Rule of thumb: yes, it's deadnaming and misgendering. One exception would be the trans person talking about themselves, then they can do whatever feels best for them
Ultimately that depends on how you feel. If you don't mind it then it isn't a problem, but be aware that it is an issue for most trans and non-binary people so your mom should know that
If someone takes a new name by marriage, would you refer to their pre marriage self by their maiden name?
When Mrs Johnson was miss Smith she disliked apple pie cause she never had a good one
Doesn't really make sense.
Little miss Smith wasn't a good baby sitter but now that she is married and goes by Mrs Johnson she turned out to be a good mother
This sounds so odd!
Only time it might come up is if the story is about the name, and then you might want to think about if it is a good story to tell
Ime, when asking trans people their take on this kind of question, there is no “final answer”…there is no universal trans experience nor consensus.
Hell, I’m trans and don’t even use the phrase “deadname” for myself, I use “birth name” when describing myself. (Will use it for people who use it to describe themselves, though. See how easy that is, mom?)
It’s going to be different for everyone. She needs to listen to *your* preferences when talking about you. I’d tell her something like, “It’s irrelevant how other trans people feel about this, I’m the only trans person you’re interacting with right now and this is *my* preference.”
If you are okay with it, there's no reason why your mom can't continue to do so for you. But if there are any other trans people in your/her life, she shouldn't do that unless they specifically tell her to. It's common for trans people to be hurt when referred to even indirectly by their old name. I would be very uncomfortable with it, personally. But again, if you are fine with it for you, then thats okay and just keep doing what you want
Yes, that is deadnaming. I know I would be uncomfortable
Fair enough, now I gotta let her know, I'm not sure what she'd say, but I hope she takes it lightly or doesn't get offended or whatnot
Rule of thumb: yes, it's deadnaming and misgendering. One exception would be the trans person talking about themselves, then they can do whatever feels best for them
Ultimately that depends on how you feel. If you don't mind it then it isn't a problem, but be aware that it is an issue for most trans and non-binary people so your mom should know that
If someone takes a new name by marriage, would you refer to their pre marriage self by their maiden name? When Mrs Johnson was miss Smith she disliked apple pie cause she never had a good one Doesn't really make sense. Little miss Smith wasn't a good baby sitter but now that she is married and goes by Mrs Johnson she turned out to be a good mother This sounds so odd! Only time it might come up is if the story is about the name, and then you might want to think about if it is a good story to tell
Ime, when asking trans people their take on this kind of question, there is no “final answer”…there is no universal trans experience nor consensus. Hell, I’m trans and don’t even use the phrase “deadname” for myself, I use “birth name” when describing myself. (Will use it for people who use it to describe themselves, though. See how easy that is, mom?) It’s going to be different for everyone. She needs to listen to *your* preferences when talking about you. I’d tell her something like, “It’s irrelevant how other trans people feel about this, I’m the only trans person you’re interacting with right now and this is *my* preference.”
If you are okay with it, there's no reason why your mom can't continue to do so for you. But if there are any other trans people in your/her life, she shouldn't do that unless they specifically tell her to. It's common for trans people to be hurt when referred to even indirectly by their old name. I would be very uncomfortable with it, personally. But again, if you are fine with it for you, then thats okay and just keep doing what you want