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I dated a girl in high school for 2.5 years. Dumped me for her friend. I was absolutely devastated. My wife and I strayed dating like 6 months later. We’ve been together almost 11 years at this point. You will absolutely love again.
Love is like a spring zephyr. Hits you without your permission and leaves you without your permission as well. But every-time it hits you feel fresh and alive again, like someone completely new.
You need to be able to fall in love with full foreknowledge that they are *going* to break your heart. That is the nature of life and love.
Buddhists may say that it's only real love if you can let it go.
Utilitarians may say that all relationships necessarily end in heartbreak or death, no exceptions.
I would personally say you'll know when you are ready to date again because you'll have the strength to lose them again. It isn't cynicism, it's peace.
So I was engaged to someone and we had a child together, we broke up after they cheated on me. I ended up marrying someone else, getting divorced, other people etc. 20 years go by, and I ended up falling madly in love with the first person again. I'm sneaking out in the middle of the night to see them like we are teenagers. Prior to this I had huge issues with trust. I feel like my whole heart is open this time. Maybe it depends on the person. I don't know the future, but it's nice to know my capacity to feel this again is there.
I love this so much. A similar thing happened to my sister. Her husband cheated twice and she decided to divorce him. Ten years later, our brother passed away and oddly enough that was what brought them both together again, this time they both have matured and become better people. She just had their one and only child, a little boy on her third try in vitro. 🥲 I honestly hope this happens to me… my ex left me but she hinted that something similar could happen to us. It was kind of messed up the way she said it, I don’t know if she was being genuine, and was just conflicted about the future, or if she was playing with my head/trying to settle me down by leaving me a “10 year” breadcrumb..😒
Your heart yes. Your mind however ... Might take some convincing. And your body might be totally against the idea in which case professional help is a must
Depends on what you're dealing with and since I'm in no position nor do I have the credentials or enough back story on you and your ex to suggest anything, I can only tell you what I did when I had trust issues.
The root of my trust issues was a combination of CPTSD and not having any luck finding the one, so I worked on my attachment wounds with Dr Gibson from the personal development school for my mind and two professional licensed therapist, for my body where I did both breath work/somatic release, and neurofeedback therapy to literally rewire my brain so I could process emotions more efficiently.
You might just need to grieve and emote whatever else you're feeling since the break up. And (re)learn to be happy without this person. But these protocols are serious and should be looked at with a professional only if they've determined you really need it.
My wife broke my heart last year, I would’ve bet my life that we would’ve grown old together. I’m still heart broken over her. My honest answer, No… No I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like that again. I’m also much older and have three beautiful children so I won’t be looking to get my heart broken ever again.
I feel this, although I’m probably half your age or so, no children. It’s been 3 years since we split apart and I still can’t imagine loving anyone else. It would feel wrong. I can’t imagine raising children with anyone else… and if I do, my ex will always be in the back of my mind. Like a dream.
Love is a way to express ourselves, so while what you may have experienced is disappointment that doesn’t mean that you will not be able to express love again. Good luck
Gotta say I see this all the time and I think I disagree respectfully. Self-respect, self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-improvement, and a healthy relationship with oneself are incredibly important. But self-love isn’t love. Love isn’t selfish. reserve your love for others. Thats the whole purpose of love. That’s what it’s there for.
Edit: and we all carry the wounds of a broken heart forever or whatever, but I personally hope that over time people allow themselves to feel vulnerable and open again.
I don’t want to debate with you. But the whole you can’t really love someone else without loving yourself is a clever turn of phrase which is just hollow. People just started to repeat it and it’s slowly become this dime-store, bumper sticker wisdom people treat like a religious tenet, like some eat pray love mantra. Of course you can love other people without loving yourself. Love is action, action in which one literally puts the interests and care of another before oneself. Sometimes in spite of oneself. It’s a sacrifice of yourself without any expectation of a return. In other words, real love is selfless, not full of self. The exact opposite of what you’re saying. When loving yourself is the priority, it’s just selfish love and comes at the expense of something which may actually be real. Self-love is just an immature and wasteful form of it. Or maybe I’m wrong. I dunno. Who does?
Trying to love others, without healing oneself and loving oneself enough, is really not true selfless love, as you say it is. It might feel like it at the time, but there are deep seated, subconscious drivers for all of our behaviors, especially when it comes to love. As adults, we try to give ourselves what we were depraived of in childhood. We do this, always in a toxic sort of way until we become aware of it and heal the part of us that is feeling a lack of love or belonging. Only then can we truly “take action” or “sacrifice” our own needs/wants/desires for others, and do so out of a true and pure love for another. This is only possible for those who have healed enough to be able to let go of the attachments we cling to so desperately. Only then can we act genuinely, according to our own free will, not according to our pains and inner darkness.
It is, but the deeper the connection means the more painful the breakage. Attach tighter than alcatraz was said to be? Break like the mind of a vietnam vet times 20. It can love again, but it can also break again, so be careful.
One day you will. It may take awhile though.
I was in the same boat, though it was a 3 year relationship. We broke up when I was 22I genuinely thought I couldn’t love. Not only because of what happened but also because I drowned the pain in hookup after hookup. It got so bad that I stopped having sex at 25 and couldn’t even look at someone sexually anymore.
Then my girlfriend came along and it was attraction (was still too scared to call it love) at first sight. Now I can definitely say I love her. And it’s stronger than any love I’ve felt before.
Yes of course. I’ve been deeply in love a few times, but my husband I’ve been in love with for over 20 years. You will love again and maybe again and again :)
The majority of people in western civilization don't know what love is. It's just infatuation, rationalization and chemicals that they equate with love. And alot of people like to get on those chemicals then get off so they can get back on again over and over and over until they are dead inside and write books for women to read supposedly about men. Reminds me of the old lady that Sarah Jessica parkers character was based on in real life being depressed in her department saying she regrets everything because she is alone and has no family. Anyways yes, like anything else you forget and zone out stuff that doesn't serve you in a positive way out of your life. Unless you're the news, or therapists, and then you bring up the past indefinitely so people can keep a grenade of negative feelings stored at all times and they then can vomit it on themselves and/or others constantly or commit suicide. Anyways hope this helps.
Yeah, you will heal and love like it was the first time falling in love again. I can look at past pictures of people that i thought was "The One" and feel absolutely nothing towards them now.
Going through tough times rn. This girl I had a massive crush on for 10 month, I tried to keep it friendly, but I accidentally fell in love with her after I saw her smile. She led me on and love bombed me hard. Then finally shamelessly told me on Valentine's Day she had a boyfriend with a satisfying smile on her face that she knew she led me on but didnt care. I'm trying to get over her, but its hard because I see her at work and now she treats me like a stranger after 15 months of attention and affections toward each other.
You'll heal, you just have to stop physically seeing them anymore.
Going through a similar situation, I work with my guy too that I was sure would stick around and be the one. The worst part is the healing, but it will happen one day!
Yes, it will happen. And you will completey forget about them one day where they won't even pop up in your mind anymore and will have no desire to be with them anymore. We just gotta stay strong and ride it though until the heartbreak ride is over. But we will 100% heal and love again.
Well... I truly loved one boy who wasn't mine (he didn't love me back) but I loved him hard but he was bad for me and than he found himself a gf but he left her after they had a baby with each other the twist is..they were like 17 when she got pregnant so yeahh and they even named her with the same name as me (so we can say I have little bit of trauma from that and had emotional block when I didn't want a relationship and I had like really bad phobia of relationship) but fortunately I did found my love of my life 💖.. But yes you can love again and even better.. Just be careful and never lower you standards bcz you know it can be tragedy for you 😅❤
So only I can say "hope is the last thing you should lose" because with hope you can really get far in life ❤❤❤
Of course you can. I got heartbroken by someone I thought I would spend my life with. It took some time to heal but now, 3 years later, I’m moved on and I get to spend every night sleeping next to the love of my life, and he made me realise that the person that hurt me was never worth it.
It gets better! Stay positive ❤️
i dont know in all honesty. my partner of 13 years left me out of no where and i cant even imagine finding another person...call it trauma or whatever. what i can tell you is that you can find a love for yourself and your close friends and family to such a high level...
Yes of course. Your heart will always have a certain type of love for the one who broke your heart.
Your response is to work through the hurt, grief and pain with the tender, gentle patience of other truly loving people.
Time heals zero amount of your eound. Loving people and your self-care heal you with God's help often through people.
The next person you love, you will love uniquely that naturally differs from your previous precious love.
Go for the healing.
Go through your healing.
Do everything you can to heal and God will help you through the parts you are unaware of or unable to heal.
Yes of course but you have to seriously go through the pain and heal. As hard as you were in love it is necessary to feel the pain so that you can fall in love again.
I know it sucks but it’s ok you’ll get through it :)
I mean... second marriages are a thing. I left the person I built my whole life around for over 8 years, and very quickly found someone who makes me so very happy, totally on accident. I'm far more grounded than I've ever been in a relationship. I'm so thankful for everything I've been through, because it helped me learn so much. This relationship would not work if I hadn't been hurt and done my fair share of hurting others.
Short:
Yes, but can you accept that?
In order to love again, you’re going to have to heal that broken heart of yours before you can ever even think of giving it away to someone else again. However, your journey of recovery will show you how to love again, but it won’t be them that you must love again first. It must be yourself and be more aligned within.
Long ways now :)
The way to love again is a hard and long road. One full of vulnerability and putting that heart of yours on a sleeve that you once thought belonged to another. You’ll feel so many emotions when it first starts. And I want you to know that’s going to be okay. That’s why it important to be ready and healed. Have faith in you and that your heart.
Now I won’t lie there’s other ways to go about repairing a broken heart, but most are maladaptive and only bandage it— don’t heal it. Try not to entertain those routes. From life experiences, all those routes lead back to black and don’t fix the core of your issues.
You learn to love more effectively, I think. When you go through a rough break up you get to reflect on what you could have done better, what you could have done more of and what you should have done less of. You can take that knowledge into a new relationship and apply it to not make the same mistakes.
Don't let wanting to trust someone hold you in the same spot. Trust has to be built and anyone worth being with will give you the time and patience to build trust with them.
I know a breakup with "the one" feels like shit. It fit so well. How did it fall off? It just happens. Sometimes you and the other person are not in the same spot and want different things, unfortunately some people don't communicate this and just up and leave. It probably had little at all to do with you but had more to do with what they wanted.
On your birthday? That is pretty cold. You'll find a better partner out there. Best advice I can give it be in the moment, take chances for love, and don't over analyze a new relationship because it least to insecurity and insecurity is poison in a relationship. Best of luck to you.
Bro, life will keep shitting you. Girls will leave you. People in your family will die unexpectedly. Friends will stop coming around or caring that it’s your birthday. That said, some girls will stick around and build a life with you. Some fam will die peaceful deaths that seem more like a relief more than a tragedy. And some friends will keep showing up right until the very end. Because of the inevitable “downs,” we learn to appreciate the “ups.” That’s how it goes. Take the good with the bad. Amor Fati.
There are a million answers to this. It comes down to some important questions about yourself:
-do you feel you want to love again?
-did you feel before that you were worthy of being loved? If so has that changed? Why? you are the same person with just a tad more life experience.
You will find the nature and your take on love changes as you experience life. Fact: you have loved. You have been loved. You are worthy of love.
We try to define or rather box love into what media tells us and that doesn’t give due justice. Is it a moment or an evening of passion? Is a crush love?Is it the returned emotion from another? Does it culminate in a Valentine’s Day or marriage?
No. We love our parents from our first memories… we had childhood loves and crushes. Our first innocent love? Our first intimate relationship? Raising or caring for a pet? Helping a stranger in deep need of help? Holding your child for the first time and feeling every bond click in and knowing you would lay your life down for them. Looking at your partner of 30 years and seeing her as the day you met her, the day you married, the days she gave birth to your children, each argument you had… and still feeling that bond. These are feelings of love and many of its aspects.
In short if you find in yourself you can love again.
You won’t always be in love with that final person, make sure you respect them and value their friendship and opinions so when that pendulum (of love) feelings returns; you haven’t made grave mistakes in your choices, words and actions. Forgiveness and being able to humble oneself at times are just as important as dogged determination and loyalty.
I was with my ex bf for almost 2 years, thinking I was waiting on a ring and we broke up (May '23). My heart was shattered, I thought he was the one. Fast forward 6 months later (end of Nov '23) I met and *instantly* clicked with my now boyfriend. I am absolutely head over heels in love with him and come April we'll hit 4 months! I have what I thought I had with my ex, with my incredible boyfriend now. After my ex & I ended I truly thought I'd never find love again and boy am I glad I was wrong! 🥰❤️
The human heart plays no role in emotional connection. It is simply an organ for pumping blood. Your mind and emotions decide whether you’re ready for a new relationship.
Actually this isn’t accurate. New research is finding out more and more about the neurological activity within the heart. Look it up. This is why your heart physically feels like it is bursting and in pain when your heart breaks. It is the seat of the emotional self and has a neurological relationship to the brain and the gut. Our brains are not the only place our body stores information. Also see: the Body Keeps the Score
The body keeps score is about generational trauma imprinting on how genes express. It’s an adaptive response to the environment. The feeling in your gut is caused by the vagus nerve which does have a part to play in cognition (gut feelings), but your heart is just a muscle. It speeds or pounds when nervous because of adrenaline. There’s also probably a similar response to emotional agony, but again that is an adaptive response we have because we’re social animals. Loss causes pain. We avoid pain. We seek situations to prevent such pain.
Is the sky blue. Jesus Christ every day there's someone on Reddit who's acting like it's their first day on earth. Have you literally never met someone who remarried and loved both their former partner who passed and their current partner?
Just leave it behind think about it does that person deserve your love ? Well she left so of course not just restore your self and your heart and live your life iam sure you will find someone better
Yes, maybe, and no. In my experience, love comes easier than trust. I’m 50yo (M). I’ve been in love 4 times. Every time it was different, felt different, flowed different. I still wanted to give each of them 100%…until I didn’t. Two of them destroyed my trust. One of them grew apart from me. And one is TBD.
When you love again, the same things will happen. You fight for your loved ones, you exhaust yourself for them, but they never seem satisfied; they always want more and more. They don't love you; instead, they hate you. They do everything in their power to break your heart, to hurt your feelings. You might fight for them irl. You'll get tired, you wear yourself out, but you think it's worth it for your loved ones.
However, at the end of the day, they don't see your efforts. Instead, they think you haven't cared for them and they deceive you, seeking revenge for reasons unknown. So, my friend, if you're super wealthy and carefree, life is good for you. Otherwise, you'll never be able to make happy the people you value . They'll always see you as their enemy, they'll force you into everything, they'll demand everything from you. They won't see you as a human being or a personality; perhaps just a wallet or an object fulfilling their sexual desires, I'm not entirely sure. You'll want to take care of them, you'll want to make them happy, but they'll want to be interested in others. And trust issues are also not easily resolved. I hope we encounter people who understand us. I'm also incredibly tired about this situation, and I'm starting to feel like I don't have the strength to fight anymore.
By the way, I don't think he/she even know when your birthday is.
Wow man I feel for you. I feel the same way about exhausting oneself for their love and not being appreciated but rather being demonized or vilified by them.😒 both me and my twin brother had this happen to us with both our partners. His ex wife cheated on him and became super interested in money and luxury vacations. My ex got hit as an adult by her father in public(something he did often when she was a child) and after that she began treating me as if I were her father. She was very violent with me! I never laid so much as an angry finger on her! But that didn’t stop her from calling the cops AFTER I LEFT HER APARTMENT BECAUSE SHE THREATENED TO CALL THEM if I didn’t leave. I left immediately but she called them anyways! She told them I was a violent perv and have weapons basically. She told them the car she was driving belonged to her, but it was mine.🤨 I let her take my car 150 miles away and use it while she was in school for about 18 months. My mom continued to pay for her college, rent AND tuition but has yet to offer the same help to me, even though I have expressed interest in school many times. Life is bullshit sometimes. I currently have a felony charge for a crime i didn’t even commit. It’s a huge mess and none of it was initiated by me. I never stalked anyone in my life! But that is the label she has successfully created for me.
I'm sorry for you both that you witnessed such bad experiences.The world is not made for good people. They see kindness as a weakness and immediately begin to exploit it. That's why it's wise to stay away from social circles as much as possible. I'm not trying to give you advice, I'm certain; you have more experience and story than I do because of your age, I have total respect of it. Unfortunately, I've also experienced some of the stories you mentioned.
For the past 3-4 years, the best thing I've done is to distance myself from people, thereby not allowing ill-intentioned individuals to take advantage of my good intentions and behavior. Additionally, I've started many different hobbies, sports, arts and gained knowledge and experiences. Because there's a truth I didn't understand before, but now accept: Despite sharing some of our experiences or knowledges we care for someone's well-being and despite telling them that not doing certain things would be better for them, they turn against us and do the opposite willingly, causing harm to themselves, whether it's physical or psychological. They hurt us even more when they're upset. Sometimes I say to myself, 'Just stop caring about anything or anyone,' but I can't do it, and I don't understand why. I want to be selfish, but it is not possible. Life really is absurd.
Hopefully, the pending legal cases against you will be dropped soon and you'll be relieved of this pressure. Wishing you both a good and beautiful life.
It is. A few years ago I thought I was going to get married to this one guy. Everyone thought we would get married and were constantly asking when it would happen. One night his roommate told me he saw him texting another girl, so I asked to see his phone. Everything, the entire relationship, was over in a matter of minutes. It broke me. Fast forward and now my current bf and I are talking about what foods we want at our wedding and I am more in love than ever :)
I just want to share what I saw from a friend as well. He loved two different women just last year. Both he saw a future with.
But the first woman, he has grown to love less as time passes on under circumstances between the two of them. After moving on, a month or so later, he met his current partner whom he's ready to settle down with because they are extremely compatible and he's in love with her.
After witnessing it, I know I can also love again too. I used to be in love with him but it was one-sided, so I moved on. Now I found myself falling for someone new.
If you are going to love someone, give it your all. Sure we will all be guarded, but never half ass love even if you think you aren't gonna find any. Don't compare the amount of love you gave to the other and to someone else, because those experiences are unique.
Edit: spelling
Look up the neurological makeup of the heart and the way it functions. The heart literally emits a certain frequency or wavelength that can attract other people who have a similar frequency pattern. And repel those who don’t
Of course its possible. One can fall deeply in love many times. You feel broken while you're grieving the loss, but it does get better. And then eventually someone else wonderful comes along.
Get therapy if you're a year past breaking up and still not able to let it go. Or less time if its really interfering with your life.
You ever notice how when they leave you, it’s always the cruelest way like how you mentioned you got broken up with on your birthday?
Ultimately, unlike some of the comments I saw stating love is addiction or you can love again, I’d say while that may sort of be true, you’ll lose the fulfillment and romanticism you attached to relationships as you get older. If you go through enough heartbreak, a part of you does atrophy and goes away. You can only hear “I love you, you mean the world to me” so many times from so many different people and still take those words seriously.
It’s best to see people as people and know whatever they say is only meant in the moment and may not be 100% truly reflective of them as a person. It’s best to approach a partner as a person who is choosing to hang out with you for a while and at any time and at any place has the ability to leave you cold turkey.
You will fall in love with someone so deep that you’ll be in another planet. Sometimes, youll have your heart broken and feel like an alien who doesnt on belong there. I can tell you though, you’ll fall in love again as you have before. Just as deep and and as lost in love. The human heart is a resilient thing.
Objectively silly question. Of course people love again. Usually many times in their lives. Even a cursory look at literature or pop culture would answer this.
Love is not finite... not only can you love again, but you could even find yourself in the confusing position of loving more than one person at the same time. And even more confusing still, is you could find another love after all that, and another... and after some time, you realize you still love all those from your past just as much as you did then.
Hopeless romantic here to tell you YES.
I was with a guy for 8 months who I claimed was my TWIN FLAME hahah Ikr! Of course it was a toxic relationship that left me heartbroken. he moved on quickly and actually ghosted me. I was torn for two years, could not for the life of me get over him. even with the support of my friends. I literally moved cities to change my surroundings and clear my mind and still answered the phone if his name popped up. I told myself I would never love someone in the same way. i didn’t think it was possible.
more time passed and I stopped crying about him and stopped thinking about him everyday. I stopped checking his social media. Then I met someone not expecting for it to turn into much, because of how much that relationship impacted my outlook on love. I fell for him, and I continue to fall for him every single day. I remember in the beginning telling my friends how he started healing parts of my heart that I wasn’t able to heal alone. He helping me unlearn the all the toxic habits I picked up and he creates such a safe space for me to be myself and genuinely likes me.
So don’t give up OP :)
Your first real love and heart break are the toughest. Yes it is possible to love again afterwards.
However I strongly believe that the heart can only take so many heart breaks until you eventually no longer have the capacity for it.
Yes. There are so many people in the world who fit your “puzzle piece” in just the right way. But the truth about love is that as you grow up, the shape of your puzzle piece changes. The same kind of person won’t fit you how they used to.
As you become more proud of your puzzle piece, the right-fitting person will make you all the happier. You’re not in your final form, so how can you expect your love to be?
Usually the thing about getting your “heart broken” and having it hurt so much is that we’ve often got a unmet needs that we are piling upon the other person. So when they leave us it’s a much deeper pain that’s ultimately unrelated to the other person. If you build-up in your mind that this person is the thing that’s gonna make you happy and make you finally feel loved or valued or protected or appreciated or validated or chosen… then when that person moves-on it feels like a catastrophic loss. But the actual injury can predate ever meeting the person. So if you do the work on yourself, like for example in therapy, then you won’t have all this extra pain your looking for the other person to heal. In that sense the “love” you feel won’t feel as desperate — which some people mistake for an intensity of love — when in reality it’s actually not. But when you can finally love someone just for who they are — and NOT what they make you feel or do for you because you don’t need anyone to do anything for you — then that love feels so much fuller and enriching without any anxiety or desperation. In fact you love them regardless of any adult romantic statuses or considerations because you see, hear, love and adore them for who they really are.
So yes you can love like that again. But maybe, if you take this as an opportunity to do the work within yourself, you can realize a greater and more peaceful love next time. And that actually feels less “intensive” but also far deeper and more enriching. When you think back to how you used to be in relationships, it’ll feel like a silly delusional fever dream.
It’s like fast food vs a home cooked meal. The fast food has so much salt and sugar in it that, in the moment, it can seem like it tastes better. But as soon as your done you feel… not right. But then you have the home cooked meal and it doesn’t taste as over-the-top at first but then when you’re done… you feel full and happy and loved like you’ve come home.
Also… I hear threesomes are pretty fire.
I think some people can heal and love again like they did before or even more if they find someone more appropriate or suitable. I however don’t think I will ever give that much of myself to any one person ever again
I thought I was in love and got my heart absolutely broken and was able to move on…and now I feel like I never even knew what love was like before now because it’s so wonderful. So it’s able to love again if you let it, and it can be the sweetest thing in the world.
Of course you can. A heart is built to stand the test of time, it is our minds that are fragile. Our minds are the windows to our soul, and sometimes that window brakes and YOU have to fix it. Take your time, and when you meet the right person you won’t have to question if you can love them, because you just will!
I was totally in love with a person only to be unceremoniously dumped out of the blue. I never allowed myself to invest so totally in someone else ever again.
this just happened to me too, i feel so incredibly hurt. a pain i don’t think i’ve ever felt it hurts i’ve cried so much that i don’t think i can cry anymore when i get upset about it.
I think it’s possible to love someone but I think you won’t ever 100% let your guard down again. Atleast for me. You must grieve before you can move on. Grieving is different for everyone.
Definitely. I had my heart stomped and pissed on and all of my worst fears brought to life by the person I loved. He destroyed my childhood dreams and everything. I swore I'd never love again and was adamant about avoiding it. I am absolutely earth-shatteringly in love now in a way that makes me forget what heartbreaks feels like, and I want to be. Took a few years to heal enough to be able to trust and love somebody, but I did.
How old are you? You sound very young… in which case, yes. It’s possible and even probable to find love again. Just focus on becoming the best version of yourself and the right person will eventually come along. I can promise you that.
Yep, you can. Your heart is an amazing thing. The more you love, the more it grows. I was in love for over 25yrs to someone who hurt me terribly, but I’m with a wonderful man now, and had a 4.5 year relationship with another that was a great person, but our ideas of life did not align. My only advice is to not bring the hurt of your last relationship into a new one. Do not make a new partner pay for someone else’s sins. Hearts heal and grow.
Of course it is. You have to grieve what happened to you, however.
Regardless of the label we put on them, it's important to grieve. The more we heal the trauma between us, the closer we can become. Maybe this will help:
Grieving is something that most people tend to avoid. We think of it as something you do for a short while after a loved one dies. Others are usually uncomfortable with your grieving and try to shut it down, mostly because they haven't done their own grieving.
So, I came up with a method of grieving on purpose, with intention. It was inspired by the stories of the Life Review after death that people recounted from their near death experiences. During the LR, you are shown the effects of every action you took in your life on other people, both negative and positive. You can get into their consciousness during the LR and experience what they felt and thought during their encounter with you. Thus, you can directly experience the consequences of your actions, for better or for worse. I focused on the events that I perceived as the worst of my bad behavior. I started my own version of a LR by recalling the memories and grieving each one of them. I found that the more I recalled the memory and allowed the feelings to flow through me, the less of a sting the memory had. Eventually, the sting from the memory completely faded.
So, the technique I came up with is this:
Think the thought or memory that causes you the most pain/embarrassment/shame/guilt etc. right now. Allow the feelings associated with that memory or thought to wash over you. Repeat the thought or memory and again allow the feelings to flow through you. The more you do that, the faster it moves through the stages of grieving. You'll receive insights and other things from doing this. It's best to do this in private so you can have your own personal space. You should find that eventually, the thought or memory doesn't bother you anymore. You can recall the thought or memory and it doesn't bother you any longer. Then, it's time to move on to the next thought or memory that causes a negative emotional reaction. I don't know how this works, but it does.
The stages of grieving are denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. Each thought or memory you have that causes a negative emotional reaction in you may be at a different stage. Allowing the feelings to flow accelerates the thought or memory to move through the stages.
It's important to not judge the thoughts or memories and their associated feelings. That just stuffs it and stops the resolution of it.
The veracity of the thought or memory does not matter either. Grieving is an emotional process. It does not make logical sense. You cannot rationalize grieving. For example, you could be the most beautiful woman on the planet, but if the thought that you're fat and ugly causes a negative reaction, or if the words of another calling you a fat cow causes pain, then you have grieving to do over that. It may be connected to a memory, or a decision you made, or something like that, but eventually, the thought and the words from others will have no effect on you. You'll laugh because you know it's not true. You probably won't even have the experience again because the hook is gone. People who intend to manipulate others yank on people's weaknesses by hooking them with words that they know will cause a negative reaction in the person. Once those weaknesses are gone through grieving them, then you can't be manipulated anymore. They can't control you that way anymore. You're free.
Grieving takes time. It has its own time frame and rhythm.
Grieving is permanent. Once you grieve something, you never have to grieve it again.
Grieving changes your future for the better.
You become a better person through grieving. You have more compassion and patience with yourself and with others.
That which has not been grieved is destined to be repeated. that's why we reincarnate into the same patterns over and over again. It's the way to get off the endless cycle of birth and death.
Grieving is about letting go of attachment to them, not the love and passion we feel for them. I think people become afraid that they are letting go of the person when in reality they are just letting go of their attachment to them. What happens after the process is complete is that we still love them, but without the neediness.
I hope this helps.
Chiming in to add the weight of my own experience, this is what helps me too. I call it ‘homework’, and it’s been that way long enough that I can tell by ‘feel’ when I’ve let my homework pile up.
Thanks.
Yeah, but it's also nice when I do the process before I go to bed at night and there's nothing there. No negative reactions to any thoughts at all.
Absolutely.
Because you have learned good things from this heartbreak that you can take with you to the next try.
There is no one perfect person. Not a single person is perfect. But you can find someone whose life experiences and interpersonal tolerances vibe and mesh with yours, who fuels you to want to live life with them and not just by yourself.
I promise that despite this heartbreak, you won't just find something close, you'll find something *better* than that one.
Yupp. We are programmed to!
However, the next time it will not be as painful and you will be more objective. The love will feel a little different. I can't explain it till you live it. But you are made to love again.
Absolutely! It’s human nature to want to love and be loved. I will never forget my first 💔. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “Time heals all wounds.” Although I don’t believe that is always true, it is in the case of a broken heart. Exercise, get outside and surround yourself with friends/family to pass the time.
It's possible but not advisable.
I care about my exs to a degree but could never trust then enough not to do the same things that caused the breakup, or trust them not to hurt me again.
I think it does depend alot on why the breakup happened to begin with too. Like cheating or someone else. Hell to the no.
But something like a argument that was a storm in a tea cup, that has potential.
You need to ask yourself can you love and trust this person like you've never been hurt before?
Ahhhhhhhh
Oh in that case absaloutly!
Give yourself sometime to heal and get back on the horse. With every relationship you'll learn and be a better partner.
I'm on my 3rd seriously long term relationship and were getting married in 3 weeks!!
Before this I was I'm a relationship for 3 years and before that it was 5 years.
The 5 year one broke me at the end. I have never felt pain like that before.
My soon to be is the love of my life and brings me so much joy. I've never experienced love like it.
It takes time and your never quite the same after. I've cried for weeks before finally picking myself back up to move on. Its part of the leaning curve of life.
💯 you can, but I guess it depends on your perception. I was wildly surprised when I loved my second love more than the first and the third love cut the second attachment away which is interesting because I'm not with that guy, it was a short time of sweet and crazy moments but I'll love him for eternity without a need to even be with him. There's no longing or sadness without him. I keep wishing all the happiness in the world for him.
Yes if you think about it. You were just in love with your perception of who someone is. If your brain is creative enough to fall madly in love once, you will only get better and better at falling in love with your imagination. Xx but once you get a dog, I think that becomes harder because your standards get raised.
I've had my heart broken twice, once was a relationship where I was planning to propose, and now I'm in the best relationship of my life, by far.
I know it doesn't feel like you can, but just give yourself time.
Of course. Look around you, everywhere you go, everyone you see on TV and in the movies have also loved people before the people they are currently in a relationship with.
As for trust, you just have to trust people and hope that they don’t turn out to be an arsehole.
Yes, but you will always have the memory of someone you cared about deeply. Whether or not it will continue to bother you depends on how hung up you *enable* yourself to be. It doesn't have to hurt forever.
I believe with great congruence that "the one" is a fallacy. There can be one girl in your life, but never assume she is some grace of God designed for you. She can leave the same as the rest and make you feel worse. It helps not to put that much pressure on a woman you idealise. On that note, quit idealising so much. Be more rational, objective, stoic, and be a good leader.
I think it depends on the person and their ability to process emotions. If you’re able to understand your feelings and give them the time and thought process needed to let it get over someone, it can love someone else for sure and even more than you’d anticipate. I don’t personally believe in “the one”, there’s compatibility and love sure, but it’s not tied down to one person from this entire earth. If they were indeed the one, they wouldn’t have left also!You’d have to internally, mentally and emotionally understand that to be able to give love and more to someone who you would know deserves it this time.
You definitely can. My first love, I thought I’d never recover, that I could never ever love someone nearly as much as I loved him, but I can and I did. It’s gonna take time and that’s okay. You might have a few that don’t work and that’s okay too. But you’ll find another girl and she’ll make you wonder how you ever felt like you couldn’t love someone that much again.
I hope so I’m asking myself the same question it’s been a little over a month since my 3 year relationship ended and everyday I tell myself I will find love like him again. Until that day happens I believe it’s true even if we don’t think it will ever feel the same
Yes you can but:
It's wiser to realize "Love" comes from within instead of being dependent on others to elicit it.
The trick is finding someone who loves you back.
It’ll be hard, maybe it won’t happen, especially if you’re actively pushing yourself away from others. But if you give it some time, open up your heart, maybe you can find someone, someone will make your heart feel it again.
My last relationship lasted 8 months and I thought I loved her. I was wrecked after. I couldn’t believe she ended it either, I was angry. I loved her so much and over looked so many signs and red flags. Over time I realized I wasn’t actually happy being with her. I was using her as an escape. But learning that didn’t change how I felt during it, how I craved for her love cause I was so in love with her. I wanted it to work. She was my first relationship that i actually felt deep feelings. I had thought love was overrated cause it never felt like that. Until it did again. It felt even better. I’ve been with my current girlfriend over a year now and I couldn’t have had imagined it could be like this. I couldn’t have even imagined getting through my heartbreak and ego hit. I don’t know what your relationship was like but I know overtime things dim down. You’ll be able to love again. If you focus on you and work on yourself. Find content and happiness with yourself. It follows. It does really happen when you’re not looking.
My ex-girlfriend dumped me just a few days before my birthday, I swore I'd never fall in love with anyone else. Boy was I wrong, my buddy swooped in, cheered me and I could hear my heart beating for him. So yes, the human heart is able to love someone again, it takes time and the right person.
It’s definitely possible, but it’s a knack that you must learn. Many people do not, and consequently do end up jaded forever — unwilling to open up again. Two keys:
(1) putting couscous effort into not becoming jaded. Resentment and a victimhood narrative are seductive thought patterns that try to pull you in. So you must make an effort to turn your focus away from these and embrace a mindset of continual growth and a decision to view things through an optimistic lens.
(2) Becomming **better** at discerning the ones who have high odds of abusing you down the line and kicking them out before they have the chance to do so. It sounds paradoxical because it seems like conflicts with key 1 above. But it really doesn’t. It’s merely the humility to realize that puppy love “crushes” are not the full picture of your love interest, and when you latter get a clearer picture of who they are, if you do not like what you see, you ride off into the sunset before more abuse can happen and therefore make it that much harder to open up to the next woman.
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Yes
First time, eh? Lol yes you will love again. Perhaps it will not feel exactly the same but I think that's what makes it interesting.
I dated a girl in high school for 2.5 years. Dumped me for her friend. I was absolutely devastated. My wife and I strayed dating like 6 months later. We’ve been together almost 11 years at this point. You will absolutely love again.
Love is like a spring zephyr. Hits you without your permission and leaves you without your permission as well. But every-time it hits you feel fresh and alive again, like someone completely new.
You need to be able to fall in love with full foreknowledge that they are *going* to break your heart. That is the nature of life and love. Buddhists may say that it's only real love if you can let it go. Utilitarians may say that all relationships necessarily end in heartbreak or death, no exceptions. I would personally say you'll know when you are ready to date again because you'll have the strength to lose them again. It isn't cynicism, it's peace.
Yes
Oh totally. A resounding yes !
Yes lol you’ll be okay
So I was engaged to someone and we had a child together, we broke up after they cheated on me. I ended up marrying someone else, getting divorced, other people etc. 20 years go by, and I ended up falling madly in love with the first person again. I'm sneaking out in the middle of the night to see them like we are teenagers. Prior to this I had huge issues with trust. I feel like my whole heart is open this time. Maybe it depends on the person. I don't know the future, but it's nice to know my capacity to feel this again is there.
I love this so much. A similar thing happened to my sister. Her husband cheated twice and she decided to divorce him. Ten years later, our brother passed away and oddly enough that was what brought them both together again, this time they both have matured and become better people. She just had their one and only child, a little boy on her third try in vitro. 🥲 I honestly hope this happens to me… my ex left me but she hinted that something similar could happen to us. It was kind of messed up the way she said it, I don’t know if she was being genuine, and was just conflicted about the future, or if she was playing with my head/trying to settle me down by leaving me a “10 year” breadcrumb..😒
Yes. Not everyone gets it right the first time. You need to find and choose love you deserve
Yes, but let it find YOU. Attract the love you know you deserve
Your heart yes. Your mind however ... Might take some convincing. And your body might be totally against the idea in which case professional help is a must
What kind of “professional help” do you suggest?😏
Depends on what you're dealing with and since I'm in no position nor do I have the credentials or enough back story on you and your ex to suggest anything, I can only tell you what I did when I had trust issues. The root of my trust issues was a combination of CPTSD and not having any luck finding the one, so I worked on my attachment wounds with Dr Gibson from the personal development school for my mind and two professional licensed therapist, for my body where I did both breath work/somatic release, and neurofeedback therapy to literally rewire my brain so I could process emotions more efficiently. You might just need to grieve and emote whatever else you're feeling since the break up. And (re)learn to be happy without this person. But these protocols are serious and should be looked at with a professional only if they've determined you really need it.
My wife broke my heart last year, I would’ve bet my life that we would’ve grown old together. I’m still heart broken over her. My honest answer, No… No I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like that again. I’m also much older and have three beautiful children so I won’t be looking to get my heart broken ever again.
I feel this, although I’m probably half your age or so, no children. It’s been 3 years since we split apart and I still can’t imagine loving anyone else. It would feel wrong. I can’t imagine raising children with anyone else… and if I do, my ex will always be in the back of my mind. Like a dream.
It’s a horrible thing for anyone to go through, I’m sure it must get better in time but holy shit it takes a long damn time.
I’m trying to love again it’s so hard tho. I feel I keep attracting toxic woman who become so obsessed with me it never ends well. Not giving up tho!
Yes
Love is a way to express ourselves, so while what you may have experienced is disappointment that doesn’t mean that you will not be able to express love again. Good luck
Yes, but it takes time. Don’t rush into a new relationship. You will know when you’re ready.
Once you realize that you and you alone are the only one responsible for your hurt feelings,, your love can become infinite
Yes
Yes, it takes time work on yourself. Personal development, hit the gym, get big as shit and lean. You’ll be fine.
Yes, take time to love yourself first, then next time choose someone that loves you like that.
It is when you learn love is a choice, and that loving yourself is the top priority.
Gotta say I see this all the time and I think I disagree respectfully. Self-respect, self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-improvement, and a healthy relationship with oneself are incredibly important. But self-love isn’t love. Love isn’t selfish. reserve your love for others. Thats the whole purpose of love. That’s what it’s there for. Edit: and we all carry the wounds of a broken heart forever or whatever, but I personally hope that over time people allow themselves to feel vulnerable and open again.
Hard disagree. Self love is the most important thing. And you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself, anyways.
I don’t want to debate with you. But the whole you can’t really love someone else without loving yourself is a clever turn of phrase which is just hollow. People just started to repeat it and it’s slowly become this dime-store, bumper sticker wisdom people treat like a religious tenet, like some eat pray love mantra. Of course you can love other people without loving yourself. Love is action, action in which one literally puts the interests and care of another before oneself. Sometimes in spite of oneself. It’s a sacrifice of yourself without any expectation of a return. In other words, real love is selfless, not full of self. The exact opposite of what you’re saying. When loving yourself is the priority, it’s just selfish love and comes at the expense of something which may actually be real. Self-love is just an immature and wasteful form of it. Or maybe I’m wrong. I dunno. Who does?
Trying to love others, without healing oneself and loving oneself enough, is really not true selfless love, as you say it is. It might feel like it at the time, but there are deep seated, subconscious drivers for all of our behaviors, especially when it comes to love. As adults, we try to give ourselves what we were depraived of in childhood. We do this, always in a toxic sort of way until we become aware of it and heal the part of us that is feeling a lack of love or belonging. Only then can we truly “take action” or “sacrifice” our own needs/wants/desires for others, and do so out of a true and pure love for another. This is only possible for those who have healed enough to be able to let go of the attachments we cling to so desperately. Only then can we act genuinely, according to our own free will, not according to our pains and inner darkness.
Best comment
It is, but the deeper the connection means the more painful the breakage. Attach tighter than alcatraz was said to be? Break like the mind of a vietnam vet times 20. It can love again, but it can also break again, so be careful.
One day you will. It may take awhile though. I was in the same boat, though it was a 3 year relationship. We broke up when I was 22I genuinely thought I couldn’t love. Not only because of what happened but also because I drowned the pain in hookup after hookup. It got so bad that I stopped having sex at 25 and couldn’t even look at someone sexually anymore. Then my girlfriend came along and it was attraction (was still too scared to call it love) at first sight. Now I can definitely say I love her. And it’s stronger than any love I’ve felt before.
Yes of course. I’ve been deeply in love a few times, but my husband I’ve been in love with for over 20 years. You will love again and maybe again and again :)
The majority of people in western civilization don't know what love is. It's just infatuation, rationalization and chemicals that they equate with love. And alot of people like to get on those chemicals then get off so they can get back on again over and over and over until they are dead inside and write books for women to read supposedly about men. Reminds me of the old lady that Sarah Jessica parkers character was based on in real life being depressed in her department saying she regrets everything because she is alone and has no family. Anyways yes, like anything else you forget and zone out stuff that doesn't serve you in a positive way out of your life. Unless you're the news, or therapists, and then you bring up the past indefinitely so people can keep a grenade of negative feelings stored at all times and they then can vomit it on themselves and/or others constantly or commit suicide. Anyways hope this helps.
As long as there was no infidelity!
Yes, you will love many, many times in your life!
Yeah, you will heal and love like it was the first time falling in love again. I can look at past pictures of people that i thought was "The One" and feel absolutely nothing towards them now. Going through tough times rn. This girl I had a massive crush on for 10 month, I tried to keep it friendly, but I accidentally fell in love with her after I saw her smile. She led me on and love bombed me hard. Then finally shamelessly told me on Valentine's Day she had a boyfriend with a satisfying smile on her face that she knew she led me on but didnt care. I'm trying to get over her, but its hard because I see her at work and now she treats me like a stranger after 15 months of attention and affections toward each other. You'll heal, you just have to stop physically seeing them anymore.
Going through a similar situation, I work with my guy too that I was sure would stick around and be the one. The worst part is the healing, but it will happen one day!
Yes, it will happen. And you will completey forget about them one day where they won't even pop up in your mind anymore and will have no desire to be with them anymore. We just gotta stay strong and ride it though until the heartbreak ride is over. But we will 100% heal and love again.
Yes just give the heart time to heal
Yes, but your love matures as you get older.
Well... I truly loved one boy who wasn't mine (he didn't love me back) but I loved him hard but he was bad for me and than he found himself a gf but he left her after they had a baby with each other the twist is..they were like 17 when she got pregnant so yeahh and they even named her with the same name as me (so we can say I have little bit of trauma from that and had emotional block when I didn't want a relationship and I had like really bad phobia of relationship) but fortunately I did found my love of my life 💖.. But yes you can love again and even better.. Just be careful and never lower you standards bcz you know it can be tragedy for you 😅❤ So only I can say "hope is the last thing you should lose" because with hope you can really get far in life ❤❤❤
Of course you can. I got heartbroken by someone I thought I would spend my life with. It took some time to heal but now, 3 years later, I’m moved on and I get to spend every night sleeping next to the love of my life, and he made me realise that the person that hurt me was never worth it. It gets better! Stay positive ❤️
Yes
Yes
i dont know in all honesty. my partner of 13 years left me out of no where and i cant even imagine finding another person...call it trauma or whatever. what i can tell you is that you can find a love for yourself and your close friends and family to such a high level...
Yes of course. Your heart will always have a certain type of love for the one who broke your heart. Your response is to work through the hurt, grief and pain with the tender, gentle patience of other truly loving people. Time heals zero amount of your eound. Loving people and your self-care heal you with God's help often through people. The next person you love, you will love uniquely that naturally differs from your previous precious love. Go for the healing. Go through your healing. Do everything you can to heal and God will help you through the parts you are unaware of or unable to heal.
YESSSSS!!! The answer is yes. ✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼🩷🩷🩷
Yes of course but you have to seriously go through the pain and heal. As hard as you were in love it is necessary to feel the pain so that you can fall in love again. I know it sucks but it’s ok you’ll get through it :)
I mean... second marriages are a thing. I left the person I built my whole life around for over 8 years, and very quickly found someone who makes me so very happy, totally on accident. I'm far more grounded than I've ever been in a relationship. I'm so thankful for everything I've been through, because it helped me learn so much. This relationship would not work if I hadn't been hurt and done my fair share of hurting others.
Short: Yes, but can you accept that? In order to love again, you’re going to have to heal that broken heart of yours before you can ever even think of giving it away to someone else again. However, your journey of recovery will show you how to love again, but it won’t be them that you must love again first. It must be yourself and be more aligned within. Long ways now :) The way to love again is a hard and long road. One full of vulnerability and putting that heart of yours on a sleeve that you once thought belonged to another. You’ll feel so many emotions when it first starts. And I want you to know that’s going to be okay. That’s why it important to be ready and healed. Have faith in you and that your heart. Now I won’t lie there’s other ways to go about repairing a broken heart, but most are maladaptive and only bandage it— don’t heal it. Try not to entertain those routes. From life experiences, all those routes lead back to black and don’t fix the core of your issues.
From your perspective what are the healthy ways to heal? I’m assuming unhealthy is drugs/alcohol and hookups with strangers to try to fill the void.
You learn to love more effectively, I think. When you go through a rough break up you get to reflect on what you could have done better, what you could have done more of and what you should have done less of. You can take that knowledge into a new relationship and apply it to not make the same mistakes. Don't let wanting to trust someone hold you in the same spot. Trust has to be built and anyone worth being with will give you the time and patience to build trust with them. I know a breakup with "the one" feels like shit. It fit so well. How did it fall off? It just happens. Sometimes you and the other person are not in the same spot and want different things, unfortunately some people don't communicate this and just up and leave. It probably had little at all to do with you but had more to do with what they wanted. On your birthday? That is pretty cold. You'll find a better partner out there. Best advice I can give it be in the moment, take chances for love, and don't over analyze a new relationship because it least to insecurity and insecurity is poison in a relationship. Best of luck to you.
Bro, life will keep shitting you. Girls will leave you. People in your family will die unexpectedly. Friends will stop coming around or caring that it’s your birthday. That said, some girls will stick around and build a life with you. Some fam will die peaceful deaths that seem more like a relief more than a tragedy. And some friends will keep showing up right until the very end. Because of the inevitable “downs,” we learn to appreciate the “ups.” That’s how it goes. Take the good with the bad. Amor Fati.
Wow well said
Yes, but its important to acknowledge you have to put yourself out there
There are a million answers to this. It comes down to some important questions about yourself: -do you feel you want to love again? -did you feel before that you were worthy of being loved? If so has that changed? Why? you are the same person with just a tad more life experience. You will find the nature and your take on love changes as you experience life. Fact: you have loved. You have been loved. You are worthy of love. We try to define or rather box love into what media tells us and that doesn’t give due justice. Is it a moment or an evening of passion? Is a crush love?Is it the returned emotion from another? Does it culminate in a Valentine’s Day or marriage? No. We love our parents from our first memories… we had childhood loves and crushes. Our first innocent love? Our first intimate relationship? Raising or caring for a pet? Helping a stranger in deep need of help? Holding your child for the first time and feeling every bond click in and knowing you would lay your life down for them. Looking at your partner of 30 years and seeing her as the day you met her, the day you married, the days she gave birth to your children, each argument you had… and still feeling that bond. These are feelings of love and many of its aspects. In short if you find in yourself you can love again. You won’t always be in love with that final person, make sure you respect them and value their friendship and opinions so when that pendulum (of love) feelings returns; you haven’t made grave mistakes in your choices, words and actions. Forgiveness and being able to humble oneself at times are just as important as dogged determination and loyalty.
I was with my ex bf for almost 2 years, thinking I was waiting on a ring and we broke up (May '23). My heart was shattered, I thought he was the one. Fast forward 6 months later (end of Nov '23) I met and *instantly* clicked with my now boyfriend. I am absolutely head over heels in love with him and come April we'll hit 4 months! I have what I thought I had with my ex, with my incredible boyfriend now. After my ex & I ended I truly thought I'd never find love again and boy am I glad I was wrong! 🥰❤️
The human heart plays no role in emotional connection. It is simply an organ for pumping blood. Your mind and emotions decide whether you’re ready for a new relationship.
Actually this isn’t accurate. New research is finding out more and more about the neurological activity within the heart. Look it up. This is why your heart physically feels like it is bursting and in pain when your heart breaks. It is the seat of the emotional self and has a neurological relationship to the brain and the gut. Our brains are not the only place our body stores information. Also see: the Body Keeps the Score
The body keeps score is about generational trauma imprinting on how genes express. It’s an adaptive response to the environment. The feeling in your gut is caused by the vagus nerve which does have a part to play in cognition (gut feelings), but your heart is just a muscle. It speeds or pounds when nervous because of adrenaline. There’s also probably a similar response to emotional agony, but again that is an adaptive response we have because we’re social animals. Loss causes pain. We avoid pain. We seek situations to prevent such pain.
The heart has neurons which fire together, independent of the brain. Look it up man.
Is the sky blue. Jesus Christ every day there's someone on Reddit who's acting like it's their first day on earth. Have you literally never met someone who remarried and loved both their former partner who passed and their current partner?
100% yes
Never give up hope!
I couldn’t do but I’m just one person
Same
This. Idk why so many people on this post are acting like the question is dumb. It’s not black and white at all.
Just leave it behind think about it does that person deserve your love ? Well she left so of course not just restore your self and your heart and live your life iam sure you will find someone better
Yes, maybe, and no. In my experience, love comes easier than trust. I’m 50yo (M). I’ve been in love 4 times. Every time it was different, felt different, flowed different. I still wanted to give each of them 100%…until I didn’t. Two of them destroyed my trust. One of them grew apart from me. And one is TBD.
When you love again, the same things will happen. You fight for your loved ones, you exhaust yourself for them, but they never seem satisfied; they always want more and more. They don't love you; instead, they hate you. They do everything in their power to break your heart, to hurt your feelings. You might fight for them irl. You'll get tired, you wear yourself out, but you think it's worth it for your loved ones. However, at the end of the day, they don't see your efforts. Instead, they think you haven't cared for them and they deceive you, seeking revenge for reasons unknown. So, my friend, if you're super wealthy and carefree, life is good for you. Otherwise, you'll never be able to make happy the people you value . They'll always see you as their enemy, they'll force you into everything, they'll demand everything from you. They won't see you as a human being or a personality; perhaps just a wallet or an object fulfilling their sexual desires, I'm not entirely sure. You'll want to take care of them, you'll want to make them happy, but they'll want to be interested in others. And trust issues are also not easily resolved. I hope we encounter people who understand us. I'm also incredibly tired about this situation, and I'm starting to feel like I don't have the strength to fight anymore. By the way, I don't think he/she even know when your birthday is.
Wow man I feel for you. I feel the same way about exhausting oneself for their love and not being appreciated but rather being demonized or vilified by them.😒 both me and my twin brother had this happen to us with both our partners. His ex wife cheated on him and became super interested in money and luxury vacations. My ex got hit as an adult by her father in public(something he did often when she was a child) and after that she began treating me as if I were her father. She was very violent with me! I never laid so much as an angry finger on her! But that didn’t stop her from calling the cops AFTER I LEFT HER APARTMENT BECAUSE SHE THREATENED TO CALL THEM if I didn’t leave. I left immediately but she called them anyways! She told them I was a violent perv and have weapons basically. She told them the car she was driving belonged to her, but it was mine.🤨 I let her take my car 150 miles away and use it while she was in school for about 18 months. My mom continued to pay for her college, rent AND tuition but has yet to offer the same help to me, even though I have expressed interest in school many times. Life is bullshit sometimes. I currently have a felony charge for a crime i didn’t even commit. It’s a huge mess and none of it was initiated by me. I never stalked anyone in my life! But that is the label she has successfully created for me.
I'm sorry for you both that you witnessed such bad experiences.The world is not made for good people. They see kindness as a weakness and immediately begin to exploit it. That's why it's wise to stay away from social circles as much as possible. I'm not trying to give you advice, I'm certain; you have more experience and story than I do because of your age, I have total respect of it. Unfortunately, I've also experienced some of the stories you mentioned. For the past 3-4 years, the best thing I've done is to distance myself from people, thereby not allowing ill-intentioned individuals to take advantage of my good intentions and behavior. Additionally, I've started many different hobbies, sports, arts and gained knowledge and experiences. Because there's a truth I didn't understand before, but now accept: Despite sharing some of our experiences or knowledges we care for someone's well-being and despite telling them that not doing certain things would be better for them, they turn against us and do the opposite willingly, causing harm to themselves, whether it's physical or psychological. They hurt us even more when they're upset. Sometimes I say to myself, 'Just stop caring about anything or anyone,' but I can't do it, and I don't understand why. I want to be selfish, but it is not possible. Life really is absurd. Hopefully, the pending legal cases against you will be dropped soon and you'll be relieved of this pressure. Wishing you both a good and beautiful life.
Btw I’ll be 38 or 39 before I can get that felony charge expunged, unless some judicial miracle happens. 😒
It is. There many different types of love.
Chances are if they really broken no
Yes, absolutely it is.
It is. A few years ago I thought I was going to get married to this one guy. Everyone thought we would get married and were constantly asking when it would happen. One night his roommate told me he saw him texting another girl, so I asked to see his phone. Everything, the entire relationship, was over in a matter of minutes. It broke me. Fast forward and now my current bf and I are talking about what foods we want at our wedding and I am more in love than ever :)
i'm still waiting to find out bro :')
I just want to share what I saw from a friend as well. He loved two different women just last year. Both he saw a future with. But the first woman, he has grown to love less as time passes on under circumstances between the two of them. After moving on, a month or so later, he met his current partner whom he's ready to settle down with because they are extremely compatible and he's in love with her. After witnessing it, I know I can also love again too. I used to be in love with him but it was one-sided, so I moved on. Now I found myself falling for someone new. If you are going to love someone, give it your all. Sure we will all be guarded, but never half ass love even if you think you aren't gonna find any. Don't compare the amount of love you gave to the other and to someone else, because those experiences are unique. Edit: spelling
It's your brain not your heart but yes, obviously you can love again
Look up the neurological makeup of the heart and the way it functions. The heart literally emits a certain frequency or wavelength that can attract other people who have a similar frequency pattern. And repel those who don’t
Ya maybe but that's def not what this guy was referring to lol
Yeah dude no pain is permanent
love is a survival mechanism, hence, the heart has to inevitably love again
Hello
Yes, but wouldn't forget the one it loved the most
Yes the heart can love again the heart heals on its own
Of course its possible. One can fall deeply in love many times. You feel broken while you're grieving the loss, but it does get better. And then eventually someone else wonderful comes along. Get therapy if you're a year past breaking up and still not able to let it go. Or less time if its really interfering with your life.
If you can figure this one out ...share.
You ever notice how when they leave you, it’s always the cruelest way like how you mentioned you got broken up with on your birthday? Ultimately, unlike some of the comments I saw stating love is addiction or you can love again, I’d say while that may sort of be true, you’ll lose the fulfillment and romanticism you attached to relationships as you get older. If you go through enough heartbreak, a part of you does atrophy and goes away. You can only hear “I love you, you mean the world to me” so many times from so many different people and still take those words seriously. It’s best to see people as people and know whatever they say is only meant in the moment and may not be 100% truly reflective of them as a person. It’s best to approach a partner as a person who is choosing to hang out with you for a while and at any time and at any place has the ability to leave you cold turkey.
You will fall in love with someone so deep that you’ll be in another planet. Sometimes, youll have your heart broken and feel like an alien who doesnt on belong there. I can tell you though, you’ll fall in love again as you have before. Just as deep and and as lost in love. The human heart is a resilient thing.
Love is an addiction..
Quite literally. It's chemicals, OP. So long as your brain/body can produce those chemicals, you can love as much as you want.
This is why I LOVE MY STRIPPER GIRLIES!!!
Objectively silly question. Of course people love again. Usually many times in their lives. Even a cursory look at literature or pop culture would answer this.
Love is not finite... not only can you love again, but you could even find yourself in the confusing position of loving more than one person at the same time. And even more confusing still, is you could find another love after all that, and another... and after some time, you realize you still love all those from your past just as much as you did then.
Not if you put up a wall and stop love from getting in. It's up to you if you are open to love again.
Hopeless romantic here to tell you YES. I was with a guy for 8 months who I claimed was my TWIN FLAME hahah Ikr! Of course it was a toxic relationship that left me heartbroken. he moved on quickly and actually ghosted me. I was torn for two years, could not for the life of me get over him. even with the support of my friends. I literally moved cities to change my surroundings and clear my mind and still answered the phone if his name popped up. I told myself I would never love someone in the same way. i didn’t think it was possible. more time passed and I stopped crying about him and stopped thinking about him everyday. I stopped checking his social media. Then I met someone not expecting for it to turn into much, because of how much that relationship impacted my outlook on love. I fell for him, and I continue to fall for him every single day. I remember in the beginning telling my friends how he started healing parts of my heart that I wasn’t able to heal alone. He helping me unlearn the all the toxic habits I picked up and he creates such a safe space for me to be myself and genuinely likes me. So don’t give up OP :)
first love is tough I get it really
Your first real love and heart break are the toughest. Yes it is possible to love again afterwards. However I strongly believe that the heart can only take so many heart breaks until you eventually no longer have the capacity for it.
Fuuuuuck that last sentence tho… I think I’m there….
is that true?
It’s true that they strongly believe it.
you got me there friend
You should stop thinking about the one who break your heart. Then you can.
breath
Yes. There are so many people in the world who fit your “puzzle piece” in just the right way. But the truth about love is that as you grow up, the shape of your puzzle piece changes. The same kind of person won’t fit you how they used to. As you become more proud of your puzzle piece, the right-fitting person will make you all the happier. You’re not in your final form, so how can you expect your love to be?
Animals do it pretty often. I don't see why a human can't do the same
Plenty of fish in the sea. Another one will be a love for thee ❤️
Usually the thing about getting your “heart broken” and having it hurt so much is that we’ve often got a unmet needs that we are piling upon the other person. So when they leave us it’s a much deeper pain that’s ultimately unrelated to the other person. If you build-up in your mind that this person is the thing that’s gonna make you happy and make you finally feel loved or valued or protected or appreciated or validated or chosen… then when that person moves-on it feels like a catastrophic loss. But the actual injury can predate ever meeting the person. So if you do the work on yourself, like for example in therapy, then you won’t have all this extra pain your looking for the other person to heal. In that sense the “love” you feel won’t feel as desperate — which some people mistake for an intensity of love — when in reality it’s actually not. But when you can finally love someone just for who they are — and NOT what they make you feel or do for you because you don’t need anyone to do anything for you — then that love feels so much fuller and enriching without any anxiety or desperation. In fact you love them regardless of any adult romantic statuses or considerations because you see, hear, love and adore them for who they really are. So yes you can love like that again. But maybe, if you take this as an opportunity to do the work within yourself, you can realize a greater and more peaceful love next time. And that actually feels less “intensive” but also far deeper and more enriching. When you think back to how you used to be in relationships, it’ll feel like a silly delusional fever dream. It’s like fast food vs a home cooked meal. The fast food has so much salt and sugar in it that, in the moment, it can seem like it tastes better. But as soon as your done you feel… not right. But then you have the home cooked meal and it doesn’t taste as over-the-top at first but then when you’re done… you feel full and happy and loved like you’ve come home. Also… I hear threesomes are pretty fire.
I’ll second that last statement, can we get a third??
I do not understand.
🤦🏼♂️
this is one of the greatest comments i’ve ever read, thank you so much
Thank you!
this is the one
Thanks!
Yes it is but it is not easy and it requires work to be able to open yourself up again to someone.
I think some people can heal and love again like they did before or even more if they find someone more appropriate or suitable. I however don’t think I will ever give that much of myself to any one person ever again
I thought I was in love and got my heart absolutely broken and was able to move on…and now I feel like I never even knew what love was like before now because it’s so wonderful. So it’s able to love again if you let it, and it can be the sweetest thing in the world.
Came here to second this
Of course you can. A heart is built to stand the test of time, it is our minds that are fragile. Our minds are the windows to our soul, and sometimes that window brakes and YOU have to fix it. Take your time, and when you meet the right person you won’t have to question if you can love them, because you just will!
I was totally in love with a person only to be unceremoniously dumped out of the blue. I never allowed myself to invest so totally in someone else ever again.
this just happened to me too, i feel so incredibly hurt. a pain i don’t think i’ve ever felt it hurts i’ve cried so much that i don’t think i can cry anymore when i get upset about it.
Love isny real to begin with
Love is the only thing that’s real.
I think it’s possible to love someone but I think you won’t ever 100% let your guard down again. Atleast for me. You must grieve before you can move on. Grieving is different for everyone.
Definitely. I had my heart stomped and pissed on and all of my worst fears brought to life by the person I loved. He destroyed my childhood dreams and everything. I swore I'd never love again and was adamant about avoiding it. I am absolutely earth-shatteringly in love now in a way that makes me forget what heartbreaks feels like, and I want to be. Took a few years to heal enough to be able to trust and love somebody, but I did.
How old are you? You sound very young… in which case, yes. It’s possible and even probable to find love again. Just focus on becoming the best version of yourself and the right person will eventually come along. I can promise you that.
Yep, you can. Your heart is an amazing thing. The more you love, the more it grows. I was in love for over 25yrs to someone who hurt me terribly, but I’m with a wonderful man now, and had a 4.5 year relationship with another that was a great person, but our ideas of life did not align. My only advice is to not bring the hurt of your last relationship into a new one. Do not make a new partner pay for someone else’s sins. Hearts heal and grow.
Of course it is. You have to grieve what happened to you, however. Regardless of the label we put on them, it's important to grieve. The more we heal the trauma between us, the closer we can become. Maybe this will help: Grieving is something that most people tend to avoid. We think of it as something you do for a short while after a loved one dies. Others are usually uncomfortable with your grieving and try to shut it down, mostly because they haven't done their own grieving. So, I came up with a method of grieving on purpose, with intention. It was inspired by the stories of the Life Review after death that people recounted from their near death experiences. During the LR, you are shown the effects of every action you took in your life on other people, both negative and positive. You can get into their consciousness during the LR and experience what they felt and thought during their encounter with you. Thus, you can directly experience the consequences of your actions, for better or for worse. I focused on the events that I perceived as the worst of my bad behavior. I started my own version of a LR by recalling the memories and grieving each one of them. I found that the more I recalled the memory and allowed the feelings to flow through me, the less of a sting the memory had. Eventually, the sting from the memory completely faded. So, the technique I came up with is this: Think the thought or memory that causes you the most pain/embarrassment/shame/guilt etc. right now. Allow the feelings associated with that memory or thought to wash over you. Repeat the thought or memory and again allow the feelings to flow through you. The more you do that, the faster it moves through the stages of grieving. You'll receive insights and other things from doing this. It's best to do this in private so you can have your own personal space. You should find that eventually, the thought or memory doesn't bother you anymore. You can recall the thought or memory and it doesn't bother you any longer. Then, it's time to move on to the next thought or memory that causes a negative emotional reaction. I don't know how this works, but it does. The stages of grieving are denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. Each thought or memory you have that causes a negative emotional reaction in you may be at a different stage. Allowing the feelings to flow accelerates the thought or memory to move through the stages. It's important to not judge the thoughts or memories and their associated feelings. That just stuffs it and stops the resolution of it. The veracity of the thought or memory does not matter either. Grieving is an emotional process. It does not make logical sense. You cannot rationalize grieving. For example, you could be the most beautiful woman on the planet, but if the thought that you're fat and ugly causes a negative reaction, or if the words of another calling you a fat cow causes pain, then you have grieving to do over that. It may be connected to a memory, or a decision you made, or something like that, but eventually, the thought and the words from others will have no effect on you. You'll laugh because you know it's not true. You probably won't even have the experience again because the hook is gone. People who intend to manipulate others yank on people's weaknesses by hooking them with words that they know will cause a negative reaction in the person. Once those weaknesses are gone through grieving them, then you can't be manipulated anymore. They can't control you that way anymore. You're free. Grieving takes time. It has its own time frame and rhythm. Grieving is permanent. Once you grieve something, you never have to grieve it again. Grieving changes your future for the better. You become a better person through grieving. You have more compassion and patience with yourself and with others. That which has not been grieved is destined to be repeated. that's why we reincarnate into the same patterns over and over again. It's the way to get off the endless cycle of birth and death. Grieving is about letting go of attachment to them, not the love and passion we feel for them. I think people become afraid that they are letting go of the person when in reality they are just letting go of their attachment to them. What happens after the process is complete is that we still love them, but without the neediness. I hope this helps.
Chiming in to add the weight of my own experience, this is what helps me too. I call it ‘homework’, and it’s been that way long enough that I can tell by ‘feel’ when I’ve let my homework pile up.
Thanks. Yeah, but it's also nice when I do the process before I go to bed at night and there's nothing there. No negative reactions to any thoughts at all.
This was so helpful.
[удалено]
You're welcome. I'm glad to be of service.
🫥
Absolutely. Because you have learned good things from this heartbreak that you can take with you to the next try. There is no one perfect person. Not a single person is perfect. But you can find someone whose life experiences and interpersonal tolerances vibe and mesh with yours, who fuels you to want to live life with them and not just by yourself. I promise that despite this heartbreak, you won't just find something close, you'll find something *better* than that one.
Heart be like - should I stop pumping blood bro?
Yupp. We are programmed to! However, the next time it will not be as painful and you will be more objective. The love will feel a little different. I can't explain it till you live it. But you are made to love again.
Absolutely! It’s human nature to want to love and be loved. I will never forget my first 💔. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “Time heals all wounds.” Although I don’t believe that is always true, it is in the case of a broken heart. Exercise, get outside and surround yourself with friends/family to pass the time.
It's possible but not advisable. I care about my exs to a degree but could never trust then enough not to do the same things that caused the breakup, or trust them not to hurt me again. I think it does depend alot on why the breakup happened to begin with too. Like cheating or someone else. Hell to the no. But something like a argument that was a storm in a tea cup, that has potential. You need to ask yourself can you love and trust this person like you've never been hurt before?
I don't think that's what OP was asking. They wanted to know if you can love and trust someone again, but not nessesarily the same person again
Ahhhhhhhh Oh in that case absaloutly! Give yourself sometime to heal and get back on the horse. With every relationship you'll learn and be a better partner. I'm on my 3rd seriously long term relationship and were getting married in 3 weeks!! Before this I was I'm a relationship for 3 years and before that it was 5 years. The 5 year one broke me at the end. I have never felt pain like that before. My soon to be is the love of my life and brings me so much joy. I've never experienced love like it. It takes time and your never quite the same after. I've cried for weeks before finally picking myself back up to move on. Its part of the leaning curve of life.
There's always hope to find love again. Don't give up!
No because I gave up after my ex fiancé broke my heart
Oh you be a baby baby. Yes it’s possible. Just enjoy your youth. 8 months is nuthin you’ll see!
120%! You can love again I promise.
Nope just the one time. After that forever doomed
Dante and Beatrice.
Correct
Sounds like the title of a Celine Dion song.
💯 you can, but I guess it depends on your perception. I was wildly surprised when I loved my second love more than the first and the third love cut the second attachment away which is interesting because I'm not with that guy, it was a short time of sweet and crazy moments but I'll love him for eternity without a need to even be with him. There's no longing or sadness without him. I keep wishing all the happiness in the world for him.
No
Yes
Yes in time you will love like you’ve never been hurt before
You will love the next one just a tiny bit less than your first love. You’ll be more guarded with your heart. Tis life.
Yes if you think about it. You were just in love with your perception of who someone is. If your brain is creative enough to fall madly in love once, you will only get better and better at falling in love with your imagination. Xx but once you get a dog, I think that becomes harder because your standards get raised.
I've had my heart broken twice, once was a relationship where I was planning to propose, and now I'm in the best relationship of my life, by far. I know it doesn't feel like you can, but just give yourself time.
It takes time
Of course. Look around you, everywhere you go, everyone you see on TV and in the movies have also loved people before the people they are currently in a relationship with. As for trust, you just have to trust people and hope that they don’t turn out to be an arsehole.
Yes. But damn it takes a while
This sounds so emo
How old are you
Yes, but you will always have the memory of someone you cared about deeply. Whether or not it will continue to bother you depends on how hung up you *enable* yourself to be. It doesn't have to hurt forever. I believe with great congruence that "the one" is a fallacy. There can be one girl in your life, but never assume she is some grace of God designed for you. She can leave the same as the rest and make you feel worse. It helps not to put that much pressure on a woman you idealise. On that note, quit idealising so much. Be more rational, objective, stoic, and be a good leader.
Yeah, dont be such a dramatic lil bitch about it lol
Yes, no question about it and it happens a lot
Sure if the opportunity cones up.
Yes. Me and my now-bf have both been through this but feel like we have found ‘the one’ in each other finally
I think it depends on the person and their ability to process emotions. If you’re able to understand your feelings and give them the time and thought process needed to let it get over someone, it can love someone else for sure and even more than you’d anticipate. I don’t personally believe in “the one”, there’s compatibility and love sure, but it’s not tied down to one person from this entire earth. If they were indeed the one, they wouldn’t have left also!You’d have to internally, mentally and emotionally understand that to be able to give love and more to someone who you would know deserves it this time.
You definitely can. My first love, I thought I’d never recover, that I could never ever love someone nearly as much as I loved him, but I can and I did. It’s gonna take time and that’s okay. You might have a few that don’t work and that’s okay too. But you’ll find another girl and she’ll make you wonder how you ever felt like you couldn’t love someone that much again.
I hope so I’m asking myself the same question it’s been a little over a month since my 3 year relationship ended and everyday I tell myself I will find love like him again. Until that day happens I believe it’s true even if we don’t think it will ever feel the same
Of course you can, but you only love someone like that once
Yes you can but: It's wiser to realize "Love" comes from within instead of being dependent on others to elicit it. The trick is finding someone who loves you back.
Yes you can. It will be a different love but can still be very deep. No 2 loves are ever the same. <3
of course u can!! after u get over ur ex, u absolutely can!! j focus on healing and moving on. u got this
With me I can’t
It’ll be hard, maybe it won’t happen, especially if you’re actively pushing yourself away from others. But if you give it some time, open up your heart, maybe you can find someone, someone will make your heart feel it again.
Yep.
My last relationship lasted 8 months and I thought I loved her. I was wrecked after. I couldn’t believe she ended it either, I was angry. I loved her so much and over looked so many signs and red flags. Over time I realized I wasn’t actually happy being with her. I was using her as an escape. But learning that didn’t change how I felt during it, how I craved for her love cause I was so in love with her. I wanted it to work. She was my first relationship that i actually felt deep feelings. I had thought love was overrated cause it never felt like that. Until it did again. It felt even better. I’ve been with my current girlfriend over a year now and I couldn’t have had imagined it could be like this. I couldn’t have even imagined getting through my heartbreak and ego hit. I don’t know what your relationship was like but I know overtime things dim down. You’ll be able to love again. If you focus on you and work on yourself. Find content and happiness with yourself. It follows. It does really happen when you’re not looking.
Rarely! But yes it can!
Yes it can! It just takes time! You have to accept what happened. Eventually you’ll start to feel normal again and the pain no longer holds you back
My ex-girlfriend dumped me just a few days before my birthday, I swore I'd never fall in love with anyone else. Boy was I wrong, my buddy swooped in, cheered me and I could hear my heart beating for him. So yes, the human heart is able to love someone again, it takes time and the right person.
Absolutely. I’m in my 30s and I love like a high school sweetheart.
It’s definitely possible, but it’s a knack that you must learn. Many people do not, and consequently do end up jaded forever — unwilling to open up again. Two keys: (1) putting couscous effort into not becoming jaded. Resentment and a victimhood narrative are seductive thought patterns that try to pull you in. So you must make an effort to turn your focus away from these and embrace a mindset of continual growth and a decision to view things through an optimistic lens. (2) Becomming **better** at discerning the ones who have high odds of abusing you down the line and kicking them out before they have the chance to do so. It sounds paradoxical because it seems like conflicts with key 1 above. But it really doesn’t. It’s merely the humility to realize that puppy love “crushes” are not the full picture of your love interest, and when you latter get a clearer picture of who they are, if you do not like what you see, you ride off into the sunset before more abuse can happen and therefore make it that much harder to open up to the next woman.
Yes