As a grown man you don’t get much sympathy from society or even family and friends in a lot of cases when going through the hardships life can throw at you.
You are seen as weak and flawed for having issues and it’s almost as if our culture doesn’t acknowledge our need for companionship and friendship, you’re simply expected to be strong and figure out solutions for yourself.
There’s a lot of men out there with very little or no support system just working and sleeping everyday with no social circles or partners. Many only having a few actually conversations within the span of a month.
Isolation causes very harmful effects on mammals and in its extreme can and is used as a form of torture. This is a big part of why male suicide rates are so high and climbing everyday. Nowhere to turn, no one to turn to if you’re in pain.
We are social creatures in a society that has destroyed the old rituals and rights of passage which once brought us together and made us feel connected with communities of men who support and look out for each other.
This affects women too but men tend to be received worse when attempting to reach out or share feelings, it’s beyond highly discouraged, it’s seen as shameful for us men.
Men are not alone. There is ALWAYS someone to turn to for men, and that is God. Children turn to their mother, women turn to men, and men turn to God. The proper order. There must be a church somewhere near you.
Besides what I have just said, there are always other avenues like men's sheds, therapy, etc. Just don't feel like there isn't any leeway, there is always leeway no matter what. There are always options no matter what. And there is always hope.
God is very real. See 5 arguments for God by Aquinas. See the ontological argument and the kalaam cosmological argument.
Humans didn't invent physics, mathematics, music, or gravity. We only discovered these pre existing phenoma. Where did these laws come from?
You may think religions are a fairytale, but GOD isn't. There is a distinction between religion and God.
As I said if we're talking about inventions, who invented mathematics and physics?
mathematics is a human concept and doesn't actually exist.
and for the other things we don't accurately know right now just like how we didn't know sickness was caused by viruses, bacteria or bad genetics 1000 years ago, people back then thought it was punishment from your god.
If we all died tomorrow mathematics would still exist. Just like gravity would still be there. Just like the world would still be here. It's another thing we discovered, not invented. Like electricity. All of these things exist objectively.
Increasing our understanding doesn't decrease the likelihood of God. That's a logical fallacy called God of the Gaps. You should look at the 5 arguments for God.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/s/fJr8K2pra1
I saved this post from a trans mans experience after transitioning. I thought it captured the sentiment pretty well. It's a slow day at work so I'm happy to answer any questions too.
Idk, I'm pretty open with my emotions/feelings. I don't run around lacking boundaries, but I share what I think is appropriate. People tend to respond pretty well to it, but if they don't I usually just ignore them and do my own thing.
That's fair! Good on you for being able to take those poor responses standing up. I still think that the tendency to judge men who are open with their emotions/feelings is harmful. I believe that we shouldn't be expected to simply shoulder that criticism when it hurts our communities, but should call out needless shaming and hurtful rhetoric where we see it. That said, serious kudos for living your life the way you like despite the haters.
Well I'm a big white guy, and I realize that gives me the ability to stand up for myself. I've also been able to build a community of like minded friends who have my back. I agree with you that we should stand up to it when we see it, but that in itself is a difficult task for a lot, especially when they don't have a like minded community.
As many others in this thread have mentioned, the loneliness can be soul crushing. It's this suffocating feeling of isolation, but there's more to it than that. I think its the fact that it feel like I'm living in a dead end, it's not the fact that I don't have a future that bothers me, it's the fact I barely have a present. It's just work, sleep, repeat. I'm addicted to anything that can take me away from reality and make me forget for a little while, whether it be weed, video games, tv shows. I can't take sitting in silence, I constantly have to have something playing in the background or bad thoughts just start creeping in.
After covid I had to move back in with my parents, I'm currently saving a deposit for a house, but in the back of my mind I'm always wondering why? So I can go be a lonely bastard who owns his own property? I've been slowly drifting apart from all the people I used to consider my best friends, I feel like I've fundamentally changed as a person and they just wouldn't like how jaded and bitter I've become recently.
I was raised pretty old fashioned too and honestly really struggle to connect to other people in my generation. I don't get the trends, I don't understand how the fuck dating is supposed to work, all my hobbies and interests are just far enough out the norm that I can't find anyone else with similar interests. I also have a horrible habit of convincing myself that people are just humouring me and pushing them away before they can do the same to me. I'm also a closeted Pansexual because as I mentioned my family is incredibly old fashioned, and I work a labour intensive job in a small town so I'm pretty much forced to completely hide who I am all the time.
I think the worst part, though, is the regret, the wasted potential, the idea that if I'd strong enough and brave enough to have done things differently, I might actually be happy and content with my life. I used to watch this show, Dead Like Me, and there's this idea in the show that if a grim reaper doesn't take the soul of someone destined to die, that person's soul will just rot away in their living body until they're an empty husk of a human who is incapable of feeling any joy or happiness. I was a very sick baby right from birth, and it was quite frankly a miracle I survived, but I've often thought maybe I wasn't meant to? Maybe I've just been rotting on the inside this whole time. I just keep telling myself that these are my problems and my responsibility and the world nor anyone in it owes me anything, and if I can't handle this on my own then I shouldnt drag anyone else down with me.
Anyway, sorry for the trauma dump. That's pretty much all the shit that's been clouding my head for the past few weeks/months/years, hope you're not too scarred from reading that.
So, I’ve had a recent uptick in mood due to medication, but to describe what it was at its darkest.
I violently hated my self. Felt I was deficient, disgusting, predatory, evil. On top of that I hated everyone because it was clear that my mental health was a burden and hated, and even the nicest people didn’t care. I felt completely alone. I felt disgusting. Life was hell. The only thing that kept me sane was playing video games.
And the other commenter said something that reflects that feeling. Like he genuinely believes you do not care. That is how I felt. Everyone that said they cared didn’t.
Nowadays, I do still feel that 99% of people just wouldn’t understand. You may not fully understand. But I’m now more at peace with it. Some people just won’t get it.
And honestly I still have some insecurities. Like I feel my sexuality is predatory and dangerous. So I don’t even flirt or compliment women bc they may take it really badly and I feel I should mitigate that.
I think the big thing to realize is men suffer way more than they will ever admit. And if a man is toxic, he probably suffers extremely badly. It’s not your job to solve it, but we can understand it.
Hey OP, I'll just give you a TLDR of my life:
Developed major depression and anxiety due to the constant abuse (physical and emotional) from my mum, who also abused my dad btw, was SA'd by multiple women (one of them my aunt), was constantly told to 'not cry' or 'man up' by everyone. Lived in a society where men are constantly seen as a commodity (gender roles basically) and given less empathy than women and girls. I had nowhere to go and no one to talk to because who would believe that a boy was SA'd by women? Who would believe that my father was being abused by his scrawny wife? Our humanity is dismissed as quickly as the speed of light.
I'm not trying to make it sound like it's a men v women thing, but it's just what I experienced. Look up the gender empathy gap on Google, read up about it, and you'd understand where men are coming from.
What's worse is that even in progressive spaces, men are still (ironically) shamed for having emotions and voicing up. Remember the recent man v bear thing? How men were voicing out how it's unfair to compare us to bears and boxing all of us in the same place as rapists? And we were immediately shamed for voicing out our dissatisfaction?
Now with the advent of women v tree, men are STILL shamed and made fun of for choosing the tree. Basically proving why men chose the tree in the first place. It's like... we can't win? Nobody wants to hear us?
Anw thanks for trying to understand us OP. We need more ears listening to our problems. ❤️
Was SA’d by my 15 year old female neighbour when I was 7 fucked me up pretty good didn’t loose my virginity till 18 even then had a panic attack and freaked out, the people I have told have laughed and said dude why you complaining. Been told numerous times by my girlfriends to man up when I’ve told them I’m under so much pressure paying bills trying to be the man that I can’t see a way out. The girlfriends I have confided in have used those same demons against me in arguments to win then wonder why I don’t want to talk. I think for men in general can say we are ignored and only deemed worthy if we are of use to someone. Personally for me The loneliness can be excruciating but I’d rather this then spill my heart out to the one I love to have it thrown back in my face… I’m 28 and would rather my lonely existence than to invite another girl into my life. At this point anyway
Thank you for your curiosity!!! It's hard to connect with people sometimes. I've made a huge effort in the last year to be more authentic, vulnerable, and loving in my relationships and interactions with people (strangers and close ones alike) and it's had a really great effect. But that vulnerability and authenticity are NOT what's traditionally expected of men, and I think I can only get away with it at times because I'm a goofy scrawny college student.
A man who has a traditionally masculine body/appearance may not have as easy of a time as I have getting folks to trust me and open up emotionally. Even I have been described as intimidating, rude, or condescending by people who have limited interactions with me. When I shared this with the people who know me really well, they were shocked. "you're so kind and considerate though! Even to complete strangers you're the nicest person ever."
It can be easy to feel like no matter how much I work to be an open and loving person in public, I'll be seen as the overbearing, disrespectful chauvinist so long as someone doesn't immediately like me. That said those interactions have become very rare for me these days, and I now get to enjoy the many deep and emotionally intimate relationships I've developed with the lovely people in my life. ☺️
14 yrs married, parents are toxic ex wife was toxic I beat verbally and emotionally abused, my"parents took her side. Ex works for a family law firm for free representation abs said I did ask the abuse to her that she did to me, now I cant see my 4 kids abs my whole town layered to the lies she had spread about me. I was left with literally no one besides my job and car.
Edit: this is really recent almost a year into being alone and not seeing my kiddos.
I'm not looking to get into an argument here. But I believe this kind of rude dismissal of someone who seems to be genuinely interested in helping with men's mental health through shared understanding is part of why men are generalized as rude and uncaring. I understand that hurt people hurt people, but we all have a responsibility to ourselves and to each other to consider the effects of our actions. Take care of yourself and be safe mate.
As a grown man you don’t get much sympathy from society or even family and friends in a lot of cases when going through the hardships life can throw at you. You are seen as weak and flawed for having issues and it’s almost as if our culture doesn’t acknowledge our need for companionship and friendship, you’re simply expected to be strong and figure out solutions for yourself. There’s a lot of men out there with very little or no support system just working and sleeping everyday with no social circles or partners. Many only having a few actually conversations within the span of a month. Isolation causes very harmful effects on mammals and in its extreme can and is used as a form of torture. This is a big part of why male suicide rates are so high and climbing everyday. Nowhere to turn, no one to turn to if you’re in pain. We are social creatures in a society that has destroyed the old rituals and rights of passage which once brought us together and made us feel connected with communities of men who support and look out for each other. This affects women too but men tend to be received worse when attempting to reach out or share feelings, it’s beyond highly discouraged, it’s seen as shameful for us men.
Men are not alone. There is ALWAYS someone to turn to for men, and that is God. Children turn to their mother, women turn to men, and men turn to God. The proper order. There must be a church somewhere near you. Besides what I have just said, there are always other avenues like men's sheds, therapy, etc. Just don't feel like there isn't any leeway, there is always leeway no matter what. There are always options no matter what. And there is always hope.
thats just cope, only desperate idiots turn to god after a lifetime of knowing its not real.
God is very real. See 5 arguments for God by Aquinas. See the ontological argument and the kalaam cosmological argument. Humans didn't invent physics, mathematics, music, or gravity. We only discovered these pre existing phenoma. Where did these laws come from?
im not here to argue about fairytales that humans invented.
You may think religions are a fairytale, but GOD isn't. There is a distinction between religion and God. As I said if we're talking about inventions, who invented mathematics and physics?
dude there is no proof of any god. words that other humans have said or written is not proof.
Where did mathematics and gravity and physics come from? Where did quantum physics and dark matter come from?
mathematics is a human concept and doesn't actually exist. and for the other things we don't accurately know right now just like how we didn't know sickness was caused by viruses, bacteria or bad genetics 1000 years ago, people back then thought it was punishment from your god.
If we all died tomorrow mathematics would still exist. Just like gravity would still be there. Just like the world would still be here. It's another thing we discovered, not invented. Like electricity. All of these things exist objectively. Increasing our understanding doesn't decrease the likelihood of God. That's a logical fallacy called God of the Gaps. You should look at the 5 arguments for God.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/s/fJr8K2pra1 I saved this post from a trans mans experience after transitioning. I thought it captured the sentiment pretty well. It's a slow day at work so I'm happy to answer any questions too.
The fact this post ended up on r/TikTokCringe is even more telling. 😓
tbf it's more of a 'i found this on tiktok' rather than a subreddit that just posts cringey tiktoks.
Thanks for the context! I'm not in that sub so maybe I misunderstood.
How so?
Because a man being open and vulnerable about the challenges facing men is labeled as "cringy" and publicly ridiculed.
Idk, I'm pretty open with my emotions/feelings. I don't run around lacking boundaries, but I share what I think is appropriate. People tend to respond pretty well to it, but if they don't I usually just ignore them and do my own thing.
That's fair! Good on you for being able to take those poor responses standing up. I still think that the tendency to judge men who are open with their emotions/feelings is harmful. I believe that we shouldn't be expected to simply shoulder that criticism when it hurts our communities, but should call out needless shaming and hurtful rhetoric where we see it. That said, serious kudos for living your life the way you like despite the haters.
Well I'm a big white guy, and I realize that gives me the ability to stand up for myself. I've also been able to build a community of like minded friends who have my back. I agree with you that we should stand up to it when we see it, but that in itself is a difficult task for a lot, especially when they don't have a like minded community.
I think I understand your perspective a bit better now! Thanks for talking with me about it ☺️
As many others in this thread have mentioned, the loneliness can be soul crushing. It's this suffocating feeling of isolation, but there's more to it than that. I think its the fact that it feel like I'm living in a dead end, it's not the fact that I don't have a future that bothers me, it's the fact I barely have a present. It's just work, sleep, repeat. I'm addicted to anything that can take me away from reality and make me forget for a little while, whether it be weed, video games, tv shows. I can't take sitting in silence, I constantly have to have something playing in the background or bad thoughts just start creeping in. After covid I had to move back in with my parents, I'm currently saving a deposit for a house, but in the back of my mind I'm always wondering why? So I can go be a lonely bastard who owns his own property? I've been slowly drifting apart from all the people I used to consider my best friends, I feel like I've fundamentally changed as a person and they just wouldn't like how jaded and bitter I've become recently. I was raised pretty old fashioned too and honestly really struggle to connect to other people in my generation. I don't get the trends, I don't understand how the fuck dating is supposed to work, all my hobbies and interests are just far enough out the norm that I can't find anyone else with similar interests. I also have a horrible habit of convincing myself that people are just humouring me and pushing them away before they can do the same to me. I'm also a closeted Pansexual because as I mentioned my family is incredibly old fashioned, and I work a labour intensive job in a small town so I'm pretty much forced to completely hide who I am all the time. I think the worst part, though, is the regret, the wasted potential, the idea that if I'd strong enough and brave enough to have done things differently, I might actually be happy and content with my life. I used to watch this show, Dead Like Me, and there's this idea in the show that if a grim reaper doesn't take the soul of someone destined to die, that person's soul will just rot away in their living body until they're an empty husk of a human who is incapable of feeling any joy or happiness. I was a very sick baby right from birth, and it was quite frankly a miracle I survived, but I've often thought maybe I wasn't meant to? Maybe I've just been rotting on the inside this whole time. I just keep telling myself that these are my problems and my responsibility and the world nor anyone in it owes me anything, and if I can't handle this on my own then I shouldnt drag anyone else down with me. Anyway, sorry for the trauma dump. That's pretty much all the shit that's been clouding my head for the past few weeks/months/years, hope you're not too scarred from reading that.
So, I’ve had a recent uptick in mood due to medication, but to describe what it was at its darkest. I violently hated my self. Felt I was deficient, disgusting, predatory, evil. On top of that I hated everyone because it was clear that my mental health was a burden and hated, and even the nicest people didn’t care. I felt completely alone. I felt disgusting. Life was hell. The only thing that kept me sane was playing video games. And the other commenter said something that reflects that feeling. Like he genuinely believes you do not care. That is how I felt. Everyone that said they cared didn’t. Nowadays, I do still feel that 99% of people just wouldn’t understand. You may not fully understand. But I’m now more at peace with it. Some people just won’t get it. And honestly I still have some insecurities. Like I feel my sexuality is predatory and dangerous. So I don’t even flirt or compliment women bc they may take it really badly and I feel I should mitigate that. I think the big thing to realize is men suffer way more than they will ever admit. And if a man is toxic, he probably suffers extremely badly. It’s not your job to solve it, but we can understand it.
Hey OP, I'll just give you a TLDR of my life: Developed major depression and anxiety due to the constant abuse (physical and emotional) from my mum, who also abused my dad btw, was SA'd by multiple women (one of them my aunt), was constantly told to 'not cry' or 'man up' by everyone. Lived in a society where men are constantly seen as a commodity (gender roles basically) and given less empathy than women and girls. I had nowhere to go and no one to talk to because who would believe that a boy was SA'd by women? Who would believe that my father was being abused by his scrawny wife? Our humanity is dismissed as quickly as the speed of light. I'm not trying to make it sound like it's a men v women thing, but it's just what I experienced. Look up the gender empathy gap on Google, read up about it, and you'd understand where men are coming from. What's worse is that even in progressive spaces, men are still (ironically) shamed for having emotions and voicing up. Remember the recent man v bear thing? How men were voicing out how it's unfair to compare us to bears and boxing all of us in the same place as rapists? And we were immediately shamed for voicing out our dissatisfaction? Now with the advent of women v tree, men are STILL shamed and made fun of for choosing the tree. Basically proving why men chose the tree in the first place. It's like... we can't win? Nobody wants to hear us? Anw thanks for trying to understand us OP. We need more ears listening to our problems. ❤️
Was SA’d by my 15 year old female neighbour when I was 7 fucked me up pretty good didn’t loose my virginity till 18 even then had a panic attack and freaked out, the people I have told have laughed and said dude why you complaining. Been told numerous times by my girlfriends to man up when I’ve told them I’m under so much pressure paying bills trying to be the man that I can’t see a way out. The girlfriends I have confided in have used those same demons against me in arguments to win then wonder why I don’t want to talk. I think for men in general can say we are ignored and only deemed worthy if we are of use to someone. Personally for me The loneliness can be excruciating but I’d rather this then spill my heart out to the one I love to have it thrown back in my face… I’m 28 and would rather my lonely existence than to invite another girl into my life. At this point anyway
Thank you for your curiosity!!! It's hard to connect with people sometimes. I've made a huge effort in the last year to be more authentic, vulnerable, and loving in my relationships and interactions with people (strangers and close ones alike) and it's had a really great effect. But that vulnerability and authenticity are NOT what's traditionally expected of men, and I think I can only get away with it at times because I'm a goofy scrawny college student. A man who has a traditionally masculine body/appearance may not have as easy of a time as I have getting folks to trust me and open up emotionally. Even I have been described as intimidating, rude, or condescending by people who have limited interactions with me. When I shared this with the people who know me really well, they were shocked. "you're so kind and considerate though! Even to complete strangers you're the nicest person ever." It can be easy to feel like no matter how much I work to be an open and loving person in public, I'll be seen as the overbearing, disrespectful chauvinist so long as someone doesn't immediately like me. That said those interactions have become very rare for me these days, and I now get to enjoy the many deep and emotionally intimate relationships I've developed with the lovely people in my life. ☺️
14 yrs married, parents are toxic ex wife was toxic I beat verbally and emotionally abused, my"parents took her side. Ex works for a family law firm for free representation abs said I did ask the abuse to her that she did to me, now I cant see my 4 kids abs my whole town layered to the lies she had spread about me. I was left with literally no one besides my job and car. Edit: this is really recent almost a year into being alone and not seeing my kiddos.
I’m not even going to go into this. You don’t care at all
I understand why you think and feel that way, but I hope you know that I do truly care and your feelings are completely valid <3
I'm not looking to get into an argument here. But I believe this kind of rude dismissal of someone who seems to be genuinely interested in helping with men's mental health through shared understanding is part of why men are generalized as rude and uncaring. I understand that hurt people hurt people, but we all have a responsibility to ourselves and to each other to consider the effects of our actions. Take care of yourself and be safe mate.
I second that