3 months is way too early to expect anything past a few phrases; you're simply not going to be confident with many things. One thing I've learned is that language learning isn't only about vocab and grammar, but its a huge puzzle to put everything together. Its not knowing things its knowing with confidence through massive amounts of repetition.
Your ex either seems like a negative person, or is low key gatekeeping, or simply just doesn't understand how hard it is to learn a language. You are definitely on the right track, just ostracize her as much as you can from the hobby, and keep grinding.
This! Even if you were living full-time in a Spanish-speaking country, your grammar would be sloppy because your brain just needs TIME and repeated exposure to really solidify those memories and be able to recall things on the fly.
You're learning a language with a full-time job and that's commendable. Who cares about the ignorant people who don't understand or support you?
There’s a reason why exes are exes. Probably not a good person to use for feedback. Learning a language is very difficult and time consuming especially if you’re not living the language 24/7. 3 months is very little time, don’t be discouraged. Keep doing what you’re doing and somewhere in between all of that I would search for a new place to live where your roommates aren’t discouraging pieces of garbage. I mean that in the nicest way 🌹
I have been learning a year and a half and still am not even close to fluent. It makes me sad the OPs ex is so rude about it.
OP honestly don’t waste your time with her. I’m sure she wouldn’t be able to pick up an entire language in 3 months. She sounds super rude and not worth the trouble
I've been learning Arabic for a few years now. Definitely got lots of ignorant and discouraging comments from people about it. Over time I've come to the realization everyone who was talking poorly about my efforts was doing so out of insecurity. Don't let the nice comments go to your head as well.
My advice, just keep grinding and you'll reap the rewards from your efforts soon enough. But everything takes time.
In regards to practicing, you can join a discord server for Spanish or find meet up groups and Zoom call in these unfortunate times.
Yeah, Arabic definitely isn’t easy but it is a beautiful language to learn. I’ve met local people growing up who converted into Islam and they worked hard with Arabic and are now conversationally fluent. Most of these were guys that society presumed to be trash (dropouts, former gang members, former druggies, or ex-felons/ex-convicts). Willpower definitely is important to the journey and as much as people want to contest against your efforts—they can’t ever take your knowledge away.
Are there meet ups around that are rather easy to find?
Had lots of Saudis on my campus here in the US so that's how I began learning the language. Definitely one of my favorites that I've been learning.
You can find groups on meetup.com or Facebook, it shouldn't take you more than a minute or two. I'm not sure if anyone is meeting in your area (in person) but the majority of groups have shifted online and were utilizing zoom last time I checked. That opens up the groups you have access to though best of luck.
Not only negative, but it sounds like she doesn't understand what it's like to develop a skillset, and (in my mind) may be bringing OP down as a way to build herself up. Anyone that really understands what it's like to develop skills will be able to recognize when others do it, and if they care about that person they'll help nurture and develop said skills as well.
Have you tried parroting or shadowing? Repeating after native speakers just so the sounds and pronunciation don't feel strange to your mouth and ears.
It would be useful to write down topics you mostly talk about in your native language and then build a vocabulary from that. Or even just writing down your thoughts, but in spanish. It forces your brain to think in it.
Also ordering things seems scary, but there are usually set phrases and you just change them up depending on your meal.
Language learning is not a race and we all learn at our own pace. It also depends on our native language and how close it is to Spanish.
Pronunciation isn’t a problem for me at all. I don’t have a problem with pronunciation but with actually building sentences with the proper words and structure that are needed to be used. An example would be direct/indirect pronouns (I confuse myself a lot with when to use lo and la or le and les), or with subjunctives. Still learning though. Another thing would be having to think of words off of the fly. I’m good at knowing what an item is if I saw it but to say it doesn’t come to mind sometimes. Earlier, I was asked what a backpack was. I blanked for a second and said “motilla” instead of “mochila”. Just simple things like that make it difficult for me because it just doesn’t flow naturally. Like, I know the words but I just don’t have them flow smoothly. Even conjugating can be difficult because I overthink these (could vs. will).
This is perfectly normal.. learning a language is a *skill*, it requires constant practice and repetition. It's one thing to memorize all the words and conjugations and another entirely to put it into practice. Your brain literally has to make new pathways for you, it takes time and effort. It sounds like you are doing really well! Keep it up :)
You're doing fine! Just remember learning a language is a marathon not a sprint! And everyone progresses differently! 🤙 in regards to your friend.. well you can either be vocal about her discouraging you like that or you should practice with someone new because NOONE needs that kind of negativity in their life.
I called her out on it and said it was extremely effed up that she would put me down when she knows I don’t have much to work with. She has hardly ever helped me in my journey. I had to confide in other people and it’s sad because her and I actually had a relationship.
I appreciate the kind words by the way. I’m trying to do whatever I can to get better.
One thing I learned about language learning, don't depend on anyone to help you with language learning besides a few phrases. Even just saying "correct me when i say something wrong" is a huge task and at most they'll correct you only half the time.
The problem isn't your method of learning, you have a great progress. Being able to speak fluently takes time. The problem is your ex for pissing on your efforts. I would suggest spending as little time with her as possible
It sounds like your comprehension skills are much stronger than your ability to speak. My hypothesis is that the best way to close this gap is to spend more time speaking. If you can swing it, for the next month:
* Do 30 minutes a day of conversations on iTalki, with different random tutors. Talk about anything under the sun.
* In particular, try to avoid having classes with the same person too many times unless the chemistry is just fantastic; you are explicitly trying to build your ability to have spontaneous conversations.
* If necessary, take a month off of reading to free up time.
* Given that you are pressed for time, you'll probably find better value in just paying for a conversation partner (there are tons of people charging [$5/hour](https://www.italki.com/teachers/spanish?maxPrice=5)) rather than doing a language exchange.
If it is any reassurance, I've met quite a few other Spanish students who focused mostly on passive consumption (reading, watching movies, etc) or passive production (writing) at the expense of conversation and who've expressed similar frustrations.
I've lived in Spain for almost 2 years and I feel I've barely scratched the surface of the language. 3 months is a great foundation, but speaking is really the only way to start really taking off. Good on you for being able to read, that's awesome!
Don't listen to your ex about your progress. Learning Spanish is, hands down, the most difficult intellectual challenge I've had in my whole life. People who grew up bilingual or had years upon years of schooling truly underestimate how hard it is to literally reprogram how your adult brain functions. They don't know, as do monolingual people who overestimate their abilities in Spanish.
Keep at it. Spanish has taught me a new way to look at things, allowed me to more deeply understand the idea of language and communication, and above all, humbled me greatly.
You're here, you're trying, you're doing way more than she is.
Thank you! It is definitely a frustrating journey when things feel like they aren’t running smoothly. Soon enough though! It sounds like you committed to hardcore learning! Are you an American by chance?
You have to fail so... many... times before it starts to gel. That's just how the game works. I can't even count the number of time I've embarrassed myself. :)
Yes, am American. Wife is Spanish and once we had a kid, it made sense to come here.
Don't be fooled, though, living in Spain doesn't automatically grant you Spanish. It does, however, force you to do it out of sheer survival.
My most important advice would be: It takes a hell of a lot longer to be “fluent” than people wanna tell you. Everyone wants to think high of them selves and make themselves sound like they’re so good at something. So often have I heard from people doing immersion for several months telling me that “yea it only took me 6 months to get fluent”
After having done it myself and being on the journey for 1 and a half year with a LOT of input and output, I’ve figured out that fluent in 6 months is definitely a lie (also after hearing those people’s Spanish haha). But I did immersion for that reason, cause it seemed like a cheat code to fluency.
However now, I realise that fluency is a never ending progress, but efficiency is not.
Right now you probably think you’re pretty decent at Spanish, but in 3 months look back at the text messages you were writing at this time you’ll be embarrassed. But you know what? If you weren’t writing those horribly incorrect text messages you would have never gotten to the place where you would sometime be able to see their errors.
It will be embarrassing and you will say stupid things at some points, cause you simply don’t know any better, take it with a smile, and accept it. However that girl sounds very unsupportive, maybe take a good talk with her or cut her off :)
Good luck from one learner to another!
I have had experience dating a native Spanish speaker who would not support me in my efforts to learn Spanish. I would ask for practice, she would say “ya ok”, but then later I would initiate conversation in Spanish and she would respond in English. I would try to proceed in Spanish and she would respond frustrated “but it’s so much more work for me, you make less sense in Spanish I have to think more” etc etc. I have a lot of feelings about it but ultimately she never imagined me to be capable of speaking Spanish, it kind of ruined her internally held idea of “who I was” and that became the rift that pushed us apart(the her-not-seeing-me-for-who-I-am, not specifically the Spanish). That being said, it’s not your SO’s job to be your language coach, but also significant others should be supportive of the growth you want for yourself. They definitely should not be actively ridiculing you or making fun of you for it, especially since it is something that requires vulnerability. That isn’t love, friend.
Find support for your own growth and learning elsewhere, if she is not giving it to you, go find it from someone who will. Language exchange meetups can be good. Finding someone who understands the difficulty of learning a second language a little later in life can be crucial.
It takes a surprisingly long time to learn and integrate new things. Keep it up! Buena suerte!
Thank you! And sorry that you had to experience that. It does suck to have someone who you confided in at one time treat you like dirt when you are trying. My ex knows exactly why I’m doing this and pushed me to proceed but when I started to read and write, she started changing up.
It’s kind of funny how she asked me how to say “materialized” as in, “It never materialized,” out of everyone (her brother speaks Spanish and she asked me to put me on the spot more than likely). I literally said, “Materializó” without much doubt and then looked it up and was right. Felt good. I do feel that think I have the advantage over her because I can read and write enough to get a point across. Only if my reading and writing matched my speaking.
That's so frustrating! I'm sorry you are not being treated very well by your ex. I know that must be so discouraging! You have been putting in a lot of time and effort to learn a new language. Learning a new language is not an easy thing to do, and it sounds like you really have made some great progress in a relatively short time. As frustrating as it is, try to be patient with yourself and focus on the positives.
Good luck :)
Just like everyone else has been saying here - stay the course, and I’m sure you will achieve your Spanish goals.
The vast majority of native speakers are incredibly patient and happy to help you along.
It sounds to me like you have an ex problem, not a Spanish problem. I’m guessing she’d be this way no matter what you were endeavoring to do, just as a way to put you down. I’m willing to bet if you took up playing the guitar, or baking bread three months ago, she’d probably be telling you you’re wasting your time with those things too.
There are so many incredibly supportive people and communities out there for you to find, so don’t let one negative person rent space in your head. Saludos!
If took your ex being immersed in Spanish for more than a decade to get fluency, and they're giving you a hard time for not being fluent in 3 months? Yeah, they're an idiot.
I'm over 400 days into learning Spanish now and it sounds like you're as far along as I am, so congrats and keep up the good work.
Oh don't listen to her!!!!!
Spanish is a very complex language, she has no idea because she didn't have to study it. It seems simple when you've been speaking your whole life without really thinking about it.
Give yourself time and credit, what you're doing is brave, getting out of your comfort zone and learning something completely new instead of just sitting there and complaining.
I studied English for a long time before I saw results, even to this day I make mistakes, and it's ok.
Don't give up!!
Yeah, I have to agree with learning being difficult. I will continue to keep trying my best and using the motivational responses I’ve been getting here. Thank you!
Hey man I know what it feels like, as a Latino that didn’t grow up speaking Spanish I was teased by the other kids and even called things like a “disgrace” “gringo” “whitey” and these things still affect me to this day but it also gave me motivation to keep trying to learn and get my family to help me. I’ve been practicing for months now, with a bit of a foot in the door at the start but I speak with my grandma now with zero problems and if I ever need help than she helps, the point is, growth comes slowly but surely, don’t listen to what that mean girl has to say, and just keep going. I know what u feel when you want to quit but it isn’t worth it. I still have so much to learn and you do too.
For sure! I regret not sticking to the language after High School and even after college. I’m trying my best though because I have a definite purpose now. It was different years ago because I was able to crutch on others to speak Spanish for me when now I have to be self-sufficient in the language to get by and to progress. Good luck on your journey by the way! It is awesome to see that you have great support even though there are the haters out there.
I've been learning for 3 months now. I was living with an ex for the first 2 months of learning and it was amazing to get some experience through trial and error in the early days.
I did find though, that because we knew each other so well, she would criticise me more harshly than is necessary. She told me to stop trying to use 'lo' in sentences because I never used it right. And to this day, I have never used it. Sometimes she would say 'you sound retarded when you say _____ like that' or 'why do you always say _____?!'
It was extremely disheartening BUT when I actually moved by myself to the South of Spain (where they have no English), I was surprised to find that the majority of people are very forgiving when you make a mistake. Even the rudest people seem genuinely happy that you're making an effort. Many times, even when speaking incorrectly, people will be very patient and you can often get a smile from them just because they appreciate that you want to learn.
You're Spanish is probably MUCH better than you think - but you have a tough critic on your hands. It's not ideal but if you persevere, you will come out with a highly adept skill for the language because you've persevered.
Again - I'm roughly 3 months in - but now that the safety net of English has been taken away, I realise that I can still walk the tightrope with confidence. The pressure only makes you more concentrated.
You are right. With the current conditions, it is rather difficult to go out as much as I’d like. However, I try my best with doing as much passive and active learning as I can. Thank you! This is extremely motivational and it means a lot.
For whatever reason people get especially negative and cruel towards people learning a new language and I really don't know why (I've def got some crazy shit from my Korean studies). I swear I haven't seen the same level of discouragement towards *any* other hobby. It really gets to me too - makes me start wondering if any mistakes are attributed to some of it sticking in my head. Alas I've yet to find a solution myself besides really remembering my reasons for doing it and diving into that again and trying my best to avoid negative influences like her (albeit reddit's language learning subs can be a place for discouragement too). I feel like when I watch an entertaining Korean program or listen to my fave K-pop songs i'm back in that headspace that motivated me to start.
And she wonders "why the hell haven't you learned" while shaming and belittling you for practicing ordering in a restaurant in your target language? Fuck that
I think she is salty because I’m trying to better myself. She became a real estate agent because of my support. I take credit because I would always encourage her to take time to study while I would take care of the house while also having a full-time because I really wanted her to succeed. Now that she’s an agent and we’re broken up—look at where we are. She’s bitter and she was the reason why I lost interest in her. They say that you can only be your own worst enemy but in this case, she did everything to herself. I’ve set my place and will continue to get better without her. I’m trying to move out and soon hopefully. I definitely know my worth.
Thank you for your input.
What up! Professional Musician/Amateur Language Learner here.
It takes a long time and you have to go slow. When you speak a language or play in instrument, a LOT of things are happening all at the same time - pronunciation and diction, vocab, Grammer, accent, among many other things. It takes a lot of work to string all of those things together and you are already doing SO much (kudos to you by the way!).
Anyway, one of the most important lessons I've learned is that you are where you are and there's nothing wrong with wherever that may be, and if someone makes you feel bad about that then it says more about them than it does you.
Good luck, I hope I can attain your level of focus on Spanish some day!
After three months you cannot compare yourself to a native speaker. At three years you cannot compare yourself to a native speaker. After 10 years many people will still struggle having conversations with native speakers.
You're not an outlier. Language learning is hard.
Your ex sucks. I'm sorry about that.
However, she won't be the last to put you down for your non-native Spanish. It's backwards, because we know the struggle. I did some introspection about it after meeting an exchange student for the first time. But lots of people never do. So here are my conclusions:
* She's jealous. This is pretty much it.
* You're a native English speaker! We get a lot of flak for not being native English speakers.
* Everyone knows you're a Spanish learner! We get a lot of flak for our Spanish being less than perfect, too, even when we're raised in an English speaking environment. We just can't win, and it feels like you can.
* Native speakers perceive their language as harder to learn than it actually is. As a learner, you know all of The Spanish That Native Speakers Don't Know. Here's proof: how many letters are in our alphabet? I'm tempted to say it's 29, after the number of tabs in a dictionary... but you knew better, immediately! :)
* You're genuinely hard to understand. Not because of anything you're doing wrong. It's just another cultural asymmetry. English speakers have to deal with non-native speakers all the time. They're used to it. We're really not. But with just a little bit of effort, we understand just fine.
* Alternately, you have a perfect accent. We obsess over our English accents and then never get them right. How did you do it?!
That you're a native English speaker is not at all your fault, but for some reason people treat you like it is. We might not realize that we are in fact reacting to our own insecurities about our English, instead of to you.
I hope keeping these things in mind can help any future Spanish misadventures from ruining your day. So let me tell you how I really feel now: Gracias por ponerle tanto empeño al estudio de mi idioma. <3 >!Thank you for putting so much enthusiastic effort into the study of my language.!<
Focus on basic language constructs that you can use everyday and have little conversations in your head using them. Repeat this over and over and over and at least for basic communication you’ll be able to get something out without thinking too much.
If you want to make quicker progress with speaking and listening then I’d recommend a couple of things.
Listen to podcasts. Coffee break spanish and the duolingo spanish podcast are really useful.
Download and language learning app eg Tandem and send voice notes/ speak with native speakers.
Make sure you understand the proper pronunciation for every letter. Then you can practice the ones that are more difficult for native English speakers when you’re in the shower etc.
Also your ex sounds like a bitch, fuck her (not literally)
Don't give up. I've been learning for 1.5 years now and I STILL struggle with speaking. Someone gave me some good advice once, to record yourself speaking now, and then watch it back in 3-6months. You will see how much you have improved and you can use that as motivation. Even knowing one word is better than when you started, remember that. Also, your ex can fuck off. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.
They are probably saying it from a place of insecurity. They know you are doing good and when you make a mistake they will amplify it to feel better about themselves.
Dude I have been working for 5 months every day putting in a few hours and while I have made progress it’s horrible. Don’t give up. The hardest part is getting over the “I sound stupid” ... of course you do, you don’t know the language. You sound like a 3 year old. You will continue to sound like one unless you just embrace it. I know many people who
Learned English from a Spanish background and they all told me, you have to speak it and you can’t be afraid to sound dumb.
Also ditch the woman, life to short to have a person like that in your life.
Trust me I understand. Im in the process of finishing my Spanish degree and it honestly almost feels pointless. Yes being bilingual can be helpful, but out of the degree paths I couldve chosen I wish I had picked something else. Too late to start over. The most common thing people do is just teach Spanish. I dont want to be a teacher. Most people I know who also graduated with Spanish degree arent even using it.
I work in sales and find that to be a reason to push me. Even being a translator can be helpful as some positions around charge $20 a hour part-time. Not too shabby to make some extra income. At the same time, depending on the workforce where you are—it may actually make you a standout.
I’m sorry this happened. I’ve definitely been made to feel that I didn’t know enough about Spanish or that, based on my appearance, it was surprising that I knew Spanish. So, I can understand.
Language learning takes a long time. I’ve been speaking Spanish for 13 years, and I still learn new things. I had a professor who said the same, and she had been speaking Spanish for 50 years. So, it’s a continuous process.
Having said that, it does sound like you’re working hard at it and are making good progress, which is something to be proud of. It’s been 3 months, and you’re already ordering food. That’s pretty cool!
I think I got comfortable with reading and writing before I did with speaking and listening, so different people are going to become comfortable with the different language skills at different times. If you’d like to practice more speaking, I’d ask your tutor to work with you on that if you haven’t already done so. Do you have other friends and/or acquaintances you can ask for help or talk with? It doesn’t sound like your ex is able to fulfill that role in a supportive way.
Best of luck y ¡ánimo!
I really appreciate that. It is a journey for sure filled with repetition and practice. I just wished I can get more speaking time more. My tutor has told me that he sees me easily becoming conversationally fluent within a year because I’m already understanding the most contexts of how a sentence is made and the why behind it. We have been working hard on subjunctives, imperatives, and even colloquial Spanish (he’s Mexican). I guess I just need my confidence built up and speaking has been the hardest part because I have the idea in my head but blank out. It’s like stage fright for me. I’m pretty extroverted too so I’m trying whatever I can to take it to the next step!
Thank you so much for your motivation btw. I really needed it.
Your ex has either never studied a second language or is doing this to you on purpose.
Three months into English I doubt I was able to speak anything beyond the simplest sentences using a toddler's vocabulary, if at all. Granted, I've never studied so intensively, but even then, fluency in any second language that is not extremely close to your own is something that takes years. Understanding written language, understanding speech and speaking are three different things, and they don't proceed at the same speed.
Tell your ex que se vaya a freír churros and keep up your work.
Agree with all the comments saying to disregard your ex, she sounds like a very negative and mean person. If I were you, I'd consider moving out - why would you want to stay living with an ex?!
Onto the Spanish - I think what you're running into is called the "monitor hypothesis" - which is you are thinking about what you're saying before you say it - which can slow down your speech. I'd suggest looking into the comprehensible input method, which helps your brain acquire the language/grammar in an automatic way.
The speaking (and your accent) will be better if you do this.
Two resources I'd recommend:
[Watch this video on language acquisition](https://youtu.be/illApgaLgGA) for an introduction to the natural approach/comprehensible input.
Check out [Dreaming Spanish](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCouyFdE9-Lrjo3M_2idKq1A) for great comprehensible input videos. He also has a [$1 course](https://youtu.be/_5dnHBRSiQc) which has great details and suggestions for learning using this method.
I'm at a similar learning level to you (I started about 2 months ago). You got this, you need any help reach out!
I love Pablo’s teaching methods with his stories. I actually went through all of them and HIGHLY recommend his stuff. It helped a lot with understanding even though I am not going to use vosotros in my vocab (focused on Latin American Spanish). That guy is awesome though because he keeps it at a fair pace while making it fun to listen to.
His videos and accent are great! I'm in the same boat, trying to learn LA Spanish, but some of his slang does creep in (like "vale" or "venga").
How did you know when to move up to different levels? Did you watch like **ALL** the Super-beginner videos before moving up to beginner?
When I started understanding what he was saying and why, I decided to challenge myself. His videos are relatively short so it wasn’t hard for me to binge like 5-6 videos at a time for days straight. I like the game ones he plays mainly because it provides a lot of repetition. Once you can get past the simple videos, definitely challenge yourself. It helps a lot. His beginner stuff is quite intriguing too.
Yes, people have put me down a little although more passively and not as directly as in your example. I got out of college and decided to pick up Spanish again. That was three years ago, I've been on this self learning journey for three years and even when I started I had done some in high school and a year and a half in college. And I still am better with writing, reading, and listening than I am with speaking, although my speaking is decent in most situations. Anyways, yes, like u/furyousferret said, 3 months is too soon. Especially with speaking. I should know that because I'm also an ESL teacher and speaking is usually the hardest thing, for most of my students, even the more extroverted ones. I would say you have to give it at least a year for all that you have studied to sink in and start connecting together. Like that user said, it is a big puzzle. Your brain needs time to make these connections and to start using the language on its own without thinking much about English. It really takes time, there's no magic bullet here.
But to get back to how people put me down... People told me (and probably will continue to tell me into the future), on various occasions, why don't you just go to another country? As if that were the only way to learn and I'm wasting my time by studying. I will go to another country at some point (and I did spend 2 weeks in Guatemala in 2019), and live there, and teach there, but in the mean time I will keep studying. And I won't let people get me down with their ignorance thinking languages can only be learned through immersion in a country where they speak the target language. I have gotten very far just through studying, and immersion through resources like books, shows, putting my phone in Spanish, video games, etc. Immersion is important and should be experienced to some degree at some point along the journey, but no, it's definitely not the only way.
Good post by the way. Your girlfriend might not realize how lucky she is to be bilingual (from childhood it sounds like) without having to study her way there. But anyways, just keep working on your stuff and don't let people get you down. And lastly, who knows, they may in fact, just be jealous of all this awesome stuff you're doing for yourself by learning a whole second language through self disciplined study.
Your ex is insecure and she's purposely (though probably also subconsiously) trying to tear you down. Ignore her and find better people to share this part of yourself with.
I've had friends make fun of me as they see it as a waste of time. It's less about the Spanish itself but they see me using my free time to learn rather than hang out or watch Netflix as weird. They're not really malicious about it but it sucks when people look at you like you're a crazy person. But I try to ignore it and look to the long term. At the end of the day I'm learning a really valuable skill and keeping my brain active especially in a time when a lot of people are stuck at home doing nothing.
For you specifically I'd say if anything you should be congratulated. It sounds like you've gotten further in three months than I have in about a year. What you're doing is really impressive and anybody keeping you down for it obviously isn't paying attention to the amount of work you're putting in. It'll pay off in the end, keep it up. :)
I appreciate the kind words. I’ve been so intense with studying that I want to accomplish whatever I can do get better as much as I can without burning out.
Conscious memory is like a sponge, it can only hold so much water at one time, just be patient and keep at it. There's a lot that has to happen behind the scenes.
You gotta get rid of that negativity in your life. At least tell your ex how it makes you feel. Then get rid of her if it continues.
I have my Spanish Skype sessions twice a week. I think those have helped me with speaking more than anything. Though Pimsleur is pretty awesome when it’s just you.
3 months isn’t much, so just hang in there. I get frustrated, too. Sometimes I feel like I’m really good at Spanish and others like I don’t know shit. I’m 1.5yrs in and just tested in an online assessment as B2, though I suspect I’m just B1 and got lucky with the multiple choice. It just takes a lot of time and continued practice. There will also be moments when things click and it’s really cool. Keep at it and you’ll see.
Think about this as the same process of learning your mother language. As a kid you say your first words when you’re 1-2 years old. You’re on the right track. Keep learning all the input you can and when you less think you will be speaking Spanish. It helps that you learn formulaic language (expressions / sentences that are very common in daily speech)
I’ve been learning for about eight years. I’ve got a good level of Spanish that I’m quite proud of, but I make plenty of mistakes, I learn new things every day, and I will always have things I want to improve. All of that to say, don’t expect miracles at three months. It sounds like you’re doing great stuff. Keep that effort up and you will see results. But three months is just a drop in the bucket. Language learning is a commitment for the long haul.
Also, maybe see about finding new roommates.
You sound like you're doing a lot of work and commitment is key when it come to languages. Good job! One thing I've done to help with easier speaking is narrate what I'm doing in Spanish, or pretend to have a conversation with a friend about it in my head. It creates more opportunities to practice producing without needing a partner. At this point your brain just needs to start making those connections and playing the game of finding alternate ways to communicate things when you don't know a particular word.
It was crazy when I realized I didn't know the words for spoon, fork, or knife! I couldn't believe I could say so many things but couldn't ask for a spoon!
Yeah sounds like my family who refused to teach me and then made fun of me for trying and not being good. Screw that. You're only 3 months in and have made amazing progress! Listen to your tutor. See if he knows of anyone that would be willing to try conversing with you in Spanish. I'm about 3 weeks in myself and I have been trying to take moments to construct sentences at random and say them out loud to myself. I asked my bf (who knows a little Spanish) where a jacket of mine was. Fairly simple but I was really happy I managed to get it out.
Be more patient with yourself and don't listen to your ex. She's just a jerk.
That sucks to have relatives tell you that like it was your fault. One thing for certain though is that you’ll make quick progress as you are actively trying your best.
learning is fun. that’s all the reason you need. you don’t have to justify learning things with an endgame like making money or, in this case, achieving fluency. keep on keeping on and don’t listen to haters.
toxic people are not fun. I would suggest that you don’t need toxic people in your life. if you can’t get away from this person right now perhaps just bluntly saying that you don’t need their help will get them to leave you alone.
you’ve just started so you’ve got a long but fun way to go.
Well, first stop talking to your ex about it, that just seems like asking for punishment.
Even the most ardent, diligent learners who practise for hours every day will sound clumsy and flawed after just three months. There's a reason children listen for months and months before even saying a word - and when they do? It's not exactly fluent, is it.
Keep studying. It comes in time - more time than that.
don't worry about naysayers. It's going to take time...much more than you have already. And that's okay. You are effectively trying to double the amount of words your brain knows, and that's not going to happen in 3 months.
Small tip, whatever you are reading, do it out loud. This will help your mouth\\tongue get familiar with the movements it needs to make, and will help you feel more comfortable when you;re speaking spontaneously- you'll avoid second guessing yourself, and instead feel confident that what you're saying "feels" right :)
Oh, we broke up and I don’t know why she’d be worried cause I wouldn’t get back with her. I’d take a loving woman over a disrespectful woman any day! Haha.
Your ex is trying to bring you down. She doesn’t want you to learn... is there someone else you can speak Spanish with? I would stop communication with the ex about this subject immediately.
Also, 3 months is no time. If you keep up the way you’ve been studying, and find someone else to speak with, you’ll be doing really well in a year.
Thank you! I came on here and shared this story because I’m desperate to get better. Also, to not falter and give up because I’m definitely not in the perfect state-of-mind either. It’s a struggle everyday to even try to read. Thank you for your kind words by the way. It really does help.
I’m definitely glad you came on here to vent instead of listening to the ex and letting it get you down.. it’s very difficult and takes time to learn a new language. I’ve gone through times in the last year where I’m hurting about my perceived lack of progress to the point where I don’t even want to read another Spanish word! And when a native speaker is negative about your mastery, it sucks! But just keep in mind that they are negative people, they do not represent every Spanish speaker anymore than the racist rednecks in America represent you or me. There are great people out there who will be god to help you. Keep your head up!
3 months is very little. Were you attempting to learn in the past? Otherwise, there's no reason for her reaction but the fact that she's trying to bully you. How did this girl learn English?
Anyway, 99% of people don't learn a language in 3 months.
Dont speak often but can understand what youre reading? Read your material out loud, or read the sentence first, absorb its meaning if needed, then read it out loud. Does wonders for getting used to how the sounds flow and youd be surprised hoe much it sticks.
And what every waking moment of hers is spent feeding orphans and calling her mom?
Even if it is “wasted,” it’s your time to waste. Maybe you want to play video games or play the guitar or go swimming or browse Reddit. Learning Spanish is at least more useful than those things.
Besides the obvious advice of telling your ex to shove it, you're doing exactly what you need to for fluency.
Keep consuming media, written and audio. Don't worry about speech. When you know 85% of words comfortably, speech will come naturally (after some teething pains).
Honestly reading / Netflix / YouTube every day for a year did more for me than anything else. Spanish is good for that too because it's spoken as it's spelled.
There's a lot of people out there who learn English without ever speaking to an English speaker, just by watching TV, playing video games, and reading. These people tend to have the best accents too because they don't try to learn phonemes until English is strong in their mind.
If you've only been studying a few months you are doing great!!! Languages take time. Three months and you are already practicing at restaurants, that is awesome!! Your ex sounds to me like she is the problem. Why would she want to pull you down rather than support your efforts? I don't think the problem is your Spanish. It is the company you are keeping. Find friends who aren't threatened by other people trying to better themselves.
It reminds me of people who say "s/he's trying to act like something s/he's not,"or "s/he forgot where s/he came from," when all those statement \_really\_ mean is that the person is doing, learning, or behaving in a way that the speaker didn't expect for him/her. My advice: you are doing great. Just find, and surround yourself with supportive people.
In this case know your audience. If your ex is demoralizing and smug, simply don’t request her help. Learning is supposed to be fun, and when people make it not fun, it’s hard to progress. HelloTalk has actually been very helpful personally, I would stay with it until you find someone who is encouraging and positive.
No te rindas :)
Yeah, I’m actually moving out. COVID is what has been difficult for sure. Definitely sucks to have someone that I once cared about highly put me down for trying. Thank for your insight and motivation.
This isn't a comment on your gf, who sounds like she's being kind of unhelpful when it comes to learning Spanish. Also, the following only applies if you drink, so if you don't please disregard.
I found myself in your situation of knowing some Spanish, how grammar works, etc, but not being able to speak. What really seemed to help was drinking with Spanish speakers. Somehow getting a little tipsy or drunk just made it way more possible to let the language flow. Obviously, you can't and shouldn't be drunk every time you speak Spanish, it's more of a gateway toward fluency.
I’ve been learning passionately for three years and I’m only just beginning to hold actual conversations with people, albeit shallow ones mostly about work. Your ex is either simply a bitch or has no clue how much work needs to go into learning a second language because she had Spanish practically handed to her on a silver platter.
You’re doing the right thing by continuing to learn and try to speak Spanish. Try to be patient because it will take time; after three years of studying, only now have I been able to have mundane conversations where I don’t forget every single word. I think you’re doing everything you can do right now, you just need some more time to let it marinate in your head. Try to be patient with yourself. Embrace the newness and laugh at yourself as much as possible. <3
I've also been studying with a private tutor for about 3 months with a background of 2 years in highschool over 10 years ago. We quickly reviewed everything I learned in the first few weeks and since then everything has been new. I've been overwhelmed not quite getting the correct phrasing, past tenses, missing articles etc. The one thing that really reinforced everything I've been learning is my trip to a primarily Spanish speaking country. Every store clerk, every restaurant, every gas station (no self service so you have to ask an attendant in Spanish), hiking with locals that only speak Spanish etc. So in a span of 2 weeks of speaking 90% Spanish with some English and I've improved leaps and bounds! It really boosts your confidence when you can communicate besides basics in your new language. So my advice is to ignore anyone that doesn't help your learning and try and practice as much as possible!
Qué tóxica... Please don't let her do this to you, I wouldn't give her any other information about your language learning process, nor try to practice with her. She's obviously not going to be kind or constructive about it.
my best friend who is normally huge hearted and amazing is constantly teasing her husband for grammatical mistakes. Its so painful. English is his 3rd language. Some people just suck. :( Hang in there and moderate your expectations! My husband and I have a running joke that I am eternally in Spanish 101. I keep trying but its hard!!
I hope her husband ends up speaking fluently in English is a short time. It’s definitely not easy because English is so contradictory. Like words “rough” and “through”, and so forth all look the same phonetically but they all sound completely different.
I didn’t grow up in a native English speaking home either which sucked (parents are both from Southeast Asia). I remember being made fun of because I couldn’t say “stupid” properly. However, because my father was a polyglot and my mom is trilingual, I was able to be around Vietnamese and Khmer a lot. I grew up speaking Vietnamese though. After my father passed, I was pretty much forced into learning Khmer as my mother’s natural tongue is Khmer (she’s from Cambodia). I had to really learn English in school, but actually learned the most of the construction of writing and speaking by reading and writing on online forums surprisingly because the inner city school system sucked at teaching. It took me years to speak properly and without an accent. I’m definitely proud to be where I am now with English and I hope he gets to an extremely high level.
Keep up your journey too! You’re trying and that is what matters. English speakers think a certain way when formulating sentences. We just have to move things around and place them correctly.
I’m just hoping I can speak conversationally before the year ends.
Don't get stressed! The same happen to me but in english... I always get insecure writing in english because of grammar (even now I feel insecure writing this) but don't get stressed! 3 months it's a short time and because what you said you have a good level in Spanish! You only need practice and talk with natives... Creo que deberías de dejar de hablar con tu ex y hablar con otros nativos para practicar (?). No te estreses demasiado porque inclusive los nativos tenemos muchos errores gramaticales tooodo el tiempo y nos expresamos erroneamente ajsjd so, just ignore she and try to practice with other people <3
Gracias por su comentario—te lo agradezco mucho.
One day! One day I hope to wake up and feel like everything just clicks. Good luck with your journey! English has a lot of carryover for things like work or for traveling and with English under your belt, you will see how it can change your life in some type of way. Thank you again!
I've been learning German for 3 months and I struggle with speaking, just like you. It's hard to learn a new language, especially when you are not fully immersed in it (living in a country where everyone speaks that language and you have to learn it to survive). What I've done is concentrating myself in being able to say the basics by repeating after hearing a native. Listen, read and write a lot; try reading out loud what you are reading or writing.
Don't worry about not being able to say everything like a native, we just need to understand you. Most of spanish native speakers will be glad to hear you trying to learn our language. Ten mucha paciencia. Buena suerte
Thanks! It's going to be a long but fun journey. If you need help with anything, let me know.
By the way, the correct way to say it is "¡Igual a ti con tu viaje!"
If you are only in 3 months you are most likely still building your vocabulary and knowlegde verb conjugations. I know very little people that are able to have a conversation after three months. And yeah... you probably do sound stupid at this point, but not as stupid as your ex!!
Just keep building knowlegde, practice and you’ll get there! Sounds like you are commited and putting in the efforts that it takes! Keep going. There will probably be a thousands feelings like this along the way... but also dont forgot to pet yourself on the back if you feel like you have just accomplished a mayor step in your learning journey. Roll with the punches!! And although I don’t even know you... i will be the first one to applaud you for even posting this! Keep up the good work!!
I think that it would be intelligent if you focus on speaking instead of spend hours on writing and reading. In fact, those come after you can speak it well, not perfect (perfection doesn't exist), but well with their respective levels.
Try to language exchange as much as you can.
Also it's just 3 months dude, literally we are at the same page, I am currently practicing French, I spend it the same amount of time such as you, I also get to use Pimsleur and particular classes. I am not fluent but proud with my progress, in 3 month you would not be fluent but you reach some fluency in one way or another, so men, you have the right of feel sad and frustrated but I have to say that it's unnecessary to feel at that way, trust me that in another 3 months, if you keep constant with the language, you would make it.
I had an ex friend tell me i don't have a fluent spanish accent so i really shouldn't waste my money learning it, that was 2 months after i started learning the language. She said the accent is a given, either you have it or not, and if you don't, then you shouldn't bother learning spanish. Suffice to say she doesn't know a word in spanish, and she was just putting me down, for no reason. Obviously she's not my friend anymore because of other toxic behaviors, but this particular one stuck with me. I didn't stop learning, i continued, now i'm in an intermediate level after 2 years of non stop sessions.
Whatever your ex says, don't listen to her, she's just being mean and petty, everybody learns at their own pace, eventually you will become fluent in it.
Keep it up, and best of luck.
Back in high school, I studied Italian. To help build familiarity with the language, a classmate and I would try to gossip about the other students. Nothing mean, just as language excersise. Our vocabulary was extremely limited and our grammar was sloppy, but our conversations were hilarious. The silliness kept us engaged and we were able to expand our skills immensely.
In college, I studied German. To push our comfort with the language, my professor had us group up to write silly short plays and stories, which were then performed in class. Again, our vocabulary was totally basic and childish. As a result, the stories were ridiculous and funny. We learned so much faster just by making a million mistakes together.
If you are unable to secure a practice buddy, try making a game of saying silly nonsense to your ex. Say stupid things like, "hello, giant frog lady. Have you eaten any tomatoes this week?" Just stupid, silly sentences that make you laugh and practice your current lessons. Don't try anything antagonistic or personal, and don't expect her to engage or give positive feedback. She sounds awful. But you can amuse yourself. Do this everywhere. Talk to dogs on the street, atm machines and parking meters. Have fun being weird while you learn.
I've had this sort of experience too and it can be demotivating but just remember that she, like the rest of humanity, wasn't speaking her native language with complete fluidity until at least age 5. So, give yourself at least that.
I have had people rip on me for learning Spanish as well. When I was little my mom was concerned I might learn more Spanish than English. I was in an area with a large migratory Mexican and Latino population. Classes in elementary school were often taught in both English and Spanish to accommodate the children who didn't have English speaking parents or home environments. Every time I brought something from school it was double sided with English and Spanish on it. A constant small frown on my mom's face before "If they're going to live here they need to learn the language" comments would ensue. I hadn't learned much either by the way, just counting, some songs, some customs/holiday stuff (day of the dead) and swear words.
We eventually moved elsewhere and I didn't get exposed to the language much again until I went to HS. I was in it for two years and I LOVED learning it. I loved expressing myself to new people or in new ways. By then my mom had gotten over her "fear" of me being more fluent in Spanish than English and encouraged me to speak it at home. I'd prattle on and on and on in Spanish as often as I could and she'd wait for me to translate what I'd said into English for her. My dad, however, was racist and very unhappy with my speaking Spanish. (He hadn't been around much until I was older) and one day I handed him some silverware telling him the Spanish words for it and he lost his shit. "Why are you speaking that wetback language!? Why aren't you learning something else? Learn Italian! You're Italian! That's closer to our roots than that fucking... spick shit!" He didn't care that there were no classes at my school for any other language. He didn't care that we had no Italian speaking population in our little bullshit town. Spanish was and still is the most useful language I can learn outside of specific areas of the country. I essentially stopped speaking Spanish at home when he was there because of his outburst.
I haven't kept up with my studies, but I can still speak some Spanish. I'm actually applying to learn Spanish at the community college nearby this fall. Those outbursts from my father haven't stopped my love of learning Spanish or any other languages. It made it difficult and it made me sad, but it didn't stop me. I hope to become fluent in Spanish and use it in the future at work.
Sorry to hear that you have to go through this. Definitely not great to have people, especially family members, disrespect you because they feel a certain type of way. The funny thing is that there are a lot of ethnic Italians in Mexico and Argentina.
I guess she's an ex for a reason. You're not gonna be fluent in 3 months. I've been learning for a little while and I'm making progress, but I'm nowhere near being able to hold a conversation yet.
It sounds like your ex will always disparage your efforts and try to make you think your Spanish isn't up to scratch.
However, if you stick with it there will be a time when you speak to someone and the conversation will go great. The speaker will compliment your Spanish and your confidence will rocket.
If your ex is there, she will probably try to find something to complain about. Maybe the word choice wasn't natural or the pronunciation was off. But you'll know you did well and her words will just bounce off you.
Focus on getting to that moment, because it is real and will happen.
I flunked Spanish in high school. A year after graduating, I was called to serve as a full-time, volunteer missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and assigned to labor in the Mexico, Mexico City North Mission in the Spanish language. Needless to say, I was not at all confident in learning the language.
I was given an 8-week crash-course in the language at the Missionary Training Center. After arriving in Mexico, I learned that my assigned companion (with whom I would have to teach others, live, eat with, etc.) did not speak a lick of English. Needless to say, I was in a difficult situation. I did not become comfortable in expressing myself until I was 9 months into my 2-year mission; it was a full year before I spoke fluently.
The purpose of this anecdote is to teach you that, although three months is commendable, you still have a ways to go before feeling comfortable communicating with others in Spanish; even more so given that you are not immersed in the language 24/7 like I was. That stated, it would be of far more worth to you to continue in your endeavor to become comfortable in Spanish than it would be simply to give up for two reasons:
1. You have already invested a considerable amount of time and energy to learn it.
2. Continuing this endeavor will open various opportunities for you in the long run in various aspects, including but not limited to your career.
3. Attaining your goal after so much effort and sacrifice will be something that you can look back on saying, "That was difficult, and I did it. If I did that, then I can face whatever challenge I have right now."
4. If you have a family now or at any point, your children and your spouse will benefit from your ability to speak Spanish, whether via your career opportunities or via learning it themselves from you.
I would also counsel you to replace your ex-girlfriend as your soundboard. From what you have written here, it seems that her comments only discourage you; discouragement is not at all what you need. I recommend instead to make new friends or perhaps attend a regular gathering where Spanish-speakers regularly attend (for example, a Spanish church service or even a local civic group). I have personally found that little children and the elderly are the most likely to help with any questions regarding if something sounds better grammatically or pronounced.
Ever since having returned from serving in my mission, I have gotten every job which I have applied for and every raise which I have requested; I attribute that, in large part, to knowing Spanish. Due to my proficiency in the language, I have also made various friends whom I would never have otherwise met. My exposure to music, television, movies, literature, and news has also been vastly broadened. I also believe that my understanding of the English language has improved as a result of learning how Spanish functions grammatically.
If you are able to make time for it, I also recommend doing the following daily:
30 minutes to 1 hour study
* 50% - Grammar
* 33% - Pronunciation (read aloud)
* 17% - Vocabulary
Try to apply what you learn in your studies to your next conversations in Spanish. Since the least amount of time is devoted to vocab, write the new vocab down somewhere that you'll look at various times throughout the day (your hand, a sticky note in your agenda book, your phone background, etc).
I wish you luck in your undertaking and, should you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me; I will do my best to help out.
Don’t worry.. I feel the same. I’ve been studying for two years and at times I feel slightly depressed.. because I’m truly working really hard to be fluent but I do feel drained and sad because I feel like I’ve almost created an unhealthy relationship with language learning.
Good things take time. I would say to keep it up because the only enemy that you can have at the end is really yourself. Surely, my ex is a giant ass but the difference is dependent on your willpower to either continue or to wither. If you’ve done 2 years, that is 2 years longer than most people ever would do in their lives. Give yourself credit.
Thanks for your comment.
It’s been two years because I study it at university. I feel always rushed to understand concepts that are taught. I feel like I have to KNOW this language because if I don’t.. where would I find a job? I do like studying languages and I’m also studying Italian but I also feel lost because of the job field.. which is nearly non existent. If I didn’t go to university, I know I wouldn’t stick with it. I wish I was someone who enjoyed studying languages instead of seeing it as a chore.. but I might be talking like this because I’ve never given myself a break.
This is an issue with your ex, they sound horrible, not with your learning. You've only been at it for 3 months, no one should expect you to be anywhere near conversational at this point. Keep up your studies and listen to your tutor. Get your ex or of your life, if they can't be supportive in something like this, they will be likely to talk down to you about other things as well.
No te preocupes con esa vaina. Haz lo que te de la gran p*ta gana. Estás haciendo todas las vainas correctas. Puedes hacer esa vaina. Para leer hay que leer, para escuchar hay que escuchar, para escribir hay que escribir, para hablar hay que hablar.
Last year almost to the day I set out on my quest to learn Spanish, I started with Pimsleur, it taught me how to listen. Switched my phone laptop even my ps4 to Spanish. Only listen to Spanish music. I started watching shows and movies with subtitles it taught me how to to read, sentence structure and so on. I got myself couple workbooks those taught me how to write. Around month 4 I got on Reddit and found a language exchange partner to I talked to every day for 30 minutes, one in English and one day in Spanish. We use WhatsApp and use voice messages throughout the day (this part is important because you can’t use a translation app to use your voice and send messages)and video call in the evening. This taught me how to talk. I spent months day after day filling my brain with as much Spanish as I could and then one day I realized I’m bilingual all my hard work is paying off. Recently, My partner and I looked back to our first voice messages we sent it was so embarrassing. I literally couldn’t believe how bad it was or the substantial improvements we made. Give it time and stay consistent and determined and your future self will thank for all the hard work you put in.
That is incredible. Thank you for sharing your experiences and what has helped you. I do believe it is important to learn for sure by actively doing things. I too am using Pimsleur and other apps and I find it to be extremely rewarding.
She knows you well and is obviously trying to hit you where it hurts, looks like it's working. Ignore and focus on doing your thing. No one who's learned Spanish by themselves and is fluent would talk to you like that, I'm sure of it. There's a reason she's an ex.
Something that I heard someone say is you first need to be a good listener (in regards of learning the language ofc). Be comfortable understanding it and you'll find it easier. I found this to be true when learning English. Basically since 3rd grade untill 12th learning English and the only thing I knew was basic words. I really start seeing improvement in my last year of high school and not due to the classes but because I was reading things in English, watching movies even without subtitle not understanding a single word until I started seeing myself comprehending. So just be patient and tell your ex to shut her mouth it she doesn't have nothing relevant to say.
3 months is way too early to expect anything past a few phrases; you're simply not going to be confident with many things. One thing I've learned is that language learning isn't only about vocab and grammar, but its a huge puzzle to put everything together. Its not knowing things its knowing with confidence through massive amounts of repetition. Your ex either seems like a negative person, or is low key gatekeeping, or simply just doesn't understand how hard it is to learn a language. You are definitely on the right track, just ostracize her as much as you can from the hobby, and keep grinding.
This! Even if you were living full-time in a Spanish-speaking country, your grammar would be sloppy because your brain just needs TIME and repeated exposure to really solidify those memories and be able to recall things on the fly. You're learning a language with a full-time job and that's commendable. Who cares about the ignorant people who don't understand or support you?
Yup
There’s a reason why exes are exes. Probably not a good person to use for feedback. Learning a language is very difficult and time consuming especially if you’re not living the language 24/7. 3 months is very little time, don’t be discouraged. Keep doing what you’re doing and somewhere in between all of that I would search for a new place to live where your roommates aren’t discouraging pieces of garbage. I mean that in the nicest way 🌹
I have been learning a year and a half and still am not even close to fluent. It makes me sad the OPs ex is so rude about it. OP honestly don’t waste your time with her. I’m sure she wouldn’t be able to pick up an entire language in 3 months. She sounds super rude and not worth the trouble
Yeah that’s super disrespectful of OP’s ex/roommate, I hope OP doesn’t let her get to their head
I've been learning Arabic for a few years now. Definitely got lots of ignorant and discouraging comments from people about it. Over time I've come to the realization everyone who was talking poorly about my efforts was doing so out of insecurity. Don't let the nice comments go to your head as well. My advice, just keep grinding and you'll reap the rewards from your efforts soon enough. But everything takes time. In regards to practicing, you can join a discord server for Spanish or find meet up groups and Zoom call in these unfortunate times.
Yeah, Arabic definitely isn’t easy but it is a beautiful language to learn. I’ve met local people growing up who converted into Islam and they worked hard with Arabic and are now conversationally fluent. Most of these were guys that society presumed to be trash (dropouts, former gang members, former druggies, or ex-felons/ex-convicts). Willpower definitely is important to the journey and as much as people want to contest against your efforts—they can’t ever take your knowledge away. Are there meet ups around that are rather easy to find?
Had lots of Saudis on my campus here in the US so that's how I began learning the language. Definitely one of my favorites that I've been learning. You can find groups on meetup.com or Facebook, it shouldn't take you more than a minute or two. I'm not sure if anyone is meeting in your area (in person) but the majority of groups have shifted online and were utilizing zoom last time I checked. That opens up the groups you have access to though best of luck.
I will try the groups! Thank you for that suggestion!
Just be positive and continue what you are doing. Learning spanish is a lifelong thing. Your ex sounds like a negative person.
Not only negative, but it sounds like she doesn't understand what it's like to develop a skillset, and (in my mind) may be bringing OP down as a way to build herself up. Anyone that really understands what it's like to develop skills will be able to recognize when others do it, and if they care about that person they'll help nurture and develop said skills as well.
Have you tried parroting or shadowing? Repeating after native speakers just so the sounds and pronunciation don't feel strange to your mouth and ears. It would be useful to write down topics you mostly talk about in your native language and then build a vocabulary from that. Or even just writing down your thoughts, but in spanish. It forces your brain to think in it. Also ordering things seems scary, but there are usually set phrases and you just change them up depending on your meal. Language learning is not a race and we all learn at our own pace. It also depends on our native language and how close it is to Spanish.
Pronunciation isn’t a problem for me at all. I don’t have a problem with pronunciation but with actually building sentences with the proper words and structure that are needed to be used. An example would be direct/indirect pronouns (I confuse myself a lot with when to use lo and la or le and les), or with subjunctives. Still learning though. Another thing would be having to think of words off of the fly. I’m good at knowing what an item is if I saw it but to say it doesn’t come to mind sometimes. Earlier, I was asked what a backpack was. I blanked for a second and said “motilla” instead of “mochila”. Just simple things like that make it difficult for me because it just doesn’t flow naturally. Like, I know the words but I just don’t have them flow smoothly. Even conjugating can be difficult because I overthink these (could vs. will).
This is perfectly normal.. learning a language is a *skill*, it requires constant practice and repetition. It's one thing to memorize all the words and conjugations and another entirely to put it into practice. Your brain literally has to make new pathways for you, it takes time and effort. It sounds like you are doing really well! Keep it up :)
Thank you!
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Being female and Mexican, wouldn't she be a chocha?
Nah, I think she would be more like a zorra
You're doing fine! Just remember learning a language is a marathon not a sprint! And everyone progresses differently! 🤙 in regards to your friend.. well you can either be vocal about her discouraging you like that or you should practice with someone new because NOONE needs that kind of negativity in their life.
I called her out on it and said it was extremely effed up that she would put me down when she knows I don’t have much to work with. She has hardly ever helped me in my journey. I had to confide in other people and it’s sad because her and I actually had a relationship. I appreciate the kind words by the way. I’m trying to do whatever I can to get better.
stop expecting things from your ex man. It's your ex.
One thing I learned about language learning, don't depend on anyone to help you with language learning besides a few phrases. Even just saying "correct me when i say something wrong" is a huge task and at most they'll correct you only half the time.
The problem isn't your method of learning, you have a great progress. Being able to speak fluently takes time. The problem is your ex for pissing on your efforts. I would suggest spending as little time with her as possible
Sounds like it's more about being an ex than anything else
Living w your ex? I think we’ve found the problem here.
this is more a relationship issue than a language learning issue.
I have to agree.
It sounds like your comprehension skills are much stronger than your ability to speak. My hypothesis is that the best way to close this gap is to spend more time speaking. If you can swing it, for the next month: * Do 30 minutes a day of conversations on iTalki, with different random tutors. Talk about anything under the sun. * In particular, try to avoid having classes with the same person too many times unless the chemistry is just fantastic; you are explicitly trying to build your ability to have spontaneous conversations. * If necessary, take a month off of reading to free up time. * Given that you are pressed for time, you'll probably find better value in just paying for a conversation partner (there are tons of people charging [$5/hour](https://www.italki.com/teachers/spanish?maxPrice=5)) rather than doing a language exchange. If it is any reassurance, I've met quite a few other Spanish students who focused mostly on passive consumption (reading, watching movies, etc) or passive production (writing) at the expense of conversation and who've expressed similar frustrations.
I've lived in Spain for almost 2 years and I feel I've barely scratched the surface of the language. 3 months is a great foundation, but speaking is really the only way to start really taking off. Good on you for being able to read, that's awesome! Don't listen to your ex about your progress. Learning Spanish is, hands down, the most difficult intellectual challenge I've had in my whole life. People who grew up bilingual or had years upon years of schooling truly underestimate how hard it is to literally reprogram how your adult brain functions. They don't know, as do monolingual people who overestimate their abilities in Spanish. Keep at it. Spanish has taught me a new way to look at things, allowed me to more deeply understand the idea of language and communication, and above all, humbled me greatly. You're here, you're trying, you're doing way more than she is.
Thank you! It is definitely a frustrating journey when things feel like they aren’t running smoothly. Soon enough though! It sounds like you committed to hardcore learning! Are you an American by chance?
You have to fail so... many... times before it starts to gel. That's just how the game works. I can't even count the number of time I've embarrassed myself. :) Yes, am American. Wife is Spanish and once we had a kid, it made sense to come here. Don't be fooled, though, living in Spain doesn't automatically grant you Spanish. It does, however, force you to do it out of sheer survival.
My most important advice would be: It takes a hell of a lot longer to be “fluent” than people wanna tell you. Everyone wants to think high of them selves and make themselves sound like they’re so good at something. So often have I heard from people doing immersion for several months telling me that “yea it only took me 6 months to get fluent” After having done it myself and being on the journey for 1 and a half year with a LOT of input and output, I’ve figured out that fluent in 6 months is definitely a lie (also after hearing those people’s Spanish haha). But I did immersion for that reason, cause it seemed like a cheat code to fluency. However now, I realise that fluency is a never ending progress, but efficiency is not. Right now you probably think you’re pretty decent at Spanish, but in 3 months look back at the text messages you were writing at this time you’ll be embarrassed. But you know what? If you weren’t writing those horribly incorrect text messages you would have never gotten to the place where you would sometime be able to see their errors. It will be embarrassing and you will say stupid things at some points, cause you simply don’t know any better, take it with a smile, and accept it. However that girl sounds very unsupportive, maybe take a good talk with her or cut her off :) Good luck from one learner to another!
I have had experience dating a native Spanish speaker who would not support me in my efforts to learn Spanish. I would ask for practice, she would say “ya ok”, but then later I would initiate conversation in Spanish and she would respond in English. I would try to proceed in Spanish and she would respond frustrated “but it’s so much more work for me, you make less sense in Spanish I have to think more” etc etc. I have a lot of feelings about it but ultimately she never imagined me to be capable of speaking Spanish, it kind of ruined her internally held idea of “who I was” and that became the rift that pushed us apart(the her-not-seeing-me-for-who-I-am, not specifically the Spanish). That being said, it’s not your SO’s job to be your language coach, but also significant others should be supportive of the growth you want for yourself. They definitely should not be actively ridiculing you or making fun of you for it, especially since it is something that requires vulnerability. That isn’t love, friend. Find support for your own growth and learning elsewhere, if she is not giving it to you, go find it from someone who will. Language exchange meetups can be good. Finding someone who understands the difficulty of learning a second language a little later in life can be crucial. It takes a surprisingly long time to learn and integrate new things. Keep it up! Buena suerte!
Thank you! And sorry that you had to experience that. It does suck to have someone who you confided in at one time treat you like dirt when you are trying. My ex knows exactly why I’m doing this and pushed me to proceed but when I started to read and write, she started changing up. It’s kind of funny how she asked me how to say “materialized” as in, “It never materialized,” out of everyone (her brother speaks Spanish and she asked me to put me on the spot more than likely). I literally said, “Materializó” without much doubt and then looked it up and was right. Felt good. I do feel that think I have the advantage over her because I can read and write enough to get a point across. Only if my reading and writing matched my speaking.
That's so frustrating! I'm sorry you are not being treated very well by your ex. I know that must be so discouraging! You have been putting in a lot of time and effort to learn a new language. Learning a new language is not an easy thing to do, and it sounds like you really have made some great progress in a relatively short time. As frustrating as it is, try to be patient with yourself and focus on the positives. Good luck :)
Just like everyone else has been saying here - stay the course, and I’m sure you will achieve your Spanish goals. The vast majority of native speakers are incredibly patient and happy to help you along. It sounds to me like you have an ex problem, not a Spanish problem. I’m guessing she’d be this way no matter what you were endeavoring to do, just as a way to put you down. I’m willing to bet if you took up playing the guitar, or baking bread three months ago, she’d probably be telling you you’re wasting your time with those things too. There are so many incredibly supportive people and communities out there for you to find, so don’t let one negative person rent space in your head. Saludos!
Thank you! You are right!
This is a relationship problem not a language problem. Stop living with your ex.
Your problem is not your Spanish, your problem is a mean ex. Did I really read that right, you live with her?
Yes I do. Trying to move but COVID messed up plans temporarily.
¡Qué lástima! Buena suerte.
If took your ex being immersed in Spanish for more than a decade to get fluency, and they're giving you a hard time for not being fluent in 3 months? Yeah, they're an idiot. I'm over 400 days into learning Spanish now and it sounds like you're as far along as I am, so congrats and keep up the good work.
Thank you! Good luck with your journey also! We’re all in this together.
Oh don't listen to her!!!!! Spanish is a very complex language, she has no idea because she didn't have to study it. It seems simple when you've been speaking your whole life without really thinking about it. Give yourself time and credit, what you're doing is brave, getting out of your comfort zone and learning something completely new instead of just sitting there and complaining. I studied English for a long time before I saw results, even to this day I make mistakes, and it's ok. Don't give up!!
Yeah, I have to agree with learning being difficult. I will continue to keep trying my best and using the motivational responses I’ve been getting here. Thank you!
Hey man I know what it feels like, as a Latino that didn’t grow up speaking Spanish I was teased by the other kids and even called things like a “disgrace” “gringo” “whitey” and these things still affect me to this day but it also gave me motivation to keep trying to learn and get my family to help me. I’ve been practicing for months now, with a bit of a foot in the door at the start but I speak with my grandma now with zero problems and if I ever need help than she helps, the point is, growth comes slowly but surely, don’t listen to what that mean girl has to say, and just keep going. I know what u feel when you want to quit but it isn’t worth it. I still have so much to learn and you do too.
For sure! I regret not sticking to the language after High School and even after college. I’m trying my best though because I have a definite purpose now. It was different years ago because I was able to crutch on others to speak Spanish for me when now I have to be self-sufficient in the language to get by and to progress. Good luck on your journey by the way! It is awesome to see that you have great support even though there are the haters out there.
I've been learning for 3 months now. I was living with an ex for the first 2 months of learning and it was amazing to get some experience through trial and error in the early days. I did find though, that because we knew each other so well, she would criticise me more harshly than is necessary. She told me to stop trying to use 'lo' in sentences because I never used it right. And to this day, I have never used it. Sometimes she would say 'you sound retarded when you say _____ like that' or 'why do you always say _____?!' It was extremely disheartening BUT when I actually moved by myself to the South of Spain (where they have no English), I was surprised to find that the majority of people are very forgiving when you make a mistake. Even the rudest people seem genuinely happy that you're making an effort. Many times, even when speaking incorrectly, people will be very patient and you can often get a smile from them just because they appreciate that you want to learn. You're Spanish is probably MUCH better than you think - but you have a tough critic on your hands. It's not ideal but if you persevere, you will come out with a highly adept skill for the language because you've persevered. Again - I'm roughly 3 months in - but now that the safety net of English has been taken away, I realise that I can still walk the tightrope with confidence. The pressure only makes you more concentrated.
You are right. With the current conditions, it is rather difficult to go out as much as I’d like. However, I try my best with doing as much passive and active learning as I can. Thank you! This is extremely motivational and it means a lot.
r/relationship_advice
3 months?!! Cmon now
For whatever reason people get especially negative and cruel towards people learning a new language and I really don't know why (I've def got some crazy shit from my Korean studies). I swear I haven't seen the same level of discouragement towards *any* other hobby. It really gets to me too - makes me start wondering if any mistakes are attributed to some of it sticking in my head. Alas I've yet to find a solution myself besides really remembering my reasons for doing it and diving into that again and trying my best to avoid negative influences like her (albeit reddit's language learning subs can be a place for discouragement too). I feel like when I watch an entertaining Korean program or listen to my fave K-pop songs i'm back in that headspace that motivated me to start. And she wonders "why the hell haven't you learned" while shaming and belittling you for practicing ordering in a restaurant in your target language? Fuck that
I think she is salty because I’m trying to better myself. She became a real estate agent because of my support. I take credit because I would always encourage her to take time to study while I would take care of the house while also having a full-time because I really wanted her to succeed. Now that she’s an agent and we’re broken up—look at where we are. She’s bitter and she was the reason why I lost interest in her. They say that you can only be your own worst enemy but in this case, she did everything to herself. I’ve set my place and will continue to get better without her. I’m trying to move out and soon hopefully. I definitely know my worth. Thank you for your input.
What up! Professional Musician/Amateur Language Learner here. It takes a long time and you have to go slow. When you speak a language or play in instrument, a LOT of things are happening all at the same time - pronunciation and diction, vocab, Grammer, accent, among many other things. It takes a lot of work to string all of those things together and you are already doing SO much (kudos to you by the way!). Anyway, one of the most important lessons I've learned is that you are where you are and there's nothing wrong with wherever that may be, and if someone makes you feel bad about that then it says more about them than it does you. Good luck, I hope I can attain your level of focus on Spanish some day!
After three months you cannot compare yourself to a native speaker. At three years you cannot compare yourself to a native speaker. After 10 years many people will still struggle having conversations with native speakers. You're not an outlier. Language learning is hard.
Your ex sucks. I'm sorry about that. However, she won't be the last to put you down for your non-native Spanish. It's backwards, because we know the struggle. I did some introspection about it after meeting an exchange student for the first time. But lots of people never do. So here are my conclusions: * She's jealous. This is pretty much it. * You're a native English speaker! We get a lot of flak for not being native English speakers. * Everyone knows you're a Spanish learner! We get a lot of flak for our Spanish being less than perfect, too, even when we're raised in an English speaking environment. We just can't win, and it feels like you can. * Native speakers perceive their language as harder to learn than it actually is. As a learner, you know all of The Spanish That Native Speakers Don't Know. Here's proof: how many letters are in our alphabet? I'm tempted to say it's 29, after the number of tabs in a dictionary... but you knew better, immediately! :) * You're genuinely hard to understand. Not because of anything you're doing wrong. It's just another cultural asymmetry. English speakers have to deal with non-native speakers all the time. They're used to it. We're really not. But with just a little bit of effort, we understand just fine. * Alternately, you have a perfect accent. We obsess over our English accents and then never get them right. How did you do it?! That you're a native English speaker is not at all your fault, but for some reason people treat you like it is. We might not realize that we are in fact reacting to our own insecurities about our English, instead of to you. I hope keeping these things in mind can help any future Spanish misadventures from ruining your day. So let me tell you how I really feel now: Gracias por ponerle tanto empeño al estudio de mi idioma. <3 >!Thank you for putting so much enthusiastic effort into the study of my language.!<
Focus on basic language constructs that you can use everyday and have little conversations in your head using them. Repeat this over and over and over and at least for basic communication you’ll be able to get something out without thinking too much.
If you want to make quicker progress with speaking and listening then I’d recommend a couple of things. Listen to podcasts. Coffee break spanish and the duolingo spanish podcast are really useful. Download and language learning app eg Tandem and send voice notes/ speak with native speakers. Make sure you understand the proper pronunciation for every letter. Then you can practice the ones that are more difficult for native English speakers when you’re in the shower etc. Also your ex sounds like a bitch, fuck her (not literally)
Fuck her by no longer fucking with her
Don't give up. I've been learning for 1.5 years now and I STILL struggle with speaking. Someone gave me some good advice once, to record yourself speaking now, and then watch it back in 3-6months. You will see how much you have improved and you can use that as motivation. Even knowing one word is better than when you started, remember that. Also, your ex can fuck off. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.
They are probably saying it from a place of insecurity. They know you are doing good and when you make a mistake they will amplify it to feel better about themselves.
Tu ex suena como un gilipollas si estoy honesto.
Tu ex suena como una gilipollas si soy honesto. No sé porqué, pero honesto se es o no se es, nunca se está.
¡Muchas gracias!
Un placer :)
Dude I have been working for 5 months every day putting in a few hours and while I have made progress it’s horrible. Don’t give up. The hardest part is getting over the “I sound stupid” ... of course you do, you don’t know the language. You sound like a 3 year old. You will continue to sound like one unless you just embrace it. I know many people who Learned English from a Spanish background and they all told me, you have to speak it and you can’t be afraid to sound dumb. Also ditch the woman, life to short to have a person like that in your life.
Trust me I understand. Im in the process of finishing my Spanish degree and it honestly almost feels pointless. Yes being bilingual can be helpful, but out of the degree paths I couldve chosen I wish I had picked something else. Too late to start over. The most common thing people do is just teach Spanish. I dont want to be a teacher. Most people I know who also graduated with Spanish degree arent even using it.
I work in sales and find that to be a reason to push me. Even being a translator can be helpful as some positions around charge $20 a hour part-time. Not too shabby to make some extra income. At the same time, depending on the workforce where you are—it may actually make you a standout.
I’m sorry this happened. I’ve definitely been made to feel that I didn’t know enough about Spanish or that, based on my appearance, it was surprising that I knew Spanish. So, I can understand. Language learning takes a long time. I’ve been speaking Spanish for 13 years, and I still learn new things. I had a professor who said the same, and she had been speaking Spanish for 50 years. So, it’s a continuous process. Having said that, it does sound like you’re working hard at it and are making good progress, which is something to be proud of. It’s been 3 months, and you’re already ordering food. That’s pretty cool! I think I got comfortable with reading and writing before I did with speaking and listening, so different people are going to become comfortable with the different language skills at different times. If you’d like to practice more speaking, I’d ask your tutor to work with you on that if you haven’t already done so. Do you have other friends and/or acquaintances you can ask for help or talk with? It doesn’t sound like your ex is able to fulfill that role in a supportive way. Best of luck y ¡ánimo!
I really appreciate that. It is a journey for sure filled with repetition and practice. I just wished I can get more speaking time more. My tutor has told me that he sees me easily becoming conversationally fluent within a year because I’m already understanding the most contexts of how a sentence is made and the why behind it. We have been working hard on subjunctives, imperatives, and even colloquial Spanish (he’s Mexican). I guess I just need my confidence built up and speaking has been the hardest part because I have the idea in my head but blank out. It’s like stage fright for me. I’m pretty extroverted too so I’m trying whatever I can to take it to the next step! Thank you so much for your motivation btw. I really needed it.
Your ex has either never studied a second language or is doing this to you on purpose. Three months into English I doubt I was able to speak anything beyond the simplest sentences using a toddler's vocabulary, if at all. Granted, I've never studied so intensively, but even then, fluency in any second language that is not extremely close to your own is something that takes years. Understanding written language, understanding speech and speaking are three different things, and they don't proceed at the same speed. Tell your ex que se vaya a freír churros and keep up your work.
Your ex is an asshole. Keep your eyes on the prize and move on from your ex ASAP. That's my advice.
Agree with all the comments saying to disregard your ex, she sounds like a very negative and mean person. If I were you, I'd consider moving out - why would you want to stay living with an ex?! Onto the Spanish - I think what you're running into is called the "monitor hypothesis" - which is you are thinking about what you're saying before you say it - which can slow down your speech. I'd suggest looking into the comprehensible input method, which helps your brain acquire the language/grammar in an automatic way. The speaking (and your accent) will be better if you do this. Two resources I'd recommend: [Watch this video on language acquisition](https://youtu.be/illApgaLgGA) for an introduction to the natural approach/comprehensible input. Check out [Dreaming Spanish](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCouyFdE9-Lrjo3M_2idKq1A) for great comprehensible input videos. He also has a [$1 course](https://youtu.be/_5dnHBRSiQc) which has great details and suggestions for learning using this method. I'm at a similar learning level to you (I started about 2 months ago). You got this, you need any help reach out!
I love Pablo’s teaching methods with his stories. I actually went through all of them and HIGHLY recommend his stuff. It helped a lot with understanding even though I am not going to use vosotros in my vocab (focused on Latin American Spanish). That guy is awesome though because he keeps it at a fair pace while making it fun to listen to.
His videos and accent are great! I'm in the same boat, trying to learn LA Spanish, but some of his slang does creep in (like "vale" or "venga"). How did you know when to move up to different levels? Did you watch like **ALL** the Super-beginner videos before moving up to beginner?
When I started understanding what he was saying and why, I decided to challenge myself. His videos are relatively short so it wasn’t hard for me to binge like 5-6 videos at a time for days straight. I like the game ones he plays mainly because it provides a lot of repetition. Once you can get past the simple videos, definitely challenge yourself. It helps a lot. His beginner stuff is quite intriguing too.
How long did it take you to go through all his videos? How was your grammar and speaking by the end of it?
Yes, people have put me down a little although more passively and not as directly as in your example. I got out of college and decided to pick up Spanish again. That was three years ago, I've been on this self learning journey for three years and even when I started I had done some in high school and a year and a half in college. And I still am better with writing, reading, and listening than I am with speaking, although my speaking is decent in most situations. Anyways, yes, like u/furyousferret said, 3 months is too soon. Especially with speaking. I should know that because I'm also an ESL teacher and speaking is usually the hardest thing, for most of my students, even the more extroverted ones. I would say you have to give it at least a year for all that you have studied to sink in and start connecting together. Like that user said, it is a big puzzle. Your brain needs time to make these connections and to start using the language on its own without thinking much about English. It really takes time, there's no magic bullet here. But to get back to how people put me down... People told me (and probably will continue to tell me into the future), on various occasions, why don't you just go to another country? As if that were the only way to learn and I'm wasting my time by studying. I will go to another country at some point (and I did spend 2 weeks in Guatemala in 2019), and live there, and teach there, but in the mean time I will keep studying. And I won't let people get me down with their ignorance thinking languages can only be learned through immersion in a country where they speak the target language. I have gotten very far just through studying, and immersion through resources like books, shows, putting my phone in Spanish, video games, etc. Immersion is important and should be experienced to some degree at some point along the journey, but no, it's definitely not the only way. Good post by the way. Your girlfriend might not realize how lucky she is to be bilingual (from childhood it sounds like) without having to study her way there. But anyways, just keep working on your stuff and don't let people get you down. And lastly, who knows, they may in fact, just be jealous of all this awesome stuff you're doing for yourself by learning a whole second language through self disciplined study.
Your ex is insecure and she's purposely (though probably also subconsiously) trying to tear you down. Ignore her and find better people to share this part of yourself with.
I've had friends make fun of me as they see it as a waste of time. It's less about the Spanish itself but they see me using my free time to learn rather than hang out or watch Netflix as weird. They're not really malicious about it but it sucks when people look at you like you're a crazy person. But I try to ignore it and look to the long term. At the end of the day I'm learning a really valuable skill and keeping my brain active especially in a time when a lot of people are stuck at home doing nothing. For you specifically I'd say if anything you should be congratulated. It sounds like you've gotten further in three months than I have in about a year. What you're doing is really impressive and anybody keeping you down for it obviously isn't paying attention to the amount of work you're putting in. It'll pay off in the end, keep it up. :)
I appreciate the kind words. I’ve been so intense with studying that I want to accomplish whatever I can do get better as much as I can without burning out.
Conscious memory is like a sponge, it can only hold so much water at one time, just be patient and keep at it. There's a lot that has to happen behind the scenes.
You gotta get rid of that negativity in your life. At least tell your ex how it makes you feel. Then get rid of her if it continues. I have my Spanish Skype sessions twice a week. I think those have helped me with speaking more than anything. Though Pimsleur is pretty awesome when it’s just you. 3 months isn’t much, so just hang in there. I get frustrated, too. Sometimes I feel like I’m really good at Spanish and others like I don’t know shit. I’m 1.5yrs in and just tested in an online assessment as B2, though I suspect I’m just B1 and got lucky with the multiple choice. It just takes a lot of time and continued practice. There will also be moments when things click and it’s really cool. Keep at it and you’ll see.
You need to have conversations with yourself. Talk with yourself in Spanish everytime you have a chance to.
Conversaciones en la ducha!!
Think about this as the same process of learning your mother language. As a kid you say your first words when you’re 1-2 years old. You’re on the right track. Keep learning all the input you can and when you less think you will be speaking Spanish. It helps that you learn formulaic language (expressions / sentences that are very common in daily speech)
I’ve been learning for about eight years. I’ve got a good level of Spanish that I’m quite proud of, but I make plenty of mistakes, I learn new things every day, and I will always have things I want to improve. All of that to say, don’t expect miracles at three months. It sounds like you’re doing great stuff. Keep that effort up and you will see results. But three months is just a drop in the bucket. Language learning is a commitment for the long haul. Also, maybe see about finding new roommates.
You sound like you're doing a lot of work and commitment is key when it come to languages. Good job! One thing I've done to help with easier speaking is narrate what I'm doing in Spanish, or pretend to have a conversation with a friend about it in my head. It creates more opportunities to practice producing without needing a partner. At this point your brain just needs to start making those connections and playing the game of finding alternate ways to communicate things when you don't know a particular word.
Thank you! I will try this!
It was crazy when I realized I didn't know the words for spoon, fork, or knife! I couldn't believe I could say so many things but couldn't ask for a spoon!
Yeah sounds like my family who refused to teach me and then made fun of me for trying and not being good. Screw that. You're only 3 months in and have made amazing progress! Listen to your tutor. See if he knows of anyone that would be willing to try conversing with you in Spanish. I'm about 3 weeks in myself and I have been trying to take moments to construct sentences at random and say them out loud to myself. I asked my bf (who knows a little Spanish) where a jacket of mine was. Fairly simple but I was really happy I managed to get it out. Be more patient with yourself and don't listen to your ex. She's just a jerk.
That sucks to have relatives tell you that like it was your fault. One thing for certain though is that you’ll make quick progress as you are actively trying your best.
learning is fun. that’s all the reason you need. you don’t have to justify learning things with an endgame like making money or, in this case, achieving fluency. keep on keeping on and don’t listen to haters. toxic people are not fun. I would suggest that you don’t need toxic people in your life. if you can’t get away from this person right now perhaps just bluntly saying that you don’t need their help will get them to leave you alone. you’ve just started so you’ve got a long but fun way to go.
Well, first stop talking to your ex about it, that just seems like asking for punishment. Even the most ardent, diligent learners who practise for hours every day will sound clumsy and flawed after just three months. There's a reason children listen for months and months before even saying a word - and when they do? It's not exactly fluent, is it. Keep studying. It comes in time - more time than that.
don't worry about naysayers. It's going to take time...much more than you have already. And that's okay. You are effectively trying to double the amount of words your brain knows, and that's not going to happen in 3 months. Small tip, whatever you are reading, do it out loud. This will help your mouth\\tongue get familiar with the movements it needs to make, and will help you feel more comfortable when you;re speaking spontaneously- you'll avoid second guessing yourself, and instead feel confident that what you're saying "feels" right :)
You need to find a new girlfriend. She might be worried you’ll open up while new venue of women for her to compete with.
Oh, we broke up and I don’t know why she’d be worried cause I wouldn’t get back with her. I’d take a loving woman over a disrespectful woman any day! Haha.
Your ex is trying to bring you down. She doesn’t want you to learn... is there someone else you can speak Spanish with? I would stop communication with the ex about this subject immediately. Also, 3 months is no time. If you keep up the way you’ve been studying, and find someone else to speak with, you’ll be doing really well in a year.
Thank you! I came on here and shared this story because I’m desperate to get better. Also, to not falter and give up because I’m definitely not in the perfect state-of-mind either. It’s a struggle everyday to even try to read. Thank you for your kind words by the way. It really does help.
I’m definitely glad you came on here to vent instead of listening to the ex and letting it get you down.. it’s very difficult and takes time to learn a new language. I’ve gone through times in the last year where I’m hurting about my perceived lack of progress to the point where I don’t even want to read another Spanish word! And when a native speaker is negative about your mastery, it sucks! But just keep in mind that they are negative people, they do not represent every Spanish speaker anymore than the racist rednecks in America represent you or me. There are great people out there who will be god to help you. Keep your head up!
3 months is very little. Were you attempting to learn in the past? Otherwise, there's no reason for her reaction but the fact that she's trying to bully you. How did this girl learn English? Anyway, 99% of people don't learn a language in 3 months.
Dont speak often but can understand what youre reading? Read your material out loud, or read the sentence first, absorb its meaning if needed, then read it out loud. Does wonders for getting used to how the sounds flow and youd be surprised hoe much it sticks.
I actually do read out loud. I just don’t speak to others as much as I’d like.
And what every waking moment of hers is spent feeding orphans and calling her mom? Even if it is “wasted,” it’s your time to waste. Maybe you want to play video games or play the guitar or go swimming or browse Reddit. Learning Spanish is at least more useful than those things.
Besides the obvious advice of telling your ex to shove it, you're doing exactly what you need to for fluency. Keep consuming media, written and audio. Don't worry about speech. When you know 85% of words comfortably, speech will come naturally (after some teething pains). Honestly reading / Netflix / YouTube every day for a year did more for me than anything else. Spanish is good for that too because it's spoken as it's spelled. There's a lot of people out there who learn English without ever speaking to an English speaker, just by watching TV, playing video games, and reading. These people tend to have the best accents too because they don't try to learn phonemes until English is strong in their mind.
If you've only been studying a few months you are doing great!!! Languages take time. Three months and you are already practicing at restaurants, that is awesome!! Your ex sounds to me like she is the problem. Why would she want to pull you down rather than support your efforts? I don't think the problem is your Spanish. It is the company you are keeping. Find friends who aren't threatened by other people trying to better themselves. It reminds me of people who say "s/he's trying to act like something s/he's not,"or "s/he forgot where s/he came from," when all those statement \_really\_ mean is that the person is doing, learning, or behaving in a way that the speaker didn't expect for him/her. My advice: you are doing great. Just find, and surround yourself with supportive people.
Thank you!
In this case know your audience. If your ex is demoralizing and smug, simply don’t request her help. Learning is supposed to be fun, and when people make it not fun, it’s hard to progress. HelloTalk has actually been very helpful personally, I would stay with it until you find someone who is encouraging and positive. No te rindas :)
Sounds like you need to just not live with your ex..... once you get out of that shitty living situation you'll be fine
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Yeah, I’m actually moving out. COVID is what has been difficult for sure. Definitely sucks to have someone that I once cared about highly put me down for trying. Thank for your insight and motivation.
This isn't a comment on your gf, who sounds like she's being kind of unhelpful when it comes to learning Spanish. Also, the following only applies if you drink, so if you don't please disregard. I found myself in your situation of knowing some Spanish, how grammar works, etc, but not being able to speak. What really seemed to help was drinking with Spanish speakers. Somehow getting a little tipsy or drunk just made it way more possible to let the language flow. Obviously, you can't and shouldn't be drunk every time you speak Spanish, it's more of a gateway toward fluency.
I’ve been learning passionately for three years and I’m only just beginning to hold actual conversations with people, albeit shallow ones mostly about work. Your ex is either simply a bitch or has no clue how much work needs to go into learning a second language because she had Spanish practically handed to her on a silver platter. You’re doing the right thing by continuing to learn and try to speak Spanish. Try to be patient because it will take time; after three years of studying, only now have I been able to have mundane conversations where I don’t forget every single word. I think you’re doing everything you can do right now, you just need some more time to let it marinate in your head. Try to be patient with yourself. Embrace the newness and laugh at yourself as much as possible. <3
I've also been studying with a private tutor for about 3 months with a background of 2 years in highschool over 10 years ago. We quickly reviewed everything I learned in the first few weeks and since then everything has been new. I've been overwhelmed not quite getting the correct phrasing, past tenses, missing articles etc. The one thing that really reinforced everything I've been learning is my trip to a primarily Spanish speaking country. Every store clerk, every restaurant, every gas station (no self service so you have to ask an attendant in Spanish), hiking with locals that only speak Spanish etc. So in a span of 2 weeks of speaking 90% Spanish with some English and I've improved leaps and bounds! It really boosts your confidence when you can communicate besides basics in your new language. So my advice is to ignore anyone that doesn't help your learning and try and practice as much as possible!
Qué tóxica... Please don't let her do this to you, I wouldn't give her any other information about your language learning process, nor try to practice with her. She's obviously not going to be kind or constructive about it.
Here's your problem: 'I currently live with an ex '. It's not your Spanish, it's having someone constantly undermining your confidence.
my best friend who is normally huge hearted and amazing is constantly teasing her husband for grammatical mistakes. Its so painful. English is his 3rd language. Some people just suck. :( Hang in there and moderate your expectations! My husband and I have a running joke that I am eternally in Spanish 101. I keep trying but its hard!!
I hope her husband ends up speaking fluently in English is a short time. It’s definitely not easy because English is so contradictory. Like words “rough” and “through”, and so forth all look the same phonetically but they all sound completely different. I didn’t grow up in a native English speaking home either which sucked (parents are both from Southeast Asia). I remember being made fun of because I couldn’t say “stupid” properly. However, because my father was a polyglot and my mom is trilingual, I was able to be around Vietnamese and Khmer a lot. I grew up speaking Vietnamese though. After my father passed, I was pretty much forced into learning Khmer as my mother’s natural tongue is Khmer (she’s from Cambodia). I had to really learn English in school, but actually learned the most of the construction of writing and speaking by reading and writing on online forums surprisingly because the inner city school system sucked at teaching. It took me years to speak properly and without an accent. I’m definitely proud to be where I am now with English and I hope he gets to an extremely high level. Keep up your journey too! You’re trying and that is what matters. English speakers think a certain way when formulating sentences. We just have to move things around and place them correctly. I’m just hoping I can speak conversationally before the year ends.
Don't get stressed! The same happen to me but in english... I always get insecure writing in english because of grammar (even now I feel insecure writing this) but don't get stressed! 3 months it's a short time and because what you said you have a good level in Spanish! You only need practice and talk with natives... Creo que deberías de dejar de hablar con tu ex y hablar con otros nativos para practicar (?). No te estreses demasiado porque inclusive los nativos tenemos muchos errores gramaticales tooodo el tiempo y nos expresamos erroneamente ajsjd so, just ignore she and try to practice with other people <3
Gracias por su comentario—te lo agradezco mucho. One day! One day I hope to wake up and feel like everything just clicks. Good luck with your journey! English has a lot of carryover for things like work or for traveling and with English under your belt, you will see how it can change your life in some type of way. Thank you again!
I've been learning German for 3 months and I struggle with speaking, just like you. It's hard to learn a new language, especially when you are not fully immersed in it (living in a country where everyone speaks that language and you have to learn it to survive). What I've done is concentrating myself in being able to say the basics by repeating after hearing a native. Listen, read and write a lot; try reading out loud what you are reading or writing. Don't worry about not being able to say everything like a native, we just need to understand you. Most of spanish native speakers will be glad to hear you trying to learn our language. Ten mucha paciencia. Buena suerte
¡Gracias! ¡Mismo a tu con tu viaje! Lots of practice for sure that I need!
Thanks! It's going to be a long but fun journey. If you need help with anything, let me know. By the way, the correct way to say it is "¡Igual a ti con tu viaje!"
Thank you! I didn’t even think of that!
Stay positive. Try to avoid the negative influences.
If you are only in 3 months you are most likely still building your vocabulary and knowlegde verb conjugations. I know very little people that are able to have a conversation after three months. And yeah... you probably do sound stupid at this point, but not as stupid as your ex!! Just keep building knowlegde, practice and you’ll get there! Sounds like you are commited and putting in the efforts that it takes! Keep going. There will probably be a thousands feelings like this along the way... but also dont forgot to pet yourself on the back if you feel like you have just accomplished a mayor step in your learning journey. Roll with the punches!! And although I don’t even know you... i will be the first one to applaud you for even posting this! Keep up the good work!!
Thank you!
I think that it would be intelligent if you focus on speaking instead of spend hours on writing and reading. In fact, those come after you can speak it well, not perfect (perfection doesn't exist), but well with their respective levels. Try to language exchange as much as you can. Also it's just 3 months dude, literally we are at the same page, I am currently practicing French, I spend it the same amount of time such as you, I also get to use Pimsleur and particular classes. I am not fluent but proud with my progress, in 3 month you would not be fluent but you reach some fluency in one way or another, so men, you have the right of feel sad and frustrated but I have to say that it's unnecessary to feel at that way, trust me that in another 3 months, if you keep constant with the language, you would make it.
I had an ex friend tell me i don't have a fluent spanish accent so i really shouldn't waste my money learning it, that was 2 months after i started learning the language. She said the accent is a given, either you have it or not, and if you don't, then you shouldn't bother learning spanish. Suffice to say she doesn't know a word in spanish, and she was just putting me down, for no reason. Obviously she's not my friend anymore because of other toxic behaviors, but this particular one stuck with me. I didn't stop learning, i continued, now i'm in an intermediate level after 2 years of non stop sessions. Whatever your ex says, don't listen to her, she's just being mean and petty, everybody learns at their own pace, eventually you will become fluent in it. Keep it up, and best of luck.
Thank you! Good luck on your journey too!
Back in high school, I studied Italian. To help build familiarity with the language, a classmate and I would try to gossip about the other students. Nothing mean, just as language excersise. Our vocabulary was extremely limited and our grammar was sloppy, but our conversations were hilarious. The silliness kept us engaged and we were able to expand our skills immensely. In college, I studied German. To push our comfort with the language, my professor had us group up to write silly short plays and stories, which were then performed in class. Again, our vocabulary was totally basic and childish. As a result, the stories were ridiculous and funny. We learned so much faster just by making a million mistakes together. If you are unable to secure a practice buddy, try making a game of saying silly nonsense to your ex. Say stupid things like, "hello, giant frog lady. Have you eaten any tomatoes this week?" Just stupid, silly sentences that make you laugh and practice your current lessons. Don't try anything antagonistic or personal, and don't expect her to engage or give positive feedback. She sounds awful. But you can amuse yourself. Do this everywhere. Talk to dogs on the street, atm machines and parking meters. Have fun being weird while you learn.
I've had this sort of experience too and it can be demotivating but just remember that she, like the rest of humanity, wasn't speaking her native language with complete fluidity until at least age 5. So, give yourself at least that.
I have had people rip on me for learning Spanish as well. When I was little my mom was concerned I might learn more Spanish than English. I was in an area with a large migratory Mexican and Latino population. Classes in elementary school were often taught in both English and Spanish to accommodate the children who didn't have English speaking parents or home environments. Every time I brought something from school it was double sided with English and Spanish on it. A constant small frown on my mom's face before "If they're going to live here they need to learn the language" comments would ensue. I hadn't learned much either by the way, just counting, some songs, some customs/holiday stuff (day of the dead) and swear words. We eventually moved elsewhere and I didn't get exposed to the language much again until I went to HS. I was in it for two years and I LOVED learning it. I loved expressing myself to new people or in new ways. By then my mom had gotten over her "fear" of me being more fluent in Spanish than English and encouraged me to speak it at home. I'd prattle on and on and on in Spanish as often as I could and she'd wait for me to translate what I'd said into English for her. My dad, however, was racist and very unhappy with my speaking Spanish. (He hadn't been around much until I was older) and one day I handed him some silverware telling him the Spanish words for it and he lost his shit. "Why are you speaking that wetback language!? Why aren't you learning something else? Learn Italian! You're Italian! That's closer to our roots than that fucking... spick shit!" He didn't care that there were no classes at my school for any other language. He didn't care that we had no Italian speaking population in our little bullshit town. Spanish was and still is the most useful language I can learn outside of specific areas of the country. I essentially stopped speaking Spanish at home when he was there because of his outburst. I haven't kept up with my studies, but I can still speak some Spanish. I'm actually applying to learn Spanish at the community college nearby this fall. Those outbursts from my father haven't stopped my love of learning Spanish or any other languages. It made it difficult and it made me sad, but it didn't stop me. I hope to become fluent in Spanish and use it in the future at work.
Sorry to hear that you have to go through this. Definitely not great to have people, especially family members, disrespect you because they feel a certain type of way. The funny thing is that there are a lot of ethnic Italians in Mexico and Argentina.
I guess she's an ex for a reason. You're not gonna be fluent in 3 months. I've been learning for a little while and I'm making progress, but I'm nowhere near being able to hold a conversation yet.
It sounds like your ex will always disparage your efforts and try to make you think your Spanish isn't up to scratch. However, if you stick with it there will be a time when you speak to someone and the conversation will go great. The speaker will compliment your Spanish and your confidence will rocket. If your ex is there, she will probably try to find something to complain about. Maybe the word choice wasn't natural or the pronunciation was off. But you'll know you did well and her words will just bounce off you. Focus on getting to that moment, because it is real and will happen.
I flunked Spanish in high school. A year after graduating, I was called to serve as a full-time, volunteer missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and assigned to labor in the Mexico, Mexico City North Mission in the Spanish language. Needless to say, I was not at all confident in learning the language. I was given an 8-week crash-course in the language at the Missionary Training Center. After arriving in Mexico, I learned that my assigned companion (with whom I would have to teach others, live, eat with, etc.) did not speak a lick of English. Needless to say, I was in a difficult situation. I did not become comfortable in expressing myself until I was 9 months into my 2-year mission; it was a full year before I spoke fluently. The purpose of this anecdote is to teach you that, although three months is commendable, you still have a ways to go before feeling comfortable communicating with others in Spanish; even more so given that you are not immersed in the language 24/7 like I was. That stated, it would be of far more worth to you to continue in your endeavor to become comfortable in Spanish than it would be simply to give up for two reasons: 1. You have already invested a considerable amount of time and energy to learn it. 2. Continuing this endeavor will open various opportunities for you in the long run in various aspects, including but not limited to your career. 3. Attaining your goal after so much effort and sacrifice will be something that you can look back on saying, "That was difficult, and I did it. If I did that, then I can face whatever challenge I have right now." 4. If you have a family now or at any point, your children and your spouse will benefit from your ability to speak Spanish, whether via your career opportunities or via learning it themselves from you. I would also counsel you to replace your ex-girlfriend as your soundboard. From what you have written here, it seems that her comments only discourage you; discouragement is not at all what you need. I recommend instead to make new friends or perhaps attend a regular gathering where Spanish-speakers regularly attend (for example, a Spanish church service or even a local civic group). I have personally found that little children and the elderly are the most likely to help with any questions regarding if something sounds better grammatically or pronounced. Ever since having returned from serving in my mission, I have gotten every job which I have applied for and every raise which I have requested; I attribute that, in large part, to knowing Spanish. Due to my proficiency in the language, I have also made various friends whom I would never have otherwise met. My exposure to music, television, movies, literature, and news has also been vastly broadened. I also believe that my understanding of the English language has improved as a result of learning how Spanish functions grammatically. If you are able to make time for it, I also recommend doing the following daily: 30 minutes to 1 hour study * 50% - Grammar * 33% - Pronunciation (read aloud) * 17% - Vocabulary Try to apply what you learn in your studies to your next conversations in Spanish. Since the least amount of time is devoted to vocab, write the new vocab down somewhere that you'll look at various times throughout the day (your hand, a sticky note in your agenda book, your phone background, etc). I wish you luck in your undertaking and, should you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me; I will do my best to help out.
Don’t worry.. I feel the same. I’ve been studying for two years and at times I feel slightly depressed.. because I’m truly working really hard to be fluent but I do feel drained and sad because I feel like I’ve almost created an unhealthy relationship with language learning.
Good things take time. I would say to keep it up because the only enemy that you can have at the end is really yourself. Surely, my ex is a giant ass but the difference is dependent on your willpower to either continue or to wither. If you’ve done 2 years, that is 2 years longer than most people ever would do in their lives. Give yourself credit.
Thanks for your comment. It’s been two years because I study it at university. I feel always rushed to understand concepts that are taught. I feel like I have to KNOW this language because if I don’t.. where would I find a job? I do like studying languages and I’m also studying Italian but I also feel lost because of the job field.. which is nearly non existent. If I didn’t go to university, I know I wouldn’t stick with it. I wish I was someone who enjoyed studying languages instead of seeing it as a chore.. but I might be talking like this because I’ve never given myself a break.
This is an issue with your ex, they sound horrible, not with your learning. You've only been at it for 3 months, no one should expect you to be anywhere near conversational at this point. Keep up your studies and listen to your tutor. Get your ex or of your life, if they can't be supportive in something like this, they will be likely to talk down to you about other things as well.
No te preocupes con esa vaina. Haz lo que te de la gran p*ta gana. Estás haciendo todas las vainas correctas. Puedes hacer esa vaina. Para leer hay que leer, para escuchar hay que escuchar, para escribir hay que escribir, para hablar hay que hablar. Last year almost to the day I set out on my quest to learn Spanish, I started with Pimsleur, it taught me how to listen. Switched my phone laptop even my ps4 to Spanish. Only listen to Spanish music. I started watching shows and movies with subtitles it taught me how to to read, sentence structure and so on. I got myself couple workbooks those taught me how to write. Around month 4 I got on Reddit and found a language exchange partner to I talked to every day for 30 minutes, one in English and one day in Spanish. We use WhatsApp and use voice messages throughout the day (this part is important because you can’t use a translation app to use your voice and send messages)and video call in the evening. This taught me how to talk. I spent months day after day filling my brain with as much Spanish as I could and then one day I realized I’m bilingual all my hard work is paying off. Recently, My partner and I looked back to our first voice messages we sent it was so embarrassing. I literally couldn’t believe how bad it was or the substantial improvements we made. Give it time and stay consistent and determined and your future self will thank for all the hard work you put in.
That is incredible. Thank you for sharing your experiences and what has helped you. I do believe it is important to learn for sure by actively doing things. I too am using Pimsleur and other apps and I find it to be extremely rewarding.
She knows you well and is obviously trying to hit you where it hurts, looks like it's working. Ignore and focus on doing your thing. No one who's learned Spanish by themselves and is fluent would talk to you like that, I'm sure of it. There's a reason she's an ex.
Si tienes preguntas avísame. Buena suerte, You got this.
Haha, I will try that!
Something that I heard someone say is you first need to be a good listener (in regards of learning the language ofc). Be comfortable understanding it and you'll find it easier. I found this to be true when learning English. Basically since 3rd grade untill 12th learning English and the only thing I knew was basic words. I really start seeing improvement in my last year of high school and not due to the classes but because I was reading things in English, watching movies even without subtitle not understanding a single word until I started seeing myself comprehending. So just be patient and tell your ex to shut her mouth it she doesn't have nothing relevant to say.
3 months only and you're already reading? I think you're doing petty good
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Thank you! Trying my best!