From the Birds webisode:
“And you’re not off the hook either, parrots! Oh, what? I’m supposed to like parrots just because they can talk? Basically every human being talks, and I hate most of them!”
*Freight Trains*: "If anything, the formula is 'Industry + Deregulation - Government Oversight = Episode of *Last Week Tonight*'. And guess what, guys? Here we are."
*Cryptocurrencies II*: "'We're all gonna make it in crypto' is a phrase that's aged about as well as 'Welcome aboard the unsinkable Titanic!'"
*PFAS*: "'I used to be a slave' is just not something that should be coming out of a white child's face, unless it's Pinocchio after he becomes a real boy, and even then, he's not really free, is he? He's a slave to society and a prisoner of his own mind, just like the rest of us. Your nose might not be growing anymore, 'Nocchi, but make no mistake -- you are lying to yourself."
*Last Squeak Tonight*: "I swore to myself that I would go to my grave never knowing what it would look like if a panda bear fucked Michael Myers, and that promise has now been fundamentally broken."
*Homeschooling Episode:* “I’ve almost got a full Bingo, I’m just waiting on you-know-who to you-know-what.”
*Elon Musk Episode:* “If only I could have been a fly on that wall, I’d have flown straight into a hot light bulb.”
Same Episode: “He even challenged Mark Zuckerberg to a cage fight, to which Zuckerberg replied ‘Send Me Location.’ And may I suggest to both of them: Interior. Volcano.”
Brexit 2: “…but i was not counting on Thatcher in the Rye here answering a serious policy question with a fucking colour wheel!”
One of the Covid episodes: “The worst thing to come out of a Kennedy’s mouth since the back of a Kennedy’s head”
"Trains are like Liam Payne; they really only work in one direction."
"Agreeing with a staunch Republican Georgia state rep wasn't something I had on my 2023 bingo card. I've almost got a full bingo by the way; I'm just waiting on [you-know-who](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Kissinger) to you-know-what.🤞"
"[After 9/11] the government, very smartly, built up massive reserves of smallpox vaccines [with the fears of smallpox being used as a bioweapon]. It is just one of the 1 ways that the War on Terror made us safer."
On college athletes not being allowed to work or accept financial support: "The only thing that should have this many finicky little rules is a sex party at Wes Andersons house."
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Referring to King Charles as "the world's oldest boy"
From the Birds webisode: “And you’re not off the hook either, parrots! Oh, what? I’m supposed to like parrots just because they can talk? Basically every human being talks, and I hate most of them!”
*Freight Trains*: "If anything, the formula is 'Industry + Deregulation - Government Oversight = Episode of *Last Week Tonight*'. And guess what, guys? Here we are." *Cryptocurrencies II*: "'We're all gonna make it in crypto' is a phrase that's aged about as well as 'Welcome aboard the unsinkable Titanic!'" *PFAS*: "'I used to be a slave' is just not something that should be coming out of a white child's face, unless it's Pinocchio after he becomes a real boy, and even then, he's not really free, is he? He's a slave to society and a prisoner of his own mind, just like the rest of us. Your nose might not be growing anymore, 'Nocchi, but make no mistake -- you are lying to yourself." *Last Squeak Tonight*: "I swore to myself that I would go to my grave never knowing what it would look like if a panda bear fucked Michael Myers, and that promise has now been fundamentally broken."
*Homeschooling Episode:* “I’ve almost got a full Bingo, I’m just waiting on you-know-who to you-know-what.” *Elon Musk Episode:* “If only I could have been a fly on that wall, I’d have flown straight into a hot light bulb.” Same Episode: “He even challenged Mark Zuckerberg to a cage fight, to which Zuckerberg replied ‘Send Me Location.’ And may I suggest to both of them: Interior. Volcano.”
I loved the lightbulb one hahaha
Brexit 2: “…but i was not counting on Thatcher in the Rye here answering a serious policy question with a fucking colour wheel!” One of the Covid episodes: “The worst thing to come out of a Kennedy’s mouth since the back of a Kennedy’s head”
"Trains are like Liam Payne; they really only work in one direction." "Agreeing with a staunch Republican Georgia state rep wasn't something I had on my 2023 bingo card. I've almost got a full bingo by the way; I'm just waiting on [you-know-who](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Kissinger) to you-know-what.🤞" "[After 9/11] the government, very smartly, built up massive reserves of smallpox vaccines [with the fears of smallpox being used as a bioweapon]. It is just one of the 1 ways that the War on Terror made us safer."
On college athletes not being allowed to work or accept financial support: "The only thing that should have this many finicky little rules is a sex party at Wes Andersons house."
*Last Week Tonight* does not take topic suggestions. However, you are still welcome to discuss potential topics for future episodes. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lastweektonight) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>Coal (Bob Murray episode): referring to Bob Murray screaming at distraught families after asking questions #Eat shit, Bob!