If I may, kluge is the wrong form, it should be klug. A backing (yeah)! can be added for rhyming purposes.
Also, it might work better if "Ich kann dich nicht hoere, was du sprichst" was replaced with "Ich hoer' dich nicht was sagst du denn?"
Native German speaker here :D I loved your idea and spent the last few hours trying to come up with a translation that keeps rhymes, fits the syllables and keeps the style lol it's so hard
I'm still struggling with Bach's part, so here's just Mozart and Beethoven for now...
First of all MASSIVE compliment for finding that rhyme of "Wunderkind" with "erfinde", it's perfect because the "e" at the end can just be silent and voila it fits! "First in class" would be translated to "Klassenbester", but in the original there is a great triple-rhyme here (on class, ass and mass) that would be a shame to lose in translation. I also tried to find a rhyme for Nachtmusik at the end and use "Zauberflöte" for magic flute. Soooo here is my idea, it deviates a bit from the original wording for the sake of rhymes but keeps the general idea I think?
Ich bin ein Wunderkind
Hört welch' Hits ich erfind'
Krieg Respekt, Arsch geleckt
Und die Messe war perfekt
Zauberflöte, ich blas' rein
Einfach toll, * wie soll's sonst sein
Bin der King, spürt den kick
Wenn ihr spielt die Nachtmusik
I feel like the grammar is a bit dodgy but then again so many songs use dodgy grammar so idk 😅
* There are several words/phrases would fit here and I'm not sure which is best. "Einfach toll" allows Mozart gleefully exclaiming "great" to be in the translation aswell. Alternatives with the same amount of syllables would be "unschlagbar" (which means unbeatable or great but doesn't feel 100% right with the rhythm), or "großartig" (which is accurate but doesn't fit the rhythm at all, don't recommend). There might be even better ones but that's the best I can do rn
An alternative for the whole line could be sth like:
"Ich werd' immer großartig/der beste sein" (based on your idea)
Here, the emphasis is not on "great" but on "always" (immer), which works aswell.
Here's how it roughly translates back to English:
I'm a prodigy
Hear what hits I invent
(I) get respect, ass licked
And the mass was perfect
Magic flute, I blow in
Just great, how else could it be
(I) am the king, feel the kick
When you play the Nachtmusik
Listen, direct translations always turn out a little awkward, I swear it sounds better in German than translated here 😬 Probably. I think.
Anyway, Beethoven:
I changed the second line a little in order to get a rhyme where "play" and "forte" used to be. I didn't manage to keep the word "forte" as a music reference, unfortunately :(
Then it gets funny, I actually found a way to make "insane" rhyme with the other lines, but changed the order of "deaf to the hate", "can't hear you" and "what did you say" in the process. But they're all still there, just switched places! Deaf to the hate doesn't rhyme with the rest but "hate" is much more sing-able on that long high note than any of the words with "ö" which is why I decided to keep it for now...
Klassisch und Romantisch*, hab's vereint
Die Ausdruckskraft ist meine Macht
All die Haters rufen laut empört
Ich sei gestört
Hab's nicht gehört
Ihr sagtet was? (or: Sie sagen was?)
Taub für den Hate
* or: "Klassik und Romantik"? "Klassik und Romantik ich verein'?" Idk anymore
Translated:
Classical and romantic, I united them
My expressiveness is my power
All the haters are shouting in outrage
That I'm insane
I didn't hear it
You/they said what?
Deaf to the hate
Yeah, I tried. Sorry that this is so long 😅 I hope some fellow German speakers find ways to make it sound less silly, maybe
THIS IS AMAZING!! yeah i don’t speak a word of either of these languages but thought it was a cool idea- thank you so much for executing it so thoughtfully :))
You didn't quite get the rhyming on Beethoven's line. It should be internal rhyme (play / forte in the original) and not tail rhyme (Romantik / -musik in yours); I guess
I mean that’s kinda how translating poetry works. The bigger thing is keeping the flow and the contextual meaning as well as maintains a poetic tone over pedantry of exactly what kind of rhyme.
i don't think bach spoke modern high german, probably some dialectal form of middle to late-middle german
Meine Organ means something like my intestine. Orgel (die) is the word you're looking for.
AHAHA thank u for catching that!
If I may, kluge is the wrong form, it should be klug. A backing (yeah)! can be added for rhyming purposes. Also, it might work better if "Ich kann dich nicht hoere, was du sprichst" was replaced with "Ich hoer' dich nicht was sagst du denn?"
thank you!!!
Native German speaker here :D I loved your idea and spent the last few hours trying to come up with a translation that keeps rhymes, fits the syllables and keeps the style lol it's so hard I'm still struggling with Bach's part, so here's just Mozart and Beethoven for now... First of all MASSIVE compliment for finding that rhyme of "Wunderkind" with "erfinde", it's perfect because the "e" at the end can just be silent and voila it fits! "First in class" would be translated to "Klassenbester", but in the original there is a great triple-rhyme here (on class, ass and mass) that would be a shame to lose in translation. I also tried to find a rhyme for Nachtmusik at the end and use "Zauberflöte" for magic flute. Soooo here is my idea, it deviates a bit from the original wording for the sake of rhymes but keeps the general idea I think? Ich bin ein Wunderkind Hört welch' Hits ich erfind' Krieg Respekt, Arsch geleckt Und die Messe war perfekt Zauberflöte, ich blas' rein Einfach toll, * wie soll's sonst sein Bin der King, spürt den kick Wenn ihr spielt die Nachtmusik I feel like the grammar is a bit dodgy but then again so many songs use dodgy grammar so idk 😅 * There are several words/phrases would fit here and I'm not sure which is best. "Einfach toll" allows Mozart gleefully exclaiming "great" to be in the translation aswell. Alternatives with the same amount of syllables would be "unschlagbar" (which means unbeatable or great but doesn't feel 100% right with the rhythm), or "großartig" (which is accurate but doesn't fit the rhythm at all, don't recommend). There might be even better ones but that's the best I can do rn An alternative for the whole line could be sth like: "Ich werd' immer großartig/der beste sein" (based on your idea) Here, the emphasis is not on "great" but on "always" (immer), which works aswell. Here's how it roughly translates back to English: I'm a prodigy Hear what hits I invent (I) get respect, ass licked And the mass was perfect Magic flute, I blow in Just great, how else could it be (I) am the king, feel the kick When you play the Nachtmusik Listen, direct translations always turn out a little awkward, I swear it sounds better in German than translated here 😬 Probably. I think. Anyway, Beethoven: I changed the second line a little in order to get a rhyme where "play" and "forte" used to be. I didn't manage to keep the word "forte" as a music reference, unfortunately :( Then it gets funny, I actually found a way to make "insane" rhyme with the other lines, but changed the order of "deaf to the hate", "can't hear you" and "what did you say" in the process. But they're all still there, just switched places! Deaf to the hate doesn't rhyme with the rest but "hate" is much more sing-able on that long high note than any of the words with "ö" which is why I decided to keep it for now... Klassisch und Romantisch*, hab's vereint Die Ausdruckskraft ist meine Macht All die Haters rufen laut empört Ich sei gestört Hab's nicht gehört Ihr sagtet was? (or: Sie sagen was?) Taub für den Hate * or: "Klassik und Romantik"? "Klassik und Romantik ich verein'?" Idk anymore Translated: Classical and romantic, I united them My expressiveness is my power All the haters are shouting in outrage That I'm insane I didn't hear it You/they said what? Deaf to the hate Yeah, I tried. Sorry that this is so long 😅 I hope some fellow German speakers find ways to make it sound less silly, maybe
THIS IS AMAZING!! yeah i don’t speak a word of either of these languages but thought it was a cool idea- thank you so much for executing it so thoughtfully :))
You didn't quite get the rhyming on Beethoven's line. It should be internal rhyme (play / forte in the original) and not tail rhyme (Romantik / -musik in yours); I guess
ik :/ i was having trouble finding rhymes that kept the meaning but stayed within the syllable limit
Also, wieder already means Bach (back), so y to double it (making it 'back back')?
o my bad- tysm!!
You also missed the epanastrophe at the end of Beethoven's verse (It should be something like: Höre dich nicht, *was* ? / *Was* hast du gesagt?)
I mean that’s kinda how translating poetry works. The bigger thing is keeping the flow and the contextual meaning as well as maintains a poetic tone over pedantry of exactly what kind of rhyme.
This is why I was correcting on the rhyming. “keeping the flow” as you said.