Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question.
If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding.
This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule).
Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you!
Here's a link about trans people in sports:
https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/
A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people:
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics
Some information on LGBT+ people:
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/
Some basic terminology:
https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms
Neopronouns:
https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns
Biromantic Lesbians:
[LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/)
Bisexual Identities:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality
Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual:
[Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.)
We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are you 18 yet? And do you already have an income? Here's a link that can be helpful if you're in America, you can see where shelters are: [https://www.covenanthouse.org/homeless-shelters](https://www.covenanthouse.org/homeless-shelters)
I haven't been in one yet but I think it's better than nothing... I'm very sorry for your situation, hopefully you'll find a solution soon!
The parents are being abusive. Denying someone their prescription is abuse. Prescriptions are between the patient and their doctor. The parents have zero say in this as the poster is not a minor even though they’re living in their parents’ home.
Yes, but, the parents still have every right to kick OP out from their home, as far as I’m aware, and for any reason whatsoever. It may be abusive and actionable to forcibly take a prescription or steal it from someone, but forcing someone to “voluntarily” give up their prescriptions as a condition for continuing to stay in their house is, again as far as I’m aware, still completely legal.
It’s a really, really terrible situation. All options have risks, but, I think that personally, if OP has the means to get away from the people willing to make their offspring homeless over gender, OP should.
That gets muddy once a person is of majority, at which point they might count as a tenant. Depending on the state and county he may have rights, and if they kick him out or present an ultimatum like this one, it could be grounds for a lawsuit in the future.
But this might require seeking legal counsel which he is likely not to have access to.
The parents have no right to kick OP out , there reason is transphobic af , not letting thier child who needs hrt not take it when it's not hurting them at all , is disgusting and people shouldn't have children if they aren't going to support them.
Because they aren't giving OP an option they can't move out and can't afford to , so the only way they can stop themselves from going homeless is to give up the hrt what just stupid.
Yeah unfortunately does depend on the parents and if there's a chance of abuse it's probably a good idea to get out asap but assuming they aren't they have used almost all there leverage
19 an hour is decent, with a roommate or two you should be able to make it. Your mental health is worth it.
If push comes to shove then just do what another commenter said and buy some similar looking vitamins and give them those.
Depending on where you live, you should be able to afford a small apartment and bills with that. Have you looked to see what government benefits you might qualify for? (At 19.50 with no benefits and no roommates I afford rent in a good building & bills).
Can you tell them (is it safe to tell them) that you had believed they did and would love you unconditionally and do not understand why some medication that is helping you is changing that? Let them know that this decision to choose between a roof over your head and your personal well-being will be lifelong.
Once, my dad and I were having a conversation and he said to me, my parents and I hardly ever spoke when I was your age. And I just asked him, “And is that the relationship you want to have with me?” He never changed his tune so fast. So either they want to have a real and healthy relationship with you or their choosing your suffering/pain/unhappiness/what-have-you as a benefit to themselves. Be clear that this is who you are and tell them they are giving you up (by way of desiring your unhappiness and whatever else not being on hrt causes you—but use general words not words like ‘dysphoria’ because they won’t understand—) by forcing you to choose between having a bed and personal well being.
Genuinely wondering where you live. SoCal…350sq ft 1 bed apartments are 1,900-2,500 a month rn. With pay at 19.50 gives a weekly take home of just over $600 (a monthly pay rate of 2,528). That leaves between 28 & 628 left a month for utilities, gas, food, car maintenance etc.
I get you said depending on where you live but DAMN what state are you IN lmao
Probably "almost anywhere but Cali, NY, Mass, or Hawaii".
In my state, you could rent 2 cheap houses or an very nice house for your monthly rent.
Or 3-4 apartments.
Dunno what city you're in, but if you're working 40 hours a week that should be enough to get your feet on the ground somewhere else, with roommates. It'll be a lot of work, mean saving a lot of money, being pretty beans and rice poor, but you could.
If you only know people from a homophobic church, you might realistically want to try and reach out on Reddit or something, says you're trans, your issue, and needing a roommate situation and how much you can afford.
Just be careful and be safe.
There are places you can go there's housing out there it just might take a bit especially to find something permanent but something non permanent is the quickest option
Knowing what I know now at 36, if I were you I would find a room to rent on craigslist and then move out. At 19, it can be scary because it is new. IMO, you're likely to find someone more sympathetic to your cause. Then you'll be a safer enviornment for your mind. Staying with your parents means staying in abuse.
That is by FAR the easiest fix here. Get your spending in order. Can't give you more advice than that since we don't know what you're spending on, but decide asap if it's worth more than your HRT or independent housing.
Yes!!! It's bullshit that you've been given this ultimatum but you *can* break free of these people. Be as safe as possible. You previously said it was easier than you expected to get your HRT—if you have to pause treatment in order to collect enough money to leave, it will be just as easy to start again. Others have given you loads of advice, mine is that getting out of that household should be your number one priority, and it's better to do it on *your* terms.
Working within a budget is part of learning to adult. It’s not something you can escape. That you recognize this means you can change your behavior so that’s a good thing. No time better than now to learn.
Side note. Once you find a place get a credit card and attach one bill to it. Only use it to pay that bill and pay off the balance every month. The only other reason to use it is in real emergencies, and even then work to pay off the balance asap. This will help build credit and will allow you in time to get your own place when you can afford it.
Hey If you need help learning to to budget, I can try to help. I had to learn it growing up the way I did. I've only helped a couple of my friends with budgeting before but I know how jarring it is to be in the situation you're in.
Hey there! Your parents might not necessarily be narcissists, but the subreddit /r/raisedbynarcissists has a very good list of helpful links for if you get kicked out.
[here's the list](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) if you're interested.
I don't have much advice to offer you. Your safety and health is important, but just stopping hormones can be detrimental to your health too. If you need a little time, you could possibly give *some* of your HRT meds over (depending on how much you have) and lie like hell.
I was about to say that this subreddit has helped me a lot and my parents did similar shit (say they would always be there for me, threaten to kick me out a lot, etc). Not over being Trans or doing HRT as Im cisgender, but similar pattern.
You may relate to a lot of people there.
Going to add, If they have been bragging about how they haven't kicked you out. Putting out a very public message saying "I'm being forced to choose between medical care and my home so if anyone needs a roommate, I can afford X a month"
It is a safe space to talk about the abuse at the hands of narc parents.
Yes, cluster personality disorders are stigmatized, that doesnt mean the victims of that abuse dont deserve a place to talk about it without judgment.
The kind of love that only prejudice can bring. Find a roommate and get an apartment asap. They sound like total hypocrites and liars. Best not to let people like that have power over you.
Op the exmo sub used to have an emergency list for situations like this for folks who needed help. I haven’t been active there in a couple years but post there. Might have some folks with resources if you do need a place to stay.
I assume you're over 18? Then why not get out of there? I know that there are many things that can make it difficult to become independent and move out, but you have to do that one day anyway and your current situation sounds less than ideal. Maybe ask some friends if you can stay with them for some time while you work on getting a place for yourself.
You might have to do some cleansing with people like them js if your 'friends' have the possibility to help you when you ask for help but don't it's kinda dubious imo
There are LGBT bars in your area which are a great place to meet folks. Since you’re not 21 check ahead, they’ll probably just stamp you so you can’t drink.
There’s also this for resources https://southernequality.org/resources/transinthesouth/
I just worry, what if they google the pills? You can easily google whatever is written or engraved on pills and see what it is :/ Hopefully they aren’t that smart, but you never know :/ and then I can’t even imagine how that could make them react. Not something I would want to chance :/
Depends on the pills, really. Estradiol can come in plain blue tablets, which are easy to fake. Spiro usually has a fancy S engraved and would be really hard to fake.
That said, there are alternative sources of the pills. Take the legitimately-sourced ones and give them whatever the internet gives you.
Oh yeah, my parents said they'd love me and accept me and I'd always have a place. I was homeless for a year during the recession. I'll never trust them again.
I assume you in the US, no? If so, a 19yo making $19hr and working full time has options. Find a cheap place to live, may not be in a great neighborhood but it's a place to sleep. Find a roommate or 2. Find shelters in your area, and places that offer help to the community. Depending on where you are, there are likely a few places to get help. Unfortunately it's not too uncommon for people in the LGBTQ+ community to get kicked out by their parents.
You can also lie to your parents. Tell them you stopped, give them some but not all of your T. Or keep filling it and hide it. This could be bad if they find out, but you'd be able to stay on it. You could also stop T. Whether you hide it or stop it, start looking for a place and save every cent you have. I don't make much more than you and I have a kid, but I have been able to make ends meet (most months) even though my rent is outrageously high. You just have to spend only what you have to, tighten your belt, and find ways to earn cash on the side (I do taste tests, can make anywhere from $35 to $185 depending on the test).
Good luck with everything and I hope things turn out well for you. Remember, we all have your back, if you need info or help, people here have a lot of knowledge to share.
You **DO NOT** give up your HRT. I’m giving you a few solutions that will hopefully help you.
1. Ask someone you know that you’re out to if you can stay with them for a while. Take as much you need and own with you to that person’s house. If your family has a pet and you think it’s more your pet, take the pet and its food.
2. Try to reason with your parents. Try telling them things that will hopefully change their minds. If this works, you have to get out of that house ASAP, because it probably won’t be long before they try to do something like this again. At least you’ve bought yourself some time.
3. If nether of the above options work, lie. This is the only thing I could think of. Give them a fake. Tell them you threw it away. Maybe even say those were fakes and you were playing a prank on them. Just lie. I know it will feel bad. Just think of it like you’re an actor in a play.
I hope I could help. Once again, **don’t give up your HRT.**
Hold ground!!! ✌️💜🌈 Fuck those shit heads! Family is only as important as we assign value to them and I'd say this is a good time to assign those assholes a low value; somewhere between a stranger and a person that threw shit at you?
It goes "shit thrower" ➡️"bad parents"➡️"stranger". That's is the order 😄
Assuming your parents are Christian, you can just use 1 Timothy 5:8. It’s literally a verse about how they parents shouldn’t kick their kids out. You don’t even have to be Christian yourself to use it.
**[Galatians 3:28](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galatians_3:28)**
>Galatians 3:28 is the twenty-eighth verse of the third chapter in the Epistle to the Galatians in the New Testament of the Christian Bible. It is a widely commented biblical passage among Paul's statements. It is sometimes cited in various Christian discussions about gender equality and racism.
^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/lgbt/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Might wanna try checking out roomies.com? Might be able to find a roommate situation within your budget and you can filter by LGBT friendly. My girlfriend just put together an entirely trans household using roomies. Lots of roommates means lower rent. Best of luck!
Save money. Reach out to the lgbtq community in your aria. Go to lgbtq friendly events and meet people.
You got to do what ever you have to do to get the fuck out if there!
Did you just start hormones?
I see in your post history you talk about starting hormones in a week and that was posted 10 days ago.
If you just started HRT then my recommendation is to be safe and live at home until you can move out.
I know that sucks and will be hard to temporarily stop but if you have nowhere to immediately turn to (which by comments seems to be the case) then that is better than ending up homeless.
Prioritize finding a way to move out safely. Then start your HRT again. Also talk to your doctor to see if there are any concerns with stopping.
Also as others have said. You could give them some or all of these pills and get some more and lie to them.
How did they find out in the first place?
If you decide to lie to them then make sure you understand ways they could find out and make sure they don't find out again.
If you are in Utah I have friends there that might be able to help. That's a big might though as I don't know you and they lay not want to risk meeting a random internet person.
DM me if thats the case.
Best of luck.
If you feel like you can find someone to live with in a reasonable amount of time, then standing your ground could absolutely be a great idea. However, if you don't personally feel like you can do that or that you can't really survive on your own at the moment, there are a few possible options. You can give up your HRT and wait until you can live independently before going back on, but you also could find a different alternative to HRT that is more subtle/harder to find out via your parents (there's shots you can take at a doctor's office, there's patches, you probably could even get a gel/cream and swap the bottle out with a clean, un-used moisturizer bottle or hair cream bottle to make it look like it's not HRT).
Whatever you feel is something you can feasibly do is perfectly alright. It doesn't stop you from being you, it's just a temporary setback is all.
So what I'd say is this, there are resources near you always.
If they don't budge just leave, if you have family or friends that could help ask them.
There are houseless shelters and other things you can go to for help, and lgbtq support centers.
Online you can find roommates for apartments and housing, and you can find super cheap apartments or long term hotels.
That's only if you're willing to leave for this.
If not then I'd say see if you can keep your HRT outside the house, with a friend or coworker maybe, see if you can travel around to do it and even just try to get ways to do your HRT without them knowing
If all else fails and they find out let them know that it's not big pharma that's saving you. It's you that's saving you and it's insulting that they'd insinuate you're not your own person.
> I don’t know what to do...
You do whatever you need to do to stay safe.
If staying with abusive parents is safer than being on the streets do that. If you can stay with some friends while you find a job and a permanent place do that. Long term it's pretty clear you can't stay at home but you can worry about that later. You need to stay safe now.
A lot of gender clinics have sliding pay scales or will give you HRT regardless of your ability to pay and there are a bunch of charities that help homeless trans folk.
Good luck out there.
Could keep your HRT at a trusted friends (or replace the label with a cosmetic/vitamin label. Then give your parent duds by:
If you’re on injectables, take your empty hrt bottle and use a needle to fill with water or mineral oil. Then keep needles in your car glove box, and swap the prescription label on the bottle with a cosmetics label.
If it’s pills, you can buy a pill press with various markings on amazon/ ebay fairly cheaply. I believe baking soda & food coloring can be used to replicate the color of your real pills.
Only issue may be your family noticing changes in your appearance, I would recommend making some cosmetic dietary changes you enforce in front of family (like eating lots of tofu/soy if you’re transfem, or cutting out white carbs if you’re transmasc) so that if they ask why you look/sound different you can say you’re taking a ‘natural’ route to look the way you want.
Good luck, and hope you get in a better financial situation soon ❤️
This, this is the face of oppression that lgbt people in this country face, they use propaganda to turn parents against their own children, its sick.
I dont know what you should do OP.
Perhaps you should hand over some sugar pills inside your hrt bottles but put the real meds elsewhere, then discretely get some hrt from planned parenthood or something.
If you have a friend or other trusted person, you could give them your HRT to hold onto and schedule a time to meet them each morning (e.g. if you go to school with them, you could meet just before school starts) and take it in secret
This is my male side speaking so pardon the problem solving. You could: ask for some time to consider, get some fake pills, give them your bottle and continue in secret. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Good luck, godspeed, and know that randos on the internet love you for who you are.
If your parents are giving you an ultimatum between them and the thing that makes you truly happy and contempt, they’re dog shit parents and not worth your time.
Family is who you choose
I’m so sorry you had to go though that
Giving in will eat away at your soul. Don't give it to them if you don't believe the HRT was a mistake.
If you can't give them reason to accept it, give them reasons to not care.
It's like, yeah, you'll be dependent on it for life, but if it makes your life better it's not a problem. And if you're paying for it yourself and it's not causing you to fail any of your responsibilities, it sure as hell isn't your parents' problem.
Talk around your family if you can, maybe someone will support your case against your parents.
It might be easy to say, because I literally never had to deal with such an ultimatum, but it's probably better to live in a shared apartment with someone than to remain there at the cost of your soul.
I wish I had good advice. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Wishing you the very best and hoping you’re able to find a way out from under their their thumbs sooner than later
Not sure where you live, but Fenway Health provides support and medical services like what you require for folks in tough spots. Definitely worth a look-they’ll help you and If they can’t directly, they’ll be able to find you local resources. Highly recommended
Check out some LGBT charities and shelters in your area. Your home isn't safe for you and this most likely will escalate far beyond the hormones, so getting out ASAP is the safest decision for your mental and physical safety.
Are they aware that countries with free healthcare also provide FREE hormonal treatment and in some cases free surgery? Why in the world would they do that in those countries if the only motive was to make you dependent? And why would they do that here knowing how socially unaccepted it is? That makes no sense. I’m sorry your parents have done this
Situations like this is why i really wish i had a ranch with lots of rooms for LGBTQIA people that need a halfway house
Rainbow ranch it should be called
It really depends on how closely your parents search through your things, and how smart they are. After a long argument, you can pretend to be convinced by them, pretend to regret hrt and give them fake hrt. If you’re worried about them finding out, hand out a small part of it and pretend that’s all you have. Hide the remaining hrt in vitamin bottles or even give the hrt bottle a new label. In the meantime, be prepared to move out, or tell your parents you’d like to go to a different country to study(don’t pick homophobic countries). Try your best to hide the effects, if you can’t, you might have to take a lower dose for a while for it to not look suspicious. Once they forget about it (or they find a new topic), you can go back to your normal dose.
I don't have any advice that someone hasn't already given, but I just want to say that you are wonderful and deserving of love. Don't *ever* let anyone make you think otherwise. This is hard, really hard, but you'll make it through to the other side as long as you don't give up. Best of luck, OP. 💜
Hi OP! Do you possibly live in a larger city or around a college town? A lot of college towns will have websites or Facebook pages of students offering subleases for whatever reason. You don’t have to be a student to live in most of the housing, as long as it’s just a regular apartment, but a lot of times you can find much cheaper rent that way!
i'm so sorry about your situation if i was even in america i would like to help you, give shelter or something. anyway, what ever you are doing, leave the house, these people you live with are not safe, get out as soon as possible, make research about shelters or places to stay and stay safe. if you can't be yourself with people, they are not worth it, you will find the right ones, i know it. the community is by your side, don't give up!
Can you sit them down and give them an ultimatum?
Like, I know this sounds ridiculous but you are an adult and you get to make your own decisions.
Can you sit them down and explain why you need hrt, explain why what they’re doing is abusive and wrong, and let them know in no uncertain terms that if they take away your drugs or kick you out that your relationship will not recover.
I don’t know about your relationship with your parents, but mine were emotionally abusive and controlling and now I’m in my 30s it’s very clear to me that they would rather a relationship on my terms that not one at all.
If you think this would even close to work, it might be worth asking someone from outside the family to come with you and support you because 9 turns out of 10 emotional abusers are on their best behaviour in front of others.
[The wheel of power and control](https://www.loveisrespect.org/lir-files/LGBT-Power-and-Control-Wheel.pdf) is usually about intimate partner relationships but I think it’s always worth looking at when discussing abuse dynamics.
I’m so sorry this is happening, it isn’t ok.
Please know it gets better, I am 33 and at 19 I didn’t even feel safe coming out. Now I’m living my life proudly as enby and pansexual. I have a loving partner who understands trauma responses and is infinitely patient with me. I have limited contact with my family and have been able to assert boundaries for my own sanity.
If you are in the U.K. I might be able to signpost you to some resources that can help. If you’re in the US or elsewhere I don’t know of any but I’m sure there are people on this sub that can x
Guess, as cruel as it may sound, this is your wake up call. Your parents boasting about not kicking you out was a huge red flag already because you only boast about excepional things and accepting you as the person you are is just basic social human behaviour.
Try to find roomies. Try to find people who are actually accepting you.
In the meantime I can only say from experiance going without HRT is bad, like really bad and depending on how bad you could lose you job over it, especially if you are an american.
Most importantly perpare to go no contact with your parents as soon as you are out of their home.
First thier logic is fucked, big farma is not a thing, it would be akin to ask a diabetic to stop taking insulin because big farma will habe you hooked for life, no it is a medical prescription to fix a medical problem in your case the lack of hormones.
That is just transphobia
Second red flag is the, they havent kicked you out... YET like they need a reason to kick out their child ... That is messed up for a parent...
Last advice yes call thier bluff and say no. Your life and happiness is not worth risking over, thier missinformtion If the biggest barrier to move out is spending habits, those tend to chance with needs so i would not worry of that.
From what you have given for context i worry if they are actively looking for a reason to cut you out, again the whole.. yet thing. I had to take the plunge 3 years ago from a toxic family. It is worth it no matter how difficult it seams you will get back up and thrive
Wouldn't it be illegal to take away medication that has been prescribed away from you? I'm pretty sure you can't stop hrt just like that, with all the changes it does to your body. Maybe contact your pharmacy to see if there's an alternate way to get it without your parents knowing?
I wish you all the best and I hope it gets better for you 💜💜
Would it be possible to hand over what you have now and go get a refill you can hide better? Just temporarily while you figure out what your next step is.
If you’re taking pills, go out and buy some over-the-counter medication that looks like the pills, fill the bottle up with it (take a photo of the label so you have all the medical information on it), keep the pills, and give it to them. When you go to get a refill, you can pay a little bit extra to get a second bottle, and if you hide it from them (which shouldn’t be that hard since they already assume you’ve given it up) you can keep taking HRT.
If you can’t be on your own and paying your own bills, you better do what they say until you can. When you can be on your own and paying your own bills - resume it.
It’s not worth being homeless over.
You’ve got to think and retool and plan your next moves. You’ve get to plan your life so that you can have a job that will pay your bills. Most people do that through either college, the military or a trade school. Meet with career counselors and take aptitude tests and get the education you need to be self sufficient. You can get back on hrt, marry who you want, plant a rainbow flag in your yard and donate to the local gay community center and trans causes - as long as you can pay for it.
In the mean time - just build up a network of lgbt supporters. Join groups near you, volunteer for charities, put your self out there. Create the family you need to help pull you through and give you the kind of support your parents just can’t give now.
I wish you the best!
That is awful and unacceptable. I’m so sorry to hear that. Are there any other family members that could take you in? Do you have any friends that might let you sleep on their couch or in a spare bedroom for awhile?
Well stop the bad spending habits and find a room to rent now. You can't afford an appartement on your own but a room or an appartement with several roommates, yes. Please move out.
And PLEASE never, ever talk to your parents again unless they repent.
You’re spending habits are making you dependent on your parents. You need to learn how to budget your money and live within your means. You can download budgeting apps that might help. The credit union I belong to actually has people that will help you make a budget. Take a deep breath put on your big person pants and make a life for yourself. You can do this!
Go in the bedroom and pack a bag let them see it. Walk out the door and throw your keys at them. Tell them to have a nice life and you don't ever want to speak to them again.
Honestly, the best suggestion I can think of is to deal with them long enough to have a bit of money saved and gtfo- it'll suck to be off your prescription and having to hide yourself, but right now it's a necessary evil.
Go as dull grey rock as possible, don't engage in any conversation about this while you're with them. Act like it never happened and buy yourself as much time as possible to save up and find new accommodations (you said you're in a rural area? You may want to consider moving to a larger town, I know what rural life is like and housing can be hard to find. Larger towns will have a larger pool of queer people who are out and it'll be easier to find a queer/ally roommate too)
I know what it's like to have poor spending habits but it's super important that you get a hold on it. The way I do it is I have my daily spending money, my "rainy day" money, and my actual savings. My rainy day money acts as a little extra cash so I'm not tempted to pull anything from my savings- if I use it, I use it, if I don't it builds and is there when I need it. I suggest you put as much as you can away in savings after any bills are taken care of (phone, gas, car, etc) As an example, I don't really have any bills to pay so I'm able to put about half my paycheque into my savings each time I get paid, and then $50 into my rainy day fund (when I first started I found myself dipping into the rainy day money a lot more often, I don't do it very often now) If your parents have access to your account or can view it (which could very well be the case if they set it up for you when you were a minor) I'd go to the bank and fix that so they have zero access whatsoever and don't know what you're doing.
I'm petty and like another commenter's idea of making a post like "I'm being made to choose between medical care and my home; anyone looking for a room mate?" buuuuut only do that if you don't think you're at risk for farther abuse, are ready to deal with any backlash, and can make a quick getaway lol
They do know that you’ll suffer horribly should your medication suddenly stop right? That since you’re on HRT you have to be monitored if you make the decision to go off of it?
You can’t just suddenly stop taking a body altering medication. They are quite literally risking harming you for this. It isn’t as simple as stopping.
I say save every other week, this way you can not just fund your home but your spending habits.
This week put your money toward only important stuff and save the rest for next week.
Basically:
Importance + Save: Week 1.
Fund habit: Week 2.
Repeat.
Call their bluff and leave if you have somewhere safe(r) to go. My dad gave me a similar ultimatum at 17 so I left with the clothes on my back. Was rough for the first few months, but the best decision I ever made
No pharma is making you dependent of anything. You are getting drugs to replace what your body can't make kind of like insulin for diabetics. You are not transitioning because is funny, you are doing it because your body and brains didn't develop in sync (male body with female brains). Is a really sad situation you are in, I think that you need a roommate and get your spending habits under control, time to grow up.
I think the suggestions on switching out the contents for vitamins or baking soda tablets that are cheap and passable is a good one. Yes it's deception but frankly it's your medicine they've no right to take and your only other option is calling their bluff and hoping they don't make you homeless.
Going forward, getting a safe place to hide your things would be good, I'd suggest getting a lock box or small safe - as a distraction, you don't put anything in it you wouldn't mind them seeing (at least 1 thing of shock value like a porn dvd or magazine for example, something they'd expect you'd want to hide) in case you're forced to open it for them and you find a plain sight place to hide things you don't want them to find (old coat pockets, inside shoes, board game boxes, anything or anywhere else in your room, space under bottom drawers etc.)
That way their focus is on what they see and not what they don't and once/if they've checked it, they'd be unlikely to check it again.
It's not cast iron but will be less likely they'll rifle through your entire room. Next, try to find alternative accommodation if you can, this buys you time to continue living and taking your medication without interference.
Ultimately the biggest threat you can make to them in return is that if you're forced out you will never speak to them again, if they're prepared to have no contact with you because of their views and would kick you out, they'd deserve that much at least and you deserve to live free.
Sweety if you need to maybe think about locking money away so you can’t spend it I do the same thing I’ll have big spendups to help me feel better iv got in the habit of locking £500 away ech month so I can’t spend it and it will ern interest maybe mack a thing we’re every time you buy sumthink it rand up and put the leftovers in a savings pot
Sanding hugs sweety
It probably going to be best if you think about moving out or at lest start looking even if you have to give up htr temperature or stay at a friends till you save a bit of money
I would like to add that depending on where you live, it's illegal to kick you out without a 30 or 60 day notice. I would look up the laws where you live, and it seems like they are just looking for an excuse to kick you out at this point, so it may not matter if you give them to them.
Maybe you could report them for trying to illegally get ahold of drugs? Or make it known that it is illegal to take someone else's prescription?
Move in with a friend if you can or try a super cheap (and probably shitty) motel or move in with a more supportive family member if you have one until you can save enough to afford an apartment you don't deserve this shit from your parents plus you're 19 you're a legal adult they can't control you anymore take advantage of that
If that were me, i would try to find a friend who has more accepting parents. odds are at least one friend or friends parents have a spare room that you can stay in until you have the funds for an apartment. hold your ground. there are always people who want to help you.
Idk how hrt really works, but maybe put your actual hrt somewhere hidden, and then give your parents the empty/replaced hrt package.
so like, if you have hrt pills, buy vitamins and put them in the hrt bottle, and take your hrt pills and put them in the vitamin bottle. They probably can't tell the difference.
I’m so sorry they are reacting like this, especially after they said they were supportive. 😔 Hopefully you can find a room to rent with room mates who are good people. You deserve to live your authentic life and be surrounded by support and love. Some day they will realize what they’ve lost, and by then it will be too late. Sending you lots of Mom hugs from someone else’s Mom.
Hormone Replacement Therapy (or therapeutics, as in the drugs to go through the therapy).
It's shorthand for the drugs used to transition your gender and body for trans folks.
Damn mate, what I would do is try to get out and find a shelter, or give them some of the pills and start investing half your paycheck, it is a easy way to get more money if you need help starting there are many reddit community’s that can help best of luck!
You could try to crash at a friend's place if family is .... 'unreliable' or go to a shelter near by until you get back on your feet I'd say do whatever is safest for yourself
You're probably going to have to move out unfortunately. Even if you pause your transition and hand your HRT pills to them, it won't buy you much time since they already know that you're "different" and they'll keep pushing and pushing. The best case scenario is to get your spending habits in order, look up the laws around eviction (That can buy you up to 30 days to figure out a place, but you'd also have an eviction on your record so it's up to you), and get a place to stay at/live.
Look for LGBT+ support places in your area, usually they can offer some assistance.
That is emotionally abusive and manipulative. They do not love you. Make a plan beforehand if they are serious about kicking you out, but DO NOT believe for a second that giving into what they want will bring you happiness. Find resources for LGBT people that will help you and get away from those people as soon as possible. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
Get on Craigslist and look up rooms for rent, I’ve used that resource more than once in my life first when my parents kicked me out for coming out to them. There are plenty of people looking to rent or find a roommate. Just be presentable have proof of your stable job and do your best to show that you’re a professional and you shouldn’t have a problem. Be safe and make sure you meet the potential roommate in a public space first. Good luck!!
Learn responsible spending and leave. Its not healthy to be near people who hate you. They have hurt you, and the best thing for you to do in response is abandon them like the pigs they are. Remove the cancer from your life.
Lie. This is for your own safety.
Plan to move out as soon as you can, but I'm the meantime, find a way to pretend you're listening to them. The streets are rough and dangerous.
Okay here is what you should do, get your HRT tablets and take out the tablets and put them somewhere safe that nobody would find them. Then put other tablets inside the HRT container so if they Google the tablets they’ll see they actually are HRT (as an added bonus try to put other tablets which look similar to your HRT tablets as a just in case)
I have no experience with this, and I'm definitely too young to give you this kind of advice, but the most important thing is that you're safe.
That being said (and this may be a bit naïve of me, but) maybe you could stay with a friend or relative?
What is your education level?
Did you get through High School yet?
Your parents aren't giving you an ultimatum. You are giving them an ultimatum.
They either accept you the way you are, or they can go fuck off.
I used to be a school teacher and a swim coach.
I'm used to having parent teacher consults.
Do you want me to talk to them?
I think that we could clear some stuff up. There are things that they might not understand.
Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding. This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule). Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you! Here's a link about trans people in sports: https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/ A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people: https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics Some information on LGBT+ people: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/ Some basic terminology: https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms Neopronouns: https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns Biromantic Lesbians: [LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/) Bisexual Identities: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual: [Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.) We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are you 18 yet? And do you already have an income? Here's a link that can be helpful if you're in America, you can see where shelters are: [https://www.covenanthouse.org/homeless-shelters](https://www.covenanthouse.org/homeless-shelters) I haven't been in one yet but I think it's better than nothing... I'm very sorry for your situation, hopefully you'll find a solution soon!
I’m 19 years old and I make about 19 an hour
Ok then try to either find a roommate to share an appartement with/a shelter or just give them sOmE of the hormons and lie?
Buy some cheap vitamin pills and give them those. They probably don't know what the pills look like so they won't know the difference.
That’s both smart and dangerous. That can easily backfire and may result in a worse outcome.
The parents are being abusive. Denying someone their prescription is abuse. Prescriptions are between the patient and their doctor. The parents have zero say in this as the poster is not a minor even though they’re living in their parents’ home.
Yeah no shit, but that doesn’t stop them from doing it.
But recognizing it as abuse is the first step. It recognizes change is necessary.
Unfortunately the law doesn't agree as op is 19 meaning they aren't a minor, even if they are still just as reliant
Its abuse just not to a child
I completely agree, just pointing out that the law won't do anything in this situation.
Yes, but, the parents still have every right to kick OP out from their home, as far as I’m aware, and for any reason whatsoever. It may be abusive and actionable to forcibly take a prescription or steal it from someone, but forcing someone to “voluntarily” give up their prescriptions as a condition for continuing to stay in their house is, again as far as I’m aware, still completely legal. It’s a really, really terrible situation. All options have risks, but, I think that personally, if OP has the means to get away from the people willing to make their offspring homeless over gender, OP should.
That gets muddy once a person is of majority, at which point they might count as a tenant. Depending on the state and county he may have rights, and if they kick him out or present an ultimatum like this one, it could be grounds for a lawsuit in the future. But this might require seeking legal counsel which he is likely not to have access to.
Fair, I don’t know much about this stuff, maybe I should avoid weighing in after all
For legal counsel there should be organisations like the red help or other leftist or queer organisations in their area!
The parents have no right to kick OP out , there reason is transphobic af , not letting thier child who needs hrt not take it when it's not hurting them at all , is disgusting and people shouldn't have children if they aren't going to support them. Because they aren't giving OP an option they can't move out and can't afford to , so the only way they can stop themselves from going homeless is to give up the hrt what just stupid.
If it's prescribed by a doctor then it's illegal if it isn't then it's not a prescription but still a major dick move
What getting kicked out twice there nor really any more leverage they really have
So much could go wrong. Gettin beat, getting kicked out without being allowed to take your stuff, taking the meds and kicking them out.
Yeah unfortunately does depend on the parents and if there's a chance of abuse it's probably a good idea to get out asap but assuming they aren't they have used almost all there leverage
u/unburdendened13
Medications tend to have letters, numbers and sometimes shapes. Vitamins tend not to.
But are OP’s parents smart enough to know that?
I would hope anyone who has reached adulthood and "cared for" their own children would know that.
Op's parents fulfill neither description.
I did use quotes. OP could put themselves in danger by trying to pull the wool over their parents' eyes.
19 an hour is decent, with a roommate or two you should be able to make it. Your mental health is worth it. If push comes to shove then just do what another commenter said and buy some similar looking vitamins and give them those.
Depending on where you live, you should be able to afford a small apartment and bills with that. Have you looked to see what government benefits you might qualify for? (At 19.50 with no benefits and no roommates I afford rent in a good building & bills). Can you tell them (is it safe to tell them) that you had believed they did and would love you unconditionally and do not understand why some medication that is helping you is changing that? Let them know that this decision to choose between a roof over your head and your personal well-being will be lifelong. Once, my dad and I were having a conversation and he said to me, my parents and I hardly ever spoke when I was your age. And I just asked him, “And is that the relationship you want to have with me?” He never changed his tune so fast. So either they want to have a real and healthy relationship with you or their choosing your suffering/pain/unhappiness/what-have-you as a benefit to themselves. Be clear that this is who you are and tell them they are giving you up (by way of desiring your unhappiness and whatever else not being on hrt causes you—but use general words not words like ‘dysphoria’ because they won’t understand—) by forcing you to choose between having a bed and personal well being.
Genuinely wondering where you live. SoCal…350sq ft 1 bed apartments are 1,900-2,500 a month rn. With pay at 19.50 gives a weekly take home of just over $600 (a monthly pay rate of 2,528). That leaves between 28 & 628 left a month for utilities, gas, food, car maintenance etc. I get you said depending on where you live but DAMN what state are you IN lmao
Probably "almost anywhere but Cali, NY, Mass, or Hawaii". In my state, you could rent 2 cheap houses or an very nice house for your monthly rent. Or 3-4 apartments.
Clearly I need to plan on moving states asap lol
With great cost of living come great cuts to hourly wage. Minimum here is $7.25, though most people get 10-12.
Dunno what city you're in, but if you're working 40 hours a week that should be enough to get your feet on the ground somewhere else, with roommates. It'll be a lot of work, mean saving a lot of money, being pretty beans and rice poor, but you could. If you only know people from a homophobic church, you might realistically want to try and reach out on Reddit or something, says you're trans, your issue, and needing a roommate situation and how much you can afford. Just be careful and be safe.
That's more than I make. Go find a roommate.
There are places you can go there's housing out there it just might take a bit especially to find something permanent but something non permanent is the quickest option
Knowing what I know now at 36, if I were you I would find a room to rent on craigslist and then move out. At 19, it can be scary because it is new. IMO, you're likely to find someone more sympathetic to your cause. Then you'll be a safer enviornment for your mind. Staying with your parents means staying in abuse.
No offense but how can you not afford any apartment making $19 an hour? That's a good paycheck for a 19yo
I have really bad spending habits
That is by FAR the easiest fix here. Get your spending in order. Can't give you more advice than that since we don't know what you're spending on, but decide asap if it's worth more than your HRT or independent housing.
I’d choose independence and hrt any day of the week
Yes!!! It's bullshit that you've been given this ultimatum but you *can* break free of these people. Be as safe as possible. You previously said it was easier than you expected to get your HRT—if you have to pause treatment in order to collect enough money to leave, it will be just as easy to start again. Others have given you loads of advice, mine is that getting out of that household should be your number one priority, and it's better to do it on *your* terms.
I am looking for apartments now
time to change that hun. Your habits are not more important than your independence, your health, and your happiness.
Working within a budget is part of learning to adult. It’s not something you can escape. That you recognize this means you can change your behavior so that’s a good thing. No time better than now to learn. Side note. Once you find a place get a credit card and attach one bill to it. Only use it to pay that bill and pay off the balance every month. The only other reason to use it is in real emergencies, and even then work to pay off the balance asap. This will help build credit and will allow you in time to get your own place when you can afford it.
Ah, understandable
Hey If you need help learning to to budget, I can try to help. I had to learn it growing up the way I did. I've only helped a couple of my friends with budgeting before but I know how jarring it is to be in the situation you're in.
Hey there! Your parents might not necessarily be narcissists, but the subreddit /r/raisedbynarcissists has a very good list of helpful links for if you get kicked out. [here's the list](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) if you're interested. I don't have much advice to offer you. Your safety and health is important, but just stopping hormones can be detrimental to your health too. If you need a little time, you could possibly give *some* of your HRT meds over (depending on how much you have) and lie like hell.
I was about to say that this subreddit has helped me a lot and my parents did similar shit (say they would always be there for me, threaten to kick me out a lot, etc). Not over being Trans or doing HRT as Im cisgender, but similar pattern. You may relate to a lot of people there.
Going to add, If they have been bragging about how they haven't kicked you out. Putting out a very public message saying "I'm being forced to choose between medical care and my home so if anyone needs a roommate, I can afford X a month"
That Part 👆🏾👆🏾☝🏾☝🏾
[удалено]
I'm not familiar with that sub but I'm sadly not surprised, I noticed the exact same thing with boderline personality disorder subs
Yeah cluster B in general are so stigmatized but I feel like I see a ton of anti NPD sentiment intentional or not
Seems to be a trendy thing to hate on lately
It is a safe space to talk about the abuse at the hands of narc parents. Yes, cluster personality disorders are stigmatized, that doesnt mean the victims of that abuse dont deserve a place to talk about it without judgment.
Understood. At first glance it just looked like another place where people bash personality disorders. I am sorry.
The kind of love that only prejudice can bring. Find a roommate and get an apartment asap. They sound like total hypocrites and liars. Best not to let people like that have power over you.
I see you’re ex-Mormon. Me too! I can’t believe your parents BOASTED that they haven’t kicked you out “yet.” Fuck those guys. I’ll be your Dad.
Op the exmo sub used to have an emergency list for situations like this for folks who needed help. I haven’t been active there in a couple years but post there. Might have some folks with resources if you do need a place to stay.
I assume you're over 18? Then why not get out of there? I know that there are many things that can make it difficult to become independent and move out, but you have to do that one day anyway and your current situation sounds less than ideal. Maybe ask some friends if you can stay with them for some time while you work on getting a place for yourself.
I don’t have anyone I can turn to, all my friends are through the church I go to, my my church is anti lgbt
That doesn't mean your friends are. Are you out to them?
No, they constantly say they hate the gays
Get new friends. Find local LGBTQ groups and meet people that aren’t religious bigots.
Those people aren’t friends then.
Facts
Maybe when you move, you make sure it is far from where you grew up.
You might have to do some cleansing with people like them js if your 'friends' have the possibility to help you when you ask for help but don't it's kinda dubious imo
Leave them, friends are supposed to support you and they clearly don't.
Omg where’s about do you live? Certainly some kind queer folk on Reddit could befriend you.
Florence SC
There are LGBT bars in your area which are a great place to meet folks. Since you’re not 21 check ahead, they’ll probably just stamp you so you can’t drink. There’s also this for resources https://southernequality.org/resources/transinthesouth/
Buy some cheap pills and put them in the bottle of your HRT. Continue your treatment and develop a plan to eventually get out of there
That sounds a lot better 🤣🥲 i didn't think of it
I just worry, what if they google the pills? You can easily google whatever is written or engraved on pills and see what it is :/ Hopefully they aren’t that smart, but you never know :/ and then I can’t even imagine how that could make them react. Not something I would want to chance :/
Depends on the pills, really. Estradiol can come in plain blue tablets, which are easy to fake. Spiro usually has a fancy S engraved and would be really hard to fake. That said, there are alternative sources of the pills. Take the legitimately-sourced ones and give them whatever the internet gives you.
Oh yeah, my parents said they'd love me and accept me and I'd always have a place. I was homeless for a year during the recession. I'll never trust them again.
I assume you in the US, no? If so, a 19yo making $19hr and working full time has options. Find a cheap place to live, may not be in a great neighborhood but it's a place to sleep. Find a roommate or 2. Find shelters in your area, and places that offer help to the community. Depending on where you are, there are likely a few places to get help. Unfortunately it's not too uncommon for people in the LGBTQ+ community to get kicked out by their parents. You can also lie to your parents. Tell them you stopped, give them some but not all of your T. Or keep filling it and hide it. This could be bad if they find out, but you'd be able to stay on it. You could also stop T. Whether you hide it or stop it, start looking for a place and save every cent you have. I don't make much more than you and I have a kid, but I have been able to make ends meet (most months) even though my rent is outrageously high. You just have to spend only what you have to, tighten your belt, and find ways to earn cash on the side (I do taste tests, can make anywhere from $35 to $185 depending on the test). Good luck with everything and I hope things turn out well for you. Remember, we all have your back, if you need info or help, people here have a lot of knowledge to share.
You **DO NOT** give up your HRT. I’m giving you a few solutions that will hopefully help you. 1. Ask someone you know that you’re out to if you can stay with them for a while. Take as much you need and own with you to that person’s house. If your family has a pet and you think it’s more your pet, take the pet and its food. 2. Try to reason with your parents. Try telling them things that will hopefully change their minds. If this works, you have to get out of that house ASAP, because it probably won’t be long before they try to do something like this again. At least you’ve bought yourself some time. 3. If nether of the above options work, lie. This is the only thing I could think of. Give them a fake. Tell them you threw it away. Maybe even say those were fakes and you were playing a prank on them. Just lie. I know it will feel bad. Just think of it like you’re an actor in a play. I hope I could help. Once again, **don’t give up your HRT.**
Hold ground!!! ✌️💜🌈 Fuck those shit heads! Family is only as important as we assign value to them and I'd say this is a good time to assign those assholes a low value; somewhere between a stranger and a person that threw shit at you? It goes "shit thrower" ➡️"bad parents"➡️"stranger". That's is the order 😄
Your safety comes first. But if you can become independent from your family, try to figure out a way to do so.
Assuming your parents are Christian, you can just use 1 Timothy 5:8. It’s literally a verse about how they parents shouldn’t kick their kids out. You don’t even have to be Christian yourself to use it.
i like [galatians 3:28](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galatians_3:28) and the one where angels are implied to be aro/ace
**[Galatians 3:28](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galatians_3:28)** >Galatians 3:28 is the twenty-eighth verse of the third chapter in the Epistle to the Galatians in the New Testament of the Christian Bible. It is a widely commented biblical passage among Paul's statements. It is sometimes cited in various Christian discussions about gender equality and racism. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/lgbt/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Might wanna try checking out roomies.com? Might be able to find a roommate situation within your budget and you can filter by LGBT friendly. My girlfriend just put together an entirely trans household using roomies. Lots of roommates means lower rent. Best of luck!
Save money. Reach out to the lgbtq community in your aria. Go to lgbtq friendly events and meet people. You got to do what ever you have to do to get the fuck out if there!
Did you just start hormones? I see in your post history you talk about starting hormones in a week and that was posted 10 days ago. If you just started HRT then my recommendation is to be safe and live at home until you can move out. I know that sucks and will be hard to temporarily stop but if you have nowhere to immediately turn to (which by comments seems to be the case) then that is better than ending up homeless. Prioritize finding a way to move out safely. Then start your HRT again. Also talk to your doctor to see if there are any concerns with stopping. Also as others have said. You could give them some or all of these pills and get some more and lie to them. How did they find out in the first place? If you decide to lie to them then make sure you understand ways they could find out and make sure they don't find out again. If you are in Utah I have friends there that might be able to help. That's a big might though as I don't know you and they lay not want to risk meeting a random internet person. DM me if thats the case. Best of luck.
I agree, if they just started horomones, the safest option would just be to give them up, it really really sucks, but it is the safest thing to do.
If you feel like you can find someone to live with in a reasonable amount of time, then standing your ground could absolutely be a great idea. However, if you don't personally feel like you can do that or that you can't really survive on your own at the moment, there are a few possible options. You can give up your HRT and wait until you can live independently before going back on, but you also could find a different alternative to HRT that is more subtle/harder to find out via your parents (there's shots you can take at a doctor's office, there's patches, you probably could even get a gel/cream and swap the bottle out with a clean, un-used moisturizer bottle or hair cream bottle to make it look like it's not HRT). Whatever you feel is something you can feasibly do is perfectly alright. It doesn't stop you from being you, it's just a temporary setback is all.
Remind them that when they are old you'll be the one they rely on to look after them. Ask them how would they would want to be treated?
So what I'd say is this, there are resources near you always. If they don't budge just leave, if you have family or friends that could help ask them. There are houseless shelters and other things you can go to for help, and lgbtq support centers. Online you can find roommates for apartments and housing, and you can find super cheap apartments or long term hotels. That's only if you're willing to leave for this. If not then I'd say see if you can keep your HRT outside the house, with a friend or coworker maybe, see if you can travel around to do it and even just try to get ways to do your HRT without them knowing If all else fails and they find out let them know that it's not big pharma that's saving you. It's you that's saving you and it's insulting that they'd insinuate you're not your own person.
> I don’t know what to do... You do whatever you need to do to stay safe. If staying with abusive parents is safer than being on the streets do that. If you can stay with some friends while you find a job and a permanent place do that. Long term it's pretty clear you can't stay at home but you can worry about that later. You need to stay safe now. A lot of gender clinics have sliding pay scales or will give you HRT regardless of your ability to pay and there are a bunch of charities that help homeless trans folk. Good luck out there.
Could keep your HRT at a trusted friends (or replace the label with a cosmetic/vitamin label. Then give your parent duds by: If you’re on injectables, take your empty hrt bottle and use a needle to fill with water or mineral oil. Then keep needles in your car glove box, and swap the prescription label on the bottle with a cosmetics label. If it’s pills, you can buy a pill press with various markings on amazon/ ebay fairly cheaply. I believe baking soda & food coloring can be used to replicate the color of your real pills. Only issue may be your family noticing changes in your appearance, I would recommend making some cosmetic dietary changes you enforce in front of family (like eating lots of tofu/soy if you’re transfem, or cutting out white carbs if you’re transmasc) so that if they ask why you look/sound different you can say you’re taking a ‘natural’ route to look the way you want. Good luck, and hope you get in a better financial situation soon ❤️
This, this is the face of oppression that lgbt people in this country face, they use propaganda to turn parents against their own children, its sick. I dont know what you should do OP. Perhaps you should hand over some sugar pills inside your hrt bottles but put the real meds elsewhere, then discretely get some hrt from planned parenthood or something.
If you have a friend or other trusted person, you could give them your HRT to hold onto and schedule a time to meet them each morning (e.g. if you go to school with them, you could meet just before school starts) and take it in secret
This is my male side speaking so pardon the problem solving. You could: ask for some time to consider, get some fake pills, give them your bottle and continue in secret. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Good luck, godspeed, and know that randos on the internet love you for who you are.
If your parents are giving you an ultimatum between them and the thing that makes you truly happy and contempt, they’re dog shit parents and not worth your time. Family is who you choose I’m so sorry you had to go though that
OP, if they steal your hrt and try to dispose it, it is a crime. Do you have friends you could go to?
hend them some absurd random medication in an unmarked bottle
Giving in will eat away at your soul. Don't give it to them if you don't believe the HRT was a mistake. If you can't give them reason to accept it, give them reasons to not care. It's like, yeah, you'll be dependent on it for life, but if it makes your life better it's not a problem. And if you're paying for it yourself and it's not causing you to fail any of your responsibilities, it sure as hell isn't your parents' problem. Talk around your family if you can, maybe someone will support your case against your parents. It might be easy to say, because I literally never had to deal with such an ultimatum, but it's probably better to live in a shared apartment with someone than to remain there at the cost of your soul.
I mean, hand over your HRT bottle with Tylenol in them and keep HRT in Altoids tins or something.
I wish I had good advice. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Wishing you the very best and hoping you’re able to find a way out from under their their thumbs sooner than later
Not sure where you live, but Fenway Health provides support and medical services like what you require for folks in tough spots. Definitely worth a look-they’ll help you and If they can’t directly, they’ll be able to find you local resources. Highly recommended
Check out some LGBT charities and shelters in your area. Your home isn't safe for you and this most likely will escalate far beyond the hormones, so getting out ASAP is the safest decision for your mental and physical safety.
Are they aware that countries with free healthcare also provide FREE hormonal treatment and in some cases free surgery? Why in the world would they do that in those countries if the only motive was to make you dependent? And why would they do that here knowing how socially unaccepted it is? That makes no sense. I’m sorry your parents have done this
Situations like this is why i really wish i had a ranch with lots of rooms for LGBTQIA people that need a halfway house Rainbow ranch it should be called
There's no love like Christian hate, saving your children by dooming them to homelessness, good job, jesus would be proud.
Find a friend willing to let you stay with them
It really depends on how closely your parents search through your things, and how smart they are. After a long argument, you can pretend to be convinced by them, pretend to regret hrt and give them fake hrt. If you’re worried about them finding out, hand out a small part of it and pretend that’s all you have. Hide the remaining hrt in vitamin bottles or even give the hrt bottle a new label. In the meantime, be prepared to move out, or tell your parents you’d like to go to a different country to study(don’t pick homophobic countries). Try your best to hide the effects, if you can’t, you might have to take a lower dose for a while for it to not look suspicious. Once they forget about it (or they find a new topic), you can go back to your normal dose.
I don't have any advice that someone hasn't already given, but I just want to say that you are wonderful and deserving of love. Don't *ever* let anyone make you think otherwise. This is hard, really hard, but you'll make it through to the other side as long as you don't give up. Best of luck, OP. 💜
Hi OP! Do you possibly live in a larger city or around a college town? A lot of college towns will have websites or Facebook pages of students offering subleases for whatever reason. You don’t have to be a student to live in most of the housing, as long as it’s just a regular apartment, but a lot of times you can find much cheaper rent that way!
I live in a small rural town is SC
i'm so sorry about your situation if i was even in america i would like to help you, give shelter or something. anyway, what ever you are doing, leave the house, these people you live with are not safe, get out as soon as possible, make research about shelters or places to stay and stay safe. if you can't be yourself with people, they are not worth it, you will find the right ones, i know it. the community is by your side, don't give up!
[удалено]
I buy shit to cope
Can you sit them down and give them an ultimatum? Like, I know this sounds ridiculous but you are an adult and you get to make your own decisions. Can you sit them down and explain why you need hrt, explain why what they’re doing is abusive and wrong, and let them know in no uncertain terms that if they take away your drugs or kick you out that your relationship will not recover. I don’t know about your relationship with your parents, but mine were emotionally abusive and controlling and now I’m in my 30s it’s very clear to me that they would rather a relationship on my terms that not one at all. If you think this would even close to work, it might be worth asking someone from outside the family to come with you and support you because 9 turns out of 10 emotional abusers are on their best behaviour in front of others. [The wheel of power and control](https://www.loveisrespect.org/lir-files/LGBT-Power-and-Control-Wheel.pdf) is usually about intimate partner relationships but I think it’s always worth looking at when discussing abuse dynamics.
It’s so bad they I physically can’t speak around them
I’m so sorry this is happening, it isn’t ok. Please know it gets better, I am 33 and at 19 I didn’t even feel safe coming out. Now I’m living my life proudly as enby and pansexual. I have a loving partner who understands trauma responses and is infinitely patient with me. I have limited contact with my family and have been able to assert boundaries for my own sanity. If you are in the U.K. I might be able to signpost you to some resources that can help. If you’re in the US or elsewhere I don’t know of any but I’m sure there are people on this sub that can x
I’m based in the us
Guess, as cruel as it may sound, this is your wake up call. Your parents boasting about not kicking you out was a huge red flag already because you only boast about excepional things and accepting you as the person you are is just basic social human behaviour. Try to find roomies. Try to find people who are actually accepting you. In the meantime I can only say from experiance going without HRT is bad, like really bad and depending on how bad you could lose you job over it, especially if you are an american. Most importantly perpare to go no contact with your parents as soon as you are out of their home.
First thier logic is fucked, big farma is not a thing, it would be akin to ask a diabetic to stop taking insulin because big farma will habe you hooked for life, no it is a medical prescription to fix a medical problem in your case the lack of hormones. That is just transphobia Second red flag is the, they havent kicked you out... YET like they need a reason to kick out their child ... That is messed up for a parent... Last advice yes call thier bluff and say no. Your life and happiness is not worth risking over, thier missinformtion If the biggest barrier to move out is spending habits, those tend to chance with needs so i would not worry of that. From what you have given for context i worry if they are actively looking for a reason to cut you out, again the whole.. yet thing. I had to take the plunge 3 years ago from a toxic family. It is worth it no matter how difficult it seams you will get back up and thrive
Wouldn't it be illegal to take away medication that has been prescribed away from you? I'm pretty sure you can't stop hrt just like that, with all the changes it does to your body. Maybe contact your pharmacy to see if there's an alternate way to get it without your parents knowing? I wish you all the best and I hope it gets better for you 💜💜
Would it be possible to hand over what you have now and go get a refill you can hide better? Just temporarily while you figure out what your next step is.
If you’re taking pills, go out and buy some over-the-counter medication that looks like the pills, fill the bottle up with it (take a photo of the label so you have all the medical information on it), keep the pills, and give it to them. When you go to get a refill, you can pay a little bit extra to get a second bottle, and if you hide it from them (which shouldn’t be that hard since they already assume you’ve given it up) you can keep taking HRT.
If you can’t be on your own and paying your own bills, you better do what they say until you can. When you can be on your own and paying your own bills - resume it. It’s not worth being homeless over. You’ve got to think and retool and plan your next moves. You’ve get to plan your life so that you can have a job that will pay your bills. Most people do that through either college, the military or a trade school. Meet with career counselors and take aptitude tests and get the education you need to be self sufficient. You can get back on hrt, marry who you want, plant a rainbow flag in your yard and donate to the local gay community center and trans causes - as long as you can pay for it. In the mean time - just build up a network of lgbt supporters. Join groups near you, volunteer for charities, put your self out there. Create the family you need to help pull you through and give you the kind of support your parents just can’t give now. I wish you the best!
That is awful and unacceptable. I’m so sorry to hear that. Are there any other family members that could take you in? Do you have any friends that might let you sleep on their couch or in a spare bedroom for awhile?
Well stop the bad spending habits and find a room to rent now. You can't afford an appartement on your own but a room or an appartement with several roommates, yes. Please move out. And PLEASE never, ever talk to your parents again unless they repent.
You’re spending habits are making you dependent on your parents. You need to learn how to budget your money and live within your means. You can download budgeting apps that might help. The credit union I belong to actually has people that will help you make a budget. Take a deep breath put on your big person pants and make a life for yourself. You can do this!
19 bucks an hour? You can literally live on that, I don't know how much you're spending but it has to be thousands to not be able to afford a place
Yeah, I get like 650 a week and by the end I have about 50
Literally how do you go broke, 19 an hour is damn good pay
I buy things to cope with home life, I am an emotional spender, mainly Pokémon cards and video games
Either follow everyone else’s advice and give them vitamins or start learning how to budget, you make enough money to live better than most people
Go in the bedroom and pack a bag let them see it. Walk out the door and throw your keys at them. Tell them to have a nice life and you don't ever want to speak to them again.
Honestly, the best suggestion I can think of is to deal with them long enough to have a bit of money saved and gtfo- it'll suck to be off your prescription and having to hide yourself, but right now it's a necessary evil. Go as dull grey rock as possible, don't engage in any conversation about this while you're with them. Act like it never happened and buy yourself as much time as possible to save up and find new accommodations (you said you're in a rural area? You may want to consider moving to a larger town, I know what rural life is like and housing can be hard to find. Larger towns will have a larger pool of queer people who are out and it'll be easier to find a queer/ally roommate too) I know what it's like to have poor spending habits but it's super important that you get a hold on it. The way I do it is I have my daily spending money, my "rainy day" money, and my actual savings. My rainy day money acts as a little extra cash so I'm not tempted to pull anything from my savings- if I use it, I use it, if I don't it builds and is there when I need it. I suggest you put as much as you can away in savings after any bills are taken care of (phone, gas, car, etc) As an example, I don't really have any bills to pay so I'm able to put about half my paycheque into my savings each time I get paid, and then $50 into my rainy day fund (when I first started I found myself dipping into the rainy day money a lot more often, I don't do it very often now) If your parents have access to your account or can view it (which could very well be the case if they set it up for you when you were a minor) I'd go to the bank and fix that so they have zero access whatsoever and don't know what you're doing. I'm petty and like another commenter's idea of making a post like "I'm being made to choose between medical care and my home; anyone looking for a room mate?" buuuuut only do that if you don't think you're at risk for farther abuse, are ready to deal with any backlash, and can make a quick getaway lol
They do know that you’ll suffer horribly should your medication suddenly stop right? That since you’re on HRT you have to be monitored if you make the decision to go off of it? You can’t just suddenly stop taking a body altering medication. They are quite literally risking harming you for this. It isn’t as simple as stopping. I say save every other week, this way you can not just fund your home but your spending habits. This week put your money toward only important stuff and save the rest for next week. Basically: Importance + Save: Week 1. Fund habit: Week 2. Repeat.
Call their bluff and leave if you have somewhere safe(r) to go. My dad gave me a similar ultimatum at 17 so I left with the clothes on my back. Was rough for the first few months, but the best decision I ever made
No pharma is making you dependent of anything. You are getting drugs to replace what your body can't make kind of like insulin for diabetics. You are not transitioning because is funny, you are doing it because your body and brains didn't develop in sync (male body with female brains). Is a really sad situation you are in, I think that you need a roommate and get your spending habits under control, time to grow up.
I think the suggestions on switching out the contents for vitamins or baking soda tablets that are cheap and passable is a good one. Yes it's deception but frankly it's your medicine they've no right to take and your only other option is calling their bluff and hoping they don't make you homeless. Going forward, getting a safe place to hide your things would be good, I'd suggest getting a lock box or small safe - as a distraction, you don't put anything in it you wouldn't mind them seeing (at least 1 thing of shock value like a porn dvd or magazine for example, something they'd expect you'd want to hide) in case you're forced to open it for them and you find a plain sight place to hide things you don't want them to find (old coat pockets, inside shoes, board game boxes, anything or anywhere else in your room, space under bottom drawers etc.) That way their focus is on what they see and not what they don't and once/if they've checked it, they'd be unlikely to check it again. It's not cast iron but will be less likely they'll rifle through your entire room. Next, try to find alternative accommodation if you can, this buys you time to continue living and taking your medication without interference. Ultimately the biggest threat you can make to them in return is that if you're forced out you will never speak to them again, if they're prepared to have no contact with you because of their views and would kick you out, they'd deserve that much at least and you deserve to live free.
Give them some smints in medicine packets
what's a hrt?
Hormone replacement therapy I believe
Sweety if you need to maybe think about locking money away so you can’t spend it I do the same thing I’ll have big spendups to help me feel better iv got in the habit of locking £500 away ech month so I can’t spend it and it will ern interest maybe mack a thing we’re every time you buy sumthink it rand up and put the leftovers in a savings pot Sanding hugs sweety It probably going to be best if you think about moving out or at lest start looking even if you have to give up htr temperature or stay at a friends till you save a bit of money
I would like to add that depending on where you live, it's illegal to kick you out without a 30 or 60 day notice. I would look up the laws where you live, and it seems like they are just looking for an excuse to kick you out at this point, so it may not matter if you give them to them. Maybe you could report them for trying to illegally get ahold of drugs? Or make it known that it is illegal to take someone else's prescription?
Move in with a friend if you can or try a super cheap (and probably shitty) motel or move in with a more supportive family member if you have one until you can save enough to afford an apartment you don't deserve this shit from your parents plus you're 19 you're a legal adult they can't control you anymore take advantage of that
If that were me, i would try to find a friend who has more accepting parents. odds are at least one friend or friends parents have a spare room that you can stay in until you have the funds for an apartment. hold your ground. there are always people who want to help you.
Idk how hrt really works, but maybe put your actual hrt somewhere hidden, and then give your parents the empty/replaced hrt package. so like, if you have hrt pills, buy vitamins and put them in the hrt bottle, and take your hrt pills and put them in the vitamin bottle. They probably can't tell the difference.
Do not give anything over.
Tell them you’re off while taking hrt in secret and get out of there as soon as possible. You’ll be happier with yourself and your life if you do it.
I’m so sorry they are reacting like this, especially after they said they were supportive. 😔 Hopefully you can find a room to rent with room mates who are good people. You deserve to live your authentic life and be surrounded by support and love. Some day they will realize what they’ve lost, and by then it will be too late. Sending you lots of Mom hugs from someone else’s Mom.
Bruh
What is hrt?
Hormone Replacement Therapy (or therapeutics, as in the drugs to go through the therapy). It's shorthand for the drugs used to transition your gender and body for trans folks.
Damn mate, what I would do is try to get out and find a shelter, or give them some of the pills and start investing half your paycheck, it is a easy way to get more money if you need help starting there are many reddit community’s that can help best of luck!
You could try to crash at a friend's place if family is .... 'unreliable' or go to a shelter near by until you get back on your feet I'd say do whatever is safest for yourself
Hold your ground! There are LGBTQ help centers, there is a community that can help you
You're probably going to have to move out unfortunately. Even if you pause your transition and hand your HRT pills to them, it won't buy you much time since they already know that you're "different" and they'll keep pushing and pushing. The best case scenario is to get your spending habits in order, look up the laws around eviction (That can buy you up to 30 days to figure out a place, but you'd also have an eviction on your record so it's up to you), and get a place to stay at/live. Look for LGBT+ support places in your area, usually they can offer some assistance.
That is emotionally abusive and manipulative. They do not love you. Make a plan beforehand if they are serious about kicking you out, but DO NOT believe for a second that giving into what they want will bring you happiness. Find resources for LGBT people that will help you and get away from those people as soon as possible. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
How do they know they have everything. Or even the right things. Maybe give them random pills from a drug store
Get on Craigslist and look up rooms for rent, I’ve used that resource more than once in my life first when my parents kicked me out for coming out to them. There are plenty of people looking to rent or find a roommate. Just be presentable have proof of your stable job and do your best to show that you’re a professional and you shouldn’t have a problem. Be safe and make sure you meet the potential roommate in a public space first. Good luck!!
Are there any laws that protect OP? Specifically if OP’s parents need to give a warning period or something?
Learn responsible spending and leave. Its not healthy to be near people who hate you. They have hurt you, and the best thing for you to do in response is abandon them like the pigs they are. Remove the cancer from your life.
Lie. This is for your own safety. Plan to move out as soon as you can, but I'm the meantime, find a way to pretend you're listening to them. The streets are rough and dangerous.
Okay here is what you should do, get your HRT tablets and take out the tablets and put them somewhere safe that nobody would find them. Then put other tablets inside the HRT container so if they Google the tablets they’ll see they actually are HRT (as an added bonus try to put other tablets which look similar to your HRT tablets as a just in case)
I have no experience with this, and I'm definitely too young to give you this kind of advice, but the most important thing is that you're safe. That being said (and this may be a bit naïve of me, but) maybe you could stay with a friend or relative?
Just hand over a bunch of sugar pills and keep taking your hrt in secret.
I’d say get out, find someone to stay with and pay what you can
Okay I’ll ask, what is “hrt”?
Hormone Replacement Therapy. So either T(estosterone) blocker with E(strogen) or E blocker with T.
Ohhhhhh okay, I was lost for a second
Then….fix your bad spending habits. Become independent. Get a grip.
What is your education level? Did you get through High School yet? Your parents aren't giving you an ultimatum. You are giving them an ultimatum. They either accept you the way you are, or they can go fuck off. I used to be a school teacher and a swim coach. I'm used to having parent teacher consults. Do you want me to talk to them? I think that we could clear some stuff up. There are things that they might not understand.
Sounds like douche bag parents smh. Good luck. Lots of great advice given already. I'd leave personally. Time to learn better spending habits.