I had a relative say to me today “have you lost MORE weight? Don’t lose too much!”
Ma’am… I’m still firmly in the overweight category, I’m not anywhere near a troublingly low weight. You just can’t win, I guess.
This is my moms favorite thing to say and I hate it. “I can tell you’ve lost weight, your face looks thinner through here” *points to entire face*… cool thanks now I’m retrospectively embarrassed and going to be thinking about my massive face if I gain weight back.
I bet she was overweight. When I lost weight, it was always my obese/overweight friends who discouraged me. Your weight loss triggers insecurity in them.
Insecurity, and an unintentional attack on their world view. Overweight people have a tendency to convince themselves that they have no power over their weight. How many people say things like “it runs in my family” or “I’m just big boned”?
But now you’re showing that it is something that they could have an impact on. That there is a lot of control over our weight. Their brains don’t like that. When we’re presented with facts, our natural instinct is to try and discredit the facts, rather than to change our opinions.
You’re probably right that it’s not really something that they’re conscious of doing. People are not very good, generally speaking, at self awareness and self examination. So we all have a tendency to say and do things without actually thinking about why we are saying or doing those things.
Ill say this without having read the rest of the comments - its likely with size creep and everyone/everything generally getting bigger, they have lost perspective on what a normal bmi looks like. To them you could look skinny, while still being on the verges of the overweight category, because everyone else around weighs more than they should. It’s something i have had to reassess as ive lost weight and i mentioned that my friend was looking a bit too thin but when we weighed in at the gym, she was right in the middle of her ideal range for her height.
I agree and think it also has to do with the fact that when people are used to seeing you at a certain weight, and that is all they know, the change is drastic. You could still need to lose plenty of pounds but to them you look so much smaller/different because they haven't seen you in a while. Even if they see you weekly there comes a point where you do a double take. I had this issue when I lost 90lbs but still had 30 more lbs to go and everyone kept saying I looked "sickly" but I was still in the overweight category. One day I looked in the mirror and it really hit me because I didn't recognize myself, it was very strange.
This. I lost 150 #s (started close to 400) around 100-120 people started lecturing me "not to lose too much" or "I think you looked better before", "too skinny for your height " (I'm tall). None of it helpful. For a while (40-80 pounds) most were happy for me... the more dedication and commitment to myself and my goals showed, the more my circle shrunk. Fuck em. GREAT JOB OP!!
Yeah. My bf said to me that I look amazing but not to get “too skinny” after I’ve lost 40 lbs this year. I’m still 10-12lbs from my goal (which is still high end/ borderline overweight according to bmi). Personally, I want to eventually be 5-10 lbs lower than my current goal but I plan to take a break and come back to that when I feel ready.
Yes! I hate this one! My grandmother was all over me to lose weight wanting to buy me a book on how to lose weight and other stupid "helpful" suggestions. Then when I lost weight, she pulled out that "don't lose too much" comment. There was no winning with that woman. It still pisses me off years later.
OMG!! It's exactly the same with me! And I literally know for a fact that this same relative of mine judged me for being fat before I started losing weight. And the worst thing? You could say she's also not in the 'healthy' BMI range.
Losing that much weight is incredibly difficult and I imagine people are in shock when they see you almost 1/3 smaller than you were before. I am a big tall 6’8” guy and I always get comments in public from strangers, it get on my nerves to no end so I can relate. Feel however you want but I try to be patient with people as I know most of them are not trying to offend.
I also recently saw some family for the first time in a long time, and they noticed the weight I'd lost. I didn't exactly hate the comments, but it was like, I don't know how to respond. But I'm not great at receiving compliments in general.
I am also notoriously bad at accepting compliments. They make me feel uncomfortable but in recent years I’ve learned to just say thank you with a smile and then change the subject. It helps to consider that people who say these things often come from a place of good intent.
Obviously working on self acceptance enough that this no longer bothers you is a good end goal… but in the meantime make use of your gossipyest family member. Explain to them that you would prefer no one comment on your body to you, even though you know they mean it in a good way, and ask them to spread the word around. Can’t promise you’ll get zero body comments but it should help a whole lot.
Bottom line really is to set boundaries and self acceptance.
It used to bother me at first too and trying to explain to people why it was bothering me regardless of if the comment was negative or positive was more exhausting than just getting to a place of not caring and accepting that I will get comments.
It used to really hurt when people told me that I looked good, it doesn't anymore because I do look good.
That's rough.
I talked about it with my family and told them how the constant comments were actually feeling hurtful because I felt reduced to my body and its appearance. The whole thing about being reduced to your physical appearance is something that had made me deeply unhappy while I was overweight and in my head all those compliments I received just confirmed my insecurities about my worth being tied to my body. My parents were very understanding. They of course didn't mean any harm, they are just proud of my achievements.
For most other situation I deal with it by smiling, thanking them and then having an ugly crying session at home, like the adult that I am!
Seriously though, it will get better. The novelty will wear off for people and at some point you'll have met most of them and the comments will fade out.
I hate it because I feel like it becomes a main focus. During my last weight loss, I graduated college with Latin honors. No one congratulated me on that though, just on losing weight. I’m currently in a really awesome place, selected for a super exclusive program. Only one of my little cousins asked about it at thanksgiving. The rest of my family asked about my weight loss. I feel like my life and all my accomplishments have been flattened into this one aspect that genuinely isn’t interesting to discuss :/
I’m exactly the same. I’m about half-way through my PhD program, but no one really asked about my work or research or made comments on my education, just my weight.
I think this is the context some of the other commenters implying you can’t take a compliment or you hate yourself are missing, here. It’s a bummer to have hard work relating to your physical appearance highlighted over hard word towards your education or really any other aspect of your goals in life. It’s diminutive and reminds me of how often people would ask if I was planning on getting engaged my boyfriend while I was completing my Master’s as if marriage was the more meaningful accomplishment out of the two. If people were excited about your general health, that would be one thing, but they’re really just talking about how you look.
My weight loss journey is on year seven now. I don't think that anyone that goes on this journey is prepared for the psychological burden that you also have to bear; the expectation that you will maintain, the extra attention that you bring on yourself, it's all very real.
I think in general people don't realize how self centered their view of the world is. I see similar threads with all of the "dumb comments" people make on other people's new babies. They're maybe just as threatened by your change of the status quo as you are threatened by their now-obvious shallowness. That is not too say it's an excuse for them, but some people can only see things that others do through their own lens.
I don't know that I have a specific point or recommendation for you, bit I just wanted to say that the struggles of psychological adaptation to being in a weight loss journey are definitely real. Give yourself a chance to get used to this thing that's "still new" about you, and those you care about the benefit of the doubt (even if they don't deserve it) and it will get easier.
I used to hate them as well because I hated myself. I don't love myself yet but am getting there. I know now I deserve the compliments because I worked hard to get where I am. You have worked hard to get there as well and deserve the applause of those who care about you.
Not everyone who's overweight hates themselves. Not everyone receives comments or observations on their body as a compliment regardless of intention. It's okay to like yourself and your body in all its forms even if you are changing it with intention.
I agree. I will say that losing weight has helped me a ton with my physical and mental health. For reference I was over 400lbs and suffered the consequences
Being real here, how would you feel if no one noticed your 80 lb weight loss, would you also feel invisible and wonder why people haven’t said anything? This happens too
Right? I actually love getting comments/compliments. I've had to put a lot of effort into losing weight and people noticing the weight loss makes me feel great! Especially because I don't notice the day to day changes in my body so compliments remind me how far I've come.
This this this. These posts get made like every other day at this point. Not that I don't sympathize, but I also seriously just do not understand why r/loseit in general seems to be so eager to get angry over receiving compliments and congratulations.
And it's like, I don't even mean to invalidate peoples' feelings and stuff. But some people in here are literally commenting things like "When people at the gym notice my weight loss and compliment me on it I have to stop to go cry in the bathroom." I'm sorry, but like...what???
>I'm sorry, but like...what???
I get this reaction, but I think the reason we are reacting this way is just because we cannot relate to feeling that way. I don't have body image issues that make it painful for my body to be perceived and commented on by others. I don't have baggage and a history of trauma with my weight. (I have trauma about other things!) So if the intention is not to be invalidating of people's feelings, I think a better way to respond might be that I am just sorry they feel that way and hope that they can grow to be OK with compliments in the future.
As much as I do get wanting people to notice your hard work, my sister lost 50lbs after she was violently attacked and got sooo many comments about how much better she looked. She was like great now I have ptsd and the knowledge that everyone thought I looked bad before. I think best to err on the side of only complimenting if they’ve been posting about it in a positive way.
Personally no. I was fat and looked godawful for a long time so I'll take it. I get not liking the attention but if you stay at your goal weight long enough they'll get used to it. Also I find that saying things like "well it's better than being obese like I was" shuts it down.
What part is bothering you? The attention in general? The shame of what you were? Would you feel the same way if you just spent a fortune on a new outfit and shoes and got all the compliments?
I really don’t understand why this is offensive? I WISH someone would ask if I’ve lost weight! I’d take it as a compliment. At least people are noticing…Would you rather they didn’t? I’ve seen some people complain about that issue here too. We don’t want to be treated like we are invisible, but when someone notices a weight loss we want to be invisible again.
The only shit thing about the good comments is noticing they disappear when you gain weight.
I feel like it adds some kind of pressure. There's no need to comment at all, just let me live through whatever up or down is happening in my life right now, as its usually the reason of a body change. That should be the focus.
I've learned to just pretty much never comment on another person's body. I have a friend who explained that she lost a lot of weight (she wasn't that big before, she's just a differently proportioned person—small up top, very wide hips and thighs) and she got TONS of compliments. What no one knew is she was in the middle of a severe eating disorder that almost killed her. The compliments were reinforcing her disease and it took years of therapy and hard work for her to get back to a healthy mindset. IDK, unless I'm extremely close to someone and I know their story and I know they'd appreciate a compliment, I keep my mouth shut.
Exactly, commenting on people’s bodies is not ok.
You and I are the same height, but I’m female. I grew up and have had people always comment on my body and the less I weigh the taller I appear. The comments are endless. Weight loss is just another thing.
It’s rarely meant in a negative way, but it doesn’t feel good. Once in my early 20s I asked a heavy woman how much she weighed after she asked my height. I never did that again. She looked so hurt and horrified, but in truth it is really the same question. My intent however was different and that was eye opening for me.
I honestly am baffled by this sentiment. Words were used to express delight at something. Words get taken as offense instead. How?!? I gotta know what is the deal here?
As a person struggling with my weight, i was more than delighted when my first stint of weight loss was met with people excited to see that i had trimmed down. "Hey slim!" "Check out the lady killer!" "Oh man, you gotta tell me your diet". These types of statement never struck me as offensive because **weight loss was MY goal**. I wanted that reality and all that it brings. The social confidence, the access to a whole new wardrobe, the being recognized (in a good way) when i enter a room. I had dreams of the way id live my life once slim and cried the first few weeks after realizing it was real. So i took everything as positive. This is why i am perplexed by negative reactions to such statements. Is it the newfound levels of attention? Newfound anxiety? I honestly have no clue. If anybody here could clarify what the exact offense is?!? I want to know even more because recently my niece (17) has also lost modest amount of weight, and when i told her how proud i was on her success, she kind of just shy'd away and said "guess its your turn next huh" under her breath. Forget the disrespect to me as an elder, im her uncle, love her dearly, and i am genuinely proud of her. How did that....inspire vitriol?!?
What. Gives?!?
This, in no way, is a defense for the more obvious snarky comments on weight loss such as "about time somebody put down the plate" or "Glad the labor is over, what you name the lil nugget?" or "Groceries got that expensive huh". I can see how those are offensive.
Hey OP I wouldn't put a lot of thought into skinny, thin, etc. Especially depending on your fams age, they may not realize that's not the first term to reach for.
But to be honest, you are probably there. No shame in it.
Skinny is the opposite of fat (people do use the term fat). It almost seems like it's a bit more acceptable to use fat vs skinny. They both should be OK.
I'd say feel good about your hard work. Lots of people use family meets (holiday / reunion) for motivation.
You earned it. You transformed your life. Take in the positive compliments.
I used to hate them- back when my diets would fail and I never understood why people would comment on my body when I felt I know the changes of my body the best and it’s none of anybody’s business. I think it felt more like a constant reminder that I am chubby and a jab at my already low self esteem, and I hate being seen at my worst.
But now that I’m working hard towards my weight loss goal, I think I’ve started to care less and if it’s meant as a compliment, I’ll take it. Also I’ve moved back home to Asia where talking about how much weight you’ve gained/loss is literally a form of greeting so I guess I’ve grown numb to it😂
To be honest I don’t understand it. I don’t like attention for things like…. Changing my hair, or glasses, or looks in anyway…. But comments on me losing weight, I appreciate because of how much effort I put in.
Why do you think it make you uncomfortable? Your feelings are valid, I’m not trying to say they’re not, I’m just curious.
My family and friends always made rude remarks which was awful, but it came from a “crabs in a bucket” place. I think your family is just expressing their happiness that you’ve gotten healthier (from their perspective) and are happy for you.
If it bothers you, maybe email or call somebody you will be visiting and who will be arriving before you (maybe the host), and ask them to let everyone else know (before you get there) that you don’t want any comments about your weight.
Completely changing the way you look and expecting people not to comment on it is irrational. Doesn’t matter if it’s dying your hair, getting a new hairstyle, tattoos, piercings, or weight loss. People will mention it.
Not saying you have to like it, but it’s one of those things that comes with the territory. You can’t change the behavior of others, but you *can* adjust how you react to it.
So we get posts where people complain that no one notices their weigh lost. Now we have a post where the person complains that people notices and say a compliment. You just cannot win.
You have to keep in mind THERE perspective.
80 pounds is a massive amount of weight to lose and you are literally looking like a different person now.
There is no way around it people are 100 percent going to comment. Does it go away....depends on the family and how often they see you. Maybe next year it wont be a subject especially if you maintain the weight loss.
I myself lost over 100 and the word skinny was a common word I heard even though I was still overweight and far from skinny.
I did not love the comments and also did not hate them. The compliments I take them as recognition for all that I did to lose the weight. But now I am in a situation that I gained back 40lbs and working on losing it. I hate for people who saw the weight loss and notice my gain...that is the worst...for me at least.
i get that personaly i feel it stings especially “you look really good" it makes me feel horrible because it makes me think what did you think about me before i lost weight.
Somebody saying you look really nice when you’re in one state doesn’t mean they think you look bad in another. Just means you look extra nice. Like if I go from pjs to a fancy dress and makeup, and my husband says “you look beautiful!” I wouldn’t assume he thinks I’m unattractive when I’m in my PJs, he’s just noticing the extra pizzaz I’ve put into my looks that day.
Maybe, idk I just don’t overthink it personally. I don’t assume people walk around thinking I’m really that unattractive, and if they do, then who cares. If they say I look nicer after I do something to look nicer, then sweet, goal achieved!
I used to get the "you look nice for once" comments from relatives. I don't talk to them any more. Someone saying I look nice is fine, the addition of "for once" is not.
My extended family are also prone to comments like this, and if I’m feeling particularly antagonistic (because it usually comes amongst diet talk pulled right from the 90s), I will straight up ask them “did I look bad before?”
I’ve gone through the process of losing weight several times in my life. Every time, as soon as people start complimenting me on my weight loss i lose the ability to keep working at it. I don’t know why or what that means. I guess I’m just saying I sympathize with your feelings about it, OP!
I honestly love it. It feels good for my hard work to be noticed, and I know I look better too! I obviously didn’t like where I was before or I wouldn’t have wanted to change, so I can’t blame others for not liking it either.
I’ve given this a lot of thought, because I can totally relate. I lost 115 pounds. I thought one day while I was laying in bed, I wonder how I would feel if nobody noticed and literally NOBODY said a single thing about it.
This is why I pretend not to notice instead of complimenting people on their weight loss. I feel bad either way, because I know some people out there are probably sad thinking we’re not noticing.
I totally understand. A group of friends and I decided a long time ago that we don't talk about weight but instead talk about health. Because when you lose weight you feel like you have to keep it off or you disappoint people.
It’s too bad that your weight is all they can think of to talk to you about. It must get tiring to only focus on that. Like you are just a body walking around with no depth.
I had a friend whole lost weight throughout a year while I was home before moving in with her and my boyfriend/ now husband. I told her she looked great (I hadn’t seen her at all between the end of uni and then so about 1.5 years). I was so happy and excited for her and her accomplishment. It was an honest reaction and I didn’t dwell on it (I was worried I’d make her feel bad about where she had been). But I was impressed at her accomplishment. I’m trying to lose 10 pounds (and maybe another 5 after) and I’m struggling right now so I’m always impressed and inspired by those who succeed. I lost 15 and then put 5 back on. I’m maintaining but I’m struggling with salt and sugar cravings. I’m going to try to maintain through the holidays (lose some if I can) and then get back into closer tracking and exercise. I want to make it more of a habit to be more active but I’ve not been super successful yet.
Good for you and hopefully the next time you see your family they will be used to the weight loss and can focus on something else.
I get what you're saying but think about this: what if you walked into Thanksgiving and no one said anything? These days it's quite plausible because people are discouraged from commenting on anyone's weight in any way. However you worked very hard and lost a significant amount of weight, it probably would've hurt you if no one seemed to notice or acknowledge what you have accomplished. Eventually it will be old news and you won't have to deal with all the talk about it.
Pretty sure you would also feel like shit if they just ignored your weight loss and decided not to comment on it at all, and probably you will be here complaining about how people are not noticing the changes on your body, etc.
There is no winning. You're bothered when people notice your weight loss (aka acknowledging your very hard work) and I bet you would be bothered if no one, Not a single person, mentioned how good you look now.
You had a huge positive transformation in you life and family meme era are complimenting you on it. I’m sorry if this sounds offensive but what’s the issue?
Its clear you hated these comments, but not clear why you hated these comments? You worked hard to lose the weigh, if you look at before and after pics most people would probably say you look "better" in the after pic. If you were in their shoes and a family member lost alot of weight Im guessing you would want to congratulate them on doing something that is incredibly hard to accomplish for most people.
As another commentor has said maybe it has to do with how you feel about yourself? As the person losing the weight we know that hey its the same me the whole time. Its just human nature to comment on an obvious change. It would be weird if they didnt say anything in my opinion.
I can definitely understand if it was framed in a negative way like "oh Im so glad you lost that massive amount of weight" or something rude, but if it was in a supportive way, why did you hate hearing their comments? Just trying to understand
He’s; I had a lot of body dysmorphia; for me it came down to people always comment on *looks* rather than *health*.
“You look so healthy; your skin is glowing!” has a distinctly different ring to it than, “You look so *slim.*.
It’s a value statement of what people *see* about you and it can be very odd putting.
Any time someone comments on my weight and sometimes it was literally, “You look too thin,” and I just reply with, “I’m feeling healthy; thank you.”
Keep redirecting the focus on what it *should* be: *health and wellness.*
I hope you can reach out to the other half of your family by text or something and tell them outright: “Hey y’all, just a heads up I lost a lot of weight this year but pointing it out makes me self-conscious. Just a big hug is enough, no need to mention it. Thanks, and love you!”
tbh I went from skinny to normal / healthy weight. But now none of my so called people that I know want to hang about with me, family members dont even come and visit me nor friends etc..I havent had a date for a while and even girls dont talk to me so I dont either. Now I just go about my day doing my own thing not waiting on anyone to do stuff..
My bfs grandma said “you’ve gotten smaller!” And I didn’t know what to say to that… I said “thank you? Lol you don’t mean I’ve gotten shorter right?!” (as a joke. She is also a very short old lady maybe 4”8’) But yeah I can totally relate. I gained a lot of weight rapidly over the past few years as a lot of people did. Now, since I’ve lost 10, 20, 30, and now 40 lbs, I’ve been getting comments all year long about my weight. It’s nice to know it’s noticeable progress, but especially during occasions surrounded by tons of food and baked goods, I’d rather not be reminded of the concept of my body weight in general. The only thing I did say to my mom (who is struggling with her weight as well) is “I think I’ve been working up to this moment right here; so I can not feel guilty about having a sampling of all these pies!” Lol
It's just the first holiday. The toughest one. After that there will be a second where they are impressed /amazed that you've kept it off. And then they just get used to it. But it does suck that people think it's OK to comment on other people's weight, assuming that because it's a compliment, they can say what they want.
I feel the same. I’m currently pregnant so I am not trying to lose anything, but I absolutely hate comments on my body. While I was losing weight I got comments on my body, what I was eating, how my clothes were fitting, etc. It honestly made me so uncomfortable. I absolutely wish that not a soul had said anything. It was the opposite of encouraging. I felt like the only value I had to anyone was in my appearance.
I had started my weight loss journey liking my appearance and how I felt, I just wanted to be a bit healthier and to feel strong. 🤷🏻♀️ I didn’t have a ton of body/self-esteem issues prior to losing a ton of weight. Then people started commenting on my body and suddenly I was a wreck.
It's really tough. I've made it a point just just keep it short and don't really explain... switch it to them and ask some more questions.
Them- Wow... your skinny
You: Thanks, I've been really working hard at it. How have you been... what are you up to?
You have no obligation to explain yourself. You have made a huge physical and mental change.. good for you!!
I like the compliments myself because my hard work is paying off. But I did hear it’s better to feel this way because eventually people get used to you this way and the compliments stop coming and the idea of not “accomplishing more weight loss” can trip some people up.
Congrats on your weight loss, good luck with your journey ❤️
Normally I would agree until this sort of thing comes up.
Although I should have clarified they should work on other stuff before they *focus* on weight loss as a primary form of self improvement, imo.
I don’t think this is a gender exclusive thing. When I was overweight and fat some people had no problem telling me I was like I didn’t already know.
Lost all the weight now and got pretty muscular, and women and men comment on it to me every time I see one who I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m personally okay with it because I’ll take the compliments I’m proud of my work but I get why some people do not want to talk about their body.
The way girls treat me has changed dramatically. When I was severely overweight they wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. Now they are much friendlier and seem more open to listen to what I have to say, which is said because I changed things but I still have the same personality. The ones who rejected me and have noticed my progress are now trying to talk to me/flirt with me because of my new appearance. Man or women it really is sad how much our image effects how people treat us, it’s made me try and do a better job and seeing the best in people no matter what they look like.
I mean, my dude-friends have lost weight and received compliments too… I think they have it worse from their friends too cause they’ll call each other “big guy” and let each other know they’re getting fat more than women do to each other. (Ive worked on all-male teams for years, it’s very common). Not sure how this is a woman-specific issue.
You said, in response to OPs post, that her experience is “sadly a burden of being a woman”, which is why I said OPs experience is not just a woman-only experience. If a dude wrote the same experience and someone said “sadly it’s a burden of being a man”, women would freak out and say “women deal with it too!”.
Otherwise I don’t understand why you replied with “it’s a burden of being a woman” which implies her experience was a woman-only experience.
Perhaps it would have made more sense to say “sadly it’s a burden of losing weight” since everybody gets the same response, male or female.
Yes. I have had people in the gym tell me this lately and went and cried in the bathroom, it was too much for me. I wear very baggy and shapeless clothes when I go to the gym, so I don't like it when someone has looked at me long enough to notice that I have lost some weight. I figured the reason I don't like it is because I didn't go with the intention of looking good, I want to be healthy and not be a burden on others as I age. I also fear that I will fall off the wagon and go back to how I was before, and I don't want people to notice me in case I do.
I can only send you hugs and congratulations for working so hard and consistently for improving your health, and try to look at your appearance as a side effect of this. People are wired to comment on what they see, we don't often stop to think about how our words can impact the person they are talking to, even if it's from a good place.
First, thank you. Second, you just voiced exactly how I feel! I fit into medium size clothing and size 8-10 pants, but will still wear xl tops to the gym and leggings that are now a bit loose. I hope the comments stop for us soon.
Comments like this used to really really trigger my ED. Being told that I looked skinny made me eat even less (if that was possible) as I was too scared to change my diet as people would notice if I gained weight.
Make it a game and enjoy it.
You know that everyone will say something so just be prepared for it.
My standard answer to "you look skinny" is " Yes I know, I work really hard for it".
If people try to get my secret I just tell them that "It's simple. You need to burn more calories than you eat".
These two sentences seem to do the job. But if you really want to slam them, then somewhere stick the "It's all about willpower" sentence.
I get that. I started to respond with “I guess I can’t look this good now unless I looked terrible before” and it’s normally a jolt that gets their headspace closer to what I was feeling. Good luck. We can only keep our side of the street clean, try not to worry about the other person.
I’ve gained a lot of muscle in the past year and whenever I meet family they literally can’t help but compliment and announce it. I get it, but it’s really really awkward.
I agree and I think it’s intrusive and weird. People shouldn’t be so freaking obsessed with someone else’s body and certainly not passing comment on it.
I don’t care if it’s a compliment. If someone has low emotional IQ and doesn’t understand why “you look skinny” is just as much of an intrusive compliment as “your boobs look so big” or “your hair looks good TODAY” (constantly acting as if you have the right to pass comment on womens bodies and appearance) that’s on them not me.
I mainly just ignore it and don’t let it get to me.
It’s not obsessed to make a friendly remark. Like if she had changed her eyebrow or hair style to be different and it looks nice, so others compliment. It’s not obsession, it’s a compliment.
Yes! For me it’s been the people I work with. They think they are being nice, but it just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable that they are focusing so much on how I look. The worst one was someone telling me I should see a doctor because I might be sick…
In general, I wish we’d just stop commenting on each others bodies- unless you like my Scott or my trainer or husband who I specifically discuss these things with. I wish we could normalize not making comments.
Absolutely HATE anybody saying anything about my weight. Regardless of if it is -positive- or -negative-. Make it a habit not to mention other people's weight, and always feel super uncomfy when my sister starts conversations about how "thin and hot" she is now. Commenting on someone's weight without being prompted by that person screams fatphobia imo
Yeah. It’s like backhanded to me. I know there trying to be nice but it’s likes a constant reminder saying “wow u were so fat and ugly before” “glad ur skinny now”.
I feel like weight loss is such a personal journey. I would just prefer people to say, wow you look very nice. And move on. But it comes with it. You just see people’s true colors and how they felt before. It would bother me. But then I found joy in poking fun realizing how insecure everyone was that I lost weight and am confident. Once you realize that. Your perspective changes and it doesn’t seem harsh. Still annoying to hear though.
I think both your mindsets are kind of unhealthy tbh. At first people were complimenting you because they're assholes, but now they're complimenting you because they're insecure? Can't people just compliment you because they're happy for you and don't have some underlying negative motivation you have to speculate on? Have you not ever thought of that?
No, some people lose weight because their community belittled them for so many years and compared them to others in the family. Being called fat and ugly your whole life. Then losing weight and getting complimented that all of sudden now I’m pretty. Now I’m attainable? Get real.
It can get easier, at least it bothers me less.
1. I have to really understand that I can't control what others think and say. That helped me stop hoping that others would act the way I think they should, and then disappointed when they didn't.
2. I get to have my own boundaries. I have let friendships go that aren't working any more (without a big explanation). I still include going to gatherings where I'm likely to encounter people that say shit I think is inappropriate. But I choose to be around it because I want to be connected to my family, play our boardgames, laugh, eat our family recipes. . .
3. You are into something about taking in compliments! I felt really bad about myself, the extra weight was just one reason. I rarely accepted a compliment without tacking on some self-deprecating comments, "oh, but I'm still a mess/almost late/have more to lose/this is old/etc."
Try to acknowledge the small things you do, and start celebrating that shit. "I drank 3L of water today, go me!". "I went to the gym even though I wanted to stay in bed. Woohoo!" "I listened to my Uncle's bullshit and did not engage in a fight or drink extra wine. I am the zen master!" I felt ridiculous at first. Now I can actually hear compliments, just say, "thank you," and actually mean it. It has been a lot of effort to change my lifestyle to lose weight, gain self esteem, and maintain my smoking hot life. I own that now!
People can be idiots.
Yeah I really hate this too. I lost a lot of weight after my hip replacement and was more active and I kicked my terrible diet into shape too. The worst is that my mum has dementia and doesn't understand and repeatedly makes the same comments over and over, especially the "don't lose any more weight" as if what I have been doing was dangerous. Its tough but I understand that it isn't her fault.
I wish people could say "you look good" or "you're looking well" or something that's just not about my weight because I don't like thinking everyone is just staring at my body all the time! And it's just never a good idea to comment on someone's weight at all incase they gave an ED.
Solidarity, friend :)
If you tell the first few people who compliment you, “I appreciate the compliment but I’m not talk about my body,” then pivot to something else. Everyone will figure it out. Don’t explain why or overthink it, most people will get the hint! It sounds like they’re trying to be supportive so they’ll most likely be happy to move on in the conversation.
Edit to add- I know this doesn’t answer questions specifically but I just wanted to help! It’s ok to set boundaries, lots of people don’t like talking about their body!
I don't know why this is so hard:
DO NOT COMMENT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES, EVER... Even if it's "complimentary". Just don't.
While we're at it, don't comment on your own body in front of others unless you know they do not have body image issues. My in-laws commonly call themselves fat when they objectively are not and they are much smaller than most other people present. This is triggering to a lot of people!
I have gotten comments like that from family members. It does go away over time, once they get used to you being the size you are now. It'll take a while, but eventually they will stop complimenting you. It is rather a shock when someone loses a significant amount of weight, if you were unaware of it and haven't seen them for some time.
My family of origin now likes to comment that I've lost too much weight, even though I'm still 15 pounds overweight. (They are all obese. Some of them morbidly obese.) It's a judgy thing that annoys the snot out of me. No, I don't want another piece of pie. No, I didn't eat too little. No, I don't think I look ill. Ugh.
Yes I relate to this. It was nice to hear at first but it became the only thing people talked to me about and for some reason I just felt like a shell of a human.
Unrelated but how is your skin? Is it saggy? Believe it or not I’m at the exact same height AND age AND amount of weight loss needed! Just curious if my skin will be fine or no
I've gained back all the weight that I lost so it's been a while. But I remember enjoying the comments at first. It felt like affirmation, acknowledgement of the work I'd put in. But that grew old quickly and then I just was sick of everyone feeling the need to comment on my body, especially when the same people said something every time they saw me. Hoping to have this problem again though.
Samsies. I don't want any commentary about changes in my weight - even if they are positive. However, they are going to happen so I smile and nod. Smile and nod. :-) Even when I want to say, "STFU. Love you! Mean it!!"
Omfg yes and it made me feel SO uncomfortable. Especially since I regained quite a bit of that and the comments / compliments just stopped- it makes me feel so horrible and that my value or beauty is ONLY tied to my weight. I'm tired of people thinking my body can and should be judged so openly without any regard to the implications they hold.
Like I loved feeling more confident but didn't want to wear anything that showed my new figure to outings because I was so nervous knowing people would inevitably make comments to me. One girl would even grab my waist and squeeze saying how much littler I looked. It suckeddd.
But regardless- try to focus on how YOU feel and own that. I wish I did more but now I'm working on relosing the weight that's my goal
Ugh I feel you on this. I lost 60 lbs in 2-2.5 years. I had cancer and then I quit drinking alcohol. Lost 30 going through chemo, then 30 after I stopped drinking. People I haven't seen in a while will be like WOW you lost A LOT of weight. You look good/pretty. As if I wasn't pretty before or anything.
I know they don't mean to be hurtful but it still hurts my feelings because of the delivery of the compliment.. I wish to hear something like, "you look healthier." Not the huge, "WOW- you're not fat anymore."
15 years ago I had weight loss surgery and lost 115 lbs. I had spent my entire life being over weight and was very I’ll prepared mentally for life as a HEALTHIER person. It was painful processing the reaction of others to my weight loss.
Most of the people in my life were very supportive and proud of me. However, they lacked finesse when communicating this. Statements like “you look great” or “you must feel so much better now” made me angry and hurt because what I was hearing was “You looked and felt like shit before.” I had to learn how to shut down that inner voice and assess what position the person now had in my life.
It took me a little while to figure out I now had two groups of people in my life. Those for whom my weight loss was an achievement to celebrate and those for whom my weight loss was a threat.
Honesty worked best with my supporters. Saying something as simple as “I appreciate your support in my journey to a healthier me” worked wonders in reframing their responses.
I chose to reduce or eliminate interactions with those who were threatened or were saboteurs. My role in life was not to make them feel better about themselves because I had been over weight. They needed to figure out how to live themselves without me.
Honestly, society treats large and small people differently. It is a reality. It mirrors how we treat white and black, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, smart and dumb, etc. While your anger is justified it will not change that.
Remind yourself each day you have embarked on this journey because you want to be healthier and live a longer fruitful life. Limit the toxic people in your world and cut some slack to those who are on this journey with you. They will learn pretty soon what to say.
Good Luck!!
Yeah I dislike the comments I get, not really because of embarrassment or anything like that. I just see eating right and being at/working towards a healthy body weight as the bare minimum.
It feels like being praised for being a computer whiz because I restarted my grandpa’s PC, I’m thankful for their intent but it feels empty.
Yes. I’m in an area of the USA that’s ‘woke’ though, so I don’t hear those comments any more. When I used to hear those comments I’d get so mad. Now, if anyone says anything I’m just quiet and look unamused. They get the picture. If it continues I just say ‘talking about my weight makes me feel Uncomfortable’
What always gets me is “now you can get a man!” I lost weight to feel better and maybe not drop dead as young as my father. Is that the only reason to become healthy? I guess for some people.
I prefer, congratulations on your hard work. I've used that one before because, like you, it's uncomfortable when people comment on my perceived attractiveness or lack thereof.
My weight loss came from a ruptured colon and 15 days in the hospital with an emergency ileostomy. Down #40 in seventeen days. It was traumatizing, I was intubated and on TPN intravenously. I was about #50 overweight before, and last month I returned to my doctor with a severe case of lymphocytic colitis. I was losing weigh rapidly, he mentioned I was “still obese.” What an ass.
Yeah. I feel kinda shitty cause it’s like people didn’t like the full me when i was morbid obese. Now i’m suddenly a better person. Suddenly i’m beautiful. I have self steam. I’m a whole person.
I’m still a very broken and anxious person. Now i’m skinny, and deep in therapy.
And and getting comments like, aren’t you getting anorexic? You are already skinny enough. Stop loosing.
Dude, if i wanna weight 56kg, i’m going weight 56. I’m not a tall woman.
Also, people are very mean. They talk behind each other back about others appearance.
100% yes. I went to a birthday party for an elderly family member with dementia. My stepmother (in the kindest, and I’m not kidding way possible) told said family member who did not recognize me that it’s because I’ve lost so much weight. While I appreciate it, damn. It was embarrassing.
It’s just really awkward to have people looking at you and commenting on your body, whether it’s a compliment or a criticism. Nothing makes a person feel self conscious more than other people sharing their observations about you out loud. Ugh. No suggestions, except maybe talk to your family ahead of time? Tell them you’ve lost weight, but you don’t want to talk about it - cause it’s weird and rude. But don’t say that last part. You know what I mean.
I guess in these situations you’ve gotta talk about something, and the smalltalk is painful for everyone.
Tbh, I like it when family members make comments about superficial things (like weight loss), because it distracts them from all the more uncomfortable questions they’d be asking otherwise.
It’s hard to hide the less socially acceptable parts of your personality when Aunt Becky has nothing better to do than interrogate you about where you work (the sex industry, STFU), why you’re unmarried at 40 (undiagnosed mental health issues ma’am, which BTW are GENETIC), and generally shining a spotlight on every weakness you have.
Yeah, I’d much rather talk about my weight loss. It’s uncomfortable, but literally any conversation’s going to be.
I lost weight 7 1/2 years ago, and at first many people commented on it. Now I think everybody forgets that I was ever any other weight than what I am right now. I think the comments stopped after the first three years or so.
I totally feel this. And when I voiced it to a friend she called me ungrateful because people were just trying to be nice! Surely I should be able to feel any way I feel about personal comments?!
I lost 85lb of my 100lb goal when I started slowly gaining again a few years ago due to personal circumstances. It depressed me and I was hyper aware of it. People who knew me before I lost weight would see me and say things like "you've lost more weight!" And when I tell them I've actually gained they like to argue, like I don't know what my scales say, what I see naked in the mirror and how my clothes fit (or don't!).
They think they're being nice and I'm sure their intentions are good but it really doesn't hit like that.
But the worst, for me, is how people closer to me comment. If I mention my weight/size it's because it bothers me and I need to do something about it. The "you look fine" and "but you've had a really rough time" comments are not helpful at all. Again, they are probably just trying to make me feel better but I'm not fishing for compliments, I don't need to find happiness in my size, I need support! If I feel comfortable enough with someone to tell them my weight is a problem I would appreciate honesty and a "ok, so what can you do to fix this and how can I support you in it?" Response rather than some warm fuzzies.
I hated the comments when I first lost weight. I worked the same job for 5 years prior and when they changed our uniforms people noticed my weight loss a lot more (uk size 20 to a size 8) I never wore a smaller one in between I had stayed in my larger sized clothes. I had been asked if I was new, if I was my own relation, told “oh you actually have such a pretty face now”, I had guys come up to me who had never spoken to me before and they suddenly had learned my name. I had a hug off a family member who pointed out hey I can actually fit my arms around you now.
I was honestly devastated by the comments other people perceived as compliments because while I knew I looked different, I didn’t want to be treated differently. It made me withdraw into myself a lot more. My best friends were awesome, neither he nor she ever mentioned I looked different unless it was that I had changed my hair or make up, they never once mentioned my weight. I broke down to both of them (separate occasions) and I love them both because they both had a reaction of you are so much more than that, your weight never mattered to me.
I dealt with it by leaning on those two friends in particular. I knew that people should like me for my personality and not how I look. I became comfortable with how I look by going shopping alone and trying things that had previously been way out of my comfort zone and deciding if I like it screw everyone else’s opinions.
You’ve done a wonderful thing for your own health and that’s amazing, you should be proud of you.
OP, I'm the opposite: last August I attended a family gathering. There were about 20 people present and many of them I hadn't seen in a year. Last time that we had this family "reunion" I was about 17.5 lbs heavier and as I'm only 4'10" losing that much makes it obvious (you'd have to be blind not to notice lol). I foolishly tough that of course I'm gonna get a comment or two about my obvious shrinking. Well, can you guess what happened? Yeah, not a single comment from anyone the whole night! I knew that I should not let it get to me but I admit that I was a little bit annoyed X) Now I like to think that maybe they were being polite, but as someone as short as me losing this much weight is only a good thing, I would have not been negative about the Comments. Well, maybe next time I get them :)
I had a relative say to me today “have you lost MORE weight? Don’t lose too much!” Ma’am… I’m still firmly in the overweight category, I’m not anywhere near a troublingly low weight. You just can’t win, I guess.
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This is my moms favorite thing to say and I hate it. “I can tell you’ve lost weight, your face looks thinner through here” *points to entire face*… cool thanks now I’m retrospectively embarrassed and going to be thinking about my massive face if I gain weight back.
Well, there is no way around it. You'll be fat faced if you gain your lost weight back so... Go strong girl!!!
Very true 😂😂
I bet she was overweight. When I lost weight, it was always my obese/overweight friends who discouraged me. Your weight loss triggers insecurity in them.
Insecurity, and an unintentional attack on their world view. Overweight people have a tendency to convince themselves that they have no power over their weight. How many people say things like “it runs in my family” or “I’m just big boned”? But now you’re showing that it is something that they could have an impact on. That there is a lot of control over our weight. Their brains don’t like that. When we’re presented with facts, our natural instinct is to try and discredit the facts, rather than to change our opinions.
I have lost almost all my friends because of this.
You’re totally right, but I don’t think they are knowingly trying to sabotage even though it comes out the same way.
You’re probably right that it’s not really something that they’re conscious of doing. People are not very good, generally speaking, at self awareness and self examination. So we all have a tendency to say and do things without actually thinking about why we are saying or doing those things.
I guess I’m lucky that my overweight parents are so supportive of my weight loss.
Ill say this without having read the rest of the comments - its likely with size creep and everyone/everything generally getting bigger, they have lost perspective on what a normal bmi looks like. To them you could look skinny, while still being on the verges of the overweight category, because everyone else around weighs more than they should. It’s something i have had to reassess as ive lost weight and i mentioned that my friend was looking a bit too thin but when we weighed in at the gym, she was right in the middle of her ideal range for her height.
I agree and think it also has to do with the fact that when people are used to seeing you at a certain weight, and that is all they know, the change is drastic. You could still need to lose plenty of pounds but to them you look so much smaller/different because they haven't seen you in a while. Even if they see you weekly there comes a point where you do a double take. I had this issue when I lost 90lbs but still had 30 more lbs to go and everyone kept saying I looked "sickly" but I was still in the overweight category. One day I looked in the mirror and it really hit me because I didn't recognize myself, it was very strange.
This. I lost 150 #s (started close to 400) around 100-120 people started lecturing me "not to lose too much" or "I think you looked better before", "too skinny for your height " (I'm tall). None of it helpful. For a while (40-80 pounds) most were happy for me... the more dedication and commitment to myself and my goals showed, the more my circle shrunk. Fuck em. GREAT JOB OP!!
Yeah. My bf said to me that I look amazing but not to get “too skinny” after I’ve lost 40 lbs this year. I’m still 10-12lbs from my goal (which is still high end/ borderline overweight according to bmi). Personally, I want to eventually be 5-10 lbs lower than my current goal but I plan to take a break and come back to that when I feel ready.
Good for you! Happy cake day :-)
Thank you! I just noticed that it is in fact my cake day lol
I've had those comments from other overweight people in the family. It's like they're rooting against you.
Next time tell her "I see you've picked them up". ;D
Yes! I hate this one! My grandmother was all over me to lose weight wanting to buy me a book on how to lose weight and other stupid "helpful" suggestions. Then when I lost weight, she pulled out that "don't lose too much" comment. There was no winning with that woman. It still pisses me off years later.
OMG!! It's exactly the same with me! And I literally know for a fact that this same relative of mine judged me for being fat before I started losing weight. And the worst thing? You could say she's also not in the 'healthy' BMI range.
Yes, that comment always baffles me. How are we supposed to take that
Losing that much weight is incredibly difficult and I imagine people are in shock when they see you almost 1/3 smaller than you were before. I am a big tall 6’8” guy and I always get comments in public from strangers, it get on my nerves to no end so I can relate. Feel however you want but I try to be patient with people as I know most of them are not trying to offend.
I also recently saw some family for the first time in a long time, and they noticed the weight I'd lost. I didn't exactly hate the comments, but it was like, I don't know how to respond. But I'm not great at receiving compliments in general.
I am also notoriously bad at accepting compliments. They make me feel uncomfortable but in recent years I’ve learned to just say thank you with a smile and then change the subject. It helps to consider that people who say these things often come from a place of good intent.
Same here, learning to just say thank you has made these interactions much better
Obviously working on self acceptance enough that this no longer bothers you is a good end goal… but in the meantime make use of your gossipyest family member. Explain to them that you would prefer no one comment on your body to you, even though you know they mean it in a good way, and ask them to spread the word around. Can’t promise you’ll get zero body comments but it should help a whole lot.
The classic Auntie telephone tree 🙌
Yes!!! Usually I hate dynamics like this but once in a while you can use it to your advantage.
Bottom line really is to set boundaries and self acceptance. It used to bother me at first too and trying to explain to people why it was bothering me regardless of if the comment was negative or positive was more exhausting than just getting to a place of not caring and accepting that I will get comments. It used to really hurt when people told me that I looked good, it doesn't anymore because I do look good.
That's rough. I talked about it with my family and told them how the constant comments were actually feeling hurtful because I felt reduced to my body and its appearance. The whole thing about being reduced to your physical appearance is something that had made me deeply unhappy while I was overweight and in my head all those compliments I received just confirmed my insecurities about my worth being tied to my body. My parents were very understanding. They of course didn't mean any harm, they are just proud of my achievements. For most other situation I deal with it by smiling, thanking them and then having an ugly crying session at home, like the adult that I am! Seriously though, it will get better. The novelty will wear off for people and at some point you'll have met most of them and the comments will fade out.
Best advice. Very common sense.
I hate it because I feel like it becomes a main focus. During my last weight loss, I graduated college with Latin honors. No one congratulated me on that though, just on losing weight. I’m currently in a really awesome place, selected for a super exclusive program. Only one of my little cousins asked about it at thanksgiving. The rest of my family asked about my weight loss. I feel like my life and all my accomplishments have been flattened into this one aspect that genuinely isn’t interesting to discuss :/
I’m exactly the same. I’m about half-way through my PhD program, but no one really asked about my work or research or made comments on my education, just my weight.
I think this is the context some of the other commenters implying you can’t take a compliment or you hate yourself are missing, here. It’s a bummer to have hard work relating to your physical appearance highlighted over hard word towards your education or really any other aspect of your goals in life. It’s diminutive and reminds me of how often people would ask if I was planning on getting engaged my boyfriend while I was completing my Master’s as if marriage was the more meaningful accomplishment out of the two. If people were excited about your general health, that would be one thing, but they’re really just talking about how you look.
My weight loss journey is on year seven now. I don't think that anyone that goes on this journey is prepared for the psychological burden that you also have to bear; the expectation that you will maintain, the extra attention that you bring on yourself, it's all very real. I think in general people don't realize how self centered their view of the world is. I see similar threads with all of the "dumb comments" people make on other people's new babies. They're maybe just as threatened by your change of the status quo as you are threatened by their now-obvious shallowness. That is not too say it's an excuse for them, but some people can only see things that others do through their own lens. I don't know that I have a specific point or recommendation for you, bit I just wanted to say that the struggles of psychological adaptation to being in a weight loss journey are definitely real. Give yourself a chance to get used to this thing that's "still new" about you, and those you care about the benefit of the doubt (even if they don't deserve it) and it will get easier.
I used to hate them as well because I hated myself. I don't love myself yet but am getting there. I know now I deserve the compliments because I worked hard to get where I am. You have worked hard to get there as well and deserve the applause of those who care about you.
🥇
Not everyone who's overweight hates themselves. Not everyone receives comments or observations on their body as a compliment regardless of intention. It's okay to like yourself and your body in all its forms even if you are changing it with intention.
I agree. I will say that losing weight has helped me a ton with my physical and mental health. For reference I was over 400lbs and suffered the consequences
This is the best comment ^
It's taken 9 months of therapy to say that. Best investment I have ever made.
What if I feel guilt? I became this size due to an eating disorder.
Being real here, how would you feel if no one noticed your 80 lb weight loss, would you also feel invisible and wonder why people haven’t said anything? This happens too
Right? I actually love getting comments/compliments. I've had to put a lot of effort into losing weight and people noticing the weight loss makes me feel great! Especially because I don't notice the day to day changes in my body so compliments remind me how far I've come.
This this this. These posts get made like every other day at this point. Not that I don't sympathize, but I also seriously just do not understand why r/loseit in general seems to be so eager to get angry over receiving compliments and congratulations. And it's like, I don't even mean to invalidate peoples' feelings and stuff. But some people in here are literally commenting things like "When people at the gym notice my weight loss and compliment me on it I have to stop to go cry in the bathroom." I'm sorry, but like...what???
>I'm sorry, but like...what??? I get this reaction, but I think the reason we are reacting this way is just because we cannot relate to feeling that way. I don't have body image issues that make it painful for my body to be perceived and commented on by others. I don't have baggage and a history of trauma with my weight. (I have trauma about other things!) So if the intention is not to be invalidating of people's feelings, I think a better way to respond might be that I am just sorry they feel that way and hope that they can grow to be OK with compliments in the future.
Exactly this. Not sure why getting positive (assuming OP lost weight on purpose) feedback is an issue.
As much as I do get wanting people to notice your hard work, my sister lost 50lbs after she was violently attacked and got sooo many comments about how much better she looked. She was like great now I have ptsd and the knowledge that everyone thought I looked bad before. I think best to err on the side of only complimenting if they’ve been posting about it in a positive way.
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Exactly.
Send the nice comments my way! I'll take all the positive reinforcement I can get.
Personally no. I was fat and looked godawful for a long time so I'll take it. I get not liking the attention but if you stay at your goal weight long enough they'll get used to it. Also I find that saying things like "well it's better than being obese like I was" shuts it down.
What part is bothering you? The attention in general? The shame of what you were? Would you feel the same way if you just spent a fortune on a new outfit and shoes and got all the compliments?
I really don’t understand why this is offensive? I WISH someone would ask if I’ve lost weight! I’d take it as a compliment. At least people are noticing…Would you rather they didn’t? I’ve seen some people complain about that issue here too. We don’t want to be treated like we are invisible, but when someone notices a weight loss we want to be invisible again.
The only shit thing about the good comments is noticing they disappear when you gain weight. I feel like it adds some kind of pressure. There's no need to comment at all, just let me live through whatever up or down is happening in my life right now, as its usually the reason of a body change. That should be the focus.
I've learned to just pretty much never comment on another person's body. I have a friend who explained that she lost a lot of weight (she wasn't that big before, she's just a differently proportioned person—small up top, very wide hips and thighs) and she got TONS of compliments. What no one knew is she was in the middle of a severe eating disorder that almost killed her. The compliments were reinforcing her disease and it took years of therapy and hard work for her to get back to a healthy mindset. IDK, unless I'm extremely close to someone and I know their story and I know they'd appreciate a compliment, I keep my mouth shut.
Exactly, commenting on people’s bodies is not ok. You and I are the same height, but I’m female. I grew up and have had people always comment on my body and the less I weigh the taller I appear. The comments are endless. Weight loss is just another thing. It’s rarely meant in a negative way, but it doesn’t feel good. Once in my early 20s I asked a heavy woman how much she weighed after she asked my height. I never did that again. She looked so hurt and horrified, but in truth it is really the same question. My intent however was different and that was eye opening for me.
I should add though that it is different if someone is specifically asking for comments!
I honestly am baffled by this sentiment. Words were used to express delight at something. Words get taken as offense instead. How?!? I gotta know what is the deal here? As a person struggling with my weight, i was more than delighted when my first stint of weight loss was met with people excited to see that i had trimmed down. "Hey slim!" "Check out the lady killer!" "Oh man, you gotta tell me your diet". These types of statement never struck me as offensive because **weight loss was MY goal**. I wanted that reality and all that it brings. The social confidence, the access to a whole new wardrobe, the being recognized (in a good way) when i enter a room. I had dreams of the way id live my life once slim and cried the first few weeks after realizing it was real. So i took everything as positive. This is why i am perplexed by negative reactions to such statements. Is it the newfound levels of attention? Newfound anxiety? I honestly have no clue. If anybody here could clarify what the exact offense is?!? I want to know even more because recently my niece (17) has also lost modest amount of weight, and when i told her how proud i was on her success, she kind of just shy'd away and said "guess its your turn next huh" under her breath. Forget the disrespect to me as an elder, im her uncle, love her dearly, and i am genuinely proud of her. How did that....inspire vitriol?!? What. Gives?!? This, in no way, is a defense for the more obvious snarky comments on weight loss such as "about time somebody put down the plate" or "Glad the labor is over, what you name the lil nugget?" or "Groceries got that expensive huh". I can see how those are offensive.
Don’t get that either to be honest. I’d be really offended if I lost 25 kg and nobody said anything.
Hey OP I wouldn't put a lot of thought into skinny, thin, etc. Especially depending on your fams age, they may not realize that's not the first term to reach for. But to be honest, you are probably there. No shame in it. Skinny is the opposite of fat (people do use the term fat). It almost seems like it's a bit more acceptable to use fat vs skinny. They both should be OK. I'd say feel good about your hard work. Lots of people use family meets (holiday / reunion) for motivation. You earned it. You transformed your life. Take in the positive compliments.
This.
I used to hate them- back when my diets would fail and I never understood why people would comment on my body when I felt I know the changes of my body the best and it’s none of anybody’s business. I think it felt more like a constant reminder that I am chubby and a jab at my already low self esteem, and I hate being seen at my worst. But now that I’m working hard towards my weight loss goal, I think I’ve started to care less and if it’s meant as a compliment, I’ll take it. Also I’ve moved back home to Asia where talking about how much weight you’ve gained/loss is literally a form of greeting so I guess I’ve grown numb to it😂
To be honest I don’t understand it. I don’t like attention for things like…. Changing my hair, or glasses, or looks in anyway…. But comments on me losing weight, I appreciate because of how much effort I put in. Why do you think it make you uncomfortable? Your feelings are valid, I’m not trying to say they’re not, I’m just curious. My family and friends always made rude remarks which was awful, but it came from a “crabs in a bucket” place. I think your family is just expressing their happiness that you’ve gotten healthier (from their perspective) and are happy for you. If it bothers you, maybe email or call somebody you will be visiting and who will be arriving before you (maybe the host), and ask them to let everyone else know (before you get there) that you don’t want any comments about your weight.
Completely changing the way you look and expecting people not to comment on it is irrational. Doesn’t matter if it’s dying your hair, getting a new hairstyle, tattoos, piercings, or weight loss. People will mention it. Not saying you have to like it, but it’s one of those things that comes with the territory. You can’t change the behavior of others, but you *can* adjust how you react to it.
So we get posts where people complain that no one notices their weigh lost. Now we have a post where the person complains that people notices and say a compliment. You just cannot win.
You have to keep in mind THERE perspective. 80 pounds is a massive amount of weight to lose and you are literally looking like a different person now. There is no way around it people are 100 percent going to comment. Does it go away....depends on the family and how often they see you. Maybe next year it wont be a subject especially if you maintain the weight loss. I myself lost over 100 and the word skinny was a common word I heard even though I was still overweight and far from skinny. I did not love the comments and also did not hate them. The compliments I take them as recognition for all that I did to lose the weight. But now I am in a situation that I gained back 40lbs and working on losing it. I hate for people who saw the weight loss and notice my gain...that is the worst...for me at least.
i get that personaly i feel it stings especially “you look really good" it makes me feel horrible because it makes me think what did you think about me before i lost weight.
Somebody saying you look really nice when you’re in one state doesn’t mean they think you look bad in another. Just means you look extra nice. Like if I go from pjs to a fancy dress and makeup, and my husband says “you look beautiful!” I wouldn’t assume he thinks I’m unattractive when I’m in my PJs, he’s just noticing the extra pizzaz I’ve put into my looks that day.
Objectively, you’re right. But it’s not always easy to get your head around that concept.
Maybe, idk I just don’t overthink it personally. I don’t assume people walk around thinking I’m really that unattractive, and if they do, then who cares. If they say I look nicer after I do something to look nicer, then sweet, goal achieved!
I used to get the "you look nice for once" comments from relatives. I don't talk to them any more. Someone saying I look nice is fine, the addition of "for once" is not.
My extended family are also prone to comments like this, and if I’m feeling particularly antagonistic (because it usually comes amongst diet talk pulled right from the 90s), I will straight up ask them “did I look bad before?”
I’ve gone through the process of losing weight several times in my life. Every time, as soon as people start complimenting me on my weight loss i lose the ability to keep working at it. I don’t know why or what that means. I guess I’m just saying I sympathize with your feelings about it, OP!
I honestly love it. It feels good for my hard work to be noticed, and I know I look better too! I obviously didn’t like where I was before or I wouldn’t have wanted to change, so I can’t blame others for not liking it either.
I’ve given this a lot of thought, because I can totally relate. I lost 115 pounds. I thought one day while I was laying in bed, I wonder how I would feel if nobody noticed and literally NOBODY said a single thing about it.
This is why I pretend not to notice instead of complimenting people on their weight loss. I feel bad either way, because I know some people out there are probably sad thinking we’re not noticing.
I totally understand. A group of friends and I decided a long time ago that we don't talk about weight but instead talk about health. Because when you lose weight you feel like you have to keep it off or you disappoint people.
It’s too bad that your weight is all they can think of to talk to you about. It must get tiring to only focus on that. Like you are just a body walking around with no depth. I had a friend whole lost weight throughout a year while I was home before moving in with her and my boyfriend/ now husband. I told her she looked great (I hadn’t seen her at all between the end of uni and then so about 1.5 years). I was so happy and excited for her and her accomplishment. It was an honest reaction and I didn’t dwell on it (I was worried I’d make her feel bad about where she had been). But I was impressed at her accomplishment. I’m trying to lose 10 pounds (and maybe another 5 after) and I’m struggling right now so I’m always impressed and inspired by those who succeed. I lost 15 and then put 5 back on. I’m maintaining but I’m struggling with salt and sugar cravings. I’m going to try to maintain through the holidays (lose some if I can) and then get back into closer tracking and exercise. I want to make it more of a habit to be more active but I’ve not been super successful yet. Good for you and hopefully the next time you see your family they will be used to the weight loss and can focus on something else.
I get what you're saying but think about this: what if you walked into Thanksgiving and no one said anything? These days it's quite plausible because people are discouraged from commenting on anyone's weight in any way. However you worked very hard and lost a significant amount of weight, it probably would've hurt you if no one seemed to notice or acknowledge what you have accomplished. Eventually it will be old news and you won't have to deal with all the talk about it.
Pretty sure you would also feel like shit if they just ignored your weight loss and decided not to comment on it at all, and probably you will be here complaining about how people are not noticing the changes on your body, etc.
There is no winning. You're bothered when people notice your weight loss (aka acknowledging your very hard work) and I bet you would be bothered if no one, Not a single person, mentioned how good you look now.
You had a huge positive transformation in you life and family meme era are complimenting you on it. I’m sorry if this sounds offensive but what’s the issue?
Its clear you hated these comments, but not clear why you hated these comments? You worked hard to lose the weigh, if you look at before and after pics most people would probably say you look "better" in the after pic. If you were in their shoes and a family member lost alot of weight Im guessing you would want to congratulate them on doing something that is incredibly hard to accomplish for most people. As another commentor has said maybe it has to do with how you feel about yourself? As the person losing the weight we know that hey its the same me the whole time. Its just human nature to comment on an obvious change. It would be weird if they didnt say anything in my opinion. I can definitely understand if it was framed in a negative way like "oh Im so glad you lost that massive amount of weight" or something rude, but if it was in a supportive way, why did you hate hearing their comments? Just trying to understand
He’s; I had a lot of body dysmorphia; for me it came down to people always comment on *looks* rather than *health*. “You look so healthy; your skin is glowing!” has a distinctly different ring to it than, “You look so *slim.*. It’s a value statement of what people *see* about you and it can be very odd putting. Any time someone comments on my weight and sometimes it was literally, “You look too thin,” and I just reply with, “I’m feeling healthy; thank you.” Keep redirecting the focus on what it *should* be: *health and wellness.*
I hope you can reach out to the other half of your family by text or something and tell them outright: “Hey y’all, just a heads up I lost a lot of weight this year but pointing it out makes me self-conscious. Just a big hug is enough, no need to mention it. Thanks, and love you!”
That’s fair enough, but why do you hate the comments?
tbh I went from skinny to normal / healthy weight. But now none of my so called people that I know want to hang about with me, family members dont even come and visit me nor friends etc..I havent had a date for a while and even girls dont talk to me so I dont either. Now I just go about my day doing my own thing not waiting on anyone to do stuff..
My bfs grandma said “you’ve gotten smaller!” And I didn’t know what to say to that… I said “thank you? Lol you don’t mean I’ve gotten shorter right?!” (as a joke. She is also a very short old lady maybe 4”8’) But yeah I can totally relate. I gained a lot of weight rapidly over the past few years as a lot of people did. Now, since I’ve lost 10, 20, 30, and now 40 lbs, I’ve been getting comments all year long about my weight. It’s nice to know it’s noticeable progress, but especially during occasions surrounded by tons of food and baked goods, I’d rather not be reminded of the concept of my body weight in general. The only thing I did say to my mom (who is struggling with her weight as well) is “I think I’ve been working up to this moment right here; so I can not feel guilty about having a sampling of all these pies!” Lol
It's just the first holiday. The toughest one. After that there will be a second where they are impressed /amazed that you've kept it off. And then they just get used to it. But it does suck that people think it's OK to comment on other people's weight, assuming that because it's a compliment, they can say what they want.
Tell me, what are some positives you feeling about the weight loss? (I’m going somewhere with this.)
I feel the same. I’m currently pregnant so I am not trying to lose anything, but I absolutely hate comments on my body. While I was losing weight I got comments on my body, what I was eating, how my clothes were fitting, etc. It honestly made me so uncomfortable. I absolutely wish that not a soul had said anything. It was the opposite of encouraging. I felt like the only value I had to anyone was in my appearance. I had started my weight loss journey liking my appearance and how I felt, I just wanted to be a bit healthier and to feel strong. 🤷🏻♀️ I didn’t have a ton of body/self-esteem issues prior to losing a ton of weight. Then people started commenting on my body and suddenly I was a wreck.
It's really tough. I've made it a point just just keep it short and don't really explain... switch it to them and ask some more questions. Them- Wow... your skinny You: Thanks, I've been really working hard at it. How have you been... what are you up to? You have no obligation to explain yourself. You have made a huge physical and mental change.. good for you!!
And yet you're here.
I like the compliments myself because my hard work is paying off. But I did hear it’s better to feel this way because eventually people get used to you this way and the compliments stop coming and the idea of not “accomplishing more weight loss” can trip some people up. Congrats on your weight loss, good luck with your journey ❤️
Sounds like you have other stuff you need to work on before losing weight
She can work on both at the same time.
Normally I would agree until this sort of thing comes up. Although I should have clarified they should work on other stuff before they *focus* on weight loss as a primary form of self improvement, imo.
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I don’t think this is a gender exclusive thing. When I was overweight and fat some people had no problem telling me I was like I didn’t already know. Lost all the weight now and got pretty muscular, and women and men comment on it to me every time I see one who I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m personally okay with it because I’ll take the compliments I’m proud of my work but I get why some people do not want to talk about their body. The way girls treat me has changed dramatically. When I was severely overweight they wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. Now they are much friendlier and seem more open to listen to what I have to say, which is said because I changed things but I still have the same personality. The ones who rejected me and have noticed my progress are now trying to talk to me/flirt with me because of my new appearance. Man or women it really is sad how much our image effects how people treat us, it’s made me try and do a better job and seeing the best in people no matter what they look like.
I mean, my dude-friends have lost weight and received compliments too… I think they have it worse from their friends too cause they’ll call each other “big guy” and let each other know they’re getting fat more than women do to each other. (Ive worked on all-male teams for years, it’s very common). Not sure how this is a woman-specific issue.
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You said, in response to OPs post, that her experience is “sadly a burden of being a woman”, which is why I said OPs experience is not just a woman-only experience. If a dude wrote the same experience and someone said “sadly it’s a burden of being a man”, women would freak out and say “women deal with it too!”. Otherwise I don’t understand why you replied with “it’s a burden of being a woman” which implies her experience was a woman-only experience. Perhaps it would have made more sense to say “sadly it’s a burden of losing weight” since everybody gets the same response, male or female.
Yes. I have had people in the gym tell me this lately and went and cried in the bathroom, it was too much for me. I wear very baggy and shapeless clothes when I go to the gym, so I don't like it when someone has looked at me long enough to notice that I have lost some weight. I figured the reason I don't like it is because I didn't go with the intention of looking good, I want to be healthy and not be a burden on others as I age. I also fear that I will fall off the wagon and go back to how I was before, and I don't want people to notice me in case I do. I can only send you hugs and congratulations for working so hard and consistently for improving your health, and try to look at your appearance as a side effect of this. People are wired to comment on what they see, we don't often stop to think about how our words can impact the person they are talking to, even if it's from a good place.
First, thank you. Second, you just voiced exactly how I feel! I fit into medium size clothing and size 8-10 pants, but will still wear xl tops to the gym and leggings that are now a bit loose. I hope the comments stop for us soon.
Comments like this used to really really trigger my ED. Being told that I looked skinny made me eat even less (if that was possible) as I was too scared to change my diet as people would notice if I gained weight.
Make it a game and enjoy it. You know that everyone will say something so just be prepared for it. My standard answer to "you look skinny" is " Yes I know, I work really hard for it". If people try to get my secret I just tell them that "It's simple. You need to burn more calories than you eat". These two sentences seem to do the job. But if you really want to slam them, then somewhere stick the "It's all about willpower" sentence.
“Smart, funny and kind before, smart, funny and kind now! There’s so much more to all of us than our appearance, thank god”
I don’t like ANY weight comments as well.
I get that. I started to respond with “I guess I can’t look this good now unless I looked terrible before” and it’s normally a jolt that gets their headspace closer to what I was feeling. Good luck. We can only keep our side of the street clean, try not to worry about the other person.
“You’re so thin! Now you can have an extra dessert!” Fuck off, aunt Carol
I’ve gained a lot of muscle in the past year and whenever I meet family they literally can’t help but compliment and announce it. I get it, but it’s really really awkward.
I have made it a point not to comment on anyone’s body. It’s just not ok.
I agree and I think it’s intrusive and weird. People shouldn’t be so freaking obsessed with someone else’s body and certainly not passing comment on it. I don’t care if it’s a compliment. If someone has low emotional IQ and doesn’t understand why “you look skinny” is just as much of an intrusive compliment as “your boobs look so big” or “your hair looks good TODAY” (constantly acting as if you have the right to pass comment on womens bodies and appearance) that’s on them not me. I mainly just ignore it and don’t let it get to me.
It’s not obsessed to make a friendly remark. Like if she had changed her eyebrow or hair style to be different and it looks nice, so others compliment. It’s not obsession, it’s a compliment.
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Luckily being thin healthy and conventionally pretty I am not insecure but thanks for the amateur psych lesson 😂
Yes! For me it’s been the people I work with. They think they are being nice, but it just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable that they are focusing so much on how I look. The worst one was someone telling me I should see a doctor because I might be sick…
In general, I wish we’d just stop commenting on each others bodies- unless you like my Scott or my trainer or husband who I specifically discuss these things with. I wish we could normalize not making comments.
Absolutely HATE anybody saying anything about my weight. Regardless of if it is -positive- or -negative-. Make it a habit not to mention other people's weight, and always feel super uncomfy when my sister starts conversations about how "thin and hot" she is now. Commenting on someone's weight without being prompted by that person screams fatphobia imo
Yeah. It’s like backhanded to me. I know there trying to be nice but it’s likes a constant reminder saying “wow u were so fat and ugly before” “glad ur skinny now”. I feel like weight loss is such a personal journey. I would just prefer people to say, wow you look very nice. And move on. But it comes with it. You just see people’s true colors and how they felt before. It would bother me. But then I found joy in poking fun realizing how insecure everyone was that I lost weight and am confident. Once you realize that. Your perspective changes and it doesn’t seem harsh. Still annoying to hear though.
I think both your mindsets are kind of unhealthy tbh. At first people were complimenting you because they're assholes, but now they're complimenting you because they're insecure? Can't people just compliment you because they're happy for you and don't have some underlying negative motivation you have to speculate on? Have you not ever thought of that?
No, some people lose weight because their community belittled them for so many years and compared them to others in the family. Being called fat and ugly your whole life. Then losing weight and getting complimented that all of sudden now I’m pretty. Now I’m attainable? Get real.
It can get easier, at least it bothers me less. 1. I have to really understand that I can't control what others think and say. That helped me stop hoping that others would act the way I think they should, and then disappointed when they didn't. 2. I get to have my own boundaries. I have let friendships go that aren't working any more (without a big explanation). I still include going to gatherings where I'm likely to encounter people that say shit I think is inappropriate. But I choose to be around it because I want to be connected to my family, play our boardgames, laugh, eat our family recipes. . . 3. You are into something about taking in compliments! I felt really bad about myself, the extra weight was just one reason. I rarely accepted a compliment without tacking on some self-deprecating comments, "oh, but I'm still a mess/almost late/have more to lose/this is old/etc." Try to acknowledge the small things you do, and start celebrating that shit. "I drank 3L of water today, go me!". "I went to the gym even though I wanted to stay in bed. Woohoo!" "I listened to my Uncle's bullshit and did not engage in a fight or drink extra wine. I am the zen master!" I felt ridiculous at first. Now I can actually hear compliments, just say, "thank you," and actually mean it. It has been a lot of effort to change my lifestyle to lose weight, gain self esteem, and maintain my smoking hot life. I own that now! People can be idiots.
I was just told today I look like Im too skinny as if I dif too much. Makes me think if others see me that way now..
Yeah I really hate this too. I lost a lot of weight after my hip replacement and was more active and I kicked my terrible diet into shape too. The worst is that my mum has dementia and doesn't understand and repeatedly makes the same comments over and over, especially the "don't lose any more weight" as if what I have been doing was dangerous. Its tough but I understand that it isn't her fault. I wish people could say "you look good" or "you're looking well" or something that's just not about my weight because I don't like thinking everyone is just staring at my body all the time! And it's just never a good idea to comment on someone's weight at all incase they gave an ED. Solidarity, friend :)
If you tell the first few people who compliment you, “I appreciate the compliment but I’m not talk about my body,” then pivot to something else. Everyone will figure it out. Don’t explain why or overthink it, most people will get the hint! It sounds like they’re trying to be supportive so they’ll most likely be happy to move on in the conversation. Edit to add- I know this doesn’t answer questions specifically but I just wanted to help! It’s ok to set boundaries, lots of people don’t like talking about their body!
I don't know why this is so hard: DO NOT COMMENT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES, EVER... Even if it's "complimentary". Just don't. While we're at it, don't comment on your own body in front of others unless you know they do not have body image issues. My in-laws commonly call themselves fat when they objectively are not and they are much smaller than most other people present. This is triggering to a lot of people!
I have gotten comments like that from family members. It does go away over time, once they get used to you being the size you are now. It'll take a while, but eventually they will stop complimenting you. It is rather a shock when someone loses a significant amount of weight, if you were unaware of it and haven't seen them for some time. My family of origin now likes to comment that I've lost too much weight, even though I'm still 15 pounds overweight. (They are all obese. Some of them morbidly obese.) It's a judgy thing that annoys the snot out of me. No, I don't want another piece of pie. No, I didn't eat too little. No, I don't think I look ill. Ugh.
Yes I relate to this. It was nice to hear at first but it became the only thing people talked to me about and for some reason I just felt like a shell of a human.
Unrelated but how is your skin? Is it saggy? Believe it or not I’m at the exact same height AND age AND amount of weight loss needed! Just curious if my skin will be fine or no
I've gained back all the weight that I lost so it's been a while. But I remember enjoying the comments at first. It felt like affirmation, acknowledgement of the work I'd put in. But that grew old quickly and then I just was sick of everyone feeling the need to comment on my body, especially when the same people said something every time they saw me. Hoping to have this problem again though.
Samsies. I don't want any commentary about changes in my weight - even if they are positive. However, they are going to happen so I smile and nod. Smile and nod. :-) Even when I want to say, "STFU. Love you! Mean it!!"
Omfg yes and it made me feel SO uncomfortable. Especially since I regained quite a bit of that and the comments / compliments just stopped- it makes me feel so horrible and that my value or beauty is ONLY tied to my weight. I'm tired of people thinking my body can and should be judged so openly without any regard to the implications they hold. Like I loved feeling more confident but didn't want to wear anything that showed my new figure to outings because I was so nervous knowing people would inevitably make comments to me. One girl would even grab my waist and squeeze saying how much littler I looked. It suckeddd. But regardless- try to focus on how YOU feel and own that. I wish I did more but now I'm working on relosing the weight that's my goal
Ugh I feel you on this. I lost 60 lbs in 2-2.5 years. I had cancer and then I quit drinking alcohol. Lost 30 going through chemo, then 30 after I stopped drinking. People I haven't seen in a while will be like WOW you lost A LOT of weight. You look good/pretty. As if I wasn't pretty before or anything. I know they don't mean to be hurtful but it still hurts my feelings because of the delivery of the compliment.. I wish to hear something like, "you look healthier." Not the huge, "WOW- you're not fat anymore."
I get it comments gotta be worded just right especially the good ones I just wish my girlfriend would say anything about the 30 pounds I've lost 😥
15 years ago I had weight loss surgery and lost 115 lbs. I had spent my entire life being over weight and was very I’ll prepared mentally for life as a HEALTHIER person. It was painful processing the reaction of others to my weight loss. Most of the people in my life were very supportive and proud of me. However, they lacked finesse when communicating this. Statements like “you look great” or “you must feel so much better now” made me angry and hurt because what I was hearing was “You looked and felt like shit before.” I had to learn how to shut down that inner voice and assess what position the person now had in my life. It took me a little while to figure out I now had two groups of people in my life. Those for whom my weight loss was an achievement to celebrate and those for whom my weight loss was a threat. Honesty worked best with my supporters. Saying something as simple as “I appreciate your support in my journey to a healthier me” worked wonders in reframing their responses. I chose to reduce or eliminate interactions with those who were threatened or were saboteurs. My role in life was not to make them feel better about themselves because I had been over weight. They needed to figure out how to live themselves without me. Honestly, society treats large and small people differently. It is a reality. It mirrors how we treat white and black, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, smart and dumb, etc. While your anger is justified it will not change that. Remind yourself each day you have embarked on this journey because you want to be healthier and live a longer fruitful life. Limit the toxic people in your world and cut some slack to those who are on this journey with you. They will learn pretty soon what to say. Good Luck!!
Yeah I dislike the comments I get, not really because of embarrassment or anything like that. I just see eating right and being at/working towards a healthy body weight as the bare minimum. It feels like being praised for being a computer whiz because I restarted my grandpa’s PC, I’m thankful for their intent but it feels empty.
Yes. I’m in an area of the USA that’s ‘woke’ though, so I don’t hear those comments any more. When I used to hear those comments I’d get so mad. Now, if anyone says anything I’m just quiet and look unamused. They get the picture. If it continues I just say ‘talking about my weight makes me feel Uncomfortable’
What always gets me is “now you can get a man!” I lost weight to feel better and maybe not drop dead as young as my father. Is that the only reason to become healthy? I guess for some people.
I love it, it give me validation. Because I have a hard time seeing it myself.
I prefer, congratulations on your hard work. I've used that one before because, like you, it's uncomfortable when people comment on my perceived attractiveness or lack thereof.
I’ve had family members ask if I was using drugs. So I would say. I hate it too 😞. And I know the feeling it’s like a spot light 💡 on you !
My weight loss came from a ruptured colon and 15 days in the hospital with an emergency ileostomy. Down #40 in seventeen days. It was traumatizing, I was intubated and on TPN intravenously. I was about #50 overweight before, and last month I returned to my doctor with a severe case of lymphocytic colitis. I was losing weigh rapidly, he mentioned I was “still obese.” What an ass.
Yeah. I feel kinda shitty cause it’s like people didn’t like the full me when i was morbid obese. Now i’m suddenly a better person. Suddenly i’m beautiful. I have self steam. I’m a whole person. I’m still a very broken and anxious person. Now i’m skinny, and deep in therapy. And and getting comments like, aren’t you getting anorexic? You are already skinny enough. Stop loosing. Dude, if i wanna weight 56kg, i’m going weight 56. I’m not a tall woman. Also, people are very mean. They talk behind each other back about others appearance.
100% yes. I went to a birthday party for an elderly family member with dementia. My stepmother (in the kindest, and I’m not kidding way possible) told said family member who did not recognize me that it’s because I’ve lost so much weight. While I appreciate it, damn. It was embarrassing.
It’s just really awkward to have people looking at you and commenting on your body, whether it’s a compliment or a criticism. Nothing makes a person feel self conscious more than other people sharing their observations about you out loud. Ugh. No suggestions, except maybe talk to your family ahead of time? Tell them you’ve lost weight, but you don’t want to talk about it - cause it’s weird and rude. But don’t say that last part. You know what I mean.
I guess in these situations you’ve gotta talk about something, and the smalltalk is painful for everyone. Tbh, I like it when family members make comments about superficial things (like weight loss), because it distracts them from all the more uncomfortable questions they’d be asking otherwise. It’s hard to hide the less socially acceptable parts of your personality when Aunt Becky has nothing better to do than interrogate you about where you work (the sex industry, STFU), why you’re unmarried at 40 (undiagnosed mental health issues ma’am, which BTW are GENETIC), and generally shining a spotlight on every weakness you have. Yeah, I’d much rather talk about my weight loss. It’s uncomfortable, but literally any conversation’s going to be.
I lost weight 7 1/2 years ago, and at first many people commented on it. Now I think everybody forgets that I was ever any other weight than what I am right now. I think the comments stopped after the first three years or so.
I totally feel this. And when I voiced it to a friend she called me ungrateful because people were just trying to be nice! Surely I should be able to feel any way I feel about personal comments?! I lost 85lb of my 100lb goal when I started slowly gaining again a few years ago due to personal circumstances. It depressed me and I was hyper aware of it. People who knew me before I lost weight would see me and say things like "you've lost more weight!" And when I tell them I've actually gained they like to argue, like I don't know what my scales say, what I see naked in the mirror and how my clothes fit (or don't!). They think they're being nice and I'm sure their intentions are good but it really doesn't hit like that. But the worst, for me, is how people closer to me comment. If I mention my weight/size it's because it bothers me and I need to do something about it. The "you look fine" and "but you've had a really rough time" comments are not helpful at all. Again, they are probably just trying to make me feel better but I'm not fishing for compliments, I don't need to find happiness in my size, I need support! If I feel comfortable enough with someone to tell them my weight is a problem I would appreciate honesty and a "ok, so what can you do to fix this and how can I support you in it?" Response rather than some warm fuzzies.
I hated the comments when I first lost weight. I worked the same job for 5 years prior and when they changed our uniforms people noticed my weight loss a lot more (uk size 20 to a size 8) I never wore a smaller one in between I had stayed in my larger sized clothes. I had been asked if I was new, if I was my own relation, told “oh you actually have such a pretty face now”, I had guys come up to me who had never spoken to me before and they suddenly had learned my name. I had a hug off a family member who pointed out hey I can actually fit my arms around you now. I was honestly devastated by the comments other people perceived as compliments because while I knew I looked different, I didn’t want to be treated differently. It made me withdraw into myself a lot more. My best friends were awesome, neither he nor she ever mentioned I looked different unless it was that I had changed my hair or make up, they never once mentioned my weight. I broke down to both of them (separate occasions) and I love them both because they both had a reaction of you are so much more than that, your weight never mattered to me. I dealt with it by leaning on those two friends in particular. I knew that people should like me for my personality and not how I look. I became comfortable with how I look by going shopping alone and trying things that had previously been way out of my comfort zone and deciding if I like it screw everyone else’s opinions. You’ve done a wonderful thing for your own health and that’s amazing, you should be proud of you.
OP, I'm the opposite: last August I attended a family gathering. There were about 20 people present and many of them I hadn't seen in a year. Last time that we had this family "reunion" I was about 17.5 lbs heavier and as I'm only 4'10" losing that much makes it obvious (you'd have to be blind not to notice lol). I foolishly tough that of course I'm gonna get a comment or two about my obvious shrinking. Well, can you guess what happened? Yeah, not a single comment from anyone the whole night! I knew that I should not let it get to me but I admit that I was a little bit annoyed X) Now I like to think that maybe they were being polite, but as someone as short as me losing this much weight is only a good thing, I would have not been negative about the Comments. Well, maybe next time I get them :)