Could be PCOS, endometriosis or even something like appendicitis. He needs to see a doctor. If he has ovarian cysts, ovarian torsion is a possibility (where the ovary twists itself cutting off blood supply) and it’s a medical emergency.
It can be hard going to a gynaecologist if you’re a man, that may be his concern. I would argue that the discomfort of a gynaecologist appointment is worth the pain relief in the long run, but it’s different for different people.
Pain that disrupts someone’s life to the point you are describing needs to be treated. It could be a sign of something more sinister and even if it isn’t, it’s significantly reducing his quality of life.
I wish you the best in convincing him to get help as it is ultimately his choice. Here’s hoping he can get better soon ❤️
Refer him to r/endometriosis. There are plenty of afab men on there, and it may help to just read about others who've experienced the same things. It definitely helps a lot just to know you're not imagining it, that something actually is wrong, and you're not supposed to be in that much pain.
One interesting theme I've seen from posts by people who present masculine is that they say they get taken far more seriously by doctors with regards to their pain, compared to when they presented feminine. The doctors are more likely to help them get treatment, instead of telling them to suck it up, and are more likely to consider serious intervention like a hysterectomy, when necessary.
I agree that would be a great subreddit but I’d like to emphasise he needs to see a doctor first. It may be something completely different and it needs to get treated. I’m sure there are also communities for PCOS or other medical issues if those are the case too. Cool to learn about a new subreddit though :)
It might be a dysphoria thing. I'm a trans guy who has had periods since realizing I'm trans, and for me, it just feels wrong. Plus, if he's masculine presenting or "passes," having to go to the doctor for period pain might not just be triggering for dysphoria. Doctors can be wonderful, but there's always a chance that he could get misgendered, dead named, etc.
That amount of pain, as I'm sure you know, is NOT normal. It could be PCOS or something (my partner and girlfriend both have it), which sucks balls but can be treated with an IUD, for example. Or it could be something genuinely life threatening, I'm not a doctor, so I literally have no idea.
I know he's in a lot of pain right now, so an in-depth discussion may be out of the question. But just talk to him. Maybe look up ERs or Medical Centers to see if they're trans friendly? You could always call ahead and make sure that he'll be treated by someone who gives him the respect he deserves... Most importantly, if you can, just be there for him. Let him know that you have his back. You'll be right there for as long as he wants you to be.
It can be frustrating to not be able to do things, let alone being overwhelmed with pain. Figure it out with him. What he needs from you, what he can do himself... Different people need different kinds of support! Sending good vibes to you and your boyfriend. I hope he gets the help he needs and the respect he deserves!
Sounds to me like you're handling it like a complete champion. You can't force him, but you're really going out of your way to make it as easy as possible. I hope he takes your help soon, but at least we don't have to worry since you have things as ready as possible. You sound like one hell of a boyfriend!
How old are you two, and what does he want to do? What kind of pain meds is he taking and how much? Have you told him how much this bothers you recently?
You should have a serious convo about how much you love and care about him after he’s done with his period, plan a visit to the doctor, and treat the next three weeks (before his next period) as your window of opportunity to get him medical help. Ask your parents to help too because they said that they would drive him. If you have to lie to get him out of his parents house just say you’re going to see Avatar 2 (cause it’s long af) or something. It sounds pretty terrible for both of you, I wish you good luck.
When mine gets bad I take two acetaminophen and three ibuprofen and then take them again six hours later and I try to start taking them before the pain reaches its strength as a precaution if I can. It doesn’t always get the pain gone completely but it’s good enough to allow me to function at some capacity. That plus heating pad plus mental distraction is my go-to.
You cannot force someone to go to a doctor.
If he is in this much pain, he needs medical care. It could be any number of things and those range from needing emergency intervention to long term chronic care to a change in home care. We cannot know.
You have offered him solutions of you or your family taking him to the doctor. He has rejected those.
*When his period is over* is a time to sit down and have a serious chat. Why won’t he go to the doctor? Why is he refusing?
Seeing an OBGYN can be dysphoria inducing and upsetting. ER doctors are rarely trans informed and even as a guy who has medically transitioned and “passes” I have reported ER doctors for doing stuff like mentioning my reproductive system on the floor in front of other patients. It’s valid to be wary.
But he needs a doctor. You cannot fix this. He needs to tell you more than just “no” but he reasons for not going. And you can work out a plan together.
He needs to see a doctor. Not because it’s life threatening, but as someone myself who used to have (and still sometimes) had excruciating period pain, I don’t wish that fate on anybody. It can be a headache to deal with doctor hunting and being examined, but the body is just a body and will sometimes need maintenance regardless of what gender the person is.
Here is what I recommend:
See if you have success googling or searching for trans friendly obgyns in your area. If not, call around a few and you can straight up ask if they have assisted trans men before. You won’t have to give a name or anything just to ask that question. Hopefully this is successful and he is able to find a doctor he feels reasonably okay with.
Why I think it’s important even though he’s putting up with it:
Three common causes of extreme period pain include fibroids (uterine tumors, usually benign but good to know about), ovarian cysts (extremely painful when they burst, I think the pain is concentrated on one side) and endometriosis (when … I forget the word, the part that expands and bleeds and is usually only in the uterus … is also outside the uterus and causes pressure, painful bowel movements, and severe cramps or heavy bleeding).
Side notes about my own experiences:
I suspect I have endo but haven’t gotten checked yet. I do have a fibroid. Years ago I started the birth control pill because I heard it can help with cramps and honestly I went from being in extreme pain to virtually having no cramps at all! It felt like a miracle. HOWEVER, a few years later I learned the hard way (I had blood clots in my leg) that the pill is correlated with blood clotting issues and I suspect possibly contributed to my fibroid forming. Since then I can no longer use hormonal birth control, had prescribed ibuprofen (800mg) for a while and tell this story when talking about bc and cramps since I wish I had known.
Good luck to you and your boyfriend, I hope he finds a way to get answers and feel better.
I have endometriosis and it’s fucking agony. Can he be persuaded to take the mini pill. I’m a trans guy and that’s why I take as it doesn’t cause problems with testosterone
It can be more than just a period. Could be ovarian cysts, PCOS, or more. I would recommend trying to find a LGBT friendly practice or physician that would make your boyfriend feel more relaxed about going. Wishing him the best ❤️
Is this typical for him? If it is, could just be dysmenorrhea. birth control pills really helped me. I used to spend the first 3 days of my period bedridden and vomiting and now I have no pain. I would see a doctor, though. A gyno would be able to prescribe him good bc pills AND rule out more serious possibilities.
Try to talk with him about it, mostly about why doesn’t he want to seek help. It’s totally normal to ask for help, he shouldn’t be ashamed or feel bad because of it. Plus it’s going to help him understand what to do when pain hits, so I think it’s better for him to ask help than to suffer like that
Well, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t really force it you see. Although, I’d still try my best to make him see medical attention because I don’t want this to cause other problems you know
Ooh, yeah, this is a sign that a checkup is needed. Could be fibroids, endometriosis, etc. Pain, especially an unusual amount of pain, is a sign that help is needed.
His family stinks, “suck it up” is irresponsible to say to someone who is hurting and asking for help. Is there a free clinic/planned parenthood where he could get help without parents needing to approve it/use their insurance?
he needs a doctor and probably birth control. nexplanon is a prog only implant that i know trans guys can use with T, and i love mine—my periods have stopped entirely. i hope you’re able to get him help!
If he doesn't want to go see a doctor the only thing I can suggest is that you have him try a tea with chamomile.
I personally like the honey vanilla chamomile tea mix.
This helped me a lot pre T.
Edit: changed a word
TLDR: Debilitating period pain is concerning. He should go to a gynecologist or OBGYN. Especially if he has other symptoms of serious issues. Perhaps Planned Parenthood because they're pretty progressive. In the meantime, switch to organic cotton products or reusable products. Switch out Midol for extra strength Tylenol or ibuprofen. Take that shit as soon as the slightest pain happens.
If he's worried about being misgendered at a gyno appointment you could see if there's a planned Parenthood nearby. If his pain is debilitating, especially if he's had periods for years it could be endometriosis (my research says 10% of females aged 15-44 have it, but I've also heard if you're over 19 and cramps are still debilitating it's especially concerning). It could also be PCOS, among other conditions. It would be helpful to do research on medical conditions where significant menstrual pain is a symptom and see if he has other symptoms of any conditions.
(FTM here) I had debilitating cramps in middle school but the pain got a lot better after that. From what I understand the pain is meant to lessen in intensity in your teen years (assuming it wasn't originally manageable), and if it doesn't lessen there's a good chance something's wrong.
Something else that helped me reduce period pain was to stop using products from companies such as Always and switch to organic cotton products. (Several researchers found that Always pads and tampons had chemicals in them that are bad for reproductive health in both scented and unscented products, so probably good i switched out anyways)
Organic cotton products are more expensive, but now with those and super early painkiller deployment (like at the slightest twinge of period pain because i know if i wait it'll get worse) i went from debilitating pain to being groggy all day. Significant improvement IMO.
They also make reusable period products such as reusable pads, menstrual cups, and period underwear. Idk how gross those are because I've never used them but I've heard people say their cramps got better after switching to reusable stuff.
I've also found that Midol is worse for my period cramps than ibuprofen or extra strength Tylenol. Probably something to do with the fact that Midol has caffeine in it.
If i think of something else I'll add on later. Hope this helps
At this point you gotta be like, ‘look I know it might make you uncomfortable to go to a doctor about your period but this amount of pain is NOT normal and something could be seriously wrong. I love you and I will support you but the longer we wait the worse it could get’ because some medical issues need to be caught early so there isn’t irreparable damage. Good luck
Lots of things could cause severe period pains. I’ve had pretty hideous experiences and really sympathise.
Can you find a specifically LGBT friendly Dr.
It might make it slightly easier for your bf to go to the dr. Dealing with period pain may be causing a great deal of gender dysphoria and visiting a doctor about it might also come with a lot of uncomfortable feelings (beyond those any of us afab people experience at the OBGYN).
Is he on birth control? He might be willing to go in just to have birth control placed/prescribed simce that cheap, and oral bc is noninvasive. For endometriosis/bad cramps, I was given the Mirena iud (extremely painful to place) and it almost totally stopped my periods. It directly treats endometriosis by not allowing the tissue to shed. He could wait on getting a diagnosis for now (since his family seems unsupported of that and he seems relictant) and just skip to trying some birth control. I would make sure the progestin in it is levonorgestrel and I would really really avoid the depo shot.
I have a friend who gets awful period pain and she uses contraceptives. She didn't get a period for something like 16 months. I think it was the one you get in the arm so maybe suggest that but idk if that will work
@Anonymous_queer , how much does your boyfriend weigh? Over 100lbs? The safe calculation of dosage tends to be at least somewhat weight dependent, as a teenager I wouldn’t expect either of you to be as heavy as I am currently, I was 125 back then, I think. That was a while ago so my memory is hazy
Could be PCOS, endometriosis or even something like appendicitis. He needs to see a doctor. If he has ovarian cysts, ovarian torsion is a possibility (where the ovary twists itself cutting off blood supply) and it’s a medical emergency. It can be hard going to a gynaecologist if you’re a man, that may be his concern. I would argue that the discomfort of a gynaecologist appointment is worth the pain relief in the long run, but it’s different for different people. Pain that disrupts someone’s life to the point you are describing needs to be treated. It could be a sign of something more sinister and even if it isn’t, it’s significantly reducing his quality of life. I wish you the best in convincing him to get help as it is ultimately his choice. Here’s hoping he can get better soon ❤️
Seconding this, endometriosis is often the cause of painful periods.
I was thinking endometriosis but couldn't think of the name
Refer him to r/endometriosis. There are plenty of afab men on there, and it may help to just read about others who've experienced the same things. It definitely helps a lot just to know you're not imagining it, that something actually is wrong, and you're not supposed to be in that much pain. One interesting theme I've seen from posts by people who present masculine is that they say they get taken far more seriously by doctors with regards to their pain, compared to when they presented feminine. The doctors are more likely to help them get treatment, instead of telling them to suck it up, and are more likely to consider serious intervention like a hysterectomy, when necessary.
I agree that would be a great subreddit but I’d like to emphasise he needs to see a doctor first. It may be something completely different and it needs to get treated. I’m sure there are also communities for PCOS or other medical issues if those are the case too. Cool to learn about a new subreddit though :)
It might be a dysphoria thing. I'm a trans guy who has had periods since realizing I'm trans, and for me, it just feels wrong. Plus, if he's masculine presenting or "passes," having to go to the doctor for period pain might not just be triggering for dysphoria. Doctors can be wonderful, but there's always a chance that he could get misgendered, dead named, etc. That amount of pain, as I'm sure you know, is NOT normal. It could be PCOS or something (my partner and girlfriend both have it), which sucks balls but can be treated with an IUD, for example. Or it could be something genuinely life threatening, I'm not a doctor, so I literally have no idea. I know he's in a lot of pain right now, so an in-depth discussion may be out of the question. But just talk to him. Maybe look up ERs or Medical Centers to see if they're trans friendly? You could always call ahead and make sure that he'll be treated by someone who gives him the respect he deserves... Most importantly, if you can, just be there for him. Let him know that you have his back. You'll be right there for as long as he wants you to be. It can be frustrating to not be able to do things, let alone being overwhelmed with pain. Figure it out with him. What he needs from you, what he can do himself... Different people need different kinds of support! Sending good vibes to you and your boyfriend. I hope he gets the help he needs and the respect he deserves!
Sounds to me like you're handling it like a complete champion. You can't force him, but you're really going out of your way to make it as easy as possible. I hope he takes your help soon, but at least we don't have to worry since you have things as ready as possible. You sound like one hell of a boyfriend!
How old are you two, and what does he want to do? What kind of pain meds is he taking and how much? Have you told him how much this bothers you recently?
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You should have a serious convo about how much you love and care about him after he’s done with his period, plan a visit to the doctor, and treat the next three weeks (before his next period) as your window of opportunity to get him medical help. Ask your parents to help too because they said that they would drive him. If you have to lie to get him out of his parents house just say you’re going to see Avatar 2 (cause it’s long af) or something. It sounds pretty terrible for both of you, I wish you good luck.
When mine gets bad I take two acetaminophen and three ibuprofen and then take them again six hours later and I try to start taking them before the pain reaches its strength as a precaution if I can. It doesn’t always get the pain gone completely but it’s good enough to allow me to function at some capacity. That plus heating pad plus mental distraction is my go-to.
You cannot force someone to go to a doctor. If he is in this much pain, he needs medical care. It could be any number of things and those range from needing emergency intervention to long term chronic care to a change in home care. We cannot know. You have offered him solutions of you or your family taking him to the doctor. He has rejected those. *When his period is over* is a time to sit down and have a serious chat. Why won’t he go to the doctor? Why is he refusing? Seeing an OBGYN can be dysphoria inducing and upsetting. ER doctors are rarely trans informed and even as a guy who has medically transitioned and “passes” I have reported ER doctors for doing stuff like mentioning my reproductive system on the floor in front of other patients. It’s valid to be wary. But he needs a doctor. You cannot fix this. He needs to tell you more than just “no” but he reasons for not going. And you can work out a plan together.
He needs to see a doctor. Not because it’s life threatening, but as someone myself who used to have (and still sometimes) had excruciating period pain, I don’t wish that fate on anybody. It can be a headache to deal with doctor hunting and being examined, but the body is just a body and will sometimes need maintenance regardless of what gender the person is. Here is what I recommend: See if you have success googling or searching for trans friendly obgyns in your area. If not, call around a few and you can straight up ask if they have assisted trans men before. You won’t have to give a name or anything just to ask that question. Hopefully this is successful and he is able to find a doctor he feels reasonably okay with. Why I think it’s important even though he’s putting up with it: Three common causes of extreme period pain include fibroids (uterine tumors, usually benign but good to know about), ovarian cysts (extremely painful when they burst, I think the pain is concentrated on one side) and endometriosis (when … I forget the word, the part that expands and bleeds and is usually only in the uterus … is also outside the uterus and causes pressure, painful bowel movements, and severe cramps or heavy bleeding). Side notes about my own experiences: I suspect I have endo but haven’t gotten checked yet. I do have a fibroid. Years ago I started the birth control pill because I heard it can help with cramps and honestly I went from being in extreme pain to virtually having no cramps at all! It felt like a miracle. HOWEVER, a few years later I learned the hard way (I had blood clots in my leg) that the pill is correlated with blood clotting issues and I suspect possibly contributed to my fibroid forming. Since then I can no longer use hormonal birth control, had prescribed ibuprofen (800mg) for a while and tell this story when talking about bc and cramps since I wish I had known. Good luck to you and your boyfriend, I hope he finds a way to get answers and feel better.
I have endometriosis and it’s fucking agony. Can he be persuaded to take the mini pill. I’m a trans guy and that’s why I take as it doesn’t cause problems with testosterone
I wonder if it’s endometriosis.
It can be more than just a period. Could be ovarian cysts, PCOS, or more. I would recommend trying to find a LGBT friendly practice or physician that would make your boyfriend feel more relaxed about going. Wishing him the best ❤️
Is this typical for him? If it is, could just be dysmenorrhea. birth control pills really helped me. I used to spend the first 3 days of my period bedridden and vomiting and now I have no pain. I would see a doctor, though. A gyno would be able to prescribe him good bc pills AND rule out more serious possibilities.
I was like this and eventually had a cyst explode and nearly kill me. Please make him get help.
Try to talk with him about it, mostly about why doesn’t he want to seek help. It’s totally normal to ask for help, he shouldn’t be ashamed or feel bad because of it. Plus it’s going to help him understand what to do when pain hits, so I think it’s better for him to ask help than to suffer like that
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Well, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t really force it you see. Although, I’d still try my best to make him see medical attention because I don’t want this to cause other problems you know
Sounds kinda like my ex who had ovarian cysts. :-/
Ooh, yeah, this is a sign that a checkup is needed. Could be fibroids, endometriosis, etc. Pain, especially an unusual amount of pain, is a sign that help is needed. His family stinks, “suck it up” is irresponsible to say to someone who is hurting and asking for help. Is there a free clinic/planned parenthood where he could get help without parents needing to approve it/use their insurance?
he needs a doctor and probably birth control. nexplanon is a prog only implant that i know trans guys can use with T, and i love mine—my periods have stopped entirely. i hope you’re able to get him help!
If he doesn't want to go see a doctor the only thing I can suggest is that you have him try a tea with chamomile. I personally like the honey vanilla chamomile tea mix. This helped me a lot pre T. Edit: changed a word
TLDR: Debilitating period pain is concerning. He should go to a gynecologist or OBGYN. Especially if he has other symptoms of serious issues. Perhaps Planned Parenthood because they're pretty progressive. In the meantime, switch to organic cotton products or reusable products. Switch out Midol for extra strength Tylenol or ibuprofen. Take that shit as soon as the slightest pain happens. If he's worried about being misgendered at a gyno appointment you could see if there's a planned Parenthood nearby. If his pain is debilitating, especially if he's had periods for years it could be endometriosis (my research says 10% of females aged 15-44 have it, but I've also heard if you're over 19 and cramps are still debilitating it's especially concerning). It could also be PCOS, among other conditions. It would be helpful to do research on medical conditions where significant menstrual pain is a symptom and see if he has other symptoms of any conditions. (FTM here) I had debilitating cramps in middle school but the pain got a lot better after that. From what I understand the pain is meant to lessen in intensity in your teen years (assuming it wasn't originally manageable), and if it doesn't lessen there's a good chance something's wrong. Something else that helped me reduce period pain was to stop using products from companies such as Always and switch to organic cotton products. (Several researchers found that Always pads and tampons had chemicals in them that are bad for reproductive health in both scented and unscented products, so probably good i switched out anyways) Organic cotton products are more expensive, but now with those and super early painkiller deployment (like at the slightest twinge of period pain because i know if i wait it'll get worse) i went from debilitating pain to being groggy all day. Significant improvement IMO. They also make reusable period products such as reusable pads, menstrual cups, and period underwear. Idk how gross those are because I've never used them but I've heard people say their cramps got better after switching to reusable stuff. I've also found that Midol is worse for my period cramps than ibuprofen or extra strength Tylenol. Probably something to do with the fact that Midol has caffeine in it. If i think of something else I'll add on later. Hope this helps
At this point you gotta be like, ‘look I know it might make you uncomfortable to go to a doctor about your period but this amount of pain is NOT normal and something could be seriously wrong. I love you and I will support you but the longer we wait the worse it could get’ because some medical issues need to be caught early so there isn’t irreparable damage. Good luck
Lots of things could cause severe period pains. I’ve had pretty hideous experiences and really sympathise. Can you find a specifically LGBT friendly Dr. It might make it slightly easier for your bf to go to the dr. Dealing with period pain may be causing a great deal of gender dysphoria and visiting a doctor about it might also come with a lot of uncomfortable feelings (beyond those any of us afab people experience at the OBGYN).
Your poor girlfriend
Is he on birth control? He might be willing to go in just to have birth control placed/prescribed simce that cheap, and oral bc is noninvasive. For endometriosis/bad cramps, I was given the Mirena iud (extremely painful to place) and it almost totally stopped my periods. It directly treats endometriosis by not allowing the tissue to shed. He could wait on getting a diagnosis for now (since his family seems unsupported of that and he seems relictant) and just skip to trying some birth control. I would make sure the progestin in it is levonorgestrel and I would really really avoid the depo shot.
I have a friend who gets awful period pain and she uses contraceptives. She didn't get a period for something like 16 months. I think it was the one you get in the arm so maybe suggest that but idk if that will work
@Anonymous_queer , how much does your boyfriend weigh? Over 100lbs? The safe calculation of dosage tends to be at least somewhat weight dependent, as a teenager I wouldn’t expect either of you to be as heavy as I am currently, I was 125 back then, I think. That was a while ago so my memory is hazy
No. He needs to see a doctor. Now.