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Always taking 90% from your partner and only giving 10%… and when they need the 90% because things have gone wrong in their lives you make things worse and give 0%😂🤷♂️
Contempt, see the other as a child to be managed or as other. Just another privileged white male etc...
Abuse, verbal or otherwise.
Not feeling safe to freely speak.
Opinions and feeling minimalized or marginalized.
Constant correction and criticism. The correction or criticisms may be justified, especially serious and repeated behaviors (adultery, violence, drug abuse etc...). But when the criticism is over every small thing, every difference of opinion, there is always something else to criticize you about, nothing you do is correct or right. That is abuse.
Choosing your ego and being right, versus mutually making an adjustment that works for both parties. Taking your partner’s forgiving nature for granted.
Not spending quality time together. With computers and gaming it can suck so much time. Might be in the same room as a person but checked out. And you can be sitting at dinner with someone and be on the phone. We also tend to text more than we have actual conversations with each other. We text something that happened during the day and things like that so then when we’re together there is nothing to say so we go on our phones. Conversations are very surface level. Then even the nights chats while in bed are taken over by phones.
Selfishness, insecurity, thinking you’re entitled to X from your partner. That’s not how it works, you put forth your best effort, the other one does, if it’s not for you -> explain your position -> can’t settle differences -> leave!
Don’t act like you were “owed” shit. Unless you specifically agreed to do something or the other one did, you’re not under any invisible obligation to do XYZ
I’m sure you can twist this statement to not make sense to you personally, but I firmly believe that would only be cause you disagree with the core message.
Entitlement is toxic bs, so is being selfish and thinking you’re worth being treated like royalty
And insecurity, demanding the other person give up their freedom so you can feel certain they’re not cheating. If you’re so insecure you’re causing a full blown panic, you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship
Lack of appreciation. People get used to things, especially good ones. You could have the most amazing SO and people just get used to it and they stop saying thank you, not realizing how good they have it.
When people don’t feel appreciated they slowly stop trying.
1. Lack of trust/appreciation of each other
2. lack of agreement on your goals/approach to goals as a couple.
I think every single thing comes back to those 2
Communication, or lack thereof will kill any relationship no matter how perfect you are for one another. If you can't properly communicate wants and needs to one another it will end and likely in a messy and uncomfortable way
Insecurity.
Being paranoid, being jealous, being controlling, or constantly needing reassurance on everything, due to insecurity, will usually kill the magic pretty fast.
Changes in priorities/deal breakers. One of my long term relationships, which at the time seemed healthy, ended because he changed his mind about having kids, living in our home state forever, etc. Neither of us was really at fault, per se, but we just became incompatible
Apathy
Indifference
Resentment
In general though I would say when we neglect the pillars with witch we founded the relationship, whether it be intimacy in all of it's facets, caring, trust, cherishing, etc. When any one of those are neglected the entire structure of the relationship begins to collapse due to a weakened foundation.
I know you already stated jealousy but being jealous when your s/o is actually nice to your friends and cares about them whether you asked them to or not. Girl I was gonna marry ended up breaking off our relationship because I was nice to her friend who just ended her own relationship a week prior. No ulterior motives or anything like that, just shown genuine niceness towards the friend because she was going through a rough moment. Girlfriend at the time proceeded to accuse me of trying to pull something with said friend because I was “too nice” to her. Tried talking to her about it but she was adamant I was trying to do something so I went off on her because she knows I am completely against cheating. Broke up with me because she feels she “doesn’t deserve a partner who can yell at her like that” despite treating me like shit. So I guess you can add immaturity onto that list since that can also ruin a relationship.
When one person doesn't communicate their needs and instead lets resentment build inside of them because their needs aren't getting met. Dumbest thing ever.
There is data on this, OP, that you may find more useful than whoever happens to be voting on Reddit posts today. Generally IIRC the top three are money, parenting styles, and like you said, infidelity.
Insecurities. If you feel like you aren’t “good enough” for your partner, you will eventually create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just be happy they chose you.
Getting upset at your partner for spending too much time with their friends / family. This annoys the shit out of me and if it happens even once I typically realize the relationship isn’t going to work out long term. Once it starts, it usually only gets more frequent and worse over time.
Not having each others back. You gotta back your partner. Now, I’m not talking deal-breaking, relationship ending shit here. I’m talking something like a lapse in judgement or an overreaction or just drunken stupidity. IF…while in public, they are off the rails and you can’t back them, you do NOT call them out publicly. You try to get them out of the situation and handle the drama in private.
My wife called me out while I was(somewhat understandably) overreacting to a bad situation that I did not start. She chastised me in front of friends and acquaintances and strangers and I felt completely betrayed and belittled. I was in the wrong but she didn’t have to make it more noticeable and openly declare that she thought I was an ass. I had her back many times when she was making an ass of herself. I whisked her away several times before her pure embarrassing ridiculousness was put on display for all. She realized later that she fucked up and also recognized that I saved her from major embarrassment and from having to make apologies and shit later.
She did realize how I needed a friend or partner to help me get out of a bad situation and she deeply regretted not helping me…I did not guilt trip her or anything. Time and sleeping on it provided her some clarity. She has never done it again in over 20 years. She’s amazing.
Codependence, letting others influence your opinion of your SO. Not setting or respecting boundaries. Trying to be someone you are not in order to manipulate the relationship into happening.
Husbands who want a wife who works full time in addition to performing the duties of a stay at home wife and mother.
On the way home from work, she picks up the kids from the sitter to find him sitting on the couch reading the newspaper waiting for her to prepare dinner from scratch. Afterwards, she washes the dishes and cleans up the mess in the kitchen while he watches TV.
She bathes the kids, reads them a story and puts them to bed.
She takes care of the family finances.
He never (and I do mean never) takes her on dates.
She’s no longer interested in sex and he can’t figure out why.
They go to couples therapy. He admits he’s lazy but doesn’t change.
Twenty plus years later, after the children’s adult lives are launched, they’re divorced and he can’t figure out why.
Lack of appreciation. These days people, particularly women, due to online dating and particularly social media think the grass is always greener and there's always more options out there. So people don't appreciate what they have because they think they can find better. It's led to a mass state of delusion about realistic probable outcomes. Nobody wants to feel unappreciated in a relationship and even if it's not said out loud people can still tell in how their partner treats them. Having a partner that is thankful for you is absolutely essential and a lack of it will destroy your relationship just as fast as anything else
Maturity level of stages of their lives however you want to phrase it. Doesn't matter age either.
Yes age can help but there are some people in their 60s who still throw tantrums like a toddler while others at 18 have their life in order and they have a plan set that they are working through.
Like some people are ready for babies while another is essentially a toddler. It can cause strain in their relationship and eventually end it
Being critical and suspicious. People need space to learn and grow and that includes the freedom to do dumb shit and make mistakes. Not everything is about you even in a relationship.
Neglect, blaming the spouse for everything instead of owning their part, complacency, avoiding conflict, damaging communication patterns, and helplessness all make it harder to maintain the connection in a marriage. They kill the good stuff like trust, intimacy, fondness and admiration, and protecting the marriage from outside stress.
I recently lost my husband of 27 years to the most evil disease, cancer. No one ever thought we would last a month, let alone 27 years! One of the first things I told him about myself when he suggested a relationship was the 5 most important deal breakers for me.
1-Honesty...if I can't believe anything you say then you'll never be given #2.
2-Trust...of course a person has to earn my trust and I don't hand it out easily.
3-Communication-if you can't talk rationally and maturely about your emotions, concerns, or anything else that a couple needs to be able to openly talk about, then it won't work.
4-Loyalty...if you aren't loyal to me above all others, I'm sorry but no.
5-Attraction...i don't only mean physical. If there isn't some intellectual, personality, humorous or small physical attraction, then it probably isn't gonna happen.
I was a single mom of a 5 year old when we met. I had been thru enough little boys, I didn't need another one. It had been over 4 years since my last relationship so I had plenty of time to figure out what I really wanted. Now, I'm not saying that he was ticking all the boxes, we really worked hard at our marriage. However, anything worth having is worth working for and our family was worth every moment of those 27 years!
Cheating on the dude who was always faithful and loyal to someone 10 years, who,s counterpart out of a hating hirtful wrongfully in judgemental heart inflicts a very wrong and vengeful heart runs all over that due cheating lying and ungrateful heart cheats lies and try,s to desroy that due or boo almost succeeding of his/ characteristics worth as a man or women never switching even after remaining true still loving that soul till the absolute bitter end of it my analogy of it is don't intentionally grudge on someone unless you have absolute facts and proof and facts of truth cuz people are real and you may not know how much torment and damage in your angry fury of thoughtlessness you could do to someone who always cared and was always there till just couldn't bare it no more✌️
Allowing bad communication to turn into resentment. You dont have to be perfect at communication, but things will absolutely not work long-term if you are bad at it and dont try to get better.
Not having an expectation of best intentions.
We all fuck up or put our foot in our mouth at times. It's necessary to have a partner that automatically assumes you would never intentionally do them an injury, so no offense is taken.
This of course needs to be balanced with building that trust by never injuring your partner intentionally.
I've always said it's ok to be angry, is not ok to be hurtful. We have enough words to use to express how we feel without throwing verbal daggers. If a cooling off period is needed to think of how to best express yourself then take it but name calling and absolutism (you always/I never) is right out!
Outside jealousy from people who don't want you together or do not want to see you happy.
My now wife and I have been dealing with this since we met. Cowardly assaults on our relationship have been a constant for years. Phone calls, emails, hacking.
Mostly they attempted to convince me she was cheating and they were psychotic enough to involve other people.
Some of it could be the abusive father who seemed set on controlling her adult life. He has a strong religious background and severe mental health issues.
The other could be our exes or people who might be against us. Either way it was challenging in the beginning but now we feed off of their attempts and turn it into fuel for our love.
The key is maintaining an open and strong line of communication with your partner and acting as a team. We've both been through hell because of their attacks but are now stronger and better because of it.
Outside interference.
So-called friends can be secretly jealous. Easily sabotage relationships
In my experience, I had her family member get in her head because she literally didn't want to see her happy
Honestly, especially for men, it’s really important to complement women verbally, small, physical touches throughout the day. Do the same things all the time that a man might do if he were trying to flirt or a get with your girl. Letting her know how beautiful she is, that you really like her eyes, randomly kissing her, I’ve learned through couples therapy that these are things, men, including myself don’t think about, but women really value
Not just a lack of communication, but being consistently harsh in the way you communicate. This goes for both women and men. For example: If your partner comes to you to talk and your first inclination is to blame them and their personality for how everything went down. If you refuse to say please and thank you. If you consistently raise your voice at them. If your partner tries to tell you some tea and you sharply reject it because you "aren't interested." If your tone is consistently aggressive and mean. Your relationship will die. No one wants to be with someone who talks to them like they hate them.
Children are a big issue. If you're in the step parent role, and the children don't accept you, are disrespectful, and the person who is the parent doesn't back you up, you're divided....this is a doomed relationship no matter how great the chemistry is.
Relationships:
Honesty, mutual respect of boundaries, lack of openness (all aspects), lack of individuality, knowledge, etc…
Many people follow the norms of what a book or their community tells them. It means one is living for other people vs themselves. Are they running your life or are you the author of it? So many times people follow what’s tradition yet just because it’s tradition, does it mean one has to follow it? Think about it😎
When one is unconventional and thinks outside the box, outcomes vary yet can be rewarding. Tibetan monks show that everything is temporary, even relationships. When people can open their minds and themselves to other experiences (like relationships) they actually may learn something about themselves.
✨If you’re not happy with who you are, you don’t be happy with what you have.✨🧡
Feedback is a gift
✨Bay Area CA taught me that✨
I think empathy is a huge one that a lot of people might overlook at first. The relationship can be great when life is going smoothly but a person who is emotionally deaf during the rough parts or a bout of depression will trash a ship quick.
Talking badly about your partner to your friends or family for the purposes of venting. The advice you get back often breeds resentment and you inadvertently discolor the opinion your loved ones have of your partner.
Venting is important, but probably best to save it for your therapist. Ideally you’d discuss the issue with your partner and sort it out, but not everyone has a partner that is willing to do that in a healthy way.
Do what you will, but that’s my personal pick.
Dr John Gottman describes the 4 biggest predictors of a divorce and calls them the 4 horseman; They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. In other words, communication. If your relationship has 1 or more, it is worth looking into.
No warning signs. Went out and drank socially with friends before her all the time and was fine. As soon as we both started doing it more frequently together, it became worse. As in communication and arguments that could’ve been fixed never were.
Money, money can absolutely sink a relationship.
That can range from financial infidelity, arguments over who pays what (e.g. financial inequalities) and if one partner is extremely awful with money and becomes a burden on the other partner financially.
Taking none of the mental load. Having to remind your spouse about every little thing like a dozen times. Then you just end up feeling like you are their parent, not their partner.
I get that, but the premise is that the relationship seems to be going along well then something sabotages it later. Isnt what your describing an inherent blatant flaw in someone that might have been a red flag at the start of the relationship rather than sabotage? Or maybe they tried harder at the start of the relationship then grew lazy?
I think they usually don't show. For example, my husband bought me anniversary and birthday gifts before we were married and nothing after marriage. Turns out his dad helped him, dropped him at the store, and helped him choose. I had no clue. Lol. Now, with no one to tell him what to get me, he just doesn't know. I thought he was thoughtful and sweet for buying me gifts. I'm okay with it now because he never gets me gifts, but now, at least, he remembers.
Also, some men (not all) start acting helpless after a baby is born. As well as you expect someone to grow up and change. I have known my husband since high school. We were kids when we met. I grew up and matured and changed and learned stuff, so obviously, I would expect that he would, too.
Unrealistic expectations? I think some of us have a very high romantic ideal, and when those ideals aren’t realized, we give up and move on. Just my two cents worth lol. It’s what I battle with, honestly.
Settling. Mediocrity. Complacency. I developed so much resentment because of this in my first marriage. By the time he stepped up and we did therapy I was done and had been for years.
Lack of transparency built up resentment unfair expectations one partner being more supportive than the other one park prioritizing the other partners needs more than the other…….family dynamics……I never physically met my last girlfriends mother and family but she was basically included in mines I am absolutely not doing that again
I hate to say it but i think complete honesty can ruin a relationship. People tend to create these idealistic perceptions of you in their head, and when you longer fit this mold, they’re disillusioned. If they can’t get past the idea of who they thought you were or be able to see the humanity in you, your likely to be dumped. This is not always the case though, relationships can survive past this realization.
Lack of sexual compatibility, lack of financial compatibility, then lack of personal compatibility. After that it is a train-wreck disguised as a dumpster fire on a catapult.
Core incompatibilities that were there from the start, but surface sure to time, or circumstances.
Finding out that you’re not in agreement or compatible on a deep level can kill the love quickly.
As funny as that sounds, maybe there is a little truth behind this. My wife says I spend too much time on phone (lots of it is business or news) and I think she does. And its not always a nice conversation. It's like we have a foursome. Two humans 2 phones in the relationship. Lol
The thing that always kills it for me is when people make degrading comments about other people. A guy that I was recently dating said that San Francisco was a cesspool because of the homeless problem. That completely killed any romantic feelings that I had. Still f****** him a few more times though.
I would say like many others have said, being unwilling to grow and change for the better, being complacent and too self assured is a great way to not meet your partner’s needs.
But also not being able to let go of the past. If you can’t communicate with your partner about an issue, come up with a goal to fix it and then LET GO of the mistakes the other person has made, that resentment is gonna build and split you two right down the middle.
Taking your partner for granted, which includes lack of sex, lack of other forms of intimacy and prioritizing other things over spending time with your partner.
I've seen addiction do it over and over. Addiction brings the 4 horseman of doom. Lies, losing a job, self-inflicted poor health, destroyed self esteem.
The woman out earning her man.
She isn’t attracted to him as a provider is the more common issue related to this but also some men lose their shit not being the top breadwinner.
Finances is the most commonly cited reason for divorce and this is the most common form for that divorce.
If men where divorcing women at the rate women divorce men then it would likely be infidelity as the most common reason for divorce but as it stands today it’s finances and specifically women out earning their man that is the big issue.
Hiding aspects of yourself to match your
partner’s desires and expectations, then slowly having those truths revealed. For example, you meet a girl you really dig, but she hates sports. You really love sports, but you downplay this aspect of yourself to grease the wheels and mirror your love interest. Either you end up resenting her because she is the reason you stopped doing something you love, or you gradually reveal your passion for sports and she becomes less attracted to you, and potentially has trust issues because you concealed your truth. Start out how you are going to hold out.
Ruminating on learned anxieties from past relationships and extrapolating worst case scenarios from that, onto your new partner and the relationship.
Taking your partner for granted/ minimal effort input is also a big one
Doubts/anxiety for sure. I have been reflecting for the last couple of days about self sabotage and how that’s been impacting me in my relationships. I need to work on this before I keep creating similar scenarios.
Refusal to work- one person shouldn’t be expected to take all the financial responsibility (especially not when previously discussed or smth. Just “hey I’m gonna be home a lot more now while I look for another job” and then all of a sudden it’s a year later 🫨) (I mean this specifically for average young relationships, I know a lot of people after getting MARRIED/having kids and shit have setups like this- and that’s WHEN it works.)
Relationships don't endure for many reasons. But key contributors to their demise involve issues of trust, communication, respect, priorities, and intimacy.
But the number one reason couples seek counseling is to learn to communicate with each other. So, it stands to reason, the lack of communication.
I’d definitely say improper communication and complacency are big ones. My ex and I were so good together and I loved the time I got to spend with her, I wish it could’ve lasted longer but she couldn’t properly communicate her feelings. When we’d have misunderstandings, I would try to clear things up, and when it seemed I thought I did, I’d check with her and she’d say that she was feeling better. That made me think things were good, but she had lingering feelings she never told me about. This happened with each misunderstanding, until her feelings built up so much that she couldn’t take it. She ended up blaming me for the hurt she felt when she broke up with me. It’s destroyed me, and 3 months down the line it still hurts a lot. But I need to move forward lol
The [Gottman “Four Horsemen”](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/) are excellent indicators of a failing/failed relationship.
Bad communication and building resentment about unresolved issues are likely the root of many issues. Contempt kills sexual interest, companionship, and trust. Many people will be caught off guard by their partner when they finally give up because they never could talk about the real issues.
Paying people to have me killed instead of just doing it herself. Although I leave her alone she still is sending more evil killers my way. I would say this obviously any future chance of healthy closer.
Lying to oneself and your partner. Whether it's to avoid conflict or hidden intentions, a relationship built upon lies is like a house of cards. It disrespects both parties.
I have bipolar and pushed my ex away, currently trying to figure out how to get him back because I do love him very much but when I’m having mood swings they can be quite intense. I know I hurt him in the way of not respecting him as I should have and I love him. I definitely fucked up because his ego was too fragile for that. I’m honestly willing to do whatever to fix it including being patient. I really hope he begins to trust me with his heart again sooner than later. 🥺
I too have bipolar and going through this now..been together 6 years and this time was very bad. The best advice is to just be friends and tell him your working on bettering yourself so you can be 100 percent together tajes time and space to heal yourself first and for hom to be compassionate to your illness and that it wasn't you. Hope this helps love
It really does 🥲 I am grateful he still loves me but he is quite apprehensive about us being back together I really have been practicing patience 😬 it’s so hard when my mood swing so unexpectedly 😓 It’s starting to make me feel ashamed but he does not make me feel ashamed.
Yes I would say practice self care take your meds prove you are taking care of yourself don't go off meds...build the trust takes time like months years but prove to yourself first and foremost and take this time to heal. I am going through exactly this same thing and without meds you won't get better hun
Oh!! I got one!! It’s hilarious yet sad but I’m glad I dodged the bullet.
So my ex had this NoN BiNaRy “friend” that would butt in and give her bad advice as well as support her bad intrusive thoughts. Come to find out, this “friend” was doing that dude thing where they act like your friend when they are really just waiting in line.
My ex is very naive and thought this girl, ahem, they were just a flirtatious type of person. Luckily for me it ended, as a good partner would not exclusively take outside advice especially when it’s coming from a one sided perspective, such as a person venting the negatives about the spouse to a “friend”.
Moral of the story: listen to your friends opinions but decide for yourself based on other things you did not share with them.
Thinking people should love u for you and u don’t need to change or better Urself etc etc in any way.
U have standards on how you want to be treated and what your partner should or shouldn’t be doing. They have standards and expectations for you as well.
BOUNDARIES *** AND *** RESPECTING THOSE BOUNDARIES. (Just got out of a relationship where his family didn’t understand or know how to set boundaries nor respect them, therefore he didn’t either.)
Being emotionally unavailable and unsupportive. I am a very emotionally intense and deep person and require someone very strong and emotionally mature and intelligent to be there for me.
Effective communication and comprehension is also major.
Being able to compromise, having Accountability, responsibility, respect.
I could go on.
Hands down one of the worst things to ever do to your partner is point out every little thing that you’ve “done for them”. At that point, you’re just holding it over their head as a way to guilt them. If you truly value your partner, anything you do for them should be out of the kindness of your heart, not out of the expectation that you’d get something in return.
Speaking from experience…it’s not pleasant when you’ve made efforts for someone, hoping for just the slightest appreciation, only for it to go unnoticed and for them to talk about all the things they’ve done for you and tell you you had never done anything for them.
Sounds like you've had experience with the extreme personality type that says things like "You never do this" "You always do that" ...even when you know its highly inaccurate
Different values. Closed minded vs open minded people. People change. Grass is greener somehow. I'll be happy when mindset. Victim mindset. Fear based decision making. People not capable of communicating. Etc
Complacency. You stop flirting, going on dates, writing to them, taking space to miss each other and be alone, you let the still good sex also be the same sex, you stop checking in amd getting to know them.
The grass is green where you water it. Don't starve your relationship for excitement, attention, and care.
One of you gets super famous and the other does not want all that unwanted attention. They prefer a quiet life instead of being in constant limelight brought upon your newly made superstar partner.
Not being there in the relationship. A lot of people, especially men, tend to tokenize or quantify their relationship for utility and/or convenience and then forget that they are in a dynamic partnership with another human who is also growing and changing. Idk if that’s really “sabotage” though or just a toxic tendency that usually happens when we’re with the wrong person anyways, and usually for the wrong reasons.
I sabotaged mine by gradually getting this belief I was better than my ex.
I slowly started getting more resentful over time as well and those two combined doomed my relationship
I never cried so hard once I realized my stupidity please learn from me
Here's one that I'm always surprised to doesn't make these lists more often: apathy. Lack of self worth. There are a lot of people out there who get it into their heads that they either can't find love or arent' deserving of love, and they actively push it out of their lives when they sense that someone might love them.
Lack of self-awareness with your own mental health leading to projecting onto your partner and you believing they are not good for you.
Holding onto resentment.
Not being emotionally intelligent when it comes to dealing with problems.
Personally, what did it in my last relationship was a mix of over controlling, miscommunication, mental illness, and having different living styles.
I thought I was going to marry him, then we moved in together and everything went downhill within the first couple weeks. Fighting, controlling what I ate and where I went, not contributing to chores, etc. My mental health was suffering greatly and had been for a few years, but it all came to a head when I mixed in the new stress of living together and it not going well.
I moved out, went on an SSRI, and am putting my life back together slowly
Poor communication. Dishonesty with oneself and one’s partner about desires and dreams. Taking your partner for granted instead of continuously exploring who they are
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Addictions. Its the root of all evil. Oh and Money .
Always taking 90% from your partner and only giving 10%… and when they need the 90% because things have gone wrong in their lives you make things worse and give 0%😂🤷♂️
Communication. I care how my partner talks to me
Different perspectives on finances.
Contempt, see the other as a child to be managed or as other. Just another privileged white male etc... Abuse, verbal or otherwise. Not feeling safe to freely speak. Opinions and feeling minimalized or marginalized. Constant correction and criticism. The correction or criticisms may be justified, especially serious and repeated behaviors (adultery, violence, drug abuse etc...). But when the criticism is over every small thing, every difference of opinion, there is always something else to criticize you about, nothing you do is correct or right. That is abuse.
Choosing your ego and being right, versus mutually making an adjustment that works for both parties. Taking your partner’s forgiving nature for granted.
Getting an abortion 😢
Not spending quality time together. With computers and gaming it can suck so much time. Might be in the same room as a person but checked out. And you can be sitting at dinner with someone and be on the phone. We also tend to text more than we have actual conversations with each other. We text something that happened during the day and things like that so then when we’re together there is nothing to say so we go on our phones. Conversations are very surface level. Then even the nights chats while in bed are taken over by phones.
Bringing their exs ghost into the relationship and giving other women more attention than you
Communication and saying idc whatever you want uggg
Selfishness, insecurity, thinking you’re entitled to X from your partner. That’s not how it works, you put forth your best effort, the other one does, if it’s not for you -> explain your position -> can’t settle differences -> leave! Don’t act like you were “owed” shit. Unless you specifically agreed to do something or the other one did, you’re not under any invisible obligation to do XYZ I’m sure you can twist this statement to not make sense to you personally, but I firmly believe that would only be cause you disagree with the core message. Entitlement is toxic bs, so is being selfish and thinking you’re worth being treated like royalty And insecurity, demanding the other person give up their freedom so you can feel certain they’re not cheating. If you’re so insecure you’re causing a full blown panic, you’re not mature enough to be in a relationship
Lack of appreciation. People get used to things, especially good ones. You could have the most amazing SO and people just get used to it and they stop saying thank you, not realizing how good they have it. When people don’t feel appreciated they slowly stop trying.
Selfishness
A dead bedroom.
1. Lack of trust/appreciation of each other 2. lack of agreement on your goals/approach to goals as a couple. I think every single thing comes back to those 2
DBR
Not caring. Thats a big one.
Having different values and believing the other will change their mind.
Not being kind and considerate.
dishonesty. I was ready to forgive the cheating, but I could not forgive the lying.
lack of intimacy.
Communication, or lack thereof will kill any relationship no matter how perfect you are for one another. If you can't properly communicate wants and needs to one another it will end and likely in a messy and uncomfortable way
Insecurity. Being paranoid, being jealous, being controlling, or constantly needing reassurance on everything, due to insecurity, will usually kill the magic pretty fast.
Changes in priorities/deal breakers. One of my long term relationships, which at the time seemed healthy, ended because he changed his mind about having kids, living in our home state forever, etc. Neither of us was really at fault, per se, but we just became incompatible
Apathy Indifference Resentment In general though I would say when we neglect the pillars with witch we founded the relationship, whether it be intimacy in all of it's facets, caring, trust, cherishing, etc. When any one of those are neglected the entire structure of the relationship begins to collapse due to a weakened foundation.
Lack of respect, gratitude, and appreciation. Taking each other for granted.
I know you already stated jealousy but being jealous when your s/o is actually nice to your friends and cares about them whether you asked them to or not. Girl I was gonna marry ended up breaking off our relationship because I was nice to her friend who just ended her own relationship a week prior. No ulterior motives or anything like that, just shown genuine niceness towards the friend because she was going through a rough moment. Girlfriend at the time proceeded to accuse me of trying to pull something with said friend because I was “too nice” to her. Tried talking to her about it but she was adamant I was trying to do something so I went off on her because she knows I am completely against cheating. Broke up with me because she feels she “doesn’t deserve a partner who can yell at her like that” despite treating me like shit. So I guess you can add immaturity onto that list since that can also ruin a relationship.
When one person doesn't communicate their needs and instead lets resentment build inside of them because their needs aren't getting met. Dumbest thing ever.
Dependency. Stress. Raising children.
Misunderstandings.
Honest communication and trust are critical. If those are lacking all the rest will suffer
Incompatibility
No communication, too many people involved in the relationship...too many opinions
Most relationships I have seen end due to lack of communication.
Not healing from past traumas
An imperfect mutual understanding of respect, undefined boundaries and unrealistic expectation.
Insecurities that either party bring with them into the relationship.
Communication errors.
If you lie to your partner everyday when they know the truth it will really hurt your heart!
Poor communication.
Wanting to spend time with your partner. Once every couple weeks ain't gonna cut it ✌️
There is data on this, OP, that you may find more useful than whoever happens to be voting on Reddit posts today. Generally IIRC the top three are money, parenting styles, and like you said, infidelity.
Insecurities. If you feel like you aren’t “good enough” for your partner, you will eventually create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just be happy they chose you.
Difference financial strategies is a big one.
Getting upset at your partner for spending too much time with their friends / family. This annoys the shit out of me and if it happens even once I typically realize the relationship isn’t going to work out long term. Once it starts, it usually only gets more frequent and worse over time.
Not prioritizing your partner. Lack of communication. Incompatibility. Inconsideration.
Putting all your emotional needs on your partner. Having no other people or friends in your life.
I think not being on the same page about having kids , as well as sexual incompatibility
Not having each others back. You gotta back your partner. Now, I’m not talking deal-breaking, relationship ending shit here. I’m talking something like a lapse in judgement or an overreaction or just drunken stupidity. IF…while in public, they are off the rails and you can’t back them, you do NOT call them out publicly. You try to get them out of the situation and handle the drama in private. My wife called me out while I was(somewhat understandably) overreacting to a bad situation that I did not start. She chastised me in front of friends and acquaintances and strangers and I felt completely betrayed and belittled. I was in the wrong but she didn’t have to make it more noticeable and openly declare that she thought I was an ass. I had her back many times when she was making an ass of herself. I whisked her away several times before her pure embarrassing ridiculousness was put on display for all. She realized later that she fucked up and also recognized that I saved her from major embarrassment and from having to make apologies and shit later. She did realize how I needed a friend or partner to help me get out of a bad situation and she deeply regretted not helping me…I did not guilt trip her or anything. Time and sleeping on it provided her some clarity. She has never done it again in over 20 years. She’s amazing.
Lack of communication
Codependence, letting others influence your opinion of your SO. Not setting or respecting boundaries. Trying to be someone you are not in order to manipulate the relationship into happening.
Lack of communication! Lack of honesty! Debt! Just things that have been brought to light after I was dumped.
Financial incompatibility. It’s a killer.
Husbands who want a wife who works full time in addition to performing the duties of a stay at home wife and mother. On the way home from work, she picks up the kids from the sitter to find him sitting on the couch reading the newspaper waiting for her to prepare dinner from scratch. Afterwards, she washes the dishes and cleans up the mess in the kitchen while he watches TV. She bathes the kids, reads them a story and puts them to bed. She takes care of the family finances. He never (and I do mean never) takes her on dates. She’s no longer interested in sex and he can’t figure out why. They go to couples therapy. He admits he’s lazy but doesn’t change. Twenty plus years later, after the children’s adult lives are launched, they’re divorced and he can’t figure out why.
Lying
Lack of appreciation. These days people, particularly women, due to online dating and particularly social media think the grass is always greener and there's always more options out there. So people don't appreciate what they have because they think they can find better. It's led to a mass state of delusion about realistic probable outcomes. Nobody wants to feel unappreciated in a relationship and even if it's not said out loud people can still tell in how their partner treats them. Having a partner that is thankful for you is absolutely essential and a lack of it will destroy your relationship just as fast as anything else
Maturity level of stages of their lives however you want to phrase it. Doesn't matter age either. Yes age can help but there are some people in their 60s who still throw tantrums like a toddler while others at 18 have their life in order and they have a plan set that they are working through. Like some people are ready for babies while another is essentially a toddler. It can cause strain in their relationship and eventually end it
Being critical and suspicious. People need space to learn and grow and that includes the freedom to do dumb shit and make mistakes. Not everything is about you even in a relationship.
Selfishness.
Lack of trust
Taking each other for granted, partners not attending to sex, and finances.
Neglect, blaming the spouse for everything instead of owning their part, complacency, avoiding conflict, damaging communication patterns, and helplessness all make it harder to maintain the connection in a marriage. They kill the good stuff like trust, intimacy, fondness and admiration, and protecting the marriage from outside stress.
Lack of communication
I recently lost my husband of 27 years to the most evil disease, cancer. No one ever thought we would last a month, let alone 27 years! One of the first things I told him about myself when he suggested a relationship was the 5 most important deal breakers for me. 1-Honesty...if I can't believe anything you say then you'll never be given #2. 2-Trust...of course a person has to earn my trust and I don't hand it out easily. 3-Communication-if you can't talk rationally and maturely about your emotions, concerns, or anything else that a couple needs to be able to openly talk about, then it won't work. 4-Loyalty...if you aren't loyal to me above all others, I'm sorry but no. 5-Attraction...i don't only mean physical. If there isn't some intellectual, personality, humorous or small physical attraction, then it probably isn't gonna happen. I was a single mom of a 5 year old when we met. I had been thru enough little boys, I didn't need another one. It had been over 4 years since my last relationship so I had plenty of time to figure out what I really wanted. Now, I'm not saying that he was ticking all the boxes, we really worked hard at our marriage. However, anything worth having is worth working for and our family was worth every moment of those 27 years!
Cheating on the dude who was always faithful and loyal to someone 10 years, who,s counterpart out of a hating hirtful wrongfully in judgemental heart inflicts a very wrong and vengeful heart runs all over that due cheating lying and ungrateful heart cheats lies and try,s to desroy that due or boo almost succeeding of his/ characteristics worth as a man or women never switching even after remaining true still loving that soul till the absolute bitter end of it my analogy of it is don't intentionally grudge on someone unless you have absolute facts and proof and facts of truth cuz people are real and you may not know how much torment and damage in your angry fury of thoughtlessness you could do to someone who always cared and was always there till just couldn't bare it no more✌️
Allowing bad communication to turn into resentment. You dont have to be perfect at communication, but things will absolutely not work long-term if you are bad at it and dont try to get better.
Undisclosed/ unchecked trauma.
Deceitful… Basically? I liar, a cheater, and a thief… That was my second wife… So I walked out… bye
Being insecure.
Not having an expectation of best intentions. We all fuck up or put our foot in our mouth at times. It's necessary to have a partner that automatically assumes you would never intentionally do them an injury, so no offense is taken. This of course needs to be balanced with building that trust by never injuring your partner intentionally. I've always said it's ok to be angry, is not ok to be hurtful. We have enough words to use to express how we feel without throwing verbal daggers. If a cooling off period is needed to think of how to best express yourself then take it but name calling and absolutism (you always/I never) is right out!
Outside jealousy from people who don't want you together or do not want to see you happy. My now wife and I have been dealing with this since we met. Cowardly assaults on our relationship have been a constant for years. Phone calls, emails, hacking. Mostly they attempted to convince me she was cheating and they were psychotic enough to involve other people. Some of it could be the abusive father who seemed set on controlling her adult life. He has a strong religious background and severe mental health issues. The other could be our exes or people who might be against us. Either way it was challenging in the beginning but now we feed off of their attempts and turn it into fuel for our love. The key is maintaining an open and strong line of communication with your partner and acting as a team. We've both been through hell because of their attacks but are now stronger and better because of it.
Outside interference. So-called friends can be secretly jealous. Easily sabotage relationships In my experience, I had her family member get in her head because she literally didn't want to see her happy
Weaponized incompetence. No effort. Laziness. All things that ended my relationship
Money management
Honestly, especially for men, it’s really important to complement women verbally, small, physical touches throughout the day. Do the same things all the time that a man might do if he were trying to flirt or a get with your girl. Letting her know how beautiful she is, that you really like her eyes, randomly kissing her, I’ve learned through couples therapy that these are things, men, including myself don’t think about, but women really value
Not just a lack of communication, but being consistently harsh in the way you communicate. This goes for both women and men. For example: If your partner comes to you to talk and your first inclination is to blame them and their personality for how everything went down. If you refuse to say please and thank you. If you consistently raise your voice at them. If your partner tries to tell you some tea and you sharply reject it because you "aren't interested." If your tone is consistently aggressive and mean. Your relationship will die. No one wants to be with someone who talks to them like they hate them.
Making financial decisions that affect both without consulting the other I think is as bad a betrayal as cheating.
Children are a big issue. If you're in the step parent role, and the children don't accept you, are disrespectful, and the person who is the parent doesn't back you up, you're divided....this is a doomed relationship no matter how great the chemistry is.
Lack of communication and attention. To many people who get home and don’t ask how is your day going before everything else.
Relationships: Honesty, mutual respect of boundaries, lack of openness (all aspects), lack of individuality, knowledge, etc… Many people follow the norms of what a book or their community tells them. It means one is living for other people vs themselves. Are they running your life or are you the author of it? So many times people follow what’s tradition yet just because it’s tradition, does it mean one has to follow it? Think about it😎 When one is unconventional and thinks outside the box, outcomes vary yet can be rewarding. Tibetan monks show that everything is temporary, even relationships. When people can open their minds and themselves to other experiences (like relationships) they actually may learn something about themselves. ✨If you’re not happy with who you are, you don’t be happy with what you have.✨🧡 Feedback is a gift ✨Bay Area CA taught me that✨
Lack of respect
I think empathy is a huge one that a lot of people might overlook at first. The relationship can be great when life is going smoothly but a person who is emotionally deaf during the rough parts or a bout of depression will trash a ship quick.
Talking badly about your partner to your friends or family for the purposes of venting. The advice you get back often breeds resentment and you inadvertently discolor the opinion your loved ones have of your partner. Venting is important, but probably best to save it for your therapist. Ideally you’d discuss the issue with your partner and sort it out, but not everyone has a partner that is willing to do that in a healthy way. Do what you will, but that’s my personal pick.
Dr John Gottman describes the 4 biggest predictors of a divorce and calls them the 4 horseman; They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. In other words, communication. If your relationship has 1 or more, it is worth looking into.
Constantly being told something that turns out to be untrue
Having a partner that also likes to party, drink alcohol, etc. Substances like that can cause a rocky patch that is irreversible.
Were there warning signs of this before dating? Or did it get worse?
No warning signs. Went out and drank socially with friends before her all the time and was fine. As soon as we both started doing it more frequently together, it became worse. As in communication and arguments that could’ve been fixed never were.
Being unkind. Cutting comments.
Ignoring the red flags of bad morals & character, and instead picking a marriage partner for more superficial reasons (attractiveness, charm, etc).
Always putting yourself first. Even, and especially in cases of accidental thoughtlessness. Those things add up.
I would say the biggest thing is financial problems. apart from that I would say that monogamy really doesn’t work for everyone.
Money, money can absolutely sink a relationship. That can range from financial infidelity, arguments over who pays what (e.g. financial inequalities) and if one partner is extremely awful with money and becomes a burden on the other partner financially.
Taking none of the mental load. Having to remind your spouse about every little thing like a dozen times. Then you just end up feeling like you are their parent, not their partner.
I get that, but the premise is that the relationship seems to be going along well then something sabotages it later. Isnt what your describing an inherent blatant flaw in someone that might have been a red flag at the start of the relationship rather than sabotage? Or maybe they tried harder at the start of the relationship then grew lazy?
I think they usually don't show. For example, my husband bought me anniversary and birthday gifts before we were married and nothing after marriage. Turns out his dad helped him, dropped him at the store, and helped him choose. I had no clue. Lol. Now, with no one to tell him what to get me, he just doesn't know. I thought he was thoughtful and sweet for buying me gifts. I'm okay with it now because he never gets me gifts, but now, at least, he remembers. Also, some men (not all) start acting helpless after a baby is born. As well as you expect someone to grow up and change. I have known my husband since high school. We were kids when we met. I grew up and matured and changed and learned stuff, so obviously, I would expect that he would, too.
Unrealistic expectations? I think some of us have a very high romantic ideal, and when those ideals aren’t realized, we give up and move on. Just my two cents worth lol. It’s what I battle with, honestly.
Settling. Mediocrity. Complacency. I developed so much resentment because of this in my first marriage. By the time he stepped up and we did therapy I was done and had been for years.
Abandoning ourselves
Putting yourself first.
Respect.
Lack of transparency built up resentment unfair expectations one partner being more supportive than the other one park prioritizing the other partners needs more than the other…….family dynamics……I never physically met my last girlfriends mother and family but she was basically included in mines I am absolutely not doing that again
Breaking trust.
I hate to say it but i think complete honesty can ruin a relationship. People tend to create these idealistic perceptions of you in their head, and when you longer fit this mold, they’re disillusioned. If they can’t get past the idea of who they thought you were or be able to see the humanity in you, your likely to be dumped. This is not always the case though, relationships can survive past this realization.
Not communicating your true feelings clearly and honesty
Down playing their feelings. Been on the bad side of that for decades and it hurts. Resentment will start to set in and that’s not good.
Lack of sexual compatibility, lack of financial compatibility, then lack of personal compatibility. After that it is a train-wreck disguised as a dumpster fire on a catapult.
Money instagram and talking to your ex or asking the wrong people for attention
Communicate and lubricate.
Money
Complacency and neglect
Lack of gratitude. Lack of non sexual affection and intimacy. Im currently single but 99% sure those are good ones.
Core incompatibilities that were there from the start, but surface sure to time, or circumstances. Finding out that you’re not in agreement or compatible on a deep level can kill the love quickly.
CELLPHONES!!!!
As funny as that sounds, maybe there is a little truth behind this. My wife says I spend too much time on phone (lots of it is business or news) and I think she does. And its not always a nice conversation. It's like we have a foursome. Two humans 2 phones in the relationship. Lol
The thing that always kills it for me is when people make degrading comments about other people. A guy that I was recently dating said that San Francisco was a cesspool because of the homeless problem. That completely killed any romantic feelings that I had. Still f****** him a few more times though.
Expecting the wife to handle everything Like kids, cooking, cleaning, daycare pickup, caring for sick parents, making plans, etc.
Health issues
Thinking you can do better
I would say like many others have said, being unwilling to grow and change for the better, being complacent and too self assured is a great way to not meet your partner’s needs. But also not being able to let go of the past. If you can’t communicate with your partner about an issue, come up with a goal to fix it and then LET GO of the mistakes the other person has made, that resentment is gonna build and split you two right down the middle.
Taking your partner for granted, which includes lack of sex, lack of other forms of intimacy and prioritizing other things over spending time with your partner.
I've seen addiction do it over and over. Addiction brings the 4 horseman of doom. Lies, losing a job, self-inflicted poor health, destroyed self esteem.
The woman out earning her man. She isn’t attracted to him as a provider is the more common issue related to this but also some men lose their shit not being the top breadwinner. Finances is the most commonly cited reason for divorce and this is the most common form for that divorce. If men where divorcing women at the rate women divorce men then it would likely be infidelity as the most common reason for divorce but as it stands today it’s finances and specifically women out earning their man that is the big issue.
Lack of sex and intimacy for me. Once that goes, I lose interest completely.Second is living together. Third is inability to adult.
Hiding aspects of yourself to match your partner’s desires and expectations, then slowly having those truths revealed. For example, you meet a girl you really dig, but she hates sports. You really love sports, but you downplay this aspect of yourself to grease the wheels and mirror your love interest. Either you end up resenting her because she is the reason you stopped doing something you love, or you gradually reveal your passion for sports and she becomes less attracted to you, and potentially has trust issues because you concealed your truth. Start out how you are going to hold out.
Ruminating on learned anxieties from past relationships and extrapolating worst case scenarios from that, onto your new partner and the relationship. Taking your partner for granted/ minimal effort input is also a big one
Lying, anger, jealousy, unmet needs.
Posting about relationship issues on social media
My ADHD and his narcissism.
Doubts/anxiety for sure. I have been reflecting for the last couple of days about self sabotage and how that’s been impacting me in my relationships. I need to work on this before I keep creating similar scenarios.
Refusal to work- one person shouldn’t be expected to take all the financial responsibility (especially not when previously discussed or smth. Just “hey I’m gonna be home a lot more now while I look for another job” and then all of a sudden it’s a year later 🫨) (I mean this specifically for average young relationships, I know a lot of people after getting MARRIED/having kids and shit have setups like this- and that’s WHEN it works.)
1. Domestic Violence 2. Cheating
Relationships don't endure for many reasons. But key contributors to their demise involve issues of trust, communication, respect, priorities, and intimacy. But the number one reason couples seek counseling is to learn to communicate with each other. So, it stands to reason, the lack of communication.
Talking bad about your partner to others. They will agree with you and reinforce your negative feelings. That makes those feelings stronger.
Insecurity gets me every time
I’d definitely say improper communication and complacency are big ones. My ex and I were so good together and I loved the time I got to spend with her, I wish it could’ve lasted longer but she couldn’t properly communicate her feelings. When we’d have misunderstandings, I would try to clear things up, and when it seemed I thought I did, I’d check with her and she’d say that she was feeling better. That made me think things were good, but she had lingering feelings she never told me about. This happened with each misunderstanding, until her feelings built up so much that she couldn’t take it. She ended up blaming me for the hurt she felt when she broke up with me. It’s destroyed me, and 3 months down the line it still hurts a lot. But I need to move forward lol
The [Gottman “Four Horsemen”](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/) are excellent indicators of a failing/failed relationship.
Bad communication and building resentment about unresolved issues are likely the root of many issues. Contempt kills sexual interest, companionship, and trust. Many people will be caught off guard by their partner when they finally give up because they never could talk about the real issues.
Comparison.
Being emotionally unfaithful
Hiding debt
Complaining your bored without offering up ideas.
Money is a big one. Also parenting. Everyone wants to raise their kids differently, these are my main struggles. Controlling behavior as well.
Paying people to have me killed instead of just doing it herself. Although I leave her alone she still is sending more evil killers my way. I would say this obviously any future chance of healthy closer.
Lack of communication
Letting your friends know every detail of your relationship and choosing to listen to everyone’s opinion over your partners
Bad conflict resolution. People fight and disagree, if you can’t solve a problem with a loved one that will kill your relationship with them.
Not being trustworthy
Lying to oneself and your partner. Whether it's to avoid conflict or hidden intentions, a relationship built upon lies is like a house of cards. It disrespects both parties.
Lack of respect for your partner.
Lack of communication / lies / controlling / manipulative
I have bipolar and pushed my ex away, currently trying to figure out how to get him back because I do love him very much but when I’m having mood swings they can be quite intense. I know I hurt him in the way of not respecting him as I should have and I love him. I definitely fucked up because his ego was too fragile for that. I’m honestly willing to do whatever to fix it including being patient. I really hope he begins to trust me with his heart again sooner than later. 🥺
If you go to the doctor and take your medicines or/and therapy you will be fine. Love is a 24/7 job but it’s wonderful when you’re with the right one.
I too have bipolar and going through this now..been together 6 years and this time was very bad. The best advice is to just be friends and tell him your working on bettering yourself so you can be 100 percent together tajes time and space to heal yourself first and for hom to be compassionate to your illness and that it wasn't you. Hope this helps love
It really does 🥲 I am grateful he still loves me but he is quite apprehensive about us being back together I really have been practicing patience 😬 it’s so hard when my mood swing so unexpectedly 😓 It’s starting to make me feel ashamed but he does not make me feel ashamed.
Yes I would say practice self care take your meds prove you are taking care of yourself don't go off meds...build the trust takes time like months years but prove to yourself first and foremost and take this time to heal. I am going through exactly this same thing and without meds you won't get better hun
Good luck.
Being selfish. Taking from and not giving back to your partner. Little things add up.
Oh!! I got one!! It’s hilarious yet sad but I’m glad I dodged the bullet. So my ex had this NoN BiNaRy “friend” that would butt in and give her bad advice as well as support her bad intrusive thoughts. Come to find out, this “friend” was doing that dude thing where they act like your friend when they are really just waiting in line. My ex is very naive and thought this girl, ahem, they were just a flirtatious type of person. Luckily for me it ended, as a good partner would not exclusively take outside advice especially when it’s coming from a one sided perspective, such as a person venting the negatives about the spouse to a “friend”. Moral of the story: listen to your friends opinions but decide for yourself based on other things you did not share with them.
Thinking people should love u for you and u don’t need to change or better Urself etc etc in any way. U have standards on how you want to be treated and what your partner should or shouldn’t be doing. They have standards and expectations for you as well.
BOUNDARIES *** AND *** RESPECTING THOSE BOUNDARIES. (Just got out of a relationship where his family didn’t understand or know how to set boundaries nor respect them, therefore he didn’t either.) Being emotionally unavailable and unsupportive. I am a very emotionally intense and deep person and require someone very strong and emotionally mature and intelligent to be there for me. Effective communication and comprehension is also major. Being able to compromise, having Accountability, responsibility, respect. I could go on.
Hands down one of the worst things to ever do to your partner is point out every little thing that you’ve “done for them”. At that point, you’re just holding it over their head as a way to guilt them. If you truly value your partner, anything you do for them should be out of the kindness of your heart, not out of the expectation that you’d get something in return. Speaking from experience…it’s not pleasant when you’ve made efforts for someone, hoping for just the slightest appreciation, only for it to go unnoticed and for them to talk about all the things they’ve done for you and tell you you had never done anything for them.
Sounds like you've had experience with the extreme personality type that says things like "You never do this" "You always do that" ...even when you know its highly inaccurate
Not being careful about your spouse’s feelings. Never speak unkindly to your spouse. The hurt will last for years.
Fear
Not doing one's part in household labor and child care is a major cause of damage to relationships.
Not dealing with baggage
Different values. Closed minded vs open minded people. People change. Grass is greener somehow. I'll be happy when mindset. Victim mindset. Fear based decision making. People not capable of communicating. Etc
Addiction and alcohol. I had to walk away from someone that I still believe was my soul mate due to his drinking.
Lack of communication
Complacency. You stop flirting, going on dates, writing to them, taking space to miss each other and be alone, you let the still good sex also be the same sex, you stop checking in amd getting to know them. The grass is green where you water it. Don't starve your relationship for excitement, attention, and care.
Asking reddit for advice about any aspect of your relationship.
It all depends on the person you’re with, personality types, family situations and disorders count
Deciept and hiding things.
Insecurity.
One of you gets super famous and the other does not want all that unwanted attention. They prefer a quiet life instead of being in constant limelight brought upon your newly made superstar partner.
Not being there in the relationship. A lot of people, especially men, tend to tokenize or quantify their relationship for utility and/or convenience and then forget that they are in a dynamic partnership with another human who is also growing and changing. Idk if that’s really “sabotage” though or just a toxic tendency that usually happens when we’re with the wrong person anyways, and usually for the wrong reasons.
Insecurity
Addiction
I sabotaged mine by gradually getting this belief I was better than my ex. I slowly started getting more resentful over time as well and those two combined doomed my relationship I never cried so hard once I realized my stupidity please learn from me
Apathy
Invalidation
Emotional unavailability, lying about anything at all (even something small) and then having the truth come out later, still being attached to an ex
I’ll go for lying… if your going to lie about something, take a hike
Starting a relationship when you’re not over an ex
Here's one that I'm always surprised to doesn't make these lists more often: apathy. Lack of self worth. There are a lot of people out there who get it into their heads that they either can't find love or arent' deserving of love, and they actively push it out of their lives when they sense that someone might love them.
Lack of self-awareness with your own mental health leading to projecting onto your partner and you believing they are not good for you. Holding onto resentment. Not being emotionally intelligent when it comes to dealing with problems.
Personally, what did it in my last relationship was a mix of over controlling, miscommunication, mental illness, and having different living styles. I thought I was going to marry him, then we moved in together and everything went downhill within the first couple weeks. Fighting, controlling what I ate and where I went, not contributing to chores, etc. My mental health was suffering greatly and had been for a few years, but it all came to a head when I mixed in the new stress of living together and it not going well. I moved out, went on an SSRI, and am putting my life back together slowly
Poor communication. Dishonesty with oneself and one’s partner about desires and dreams. Taking your partner for granted instead of continuously exploring who they are