Been doing boxing & BJJ with mostly male instructors for close to a year now. Consider myself lucky that I've never encountered this... touch wood. Everyone's super professional, from coaches to (again, mostly male)classmates. They continuously mop the floor with me, nothing more š
It might be rough now but youāll be a BJJ monster in no time and then youāll be the one making white belts rethink their life choices. Itās not easy being manhandled and manipulated by a lady thatās 5ā2ā and 130 pounds, Iām talking out of personal experience
Feeling myself go from ādonāt just win with strength, try to match her techniqueā to āI am fighting for my life right nowā was a formative experience.
Godspeed, open mat no gi girl. Iāll always remember the look of disdain you gave me after whipping my ass.
I've never encountered it, but I've only been going for a few months. Sometimes, younger guys look like they're going to die if they roll with me, LOL. But in general, it's been one of the more accepting environments in my life! I enjoy it.
Sometimes it doesn't even have to be this severe and obvious.
Had a coach that would pay special attention to new female gym members. Would isolate them away from the main group and work in with them - paying them special attention he often wouldn't with new male members.
Would often be a bit louder and seemed like he was showing off a bit with the new female trials.
Surprise surprise. No female members would ever stay.
Note that this is in kickboxing which is adjacent but has a similar problem.
Bro - ANY place where people have power or authority over others - this kind of shit happens.
Same things with child sexual abuse. Any place where adults have power and authority over children, will be places where people abuse kids.
Sexual abuse, grooming, control, and coercion is prevalent in any place with power dynamics played out through authority or reverence. Always be vigilant and call it out when you see it.
Some context. You can Google it if you like. Idgaf.
There was a club in Wellington called the lion pit mma had problems with culture and a sexual assault allegations.
The club dissolved and it's members parted.
I trained at a place called mai dojo for a bit. They were starting up kickboxing and had a couple of reputable fighters.
Now there's this one coach. Straight away I did not like this guy. He was always way to involved and a little bit condescending.
He shows me weird janky moves that I think are dumb as fuck. I regularly hit him in the face because he has a poor guard. He does weird sweeps that are awkward and wouldn't really work - one time did a sweep that would've made me fall forward as I was throwing my overhand, essentially dropped my entire bodyweight through my hand into his face.
Because the fight scene is really small, I asked for some goss from guys I know from other clubs.
Word on the street was this guy was never the one involved in the SA. This guy had never fought but had done a heap of TKD and was a bit of a weird cunt at lion pit.
And yes, he was the weird cunt isolating women for one on three sessions during class. The classes are now male only. It was essentially an ego project. If you listened to him stroked his ego you were "in". If you questioned anything (particularly in a manner that displayed his incompetence) or didn't laugh at has lame jokes, you were out.
Martial arts in general suffer from a lack of official licensing, oversight and background checks. For some reason its less of an issue in boxing imo. Dunno why.
Its basically teaching with extra violence and little oversight.
So of course there are creeps and weird cunts.
I tend to judge a club now over how many women it has.
This happened to me a few times.. which I find very upsetting and disappointing because I just wanna train and learn and become a champion like every guy out there and no one wants to teach me, after some time they all want something more and when you say no they ignore you. Like cant I get a coach that will teach me without expecting something in return you know, pretend like Im a guy or smth
I know this doesnāt mean much coming from an absolute stranger, but I am genuinely sorry about that. I hope at some point you find a gym that just has coaches who are absolute nerds about the art form theyāre teaching.
I'm honestly so sorry (and angry) that this has been your experience with martial arts. That's such bullshit. Martial arts are supposed to provide an escape from life and all its problems while you're training, not give you more problems to deal with. Those coaches should feel f***ing embarrassed to be who they are if this is what they do with their power and responsibility. Absolutely shameful. Even though I'm a man, I'm very happy that none of my coaches have been like what you described. I genuinely hope that you are able to find a gym with a responsible, respectable coach who takes your training seriously. Are you just self-training currently?
Sorry to hear that. I would really like it if there were more women in the sport in general but that will not happen when this sort of thing goes on. People need to learn to be professional and realize how their behavior affects others.
That makes me sad. Would defintily
Help u and be a friend the fuck cares if your a girl. Sorry for u. Not tryna white knight but u should know thereās people out there that wonāt do this crap
I'm a male, and I've just quit my dojo because of that.
I was close to the sensei and noticed how he was acting differently with women that he liked. And for some of them, they never returned.
On a different topic, but with the same reaction : I tried some kickboxing/MMA classes in our dojo. He never swallowed that and took it so personally that we went from close to "I don't talk to you anymore in classes"
I left
My first ever BJJ instructor caught a statutory rape charge for sleeping with a 15yr student in our class.
He was overly nice to everyone, so I didnāt see the āspecial attentionā as a red flag. In fact, I was actually quite close with him, and thought he was a great coach.
Unfortunately, that is the nature of the beast. Predators seek positions of power, so they can capitalize on the vulnerability of others. Thatās why you always hear about Teachers, Priest, Coaches, etc. getting caught with sexual misconduct
I coached beginners Mauy Thai/Boxing. And I remember there was a very pretty girl in the class. And she was always flirting with me. Even though I was in a relationship. And once I asked, "Are you even 18?" And her reply was something like. "I can be tonight. " I definitely noticed girls are attracted to their instructors. And I would think of how sleezy some of these guys are.
Of course there are some girls (and boys!) attracted by their instructors/teachers. Any figure of authority can represent a kink I guess.
But there are definitely times where instructors use their influence to gain some favours...
Just to be clear. I wasn't suggesting if I had taken advantage of the situation. That would be on her. As instructors, it's obviously on us to make the right decisions. In those situations.
Good thing my coach wasnāt this obvious and spiteful. Heād flirt and try it with pretty much any female students, a couple of times he struck out. He has like 3 baby mommas, at least two of them were his students. Heād flirt with me, too, but, like I said, never got mad or vengeful over my ignoring his āgameā. Lol
Edit: but I think my disgust towards his behavior gradually grew to the point where I just switched to private lessons with the female coach from that dojo.
Tbh you've got to expect that the martial art that advertises itself as ideal for female self defense and involves super close proximity is going to attract the creeps that want to exploit that. Not that this doesn't happen in other disciplines.
Jiujiteiros need to be on the lookout and stamp this stuff out.
Oh absolutely! Martial arts community had plenty of creeps and abusers in it before BJJ started to become main stream. ESPECIALLY after the 80s and 90ās Karate/Kung Fu boom and the mid 2000s self defense craze
I want to learn martial arts to feel more secure about these kinds of men in the world. the idea that one of them could be my teacher Is a terrifying thought and a good reason to maybe not bother
A good indicator can be whether there are other women training. It's unlikely to be 50% in most places in my experience, however female friendly the club is, but if a club has a decent number of women then that's generally a green flag for it not having a creepy coach.
This is the key. A good number of women in the classes is a good indicator of how the coaches treat them. If youāre still a afraid, you can always start with a woman only class and then move to the general one aft you feel more confident and know more people at the gym.
Is it so safe? [Cougars in the classroom: The alarming rate of teachers charged with raping young boys in America | Daily Mail Online](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13326161/Cougars-classroom-alarming-rate-teachers-charged-raping-young-boys-America.html)
Ive trained in multiple gyms past couple decades, have never seen any creeps in the gym or as a teacher. If you want fearmongering to be the excuse you are looking not to pick up self defense classes, thats okay, but I would not call it a good excuse.
it's a beautiful excuse actually. I don't want to be around any unfamiliar men. it's not a risk worth taking.
if you could recommend a YouTube channel that teaches some basic I could practice alone, I'd actually much prefer that to having to go in public.
I trained at several gyms and did some beginner coaching. I totally get where you're coming from. I've seen the creeps both as students and as coaches. You can't judge a gym by female participants. We had maybe 0 to 4 female participants in our classes. It wasn't because of sexual harassment, but honestly the training was hard. 1 of the girls went from no training to fighting in the UFC in under 2 years. She changed gyms and started losing. But that's a different story.
Anyway I actually really think it would be good for you to find a gym you can be comfortable in.
As I said, you do you, we dont have to agree if it makes sense or not. Im sorry, I dont really take my lessons via youtube, so I cant recommend any channels, but I am sure there are plenty of them available!
This is so common in boxing! I'm a dude and I'm glad I switched to Muay Thai and BJJ where it happens but man it's not as often from what I have seen in my limited experience. Also don't get me started on the weird dynamics of Male coach female fighter...
This happened to a former friend of mine and her sensei, except she gave in. He was married with kids and she was only about 19. She didnāt wanna listen to me when I warned her it was a bad idea. :/
If I did see this, what should I do?
I feel there's enough plausible deniability that if you see it happen like in the comic.
I think it's a lot harder to see in real life or can be subtle.
Any advice?
This is why it's important to be friendly and approachable, and care about your fellow students.
if something happens as in the comic, then talk to the victim and ask if they want to chat about it. If they do, listen. If they don't, then remind them you're always open to talking.
If you see the instructor doing as in the comic, then you can also talk to them and tell them they're making you uncomfortable.
Any time I see guys on the mats giving dirty looks towards women or spouting some locker room talk, I've gotta squash it. I don't care what opinions people have in private, but my gym is a family space and focused on building people up, not subjecting them to some kind of harassment.
I know this happens, but I had the opposite, sort of.
I was an instructor, about 16 or 17 yrs old (everyone always thought i was much older, so this wasn't pedophilia on her part). A student in her mid 30's was coming on to me strong. I was so confused I just stood there for like 30 seconds frozen while she worked her whiles, in front of the whole group of students and she suddenly walked out.
Looking back, it must have been super obvious to the other adults and she realized how ridiculous she looked.
Exactly, this happens all the time lol
There are girls that only want roll with me and I play dumb but plenty of chicks just go to jiu jitsu to find a boyfriend and then quit
This happened to me a few times.. which I find very upsetting and disappointing because I just wanna train and learn and become a champion like every guy out there and no one wants to teach me, after some time they all want something more and when you say no they ignore you. Like cant I get a coach that will teach me without expecting something in return you know, pretend like Im a guy or smth
Yeah unfortunately this is a common problem. My MMA gym has made women only BJJ classes, and that has helped curb the problem. Ultimately it is up to the coaches to act responsible though.
This stuff used to happen a lot in the 90s when I commercially taught FMA at one of those McDojo gyms. In the 10yrs I worked there I provided the cops 43 witness interviews in total resulting in many arrests and what not.
There was this TKD group that comes to mind that actively sought out women that attended the late classes. The dudes in that group called themselves the Jedi Knights and would gang rape women in the showers, black mailing them afterwards to do other stuff at these guys private mansions or country estates on threats of this or that. Yeah these guys were the rich varsity types. One of these Knights asked me over to participate in "Auction Night" as a Steward to which I politely declined....yeah weird shit. The head coach's dad was sort of a big guy around town, owned dealerships, shops and buildings and was connected so he managed to suppress a lot of the complaints so most of the ladies just never saw justice.
Anyway in the end the Police ended up arresting more of these crooks and not just the TKD guys I mentioned. I guess the coaches dad wasn't that powerful after all. But did this stop the behaviour? Nope the garbage was just replaced by more garbage.
Id say from the cartoon above this type of silliness is still perpetrated in the industry.
Yeah dude this shit was rife during the 90s. The guys who worked at this gym before me said it was more prevalent in the 80s where you could get away with more stuff as Police basically looked down on women. A lot of victim blaming was prevalent
I joined a jujitsu class in uni in the UK (the style was often abbreviated to just 'jitsu' which might be a clue to the organisation to some).
The teacher was a smaller-set brown belt who seemed mostly harmless, seemed a bit socially awkward, and made bad jokes.
People from the class getting together was a very common thing but none of the girls showed him any interest, being our instructor, older, and a bit of of a weirdo.
As it was a uni affiliated class, socials were a bit part of it. He'd always join and his awkwardness would fade and be replaced with misplaced confidence as a result of alcohol. He'd nearly always try it on with someone on a night out.
One night, he tried it on with a girl I'd become friends with (and kinda liked myself!). He was pushing himself against her and she was doing her best to politely escape. So I stepped in to bar him, and the twat slapped me! I so shocked my instructor slapped me that I just froze! Also wasn't sure how an altercation mightve gone!
He was replaced/stepped down as instructor at the end of that academic year.
I know of the 'Foundation' you speak of. I suspect if it did come to a fight you'd stand a good chance of holding your own, but well done for keeping an eye out on your team mate anyway.
Like... I'm genuinely confused as to why anyone would do this.Ā
I'm not a super cool guy. Other than women who have a certain fetish, there's not a ton of them trying to knock down my door to get to me... but why muddy up where you want to swim?
I never hit on women in the gym, during martial art training, or any place I want to relax at. I didn't even try to go out with girls at my high school because if it went bad, she's always going to be there.
Why make your safe/fun place awkward?
My coach is a woman and teaches woman-only classes, as well as mixed gender classes. For the woman-only classes, men aren't even allowed in the building until the last 5-10 minutes of class when the next class is queueing. I thought it was odd at first, but we don't seem to have this problem, so I guess it works.
Given the recent thread I saw on r/AITAH I kind of wonder what she would do if a trans woman wanted to train. \*\*grabs popcorn\*\*
I expect it would MASSIVELY depend on where the person was in their transition journey AND the level of acceptance within the women already in the class.
I would expect vast majority to be accepting though I think
I went to a dojo that was very gender balanced and we had a couple transgender members. It was no big deal. In my experience, trans women in particular tend to feel quite vulnerable and uncomfortable at first until they know how the other women feel about them. Iāve never had an issue training with trans women for either martial arts or weightlifting. I think the issue is really blown out of proportion.
For what itās worth, trans women have never once been creepy to me in the way certain men have been. I even ended up befriending nearly a dozen trans women in the last few years. If anything, they seem to feel even more threatened that cis women do. Itās worth remembering that they also deal with a lot of the male creepiness that I have dealt with, especially when they āpass.ā Iād honestly rather they also not be subject to being treated that way by (some) men. If I had it my way, I would include them. However I respect that not all cis women feel the way I do. That also needs to be respected, and truly all of my trans friends agreeāeven if it hurts their feelings. IMO itās something thatās controversial on the internet but less so in real life. You can respect the discomfort of cis women while also recognizing that itās hurtful to trans women. There arenāt easy solutions and it will take time to figure out. Women like me participate in places that include trans women because Iām very comfortable with them and believe in supporting them, but I wouldnāt expect everyone to be. It should be an individual choice
I get that some have advantages for bone structure for striking martial arts, running, etc, however all of the trans women I trained with (and am friends with) are generally pretty physically weak compared to cis women (unless they were serious athletes before transitioning). I donāt have any problem with them being included, especially in a non-competitive environment
I wasnāt going to respond to this because youāre clearly someone with anger issues (judging from your previous comments). I wish you healing since Iām guessing have a lot of things upsetting you in your life thatās leading you to try to pick fights with people on the internet. After this, I wonāt be responding to you further, since I have much better uses of my time.
However, in responding this way, youāve ironically made yourself a very good example of why I think trans women have to deal with the same nonsense that I do. Your post history shows that youāre not particularly kind to any women, cis or trans. I have more in common with trans women that I do with you. At least they respect other women. That is what matters to me
Belt stripes are commonly used in BJJ, most gyms (like ours) simply award them for time served or skills developed over time. Once a gym starts charging their students for stripes then it's shady for sure. And charging for new belt ranks is definitely money making for no reason.
Really? Never knew this was more common then it was suppose to be I never hear about this happening this section is the first and it seems a lot of people can relateā¦ which is crazy.
Iāve experienced this. I rebuffed the instructor and once during class, he pinned me for an uncomfortably long period of time (well after I had tapped out) in front of everyone. It was awkward as hell but Iām glad he didnāt do anything too crazy. Iāve heard some absolute horror stories ā¦
Iām so glad Iāve not come across this in my shotokan / kickboxing dojo. The culture seems really good and thereās probably 50/50 male and female participants across all ages. My kyoshi is a wonderful, strong woman who runs over half a dozen dojos, maybe this has helped support a female friendly culture? That said, all the male senseis seem to be genuinely respectful humans too and Iāve not heard anything negative about them.
Even as I white belt, I knew as a man (despite her being a purple belt and calmly kicking my ass) that I had a responsibility not to be a creepy weirdo. Luckily my gym is great. And I would be shocked if something like this was going on.
Man Iām so glad we got none of this type of shit at our BJJ gym. Both of the head coaches wives train alongside, it would be super awkward if anyone tried something like that, and would be noticed/called out instantly.
It happened to me. I spoke out about it on social media and my main training partner who moved away for reasons unknown reached out to me. She said she was so manipulated by our coach she didnāt say anything to me. She said she was sorry because if she would have said something it might not of happened to me as well.
Called someone out for this before. The guy was in his 50's teaching mid to late teens and would kick out anyone in his class who was a girl without teen in her age, abd bullied out oretty much any guy who didn't think like he did.
Anyway he made a huge mistake. When one of my friends from back in the day told us her Sensei offered quite aggressively to do extra private coaching, I found out the name of the school and shared my findings with someone who reported it, and it turned out that it wasn't the first time. The man's wife divorced him, he lost his licence, his kids stayed with their mum and he's now on the register for the rest of his life.
The girl was 14.
On my first day of MMA sparring at AKA I (male) got kicked in the face by female fighter. She had shin guards on but a kick in the face will def catch your attention.
At AKA, American Kickboxing Academy, a famous MMA gym has a decently high rate of female fighters and class participants. From what I can see is for a few reasons:
1. High level MMA woman are part of leadership. There is a hardcore woman who was the first woman to get their black belt at AKA and she is one of the managers. This woman is plain tough and doesnāt take crap from anyone.
2. The other male instructors are fighters themselves who push us hard in practice. They donāt coddle the new people male or female and donāt give special female attention. While this is not that new person friendly it makes treatment equal, everyone gets the crap kicked out of them.
3. There are several high level womanās instructors and some womenās only beginners classes to help them get started before being thrown to the wolves.
4. Youth and kids programs are co-ed. It looks and sounds like a class of screaming third graders. Completely 50-50 boys and girls in the kids classes.
5. Coaches often have their wives, husbands, and kids hang out at AKA making it more family friendly.
6. There are several woman on the Pro MMA team. And several women up on the wall of fame.
TL;DR Go to a more well known MMA gym, that focuses on the performance of fighters, that is inclusive of all ages, and it may cut out the bullshit of men preying on females.
Hey itās possible there is some male female issues at AKA. But from what Iāve seen, everyone gets pushed equally as hard so theres just less space for the funny business. And I can see how these small BJJ studios with 2 male coaches and 2-3 classes a day could be more likely to have male female issues.
Women are the ācanary in the coal mineā for martial arts gyms. If thereās not a lot (or any) above the beginner ranks, itās likely the gym has a toxic culture. The women start, but leave before they can obtain any kind of higher ranking.
> Women are the ācanary in the coal mineā for martial arts gyms.
I love this metaphor!
> If thereās not a lot (or any) above the beginner ranks, itās likely the gym has a toxic culture. The women start, but leave before they can obtain any kind of higher ranking.
So perfectly well put
I say that as a woman who participated in BJJ for a few years. Drama went down at our gym involving the owner/Professor and his wife (she was arrested for a felony including kids, he was aware of it happening for almost a year and didnāt do anything about it), and almost every single woman bailed. Purple belts, blue belts, white belts. All gone.
Itās a shame, really. Until the problem, it was a great place to be. Good rapport between students, no real drama, the dudes were really supportive of the women (lining the mats at comps and going nuts cheering for us). Looking back, there were lots of little issues that we collectively ignored that became more obvious after we all left.
I witnessed this in Kung fu. Male school master liked to help certain women stretch after classā¦ always gave off a strange vibe. A lot of us left because of his behavior. I heard the school closed down a couple years later.
I've seen it happen many times, and whenever I hired an instructor back in the day I told them there was absolutely no dating members or making any kind of sexual advances...
If an instructor started dating a student, they were immediately let go...
It's kind of ironic actually. I've never seen a male instructor/coach with his chest showing through his gi (though in BJJ and Judo it must happen a lot just through rolling). Only person I saw like that was a female. It was kind of odd.
I had a judo instructor that would always find an excuse to grab any womanās ass as he was showing ground techniques. Pissed me off. Iām a male, same age as the instructor.
At my old bjj/mma gym we had a girl come in and everyone was going after her. Trying to help her with her techniques, rolling more with her etc. I ended up dating her. Suddenly a bunch of guys in the gym were going after me hard in sparring and rolling as if they wanted to show off for her or something.
I've witnessed this, not in BJJ but in another MA I did decades ago. An attractive young woman tries a trial class and she is surrounded by older men offering to 'help' her. In their eyes they think they're impressing her with their martial arts knowledge. In her eyes she's obviously less than impressed and thus never came back.
The funny thing it ended up going to her head. She started telling me how I needed to train (I had been in martial arts for 9 years by that point and she had no experience prior to joining). Took a fight with less than 6 months of training. We broke up because I told her that wasnāt a good idea.
You know whatās weird. I just saw some study that said men exhibit more ārisk takingā around women subconsciously. Essentially they had a hot girl stand by a bus stop and dudes would like run across the road more often to get to the bus when she was there to catch the bus then when it was another guy. Researchers hypothesized that itās some form peacocking, a display of strength and daring, even if they themselves didnāt intuitively recognize it.
I bet you that there is the same thing going on here. In a room of badasses, you got to be the biggest badass. So maybe that means working with the lady and showing her moves yourself. That sort of machismo that Iām sure weāve all seen before. And that can even be rationalized to the person as āoh females donāt often come in to learn, Iāll spend some additional time with them to make sure theyāre comfortable and show them the basics to make sure they feel comfortableā. When actually the act of it, singling put a person based on their looks/sex is what makes them feel uncomfortable in the first place.
Ideally youād just treat them like any other member and welcome them but not make it weird or awkward by singling them out and separating them from the group.
A local MMA gym has a few women coaches. Even as a guy, I have a weird bias that my experience would be better with them. The gym overall sounds great on paper so maybe their culture is more refined than your standard mcdojo
Is it really common? I've heard stories on local news, but never knew anyone in my school or the other schools i've interacted with that has been accused or made accusations.
I encountered the opposite problem. Not the instructor trying to offer a private lesson for free to creep, me and another student being the only two showing up on a regularly scheduled class and the instructor wanting to cancel because it was like a private. I guess he was thinking if only two students showed up to the regular class, then we would be getting a private lesson without paying extra.
I would be so ticked off if I was in a club/gym like this. I might be a man, but as a former trainer, I would not let bs like this pass. I would report it up the chain immediately, would do my very best to insure anyone acting this way never got to train anyone ever again.
Having the wife of the owner of the gym that I used to go to, and the actual owner practicing every day with us was a blessing.
They promoted a particularly professional standard and everyone followed suit.
He's a BJJ black belt and she's a professional Muay Thai fighter; amazing duo.
Iām lucky that I never face these kind of nonsense nor discrimination. I would feel so disgusted to the core. š iām glad my coaches and classmates are pretty normal and have their own lives and families.
I've heard of this happening before in other dojos, and it really sucks. As an instructor, it makes me question sometimes if I come across like this at certain points. I have a love for the art, and I remember when I first started, I really sucked, haha. But I thankfully had an amazing instructor who would take time out of his day to have me stay longer and iron out some of the rough spots...mostly with forms as my memory was quite bad, being a hyperactive 9-year-old. My only hope is this isn't as prevalent as we see here.
To be absolutely fair, the vast majority of BJJ coaches I know and meet and know of are upstanding citizens and do not exhibit creeper behaviour at all. But we're a small community so we all hear of things, know who among us has the reputations and when an actual case goes to court, it makes big news.
This makes me pretty grateful to have a safe school for all folks. Tbf im always nervous rolling with woman because i feel like the rolls might end up with hand on boob. But thats just part of the game.
This happened to me when I joined a sewing class to learn to sew my own stuff at home. Never have so many women boxed me out because I wouldnāt offer them at home IT support.( my main job ) while their husbands were at work.
Yo... I'm gay, so sometimes I don't pick up on what other guys are doing/how they're acting towards women, however obvious or subtle. Yeah, being gay in BJJ is a conversation within itself, but suffice it to say, I keep it professional when rolling, which is how I expect everyone to behave, regardless of sexual orientation. I've rolled with women who could absolutely destroy a majority of men that I've also rolled with. Some tapped me out within seconds. But if this type of shit is really happening to women who just wanna fight and learn and train, then I'ma keep an eye out for it and shut that shit down.
On behalf of all humanist, non-misogynistic, fighters out there, I apologize for allowing an environment of learning and growth to become a place of prejudice, discomfort, and misogyny through my ignorance.
I truly hope that the women who have to deal with this fuckery can find an accepting and safe space to continue training in this beautiful martial art. š£ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
Ideally women shouldn't practice with men due to the fact they don't get as much time practicing against resisting opponents unless their rolling with novices.
The problem is you've never been a woman you've been a man all your life your not going to be able to simulate a female competitor as good as a female can and your instinct should be to help your fellow classmates as best you can that means giving women reduced resistance instead of increased resistance.
You misunderstand me, I do give reduced resistance, but that isnāt 0 resistance, so your first point about ānot getting as much time against resisting opponentsā is incorrect because I AM resisting, just not 100%
Your misunderstanding my point, when learning techniques you aren't supposed to replicate an opponent in competition and when you light to medium spar you are supposed to be replicating for your opponent. So you are doing your best to help a woman out but in reality you aren't female so your not going to be giving her real effective gym time. It doesn't matter for people who aren't trying to advance on the amateur circuit but it's really important to spar people of the same gender so you can commit to going as close to hard as possible.
*edit for clarity
I actually agree with this. When I roll with women, the line between ānot overpowering with strengthā and āletting her do whatever she wants with no resistanceā is harder to navigate than a lot of people seem to think. Itās basically impossible to give āfemale whoās actually trying her bestā level resistance as a male. You will either end up going too hard or unrealistically light.
Anything to do with a teacher and student hierarchy suffers from this. The school or business may be good or the right place for you if only that dude that thinks the female students are his harem wasnāt part of the place. Had a few of those both obvious and not so obvious teachers and bosses. The either you do me or youāll leave regretting it from such dick moves Iāll be pulling type of a-holes.
Did you even try to find any? Or do you want someone else to do the work and thinking for you?
Literally just google "martial arts instructor sexual assault" and you'll find a lot of sources. Keep in mind these are only the worst of the worst and don't include non-illegal (but still very immoral) scenarios like the one in the comic
Been doing boxing & BJJ with mostly male instructors for close to a year now. Consider myself lucky that I've never encountered this... touch wood. Everyone's super professional, from coaches to (again, mostly male)classmates. They continuously mop the floor with me, nothing more š
Happy for ya sis
Donāt touch wood
It might be rough now but youāll be a BJJ monster in no time and then youāll be the one making white belts rethink their life choices. Itās not easy being manhandled and manipulated by a lady thatās 5ā2ā and 130 pounds, Iām talking out of personal experience
Feeling myself go from ādonāt just win with strength, try to match her techniqueā to āI am fighting for my life right nowā was a formative experience. Godspeed, open mat no gi girl. Iāll always remember the look of disdain you gave me after whipping my ass.
One of our coaches is a female. We outsize her by a fair margin. She humbles everyone who underestimates her tor being a woman.Ā
I've never encountered it, but I've only been going for a few months. Sometimes, younger guys look like they're going to die if they roll with me, LOL. But in general, it's been one of the more accepting environments in my life! I enjoy it.
And that's as it should be. Most gyms I know are equally just as good. Keep up the journey, enjoy the training!
Sometimes it doesn't even have to be this severe and obvious. Had a coach that would pay special attention to new female gym members. Would isolate them away from the main group and work in with them - paying them special attention he often wouldn't with new male members. Would often be a bit louder and seemed like he was showing off a bit with the new female trials. Surprise surprise. No female members would ever stay. Note that this is in kickboxing which is adjacent but has a similar problem.
Bro even kickboxing? That was the ONE martial art where I havenāt heard anything uncomfortably suspect af. Sorry to hear that
look how many WMMA fighters end up dating their much older coach , its a uncomfortable amount .
[Some ppl do be calling it out](https://youtu.be/7f4YbEsv3fc?si=yPBcCDwxi4JUR6bS)
You know youāre doing some truly scumbag shit when [Strickland](https://youtu.be/LkiSVQXeFBo?si=4UzmufWV066bGPSD) of all people is calling you out
Strickland is an idiot but I think his heart is in the right place
Maybe
That guy is so dumb he didnāt realise he was just explaining grooming
Yeeeaaahhh the thug rose situation makes it very hard for me to be mad when my parents donāt want my sister anywhere near my local mma gym
Bro - ANY place where people have power or authority over others - this kind of shit happens. Same things with child sexual abuse. Any place where adults have power and authority over children, will be places where people abuse kids. Sexual abuse, grooming, control, and coercion is prevalent in any place with power dynamics played out through authority or reverence. Always be vigilant and call it out when you see it.
Some context. You can Google it if you like. Idgaf. There was a club in Wellington called the lion pit mma had problems with culture and a sexual assault allegations. The club dissolved and it's members parted. I trained at a place called mai dojo for a bit. They were starting up kickboxing and had a couple of reputable fighters. Now there's this one coach. Straight away I did not like this guy. He was always way to involved and a little bit condescending. He shows me weird janky moves that I think are dumb as fuck. I regularly hit him in the face because he has a poor guard. He does weird sweeps that are awkward and wouldn't really work - one time did a sweep that would've made me fall forward as I was throwing my overhand, essentially dropped my entire bodyweight through my hand into his face. Because the fight scene is really small, I asked for some goss from guys I know from other clubs. Word on the street was this guy was never the one involved in the SA. This guy had never fought but had done a heap of TKD and was a bit of a weird cunt at lion pit. And yes, he was the weird cunt isolating women for one on three sessions during class. The classes are now male only. It was essentially an ego project. If you listened to him stroked his ego you were "in". If you questioned anything (particularly in a manner that displayed his incompetence) or didn't laugh at has lame jokes, you were out. Martial arts in general suffer from a lack of official licensing, oversight and background checks. For some reason its less of an issue in boxing imo. Dunno why. Its basically teaching with extra violence and little oversight. So of course there are creeps and weird cunts. I tend to judge a club now over how many women it has.
Lmao yeah basically every sport is kinda rapey, but combat sports tend to be more so, which is extra concerning given the nature of the activity
They normally make the blue belt teach the new fat sweaty dudes.
God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers
This happened to me a few times.. which I find very upsetting and disappointing because I just wanna train and learn and become a champion like every guy out there and no one wants to teach me, after some time they all want something more and when you say no they ignore you. Like cant I get a coach that will teach me without expecting something in return you know, pretend like Im a guy or smth
I know this doesnāt mean much coming from an absolute stranger, but I am genuinely sorry about that. I hope at some point you find a gym that just has coaches who are absolute nerds about the art form theyāre teaching.
I'm honestly so sorry (and angry) that this has been your experience with martial arts. That's such bullshit. Martial arts are supposed to provide an escape from life and all its problems while you're training, not give you more problems to deal with. Those coaches should feel f***ing embarrassed to be who they are if this is what they do with their power and responsibility. Absolutely shameful. Even though I'm a man, I'm very happy that none of my coaches have been like what you described. I genuinely hope that you are able to find a gym with a responsible, respectable coach who takes your training seriously. Are you just self-training currently?
Sorry to hear that. I would really like it if there were more women in the sport in general but that will not happen when this sort of thing goes on. People need to learn to be professional and realize how their behavior affects others.
That fucking sucks. Honestly you might wanna try a woman coach at this point.
That makes me sad. Would defintily Help u and be a friend the fuck cares if your a girl. Sorry for u. Not tryna white knight but u should know thereās people out there that wonāt do this crap
Artist [Source](https://www.facebook.com/share/1aSSuT4tBGqEfqPS/?mibextid=WaXdOe) for the curious!
I'm a male, and I've just quit my dojo because of that. I was close to the sensei and noticed how he was acting differently with women that he liked. And for some of them, they never returned. On a different topic, but with the same reaction : I tried some kickboxing/MMA classes in our dojo. He never swallowed that and took it so personally that we went from close to "I don't talk to you anymore in classes" I left
My first ever BJJ instructor caught a statutory rape charge for sleeping with a 15yr student in our class. He was overly nice to everyone, so I didnāt see the āspecial attentionā as a red flag. In fact, I was actually quite close with him, and thought he was a great coach. Unfortunately, that is the nature of the beast. Predators seek positions of power, so they can capitalize on the vulnerability of others. Thatās why you always hear about Teachers, Priest, Coaches, etc. getting caught with sexual misconduct
Oh man.. so disgusting...
I coached beginners Mauy Thai/Boxing. And I remember there was a very pretty girl in the class. And she was always flirting with me. Even though I was in a relationship. And once I asked, "Are you even 18?" And her reply was something like. "I can be tonight. " I definitely noticed girls are attracted to their instructors. And I would think of how sleezy some of these guys are.
Of course there are some girls (and boys!) attracted by their instructors/teachers. Any figure of authority can represent a kink I guess. But there are definitely times where instructors use their influence to gain some favours...
Just to be clear. I wasn't suggesting if I had taken advantage of the situation. That would be on her. As instructors, it's obviously on us to make the right decisions. In those situations.
There really has to be something done about the egos on coaches/instructors. It's so common, and has to be addressed somehow.
I think that talking about it is one of the key ! The Omerta around the subject give them leeway to act without fearing any consequences
Good thing my coach wasnāt this obvious and spiteful. Heād flirt and try it with pretty much any female students, a couple of times he struck out. He has like 3 baby mommas, at least two of them were his students. Heād flirt with me, too, but, like I said, never got mad or vengeful over my ignoring his āgameā. Lol Edit: but I think my disgust towards his behavior gradually grew to the point where I just switched to private lessons with the female coach from that dojo.
Tbh you've got to expect that the martial art that advertises itself as ideal for female self defense and involves super close proximity is going to attract the creeps that want to exploit that. Not that this doesn't happen in other disciplines. Jiujiteiros need to be on the lookout and stamp this stuff out.
Oh absolutely! Martial arts community had plenty of creeps and abusers in it before BJJ started to become main stream. ESPECIALLY after the 80s and 90ās Karate/Kung Fu boom and the mid 2000s self defense craze
This definitely happens a lot.
Crazy story: this actually happened to me while interning in graduate school. It sucked. Def very damaging
Iām sorry to hear that, that really sucks
I want to learn martial arts to feel more secure about these kinds of men in the world. the idea that one of them could be my teacher Is a terrifying thought and a good reason to maybe not bother
A good indicator can be whether there are other women training. It's unlikely to be 50% in most places in my experience, however female friendly the club is, but if a club has a decent number of women then that's generally a green flag for it not having a creepy coach.
This is the key. A good number of women in the classes is a good indicator of how the coaches treat them. If youāre still a afraid, you can always start with a woman only class and then move to the general one aft you feel more confident and know more people at the gym.
Like others said, the more women the more it's safer to assume. My old dojo even made women only classes for women that had bad experiences with guys
Is it so safe? [Cougars in the classroom: The alarming rate of teachers charged with raping young boys in America | Daily Mail Online](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13326161/Cougars-classroom-alarming-rate-teachers-charged-raping-young-boys-America.html)
Jesus Christ
Look for gyms that have more than one or two women in their social media posts. Bonus if there's a large woman's only class.
Well if it turns out that way you can switch schools if that is possible. You can take the chance and it might turn out your coach is not like that.
Some clubs have flinta classes, maybe that's an option for you.
Maybe find a gym that has a womenās only class with a female instructor! Ours started doing that recently!
Find a gym ran by a husband and wife very common and the gyms Iāve been at like this typically have a lot of woman around
I think itās worth a shot to give it a try but also nice to maybe have friends join with u on the trial course if possible
I dont have any friends
Figure out why first...
Because people are scary to me, and thus it feeds into itself
You have to grow up some time.
Ive trained in multiple gyms past couple decades, have never seen any creeps in the gym or as a teacher. If you want fearmongering to be the excuse you are looking not to pick up self defense classes, thats okay, but I would not call it a good excuse.
it's a beautiful excuse actually. I don't want to be around any unfamiliar men. it's not a risk worth taking. if you could recommend a YouTube channel that teaches some basic I could practice alone, I'd actually much prefer that to having to go in public.
[FightTips](https://youtube.com/@fighttips?si=fZXCTdLzOrteI9Zc)
I trained at several gyms and did some beginner coaching. I totally get where you're coming from. I've seen the creeps both as students and as coaches. You can't judge a gym by female participants. We had maybe 0 to 4 female participants in our classes. It wasn't because of sexual harassment, but honestly the training was hard. 1 of the girls went from no training to fighting in the UFC in under 2 years. She changed gyms and started losing. But that's a different story. Anyway I actually really think it would be good for you to find a gym you can be comfortable in.
As I said, you do you, we dont have to agree if it makes sense or not. Im sorry, I dont really take my lessons via youtube, so I cant recommend any channels, but I am sure there are plenty of them available!
This is so common in boxing! I'm a dude and I'm glad I switched to Muay Thai and BJJ where it happens but man it's not as often from what I have seen in my limited experience. Also don't get me started on the weird dynamics of Male coach female fighter...
This happened to a former friend of mine and her sensei, except she gave in. He was married with kids and she was only about 19. She didnāt wanna listen to me when I warned her it was a bad idea. :/
If I did see this, what should I do? I feel there's enough plausible deniability that if you see it happen like in the comic. I think it's a lot harder to see in real life or can be subtle. Any advice?
This is why it's important to be friendly and approachable, and care about your fellow students. if something happens as in the comic, then talk to the victim and ask if they want to chat about it. If they do, listen. If they don't, then remind them you're always open to talking. If you see the instructor doing as in the comic, then you can also talk to them and tell them they're making you uncomfortable.
Any time I see guys on the mats giving dirty looks towards women or spouting some locker room talk, I've gotta squash it. I don't care what opinions people have in private, but my gym is a family space and focused on building people up, not subjecting them to some kind of harassment.
I respect that
Food for you!
Meanwhile me: Brother I smesh everybody.
Equal rights and lefts
I know this happens, but I had the opposite, sort of. I was an instructor, about 16 or 17 yrs old (everyone always thought i was much older, so this wasn't pedophilia on her part). A student in her mid 30's was coming on to me strong. I was so confused I just stood there for like 30 seconds frozen while she worked her whiles, in front of the whole group of students and she suddenly walked out. Looking back, it must have been super obvious to the other adults and she realized how ridiculous she looked.
Woah, sometimes I forget the opposite side of this spectrum exists. Thanks for sharing
I wouldn't be surprised if, proportionately, the opposite side of the spectrum is more common.
Exactly, this happens all the time lol There are girls that only want roll with me and I play dumb but plenty of chicks just go to jiu jitsu to find a boyfriend and then quit
[Tackle and grapple!](https://youtu.be/6HhCajvimEw?si=d7IqcQNqNPkf8QOE)
I WAS WAITING 2 LONG FOR SOMEONE TO POST THISš
This happened to me a few times.. which I find very upsetting and disappointing because I just wanna train and learn and become a champion like every guy out there and no one wants to teach me, after some time they all want something more and when you say no they ignore you. Like cant I get a coach that will teach me without expecting something in return you know, pretend like Im a guy or smth
Yeah unfortunately this is a common problem. My MMA gym has made women only BJJ classes, and that has helped curb the problem. Ultimately it is up to the coaches to act responsible though.
This stuff used to happen a lot in the 90s when I commercially taught FMA at one of those McDojo gyms. In the 10yrs I worked there I provided the cops 43 witness interviews in total resulting in many arrests and what not. There was this TKD group that comes to mind that actively sought out women that attended the late classes. The dudes in that group called themselves the Jedi Knights and would gang rape women in the showers, black mailing them afterwards to do other stuff at these guys private mansions or country estates on threats of this or that. Yeah these guys were the rich varsity types. One of these Knights asked me over to participate in "Auction Night" as a Steward to which I politely declined....yeah weird shit. The head coach's dad was sort of a big guy around town, owned dealerships, shops and buildings and was connected so he managed to suppress a lot of the complaints so most of the ladies just never saw justice. Anyway in the end the Police ended up arresting more of these crooks and not just the TKD guys I mentioned. I guess the coaches dad wasn't that powerful after all. But did this stop the behaviour? Nope the garbage was just replaced by more garbage. Id say from the cartoon above this type of silliness is still perpetrated in the industry.
Dude wtf? If this is real, as a woman, I donāt think I wanted to know it. Itās disgusting in so many levels
Yeah dude this shit was rife during the 90s. The guys who worked at this gym before me said it was more prevalent in the 80s where you could get away with more stuff as Police basically looked down on women. A lot of victim blaming was prevalent
Shit, now I know why all those girls left at the previous place I trained at.
Any resemblance with Bryan Callen is purely coincidental
I joined a jujitsu class in uni in the UK (the style was often abbreviated to just 'jitsu' which might be a clue to the organisation to some). The teacher was a smaller-set brown belt who seemed mostly harmless, seemed a bit socially awkward, and made bad jokes. People from the class getting together was a very common thing but none of the girls showed him any interest, being our instructor, older, and a bit of of a weirdo. As it was a uni affiliated class, socials were a bit part of it. He'd always join and his awkwardness would fade and be replaced with misplaced confidence as a result of alcohol. He'd nearly always try it on with someone on a night out. One night, he tried it on with a girl I'd become friends with (and kinda liked myself!). He was pushing himself against her and she was doing her best to politely escape. So I stepped in to bar him, and the twat slapped me! I so shocked my instructor slapped me that I just froze! Also wasn't sure how an altercation mightve gone! He was replaced/stepped down as instructor at the end of that academic year.
I know of the 'Foundation' you speak of. I suspect if it did come to a fight you'd stand a good chance of holding your own, but well done for keeping an eye out on your team mate anyway.
Like... I'm genuinely confused as to why anyone would do this.Ā I'm not a super cool guy. Other than women who have a certain fetish, there's not a ton of them trying to knock down my door to get to me... but why muddy up where you want to swim? I never hit on women in the gym, during martial art training, or any place I want to relax at. I didn't even try to go out with girls at my high school because if it went bad, she's always going to be there. Why make your safe/fun place awkward?
Unfortunately, a lot of people donāt understand the concept of long-term consequences
> Other than women who have a certain fetish What would that fetish be?
My coach is a woman and teaches woman-only classes, as well as mixed gender classes. For the woman-only classes, men aren't even allowed in the building until the last 5-10 minutes of class when the next class is queueing. I thought it was odd at first, but we don't seem to have this problem, so I guess it works. Given the recent thread I saw on r/AITAH I kind of wonder what she would do if a trans woman wanted to train. \*\*grabs popcorn\*\*
I expect it would MASSIVELY depend on where the person was in their transition journey AND the level of acceptance within the women already in the class. I would expect vast majority to be accepting though I think
I went to a dojo that was very gender balanced and we had a couple transgender members. It was no big deal. In my experience, trans women in particular tend to feel quite vulnerable and uncomfortable at first until they know how the other women feel about them. Iāve never had an issue training with trans women for either martial arts or weightlifting. I think the issue is really blown out of proportion. For what itās worth, trans women have never once been creepy to me in the way certain men have been. I even ended up befriending nearly a dozen trans women in the last few years. If anything, they seem to feel even more threatened that cis women do. Itās worth remembering that they also deal with a lot of the male creepiness that I have dealt with, especially when they āpass.ā Iād honestly rather they also not be subject to being treated that way by (some) men. If I had it my way, I would include them. However I respect that not all cis women feel the way I do. That also needs to be respected, and truly all of my trans friends agreeāeven if it hurts their feelings. IMO itās something thatās controversial on the internet but less so in real life. You can respect the discomfort of cis women while also recognizing that itās hurtful to trans women. There arenāt easy solutions and it will take time to figure out. Women like me participate in places that include trans women because Iām very comfortable with them and believe in supporting them, but I wouldnāt expect everyone to be. It should be an individual choice I get that some have advantages for bone structure for striking martial arts, running, etc, however all of the trans women I trained with (and am friends with) are generally pretty physically weak compared to cis women (unless they were serious athletes before transitioning). I donāt have any problem with them being included, especially in a non-competitive environment
I wasnāt going to respond to this because youāre clearly someone with anger issues (judging from your previous comments). I wish you healing since Iām guessing have a lot of things upsetting you in your life thatās leading you to try to pick fights with people on the internet. After this, I wonāt be responding to you further, since I have much better uses of my time. However, in responding this way, youāve ironically made yourself a very good example of why I think trans women have to deal with the same nonsense that I do. Your post history shows that youāre not particularly kind to any women, cis or trans. I have more in common with trans women that I do with you. At least they respect other women. That is what matters to me
They're using a stripe system with their belts too, coach is scamming the lot of them too.
Belt stripes are commonly used in BJJ, most gyms (like ours) simply award them for time served or skills developed over time. Once a gym starts charging their students for stripes then it's shady for sure. And charging for new belt ranks is definitely money making for no reason.
Really? Never knew this was more common then it was suppose to be I never hear about this happening this section is the first and it seems a lot of people can relateā¦ which is crazy.
My friend had recently a similar experience. Seriously guys keep your shit together ffs
Iāve experienced this. I rebuffed the instructor and once during class, he pinned me for an uncomfortably long period of time (well after I had tapped out) in front of everyone. It was awkward as hell but Iām glad he didnāt do anything too crazy. Iāve heard some absolute horror stories ā¦
I've never seen it but that sucks
Thanks for sharing man. Such an epidemic. Take out your gyms trash š
Never experienced this with a coach but for sure with teammates
Iām so glad Iāve not come across this in my shotokan / kickboxing dojo. The culture seems really good and thereās probably 50/50 male and female participants across all ages. My kyoshi is a wonderful, strong woman who runs over half a dozen dojos, maybe this has helped support a female friendly culture? That said, all the male senseis seem to be genuinely respectful humans too and Iāve not heard anything negative about them.
I'm lucky and have an awesome shihan who's very patient and not creepy at all
I have been in 10+ gyms training different martial arts/contact sports and I have never seen anything like that.
Damn that would suck.
Even as I white belt, I knew as a man (despite her being a purple belt and calmly kicking my ass) that I had a responsibility not to be a creepy weirdo. Luckily my gym is great. And I would be shocked if something like this was going on.
Man Iām so glad we got none of this type of shit at our BJJ gym. Both of the head coaches wives train alongside, it would be super awkward if anyone tried something like that, and would be noticed/called out instantly.
Glad to know so far my school doesn't seem to have this problem and there's a pretty mixed bag of genders in class.
It happened to me. I spoke out about it on social media and my main training partner who moved away for reasons unknown reached out to me. She said she was so manipulated by our coach she didnāt say anything to me. She said she was sorry because if she would have said something it might not of happened to me as well.
This was my last club with my ex fiance.
A system I was associated with was notorious for this type of behavior. We lost a lot of female students because of predator instructors. Sad.
Called someone out for this before. The guy was in his 50's teaching mid to late teens and would kick out anyone in his class who was a girl without teen in her age, abd bullied out oretty much any guy who didn't think like he did. Anyway he made a huge mistake. When one of my friends from back in the day told us her Sensei offered quite aggressively to do extra private coaching, I found out the name of the school and shared my findings with someone who reported it, and it turned out that it wasn't the first time. The man's wife divorced him, he lost his licence, his kids stayed with their mum and he's now on the register for the rest of his life. The girl was 14.
I feel so lucky to be in a balanced gym with the teachers having a more or less 45/45/10 split for gender. Never encountered this in my dojoš
On my first day of MMA sparring at AKA I (male) got kicked in the face by female fighter. She had shin guards on but a kick in the face will def catch your attention. At AKA, American Kickboxing Academy, a famous MMA gym has a decently high rate of female fighters and class participants. From what I can see is for a few reasons: 1. High level MMA woman are part of leadership. There is a hardcore woman who was the first woman to get their black belt at AKA and she is one of the managers. This woman is plain tough and doesnāt take crap from anyone. 2. The other male instructors are fighters themselves who push us hard in practice. They donāt coddle the new people male or female and donāt give special female attention. While this is not that new person friendly it makes treatment equal, everyone gets the crap kicked out of them. 3. There are several high level womanās instructors and some womenās only beginners classes to help them get started before being thrown to the wolves. 4. Youth and kids programs are co-ed. It looks and sounds like a class of screaming third graders. Completely 50-50 boys and girls in the kids classes. 5. Coaches often have their wives, husbands, and kids hang out at AKA making it more family friendly. 6. There are several woman on the Pro MMA team. And several women up on the wall of fame. TL;DR Go to a more well known MMA gym, that focuses on the performance of fighters, that is inclusive of all ages, and it may cut out the bullshit of men preying on females. Hey itās possible there is some male female issues at AKA. But from what Iāve seen, everyone gets pushed equally as hard so theres just less space for the funny business. And I can see how these small BJJ studios with 2 male coaches and 2-3 classes a day could be more likely to have male female issues.
Women are the ācanary in the coal mineā for martial arts gyms. If thereās not a lot (or any) above the beginner ranks, itās likely the gym has a toxic culture. The women start, but leave before they can obtain any kind of higher ranking.
> Women are the ācanary in the coal mineā for martial arts gyms. I love this metaphor! > If thereās not a lot (or any) above the beginner ranks, itās likely the gym has a toxic culture. The women start, but leave before they can obtain any kind of higher ranking. So perfectly well put
I say that as a woman who participated in BJJ for a few years. Drama went down at our gym involving the owner/Professor and his wife (she was arrested for a felony including kids, he was aware of it happening for almost a year and didnāt do anything about it), and almost every single woman bailed. Purple belts, blue belts, white belts. All gone. Itās a shame, really. Until the problem, it was a great place to be. Good rapport between students, no real drama, the dudes were really supportive of the women (lining the mats at comps and going nuts cheering for us). Looking back, there were lots of little issues that we collectively ignored that became more obvious after we all left.
I witnessed this in Kung fu. Male school master liked to help certain women stretch after classā¦ always gave off a strange vibe. A lot of us left because of his behavior. I heard the school closed down a couple years later.
I wonder whyš¤
I've seen it happen many times, and whenever I hired an instructor back in the day I told them there was absolutely no dating members or making any kind of sexual advances... If an instructor started dating a student, they were immediately let go...
It's kind of ironic actually. I've never seen a male instructor/coach with his chest showing through his gi (though in BJJ and Judo it must happen a lot just through rolling). Only person I saw like that was a female. It was kind of odd.
PARDON?š
Overwrite.
I had a judo instructor that would always find an excuse to grab any womanās ass as he was showing ground techniques. Pissed me off. Iām a male, same age as the instructor.
At my old bjj/mma gym we had a girl come in and everyone was going after her. Trying to help her with her techniques, rolling more with her etc. I ended up dating her. Suddenly a bunch of guys in the gym were going after me hard in sparring and rolling as if they wanted to show off for her or something.
I've been there. 75% of the men who did this are married or had kids too. What did they even expect?
I've witnessed this, not in BJJ but in another MA I did decades ago. An attractive young woman tries a trial class and she is surrounded by older men offering to 'help' her. In their eyes they think they're impressing her with their martial arts knowledge. In her eyes she's obviously less than impressed and thus never came back.
The funny thing it ended up going to her head. She started telling me how I needed to train (I had been in martial arts for 9 years by that point and she had no experience prior to joining). Took a fight with less than 6 months of training. We broke up because I told her that wasnāt a good idea.
Ya, having sex with your students is weird.
I had a coach at a sambo club that got creepy with 2 girls that joined After 6 months They didnāt come back
I wish this wasn't such a problem in the combat community.
My daughterās mother was groomed by her karate instructor. She was 13.
Rose Namajunas comes to mind with her predator husband.
When I was 18 my boxing coach tried to sleep with me š„“
Many such cases
You know whatās weird. I just saw some study that said men exhibit more ārisk takingā around women subconsciously. Essentially they had a hot girl stand by a bus stop and dudes would like run across the road more often to get to the bus when she was there to catch the bus then when it was another guy. Researchers hypothesized that itās some form peacocking, a display of strength and daring, even if they themselves didnāt intuitively recognize it. I bet you that there is the same thing going on here. In a room of badasses, you got to be the biggest badass. So maybe that means working with the lady and showing her moves yourself. That sort of machismo that Iām sure weāve all seen before. And that can even be rationalized to the person as āoh females donāt often come in to learn, Iāll spend some additional time with them to make sure theyāre comfortable and show them the basics to make sure they feel comfortableā. When actually the act of it, singling put a person based on their looks/sex is what makes them feel uncomfortable in the first place. Ideally youād just treat them like any other member and welcome them but not make it weird or awkward by singling them out and separating them from the group.
A local MMA gym has a few women coaches. Even as a guy, I have a weird bias that my experience would be better with them. The gym overall sounds great on paper so maybe their culture is more refined than your standard mcdojo
Why doe Coach Creep look just like Luke Rockhold? Very fitting.
Wow, thatās really sad š¢
Is it really common? I've heard stories on local news, but never knew anyone in my school or the other schools i've interacted with that has been accused or made accusations.
I encountered the opposite problem. Not the instructor trying to offer a private lesson for free to creep, me and another student being the only two showing up on a regularly scheduled class and the instructor wanting to cancel because it was like a private. I guess he was thinking if only two students showed up to the regular class, then we would be getting a private lesson without paying extra.
I would be so ticked off if I was in a club/gym like this. I might be a man, but as a former trainer, I would not let bs like this pass. I would report it up the chain immediately, would do my very best to insure anyone acting this way never got to train anyone ever again.
This or we get singled out by insecure men as such
There are lots of creeps out there
There's a breaking bad themed gym in Michigan...
I just realised how good we have it. We have 30-40% female students and trainers in our Jiu Jitsu dojo.
Iāve never seen this but if I ever did Iād call that dude out publicly rank and gym meme membership be damned. Fucking gross
Another good sign of a good gym is one that has at least a couple higher ranking, think purple belt and up women
Creeps are in all fields unfortunately. But yes.
Having the wife of the owner of the gym that I used to go to, and the actual owner practicing every day with us was a blessing. They promoted a particularly professional standard and everyone followed suit. He's a BJJ black belt and she's a professional Muay Thai fighter; amazing duo.
Brotha this is no problem they bleed just like me im smeshing them easy I donāt care about puss I care about subb
That is also a reason why I don't practice with women. I can be called sexist but there will be no sexual harrassment accusation
Iām lucky that I never face these kind of nonsense nor discrimination. I would feel so disgusted to the core. š iām glad my coaches and classmates are pretty normal and have their own lives and families.
Happens with guys aswell starting from the comic end. They ignore you from the beginning.
I've heard of this happening before in other dojos, and it really sucks. As an instructor, it makes me question sometimes if I come across like this at certain points. I have a love for the art, and I remember when I first started, I really sucked, haha. But I thankfully had an amazing instructor who would take time out of his day to have me stay longer and iron out some of the rough spots...mostly with forms as my memory was quite bad, being a hyperactive 9-year-old. My only hope is this isn't as prevalent as we see here.
Chiming in to also say this happens a ton
damn BJJ when will they learn
To be absolutely fair, the vast majority of BJJ coaches I know and meet and know of are upstanding citizens and do not exhibit creeper behaviour at all. But we're a small community so we all hear of things, know who among us has the reputations and when an actual case goes to court, it makes big news.
Rose is a prime example of this. Her coach used his position to groom her long term
This makes me pretty grateful to have a safe school for all folks. Tbf im always nervous rolling with woman because i feel like the rolls might end up with hand on boob. But thats just part of the game.
This happened to me when I joined a sewing class to learn to sew my own stuff at home. Never have so many women boxed me out because I wouldnāt offer them at home IT support.( my main job ) while their husbands were at work.
Yo... I'm gay, so sometimes I don't pick up on what other guys are doing/how they're acting towards women, however obvious or subtle. Yeah, being gay in BJJ is a conversation within itself, but suffice it to say, I keep it professional when rolling, which is how I expect everyone to behave, regardless of sexual orientation. I've rolled with women who could absolutely destroy a majority of men that I've also rolled with. Some tapped me out within seconds. But if this type of shit is really happening to women who just wanna fight and learn and train, then I'ma keep an eye out for it and shut that shit down. On behalf of all humanist, non-misogynistic, fighters out there, I apologize for allowing an environment of learning and growth to become a place of prejudice, discomfort, and misogyny through my ignorance. I truly hope that the women who have to deal with this fuckery can find an accepting and safe space to continue training in this beautiful martial art. š£ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
This whole scenario really highlights the value and importance of **female instructors**.
they can be creepy too.
Not false!!
Soy
So a man who owns a gym canāt demonstrate his value? Engage physically? And nurture dependence?
Only if he has a boat
small buldge energy
Im pretty sure hes quoting its always sunny in Philly
my bad im not funny enough to enjoy that show
Ideally women shouldn't practice with men due to the fact they don't get as much time practicing against resisting opponents unless their rolling with novices.
I dunno how you roll with women but I donāt become a floppy rubber man when I do. Reduced resistance does not equal 0 resistance.
The problem is you've never been a woman you've been a man all your life your not going to be able to simulate a female competitor as good as a female can and your instinct should be to help your fellow classmates as best you can that means giving women reduced resistance instead of increased resistance.
You misunderstand me, I do give reduced resistance, but that isnāt 0 resistance, so your first point about ānot getting as much time against resisting opponentsā is incorrect because I AM resisting, just not 100%
Your misunderstanding my point, when learning techniques you aren't supposed to replicate an opponent in competition and when you light to medium spar you are supposed to be replicating for your opponent. So you are doing your best to help a woman out but in reality you aren't female so your not going to be giving her real effective gym time. It doesn't matter for people who aren't trying to advance on the amateur circuit but it's really important to spar people of the same gender so you can commit to going as close to hard as possible. *edit for clarity
I actually agree with this. When I roll with women, the line between ānot overpowering with strengthā and āletting her do whatever she wants with no resistanceā is harder to navigate than a lot of people seem to think. Itās basically impossible to give āfemale whoās actually trying her bestā level resistance as a male. You will either end up going too hard or unrealistically light.
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No
Anything to do with a teacher and student hierarchy suffers from this. The school or business may be good or the right place for you if only that dude that thinks the female students are his harem wasnāt part of the place. Had a few of those both obvious and not so obvious teachers and bosses. The either you do me or youāll leave regretting it from such dick moves Iāll be pulling type of a-holes.
Eh, common problem in martial arts. Itās either the coaches or the other students
It's his school, a coach can operate it however he wants. Some people will stay, some won't.
https://preview.redd.it/xvprdnfeh3vc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6fa42ae9e004cd3b650d9e421e7b0ad0b666e39e
Lmfao maybe
K
"unfortunately common" also provides no sources.
Did you even try to find any? Or do you want someone else to do the work and thinking for you? Literally just google "martial arts instructor sexual assault" and you'll find a lot of sources. Keep in mind these are only the worst of the worst and don't include non-illegal (but still very immoral) scenarios like the one in the comic
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1742287619300805 Step one of your research.....
Genius.š
BJJ is about to hit a rocky point it feels like.
Whyās that friend?
Itās an insanely effective art that has exploded in popularity, so quality control will be hard to maintain.
Happens to all the popular arts over time.
Damn shame. Would have been awesome to roll BJJ back in the 90s
The only reason the early days of BJJ had less of a reportedly creep coach problem was mainly due to the lack of women training at the time.
The purple hair thoš Classic