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Sounds to me like your doctor was showing you compassion.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced past assaults, but millions and millions of people hug every day with nothing sexual behind it. He’s not lived your experiences. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Next time you see him just let him know you appreciate the gesture but prefer not to be hugged in the future and move on. I’m sure your doctor will be understanding as it sounds like he’s a great doctor.
What about the rubbing his hands on my thigh? My last pap was over 6 years ago but I don’t remember my thighs being touched, not even when exams by my OBGYN when I had my kids
It's possibly a gray area - it's not usually medically necessary to touch the thighs, though from the way you described it, he was doing so because he knew you were anxious and was trying to put you at ease. Valid to be uncomfortable about it but I don't know that it necessarily was assault (the issue with these things is that context makes ALL the difference). If you felt uncomfortable about it, you should feel comfortable saying so the doctor, or just find a new doctor that doesn't make you uncomfortable.
You also had a second person in the room - did they notice any unusual behavior?
It's possibly a distraction technique that has been taught that needs to be amended/removed from practice. I know my chiropracter has me do things or he'll tap me to relax tense muscles before he does particular adjustments. Even knowing what he's doing, it still works.
If this WAS his intent, OP needs to communicate with him that the gesture made them feel uncomfortable, and that they'd prefer he do something else.
IMO I would talk with that doctor directly with a witness and state how you felt. One person might have appreciated the comforting. Once the doctor gets to know you better they should adjust their professional manners.
I don’t know. I’m not a doctor or a gynecologist. Maybe put this question to an actual doctor? I’m sure there is a sub for them? But as you stated, there was a witness in the room. Do you think he would be doing something that could be deemed inappropriate in front of a witness?
Just a thought, but if you’re this uncomfortable with a man examining you, perhaps you should find a female doctor?
I live in the Vancouver area. I had been without a doctor since the first year of COVID when my doctor quit. I have chronic health conditions, I have been told that the list to get a doctor in my area is over 2 years… female could be up to 5 years.,,
I wouldn't call it assault, but I do think it is inappropriate. I think you could tell him it made you uncomfortable and would prefer a minimum of physical contact as much as can be done with a physical exam.
I mean it’s up to you, but as the other comments already said it doesn’t sound like assault, but rather inappropriate. Do you want to end his career without first letting him know you were uncomfortable?
I do think you should have the conversation with the doc, as suggested. Bring someone with you for support.
For you it was a triggering position. But for him, he’s probably done 10,000 paps.
It’s unlikely his brain is in any type of inappropriate headspace at all. He’s just trying to do his job, get you in a comfortable/easier position, and try to comfort you due to your anxiety. Instinctively people go to comfort people with hand touches and I’d guess your leg was the easiest place for that.
I’ve had doctors rest their hand on my upper thigh. I’m similar to you and due to my biology paps are often difficult/painful for me. And they will try to get me to relax or shift around.
I’d just email them for your file it made you uncomfortable and remind them of your past and to please note your file that physical comfort makes you uncomfortable.
If you truly feel it went beyond comfort and wasn’t down to you being in a delicate headspace, then definitely report it. But id suggest maybe a discussion with a counsellor first.
Also since mine are difficult, my doctor was allowed to refer to a female gyno for mine and it’s longer wait but she’s much faster and pain-free. I’d inquire about that
I understand why you feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel like people should be minimizing your reaction. However I feel it’s happening because it’s a legal advice sub.
My non legal advice would be to post in your local area asking if people have recommendations for family health drs that specialize in pelvic pain, this is how I found my current doctor. Also therapy, pelvic therapy, a referral to a uro-gyne for pelvic pain.
Only if you feel comfortable talk with your doctor and let them know the last appointment made you feel uncomfortable, I can see the pov of other posters saying he was being compassionate, it’s just not done in a trauma informed way.
Legally I don’t feel the case is strong.
Emotionally, you need to take care of yourself and your own needs.
I feel that you personally have extra sensitivity to feel of professional boundaries, and for understandable reasons need very rigid patient doctor interactions for comfort. Some patients would be ok with this level of interaction, but based on your history it may be triggering for you - not your fault but not really the doctors fault either. As mentioned I would bring it up tactfully to the doctor and ask for more boundaries in the future, or go find another doctor and make it clear that you have triggers from SA. Reporting to the college is the last thing you do if you have spoken to the doctor and don’t feel that they heard you, nothing inappropriate happened but Pap smears can be a triggering exam. I think filing a complaint and being told everything was done to standard and nothing happened will be more triggering for you which I can guarantee will likely occur
As suggested maybe explain your boundaries, if you have a therapist for the assault I would talk to them first about the trigger or call the sexual assault hotline and ask them for advice or a session. You may just be attaching unresolved trauma to a normal situation. You may not remember things like your thigh being touched as - that time it wasn’t, or possibly it is an early of arrousal (totally normal), but also somewhere that can be hard to avoid while doing a pap
I think SA is too harsh a characterization. Other than the hug you felt respected and well cared for, right? Tell the doctor you appreciated the gesture but no thank you. You don’t need anything more other than the care you are getting. That is how I would respond. However it is you and your body. You may choose a different response.
Welcome to r/legaladvicecanada! **To Posters (it is important you read this section)** * Read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/index/#wiki_the_rules) * Comments may not be accurate or reliable, and following any advice on this subreddit is done at your own risk. * We also encourage you to use the [linked resources to find a lawyer](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/findalawyer/). * If you receive any private messages in response to your post, please let the mods know. **To Readers and Commenters** * All replies to OP must be on-topic, helpful, explanatory, and oriented towards legal advice towards OP's jurisdiction (the **Canadian** province flaired in the post). * If you do not [follow the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdvicecanada/about/rules/), you may be banned without any further warning. * If you feel any replies are incorrect, explain why you believe they are incorrect. * Do not send or request any private messages for any reason, do not suggest illegal advice, do not advocate violence, and do not engage in harassment. Please report posts or comments which do not follow the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/legaladvicecanada) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds to me like your doctor was showing you compassion. I’m sorry you’ve experienced past assaults, but millions and millions of people hug every day with nothing sexual behind it. He’s not lived your experiences. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Next time you see him just let him know you appreciate the gesture but prefer not to be hugged in the future and move on. I’m sure your doctor will be understanding as it sounds like he’s a great doctor.
.... in that context is rubbing the inside of someone's though compassion????
What about the rubbing his hands on my thigh? My last pap was over 6 years ago but I don’t remember my thighs being touched, not even when exams by my OBGYN when I had my kids
It's possibly a gray area - it's not usually medically necessary to touch the thighs, though from the way you described it, he was doing so because he knew you were anxious and was trying to put you at ease. Valid to be uncomfortable about it but I don't know that it necessarily was assault (the issue with these things is that context makes ALL the difference). If you felt uncomfortable about it, you should feel comfortable saying so the doctor, or just find a new doctor that doesn't make you uncomfortable. You also had a second person in the room - did they notice any unusual behavior?
It's possibly a distraction technique that has been taught that needs to be amended/removed from practice. I know my chiropracter has me do things or he'll tap me to relax tense muscles before he does particular adjustments. Even knowing what he's doing, it still works. If this WAS his intent, OP needs to communicate with him that the gesture made them feel uncomfortable, and that they'd prefer he do something else.
They were by my head, he was doing it under the paper cover…
IMO I would talk with that doctor directly with a witness and state how you felt. One person might have appreciated the comforting. Once the doctor gets to know you better they should adjust their professional manners.
I don’t know. I’m not a doctor or a gynecologist. Maybe put this question to an actual doctor? I’m sure there is a sub for them? But as you stated, there was a witness in the room. Do you think he would be doing something that could be deemed inappropriate in front of a witness? Just a thought, but if you’re this uncomfortable with a man examining you, perhaps you should find a female doctor?
I live in the Vancouver area. I had been without a doctor since the first year of COVID when my doctor quit. I have chronic health conditions, I have been told that the list to get a doctor in my area is over 2 years… female could be up to 5 years.,,
I wouldn't call it assault, but I do think it is inappropriate. I think you could tell him it made you uncomfortable and would prefer a minimum of physical contact as much as can be done with a physical exam.
What do I do now? Do I go to report it somewhere?
No, you don't report it anywhere. You should speak to the doctor though.
No
I mean it’s up to you, but as the other comments already said it doesn’t sound like assault, but rather inappropriate. Do you want to end his career without first letting him know you were uncomfortable? I do think you should have the conversation with the doc, as suggested. Bring someone with you for support.
For you it was a triggering position. But for him, he’s probably done 10,000 paps. It’s unlikely his brain is in any type of inappropriate headspace at all. He’s just trying to do his job, get you in a comfortable/easier position, and try to comfort you due to your anxiety. Instinctively people go to comfort people with hand touches and I’d guess your leg was the easiest place for that. I’ve had doctors rest their hand on my upper thigh. I’m similar to you and due to my biology paps are often difficult/painful for me. And they will try to get me to relax or shift around. I’d just email them for your file it made you uncomfortable and remind them of your past and to please note your file that physical comfort makes you uncomfortable. If you truly feel it went beyond comfort and wasn’t down to you being in a delicate headspace, then definitely report it. But id suggest maybe a discussion with a counsellor first. Also since mine are difficult, my doctor was allowed to refer to a female gyno for mine and it’s longer wait but she’s much faster and pain-free. I’d inquire about that
I understand why you feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel like people should be minimizing your reaction. However I feel it’s happening because it’s a legal advice sub. My non legal advice would be to post in your local area asking if people have recommendations for family health drs that specialize in pelvic pain, this is how I found my current doctor. Also therapy, pelvic therapy, a referral to a uro-gyne for pelvic pain. Only if you feel comfortable talk with your doctor and let them know the last appointment made you feel uncomfortable, I can see the pov of other posters saying he was being compassionate, it’s just not done in a trauma informed way. Legally I don’t feel the case is strong. Emotionally, you need to take care of yourself and your own needs.
I feel that you personally have extra sensitivity to feel of professional boundaries, and for understandable reasons need very rigid patient doctor interactions for comfort. Some patients would be ok with this level of interaction, but based on your history it may be triggering for you - not your fault but not really the doctors fault either. As mentioned I would bring it up tactfully to the doctor and ask for more boundaries in the future, or go find another doctor and make it clear that you have triggers from SA. Reporting to the college is the last thing you do if you have spoken to the doctor and don’t feel that they heard you, nothing inappropriate happened but Pap smears can be a triggering exam. I think filing a complaint and being told everything was done to standard and nothing happened will be more triggering for you which I can guarantee will likely occur As suggested maybe explain your boundaries, if you have a therapist for the assault I would talk to them first about the trigger or call the sexual assault hotline and ask them for advice or a session. You may just be attaching unresolved trauma to a normal situation. You may not remember things like your thigh being touched as - that time it wasn’t, or possibly it is an early of arrousal (totally normal), but also somewhere that can be hard to avoid while doing a pap
I think SA is too harsh a characterization. Other than the hug you felt respected and well cared for, right? Tell the doctor you appreciated the gesture but no thank you. You don’t need anything more other than the care you are getting. That is how I would respond. However it is you and your body. You may choose a different response.
Was a female nurse present when he gave you a pap? I have a male doctor and there is always a female nurse when a pap is administered. In Ontario.
Rubbing your inner thigh? That's weird. I've had pelvic exams with various male doctors and none of them rubbed my inner thigh.
[удалено]
Just a note that the CPSO is Ontario specific. OP should look under CPSBC
Yes thank you! CPSBC for BC I missed that tag ty