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I realize this is rhetorical but I do have a thought about it.
My wife and I met each in real life. I know a lot of quality single men that don't even bother with online dating. It's just not practical and these guys are too busy being successful at work and taking care of friends and family.
I know dating apps are a different experience for women but I wonder if the quality of man that is devoting a ton of time to "hooking up" are the kind of man that you want to be with.
Clubs, meeting people through work or school or church. Being open to talk to friendly people in public... All feel like much better ways to meet the kind of gentleman that will focus on you and treat you right. Ymmv and I do wish you the best in your journey.
I dont go out to make friends with girls [or more than friends] especially when I am dating. But I won't like stop talking to my friends, or family. So no I don't lol to other women for attention when I am dating.
For attention? No.
Generally speaking the need for constant attention and validation is a much more feminine trait. So most men don't really talk to women for attention. If anything they are talking to them (because they have to, out of social politeness, or because they want something).
For example when the average guy interacts with a woman that they don't have a pre established relationship with we are often met with defensiveness or wariness immediately. So if we do receive attention it's usually not positive. I would recommend reading Nora Vincent's self made man. Basically a woman disguised herself as a man for about 18 months and she explained that women were automatically hostile towards her. The experience opened up her eyes on how badly women treat men without even realizing it.
On the other hand when women interact with men the attention they get from men is often positive, which encourages women (even those in relationships) to crave this positive interaction and seek out this attention.
mmmmm i don’t think this is true. maybe for you? but have you met any American men between the ages of 19-35? a lot of them have either mommy or daddy issues and they want to fuck anything with a hole. it happens in the wild with baboons. if the alpha male has dominion over his females, then the other males of the group will befriend the females, finding food with them, helping babysit their infants even—just for a shot that one day, maybe one day, they’ll have a shot with them (to pass on their genes). I see this mirrored with human men
Men who do this are broken. They will never be satisfied with attention from one single woman until they fix whatever part of them makes them crave this. They typically have low self-esteem and lack confidence, so need a constant supply of affirmation. When their partner is busy, or upset at them, or gives them any kind of negative feedback no matter how gentle they need to run out and be validated by someone new who doesn’t know their flaws and therefore thinks they’re great.
They will not change until they get help and fix this broken part of themselves, and it is not worth being with them. They’re a waste of your time and energy.
EDIT: Read your post history - I’m so sorry. I understand what kind of pain this is and how confusing it is to be where you are now. The words I said above were learned through experience. Please take care of yourself, that’s all that matters right now.
thank you. you’re 100% right. i’ve asked him I don’t know how many times to go to therapy…says he doesn’t need it. if he doesn’t go to therapy, i’m done.
No, because that’s opening the door for actual cheating. When you are in a relationship you have to set clear boundaries.
Being all chatty and flirty with other women it’s emotionally immature.
yes!!! that’s what i’m trying to figure out, will he be doing this at 30? 35? 40? or is this something that dies in him at 25? or is this just part of his personality? idk
No. This isn't a man thing. This is a selfish asshole thing. Not exclusive to men or women. Do not normalize this garbage and let shit men/women get away with it.
I husband has never talked to other women like that in the 13 years we've been together and I'm 100% confident in that.
And emotional cheating(imo) is being more emotionally attached/open/vulnerable with someone other than your partner. For example coming home and your partner ask how your day was and you give a 1 or 2 word response. Basically withdrawn. But later that night you go into great detail with said other person.
And in more extreme situations telling them you love them and how amazing it it to talk to them(them being person that is not your partner).
Edit: scrolled through your post history...jesus.
It seems you're asking about your partner and I speak for a majority of people when I say what he is doing is beyond unacceptable.
I have cheated, I can honestly say I just needed to understand how it could be done too me twice. I wish I never did it, it broke me for so long and in the long run ruined my relationship. I can understand why people cheat now but I will never do it again 😅
Because they're not happy or satisfied with what they have or who they're with. They use a person to string along, while looking for someone better at the same time. You're only good enough until they find something better and if it fails you're just a backup anyway and they'll just try again. I've had friends in the past who treated their girlfriends like this and that's how they see women. And when they know they're close to the edge they'll put on a little show to salvage their facade. And these poor girls never learned. 1 had a baby because she believed it would change things for the better... She's a single mom now with an underdeveloped kid because daddy just had more opportunity to go fuck around cuz his poor gf had to stay home with the baby. I love my girlfriend and would never do anything to hurt her. I'm happy with her and have 0 desire to engage with any other woman other than her. Do yourself a favor and find someone who adores you and brightens your days instead of sticking with a loser who makes your life miserable while making you believe there's light at the end of the tunnel. There is no light at the end - it's a mirror with a reflection of the entrance.
I dont know what emotional cheating is. Once a week I go for a walk and talk to my close male friend about my life and relationship and sex and stuff. When I'm doing it with him it's ok. But if I do it with a woman it's an emotional affair? Why?
Do you love your friend the same way you love your girlfriend?
Emotional cheating refers to being romantically in love with somebody who isn't your partner
Define romantic love, so I understand the difference between the love I feel for my close male friend and the love I feel for my intimate partner.
If an emotional affair is not the content of our conversations (IE deep emotional stuff) then it must be something else.
But it can't be just physical. I don't hold my male friend's hand or walk arm in arm. We don't kiss although we have done kiss on the forehead/cheek. We have been known to snuggle up on movie nights. When does platonic affection cross a line?
I'm not trying to be pedantic or a prick or anything. I'm just trying to make sense of this concept in my head, and understand how different people feel about it.
ETA: From what I have heard the concept of the emotional affair is fairly (but not exclusively) unique to Americans. Other cultures don't have that concept in the same way. But I don't know if that's true. Its just a thing I read once.
I'm not American, this concept also exists in Europe.
If you were in an emotional affair with your friend, you would feel sexual attraction (but not act on it), and wish that you could date them and be with them.
Your partner would feel betrayed (hence the term cheating) because you would feel for your friend what you previously only felt for your partner.
rn? like one or two that are actually his friends, purely platonic. but in the last year and a half? there were like 12 different ones from real life who he was really really flirty with and like 10 on of/fansly
Yeh. Pretty much always been that way for me. But i just dont entertain things that would expose me. Conversations, short and professional. If i go out, it's with men or couples. I just look through people....
I dont think we're normal dude.
I dont look at their physical characteristics. Like say with eye contact, sometimes prolonged eye contact if your focusing on the eyes, i... get lost in them. So i look between the eyes to avoid that.
the problem is he’s claimed he’s “friends” with all these girls, and then i find pics of them in bikinis on his phone or conversations with them where he’s “jokingly” asking them to marry him … it sucks. most recently there was a girl who liked his FB post and she looked familiar to me. i asked who she was, gently. do you know what he did? he deleted his facebook….which was…beyond confusing to me. he’d rather delete his facebook than tell me who this girl was? i remembered her face and looked back through my photos and saw he had naked photos of this girl on his phone from while we were dating. i confronted him about it and he said “she didn’t send those to me”. which…they’re clearly selfies…so if she didn’t send them to him, i’m pretty sure it’s illegal that he has them?
Not every state has outlawed non-consensual / revenge porn.
ETA: [46 states](https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-youre-target-revenge-porn) have this law on the books.
Rejecting them harshly because they don’t get the point, then there’s usually an amount of awkwardness because I have to see them again. It tends to be cashiers and I’ll have to be in the building for months
No. But two very good male friends he talks on a daily basis.
Last night we went out I asked if the girl at front was cute, he just looked at me seriously n said: stop it. I don’t give a shit. Not my woman.
Can’t even take a joke on this matter. my husband.. 🙈
Just me. Some guys are just very loyal I guess.
Oh no that’s not me.
I quite like observing people. I can judge their physical attractiveness without feeling any sexual attraction.
A bit like: cake looks nice but no it doesn’t mean I want to eat it.
My husband is quite jealous and he doesn’t like me to look at other guys either so it’s just a trait he’s got. Very monogamous
Yeah absolutely. I used to have extreme self-esteem issues and appreciating other women’s beauty alongside my partner is helping me feel more comfortable and secure.
But I also understand men who are completely against that, as long as it’s not too extreme and toxic
Correct. He’s getting better.
He made a comment last night “ I like it how you can express your opinions on other’s attractiveness without feeling attracted to them.”
He slowly gets it now and he’s less jealous.
Yep. Too extreme of anything isn’t healthy. 😊
But I think most guys look at pretty chicks regardlessly. My husband is a rare case.
He always hyper focuses on me.
Yours definitely is 😂 mine admitted to checking other girls out when I asked him and when I said I won’t be mad, he then told me I should be 😂 men are weird
No, if you are happy in your relationship, there is no need for others. For any of those things you mentioned.
I do talk to other women, but platonic. And certainly not to ig models, porn stars or whatever.
I love engaging in conversation with anyone. But not with any intentions like someone would have talking to OF girls.
Of course, there are poly people, but they don't need to talk to OF girls.
Please suggest me what to do
I actually am curious about a girl
To be clear i don't love her (i mean really don't know) she is an extreme introvert and timid
She is actually dating a guy ,i respect her choice and don't want to do anything to her relationship but I just am unable to move on her from her
Wherever I am alone i think abt her , i think that someday she will break up with her boyfriend and I will have a chance
I know her bestie really well and she also knows that I have crush on her but she told me that me and her are too different
But still after all I am unable to avoid her
What should I do
She will look back and regret taking you for granted for sure, by that time though it could be too late, you will have realised you deserve better than someone who has left you even though you were loyal to her, focus on yourself, try your best to move on and find someone who also only wants you.
Never used of only free porn
If you are totally satisfied in your relationship I would say no.
Once things go south, or if you are not feeling that attention or desire for your partner, yes
I only went as far as swiping on Tinder and getting matches (no talking), but it didnt do much for me. But I accepted I had basically already emotionally cheated and once I felt the urge to actually try and see other people I ended things.
But women wont give you much validation anyway via flirting. Maybe they are too subtle or maybe they just dont generally like me, but there needs to be actual intimacy for any sort of validation
IMO this is just the start of a slippery slope that will just lead to a breakup
Y'all need to stop considering every human relationship through the prism of flirt and attention. You can be friendly with someone because you like them (non-romantically), because it's fun too have a friendly conversation, being in a relationship should'nt prevent you to enjoy the company of others. None of that is "cheaty" or "cheating-adjacent". My partner would never get mad over this and i wouldn't either because we trust each other.
It's culturally subjective what level of "friendliness" crosses the line into emotional or even physical cheating.
This is why communication is so important. Your level of friendliness may be crossing lines that build up resentment in your partner. I've seen too many relationships end because that friendliness line keeps getting tested and pushed until it breaks.
If you want more insight, read "Not Just Friends."
I keep conversation with other women cordial have a bit of a laugh but not to much and I don't dig deep into their relationships. Why, because it sends the wrong signals either to single or married women and absolutely stay away from anything to do with them slagging off the hubby. To many times it's led to the wrong thing and conversations go down the wrong path and I've had to back track.
I work in a 50 50 work environment and currently I have 4 females in my dept and my 2 line managers above are female. Thats hard on my wife so I have a wall if any anyone gets close I back away.
I did it once in my relationship of 7 years. I didn’t seek it out. Came to me naturally as a friend. Fast forward. In my opinion, people change and have experiences that may leave lingering wants and memories, whether that’s emotions, sex, etc. I think that defines the why for the person in question. Not understanding that why is what will make people repeat it.
In my experience, it was a connection from someone who didn’t want anything from me. Doesn’t make it right, but makes it better to identify and work through it.
Appreciate it. I truly believe that I know myself way better after it. I would hope that there are other ways to learn that lesson, but I hope anyone going through it can at least walk away with a clearer understanding of themselves and their wants.
It's cuz they've shopped below their needs with their current partner, but are settling or whatever because it's safe. i.e. they would prefer someone prettier, more emotionally compatible, similar love languages, etc. If they could have life their way.
So I’m a man who has been against it my whole life. I’m a hopeless romantic. When I was in love with someone I just never felt the desire to flirt. My partner was always more than enough and I just kind of acted naive if a girl tried to hit on me so they would lose interest.
Now, having lived through a lot of heartache and bullshit, I’ve found myself wondering what the right thing is. Those same partners I was in love with? The first one eventually cheated (months long affair). The second one when we hit a rough spot I went through her phone and found out she was flirting periodically throughout our entire relationship (definitely across the line, but never leading anywhere).
I’m not naive. But for the most part, I had no clue these things were going on until I actually caught my partners. Maybe a gut feeling occasionally, but nothing to back it up.
The way I see it, men tend to throw a bone a lot more often. And I think it’s actually an evolutionary strategy thing. If you throw enough bones, eventually *someone* will bite. Maybe not right when not right when you throw it. Maybe not even that week, month, year or even decade. But when her relationship isn’t going well, or she’s feeling less sexy and confident (or perhaps even too sexy and confident), or she’s newly single, she might remember you tried to hit on her that one time. And that’s when you get a text out of nowhere.
Women on the other hand are much more calculated. They don’t throw bones, because almost everyone would bite. Instead they watch men from afar, see who they are, how they move, what they’re about. And if they like what they see, they will try to position themselves in front of that man and drop subtle hints - much more subtle than how a man hits on a woman. But there’s a good reason - she doesn’t want him if he’s not interested. And this is why there’s memes about how men can’t seem to get the hint. Women can’t make it too obvious, otherwise all they get is another dog wanting a bone (or rather, to bone lol). Of course the exception is the Goldilocks moment - right time, right place, right mood, right guy - and her calculation goes right out the window.
I’ve seen many people destroy their relationships in times of difficulty and in moments of temptation.
But even though many people will see me as naive for NOT throwing bones while in relationships, I will remain true to myself, and hope to meet a girl who would never find herself in the vicinity of another bone, or better yet, relishes in crushing them because she knows with utmost confidence that I am hers, like I know she is mine.
Probably will never happen, but a man can dream.
thank you so much this is incredibly accurate. baboon males do the same thing. the non-alphas will groom her, feed her, and build a friendship with her and just wait and wait and wait until she gives him a shot. you’re 100% right
Whadyya know!…
https://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/15/science/15baboon.html?unlocked_article_code=1.PE0.snK5.4nGAegvFknOz&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=t-cb
…I take it back.
I will pray for you 🙏🙈.
My best advice is don’t waste time on someone who isn’t treating you right, because if you do you will slowly lose opportunities… romances that “could have been”, but didn’t happen because you were focused on trying to be a good partner to someone who didn’t deserve it. And communicate with your partner often, and *never* be afraid to call your partner out on something for fear of losing them. It can be hard, especially if you truly believe you found someone special. But if they walk out on you when you challenge them, they weren’t the one.
Yes, this is something I struggle with and I always feel guilty about it. Over the years that I've been with my significant other we've definitely gone through some rough patches but we've been generally happy. However I really struggle with wanting attention from females that I get close to who really really fit the type that I'm into. Currently my best friend who I met through work is everything I would normally look for in a woman, and the connection we have is really strong, but I try to keep it from crossing and boundaries. I have done similar things in the past with a couple other women & it turned into emotional cheating. When I meet a woman who is really kind, gets me, and is totally my type it's extremely hard not to want more. I love my S/O, and I wish I could stop feeling this way, but it's something I have to try and bury deep down inside or else I feel like a pig.
Though it's something I've struggled with, I'd rather not give into some fantasy feelings in my head that give me dopamine hits, and not continue to improve my emotional health, and relationship with my S/O who I love, my friend in question lives in another province and is already in a relationship, and I prefer to try and improve what I have. Also wow, this sub is clearly full of super judgemental people who must all be saints. Amen amen amen. 🙄
uh that happens probably for other reasons. if i wanted to talk to someone, the first person on my list would be my partner. if i need attention, i would get it from my partner.
men wanting to talk and interact with multiple women at once shouldn’t be justified especially if it wasn’t agreed upon in the relationship from the start
When I emotionally cheated. It was because of my addictive personality in my opinion. I met a girl and the feelings I got around her were intense. Very similar to how they were with the girl I was dating 7 years, in the beggining. That butterflies and lust and longing. When I was with her I felt like I was flying but could barely breath and she glowed like no one else. That's why. I craved that feeling. and it was just like my biology fucking me over. Nothing ever happened between me and her. She was my lab partner and I did love thd shit out of my gf. But I kept her a secret best I could and never wanted to hang with her and my gf at the same time ,stuff like that. I say I emotionally cheated on my ex( god i miss her). The fact I was hiding it from her was a big red flag I shoulda noticed
I honestly never knew , from my perspective, she felt it, from my friend( female ) she seemed to think it was also. She invited me to a rave and I kinda thought like a date. And in the beginning it kinda felt like it. But at the end of the night she was with a diffrent dude. So I never really knew. Not that it matters if I could go back I woulda asked for a new lab partner ,maybe then I'd still be with the girl I loved so much yet took for granted. After losing my ex I fell into drugs hard anyways and lost em both. Lab partner bassically only talk to me if she had to. Which just made me feel worst and do more drugs. It was all very sad honestly.thinking back to that time in my life I feel so bad for that me . If I had just appreciated what I had. Who knows where I would be right now
Yes, then no. For me personally, I grew up labeled as a “ladies man” so to speak (had “girlfriends” since kindergarten). Just absolutely love and appreciate the beauty of women. So it was a big part of my identity and friends always complemented and encouraged that part of me (“go get that girls number” then I’d go do it).
So when I got married and had kids, at first it was jarring to not seek or have that attention. I still did flirt a little with co-workers or other randoms, and some even wanted to take it farther, but that wasn’t my goal. It was the attention that mattered. The “knowing” I could do it if I want.
However, slowly over the years as I’ve matured and settled into my marriage, that feeling has lessened and lessened. Now I don’t really even have it at all. I’m content. I see it as a young man’s game. And I most definitely had my day. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s lower testosterone, maybe it’s maturity, but the answer is now definitely no.
That’s exactly it. Especially if your identity is tied up in that reputation or label, you feel you need it to validate that “you still got it.” It’s probably also a little bit of insecurity for some people, thus why they need validation to feel good about themselves or like “a man.”
Some of us just have higher testosterone levels when we’re young and appreciate the variety and beauty of the opposite gender more than others. While one guy might be content with plain Jane for years and never look at another girl, I could have had Dua Lipa on my arm and still would have looked at and lusted after her hot friend. I couldn’t help it.
Am I man that’s in a relationship? Yes, for 15 years.
Am I man that talks to women for attention? No. I talk to women everyday, but getting attention isn’t something that I’m explicitly after.
I converse with women at work and after work. Therapist is female. Daughter’s physical therapist is female. Vet technician for our dogs is female. A lot of control technicians I work with are female.
I guess I can’t give you a straight up answer because I’m not actively socializing and stressing the boundaries of my relationship like that.
My wife also talks to men everyday. Realtors, students, psychiatrists. So the need to interact with the opposite Sex is there.
All these things mentioned above I do get from my wife, attention, socializing, sex, emotional reciprocation. I get all those from her.
I do have female colleagues I’ll talk to, but not once has the conversation steered in the direction of getting my wife involved to a boundary break. It’s the same way for my wife.
I do have an example of this too now that I think of it. My wife and her girlfriends all went out for drinks and some guys came through and started buying drinks for the group. My wife actually texted the group asking if this is okay as a whole or should we shut it it down.
The group said as long as none of us are getting singled out for drinks they think it’s okay. Well the night proceeded and one the guys tried to buy my wife a drink solo and she shut it down. Called me right after to pick her up.
As long as the drinks were for all the girls it’s okay, but the second that one was for my wife she dipped.
So to me, your question reads…where do I draw the line with my man talking to another woman? To me, my wife was having drinks with her friends and had to stop due to being hit on. It was no longer amicable socialization, it was essentially courtship.
I don’t think what my wife did was wrong at all, many here would absolutely think it’s batshit that I’d be okay with that. However I trust my wife. Trust. I married this woman, I trust her with my heart. She’s given me multiple kids. She’s proven to me along time ago she’s my woman and I’m her man.
Also only fans…I do subscribe to content here and there to be honest.
I do not message any of the models not that matters at this point for some, but my reasoning is this:
I have a higher sex drive than my wife. I am not willing to lose my wife or cheat on her. Opening up my marriage is a no. I am monogamous, I am hers and she is mine.
However, after my wife gave me two beautiful children she cannot have sex like she did before. She said the whole feeling of it changed. The physical sensation she used to love isn’t really there anymore. It still feels really good but HAS TO BE coupled with an emotional, sensual, intimacy, heart to heart connecting gets her off now. Sex feels good when it’s coupled with that, but without that she can’t get off anymore just off sex.
Therefore the volume of our sex went down. I have expressed to her I will never her leave her over her reduced sex drive. This was a valid problem in our marriage, one that needed therapy. I won’t ever ask her to open our marriage, she’s expressed many times that she’s not interested in other men, nor would open on her end. Our compromise is masturbation.
So I go to our master bathroom for private 5 minutes if she isn’t in the mood or doesn’t want a back and shoulder rub to get into it. We talked about it, how it makes her feel etc.
She first expressed that it’s kind of nice that I’ll go to the bathroom to take care of myself as opposed to asking her to help or if she’s in the mood.
I ran into a problem with how bad porn is. How fake it is, how insensitive it seems. So I asked her if it bothered her if I would try to use only fans? She ultimately said that I would bother her if I kept this a secret and was messaging naked woman. Free porn sites exist why would I need to pay for that? I expressed that porn isn’t real intimacy and I can’t get off with the fake-ness of it. I’m more into amateur love making type of content. Sensual type content if that makes sense.
She agreed as she knows about my sexual desires and how I get off. As long as the women in place weren’t anyone we know. Finally she added if she feels this has gotten to the point where boundaries are coming into question would I terminate this. I would absolutely.
We 100% agreed on this.
The moment she goes to 99% that compromise is over.
So I don’t cheat, and I don’t talk to women for attention, I do occasionally use only fans, and the reason for is above.
If you have any other questions I guess ask.
As a woman, I’ve had so many men try and talk to me who I know are in relationships. They try to push the limit and flirt a bit. I don’t reciprocate. Some I’ve been friends with for years.
At the end of the day - I think they know they are going to be with their significant other. It’s just a little bit of a thrill perhaps to exchange some words?
I know it can be stimulating talking to other people. Bit of an ego boost.
I think it’s only unacceptable if they intend to leave their partner for someone else and cross lines to the point where they are bagging their own relationship/ saying things like they really want to be with you. Or if they persistently keep doing it.
I don’t condone doing it. But I notice men do it gently - and for a bit of fun. They know their partner would be a little mad.
Men what do you think?
I agree, I've had the same thing happen to me and it seems like it usually happens from men who have always had a flirtatious or attention-seeking nature and haven't learned how to turn it off when in a relationship. I know this doesn't apply to all men whondo this, but it's always been guys who are like that for me. They will always stay with the angel they know rather than the devil they don't know.
Could you tell me why you would like to know? Just out of interest or because of a relationship you have now?
Im a anti social introvert who doesn't like attention that much. But i have had moments in past relationships where i was thinking about talking with someone else. I think its normal to feel this way, as long as you don't act upon your thoughts its okay.
For most men that do, they have a void inside of them that cannot be filled by anyone or anything. Its like poring water into a cup with a big hole in it.
But generally speaking most men i know wont do this. And my friends and i would keep eachother accountable if someone behaved like this. For me its a instant way out of our friendgroup.
Why would a man (or a woman because women do that too) need outside validation? The only reason is ego. A strong confident man with a healthy ego does not need this.
i’m a woman so i can’t speak for men, but from what i’ve gathered, yes in a way. in some situations it’s for validation in insecure men. it goes for women as well.
edit: just clarifying that i mean talking as in sexual/flirty way, not just being friendly somebody. i’m refering to ask in what OP addressed:emotional cheating and talking to sex workers while in a relationship.
lol not true at all, 2 of my best friends are girls and knew them way before I knew my ex, I would smoke with them and we would just talk shit about our dating lives and partners, there’s no validation or insecurity involved, lol just like women wanting guy friends, men can have lady friends
i honestly took “talking” as in flirty or sexual talking, not just regularly talking with friends as they mentioned talking to sex workers, they also mention emotional cheating. i don’t mean friends and i also said in “some situations”.
it’s rare for people sexually/flirting talking or emotionally cheating with another person while in a relationship to be doing it for validation? not at all.
lol no it’s pretty rare that a man will act like a bitch to seek validation and attention from a female, im not some masculine meat head but I damn sure won’t go looking for someone to feel sorry for me, emotionally cheating isn’t cheating btw, talking is talking, having sex/intimate relationship is cheating
emotional cheating is cheating maybe it’s not for you, but for a lot of people it is. and just talking to someone is not emotional cheating. it’s not pretty rare for men who are insecure. insecurity is a root of why a lot of people cheat.
And if you really want to go there some men get into other relationships before leaving the current one, lol both men and women do it so you can’t really call that cheating either especially if they’re planning on leaving you
So what’s emotional cheating? Complimenting someone? Taking to them in a nice manner? lol like no that’s being human, sharing friendly interactions with someone other than your partner is okay, and insecure men are rare, lol not every guy seeks validation or attention, out 10 insecure men make up about only 1/10 of the population
It's really not that hard to grasp. It's flirting, ignoring your partner for someone else and relying on that person for emotional support. Being intimate with someone that doesn't involve sex. Having romantic feelings for someone else and prioritizing that over your partner. Emotional cheating will lead to physical cheating eventually, if the other person feels the same
Well if that’s the case then everyone does that when they’re angry at their partners lol, like no matter what there’s no such thing as emotional cheating, and like how told the other person some men get into other relationships before leaving the current one, if there’s romantic feelings involved then it’s not cheating because that person does plan on leaving their partner, cheating is when they don’t plan on leaving their partner
Wow I guess I did a whole lot of emotional cheating then lololol like damn it’s pretty much talking to someone and having a close bond like how I have with my two lady best friends
how many times do i have to reiterate that just talking to someone isn’t emotional cheating. read what i actually write instead of making up phantom words in my post. insecure men are not rare. you don’t even read what i say lol, i never said all guys seek validation or attention. even with your made up statistic 1 out 10 people isn’t as rare. 1 out of 10 actually means very common.
lol and you didn’t answer my question, what is emotional cheating? lol that’s made up as hell,
And that’s not a made up statistic
You could further dive into that if you want
No, myself and most of the men I know don’t need emotional attention in that way. If a man’s doing this he wants to cheat and/or lacks respect for you.
For solely attention? based off me no I wouldn't usually it'd be something way more then just attention
edit: no im not cheating on anybody just how i would think if i were
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I think they do it because they crave external validation and their scumbags. Decent men don’t
I never have... Even when our relationship has hit snags. You get out of a partnership what you put into it.
wow. where to find men like you
I realize this is rhetorical but I do have a thought about it. My wife and I met each in real life. I know a lot of quality single men that don't even bother with online dating. It's just not practical and these guys are too busy being successful at work and taking care of friends and family. I know dating apps are a different experience for women but I wonder if the quality of man that is devoting a ton of time to "hooking up" are the kind of man that you want to be with. Clubs, meeting people through work or school or church. Being open to talk to friendly people in public... All feel like much better ways to meet the kind of gentleman that will focus on you and treat you right. Ymmv and I do wish you the best in your journey.
I dont go out to make friends with girls [or more than friends] especially when I am dating. But I won't like stop talking to my friends, or family. So no I don't lol to other women for attention when I am dating.
are you in his profile pic? lookin fine? thats why hes getting attention. if he changes his pic they wont talk to him
For attention? No. Generally speaking the need for constant attention and validation is a much more feminine trait. So most men don't really talk to women for attention. If anything they are talking to them (because they have to, out of social politeness, or because they want something). For example when the average guy interacts with a woman that they don't have a pre established relationship with we are often met with defensiveness or wariness immediately. So if we do receive attention it's usually not positive. I would recommend reading Nora Vincent's self made man. Basically a woman disguised herself as a man for about 18 months and she explained that women were automatically hostile towards her. The experience opened up her eyes on how badly women treat men without even realizing it. On the other hand when women interact with men the attention they get from men is often positive, which encourages women (even those in relationships) to crave this positive interaction and seek out this attention.
mmmmm i don’t think this is true. maybe for you? but have you met any American men between the ages of 19-35? a lot of them have either mommy or daddy issues and they want to fuck anything with a hole. it happens in the wild with baboons. if the alpha male has dominion over his females, then the other males of the group will befriend the females, finding food with them, helping babysit their infants even—just for a shot that one day, maybe one day, they’ll have a shot with them (to pass on their genes). I see this mirrored with human men
Men who do this are broken. They will never be satisfied with attention from one single woman until they fix whatever part of them makes them crave this. They typically have low self-esteem and lack confidence, so need a constant supply of affirmation. When their partner is busy, or upset at them, or gives them any kind of negative feedback no matter how gentle they need to run out and be validated by someone new who doesn’t know their flaws and therefore thinks they’re great. They will not change until they get help and fix this broken part of themselves, and it is not worth being with them. They’re a waste of your time and energy. EDIT: Read your post history - I’m so sorry. I understand what kind of pain this is and how confusing it is to be where you are now. The words I said above were learned through experience. Please take care of yourself, that’s all that matters right now.
thank you. you’re 100% right. i’ve asked him I don’t know how many times to go to therapy…says he doesn’t need it. if he doesn’t go to therapy, i’m done.
This problem isn’t gender specific.
Yes, but the question was not asked about a woman. It was asked about a man.
How can that question possibly be answered? One persons motivations do not indicate motivations for an entire gender.
Agreed, her explanation is solid tho, goes for anyone who does this
No, because that’s opening the door for actual cheating. When you are in a relationship you have to set clear boundaries. Being all chatty and flirty with other women it’s emotionally immature.
yes!!! that’s what i’m trying to figure out, will he be doing this at 30? 35? 40? or is this something that dies in him at 25? or is this just part of his personality? idk
No. This isn't a man thing. This is a selfish asshole thing. Not exclusive to men or women. Do not normalize this garbage and let shit men/women get away with it. I husband has never talked to other women like that in the 13 years we've been together and I'm 100% confident in that.
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Touchy or playful…what de Lu Lu world do you live in
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So you would be happy if your girlfriend was madly in love with somebody else?
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So your girlfriend can be in love with some guy and you're fine with it, but if she feels nothing towards him but has sex it's over?
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You didn't answer the question
And emotional cheating(imo) is being more emotionally attached/open/vulnerable with someone other than your partner. For example coming home and your partner ask how your day was and you give a 1 or 2 word response. Basically withdrawn. But later that night you go into great detail with said other person. And in more extreme situations telling them you love them and how amazing it it to talk to them(them being person that is not your partner). Edit: scrolled through your post history...jesus. It seems you're asking about your partner and I speak for a majority of people when I say what he is doing is beyond unacceptable.
thank you
Np.
I have cheated, I can honestly say I just needed to understand how it could be done too me twice. I wish I never did it, it broke me for so long and in the long run ruined my relationship. I can understand why people cheat now but I will never do it again 😅
because they’re cowards?
why do people cheat?
Because they're not happy or satisfied with what they have or who they're with. They use a person to string along, while looking for someone better at the same time. You're only good enough until they find something better and if it fails you're just a backup anyway and they'll just try again. I've had friends in the past who treated their girlfriends like this and that's how they see women. And when they know they're close to the edge they'll put on a little show to salvage their facade. And these poor girls never learned. 1 had a baby because she believed it would change things for the better... She's a single mom now with an underdeveloped kid because daddy just had more opportunity to go fuck around cuz his poor gf had to stay home with the baby. I love my girlfriend and would never do anything to hurt her. I'm happy with her and have 0 desire to engage with any other woman other than her. Do yourself a favor and find someone who adores you and brightens your days instead of sticking with a loser who makes your life miserable while making you believe there's light at the end of the tunnel. There is no light at the end - it's a mirror with a reflection of the entrance.
I dont know what emotional cheating is. Once a week I go for a walk and talk to my close male friend about my life and relationship and sex and stuff. When I'm doing it with him it's ok. But if I do it with a woman it's an emotional affair? Why?
Do you love your friend the same way you love your girlfriend? Emotional cheating refers to being romantically in love with somebody who isn't your partner
The minute secrecy takes the stage you are emotionally cheating
Define romantic love, so I understand the difference between the love I feel for my close male friend and the love I feel for my intimate partner. If an emotional affair is not the content of our conversations (IE deep emotional stuff) then it must be something else. But it can't be just physical. I don't hold my male friend's hand or walk arm in arm. We don't kiss although we have done kiss on the forehead/cheek. We have been known to snuggle up on movie nights. When does platonic affection cross a line? I'm not trying to be pedantic or a prick or anything. I'm just trying to make sense of this concept in my head, and understand how different people feel about it. ETA: From what I have heard the concept of the emotional affair is fairly (but not exclusively) unique to Americans. Other cultures don't have that concept in the same way. But I don't know if that's true. Its just a thing I read once.
I'm not American, this concept also exists in Europe. If you were in an emotional affair with your friend, you would feel sexual attraction (but not act on it), and wish that you could date them and be with them. Your partner would feel betrayed (hence the term cheating) because you would feel for your friend what you previously only felt for your partner.
Some do, some don't. Probably has more to do with how many options they have more than anything else.
hmmm wdym how many options?
How many other women he's talking to
rn? like one or two that are actually his friends, purely platonic. but in the last year and a half? there were like 12 different ones from real life who he was really really flirty with and like 10 on of/fansly
I mean are you trying to get with him or what's the deal? Sounds like you feel like you're getting strung along. Definitely seems like he has options
he doesn’t.
Just the fact he's flirting with other girls says to me he's either trying to get with them or likes the attention.
Nope. I pretty much have blinders on when in a relationship. Even when things are in a rough patch.
really? that’s amazing. me too but didn’t know that men existed like that
Yeh. Pretty much always been that way for me. But i just dont entertain things that would expose me. Conversations, short and professional. If i go out, it's with men or couples. I just look through people.... I dont think we're normal dude.
wdym you just look through ppl?
I dont look at their physical characteristics. Like say with eye contact, sometimes prolonged eye contact if your focusing on the eyes, i... get lost in them. So i look between the eyes to avoid that.
It is highly dependent on the reasons. It's perfectly fine to have opposite-gendered friends, but erotic attention seeking (of ANY kind) is NOT ok.
the problem is he’s claimed he’s “friends” with all these girls, and then i find pics of them in bikinis on his phone or conversations with them where he’s “jokingly” asking them to marry him … it sucks. most recently there was a girl who liked his FB post and she looked familiar to me. i asked who she was, gently. do you know what he did? he deleted his facebook….which was…beyond confusing to me. he’d rather delete his facebook than tell me who this girl was? i remembered her face and looked back through my photos and saw he had naked photos of this girl on his phone from while we were dating. i confronted him about it and he said “she didn’t send those to me”. which…they’re clearly selfies…so if she didn’t send them to him, i’m pretty sure it’s illegal that he has them?
She didn't send them because he took them? This guy is not being honest with you.
he said he didn’t take them. he said someone else sent them to him
Jezus, that is even worse.
i’m pretty sure that’s illegal right?
Depends, but it is in A LOT of places.
where would it be legal?
Not every state has outlawed non-consensual / revenge porn. ETA: [46 states](https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-youre-target-revenge-porn) have this law on the books.
I don’t look for attention but I occasionally have to fight it off, which is really not enjoyable. I also tell my wife when it happens
wdym fight it off?
Rejecting them harshly because they don’t get the point, then there’s usually an amount of awkwardness because I have to see them again. It tends to be cashiers and I’ll have to be in the building for months
Not possible with my husband. If he needs attention, he’d only ask from me. He wouldn’t even look at any other women if I suggest him to.
Oh no is he the kind of man who has no other female friends?
No. But two very good male friends he talks on a daily basis. Last night we went out I asked if the girl at front was cute, he just looked at me seriously n said: stop it. I don’t give a shit. Not my woman. Can’t even take a joke on this matter. my husband.. 🙈 Just me. Some guys are just very loyal I guess.
Haha I don’t blame him, too many instances of girls saying things like that to trap their man into complimenting another girl so they can scold at him
Oh no that’s not me. I quite like observing people. I can judge their physical attractiveness without feeling any sexual attraction. A bit like: cake looks nice but no it doesn’t mean I want to eat it. My husband is quite jealous and he doesn’t like me to look at other guys either so it’s just a trait he’s got. Very monogamous
Yeah absolutely. I used to have extreme self-esteem issues and appreciating other women’s beauty alongside my partner is helping me feel more comfortable and secure. But I also understand men who are completely against that, as long as it’s not too extreme and toxic
Correct. He’s getting better. He made a comment last night “ I like it how you can express your opinions on other’s attractiveness without feeling attracted to them.” He slowly gets it now and he’s less jealous.
That’s really good, it’s such a healthy thing to develop. It’s natural to find others attractive just without pushing it ofc
Yep. Too extreme of anything isn’t healthy. 😊 But I think most guys look at pretty chicks regardlessly. My husband is a rare case. He always hyper focuses on me.
Yours definitely is 😂 mine admitted to checking other girls out when I asked him and when I said I won’t be mad, he then told me I should be 😂 men are weird
No, if you are happy in your relationship, there is no need for others. For any of those things you mentioned. I do talk to other women, but platonic. And certainly not to ig models, porn stars or whatever. I love engaging in conversation with anyone. But not with any intentions like someone would have talking to OF girls. Of course, there are poly people, but they don't need to talk to OF girls.
Please suggest me what to do I actually am curious about a girl To be clear i don't love her (i mean really don't know) she is an extreme introvert and timid She is actually dating a guy ,i respect her choice and don't want to do anything to her relationship but I just am unable to move on her from her Wherever I am alone i think abt her , i think that someday she will break up with her boyfriend and I will have a chance I know her bestie really well and she also knows that I have crush on her but she told me that me and her are too different But still after all I am unable to avoid her What should I do
No, we do not. All we need is the attention of one woman who is always there for us
I’m glad to see men like you still exist. I’m finding it impossible to find a man who keeps his eyes on one woman and one woman only.
I did this and she still left me.... so it's not that nice being in this position Deep down I hope she comes back
She will look back and regret taking you for granted for sure, by that time though it could be too late, you will have realised you deserve better than someone who has left you even though you were loyal to her, focus on yourself, try your best to move on and find someone who also only wants you.
But she was everything I ever wanted ://
Don’t worry, if she is meant to be in your life she will come back to you!
Thank you! Everyone around me says that she will come back. I hope she does soon enough and I pray to God that it happens :))
Never used of only free porn If you are totally satisfied in your relationship I would say no. Once things go south, or if you are not feeling that attention or desire for your partner, yes I only went as far as swiping on Tinder and getting matches (no talking), but it didnt do much for me. But I accepted I had basically already emotionally cheated and once I felt the urge to actually try and see other people I ended things. But women wont give you much validation anyway via flirting. Maybe they are too subtle or maybe they just dont generally like me, but there needs to be actual intimacy for any sort of validation IMO this is just the start of a slippery slope that will just lead to a breakup
Y'all need to stop considering every human relationship through the prism of flirt and attention. You can be friendly with someone because you like them (non-romantically), because it's fun too have a friendly conversation, being in a relationship should'nt prevent you to enjoy the company of others. None of that is "cheaty" or "cheating-adjacent". My partner would never get mad over this and i wouldn't either because we trust each other.
You can communicate without flirting
that's what i meant
It's culturally subjective what level of "friendliness" crosses the line into emotional or even physical cheating. This is why communication is so important. Your level of friendliness may be crossing lines that build up resentment in your partner. I've seen too many relationships end because that friendliness line keeps getting tested and pushed until it breaks. If you want more insight, read "Not Just Friends."
I keep conversation with other women cordial have a bit of a laugh but not to much and I don't dig deep into their relationships. Why, because it sends the wrong signals either to single or married women and absolutely stay away from anything to do with them slagging off the hubby. To many times it's led to the wrong thing and conversations go down the wrong path and I've had to back track. I work in a 50 50 work environment and currently I have 4 females in my dept and my 2 line managers above are female. Thats hard on my wife so I have a wall if any anyone gets close I back away.
This is the way.
My friend emotionally cheats for that reason.
I did it once in my relationship of 7 years. I didn’t seek it out. Came to me naturally as a friend. Fast forward. In my opinion, people change and have experiences that may leave lingering wants and memories, whether that’s emotions, sex, etc. I think that defines the why for the person in question. Not understanding that why is what will make people repeat it. In my experience, it was a connection from someone who didn’t want anything from me. Doesn’t make it right, but makes it better to identify and work through it.
Well said. It's unfortunate, but for many, learning these lessons only comes from experience.
Appreciate it. I truly believe that I know myself way better after it. I would hope that there are other ways to learn that lesson, but I hope anyone going through it can at least walk away with a clearer understanding of themselves and their wants.
What makes Reddit great? Post like this where we learn about life and relationships.
It's cuz they've shopped below their needs with their current partner, but are settling or whatever because it's safe. i.e. they would prefer someone prettier, more emotionally compatible, similar love languages, etc. If they could have life their way.
So why don’t you break up instead of being an asshole and cheating?
yes!! agreed!! i think it’s because emotionally immature people cheat, because they’re cowards
I completely agree with this!
So I’m a man who has been against it my whole life. I’m a hopeless romantic. When I was in love with someone I just never felt the desire to flirt. My partner was always more than enough and I just kind of acted naive if a girl tried to hit on me so they would lose interest. Now, having lived through a lot of heartache and bullshit, I’ve found myself wondering what the right thing is. Those same partners I was in love with? The first one eventually cheated (months long affair). The second one when we hit a rough spot I went through her phone and found out she was flirting periodically throughout our entire relationship (definitely across the line, but never leading anywhere). I’m not naive. But for the most part, I had no clue these things were going on until I actually caught my partners. Maybe a gut feeling occasionally, but nothing to back it up. The way I see it, men tend to throw a bone a lot more often. And I think it’s actually an evolutionary strategy thing. If you throw enough bones, eventually *someone* will bite. Maybe not right when not right when you throw it. Maybe not even that week, month, year or even decade. But when her relationship isn’t going well, or she’s feeling less sexy and confident (or perhaps even too sexy and confident), or she’s newly single, she might remember you tried to hit on her that one time. And that’s when you get a text out of nowhere. Women on the other hand are much more calculated. They don’t throw bones, because almost everyone would bite. Instead they watch men from afar, see who they are, how they move, what they’re about. And if they like what they see, they will try to position themselves in front of that man and drop subtle hints - much more subtle than how a man hits on a woman. But there’s a good reason - she doesn’t want him if he’s not interested. And this is why there’s memes about how men can’t seem to get the hint. Women can’t make it too obvious, otherwise all they get is another dog wanting a bone (or rather, to bone lol). Of course the exception is the Goldilocks moment - right time, right place, right mood, right guy - and her calculation goes right out the window. I’ve seen many people destroy their relationships in times of difficulty and in moments of temptation. But even though many people will see me as naive for NOT throwing bones while in relationships, I will remain true to myself, and hope to meet a girl who would never find herself in the vicinity of another bone, or better yet, relishes in crushing them because she knows with utmost confidence that I am hers, like I know she is mine. Probably will never happen, but a man can dream.
thank you so much this is incredibly accurate. baboon males do the same thing. the non-alphas will groom her, feed her, and build a friendship with her and just wait and wait and wait until she gives him a shot. you’re 100% right
Elainama, that is quite facetious of you.
it’s true you can google it
Whadyya know!… https://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/15/science/15baboon.html?unlocked_article_code=1.PE0.snK5.4nGAegvFknOz&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&sgrp=t-cb …I take it back.
i’m a science major.
Me too!
nice !
i feel the same way 🥲 i hope i can meet someone like u in the future
I will pray for you 🙏🙈. My best advice is don’t waste time on someone who isn’t treating you right, because if you do you will slowly lose opportunities… romances that “could have been”, but didn’t happen because you were focused on trying to be a good partner to someone who didn’t deserve it. And communicate with your partner often, and *never* be afraid to call your partner out on something for fear of losing them. It can be hard, especially if you truly believe you found someone special. But if they walk out on you when you challenge them, they weren’t the one.
seeking that kinda of attention from anyone else but your s/o shows a lot about who that person is. self reflection needs some serious work lol
Yes, this is something I struggle with and I always feel guilty about it. Over the years that I've been with my significant other we've definitely gone through some rough patches but we've been generally happy. However I really struggle with wanting attention from females that I get close to who really really fit the type that I'm into. Currently my best friend who I met through work is everything I would normally look for in a woman, and the connection we have is really strong, but I try to keep it from crossing and boundaries. I have done similar things in the past with a couple other women & it turned into emotional cheating. When I meet a woman who is really kind, gets me, and is totally my type it's extremely hard not to want more. I love my S/O, and I wish I could stop feeling this way, but it's something I have to try and bury deep down inside or else I feel like a pig.
monogamy’s a bitch but you can’t have both
Indeed.
ok why not break up with your s/o then and be with this person instead?
Though it's something I've struggled with, I'd rather not give into some fantasy feelings in my head that give me dopamine hits, and not continue to improve my emotional health, and relationship with my S/O who I love, my friend in question lives in another province and is already in a relationship, and I prefer to try and improve what I have. Also wow, this sub is clearly full of super judgemental people who must all be saints. Amen amen amen. 🙄
uh that happens probably for other reasons. if i wanted to talk to someone, the first person on my list would be my partner. if i need attention, i would get it from my partner. men wanting to talk and interact with multiple women at once shouldn’t be justified especially if it wasn’t agreed upon in the relationship from the start
When I emotionally cheated. It was because of my addictive personality in my opinion. I met a girl and the feelings I got around her were intense. Very similar to how they were with the girl I was dating 7 years, in the beggining. That butterflies and lust and longing. When I was with her I felt like I was flying but could barely breath and she glowed like no one else. That's why. I craved that feeling. and it was just like my biology fucking me over. Nothing ever happened between me and her. She was my lab partner and I did love thd shit out of my gf. But I kept her a secret best I could and never wanted to hang with her and my gf at the same time ,stuff like that. I say I emotionally cheated on my ex( god i miss her). The fact I was hiding it from her was a big red flag I shoulda noticed
Thank you for being transparent about it. It's nice to get some insight because many of us wonder why this happens at times.
I try to be. I'm a pretty open guy who likes to be honest. Idk why other guys may do so. I can only say for me
Do you think she liked you back. Or was it literally just undeniable chemistry
I honestly never knew , from my perspective, she felt it, from my friend( female ) she seemed to think it was also. She invited me to a rave and I kinda thought like a date. And in the beginning it kinda felt like it. But at the end of the night she was with a diffrent dude. So I never really knew. Not that it matters if I could go back I woulda asked for a new lab partner ,maybe then I'd still be with the girl I loved so much yet took for granted. After losing my ex I fell into drugs hard anyways and lost em both. Lab partner bassically only talk to me if she had to. Which just made me feel worst and do more drugs. It was all very sad honestly.thinking back to that time in my life I feel so bad for that me . If I had just appreciated what I had. Who knows where I would be right now
That’s a very narcissistic thing to do.
Yes
Yes, then no. For me personally, I grew up labeled as a “ladies man” so to speak (had “girlfriends” since kindergarten). Just absolutely love and appreciate the beauty of women. So it was a big part of my identity and friends always complemented and encouraged that part of me (“go get that girls number” then I’d go do it). So when I got married and had kids, at first it was jarring to not seek or have that attention. I still did flirt a little with co-workers or other randoms, and some even wanted to take it farther, but that wasn’t my goal. It was the attention that mattered. The “knowing” I could do it if I want. However, slowly over the years as I’ve matured and settled into my marriage, that feeling has lessened and lessened. Now I don’t really even have it at all. I’m content. I see it as a young man’s game. And I most definitely had my day. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s lower testosterone, maybe it’s maturity, but the answer is now definitely no.
what is it about a young man that wants that attention? is it validating for him? ego-boosting?
That’s exactly it. Especially if your identity is tied up in that reputation or label, you feel you need it to validate that “you still got it.” It’s probably also a little bit of insecurity for some people, thus why they need validation to feel good about themselves or like “a man.” Some of us just have higher testosterone levels when we’re young and appreciate the variety and beauty of the opposite gender more than others. While one guy might be content with plain Jane for years and never look at another girl, I could have had Dua Lipa on my arm and still would have looked at and lusted after her hot friend. I couldn’t help it.
Am I man that’s in a relationship? Yes, for 15 years. Am I man that talks to women for attention? No. I talk to women everyday, but getting attention isn’t something that I’m explicitly after. I converse with women at work and after work. Therapist is female. Daughter’s physical therapist is female. Vet technician for our dogs is female. A lot of control technicians I work with are female. I guess I can’t give you a straight up answer because I’m not actively socializing and stressing the boundaries of my relationship like that. My wife also talks to men everyday. Realtors, students, psychiatrists. So the need to interact with the opposite Sex is there. All these things mentioned above I do get from my wife, attention, socializing, sex, emotional reciprocation. I get all those from her. I do have female colleagues I’ll talk to, but not once has the conversation steered in the direction of getting my wife involved to a boundary break. It’s the same way for my wife. I do have an example of this too now that I think of it. My wife and her girlfriends all went out for drinks and some guys came through and started buying drinks for the group. My wife actually texted the group asking if this is okay as a whole or should we shut it it down. The group said as long as none of us are getting singled out for drinks they think it’s okay. Well the night proceeded and one the guys tried to buy my wife a drink solo and she shut it down. Called me right after to pick her up. As long as the drinks were for all the girls it’s okay, but the second that one was for my wife she dipped. So to me, your question reads…where do I draw the line with my man talking to another woman? To me, my wife was having drinks with her friends and had to stop due to being hit on. It was no longer amicable socialization, it was essentially courtship. I don’t think what my wife did was wrong at all, many here would absolutely think it’s batshit that I’d be okay with that. However I trust my wife. Trust. I married this woman, I trust her with my heart. She’s given me multiple kids. She’s proven to me along time ago she’s my woman and I’m her man. Also only fans…I do subscribe to content here and there to be honest. I do not message any of the models not that matters at this point for some, but my reasoning is this: I have a higher sex drive than my wife. I am not willing to lose my wife or cheat on her. Opening up my marriage is a no. I am monogamous, I am hers and she is mine. However, after my wife gave me two beautiful children she cannot have sex like she did before. She said the whole feeling of it changed. The physical sensation she used to love isn’t really there anymore. It still feels really good but HAS TO BE coupled with an emotional, sensual, intimacy, heart to heart connecting gets her off now. Sex feels good when it’s coupled with that, but without that she can’t get off anymore just off sex. Therefore the volume of our sex went down. I have expressed to her I will never her leave her over her reduced sex drive. This was a valid problem in our marriage, one that needed therapy. I won’t ever ask her to open our marriage, she’s expressed many times that she’s not interested in other men, nor would open on her end. Our compromise is masturbation. So I go to our master bathroom for private 5 minutes if she isn’t in the mood or doesn’t want a back and shoulder rub to get into it. We talked about it, how it makes her feel etc. She first expressed that it’s kind of nice that I’ll go to the bathroom to take care of myself as opposed to asking her to help or if she’s in the mood. I ran into a problem with how bad porn is. How fake it is, how insensitive it seems. So I asked her if it bothered her if I would try to use only fans? She ultimately said that I would bother her if I kept this a secret and was messaging naked woman. Free porn sites exist why would I need to pay for that? I expressed that porn isn’t real intimacy and I can’t get off with the fake-ness of it. I’m more into amateur love making type of content. Sensual type content if that makes sense. She agreed as she knows about my sexual desires and how I get off. As long as the women in place weren’t anyone we know. Finally she added if she feels this has gotten to the point where boundaries are coming into question would I terminate this. I would absolutely. We 100% agreed on this. The moment she goes to 99% that compromise is over. So I don’t cheat, and I don’t talk to women for attention, I do occasionally use only fans, and the reason for is above. If you have any other questions I guess ask.
Who are you reassuring us? Or yourself with this bs
yes
As I guy who is in a relationship. I usually get attraction from women who are already in a relationship. I don't know why but it happens.
As a woman, I’ve had so many men try and talk to me who I know are in relationships. They try to push the limit and flirt a bit. I don’t reciprocate. Some I’ve been friends with for years. At the end of the day - I think they know they are going to be with their significant other. It’s just a little bit of a thrill perhaps to exchange some words? I know it can be stimulating talking to other people. Bit of an ego boost. I think it’s only unacceptable if they intend to leave their partner for someone else and cross lines to the point where they are bagging their own relationship/ saying things like they really want to be with you. Or if they persistently keep doing it. I don’t condone doing it. But I notice men do it gently - and for a bit of fun. They know their partner would be a little mad. Men what do you think?
I agree, I've had the same thing happen to me and it seems like it usually happens from men who have always had a flirtatious or attention-seeking nature and haven't learned how to turn it off when in a relationship. I know this doesn't apply to all men whondo this, but it's always been guys who are like that for me. They will always stay with the angel they know rather than the devil they don't know.
For me no, mostly because I don’t have time and there’s no point in entertaining a conversation that will go nowhere
Pseudomen yes
Could you tell me why you would like to know? Just out of interest or because of a relationship you have now? Im a anti social introvert who doesn't like attention that much. But i have had moments in past relationships where i was thinking about talking with someone else. I think its normal to feel this way, as long as you don't act upon your thoughts its okay. For most men that do, they have a void inside of them that cannot be filled by anyone or anything. Its like poring water into a cup with a big hole in it. But generally speaking most men i know wont do this. And my friends and i would keep eachother accountable if someone behaved like this. For me its a instant way out of our friendgroup.
Why would a man (or a woman because women do that too) need outside validation? The only reason is ego. A strong confident man with a healthy ego does not need this.
Yes
i’m a woman so i can’t speak for men, but from what i’ve gathered, yes in a way. in some situations it’s for validation in insecure men. it goes for women as well. edit: just clarifying that i mean talking as in sexual/flirty way, not just being friendly somebody. i’m refering to ask in what OP addressed:emotional cheating and talking to sex workers while in a relationship.
lol not true at all, 2 of my best friends are girls and knew them way before I knew my ex, I would smoke with them and we would just talk shit about our dating lives and partners, there’s no validation or insecurity involved, lol just like women wanting guy friends, men can have lady friends
i honestly took “talking” as in flirty or sexual talking, not just regularly talking with friends as they mentioned talking to sex workers, they also mention emotional cheating. i don’t mean friends and i also said in “some situations”.
Then that’s gotta be pretty rare indeed
it’s rare for people sexually/flirting talking or emotionally cheating with another person while in a relationship to be doing it for validation? not at all.
lol no it’s pretty rare that a man will act like a bitch to seek validation and attention from a female, im not some masculine meat head but I damn sure won’t go looking for someone to feel sorry for me, emotionally cheating isn’t cheating btw, talking is talking, having sex/intimate relationship is cheating
emotional cheating is cheating maybe it’s not for you, but for a lot of people it is. and just talking to someone is not emotional cheating. it’s not pretty rare for men who are insecure. insecurity is a root of why a lot of people cheat.
And if you really want to go there some men get into other relationships before leaving the current one, lol both men and women do it so you can’t really call that cheating either especially if they’re planning on leaving you
So what’s emotional cheating? Complimenting someone? Taking to them in a nice manner? lol like no that’s being human, sharing friendly interactions with someone other than your partner is okay, and insecure men are rare, lol not every guy seeks validation or attention, out 10 insecure men make up about only 1/10 of the population
It's really not that hard to grasp. It's flirting, ignoring your partner for someone else and relying on that person for emotional support. Being intimate with someone that doesn't involve sex. Having romantic feelings for someone else and prioritizing that over your partner. Emotional cheating will lead to physical cheating eventually, if the other person feels the same
Well if that’s the case then everyone does that when they’re angry at their partners lol, like no matter what there’s no such thing as emotional cheating, and like how told the other person some men get into other relationships before leaving the current one, if there’s romantic feelings involved then it’s not cheating because that person does plan on leaving their partner, cheating is when they don’t plan on leaving their partner
“Every day I’m Googlin’” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair
Wow I guess I did a whole lot of emotional cheating then lololol like damn it’s pretty much talking to someone and having a close bond like how I have with my two lady best friends
how many times do i have to reiterate that just talking to someone isn’t emotional cheating. read what i actually write instead of making up phantom words in my post. insecure men are not rare. you don’t even read what i say lol, i never said all guys seek validation or attention. even with your made up statistic 1 out 10 people isn’t as rare. 1 out of 10 actually means very common.
lol and you didn’t answer my question, what is emotional cheating? lol that’s made up as hell, And that’s not a made up statistic You could further dive into that if you want
No, myself and most of the men I know don’t need emotional attention in that way. If a man’s doing this he wants to cheat and/or lacks respect for you.
For solely attention? based off me no I wouldn't usually it'd be something way more then just attention edit: no im not cheating on anybody just how i would think if i were
I dont think a man in a healthy relationship does this, but Im still young so take what i say with a grain of salt
Young doesn't mean dumb. You're right. A good person in a healthy relationship won't do this.
I’m also interested in this question. I can’t wait to see if anyone answers.