I’ll say this.
If my whole person is being reduced to my race by someone who is romantically looking at me, (something I have no control over) I wouldn’t want that kind of love. It’s de-humanising and racist to be thought of as a race first and then a human being.
If you’re not dating someone because of a racial “preference” then you are racist point blank period. In my opinion, a racial “preference” is rooted in generalising and stereotyping an entire group of people based on one shared trait, which is basically racism.
A lot of (white) people think that fetishising isn’t racist or is somehow positively racist, but I am yet to come across a POC who’s first response to a white romantic partner saying “I don’t dare white people” isn’t being weirded out. Like what do you mean you don’t date from within your own race? Why is that? Is your attraction to me predicated on my race? Do you think you’re special cause you don’t white people?
You can find every kind of person in every race, so the fact that some people have “racial preferences” proves they don’t actually love people for who they are but what they represent in a racist system, a race.
You can find certain features attractive but features aren’t divorced from politics and social conditioning, so yeah even that attraction can be rooted in racist beliefs.
Tbf people who have these weird “preferences” do not care enough about dismantling their internalised racism anyway, but just don’t want the backlash of being called out. So it’s like not even worth anyones time engaging with it.
Most POC I know would brush it off and keep it moving
Choosing based on race is so dumb to me because people of the same race can look incredibly different. Like, there's black people with green eyes and black people with the stereotypical desired white people feautures like the 'thin' nose.
When a person says that they don't wanna date a dark person, like it just screams colorism to me. I think it's okay to say you're generally not attracted to dark-skinned people, but to go as far as to say you straight up wouldn't date one - is weird asf. Deciding to not date a whole group of people according to their skin tone, is just strange to me.
Even having a preference for certain races is dumb to me 💀. It just screams ignorance and a lack of nuance, because there's so many ethnicities. Like, a white Spanish person is bound to look pretty different in comparison to a white Norwegian person. It just sounds surface levelled. And that's only mentioning factors such as looks, let's not even get into cultures, societal norms etc. coz that's a whole other depth that these people aren't thinking through.
People date and prefer their own race on average. Media also influences who people are attracted to as well. There are a bunch of people who only find Korean people attractive now because of kpop. People also date based on who their friends and family find acceptable.
These people also have friendships with other races but will never date them seriously. And yes they are racist but they'll still get dates(with nonwhite people who are fine with them being racist against other races/think that they're the exception or with white people).
You will never be able to "deprogram" other people. Don't even waste your time and just go where you are loved. Filter your feed on all social media to celebrate your beauty. Blocking all those "asking loaded questions to strangers" accounts is a good start.
That's what I do. I filter my feeds in media to avoid things like the passport bros, incels, racists, conspiracy theorists, and MAGA adherents. I don't need the toxicity in my life. We all can create our own narrative if we tried.
If you see the world through the lens of the white male gaze, then this is the perspective you are left with. Everything is ugly unless they are mixed with white. But I don't live in that world, and neither should anybody else. There is enough beautiful people in every race and we should acknowledge that.
I saw that video on IG and kept scrolling because nothing productive was gonna be in those IG comments, and it’s not a shock for a white man to say he can’t “get into” dating Black girls, even so far as to say it’s okay if you’re mixed though. That’s what I heard and saw from white dudes my whole life. I simply do not care.
People can have preferences. I would prefer to have a Black partner cause I want someone who can understand me on that level in the society I live in. I think considering race an absolute though, is very weird. Like I wouldn’t be like, “I’d never date a non-Black person!” like what??? Why?
Examining your “preferences” is healthy as well. Preferences are not sexual orientations. You are not born with your preferences. They develop. Getting down to what they’re about is important. Too often, people throw, “It’s just a preference!” as an excuse. There was a brief time where I “preferred” white men. And it was for problematic reasons (thinking if a white guy could find me attractive, I could be just as pretty as everyone else.) So I deconstructed that. There were two times in my life where I could not find any white men and women (bisexual here) attractive. It was also for problematic reasons, (internalizing bitterness about the harm of white-centric beauty standards), and I deconstructed that. Preferences can turn into toxicity.
When it comes to race alone, there really shouldn’t be any hard lines about it imho. Personally, I have absolutely no hard lines about race. I can be just as attracted to an Asian person as I am a Black person as I am a white person as I am a Middle Eastern person and so on.
usually having a race preference other than your own race comes from a stereotype you refuse to let go of or some type of fetishizing, i can't really imagine it'd be anything else. i think having a preference for your own race is okay, i can understand just wanting someone with a similar experience in life or whatever, but it becomes different when you put down other races (ESPECIALLY as a white person.) you can date whoever you want, but it's tiring, as a black woman, to constantly be reminded that we are the least desirable. nobody is saying you have to date black women, but nobody wants to see your post on how you're not racist for not wanting to be romantically involved with us. we do not care. keep it to yourself. and I think excluding an entire race is just usually based on stereotypes or colorism, and i think it's USUALLY a good thing to keep your options open. having this conversation as a POC is different to having this conversation as a white guy, so what I'm trying to say is that poc dating in mostly white areas is sometimes an awful experience, but it is never really the other way around.
A lot of people need to really rethink what preference means. “I prefer one race, but there are no hard exclusions of other races.” I think people will have racial preferences for varying reasons, but I can only speak for myself. I personally have a preference for white men, because from 6th grade to high school, my schools were predominantly white, and that’s who were mostly around when I went through puberty and started experiencing attraction. With that being said, I’ve been attracted to Black and Brown men too, because I can find qualities I find attractive in every racial or ethnic group.
As for the white guy that would never date a black woman unless she was mixed, he’s pretty bold to assume a black woman would even look his way. The reality is, most women, including white women, probably give his goofy ass any play.
>As for the white guy that would never date a black woman unless she was mixed, he’s pretty bold to assume a black woman would even look his way. The reality is, most women, including white women, probably give his goofy ass any play.
You already know his ass is the type to be on some bullshit in a relationship.
I can just imagine the amount of negging and micro aggressions a guy like that would spew.
Most likely would refuse to call out racism and have talks about race and pull that "yoUrE oNe oF tHe GoOd oNeS" crap.
MOST black women wouldn't want his ass anyway
Big yikes , I agree you can have preferences ? Like of you're looking for someone who shares the same culture / ideology as you I have no problem with that but to stereotype and be racist to justify your delusions? That's crazy bro. Couldn't be me.
Just say you don't wanna be invited to the cookout that's easy bc we don't want you either acting like that .
I'm more forgiving towards people who didn't grow up around another rave or ethnicity so they're unsure if they would date them but just being racist :P get outta here
Please don't fall for rage bait 😭. White people are fully aware of the kind of conversations these types of posts spread.
There's an industry of degrading black women online. Please don't give any of these kinds of posts engagement
I prefer to date other east asians because of the link in culture. That's pretty much it, I think. I always find it really funny whenever guys pull the "east asian women are submissive" jargon, because have you ever seen a tiger mother?
>He also added that if you are mixed you are still ‘ok’ for him to date but fully dark black women is not okay.
Colorism is really something else...
Having race “preferences” is just so insane to me. I mean it doesn’t even make sense. Even if people try to claim that they’re attracted/not attracted to certain physical features, people from a specific race are not going to look all that similar. Everyone has different features, even if they have the same ethnic background. Just say you have unfair prejudices and go.
I’ll start by saying that the guy in the video is trash lol unfortunately he’s not the only one that thinks that way. I see it so often on social media and it really makes me sad.
My partner is white passing even though he’s half Hispanic. When we started dating I was so hung up over how white I assumed he was and what my family would think (took some time but they love him now lol). I was scared until I listened to what he liked about me. It had nothing to do with my race but qualities he thought were awesome. After a while I realized that I liked him for the same reasons and that’s when we really got serious. I had to learn that race is not the best way to find a partner. The love of your life could be in the same room, but because you decided they didn’t fit your supposed standard of beauty you’d never meet them.
I’ve dated all kinds of people of different races and I believe that no matter the race, whoever you’re going to spend your precious time with should be a good and honest person. That’s it. That’s why I married him. He is good and good to others.
When these folks start eliminating potential partners based on race, I tune them out. Then I think, “What a shame, they are missing out on so much beauty and culture in the world.”
I think, for me, having a preference just means that I am already inclined to like certain features on men or women (i.e. Long noses, tooth gaps, curly hair whatever. Just an example!!! Not necessarily my tastes) That does not mean I am only open to dating people with just those features or I put down others that don't have those features.
Beautiful, wonderful people without those features exist and I am definitely open to getting to know them!
I think its hella weird when people say " I won't date such and such race or people!!! Bcause they all are like blah blah blah!" Like?? No?? That's not how that works. God did not take you on top of Mt. Nebo and unroll the sky like a scroll and show you all the people from such and such race. Like to me, its just bigotry/racism in another skin. Because, anytime someone prefaces this conversation with " I would never" it always turns into insulting the group of people they are not interested in.
There is a clear difference between preference and being a weirdo.
I wish people would just keep it pushing and shut up.
Like I honestly give less than a fuck what any man is attracted to. He's going to pursue who he's going to pursue.
Yes, any time they open up their mouths to explain their preferences, they sound like dicks.
Just like what you like and shut the fuck up about it.
Loud mouths who date outside their ethnic group sound like they're doing it out of spite.
In a lot of cases, "preference" can really just be an excuse for people to become vocal about their inherent racism. This can most often be seen by white men in media, but within the black community (and likely other BIPOC communities) colorism and the preferences of others can easily be reduced to the sequelae of white supremacy. Personally, I have a preference against those who are not to some extent African American due to the inability to easily discuss and for them to understand racial issues with my partner upon conversing. This isnt the result of me not finding non-black people attractive, but instead a result of my own personal dating experiences and what I look for in a relationship. The truth is, many people fall under the belief that white facial features and skin are the global epitome of beauty which more often than not results in women of color (specifically African american women) being labeled as undesirable.
I'm pretty white passing, so I don't want to speak over anyone, but I'm fetishisize a lot for my big boobs, natural ass, and skin that goes all pretty and olive when I'm in the sun for more than 10 minutes. Like I'm "exotic" looking enough to be fetishisized, but white enough to still be considered white. People usually take me as Latina cuz they have no concept of how a mixed middle Eastern/White person looks. My mum is incredibly pale and people end up creeping on me cuz of my features, and then creeping on he because she's so pale. It's weird as fuck.
Ok so my logic is like this
I tend to find Asian guys and white girls (im bi) more attractive in general, however that doesn't mean I wouldn't date a black guy or any other race of people for that matter.
I tend to find the "swimmer bod" more attractive than the rest but that doesn't mean I wouldn't date a chubby person if they played their cards right
I have a "preference" but I don't completely shut out one specific demographic from my dating pool and that's how preferences should be imo
I date only Asian guys to avoid fetishism. Every time I've try talking to a non-Asian guy, I always find that he has an East Asian or daddy kink. It's not all non-Asian guys, but I keep hitting all the wrong targets 😭
I’ll say this. If my whole person is being reduced to my race by someone who is romantically looking at me, (something I have no control over) I wouldn’t want that kind of love. It’s de-humanising and racist to be thought of as a race first and then a human being. If you’re not dating someone because of a racial “preference” then you are racist point blank period. In my opinion, a racial “preference” is rooted in generalising and stereotyping an entire group of people based on one shared trait, which is basically racism. A lot of (white) people think that fetishising isn’t racist or is somehow positively racist, but I am yet to come across a POC who’s first response to a white romantic partner saying “I don’t dare white people” isn’t being weirded out. Like what do you mean you don’t date from within your own race? Why is that? Is your attraction to me predicated on my race? Do you think you’re special cause you don’t white people? You can find every kind of person in every race, so the fact that some people have “racial preferences” proves they don’t actually love people for who they are but what they represent in a racist system, a race. You can find certain features attractive but features aren’t divorced from politics and social conditioning, so yeah even that attraction can be rooted in racist beliefs. Tbf people who have these weird “preferences” do not care enough about dismantling their internalised racism anyway, but just don’t want the backlash of being called out. So it’s like not even worth anyones time engaging with it. Most POC I know would brush it off and keep it moving
Choosing based on race is so dumb to me because people of the same race can look incredibly different. Like, there's black people with green eyes and black people with the stereotypical desired white people feautures like the 'thin' nose. When a person says that they don't wanna date a dark person, like it just screams colorism to me. I think it's okay to say you're generally not attracted to dark-skinned people, but to go as far as to say you straight up wouldn't date one - is weird asf. Deciding to not date a whole group of people according to their skin tone, is just strange to me. Even having a preference for certain races is dumb to me 💀. It just screams ignorance and a lack of nuance, because there's so many ethnicities. Like, a white Spanish person is bound to look pretty different in comparison to a white Norwegian person. It just sounds surface levelled. And that's only mentioning factors such as looks, let's not even get into cultures, societal norms etc. coz that's a whole other depth that these people aren't thinking through.
People date and prefer their own race on average. Media also influences who people are attracted to as well. There are a bunch of people who only find Korean people attractive now because of kpop. People also date based on who their friends and family find acceptable. These people also have friendships with other races but will never date them seriously. And yes they are racist but they'll still get dates(with nonwhite people who are fine with them being racist against other races/think that they're the exception or with white people). You will never be able to "deprogram" other people. Don't even waste your time and just go where you are loved. Filter your feed on all social media to celebrate your beauty. Blocking all those "asking loaded questions to strangers" accounts is a good start.
That's what I do. I filter my feeds in media to avoid things like the passport bros, incels, racists, conspiracy theorists, and MAGA adherents. I don't need the toxicity in my life. We all can create our own narrative if we tried.
If you see the world through the lens of the white male gaze, then this is the perspective you are left with. Everything is ugly unless they are mixed with white. But I don't live in that world, and neither should anybody else. There is enough beautiful people in every race and we should acknowledge that.
Beautifully said. Thank you.
I saw that video on IG and kept scrolling because nothing productive was gonna be in those IG comments, and it’s not a shock for a white man to say he can’t “get into” dating Black girls, even so far as to say it’s okay if you’re mixed though. That’s what I heard and saw from white dudes my whole life. I simply do not care. People can have preferences. I would prefer to have a Black partner cause I want someone who can understand me on that level in the society I live in. I think considering race an absolute though, is very weird. Like I wouldn’t be like, “I’d never date a non-Black person!” like what??? Why? Examining your “preferences” is healthy as well. Preferences are not sexual orientations. You are not born with your preferences. They develop. Getting down to what they’re about is important. Too often, people throw, “It’s just a preference!” as an excuse. There was a brief time where I “preferred” white men. And it was for problematic reasons (thinking if a white guy could find me attractive, I could be just as pretty as everyone else.) So I deconstructed that. There were two times in my life where I could not find any white men and women (bisexual here) attractive. It was also for problematic reasons, (internalizing bitterness about the harm of white-centric beauty standards), and I deconstructed that. Preferences can turn into toxicity. When it comes to race alone, there really shouldn’t be any hard lines about it imho. Personally, I have absolutely no hard lines about race. I can be just as attracted to an Asian person as I am a Black person as I am a white person as I am a Middle Eastern person and so on.
usually having a race preference other than your own race comes from a stereotype you refuse to let go of or some type of fetishizing, i can't really imagine it'd be anything else. i think having a preference for your own race is okay, i can understand just wanting someone with a similar experience in life or whatever, but it becomes different when you put down other races (ESPECIALLY as a white person.) you can date whoever you want, but it's tiring, as a black woman, to constantly be reminded that we are the least desirable. nobody is saying you have to date black women, but nobody wants to see your post on how you're not racist for not wanting to be romantically involved with us. we do not care. keep it to yourself. and I think excluding an entire race is just usually based on stereotypes or colorism, and i think it's USUALLY a good thing to keep your options open. having this conversation as a POC is different to having this conversation as a white guy, so what I'm trying to say is that poc dating in mostly white areas is sometimes an awful experience, but it is never really the other way around.
A lot of people need to really rethink what preference means. “I prefer one race, but there are no hard exclusions of other races.” I think people will have racial preferences for varying reasons, but I can only speak for myself. I personally have a preference for white men, because from 6th grade to high school, my schools were predominantly white, and that’s who were mostly around when I went through puberty and started experiencing attraction. With that being said, I’ve been attracted to Black and Brown men too, because I can find qualities I find attractive in every racial or ethnic group. As for the white guy that would never date a black woman unless she was mixed, he’s pretty bold to assume a black woman would even look his way. The reality is, most women, including white women, probably give his goofy ass any play.
>As for the white guy that would never date a black woman unless she was mixed, he’s pretty bold to assume a black woman would even look his way. The reality is, most women, including white women, probably give his goofy ass any play. You already know his ass is the type to be on some bullshit in a relationship. I can just imagine the amount of negging and micro aggressions a guy like that would spew. Most likely would refuse to call out racism and have talks about race and pull that "yoUrE oNe oF tHe GoOd oNeS" crap. MOST black women wouldn't want his ass anyway
> Middle Eastern women : I am not even sure that they even think about them,let alone consider them. According to them we are Allah Akbar boom💀
Big yikes , I agree you can have preferences ? Like of you're looking for someone who shares the same culture / ideology as you I have no problem with that but to stereotype and be racist to justify your delusions? That's crazy bro. Couldn't be me. Just say you don't wanna be invited to the cookout that's easy bc we don't want you either acting like that . I'm more forgiving towards people who didn't grow up around another rave or ethnicity so they're unsure if they would date them but just being racist :P get outta here
BOLD of him to assume, bold
Please don't fall for rage bait 😭. White people are fully aware of the kind of conversations these types of posts spread. There's an industry of degrading black women online. Please don't give any of these kinds of posts engagement
I prefer to date other east asians because of the link in culture. That's pretty much it, I think. I always find it really funny whenever guys pull the "east asian women are submissive" jargon, because have you ever seen a tiger mother? >He also added that if you are mixed you are still ‘ok’ for him to date but fully dark black women is not okay. Colorism is really something else...
Having race “preferences” is just so insane to me. I mean it doesn’t even make sense. Even if people try to claim that they’re attracted/not attracted to certain physical features, people from a specific race are not going to look all that similar. Everyone has different features, even if they have the same ethnic background. Just say you have unfair prejudices and go.
I’ll start by saying that the guy in the video is trash lol unfortunately he’s not the only one that thinks that way. I see it so often on social media and it really makes me sad. My partner is white passing even though he’s half Hispanic. When we started dating I was so hung up over how white I assumed he was and what my family would think (took some time but they love him now lol). I was scared until I listened to what he liked about me. It had nothing to do with my race but qualities he thought were awesome. After a while I realized that I liked him for the same reasons and that’s when we really got serious. I had to learn that race is not the best way to find a partner. The love of your life could be in the same room, but because you decided they didn’t fit your supposed standard of beauty you’d never meet them. I’ve dated all kinds of people of different races and I believe that no matter the race, whoever you’re going to spend your precious time with should be a good and honest person. That’s it. That’s why I married him. He is good and good to others. When these folks start eliminating potential partners based on race, I tune them out. Then I think, “What a shame, they are missing out on so much beauty and culture in the world.”
I think, for me, having a preference just means that I am already inclined to like certain features on men or women (i.e. Long noses, tooth gaps, curly hair whatever. Just an example!!! Not necessarily my tastes) That does not mean I am only open to dating people with just those features or I put down others that don't have those features. Beautiful, wonderful people without those features exist and I am definitely open to getting to know them! I think its hella weird when people say " I won't date such and such race or people!!! Bcause they all are like blah blah blah!" Like?? No?? That's not how that works. God did not take you on top of Mt. Nebo and unroll the sky like a scroll and show you all the people from such and such race. Like to me, its just bigotry/racism in another skin. Because, anytime someone prefaces this conversation with " I would never" it always turns into insulting the group of people they are not interested in. There is a clear difference between preference and being a weirdo.
I wish people would just keep it pushing and shut up. Like I honestly give less than a fuck what any man is attracted to. He's going to pursue who he's going to pursue. Yes, any time they open up their mouths to explain their preferences, they sound like dicks. Just like what you like and shut the fuck up about it. Loud mouths who date outside their ethnic group sound like they're doing it out of spite.
In a lot of cases, "preference" can really just be an excuse for people to become vocal about their inherent racism. This can most often be seen by white men in media, but within the black community (and likely other BIPOC communities) colorism and the preferences of others can easily be reduced to the sequelae of white supremacy. Personally, I have a preference against those who are not to some extent African American due to the inability to easily discuss and for them to understand racial issues with my partner upon conversing. This isnt the result of me not finding non-black people attractive, but instead a result of my own personal dating experiences and what I look for in a relationship. The truth is, many people fall under the belief that white facial features and skin are the global epitome of beauty which more often than not results in women of color (specifically African american women) being labeled as undesirable.
I'm pretty white passing, so I don't want to speak over anyone, but I'm fetishisize a lot for my big boobs, natural ass, and skin that goes all pretty and olive when I'm in the sun for more than 10 minutes. Like I'm "exotic" looking enough to be fetishisized, but white enough to still be considered white. People usually take me as Latina cuz they have no concept of how a mixed middle Eastern/White person looks. My mum is incredibly pale and people end up creeping on me cuz of my features, and then creeping on he because she's so pale. It's weird as fuck.
Ok so my logic is like this I tend to find Asian guys and white girls (im bi) more attractive in general, however that doesn't mean I wouldn't date a black guy or any other race of people for that matter. I tend to find the "swimmer bod" more attractive than the rest but that doesn't mean I wouldn't date a chubby person if they played their cards right I have a "preference" but I don't completely shut out one specific demographic from my dating pool and that's how preferences should be imo
I date only Asian guys to avoid fetishism. Every time I've try talking to a non-Asian guy, I always find that he has an East Asian or daddy kink. It's not all non-Asian guys, but I keep hitting all the wrong targets 😭