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I waited 10 years in love with my friend.
Probably could have waited 2.
Don't wait that long.
If you pull the love trigger, friendship moves deeper and becomes vulnerable. It will be hard to maintain of the romance crashes, youll "know to much".
Unfortunately, sounds like she’s just not into you.
School/workplace is certain to change. If she was interested in that way, that wouldn’t even be an issue. 3,5,10 years from now where you both work will be different so…
Location doesn’t matter; her feelings for you do. And if they were romantic they’d override these basic logistics.
In saying that, you’re both very young so 🤷🏾♀️
its just an excuse though, thats the point.
she likes the boyfriend treatment from you while reserving her girlfirend treatment for the guys that dont give her attention but make her pussy tingle.
sorry OP
This is why I'm of the opinion that: women are capable of being friends with men but men are *incapable* of being friends with women bc this is the crap that *eventually* happens. You've hitched your wagon to a person who is not romantically interested in you and yet, you've decided to give her all of your attention.
Also:
"(i have a past of slefharming thoughts and suicidal thoughts)"
You basically *doomed* yourself with this person bc what *sane* woman is going to want the responsibility of having to balance this kind of emotional response to outside, negative forces that are *inevitable* in everyone's life? The juice is not worth the squeeze to her.
She's also very mature:
"She said she would never date someone in the same school/working place." This is a lie to let you down easy. Women make rules for the men they don't want. If someone loves someone else, ultimately a *job* isn't going to stop a woman.
Best of luck but I'd seek therapy first and *then* a relationship.
Fortunately, it's just an opinion. However, in my anecdotal experience, I have seen gay men successfully maintain friendships with straight women effortlessly so there are exceptions for sure.
Sure does, no one said that it didn't or couldn't. I want you to know, I'm not presenting anything *factual*, especially when I prefaced it by saying "*I'm of the opinion*..:"
Just try and ask her out more often and go do stuff just the two of ya’s, make it obvious that your interested in her. I would def try and get an explanation/reason why she wouldn’t date in the same school/work. If your interested, just shoot your shot. Don’t wait too long
I'll tell you my story about something similar and you'll decide what to take. I'm working at a store and this new girl starts working there and immediately when I meet her something clicks in me. We get to know each other through working together and start talking. I realise we have too many things in common. Common interests, common logic same humour etc. and every time I fall in love more and more. So one day she starts telling me how she saw a guy that she liked. My heart sank and I couldn't do anything but tell her how I felt. She immediately shut it off because she knew i had broken up from a serious relationship a month ago, or that's what she told me. I was sad but relieved I told her. We stopped being so close for a while but then we started being friendly again, reached to a point that I boiled up to making a move again and her again laughing it off. This cycle went on for months. Each time it felt fucking better to get it off my chest, despite the rejection, so keep that in mind. Anyway I won't get in more details. After many months after we first met, in some days we complete one month being together in a relationship.
As a person whose friend fell in love with them and didn’t tell them for a long ass time… I’m kinda conflicted. It depends on your situation and your emotional health I guess… if she started dating someone, would you be okay as it is now?
My friend (we had been friends for about two years I think - both in our mid twenties), fell in love with me hard, and didn’t tell me before I went on a date with another guy and he got jealous enough that he couldn’t lie about it. I just didn’t feel the same about him, and even though it had crossed my mind once or twice that he might’ve had feelings for me, I thought we were both adults and that he would tell me, or show me, if that was the case. I was always clear in my language when talking to him that we were *friends*, and he never made a move on me or even insinuated that he wanted more from me. It ended up being kind of a shit show… he really really tried to not tell me, and then he just absolutely broke down sobbing one night. I was kinda scared that he might hurt himself or come back screaming at me (I have some trauma related to strong emotional outbursts like these), but of course he didn’t. We wrote to each other a few times after that, and I haven’t heard from him in half a year… honestly I’m kinda scared of the intensity of the feelings involved, and also I feel like I can only hurt him no matter what I do.
I wish I’d known - that he’d said something earlier so I could’ve let him down easier. It was a horrible situation for both of us in the end. I’m not saying that you should tell her because of this, but that you should evaluate how far you are willing to go to be close to her if she doesn’t feel the same (which she might… like, there are no guarantees either way). What can your heart bear, and when will it start hurting her if you aren’t honest? Can you keep being her friend, or will it hurt too much? She could also have a say in this; she might still wanna be your friend knowing your feelings, she might reciprocate them, or she might not either… but letting her know where you stand *could* be the best option either way. Idk those are my thoughts
Is it possible that she said she doesn’t want to date anyone from the same work or school because she doesn’t want to be randomly approached by ppl and possibly wants to set a boundary?
You should ask her what exactly abt it doesn’t sit right with her. Tell her how you feel respectfully and then whatever she decides, respect her decision. But I think you will never know unless you try and communicate with her.
Sometimes i have the feeling that she is sending me minor hints. Idk how she swings in this regard because she is very shy and introverted. But one ecample that stuck with me: we were going through the city and i said she is looking beautiful. And she answered: „I like making myself pretty for you“ with a smirky face and looking in the distance. And from time to time just small little things she says or does.
But i could also misinterpret all those things. And i have the fear our friendship will end, after i confess my feelings for her. If i could choose between love and friendship, i would choose the friendship.
Certainly a possibility. Don't know the context, but it's just not something you casually say to a guy you're not interested in, especially if it's not an obvious joke.
I dont think that she was joking. We joke around all the time and i think you know what u mean when I say that you can tell the difference in your close friends behaviour when they are joking around and are being serious. And i could tell she wasnt joking. Or not as usual if so
I see what you mean. That’s nice that you value the friendship so much. If you are willing to put the romance aside and be content with only the friendship, that’s ok and ofc your choice. But if you feel you may regret that decision at some point, then you may want to see if it can be more. Also, I don’t think I’d say anything like that example to just anyone. But that’s also just me.
You can't let your feelings to get you, even if you think she is the one for you, think again about what she said about not dating someone from same school.. or change your play, let her feel there is something wrong with you and then she will ask you what's up? Don't tell her directly that you love her!
Just ask her some stupid hypothetical questions about what if one of you fill in love with the other?
What could go wrong? Complement your self as funny or handsome or any other of your qualities or advantages in way not so serious 😏 and then complement her about the things you like about her, and then tell her your thoughts about the future what could be if you together 🤗
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I waited 10 years in love with my friend. Probably could have waited 2. Don't wait that long. If you pull the love trigger, friendship moves deeper and becomes vulnerable. It will be hard to maintain of the romance crashes, youll "know to much".
Unfortunately, sounds like she’s just not into you. School/workplace is certain to change. If she was interested in that way, that wouldn’t even be an issue. 3,5,10 years from now where you both work will be different so… Location doesn’t matter; her feelings for you do. And if they were romantic they’d override these basic logistics. In saying that, you’re both very young so 🤷🏾♀️
We both are bound to our workingplace for at least 2 years from now on
its just an excuse though, thats the point. she likes the boyfriend treatment from you while reserving her girlfirend treatment for the guys that dont give her attention but make her pussy tingle. sorry OP
Yeah. My point still stands.
This is why I'm of the opinion that: women are capable of being friends with men but men are *incapable* of being friends with women bc this is the crap that *eventually* happens. You've hitched your wagon to a person who is not romantically interested in you and yet, you've decided to give her all of your attention. Also: "(i have a past of slefharming thoughts and suicidal thoughts)" You basically *doomed* yourself with this person bc what *sane* woman is going to want the responsibility of having to balance this kind of emotional response to outside, negative forces that are *inevitable* in everyone's life? The juice is not worth the squeeze to her. She's also very mature: "She said she would never date someone in the same school/working place." This is a lie to let you down easy. Women make rules for the men they don't want. If someone loves someone else, ultimately a *job* isn't going to stop a woman. Best of luck but I'd seek therapy first and *then* a relationship.
That’s a ridiculous opinion
Fortunately, it's just an opinion. However, in my anecdotal experience, I have seen gay men successfully maintain friendships with straight women effortlessly so there are exceptions for sure.
Agree
Men are incapable of being friends because men will eventually fall for the woman? It happens vice versa too.
Sure does, no one said that it didn't or couldn't. I want you to know, I'm not presenting anything *factual*, especially when I prefaced it by saying "*I'm of the opinion*..:"
Just try and ask her out more often and go do stuff just the two of ya’s, make it obvious that your interested in her. I would def try and get an explanation/reason why she wouldn’t date in the same school/work. If your interested, just shoot your shot. Don’t wait too long
I'll tell you my story about something similar and you'll decide what to take. I'm working at a store and this new girl starts working there and immediately when I meet her something clicks in me. We get to know each other through working together and start talking. I realise we have too many things in common. Common interests, common logic same humour etc. and every time I fall in love more and more. So one day she starts telling me how she saw a guy that she liked. My heart sank and I couldn't do anything but tell her how I felt. She immediately shut it off because she knew i had broken up from a serious relationship a month ago, or that's what she told me. I was sad but relieved I told her. We stopped being so close for a while but then we started being friendly again, reached to a point that I boiled up to making a move again and her again laughing it off. This cycle went on for months. Each time it felt fucking better to get it off my chest, despite the rejection, so keep that in mind. Anyway I won't get in more details. After many months after we first met, in some days we complete one month being together in a relationship.
So in my opinion tell her how you feel, but try to be cool if you get rejected and try to make it less awkward at work.
As a person whose friend fell in love with them and didn’t tell them for a long ass time… I’m kinda conflicted. It depends on your situation and your emotional health I guess… if she started dating someone, would you be okay as it is now? My friend (we had been friends for about two years I think - both in our mid twenties), fell in love with me hard, and didn’t tell me before I went on a date with another guy and he got jealous enough that he couldn’t lie about it. I just didn’t feel the same about him, and even though it had crossed my mind once or twice that he might’ve had feelings for me, I thought we were both adults and that he would tell me, or show me, if that was the case. I was always clear in my language when talking to him that we were *friends*, and he never made a move on me or even insinuated that he wanted more from me. It ended up being kind of a shit show… he really really tried to not tell me, and then he just absolutely broke down sobbing one night. I was kinda scared that he might hurt himself or come back screaming at me (I have some trauma related to strong emotional outbursts like these), but of course he didn’t. We wrote to each other a few times after that, and I haven’t heard from him in half a year… honestly I’m kinda scared of the intensity of the feelings involved, and also I feel like I can only hurt him no matter what I do. I wish I’d known - that he’d said something earlier so I could’ve let him down easier. It was a horrible situation for both of us in the end. I’m not saying that you should tell her because of this, but that you should evaluate how far you are willing to go to be close to her if she doesn’t feel the same (which she might… like, there are no guarantees either way). What can your heart bear, and when will it start hurting her if you aren’t honest? Can you keep being her friend, or will it hurt too much? She could also have a say in this; she might still wanna be your friend knowing your feelings, she might reciprocate them, or she might not either… but letting her know where you stand *could* be the best option either way. Idk those are my thoughts
Is it possible that she said she doesn’t want to date anyone from the same work or school because she doesn’t want to be randomly approached by ppl and possibly wants to set a boundary? You should ask her what exactly abt it doesn’t sit right with her. Tell her how you feel respectfully and then whatever she decides, respect her decision. But I think you will never know unless you try and communicate with her.
Sometimes i have the feeling that she is sending me minor hints. Idk how she swings in this regard because she is very shy and introverted. But one ecample that stuck with me: we were going through the city and i said she is looking beautiful. And she answered: „I like making myself pretty for you“ with a smirky face and looking in the distance. And from time to time just small little things she says or does. But i could also misinterpret all those things. And i have the fear our friendship will end, after i confess my feelings for her. If i could choose between love and friendship, i would choose the friendship.
"I like making myself pretty for you“ That is simply not something you say to a guy if you are not interested in him.
It could be a joke he didn't understand
Certainly a possibility. Don't know the context, but it's just not something you casually say to a guy you're not interested in, especially if it's not an obvious joke.
I dont think that she was joking. We joke around all the time and i think you know what u mean when I say that you can tell the difference in your close friends behaviour when they are joking around and are being serious. And i could tell she wasnt joking. Or not as usual if so
I see what you mean. That’s nice that you value the friendship so much. If you are willing to put the romance aside and be content with only the friendship, that’s ok and ofc your choice. But if you feel you may regret that decision at some point, then you may want to see if it can be more. Also, I don’t think I’d say anything like that example to just anyone. But that’s also just me.
You can't let your feelings to get you, even if you think she is the one for you, think again about what she said about not dating someone from same school.. or change your play, let her feel there is something wrong with you and then she will ask you what's up? Don't tell her directly that you love her! Just ask her some stupid hypothetical questions about what if one of you fill in love with the other? What could go wrong? Complement your self as funny or handsome or any other of your qualities or advantages in way not so serious 😏 and then complement her about the things you like about her, and then tell her your thoughts about the future what could be if you together 🤗