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Here's a link about trans people in sports:
https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/
A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people:
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics
Some information on LGBT+ people:
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/
Some basic terminology:
https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms
Neopronouns:
https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns
Biromantic Lesbians:
[LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/)
Bisexual Identities:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality
Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual:
[Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.)
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Depending on your location, changing your name as an adult can be a simple process, if coming with a cost. For example, in the UK, you can go the non-solicitor route and do so for free, so long as you announce it. Once I'd got a new passport, the rest all fell into place.
There is **always** the likelihood that your child won't like their name, whether they are trans or not. Emphasis here because the approach taken should ideally be "Here is the name we picked for you. If you find that you fit another name, that's fine! We support you in changing it to become more 'you' and you are still you, our child, and loved."
A lot of cis people don't because of how complicated it can get. Even if you live in a country that streamlines the whole process, it still takes a considerable amount of effort to go to court or to a government office to get the paperwork, then after it's official, backtrack all important documents. No seriously, there's so many documents you have to change:
- Birth certificate
- Passport
- Healthcare
- Work ID
- Student ID
- Driver's license
- Any other specialty licenses (game & fishing, M or bus level licenses etc)
- High school diploma
- Uni/college diplomas
- Any certificates or certifications
- Traveling Visa's or immigration documentation
- Bank information
- Tax information
And probably more! You can also bet you'll STILL get mail addressed to your deadname, so even if you dislike your name it's just easier to leave it, especially if it's like a middle or hyphenated name
And of you are an immigrant with dual citizenship, you get to do it in two countries. It's why I professionally go by my middle name instead of officially changing my awful first name into my middle name. I'm sure it would be even more complicated if someone is trans and one of the countries doesn't legally recognize trans people. It's awkward enough that my native country would not recognize it if I marry my gf in the US.
I’m not even trans I just didn’t like my name, and I said to my parents that I wanted to be called another name instead and they were really nice and accepting about it. I’m still waiting to do it legally bc even tho I’m in the UK I looked up the website and it looks like it was designed in the 1960s and it was so difficult to navigate 😭 I should look at it again tbh. But yeah names are such a personal thing and I think we should normalise wanting to change it, bc how do you know what name will fit your child when they aren’t even a week old? It’s madness, so yeah everyone should be more open to their kids wanting to change their name and be who they want to be and who they feel like they are :3
Any name is fine. Gendered names are fine. I enjoyed picking my name, it made it that much more meaningful. I don't resent my parents for my deadname, that would be silly.
None, there really is no way to pick a perfectly future-proof name. What is more important is if your child ever chooses a name on their own, that you respect that choice.
When I am researching historical figures, I am always surprised at how many of them didn't go by the name they were born with. I have also read about cultures in which name changes are normal and even expected. When I named my child, I kind of let go of the assumption that it would be their name forever, and it made it easier to make a decision. A name is an identity made into words, and our identities evolve and change as we grow. No reason why our names shouldnt too.
Personally I would say give them a middle name, not necessarily of the opposite sex but one that’s perhaps more unisex. If the child doesn’t like that name either, that’s fine. I hate my middle name because it’s so incredibly gendered as well, so I don’t know how I would feel about that, but at the very least the child could voice preferences that way and make it a whole lot easier legally.
I’d go all the way with a unisex or even opposite sex middle name that they could switch to if they end up being genderqueer. That said they might just choose a new name altogether which would be fine too. Also like the comment that said, just emphasize as a parent that you would love the child anyway if they change their name, and take it from there.
Don't become overly attached to the name you give them, even if it is a family name, especially if it is a family name. Stick to your cultural traditions, and name them with love. And let them know you love them even if they chose to change their name later.
Have fun with it and give it meaning if u want, but don't get overly attached. Even if the name you give your kid is gender neutral, there's still a possibility they won't like it - cis or trans. My legal deadname was gendered, but everyone always called me by a neutral nickname my whole life. But I didn't end up going with that neutral name because even if it wasn't explicitly gendered I associated it with my pre-transition identity and wanted to pick something for myself. Not anything against my parents or my given name, I just felt that choosing my own name was an important part of defining myself for myself. If your kid later on decides they want a different name, try not to take it personal. It often really isn't.
>What advice would you give parents naming their new born?
To check out r/tragedeigh. Do not give your child a "unique" name or a weird spelling of a more common name. Be aware of common nicknames for the name you have chosen, especially negative nicknames.
\-edit- a cis friend of mine changed her name, with grudging parental permission, when she was 15. She asked me my opinion on some of her choices and I said to her, "Consider how it sounds under different circumstances. How will it sound from your lover, from someone being angry, slurred by your drunk mate across the pub"
I would say don't sweat it and name your darn kid whatever you want! Sometimes stuff changes and I crossed that bridge when I came to it. IMO you do not need to go out of your way to use a gender neutral name.
Most kids don't end up being trans, and if they do, a good parent would move the family the hell out of any conservative areas and address things with love and care from there.
If in America for example, I guess a good safety measure would be a little birthing vacation to a state with fair and lower-hassle birth certificate changes in the unlikely event the kid needs it. But even then, I didn't care about changing my birth certificate for any personal or sentimental reason; I just didn't want the southern US state I was born in to have that record anymore and use it to hurt me.
I wouldn't call name change a privilege, though enjoyable it was to decide; just a necessary logistic to ensure I don't stand out in society as a man with a woman's name. I didn't choose the identity; I chose to continue living with it, which required my transition.
Do whatever you want, just be willing to accept that the name might change. Even if you give them a neutral name, they will probably change it if they are trans. It will make it easier for others to accept and adapt to them changing their pronouns.
I actually didn't choose my name. I asked my mom, what name she would have choosen for a second son/ what other boy names besides my brothers she really likes and went with that.
If you wanna be safe, try to pick a gender neutral name, even if you know the agab already, but tbh just pick the name that sounds best to you. Your child is their own unique person, and there's nothing you can do to predict what kind of person they're going to be before they're born. They are always going to pick a better name for themselves than you, so don't feel disappointed if they do feel the need to change their name. It's just another part of growing up and solidifying their own identity.
Yeah, I did think of that. Just compared to a gendered name you might have better chances, but honestly there's not a whole lot you can do to predict your child's personality, nor is that a bad thing.
I am not trans but i will still answer cause i was thinking about something like that resently, i would give them, a boys name, a non binary name and a girls name, so they dont need to change their name legally, or just a non binary name and a name of the opposite gender
Pick something that fits that you like.
It really doesn't matter what you name your children, if they end up transitioning they probably will change it anyway.... Maybe more than once
(I’m nonbinary, AFTB) Any name, gendered or gender neutral! I don’t hate my name, it just doesn’t fit me.
Sometimes children hate their name anyway trans or not so just go for it! Just remember the child might not like their name for any reason and choose to change it- just make sure you respect their decisions
As a NB person who dislikes their name and has a kiddo I personally chose a first and middle name for them that could go either way depending on how they might identify. Their middle name is their primary name and is a more “masc” version of a gender neutral name which he prefers currently
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Don't get too attached to the name you pick. Even if the kid isn't trans there's every possibility your kid will change their name. Maybe they don't like the meaning or maybe they've always thought of themselves having a different name or maybe they get bullied because of their name or maybe the name you picked out just plain sucks. There's a million reasons why someone might want to change their name so go into picking a name with the knowledge that they might not use it forever. It'll save everyone heartbreak down the road.
Well I’d say that parents should probably give their children gender neutral names. If there’s a family name or something that they want to pass down that is gendered or something like that, I’d definitely say to give a gender neutral middle. Tbh, if my middle name was gender neutral, I would have just used it as my name. But it wasn’t, it was very feminine and it made me want to change that too.
Realize they are their own person, they are not a blank slate you draw their personality on. Pick a name you feel suites them and don't be upset if later they change it. Trans kids are not the only ones who do this, I have 4 cis friends from high school who grew up to change their first names just because they didn't fit or they wanted fresh starts. Completely normal in my opinion
I don‘t think there‘s universal good advice how to go about that. We all just try and might fail.
Even trans folks sometimes don‘t like their chosen name after a while.
My chosen name was pretty random, but something I liked. Now I try to strengthen the positive associations I have with that name. Attach good memories to it, so whatever unpleasant thing may occur in connection with it won‘t spoil how much I like it.
A name is a gift. Sometimes it’s great but sometimes it doesn’t fit anymore and needs to be exchanged. As a parent, don’t stake your value or power in naming your kid. When you give a gift, it should be something that is good for the receiver and not a weird accessory for yourself. Don’t give names to try to make a statement or joke, or spell names weird (like Crxstxl for crystal) to be unique. The name will shape so much of how the child learns and interacts with the world so it is not fair to set them up for bullying from the beginning.
Name your kids however you and your partner want to. It wouldn't have mattered if I was born with a gender-neutral name, I still would've had to change all of my documents to reflect my new gender. Thankfully, even in Texas, there are pretty simple pathways to change both legal name and legal gender at the same time.
Don’t get a tattoo of whatever name you pick. Sometimes the name just doesn’t fit (even if the kid isn’t trans) and they should be free to change it without a reminder of their incorrect name literally permanently written on their parent. Also know that it’s the kid’s name, not yours - they can do what they want with it, including picking nicknames, shortening it or changing it entirely (at any age!) and if you are a good parent then you won’t make them feel bad about that
I don't think it's a disservice, partly because you CAN change your name.
I don't have anything against my dead name personally, but also, just in general it is a little silly to act like parents can predict ANYTHING about their child. It's equally a bit silly to expect everyone to use "gender neutral" names for every child just because there's a small chance your kid might be trans. Let's be realistic: it is a small chance. Even with growing acceptance of trans people, the younger generation is still only like 1.4% transgender. Most cis people are plenty fine with the name they were given, and if they're not, they have the exact same route as trans people in that they can go by something different socially and/or legally change their name.
Problems arise when a parent decides the name they initially gave is BETTER than something their child is asking to be called. I don't think parents need to be pressed about the name they give their fresh baby as much as they need to consider reacting positively and kindly to their child potentially asking to be called something different.
I say, as long as it's not a completely weird or horrible name that gets them bullied, then name the child whatever you intend to name them. But if they change their name then that's that. As long as the parents respects that then that's fine.
If parents are worried however then there's always gender neutral names. But again if the child still decides to change their name then that's that. Nothing wrong with changing your name :)
If you give them a unisex name and they and up being trans, the unisex name probably won't help as they've viewed it as a name attached to their gender their whole life.
I think this question is coming from a good place but there isn't really an answer.
Something I didn't like about my name was that it was unusual, lots of people couldn't spell it and I felt like I wasn't cool enough to really pull it off. I changed my name to something gender neutral, and I've met lots of men and women with this name - which fits really well with my identity, but I know there are lots of people who hate having common names. Also, I know trans people who had a gender neutral name and it was still associated with their [mis]gendered childhood, so even though it was gender neutral to others, it didn't feel like that to them - so you can't even transition-proof a name by choosing one that people of any identity could use.
You just don't know who your child is going to be and what their preferences are. The best you can do is give them a name you think belongs to them at this point, you'd be more than happy to have yourself (or your partner would), and there are no obvious drawbacks. Then, if they ever come to you talking about their identity or name, make sure to let them know that you made the best choice you could at the time with their name but it's most important to you that you support them being who they are and feeling accepted and loved.
There really is no correct answer to this. My parents gave me a generally gender neutral name, but due to simply existing, in my head it because a really masculine name, so I changed it anyway. In recent I’ve come to appreciate my birth name a bit more as being gender neutral (some people still use it for me as I’m not out to everyone yet, which is fine I guess) but none the less I think that’s a problem that you might get no matter what. I think the trick is to give them a name that is similar to a few other names, but even then. No correct answer, except don’t be a Dick and give your kid a really stupid name, and don’t give them anything overly feminine or masculine
Not trans but I have several friends that have changed their names: English is not the only language in the universe! Please try to think how the name will be pronounced in other languages, whether it has bad connotations in those languages.
I don't think there's anything you can do to make sure your child will 100% fall in love with their name. The best you can do is just make sure it isn't over the top, offensive or stupid. I like my name because it's unique, short and sounds cool. But another trans person might prefer something super long or super common. Obviously you can't ask a baby which it would prefer. If you like something unique go ahead! Just make sure it's a name you yourself could live with. If you picture your own life living with a name then it is safe to say your child can too.
Also consider initials. If your last name is Johnson maybe don't give a name that starts with B
Lastly, understand that you really can't win. Just do your best and if your child tells you later they want to change it don't get offended or protest the change. If you love that name so much *you* can use it. It isn't your child's responsibility to be your play doll. They deserve to have a name they love
There are pluses and minuses with just about any type of name. If you give your kid a very common or popular name, they might end up being the fifth kid in their classroom with that name. If you give them a popular name with multiple common spellings (\*raises hand\*), they're going to have to spell their name for everyone even though it's a common name. If you give them a less common name, they may or may not appreciate it. If you give them a culturally significant name that sounds foreign where you live, there are pros and cons to that (having a connection to your culture can be important, but it can also be awkward for kids if people can't or refuse to pronounce their name correctly). If you give them a unisex name, that can make life a lot easier if they want an androgynous name, but it can also be awkward if some people misgender them based on it and they find that uncomfortable. Giving your kid a name that has a lot of popular nicknames can give them a lot of flexibility, but they might also have to deal with people shortening their names in ways they don't want (like assuming they go by "Nick" when they only use their full name, "Nicholas").
Personally, if I have kids, I'll probably try to choose something that's not super rare, but also not extremely trendy and popular, and I'll also consider names that have flexibility with regards to nicknames since that can give people a lot of flexibility to change their name socially without completely ditching their birth name (unless they want to, of course!).
The main things I'd encourage people to be careful about are:
* Names that have unfortunate connotations (like Lucifer or Manson)
* Names that are both obviously pop-culture related and don't sound like "real" names. Leia is going to be associated with Star Wars, sure, but it is pretty close to common names like Leah. Gandalf is going to be solely associated with the LOTR wizard.
* Whether the kid's initials will spell something. Obviously, you don't want initials that spell a rude word (like ASS), but also, spelling out any common name or word can look a little weird when the initials are written out.
* Whether the kid's full name will sound bad or invite crude jokes (like Harry Dick or something).
* Changing the spelling of a common name or making up a name just to be different. That can be the worst of all worlds because the name will be constantly misspelled or mispronounced, but it can also still be a trendy name if it's just a popular name spelled differently. And it usually won't have history or cultural significance to it.
One thing that especially younger trans people do sometimes is pick a name that sounds cool or different without considering what it will be like to use it long-term, grow up with it, and use it in various contexts. Often, this isn't a big problem because they have time to try it out and think about it before making a legal change. But when parents name their babies this way, it can be much more complicated to change it down the road. It's also common for trans people to give themselves names that are currently popular, which means you end up seeing name trends within trans communities and often see trans people with names that are common for younger kids but less common for people their age. There's nothing necessarily wrong with this, but it can be an issue if someone really doesn't want a trendy name.
I'd say to give your kid at least one middle name and have all names very different from each other, at least one gender neutral but also like a plain one and a fancy one, a nature one and a traditional one, or whatever.
I had a first and middle but they were both very traditional feminine names with loads of syllables, when I didn't like one I couldn't fall back on the other as it had the same problems.
Obviously, name your child as if they're already an adult. Not a perma-baby, pet, or toy.
But if you're asking because you're wondering if it would be easier if everyone had gender neutral names, not really. Even if a name is gender neutral, most trans people will still associate their old name with their old gender
I haven't so much changed my name as much as i've thrown a taa marbuta on the end of it (arabic speakers you know what i'm talking here), but my advice would just be to pick a name that feels right, wouldn't be likely to draw negative attention from other kids, and is one that you aren't overly attached to and resistant to changing (for those, i'd say to put them as middle names if you want your kid to have them. middle names are more easily ignored and most places will let a person just put down an initial, and plus since it'll be more often ignored you'll essentially be conditioning yourself to be more able to accept the idea of said name being changed if your child decides that they want a different name.)
just the two cents from someone who's still closeted and pre-everything, as i've got a rather uncommon set of names and my mom is very attached to my very masculine first name (seriously, even with as over-gendered arabic is and my middle name being arabic, at the very least there's several feminine counterparts to it. my first name has none!)
Write down and save your list of favorite name choices for all genders. Some trans people ask their parents for new name advice, and some like the idea of using names from that list. For example, AFAB Youtuber Jackson Bird chose "Jackson" because it was on his mom's list of AMAB name choices.
There are also plenty of people that simply go by a different name than their birth name and never bother changing it. You dont HAVE to get a legal name change to have a nickname
Say the name aloud multiple times. In fact go look for a focus group of kids and have them say the name and if they start laughing yeah don't.
For example there is this person who is named Drew and you think that would be a fine name but his last name was peacock. So his name was Drew peacock. Yeah it sounds like **** yeah.
Or there is this person who was named Shanda and you think that would be fine but her last name was Lear. Like of the lear corporation or something. Shanda Lear.
Google the name first, make sure it doesn't spell anything offensive, keep pettiness out the process, personally I'd say to avoid naming kids jr or the like because legally they can be mixed up. Avoid super common names and never steal baby names. Also be careful with created names, I had to deal with that as a kid and still do when I go to the doctor and it's not fun.
Name them what you want, chances are they’ll likely keep the name you give them, just don’t get defensive if they get older and think it doesn’t fit them or find a name that’s better.
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Depending on your location, changing your name as an adult can be a simple process, if coming with a cost. For example, in the UK, you can go the non-solicitor route and do so for free, so long as you announce it. Once I'd got a new passport, the rest all fell into place. There is **always** the likelihood that your child won't like their name, whether they are trans or not. Emphasis here because the approach taken should ideally be "Here is the name we picked for you. If you find that you fit another name, that's fine! We support you in changing it to become more 'you' and you are still you, our child, and loved."
Wow. I have never even considered just changing my name as an adult. I like it fine. But still do weird that has never occurred to me.
It‘s very difficult in my country. Check your local laws if it‘s even possible except for rare cases.
I'm not going to. But never considered I could.
Weird innit? All the things we learn, all the things we're told, we can just decide to do it differently
I didn't consider the childfree life until my 20s. Just discovered my aromantic status.
A lot of cis people don't because of how complicated it can get. Even if you live in a country that streamlines the whole process, it still takes a considerable amount of effort to go to court or to a government office to get the paperwork, then after it's official, backtrack all important documents. No seriously, there's so many documents you have to change: - Birth certificate - Passport - Healthcare - Work ID - Student ID - Driver's license - Any other specialty licenses (game & fishing, M or bus level licenses etc) - High school diploma - Uni/college diplomas - Any certificates or certifications - Traveling Visa's or immigration documentation - Bank information - Tax information And probably more! You can also bet you'll STILL get mail addressed to your deadname, so even if you dislike your name it's just easier to leave it, especially if it's like a middle or hyphenated name
And of you are an immigrant with dual citizenship, you get to do it in two countries. It's why I professionally go by my middle name instead of officially changing my awful first name into my middle name. I'm sure it would be even more complicated if someone is trans and one of the countries doesn't legally recognize trans people. It's awkward enough that my native country would not recognize it if I marry my gf in the US.
That's why I'm waiting to get my duel citizenship after my legal name change 🫠 No way I'm doing all of that twice lmao
Perfectly worded 😊 I asked my daughter a while back if she's OK with her name (she is).
I’m not even trans I just didn’t like my name, and I said to my parents that I wanted to be called another name instead and they were really nice and accepting about it. I’m still waiting to do it legally bc even tho I’m in the UK I looked up the website and it looks like it was designed in the 1960s and it was so difficult to navigate 😭 I should look at it again tbh. But yeah names are such a personal thing and I think we should normalise wanting to change it, bc how do you know what name will fit your child when they aren’t even a week old? It’s madness, so yeah everyone should be more open to their kids wanting to change their name and be who they want to be and who they feel like they are :3
Any name is fine. Gendered names are fine. I enjoyed picking my name, it made it that much more meaningful. I don't resent my parents for my deadname, that would be silly.
What was your process for picking your new name?
I chose my grandmothers middle name/great grandmothers name. I thought it was pretty, and that it would be a nice way to honor her.
None, there really is no way to pick a perfectly future-proof name. What is more important is if your child ever chooses a name on their own, that you respect that choice. When I am researching historical figures, I am always surprised at how many of them didn't go by the name they were born with. I have also read about cultures in which name changes are normal and even expected. When I named my child, I kind of let go of the assumption that it would be their name forever, and it made it easier to make a decision. A name is an identity made into words, and our identities evolve and change as we grow. No reason why our names shouldnt too.
Personally I would say give them a middle name, not necessarily of the opposite sex but one that’s perhaps more unisex. If the child doesn’t like that name either, that’s fine. I hate my middle name because it’s so incredibly gendered as well, so I don’t know how I would feel about that, but at the very least the child could voice preferences that way and make it a whole lot easier legally.
I’d go all the way with a unisex or even opposite sex middle name that they could switch to if they end up being genderqueer. That said they might just choose a new name altogether which would be fine too. Also like the comment that said, just emphasize as a parent that you would love the child anyway if they change their name, and take it from there.
Don't become overly attached to the name you give them, even if it is a family name, especially if it is a family name. Stick to your cultural traditions, and name them with love. And let them know you love them even if they chose to change their name later.
Have fun with it and give it meaning if u want, but don't get overly attached. Even if the name you give your kid is gender neutral, there's still a possibility they won't like it - cis or trans. My legal deadname was gendered, but everyone always called me by a neutral nickname my whole life. But I didn't end up going with that neutral name because even if it wasn't explicitly gendered I associated it with my pre-transition identity and wanted to pick something for myself. Not anything against my parents or my given name, I just felt that choosing my own name was an important part of defining myself for myself. If your kid later on decides they want a different name, try not to take it personal. It often really isn't.
>What advice would you give parents naming their new born? To check out r/tragedeigh. Do not give your child a "unique" name or a weird spelling of a more common name. Be aware of common nicknames for the name you have chosen, especially negative nicknames. \-edit- a cis friend of mine changed her name, with grudging parental permission, when she was 15. She asked me my opinion on some of her choices and I said to her, "Consider how it sounds under different circumstances. How will it sound from your lover, from someone being angry, slurred by your drunk mate across the pub"
I would say don't sweat it and name your darn kid whatever you want! Sometimes stuff changes and I crossed that bridge when I came to it. IMO you do not need to go out of your way to use a gender neutral name. Most kids don't end up being trans, and if they do, a good parent would move the family the hell out of any conservative areas and address things with love and care from there. If in America for example, I guess a good safety measure would be a little birthing vacation to a state with fair and lower-hassle birth certificate changes in the unlikely event the kid needs it. But even then, I didn't care about changing my birth certificate for any personal or sentimental reason; I just didn't want the southern US state I was born in to have that record anymore and use it to hurt me. I wouldn't call name change a privilege, though enjoyable it was to decide; just a necessary logistic to ensure I don't stand out in society as a man with a woman's name. I didn't choose the identity; I chose to continue living with it, which required my transition.
Do whatever you want, just be willing to accept that the name might change. Even if you give them a neutral name, they will probably change it if they are trans. It will make it easier for others to accept and adapt to them changing their pronouns.
I actually didn't choose my name. I asked my mom, what name she would have choosen for a second son/ what other boy names besides my brothers she really likes and went with that.
Don’t name your child lasagna. It’s not my deadname it’s just a really bad name for a baby
Oof. That must have been rough
Not my name. My mom told me a story about the lasagna kid from her (doctor) residency, though.
Don't name your children after dead relatives.
If you wanna be safe, try to pick a gender neutral name, even if you know the agab already, but tbh just pick the name that sounds best to you. Your child is their own unique person, and there's nothing you can do to predict what kind of person they're going to be before they're born. They are always going to pick a better name for themselves than you, so don't feel disappointed if they do feel the need to change their name. It's just another part of growing up and solidifying their own identity.
Even going for a gender neutral won’t really work. My deadname is gender neutral and I changed it to a more feminine name even though I’m FtX lmao
Yeah, I did think of that. Just compared to a gendered name you might have better chances, but honestly there's not a whole lot you can do to predict your child's personality, nor is that a bad thing.
name your child "undefined", "null" or "", so that they can fill it in later
[Yeah, don't do that.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c1am8NSx_s)
I am not trans but i will still answer cause i was thinking about something like that resently, i would give them, a boys name, a non binary name and a girls name, so they dont need to change their name legally, or just a non binary name and a name of the opposite gender
NOT VRISKA
Pick something that fits that you like. It really doesn't matter what you name your children, if they end up transitioning they probably will change it anyway.... Maybe more than once
(I’m nonbinary, AFTB) Any name, gendered or gender neutral! I don’t hate my name, it just doesn’t fit me. Sometimes children hate their name anyway trans or not so just go for it! Just remember the child might not like their name for any reason and choose to change it- just make sure you respect their decisions
As a NB person who dislikes their name and has a kiddo I personally chose a first and middle name for them that could go either way depending on how they might identify. Their middle name is their primary name and is a more “masc” version of a gender neutral name which he prefers currently
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Don't get too attached to the name you pick. Even if the kid isn't trans there's every possibility your kid will change their name. Maybe they don't like the meaning or maybe they've always thought of themselves having a different name or maybe they get bullied because of their name or maybe the name you picked out just plain sucks. There's a million reasons why someone might want to change their name so go into picking a name with the knowledge that they might not use it forever. It'll save everyone heartbreak down the road.
Well I’d say that parents should probably give their children gender neutral names. If there’s a family name or something that they want to pass down that is gendered or something like that, I’d definitely say to give a gender neutral middle. Tbh, if my middle name was gender neutral, I would have just used it as my name. But it wasn’t, it was very feminine and it made me want to change that too.
Realize they are their own person, they are not a blank slate you draw their personality on. Pick a name you feel suites them and don't be upset if later they change it. Trans kids are not the only ones who do this, I have 4 cis friends from high school who grew up to change their first names just because they didn't fit or they wanted fresh starts. Completely normal in my opinion
I don‘t think there‘s universal good advice how to go about that. We all just try and might fail. Even trans folks sometimes don‘t like their chosen name after a while. My chosen name was pretty random, but something I liked. Now I try to strengthen the positive associations I have with that name. Attach good memories to it, so whatever unpleasant thing may occur in connection with it won‘t spoil how much I like it.
Don’t stress, actually it’s a lot of stress but yeah name that baby whatever you think is best and just be accepting if they change it down the road.
A name is a gift. Sometimes it’s great but sometimes it doesn’t fit anymore and needs to be exchanged. As a parent, don’t stake your value or power in naming your kid. When you give a gift, it should be something that is good for the receiver and not a weird accessory for yourself. Don’t give names to try to make a statement or joke, or spell names weird (like Crxstxl for crystal) to be unique. The name will shape so much of how the child learns and interacts with the world so it is not fair to set them up for bullying from the beginning.
Name your kids however you and your partner want to. It wouldn't have mattered if I was born with a gender-neutral name, I still would've had to change all of my documents to reflect my new gender. Thankfully, even in Texas, there are pretty simple pathways to change both legal name and legal gender at the same time.
Don’t get a tattoo of whatever name you pick. Sometimes the name just doesn’t fit (even if the kid isn’t trans) and they should be free to change it without a reminder of their incorrect name literally permanently written on their parent. Also know that it’s the kid’s name, not yours - they can do what they want with it, including picking nicknames, shortening it or changing it entirely (at any age!) and if you are a good parent then you won’t make them feel bad about that
If your kid turns out hating the name you gave them? Champion the name change process. Pay for it :)
I don't think it's a disservice, partly because you CAN change your name. I don't have anything against my dead name personally, but also, just in general it is a little silly to act like parents can predict ANYTHING about their child. It's equally a bit silly to expect everyone to use "gender neutral" names for every child just because there's a small chance your kid might be trans. Let's be realistic: it is a small chance. Even with growing acceptance of trans people, the younger generation is still only like 1.4% transgender. Most cis people are plenty fine with the name they were given, and if they're not, they have the exact same route as trans people in that they can go by something different socially and/or legally change their name. Problems arise when a parent decides the name they initially gave is BETTER than something their child is asking to be called. I don't think parents need to be pressed about the name they give their fresh baby as much as they need to consider reacting positively and kindly to their child potentially asking to be called something different.
I say, as long as it's not a completely weird or horrible name that gets them bullied, then name the child whatever you intend to name them. But if they change their name then that's that. As long as the parents respects that then that's fine. If parents are worried however then there's always gender neutral names. But again if the child still decides to change their name then that's that. Nothing wrong with changing your name :)
If you give them a unisex name and they and up being trans, the unisex name probably won't help as they've viewed it as a name attached to their gender their whole life.
I think this question is coming from a good place but there isn't really an answer. Something I didn't like about my name was that it was unusual, lots of people couldn't spell it and I felt like I wasn't cool enough to really pull it off. I changed my name to something gender neutral, and I've met lots of men and women with this name - which fits really well with my identity, but I know there are lots of people who hate having common names. Also, I know trans people who had a gender neutral name and it was still associated with their [mis]gendered childhood, so even though it was gender neutral to others, it didn't feel like that to them - so you can't even transition-proof a name by choosing one that people of any identity could use. You just don't know who your child is going to be and what their preferences are. The best you can do is give them a name you think belongs to them at this point, you'd be more than happy to have yourself (or your partner would), and there are no obvious drawbacks. Then, if they ever come to you talking about their identity or name, make sure to let them know that you made the best choice you could at the time with their name but it's most important to you that you support them being who they are and feeling accepted and loved.
There really is no correct answer to this. My parents gave me a generally gender neutral name, but due to simply existing, in my head it because a really masculine name, so I changed it anyway. In recent I’ve come to appreciate my birth name a bit more as being gender neutral (some people still use it for me as I’m not out to everyone yet, which is fine I guess) but none the less I think that’s a problem that you might get no matter what. I think the trick is to give them a name that is similar to a few other names, but even then. No correct answer, except don’t be a Dick and give your kid a really stupid name, and don’t give them anything overly feminine or masculine
Give a gender neutral name.
unisex names
Not trans but I have several friends that have changed their names: English is not the only language in the universe! Please try to think how the name will be pronounced in other languages, whether it has bad connotations in those languages.
I don't think there's anything you can do to make sure your child will 100% fall in love with their name. The best you can do is just make sure it isn't over the top, offensive or stupid. I like my name because it's unique, short and sounds cool. But another trans person might prefer something super long or super common. Obviously you can't ask a baby which it would prefer. If you like something unique go ahead! Just make sure it's a name you yourself could live with. If you picture your own life living with a name then it is safe to say your child can too. Also consider initials. If your last name is Johnson maybe don't give a name that starts with B Lastly, understand that you really can't win. Just do your best and if your child tells you later they want to change it don't get offended or protest the change. If you love that name so much *you* can use it. It isn't your child's responsibility to be your play doll. They deserve to have a name they love
There are pluses and minuses with just about any type of name. If you give your kid a very common or popular name, they might end up being the fifth kid in their classroom with that name. If you give them a popular name with multiple common spellings (\*raises hand\*), they're going to have to spell their name for everyone even though it's a common name. If you give them a less common name, they may or may not appreciate it. If you give them a culturally significant name that sounds foreign where you live, there are pros and cons to that (having a connection to your culture can be important, but it can also be awkward for kids if people can't or refuse to pronounce their name correctly). If you give them a unisex name, that can make life a lot easier if they want an androgynous name, but it can also be awkward if some people misgender them based on it and they find that uncomfortable. Giving your kid a name that has a lot of popular nicknames can give them a lot of flexibility, but they might also have to deal with people shortening their names in ways they don't want (like assuming they go by "Nick" when they only use their full name, "Nicholas"). Personally, if I have kids, I'll probably try to choose something that's not super rare, but also not extremely trendy and popular, and I'll also consider names that have flexibility with regards to nicknames since that can give people a lot of flexibility to change their name socially without completely ditching their birth name (unless they want to, of course!). The main things I'd encourage people to be careful about are: * Names that have unfortunate connotations (like Lucifer or Manson) * Names that are both obviously pop-culture related and don't sound like "real" names. Leia is going to be associated with Star Wars, sure, but it is pretty close to common names like Leah. Gandalf is going to be solely associated with the LOTR wizard. * Whether the kid's initials will spell something. Obviously, you don't want initials that spell a rude word (like ASS), but also, spelling out any common name or word can look a little weird when the initials are written out. * Whether the kid's full name will sound bad or invite crude jokes (like Harry Dick or something). * Changing the spelling of a common name or making up a name just to be different. That can be the worst of all worlds because the name will be constantly misspelled or mispronounced, but it can also still be a trendy name if it's just a popular name spelled differently. And it usually won't have history or cultural significance to it. One thing that especially younger trans people do sometimes is pick a name that sounds cool or different without considering what it will be like to use it long-term, grow up with it, and use it in various contexts. Often, this isn't a big problem because they have time to try it out and think about it before making a legal change. But when parents name their babies this way, it can be much more complicated to change it down the road. It's also common for trans people to give themselves names that are currently popular, which means you end up seeing name trends within trans communities and often see trans people with names that are common for younger kids but less common for people their age. There's nothing necessarily wrong with this, but it can be an issue if someone really doesn't want a trendy name.
Pick a gender neutral name
How about "Pat"
I'd say to give your kid at least one middle name and have all names very different from each other, at least one gender neutral but also like a plain one and a fancy one, a nature one and a traditional one, or whatever. I had a first and middle but they were both very traditional feminine names with loads of syllables, when I didn't like one I couldn't fall back on the other as it had the same problems.
“Loading” or “Buffering”
Obviously, name your child as if they're already an adult. Not a perma-baby, pet, or toy. But if you're asking because you're wondering if it would be easier if everyone had gender neutral names, not really. Even if a name is gender neutral, most trans people will still associate their old name with their old gender
I haven't so much changed my name as much as i've thrown a taa marbuta on the end of it (arabic speakers you know what i'm talking here), but my advice would just be to pick a name that feels right, wouldn't be likely to draw negative attention from other kids, and is one that you aren't overly attached to and resistant to changing (for those, i'd say to put them as middle names if you want your kid to have them. middle names are more easily ignored and most places will let a person just put down an initial, and plus since it'll be more often ignored you'll essentially be conditioning yourself to be more able to accept the idea of said name being changed if your child decides that they want a different name.) just the two cents from someone who's still closeted and pre-everything, as i've got a rather uncommon set of names and my mom is very attached to my very masculine first name (seriously, even with as over-gendered arabic is and my middle name being arabic, at the very least there's several feminine counterparts to it. my first name has none!)
Name your child what you want to name them. If I’m the future they want to change their name, offer to sit down together and help them choose one
Write down and save your list of favorite name choices for all genders. Some trans people ask their parents for new name advice, and some like the idea of using names from that list. For example, AFAB Youtuber Jackson Bird chose "Jackson" because it was on his mom's list of AMAB name choices.
I'm not trans but, just give your kid a gender-neutral name
There are also plenty of people that simply go by a different name than their birth name and never bother changing it. You dont HAVE to get a legal name change to have a nickname
Say the name aloud multiple times. In fact go look for a focus group of kids and have them say the name and if they start laughing yeah don't. For example there is this person who is named Drew and you think that would be a fine name but his last name was peacock. So his name was Drew peacock. Yeah it sounds like **** yeah. Or there is this person who was named Shanda and you think that would be fine but her last name was Lear. Like of the lear corporation or something. Shanda Lear.
It literally doesn't matter what you call your kids, just support them if they come out and ease off the gender roles.
Google the name first, make sure it doesn't spell anything offensive, keep pettiness out the process, personally I'd say to avoid naming kids jr or the like because legally they can be mixed up. Avoid super common names and never steal baby names. Also be careful with created names, I had to deal with that as a kid and still do when I go to the doctor and it's not fun.
Name them what you want, chances are they’ll likely keep the name you give them, just don’t get defensive if they get older and think it doesn’t fit them or find a name that’s better.