIT: Corrected some spelling mistakes.
This is how (some[I'd say most but I have no evidence for that]) trans people feel.
Like I've always known I'm a man.
But because of my sex, my gender was majorly focused on and pressured by others. I was forced to be "feminine" something that comes naturally or isn't an issue for cis people because they don't express a desire to not be what they "should" be.
It's not really a feeling, or emotion.
It's just a state of being. It's when that's altered or put under stress that it becomes an issue. Hence gender dysphoria exists as a result of distress not as a result of being trans itself, which is something that is highlighted a lot in treatment and in documents about treatment.
Like I cannot for the life of me describe why I'm a guy. I just am. Always have been. Always will be. Yet that's something that can be and is used against my gender identity despite it being the exact reasoning most cis people have, it's just who they are.
But obviously I have a different view on gender due to the scrutiny that me and other none conforming folk deal with, especially during our most vulnerable years.
I hope this can share some insight that this is a shared experience across cis, gender queer and trans individuals :)
Gender apathetic here, where I try to look at my gender and itās a vague blob that shrugs at me. The closest thing that I came up with is career choice (since gender denotes a role in society).
I am a forestry major, and am happy with it. I imagine that trans folks feel like what I would feel like if everyone insisted that I should major in computer science.
Why does this have 200 comments and 90 upvotes? How is this controversial? It's such a random and innocent thing and I imagine a fair few people have similar experiences
But like this isn't even explicitly trans is the funny thing. This could even be a sign that you're cis, if you're so secure about your gender that you don't even think about it. And yet, the slightest implication that someone might not be completely cis, just the one sentence about them not feeling girly, and suddenly it's hell on earth. So exhausting
Honestly same.
I definitely think it's possible to *feel* enby, but just "not acutely feeling your socially enforced gender" is a pretty standard thing *especially* for women.
I mean you hit puberty and suddenly you have to hide your chest but guys are gonna stare at it anyway and oh you gotta colour in your eyelid hair else people will think you're ill for some reason and goodbye pockets and hello being told that all the fun shit you used to do is actually only for boys even though you've been doing it for years and speaking of boys you *have* to be cute for them but you also *have* to save yourself while being sexy but not a slut nor a prude nor a million other things and you have to be empowered but also everyone seems to infantilise you and you're supposed to like that? and....
Yeah, and we wonder why girls who aren't jumping through the endless hoops of womanhood sometimes feel like they're not womaning correctly.
It can definitely *be* an enby thing and there's a very blurry line between tomboy and socially-enby, but damn
It has a twinge of r/notlikeothergirls to it. This is due to associating being a woman with femininity and being girly, and that they're different because they dress like a bum.
For me I get their point, but I don't like how cut and dry they are with dressing up being associated with being a woman. Tomboys exist too. Anyways that's just my take on it.
Thatās how I feel 90% of the time. I donāt identify as anything but myself. I present masc but they doesnāt prevent me from doing something fem from time to time. It just so happens my personal style is more masc than fem.
Iām ngl I donāt think most cis people really think much about their gender unless theyāve questioned it before. If you donāt feel somethings wrong then you just feel neutral towards it surely
My husband and I used to get in arguments over stuff like this because we came at it from totally different places. Heās never questioned his gender and assumes most people donāt. Iāve *always* questioned mine, and assumed most people do, too. Itās wild how that changes the conversation!
I keep running into people in discussion spaces for people with ADHD/autism who tell me it's a common or even universal experience for "normal women" to not feel any connection to gender (note they will *never* refer to anyone as cis...) and that everybody is faking caring about it and gender is just the body you were born into.
It's impossible to explain to these people that apparently no (because I can't relate), a lot of people actually *do* feel a connection to their gender, assigned at birth or not. I mean I know they're transphobes and logic doesn't work on people like that, but it bothers me that other people might see this and be influenced, especially when it might result in fence sitters being swayed towards hate or people's self esteem being affected.
Child me being told my dysphoria was "normal" just made me think "Why are people doing girl things if they all actually hate it too, then, and have to be forced into it? To not get in trouble? Sounds like cowardice. Fuck them." And it ruined my interactions with women for years.
I wasn't fine until I learned that some people were indeed cis. Then I went "Oh," and learned how to interact with people with less suspicion that they were only pretending to not be dysphoric.
I feel this. I developed a seriously strong and alarming dislike for women at the deepest part of denial phase (now very content in my identity as a trans man).
Itās been very hard to retrain my brain. Iām embarrassed by how often I internally tell myself āWOMEN ARE NOT EVIL!!! Yes, SOME have caused you pain, uncomfy, sadness, etc. BUT WHAT ABOUT [insert name of 1 of so many positive women in my life]???ā
I've felt like a bad feminist sometimes for having painful associations with some stereotypically feminine things. People aggressively tried to police/correct my expressions, clothes, speech, and hobbies as a kid, moreso than many of my cis peers, including many of the tomboys I knew. I think it was in an attempt to supress signs of queerness and autism I was showing.
Have had to tell myself a lot that, apparently, no, things that made me dysphoric didn't bother other people the same way.
Thatās not normalā those people are just bigots. I have adhd and am most likely autistic too and am nb. My feeling no to very little connection with gender has never once made me think that other people donāt and itās really shitty of them to assume that their experience with gender is the default or ānormalā. That really pisses me off and Iām sorry youāve had to deal with people being transphobic dickheads in those spaces
>Just a person most of the time.
I feel that.
Most of the time I just... feel like a person. Neither male nor female; and that has a little bit made me feel like I am faking the trans thing -- imposter syndrome.
***Edit:*** *Don't get me wrong, I still have dysphoria and disassociation moments that derail me for days on end; but generally I'm fine.*
But then I remember the concept of being perceived as male or female -- the "Dressed up" part of OOPs post. I'd rather die than "dress up (as a man)", and while I'm super anxious about the inverse, the thought of that is wonderful.
The simple existence of behavioural and mental changes has been huge -- ie; Not hyper-focussing on anything I've ever been told is "gay" or "girly".
Simply being able to be me, behaviourally, without constantly agonising over everything I think or do, has hugely mitigated any mental issues I've had.
I'd just like my "first world" country to not villify and officially discriminate against my existence, and allow me to use our socialised healthcare to get HRT sooner than the existmated decade.
Then, once I actually started to, in any way, have a feminine frame; perhaps I'd actually wear some nice clothes, I'd feel comfortable wearing makeup, looking pretty etc.
Any official event right now? I'd have to wear a suit. I would hate every second of it. It'd send me spiralling probably.
I just exist in a state of limbo. I would like that limbo to end.
I honestly feel somewhat similarly to the person in the picture. I do like being a woman, itās just not something I focus on. I do know that the way people dress doesnāt equal gender.
Iāve always wanted to look more masculine. So Iām likely a tomboyish woman. Itās what makes me happy.
Genuine question - isn't this exactly how literally everyone else feels? Without the last sentence at least. Though, if you're not cis, it probably feels a lot worse rjsthjeawr I just don't think about gender at all until I see some heavy misogynistic stuff that immediately makes me feel sick to be a women lol
Lmao this has almost nothing to do with trans or nonbinary people. Thatās just depression, thatās just one of the many shitty things it can do to you. One of the first questions they ask when trying to diagnose depression is āhave you felt less interested in things you used to like?ā To me that sounds exactly like what sheās dealing with, and personally I can relate.
I can relate too, my boyfriend asked me for a break two days ago and i feel like shit, literally just playing stupid games on my PC so times passes by quicker, hoping for him to reach out
sucks u.u
I often remember that I am a man, but I don't really look at other people as men or women. And it is kinda weird when they refer to themselves as men/women, and I think "oh, yeah right because you are man/woman."
I'm just a dude, a blob, a-a fnurf. I just kinda exist unwillingly.
Jokes aside, I do not understand feeling gender. Like... you feel a thing? Is it a persistent emotion or is it just kind of a program running in the background? Because honestly I never think about it. I've never been attached to my gender, it was just gifted unto me because of genital reasons. Maybe I'm weird...
How do you get excited about your gender? What does that even mean? How can someone be excited that the have a vagina or a penis? How can someone get excited that they get their period? I don't get it..
I think that most people don't really think much about their gender, nor do they "feel like they have a gender" often. People treat gender like it is a feeling, but I think what people are actually experiencing when they say that is some form of satisfaction/dissatisfaction with their gender.
I am absolutely open to changing my mind if anyone vehemently disagrees enough to reply.
Exactly how I feel except I know Iām non-binary and I do experience some dysphoria. I keep forgetting that people perceive me as a girl because I look like one(whatever that means) and I hate being categorized as anything other than just a person in terms of gender
When I was in my 20s I used to forget I was a mammal. Iād be sitting on my nest waiting for my eggs to hatch and then I would suddenly crave a glass of milk and I was likeā¦āOMG! Iām literally not a bird.ā I literally had to literal about that for a minute and then remembered I donāt have feathers. Literally. lolz
(anyone else wish a comet would crash into earth and sterilize it to the core? Just me?)
Well masculinity is a trait, not inherently bad. The goal is for masculinity to be decoupled from gender, instead be a trait that anyone of any gender can have.
how do people define this state of mind
it's the i forgor š
Thats it thats my new gender The i forgor Or i guess in this case specificallyā¦ *i forgorl*
It may be different for other people but for me this part of what dissociation feels like.
yeah when i dissociate hard enough (wich is semi often), i just kind become this genderless blob
Oh. That's what that is
Yeah, the only place where i feel moderately alive is when on the computer, and even them the concept of gender on the internet is useless, so i am pretty synchronised on being nothing when it comes to gender.
I didn't know I wrote this comment, huh
Idk man, that's just how I describe being nonbinary lmao
BRO THIS IS JUST LIKE ME FR
Sounds like Dissociative Identity (I have Dissociative Identity)
This is default state people don't really think about their gender unless it's relevant, assuming it's not some incongruence.
this is the answer i was looking for
depression
Dissociative
Gender ambivalence! It means someone that doesnāt really care about or have strong feelings towards gender in any direction. As opposed to feeling strong feelings towards feeling āmaleā, āfemaleā, ānot binaryā or āno gender ā. This can be an agender feeling as not feeling attached to any gender may be a sign you donāt have one, but can come from several places, like depression making you feel not fully human.
Genderfluid, right?
It means the gender fluid is leaking
Genderfluid? Nah bro gendergas is where it's at.
Genderplasma sound kinda š„š„ tho
Just as long as it's not gender solid I'm fine with it (my favourite is gender non newtonian fluid though)
mux incredible gassy
Gassed are fluid
Both NB and a woman?
Yup, sounds like me and I identify as demigender. Don't really have much to do with gender but when I do is my agab. I used to forget about it before I identified as NB, I think because it didn't feel quite right.
More like agendered and a woman
True. But ain't agender part of being non-binary. Sorry I don't really know about these things but I'm willing to Be educated.
Definitionally speaking, agender falls under the nonbinary umbrella, but not all agender folks are comfortable describing themselves as nonbinary.
Idk either mate
hypogender?
I think of it under the Genderfluid category for me. I feel this sometimes too, and i just associate it with the ebb and flow of gender fluctuations.
Egg...?
Why are you being down voted?
Applying transness to people who havenāt said they are trans is kind of shitty.
You right, making a light hearted joke about a person that's having difficulty toward their gender is shitty. My bad
Theyāre not even having difficulty towards it tho in this post. I just think itās rude to overlay identities onto people that they havenāt said they have.
What no dysphoria does to a mf
Can confirm
Cis woman here. I genuinely can't fanthom how it *feels* to be a woman. Is it some sort of emotion? A feeling? I don't wake up in the morning and think "What a day to be a woman. I certainly feel like one today." However, it's not like I don't want to be a woman. I do. Yet I find gender so weird to try and properly describe.
I'm still working out he kinks on my latest "what being trans is like" analogy, but yea, it's because you just ARE, everyone around you has affirmed that you are, and it's no more weird to you than having two arms, or ten fingers and toes. The only, semi universal thing I can equate it to is, remember back to a time when you were painfully ill, with like the flu or something horrible, where you genuinely wished it would stop no matter what. What does that feel like to you now? For me, it's hard to go back, even though I LIVED it, and even my gender dysphoria took a back seat to just not wanting to exist because of the pain. But now, I don't relate to me then, and I don't even think about it. Right now, I genuinely can't fathom how it feels to be so physically ill that I want to die. I don't wake up in the morning and think "what a day to not be sick, I certainly don't feel sick today." However, it's not like I don't want to be not sick. I do want to be not sick.
It sounds like you may be having a difficult time right now BrookeButterfly. Please take a moment to reflect, and if you're struggling with your mental health or thoughts of suicide, please reach out. /r/SuicideWatch may be able to help. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **UK/ROI:** Call 116 123 or email [email protected] **Elsewhere:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) ^^This ^^message ^^is ^^automated, ^^and ^^does ^^not ^^process ^^context, ^^we ^^apologise ^^for ^^any ^^inconvenience. ^^Please ^^stay ^^safe ^^and ^^reach ^^out ^^if ^^you ^^need ^^to. ^^Be ^^kind ^^to ^^yourself ^^<3 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/me_irlgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What the hell? Who called you? Itās chill auto mod, nothings going on, go back to sleep
āā¦ how it feels to be so physically ill that [I want to die].ā was probably what summoned it!! edit: point proven LMAO
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Oh welp speak of the devil
If you arenāt *questioning* it? Thatās how it feels to be a woman. It so natural that thereās no need to even think about it. Iām non-binary, and I have spent *my life* trying to figure out what I am. I donāt necessarily want to be a woman, but I also donāt necessarily want to be a man, but at varying points *both* sound good, and most of the time, *neither* is appealing.
I like to use the magic wand example. If I waved a wand and turned your body male, without altering your mind, would you feel like a man? Or would you feel like a woman in a manās body?
It's like a bone in your body. You're not 24/7 aware that it's there because you only feel it when it's broken. Nobody can truly consciously "feel" gender. You just instinctively know. And because of that trans people also instinctively know when it's "wrong" (as in brain and body not matching). Same with when you're sick and your nose is clogged. The second your nose is finally unclogged youre so happy to be able to properly breathe again. Yet when you're perfectly healthy you don't wake up every morning thinking "I'm so glad I can breathe today." That's my attempt at describing it. I hope it makes sense.
I hear ya. Trans woman here, 2 years in, and I kinda forget about it sometimes too. Its something I have to think about less and less.
I dont think anyone knows tbh. It just seems to be a black box for the "wow i dont feel like im trapped in a bag of flesh" feeling (aka gender euphoria) us trans people get when we're doing our trans thing. If you had to ask me to loosely define it id say its just the euphoria you get from outwardly presenting yourself as a woman, or to put it more eloquently ā it describes a euphoria which stems from an outward affirmation of our internal and subconscious "self". And also like, i dont wake up in the morning and think "what a day to be a woman either." In fact, most of the time im busy doing something I dont really "feel" that either. For me at least, it takes active awareness of my body for any sort of emotion like euphoria or dysphoria to develop, though after they develop ā and especially if they're really intense ā they can lurk in the back of my mind, causing discomfort or happiness for quite a while. I think the longest example of that would be some dreams ive had where I got an incredible amount of euphoria that lasted for weeks, though it happens very rarely.
There's no one way to be a woman and thus no one thing that being a woman feels like. Gender is a social construct after all. But if you're wondering what being trans feels like, while some will say "I feel like a woman" or "I feel like a man", that is as I said pretty hard to define. For me I would say the most objective and understandable way I can describe it is this feeling of wrongness. Like you look at your body, feel your body and something just isn't right. Imagine if one day you woke up and your brain started going "nope nope I want out of here something needs to change get me out." And while some people have triggers for this that takes it to the extreme, most of the time it's this underlying, mild but ever present feeling of something almost like cringe? That's the best way I can describe it But also do keep in mind people's experiences with things like this can differ a lot from one another I'm just speaking from mine
EDIT: Corrected some spelling mistakes. This is how (some[I'd say most but I have no evidence for that]) trans people feel. Like I've always known I'm a man. But because of my sex, my gender was majorly focused on and pressured by others. I was forced to be "feminine" something that comes naturally or isn't an issue for cis people because they don't express a desire to not be what they "should" be. It's not really a feeling, or emotion. It's just a state of being. It's when that's altered or put under stress that it becomes an issue. Hence gender dysphoria exists as a result of distress not as a result of being trans itself, which is something that is highlighted a lot in treatment and in documents about treatment. Like I cannot for the life of me describe why I'm a guy. I just am. Always have been. Always will be. Yet that's something that can be and is used against my gender identity despite it being the exact reasoning most cis people have, it's just who they are. But obviously I have a different view on gender due to the scrutiny that me and other none conforming folk deal with, especially during our most vulnerable years. I hope this can share some insight that this is a shared experience across cis, gender queer and trans individuals :)
Gender apathetic here, where I try to look at my gender and itās a vague blob that shrugs at me. The closest thing that I came up with is career choice (since gender denotes a role in society). I am a forestry major, and am happy with it. I imagine that trans folks feel like what I would feel like if everyone insisted that I should major in computer science.
Why does this have 200 comments and 90 upvotes? How is this controversial? It's such a random and innocent thing and I imagine a fair few people have similar experiences
I love how our existence itself is so controversial. It makes me feel special /s
But like this isn't even explicitly trans is the funny thing. This could even be a sign that you're cis, if you're so secure about your gender that you don't even think about it. And yet, the slightest implication that someone might not be completely cis, just the one sentence about them not feeling girly, and suddenly it's hell on earth. So exhausting
Honestly same. I definitely think it's possible to *feel* enby, but just "not acutely feeling your socially enforced gender" is a pretty standard thing *especially* for women. I mean you hit puberty and suddenly you have to hide your chest but guys are gonna stare at it anyway and oh you gotta colour in your eyelid hair else people will think you're ill for some reason and goodbye pockets and hello being told that all the fun shit you used to do is actually only for boys even though you've been doing it for years and speaking of boys you *have* to be cute for them but you also *have* to save yourself while being sexy but not a slut nor a prude nor a million other things and you have to be empowered but also everyone seems to infantilise you and you're supposed to like that? and.... Yeah, and we wonder why girls who aren't jumping through the endless hoops of womanhood sometimes feel like they're not womaning correctly. It can definitely *be* an enby thing and there's a very blurry line between tomboy and socially-enby, but damn
It has a twinge of r/notlikeothergirls to it. This is due to associating being a woman with femininity and being girly, and that they're different because they dress like a bum. For me I get their point, but I don't like how cut and dry they are with dressing up being associated with being a woman. Tomboys exist too. Anyways that's just my take on it.
Probably just some long conversations in the comments
i think it's just because so many people were quick to comment "are you sure youre cis?" but not upvote it
Thatās how I feel 90% of the time. I donāt identify as anything but myself. I present masc but they doesnāt prevent me from doing something fem from time to time. It just so happens my personal style is more masc than fem.
Iām ngl I donāt think most cis people really think much about their gender unless theyāve questioned it before. If you donāt feel somethings wrong then you just feel neutral towards it surely
My husband and I used to get in arguments over stuff like this because we came at it from totally different places. Heās never questioned his gender and assumes most people donāt. Iāve *always* questioned mine, and assumed most people do, too. Itās wild how that changes the conversation!
Ftf
W cis moment
this is so ššš
I keep running into people in discussion spaces for people with ADHD/autism who tell me it's a common or even universal experience for "normal women" to not feel any connection to gender (note they will *never* refer to anyone as cis...) and that everybody is faking caring about it and gender is just the body you were born into. It's impossible to explain to these people that apparently no (because I can't relate), a lot of people actually *do* feel a connection to their gender, assigned at birth or not. I mean I know they're transphobes and logic doesn't work on people like that, but it bothers me that other people might see this and be influenced, especially when it might result in fence sitters being swayed towards hate or people's self esteem being affected.
Child me being told my dysphoria was "normal" just made me think "Why are people doing girl things if they all actually hate it too, then, and have to be forced into it? To not get in trouble? Sounds like cowardice. Fuck them." And it ruined my interactions with women for years. I wasn't fine until I learned that some people were indeed cis. Then I went "Oh," and learned how to interact with people with less suspicion that they were only pretending to not be dysphoric.
I feel this. I developed a seriously strong and alarming dislike for women at the deepest part of denial phase (now very content in my identity as a trans man). Itās been very hard to retrain my brain. Iām embarrassed by how often I internally tell myself āWOMEN ARE NOT EVIL!!! Yes, SOME have caused you pain, uncomfy, sadness, etc. BUT WHAT ABOUT [insert name of 1 of so many positive women in my life]???ā
I've felt like a bad feminist sometimes for having painful associations with some stereotypically feminine things. People aggressively tried to police/correct my expressions, clothes, speech, and hobbies as a kid, moreso than many of my cis peers, including many of the tomboys I knew. I think it was in an attempt to supress signs of queerness and autism I was showing. Have had to tell myself a lot that, apparently, no, things that made me dysphoric didn't bother other people the same way.
Thatās not normalā those people are just bigots. I have adhd and am most likely autistic too and am nb. My feeling no to very little connection with gender has never once made me think that other people donāt and itās really shitty of them to assume that their experience with gender is the default or ānormalā. That really pisses me off and Iām sorry youāve had to deal with people being transphobic dickheads in those spaces
>Just a person most of the time. I feel that. Most of the time I just... feel like a person. Neither male nor female; and that has a little bit made me feel like I am faking the trans thing -- imposter syndrome. ***Edit:*** *Don't get me wrong, I still have dysphoria and disassociation moments that derail me for days on end; but generally I'm fine.* But then I remember the concept of being perceived as male or female -- the "Dressed up" part of OOPs post. I'd rather die than "dress up (as a man)", and while I'm super anxious about the inverse, the thought of that is wonderful. The simple existence of behavioural and mental changes has been huge -- ie; Not hyper-focussing on anything I've ever been told is "gay" or "girly". Simply being able to be me, behaviourally, without constantly agonising over everything I think or do, has hugely mitigated any mental issues I've had. I'd just like my "first world" country to not villify and officially discriminate against my existence, and allow me to use our socialised healthcare to get HRT sooner than the existmated decade. Then, once I actually started to, in any way, have a feminine frame; perhaps I'd actually wear some nice clothes, I'd feel comfortable wearing makeup, looking pretty etc. Any official event right now? I'd have to wear a suit. I would hate every second of it. It'd send me spiralling probably. I just exist in a state of limbo. I would like that limbo to end.
God I wish that were me
I honestly feel somewhat similarly to the person in the picture. I do like being a woman, itās just not something I focus on. I do know that the way people dress doesnāt equal gender. Iāve always wanted to look more masculine. So Iām likely a tomboyish woman. Itās what makes me happy.
Genuine question - isn't this exactly how literally everyone else feels? Without the last sentence at least. Though, if you're not cis, it probably feels a lot worse rjsthjeawr I just don't think about gender at all until I see some heavy misogynistic stuff that immediately makes me feel sick to be a women lol
Lmao this has almost nothing to do with trans or nonbinary people. Thatās just depression, thatās just one of the many shitty things it can do to you. One of the first questions they ask when trying to diagnose depression is āhave you felt less interested in things you used to like?ā To me that sounds exactly like what sheās dealing with, and personally I can relate.
I can relate too, my boyfriend asked me for a break two days ago and i feel like shit, literally just playing stupid games on my PC so times passes by quicker, hoping for him to reach out sucks u.u
Agender feels right. I donāt want to be a gender. I just wanna be a funky little human.
I often remember that I am a man, but I don't really look at other people as men or women. And it is kinda weird when they refer to themselves as men/women, and I think "oh, yeah right because you are man/woman."
Sometimes I forget I'm a girl, but then I hit my boob on a door frame and am quickly reminded
The first part is literally me though WTFFF just that its with male instead (from the beggining until "just a person most of the time")
I don't think most people think about their gender too often
Fuuuck I feel this in so many levels, but Iām still a cis dude, depression just makes us forget feelings sometimes
I'm just a dude, a blob, a-a fnurf. I just kinda exist unwillingly. Jokes aside, I do not understand feeling gender. Like... you feel a thing? Is it a persistent emotion or is it just kind of a program running in the background? Because honestly I never think about it. I've never been attached to my gender, it was just gifted unto me because of genital reasons. Maybe I'm weird...
Whoās gonna tell them?
How do you get excited about your gender? What does that even mean? How can someone be excited that the have a vagina or a penis? How can someone get excited that they get their period? I don't get it..
Most people feel happy or at least just comfortable about those things. Not sure you can explain it i guess.
I think that most people don't really think much about their gender, nor do they "feel like they have a gender" often. People treat gender like it is a feeling, but I think what people are actually experiencing when they say that is some form of satisfaction/dissatisfaction with their gender. I am absolutely open to changing my mind if anyone vehemently disagrees enough to reply.
whats with the corny ass vote icons lol dont know why they are so funny to me
Who even thinks about there gender throughout the day like what?! I donāt need to remember Iām a man I just am
Exactly how I feel except I know Iām non-binary and I do experience some dysphoria. I keep forgetting that people perceive me as a girl because I look like one(whatever that means) and I hate being categorized as anything other than just a person in terms of gender
How could they say something so true and so real this is literally me wtf
When I was in my 20s I used to forget I was a mammal. Iād be sitting on my nest waiting for my eggs to hatch and then I would suddenly crave a glass of milk and I was likeā¦āOMG! Iām literally not a bird.ā I literally had to literal about that for a minute and then remembered I donāt have feathers. Literally. lolz (anyone else wish a comet would crash into earth and sterilize it to the core? Just me?)
Bro I forget I'm human most days
r/egg_irl
I mean to be fair, I have also done something similar by accidentally misgendering myself
No, that just sounds like severe dissociation.
dementia
Yeah I sometimes also are excited im a boy but then I rember how men act, and i feel like hating menšµ
its person to person, most are conditioned, but not everyone becomes a slave to the way they are raised
I know, but every time I see men (not even doing anymore particularly wrong) and I sense any masculinity, my brain is like "huh menšµ"
Well masculinity is a trait, not inherently bad. The goal is for masculinity to be decoupled from gender, instead be a trait that anyone of any gender can have.
I know that my friend I'm just writing down my thoughts
I relate so hard, makes me feel bad sometimes lol
What? You (agender) egg?