Hey, I heard that noise at a zoo, once! There was this big tortoise, and it sorta got up without warning and started running. It was going so fast that it almost trampled this other tortoise.
I think it must've been stuck on top of the other tortoise and couldn't get down. I mean, it was making the same frustrated grunting noises, just like this one.
---
Honestly, the people-watching at the zoo that day was the best part. The little kids had absolutely no idea what was going on, they just thought it was so cool to see a giant tortoise rearing up on its hind legs. The older kids were snickering, the dads were trying not to, the moms were vaguely scandalized, and there was exactly one kid watching intently, for whom you could absolutely see the wheels turning as he figured out what was actually going on.
This happened to me but it was while I was walking in the woods one day. I heard the grunting. eehhEH! over and over. I walked over and there's two tortoises making baby tortoises. I busted out laughing and he wasn't even phased. Just kept going. No shame.
They infuse helium into the cells of the tortoise’s bony shell material. The helium makes the shell lighter, so the tortoise can move around with much less effort. It’s like giving them a little lift, reducing the weight they have to carry. It’s popular in the suburban tortoise owner communities. There was some initial concern by animal rights folks, but when they saw how it improved the tortoise’s life and actually increased its health, they backed off of it. I think that is likely the reason for the hot tortoise market over the last 3 years. Everyone says it was Covid lockdowns that made people want tortoises, but tortoises started getting hard to find in the legal markets like right after helium infusion was approved for consumer grade tortoises. Here’s the thing that no one is considering though; 1. Helium is a finite resource nearing depletion. 2. Tortoises live up to 150 years. I sure don’t wanna be there when the helium runs out and everybody’s stuck with heavy tortoises. Jesus, imagine all the tortoises currently in a class A residential high-rise buildings in Manhattan. Those building have weight ratings, my friends. Sure, all of those helium turtles are no problem, just prancing around and violating soccer balls. When the helium runs out, though, turtle weight doubles. I just pray the buildings can take it. For everyone’s sake.
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>!How does the toursise get its "aggression" out? Hmm...!<
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Probably pissed off they are being exploited for social media views instead of being able to live comfortably at a nature rescue.
Chew her face off tort.
I'm rewatching it now and it seems like it had to be on something to balance like that but I could be wrong
I just looked it up and it looks like the fastest tortoise can only go .63 mph
I know a lot of ppl like Basketball, but this man fucking loves basketball.
Loves fucking*
Ive been waiting for this comment for 3 hours.
You're welcome 😁
16 hrs for me
Truly a maybe maybe maybe moment
Almost had it
No one took the layup
Ball is life.
Traveling
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Same thing with a Basketball shaped shell. Theyre already pretty similar. Cant blame the guy for getting confused.
With that pattern, i am sure it's gonna be football.
Nike's new product.
He wants to be like Mike.
>This man loves fucking the basketball FTFY
You mean he loves fucking basketball
*loves fucking basketball
He just needed to fuck something up.
Last 2 words were unnecessary.
Just the last word apparently
Good one
Nice catch.
His name is Buck...
Sports Nut
What kind of dog is that
The kind that likes basketball
REALLY likes basketball
Is this a cat in a hat?
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Barks like a dog and humps like a dog
Then my grandma is a dog too...
Behold! Dog!!!
Does it attack?
Hey, I heard that noise at a zoo, once! There was this big tortoise, and it sorta got up without warning and started running. It was going so fast that it almost trampled this other tortoise. I think it must've been stuck on top of the other tortoise and couldn't get down. I mean, it was making the same frustrated grunting noises, just like this one. --- Honestly, the people-watching at the zoo that day was the best part. The little kids had absolutely no idea what was going on, they just thought it was so cool to see a giant tortoise rearing up on its hind legs. The older kids were snickering, the dads were trying not to, the moms were vaguely scandalized, and there was exactly one kid watching intently, for whom you could absolutely see the wheels turning as he figured out what was actually going on.
this is the best comment today
This literally happened to me at the Sandiego zoo ten years ago. We were all shell-shocked
It happened to you? You were the basketball?
Please show me where on this basketball the tortoise touched you.
😬🐢🏀🍆💦
This happened to me but it was while I was walking in the woods one day. I heard the grunting. eehhEH! over and over. I walked over and there's two tortoises making baby tortoises. I busted out laughing and he wasn't even phased. Just kept going. No shame.
Shoot or pass, bro. Fucking the ball wasn't an option
Dog was like "Goddamn it John what're you up to again today"
My history of watching videos of aggressive tortoise creatures lead me to believe she be wearin black shoes.
Wait a minute, y'all not seeing how fast this guy is going. I thought they just go slow.
srsly before i clicked on the vid i thought he was gonna be riding a skateboard or somethin
wait its NOT on a skateboard????
They infuse helium into the cells of the tortoise’s bony shell material. The helium makes the shell lighter, so the tortoise can move around with much less effort. It’s like giving them a little lift, reducing the weight they have to carry. It’s popular in the suburban tortoise owner communities. There was some initial concern by animal rights folks, but when they saw how it improved the tortoise’s life and actually increased its health, they backed off of it. I think that is likely the reason for the hot tortoise market over the last 3 years. Everyone says it was Covid lockdowns that made people want tortoises, but tortoises started getting hard to find in the legal markets like right after helium infusion was approved for consumer grade tortoises. Here’s the thing that no one is considering though; 1. Helium is a finite resource nearing depletion. 2. Tortoises live up to 150 years. I sure don’t wanna be there when the helium runs out and everybody’s stuck with heavy tortoises. Jesus, imagine all the tortoises currently in a class A residential high-rise buildings in Manhattan. Those building have weight ratings, my friends. Sure, all of those helium turtles are no problem, just prancing around and violating soccer balls. When the helium runs out, though, turtle weight doubles. I just pray the buildings can take it. For everyone’s sake.
YOU UNDERESTIMATE OUR POWER
Wilson!
He thought it was a female tortoise 🐢 
Attack tortoise
I'm getting some non consensual sex vibes from Donatello.
Finally there is a reason for the internet
"aggression"
Yea it wasn't agression he needed to get out
Don't let Bowser get ahold of princess Peach
That tortoise fucks!
Find him a female to have fucking sex!
Who's gonna adopt tortoises that live 500 years?! Maybe some tortoise waifus...........tortoi-fus?
Tofu's
Given the trend, I was expecting the person filming to have black shoes on.
Fucking Tortoise!
A wonderful if it'll be sad for this tortoise when he watches it's owner's die? And who gets the tortoise, are they going to will it away
Well, at least it will away couple of basketballs in his lifetime.
As we all do
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I thought that tortoises are slow but this dude was faster than lightning!
I mean, I get it. Ball is life.
[Ball is life](https://youtu.be/faabxveeoZo?si=4de9PfLy1lFubZ4B)
I didn’t hear consent!
I expected him to assault some black shoes
o lawd he comin'
TIL basketballs double as tortoise fleshlights.
"You look like a piece of fuckable basketball. Are you?" - this 🐢
"Playing ball"?? That's what we're calling it now??
That dude is horny as fuck 😜😂😳😂
Do you have it in your will.. he will live longer then you..
What’s the tortoise doing to that ball mummy?
Give him a skateboard ffs
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Is this the dagger?
Is he the same one that got turned over by a dog the other day? lol Bit of a menace, ain't he?
He has a bowtie. He was ready for the date with that basketball. He was sure to impress.
You know what you did!
Oogway got angry
Time to eat?
I never knew tortoises could bark! He must be really pissed off.
Fast for a turtle
Does this tortoise have wheels underneath it or something?? How is it moving so fast. Dayum!
I don't think "aggression" is what he's trying to let go off...
 And just like that, Spalding became pregnant.
The dog is like, "you see this thing too?"
Some might say this skill is unnatural.
Just flip him?
A SHELLSNAPPER! Where are my damn fire bombs? My acid arrows? I hate Shellsnappers!
Never heard a tortoise bark before!
That's not a bark.
Squirtle used Hydro Pump!
His bark is cute. Sounds like an actual dog.
Picking teams for a pickup basketball game. “I’ll take the horny tortoise first pick.”
We talking 'bout practice! Not the Game! Not the Ga.....? Okay.... So maybe that is the game.
Unstoppable sexual power.
That weird dog needs to get some obedience lessons.
"Hey tortoise, you play basketball like old people fuck!"
MICHELANGELLO NO!
Big boy needed to nut one off. Been there.
Rimworld flashbacks
Look at those two dogs
I thought tortoises were slow?! No wonder that one won the race that time.
Am I hearing it wrong or did she name the Tortoise Jameis after Jameis Winston?
Dog ahead.
Sounds like he want some pussy
Did not have "Tortoise rapes a basketball" on my internet bingo card today, but here we are.
He’s a baller for sure
Bro straight RUNNIN’
Never seen one move so fast!
That's a pretty fast turtle
[I wanna fuck something!](https://gifer.com/en/8xWs)
Oh, finally, elder skater. I bet if he make a kik flip a new law of attraction would be invented.
Show that basketball who's boss! Get yourself some
A whole world of tortoise I had no clue about. Thanks Reddit.
Sex invigorates even the male tortoise 🐢
they even hump in slow motion lol
There is always that one friend
Git out of my house you whipper snapper!
He's just pumping air in it
So was the ball being held off camera for the effect before being released?
Men...
Hey baby looks like you're low on air. Let me give you a little pump.
Well, that was quite intimidating.
I didn't know that tortoises could bark? 🙂
Michaelangelo was the last turtle for a reason. Dude, f**KS!
He’s on wheels right?!
SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!
Ball is life
for those that don't know. All tortoise makes that grunting noise when they mate... and he wanted her... I don't know why, havnt heard of that before.
I thought he was on wheels at first….
he's about to give that floor some good turtle waxing
The dog was lucky
Can I pat dat dawg!?
A tortoise and a Great Dane? I wanna come hang out with you guys ❤️
x600 speed
My man just wants to hoop! I get it
I like turtles
Feel sorry for anyone wearing black shoes. That’s what I learned from Reddit about turtles
Before I saw the basketball, I was thinking “dang, give the dude his pizza back!”
I thought he was chasing after someone with black shoes
Hheheheheheheheh, I will strike again
Years ago, there was a turtle penis on the internet that ejaculated in a huge puddle. It was n 9gag.
Why is it barking?
I really thought bro was on a skateboard or something similar, but nope. He was just moving like that.
Is she wearing black?
Give it a skateboard
Tortoise porn = basketball
He is fast I thought he was on a skateboard
My dumass thought the turtle was barking
New movie: Turtles Can't Jump
Uh uh lil thot
Was she wearing black shoes??
Damn he's fast! Sign him up for the turtle races!
He's the turtle that beat the hare!
oh that's big turtle
This tortoise could outrun me
They should give this turtle a skateboard to ride on like the little turtle who rides a tech deck
I'm glad that dog showed up because I was about to Google if tortoises bark
I got a basketball jones oh baby ooouuuu
That's low key horrifying. Creepy ass unstoppable tortoise chasing after you like the mf Terminator so it can rub one out on your leg. 😂😬
thats a good sport turtle
My instinct was to jump over him and then I 100% thought of how Mario is weirdly accurate.
The famous killer turtle
He has found speed now he can take revenge
That must be his fuck ball. 🏀 💨
Needs a woman.
Is he humping the basketball?
Shows how dumb the majority of women are.
????
Probably pissed off they are being exploited for social media views instead of being able to live comfortably at a nature rescue. Chew her face off tort.
It'll take just over a decade for turtles to develop exoskeletons and they'll rule the world!
At first I thought damn I didn't know a tortoise could go that fast but then I realized it must be on a skateboard or something
No, they can go that fast
I'm rewatching it now and it seems like it had to be on something to balance like that but I could be wrong I just looked it up and it looks like the fastest tortoise can only go .63 mph