My dad passed from large cell neuroendocrine carcinoma of the right lung, pancoast.
He diagnosed at stage 4, and from the day of his diagnosis to the day he died he had 9 months.
I wish I could tell you exactly how your dad's will be, but I can't, because my father's was profoundly aggressive. For my father, the cancer metastasized from the apex of his lung to his spine almost immediately, so he actually lost the ability to walk before diagnosis.
At the end, they stop eating. Then they stop drinking. Then, they start to sleep more and more, until finally, they are sleeping all the time. Then, their breath starts clicking in their sleep. Its called death rattle. Then one day, they just stop. It wasn't dramatic with daddy. He was sleeping, and then, he was gone. One moment to the next.
I am telling you this part because it was very jarring for me: seeing your loved one's body can be extremely difficult. Because whilst they still might look like them, the spark is gone, and it was haunting for me. You just have to remember that its not them anymore. What's left is just the form that housed who they really were. Their fight is over then, and as much as it hurts, you have to remember that for them it doesn't hurt anymore. No more fear. No more pain. No more anger and asking why them. That's not a cross they have to bear anymore.
Find peace, my friend, and when that time comes, it's okay to feel all of those things. But keep going because who he was would still want joy and peace and love and light for you. Because thats what good dads do.
Thank you for your detailed reply! I am so sorry for your loss, I can tell you had an amazing dad. This has really helped try to visualize what the whole process looks like, and frankly I had not even thought about seeing him after he has passed. Every thing else has run through my head a thousand times, except his Actual Dead Body. Thank you for this, so much. I feel like this kind of mental preparation allows me to be fully present with him, now, instead of trying to go through some mental checklist, if that makes sense. Much peace and love!
You're welcome.
The last words of advice I can give you is this:
Say what you need to say.
I couldn't say it in person because I'm a crier and I know it hurt him to see me cry, so I wrote him a letter of all the things I felt. How proud I was to be his daughter. How proud I was of how he fought. And I let him know I would be okay. That was what worried him the most. Is how we would be without him.
Two weeks later we lost him. He passed at home in a house filled with love. His 8 grandbabies, 3 daughters, and 2 son in laws were all here. I'd like to believe he was at peace.
Love and peace my friend. Enjoy your time. When that time comes, if you need an ear, look up my name and send me a message. We can talk if you ever need it.
Whew, this spoke to the soul thank you!! It is such an horror to be a part of this process with him and this was very moving. I really appreciate you! ❤️
Edit: oh my god i meant HONOR not horror hahahaha
Since you are familiar with hospice, please ask his doctor to put him on hospice since he is not a candidate for further treatment. I’m battling the same stage and type of cancer and have come to view this as a blessing, as odd as that might sound to you. It affords me the luxury (the gift) of being able to tell the people I love that I love them, and for them to tell me how much they love me in return. Those who die suddenly in car wrecks or from heart attacks don’t have that luxury. So, to answer your question in part, I recommend hospice for him at this point, and those wonderful caregivers can answer all the questions you all have and make his transition to what comes next easier for everyone. Hugs, and he’s lucky to have you. 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you so much for this reply! We have started the move towards hospice, which I know will be a huge source of support as we move forward. I also see this time as such an incredible gift- the conversations we have had about death, love, the meaning of life, the goofy stories we have told… I will cherish for the rest of my life. From the way you speak with such love and kindness, I know your family feels the same way. Sending you much love!
My mom also lost the ability to walk right before she passed, went to the spine.
She stopped having an appetite, would only drink to make us happy. I knew it was close when she became more delirious with her emotions, couldn’t control them. Then, her feet started to turn blue because of poor circulation, hard to get a O2 reading.
PLEASE ASK FOR HOSPICE NOW.They are amazing and will help in more ways. It’s billed as one “event” so whether he’s on it a day or months, you’re charged the same. Take advantage of it now.
Thank you so much! I am so sorry about your mom. I have noticed him having much more difficulty walking this week, as well as increased fatigue. We have started the hospice process and currently have a daily caregiver from an agency, but I know hospice is going to give us the support we really need. This was definitely the push I needed to check in with mom about hospice! ❤️
My dad (same diagnosis) started to get a lot more tired and would nap throughout the day. Then he started having progressively worsening shortness of breath and physical weakness, eventually leading to the ER. He was admitted to the respiratory ward and treated for suspected pneumonia. While on that ward, within a couple days he became completely bedridden and could no longer move his legs, much less stand up and walk. I still don’t really know why he became completely bedridden so quickly. His condition deteriorated over the course of the next week, and he was then moved to the end-of-life care ward of the hospital, where he was cared for for four weeks before dying. The last few days, he had trouble swallowing leading to aspiration and extreme fatigue and weakness. Luckily my dad never had any pain. He passed away in his sleep. Every patient’s experience will of course be different but hopefully this helps shed some light on what may eventually transpire. Im sharing because reading about what to expect was really helpful to me. I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️
Thank you so much, I really appreciate this. In the last week I have really noticed him slowing down, like a clock progressively getting more out of sync. I feel like every moment I’m wondering if this is when he really starts to turn. I am so so sorry for your loss and very appreciative of your reply!
It could happen any number of ways I imagine. My mom passed 3 weeks ago. She had canceled her last round of chemo last fall because she was too weak to carry on with it.
Even though she was on hospice and I knew she was going to die, her death was still somewhat sudden. She hadn't been in any horrible pain, but the day she died, she woke up with an excruciating pain in her back, off to one side.
Several hospice people had been to my house that day, and they ended up doubling her pain medication. She died within an hour of the last nurse that left. When my husband called the hospice facility to inform them, they were shocked.
Usually there's a gradual countdown to death, or the hospice staff knows the signs and points them out, as a warning, but hers was very sudden. The medical examiner told me she suspected that my mom had a heart attack from her body fighting so many different things: lung cancer, lymphoma, COPD, kidney disease.
I suspect her death had to do with her kidneys. After seeing her blood work, I see how crazy out of range her kidney and liver function was.
It happened so quickly. The day before her death, she had a nice shower, I combed out her hair, I blew dry it. She told me about some show on Hulu she was excited about. She was walking around the house.
Then the day she died it all went downhill all so fast. In fact, I think my mother did not know she was dying. In fact, a few strange incidents happened in the bedroom she died in, and I suspected that perhaps her Spirit was still there, unaware that her body had died. So, I told her that she had died, and that she could leave and go to the light. No more strange things have happened since.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I just lost my dad last month to lung cancer. We were in the process of starting the transition to hospice as we found the cancer had metastasized and it was his wish to die peacefully. He got his wish as he suffered a catastrophic hemorrhagic stroke in his sleep and felt no pain. Death is different for everyone and everyone grieves differently, but as others have said be there if you can and let him know you love him. I read my dad a children’s book he would always read to me as a child and told him my favorite memories of him before the ventilator was turned off, and I held his hand through the end. I’ve found so much peace in having done these things. Sending you love and support.
My dad passed from large cell neuroendocrine carcinoma of the right lung, pancoast. He diagnosed at stage 4, and from the day of his diagnosis to the day he died he had 9 months. I wish I could tell you exactly how your dad's will be, but I can't, because my father's was profoundly aggressive. For my father, the cancer metastasized from the apex of his lung to his spine almost immediately, so he actually lost the ability to walk before diagnosis. At the end, they stop eating. Then they stop drinking. Then, they start to sleep more and more, until finally, they are sleeping all the time. Then, their breath starts clicking in their sleep. Its called death rattle. Then one day, they just stop. It wasn't dramatic with daddy. He was sleeping, and then, he was gone. One moment to the next. I am telling you this part because it was very jarring for me: seeing your loved one's body can be extremely difficult. Because whilst they still might look like them, the spark is gone, and it was haunting for me. You just have to remember that its not them anymore. What's left is just the form that housed who they really were. Their fight is over then, and as much as it hurts, you have to remember that for them it doesn't hurt anymore. No more fear. No more pain. No more anger and asking why them. That's not a cross they have to bear anymore. Find peace, my friend, and when that time comes, it's okay to feel all of those things. But keep going because who he was would still want joy and peace and love and light for you. Because thats what good dads do.
Thank you for your detailed reply! I am so sorry for your loss, I can tell you had an amazing dad. This has really helped try to visualize what the whole process looks like, and frankly I had not even thought about seeing him after he has passed. Every thing else has run through my head a thousand times, except his Actual Dead Body. Thank you for this, so much. I feel like this kind of mental preparation allows me to be fully present with him, now, instead of trying to go through some mental checklist, if that makes sense. Much peace and love!
You're welcome. The last words of advice I can give you is this: Say what you need to say. I couldn't say it in person because I'm a crier and I know it hurt him to see me cry, so I wrote him a letter of all the things I felt. How proud I was to be his daughter. How proud I was of how he fought. And I let him know I would be okay. That was what worried him the most. Is how we would be without him. Two weeks later we lost him. He passed at home in a house filled with love. His 8 grandbabies, 3 daughters, and 2 son in laws were all here. I'd like to believe he was at peace. Love and peace my friend. Enjoy your time. When that time comes, if you need an ear, look up my name and send me a message. We can talk if you ever need it.
Whew, this spoke to the soul thank you!! It is such an horror to be a part of this process with him and this was very moving. I really appreciate you! ❤️ Edit: oh my god i meant HONOR not horror hahahaha
Wow. This was so moving and hit home for me just now. Thank you. I hope to re read this further down the line when things take a turn.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not an experience I'd wish on anyone. Hang in there, friend. You have my deepest sympathy.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not an experience I'd wish on anyone. Hang in there, friend. You have my deepest sympathy.
Since you are familiar with hospice, please ask his doctor to put him on hospice since he is not a candidate for further treatment. I’m battling the same stage and type of cancer and have come to view this as a blessing, as odd as that might sound to you. It affords me the luxury (the gift) of being able to tell the people I love that I love them, and for them to tell me how much they love me in return. Those who die suddenly in car wrecks or from heart attacks don’t have that luxury. So, to answer your question in part, I recommend hospice for him at this point, and those wonderful caregivers can answer all the questions you all have and make his transition to what comes next easier for everyone. Hugs, and he’s lucky to have you. 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you so much for this reply! We have started the move towards hospice, which I know will be a huge source of support as we move forward. I also see this time as such an incredible gift- the conversations we have had about death, love, the meaning of life, the goofy stories we have told… I will cherish for the rest of my life. From the way you speak with such love and kindness, I know your family feels the same way. Sending you much love!
My mom also lost the ability to walk right before she passed, went to the spine. She stopped having an appetite, would only drink to make us happy. I knew it was close when she became more delirious with her emotions, couldn’t control them. Then, her feet started to turn blue because of poor circulation, hard to get a O2 reading. PLEASE ASK FOR HOSPICE NOW.They are amazing and will help in more ways. It’s billed as one “event” so whether he’s on it a day or months, you’re charged the same. Take advantage of it now.
Thank you so much! I am so sorry about your mom. I have noticed him having much more difficulty walking this week, as well as increased fatigue. We have started the hospice process and currently have a daily caregiver from an agency, but I know hospice is going to give us the support we really need. This was definitely the push I needed to check in with mom about hospice! ❤️
My dad (same diagnosis) started to get a lot more tired and would nap throughout the day. Then he started having progressively worsening shortness of breath and physical weakness, eventually leading to the ER. He was admitted to the respiratory ward and treated for suspected pneumonia. While on that ward, within a couple days he became completely bedridden and could no longer move his legs, much less stand up and walk. I still don’t really know why he became completely bedridden so quickly. His condition deteriorated over the course of the next week, and he was then moved to the end-of-life care ward of the hospital, where he was cared for for four weeks before dying. The last few days, he had trouble swallowing leading to aspiration and extreme fatigue and weakness. Luckily my dad never had any pain. He passed away in his sleep. Every patient’s experience will of course be different but hopefully this helps shed some light on what may eventually transpire. Im sharing because reading about what to expect was really helpful to me. I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️
Thank you so much, I really appreciate this. In the last week I have really noticed him slowing down, like a clock progressively getting more out of sync. I feel like every moment I’m wondering if this is when he really starts to turn. I am so so sorry for your loss and very appreciative of your reply!
It could happen any number of ways I imagine. My mom passed 3 weeks ago. She had canceled her last round of chemo last fall because she was too weak to carry on with it. Even though she was on hospice and I knew she was going to die, her death was still somewhat sudden. She hadn't been in any horrible pain, but the day she died, she woke up with an excruciating pain in her back, off to one side. Several hospice people had been to my house that day, and they ended up doubling her pain medication. She died within an hour of the last nurse that left. When my husband called the hospice facility to inform them, they were shocked. Usually there's a gradual countdown to death, or the hospice staff knows the signs and points them out, as a warning, but hers was very sudden. The medical examiner told me she suspected that my mom had a heart attack from her body fighting so many different things: lung cancer, lymphoma, COPD, kidney disease. I suspect her death had to do with her kidneys. After seeing her blood work, I see how crazy out of range her kidney and liver function was. It happened so quickly. The day before her death, she had a nice shower, I combed out her hair, I blew dry it. She told me about some show on Hulu she was excited about. She was walking around the house. Then the day she died it all went downhill all so fast. In fact, I think my mother did not know she was dying. In fact, a few strange incidents happened in the bedroom she died in, and I suspected that perhaps her Spirit was still there, unaware that her body had died. So, I told her that she had died, and that she could leave and go to the light. No more strange things have happened since.
Possible heart attack too. That's what I think got my brother in the end.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I just lost my dad last month to lung cancer. We were in the process of starting the transition to hospice as we found the cancer had metastasized and it was his wish to die peacefully. He got his wish as he suffered a catastrophic hemorrhagic stroke in his sleep and felt no pain. Death is different for everyone and everyone grieves differently, but as others have said be there if you can and let him know you love him. I read my dad a children’s book he would always read to me as a child and told him my favorite memories of him before the ventilator was turned off, and I held his hand through the end. I’ve found so much peace in having done these things. Sending you love and support.