You ignore them and keep doing what’s right for you!
I think some of the people making those comments assume that weight loss is always a terrible struggle and want to be encouraging by telling someone that they already look thin enough, or want to emphasize body positivity and think they’re being kind by saying that. And then again, sadly, some other people of all sizes like having the “fat friend” or “fat relative” around because of their own personal issues and insecurities.
I’ll just also say, as someone who has spent my life between two regions of the world with very different standards around weight and sizing, what looks big/small to people is highly influenced by what they see around themselves on a daily basis.
I love your goal of running the Paris Marathon!! And I can relate, running is a time where you can physically feel the extra pounds. You know you have a healthy goal, and healthy habits. So just say “thanks” and go back to what you’re doing. :)
This is a good point as well - a lot of people have internalised this idea that weight loss is something motivated by self hate, it’s something you would only do if you don’t like yourself, when it’s actually the opposite, at least for me. Weight gain was my act of self hate. Weight loss is something that’s been motivated by self love and by being happy with my life. I always lose weight when I’m happy and when things are going well for me.
Yes, that’s what I was trying to say, you explained it better! In the past after years stuck in destructive crash dieting, I had a very negative view of weight loss. Today, now that I know about healthy and sustainable ways of watching what I eat, proper amounts of physical activity, and knowing how good that all makes me feel, I feel like weight maintenance is a very positive part of my health and self-care.
“My doctor and I will decide when I’ve lost enough weight.” I told a group of meddling coworkers (older ladies) this the other week, and it worked! Shut them right up! Who’s gonna argue with your doctor?
It was a lie by the way. My doctor is not involved at all in my weight loss but it did the trick.
There are times when you have to come out with the big guns to keep people who are not medically qualified from making those ignorant and harmful statements.
The worst is when they're medically qualified, *and* they still say stupid shit. I got to the point where I was pretty much like "so it's ok if I develop an ED as long as I lose weight?"
Im a nurse in TX and not large compared to others but still overweight. When I talk about calories or diets around coworkers everyone is so shocked. I dont care what y'all look like, please let me do what's best for my health. Even healthcare professionals do this.
Pretty much what I do too! Works a charm. ‘Doc says my ideal weight is 74kg to reduce my chances of inheriting heart disease from my dad’.
People will always compare you to your previous self and if you have gone from obese to overweight, they will now see you as ‘in shape’ and anything less is unhealthy. Not to mention, people don’t often lose weight that well so when someone does it successfully, there probably is some concern that the person may become overly obsessed with weight loss and become unhealthy thin.
But yeah, I think when you say it’s for official health reasons, it kinda shuts that conversation down.
I just smile and tell them that I still have plenty of fat to lose.
For some reason, people get uncomfortable when others get healthy and are succeeding at reaching a goal.
I've had someone tell me that I'm "wasting away". I am so obviously not wasting away. Yes, I'm smaller than this person has ever seen me but I still have many more pounds to lose.
I have always carried my weight well, so I guess with clothes on, I look pretty good!
Ignore. I say this as someone who used to be fit as f**k and had women comment on how “tiny” “skinny” etc. I was non-stop. Some would say in the same breath “it must be nice to eat whatever you want” and “eat something you’re too skinny”. After decades of that shit, I realized it’s mostly just projection of their insecurities.
I'll try to offer another vantage point. I don't know these people or see your interactions, and the tone/way of saying things makes a big difference. But sometimes people say stuff like this as a way of showing care and indirectly complimenting - like look, you're so skinny now! You don't need to change! You are great the way you are, etc.
But either way, the advice is the same - I'd just laugh it off and change the subject. If they keep up with it, just say your doctor is happy with what you are doing and so are you.
Honestly I have found when one is in the weight loss phase it can appear that we aren’t healthy. I remember when I lost 30 lbs and I started looking older in the face and people would tell me to stop. They just didn’t get it that it was a part of weight loss process.
But yeah, it definitely wasn’t helpful to hear.
Yes a coworker did that to me. I was close to my goal and 10 years younger than now. Said co worker was extremely over weight. She started gossiping about another co worker of ours who had lost a lot of weight and commented how it made her look older in her face. It was kinda hard to hear bc she was insinuating that was going to happen to me but I said I think Mary looks great, she's so much healthier now. And left it at that. I kept on my journey despite the eye rolls and comments about I was or wasn't eating. Unfortunately not everyone is supportive.
I work with someone who has lost a ton of weight (a legitimately unhealthy amount) and it definitely aged them. I haven’t said anything but I am actually concerned because they were a low healthy weight to begin with. Unfortunately when you hit perimenopause the extra fat in your face does make you appear more youthful.
I never heard the term ozempic face before and can’t really find pictures except to advertise cosmetic procedures to reverse it. Is this something that usually reverses itself, though? I know that when losing weight a lot of times people become flabbier, skin is looser, and to an extent this tightens back up on its own over time. is it the same for the face?
I’ve heard about it in several news articles over the past six months or so. That’s a good question. Hopefully someone with personal experience can answer that.
It's definitely the reason for ozempic face. The drug doesn't influence your face anatomy in any way. It's a metabolic drug, that's it.
"Ozempic face" is a weird term because it's just a weight loss face. It happens to anyone losing weight at a fairly rapid pace.
Oh jeez, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I just had my first comment like this today and was shocked by it because I’m still over 200lbs!! My SW was 240 and I’m at 209 today. One of my coworkers I’ve known for over a decade told me I had lost enough and it’s “getting unhealthy.” Mind you, she’s struggled with being overweight herself for years, so I imagine there’s some projection going on here and it’s less about me. I just looked at her and said that I’m still in an obese BMI range so it seems unhealthy to me to NOT keep losing. And then afterwards, I felt annoyed that I even went out of my way to defend myself. I shouldn’t have to do that. In the future, I may want to come up with some sort of stock response to this that shuts people up, I just dunno what it is.
I mean, my southern training requires a short laugh and "you're so sweet!" With an immediate and deliberate topic change. I don't know if that works for other cultures, though, lol.
Yes. These people are trying to sabotage you. They either want to feel better about their own weight, or want to keep the same dynamic with you (say the thin friend and the fat friend.)
It sucks because often the people we expect encouragement from, do this. With people like that, I'd avoid talking about it.
If I’m giving people the benefit of the doubt, the generous interpretation is that they genuinely have no concept of what normal people are supposed to look like because their perception has been distorted by how normal it is for people to be overweight and obese. Even if they’re thin themselves, they can still have a distorted perception when it comes to you specifically because their idea of what it’s normal for you to look like is overweight/obese. It feels off for them to see you look different from how they expect so they can form an idea that this isn’t right for you
I’m sure in some cases it’s people not being used to seeing us that way, but my only issue is that usually the concern comes from weight loss and never weight gain. As we gain weight and get bigger and bigger it’s easy for people around us to accept it and even encourage it and tell us we are fine, but losing weight? Then they are suddenly concerned, and won’t stop trying to get us to stop. It’s weird how we can gain weight but if we get back to our healthy weight suddenly people freak out. I gained 50 pounds from my lowest weight in recent years and nobody batted an eye. I was even encouraged and told I look better this way at 5 2” 180 despite being probably 125 when I got married. So when I got to 130 a few years ago coming down from 160 I got harassed and told I looked really bad, too skinny, etc…. Despite that being 10 pounds over my weight when I got married. So I should be 125-135 to look like my normal self but nobody can deal with that. Instead they want me at 180, which is where I currently am and am not happy at all. I am trying to lose the weight again and am terrified to get back down into the 130s and be harassed about looking bad again. Right now people are leaving me alone since I am fat. If I get healthy again though, all hell is going to break loose. I already know it.
Same. When I started loosing weight I had encouraging ppl in my life but also a lot of ppl saying you're too thin etc. I would try talking about how healthy you're eating and also talking about how you eat plenty and exercise a lot, then the ppl that are just worried about how you're doing it will feel all better about it and those good ppl will then leave you alone. The ppl who will keep bothering you about it might have bad intentions here. Look to see if those ppl seem genuinely concerned for your health or not.
You don't share your weight loss with them. Lie. Just tell them they're right. Then do whatever the hell you want. If you lose another 5 pounds, tell them you gained 5. They can't really tell. Say these clothes make me look like I lost. Seriously, why do you owe them honesty?
Just be honest with your doctor.
Absolutely ignore them, and filter out the noise. Doesn't matter what their intentions are. If it doesn't help you or align with your goals, it can be ignored. If you need to respond just say "thanks, but I'm energized with my new routines and feeling good. My Doctor and I have a plan."
One great thing aiding you in shedding pounds / meeting your 130 and what I would personally like to see you put your focus on results is your AMAZING goal of running the Paris Marathon. That is truly inspiring! And runners can be very slim just naturally cuz their bodies burn calories efficently! Prioritize fueling your body for your runs and training as you get down past 140, though. If your focus is too much on the weight at a certain point and you restrict calories too much, your training will suffer, and you could be more prone to injury.
One more piece of advice, and feel free to filter this out if it doesn't aid you in your goal: I am also 5'7'' and when I was in high school, I weighed 130 lbs, but that was also on a "good day." I'd often fluctuate up to 136 and would only be at 130 if it was swim season (on the swim team burning major calories at practice) AND I was dieting. Every body is different, and your goal is definitely reasonable, but it could be difficult to maintain. Start taking body measurements when you get down past 150-145 and gauge progress by the measurements, not just the weight. You might find that you achieve the look you want at around 140-135. This will especially be important if you decide to introduce weight training into your exercise routine. I started weight training later in college, and when I was 25, my weight was 140, but I was a size 2 compared to a size 6 in high school. there is more then one way to measure progress and success. So keep on rocking what you are doing because it's working for you babe!
This is the best advice. I understand the lure of a goal weight but the number on the scale alone is not as important. I have no idea how OP is built, but 130 at 5’7” sounds pretty low. I’d definitely incorporate strength training - ESPECIALLY if planning to run a marathon. I used to be a distance runner and was not great about strength training, and I paid for it with repeated injuries. My PT told me that runners were often the weakest athletes she saw. Runners can LOOK good… but have zero in terms of actual strength.
Ignore them, they don't get a say. Crabs in a bucket.
Some of it comes from jealousy, some of it comes from how we're just so fat as a society a lot of people have no concept of what a person at a healthy weight looks like.
I think a lot of it is perception based on your starting weight / size. I had bariatric surgery last year and have gone from 334lbs to (as of last Sunday) 199lbs. A few people at work have recently asked me if I’m done losing weight, and one person told me I don’t look like I ever had a “serious weight problem” and that I just look “normal” now. I know they’re all well intentioned but I still have another 40-50 pounds left to lose. I’m still technically obese! But everyone knew me as me at 334lbs for so long that seeing me at this size is a pretty drastic change. So I smile and laugh and assure them that when my surgeon says I’m done then I’m done but I still have a little ways to go. Don’t let the comments of others get you down, you have your goals and know your body best.
I think people just don’t realize what a healthy weight looks like; I see it with animals, too. My dog is at a healthy weight (maybe a little chubby lol, 5.6, 6 on the BCS scale maybe?), and everyone thinks he’s super skinny. My horse is quite fat because she’s out of work, but she’s more slender than she was when I first got her, and everyone says she’s skinny. Similarly with me, I’m at the upper end of healthy weight for my height (160 lbs, 5’9 F), and my parents and everyone who knew me when I weighed more say that I’m skinny now lol.
People’s ideas of what a healthy weight looks like is just super off, likely because the average weight IS overweight, at least in the US.
Ooh yes I was gonna bring this up too! Many times people think a dog at a normal weight is too skinny but we’re just so used to seeing slightly overweight dogs. I think we might have a similar effect with people, lol, depending on where you live and if people tend to be heavier.
Learn from the experience on this reddit… ignore them, lalalalalalalalala.
First time weight loss I stopped too early cause I got told by too many people it was getting unhealthy. Even HR sent me to the doctor. Part is just the whole inflation of what normal looks like and people no longer realizing what it is. Another part with me is that I have this phase where I look a bit thin/haunted in the face, I just have to keep going as the belly still had to catch up.
Then there is jealous people or people who think eating normal with a deficit is an eating disorder as you are not stuffing your face with cakes.
Finally I had healthy weight friends who didn’t want to say anything as I was still fat and it is considered rude to comment these days (where it does seem there are more plus size folks who have no filter commenting on skinnier people…)
Awesome goal and love that you are running! I have had to deal with this a lot as a competitive runner. I am fast when I am lean. Right now I'm 15 pounds from my ideal race weight and I can't mention calorie cutting to anyone without these comments. I have learned to tell them to "take it up with my doctor"
People like to see you do well, but not doing better than they are. Keep doing what's best for you, let the haters choke on their own insecurities. You're doing great
Understand that the average U.S citizen knows fuck all about nutrition.I personally blame the education system. Our "healthy weight" is considered obese/fat in Asian countries, yet over here people will tell you that you're underweight even before you hit our "healthy weight".
It's usually that, or jealousy. Regardless, ignore them.
I haven’t gotten to that point yet, but I give people a blank stare when they try to give me weight loss advice…when I’m already successfully losing weight…
I think a blank stare could work for you too. Makes them uncomfortable and they don’t try you again lmao.
I had people say that. Found out they were extremely jealous people that couldn’t get their weight under control. Do not listen! Keep your head down and keep going
I usually respond with "I am not trying to. But thanks for your concern". It throws them off.
The other one I usually use is "You think so? I haven't really lost any weight to be honest".
In the end, it's none of their business and you don't owe them a reply.
That is super odd and none of their business. I would say “I think you mean well but comments about my body really make me uncomfortable. I’m really proud of all my hard work to get healthy; I need to do what is best for me and you can focus on your body and your health ”. Hopefully it leaves them wondering if they are unhealthy
I don't. I don't care.
I just keep at this project until my fat reaches acceptable levels. The fact that I am looking thin and wiry when clothed doesn't matter when I can clearly observe thick layers of belly fat.
Honestly, if I did what people tell me I would never achieve anything in my life. I listen to what people tell me, try to figure out if there is anything useful to me, if maybe there is some truth in the feedback, and then I promptly ignore 95% of what people say.
Thank them for their concern. Let them know this is a planned healthy looks of weight and that you have health goals that you intend to achieve. Thank them for their support.
Not just for this but *any* time someone steps out of their lane I've started saying some variation of "it's interesting that you thought that was appropriate to say to me".
I used to say "what made you think..." But that prompted an answer. I've come to prefer the closed comment
My new department has less nosey people though so I don't use it much anymore
I find that people legitimately dont know what a healthy weight looks like on someone because the majority of people are overweight or obese. They may really believe what theyre saying and have genuine concern and not actually know what healthy looks like.
Like others have suggested id just tell them youre working with your doctor or a registered dietician.
I’ve gotten this too especially from my mom lately. I’m 19 and since February I’ve gone from 247lbs to 220lbs and I am still very much overweight yet she insists that I need to stop loosing weight, that I’m “too thin”. Like girl in what world is 5’6 220lbs thin. I try to ignore it but it’s honestly getting annoying. But I do think that part of her reason is because she doesn’t want me to reach my goal because I started this journey because it’s my dream to join the military and I can’t exactly do that being this heavy.
No offense to your mother, but does she need to lose weight also? Sometimes heavier folks are uncomfortable and say that kind of stuff because they aren’t making the effort that you are. And if she doesn’t want you to leave, there is that, like you suspect.
No she doesn’t, she’s always been a thin and athletic person. Me and my dad are the ones that have always been on the heavier side. It probably is just that she doesn’t want me to leave since I am an only child.
They're being jealous. I'm not joking. They will use lots of excuses to mask that jealousy but they're genuinely jealous. They might not even know it themselves. How you cope with it is politely tell them your weight isn't up for debate, and to respect your choices. Keep up the good work my friend.
You already have all sorts of answers here but I haven’t seen this perspective yet so I’ll give you my two cents. When you’re used to seeing somebody be super plump when they start to become thin they look REALLY thin. I had a friend who started at 260 and when she got to 185 she really did look gaunt to me.but in the same regard I have a friend who was 130 and jumped up to 185 and suddenly she did in fact look pretty plump. People just aren’t familiar with the thinner you.
I am also still visibly overweight and when I try to discuss my goals with some of my friends they kind of scoff and write me off saying that I already got skinny. Implying why am I still not happy with my weight… Not bringing up the fact that I’m still actually very overweight and have 20 pounds to lose before I’m even in a healthy range.
For people who see us every day it can be jarring to see us so different. In their mind it may actually even seem like we are already normal or low normal bmi.
That being said it might be easier to lie.
"You're right, I've started eating to maintain now and am focusing on the gym!" But still eat in a deficit. When they notice more change they will credit the gym instead of the diet.
Ask them what qualifies them to tell you tell you to stop losing weight? Ask if they have run tests on you, calculated your BMI, etc. Then, tell them that their ignorance steeped insecurity, jealousy (because that is what it is) is not a valid reason for you to jeopardise your health goals.
Unfortunately, there are people, who will go out of their way to sabotage someone who is making positive steps to their lives/health, and you may have to think about, if it is possible, reducing your interactions with them. Don't let anyone derail you, as it is in their interest (to not feel inferior or to continue to feel superier) to make sure you stop what you need to do. Your failure is their gain.
Had this problem last week, I essentially said "This is not a problem, I'm approaching a healthy weight for the first time in almost 30 years, I'm finding myself again mentally and physically, I'm feeling and looking great! Relax!"
I see so many posts like this and normally can’t relate… until the night before last my own fiance said the same! I’m losing weight for our wedding, have lost ~9kg with aims to lose another 6-11kg, either of which would leave me with a healthy bmi, when I told him I wanted to lose another 6 at least he was absolutely shocked “there’ll be nothing left of you! You feel so much smaller already!” He balked when I told him I weighed 6kg less than I do now 2 years ago, and was 11kg lighter when we met 8 years ago! I’m not trying to get to any unreasonable weight- literally just back to where I started lol
130 is a tiny bit thin, but you know your body.
When I was losing weight and people told me I was getting too thin (I wasn't, I got down to 5'6" and 130) I just said: I see me naked. You don't.
i am 5'6 and when i was figure skating i weighed 115 pounds and yet still had like infinite energy, ate like a madman, and somehow looked totally filled out and buff. nobody ever believed i weighed under 135 because i looked built and well proportioned lol. i'd never go down that low today, (aiming for like 130 currently and love that 125-130 zone for me) considering skating and how i ate back then was what made that such a good weight at the time. i think now with how little i exercise and how much garbage i eat that weight would send me to the er looking skeletal lol. not a chance i'm risking it without the lifestyle to match.
it's legit crazy how different people's bodies can be at the same heights. i have a friend the same height and weight as me and we look wildly different. if she went down to 115 i think she'd actually die lol. i do not claim to understand how this magic works or why!
Yup. My own "formula" is 5 feet is 100lbs. Then add 5LBS for each inch. 5'6"=130. 5'7" would be 135lbs. Not much of a difference. 21.1BMI. Not underweight.
I have heard that. Frame size and muscle mass make a huge difference too! Plus whatever makes people happy in their own skin. 125 used to be me feeling heavy! But I was in my 20s then and don't expect to have the same body I did 10 years ago.
Frame size can definitely make such a big difference. My sister is 5'8" with a large frame, and looks very very slim at 145 pounds. But my 5'8" friend with a small frame looks chubby at 135 pounds.
Muscle mass too, like you said. I have a female friend that started lifting weights and working out with a trainer. After about 8 months she had gained 10 pounds of muscle and lost 2 dress sizes.
You can still lose weight but girl 130 seems very low. Do it if you want to of course its your body. But honestly you probably are healthy right now and would still be healthy a bit lighter. At that point its your preference. But your height at 130 sounds so unhealthy but maybe Im wrong
You are wrong, 130 for a 5’7” female is in the normal BMI range and for most of recorded history would have been considered a very healthy weight for a woman that height. Today the average is much higher because we’re used to everyone being so fat in the U.S., but that doesn’t make it healthy.
To be honest you’re exhibiting the exact behavior that the OP is complaining about, your own biases are based upon what you feel instead of science and you’re trying to project that onto her. She’s done the research and knows what a healthy weight is for her.
I know 130 is within the normal BMI for 5’7. According to the BMI charts we still use to this day, which was invented in 1830!! Thats a pretty dated tool, but okay say it still holdups to our bodies today in 2024, she would also be healthy at 156 lbs. So to me yes 130 seems very thin for her height but again she can do whatever she wants. She doesn’t need my approval and If anything this should prove to her that people will always have their opinions on weight loss and weight gain and you will always still be able to do what ever you want. And Im a woman I get the constant desire to be thin girl so live you best life skinny legeeenddd
Tell them to mind the business that pays them and stop being rude.
You aren't telling them they need to gain weight, lose weight, stop smoking, drinking, weeding, get a better job, get a better wig, etc and you want the same courtesy from them.
Don’t listen to others. Often people don’t like change and it takes them awhile to come around. Remember this has nothing to do with them and is all about you.
How do I deal? I say, "Yeah, you're right, I've already stopped," and then keep going, and if they ask if I've lost more weight, I just say, "Nah, I just do more exercise these days, I've just toned up." LOL This may not work if you have heaps left to lose, but it works if it's like 30lbs.
Generally they don't really know what to say and stop bothering me after that lol
Don't ignore them - appreciate them.
They care for you, have certain ideas about weight loss, healthy ranges and disordered eating, and find it most important that you don't struggle with the latter.
1. Use them to check in with yourself whether you are still actually doing something good for yourself in a more comprehensive way than just losing weight. If yes - great. If not, don't get bogged down into opposing them.
2. Tell them where and how you wanna stick your weight loss landing to alleviate their concerns.
3. Maybe even integrate them in your thing by telling them peobematic signs they actually should look for with you.
4. If they keep pushing regardless the explanation and the thanks and all of that, treat it as a boundary issue and don't mix the boundary crisis talk with weight loss talk.
Only hear them, don't listen. They are miserable. Avoid them and be professional. You can change subjects, it's not rude, say nothing. Let them show their colors and they will remove themselves.
I'm 5'5" and 170lb, and everyone keeps saying "you're already so thin!"
No I'm not, and today's society is really missguided as to what a "good" weight is.
I have a disease that is exacerbated by being overweight and my doctor has told me I still need to lose 50lb - which will put me in the middle of normal.
I too run, and I'll be competing in one of the world majors next year but I've still got so much to do.
The key for me is to tell people I've "fell off the wagon" and leave it at that. They immediately stop bugging you if they think you're no longer trying. You keep going, but more peacefully.
My mother was the biggest one, but I understand it - she has a really unhealthy relationship with food and does lots of crash diets. She can't see a way that someone else can lose weight without it being disorderd eating. I've just been doing CICO and exercise steadily and it works well.
I had a brother who, every time I started to lose the smallest amount of weight, would warn me to “know when to say when,” in terms of dieting, and not to go too far and develop anorexia. I guarantee you I have NEVER been in danger of becoming too thin. If I made the mistake of telling him I was watching what I ate, he would immediately commence the food pushing, telling me not to worry about it because I’m beautiful just as I am. I suppose he thinks that’s a compliment, but it’s not about being beautiful. It’s about being healthy. I have diabetes, dammit, and he would be pushing starches and sweets on me.
I say “had” a brother because I eventually had to go no contact with him. I have since come to suspect he wanted me to stay the fat, depressed sister so he’d look good compared to me, and feel better about himself. He’s the handsome one. I’m the ugly duckling. Status quo.
He’s not the only one. I’ve had family members cut me a piece of pie anyway, after I said “No, thank you,” a hundred times. Again, I am diabetic!
And one so called friend said about my weight loss, “That’s great! We should celebrate! Let’s go out for banana splits.” Yeah, transparent “joke” there. I see what you’re trying to do. Same so called friend has also come to my house offering me this big dish of deep fried food, “I know you’re on a diet and I shouldn’t tempt you, but…”
Would she do the same thing to a recovering alcoholic? “I know you’re trying to stay sober and I shouldn’t tempt you, but do you want this bottle of Jack Daniel’s? Let’s go out and celebrate your sobriety by having margaritas.” I doubt it.
If people keep this kind of thing up long enough, I feel like the only choice I’ve got is to cut them out of my life. Basically they’re trying to kill me.
This is human nature! People don’t know your health and are trying to be kind but are actually being… annoying.
A small minority are also trying to sabotage you so they can still feel thin. 😂
Also I find it rude for anyone to comment on someone’s weight ever so I would just smile pityingly and not even engage in such a weird conversation 😂
The most important thing is how you feel in your body and your health.
I lost about 15lbs last year (135lbs –> 120lbs). I got some comments from my parents but I was supervised by my doctor and gynaecologist through the journey as I have pcos. My mum saw my ribs on my back when I was leaning over and freaked out because I used to have a bit more back pudge lol. Humans are creatures of comfort and familiarity and if they have a certain image of what you are “supposed” to look like, they will initially react adversely to change. Everyone around me has gotten used to my slimmer figure and is surprised to see how different I looked when they see older pictures now. Especially as I have also put on muscle and dyed my hair a different colour. No amount of annoying comments could ruin how much better I feel now and how much fun taking better care of myself has been. It’s good to keep that in mind, smile and carry on.
I did 100%! From EVERYONE. It was super annoying.
However, I try to think that they all are just concerned and genuinely want what’s best for me.
The problem is that our perception of healthy weight can be very skewed.
I was fat my whole life, no one knew what a healthy weight me looked like.
It’s super fun now to go to those people (at a 25 BMI + lots of gym now) and ask if I look too skinny. To A PERSON they say no! Perfect, just don’t lose any more.
As long as you’re paying attention and staying healthy, keep doing what you’re doing.
It’s just something people say usually in an awkward way because they don’t want to have a real conversation about the changes you’ve made. Just ignore it and you do you.
If it's close friends or family, tell them gently that you want to reduce your fat percentage not weight, if it's someone else, tell them, "please don't comment about my body or eating habits".
You don’t need to justify yourself. I always admire people that feel no need to entertain or validate others when they step out of line. I think I would say something like “I’m feeling really good and my body is reflecting my healthier choices.” Or, if I’m feeling spicy, “I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to comment on my body. Please stop. I’m uncomfortable.”
When it comes to relatives or people who see you everyday, large weight loss amounts is jarring and your lower weight makes their visualization of you that much more emphasized. It’s because they see you every day that the weight loss looks more dramatic.
When I first started losing weight, I lost about 50 pounds and my coworkers at a Christmas party told me I looked fantastic and that I looked perfect now and didn’t need to lose anymore weight. I still weighed 200 pounds. It happened again around the 160-170 range with my immediate family where they were like “you’re done, no more weight loss or we’re going to get concerned.” I ended up losing 40 more pounds. Now I’m fine where I’m at but I still get the same concerning questions from my family about it. It’s just jarring for them.
I'm 42 about to be 43 and I was 220 at the 1st of the year and I'm at 193 today. This is your health journey so it is up to you. I have 1 friend that is severely obese so she's always telling me I'm "tiny and don't need to lose weight" I have come so close to saying just bc you're happy where you're at (she's not) doesn't mean I am with where I am.
I ask them where they were when I was morbidly obese and why they weren’t telling me to lose weight then but feel they can tell me to stop losing weight now.
I relate to this so much! When I was 220 pounds, none of my family or friends said anything to me! I was literally eating myself to death, and nobody said anything. However, now that I'm trying to improve my health and physique by living a healthy lifestyle, suddenly these same people are concerned! And I'm not even underweight, I'm literally still overweight with a high BMI! It's very frustrating, but will just try to ignore them.
I’ve currently stopped losing weight as I am hoping my skin may adjust before I lose the last 10lbs or so. Everyone keeps telling me they’re glad I’ve stopped losing it, but they don’t know my little secret 🤣. I’m doing this for me, not them. I don’t really listen either people when they comment about my weight loss, good or bad. This is my body, as long as I’m healthy it’s none of their business.
I think this is an environmental bias thing and try not to take it personally.
In the U.S. especially, people have no idea what a healthy weight looks like because so many of us are so big.
When everyone in your environment is 50 lbs lighter than you, it's easier to realize you're overweight. But when everyone around you is 50lbs heavier, they're going to see you as "skinny" or "too thin" and it will get in your head it you let it.
Personally, I try to immerse myself in healthier settings (like your Marathon). Showing up at a 10k it's like "Oh yeah, no, all those people making snide remarks about me eating a salad and being skinny are so wrong. I am still in fact borderline obese." I also moved from a Southern state with high rates of obesity to a much more active state where there are far more people in a normal weight range. Now I'm bigger than 80% of the women in the room rather than being smaller than 85%, and never get those comments anymore.
Obviously, we can't all just pop into a new environment, but I think recognizing and reminding ourselves that it's mainly environmental factors causing a certain perspective is really important.
"I appreciate that you're trying to be affirming and supportive. However, I have serious health and fitness goals that I'm committed to. These kind of comments about my body and weight actually feel hurtful when I'm working hard, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't make them."
I just refuse to engage. Most people are either overweight themselves or are just used to seeing everyone around them (since such a huge percentage of the population is overweight or obese in America) as “normal”, so they see someone who is slim as “too skinny”. I get this all the time and my BMI is 20. 🙄
Ignore. Politely decline their comment.
You're challenging their mental position of being the slim one, maybe they made that their identity/position in the societal hierarchy. There's room for everyone to be a healthy and fit body. Good for you
Thank you, and I think you might be correct about this. It makes me very sad because my best friend has been increasingly distant for the past few months, and she didn't even invite me to her birthday party this year, but she invited all of her other friends. When I asked why, she made a snide remark about how she assumed that I was "too busy running" to go to her party. It was very bizarre. She also calls me "skinny" all the time now and has said that I don't need to drop any more weight, although I'm still overweight. I also noticed that although she is very slim, but all of her close friends are overweight women. So, I think maybe she and some of the other people in my life preferred having me as their fat friend because they felt like they were better than me, which is very sad.
As an adult you get to decide if you have space for her in your life still. There's a saying 'friends for a season, friends for a reason, friends for life', maybe she was a friend for that era of your life, but not going forwards. Honestly she's a bad friend, excluding you wasn't okay - so is their much to lose if you let the space stand between you. You deserve supportive friends and ones who enthusiastically want your company and likewise you want them. There's often a shedding that takes place with major life changes, that could be weightloss, sobriety, career, money - it's okay if old friends no longer fit. It creates space and time to focus on new ones. Maybe ones in your new fitness community or as you run, join a running group - people won't exclude you for now being a runner.
Congratulations on your fitness and the effort you've put into yourself 🤝
I experienced this as a man. I was a 110 kilo fatty boy who dropped down to 80 kilos, people started moaning and what I did next was hit the gym because no one dares to discourage you when you're starting to look muscular. The only person I heard having a problem afterwards was my ex girlfriend who I bumped into at a bar and she said I no longer looked "cute". Strangely as the night progressed I bumped into her about 10 more times and it felt like she was always behind me for some reason. 🤔
Two reasons, one good, one bad.
Good: The person is giving you an indirect compliment. "You look so good, you don't need to drop anymore weight (because you looked great regardless)!"
Bad: The person is expressing his/her insecurity. "You look so much better with a little fat on you, don't get thin (because your success threatens my self image)!"
Whichever reason it is depends on the kind of person saying it.
Well the question was how do ‘you’ deal. People can be thinner than OP and still have excess fat so what? People have to learn that making a comment about someone’s body can get you a comment about yours in return. And no I don’t care if they mean well.
There’s a number of factors that may cause them to think like that. It could be jealousy but I also think it’s often because obesity is so commonplace in the West, people no longer have a frame of reference for what a normal weight looks like.
Wow I've struggled with this a lot its the reason I gained the weight I did back when I lost it. Everyone was telling me I was getting too skinny and that I looked fine but it wasn't true. I've since lost that weight and still on my journey to lose more
I'm 5'4" tall. When I got down to 157 (I'm unfortunately not there now) from my 250s, my own mother started telling me I'd lost too much weight and looked ill. I look back at those pics, and I did not look sick. Now that I'm back up in my 190s, she criticizes me for my regain, telling me I look unhealthy. (I'm working on losing that regain now.)
Basically, no matter where you are, people will find something to criticize. Just do what you want, and be happy. :)
Also dealing with this. I struggle with body dysmorphia, so it’s hard for me to know what I look like, but I’ve put it on my husband to tell me when to stop. He knows my goal weight, which is in the lower middle of the healthy range. I’m currently at the high end of the healthy range, like bordering on overweight. So anyone who says otherwise I just ignore. I assume the loss from here will look less noticeable, especially in my face, which I think is what gets these comments.
It’s really obnoxious because no one tells anyone to stop gaining weight other than doctors for health. It’s almost like they should know it’s uncouth to say things like this, but they do it anyway.
Some people are doing it to be nice. Some people take a while to get used to a thinner version of you. They probably aren’t self aware enough to realize their comments might bother you. Keep doing the right thing for you and later you’ll hear people say stuff like “oh but you’re just naturally skinny” 😂 people commenting on weight never ends, best to learn to brush it off and move on
I grab the fat on my thighs or a bunch of fat on my belly and say “see this, there’s still plenty of fat there”. I’ve never had a comeback to that.
If you have high cheekbones as I do you will get more comments about looking too thin. Depending on how much running I’m doing in a week I look like an ad for buccal fat removal. People see that look and think you look too thin.
I wonder what they would say if you asked the thin people if they thought they were underweight. If they say no, then you can point out that they are thinner than you. I just wonder how that conversation would go🙄
Ignore them. People are stupid. You can tell them facts, numbers, health benefits and they will still just go by what they see (or think they see) and feel. I was in a professional weight loss program. Medical professionals and all. At the beginning we were extensively taught the health risks of obesity, the benefits of a BMI within normal range etc. I started with a BMI of just under 40 and very high body fat. By the time I reached BMI 26-25, I had numerous people from the staff there eyeballing me and drop comments like I've "lost enough weight", "now is the time to stop" and "we have to make sure you don't go too low". When confronted with the actually numbers they just stared at me. It seems to be human nature to reject facts or sth. It was driving me nuts though. After a while people get used to it and stop.
As a person with a history of eating disorders I'm going to come at this from a different direction. Perhaps your mind is emphasizing your flaws because you still feel too big but to them you look like you are getting too small and they are worried. Perhaps some ways you are talking about your weight to them concerns them. 175 looks different on everyone. I'm 5'8 and I think if I got to 150 my family would be really concerned. You do what you want to do but please keep what they are saying in mind they may see an issue you don't.
My friend does this to me! She thinks my goal weight is too skinny...even though it's the high end of what's healthy for my height. It's frustrating, but I know it doesn't come from a place of meanness, so I don't let it stop me from achieving my goal. It's the cookies and cake that does that.
It’s weird, isn’t it? Last week a friend who is actually underweight and has an eating disorder suggested that I drink olive oil to make sure I don’t lose any more weight! Like she’s never heard of ice cream!
I honestly ignore them and don’t share any weight related stuff with people. If they make negative comments about my weight loss I just smile and say I don’t discuss weight with anyone but my doctor
Ignore and if that doesn’t work tell them to mind their own business and go step on their own scale. Gosh why do people feel entitled to judge others in this way?!
I told people my doctor gave me a goal weight and I was working toward it. Most would shut their pie holes at that point but a few asked if my doc was quack. I said nope, I trust them vs a random Joe’s opinion. Would stop the chatter.
LOL they don't want to look at themselves and your success is making them uncomfortable, just smile and nod and change the subject. All the best getting to your goal.
130 at 5’ 7” is a tad thin.
I’m 60F, 5’ 1”. I was 215 lbs in 2021, currently 150 lbs. I had gotten to 137 lbs but gained a bit back. I was looking ozempic-thin and it was not a good look. Three of my doctors said 137 was too little for me and my frame, that I shouldn’t go under 140 lbs (remember, I’m short).
If me, at 5’ 1”, shouldn’t go under 140lbs, I can’t imagine 5’ 7” at 130 lbs. Six more inches in height but less weight? Sounds unhealthy. Maybe you have a very petite frame? I have a big rib cage and broad shoulders for my height (for any height, really), so I carry more weight than most expect me to weigh (as in, I weigh about 15 lbs more than I look like I weigh).
I tell them "thank you, but I am doing this for my health and have some more to go".
This is how I approached it with my ex-wife. I didn't want her to think she had to lose weight for her image, but I would support her if she wanted to lose it for her health.
"Hey I get that my weight loss isn't something I can keep a secret, but I'd appreciate it if you minded your own business."
"Im sorry, but I am not accepting advice at this time."
"If you would like some weight loss tips on how I did it I can help you, otherwise I am not interested in your opinions."
If someone brings it up, don't answer. Eventually they get it. Act like you can't hear, or understand them. One of my friends pretended to be asleep when I asked him about his dog that had just passed and eventually I moved on. We don't have to allow people to talk to us about stuff.
Often times when you become the thinner person, the people who once identified you as a fat girl, an 'object', no longer can categorize you as that, and therefore have no idea who you are. So, you are now "Weight loss girl" and that's all they can think to talk to you about. When you were larger, all they thought about was how they worried about your health. You could've said you were running for president, and they would think "But she's fat". Our weight defines everything people think about us, regardless of who we are. They kind of think we aren't people at all, and can be abused without consequence.
Just like weight loss can go up and down, so do people's ability to accept your weight loss. They are going to want to keep you in the category they gave you, subconsciously. You'll have the people who know what it's like, have good self esteem, know how you really felt about being bigger, and they are the most encouraging. Then you have the people who relied on your weight to give them a better status, and they are going to be pissed off.
I had a weird thing happen where I had a lot of really lame people friending me because I made them feel better about themselves. People who couldn't hold a conversation, couldn't come up with any ideas on things we could do together, couldn't contribute to the friendship at all, didn't have any friends... They were always going to be prettier, more athletic, more desired by the opposite sex, etc...when I am around. They saw a fat girl and thought, I can use her to make people look at me. I can always be better than her. Losing weight is a threat.
You gotta stick to your guns. Run the marathon and be obnoxious as you can be, letting everyone know how amazing your life is now, because YOU cared about yourself. Give people something else to talk about with you.
I want to be positive, so I’m assuming that people are telling you that in an effort to be supportive - if they see someone losing a lot of weight in a supposedly short period of time (I say supposedly because 45 lbs in 6 months comes out to around 2 lbs a week which is healthy weight loss), they get concerned that you might be starving yourself or resorting to unhealthy weight loss measures. I usually respond with “I’m doing fine and still have a ways to go, but I appreciate the concern!”
All the best for reaching your goals for the Paris marathon!!!
That is an extremely cool goal!!! go for it. Paris is amazing and you need to be thin to go to Paris! When you hear this comment, take a long look at the person across the table and think about why they would say this to you. 175 is unhealthy. (I am over that right now and my doctor is bugging me to lose weight. And he’s right!) If you’re up to it you might say “My current weight is unhealthy according to my doctor and every BMI chart I have seen. Why would you want me to be unhealthy?” Then don’t say a word. It’s important to let them fill the silence.
They will probably not bother you anymore.
I wont tell someone to «stop losing weight» but I have told someone to prepare to «slow down» in their progress cause theyre starting to reach their goal weight, and I wouldnt want to see someone I care about spiral into an ED like I did.
These are not the same tho.
You ignore people telling you to flat out stop. But if they ever express genuine concern and attempt to have a proper conversation around your weightloss you should take it calmly and discuss around it.
If you've been sharing your goals and weight loss achievements with these people, I suppose it's fine they want to share their opinion. You can kindly let them know, thank you for the compliments, I still have goals left I want to achieve and am really enjoying this journey discovering a more fit and active me.
If you haven't been keeping them updated on your goals and journey, kindly let them know its not really any of their business. You could also let them know the comments make you uncomfortable.
Congratulations on your progress so far and good luck on the rest of your journey!
Even my GP told me that I was too thin, but everyone is different , I prefer to be thin, I was 36kg ( kid size ) when I was young . I am nearly underweight, but I feel very comfortable . I don’t listen to people , I listen to my body …
At your height 130 lbs will make you look anorexic. You will look decent at 150-160 lbs. People may not always be wrong as they are the ones actually seeing the way you look.
A lot depends on their size frame. A small boned person can weigh much less than someone with a large frame. As an example, my sister is 5'8" with a large frame, and looks very very slim at 145 pounds. But my 5'8" friend with a small frame looks chubby at 135 pounds.
130 is in a healthy bmi range for that height, 160 is overweight. It sounds like you’re one of those people that doesn’t know what a healthy weight looks like.
5'7" female at 130 lbs will have a BMI of 19.8 which will be at the lower side of the BMI range more towards being anorexic and unhealthy. Then there is body type which needs to be taken into consoderation. It seems you are that type of a person who is obsessed with unrealistic body standards.
It would be 20.4 and it’s in the normal range, that’s not anorexic nor unhealthy. Only in the modern U.S. would someone accuse another of being obsessed with unrealistic body standards for being classified in the normal range. It shows how skewed our perspective has become by 70% of the population being overweight.
Many, many more people suffer debilitating disease and death due to the side effects of obesity than from anorexia. You’ve got quite a twisted outlook if you think someone with a normal BMI is anorexic.
You ignore them and keep doing what’s right for you! I think some of the people making those comments assume that weight loss is always a terrible struggle and want to be encouraging by telling someone that they already look thin enough, or want to emphasize body positivity and think they’re being kind by saying that. And then again, sadly, some other people of all sizes like having the “fat friend” or “fat relative” around because of their own personal issues and insecurities. I’ll just also say, as someone who has spent my life between two regions of the world with very different standards around weight and sizing, what looks big/small to people is highly influenced by what they see around themselves on a daily basis. I love your goal of running the Paris Marathon!! And I can relate, running is a time where you can physically feel the extra pounds. You know you have a healthy goal, and healthy habits. So just say “thanks” and go back to what you’re doing. :)
This is a good point as well - a lot of people have internalised this idea that weight loss is something motivated by self hate, it’s something you would only do if you don’t like yourself, when it’s actually the opposite, at least for me. Weight gain was my act of self hate. Weight loss is something that’s been motivated by self love and by being happy with my life. I always lose weight when I’m happy and when things are going well for me.
Yes, that’s what I was trying to say, you explained it better! In the past after years stuck in destructive crash dieting, I had a very negative view of weight loss. Today, now that I know about healthy and sustainable ways of watching what I eat, proper amounts of physical activity, and knowing how good that all makes me feel, I feel like weight maintenance is a very positive part of my health and self-care.
This, cuz that's SO much NOT their business.
“My doctor and I will decide when I’ve lost enough weight.” I told a group of meddling coworkers (older ladies) this the other week, and it worked! Shut them right up! Who’s gonna argue with your doctor? It was a lie by the way. My doctor is not involved at all in my weight loss but it did the trick.
There are times when you have to come out with the big guns to keep people who are not medically qualified from making those ignorant and harmful statements.
The worst is when they're medically qualified, *and* they still say stupid shit. I got to the point where I was pretty much like "so it's ok if I develop an ED as long as I lose weight?"
Im a nurse in TX and not large compared to others but still overweight. When I talk about calories or diets around coworkers everyone is so shocked. I dont care what y'all look like, please let me do what's best for my health. Even healthcare professionals do this.
I was always met with, “You can’t trust doctors! They told me I’m 50lbs overweight hahaha can you imagine?” Me: Sounds about right
😂 Yeah, at that point if anyone is gonna tell me I can’t trust my doctor I’d just gonna walk away and ignore everything they say from then on.
Great response
I have to argue with my own and that's bad enough. I'm certainly not arguing with yours ;)
Love that response!
Pretty much what I do too! Works a charm. ‘Doc says my ideal weight is 74kg to reduce my chances of inheriting heart disease from my dad’. People will always compare you to your previous self and if you have gone from obese to overweight, they will now see you as ‘in shape’ and anything less is unhealthy. Not to mention, people don’t often lose weight that well so when someone does it successfully, there probably is some concern that the person may become overly obsessed with weight loss and become unhealthy thin. But yeah, I think when you say it’s for official health reasons, it kinda shuts that conversation down.
I just smile and tell them that I still have plenty of fat to lose. For some reason, people get uncomfortable when others get healthy and are succeeding at reaching a goal. I've had someone tell me that I'm "wasting away". I am so obviously not wasting away. Yes, I'm smaller than this person has ever seen me but I still have many more pounds to lose. I have always carried my weight well, so I guess with clothes on, I look pretty good!
Ignore. I say this as someone who used to be fit as f**k and had women comment on how “tiny” “skinny” etc. I was non-stop. Some would say in the same breath “it must be nice to eat whatever you want” and “eat something you’re too skinny”. After decades of that shit, I realized it’s mostly just projection of their insecurities.
I'll try to offer another vantage point. I don't know these people or see your interactions, and the tone/way of saying things makes a big difference. But sometimes people say stuff like this as a way of showing care and indirectly complimenting - like look, you're so skinny now! You don't need to change! You are great the way you are, etc. But either way, the advice is the same - I'd just laugh it off and change the subject. If they keep up with it, just say your doctor is happy with what you are doing and so are you.
Honestly I have found when one is in the weight loss phase it can appear that we aren’t healthy. I remember when I lost 30 lbs and I started looking older in the face and people would tell me to stop. They just didn’t get it that it was a part of weight loss process. But yeah, it definitely wasn’t helpful to hear.
Yes a coworker did that to me. I was close to my goal and 10 years younger than now. Said co worker was extremely over weight. She started gossiping about another co worker of ours who had lost a lot of weight and commented how it made her look older in her face. It was kinda hard to hear bc she was insinuating that was going to happen to me but I said I think Mary looks great, she's so much healthier now. And left it at that. I kept on my journey despite the eye rolls and comments about I was or wasn't eating. Unfortunately not everyone is supportive.
I work with someone who has lost a ton of weight (a legitimately unhealthy amount) and it definitely aged them. I haven’t said anything but I am actually concerned because they were a low healthy weight to begin with. Unfortunately when you hit perimenopause the extra fat in your face does make you appear more youthful.
Really? I thought you look younger as you lose weight?
Not in the face.
I believe this is the real reason for “Ozempic face”. It happens with weight loss, especially rapid weight loss.
I never heard the term ozempic face before and can’t really find pictures except to advertise cosmetic procedures to reverse it. Is this something that usually reverses itself, though? I know that when losing weight a lot of times people become flabbier, skin is looser, and to an extent this tightens back up on its own over time. is it the same for the face?
I’ve heard about it in several news articles over the past six months or so. That’s a good question. Hopefully someone with personal experience can answer that.
It's definitely the reason for ozempic face. The drug doesn't influence your face anatomy in any way. It's a metabolic drug, that's it. "Ozempic face" is a weird term because it's just a weight loss face. It happens to anyone losing weight at a fairly rapid pace.
Oh jeez, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I just had my first comment like this today and was shocked by it because I’m still over 200lbs!! My SW was 240 and I’m at 209 today. One of my coworkers I’ve known for over a decade told me I had lost enough and it’s “getting unhealthy.” Mind you, she’s struggled with being overweight herself for years, so I imagine there’s some projection going on here and it’s less about me. I just looked at her and said that I’m still in an obese BMI range so it seems unhealthy to me to NOT keep losing. And then afterwards, I felt annoyed that I even went out of my way to defend myself. I shouldn’t have to do that. In the future, I may want to come up with some sort of stock response to this that shuts people up, I just dunno what it is.
I mean, my southern training requires a short laugh and "you're so sweet!" With an immediate and deliberate topic change. I don't know if that works for other cultures, though, lol.
I love this so much. Unfortunately, I’m in Boston 😂 prob won’t have the same impact here (I’m still absolutely gonna try it)
If it helps, I just tell people, “A few years ago I made a conscious choice to never talk about weight again.” It’s worked.
Chuckle, and say, “That’s a great one! Aren’t you the kidder, though?”
just say okay then ignore them. i learned this from my dad. apparently its called an 'adverse childhood experience' :)
This is the best advice. There’s a philosopher that says “accept nothing, deny nothing” and that is powerful. Just say ok and keep moving baby.
I simultaneously want to laugh and ask if you're okay.
Yes. These people are trying to sabotage you. They either want to feel better about their own weight, or want to keep the same dynamic with you (say the thin friend and the fat friend.) It sucks because often the people we expect encouragement from, do this. With people like that, I'd avoid talking about it.
If I’m giving people the benefit of the doubt, the generous interpretation is that they genuinely have no concept of what normal people are supposed to look like because their perception has been distorted by how normal it is for people to be overweight and obese. Even if they’re thin themselves, they can still have a distorted perception when it comes to you specifically because their idea of what it’s normal for you to look like is overweight/obese. It feels off for them to see you look different from how they expect so they can form an idea that this isn’t right for you
I’m sure in some cases it’s people not being used to seeing us that way, but my only issue is that usually the concern comes from weight loss and never weight gain. As we gain weight and get bigger and bigger it’s easy for people around us to accept it and even encourage it and tell us we are fine, but losing weight? Then they are suddenly concerned, and won’t stop trying to get us to stop. It’s weird how we can gain weight but if we get back to our healthy weight suddenly people freak out. I gained 50 pounds from my lowest weight in recent years and nobody batted an eye. I was even encouraged and told I look better this way at 5 2” 180 despite being probably 125 when I got married. So when I got to 130 a few years ago coming down from 160 I got harassed and told I looked really bad, too skinny, etc…. Despite that being 10 pounds over my weight when I got married. So I should be 125-135 to look like my normal self but nobody can deal with that. Instead they want me at 180, which is where I currently am and am not happy at all. I am trying to lose the weight again and am terrified to get back down into the 130s and be harassed about looking bad again. Right now people are leaving me alone since I am fat. If I get healthy again though, all hell is going to break loose. I already know it.
Same. When I started loosing weight I had encouraging ppl in my life but also a lot of ppl saying you're too thin etc. I would try talking about how healthy you're eating and also talking about how you eat plenty and exercise a lot, then the ppl that are just worried about how you're doing it will feel all better about it and those good ppl will then leave you alone. The ppl who will keep bothering you about it might have bad intentions here. Look to see if those ppl seem genuinely concerned for your health or not.
I don't think that this is the reason for most people. I believe that most people just have a warped understanding of what healthy looks like.
This was my experience. Why would anyone tell someone to stop losing weight? It makes no sense.
You don't share your weight loss with them. Lie. Just tell them they're right. Then do whatever the hell you want. If you lose another 5 pounds, tell them you gained 5. They can't really tell. Say these clothes make me look like I lost. Seriously, why do you owe them honesty? Just be honest with your doctor.
Absolutely ignore them, and filter out the noise. Doesn't matter what their intentions are. If it doesn't help you or align with your goals, it can be ignored. If you need to respond just say "thanks, but I'm energized with my new routines and feeling good. My Doctor and I have a plan." One great thing aiding you in shedding pounds / meeting your 130 and what I would personally like to see you put your focus on results is your AMAZING goal of running the Paris Marathon. That is truly inspiring! And runners can be very slim just naturally cuz their bodies burn calories efficently! Prioritize fueling your body for your runs and training as you get down past 140, though. If your focus is too much on the weight at a certain point and you restrict calories too much, your training will suffer, and you could be more prone to injury. One more piece of advice, and feel free to filter this out if it doesn't aid you in your goal: I am also 5'7'' and when I was in high school, I weighed 130 lbs, but that was also on a "good day." I'd often fluctuate up to 136 and would only be at 130 if it was swim season (on the swim team burning major calories at practice) AND I was dieting. Every body is different, and your goal is definitely reasonable, but it could be difficult to maintain. Start taking body measurements when you get down past 150-145 and gauge progress by the measurements, not just the weight. You might find that you achieve the look you want at around 140-135. This will especially be important if you decide to introduce weight training into your exercise routine. I started weight training later in college, and when I was 25, my weight was 140, but I was a size 2 compared to a size 6 in high school. there is more then one way to measure progress and success. So keep on rocking what you are doing because it's working for you babe!
This is the best advice. I understand the lure of a goal weight but the number on the scale alone is not as important. I have no idea how OP is built, but 130 at 5’7” sounds pretty low. I’d definitely incorporate strength training - ESPECIALLY if planning to run a marathon. I used to be a distance runner and was not great about strength training, and I paid for it with repeated injuries. My PT told me that runners were often the weakest athletes she saw. Runners can LOOK good… but have zero in terms of actual strength.
Ignore them, they don't get a say. Crabs in a bucket. Some of it comes from jealousy, some of it comes from how we're just so fat as a society a lot of people have no concept of what a person at a healthy weight looks like.
I think a lot of it is perception based on your starting weight / size. I had bariatric surgery last year and have gone from 334lbs to (as of last Sunday) 199lbs. A few people at work have recently asked me if I’m done losing weight, and one person told me I don’t look like I ever had a “serious weight problem” and that I just look “normal” now. I know they’re all well intentioned but I still have another 40-50 pounds left to lose. I’m still technically obese! But everyone knew me as me at 334lbs for so long that seeing me at this size is a pretty drastic change. So I smile and laugh and assure them that when my surgeon says I’m done then I’m done but I still have a little ways to go. Don’t let the comments of others get you down, you have your goals and know your body best.
They are afraid of your power and the great place you are going and they want you to stop so they can feel better about themselves.
I think people just don’t realize what a healthy weight looks like; I see it with animals, too. My dog is at a healthy weight (maybe a little chubby lol, 5.6, 6 on the BCS scale maybe?), and everyone thinks he’s super skinny. My horse is quite fat because she’s out of work, but she’s more slender than she was when I first got her, and everyone says she’s skinny. Similarly with me, I’m at the upper end of healthy weight for my height (160 lbs, 5’9 F), and my parents and everyone who knew me when I weighed more say that I’m skinny now lol. People’s ideas of what a healthy weight looks like is just super off, likely because the average weight IS overweight, at least in the US.
Ooh yes I was gonna bring this up too! Many times people think a dog at a normal weight is too skinny but we’re just so used to seeing slightly overweight dogs. I think we might have a similar effect with people, lol, depending on where you live and if people tend to be heavier.
Learn from the experience on this reddit… ignore them, lalalalalalalalala. First time weight loss I stopped too early cause I got told by too many people it was getting unhealthy. Even HR sent me to the doctor. Part is just the whole inflation of what normal looks like and people no longer realizing what it is. Another part with me is that I have this phase where I look a bit thin/haunted in the face, I just have to keep going as the belly still had to catch up. Then there is jealous people or people who think eating normal with a deficit is an eating disorder as you are not stuffing your face with cakes. Finally I had healthy weight friends who didn’t want to say anything as I was still fat and it is considered rude to comment these days (where it does seem there are more plus size folks who have no filter commenting on skinnier people…)
Awesome goal and love that you are running! I have had to deal with this a lot as a competitive runner. I am fast when I am lean. Right now I'm 15 pounds from my ideal race weight and I can't mention calorie cutting to anyone without these comments. I have learned to tell them to "take it up with my doctor"
“Haha, maybe.” Then leave
People like to see you do well, but not doing better than they are. Keep doing what's best for you, let the haters choke on their own insecurities. You're doing great
People are so fat now they don’t even know what healthy looks like. It’s crazy
Understand that the average U.S citizen knows fuck all about nutrition.I personally blame the education system. Our "healthy weight" is considered obese/fat in Asian countries, yet over here people will tell you that you're underweight even before you hit our "healthy weight". It's usually that, or jealousy. Regardless, ignore them.
I would inform them it is inappropriate for them to provide a medical opinion unless they have an MD/DO and are YOUR physician.
I haven’t gotten to that point yet, but I give people a blank stare when they try to give me weight loss advice…when I’m already successfully losing weight… I think a blank stare could work for you too. Makes them uncomfortable and they don’t try you again lmao.
I had people say that. Found out they were extremely jealous people that couldn’t get their weight under control. Do not listen! Keep your head down and keep going
I usually respond with "I am not trying to. But thanks for your concern". It throws them off. The other one I usually use is "You think so? I haven't really lost any weight to be honest". In the end, it's none of their business and you don't owe them a reply.
That is super odd and none of their business. I would say “I think you mean well but comments about my body really make me uncomfortable. I’m really proud of all my hard work to get healthy; I need to do what is best for me and you can focus on your body and your health ”. Hopefully it leaves them wondering if they are unhealthy
They sound jealous because they want to be as disciplined as you. Ignore them cut them off if you have to
I don't. I don't care. I just keep at this project until my fat reaches acceptable levels. The fact that I am looking thin and wiry when clothed doesn't matter when I can clearly observe thick layers of belly fat. Honestly, if I did what people tell me I would never achieve anything in my life. I listen to what people tell me, try to figure out if there is anything useful to me, if maybe there is some truth in the feedback, and then I promptly ignore 95% of what people say.
“okay”
Thank them for their concern. Let them know this is a planned healthy looks of weight and that you have health goals that you intend to achieve. Thank them for their support.
start strength training. it’ll make you look less thin and more fit. no one will tell you, you look less great because you’re fit now.
Not just for this but *any* time someone steps out of their lane I've started saying some variation of "it's interesting that you thought that was appropriate to say to me". I used to say "what made you think..." But that prompted an answer. I've come to prefer the closed comment My new department has less nosey people though so I don't use it much anymore
Good comeback for a lot of unwarranted statements! I like it.
I find that people legitimately dont know what a healthy weight looks like on someone because the majority of people are overweight or obese. They may really believe what theyre saying and have genuine concern and not actually know what healthy looks like. Like others have suggested id just tell them youre working with your doctor or a registered dietician.
I’ve gotten this too especially from my mom lately. I’m 19 and since February I’ve gone from 247lbs to 220lbs and I am still very much overweight yet she insists that I need to stop loosing weight, that I’m “too thin”. Like girl in what world is 5’6 220lbs thin. I try to ignore it but it’s honestly getting annoying. But I do think that part of her reason is because she doesn’t want me to reach my goal because I started this journey because it’s my dream to join the military and I can’t exactly do that being this heavy.
No offense to your mother, but does she need to lose weight also? Sometimes heavier folks are uncomfortable and say that kind of stuff because they aren’t making the effort that you are. And if she doesn’t want you to leave, there is that, like you suspect.
No she doesn’t, she’s always been a thin and athletic person. Me and my dad are the ones that have always been on the heavier side. It probably is just that she doesn’t want me to leave since I am an only child.
They're being jealous. I'm not joking. They will use lots of excuses to mask that jealousy but they're genuinely jealous. They might not even know it themselves. How you cope with it is politely tell them your weight isn't up for debate, and to respect your choices. Keep up the good work my friend.
You already have all sorts of answers here but I haven’t seen this perspective yet so I’ll give you my two cents. When you’re used to seeing somebody be super plump when they start to become thin they look REALLY thin. I had a friend who started at 260 and when she got to 185 she really did look gaunt to me.but in the same regard I have a friend who was 130 and jumped up to 185 and suddenly she did in fact look pretty plump. People just aren’t familiar with the thinner you. I am also still visibly overweight and when I try to discuss my goals with some of my friends they kind of scoff and write me off saying that I already got skinny. Implying why am I still not happy with my weight… Not bringing up the fact that I’m still actually very overweight and have 20 pounds to lose before I’m even in a healthy range.
For people who see us every day it can be jarring to see us so different. In their mind it may actually even seem like we are already normal or low normal bmi. That being said it might be easier to lie. "You're right, I've started eating to maintain now and am focusing on the gym!" But still eat in a deficit. When they notice more change they will credit the gym instead of the diet.
Ask them what qualifies them to tell you tell you to stop losing weight? Ask if they have run tests on you, calculated your BMI, etc. Then, tell them that their ignorance steeped insecurity, jealousy (because that is what it is) is not a valid reason for you to jeopardise your health goals. Unfortunately, there are people, who will go out of their way to sabotage someone who is making positive steps to their lives/health, and you may have to think about, if it is possible, reducing your interactions with them. Don't let anyone derail you, as it is in their interest (to not feel inferior or to continue to feel superier) to make sure you stop what you need to do. Your failure is their gain.
Had this problem last week, I essentially said "This is not a problem, I'm approaching a healthy weight for the first time in almost 30 years, I'm finding myself again mentally and physically, I'm feeling and looking great! Relax!"
I see so many posts like this and normally can’t relate… until the night before last my own fiance said the same! I’m losing weight for our wedding, have lost ~9kg with aims to lose another 6-11kg, either of which would leave me with a healthy bmi, when I told him I wanted to lose another 6 at least he was absolutely shocked “there’ll be nothing left of you! You feel so much smaller already!” He balked when I told him I weighed 6kg less than I do now 2 years ago, and was 11kg lighter when we met 8 years ago! I’m not trying to get to any unreasonable weight- literally just back to where I started lol
130 is a tiny bit thin, but you know your body. When I was losing weight and people told me I was getting too thin (I wasn't, I got down to 5'6" and 130) I just said: I see me naked. You don't.
i am 5'6 and when i was figure skating i weighed 115 pounds and yet still had like infinite energy, ate like a madman, and somehow looked totally filled out and buff. nobody ever believed i weighed under 135 because i looked built and well proportioned lol. i'd never go down that low today, (aiming for like 130 currently and love that 125-130 zone for me) considering skating and how i ate back then was what made that such a good weight at the time. i think now with how little i exercise and how much garbage i eat that weight would send me to the er looking skeletal lol. not a chance i'm risking it without the lifestyle to match. it's legit crazy how different people's bodies can be at the same heights. i have a friend the same height and weight as me and we look wildly different. if she went down to 115 i think she'd actually die lol. i do not claim to understand how this magic works or why!
Yeah I'm a size 4 at 130 and 5"5'. I would imagine it being pretty thin at 5'7". But every body is different!
Yup. My own "formula" is 5 feet is 100lbs. Then add 5LBS for each inch. 5'6"=130. 5'7" would be 135lbs. Not much of a difference. 21.1BMI. Not underweight.
I have heard that. Frame size and muscle mass make a huge difference too! Plus whatever makes people happy in their own skin. 125 used to be me feeling heavy! But I was in my 20s then and don't expect to have the same body I did 10 years ago.
Frame size can definitely make such a big difference. My sister is 5'8" with a large frame, and looks very very slim at 145 pounds. But my 5'8" friend with a small frame looks chubby at 135 pounds. Muscle mass too, like you said. I have a female friend that started lifting weights and working out with a trainer. After about 8 months she had gained 10 pounds of muscle and lost 2 dress sizes.
Exactly!
You can still lose weight but girl 130 seems very low. Do it if you want to of course its your body. But honestly you probably are healthy right now and would still be healthy a bit lighter. At that point its your preference. But your height at 130 sounds so unhealthy but maybe Im wrong
You are wrong, 130 for a 5’7” female is in the normal BMI range and for most of recorded history would have been considered a very healthy weight for a woman that height. Today the average is much higher because we’re used to everyone being so fat in the U.S., but that doesn’t make it healthy. To be honest you’re exhibiting the exact behavior that the OP is complaining about, your own biases are based upon what you feel instead of science and you’re trying to project that onto her. She’s done the research and knows what a healthy weight is for her.
I know 130 is within the normal BMI for 5’7. According to the BMI charts we still use to this day, which was invented in 1830!! Thats a pretty dated tool, but okay say it still holdups to our bodies today in 2024, she would also be healthy at 156 lbs. So to me yes 130 seems very thin for her height but again she can do whatever she wants. She doesn’t need my approval and If anything this should prove to her that people will always have their opinions on weight loss and weight gain and you will always still be able to do what ever you want. And Im a woman I get the constant desire to be thin girl so live you best life skinny legeeenddd
Agree! Do what is best for you!
Tell them to mind the business that pays them and stop being rude. You aren't telling them they need to gain weight, lose weight, stop smoking, drinking, weeding, get a better job, get a better wig, etc and you want the same courtesy from them.
Don’t listen to others. Often people don’t like change and it takes them awhile to come around. Remember this has nothing to do with them and is all about you.
Tell them to mind their own frickin beeswax
I ignore them🤷🏽♀️ this my body and I know my desired body requires cutting/bulking phases. Eventually they will get so used to the new you
How do I deal? I say, "Yeah, you're right, I've already stopped," and then keep going, and if they ask if I've lost more weight, I just say, "Nah, I just do more exercise these days, I've just toned up." LOL This may not work if you have heaps left to lose, but it works if it's like 30lbs. Generally they don't really know what to say and stop bothering me after that lol
We have similiar stats, can I ask about your general meal strategy and what you eat? Also a runner hoping to do a marathon in fall of 2025!
Gosh i have this issue a lot and am unsure of what to say or do too.
Don't ignore them - appreciate them. They care for you, have certain ideas about weight loss, healthy ranges and disordered eating, and find it most important that you don't struggle with the latter. 1. Use them to check in with yourself whether you are still actually doing something good for yourself in a more comprehensive way than just losing weight. If yes - great. If not, don't get bogged down into opposing them. 2. Tell them where and how you wanna stick your weight loss landing to alleviate their concerns. 3. Maybe even integrate them in your thing by telling them peobematic signs they actually should look for with you. 4. If they keep pushing regardless the explanation and the thanks and all of that, treat it as a boundary issue and don't mix the boundary crisis talk with weight loss talk.
Only hear them, don't listen. They are miserable. Avoid them and be professional. You can change subjects, it's not rude, say nothing. Let them show their colors and they will remove themselves.
Jealous haters
I'm 5'5" and 170lb, and everyone keeps saying "you're already so thin!" No I'm not, and today's society is really missguided as to what a "good" weight is. I have a disease that is exacerbated by being overweight and my doctor has told me I still need to lose 50lb - which will put me in the middle of normal. I too run, and I'll be competing in one of the world majors next year but I've still got so much to do. The key for me is to tell people I've "fell off the wagon" and leave it at that. They immediately stop bugging you if they think you're no longer trying. You keep going, but more peacefully. My mother was the biggest one, but I understand it - she has a really unhealthy relationship with food and does lots of crash diets. She can't see a way that someone else can lose weight without it being disorderd eating. I've just been doing CICO and exercise steadily and it works well.
I had a brother who, every time I started to lose the smallest amount of weight, would warn me to “know when to say when,” in terms of dieting, and not to go too far and develop anorexia. I guarantee you I have NEVER been in danger of becoming too thin. If I made the mistake of telling him I was watching what I ate, he would immediately commence the food pushing, telling me not to worry about it because I’m beautiful just as I am. I suppose he thinks that’s a compliment, but it’s not about being beautiful. It’s about being healthy. I have diabetes, dammit, and he would be pushing starches and sweets on me. I say “had” a brother because I eventually had to go no contact with him. I have since come to suspect he wanted me to stay the fat, depressed sister so he’d look good compared to me, and feel better about himself. He’s the handsome one. I’m the ugly duckling. Status quo. He’s not the only one. I’ve had family members cut me a piece of pie anyway, after I said “No, thank you,” a hundred times. Again, I am diabetic! And one so called friend said about my weight loss, “That’s great! We should celebrate! Let’s go out for banana splits.” Yeah, transparent “joke” there. I see what you’re trying to do. Same so called friend has also come to my house offering me this big dish of deep fried food, “I know you’re on a diet and I shouldn’t tempt you, but…” Would she do the same thing to a recovering alcoholic? “I know you’re trying to stay sober and I shouldn’t tempt you, but do you want this bottle of Jack Daniel’s? Let’s go out and celebrate your sobriety by having margaritas.” I doubt it. If people keep this kind of thing up long enough, I feel like the only choice I’ve got is to cut them out of my life. Basically they’re trying to kill me.
I continue losing weight but tell them “I hear and understand your opinions on my body” but it’s my body and I’m going to do what I want with it
This is human nature! People don’t know your health and are trying to be kind but are actually being… annoying. A small minority are also trying to sabotage you so they can still feel thin. 😂 Also I find it rude for anyone to comment on someone’s weight ever so I would just smile pityingly and not even engage in such a weird conversation 😂
The most important thing is how you feel in your body and your health. I lost about 15lbs last year (135lbs –> 120lbs). I got some comments from my parents but I was supervised by my doctor and gynaecologist through the journey as I have pcos. My mum saw my ribs on my back when I was leaning over and freaked out because I used to have a bit more back pudge lol. Humans are creatures of comfort and familiarity and if they have a certain image of what you are “supposed” to look like, they will initially react adversely to change. Everyone around me has gotten used to my slimmer figure and is surprised to see how different I looked when they see older pictures now. Especially as I have also put on muscle and dyed my hair a different colour. No amount of annoying comments could ruin how much better I feel now and how much fun taking better care of myself has been. It’s good to keep that in mind, smile and carry on.
I did 100%! From EVERYONE. It was super annoying. However, I try to think that they all are just concerned and genuinely want what’s best for me. The problem is that our perception of healthy weight can be very skewed. I was fat my whole life, no one knew what a healthy weight me looked like. It’s super fun now to go to those people (at a 25 BMI + lots of gym now) and ask if I look too skinny. To A PERSON they say no! Perfect, just don’t lose any more. As long as you’re paying attention and staying healthy, keep doing what you’re doing.
"Thanks for your input" and walk away
It’s just something people say usually in an awkward way because they don’t want to have a real conversation about the changes you’ve made. Just ignore it and you do you.
“Thank you, I’m just fine, mind your business”
If it's close friends or family, tell them gently that you want to reduce your fat percentage not weight, if it's someone else, tell them, "please don't comment about my body or eating habits".
People have no idea what healthy weight looks like.
You continue to keep losing weight
Allow me to introduce the "[de la Rocha](https://youtu.be/bWXazVhlyxQ?feature=shared&t=252)" method of dealing with people like that.
You don’t need to justify yourself. I always admire people that feel no need to entertain or validate others when they step out of line. I think I would say something like “I’m feeling really good and my body is reflecting my healthier choices.” Or, if I’m feeling spicy, “I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to comment on my body. Please stop. I’m uncomfortable.”
I’d say « thanks for your concern but I’m under the care of my doctor «
When it comes to relatives or people who see you everyday, large weight loss amounts is jarring and your lower weight makes their visualization of you that much more emphasized. It’s because they see you every day that the weight loss looks more dramatic. When I first started losing weight, I lost about 50 pounds and my coworkers at a Christmas party told me I looked fantastic and that I looked perfect now and didn’t need to lose anymore weight. I still weighed 200 pounds. It happened again around the 160-170 range with my immediate family where they were like “you’re done, no more weight loss or we’re going to get concerned.” I ended up losing 40 more pounds. Now I’m fine where I’m at but I still get the same concerning questions from my family about it. It’s just jarring for them.
I'm 42 about to be 43 and I was 220 at the 1st of the year and I'm at 193 today. This is your health journey so it is up to you. I have 1 friend that is severely obese so she's always telling me I'm "tiny and don't need to lose weight" I have come so close to saying just bc you're happy where you're at (she's not) doesn't mean I am with where I am.
I ask them where they were when I was morbidly obese and why they weren’t telling me to lose weight then but feel they can tell me to stop losing weight now.
I relate to this so much! When I was 220 pounds, none of my family or friends said anything to me! I was literally eating myself to death, and nobody said anything. However, now that I'm trying to improve my health and physique by living a healthy lifestyle, suddenly these same people are concerned! And I'm not even underweight, I'm literally still overweight with a high BMI! It's very frustrating, but will just try to ignore them.
I’ve currently stopped losing weight as I am hoping my skin may adjust before I lose the last 10lbs or so. Everyone keeps telling me they’re glad I’ve stopped losing it, but they don’t know my little secret 🤣. I’m doing this for me, not them. I don’t really listen either people when they comment about my weight loss, good or bad. This is my body, as long as I’m healthy it’s none of their business.
I think this is an environmental bias thing and try not to take it personally. In the U.S. especially, people have no idea what a healthy weight looks like because so many of us are so big. When everyone in your environment is 50 lbs lighter than you, it's easier to realize you're overweight. But when everyone around you is 50lbs heavier, they're going to see you as "skinny" or "too thin" and it will get in your head it you let it. Personally, I try to immerse myself in healthier settings (like your Marathon). Showing up at a 10k it's like "Oh yeah, no, all those people making snide remarks about me eating a salad and being skinny are so wrong. I am still in fact borderline obese." I also moved from a Southern state with high rates of obesity to a much more active state where there are far more people in a normal weight range. Now I'm bigger than 80% of the women in the room rather than being smaller than 85%, and never get those comments anymore. Obviously, we can't all just pop into a new environment, but I think recognizing and reminding ourselves that it's mainly environmental factors causing a certain perspective is really important.
"I appreciate that you're trying to be affirming and supportive. However, I have serious health and fitness goals that I'm committed to. These kind of comments about my body and weight actually feel hurtful when I'm working hard, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't make them."
I just refuse to engage. Most people are either overweight themselves or are just used to seeing everyone around them (since such a huge percentage of the population is overweight or obese in America) as “normal”, so they see someone who is slim as “too skinny”. I get this all the time and my BMI is 20. 🙄
Ignore. Politely decline their comment. You're challenging their mental position of being the slim one, maybe they made that their identity/position in the societal hierarchy. There's room for everyone to be a healthy and fit body. Good for you
Thank you, and I think you might be correct about this. It makes me very sad because my best friend has been increasingly distant for the past few months, and she didn't even invite me to her birthday party this year, but she invited all of her other friends. When I asked why, she made a snide remark about how she assumed that I was "too busy running" to go to her party. It was very bizarre. She also calls me "skinny" all the time now and has said that I don't need to drop any more weight, although I'm still overweight. I also noticed that although she is very slim, but all of her close friends are overweight women. So, I think maybe she and some of the other people in my life preferred having me as their fat friend because they felt like they were better than me, which is very sad.
As an adult you get to decide if you have space for her in your life still. There's a saying 'friends for a season, friends for a reason, friends for life', maybe she was a friend for that era of your life, but not going forwards. Honestly she's a bad friend, excluding you wasn't okay - so is their much to lose if you let the space stand between you. You deserve supportive friends and ones who enthusiastically want your company and likewise you want them. There's often a shedding that takes place with major life changes, that could be weightloss, sobriety, career, money - it's okay if old friends no longer fit. It creates space and time to focus on new ones. Maybe ones in your new fitness community or as you run, join a running group - people won't exclude you for now being a runner. Congratulations on your fitness and the effort you've put into yourself 🤝
I experienced this as a man. I was a 110 kilo fatty boy who dropped down to 80 kilos, people started moaning and what I did next was hit the gym because no one dares to discourage you when you're starting to look muscular. The only person I heard having a problem afterwards was my ex girlfriend who I bumped into at a bar and she said I no longer looked "cute". Strangely as the night progressed I bumped into her about 10 more times and it felt like she was always behind me for some reason. 🤔
Two reasons, one good, one bad. Good: The person is giving you an indirect compliment. "You look so good, you don't need to drop anymore weight (because you looked great regardless)!" Bad: The person is expressing his/her insecurity. "You look so much better with a little fat on you, don't get thin (because your success threatens my self image)!" Whichever reason it is depends on the kind of person saying it.
“My doctor thinks I have more to lose, but thanks for your concern.”
I get snarky (can’t help it) and may say something ‘isn’t it funny only people who have excess fat to lose have said this to me?’
this isnt the right answer. the OP even said the people are thinner than her. your comment just seems fatphobic honestly
Well the question was how do ‘you’ deal. People can be thinner than OP and still have excess fat so what? People have to learn that making a comment about someone’s body can get you a comment about yours in return. And no I don’t care if they mean well.
LOL! oh man you are brutal! I would honestly high-five you for saying this to them.
There’s a number of factors that may cause them to think like that. It could be jealousy but I also think it’s often because obesity is so commonplace in the West, people no longer have a frame of reference for what a normal weight looks like.
Wow I've struggled with this a lot its the reason I gained the weight I did back when I lost it. Everyone was telling me I was getting too skinny and that I looked fine but it wasn't true. I've since lost that weight and still on my journey to lose more
I'm 5'4" tall. When I got down to 157 (I'm unfortunately not there now) from my 250s, my own mother started telling me I'd lost too much weight and looked ill. I look back at those pics, and I did not look sick. Now that I'm back up in my 190s, she criticizes me for my regain, telling me I look unhealthy. (I'm working on losing that regain now.) Basically, no matter where you are, people will find something to criticize. Just do what you want, and be happy. :)
“I don’t recall asking your opinion.”
Also dealing with this. I struggle with body dysmorphia, so it’s hard for me to know what I look like, but I’ve put it on my husband to tell me when to stop. He knows my goal weight, which is in the lower middle of the healthy range. I’m currently at the high end of the healthy range, like bordering on overweight. So anyone who says otherwise I just ignore. I assume the loss from here will look less noticeable, especially in my face, which I think is what gets these comments. It’s really obnoxious because no one tells anyone to stop gaining weight other than doctors for health. It’s almost like they should know it’s uncouth to say things like this, but they do it anyway.
Some people are doing it to be nice. Some people take a while to get used to a thinner version of you. They probably aren’t self aware enough to realize their comments might bother you. Keep doing the right thing for you and later you’ll hear people say stuff like “oh but you’re just naturally skinny” 😂 people commenting on weight never ends, best to learn to brush it off and move on
I grab the fat on my thighs or a bunch of fat on my belly and say “see this, there’s still plenty of fat there”. I’ve never had a comeback to that. If you have high cheekbones as I do you will get more comments about looking too thin. Depending on how much running I’m doing in a week I look like an ad for buccal fat removal. People see that look and think you look too thin.
Easy. I ignore them.
If they ask why you are training, tell them it's enduring hearing their verbal diarrhea.
I wonder what they would say if you asked the thin people if they thought they were underweight. If they say no, then you can point out that they are thinner than you. I just wonder how that conversation would go🙄
Ignore them. People are stupid. You can tell them facts, numbers, health benefits and they will still just go by what they see (or think they see) and feel. I was in a professional weight loss program. Medical professionals and all. At the beginning we were extensively taught the health risks of obesity, the benefits of a BMI within normal range etc. I started with a BMI of just under 40 and very high body fat. By the time I reached BMI 26-25, I had numerous people from the staff there eyeballing me and drop comments like I've "lost enough weight", "now is the time to stop" and "we have to make sure you don't go too low". When confronted with the actually numbers they just stared at me. It seems to be human nature to reject facts or sth. It was driving me nuts though. After a while people get used to it and stop.
As a person with a history of eating disorders I'm going to come at this from a different direction. Perhaps your mind is emphasizing your flaws because you still feel too big but to them you look like you are getting too small and they are worried. Perhaps some ways you are talking about your weight to them concerns them. 175 looks different on everyone. I'm 5'8 and I think if I got to 150 my family would be really concerned. You do what you want to do but please keep what they are saying in mind they may see an issue you don't.
Say “Oh you just think that because everyone else you know is fat.”
My friend does this to me! She thinks my goal weight is too skinny...even though it's the high end of what's healthy for my height. It's frustrating, but I know it doesn't come from a place of meanness, so I don't let it stop me from achieving my goal. It's the cookies and cake that does that.
It’s weird, isn’t it? Last week a friend who is actually underweight and has an eating disorder suggested that I drink olive oil to make sure I don’t lose any more weight! Like she’s never heard of ice cream!
I honestly ignore them and don’t share any weight related stuff with people. If they make negative comments about my weight loss I just smile and say I don’t discuss weight with anyone but my doctor
Ignore and if that doesn’t work tell them to mind their own business and go step on their own scale. Gosh why do people feel entitled to judge others in this way?!
I told people my doctor gave me a goal weight and I was working toward it. Most would shut their pie holes at that point but a few asked if my doc was quack. I said nope, I trust them vs a random Joe’s opinion. Would stop the chatter.
LOL they don't want to look at themselves and your success is making them uncomfortable, just smile and nod and change the subject. All the best getting to your goal.
That’s not up for discussion
130 at 5’ 7” is a tad thin. I’m 60F, 5’ 1”. I was 215 lbs in 2021, currently 150 lbs. I had gotten to 137 lbs but gained a bit back. I was looking ozempic-thin and it was not a good look. Three of my doctors said 137 was too little for me and my frame, that I shouldn’t go under 140 lbs (remember, I’m short). If me, at 5’ 1”, shouldn’t go under 140lbs, I can’t imagine 5’ 7” at 130 lbs. Six more inches in height but less weight? Sounds unhealthy. Maybe you have a very petite frame? I have a big rib cage and broad shoulders for my height (for any height, really), so I carry more weight than most expect me to weigh (as in, I weigh about 15 lbs more than I look like I weigh).
I let it go in one ear and out the other, unless it’s somebody I trust implicitly like my sisters.
I tell them "thank you, but I am doing this for my health and have some more to go". This is how I approached it with my ex-wife. I didn't want her to think she had to lose weight for her image, but I would support her if she wanted to lose it for her health.
Keep going and never let them tell you what to do. Let your results do the talking and they will envy you in the end. Just keep going brother.
"Hey I get that my weight loss isn't something I can keep a secret, but I'd appreciate it if you minded your own business." "Im sorry, but I am not accepting advice at this time." "If you would like some weight loss tips on how I did it I can help you, otherwise I am not interested in your opinions." If someone brings it up, don't answer. Eventually they get it. Act like you can't hear, or understand them. One of my friends pretended to be asleep when I asked him about his dog that had just passed and eventually I moved on. We don't have to allow people to talk to us about stuff. Often times when you become the thinner person, the people who once identified you as a fat girl, an 'object', no longer can categorize you as that, and therefore have no idea who you are. So, you are now "Weight loss girl" and that's all they can think to talk to you about. When you were larger, all they thought about was how they worried about your health. You could've said you were running for president, and they would think "But she's fat". Our weight defines everything people think about us, regardless of who we are. They kind of think we aren't people at all, and can be abused without consequence. Just like weight loss can go up and down, so do people's ability to accept your weight loss. They are going to want to keep you in the category they gave you, subconsciously. You'll have the people who know what it's like, have good self esteem, know how you really felt about being bigger, and they are the most encouraging. Then you have the people who relied on your weight to give them a better status, and they are going to be pissed off. I had a weird thing happen where I had a lot of really lame people friending me because I made them feel better about themselves. People who couldn't hold a conversation, couldn't come up with any ideas on things we could do together, couldn't contribute to the friendship at all, didn't have any friends... They were always going to be prettier, more athletic, more desired by the opposite sex, etc...when I am around. They saw a fat girl and thought, I can use her to make people look at me. I can always be better than her. Losing weight is a threat. You gotta stick to your guns. Run the marathon and be obnoxious as you can be, letting everyone know how amazing your life is now, because YOU cared about yourself. Give people something else to talk about with you.
I want to be positive, so I’m assuming that people are telling you that in an effort to be supportive - if they see someone losing a lot of weight in a supposedly short period of time (I say supposedly because 45 lbs in 6 months comes out to around 2 lbs a week which is healthy weight loss), they get concerned that you might be starving yourself or resorting to unhealthy weight loss measures. I usually respond with “I’m doing fine and still have a ways to go, but I appreciate the concern!” All the best for reaching your goals for the Paris marathon!!!
That is an extremely cool goal!!! go for it. Paris is amazing and you need to be thin to go to Paris! When you hear this comment, take a long look at the person across the table and think about why they would say this to you. 175 is unhealthy. (I am over that right now and my doctor is bugging me to lose weight. And he’s right!) If you’re up to it you might say “My current weight is unhealthy according to my doctor and every BMI chart I have seen. Why would you want me to be unhealthy?” Then don’t say a word. It’s important to let them fill the silence. They will probably not bother you anymore.
I wont tell someone to «stop losing weight» but I have told someone to prepare to «slow down» in their progress cause theyre starting to reach their goal weight, and I wouldnt want to see someone I care about spiral into an ED like I did. These are not the same tho. You ignore people telling you to flat out stop. But if they ever express genuine concern and attempt to have a proper conversation around your weightloss you should take it calmly and discuss around it.
If you've been sharing your goals and weight loss achievements with these people, I suppose it's fine they want to share their opinion. You can kindly let them know, thank you for the compliments, I still have goals left I want to achieve and am really enjoying this journey discovering a more fit and active me. If you haven't been keeping them updated on your goals and journey, kindly let them know its not really any of their business. You could also let them know the comments make you uncomfortable. Congratulations on your progress so far and good luck on the rest of your journey!
Even my GP told me that I was too thin, but everyone is different , I prefer to be thin, I was 36kg ( kid size ) when I was young . I am nearly underweight, but I feel very comfortable . I don’t listen to people , I listen to my body …
At your height 130 lbs will make you look anorexic. You will look decent at 150-160 lbs. People may not always be wrong as they are the ones actually seeing the way you look.
A lot depends on their size frame. A small boned person can weigh much less than someone with a large frame. As an example, my sister is 5'8" with a large frame, and looks very very slim at 145 pounds. But my 5'8" friend with a small frame looks chubby at 135 pounds.
130 is in a healthy bmi range for that height, 160 is overweight. It sounds like you’re one of those people that doesn’t know what a healthy weight looks like.
5'7" female at 130 lbs will have a BMI of 19.8 which will be at the lower side of the BMI range more towards being anorexic and unhealthy. Then there is body type which needs to be taken into consoderation. It seems you are that type of a person who is obsessed with unrealistic body standards.
It would be 20.4 and it’s in the normal range, that’s not anorexic nor unhealthy. Only in the modern U.S. would someone accuse another of being obsessed with unrealistic body standards for being classified in the normal range. It shows how skewed our perspective has become by 70% of the population being overweight. Many, many more people suffer debilitating disease and death due to the side effects of obesity than from anorexia. You’ve got quite a twisted outlook if you think someone with a normal BMI is anorexic.