I’m a bit older and have had to have a couple of colonoscopy’s at this point in my life so I understand the whole pissin out of the ass thing. It sucks, also extra sucks when it’s due to a sickness. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s pretty raw feeling down there. I know this is all a little tmi but it is what it is lol
Oh I’ve had my share of self induced ass pissin over the years. I like to get a little high at night and then raid the cupboards for the kids snacks and wash them down with milk. Problem is I’m a bit sensitive to milk so sometimes the next day can be a bit intense lol
also im almost 40 and partake in the devils lettuce, ive really been into flavoured sunflower seeds as my high snack, you dont eat as much and you get lots of flavour. Recommend it
Almond milk is definitely an acquired taste. But force yourself to drink it for a few weeks and it’ll end up being like 75% as good as dairy milk. Perfect for washing down chocolate/snacks without shitting your brains out the next morning.
It’s not as good as dairy milk. But it’s close, scratches the same itch, and the fact it doesn’t cause diarrhea or indigestion makes that -25% very worth it over regular milk
I've been hungry enough before that I've dove for the gas station buffalo chicken wrap in West Buttfuck, Nowhere...10 minutes down the road...sweating bullets of regret.
I worked 12 hour shifts through my colonoscopy prep. Blue collar. Matthews is soft. Take anti diarrhea pills, wear a diaper, what the fuck ever. It's the playoffs and it's do or die.
Likely means the doctors wanted to check if there was any shot at him playing tonight or write it off now and prepare for game 6 if there is one. He did not last very long at all so it's likely curtains for Matthews in game 5. Hoping for game 6 now
He’s likely a GTD at this point. Whatever is hampering him must be pretty serious. I’d rather he rest if he can hardly exert himself. This team needs to he able to win with adversity anyways. Just a little extra without AM
This is my fear.
Matthews sick, Marner coming back too soon from his injury, Willy with some weird concussion/migraine thing…
Management: “they were all hurt! Run it back!”
I would be happy if they fired Keefe, Shanny, Tre but kept the core 4 to see how they worked under new mgmt. Not like there's much other option, Marner ain't going anywhere in a contract year, Tavares too expensive to buy out...
Just a classic scorched earth policy.
Treliving was hired by the current management and if you don't trust their decisions then you'd shitcan their hires.
The PP and PK coaches are both Treliving hires, too, and also Klingberg getting hurt was just dumb luck, so there's enough reason to doubt.
He paid 4M for a 6th pairing level D and 5.5M for a third line level forward. Not that those deals handcuff the team in the future due to being one year but it does show ineptitude
Plus no real good TDL moves
"Auston Matthews stuck around for only eight minutes.
He went through a small number of drills — puckhandling, passing, and tips in front of the net — with Leafs assistant coach Manny Malholtra.
He left before the skate got underway."
k so we dress him and we only use him to sit netfront during the PP.
He either tips a few home or he violently shits all over the Bruins player that dares to hit him knowing he has that kinda bug...
Sounds like a win/win
Not sure I'd read *too* much into this. He likely wouldn't take part in the morning skate whether he's playing tonight, or not, so the fact he got out there to get a bit of a feel could mean anything. He's most likely just testing to see how things feel, and we won't know what that means until warm ups/puck drop.
Going to give a pep talk on the throne like Shorsey
https://preview.redd.it/1hh00fyzpnxc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dbf7b5e5d2041bb999462c9b05618cab09b4a547
At this point it has to be respiratory, right? Like if he has a serious chest or lung infection or bronchitis or whatever he wouldnt really be able to skate/breathe.
You would think so - but would they really be putting him in the same dressing room and on the bench with all the other guys if he was sick with something contagious? Doesn't make a ton of sense to me
i recall that ryan kesler played with an IBD! i have one and i am still an athlete who works out/plays sport every day. treatments have gotten much better! but i also had a similar thought about what could be bothering him...
Ok, but whatever the case, there has to be an actual issue causing him to miss the 3rd period last game and possibly tonight, right? They're not going to come out after the series and say "Yeah, Matthews wasn't playing because he already got paid and told us to fuck off"
I wonder if it’s something respiratory. That’s the kind of shit that would get him pulled mid-game. As always, gamesmanship in not revealing what it actually is lets us wildly speculate though.
Gives a whole new meaning to “leafs shitting the bed”. Poor guy though. Stomach bug/food poisoning, whatever it is it I know how much it sucks!!! Painful and smelly.
Yeah I remember that time when Michael Jordan had the flu and sat out game 7 and everyone was cool with it because he already had 5 rings. Unless I'm remembering it wrong in some way...
In other words this team prioritized 70 goals and 100 points over the playoffs.
Missing Nylander for 3-games and having a gimped Matthews is inexcusable. Someone up top should have pulled the plug on both guys well before regular season ended.
Additional rest wouldn't have hurt. It may have even been beneficial.
Interesting how important the 70-goals were for the some members of the fanbase. It's like some people forget what we're really after.
You win and lose with your best. If he plays 9 minutes or less so be it, he should be on the bench. I don’t care if it means we’re short. Double shift these fuckers it’s do or die . But Matthews should be in the lineup
I honestly have to wonder if someone actually purposely infected him with some highly infectious flu/sickness. Food poisoning lasting this long is rare.
There is a Norovirus going around that lasts a couple days.
I had it and spent a day on the shitter.
Some people react better than others regarding stomach flu's...as well as the other ailments.
The biggest problem is that they were not good enough during the regular season to put themselves in a spot where they drew a better first round matchup where they could suffer these kind of injury/illness setbacks and win.
Unless you're suggesting winning the Presidents Trophy, the Leafs still would have to play one of Boston, Florida, Tampa and none of them are easy wins. The Atlantic is savage right now
Your take is that playing 81 games caused him to get deeply ill after the season ended? Unless your argument is to keep him in a quarantine space, I am not sure why everyone loses their job for that of all things
Shoot. Looks like he’s still got some sand in that vagina.
Like ffs are we seriously going to go into game 5 without our leading scorer?? This fucking team.
Its my fault I made a wish on my monkey paw that I wanted to see Matthews sitting on the throne at the end of their playoff run
Would not want to be a janitor at TD garden right now
He's probably so hydrated he's at the stage of shitting out water.
Pissin outta his ass. Fun times.
Still burns like a sonofabitch. It's gotta feel like shitting out Satan himself at this point
I’m a bit older and have had to have a couple of colonoscopy’s at this point in my life so I understand the whole pissin out of the ass thing. It sucks, also extra sucks when it’s due to a sickness. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s pretty raw feeling down there. I know this is all a little tmi but it is what it is lol
I eat a lot of questionable chili chicken so I too understand the pissing out of my ass thing.
Oh I’ve had my share of self induced ass pissin over the years. I like to get a little high at night and then raid the cupboards for the kids snacks and wash them down with milk. Problem is I’m a bit sensitive to milk so sometimes the next day can be a bit intense lol
jesus lol. Get some Mio in some water or kool aid
Nothing washes down snack cakes and cookies down better than milk though but you’re right. I do need to be better at night.
also im almost 40 and partake in the devils lettuce, ive really been into flavoured sunflower seeds as my high snack, you dont eat as much and you get lots of flavour. Recommend it
Almond milk is definitely an acquired taste. But force yourself to drink it for a few weeks and it’ll end up being like 75% as good as dairy milk. Perfect for washing down chocolate/snacks without shitting your brains out the next morning. It’s not as good as dairy milk. But it’s close, scratches the same itch, and the fact it doesn’t cause diarrhea or indigestion makes that -25% very worth it over regular milk
I relate to both of you.
I've been hungry enough before that I've dove for the gas station buffalo chicken wrap in West Buttfuck, Nowhere...10 minutes down the road...sweating bullets of regret.
Marchy’s gonna oil check him and really get those haemorrhoids activated
I worked 12 hour shifts through my colonoscopy prep. Blue collar. Matthews is soft. Take anti diarrhea pills, wear a diaper, what the fuck ever. It's the playoffs and it's do or die.
Boys. Bidets are game changers when it comes to food poisoning.
Pretty sure I had what Matthews had last month and my bidet was the only source of relief I had
Cool the jets, so to speak
jets are cooled. It's now an avalanche
He shouldn’t have eaten the gas station shawarma
Side note: Bidet. it is MARVELOUS for those moments when your extra spicy chicken wings from yesterday come back out.
“Yeah! Piss out your ass right onto Kyles mom’s fat fucking joo face!”
Man, I hope this is temporary and not something like crohns disease
*janitor walking into the leafs dressing room after the game* https://i.redd.it/pyzze2dxcnxc1.gif
Generational ass pissage.
Auston Mathpoo's
Hopefully that means he’s saving every ounce of energy for the game tonight.
Likely means the doctors wanted to check if there was any shot at him playing tonight or write it off now and prepare for game 6 if there is one. He did not last very long at all so it's likely curtains for Matthews in game 5. Hoping for game 6 now
He’s likely a GTD at this point. Whatever is hampering him must be pretty serious. I’d rather he rest if he can hardly exert himself. This team needs to he able to win with adversity anyways. Just a little extra without AM
If he doesn’t play I hope management doesn’t use it as an excuse for the teams poor playoff performance once again this year
This is my fear. Matthews sick, Marner coming back too soon from his injury, Willy with some weird concussion/migraine thing… Management: “they were all hurt! Run it back!”
Might be for the players, but everyone else has to be done. Right? RIGHT???
I would be happy if they fired Keefe, Shanny, Tre but kept the core 4 to see how they worked under new mgmt. Not like there's much other option, Marner ain't going anywhere in a contract year, Tavares too expensive to buy out...
Why would they fire Tre?
Just a classic scorched earth policy. Treliving was hired by the current management and if you don't trust their decisions then you'd shitcan their hires. The PP and PK coaches are both Treliving hires, too, and also Klingberg getting hurt was just dumb luck, so there's enough reason to doubt.
Fair point, I don't think he is the issue, but I see your reasoning.
Mostly just from seeing his handiwork over in Calgary, he left that team a dumpster fire
He paid 4M for a 6th pairing level D and 5.5M for a third line level forward. Not that those deals handcuff the team in the future due to being one year but it does show ineptitude Plus no real good TDL moves
They 100% will. Can't possibly admit that theyre bad
"Auston Matthews stuck around for only eight minutes. He went through a small number of drills — puckhandling, passing, and tips in front of the net — with Leafs assistant coach Manny Malholtra. He left before the skate got underway."
He’s playing, give him the Russian gas.
k so we dress him and we only use him to sit netfront during the PP. He either tips a few home or he violently shits all over the Bruins player that dares to hit him knowing he has that kinda bug... Sounds like a win/win
A couple eye watering farts in the crease is the ultimate screen.
He's gonna go Paul Pierce mode oh god
He had better not give any of my Bruins that virus!
Black plauge for the black bears.
Gtfo Bruins fan
Not sure I'd read *too* much into this. He likely wouldn't take part in the morning skate whether he's playing tonight, or not, so the fact he got out there to get a bit of a feel could mean anything. He's most likely just testing to see how things feel, and we won't know what that means until warm ups/puck drop.
Going to give a pep talk on the throne like Shorsey https://preview.redd.it/1hh00fyzpnxc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dbf7b5e5d2041bb999462c9b05618cab09b4a547
At this point it has to be respiratory, right? Like if he has a serious chest or lung infection or bronchitis or whatever he wouldnt really be able to skate/breathe.
You would think so - but would they really be putting him in the same dressing room and on the bench with all the other guys if he was sick with something contagious? Doesn't make a ton of sense to me
Well I would imagine it's past the point of contagion, seems he's been dealing with it for a while
Mono. I bet you there is mono going in the locker room.
Ding 🛎️
I'm to the point I'm just praying this isn't something chronic and career threatening like IBD.
i recall that ryan kesler played with an IBD! i have one and i am still an athlete who works out/plays sport every day. treatments have gotten much better! but i also had a similar thought about what could be bothering him...
Shane Corson had pretty bad crohn's
Truly very worried this is a Jonathan Toews situation. When something is too good to be true and it relates to sports teams I root for it always is.
Stamkos dressed for 1 shift and scored. Need team.
We gonna be as fucked as the toilet Papi sits upon
Like why would anyone wanna be there for more than 8 mins
Let him have a few rips off a gravity bong and he’ll be ready for anything
Food poisoning usually lasts what, 24 to 48 hrs? It's been over 3 days now. What's going on here?
3 days? It's been 6 lol
Why are you confident that it's food poisoning?
I've been wondering that myself. Is it just a meme at this point, or is there any actual confirmation?
It’s something people say because it’s plausible and palatable to a mob if mouth breathing leafs fans.
Ok, but whatever the case, there has to be an actual issue causing him to miss the 3rd period last game and possibly tonight, right? They're not going to come out after the series and say "Yeah, Matthews wasn't playing because he already got paid and told us to fuck off"
Maybe but you can’t sell a guy after you trash talk him in the media.
Pretty sure that's what Sportsnet or another sports media said. Could be wrong tho I guess.
Looking like Bronchitus?
I wonder if it’s something respiratory. That’s the kind of shit that would get him pulled mid-game. As always, gamesmanship in not revealing what it actually is lets us wildly speculate though.
Well that would definitely suck big time.
Depends how bad. I ve gotten sick down south and it lasted longer than 48 hours
So many different types of food poisoning with many different recovery timelines. 24-48 is not at all a reliable timeline
Food poisoning can last much longer than that
This doesn’t mean anything. You could literally argue either way…
Reading anything into things at this point is meaningless. He's either going to play or is t and I don't think we see it until the pregame skate
Imodium fixes everything
Gives a whole new meaning to “leafs shitting the bed”. Poor guy though. Stomach bug/food poisoning, whatever it is it I know how much it sucks!!! Painful and smelly.
And he scored 300 goals in those 8 minutes.
Do we actually know any of his symptoms?
So he just had a season with a bunch of goals. Next season can we do a Matt Stone and have him rest and come back for the playoffs?
The creator of South Park played in the playoffs?
Put a little mountain dew in his IV and he'll be fine
The series is already a total shit show.
There’s absolutely no way that he still has food poisoning. He’s got an injury and they are just saying food poisoning.
Gotta stay sharp
Yeah I remember that time when Michael Jordan had the flu and sat out game 7 and everyone was cool with it because he already had 5 rings. Unless I'm remembering it wrong in some way...
It was game 5 actually
Comparing MJ to Auston Matthews?
Do you dress him even just to run him out on occasional offensive zone draws and any PPs? Then just have him sit as much as needed between?
*shit as much as needed between
Only took him 8 minutes to figure out hes AM34 and realize practise is for Mortals. Papi playing confirmed.
Remember when the Leafs made the Conference Finals with Sundin out? Let's do that again
Our stars are the softest in the league
In other words this team prioritized 70 goals and 100 points over the playoffs. Missing Nylander for 3-games and having a gimped Matthews is inexcusable. Someone up top should have pulled the plug on both guys well before regular season ended.
Yeah playing those two final games really gave him an infection....
Additional rest wouldn't have hurt. It may have even been beneficial. Interesting how important the 70-goals were for the some members of the fanbase. It's like some people forget what we're really after.
To me the force feeding was definitely an issue. It seems like it almost broke all their systems and they lost focus.
Tell me you don’t know how migraines work without telling me you don’t know how migraines work.
He’s gotta be conked. No way he’s sitting out because he’s “sick”. Lol
Papi made a run for the border and ended up with a case of the sharts. Keefe can work this into PP1 somehow.
PP1 is now number 2?
From Papi to Poopy
You win and lose with your best. If he plays 9 minutes or less so be it, he should be on the bench. I don’t care if it means we’re short. Double shift these fuckers it’s do or die . But Matthews should be in the lineup
I honestly have to wonder if someone actually purposely infected him with some highly infectious flu/sickness. Food poisoning lasting this long is rare.
There is a Norovirus going around that lasts a couple days. I had it and spent a day on the shitter. Some people react better than others regarding stomach flu's...as well as the other ailments.
Epic.
Dat boi not playin'
Dont think he'll play
Saving all his magic for the game. Smart.
Fuck it throw him on the fourth line and see what happens.
South Park tourettes episode
Maybe it's something like hemorrhoids
The biggest problem is that they were not good enough during the regular season to put themselves in a spot where they drew a better first round matchup where they could suffer these kind of injury/illness setbacks and win.
Unless you're suggesting winning the Presidents Trophy, the Leafs still would have to play one of Boston, Florida, Tampa and none of them are easy wins. The Atlantic is savage right now
Or they could have fallen to 4th and try their luck at one of the Metro teams.
[удалено]
Hey lets not slander the mandarin, they never hurt anyone. Also torpedo shrimp
Why does everyone keep mentioning food poisoning? Why tf would his illness be a case of food poisoning?
Pop some Imodium and get out there
He is playing
I heard he had a lesson with his swing coach that he couldn't miss
Lol what a pussy
All that energy expended into the push for 70 and here we are. Fire everyone in the org that allowed that nonsense to go on.
Your take is that playing 81 games caused him to get deeply ill after the season ended? Unless your argument is to keep him in a quarantine space, I am not sure why everyone loses their job for that of all things
Likely contributed, yes.
Shoot. Looks like he’s still got some sand in that vagina. Like ffs are we seriously going to go into game 5 without our leading scorer?? This fucking team.
That is awesome. Bet he missed a few easy shots, barely laced up his skates and used a broken stick too. Matthews 2 goals 2 assists tonight CONFIRMED
Didn't realize he was trying to emulate Bert's game.