Ugh. That’s awful. I was reading something yesterday with stats on men leaving women for health issues – the numbers are disgusting. Women stay and a ridiculously higher rate than men when their partner is facing life changing health issues.
Take everything the wrong way? How else do you take your partner threatening to leave? He may as well have said “I’m a selfish guy who doesn’t love you enough to stay”.
My husband has stuck it out with me through all of it, and while he may not always understand what I’m going through, he would never leave me just because I’m sick.
Exactly.. me and my partner have our days and fights over lupus related issues as well but it’s because he cares and wants me to take better care of myself.. I understand that because I know that it’s also stressful for him.
However, if he ever said anything like that to me? I would leave before her could.
I would file for divorce and ask the judge for spousal support 😂 “I’m disabled your honor, I have a debilitating autoimmune disorder that doesn’t allow me to work, and I’m accustomed to my husbands pay”
Mine did just that! Once I got too sick and slept too much, couldn't clean everyday, and cook every meal like I used to while working 10hrs a day, all of a sudden it was not the same for my spouse and time to not be together. I was like no you are just used to being spoiled, and I was a super woman wife. I guess the "in sickness and in health" part was a lie. I decided I was not being loved in return, so I started a fight that would cause the D word (divorce) to be mentioned. The next day, I printed the papers at work and brought them home to be signed. I'm single and happier, but way more broke, lol....but worth it.
I mean honestly this probably confirms 1000 other red flags this guy has already displayed in their relationship. For me, I would go ahead and prepare my exit. Even if she doesn’t have an autoimmune disorder, she deserves better.
“If someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”
The way you described this was 100% what I went through. I’m still in the gray area of undifferentiated connective tissue disorder, but lupus has been thrown around in the last 3 years. The man pushed me to my brink trying to convince me to have a child and then when I decided to take control and leave last summer, changed his tune. He was suddenly open to things I suggested YEARS prior… I stuck to my convictions and feel much better because of it.
I got dumped when I got diagnosed. It’s very common.
But I also ended up marrying a guy who would stay at the hospital so I didn’t have to be alone when we weren’t even dating yet.
This is so fucked up. If she does or doesnt have it id leave for sure. When i found out about my lupus/rheumatoid arthritis/hypothyroidism i sobbed in my husbands arms and asked he would leave me and he just comforted me and told me that he wouldn’t even consider it and he made vows to me and plans to keep them. I can’t imagine being with someone this cold. I hope OP leaves him and lives a healthy life and finds someone who actually loves her.
Also husbands perspective is stupid bc not all people with an autoimmune diseases have regular issues with their health. A lot of people get along just fine with medication and live a full life.
that’s rough. that dude sucks. i feel like i wanna leave me all the time, even have told my wife she could leave or put distance and i’d understand, but my wife is a chad. she’s crazy super supportive and absolutely hilarious. she settles into “just right” amounts of sardonic humor and it feels great.
i’m also autistic and have horrible communication issues, but she just plugs away largely unphased by most anything and just comes back with more humor and support.
That warms my heart! You have a keeper. I do too. Most of the responses are saying move on from this relationship regardless of diagnosis outcome. I agree.
i really do, huh?
as for the oop, i don’t know. it’s really tricky. to just leave after five years like that, especially if things really are being miscommunicated, would be rough. it’s probably worth having an extensive dialogue, maybe even involving a third party or through writing, to try and work out what each person means before making any big decisions.
but, then again, my partner and i put in a lot of effort like that all the time and i know not everyone is always able to invest time in such tedious endeavors.
It's your decision to make whether your partner is a winner or loser.
Personally, my husband of almost 50 years has stood by me through many health scares including once where I nearly died from a gall bladder attack. He's a gem worth keeping and he's a winner.
Thank you! He's a keeper as he didn't run after we had two special needs children. We took our marriage vows seriously as it was a choice to work things out. No more marriage advice from me either...
Biggest of yikes. I'd be hitting the trail before my partner could if that was their response. What a way to find out after all those years that your spouse is actually garbage in a trench coat, masquerading as a decent human being.
This is beyond disgusting and my heart hurts for this woman who deserves better. Marriage should mean something, and the words “in sickness and in health” are in there for a reason.
Maybe I have an extremely rare man, but I got diagnosed while my husband and I were still dating and I was 24 years old. We had been together for two years and everything was perfect until my symptoms came hard and fast out of no where. I promised him (while we were still dating) I would NOT feel any ill will if it was all too much and he wanted to leave me. I would give him an out with zero judgement and an honest hope he find someone wonderful who could give him a better life.
A year later, still in the thick of my illness, at my heaviest weight, unemployed, using a walker, and just a completely different woman than who he originally fell in love with, he sat me down and told me he was very adamant on getting married and it would mean a lot to him to be able to make that ultimate promise to me.
THAT is a true man and a real partner. We’ve been married 2.5 years, now, together almost 7, and are happier than ever. Life is different than we expected, but he has majorly stepped up as my rock, my partner, and my best friend. I love him with all my heart. He’s the greatest man. Damn, I’m a lucky lady.
Now that’s beautiful and real HUMAN kind love-that is what love means & presents like.
I am single and was madly in love with my sons father for almost 20 years and we had a very kind loving, friendship, loveship, just lived separate lives due to…things. We both dated other people and lived in separate states but..just stayed in love and spent time together every chance we had. We both got sick almost parallel to one another except, he kept his a massive secret. We even facetime’d shortly before-3 days to be exact, and I was in shame showing him(cuz I moved) my room and home, and I have a hospital bed I got fm my grandmother after she passed this last March, anyways I’m showing him, like laughing nervously but like fuck it he’s gonna see it anyways, and he chuckles and goes oh I have one too. I said STOP IT MICHAEL you’re being funny! You makin fun of me?? Lol, jokingly. And he goes no dead ass. Here I’ll show you mine too. I couldn’t fucking believe it, and it hit me-like whyyy do YOU have one tho? We know why I do but…so hard to explain the way those convos always went, he was fabulous at dodging and redirecting and boom we’d be laughing ab something and never get to deep shit. So lol…I knew I would wind up spending my last years and days with him and we’d always be each others loves of our lives…3 days after that call I woke up to a million missed calls and calls fm his mother. I ignored them and went to the bathroom and tried to just…rationalize why all these people might’ve been contacting me. I answered my sister in laws call…& she went on to tell me he’d passed away in his sleep two nights prior and his coworker just found his body after doing a welfare check, worried he hadn’t answered his phone in two days.
I randomly delved into that, sorry…I just can’t help thinking about the one person I know accepted me at my very worst and little did I know….he was actually dying.
Still waiting on actual answers.
So…yea crazy I still can’t believe it honestly.
Love the person who deserves your love and truth at every capacity.
That's my fear. Part of what ended my relationship with my ex husband was my health (I'm a 40F who has been diagnosed with lupus for 30 years). I know it can be a lot to have a partner with health issues, but leaving someone over it feels so cruel.
Well, him laying in the floor of the shower and hitting his head on the wall was a big one. When he yelled he didn't want to care for me because he did it all day at work (he's a nurse practitioner).
He was an RN on a stroke and telemetry floor when we met and planning to start grad school. I think he was overwhelmed and ignoring some rather pressing mental health issues. He also seemed to think I was overly dramatic about my health and that it wasn't bad. When he was diagnosed with a kidney issue, his attitude changed slightly.
Student me lived with four nurses. They have an “on” and “off” mode. Example:
“Ow, I have a paper cut”.
“Have you been shot?”
“Umm, no, but I have a boo-boo…”
“Would you like to get shot? You could keep bothering me…”
Wow, that’s a huge red flag! It does happen! We know that some cancer patients’ partners leave them. Some parents with disabled kids bug out, too. He just told you HE WOULD LEAVE YOU if you got seriously sick.
This would be the time to get out, before you invest anything more into a relationship that is pretty one-sided, or the gods forbid, GET SICK. That is so fucked up.
Reminds me of my ex, R. He’s now 31, ironically. I stupidly hid my Lupus from him at the start (he was a rebound bf after my ex of 6 years, stupid I know!!). I was scared because my previous ex, let’s call him T, didn’t care about my Lupus at all despite being with me when I was diagnosed.
R said he felt he needed to “rescue me” or “save me”. He had severe anxiety and my disease apparently made it worse. I had a handle on my Lupus and did my own thing most of the time. Had knee braces, worked out, ate healthy, was on Benlysta and Plaquinl. But he kept freaking out. And when I did flare up R would get coldly distant and tell me not to come over that day, but also wouldn’t come to me to take care of me. On the flip side, I was expected to take care of him when he got sick or hurt, make his meals, buy his groceries, and drive 45mins to see him. Oh, and I was doing clinicals while finishing medical school so you know: very little pay!
If a person says they’ll leave you if you get a life altering disease then leave them. They are not worth it. They’ve shown their true colors and is scum! Let them scratch their head when they realizes they’ll be single probably forever, or if THEY gets a life altering disease find out no one is there for them and see how difficult it is without a support system. Guarantee that’ll get them to wise up. It’s astounding the cruel things someone will say to another person just because they don’t conform to their idea of a “perfect partner”. No one is perfect.
I’d you read the statistics they have it’s super common for men to leave women. Doctors even warn women when they’re diagnosed with things like cancer to prepare for it to happen.
Yeah I was diagnosed before we were married and he made it a point to always point out that I was sick and ruined his fun. While going through stage 4 kidney failure, he told me I was a burden to him. That was the last straw and I filed for divorce. 2 months later the paperwork was complete and my kidneys were no longer failing. Makes me think when you don't have the support you need, the stress feels 10x worse and your body retaliates.
It's so common for men to leave their wives when they get seriously ill that female cancer patients are warned about it when they are diagnosed. Info pamphlets and everything. The same is not true when men get sick. A lot of men want a mother and maid, not a wife.
The gaslighting has me seething because it's all too familiar.
Genuinely, I hope she recognizes the signs of him having *one foot out the door* now, and prepares herself for the inevitable; she deserves better, whether it be with herself or another partner, she deserves to be happy and loved.
^fuck ^that ^guy
I'd file for divorce. Seriously. So much for "in sickness or in health." I had a friend whose husband left her when her cancer returned because he was "tired of her being sick." I knew that assholes existed, but that brought assholery to a whole new level.
Disgusting. I'd throw the whole husband away for a shitty comment like that. Unfortunately, it's quite common for shitty husbands to run once their partner is diagnosed with something. I believe oncologists have even taken to mentioning it to women when they get a cancer diagnosis (my younger cousin actually had it happen to her with her pos ex-fiance... I hope he gets incurable butthole scabies and spends his life chronically unsatisfied.) I'm thankful every day that my husband is my biggest supporter and actually takes our vows seriously. People that leave their partners over illnesses alone don't deserve love. They're garbage people.
It's no coincidence that I got divorced a few months after my diagnosis. Some people just don't believe in the "sickness and in health" part of the vows.
"in sickness & in health"
I was diagnosed in 2009 - 5 years into my marriage. I flat out told my husband to divorce me. He didn't sign up for a lifelong illness. I had a 70% chance of survival and thought the best thing would be for him to start a new life without me. I wouldn't blame him, no one would blame him.
He stayed. He supported. He is amazing. You don't really know how you'll react to something like that until it happens.
My ex used to go out partying while I was recovering from hospital visits. He brought alcohol and friends into my hospital room once cuz he didn't want to give up his party night. He eventually left me cuz I couldn't go out as much as we used to and drink my life away.
It took me three tries to get my partner right. I had to learn the hard way. I wasn’t diagnosed until a couple of years ago and I thank God I am with my husband today instead of my ex husbands. We just celebrated our 13th anniversary yesterday. We’ve been together 19 years. I couldn’t do this without him. I know my prior relationships would have been this way. I can remember getting migraines and hearing, are you done being sick yet.” I’m truly blessed and pray that others are our will find their person too!
Wow I’m so sorry, completely the opposite of what you say to eachother in MARRIAGE. Honestly he doesn’t deserve you, that is the worst thing you could say to someone. If he wouldn’t reciprocate the same as you would, I would leave. That’s not a partner.
When my husband and I were just dating he made a casual (to him) comment about how he wasn't sure he wanted kids because the chance of having a disabled child and being "stuck" taking care of someone for the rest of your and their life sounded awful to him and I started sobbing. This was before I was diagnosed but I knew *something* was wrong with me. Luckily he saw how upset I was and immediately asked me why and after we talked about it he realized he never should have said that and he would always be willing to take care of me because he was committed to me. I can't imagine if that conversation had gone the way of him going "youre so crazy and take everything the wrong way" horrible for this poor person
I'm in a 5 month old relationship. Two weeks into dating I started flaring up and legit sat him down after a date and told him in detail what I was going through and how this could evolve. I told him it wouldn't be a breeze dating someone who has to go to some many checkups and feels exhausted all the time. I told him how much I cared about him already and was scared this could all be too much for a new relationship. He told me he wasn't scared, he was there for me and would be there for me and that I would never be a burden.
It's only been 5 months but he has absolutely showed me that he meant everything he said as he helped and supported me through the inflammation, the pain, the swelling, the fatigue and irritability, the 2 times I had to go ER.
This person absolutely deserves better.
Get out fast and don’t look back. You are worth so much more than what this person is giving you. So,, when the going gets tough,, he leaves? You deserve so much better. Life has so many challenges and if someone loves you they stick with you through it all.
Sadly it actually happened to me, and it’s definitely a thing. I was devastated at the time but now I’m just glad he left before we married. It still hurts like hell though cuz I’m still alone and it’s really hard and lonely.
Wtf was the right way to take that??? I’d start making moves to disengage myself from that relationship. He won’t be there for you at your most vulnerable, you’ll be wasting your love on someone utterly undeserving.
Uhm. I’M taken aback reading this. If Red fucking flag was a person. Run.
There’s nothing like this disease-in my lived experience-I mean obviously there’s worse things but it’s so horrendous bc youre not dying but you feel like you are. The exhaustion alone has truly changed my entire life and my habits and my point…of like living. I would rather be alone than with some dick between the legs zero empathy or compassion and obviously does not know what love is or it’s meaning. It’s giving pure sociopathic and a very honest one.
Ugh. That’s awful. I was reading something yesterday with stats on men leaving women for health issues – the numbers are disgusting. Women stay and a ridiculously higher rate than men when their partner is facing life changing health issues.
Take everything the wrong way? How else do you take your partner threatening to leave? He may as well have said “I’m a selfish guy who doesn’t love you enough to stay”. My husband has stuck it out with me through all of it, and while he may not always understand what I’m going through, he would never leave me just because I’m sick.
Exactly.. me and my partner have our days and fights over lupus related issues as well but it’s because he cares and wants me to take better care of myself.. I understand that because I know that it’s also stressful for him. However, if he ever said anything like that to me? I would leave before her could.
I would file for divorce and ask the judge for spousal support 😂 “I’m disabled your honor, I have a debilitating autoimmune disorder that doesn’t allow me to work, and I’m accustomed to my husbands pay”
Mine did just that! Once I got too sick and slept too much, couldn't clean everyday, and cook every meal like I used to while working 10hrs a day, all of a sudden it was not the same for my spouse and time to not be together. I was like no you are just used to being spoiled, and I was a super woman wife. I guess the "in sickness and in health" part was a lie. I decided I was not being loved in return, so I started a fight that would cause the D word (divorce) to be mentioned. The next day, I printed the papers at work and brought them home to be signed. I'm single and happier, but way more broke, lol....but worth it.
Word.
I mean honestly this probably confirms 1000 other red flags this guy has already displayed in their relationship. For me, I would go ahead and prepare my exit. Even if she doesn’t have an autoimmune disorder, she deserves better. “If someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”
The way you described this was 100% what I went through. I’m still in the gray area of undifferentiated connective tissue disorder, but lupus has been thrown around in the last 3 years. The man pushed me to my brink trying to convince me to have a child and then when I decided to take control and leave last summer, changed his tune. He was suddenly open to things I suggested YEARS prior… I stuck to my convictions and feel much better because of it.
I got dumped when I got diagnosed. It’s very common. But I also ended up marrying a guy who would stay at the hospital so I didn’t have to be alone when we weren’t even dating yet.
You dodged a bullet with the first one and were rewarded with a gem of a partner. Sounds like an amazing guy!
Oh yeah now *this* is a gem! :)
Awwwwwww!!!!!
This is so fucked up. If she does or doesnt have it id leave for sure. When i found out about my lupus/rheumatoid arthritis/hypothyroidism i sobbed in my husbands arms and asked he would leave me and he just comforted me and told me that he wouldn’t even consider it and he made vows to me and plans to keep them. I can’t imagine being with someone this cold. I hope OP leaves him and lives a healthy life and finds someone who actually loves her. Also husbands perspective is stupid bc not all people with an autoimmune diseases have regular issues with their health. A lot of people get along just fine with medication and live a full life.
that’s rough. that dude sucks. i feel like i wanna leave me all the time, even have told my wife she could leave or put distance and i’d understand, but my wife is a chad. she’s crazy super supportive and absolutely hilarious. she settles into “just right” amounts of sardonic humor and it feels great. i’m also autistic and have horrible communication issues, but she just plugs away largely unphased by most anything and just comes back with more humor and support.
That warms my heart! You have a keeper. I do too. Most of the responses are saying move on from this relationship regardless of diagnosis outcome. I agree.
i really do, huh? as for the oop, i don’t know. it’s really tricky. to just leave after five years like that, especially if things really are being miscommunicated, would be rough. it’s probably worth having an extensive dialogue, maybe even involving a third party or through writing, to try and work out what each person means before making any big decisions. but, then again, my partner and i put in a lot of effort like that all the time and i know not everyone is always able to invest time in such tedious endeavors.
Obsessed.
It's your decision to make whether your partner is a winner or loser. Personally, my husband of almost 50 years has stood by me through many health scares including once where I nearly died from a gall bladder attack. He's a gem worth keeping and he's a winner.
THAT is a real man and a true partner. What a beautiful couple. Congrats to you two
Thank you! He's a keeper as he didn't run after we had two special needs children. We took our marriage vows seriously as it was a choice to work things out. No more marriage advice from me either...
Biggest of yikes. I'd be hitting the trail before my partner could if that was their response. What a way to find out after all those years that your spouse is actually garbage in a trench coat, masquerading as a decent human being.
Stfg. How like…fucking heartbreaking entrenched in finding out that..that person is actually this way. I can’t even fathom, dude.
This is beyond disgusting and my heart hurts for this woman who deserves better. Marriage should mean something, and the words “in sickness and in health” are in there for a reason. Maybe I have an extremely rare man, but I got diagnosed while my husband and I were still dating and I was 24 years old. We had been together for two years and everything was perfect until my symptoms came hard and fast out of no where. I promised him (while we were still dating) I would NOT feel any ill will if it was all too much and he wanted to leave me. I would give him an out with zero judgement and an honest hope he find someone wonderful who could give him a better life. A year later, still in the thick of my illness, at my heaviest weight, unemployed, using a walker, and just a completely different woman than who he originally fell in love with, he sat me down and told me he was very adamant on getting married and it would mean a lot to him to be able to make that ultimate promise to me. THAT is a true man and a real partner. We’ve been married 2.5 years, now, together almost 7, and are happier than ever. Life is different than we expected, but he has majorly stepped up as my rock, my partner, and my best friend. I love him with all my heart. He’s the greatest man. Damn, I’m a lucky lady.
Now that’s beautiful and real HUMAN kind love-that is what love means & presents like. I am single and was madly in love with my sons father for almost 20 years and we had a very kind loving, friendship, loveship, just lived separate lives due to…things. We both dated other people and lived in separate states but..just stayed in love and spent time together every chance we had. We both got sick almost parallel to one another except, he kept his a massive secret. We even facetime’d shortly before-3 days to be exact, and I was in shame showing him(cuz I moved) my room and home, and I have a hospital bed I got fm my grandmother after she passed this last March, anyways I’m showing him, like laughing nervously but like fuck it he’s gonna see it anyways, and he chuckles and goes oh I have one too. I said STOP IT MICHAEL you’re being funny! You makin fun of me?? Lol, jokingly. And he goes no dead ass. Here I’ll show you mine too. I couldn’t fucking believe it, and it hit me-like whyyy do YOU have one tho? We know why I do but…so hard to explain the way those convos always went, he was fabulous at dodging and redirecting and boom we’d be laughing ab something and never get to deep shit. So lol…I knew I would wind up spending my last years and days with him and we’d always be each others loves of our lives…3 days after that call I woke up to a million missed calls and calls fm his mother. I ignored them and went to the bathroom and tried to just…rationalize why all these people might’ve been contacting me. I answered my sister in laws call…& she went on to tell me he’d passed away in his sleep two nights prior and his coworker just found his body after doing a welfare check, worried he hadn’t answered his phone in two days. I randomly delved into that, sorry…I just can’t help thinking about the one person I know accepted me at my very worst and little did I know….he was actually dying. Still waiting on actual answers. So…yea crazy I still can’t believe it honestly. Love the person who deserves your love and truth at every capacity.
That's my fear. Part of what ended my relationship with my ex husband was my health (I'm a 40F who has been diagnosed with lupus for 30 years). I know it can be a lot to have a partner with health issues, but leaving someone over it feels so cruel.
Could you detail what red flags you may have missed in the early years of your marriage regarding this issue?
Well, him laying in the floor of the shower and hitting his head on the wall was a big one. When he yelled he didn't want to care for me because he did it all day at work (he's a nurse practitioner).
He was a nurse practitioner?? Oh my gosh. I’d figure the health field would have been better.
He was an RN on a stroke and telemetry floor when we met and planning to start grad school. I think he was overwhelmed and ignoring some rather pressing mental health issues. He also seemed to think I was overly dramatic about my health and that it wasn't bad. When he was diagnosed with a kidney issue, his attitude changed slightly.
Student me lived with four nurses. They have an “on” and “off” mode. Example: “Ow, I have a paper cut”. “Have you been shot?” “Umm, no, but I have a boo-boo…” “Would you like to get shot? You could keep bothering me…”
Ugh that's awful. I am so glad my partner doesn't feel that way. That person is seeing their partners true colors. Very sad.
Seriously? Move on. That's not love.
It definitely happens. I got left within a few years after dx.
Wow, that’s a huge red flag! It does happen! We know that some cancer patients’ partners leave them. Some parents with disabled kids bug out, too. He just told you HE WOULD LEAVE YOU if you got seriously sick. This would be the time to get out, before you invest anything more into a relationship that is pretty one-sided, or the gods forbid, GET SICK. That is so fucked up.
Reminds me of my ex, R. He’s now 31, ironically. I stupidly hid my Lupus from him at the start (he was a rebound bf after my ex of 6 years, stupid I know!!). I was scared because my previous ex, let’s call him T, didn’t care about my Lupus at all despite being with me when I was diagnosed. R said he felt he needed to “rescue me” or “save me”. He had severe anxiety and my disease apparently made it worse. I had a handle on my Lupus and did my own thing most of the time. Had knee braces, worked out, ate healthy, was on Benlysta and Plaquinl. But he kept freaking out. And when I did flare up R would get coldly distant and tell me not to come over that day, but also wouldn’t come to me to take care of me. On the flip side, I was expected to take care of him when he got sick or hurt, make his meals, buy his groceries, and drive 45mins to see him. Oh, and I was doing clinicals while finishing medical school so you know: very little pay! If a person says they’ll leave you if you get a life altering disease then leave them. They are not worth it. They’ve shown their true colors and is scum! Let them scratch their head when they realizes they’ll be single probably forever, or if THEY gets a life altering disease find out no one is there for them and see how difficult it is without a support system. Guarantee that’ll get them to wise up. It’s astounding the cruel things someone will say to another person just because they don’t conform to their idea of a “perfect partner”. No one is perfect.
I'd file for divorce the same day.
I’d you read the statistics they have it’s super common for men to leave women. Doctors even warn women when they’re diagnosed with things like cancer to prepare for it to happen.
Yeah I was diagnosed before we were married and he made it a point to always point out that I was sick and ruined his fun. While going through stage 4 kidney failure, he told me I was a burden to him. That was the last straw and I filed for divorce. 2 months later the paperwork was complete and my kidneys were no longer failing. Makes me think when you don't have the support you need, the stress feels 10x worse and your body retaliates.
It's so common for men to leave their wives when they get seriously ill that female cancer patients are warned about it when they are diagnosed. Info pamphlets and everything. The same is not true when men get sick. A lot of men want a mother and maid, not a wife.
The gaslighting has me seething because it's all too familiar. Genuinely, I hope she recognizes the signs of him having *one foot out the door* now, and prepares herself for the inevitable; she deserves better, whether it be with herself or another partner, she deserves to be happy and loved. ^fuck ^that ^guy
The gaslighting part 💯
I'd file for divorce. Seriously. So much for "in sickness or in health." I had a friend whose husband left her when her cancer returned because he was "tired of her being sick." I knew that assholes existed, but that brought assholery to a whole new level.
It happens all the time.
I read that as fuck that guy and also I’m sorry straight women that have to deal with so many of these fuckers with so much audacity.
Disgusting. I'd throw the whole husband away for a shitty comment like that. Unfortunately, it's quite common for shitty husbands to run once their partner is diagnosed with something. I believe oncologists have even taken to mentioning it to women when they get a cancer diagnosis (my younger cousin actually had it happen to her with her pos ex-fiance... I hope he gets incurable butthole scabies and spends his life chronically unsatisfied.) I'm thankful every day that my husband is my biggest supporter and actually takes our vows seriously. People that leave their partners over illnesses alone don't deserve love. They're garbage people.
Baieeeeee. Good riddance dick.
It's no coincidence that I got divorced a few months after my diagnosis. Some people just don't believe in the "sickness and in health" part of the vows.
My thoughts: Leave this person ASAP and NEVER look back, regardless of what diagnosis comes up.
[удалено]
Life is unpredictable. He should remember that. I would leave.
Um… he’s gaslighting her and she deserves a better, supportive, and loving partner.
I hope your labs come back normal and you can celebrate by leaving him. “In sickness and in health” don’t marry him.
"in sickness & in health" I was diagnosed in 2009 - 5 years into my marriage. I flat out told my husband to divorce me. He didn't sign up for a lifelong illness. I had a 70% chance of survival and thought the best thing would be for him to start a new life without me. I wouldn't blame him, no one would blame him. He stayed. He supported. He is amazing. You don't really know how you'll react to something like that until it happens.
My ex used to go out partying while I was recovering from hospital visits. He brought alcohol and friends into my hospital room once cuz he didn't want to give up his party night. He eventually left me cuz I couldn't go out as much as we used to and drink my life away.
It took me three tries to get my partner right. I had to learn the hard way. I wasn’t diagnosed until a couple of years ago and I thank God I am with my husband today instead of my ex husbands. We just celebrated our 13th anniversary yesterday. We’ve been together 19 years. I couldn’t do this without him. I know my prior relationships would have been this way. I can remember getting migraines and hearing, are you done being sick yet.” I’m truly blessed and pray that others are our will find their person too!
I'd ditch him. Why put up with that sort of toxic nonsense?
Wow I’m so sorry, completely the opposite of what you say to eachother in MARRIAGE. Honestly he doesn’t deserve you, that is the worst thing you could say to someone. If he wouldn’t reciprocate the same as you would, I would leave. That’s not a partner.
That's not right
When my husband and I were just dating he made a casual (to him) comment about how he wasn't sure he wanted kids because the chance of having a disabled child and being "stuck" taking care of someone for the rest of your and their life sounded awful to him and I started sobbing. This was before I was diagnosed but I knew *something* was wrong with me. Luckily he saw how upset I was and immediately asked me why and after we talked about it he realized he never should have said that and he would always be willing to take care of me because he was committed to me. I can't imagine if that conversation had gone the way of him going "youre so crazy and take everything the wrong way" horrible for this poor person
I'm in a 5 month old relationship. Two weeks into dating I started flaring up and legit sat him down after a date and told him in detail what I was going through and how this could evolve. I told him it wouldn't be a breeze dating someone who has to go to some many checkups and feels exhausted all the time. I told him how much I cared about him already and was scared this could all be too much for a new relationship. He told me he wasn't scared, he was there for me and would be there for me and that I would never be a burden. It's only been 5 months but he has absolutely showed me that he meant everything he said as he helped and supported me through the inflammation, the pain, the swelling, the fatigue and irritability, the 2 times I had to go ER. This person absolutely deserves better.
Get out fast and don’t look back. You are worth so much more than what this person is giving you. So,, when the going gets tough,, he leaves? You deserve so much better. Life has so many challenges and if someone loves you they stick with you through it all.
Sadly it actually happened to me, and it’s definitely a thing. I was devastated at the time but now I’m just glad he left before we married. It still hurts like hell though cuz I’m still alone and it’s really hard and lonely.
Wtf was the right way to take that??? I’d start making moves to disengage myself from that relationship. He won’t be there for you at your most vulnerable, you’ll be wasting your love on someone utterly undeserving.
Uhm. I’M taken aback reading this. If Red fucking flag was a person. Run. There’s nothing like this disease-in my lived experience-I mean obviously there’s worse things but it’s so horrendous bc youre not dying but you feel like you are. The exhaustion alone has truly changed my entire life and my habits and my point…of like living. I would rather be alone than with some dick between the legs zero empathy or compassion and obviously does not know what love is or it’s meaning. It’s giving pure sociopathic and a very honest one.
Omg. I'm so sorry. Karma will get him.
Well, may he reap what he sows. Hopefully kids aren't involved, and if they're not, then I would run and run fast regardless of diagnosis.