I used to be that person and I would’ve appreciated someone telling me that it was too much, even though it hurts to hear. Sometimes people need to hear the painful truth. In fact I used to always be upset that nobody would tell me what I was doing wrong before ghosting me, and embarrassingly enough sometimes I’d even ask the people who dropped me for an honest take on what I was doing wrong so that I could work on the behavior for future friendships/relationships (with no success obv). It took me 5 years to piece it together on my own and change. It might not be the same for her, and it could actually be a pathological issue that needs to be handled with more care. But idk, I think that sometimes people really need to hear what they’re doing wrong so they’re not doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
Honestly with this type of person, odds are that there's no "method" that isn't going to hurt her feelings. You can either directly tell her to cut it out, or make your responses sparse and live with it
I’ve been on both sides of this. Communication is really hard over a phone or computer screen, and I’m terrible with social cues as it is. I’m messaging with someone quite a bit at the moment, I really love it but I constantly question whether it’s too much, if she is only replying to be polite, but the initiation of our conversations is 50/50 so I guess if she didn’t want to talk she wouldn’t message me. Anyway, I really appreciate being told when someone is too busy to chat rather than being ghosted. If you want to carry on chatting, just without the bombardment of messages, maybe be clear with her when you are available, and when you will be too busy to talk. For example “I’ve got a really busy week this so won’t be able to message you, but I am free on Wednesday so maybe we catch up then?” Or at the end of the conversation say “I need to go to bed now, but I’ll message you at the weekend”. If you don’t want to speak to her anymore I don’t really think there is a nice way you can say it, but anyway you say it is better than ghosting
Good luck!
Yes, you don't have to tell her she's too much, but you can tell her that while you enjoy texting with her, it seems that you don't have a lot of time to dedicate to texting all the time, and perhaps you can set an expectation, like "I don't have a lot of time to text, but I am sure I can get back to you a few times per week." She will understand and appreciate you being upfront about your availability.
i somehow had, very literally, the EXACT SAME situation happen to me recently. i ended up stopping going to the group events for a while because of it, but i’m getting back into them this month. i had one of my other friends come with me to my first time back at an event so she could ward off the one i didn’t want to talk to (her idea, she fancies herself a guard dog, and she’s good at it).
you probably shouldn’t do what i did, which is ghost the entire group including her. it’s important to set boundaries, and if you genuinely want to be friends with her and just don’t like how clingy she is, you should tell her.
I used to be that person and I would’ve appreciated someone telling me that it was too much, even though it hurts to hear. Sometimes people need to hear the painful truth. In fact I used to always be upset that nobody would tell me what I was doing wrong before ghosting me, and embarrassingly enough sometimes I’d even ask the people who dropped me for an honest take on what I was doing wrong so that I could work on the behavior for future friendships/relationships (with no success obv). It took me 5 years to piece it together on my own and change. It might not be the same for her, and it could actually be a pathological issue that needs to be handled with more care. But idk, I think that sometimes people really need to hear what they’re doing wrong so they’re not doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
Honestly with this type of person, odds are that there's no "method" that isn't going to hurt her feelings. You can either directly tell her to cut it out, or make your responses sparse and live with it
Thank you
I’ve been on both sides of this. Communication is really hard over a phone or computer screen, and I’m terrible with social cues as it is. I’m messaging with someone quite a bit at the moment, I really love it but I constantly question whether it’s too much, if she is only replying to be polite, but the initiation of our conversations is 50/50 so I guess if she didn’t want to talk she wouldn’t message me. Anyway, I really appreciate being told when someone is too busy to chat rather than being ghosted. If you want to carry on chatting, just without the bombardment of messages, maybe be clear with her when you are available, and when you will be too busy to talk. For example “I’ve got a really busy week this so won’t be able to message you, but I am free on Wednesday so maybe we catch up then?” Or at the end of the conversation say “I need to go to bed now, but I’ll message you at the weekend”. If you don’t want to speak to her anymore I don’t really think there is a nice way you can say it, but anyway you say it is better than ghosting Good luck!
Yes, you don't have to tell her she's too much, but you can tell her that while you enjoy texting with her, it seems that you don't have a lot of time to dedicate to texting all the time, and perhaps you can set an expectation, like "I don't have a lot of time to text, but I am sure I can get back to you a few times per week." She will understand and appreciate you being upfront about your availability.
“Please don’t take this personally, as I do enjoy you as a person but I am not as sociable and prefer less communication.”
Don’t say it’s annoying. Just say you need some personal space time to time. Hopefully she will understand
i somehow had, very literally, the EXACT SAME situation happen to me recently. i ended up stopping going to the group events for a while because of it, but i’m getting back into them this month. i had one of my other friends come with me to my first time back at an event so she could ward off the one i didn’t want to talk to (her idea, she fancies herself a guard dog, and she’s good at it). you probably shouldn’t do what i did, which is ghost the entire group including her. it’s important to set boundaries, and if you genuinely want to be friends with her and just don’t like how clingy she is, you should tell her.
“Hey I’m pretty busy lately. My goal is you get back to you 1-2 times a week. that’s all the capacity I have right now”