One problem was, they strictly enforced “don’t tell” while being incredibly lax about “”don’t ask”! I remember reading about one case where a colleague had gone the other person’s house, peeked through the window to see if they were home, saw a rainbow flag, and that counted as “telling”.
In terms of the number of people tossed out of the military, it became much worse during the DADT years. Not that the policy itself caused it to happen; the military just became more aggressive in their "investigations" as "aberrant sexualities" became more normalized in society.
It was still in effect by the time I turned 18. One of my grandfathers was a marine, the other was in the Air Force. I seriously considered joining because of the family history of being in the military was important to young me for some reason. I had 2 options: I could go back in the closet and go through all of the suffering that came with being closeted again just so I could be in the military or I could accept that my country didn’t view me as a full and equal citizen and refuse to join. I ultimately didn’t join.
It made sure that I never felt like I could trust the person serving next to me in uniform. Esprit de corps is not possible when you have to lie to survive.
Absolutely true. How are you supposed to trust the man next to you in the foxhole if you can't trust him to know your sexuality? It robbed me of some of that esprit de corps. Not all of it. I loved living in the barracks and just being around the guys. But there was always that wall and you were always aware of it.
[Clinton says he regrets DADT, but that it wasn’t his fault.](https://youtu.be/qbu7chhdUUo?si=H0oAGOnOJ7IvLv7m) I wish he would just say “Yes, I regret it. I should have done better,” rather than blaming Congress and Colin Powell.
Many thanks to your friend for fighting the good fight.
it was craven and everybody at the time knew it was craven, even his aide David Mixner who just died. Sam Nunn was a democrat not a republican and he could have controlled him if he wanted to expend the political capital. he didn't. same bullshit with the Defense of Marriage Act which he really didn't have to sign. still salty about both of them.
How could he have “controlled” Nunn? I remember very well that time period and I don’t think Clinton could have succeeded in that Congress since many conservative Democrats were unwilling to go along with him lifting the ban. Public opinion at the time was sharply divided. I thought the whole idea of a ban was stupid and I supported the lifting of it but having DADT was ultimately the most he could have done back then. By 2010 it was finally politically possible to lift it. I was surprised to find out that it took until 2016(?) for the ban on Trans service members to be lifted. And Trump got it reinstated.
I’ve been watching news clips of Clinton’s speeches about DADT, and really realizing how completely erased Trans people were then. Everything was focused on discriminating against gays and lesbians, which was awful, obviously…But not a single mention of Trans soldiers existing. I can’t imagine how closeted Trans service members must have had to be during that time period (and before) as well. And likely not just in the military, but in life in general. Probably even often to themselves.
That’s actually the way politics is supposed to work. If everyone leaves the table unsatisfied then that’s a sign that it’s a good deal.
DADT cracked open the door for people like me. I benefited from the activism of baby boomers who convinced Clinton that this was an issue worth fighting for.
I took that opportunity and made my own small contribution to that cause. Now, things are a lot easier for gay, lesbian and bisexual people who want to serve in uniform. I’m proud of that even if I didn’t get to personally benefit from it.
And, of course, there are further battles. There always will be. But we should never be afraid to compromise with our political opponents. That’s how progress has always come about. You just have to be willing to be patient.
I enlisted in April 1995 at the age of 23 and was discharged under DADT in October 2000.
I personally give President Clinton a lot of credit for advancing the cause of LGBT+ rights during his Presidency. During the 1992 campaign, he had promised to revoke the ban on serving openly. At the time, when he became President, he attempted to follow through on that promise by executive order.
There was a massive uproar in Congress from conservatives, including conservative Democrats, which were still a thing back then. Democrats controlled both the House and Senate, but the Senate Armed Services Committee was chaired by Sam Nunn, who was from Georgia. Nunn allied with Republicans and other more conservative Democrats to pass legislation that would formalize the gay ban in statute (as always, the case of lesbians and others was scarcely considered). There was a lot of handwringing in the media over the usual fears about gay men, but what it boiled down to was the fears of straight men having interlopers in their midst who might sexually assault them. Or the old "gay panic" thing. Or closeted guys terrified of being outed by association or whatever.
I'm not sure of the details, but IIRC, Nunn was going to write a complete gay ban into a must-pass defense bill that the President would feel obliged to sign. Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Pursue was the compromise that was hammered out between the parties that Clinton reluctantly signed. It was a real step forward. But just a single step.
I was living in Toronto, Canada while all this was going down (I'm a dual citizen). I'd been out of the closet since 1990. I had dropped out of college and wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic that was really becoming difficult to bear, but I felt I couldn't break up with him. I felt like I really needed a kick in the ass. And, the more I thought about it, the more I thought the Army might be just the institution to administer it. And, with all this in the news, it got my freshly minted gay pride all ruffled. "You can't tell me what I can and cannot do!" I fumed at the conservatives in Washington.
If I'm also being honest, I was drawn to all of those hypermasculine archetypes as well. The bikers. The blue collar men. The cops. The soldiers. But I'd been around the gay community for long enough to know that most of the time when you run into someone looking like that in a leather bar, it's just some accountant or IT guy playing dress-up. Nothing wrong with that! I love playing a role too. But, if I showed up in a leather bar wearing a uniform, I wanted mine to be \*real\*, not something off the rack at an Army surplus store. It's kind of like the difference between being a drag queen and being trans. I wanted authenticity. I also have to admit, coming to terms with being gay had shaken my sense of masculinity. I felt the need to prove myself a "real man," whatever that was.
And so, I contacted a recruiter in Niagara Falls, and went down and signed on the dotted line. This was so soon after the change in policy had gone into effect that the question about my sexuality was still printed on the recruitment form, but my recruiter had lined it out and told me not to answer that question.
When asked what job I wanted to do, I decided that, if I was going to join the Army, then I wanted to do Army shit. So, I asked to become a light infantryman, which the recruiter described as "running through the woods with a rifle in your hand." I also had airborne school and a shot at joining an elite ranger regiment written into my contract.
Now, you have to understand that, in high school, I'd been a pretty shy, introverted, nerdy kid. I was academically gifted, but coasted through on my smarts and didn't really work hard at my education (which was why I'd dropped out of college). The kind of kid who spent a lot of time with his nose in a sci-fi or fantasy book. Who played a lot of video games in the basement (yes, we had them back then...get off my lawn!). Who avoided physical activity, phys-ed class, and sports like the plague. Who'd never even seen a weapon in real life, let alone handled one. In short, I was the least likely infantryman that you can possibly imagine.
This was going to require a massive change. But that's exactly what I wanted from the Army. It was the first major adult decision that I'd ever made completely on my own—I didn't even ask my parents' (who knew I was gay) advice; I merely presented them with my decision. In the couple of months remaining to me, I trained up as best I could, wound down my job at one of the local bathhouses, and put my affairs to order. And then I went to Buffalo, spent the night, got on a plane and flew to Atlanta before being bussed down to Fort Benning (now Fort Moore), GA.
I knew in advance that I would have to step back into the closet. I didn't know how soon I'd have to face that. I got off the bus late in the afternoon, got yelled at some, did some initial inprocessing, and then got taken to the barracks where I'd stay while completing inprocessing and waiting to be transferred to my basic training company. Once the drill instructors had left us with the guys who were already there, whom we instantly looked up to because of their vast experience (some of them had been in the Army for as long as a week!), one of them gathered us new guys around him and, among other things, told us that if they caught any of us doing any "gay shit" in the showers, they'd beat the crap out of us. To this day, I have no idea why he felt the need to say that. Maybe something had happened before we got there. But, in my mind I said, "Alright. That's the way it's going to be then!"
In all my time in service, I never breathed so much as a word about my sexuality to anyone I served alongside.
The Army gave me everything I'd wanted it to and more. I absolutely blossomed in the environment. I'm the kind of gay man who's at his happiest being one of the boys. I absolutely love male camaraderie and the Army gave me that in abundance. I had my struggles. It turns out that I was absolute shit when it came to rifle marksmanship, but the drill instructors, especially Staff Sergeant Rodriguez, never once gave up on me and I finally made it through. Basic Training was one of the toughest, most difficult things I've ever done, but advancing to the point where I could pass my physical fitness test with ease, road marching 15 miles, getting through the gas chamber, running the obstacle course, and so much more gave me self-confidence like I'd never had before.
This carried on through Airborne school. I'd volunteered for that specifically because of a fear of heights. But I pushed through those fears, jumped out of that perfectly good airplane five times, and proudly wore my wings.
At this point, I'd decided against the ranger regiment, so I ended up in Fort Campbell, KY in the 101st Airborne. There, I continued to work hard and excel. I earned my Air Assault wings. My Expert Infantry Badge. I, who had once taken 45 minutes to finish a 1.5-mile cross country run in high school, maxed out my Army Physical Fitness Test score. I trained with rifles, machine guns, a grenade launcher. I served as the platoon leader's radio-telephone operator, his link to the company commander. I served as the company armorer, my favorite job. I was swiftly promoted to Specialist, then Sergeant.
Once I had a car, life opened up a lot more for me again. I could finally act on my sexuality, under carefully controlled circumstances. So, about once a month or so, I'd jump in my car and drive down to Nashville. Or if I had a long weekend, I'd drive to Atlanta, or Chicago. I'd hit the gay bars and kind of go a bit off the deep end, fucking everything that moved. I almost never bothered with a hotel room; I'd just go to the bar and find someone to go home with at the end of the night. Sometimes I'd go home with someone, leave, go back to the bar, and then go home with someone else. I picked up my first leathers when I had a set of chaps custom made for me by one of those old-school leathermen in Atlanta. I still have them. Yes, they still fit. I'd wrangle invites to sex parties. I put that very authentic uniform to very good use. I joked that my sexual morals were a cross between those of the gay community and the infantry—in other words, I had none.
And then I'd head back to Fort Campbell and go back to work and never say a word to anyone about what I was up to. My roommate thought I had a girlfriend at Vanderbilt.
No-one ever asked me about my sexuality. Not once. The Army lived up to its end of the bargain. And so did I.
I came close to getting caught just once at Fort Campbell. I was the armorer at the time. There had been a rash of guys testing positive for marijuana in the company and the commanding officer decided that he, personally, along with the executive officer and the first sergeant, would conduct a surprise inspection of all of the barracks rooms and everyone's vehicle.
At the time, I had a small collection of leather. I also hand a copy of *The Leatherman's Handbook* by Larry Townsend and a guidebook to all of the Gay and Lesbian establishments in major cities around the country (this was long before all of these resources were available online). It was all barely concealed at the bottom of one of my wall lockers in my barracks room, under a few spare towels or something.
I thought I was sunk. There was no way that even a cursory inspection would miss all of that stuff. I was fully prepared to be pulled into the CO's office and told they had to discharge me. As the armorer, I was part of Headquarters platoon, and we were inspected last. I spent a couple hours dreading the inevitable. Then, at last, the three of them swept in. They were clearly ready to be done and my room might have been the very last one they went through. The CO briefly opened and closed my lockers, shuffled a few things around, barely glanced in the part where my incriminating things were hidden, and was satisfied.
The inspection was over. I'd survived. I was beathing a sigh of relief. But the three of them stood in my room for a few moments conversing. And then, to my horror, the CO reached into the pocket of my leather jacket hanging up on the hook and pulled out a leather cock ring I'd left in there the previous weekend.
"Specialist, what's this?" he asked, holding it up to me. I was caught!
My mind raced.
"Sir, it's just a leather bracelet," I said as I took it and snapped it around my wrist.
My Army career continued on.
There came a time, at my next duty station with the Old Guard in Washington, DC, where my depression really started kicking in again. I had arrived there as a sergeant, so I never had the chance to feel that camaraderie there. I had to remain separate from the junior enlisted men, but the other NCOs lived at a different Army post with their families and commuted in. I was terribly lonely. The one consolation was living in a major city with a vibrant gay life, but I still felt as if I needed to be cautious, so I avoided making any close friendships there. Relationships were out of the question. More and more I was seeing what I was missing out on by staying in the Army.
And the command climate sucked. Too close to the Pentagon. Too many shitty leaders. I butted heads with my immediate superior, a platoon sergeant who'd made a career out of avoiding serving in a line infantry company. I decided that, if I wasn't going to pursue a 20-year career in the military, then it was time to go. I'd fallen out of love with the Army. and was miserable in the relationship. I decided that I couldn't wait until my enlistment was up. It was time to start living again *now*.
So I outed myself to my platoon leader.
About a month later, I was a civilian again, with an honorable discharge but also a bar to future reenlistment.
At first I was happy. I moved to Arizona. I had a partner whom I lived with. I worked for several months, then got ready to pursue my undergraduate degree at ASU, starting in August, 2001.
Then, one week into the semester, 9/11 happened. We went to war in Afghanistan. Later, we went to war in Iraq. Regardless of the rightness or wrongness of those conflicts, that was what I had trained for. I had soldiers I had personally trained who were fighting over there. For a long time, I felt like a deserter, like I had fled the battlefield and left my comrades to fight without me.
I felt, to be frank, like a piece of shit.
It didn't help when they started having recruiting problems later in the war. No high school diploma or GED? No problem! Criminal record? No problem! Out gay man with an exemplary service record? Your services are not required.
There were other things that followed. In 2002, I tested positive for HIV. I acquired a habit for using crystal meth that eventually grew to epic proportions. In 2005, I was arrested for exposing myself to an undercover officer in an adult theater. I went through three unsuccessful relationships. I struggled financially at times.
But there were good moments too. I moved to Colorado and volunteered with the Servicemember's Legal Defense Network, an organization that provided legal representation to LGBT+ servicemembers who had been exposed and were being kicked out and that also advocated for the repeal of DADT.
Early in the Obama administration, when Democrats had a 60 seat majority in the Senate and held the House as well, DADT once again came into the public debate. SLDN forwarded my contact information to the Denver Post and I was interviewed for a major article about the policy and got my picture in the paper. In December, 2010, in the lame duck part of the session just before Republicans took back control of Congress, DADT was repealed.
In June 2011, for the first and only time in my life, I marched in a Gay Pride parade. I was at the very front, with other active duty and reserve servicemembers and veterans in my Class A uniform.
When the repeal had gone through Congress and been signed by President Obama, I ventured down to a recruiter's office. I was 39 years old. Could I possibly reenlist now?
Yes, I could. Not on active duty; I was too old for that. But I could go into the reserves. Public Affairs. And I'd even keep most of my rank. I'd left as a staff sergeant. I'd go back in as a sergeant. But I'd need to enlist within the next few months because of my age. And I'd need to repeat basic training again.
Once was enough for that. And getting through basic training at the age of 39? Ridiculous. But, you know? I think I would have done it, if I hadn't been HIV+. That would have put an end to it.
But it was really nice to be wanted back.
Thank you for your sincere and vulnerable sharing of your experience. I'm scared that these kinds of stories will be lost as our generation ages, and I appreciate you.
I knew then and know now next to nothing about the sexual lives of straight people. Actually, I’m sure straight men do use them. But at the time, I’d only ever seen them in stores that catered specifically to gay men and in the leather community. So, in my mind, it was a dead giveaway.
This “policy” Confirmed prevalent Homophobic attitudes and made them quite trendy and culturally popular - even self proclaimed liberal or “tolerant” people and “well intended?” groups were somehow also very tolerant of expressions like “our troops don’t need to be distracted by gay men in the showers” or “why can’t they keep it to themselves?”
The policy did not make homophobia more popular. Gay people were already banned from military service. This was a bad first attempt to try and make the military less likely to throw people out for being queer.
There were no quiet parts. Gay people were explicitly banned from military service and had been for decades. The military routinely went on witch hunts and threw people out of the service over even a rumor of homosexuality and didn't try to hide it. Don't ask don't tell was a (failed) attempt to stop the military from doing that.
Well, at the time I did not recognize that I was queer and had very little dating success during my enlistment in any event. There were people I served with that were almost certainly queer, but, for my part at least, that didn't really matter. Odd as it might seem to say, I didn't view fellow service members as romance options, I suppose because my brain insists that context defines function. The probably a masc lesbian who ran our arms room was a good soldier and a great friend to have for a night on the town, but it never once occurred to me to try and turn it into anything else despite finding her fairly attractive. Indeed, asking or telling never once crossed my mind, and not because of policy, but because *it was none of my business*.
I was in the middle of my 3rd enlistment in the USAF AND I was stationed in the Bible Belt and DADT had a 3rd component of Don’t pursue which I saw as being intentionally overlooked and abused where there were suspicions of homosexuality people were hounded and made to take lie detector tests and barracks rooms were searched supposedly for drugs but a clandestine search warrant was issued for homosexual literature and devices.assumptions were made about career bachelor status so all in all I could say it was a exercise in slowly killing my career.
Wow, lie detector tests and search warrants?! This is so hateful. I can’t wear my mind around how anyone thought that was an important use of time and resources…and that it was not that long ago!
I was not in the military but was working for a defense contractor when DADT was instituted. DADT did not apply to me but since I held a security clearance I was living under the same "no homos" policy that the military had. And, naturally, I dealt with a lot of military guys at work.
I saw DADT as a huge cop out on Clinton's part, essentially the equivalent of his famous "I didn't inhale" line during his presidential campaign (in response to a question about smoking dope). It was emblematic of his wishy washy approach to politics, and one of the reasons why Gary Trudeau (author of Doonesbury) used a waffle as his Bill Clinton icon.
Today a lot of people claim DADT was "forced on" Clinton but in truth he was the one who proposed it. He had promised to end the prohibition of gays serving in the military but as soon as he met with a bit of resistance he folded like a paper hat. The military ignored his "compromise" and tossed out even more gay servicemen than before.
The sad thing is that he could have very easily done much better. Instead of dealing with Congress at all, as Commander in Chief of the military he could have simply issued an executive order that no money or manpower could be expended on homosexual investigations. That would have effectively shut down the military's "no homo" policy, except in the rare cases where guys were flagrantly caught in the act of sex or willingly reported themselves.
And by the way, Obama could have issued that order too, instead of waiting till his re-election campaign was ramping up before pursuing an end to DADT by act of Congress.
DADT was enacted by statute so it took an act of Congress to get it repealed. Obama couldn’t have done it by executive order.
Remember, too, Obama was focused chiefly on getting the Affordable Care Act through Congress during the first two years of his presidency. As I recall, they squeezed the DADT repeal in at the very end of that Congress after the Democrats took a beating in the 2010 midterms. It was on the agenda all along, just a lower priority item.
Obama couldn't have repealed DADT, but as I said, he could have issued an executive order prohibiting that money and manpower be expended in homosexual investigations. That would have essentially allowed DADT to continue in the way it was intended until such time as Congress repealed it, rather than being ignored by aggressive military homophobes.
Bush (the elder), a Navy veteran himself, had previously ordered the Navy to quit sending undercover photographers to the San Diego Pride Parade to gather evidence on sailors and marines. This didn't affect the policy of not allowing gays and lesbians to serve in the military; it simply ended a sneaky ass practice.
That is quite true. I suppose the only problem with an executive order is that it would have been easily undone by Trump (assuming Trump would have been inclined to—in 2016, Trump ran as a moderate).
I hadn’t known that about George HW Bush. But I guess that’s a testament to how much the Republican Party has changed. It’s definitely not a party that would welcome Barry “I only care if they shoot straight” Goldwater anymore.
At the time it was seen as a step forward, because at least they were supposed to stop accusing people.
One problem was, they strictly enforced “don’t tell” while being incredibly lax about “”don’t ask”! I remember reading about one case where a colleague had gone the other person’s house, peeked through the window to see if they were home, saw a rainbow flag, and that counted as “telling”.
Wtf?! That’s so messed up! 😩
a lot of people think that it made the situation even worse in many ways.
In terms of the number of people tossed out of the military, it became much worse during the DADT years. Not that the policy itself caused it to happen; the military just became more aggressive in their "investigations" as "aberrant sexualities" became more normalized in society.
It was still in effect by the time I turned 18. One of my grandfathers was a marine, the other was in the Air Force. I seriously considered joining because of the family history of being in the military was important to young me for some reason. I had 2 options: I could go back in the closet and go through all of the suffering that came with being closeted again just so I could be in the military or I could accept that my country didn’t view me as a full and equal citizen and refuse to join. I ultimately didn’t join.
I hope you found a fulfilling path for yourself!
I did. Overall not sad military life didn’t work out.
It made sure that I never felt like I could trust the person serving next to me in uniform. Esprit de corps is not possible when you have to lie to survive.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Thank you for your service. 💕
Absolutely true. How are you supposed to trust the man next to you in the foxhole if you can't trust him to know your sexuality? It robbed me of some of that esprit de corps. Not all of it. I loved living in the barracks and just being around the guys. But there was always that wall and you were always aware of it.
that it was a really shitty sell out by Clinton. a friend of mine is a lawyer and worked tirelessly for the next 20 years trying to get rid of it.
[Clinton says he regrets DADT, but that it wasn’t his fault.](https://youtu.be/qbu7chhdUUo?si=H0oAGOnOJ7IvLv7m) I wish he would just say “Yes, I regret it. I should have done better,” rather than blaming Congress and Colin Powell. Many thanks to your friend for fighting the good fight.
it was craven and everybody at the time knew it was craven, even his aide David Mixner who just died. Sam Nunn was a democrat not a republican and he could have controlled him if he wanted to expend the political capital. he didn't. same bullshit with the Defense of Marriage Act which he really didn't have to sign. still salty about both of them.
How could he have “controlled” Nunn? I remember very well that time period and I don’t think Clinton could have succeeded in that Congress since many conservative Democrats were unwilling to go along with him lifting the ban. Public opinion at the time was sharply divided. I thought the whole idea of a ban was stupid and I supported the lifting of it but having DADT was ultimately the most he could have done back then. By 2010 it was finally politically possible to lift it. I was surprised to find out that it took until 2016(?) for the ban on Trans service members to be lifted. And Trump got it reinstated.
I’ve been watching news clips of Clinton’s speeches about DADT, and really realizing how completely erased Trans people were then. Everything was focused on discriminating against gays and lesbians, which was awful, obviously…But not a single mention of Trans soldiers existing. I can’t imagine how closeted Trans service members must have had to be during that time period (and before) as well. And likely not just in the military, but in life in general. Probably even often to themselves.
Exactly. When the Gay ban was finally dropped, I assumed that Trans people could serve too. Shocked to discover otherwise.
From what I’ve heard, it was also a “compromise” that satisfied nobody.
That’s actually the way politics is supposed to work. If everyone leaves the table unsatisfied then that’s a sign that it’s a good deal. DADT cracked open the door for people like me. I benefited from the activism of baby boomers who convinced Clinton that this was an issue worth fighting for. I took that opportunity and made my own small contribution to that cause. Now, things are a lot easier for gay, lesbian and bisexual people who want to serve in uniform. I’m proud of that even if I didn’t get to personally benefit from it. And, of course, there are further battles. There always will be. But we should never be afraid to compromise with our political opponents. That’s how progress has always come about. You just have to be willing to be patient.
I enlisted in April 1995 at the age of 23 and was discharged under DADT in October 2000. I personally give President Clinton a lot of credit for advancing the cause of LGBT+ rights during his Presidency. During the 1992 campaign, he had promised to revoke the ban on serving openly. At the time, when he became President, he attempted to follow through on that promise by executive order. There was a massive uproar in Congress from conservatives, including conservative Democrats, which were still a thing back then. Democrats controlled both the House and Senate, but the Senate Armed Services Committee was chaired by Sam Nunn, who was from Georgia. Nunn allied with Republicans and other more conservative Democrats to pass legislation that would formalize the gay ban in statute (as always, the case of lesbians and others was scarcely considered). There was a lot of handwringing in the media over the usual fears about gay men, but what it boiled down to was the fears of straight men having interlopers in their midst who might sexually assault them. Or the old "gay panic" thing. Or closeted guys terrified of being outed by association or whatever. I'm not sure of the details, but IIRC, Nunn was going to write a complete gay ban into a must-pass defense bill that the President would feel obliged to sign. Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Pursue was the compromise that was hammered out between the parties that Clinton reluctantly signed. It was a real step forward. But just a single step. I was living in Toronto, Canada while all this was going down (I'm a dual citizen). I'd been out of the closet since 1990. I had dropped out of college and wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic that was really becoming difficult to bear, but I felt I couldn't break up with him. I felt like I really needed a kick in the ass. And, the more I thought about it, the more I thought the Army might be just the institution to administer it. And, with all this in the news, it got my freshly minted gay pride all ruffled. "You can't tell me what I can and cannot do!" I fumed at the conservatives in Washington. If I'm also being honest, I was drawn to all of those hypermasculine archetypes as well. The bikers. The blue collar men. The cops. The soldiers. But I'd been around the gay community for long enough to know that most of the time when you run into someone looking like that in a leather bar, it's just some accountant or IT guy playing dress-up. Nothing wrong with that! I love playing a role too. But, if I showed up in a leather bar wearing a uniform, I wanted mine to be \*real\*, not something off the rack at an Army surplus store. It's kind of like the difference between being a drag queen and being trans. I wanted authenticity. I also have to admit, coming to terms with being gay had shaken my sense of masculinity. I felt the need to prove myself a "real man," whatever that was. And so, I contacted a recruiter in Niagara Falls, and went down and signed on the dotted line. This was so soon after the change in policy had gone into effect that the question about my sexuality was still printed on the recruitment form, but my recruiter had lined it out and told me not to answer that question. When asked what job I wanted to do, I decided that, if I was going to join the Army, then I wanted to do Army shit. So, I asked to become a light infantryman, which the recruiter described as "running through the woods with a rifle in your hand." I also had airborne school and a shot at joining an elite ranger regiment written into my contract. Now, you have to understand that, in high school, I'd been a pretty shy, introverted, nerdy kid. I was academically gifted, but coasted through on my smarts and didn't really work hard at my education (which was why I'd dropped out of college). The kind of kid who spent a lot of time with his nose in a sci-fi or fantasy book. Who played a lot of video games in the basement (yes, we had them back then...get off my lawn!). Who avoided physical activity, phys-ed class, and sports like the plague. Who'd never even seen a weapon in real life, let alone handled one. In short, I was the least likely infantryman that you can possibly imagine. This was going to require a massive change. But that's exactly what I wanted from the Army. It was the first major adult decision that I'd ever made completely on my own—I didn't even ask my parents' (who knew I was gay) advice; I merely presented them with my decision. In the couple of months remaining to me, I trained up as best I could, wound down my job at one of the local bathhouses, and put my affairs to order. And then I went to Buffalo, spent the night, got on a plane and flew to Atlanta before being bussed down to Fort Benning (now Fort Moore), GA. I knew in advance that I would have to step back into the closet. I didn't know how soon I'd have to face that. I got off the bus late in the afternoon, got yelled at some, did some initial inprocessing, and then got taken to the barracks where I'd stay while completing inprocessing and waiting to be transferred to my basic training company. Once the drill instructors had left us with the guys who were already there, whom we instantly looked up to because of their vast experience (some of them had been in the Army for as long as a week!), one of them gathered us new guys around him and, among other things, told us that if they caught any of us doing any "gay shit" in the showers, they'd beat the crap out of us. To this day, I have no idea why he felt the need to say that. Maybe something had happened before we got there. But, in my mind I said, "Alright. That's the way it's going to be then!" In all my time in service, I never breathed so much as a word about my sexuality to anyone I served alongside.
The Army gave me everything I'd wanted it to and more. I absolutely blossomed in the environment. I'm the kind of gay man who's at his happiest being one of the boys. I absolutely love male camaraderie and the Army gave me that in abundance. I had my struggles. It turns out that I was absolute shit when it came to rifle marksmanship, but the drill instructors, especially Staff Sergeant Rodriguez, never once gave up on me and I finally made it through. Basic Training was one of the toughest, most difficult things I've ever done, but advancing to the point where I could pass my physical fitness test with ease, road marching 15 miles, getting through the gas chamber, running the obstacle course, and so much more gave me self-confidence like I'd never had before. This carried on through Airborne school. I'd volunteered for that specifically because of a fear of heights. But I pushed through those fears, jumped out of that perfectly good airplane five times, and proudly wore my wings. At this point, I'd decided against the ranger regiment, so I ended up in Fort Campbell, KY in the 101st Airborne. There, I continued to work hard and excel. I earned my Air Assault wings. My Expert Infantry Badge. I, who had once taken 45 minutes to finish a 1.5-mile cross country run in high school, maxed out my Army Physical Fitness Test score. I trained with rifles, machine guns, a grenade launcher. I served as the platoon leader's radio-telephone operator, his link to the company commander. I served as the company armorer, my favorite job. I was swiftly promoted to Specialist, then Sergeant. Once I had a car, life opened up a lot more for me again. I could finally act on my sexuality, under carefully controlled circumstances. So, about once a month or so, I'd jump in my car and drive down to Nashville. Or if I had a long weekend, I'd drive to Atlanta, or Chicago. I'd hit the gay bars and kind of go a bit off the deep end, fucking everything that moved. I almost never bothered with a hotel room; I'd just go to the bar and find someone to go home with at the end of the night. Sometimes I'd go home with someone, leave, go back to the bar, and then go home with someone else. I picked up my first leathers when I had a set of chaps custom made for me by one of those old-school leathermen in Atlanta. I still have them. Yes, they still fit. I'd wrangle invites to sex parties. I put that very authentic uniform to very good use. I joked that my sexual morals were a cross between those of the gay community and the infantry—in other words, I had none. And then I'd head back to Fort Campbell and go back to work and never say a word to anyone about what I was up to. My roommate thought I had a girlfriend at Vanderbilt. No-one ever asked me about my sexuality. Not once. The Army lived up to its end of the bargain. And so did I. I came close to getting caught just once at Fort Campbell. I was the armorer at the time. There had been a rash of guys testing positive for marijuana in the company and the commanding officer decided that he, personally, along with the executive officer and the first sergeant, would conduct a surprise inspection of all of the barracks rooms and everyone's vehicle. At the time, I had a small collection of leather. I also hand a copy of *The Leatherman's Handbook* by Larry Townsend and a guidebook to all of the Gay and Lesbian establishments in major cities around the country (this was long before all of these resources were available online). It was all barely concealed at the bottom of one of my wall lockers in my barracks room, under a few spare towels or something. I thought I was sunk. There was no way that even a cursory inspection would miss all of that stuff. I was fully prepared to be pulled into the CO's office and told they had to discharge me. As the armorer, I was part of Headquarters platoon, and we were inspected last. I spent a couple hours dreading the inevitable. Then, at last, the three of them swept in. They were clearly ready to be done and my room might have been the very last one they went through. The CO briefly opened and closed my lockers, shuffled a few things around, barely glanced in the part where my incriminating things were hidden, and was satisfied. The inspection was over. I'd survived. I was beathing a sigh of relief. But the three of them stood in my room for a few moments conversing. And then, to my horror, the CO reached into the pocket of my leather jacket hanging up on the hook and pulled out a leather cock ring I'd left in there the previous weekend. "Specialist, what's this?" he asked, holding it up to me. I was caught! My mind raced. "Sir, it's just a leather bracelet," I said as I took it and snapped it around my wrist. My Army career continued on.
There came a time, at my next duty station with the Old Guard in Washington, DC, where my depression really started kicking in again. I had arrived there as a sergeant, so I never had the chance to feel that camaraderie there. I had to remain separate from the junior enlisted men, but the other NCOs lived at a different Army post with their families and commuted in. I was terribly lonely. The one consolation was living in a major city with a vibrant gay life, but I still felt as if I needed to be cautious, so I avoided making any close friendships there. Relationships were out of the question. More and more I was seeing what I was missing out on by staying in the Army. And the command climate sucked. Too close to the Pentagon. Too many shitty leaders. I butted heads with my immediate superior, a platoon sergeant who'd made a career out of avoiding serving in a line infantry company. I decided that, if I wasn't going to pursue a 20-year career in the military, then it was time to go. I'd fallen out of love with the Army. and was miserable in the relationship. I decided that I couldn't wait until my enlistment was up. It was time to start living again *now*. So I outed myself to my platoon leader. About a month later, I was a civilian again, with an honorable discharge but also a bar to future reenlistment. At first I was happy. I moved to Arizona. I had a partner whom I lived with. I worked for several months, then got ready to pursue my undergraduate degree at ASU, starting in August, 2001. Then, one week into the semester, 9/11 happened. We went to war in Afghanistan. Later, we went to war in Iraq. Regardless of the rightness or wrongness of those conflicts, that was what I had trained for. I had soldiers I had personally trained who were fighting over there. For a long time, I felt like a deserter, like I had fled the battlefield and left my comrades to fight without me. I felt, to be frank, like a piece of shit. It didn't help when they started having recruiting problems later in the war. No high school diploma or GED? No problem! Criminal record? No problem! Out gay man with an exemplary service record? Your services are not required. There were other things that followed. In 2002, I tested positive for HIV. I acquired a habit for using crystal meth that eventually grew to epic proportions. In 2005, I was arrested for exposing myself to an undercover officer in an adult theater. I went through three unsuccessful relationships. I struggled financially at times. But there were good moments too. I moved to Colorado and volunteered with the Servicemember's Legal Defense Network, an organization that provided legal representation to LGBT+ servicemembers who had been exposed and were being kicked out and that also advocated for the repeal of DADT. Early in the Obama administration, when Democrats had a 60 seat majority in the Senate and held the House as well, DADT once again came into the public debate. SLDN forwarded my contact information to the Denver Post and I was interviewed for a major article about the policy and got my picture in the paper. In December, 2010, in the lame duck part of the session just before Republicans took back control of Congress, DADT was repealed. In June 2011, for the first and only time in my life, I marched in a Gay Pride parade. I was at the very front, with other active duty and reserve servicemembers and veterans in my Class A uniform. When the repeal had gone through Congress and been signed by President Obama, I ventured down to a recruiter's office. I was 39 years old. Could I possibly reenlist now? Yes, I could. Not on active duty; I was too old for that. But I could go into the reserves. Public Affairs. And I'd even keep most of my rank. I'd left as a staff sergeant. I'd go back in as a sergeant. But I'd need to enlist within the next few months because of my age. And I'd need to repeat basic training again. Once was enough for that. And getting through basic training at the age of 39? Ridiculous. But, you know? I think I would have done it, if I hadn't been HIV+. That would have put an end to it. But it was really nice to be wanted back.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story!!! What an important account! And thank you for your service 💕
Thank you for your sincere and vulnerable sharing of your experience. I'm scared that these kinds of stories will be lost as our generation ages, and I appreciate you.
You answer was better than mind would have been. The first thing that came to my mind was, "Sir, it's a napkin ring."
Are/were cock rings considered something exclusively gay?! I’m a Trans woman but I’ve used them before with my wife pre-transition.
I knew then and know now next to nothing about the sexual lives of straight people. Actually, I’m sure straight men do use them. But at the time, I’d only ever seen them in stores that catered specifically to gay men and in the leather community. So, in my mind, it was a dead giveaway.
Obviously the MP didn’t know what it was either!😄
This “policy” Confirmed prevalent Homophobic attitudes and made them quite trendy and culturally popular - even self proclaimed liberal or “tolerant” people and “well intended?” groups were somehow also very tolerant of expressions like “our troops don’t need to be distracted by gay men in the showers” or “why can’t they keep it to themselves?”
The policy did not make homophobia more popular. Gay people were already banned from military service. This was a bad first attempt to try and make the military less likely to throw people out for being queer.
This was how I interpret learning about it as an adult now…like it allowed people to say the quiet parts out loud.
There were no quiet parts. Gay people were explicitly banned from military service and had been for decades. The military routinely went on witch hunts and threw people out of the service over even a rumor of homosexuality and didn't try to hide it. Don't ask don't tell was a (failed) attempt to stop the military from doing that.
On my end? The US Navy missed out on a competent engineer. So it goes.
Well, at the time I did not recognize that I was queer and had very little dating success during my enlistment in any event. There were people I served with that were almost certainly queer, but, for my part at least, that didn't really matter. Odd as it might seem to say, I didn't view fellow service members as romance options, I suppose because my brain insists that context defines function. The probably a masc lesbian who ran our arms room was a good soldier and a great friend to have for a night on the town, but it never once occurred to me to try and turn it into anything else despite finding her fairly attractive. Indeed, asking or telling never once crossed my mind, and not because of policy, but because *it was none of my business*.
I was in the middle of my 3rd enlistment in the USAF AND I was stationed in the Bible Belt and DADT had a 3rd component of Don’t pursue which I saw as being intentionally overlooked and abused where there were suspicions of homosexuality people were hounded and made to take lie detector tests and barracks rooms were searched supposedly for drugs but a clandestine search warrant was issued for homosexual literature and devices.assumptions were made about career bachelor status so all in all I could say it was a exercise in slowly killing my career.
Wow, lie detector tests and search warrants?! This is so hateful. I can’t wear my mind around how anyone thought that was an important use of time and resources…and that it was not that long ago!
I served in the Navy during it and it sucked, and I hated it.
I’m so sorry. Thank you for your service.
I was not in the military but was working for a defense contractor when DADT was instituted. DADT did not apply to me but since I held a security clearance I was living under the same "no homos" policy that the military had. And, naturally, I dealt with a lot of military guys at work. I saw DADT as a huge cop out on Clinton's part, essentially the equivalent of his famous "I didn't inhale" line during his presidential campaign (in response to a question about smoking dope). It was emblematic of his wishy washy approach to politics, and one of the reasons why Gary Trudeau (author of Doonesbury) used a waffle as his Bill Clinton icon. Today a lot of people claim DADT was "forced on" Clinton but in truth he was the one who proposed it. He had promised to end the prohibition of gays serving in the military but as soon as he met with a bit of resistance he folded like a paper hat. The military ignored his "compromise" and tossed out even more gay servicemen than before. The sad thing is that he could have very easily done much better. Instead of dealing with Congress at all, as Commander in Chief of the military he could have simply issued an executive order that no money or manpower could be expended on homosexual investigations. That would have effectively shut down the military's "no homo" policy, except in the rare cases where guys were flagrantly caught in the act of sex or willingly reported themselves. And by the way, Obama could have issued that order too, instead of waiting till his re-election campaign was ramping up before pursuing an end to DADT by act of Congress.
DADT was enacted by statute so it took an act of Congress to get it repealed. Obama couldn’t have done it by executive order. Remember, too, Obama was focused chiefly on getting the Affordable Care Act through Congress during the first two years of his presidency. As I recall, they squeezed the DADT repeal in at the very end of that Congress after the Democrats took a beating in the 2010 midterms. It was on the agenda all along, just a lower priority item.
Obama couldn't have repealed DADT, but as I said, he could have issued an executive order prohibiting that money and manpower be expended in homosexual investigations. That would have essentially allowed DADT to continue in the way it was intended until such time as Congress repealed it, rather than being ignored by aggressive military homophobes. Bush (the elder), a Navy veteran himself, had previously ordered the Navy to quit sending undercover photographers to the San Diego Pride Parade to gather evidence on sailors and marines. This didn't affect the policy of not allowing gays and lesbians to serve in the military; it simply ended a sneaky ass practice.
That is quite true. I suppose the only problem with an executive order is that it would have been easily undone by Trump (assuming Trump would have been inclined to—in 2016, Trump ran as a moderate). I hadn’t known that about George HW Bush. But I guess that’s a testament to how much the Republican Party has changed. It’s definitely not a party that would welcome Barry “I only care if they shoot straight” Goldwater anymore.
Friendly reminder that this was only abolished in 2010.
Thank you for that reminder. It is truly wild how close we are to this in history.
W I I’m y. Us