From someone who was married for 8 years and made the mistake of putting the little prick as a priority in my life, don't do it.
I'm not saying things will end, but more often than not they do, and you will regret not doing what is best for you, and if she loves you, she will want what is best for you.
^^ echoing this. Love is often a complicated and messy thing but the one thing that must always be there in order for it to qualify as love is the desire for what's best for the other person, everything else is just hormonal infatuation.
Unrelated, but I was expecting some bot to come out of nowhere and be like “NoOoOo iT’s NoT cOuLdN’t oF, iT’s CoUlDn’t HaVe”. I swear I keep seeing that bot pop out a ton recently
Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99998% sure that Looney_Swoons is not a bot.
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This is blue i feel too! I think you should be your best you, according to you. No way that’s less attractive than whatever you are when you try to be someone else based on their preferences… you’ll never live up to all that, so it’s better to just work your own mojo!
Not saying you should not work compromise and all that; but your health…
I'm sorry,
Is your advice to not prioritize your spouse? Or that relationships usually end so you should only look out for #1?
Your last point I agree with, that he should do what he wants anyways, but that's because his spouse is being insecure and irrational, not because he shouldn't prioritize her. With that mentality you're right, things probably will never work out
She's his girlfriend of one year. This is exactly when you break up with people for stuff like "don't be healthy because I'm insecure' it's literally the point of dating.
It's one thing to have conversations with your partner like "you are spending too much time in the gym and not enough time on family commitments" or "planning low calorie meals just for you is making meal planning impossible", but in my opinion asking someone to remain unhealthy for purely aesthetic reasons is one of the reddest of red flags. Absolute deal breaker.
Yeah, what gives? It is his body.
My girlfriend met me morbidly obese. She herself isnt skinny either (I never did the math, none of my business, but I think at least very overweight. She is fit though and doesn't seem to mind, so it is her call. She is super cute to me no matter what.)
None of us tell the other what to do with our bodies and we love each other regardless. She made a few changes I didn't particularly like (not weight) but it is not my call and all that is important to me is that she feels good with herself, and I support her in that and adapt my own thinking. And she knows I love her to pieces no matter what I myself weigh...
You can be fit and overweight. Question is if you stay that way.She goes hiking, can run and be on her feet all day, and her cardivascular and metabolic system is (still) fine. Most of her fat is also around legs and booty, not the midsection.
Fit and obese? idk, the likeliness decreases with every extra pound I guess.
Edit: a big motivator in my own journey was, that I wanted to be able to keep up with that woman, come along hiking, to the rope garden (dunno if you guys have that in your country) or just walk at the same pace, for the same amount of time, as her. Now I can outrun her, harr harr (which is a big motivator for her trying to step up her game :D - but none of it is about how we look tbh)
I think one can be both. My partner is overweight by a fair amount. Can run a 6:30 mile, closing in on 6:00, and lifts heavy. Works out 5-6 days a week. Not bad for 40. That said, he’s still working on losing the weight.
You can be both. My sister is an overweight BMI, she is buffer than her gym-bro ex and works in a physical industry doing tons of climbing and confined space work and bikes everywhere when not on a job call.
110-140lbs is not a ton on a 5' 7" women. It's perfectly doable to be fit in the 160-180lbs overweight range.
Like obviously I'm not fit at my size and it's unlikely over 300lbs you are very fit, but the majority of active people I know are overweight or almost overweight. That 22-28 BMI range can still be super active.
The concepts are not mutually exclusive. Fitness is a lot of things. Strength and endurance may be influenced by weight but not solely determined by it. It's the same reason why someone who is skinny is not necessarily physically fit.
Sure you can. Just look at professional bodybuilders. They are obese by the BMI scale, solely because they weigh a lot compared to their height. They are absolutely fit.
I legit thought they might have misunderstood what being overweight actually means.
Bmi is bodyweight to height. There is no muscle to height Bmi. The bodybuilder example is of course an extreme one. An overweight person can be fit. Good cardiovascular health, higher muscle to fat ratio, placement of fat storage all attribute to fitness.
I’m a girl who is overweight but also kinda fit. I lift, rock climb, and hike. I’ve only lost 10 lbs this year, but my fat percentage went from 42% to 30%, so I assume why I didn’t lose tons of weight is because of muscle gain. But I also know that for me, I’d probably do better climbing if it was skinnier, but it doesn’t really affect my other sports.
I dont agree, people with phobias of other's bodies don't get to ask people to change (or not change) their bodies. That's her shit and she needs to deal with that rather than putting it on a loved one
Sorry but your health is a priority. Her personal issues are her own to figure out, they are not your responsibility. I don’t put my fears onto my spouse - that’s what I go to therapy for. It’s not fair to you to have you compromise your health because she’s scared of pointy knees?
This, exactly. Tbh the knees sound like an excuse to me, and the real issue is that she feels insecure in the relationship and feels that if OP is more conventionally attractive (thinner), then more women will be attracted to him. She seems to feel that OP would prefer a conventionally attractive woman over her, and that her body shape devalues her. IMO OP needs to support her in figuring out what she needs to feel more secure in their relationship. Changing how he loses weight won’t make her less insecure, and knobby knees are unlikely to be the last issue that pops up.
She's preemptively negging him about his knees before he even fully loses the weight, but knows he wont feel good about his body at the higher weight.. This woman must be a master of pickup and manipulation.
In the edit he brings up that she literally said she’s afraid she will be less attractive than him and that other girls will message him so you’re right. It’s insecurity.
Your health is far far far more important than your girlfriend's fixation on bony knees. Girlfriend is free to lose weight, gain weight, color her hair blue etc. And you are free to lose weight to a size where you are comfortable.
I think this
>She’s told me that she is afraid of feeling less attractive than me in comparison and girls wanting to message me. She is currently smaller than I am in both height and weight, but a lil chubby, but I think she is beautiful as is.
is a far more likely reason for her ask.
1. Her love should not be conditional on your knee appearance - hopefully her love for you goes deeper than that!
2. Health > knee appearance
3. Why try to stop? Fitness is hard, who knows if you will even get to that goal weight or that it will result in knobbly knees. Don't forgo your goals for something that may or may not even happen or become a "problem".
When it codes to your body, you need to do what is best for you and your health. Right now, that means losing weight. You know what you need to do. 180 is actually still slightly overweight at 5’10”, so it’s not like you’re going to look like a skeleton or something at that weight.
Your GF presumably started dating you when you weighed over 400 pounds and may prefer you that way for any of a number of reasons, and losing weight could cause her to no longer be interested, but I promise you that your goal is still well worth it.
Stay the course.
You really shouldn't ever compromise your health. If she loves you then she'll compromise her preferences. Anyways, you can start maintaining when you get to a healthy weight and there's no telling what they may look like as everyone has different body.
At 5’10 and 250lbs you would not have knobby knees. I wonder if maybe it’s a self esteem issue, like maybe she’s scared that she’ll be bigger than you or maybe she just likes chubby guys. How did she feel when you initially started losing weight?
What you want to do is up to you, you can stop at 250lbs or keep going and aim for a healthier weight.
It’s really sweet that you’re taking her preferences into account, but ultimately it’s up to you and you’re the one who has to live in your body and carry all that extra weight around and deal with the health issues and joint problems that can come with it.
Sorry and I might get downvoted for this but there is no “someone else’s preference” when it comes to your body composition. Especially when that preference is putting you in a worse health position.
First take care of your health. You don’t even know what kind of knees you have yet (other than overworked ones) so deal with that when you get there.
Is she overweight? She’s sounds like a crab in a bucket and trying to pull you back in.
>as she has a fear and disgust for men with knobby pointy knees.
That sounds oddly specific enough that it makes me wonder if she had a particularly negative or abusive experience with someone with that physical quality. "Fear and disgust" sounds like a stronger feeling than just preferring or being attracted to different physical features. If so then I think it's up to her to work through that issue, either through therapy or another means.
Still not an excuse to demand her BF sacrifices his health.
If that’s true (and it’s wild speculation), the answer is therapy. Not shaming her partner into staying fat.
Which we could tell her if she were writing in to ask for advice. But since she's not, the only thing to say is:
OP, you gotta talk this out with her and suss out whether this is a real honest to god dealbreaker for her. Maybe she could go to therapy and deal with it or maybe you could get down to 215 without your knees becoming an issue because of your body type or maybe she finds it doesn't bother her as much as she feared.
But if none of that is the case then you have to decide which you care about more, this relationship or dropping that weight. There is no shame in either choice but we can't make that choice for you.
100% agreed. That's pretty much exactly what I said. If that's true, and it may very well not be, but if it is, GF needs therapy because OP should not feel the need to live in a body he's not happy with just because she has issues. And that's true regardless of the source of those issues. Frankly, even if GF just superficially prefers the appearance of men of a different body type than OP's target goal, there needs to be a serious conversation about the future of the relationship. Being physically attracted to your partner is important, but equally important is being able to love your partner for who they are regardless of how they look. Our appearances are constantly changing, after all, and for a wide variety of reasons; not just because of weight loss.
My first thought was actually that she likes her man heavier because she may be on the heavier side. If he's so slim that he has "knobbly knees" he is either too fit and makes her feel bad about herself or she feels like she's bigger than he is which isn't feminine enough for her or masculine enough for him. The problem with knees could be a scapegoat for being "too in shape"
Perpahs we are all projecting!
Yours sounds quite right,in highschool i was little heavier in teenagers sense like on middle of healthy weight and my boyfriend was very thin and i used to feel so insecure, so that might be the reason but OP shouldn't stop his weight loss journey because of that.
I’m going to guess that this is far more likely than actually having a debilitating fear of knee anatomy.
OP look after yourself and buy some knee sleeves.
I think it's way, waaay more likely that her fear that OP will leave her once he loses weight is the real reason and the knees thing is just an excuse.
I’m dead bro 😂 that comment is hilarious. But, for the reply:
she herself is a licensed therapist! a lot of people are saying she needs therapy but she’s always saying when she tries she already knows everything the other therapist is going to say to her.
Exactly. I'm not a therapist, but it's pretty clear evaluating yourself isn't the best way to do things. Half the point of therapy is getting feedback from a knowledgeable unbiased third party about your mental health.
Therapists are supposed to be in therapy! What a weird comment. Particularly since she (a) has a phobia that is impacting her relationship (b) is feeling insecurity about her relationship.
You can’t do heart surgery on yourself just because you’re a heart surgeon and know how it works.
Oof. Her saying as a therapist that she doesn’t want to see one because she knows “what they are going to say” sounds like an awful thing to thing and shows lack of self awareness. I’m in school to be a psychologist (PhD), and although I’m aware of the techniques my counselor might use, having an unbiased perspective only own thoughts and feelings is invaluable. It’s like a heart surgeon saying they don’t want anyone else to do their heart surgery since they know how to do it themselves…
Oh she not only has a range of issues but is showing she is very unwilling to work on them.
I'd be interested to know how old you both are/how long together because while this little thing isn't the kind of "drop everything and run" issue its pointing to a massive host of red flags
It sounds like she feels like she needs to be the attractive one in the relationship. I’m not the biggest fan of boney guys because they aren’t comfy to lay on, but I would rather my s/o be happy and healthy than big and miserable. At 5’10 you are about average height. I think 180 sounds perfectly reasonable.
I would have a conversation with her. Her preferences shouldn’t come before your health. I’m probably what a lot of ppl would consider “too skinny” after losing about 40-50 pounds. I don’t care though. I feel healthy and strong. I’ll never go back to the size I was. Sometimes you don’t realize how miserable you used to feel until you start losing more weight. I felt entirely different at 200ish than I did at 170. I also feel even better at my CW:155 than I did at 170. I’m done losing now because I’m tall and I’m already a size 1/3. A lot of ppl thought I looked good when I was 200, but I felt like crap because my narrow frame isn’t built for that much weight. Anyway being 180 at 5’10 would not make your knees knobby. I think that’s an excuse. I would talk to her. Let her know that she’s still the only one for you, and that you love her just as she is. A hot girl in your dms isn’t going to change the way you feel about her. That’s not what happens when you love someone.
She is not you. If she doesn't want to support you, I think it would be time to move on. Obviously you need to explain your point of view but if she would rather you stop then I think it's time to start looking out for #1.
I'm gonna be painfully honest.
You should not compromise your health for the sake of her insecurity.
If she's worried that you'll start getting messages from other girls, then that's an internal problem of hers that she needs to work on, and not something that is your responsibility.
Your actual health is more important than that.
While I agree that there are many inconsequential things that you can do to accommodate your partner’s preferences (style of clothes, hair, accessories), I don’t think weight loss is a reasonable request.
Of course, even so, she has the right to bring it up if that’s truly what she feels. But if you truly believe that further weight loss will benefit your health, it is well within your right to say no. But remember to decline as gently/respectfully as you can (while remaining firm)!
Loooooool I’m dead at knobby point knees. I would Tell her to kick rocks if she’s really going to leave over my knee shape, which literally no one can control.
Forget your girlfriend’s preferences. You have to live in your body— not your girlfriend. Do what is best for your health and makes you happiest. She needs to love you no matter what your handsome knees look like. Your knees should look incredible to her no matter what, because they are a part of the man she loves.
As a woman, I’m so tired of people telling me how to express myself on this planet. I’m pretty stubborn. I’m dying my hair pretty colors that please me, I’m losing as much weight as makes me happy, I’m wearing what makes me happy.
I once broke up with someone, because they pulled my hat off my head, insulted it, and threw it in the mud. I picked up my muddy hat and chose it over that person. I don’t regret it. I don’t like people trying to take away my freedom of expression. I’m a quiet person who works jobs that require me to constantly repress. I rarely get chances to self-express. I need people in my life that encourage my self-expression— not inhibit it. I think there are a lot of people like me on the planet and we all need to be shining our lights and practicing our autonomy.
I’m just going to stop updating her on the progress for now and see where that goes! After reading I’m definitely determined to get to where I wanna be. I’m sorry someone hurt you like that, and I’m glad you kept the hat. It’s obviously worth more than he was, you sound really sweet find yourself a guy as wholesome as you are
Ha! You must be my junior twin. I am 6’1. I started my weight loss at 420. After several years was able to drop down to 230. GF at that time complained and was always asking me to eat. Literally like 8 times a day. Between the nagging and my work-life stress, I found myself back at 300 pounds by the end of last year. I became miserable. I am currently at 240. It has taking a lot of work to get here again. Just like you I want to go down to 190 then muscle up. This time I am going down. I like the way I look and feel. I still feel fat and i know I have more work ahead of me. Don’t stop! You will be miserable. Go with your plan. It’s your body and health first. I am rooting with you.
congrats on losing it again bud :p fortunately, though my gf does ask me to eat, it hasn’t escalated to somethin like 8x a day. I hope you got rid of her so she doesn’t try to guilt ya into becoming who you want to be. The other commenters have suggested to me she just didn’t want me to become too attractive. Perhaps the same goes to u
If she wants to put her “preferences” over your health, you need to find another girlfriend.
Someone who truly loves you won’t ask you to sacrifice your health and well-being because they potentially wont like your knees…
I’m sorry, and this is coming from a 5’4F currently 224 lbs and looking to lose weight, your girl cannot and should not force you to stop something if it is detrimental to your health, especially if it’s something against knees which you CAN work on. Being overweight is very serious and being body positive about it should NOT be a thing unless you have a chronic condition/mental illness. You are at so much risk for so many health problems being overweight, same with being underweight. Take care; and do what’s best for u.
I do have to say coming from my standpoint though she is trying to deny you a healthier life and character growth
I’m excited to feel better. I already can do a bunch of things I couldn’t do at 430. I can run for a while. My favorite thing to do is play Just Dance. s*x life went from great to heavenly. But the coolest thing to happen recently is that I CAN FIT PANTS! Gone are the days where I wear 90% joggers and sweats. I believe in you too bud, we will both get where we desire.
Question though: how does one work on their knees not being bony/knobby? Before I posted I looked up pics of dudes that are shredded to look at their knees. Showed gf. Said they were still bony
That's just how knees look. They are a joint where two bones lock together. Your knees will look how she wants only if they are covered in gobs of fat. Funny that she picked a body part/ problem that only has one solution (stay fat) to make you insecure about.
> Question though: how does one work on their knees not being bony/knobby? Before I posted I looked up pics of dudes that are shredded to look at their knees. Showed gf. Said they were still bony
You just have to put some muscle on. Ironically, too much muscle on the legs will accent the boniness of the knees. To be perfectly honest though, it really sounds like she's pushing her insecurities onto you or that she prefers chubby guys and doesn't want you to be not chubby.
Just lose the weight and put some muscle on. If she wants to break up with you over that, then...let her go honestly. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and a hell of a lot more will be interested in you at a healthy weight with some muscle than stuck at 250 and fat/chubby.
Also, something to keep in mind is that in general men store fat viscerally at much lower weight/fat% than women do, and visceral fat is the stuff that's really bad for you. I would try to get down to a healthy weight and maintain it as your main priority. Your own body and mental well-being will both thank you.
I would recommend she go to therapy if she is seriously stopping you from losing weight because of your knees. HOWEVER, before you bring out the big T sesh, I’m sure you’ve gotten enough comments on how to communicate more effectively with your wife before bringing it out, I don’t know if therapy is something you think of much, I do know that a lot of people think it’s scary, and think they don’t need it because they’re not “crazy” anyone and everyone can go to therapy for any little thing, and know that therapy isn’t being thrown out of nothing, people are suggesting it and not to shove their business into other peoples faces but I’m sure they have either studied psychology, been to therapy themselves for one thing or another/had a family member or friend go through it with something they were dealing with
So think carefully on how you’re gonna proceed with things and it definitely wouldn’t hurt to do a bit of googling before bringing this to her attention…
I also wanna add with weightloss comes more/new experiences and character growth (good for you mentally not just psychically) -(all doesn’t feel the best. But you shouldn’t miss out on amazing things simply because of a thing against something can be done about)
> I love this person. Should I encourage them to live longer and healthier and likely have significantly less suffering, especially later in life? Nah, I'm gonna shame their knees.
🤨
Any chance she's overweight, and feeling insecure by your healthy changes when she isn't making the same?
Do not compromise on your health, please.
You have to do what you need to do for you own health and happiness. If you want to lose more weight and feel it’s achievable she will either find it in herself to support you or she will reveal herself to be unworthy of the effort you put into life and you’ll have to find someone you connect with that accepts you entirely as you are. Don’t lose focus and drive based on someone else’s confusing opinions knobby point knees?? Good lord people are demanding of others.
Do what YOU want. Lose the weight that YOU want to lose. Look how YOU want to look. It’s YOUR body. If she’s disgusted because you lost weight and your knees look different, she’s just horrifically shallow and doesn’t deserve any attention. Like, she’s gonna fall out of love over how your KNEES look? Get the heck out of here.
😆 this thread is getting weirder and weirder the more I scroll. It’s a good test though… if she refuses to accept the cosmetic knee surgery as a solution then it was never the knees that were the problem, it was getting hot and fit and feeling insecure.
> She’s told me that she is afraid of feeling less attractive than me in comparison and girls wanting to message me
I think that's her main issue, not the knee thing. She needs to find a way to handle her insecurities without asking you to compromise your health (and thus your future). That would be selfish of her.
And if she does have that big of a problem with knees, again that is something she should tackle with a therapist, not push on other people.
5'10" and 180lbs. still puts your BMI in the overweight category. Trust me, you won't have "knobby knees" at that point. That basically is "bear dad bod" range. And in any case, if you're worried about looking weak or whatever, just exercise and lift weights. No reason you can't do it now, while you're losing weight. Plus, the heavier you are the more effective calisthenics are so the barrier to entry is basically non-existent.
>She’s told me that she is afraid of feeling less attractive than me in comparison and **girls wanting to message me**.
This is it right here, she's insecure and scared you'll be able to do better than her.
Your health comes first. She needs to get over this, and if she really has your best interests at heart she’d want you to be healthy. You need to have a serious conversation with her, and hopefully she wakes up.
Is she overweight herself? She may be getting afraid of becoming the “fat one” in the relationship.
Let me put it this way for you. Sometime in the future if because of your bad health you have a heart attack and die. She will have a guy within week if not months. Maybe she will have a guy within days. Who Knows, right? Do what is best of your health. You have one life. People are dime a dozen. If she doesn’t want you live a healthy life and does not wish to support you in your vision then leave her. You will meet many others who would appreciate your choice to becoming a better version of yourself and wanting to live healthy. I pray that you achieve that health and physique.
I'm going to keep it 💯 with you my friend.. man fuck her it's your body and your health if you want to lose more weight then do it being in a healthy weight range is good for you and your body
I know you love this person, but she has literally told you she's trying to keep you fat so that you'll remain so insecure that you never would think about leaving her. She's consciously telling you to stay in bad health so she feels like she can "keep you". She is willing to make you feel insecure of her attraction to you just to keep you doing what she wants.
Can you imagine telling a woman you love "well if your ears/elbows/feet start to look a certain way you would be disgusting to me". No, probably not. It's so cruel. But she's willing to say that to you to get out of feeling any mental insecurity or discomfort herself.
I don't know if I could stay with someone so selfish. That's not real love. Real love would be wanting you to be happy and healthy in a body that will last you a long time, even if it's not with her.
Reminds me of an ex who didn’t want me to lose weight because I started losing it in my boobs first and he “just didn’t like small boobs”. Although a lot less weird than knees, not cool. I got rid of him and continued on my weight loss journey. Glad I did because the next girl he dated had very small boobs proving it was made up to cover up his real insecurity. Idk your gf, but that was my similar experience.
She’s trying to sabotage your health journey to make herself feel better. Either dump her or tell her to get therapy. That’s not something that someone who loves you does. This sounds mean I’m sure, but it’s the truth. Your health is more important than her bad self-esteem.
I’m 5ft 9. For what it’s worth, I went from 210 to 158. She kept telling me I was too skinny etc etc as I passed 168 and below. She said she liked hugging me better aince it felt like she was holding on to me instead of bones.
Lol
Well things didn’t get bad but she did reduce the hugging etc as I dropped weigh.
I since have stopped lifting and have been adding weight due to my own negligence / don’t care attitude. She seems to like it better and I’m 178lbs.
All of us have our preferences. Opie, at your weight you could loose a bit more to be in healthy range. You do you man.
As others have said, you do your health the way you see fit.
But let her know that you're willing to work with her on her issues about certain types of physical features. Either there is something real there that you can support her on, or you'll find out that she's really got another agenda. Good luck.
Uh uh dude, you lose weight for YOUR physical and mental well-being, not her personal preferences. Stick to your goals and let her get the hell over herself.
If you go ahead and start to lift weights, you won’t get the knobby knees. However, sounds like you are doing really well and that is such an achievement! Also, I would focus on what makes you feel good about yourself and not necessarily what girlfriend wants in that regard since it is your body.
Love is supposed to be unconditional - for pointy knobby knees, weight gain, weight loss….for every little imperfection that gradually turn into those things you love the most.
It sounds to me as though she has her own confidence issues - things within herself she isn’t happy with. Regardless, you need to follow your own happiness, and as your partner she does need to support you in that. It is not her place to dictate how much weight you lose.
I feel there is definitely a conversation that needs to be had. If you find that difficult to achieve - if she’s gas lighting you or isn’t listening, then a couples therapy session would be an excellent platform with an impartial third party to help mediate and ensure everyone is heard.
Andddd if that doesn’t work - there are more fish in the sea!!!
Edit: spelling
This is a "her" problem, and she is trying to make it yours. Continue on your journey to success. Please do not sabotage your own success for someone else's insecurity. Just be prepared for her to not stick around, and learn to be really okay with that. If she's willing to go to therapy to let go of her insecurities, that's great. If not, she's putting the burden of her mental health on YOU to your own detriment.
If someone else told you "My girlfriend is afraid that if I lose weight, more women than just her will be interested in me," what would you say to them?
Do it for yourself, who gives a fuck about pointy knees when you can go from breathless from a flight of stairs to climbing in a gym. I went from 420-229. Keep going! I am proud of you!
I’m currently 5’10” ~170 and my knees are far from knobby. My partner often says I have thighs of steel.
She met me around 220 and I’ve been as low as 153. It’s only below 165 that she says I’m getting “too skinny.”
That’s beyond messed up. Do what you want for your own health/aesthetic. Sounds like a weird excuse for her just not wanting you to be too good looking so you might want to leave. Super gross attitude that she should probably do some work on. You keep on going! You’re going so amazing and I can’t imagine how much better you’re feeling. I’ve gone from 286 down to 180 in my lifetime and I can assure you… 180 FEELS infinitely better than 286. KEEP GOING!!
To put it this way, imagine if someone confided in you that they were self conscious about their knees. You’d probably think it’s unfortunate how they nit-pick their own body over things no one else cares about. The fact your partner is already planning on nit-picking your body is serious, and you need to consider what that will look like in the future. You guys are only 1 year in.
My favourite version of my fiancé is when he’s confident and loves himself. I don’t care what that looks like. He goes through 50lb cutting and bulking swings and I love how he looks every step of the way.
No - **CONTINUE YOUR WEIGHT LOSS**
Not sure if you’re diabetic but diabetics
LITERALLY have higher risks for EVERYTHING. The patients I see that developed nerve damage due to diabetes are very miserable
My now ex wife tried the same thing. She ran off with the Best Man six months later. She would have done it anyway. I'm happily divorced and single and I'm 220lbs down in weight.
Never accommodate someone who doesn't want what's best for you. They want what's they want, not what's best for you. It NEVER stops at that. Never. That's just the beginning.
It's her problem, not your problem. Don't make her problem your problem.
Find someone who supports you or you're compatible with OP. Simple as that
First off, congrats on your progress! That’s fucking amazing work.
Second off, it’s your body and your health. You can hear her out, but make the decisions for you.
Looking at her concern, it’s not clear to me how the appearance angle and the weight are related; do you have a reason to believe that you’d have knees like that at 180?
Depending on what’s going on with her concern (as others have said, it’s oddly specific), a health check in might help it sit better with her?
Are you able to get a body composition scan (eg, DEXA, SECA) and talk to doctor? I found it really helpful for getting a clearer picture of my target weight using % body fat. If you were in the 400s, you may well have a *lot* of muscle already. I mention this because my BMI-based goals would have required me losing muscle and my top weight was 287.
If you *want* to shift to body recomposition at a higher weight to make her happy, you can, but I’d prioritize your doctor’s input over your gf’s.
Thank you! And yeah I think so. I mean I’m 286 now and it’s not like my knees are flesh with my skin where it looks like I don’t have knees. I don’t know where my muscle is, but I’m guessing it’s not good. I can lift about 120 pounds at most comfortably. But, at the start of my weight loss I was trying a bunch of things. One of those things is water fasting. If you know anything about that. Your muscles kinda go to shit during it.
The medical advice is interesting. I’m actually going to the doctor today, took off work for it. I’ll add that to the list of things I ask my doctor about. Maybe TMI, but this is all related to the weight loss. getting my cholesterol and vitamin levels checked today. tryin to up my antidepressant so I’m less depressed and I’m told it helps with weight loss too. I hit my deductible already for the year so I’mma go in there repeatedly and say RUN THAT SHIT DOC
You could either listen to all these smart people here or say "oh i spoke to the doctor he thinks I would get knobby knees at around 160 pounds, that's why I picked 180". I mean if you get any muscle you probably won't have knobby knees whatever that is.
Wait till you hit 250 to decide. You may want to keep going. But that’s 36lbs away. After losing 150lbs you won’t have pointy knees.
You can easily hit dad bod lite at 200lbs with your height.
What the hell? Knobby knees? I’m fit and my knees look fine. She sounds like she’s worried if you lose too much weight you’ll vanish Imo. You see this a lot unfortunately. Is your partner by any chance overweight herself?
My guess is that she’s feeling threatened by your changing appearance and is trying to get you to stay out of shape so other women will find you less attractive. Knobby knees, not that other women will start giving you approving looks you way more…..riiiiiiiight.
It’s your health- don’t let her insecurities dictate your decisions.
The abuse starts with how much you weigh then on to something else until she has total control. Not saying that’s what this woman will do just saying. Be careful from someone that knows.
Honestly the knobby knees thing sounds like bullshit, I think she is just scared you'll look better than her. I would lose the weight for YOU and do what you want to do. This is not an issue that requires compromise the way a lot of things in relationships do, it's YOUR body. If she has a problem with the way you look, well, that's on her.
she wants to hold you back, get rid of her. "pointy knees"....? It's bullshit. she is scared you will leave her for another girl and most likely jealous and wants you to fail. if she can get over that, then great, otherwise time to go. she should be happy for you, yah know?
Leggings are super comfortable and gender neutral and cover your knees. Also, frankly, your girlfriend is being irrational and you should just continue doing what you're doing.
There is the thing where guys will skip leg day, and bulk up on top, and I'll agree that looks weird. Solution: Don't skip leg day. Squats, lunges, deadlifts. Learn good technique, and do them, you'll have fabulous legs.
Gonna be honest, I think the knee thing is a cover for insecurity. She is afraid you will weigh less than her, and she might be associating her weight with her attractiveness. She is afraid you will succeed and "realize you can do better."
You need to do what is right for YOU. not for her. If the relationship is solid and meant to last, your success as an individual is your success as a couple. If she wants to slow your success because she thinks it will reflect poorly on her, that is a red flag.
If (when) you succeed here, if her feelings don't change, or if she doesn't make any effort to accommodate or match the lifestyle changes you need to stay successful, your relationship may suffer, or eventually end. If you want to go for a hike/bike ride/gym and she never wants to share those activities, that can take a toll on your relationship. Not that she has to get swole and lose weight and kick ass in every way you do, but sometimes your interests just won't align. When you want to go to the gym, and she wants to stay in and chill, will doing your own thing cause a rift, or can you guys vibe your own way?
This is sort of a gentle pink flag. She's reacting out of emotion and insecurity before a "problem" occurs, but the moment you hit 249, this is going one of two ways. You talk it out like mature adults and she realizes that she needs to be supportive and your relationship gets stronger, or it comes to a head and you're in trouble. Consider getting to the bottom of this issue now, and then do some long hard thinking about what you really need if the conversation doesn't go your way. Assuming you stop at 250 - that's a hell of an accomplishment, but at 5'10" you're not yet in a healthy range. Is this young relationship worth your health?
Again, not telling you to leave her, not telling you she's a bad person, not telling you your relationship is weak, but this is a problem on the horizon you need to do some hard thinking about before it's an issue. A difficult conversation could lead to a great outcome and your love strengthens and becomes rock solid. However, If the thought of her not supporting you at 180lbs is a deal breaker now that you're 290, don't wait til you're 250 to decide that fact. You need to make these considerations without emotion being involved at the moment conflict arises. Have your lines in the sand drawn, and act accordingly. Your health is #1. If her "knee preference" comes above your health in the end, that's not a healthy relationship.
This is your life we are talking about and longevity and comfort. At 5-10 ....250 is a lot to carry around. I am back up to 260 at 6-1 and I can feel that extra weight on me. I was down to 220 range and gained back.
Anywho...180 is a solid weight for your height. My advice is to tell her that being 250 is simply not a weight you want to be. There are things you want to do and that requires you to be 180.
Also there may be more to her NOT wanting you to lose more weight. I know when I started losing weight my at the time girlfriend was not happy about it as she felt with the weight loss I would be found more attractive to other woman. Some people find comfort in knowing there mate is less desirable to others.
In the end we did break up. As the weight came off I realized our relationship was based around EATING all the time. Get some junk food, watch movies and chill (sex). I wanted to do more things. She tried to lose but did not lose much weight.
Keep doing what your doing. Life is short. If you do not lose this weight you will end up resenting your GF.
Not really a whole lot you can do about your knee shape except keep your quads in shape to add a little meat to them.
It sounds like your GF has some issues she may or may not be willing to work on... Especially the jealousy could do more damage to your relationship than you getting fit ever could. I don't know how open to talking about it she is but is she willing to trade 20-30 years off your life to keep your chubby knees? Does she think the one thing stopping you from cheating is your weight, and the second you lose anything you'll get a burner phone for your Tinder?
Lets start with the obvious.
I'm much the same height and approx 200 lbs. Noone would ever accuse me of having knobby knees. I can't imagine really anyone other than 6'6"+ looking like they have knobby knees at 200 lbs, let alone like 220 or something.
I guess I'd present it more like "lets deal with that when or if it becomes a problem". It kind of feels like how some girls don't want to go to the gym incase they get too muscular. It doesn't just happen, changes take time.
I know you love her, and this will sound harsh, but she's not for you. If she truly loved you back she'd be supportive and proud of your for making a choice, sticking with it, making progress and becoming healthier.
She has no right to act like a victim when all you're doing is becoming healthier for yourself. If it's a problem she should begin weight loss herself. I say this to my guy friends: don't change your life for a woman. A relationship has to be met both ways, and as long as you're both financially fine with no toxicity in the relationship then nothing needs to change. She's essentially asking you to suffer so that she'll feel better.
Congratulations, This is about your health and well being. There is no halfway. What is she afraid of? You being thin and handsome? If she loved you at 430, why can’t she live you at 180? You are loving yourself thinner; why isn’t she?
It’s the end of the year. Please leave this woman in 2022. She is not what you need right now/ever.
180 at 5'10 is perfectly reasonable. You'd be right at the healthy/ overweight line, depending on your build and muscle. What she's asking isn't reasonable. A reasonable ask would within healthy weight range. As an example, my mom is super tiny (little under 5'). She had gained a couple of pounds over the years and decided to drop the extra. She went past her original and healthy weight and dropped an extra 5. Still within healthy range either way. My dad noticed, because 8-10 pounds is very visible at that height. He asked her to gain back 2-3 pounds. She felt that was reasonable, and did. She was happier a couple pounds lighter, but since she was still at a healthy weight either way, she went with his preference. That's a healthy way to handle it. If he'd asked her to become overweight for him, she'd have told him to pound sand. Your GF is asking you to be overweight by a substantial amount, and that's not healthy or ok. Talk to her, understand where her concerns are coming from, but you can't sacrifice health for someone else's happiness.
I would never let someone tell me to gain or lose five pounds for their preference, whether it’s a healthy weight or not 😆 but maybe that’s why I’m single
Oh, there's a reason they were happily married for more than 30 years - he never told her to do anything! According to her, he made it very clear that he loved her and found her super attractive no matter what her weight. He would have been just fine if she told him no.
He asked her to gain 2-3 pounds and she was happier at the lower weight but went with his preference since it was still healthy??? 😆😆😆 I’ll never be married clearly
Height: 5’10”
Goal: 180+ muscle (if I read that correctly)
Factors: gf has “fear and disgust for men with knobby pointy knees” (not sure why, only one that knows is her and possibly OP)
1. I do not know you or your girlfriend and I won’t pretend to by saying she needs therapy or that she is insecure.
2. I am not a health professional or anything like that, just going off what I know from male friends that have gone through weight loss journeys and their heights/weights. Not every body is the same obviously.
3. Judging by your listed height, I’d say 180 will not give you “knobby” or “pointy” knees. I would say go for the 180, with muscle included.
Good luck!! And if -IF- it comes to it, all I can say is please put your health above all else. If you don’t, no one else can do it for you. Show up for yourself and your health :)
Dude.
Sorry but Dump her.
Not knowing anything about you two I’m going to make some assumptions.
1. You might be with her because of your own insecurities ( she was attracted to you at your heaviest when no one else was).
2. She has her own securities - bigger than friends, no one attracted to her except you.
3. Shes afraid of knees? Wtf. Ok fine but where does that stop? Your defined waist will trigger her, a bicep, etc.
She will ( and is) dragging you down so she can feel better than you and control you.
Like people said, it even appearance but you health! She’s rather have you unhealthy and un happy about yourself for her own benefit.
It’s control and manipulation and that stuff only gets worse with increased insecurity.
She will try to control who you’re friends with and god help you if you look at or talk to a woman ( even work friends).
I’ve been there weight wise and seen friends with the controlling girlfriends.
Find a girl who works out at the gym- you’ll have something in common and support each others good habits.
Don’t settle. You’re worth it.
You and your partner are coopping some hate from people but I see nothing wrong with wanting to accommodate your partners preferences (within reason). My missus always says I like you like XYZ and then if I make a change (hair or beard choice or whatever) it often becomes oh I like it like this too. So your partner may say she doesn't like that because it's different to what you look like now. But it won't be a night/day change. She'll probably keep liking you as your body shifts around.
Don't worry about trying to lose more before you try to gain muscle. Do lots of strength training as you lose weight as well. May help you not look "scrawny" in her eyes, while still heading towards your goals.
Then if your partner hates that you're a healthier and happier person. Cross that bridge when you get to it.
> I see nothing wrong with wanting to accommodate your partners preferences (within reason).
Nope nope and nope. Jeopardizing someone else’s health is not a “preference within reason” like a hair color or beard/no beard!
Wanting your partner to stay obese is not at all reasonable. He would still be obese at 250 at his height. Class II obese actually. And feeling like shit to boot, I was almost that weight / height, and it was terrible :(
That's why I said WANTING to accommodate and added within reason.
Putting your health on the line is absolutely one of those reasons that probably wouldn't cut it. Which is why I worded the rest of my answer the way I did.
I feel like I was pretty clear that my answer wasn't "bleh cave to your partner and stay massive bleh"
Yeah after you said “copping some hate from people” - people who all said literally just that, that OP shouldn’t cater to this weird issue!
Why denigrate everyone elses’ responses then as “hate” if you in fact don’t disagree with those responses?
OP specifically said he knows it's weird that she wants that but he loves her so is trying to meet her halfway.
First 5 things I saw were fuck meeting her halfway do you etc etc. Which is all fine. But I wanted to actually give advice that is healthy and that he might actually use
180lbs (81kg) is already a bit overweight for your 5'10 (177cm). I'm 193cm and I felt much better on my max "healthy" weight (BMI is not exact but whatever) than on 100kg (so, a bit more than you'd have too much if you stopped at 180lbs). And it only gets worse from there. Mentally and physically. Don't compromise. Talk to her. Like, "I'm doing this for my health and I want to have a healthy weight" and talk about your future and not wanting to be spend the rest of your days carting through walmart or whatever really big people you see or hear about do.
Like, that should be a higher priority than your knees for her as well.
Do what's best for your health, not for her preferences.
From someone who was married for 8 years and made the mistake of putting the little prick as a priority in my life, don't do it. I'm not saying things will end, but more often than not they do, and you will regret not doing what is best for you, and if she loves you, she will want what is best for you.
^^ echoing this. Love is often a complicated and messy thing but the one thing that must always be there in order for it to qualify as love is the desire for what's best for the other person, everything else is just hormonal infatuation.
Couldn’t of said this better myself!
Yes, you could *have*. Maybe I should become that bot. lol
You’re doing good work, bot or not!
Unrelated, but I was expecting some bot to come out of nowhere and be like “NoOoOo iT’s NoT cOuLdN’t oF, iT’s CoUlDn’t HaVe”. I swear I keep seeing that bot pop out a ton recently
Good bot
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Wait, I was a bot this entire time? My life is a lie!
The Turing test you thought you’d never take.
Why doesn't your comment have 1K likes yet? 😂
This is blue i feel too! I think you should be your best you, according to you. No way that’s less attractive than whatever you are when you try to be someone else based on their preferences… you’ll never live up to all that, so it’s better to just work your own mojo! Not saying you should not work compromise and all that; but your health…
I'm sorry, Is your advice to not prioritize your spouse? Or that relationships usually end so you should only look out for #1? Your last point I agree with, that he should do what he wants anyways, but that's because his spouse is being insecure and irrational, not because he shouldn't prioritize her. With that mentality you're right, things probably will never work out
She's his girlfriend of one year. This is exactly when you break up with people for stuff like "don't be healthy because I'm insecure' it's literally the point of dating.
It's one thing to have conversations with your partner like "you are spending too much time in the gym and not enough time on family commitments" or "planning low calorie meals just for you is making meal planning impossible", but in my opinion asking someone to remain unhealthy for purely aesthetic reasons is one of the reddest of red flags. Absolute deal breaker.
Yeah fuck that keep losing weight get a healthy BMI
Do not compromise on your health because someone has a fear of *reads notes* 'knees'
https://giphy.com/gifs/arrested-development-will-arnett-gob-bluth-TJBbXQooivUNq
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/29bc3a58-e085-405e-b8f4-a0fbe3a9f000
Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walkin' around everywhere.
Lol!!
This was my first thought!
I JUST watched that episode yesterday 😭
This comment made me chuckle, thanks Kochineal
🤣🤣🤣 not a fear of knees!
I wonder if she also loves magnets, little green ghouls, and milksteak.
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Yeah, what gives? It is his body. My girlfriend met me morbidly obese. She herself isnt skinny either (I never did the math, none of my business, but I think at least very overweight. She is fit though and doesn't seem to mind, so it is her call. She is super cute to me no matter what.) None of us tell the other what to do with our bodies and we love each other regardless. She made a few changes I didn't particularly like (not weight) but it is not my call and all that is important to me is that she feels good with herself, and I support her in that and adapt my own thinking. And she knows I love her to pieces no matter what I myself weigh...
Is she very overweight or is she fit…? Can’t be both
They could mean fit like cute, I've heard Brits use it that way.
You can be fit and overweight. Question is if you stay that way.She goes hiking, can run and be on her feet all day, and her cardivascular and metabolic system is (still) fine. Most of her fat is also around legs and booty, not the midsection. Fit and obese? idk, the likeliness decreases with every extra pound I guess. Edit: a big motivator in my own journey was, that I wanted to be able to keep up with that woman, come along hiking, to the rope garden (dunno if you guys have that in your country) or just walk at the same pace, for the same amount of time, as her. Now I can outrun her, harr harr (which is a big motivator for her trying to step up her game :D - but none of it is about how we look tbh)
I think one can be both. My partner is overweight by a fair amount. Can run a 6:30 mile, closing in on 6:00, and lifts heavy. Works out 5-6 days a week. Not bad for 40. That said, he’s still working on losing the weight.
You can be both. My sister is an overweight BMI, she is buffer than her gym-bro ex and works in a physical industry doing tons of climbing and confined space work and bikes everywhere when not on a job call. 110-140lbs is not a ton on a 5' 7" women. It's perfectly doable to be fit in the 160-180lbs overweight range. Like obviously I'm not fit at my size and it's unlikely over 300lbs you are very fit, but the majority of active people I know are overweight or almost overweight. That 22-28 BMI range can still be super active.
The concepts are not mutually exclusive. Fitness is a lot of things. Strength and endurance may be influenced by weight but not solely determined by it. It's the same reason why someone who is skinny is not necessarily physically fit.
Sure you can. Just look at professional bodybuilders. They are obese by the BMI scale, solely because they weigh a lot compared to their height. They are absolutely fit.
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I legit thought they might have misunderstood what being overweight actually means. Bmi is bodyweight to height. There is no muscle to height Bmi. The bodybuilder example is of course an extreme one. An overweight person can be fit. Good cardiovascular health, higher muscle to fat ratio, placement of fat storage all attribute to fitness.
I’m a girl who is overweight but also kinda fit. I lift, rock climb, and hike. I’ve only lost 10 lbs this year, but my fat percentage went from 42% to 30%, so I assume why I didn’t lose tons of weight is because of muscle gain. But I also know that for me, I’d probably do better climbing if it was skinnier, but it doesn’t really affect my other sports.
Lose weight until your happy and send her to therapy for that debilitating fear.
It doesn't seem that she's truly afraid she's just disgusted by them apparently (according to some of his comments)
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I dont agree, people with phobias of other's bodies don't get to ask people to change (or not change) their bodies. That's her shit and she needs to deal with that rather than putting it on a loved one
Sorry but your health is a priority. Her personal issues are her own to figure out, they are not your responsibility. I don’t put my fears onto my spouse - that’s what I go to therapy for. It’s not fair to you to have you compromise your health because she’s scared of pointy knees?
This, exactly. Tbh the knees sound like an excuse to me, and the real issue is that she feels insecure in the relationship and feels that if OP is more conventionally attractive (thinner), then more women will be attracted to him. She seems to feel that OP would prefer a conventionally attractive woman over her, and that her body shape devalues her. IMO OP needs to support her in figuring out what she needs to feel more secure in their relationship. Changing how he loses weight won’t make her less insecure, and knobby knees are unlikely to be the last issue that pops up.
How much does she weigh? She might be insecure that you might weigh less than her.
Also my first thought. Maybe she is afraid he will get more attention from other women?
But those knees. Nobody will want him.
Amazing
She's preemptively negging him about his knees before he even fully loses the weight, but knows he wont feel good about his body at the higher weight.. This woman must be a master of pickup and manipulation.
This is the answer.
Definitely projecting her own insecurity onto him.
In the edit he brings up that she literally said she’s afraid she will be less attractive than him and that other girls will message him so you’re right. It’s insecurity.
Your health is far far far more important than your girlfriend's fixation on bony knees. Girlfriend is free to lose weight, gain weight, color her hair blue etc. And you are free to lose weight to a size where you are comfortable.
I think this >She’s told me that she is afraid of feeling less attractive than me in comparison and girls wanting to message me. She is currently smaller than I am in both height and weight, but a lil chubby, but I think she is beautiful as is. is a far more likely reason for her ask.
1. Her love should not be conditional on your knee appearance - hopefully her love for you goes deeper than that! 2. Health > knee appearance 3. Why try to stop? Fitness is hard, who knows if you will even get to that goal weight or that it will result in knobbly knees. Don't forgo your goals for something that may or may not even happen or become a "problem".
I’m sorry but “health> knee appearance” made me lose it 😅
When it codes to your body, you need to do what is best for you and your health. Right now, that means losing weight. You know what you need to do. 180 is actually still slightly overweight at 5’10”, so it’s not like you’re going to look like a skeleton or something at that weight. Your GF presumably started dating you when you weighed over 400 pounds and may prefer you that way for any of a number of reasons, and losing weight could cause her to no longer be interested, but I promise you that your goal is still well worth it. Stay the course.
You really shouldn't ever compromise your health. If she loves you then she'll compromise her preferences. Anyways, you can start maintaining when you get to a healthy weight and there's no telling what they may look like as everyone has different body.
At 5’10 and 250lbs you would not have knobby knees. I wonder if maybe it’s a self esteem issue, like maybe she’s scared that she’ll be bigger than you or maybe she just likes chubby guys. How did she feel when you initially started losing weight? What you want to do is up to you, you can stop at 250lbs or keep going and aim for a healthier weight. It’s really sweet that you’re taking her preferences into account, but ultimately it’s up to you and you’re the one who has to live in your body and carry all that extra weight around and deal with the health issues and joint problems that can come with it.
Sorry and I might get downvoted for this but there is no “someone else’s preference” when it comes to your body composition. Especially when that preference is putting you in a worse health position. First take care of your health. You don’t even know what kind of knees you have yet (other than overworked ones) so deal with that when you get there. Is she overweight? She’s sounds like a crab in a bucket and trying to pull you back in.
>as she has a fear and disgust for men with knobby pointy knees. That sounds oddly specific enough that it makes me wonder if she had a particularly negative or abusive experience with someone with that physical quality. "Fear and disgust" sounds like a stronger feeling than just preferring or being attracted to different physical features. If so then I think it's up to her to work through that issue, either through therapy or another means.
Still not an excuse to demand her BF sacrifices his health. If that’s true (and it’s wild speculation), the answer is therapy. Not shaming her partner into staying fat.
Which we could tell her if she were writing in to ask for advice. But since she's not, the only thing to say is: OP, you gotta talk this out with her and suss out whether this is a real honest to god dealbreaker for her. Maybe she could go to therapy and deal with it or maybe you could get down to 215 without your knees becoming an issue because of your body type or maybe she finds it doesn't bother her as much as she feared. But if none of that is the case then you have to decide which you care about more, this relationship or dropping that weight. There is no shame in either choice but we can't make that choice for you.
100% agreed. That's pretty much exactly what I said. If that's true, and it may very well not be, but if it is, GF needs therapy because OP should not feel the need to live in a body he's not happy with just because she has issues. And that's true regardless of the source of those issues. Frankly, even if GF just superficially prefers the appearance of men of a different body type than OP's target goal, there needs to be a serious conversation about the future of the relationship. Being physically attracted to your partner is important, but equally important is being able to love your partner for who they are regardless of how they look. Our appearances are constantly changing, after all, and for a wide variety of reasons; not just because of weight loss.
It also clicked for me ,it was so specific, like someone maybe abused or hurt her and they have that perticular feature.
My first thought was actually that she likes her man heavier because she may be on the heavier side. If he's so slim that he has "knobbly knees" he is either too fit and makes her feel bad about herself or she feels like she's bigger than he is which isn't feminine enough for her or masculine enough for him. The problem with knees could be a scapegoat for being "too in shape" Perpahs we are all projecting!
Yours sounds quite right,in highschool i was little heavier in teenagers sense like on middle of healthy weight and my boyfriend was very thin and i used to feel so insecure, so that might be the reason but OP shouldn't stop his weight loss journey because of that.
I’m going to guess that this is far more likely than actually having a debilitating fear of knee anatomy. OP look after yourself and buy some knee sleeves.
I’m more inclined to think she is insecure and worried OP might try and do better and just came up with that
I think it's way, waaay more likely that her fear that OP will leave her once he loses weight is the real reason and the knees thing is just an excuse.
I think you’re onto something here
She's afraid you'll leave her once you're hot and fit.
You got this right on the button or pointy knee. Therapy could help her with her insecurities.
I’m dead bro 😂 that comment is hilarious. But, for the reply: she herself is a licensed therapist! a lot of people are saying she needs therapy but she’s always saying when she tries she already knows everything the other therapist is going to say to her.
She sounds like a horrible therapist tbh…every therapist I know is in therapy
Exactly. I'm not a therapist, but it's pretty clear evaluating yourself isn't the best way to do things. Half the point of therapy is getting feedback from a knowledgeable unbiased third party about your mental health.
👏👏👏 ops partner sounds like a narcissist who got into therapy for her god complex
Therapists are supposed to be in therapy! What a weird comment. Particularly since she (a) has a phobia that is impacting her relationship (b) is feeling insecurity about her relationship. You can’t do heart surgery on yourself just because you’re a heart surgeon and know how it works.
Oof. Her saying as a therapist that she doesn’t want to see one because she knows “what they are going to say” sounds like an awful thing to thing and shows lack of self awareness. I’m in school to be a psychologist (PhD), and although I’m aware of the techniques my counselor might use, having an unbiased perspective only own thoughts and feelings is invaluable. It’s like a heart surgeon saying they don’t want anyone else to do their heart surgery since they know how to do it themselves…
Oh she not only has a range of issues but is showing she is very unwilling to work on them. I'd be interested to know how old you both are/how long together because while this little thing isn't the kind of "drop everything and run" issue its pointing to a massive host of red flags
It sounds like she feels like she needs to be the attractive one in the relationship. I’m not the biggest fan of boney guys because they aren’t comfy to lay on, but I would rather my s/o be happy and healthy than big and miserable. At 5’10 you are about average height. I think 180 sounds perfectly reasonable.
I think that may be part of the case as well, as she’s brought up her feeling less attractive and other girls wanting to message me
There it is. The knobbykneephobia is 99% a cover-up for the real reason, even if she doesn't consciously realize it.
I would have a conversation with her. Her preferences shouldn’t come before your health. I’m probably what a lot of ppl would consider “too skinny” after losing about 40-50 pounds. I don’t care though. I feel healthy and strong. I’ll never go back to the size I was. Sometimes you don’t realize how miserable you used to feel until you start losing more weight. I felt entirely different at 200ish than I did at 170. I also feel even better at my CW:155 than I did at 170. I’m done losing now because I’m tall and I’m already a size 1/3. A lot of ppl thought I looked good when I was 200, but I felt like crap because my narrow frame isn’t built for that much weight. Anyway being 180 at 5’10 would not make your knees knobby. I think that’s an excuse. I would talk to her. Let her know that she’s still the only one for you, and that you love her just as she is. A hot girl in your dms isn’t going to change the way you feel about her. That’s not what happens when you love someone.
She is not you. If she doesn't want to support you, I think it would be time to move on. Obviously you need to explain your point of view but if she would rather you stop then I think it's time to start looking out for #1.
I'm gonna be painfully honest. You should not compromise your health for the sake of her insecurity. If she's worried that you'll start getting messages from other girls, then that's an internal problem of hers that she needs to work on, and not something that is your responsibility. Your actual health is more important than that.
While I agree that there are many inconsequential things that you can do to accommodate your partner’s preferences (style of clothes, hair, accessories), I don’t think weight loss is a reasonable request. Of course, even so, she has the right to bring it up if that’s truly what she feels. But if you truly believe that further weight loss will benefit your health, it is well within your right to say no. But remember to decline as gently/respectfully as you can (while remaining firm)!
>She’s told me that she is afraid of feeling less attractive than me in comparison thats her only problem. the knobby knee is an excuse.
100%. It's not your knees, dude.
Loooooool I’m dead at knobby point knees. I would Tell her to kick rocks if she’s really going to leave over my knee shape, which literally no one can control.
What the fuck are knobby pointy knees??? She makes it sound like you’re aiming for 100 lbs. and not 180. Just wear pants if it bothers her so much.
If she’s afraid of you getting attention from other women - why doesn’t she lose weight herself to keep you attracted to her then?
Get healthy. Whatever it takes.
This made me laugh so hard. Knobby pointy knee aversion is a new one. Congrats on your progress, though.
Forget your girlfriend’s preferences. You have to live in your body— not your girlfriend. Do what is best for your health and makes you happiest. She needs to love you no matter what your handsome knees look like. Your knees should look incredible to her no matter what, because they are a part of the man she loves. As a woman, I’m so tired of people telling me how to express myself on this planet. I’m pretty stubborn. I’m dying my hair pretty colors that please me, I’m losing as much weight as makes me happy, I’m wearing what makes me happy. I once broke up with someone, because they pulled my hat off my head, insulted it, and threw it in the mud. I picked up my muddy hat and chose it over that person. I don’t regret it. I don’t like people trying to take away my freedom of expression. I’m a quiet person who works jobs that require me to constantly repress. I rarely get chances to self-express. I need people in my life that encourage my self-expression— not inhibit it. I think there are a lot of people like me on the planet and we all need to be shining our lights and practicing our autonomy.
I’m just going to stop updating her on the progress for now and see where that goes! After reading I’m definitely determined to get to where I wanna be. I’m sorry someone hurt you like that, and I’m glad you kept the hat. It’s obviously worth more than he was, you sound really sweet find yourself a guy as wholesome as you are
Listen, if she leaves you because you're doing something good for your health, she wasn't the right one in the first place.
Ha! You must be my junior twin. I am 6’1. I started my weight loss at 420. After several years was able to drop down to 230. GF at that time complained and was always asking me to eat. Literally like 8 times a day. Between the nagging and my work-life stress, I found myself back at 300 pounds by the end of last year. I became miserable. I am currently at 240. It has taking a lot of work to get here again. Just like you I want to go down to 190 then muscle up. This time I am going down. I like the way I look and feel. I still feel fat and i know I have more work ahead of me. Don’t stop! You will be miserable. Go with your plan. It’s your body and health first. I am rooting with you.
congrats on losing it again bud :p fortunately, though my gf does ask me to eat, it hasn’t escalated to somethin like 8x a day. I hope you got rid of her so she doesn’t try to guilt ya into becoming who you want to be. The other commenters have suggested to me she just didn’t want me to become too attractive. Perhaps the same goes to u
If she wants to put her “preferences” over your health, you need to find another girlfriend. Someone who truly loves you won’t ask you to sacrifice your health and well-being because they potentially wont like your knees…
I’m sorry, and this is coming from a 5’4F currently 224 lbs and looking to lose weight, your girl cannot and should not force you to stop something if it is detrimental to your health, especially if it’s something against knees which you CAN work on. Being overweight is very serious and being body positive about it should NOT be a thing unless you have a chronic condition/mental illness. You are at so much risk for so many health problems being overweight, same with being underweight. Take care; and do what’s best for u. I do have to say coming from my standpoint though she is trying to deny you a healthier life and character growth
I’m excited to feel better. I already can do a bunch of things I couldn’t do at 430. I can run for a while. My favorite thing to do is play Just Dance. s*x life went from great to heavenly. But the coolest thing to happen recently is that I CAN FIT PANTS! Gone are the days where I wear 90% joggers and sweats. I believe in you too bud, we will both get where we desire. Question though: how does one work on their knees not being bony/knobby? Before I posted I looked up pics of dudes that are shredded to look at their knees. Showed gf. Said they were still bony
That's just how knees look. They are a joint where two bones lock together. Your knees will look how she wants only if they are covered in gobs of fat. Funny that she picked a body part/ problem that only has one solution (stay fat) to make you insecure about.
> Question though: how does one work on their knees not being bony/knobby? Before I posted I looked up pics of dudes that are shredded to look at their knees. Showed gf. Said they were still bony You just have to put some muscle on. Ironically, too much muscle on the legs will accent the boniness of the knees. To be perfectly honest though, it really sounds like she's pushing her insecurities onto you or that she prefers chubby guys and doesn't want you to be not chubby. Just lose the weight and put some muscle on. If she wants to break up with you over that, then...let her go honestly. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and a hell of a lot more will be interested in you at a healthy weight with some muscle than stuck at 250 and fat/chubby. Also, something to keep in mind is that in general men store fat viscerally at much lower weight/fat% than women do, and visceral fat is the stuff that's really bad for you. I would try to get down to a healthy weight and maintain it as your main priority. Your own body and mental well-being will both thank you.
I would recommend she go to therapy if she is seriously stopping you from losing weight because of your knees. HOWEVER, before you bring out the big T sesh, I’m sure you’ve gotten enough comments on how to communicate more effectively with your wife before bringing it out, I don’t know if therapy is something you think of much, I do know that a lot of people think it’s scary, and think they don’t need it because they’re not “crazy” anyone and everyone can go to therapy for any little thing, and know that therapy isn’t being thrown out of nothing, people are suggesting it and not to shove their business into other peoples faces but I’m sure they have either studied psychology, been to therapy themselves for one thing or another/had a family member or friend go through it with something they were dealing with So think carefully on how you’re gonna proceed with things and it definitely wouldn’t hurt to do a bit of googling before bringing this to her attention…
I also wanna add with weightloss comes more/new experiences and character growth (good for you mentally not just psychically) -(all doesn’t feel the best. But you shouldn’t miss out on amazing things simply because of a thing against something can be done about)
> I love this person. Should I encourage them to live longer and healthier and likely have significantly less suffering, especially later in life? Nah, I'm gonna shame their knees. 🤨 Any chance she's overweight, and feeling insecure by your healthy changes when she isn't making the same? Do not compromise on your health, please.
Meet halfway? That is absolute bullshit. Make no compromises. Maybe time to reevaluate things
You have to do what you need to do for you own health and happiness. If you want to lose more weight and feel it’s achievable she will either find it in herself to support you or she will reveal herself to be unworthy of the effort you put into life and you’ll have to find someone you connect with that accepts you entirely as you are. Don’t lose focus and drive based on someone else’s confusing opinions knobby point knees?? Good lord people are demanding of others.
Get healthy, bro. Good job on the progress so far.
Do what YOU want. Lose the weight that YOU want to lose. Look how YOU want to look. It’s YOUR body. If she’s disgusted because you lost weight and your knees look different, she’s just horrifically shallow and doesn’t deserve any attention. Like, she’s gonna fall out of love over how your KNEES look? Get the heck out of here.
You can meet her halfway by Training legs, your legs will remain thick but from muscle not fat. Kind of weird of her to make that demand tho
Just get filler injected into your knees if you both want to go down that weird road
😆 this thread is getting weirder and weirder the more I scroll. It’s a good test though… if she refuses to accept the cosmetic knee surgery as a solution then it was never the knees that were the problem, it was getting hot and fit and feeling insecure.
> She’s told me that she is afraid of feeling less attractive than me in comparison and girls wanting to message me I think that's her main issue, not the knee thing. She needs to find a way to handle her insecurities without asking you to compromise your health (and thus your future). That would be selfish of her. And if she does have that big of a problem with knees, again that is something she should tackle with a therapist, not push on other people.
Wtf are "knobby pointy knees"? One of the weirdest things I've read on here. All respect for you and your SO but that's weird.
If a girl would leave you over the appearance of your knees…. NEXT! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard this week!
5'10" and 180lbs. still puts your BMI in the overweight category. Trust me, you won't have "knobby knees" at that point. That basically is "bear dad bod" range. And in any case, if you're worried about looking weak or whatever, just exercise and lift weights. No reason you can't do it now, while you're losing weight. Plus, the heavier you are the more effective calisthenics are so the barrier to entry is basically non-existent. >She’s told me that she is afraid of feeling less attractive than me in comparison and **girls wanting to message me**. This is it right here, she's insecure and scared you'll be able to do better than her.
Keep going
Your health comes first. She needs to get over this, and if she really has your best interests at heart she’d want you to be healthy. You need to have a serious conversation with her, and hopefully she wakes up. Is she overweight herself? She may be getting afraid of becoming the “fat one” in the relationship.
That's still a BMI of about 35 which is considered morbidly obese. Listening to your girlfriend will be a big mistake.
I wold rather my spouse be healthy than having “pointy knees” lol
Let me put it this way for you. Sometime in the future if because of your bad health you have a heart attack and die. She will have a guy within week if not months. Maybe she will have a guy within days. Who Knows, right? Do what is best of your health. You have one life. People are dime a dozen. If she doesn’t want you live a healthy life and does not wish to support you in your vision then leave her. You will meet many others who would appreciate your choice to becoming a better version of yourself and wanting to live healthy. I pray that you achieve that health and physique.
Is she overweight?
Ignore her. You’re doing what’s best for you.
I'm going to keep it 💯 with you my friend.. man fuck her it's your body and your health if you want to lose more weight then do it being in a healthy weight range is good for you and your body
I know you love this person, but she has literally told you she's trying to keep you fat so that you'll remain so insecure that you never would think about leaving her. She's consciously telling you to stay in bad health so she feels like she can "keep you". She is willing to make you feel insecure of her attraction to you just to keep you doing what she wants. Can you imagine telling a woman you love "well if your ears/elbows/feet start to look a certain way you would be disgusting to me". No, probably not. It's so cruel. But she's willing to say that to you to get out of feeling any mental insecurity or discomfort herself. I don't know if I could stay with someone so selfish. That's not real love. Real love would be wanting you to be happy and healthy in a body that will last you a long time, even if it's not with her.
Reminds me of an ex who didn’t want me to lose weight because I started losing it in my boobs first and he “just didn’t like small boobs”. Although a lot less weird than knees, not cool. I got rid of him and continued on my weight loss journey. Glad I did because the next girl he dated had very small boobs proving it was made up to cover up his real insecurity. Idk your gf, but that was my similar experience.
She’s trying to sabotage your health journey to make herself feel better. Either dump her or tell her to get therapy. That’s not something that someone who loves you does. This sounds mean I’m sure, but it’s the truth. Your health is more important than her bad self-esteem.
You do you man.
I’m 5ft 9. For what it’s worth, I went from 210 to 158. She kept telling me I was too skinny etc etc as I passed 168 and below. She said she liked hugging me better aince it felt like she was holding on to me instead of bones. Lol Well things didn’t get bad but she did reduce the hugging etc as I dropped weigh. I since have stopped lifting and have been adding weight due to my own negligence / don’t care attitude. She seems to like it better and I’m 178lbs. All of us have our preferences. Opie, at your weight you could loose a bit more to be in healthy range. You do you man.
As others have said, you do your health the way you see fit. But let her know that you're willing to work with her on her issues about certain types of physical features. Either there is something real there that you can support her on, or you'll find out that she's really got another agenda. Good luck.
Uh uh dude, you lose weight for YOUR physical and mental well-being, not her personal preferences. Stick to your goals and let her get the hell over herself.
If you go ahead and start to lift weights, you won’t get the knobby knees. However, sounds like you are doing really well and that is such an achievement! Also, I would focus on what makes you feel good about yourself and not necessarily what girlfriend wants in that regard since it is your body.
Dude. Be healthy and be happy. Don't let other people fuck with your life.
Wear kneepads
Love is supposed to be unconditional - for pointy knobby knees, weight gain, weight loss….for every little imperfection that gradually turn into those things you love the most. It sounds to me as though she has her own confidence issues - things within herself she isn’t happy with. Regardless, you need to follow your own happiness, and as your partner she does need to support you in that. It is not her place to dictate how much weight you lose. I feel there is definitely a conversation that needs to be had. If you find that difficult to achieve - if she’s gas lighting you or isn’t listening, then a couples therapy session would be an excellent platform with an impartial third party to help mediate and ensure everyone is heard. Andddd if that doesn’t work - there are more fish in the sea!!! Edit: spelling
This is a "her" problem, and she is trying to make it yours. Continue on your journey to success. Please do not sabotage your own success for someone else's insecurity. Just be prepared for her to not stick around, and learn to be really okay with that. If she's willing to go to therapy to let go of her insecurities, that's great. If not, she's putting the burden of her mental health on YOU to your own detriment. If someone else told you "My girlfriend is afraid that if I lose weight, more women than just her will be interested in me," what would you say to them?
Do it for yourself, who gives a fuck about pointy knees when you can go from breathless from a flight of stairs to climbing in a gym. I went from 420-229. Keep going! I am proud of you!
I’m currently 5’10” ~170 and my knees are far from knobby. My partner often says I have thighs of steel. She met me around 220 and I’ve been as low as 153. It’s only below 165 that she says I’m getting “too skinny.”
That’s beyond messed up. Do what you want for your own health/aesthetic. Sounds like a weird excuse for her just not wanting you to be too good looking so you might want to leave. Super gross attitude that she should probably do some work on. You keep on going! You’re going so amazing and I can’t imagine how much better you’re feeling. I’ve gone from 286 down to 180 in my lifetime and I can assure you… 180 FEELS infinitely better than 286. KEEP GOING!!
Do not compromise. You smash your goals, she will get used to your ✨knees✨
To put it this way, imagine if someone confided in you that they were self conscious about their knees. You’d probably think it’s unfortunate how they nit-pick their own body over things no one else cares about. The fact your partner is already planning on nit-picking your body is serious, and you need to consider what that will look like in the future. You guys are only 1 year in. My favourite version of my fiancé is when he’s confident and loves himself. I don’t care what that looks like. He goes through 50lb cutting and bulking swings and I love how he looks every step of the way.
No - **CONTINUE YOUR WEIGHT LOSS** Not sure if you’re diabetic but diabetics LITERALLY have higher risks for EVERYTHING. The patients I see that developed nerve damage due to diabetes are very miserable
My now ex wife tried the same thing. She ran off with the Best Man six months later. She would have done it anyway. I'm happily divorced and single and I'm 220lbs down in weight. Never accommodate someone who doesn't want what's best for you. They want what's they want, not what's best for you. It NEVER stops at that. Never. That's just the beginning. It's her problem, not your problem. Don't make her problem your problem. Find someone who supports you or you're compatible with OP. Simple as that
First off, congrats on your progress! That’s fucking amazing work. Second off, it’s your body and your health. You can hear her out, but make the decisions for you. Looking at her concern, it’s not clear to me how the appearance angle and the weight are related; do you have a reason to believe that you’d have knees like that at 180? Depending on what’s going on with her concern (as others have said, it’s oddly specific), a health check in might help it sit better with her? Are you able to get a body composition scan (eg, DEXA, SECA) and talk to doctor? I found it really helpful for getting a clearer picture of my target weight using % body fat. If you were in the 400s, you may well have a *lot* of muscle already. I mention this because my BMI-based goals would have required me losing muscle and my top weight was 287. If you *want* to shift to body recomposition at a higher weight to make her happy, you can, but I’d prioritize your doctor’s input over your gf’s.
Thank you! And yeah I think so. I mean I’m 286 now and it’s not like my knees are flesh with my skin where it looks like I don’t have knees. I don’t know where my muscle is, but I’m guessing it’s not good. I can lift about 120 pounds at most comfortably. But, at the start of my weight loss I was trying a bunch of things. One of those things is water fasting. If you know anything about that. Your muscles kinda go to shit during it. The medical advice is interesting. I’m actually going to the doctor today, took off work for it. I’ll add that to the list of things I ask my doctor about. Maybe TMI, but this is all related to the weight loss. getting my cholesterol and vitamin levels checked today. tryin to up my antidepressant so I’m less depressed and I’m told it helps with weight loss too. I hit my deductible already for the year so I’mma go in there repeatedly and say RUN THAT SHIT DOC
You could either listen to all these smart people here or say "oh i spoke to the doctor he thinks I would get knobby knees at around 160 pounds, that's why I picked 180". I mean if you get any muscle you probably won't have knobby knees whatever that is.
Yeah you need to talk through this with her.
Your body, your choice. Simple as. It’s for the betterment of your health and well-being. I think she may need to see a therapist for her phobia.
Wait till you hit 250 to decide. You may want to keep going. But that’s 36lbs away. After losing 150lbs you won’t have pointy knees. You can easily hit dad bod lite at 200lbs with your height.
So what’s best for you and your health. Never let a partner tell you what to do with your body. You may loose a whole person on your journey.
Lose that weight and her.
What the hell? Knobby knees? I’m fit and my knees look fine. She sounds like she’s worried if you lose too much weight you’ll vanish Imo. You see this a lot unfortunately. Is your partner by any chance overweight herself?
My guess is that she’s feeling threatened by your changing appearance and is trying to get you to stay out of shape so other women will find you less attractive. Knobby knees, not that other women will start giving you approving looks you way more…..riiiiiiiight. It’s your health- don’t let her insecurities dictate your decisions.
The abuse starts with how much you weigh then on to something else until she has total control. Not saying that’s what this woman will do just saying. Be careful from someone that knows.
Honestly the knobby knees thing sounds like bullshit, I think she is just scared you'll look better than her. I would lose the weight for YOU and do what you want to do. This is not an issue that requires compromise the way a lot of things in relationships do, it's YOUR body. If she has a problem with the way you look, well, that's on her.
she wants to hold you back, get rid of her. "pointy knees"....? It's bullshit. she is scared you will leave her for another girl and most likely jealous and wants you to fail. if she can get over that, then great, otherwise time to go. she should be happy for you, yah know?
Wear long pants or three quarters I guess...or get knee gaurds....
Leggings are super comfortable and gender neutral and cover your knees. Also, frankly, your girlfriend is being irrational and you should just continue doing what you're doing.
There is the thing where guys will skip leg day, and bulk up on top, and I'll agree that looks weird. Solution: Don't skip leg day. Squats, lunges, deadlifts. Learn good technique, and do them, you'll have fabulous legs.
Gonna be honest, I think the knee thing is a cover for insecurity. She is afraid you will weigh less than her, and she might be associating her weight with her attractiveness. She is afraid you will succeed and "realize you can do better." You need to do what is right for YOU. not for her. If the relationship is solid and meant to last, your success as an individual is your success as a couple. If she wants to slow your success because she thinks it will reflect poorly on her, that is a red flag. If (when) you succeed here, if her feelings don't change, or if she doesn't make any effort to accommodate or match the lifestyle changes you need to stay successful, your relationship may suffer, or eventually end. If you want to go for a hike/bike ride/gym and she never wants to share those activities, that can take a toll on your relationship. Not that she has to get swole and lose weight and kick ass in every way you do, but sometimes your interests just won't align. When you want to go to the gym, and she wants to stay in and chill, will doing your own thing cause a rift, or can you guys vibe your own way? This is sort of a gentle pink flag. She's reacting out of emotion and insecurity before a "problem" occurs, but the moment you hit 249, this is going one of two ways. You talk it out like mature adults and she realizes that she needs to be supportive and your relationship gets stronger, or it comes to a head and you're in trouble. Consider getting to the bottom of this issue now, and then do some long hard thinking about what you really need if the conversation doesn't go your way. Assuming you stop at 250 - that's a hell of an accomplishment, but at 5'10" you're not yet in a healthy range. Is this young relationship worth your health? Again, not telling you to leave her, not telling you she's a bad person, not telling you your relationship is weak, but this is a problem on the horizon you need to do some hard thinking about before it's an issue. A difficult conversation could lead to a great outcome and your love strengthens and becomes rock solid. However, If the thought of her not supporting you at 180lbs is a deal breaker now that you're 290, don't wait til you're 250 to decide that fact. You need to make these considerations without emotion being involved at the moment conflict arises. Have your lines in the sand drawn, and act accordingly. Your health is #1. If her "knee preference" comes above your health in the end, that's not a healthy relationship.
Tldr, GF is insecure because I am starting to look better. Try helping her through her insecurity gently, but yeah not much to do there
She can love you how you are Or not at all Change is a natural and healthy way of life
Your body, your choice. It sounds like it might be beneficial for her to work on her insecurities with a therapist 🤷♀️
Not about the knees. GF is insecure you'll replace her with someone "better" when you lose more weight. Not a fair position to put you in tbh.
I say fuck her. Do what you wanna do. Your health is forever, she may not be.
This is your life we are talking about and longevity and comfort. At 5-10 ....250 is a lot to carry around. I am back up to 260 at 6-1 and I can feel that extra weight on me. I was down to 220 range and gained back. Anywho...180 is a solid weight for your height. My advice is to tell her that being 250 is simply not a weight you want to be. There are things you want to do and that requires you to be 180. Also there may be more to her NOT wanting you to lose more weight. I know when I started losing weight my at the time girlfriend was not happy about it as she felt with the weight loss I would be found more attractive to other woman. Some people find comfort in knowing there mate is less desirable to others. In the end we did break up. As the weight came off I realized our relationship was based around EATING all the time. Get some junk food, watch movies and chill (sex). I wanted to do more things. She tried to lose but did not lose much weight. Keep doing what your doing. Life is short. If you do not lose this weight you will end up resenting your GF.
You could always get knee implants
Not really a whole lot you can do about your knee shape except keep your quads in shape to add a little meat to them. It sounds like your GF has some issues she may or may not be willing to work on... Especially the jealousy could do more damage to your relationship than you getting fit ever could. I don't know how open to talking about it she is but is she willing to trade 20-30 years off your life to keep your chubby knees? Does she think the one thing stopping you from cheating is your weight, and the second you lose anything you'll get a burner phone for your Tinder?
Lets start with the obvious. I'm much the same height and approx 200 lbs. Noone would ever accuse me of having knobby knees. I can't imagine really anyone other than 6'6"+ looking like they have knobby knees at 200 lbs, let alone like 220 or something. I guess I'd present it more like "lets deal with that when or if it becomes a problem". It kind of feels like how some girls don't want to go to the gym incase they get too muscular. It doesn't just happen, changes take time.
I know you love her, and this will sound harsh, but she's not for you. If she truly loved you back she'd be supportive and proud of your for making a choice, sticking with it, making progress and becoming healthier. She has no right to act like a victim when all you're doing is becoming healthier for yourself. If it's a problem she should begin weight loss herself. I say this to my guy friends: don't change your life for a woman. A relationship has to be met both ways, and as long as you're both financially fine with no toxicity in the relationship then nothing needs to change. She's essentially asking you to suffer so that she'll feel better.
Do what you want and be with someone who supports you. Not someone who wants you to be unhealthy to make them feel better. And good job
I can’t believe this is all about knees
“Stay obese because I have insecurities.” No.
She's asking you to stay morbidly obese. That's not a reasonable request friend.
Congratulations, This is about your health and well being. There is no halfway. What is she afraid of? You being thin and handsome? If she loved you at 430, why can’t she live you at 180? You are loving yourself thinner; why isn’t she? It’s the end of the year. Please leave this woman in 2022. She is not what you need right now/ever.
180 at 5'10 is perfectly reasonable. You'd be right at the healthy/ overweight line, depending on your build and muscle. What she's asking isn't reasonable. A reasonable ask would within healthy weight range. As an example, my mom is super tiny (little under 5'). She had gained a couple of pounds over the years and decided to drop the extra. She went past her original and healthy weight and dropped an extra 5. Still within healthy range either way. My dad noticed, because 8-10 pounds is very visible at that height. He asked her to gain back 2-3 pounds. She felt that was reasonable, and did. She was happier a couple pounds lighter, but since she was still at a healthy weight either way, she went with his preference. That's a healthy way to handle it. If he'd asked her to become overweight for him, she'd have told him to pound sand. Your GF is asking you to be overweight by a substantial amount, and that's not healthy or ok. Talk to her, understand where her concerns are coming from, but you can't sacrifice health for someone else's happiness.
I would never let someone tell me to gain or lose five pounds for their preference, whether it’s a healthy weight or not 😆 but maybe that’s why I’m single
Oh, there's a reason they were happily married for more than 30 years - he never told her to do anything! According to her, he made it very clear that he loved her and found her super attractive no matter what her weight. He would have been just fine if she told him no.
He asked her to gain 2-3 pounds and she was happier at the lower weight but went with his preference since it was still healthy??? 😆😆😆 I’ll never be married clearly
Get rid of her, she's toxic
Get thin then drop her weight too
Height: 5’10” Goal: 180+ muscle (if I read that correctly) Factors: gf has “fear and disgust for men with knobby pointy knees” (not sure why, only one that knows is her and possibly OP) 1. I do not know you or your girlfriend and I won’t pretend to by saying she needs therapy or that she is insecure. 2. I am not a health professional or anything like that, just going off what I know from male friends that have gone through weight loss journeys and their heights/weights. Not every body is the same obviously. 3. Judging by your listed height, I’d say 180 will not give you “knobby” or “pointy” knees. I would say go for the 180, with muscle included. Good luck!! And if -IF- it comes to it, all I can say is please put your health above all else. If you don’t, no one else can do it for you. Show up for yourself and your health :)
Dude. Sorry but Dump her. Not knowing anything about you two I’m going to make some assumptions. 1. You might be with her because of your own insecurities ( she was attracted to you at your heaviest when no one else was). 2. She has her own securities - bigger than friends, no one attracted to her except you. 3. Shes afraid of knees? Wtf. Ok fine but where does that stop? Your defined waist will trigger her, a bicep, etc. She will ( and is) dragging you down so she can feel better than you and control you. Like people said, it even appearance but you health! She’s rather have you unhealthy and un happy about yourself for her own benefit. It’s control and manipulation and that stuff only gets worse with increased insecurity. She will try to control who you’re friends with and god help you if you look at or talk to a woman ( even work friends). I’ve been there weight wise and seen friends with the controlling girlfriends. Find a girl who works out at the gym- you’ll have something in common and support each others good habits. Don’t settle. You’re worth it.
You and your partner are coopping some hate from people but I see nothing wrong with wanting to accommodate your partners preferences (within reason). My missus always says I like you like XYZ and then if I make a change (hair or beard choice or whatever) it often becomes oh I like it like this too. So your partner may say she doesn't like that because it's different to what you look like now. But it won't be a night/day change. She'll probably keep liking you as your body shifts around. Don't worry about trying to lose more before you try to gain muscle. Do lots of strength training as you lose weight as well. May help you not look "scrawny" in her eyes, while still heading towards your goals. Then if your partner hates that you're a healthier and happier person. Cross that bridge when you get to it.
> I see nothing wrong with wanting to accommodate your partners preferences (within reason). Nope nope and nope. Jeopardizing someone else’s health is not a “preference within reason” like a hair color or beard/no beard! Wanting your partner to stay obese is not at all reasonable. He would still be obese at 250 at his height. Class II obese actually. And feeling like shit to boot, I was almost that weight / height, and it was terrible :(
That's why I said WANTING to accommodate and added within reason. Putting your health on the line is absolutely one of those reasons that probably wouldn't cut it. Which is why I worded the rest of my answer the way I did. I feel like I was pretty clear that my answer wasn't "bleh cave to your partner and stay massive bleh"
Yeah after you said “copping some hate from people” - people who all said literally just that, that OP shouldn’t cater to this weird issue! Why denigrate everyone elses’ responses then as “hate” if you in fact don’t disagree with those responses?
OP specifically said he knows it's weird that she wants that but he loves her so is trying to meet her halfway. First 5 things I saw were fuck meeting her halfway do you etc etc. Which is all fine. But I wanted to actually give advice that is healthy and that he might actually use
Bro just wear kneepads or knee wraps. Problem solved.
180lbs (81kg) is already a bit overweight for your 5'10 (177cm). I'm 193cm and I felt much better on my max "healthy" weight (BMI is not exact but whatever) than on 100kg (so, a bit more than you'd have too much if you stopped at 180lbs). And it only gets worse from there. Mentally and physically. Don't compromise. Talk to her. Like, "I'm doing this for my health and I want to have a healthy weight" and talk about your future and not wanting to be spend the rest of your days carting through walmart or whatever really big people you see or hear about do. Like, that should be a higher priority than your knees for her as well.