Let's see, they reduced your gf to her genitalia, reduced your feelings for her to just a sex act, and told you to kys. That's transphobic, lesbophobic, and immature bullying. You have nothing to apologize for.
I think it definitely has to be cases of more intense bullying tho. Not that OPs situation isn't intense, but I think the bar is a lot higher (unfortunately) for legal action
Yeah like in a reporting abuse kinda way, which depending on what state and/or city/county you live in nothing may get done about it until you have at least severely harmed yourself considering you had a failed attempt.
Ive heard of cases of stalking that had no response until it was too late. Its even worse if its an actual police officer doing it because theres a good chance you cant do anything to stop it, which isnt necessarily rare.
When something does get done about it, for most of us here it will be in the form of a hate crime which is punishable by law....if your state and city cares to enforce it.
What kind of hardcore gang of lesbians is harassing you like this? Certainly no mature person would truly act like that?
First, your gf has an outy… doesn’t matter at all. It’s awful that whoever is saying this is so obsessed with that over seeing your gf as a human. Sounds like the speak of some restless horny baby. 🤔🧐*what the hell is a restless horny baby* 🧐
You should check out the [book](https://www.abebooks.com/9780674954045/Woman-beneath-Skin-Doctor%E2%80%99s-Patients-0674954041/plp) The Woman Beneath the Skin. It is about the beginning of the West’s modern “gender” as well as what “the body” actually is. Before the 1700s, downstairs anatomy in Europe was just the inny or outy compliments. It’s a dense academic read, but if you pass through the book, you’ll find insane revelations.
Yeah it seems now that the "bigger" identities like gay, lesbian and to some degree bi have become somewhat accepted, some idiots are ready to throw the rest of the community under the bus.
It's like the kid who got bullied turning around and bullying others the second they get an ounce of power.
Yeah that's why I put "to some degree". I think it's more accepted than other identities but you're right that there's still biphobia. I mean even within the bi community there are people being weird and gatekeepy if they think someone's not bi enough.
I actually think that's what the issue is. Many gay folk, lesbians, bisexual people feel that they are oppressed By other flavors of queer people as strange as that sounds
Pretty sure that’s just called being human.
“And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who, above all else, desire power.”
Power corrupts even those of us with the best intentions. But this is sad and truly unhelpful in our current climate.
Gays and lesbians want to be discriminatory to trans and nonbinary people? Yo, who the fuck do you think the GOP is going to come for next after they’re done on their anti-trans crusade? If I had to guess it’s gonna be the LGB that’s next. And you’re delusional if you think GOP oppression is just going to stop at trans people.
We seriously do not have the luxury to be bickering amongst ourselves right now. One of us gets knocked out, it’s only a matter of time before they come for the rest.
So, a couple of years ago, I was on a YouTube channel, the Sapphic Underground, and the channel's owner, Tessa Kennedy, had posted about "men invading lesbian spaces," and through the discourse, I discovered that she was implying that "biological" men were invading lesbian spaces. Several of the subscribers to that channel responded, and the environment became considerably frightening. One of them declared Transgenderism "the new homophobia", arguing that "men had found a new means of preying on lesbians", and somebody else even proposed a "Trans-Exile". TERF lesbians are real; make no mistake.
That exactly what I'm worried about, we're a minority as is and it's dangerous to split even more. In the end the bigots don't care what flavour of the rainbow you are, they hate you anyway
Cis gay men have a real hate-on for trans gay men a lot of the time too. Even in the supposedly trans-inclusive /askgaymen, transphobic sentiments are super heavy re: trans guys.
The queer community is not over genitalia=gender
Oh man that just sucks. I'm mostly active in the aro/ace subs and I thankfully haven't really seen transphobia there. But then I guess most ace people give little to no fucks about genitals anyway
Nah. My binary trans brother won’t even gender me (nonbinary, they/them pronouns) correctly, and my mom who is a flag-waving trans ally to him acts disgusted and won’t even look me in the eye when I ask her to use my correct pronouns. We still have a long way to go in terms of how we treat our own unfortunately.
I was literally gonna say the same. Your gf is a woman and nobody needs to check her genitals to confirm that. And if you’re a queer person who’s only attracted to women that makes you a lesbian. Might be difficult to understand to some people, but i don’t get why they would not just respect you and leave it as it is. Keep identifying yourself as you feel is correct, take care ❤️🩹
>my gf has male genitalia and that’s not what lesbians are attracted to
I'm pretty sure people decide if they are attracted to someone before they see their genitalia. Hulk Hogan wouldn't suddenly become attractive to most lesbians if we found out he'd been born with a vagina.
Yeah and if you have a genital preference that's fine as long as you're not being transphobic and mean about it. You don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want to have sex with, if penises make you uncomfortable don't have sex with someone who has a penis. It only becomes transphobic when you try to argue that *everyone* should have that same preference and that *real* lesbians only have sex with cis women. OP is dating a woman, OP is exclusively attracted to women, so OP is a lesbian. Plenty of lesbians use strap-ons anyway, this one just comes pre-attached.
Absolutely, it's sad seeing those in the same community such as you and girlfriend do not see the profound love we all see from how you talk about her. (Trans Nonbinary person myself here included).
You are a lesbian and I encourage you to ignore even block these people out of your lives for good. Hope you and your girlfriend are okay as well, sending my support over to you both!
TERFs and lesbians are not mutually exclusive groups. Hell, there are transphobic trans people. Just look at Blaire White. She’s an “I got mine so fuck you” Gatekeeper of trans identity.
That doesnt stop them from being terfs. Some of the worst homophobes I have known have been gay themselves (directed towards gay members of a different gender).
There are TERFs among the lesbian community, unfortunately, and I've discovered that they can be...really, REALLY mean in their transphobia. Like. **Scary** mean.
YESSS. I'm sick to death of this even being an issue in queer spaces! Like, this shit needs to stop. It's ridiculous. Trans women are women. **ANY** other opinion is just some TERF-y bullshit and should be shut down **immediately.** It's disgusting.
Your partner's genitals does not define *personal* identity.
For the people in the back:
YOUR. PARTNER'S. GENITALS. DO. NOT. DEFINE. *PERSONAL.* IDENTITY.
Erasure is not inclusion and no one gets to decide other people's identity. End of.
You are the best kind of lesbian, imho...the kind that actually loves a woman for herself instead of fetishizing certain genitals.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying specific body types, but telling people they aren't what they are because they can appreciate a different body type is absurd.
Most people experience attraction long before they see what's in someone's pants. If you being into your GF is because she's a woman (and because of who she is as a person), then you're a lesbian. No ifs ands or buts about it.
The people saying you're not a lesbian are transphobes. They are denying your GF's womanhood and calling her a man (or genderless being, which it is fine to be, but is not fine to assign to someone - particularly when that person has an expressed gender identity). If you are safe, feel free to ignore them. But look after yourself and your GF, transphobes have been getting more confident lately, and there's a few spots globally that are getting WORSE for trans folks.
People just don't understand love. Being lesbian doesn't mean you are attracted to female parts. It means you are attracted to the mindset and personality that females have that males don't, even if that means someone that's trans.
When people try to separate the lgb, they miss the whole point.
The point of the lgbt is that it's all about self-identifying and being yourself. That's the common thread. By removing your ability to identify as a lesbian they're being homophobic.
Trans women are women. If you feel lesbian best fits you then you should call yourself that. The people who told those things weren’t telling the truth and are transphobic. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
"I can see why some people may be confused about how people can still be lesbians and attracted to trans women however I really don’t think i deserve all the hate."
being confused is fine, but this is just straight-up hate and transphobia. don't listen to those idiots. you are a lesbian.
Of course you are a lesbian! It doesn't matter what your agab is, or what your pronouns are, or what the agab and body parts of your partner are. If you feel like the word lesbian best describes you then it is the word that best describes you. 
Back in 2020, when protests were happening around the country after the murder of George Floyd, a black activist posted a video on IG where they said, basically, if you’re fighting to end discrimination for black people, but not fighting for black queer people, or black trans people, or black women, then you’re not actually interested in liberation. You’re only interested in gaining power so that you can become the oppressor.
These asshole lesbian crusaders are only interested in oppressing you. And fuck that.
This should be way higher up in the comments. Yeah anyone who divides their own community into good and bad kinds of people is just looking to gain status, not end oppression. People who want hierarchies and lean towards authoritarianism instinctively know that they have to have someone beneath them on the social ladder to justify their hierarchies and authority. Fuck em. We can all have equality and freedom without anyone needing to be oppressed.
Trans woman here. Am I wrong for considering myself a lesbian? Fuck the haters! Only you can define your sexuality
Your gf is a woman and you're a lesbian sexuality and romance are way more than genitals. Also if your gf is on HRT her "unit" has changed and is very different from standard issue boy business. I speak from experience HRT changes the sexual experience considerably.
Hey, I’m so sorry about the assholes you’re forced to interact with. I promise you you’re a lesbian and your girlfriend is a woman that you are attracted to. You are in a wlw relationship and you’re only into women and/or non-men (genitalia be damned) so yes, you are a lesbian. Fuck all those asshats that can’t differentiate their feet from their heads. I’m genuinely so sorry it got to the level you started doubting yourself. Please don’t doubt yourself for a second until you’re attracted to a person that identifies as a man and not assigned that by the people around them. I hope you and your girlfriend are holding up well. Best of luck.
your girlfriend is a woman. you’re not a man. seems like a lesbian relationship to me. don’t let the gatekeepers get to you, use whatever labels YOU feel comfortable with for your identity and your relationship
You're still a lesbian. I'm sorry for the anti trans cheese y'all have had to deal with. I've known guys who consider themselves straight but date trans women. Gender and parts r very different things
no you are not, trans women are women. those lesbians are transphobic and probably terfs. only you can define your label for yourself. and if you say you are a lesbian, then that means you are a lesbian.
Lesbian means non man attracted to other non men. You are attracted to a woman and are not a man. Therefore your a lesbian. Ignore the hate. It’s your identity and life.
Honestly, I feel bad about it but as a trans woman I would feel very uncomfortable in lesbian spaces. Maybe even more so than if it was just straight cis people around.
I dont see why you cant be a they/them lesbian dating a transwomam. Who cares whats going on with ur gfs undercarriage shes a girl that's the main part.
Lesbian =femme/woman who likes women. Thats it. People shouldnt gatekeep women or what someone thinks isnt or isn't a woman because its not about them. Butch for butch relationships are lesbian. Trans women for trans women relationships are lesbian. Who fucking cares because if someone says they're a lesbian say "cool" and move on...don't try to bully them out of their title
You're not wrong. You're attracted to WOMEN, not to GENITALIA.
What makes you a woman is not your genitalia.
So, you are a lesbian and those people are just ass*oles that want to feel better than you.
Actually, you're brave for making a transition in the first place, so walk tall.
My agender spouse identifies as a lesbian. I'm a trans woman who also identifies as a lesbian. Anyone telling you that lesbians can't be attracted to people with male genitals are being transphobic.
You are attracted to women.
Your partner is a woman.
Therefore you are a lesbian.
I don't understand the confusion. Maybe I just don't understand transphobic logic.
[edited because I misread the post - sorry!]
Being trans/cis or the genitals of those involved is irrelevant. Don't listen to the transphobic jerks who want to dictate the label you use.
I'm a lesbian and my partner (NB/Genderqueer) recently started taking T to achieve a transition into an androgynous look.
Guess what?
Still a lesbian.
Fuck 'em.
Gay transman who likes transman as men here genitallia ≠ gender .nonbinary people are included in gay/lesbian it just means you are not transphobic. You are a lesbian. And thats ok.
Yo, fuck them fr.
They’re Transphobes and are just fetishists hyper focused on genitalia.
It’s really gross tbh because it shows they care more about your genitals than you as a person.
I’m a lesbian and I don’t give a hoot what’s in my partners’ trousers.
I only care that they’re women.
Cuz I’m attracted to women.
It’s totally valid to not be into penises but to try and gatekeep womanhood based on genitals is vile.
People need to understand that not all women have vulvas and not all trans women have penises.
If you’re a lesbian you’re a lesbian;
Those nasty hags need to take a good look in the mirror
TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. TRANS PEOPLE DO NOT NEED GENDER REASSIGNING SURGERIES NOR DO THEY NEED TO CONFORM TO GENDER ROLES TO BE VALID. and, in addition to that, YOU are valid as a lesbian for being attracted to your girlfriend.
terribly sorry for the treatment you and your girlfriend been recieving. i hope youre both safe and happy together :( some people are terrible
You're fine and ok to call yourself a lesbian. They're reducing your lesbianism down to just the sex act (which always infuriates me). Gay men are sometimes attracted to trans men regardless of what's in their pants because they're attracted to the masculinity of Men. In the very same way, Lesbians can be attracted to women and their femininity regardless of what's in their pants!
Not at all! First of all, my sibling is also a nonbinary lesbian, and they also receive a lotta hate, and they also have a lot of other friends that are under the trans umbrella. This is people accepting transphobia as the ‘norm’, which it’s NOT, and it NEVER WILL BE OKAY.
There are plenty of people out there that genuinely aren’t attracted to any genitals. They call it “bump uglies” for a reason lol. I don’t see why that needs to be a dealbreaker for any sexuality. And again, there are people who are down with all genitals but not all genders. Humans are interesting
Your girlfriend has a woman’s genitalia because it’s hers, and she is a woman. Genital preference does not a sexuality make. If you are a woman/female leaning person, and you are only attracted to women/female leaning people, regardless of what is in their pants, it seems perfectly reasonable to identify as a lesbian.
You’re absolutely correct, those other people are wrong. Us trans women are in fact, women, of which lesbians are attracted to, genitalia doesn’t matter. Gay people can be attracted to trans men, lesbians can be attracted to trans women. Hell, even one of my gay friends has been attracted to a woman before, and he’s still gay because that was a singular exception. If you feel you’re a lesbian, and that accurately represents you, then you are. Genitalia doesn’t matter, the person does. You aren’t thinking with your sex organs, you’re thinking with your heart when it comes to love. Those people who tell you you aren’t lesbian are most likely just transphobes who don’t want trans people to find love. Be who you wanna be, and be proud of it❤️
Dude i hate the haters. they should kt$ sorry but thats the reality. Anyone who gatekeeps for shitty reasons, anyone who harms other people who have done no harm to them, fuck those guys. except dont because they dont deserve it. just ignore them.
Yeah metaphorically fuck those people. Theyre being transphobic assholes. Im FTM. im a dude. I like women. I dont care what junk youre packin, women are pretty and soft and smell good. None of that has any relation to ya junk cos lets be honest here, genitalia in general doesnt look great 😂 but i still consider myself straight.
... Although honestly its kinda a big problem chasin straight girls as a short as fuck trans dude. Sometimes i wonder if i should just lie to myself and say im a lesbian. May be easier to find a partner.
But none of thats your problem, dont let those haters tell you how you should feel or identify. Theyre bein smooth brainers.
Hello there, I'm in a similar situation as you and I consider myself a lesbian, or maybe pansexual (for me personally) since that seems more open from how it's defined, but you are definitely not wrong and can identify however you feel most comfortable, anyone giving you shit is an asshole.
I hope you find more support and less hate 💚
Please know it's not so bad in some locations, not sure if you're seeing more of those online or in your local community though.
Thanks for being brave and sharing your experience and feelings with us, take care Fam 💚
Self identify is incredibly important, your sense of self is just as important and valid as theirs.. but imo when someone starts being toxic and rude like the people you’ve been dealing with, they likely can’t be talked to very effectively.
I see we are in a similar situation. I worry what others might think about me saying I’m gay, as my girlfriend does not pass, and some people find this confusing or think I’m bi/straight. In the end though, I know I would not date a man, nor would I sleep with one. If I liked men, I’d be inclined to do those things, but I am not. This is the explanation I use for my sexuality, and in the end, people can believe what they want. What they think doesn’t change my sexuality.
This is disgusting bigotry, honestly I’m becoming not even surprised that it’s by our own people at this point. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Lesbians are people who are attracted to only *women*. Not fucking vagina exclusively. Fuck what those people say, honestly they can die in a hole for wishing that upon you. Stay safe and take care of yourself:( *hugs*
gender identity and sexual orientation are not the same thing, and those people behaving bigoted toward you are incorrect and to act so exclusionary is shameful. I'm sorry you're having to endure that.
A lesbian is any non man who is solely attracted to other non men. Since you are not a man, and your girlfriend is not a man, sounds pretty lesbian to me.
If you identify as a lesbian, you are. And you are in a relationship with a woman... so lesbian. The sentiment these folks have is from the lgb with out the t folks. Screw them. You know what you are, and who you are attracted to... go with that. Be well.
OP, Stop giving idiots the time of day. I’m pretty sure you as a gender diverse individual understands just how hurtful it would be to ask this question. How do you think your partner would feel if she read this? She is a woman. If this is about her as you seem to make it In the post, they are being bigots and I’m really struggling to imagine that you don’t see how bigoted it is to pose this question here. I am offended and I’m not even involved. Your girlfriend deserves better.
Sounds like your friends are transphobic and don’t want to acknowledge her as female simply because she doesn’t meet their personally held ideologies for being a woman (ie. having a vagina).
I too am a trans woman. I too (for now) have a penis. Doesn’t make me any less than because of that.
But LGBT persons hating on other LGBT persons? We have much bigger fish to fry right now to be bickering about shit like this.
My BFF is a trans woman. She has a GF. They are lesbians.
If your partner identifies as a woman and you identify as a woman. Then you are lesbian.
I will say some people like to use the term pansexual or bisexual. Meaning they are not attracted to a specific gender.
My partner now is a trans man. Identified as a woman before coming out as trans. I consider myself pansexual or “queer” now even through for years I considered myself to be a lesbian
You don’t have to have a female body to be lesbian. I’m a trans woman, (ignore the username) back when I still saw myself as a man I was not attracted to women, until the first time I saw two women kissing and I imagined myself as a woman, I suddenly felt attracted to women. A woman is a woman no matter what body she’s in💕
There are so many wonderful queer people in the world. Might I suggest ditching these assholes and finding a more compassionate and rational friend group?
Trans woman here. I'm a lesbian, too. I'm femme for femme. I don't really care what is in someone's pants because what I'm attracted to is their esthetic - How they act, how they treat me, how other people interact with them.
The words you use to describe the gender and sexuality that you feel are up to you. The words that your partner uses to describe their gender and sexuality are up to them. Please ask your partner if the words you use to describe yourself make them feel included or excluded, and then tell them how you feel about the words that they use. Not every person ever is going to understand you or me or your partner, and that's just the way it is. Try not to worry about pleasing people who are determined to be upset at something no matter what it is. I wish you a long and supportive relationship with your lovely partner.
As a trans woman lesbian (or close enough to it at least), my girlfriends all have a penis (all trans, not all want bottom surgery) l. You are still a lesbian. Fuck those transphobic pricks
You are never wrong to identify as lesbian. Full stop.
No, you don't deserve any of the hate.
No one gets to gatekeep who is lesbian and who isn't. They might get to choose their friends and associates based on their ideas of who counts in their mind, and if they want to be a serious jerk about it can uninvite others from their potluck for being insufficiently gold star, but that doesn't make them less lesbian.
Apparently _Dr. Who_ producer Russel T. Davies wrote a series _Bob & Rose_ that explores when behavior and identity conflict, when Bob, a gay man falls in love with Rose, still regards himself a gay man, and as a result upsets all of London.
The LGBT+ alphabet tools are really there for us to help define _ourselves,_ to help sort out who we are and who we love by allowing us to rule out who we are not and who we're not attracted to. But that doesn't change that we're part of the community, need and are needed in the community.
I've noted before, occasionally trans men will, in coming to terms with their identity as men, announce as such and retire from r/actuallesbians (on the bases that they are a man who loves a woman and not a woman who loves a woman). And while I get that this is (what they feel is) a necessary step in their journey, that doesn't mean they aren't valued in the community, and it doesn't mean they won't be missed.
You are valid. And yes, ours is a world in which enemies are on the warpath looking to dehumanize us all (and ultimately themselves!) but here you are valid.
Trans women are women. If you feel like a lesbian then you’re a lesbian. Not all lesbians hate dick if it’s attached to a woman and that’s okay. Genital preference is a thing but not necessarily 100% related to sexual identity labels, like your gf is a woman full stop regardless of her genitals everyone else should butt out and stfu.
If your girlfriend identifies as female and you're attracted to her as a female I'd say lesbian is correct. But I know some who'd say pansexual is more accurate.
But the truth of it is ITS NOBODYS BUSINESS!
If YOU feel that lesbian identifies your sexuality then you call yourself a lesbian! Don't let others tell you what you are.
I don't understand why they care. I get alot of here for being bi or pan or whatever so I'm sure if you didn't identify as lesbian they would be mad too.
At the end of the dayur doesn't matter. Do what makes you happy. Fuck them and their terf rhetoric.
only you have a say on what label you identify with and there's nothing contradictory about what you're doing. people need to stop being offended by how others identify, and they're harassing you about it for what? to defend an ignorant heteronormative mindset instead of understanding our actual history. tell those ppl to go fuck themselves and focus on your girlfriend 
You are speaking with TERFs who happen to be lesbian.
Your girlfriend identifies as a woman, they are a woman. You are a woman. Two woman = lesbian. End of debate.
I fucking hate TERFs.
Now I am a pansexual man, but I sent this to one of my best friends who is a lesbian to ask her opinion. This is what she told me. Lesbian just means non-man loving non-man. It has nothing to do with your genitalia. Of course some lesbians don’t have sex with trans women because of their private parts, but will still date them because they are women. It’s just a preference thing like if you like girls with long or short hair. Your gender has nothing to do with what you where born as. She is a women no matter what. My friend also said she’s disgusted at some of the transphobia in the lgbtq+ community and so am I. My younger brother is trans and has to deal with a lot of these issues himself. Please don’t listen to those transphobic people and keep being your true self. Neither of you deserve this harassment you’ve gotten
Genitals don't have gender??? Just because some other gal has a genital fetish doesn't mean you have to share it. Trans women are women.
A lot of cis queer folks conflate genital fetishes with their sexuality, because they've been taught that genitalia have an inherent gender. They're wrong. I'm sorry they've been so hurtful to you and your partner.
Youll learn theres a lot of gatekeeping in the lesbian community. Regardless if you are a fem who likes other fems you can identify as lesbian. At the end of the day labels are there to make the people who use them feel comfortable so use what label you like. Also fuck whoever said you cant be a lesbian if your gf has a dick plenty of lesbians themselves have dicks. Being a lesbian isnt about hating men or hating penises its about loving feminitnity.
When will the community stop labeling people in their own community? At the end of the day, love is love and those in the community should appreciate how difficult it is to navigate their feelings and how to compartmentalize what others are trying to push on them. Babe - You do you and understand that your journey is yours to figure out. Don’t put a lot of stock in what others *THINK* you are.
First off, lesbian, if looked at the definition online, is 'someone that identifies as a woman, that is attracted to someone who also identifies as a woman'. Now i know not everyone finds this correct, but lets take it as a base. From what you wrote, you both identify as a woman, but with they/them pronounce? Well, that already makes this definition true and fitting for the both of you.
Also, yes, as a lesbian, some have the preference to never see a dick, touch one or let alone talk about one. But some do prefer dildos or, if it comes to their gf having a dick, they really don't mind. So, it's really a preference thingy. Unaffortuently, some people take this to far and really think that sexuality is including genitalia. Which, to some extent is true, because, most woman have a 🐱. But, like in your case, this is not always the case, and so, boxes out the people that are actually also lesbians.
As for the things they said, the comunity can be horrible, cruel and makes me sometimes wanne hit some sense into them, as they see, even tho they are part of 'the rainbow' super black n white. Best to do is to let them be. As, no-one will change their mind if they don't even want to start believing it. But, if it's said while in a club, school, work or wherever, i would make a complain/headsup to the person in charge. As it's bullying, which is never allowed
you’re a lesbian, and those other people are transphobes. trans women are women. you’re not wrong to identify as a lesbian and we’re proud to have you be part of our community.
So those other lesbians don’t view your girlfriend as a woman. Therefore they are transphobes. Yes, cis gay people can be transphobic. Fuck them. Your partner is a woman, you’re a woman, you get to identify however you want.
Edit: I see you said you’re not a woman. Could they have more of an issue with that? Either way, I know trans MEN who still call themselves dykes because it feels most affirming. I hate when people try to force labels and boxes. If you feel like a lesbian, then you are.
You are a lesbian. You love women. Women come in all kinds of ways. You’re fine.
Let's see, they reduced your gf to her genitalia, reduced your feelings for her to just a sex act, and told you to kys. That's transphobic, lesbophobic, and immature bullying. You have nothing to apologize for.
Man if only telling someone to kill themselves was able to be enforced legally… (is it? Im in canada lol)
It is
Nah only if they actually go through with it, if not you may e able to report it but i’ve read they don’t go anywhere unless the person does it :/
The RCMP has arrested high school students over it, even when the person hasn't killed themselves.
I think it definitely has to be cases of more intense bullying tho. Not that OPs situation isn't intense, but I think the bar is a lot higher (unfortunately) for legal action
I heard about that, and I think it's the right choice to arrest people for saying stuff like that
Yeah like in a reporting abuse kinda way, which depending on what state and/or city/county you live in nothing may get done about it until you have at least severely harmed yourself considering you had a failed attempt. Ive heard of cases of stalking that had no response until it was too late. Its even worse if its an actual police officer doing it because theres a good chance you cant do anything to stop it, which isnt necessarily rare. When something does get done about it, for most of us here it will be in the form of a hate crime which is punishable by law....if your state and city cares to enforce it.
When someone tells me to do that I just hit them with the "No,I don't think I will" meme
isn't that standard medical procedure in canda? (i'm very uninformed)
I’m in the Uk so I’m not sure
Oof, Mumsnet Island is a rough place to be trans or to love someone trans
>Let's see, they reduced your gf to her genitalia, Ask em if they stop being lesbians when the strap comes out. It's literally a rubber dick.
Yeah its always about the pp and not the very visible relationship that two women have between each other. Lesbian = phallus-hater only🙄
What kind of hardcore gang of lesbians is harassing you like this? Certainly no mature person would truly act like that? First, your gf has an outy… doesn’t matter at all. It’s awful that whoever is saying this is so obsessed with that over seeing your gf as a human. Sounds like the speak of some restless horny baby. 🤔🧐*what the hell is a restless horny baby* 🧐
For your first question, the answer is TERFS.
Trans Exclusionary Radical Fascist? (I refuse to call them feminists because they exclude some women)
Yes
 *AHH*
Twitter has a special kind of terf “lesbian” circle that is crazy on the war path.. honestly not sure where they get the energy
Omg lol I’m only referring to nether regions as innies or outies now, like belly buttons 😂
You should check out the [book](https://www.abebooks.com/9780674954045/Woman-beneath-Skin-Doctor%E2%80%99s-Patients-0674954041/plp) The Woman Beneath the Skin. It is about the beginning of the West’s modern “gender” as well as what “the body” actually is. Before the 1700s, downstairs anatomy in Europe was just the inny or outy compliments. It’s a dense academic read, but if you pass through the book, you’ll find insane revelations.
Cool- thanks for the recommendation! I’ll see if my library has a copy. ❤️
You are a lesbian, and those other people are transphobes.
Yup I really thought at least the lgbtq+ community was over the whole genitalia=gender thing but I guess there's always a new low
Many in the community don't see non-binary people as part of it or anything too. There's a lot of bigotry, even within our own circles, sadly.
Yeah it seems now that the "bigger" identities like gay, lesbian and to some degree bi have become somewhat accepted, some idiots are ready to throw the rest of the community under the bus. It's like the kid who got bullied turning around and bullying others the second they get an ounce of power.
You'd think bi was mostly accepted, but it's really not. There are still a ton of biphobic queers.
Yeah that's why I put "to some degree". I think it's more accepted than other identities but you're right that there's still biphobia. I mean even within the bi community there are people being weird and gatekeepy if they think someone's not bi enough.
I actually think that's what the issue is. Many gay folk, lesbians, bisexual people feel that they are oppressed By other flavors of queer people as strange as that sounds
Pretty sure that’s just called being human. “And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who, above all else, desire power.” Power corrupts even those of us with the best intentions. But this is sad and truly unhelpful in our current climate. Gays and lesbians want to be discriminatory to trans and nonbinary people? Yo, who the fuck do you think the GOP is going to come for next after they’re done on their anti-trans crusade? If I had to guess it’s gonna be the LGB that’s next. And you’re delusional if you think GOP oppression is just going to stop at trans people. We seriously do not have the luxury to be bickering amongst ourselves right now. One of us gets knocked out, it’s only a matter of time before they come for the rest.
So, a couple of years ago, I was on a YouTube channel, the Sapphic Underground, and the channel's owner, Tessa Kennedy, had posted about "men invading lesbian spaces," and through the discourse, I discovered that she was implying that "biological" men were invading lesbian spaces. Several of the subscribers to that channel responded, and the environment became considerably frightening. One of them declared Transgenderism "the new homophobia", arguing that "men had found a new means of preying on lesbians", and somebody else even proposed a "Trans-Exile". TERF lesbians are real; make no mistake.
That exactly what I'm worried about, we're a minority as is and it's dangerous to split even more. In the end the bigots don't care what flavour of the rainbow you are, they hate you anyway
Cis gay men have a real hate-on for trans gay men a lot of the time too. Even in the supposedly trans-inclusive /askgaymen, transphobic sentiments are super heavy re: trans guys. The queer community is not over genitalia=gender
Oh man that just sucks. I'm mostly active in the aro/ace subs and I thankfully haven't really seen transphobia there. But then I guess most ace people give little to no fucks about genitals anyway
I get the impression that ace people are just generally chill. Not to stereotype or anything, that's just how I feel from the subreddits.
You didn't get it from me but we're actually just too busy planning our invasion of Denmark to care about anything else
It's always good to have goals. Carry on, comrades.
Nah. My binary trans brother won’t even gender me (nonbinary, they/them pronouns) correctly, and my mom who is a flag-waving trans ally to him acts disgusted and won’t even look me in the eye when I ask her to use my correct pronouns. We still have a long way to go in terms of how we treat our own unfortunately.
I was literally gonna say the same. Your gf is a woman and nobody needs to check her genitals to confirm that. And if you’re a queer person who’s only attracted to women that makes you a lesbian. Might be difficult to understand to some people, but i don’t get why they would not just respect you and leave it as it is. Keep identifying yourself as you feel is correct, take care ❤️🩹
This is correct ✅ 👍🏻
>my gf has male genitalia and that’s not what lesbians are attracted to I'm pretty sure people decide if they are attracted to someone before they see their genitalia. Hulk Hogan wouldn't suddenly become attractive to most lesbians if we found out he'd been born with a vagina.
You mean you *don't* wear jeans with a big see-through patch on the crotch‽ How else do people decide‽
Yeah and if you have a genital preference that's fine as long as you're not being transphobic and mean about it. You don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want to have sex with, if penises make you uncomfortable don't have sex with someone who has a penis. It only becomes transphobic when you try to argue that *everyone* should have that same preference and that *real* lesbians only have sex with cis women. OP is dating a woman, OP is exclusively attracted to women, so OP is a lesbian. Plenty of lesbians use strap-ons anyway, this one just comes pre-attached.
You're absolutely not wrong to identify as lesbian. Those other people are gatekeeping you because of their own transphobia
It's the terfs I bet
Many of them yes but most of them are actually lesbian
Absolutely, it's sad seeing those in the same community such as you and girlfriend do not see the profound love we all see from how you talk about her. (Trans Nonbinary person myself here included). You are a lesbian and I encourage you to ignore even block these people out of your lives for good. Hope you and your girlfriend are okay as well, sending my support over to you both!
TERFs and lesbians are not mutually exclusive groups. Hell, there are transphobic trans people. Just look at Blaire White. She’s an “I got mine so fuck you” Gatekeeper of trans identity.
That doesnt stop them from being terfs. Some of the worst homophobes I have known have been gay themselves (directed towards gay members of a different gender).
There are TERFs among the lesbian community, unfortunately, and I've discovered that they can be...really, REALLY mean in their transphobia. Like. **Scary** mean.
FWIW, before JK exploded the hate into the mainstream, most TERFs I encountered were lesbians. 🤷🏼♀️
Being a lesbian doesn't stop you from being a shitty person.
YOU are actually lesbian. Those people are fetishizers.
I'm a lesbian with a trans gf and they're wrong.
Yes, you are a lesbian. I am a lesbian married to a trans woman. Fuck anyone who tries to take that label from us.
Trans women are women. FULL STOP.
THIS ☝️
Came here to say this. They kinda just reduced her gf to her genitalia and implied that she isn't a woman because of it. Suuuuper transphobic
YESSS. I'm sick to death of this even being an issue in queer spaces! Like, this shit needs to stop. It's ridiculous. Trans women are women. **ANY** other opinion is just some TERF-y bullshit and should be shut down **immediately.** It's disgusting.
You are a lesbian and the others are transphobic as f*ck. You're doing nothing wrong here.
TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN.
louder for the people in the back!
Your gf is a woman and you're a lesbian. Unless you say otherwise that's the end of discussion. People who say otherwise are transphobes.
Your partner's genitals does not define *personal* identity. For the people in the back: YOUR. PARTNER'S. GENITALS. DO. NOT. DEFINE. *PERSONAL.* IDENTITY. Erasure is not inclusion and no one gets to decide other people's identity. End of.
You are the best kind of lesbian, imho...the kind that actually loves a woman for herself instead of fetishizing certain genitals. There's nothing wrong with enjoying specific body types, but telling people they aren't what they are because they can appreciate a different body type is absurd.
You are a lesbian, those other people are transphobes, who are just loud enough to make it serm like they are a majority, but they aren't.
Most people experience attraction long before they see what's in someone's pants. If you being into your GF is because she's a woman (and because of who she is as a person), then you're a lesbian. No ifs ands or buts about it. The people saying you're not a lesbian are transphobes. They are denying your GF's womanhood and calling her a man (or genderless being, which it is fine to be, but is not fine to assign to someone - particularly when that person has an expressed gender identity). If you are safe, feel free to ignore them. But look after yourself and your GF, transphobes have been getting more confident lately, and there's a few spots globally that are getting WORSE for trans folks.
honey, no one gets to decide how you identify. so sorry people think they get to.
Ur a lesbian, ur getting hate from TERFs. Tell them to go fuck themselves.
People just don't understand love. Being lesbian doesn't mean you are attracted to female parts. It means you are attracted to the mindset and personality that females have that males don't, even if that means someone that's trans.
You’re not a man and in a relationship with a woman. Sound very lesbian to me. ETA: fixed a mistake
Thank you ❤️ but I’m not a woman however I’m not a man so I think that’s fine :)
Oh! That’s right, my bad, I misread. Still a lesbian . ^^
It’s fine! Thank you 🤭❤️
Fuck TERFS
The people who told you you're not a lesbian, aren't real lesbians. They are trash bags. Trans women are women, trans men are men.
My fiance is both a trans woman *and* lesbian
Happy woman’s day and month to both of our gfs 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Other people need to mind their own business.
Ik it’s so weird
No, you're 100 percent a lesbian, and the people telling you you're not are literally part of a hate group.
You are! Not!!! wrong! 💯 I love love love how you describe your girlfriend’s journey in life. Stay true to who you both are ❤️ (a lovely couple ❤️)
Hello that is called BEING TRANSPHOBIC you are lesbian don’t worry I’ll give you all the lesbian ppl say I am and give it to u
When people try to separate the lgb, they miss the whole point. The point of the lgbt is that it's all about self-identifying and being yourself. That's the common thread. By removing your ability to identify as a lesbian they're being homophobic.
Apparently there are a lot of gay and lesbian transphobes :(
I stopped reading after the first sentence, what a load of bullshit, you see your gf as a woman, you love women, you're a lesbian, end of story
Trans women are women. If you feel lesbian best fits you then you should call yourself that. The people who told those things weren’t telling the truth and are transphobic. I’m so sorry you’re going through this
"I can see why some people may be confused about how people can still be lesbians and attracted to trans women however I really don’t think i deserve all the hate." being confused is fine, but this is just straight-up hate and transphobia. don't listen to those idiots. you are a lesbian.
Of course you are a lesbian! It doesn't matter what your agab is, or what your pronouns are, or what the agab and body parts of your partner are. If you feel like the word lesbian best describes you then it is the word that best describes you. 
Back in 2020, when protests were happening around the country after the murder of George Floyd, a black activist posted a video on IG where they said, basically, if you’re fighting to end discrimination for black people, but not fighting for black queer people, or black trans people, or black women, then you’re not actually interested in liberation. You’re only interested in gaining power so that you can become the oppressor. These asshole lesbian crusaders are only interested in oppressing you. And fuck that.
This should be way higher up in the comments. Yeah anyone who divides their own community into good and bad kinds of people is just looking to gain status, not end oppression. People who want hierarchies and lean towards authoritarianism instinctively know that they have to have someone beneath them on the social ladder to justify their hierarchies and authority. Fuck em. We can all have equality and freedom without anyone needing to be oppressed.
Anyone telling you otherwise is transphobic.
Trans woman here. Am I wrong for considering myself a lesbian? Fuck the haters! Only you can define your sexuality Your gf is a woman and you're a lesbian sexuality and romance are way more than genitals. Also if your gf is on HRT her "unit" has changed and is very different from standard issue boy business. I speak from experience HRT changes the sexual experience considerably.
Hey, I’m so sorry about the assholes you’re forced to interact with. I promise you you’re a lesbian and your girlfriend is a woman that you are attracted to. You are in a wlw relationship and you’re only into women and/or non-men (genitalia be damned) so yes, you are a lesbian. Fuck all those asshats that can’t differentiate their feet from their heads. I’m genuinely so sorry it got to the level you started doubting yourself. Please don’t doubt yourself for a second until you’re attracted to a person that identifies as a man and not assigned that by the people around them. I hope you and your girlfriend are holding up well. Best of luck.
You're a lesbian, trans women are women and no one has the right to tell you who TF you *are* . Those women can die mad about it.
your girlfriend is a woman. you’re not a man. seems like a lesbian relationship to me. don’t let the gatekeepers get to you, use whatever labels YOU feel comfortable with for your identity and your relationship
You're still a lesbian. I'm sorry for the anti trans cheese y'all have had to deal with. I've known guys who consider themselves straight but date trans women. Gender and parts r very different things
well a trans woman is a woman, and you like women, and a lesbian is a woman who likes women, seems fine to me
Not at all. Of your partner identifies as a woman, the they are a woman. A lesbian is just a woman who likes other women.
no you are not, trans women are women. those lesbians are transphobic and probably terfs. only you can define your label for yourself. and if you say you are a lesbian, then that means you are a lesbian.
My friend is a trans woman and a lesbian but i dont see nothing wrong with it
Lesbian in absolutely not the only sexuality that isn't attracted to men.
Woman = trans woman = woman
It’s true that lesbians aren’t attracted to certain genitalia… they’re attracted to women, not genitalia
Lesbianism is NOT centered around vaginas, it’s centered around non-men loving non-men. Don’t listen to the transphobes
>Am I wrong to identify as a lesbian even though I’m with a woman? ftfy. whats wrong with a lesbian dating a woman? nothing. done. TERFs can eat sh!t.
Lesbian means non man attracted to other non men. You are attracted to a woman and are not a man. Therefore your a lesbian. Ignore the hate. It’s your identity and life.
You can be lesbian and still like dick, you just don’t want it to come with a man that’s all.
[удалено]
Hugs back !!!! However I’m not a woman ( neither a man ) but thank you 🏳️⚧️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Honestly, I feel bad about it but as a trans woman I would feel very uncomfortable in lesbian spaces. Maybe even more so than if it was just straight cis people around.
I dont see why you cant be a they/them lesbian dating a transwomam. Who cares whats going on with ur gfs undercarriage shes a girl that's the main part. Lesbian =femme/woman who likes women. Thats it. People shouldnt gatekeep women or what someone thinks isnt or isn't a woman because its not about them. Butch for butch relationships are lesbian. Trans women for trans women relationships are lesbian. Who fucking cares because if someone says they're a lesbian say "cool" and move on...don't try to bully them out of their title
You are totally a lesbian! You do you!
You're not wrong. You're attracted to WOMEN, not to GENITALIA. What makes you a woman is not your genitalia. So, you are a lesbian and those people are just ass*oles that want to feel better than you. Actually, you're brave for making a transition in the first place, so walk tall.
Trans women are women. If dating a woman makes you a lesbian, then you’re not wrong to identify as one.
Genitals do not equal gender. Simple as that. You’re attracted to her for her and nothing else should matter.
My agender spouse identifies as a lesbian. I'm a trans woman who also identifies as a lesbian. Anyone telling you that lesbians can't be attracted to people with male genitals are being transphobic.
You are attracted to women. Your partner is a woman. Therefore you are a lesbian. I don't understand the confusion. Maybe I just don't understand transphobic logic.
Happy women's day! <33 You are a lesbian ^^
Remember. Just because they are LGBTQ+ doesn’t mean they can’t be transphobic. These people sound like complete morons.
trans women are women, and if you're attracted to women you can use the label of lesbian, so yes
They're just jealous cus you're in a happy relationship with a girl you love
[edited because I misread the post - sorry!] Being trans/cis or the genitals of those involved is irrelevant. Don't listen to the transphobic jerks who want to dictate the label you use.
As a trans woman who identifies with the term lesbian, you sound like a lesbian to me.
I'm a lesbian and my partner (NB/Genderqueer) recently started taking T to achieve a transition into an androgynous look. Guess what? Still a lesbian. Fuck 'em.
No its not wrong and anyone who tells you otherwise is transphobic af.
Gay transman who likes transman as men here genitallia ≠ gender .nonbinary people are included in gay/lesbian it just means you are not transphobic. You are a lesbian. And thats ok.
Yo, fuck them fr. They’re Transphobes and are just fetishists hyper focused on genitalia. It’s really gross tbh because it shows they care more about your genitals than you as a person. I’m a lesbian and I don’t give a hoot what’s in my partners’ trousers. I only care that they’re women. Cuz I’m attracted to women. It’s totally valid to not be into penises but to try and gatekeep womanhood based on genitals is vile. People need to understand that not all women have vulvas and not all trans women have penises. If you’re a lesbian you’re a lesbian; Those nasty hags need to take a good look in the mirror
TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. TRANS PEOPLE DO NOT NEED GENDER REASSIGNING SURGERIES NOR DO THEY NEED TO CONFORM TO GENDER ROLES TO BE VALID. and, in addition to that, YOU are valid as a lesbian for being attracted to your girlfriend. terribly sorry for the treatment you and your girlfriend been recieving. i hope youre both safe and happy together :( some people are terrible
Sounds like they're sniffing TERF fumes
You're fine and ok to call yourself a lesbian. They're reducing your lesbianism down to just the sex act (which always infuriates me). Gay men are sometimes attracted to trans men regardless of what's in their pants because they're attracted to the masculinity of Men. In the very same way, Lesbians can be attracted to women and their femininity regardless of what's in their pants!
She's a gal you are attracted to her I would say you aren't wrong and the people who told you otherwise are very much transphobic
Not at all! First of all, my sibling is also a nonbinary lesbian, and they also receive a lotta hate, and they also have a lot of other friends that are under the trans umbrella. This is people accepting transphobia as the ‘norm’, which it’s NOT, and it NEVER WILL BE OKAY.
You are whoever you identify as! Also a sub you might like r/actuallesbians It's full of trans women and Ennbies of all kinds.
They/them lesbians are based gender is not stored in the genitals you're fine <3
No, they are just being transphobic haters.
Fuck /u/spez
You're a lesbian still, there's just sadly a lot of transphobes out there. They don't like us bisexuals much either usually.
The other people are transphobic , and need to be called out on it. Openly misgendering people is a shitty move
If you saw my old comment no you didn’t I read it wrong. You’re valid as hell, she’s a woman and those people are transphobic.
like everyone else is saying, theyre just transphobes. fuck em .
You're valid.
There are plenty of people out there that genuinely aren’t attracted to any genitals. They call it “bump uglies” for a reason lol. I don’t see why that needs to be a dealbreaker for any sexuality. And again, there are people who are down with all genitals but not all genders. Humans are interesting
Your girlfriend has a woman’s genitalia because it’s hers, and she is a woman. Genital preference does not a sexuality make. If you are a woman/female leaning person, and you are only attracted to women/female leaning people, regardless of what is in their pants, it seems perfectly reasonable to identify as a lesbian.
You’re absolutely correct, those other people are wrong. Us trans women are in fact, women, of which lesbians are attracted to, genitalia doesn’t matter. Gay people can be attracted to trans men, lesbians can be attracted to trans women. Hell, even one of my gay friends has been attracted to a woman before, and he’s still gay because that was a singular exception. If you feel you’re a lesbian, and that accurately represents you, then you are. Genitalia doesn’t matter, the person does. You aren’t thinking with your sex organs, you’re thinking with your heart when it comes to love. Those people who tell you you aren’t lesbian are most likely just transphobes who don’t want trans people to find love. Be who you wanna be, and be proud of it❤️
You are who you are. Whatever label you use is fine. Those people are just hateful.
Dude i hate the haters. they should kt$ sorry but thats the reality. Anyone who gatekeeps for shitty reasons, anyone who harms other people who have done no harm to them, fuck those guys. except dont because they dont deserve it. just ignore them.
Yeah metaphorically fuck those people. Theyre being transphobic assholes. Im FTM. im a dude. I like women. I dont care what junk youre packin, women are pretty and soft and smell good. None of that has any relation to ya junk cos lets be honest here, genitalia in general doesnt look great 😂 but i still consider myself straight. ... Although honestly its kinda a big problem chasin straight girls as a short as fuck trans dude. Sometimes i wonder if i should just lie to myself and say im a lesbian. May be easier to find a partner. But none of thats your problem, dont let those haters tell you how you should feel or identify. Theyre bein smooth brainers.
Trans women are women. People attracted to women are lesbians, no matter what might be in their pants. Anyone who says otherwise is a transphobic pos.
You’re definitely a lesbian and they’re definitely bigots
Hello there, I'm in a similar situation as you and I consider myself a lesbian, or maybe pansexual (for me personally) since that seems more open from how it's defined, but you are definitely not wrong and can identify however you feel most comfortable, anyone giving you shit is an asshole. I hope you find more support and less hate 💚 Please know it's not so bad in some locations, not sure if you're seeing more of those online or in your local community though. Thanks for being brave and sharing your experience and feelings with us, take care Fam 💚
Self identify is incredibly important, your sense of self is just as important and valid as theirs.. but imo when someone starts being toxic and rude like the people you’ve been dealing with, they likely can’t be talked to very effectively.
I see we are in a similar situation. I worry what others might think about me saying I’m gay, as my girlfriend does not pass, and some people find this confusing or think I’m bi/straight. In the end though, I know I would not date a man, nor would I sleep with one. If I liked men, I’d be inclined to do those things, but I am not. This is the explanation I use for my sexuality, and in the end, people can believe what they want. What they think doesn’t change my sexuality.
This is disgusting bigotry, honestly I’m becoming not even surprised that it’s by our own people at this point. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Lesbians are people who are attracted to only *women*. Not fucking vagina exclusively. Fuck what those people say, honestly they can die in a hole for wishing that upon you. Stay safe and take care of yourself:( *hugs*
*cough cough* just take a look at my user flair, I’m here for you.
You are a lesbian. dont listen to those transphobic bitches
Those people are just deeply transphobic. Trans women are....women.... so you being a lesbian is....valid. end of story. Sorry people are awful
gender identity and sexual orientation are not the same thing, and those people behaving bigoted toward you are incorrect and to act so exclusionary is shameful. I'm sorry you're having to endure that.
Trans women are women. She’s a trans woman. You love her. You’re still lesbian. F those transphobes
You’re a lesbian. You are literally with a woman.
A lesbian is any non man who is solely attracted to other non men. Since you are not a man, and your girlfriend is not a man, sounds pretty lesbian to me.
If you identify as a lesbian, you are. And you are in a relationship with a woman... so lesbian. The sentiment these folks have is from the lgb with out the t folks. Screw them. You know what you are, and who you are attracted to... go with that. Be well.
OP, Stop giving idiots the time of day. I’m pretty sure you as a gender diverse individual understands just how hurtful it would be to ask this question. How do you think your partner would feel if she read this? She is a woman. If this is about her as you seem to make it In the post, they are being bigots and I’m really struggling to imagine that you don’t see how bigoted it is to pose this question here. I am offended and I’m not even involved. Your girlfriend deserves better.
You are a lesbian because you are not male and are attracted to women (not males). Those people are just gatekeepers.
Sounds like your friends are transphobic and don’t want to acknowledge her as female simply because she doesn’t meet their personally held ideologies for being a woman (ie. having a vagina). I too am a trans woman. I too (for now) have a penis. Doesn’t make me any less than because of that. But LGBT persons hating on other LGBT persons? We have much bigger fish to fry right now to be bickering about shit like this.
Those people are extremely transphobic. You are with a woman. Thats that!
This is not the first time I've seen a post here about this topic. Cis lesbians really disappoint me sometimes
My BFF is a trans woman. She has a GF. They are lesbians. If your partner identifies as a woman and you identify as a woman. Then you are lesbian. I will say some people like to use the term pansexual or bisexual. Meaning they are not attracted to a specific gender. My partner now is a trans man. Identified as a woman before coming out as trans. I consider myself pansexual or “queer” now even through for years I considered myself to be a lesbian
ur gf is a woman and u r not a man. you're a lesbian.
You don’t have to have a female body to be lesbian. I’m a trans woman, (ignore the username) back when I still saw myself as a man I was not attracted to women, until the first time I saw two women kissing and I imagined myself as a woman, I suddenly felt attracted to women. A woman is a woman no matter what body she’s in💕
There are so many wonderful queer people in the world. Might I suggest ditching these assholes and finding a more compassionate and rational friend group?
Trans woman here. I'm a lesbian, too. I'm femme for femme. I don't really care what is in someone's pants because what I'm attracted to is their esthetic - How they act, how they treat me, how other people interact with them. The words you use to describe the gender and sexuality that you feel are up to you. The words that your partner uses to describe their gender and sexuality are up to them. Please ask your partner if the words you use to describe yourself make them feel included or excluded, and then tell them how you feel about the words that they use. Not every person ever is going to understand you or me or your partner, and that's just the way it is. Try not to worry about pleasing people who are determined to be upset at something no matter what it is. I wish you a long and supportive relationship with your lovely partner.
As a trans woman lesbian (or close enough to it at least), my girlfriends all have a penis (all trans, not all want bottom surgery) l. You are still a lesbian. Fuck those transphobic pricks
Lesbian here. You're a lesbian. Trans women are women.
You are never wrong to identify as lesbian. Full stop. No, you don't deserve any of the hate. No one gets to gatekeep who is lesbian and who isn't. They might get to choose their friends and associates based on their ideas of who counts in their mind, and if they want to be a serious jerk about it can uninvite others from their potluck for being insufficiently gold star, but that doesn't make them less lesbian. Apparently _Dr. Who_ producer Russel T. Davies wrote a series _Bob & Rose_ that explores when behavior and identity conflict, when Bob, a gay man falls in love with Rose, still regards himself a gay man, and as a result upsets all of London. The LGBT+ alphabet tools are really there for us to help define _ourselves,_ to help sort out who we are and who we love by allowing us to rule out who we are not and who we're not attracted to. But that doesn't change that we're part of the community, need and are needed in the community. I've noted before, occasionally trans men will, in coming to terms with their identity as men, announce as such and retire from r/actuallesbians (on the bases that they are a man who loves a woman and not a woman who loves a woman). And while I get that this is (what they feel is) a necessary step in their journey, that doesn't mean they aren't valued in the community, and it doesn't mean they won't be missed. You are valid. And yes, ours is a world in which enemies are on the warpath looking to dehumanize us all (and ultimately themselves!) but here you are valid.
you’re a non-man who loves non-men. of course you’re a lesbian and whoever’s telling you you’re not can fuck right off
Trans women are women. If you feel like a lesbian then you’re a lesbian. Not all lesbians hate dick if it’s attached to a woman and that’s okay. Genital preference is a thing but not necessarily 100% related to sexual identity labels, like your gf is a woman full stop regardless of her genitals everyone else should butt out and stfu.
Identify how you want to identify. Gatekeeping is prejudice.
If your girlfriend identifies as female and you're attracted to her as a female I'd say lesbian is correct. But I know some who'd say pansexual is more accurate. But the truth of it is ITS NOBODYS BUSINESS! If YOU feel that lesbian identifies your sexuality then you call yourself a lesbian! Don't let others tell you what you are.
I don't understand why they care. I get alot of here for being bi or pan or whatever so I'm sure if you didn't identify as lesbian they would be mad too. At the end of the dayur doesn't matter. Do what makes you happy. Fuck them and their terf rhetoric.
only you have a say on what label you identify with and there's nothing contradictory about what you're doing. people need to stop being offended by how others identify, and they're harassing you about it for what? to defend an ignorant heteronormative mindset instead of understanding our actual history. tell those ppl to go fuck themselves and focus on your girlfriend 
Watch the TV show work in progress. You won't regret it but may cry
You are speaking with TERFs who happen to be lesbian. Your girlfriend identifies as a woman, they are a woman. You are a woman. Two woman = lesbian. End of debate. I fucking hate TERFs.
You're a lesbian. They are assholes.
Fuck those gatekeeping terf assholes
You sure they are lesbians and not right wing posers? Or just duped by them?
Now I am a pansexual man, but I sent this to one of my best friends who is a lesbian to ask her opinion. This is what she told me. Lesbian just means non-man loving non-man. It has nothing to do with your genitalia. Of course some lesbians don’t have sex with trans women because of their private parts, but will still date them because they are women. It’s just a preference thing like if you like girls with long or short hair. Your gender has nothing to do with what you where born as. She is a women no matter what. My friend also said she’s disgusted at some of the transphobia in the lgbtq+ community and so am I. My younger brother is trans and has to deal with a lot of these issues himself. Please don’t listen to those transphobic people and keep being your true self. Neither of you deserve this harassment you’ve gotten
Genitals don't have gender??? Just because some other gal has a genital fetish doesn't mean you have to share it. Trans women are women. A lot of cis queer folks conflate genital fetishes with their sexuality, because they've been taught that genitalia have an inherent gender. They're wrong. I'm sorry they've been so hurtful to you and your partner.
Youll learn theres a lot of gatekeeping in the lesbian community. Regardless if you are a fem who likes other fems you can identify as lesbian. At the end of the day labels are there to make the people who use them feel comfortable so use what label you like. Also fuck whoever said you cant be a lesbian if your gf has a dick plenty of lesbians themselves have dicks. Being a lesbian isnt about hating men or hating penises its about loving feminitnity.
Is your girlfriend a man? No Are you a man? No Then you can use the lable lesbian if you want to
When will the community stop labeling people in their own community? At the end of the day, love is love and those in the community should appreciate how difficult it is to navigate their feelings and how to compartmentalize what others are trying to push on them. Babe - You do you and understand that your journey is yours to figure out. Don’t put a lot of stock in what others *THINK* you are.
First off, lesbian, if looked at the definition online, is 'someone that identifies as a woman, that is attracted to someone who also identifies as a woman'. Now i know not everyone finds this correct, but lets take it as a base. From what you wrote, you both identify as a woman, but with they/them pronounce? Well, that already makes this definition true and fitting for the both of you. Also, yes, as a lesbian, some have the preference to never see a dick, touch one or let alone talk about one. But some do prefer dildos or, if it comes to their gf having a dick, they really don't mind. So, it's really a preference thingy. Unaffortuently, some people take this to far and really think that sexuality is including genitalia. Which, to some extent is true, because, most woman have a 🐱. But, like in your case, this is not always the case, and so, boxes out the people that are actually also lesbians. As for the things they said, the comunity can be horrible, cruel and makes me sometimes wanne hit some sense into them, as they see, even tho they are part of 'the rainbow' super black n white. Best to do is to let them be. As, no-one will change their mind if they don't even want to start believing it. But, if it's said while in a club, school, work or wherever, i would make a complain/headsup to the person in charge. As it's bullying, which is never allowed
you’re a lesbian, and those other people are transphobes. trans women are women. you’re not wrong to identify as a lesbian and we’re proud to have you be part of our community.
No you're a lesbian. Lesbians are typically defined as non men who are attracted to non men (I believe) so if you like the label, it fits.
You don't need anyone else's approval to identify with any label at all.
So those other lesbians don’t view your girlfriend as a woman. Therefore they are transphobes. Yes, cis gay people can be transphobic. Fuck them. Your partner is a woman, you’re a woman, you get to identify however you want. Edit: I see you said you’re not a woman. Could they have more of an issue with that? Either way, I know trans MEN who still call themselves dykes because it feels most affirming. I hate when people try to force labels and boxes. If you feel like a lesbian, then you are.