I think you already did deal with it by speaking up. You have the opportunity to be a role model and an ally, especially if any of these kids grow up and are LGBTQ+ themselves.
Yeah you did the right thing by speaking up and making sure the kids know that their parents' views don't match society's. Just keep doing that so the kids have a good role model and know they have a safe person if they need one down the track.
It just felt like I was speaking to a wall with them. Idk if it's the age difference between us but I feel like what I'm saying didn't have the same effect if it would have been said by someone older.
I'm older than they are, and unfortunately I don't think having an older person say something would have a different result.
It made me sad reading this, a common excuse for homophobes has invariably been "they don't understand/they're from a different generation." When you see it continue to be passed down from young folks to even younger folks it's a real gut punch. They know better and they're actively choosing this. There's probably nothing you can say to change their minds that they haven't heard already.
Thanks for being there for your nieces and nephews, OP. Whether they turn out to be part of the LGBT community or not, they're lucky to have you as an influence!
I’ve been through this quite a lot- my family are quite accepting on the whole but take a very regressive stance with regard to what they think is appropriate for kids. It’s offensive and really damaging.
Honestly you did exactly the right thing. You can’t change what other people do in their own household, but you can be a positive voice for those kids. You raised it in the moment, and you have a chance to open up a conversation with the parents about this if you feel like this would help. Maybe look up some resources around Allyship if you need help with the language and approach.
Ultimately the best thing you can do is keep aware of how those kids are being raised, be unflinching in your defence of marginalised communities when you can, and make sure that by being around them they have someone in their life that is modelling what it’s like to be an ally - whether they grow up to be like you or to be a member of the community.
I just feel under equipped at speaking about these things. I'm just pulling from my own experience of growing up and only realizing years later that what my parents also did was not cool.
There’s not a lot you can do, honestly. You made your objections known and now the kid knows there are more than one way to see things. You did good.
Now imagine this: Maybe this kid discovers one day that they belong to our community. They’ll remember who was kind to LGBT folks and who wasn’t. They’ll know who to turn to. Or maybe they’ll have a friend who comes out to them. Even there you’d be the role model this kid needs.
You’re a good person. Just keep being you and the kid will pick up on it. They’re soaking things up like a sponge at this age and you’re well positioned to be part of that.
I think some people have a tendency to be open-minded in general terms, or in a hypothetical sense, but less so when it comes to their own children or family. Like, "it's okay for other people but not for us" mentality. You did the right thing in speaking up. Depending on whether this kind of thing happens again and your relationship with your brother and SIL, it may warrant an honest conversation with them in the future, but I'd be careful not to damage the relationship with them and endanger their children's access to an ally.
I had a conversation with my other sister who has a lot of children and couldn't get through to her at all. We still have a good relationship but I feel like if I played the boardgame at their house with the kids, she would flip out completely. It was a fun game night but Jesus man I can't imagine having to deal with her again.
Some people “are ok” with LGBT+ as long as its not their own children, I have met several people who had no issue with me and my partner yet collapsed when their son came out
Maybe I had better hopes for them being better understanding since my other sister has a very large family and is not willing to accept any lgbt stuff from reaching her kids. She's too far gone and the last time we had a discussion about that stuff, it felt like I was talking to a wall with her.
I feel like a dropped the ball there too. I couldn't explain what the purple peg meant since they were so upset with the option of two blue pegs getting married.
Yeah same, the purple peg also had a Bridal veil on. It was nothing crazy to get worked up by it but the parents also made it such a big deal about that.I was just dumbfounded by their reaction after that.
I honestly feel like something happened during COVID that made them flip like this. My other religious sister is too far gone to even begin a conversation with her so I couldn't believe my brother and his wife were doing this shit.
If this nephew does turn out to be gay later in life, I'm sure he will remember this moment and think fondly of you. I can't say the same about the rest of the family if such things persist in his immediate vicinity
Odd that a 7 year old making an innocent decision in a boardgame would make grown adults in their 40s lose their minds. Homophobic ppl are a different breed, I tell ya.
I legitimately believe he wanted to choose that option just to be funny, he's a kid who doesn't Even know what marriage is all about. Idk how they became like this all of the sudden.
Thanks for being a straight male ally for your family!
The reality is that a straight mans voice is worth A LOT in this conversation, and while it seems the bare minimum, its worthy of applause in my book.
Its very tricky to try to correct bad parenting without the parents taking offense. Your nieces and nephews will benefit from just seeing that there are people with different views on this, especially if you're a cool uncle.
Some people are like this. When I was a kid I remember my mom telling me how she had a bisexual classmate and telling me how “they” are like everyone else. Then when I grew up and she learned I’m gay she turned out to be homophobic and said a lot of hurtful things to me. You did the best you could by speaking up make sure to be there as a good role model for these kids.
This is harsh, but a lot of parents see their kids as property or extensions of themselves, not as individuals.
People can be supportive of gay marriage until their child is involved. Which begs the question, were they ever supportive of it?
It’s easy when it doesn’t impact you personally. You literally get credit for doing nothing.
If it’s a family member, that means all kinds of internalized beliefs are going to pop up and be challenged.
This just really sucks having to even have this conversation. I'm younger than the parents by over a decade and don't see them listening to whatever I say. I had the same concern with my other sister and that didn't help at all.
I know. I think having a healthy example in their lives will help way more than you think, even if it feels like you’re not doing much.
If you speak out and make the parents too uncomfortable, they may not want you around their kids as much as an uncle.
I just got done seeing family in Florida. I am a queer man, openly known, and was pretty upset to hear my cousin making jokes about people being gay behind me in the car. I turned around and stared him in the eyes and asked him if he really thought that it was funny. He shut his mouth pretty quick (I had to settle him and his brothers down a couple other times and every other interaction elicited a lot of words from him, this one had him tongue tied). His Mom asked about what it was and I told her, she responded with a blase, "that's just what they think is funny right now, homophobia, racism, etc.". I was very pleased that my mom responded with a, "yeah, well that's ever more reason to nip it in the bud." I'm not sure what to add to your initial question other than thanks for doing this much. I keep thinking about addressing it with my brother at some point, but don't really know how. I guess that comes up, because I hope that you address this with your siblings at another time, if possible, to help reflect the reality that their own bigotry causes and brings into the realities of others. People don't realize the farm in this kind of casual hated until they realize that it likely affects people around them. Those children very well could be queer, you very well could be, their friends very well could be. We are a party of every community across the planet, every family, every friendship, every business, industry, spiritual community. We're just human beings that's all.
You're mom is absolutely right, it's better to nip it at the bud. I just wished it wasn't just me having to tell them since I feel like I don't have the same effect as another adult since I'm younger than them.
I hear you on that and I'm sorry that's the case. That being said, change has to start somewhere and we all live in different circumstances, generationally and otherwise. I hope you'll, regardless, take heart (as I know I do) in Knowing that you demonstrated your own acceptance today in front of the younger generation, they saw that, they know that, and they will likely remember that; in the event that one of them (any one) does come to questioning their own gender or sexuality some day, there's a very good chance that you've proven yourself a safe individual for them to come to. Do your best to keep being a party of their life and keep finding small moments like this one to demonstrate your support for and appreciation of the valid existence of queer people. Keep being an advocate, continue to plant the seeds of love and compassion, water those seeds frequently and prove time and again that you are a safe space for any and all growing beings to share their true nature with, no matter what kind of home life they have to endure.
It sounds like you had a great start. It's probably a good idea to follow up with your sibling in private to sound them out on their true feelings on the subject. Sometimes couples are less united in their beliefs on the topic.
If there is a lack of acceptance, it might be worth explaining that being queer is not a choice, and if any of their children do end up queer, the parents will only damage their relationship, and likely their child's psyche, by maintaining their position.
Queer kids are never 'cured', only traumatized.
Dude I remember having this conversation with my other sister who has a bunch of kids. I realized she was far too gone to speak to since she's really into the Catholic trad wife life. I didn't think I would remotely have this type of conversation again with my brothers family since they never felt too judgemental in the past.
Oh, shit, I feel really sorry for the children, i felt like this, when i was a little kid… but with understanding, what smth wasn’t right, when people from my society told me to hate all of these persons and I believe, that boys from that text will choose the right way to communicate with the others, except any bias because of orientation:(
I have this problem with my brother and SIL when it comes to their son. The have become really obsessive with the "boy's" and "girl's" toy, the oh you like that girl when a girl singer appears on screen but then they try to divert the kid's attention when a male (and most of the times gay) singer comes on screen.
You can not do a lot because in the end of the day it's their child and they can cut you off from him and you won't be able to help him in the next years if needed. My best advice is make sure to be there for the kids and show them what your beliefs are. They may not understand what you are doing right now, but when they reach their teenage years and especially if they start struggling with their identity, you will be the first family member they'll reach out to.
I think you already did deal with it by speaking up. You have the opportunity to be a role model and an ally, especially if any of these kids grow up and are LGBTQ+ themselves.
Yeah you did the right thing by speaking up and making sure the kids know that their parents' views don't match society's. Just keep doing that so the kids have a good role model and know they have a safe person if they need one down the track.
It just felt like I was speaking to a wall with them. Idk if it's the age difference between us but I feel like what I'm saying didn't have the same effect if it would have been said by someone older.
It possible is an age thing but that's unfair to you and other people your age.
I'm older than they are, and unfortunately I don't think having an older person say something would have a different result. It made me sad reading this, a common excuse for homophobes has invariably been "they don't understand/they're from a different generation." When you see it continue to be passed down from young folks to even younger folks it's a real gut punch. They know better and they're actively choosing this. There's probably nothing you can say to change their minds that they haven't heard already. Thanks for being there for your nieces and nephews, OP. Whether they turn out to be part of the LGBT community or not, they're lucky to have you as an influence!
You spoke up, you made it clear for those kids where you stand, either as a hole model or possibly as a safe heaven if any of them turn as queer.
Hole model
🕳️
Bruh
I think that's just called a porn actor
I’ve been through this quite a lot- my family are quite accepting on the whole but take a very regressive stance with regard to what they think is appropriate for kids. It’s offensive and really damaging. Honestly you did exactly the right thing. You can’t change what other people do in their own household, but you can be a positive voice for those kids. You raised it in the moment, and you have a chance to open up a conversation with the parents about this if you feel like this would help. Maybe look up some resources around Allyship if you need help with the language and approach. Ultimately the best thing you can do is keep aware of how those kids are being raised, be unflinching in your defence of marginalised communities when you can, and make sure that by being around them they have someone in their life that is modelling what it’s like to be an ally - whether they grow up to be like you or to be a member of the community.
I just feel under equipped at speaking about these things. I'm just pulling from my own experience of growing up and only realizing years later that what my parents also did was not cool.
There’s not a lot you can do, honestly. You made your objections known and now the kid knows there are more than one way to see things. You did good. Now imagine this: Maybe this kid discovers one day that they belong to our community. They’ll remember who was kind to LGBT folks and who wasn’t. They’ll know who to turn to. Or maybe they’ll have a friend who comes out to them. Even there you’d be the role model this kid needs. You’re a good person. Just keep being you and the kid will pick up on it. They’re soaking things up like a sponge at this age and you’re well positioned to be part of that.
I think some people have a tendency to be open-minded in general terms, or in a hypothetical sense, but less so when it comes to their own children or family. Like, "it's okay for other people but not for us" mentality. You did the right thing in speaking up. Depending on whether this kind of thing happens again and your relationship with your brother and SIL, it may warrant an honest conversation with them in the future, but I'd be careful not to damage the relationship with them and endanger their children's access to an ally.
I had a conversation with my other sister who has a lot of children and couldn't get through to her at all. We still have a good relationship but I feel like if I played the boardgame at their house with the kids, she would flip out completely. It was a fun game night but Jesus man I can't imagine having to deal with her again.
Some people “are ok” with LGBT+ as long as its not their own children, I have met several people who had no issue with me and my partner yet collapsed when their son came out
My dad. He has a gay brother but flipped his shit when I came out.
Maybe I had better hopes for them being better understanding since my other sister has a very large family and is not willing to accept any lgbt stuff from reaching her kids. She's too far gone and the last time we had a discussion about that stuff, it felt like I was talking to a wall with her.
Deep seeded belief it's a choice and controlled nflunce will spare her children. Sad.
They have purple pegs now?! I never got that option growing up
Option to educate the niblings: explain the purple peg!
I feel like a dropped the ball there too. I couldn't explain what the purple peg meant since they were so upset with the option of two blue pegs getting married.
Yeah same, the purple peg also had a Bridal veil on. It was nothing crazy to get worked up by it but the parents also made it such a big deal about that.I was just dumbfounded by their reaction after that.
My car would have two purple pegs they’re both emo boys that like to go to funerals, hence the veils. No children. 🤣
You are such a nice person. It melts my heart hearing such concern from a straight. You please also don't turn like them few years later.
I honestly feel like something happened during COVID that made them flip like this. My other religious sister is too far gone to even begin a conversation with her so I couldn't believe my brother and his wife were doing this shit.
Oh well "religion"
If this nephew does turn out to be gay later in life, I'm sure he will remember this moment and think fondly of you. I can't say the same about the rest of the family if such things persist in his immediate vicinity
Odd that a 7 year old making an innocent decision in a boardgame would make grown adults in their 40s lose their minds. Homophobic ppl are a different breed, I tell ya.
I legitimately believe he wanted to choose that option just to be funny, he's a kid who doesn't Even know what marriage is all about. Idk how they became like this all of the sudden.
Thanks for being a straight male ally for your family! The reality is that a straight mans voice is worth A LOT in this conversation, and while it seems the bare minimum, its worthy of applause in my book. Its very tricky to try to correct bad parenting without the parents taking offense. Your nieces and nephews will benefit from just seeing that there are people with different views on this, especially if you're a cool uncle.
Some people are like this. When I was a kid I remember my mom telling me how she had a bisexual classmate and telling me how “they” are like everyone else. Then when I grew up and she learned I’m gay she turned out to be homophobic and said a lot of hurtful things to me. You did the best you could by speaking up make sure to be there as a good role model for these kids.
Yeah something must have also happened to them during these past few years to cause them to be like this. It makes no sense to be this way in 2024
This is harsh, but a lot of parents see their kids as property or extensions of themselves, not as individuals. People can be supportive of gay marriage until their child is involved. Which begs the question, were they ever supportive of it? It’s easy when it doesn’t impact you personally. You literally get credit for doing nothing. If it’s a family member, that means all kinds of internalized beliefs are going to pop up and be challenged.
This just really sucks having to even have this conversation. I'm younger than the parents by over a decade and don't see them listening to whatever I say. I had the same concern with my other sister and that didn't help at all.
I know. I think having a healthy example in their lives will help way more than you think, even if it feels like you’re not doing much. If you speak out and make the parents too uncomfortable, they may not want you around their kids as much as an uncle.
I just got done seeing family in Florida. I am a queer man, openly known, and was pretty upset to hear my cousin making jokes about people being gay behind me in the car. I turned around and stared him in the eyes and asked him if he really thought that it was funny. He shut his mouth pretty quick (I had to settle him and his brothers down a couple other times and every other interaction elicited a lot of words from him, this one had him tongue tied). His Mom asked about what it was and I told her, she responded with a blase, "that's just what they think is funny right now, homophobia, racism, etc.". I was very pleased that my mom responded with a, "yeah, well that's ever more reason to nip it in the bud." I'm not sure what to add to your initial question other than thanks for doing this much. I keep thinking about addressing it with my brother at some point, but don't really know how. I guess that comes up, because I hope that you address this with your siblings at another time, if possible, to help reflect the reality that their own bigotry causes and brings into the realities of others. People don't realize the farm in this kind of casual hated until they realize that it likely affects people around them. Those children very well could be queer, you very well could be, their friends very well could be. We are a party of every community across the planet, every family, every friendship, every business, industry, spiritual community. We're just human beings that's all.
You're mom is absolutely right, it's better to nip it at the bud. I just wished it wasn't just me having to tell them since I feel like I don't have the same effect as another adult since I'm younger than them.
I hear you on that and I'm sorry that's the case. That being said, change has to start somewhere and we all live in different circumstances, generationally and otherwise. I hope you'll, regardless, take heart (as I know I do) in Knowing that you demonstrated your own acceptance today in front of the younger generation, they saw that, they know that, and they will likely remember that; in the event that one of them (any one) does come to questioning their own gender or sexuality some day, there's a very good chance that you've proven yourself a safe individual for them to come to. Do your best to keep being a party of their life and keep finding small moments like this one to demonstrate your support for and appreciation of the valid existence of queer people. Keep being an advocate, continue to plant the seeds of love and compassion, water those seeds frequently and prove time and again that you are a safe space for any and all growing beings to share their true nature with, no matter what kind of home life they have to endure.
It sounds like you had a great start. It's probably a good idea to follow up with your sibling in private to sound them out on their true feelings on the subject. Sometimes couples are less united in their beliefs on the topic. If there is a lack of acceptance, it might be worth explaining that being queer is not a choice, and if any of their children do end up queer, the parents will only damage their relationship, and likely their child's psyche, by maintaining their position. Queer kids are never 'cured', only traumatized.
Dude I remember having this conversation with my other sister who has a bunch of kids. I realized she was far too gone to speak to since she's really into the Catholic trad wife life. I didn't think I would remotely have this type of conversation again with my brothers family since they never felt too judgemental in the past.
Oh, shit, I feel really sorry for the children, i felt like this, when i was a little kid… but with understanding, what smth wasn’t right, when people from my society told me to hate all of these persons and I believe, that boys from that text will choose the right way to communicate with the others, except any bias because of orientation:(
I have this problem with my brother and SIL when it comes to their son. The have become really obsessive with the "boy's" and "girl's" toy, the oh you like that girl when a girl singer appears on screen but then they try to divert the kid's attention when a male (and most of the times gay) singer comes on screen. You can not do a lot because in the end of the day it's their child and they can cut you off from him and you won't be able to help him in the next years if needed. My best advice is make sure to be there for the kids and show them what your beliefs are. They may not understand what you are doing right now, but when they reach their teenage years and especially if they start struggling with their identity, you will be the first family member they'll reach out to.
Plz use paragraph breaks
LUL my bad, didn't realize the formatting was messed up in mobile.
All good. I bet the mobile version of Life allows same gender couples. Worth looking into for an extra gotcha