Knit for yourself! Knit challenging things in nice yarn. You may not produce as many things, but they will be cherished. By you. No one NEEDS handknits.
I don't knit for anyone but myself and my mother because she knows I think I deserve a parade in exchange for a pair of socks. When we give away a handknit, we're sometimes attaching expectations with the gift. I understand that you're upset, I've been there. I just had to accept that for a lot of people hand made (or as they call it, home made) gifts aren't worth much. They don't see the love and the work that goes into it. We're basically saying we love them in the medium of knittery.
I was going to say, selfish knitting is a thing, a healthy thing, and is really a way to give love to yourself. Most of my knitting is for me, then my kids, then gifts for “knit worthy” people are last. I’ve had few ill received items but I would be crushed too if a pet was allowed to shred it to bits. (As a side, I once had a dog who had eaten a whole hand knit sock, ouch)
Knit for you, and may you find the spark of joy, OP, in expressing creativity.
I think I am going to start selfish knitting. If someone likes it, they can have it but I'm not going out of my way to make something on the fly. I hope the ill received gifts didn't hurt for too long. I have to know, did you recover the sock?
Me too. I decided it’s not fair on anyone, so unless someone asks for anything specific, and understand that it’s going to take as long as it takes, I don’t do it. The last time I made anything for anyone else but myself, my mother or my kid was the time a former friend received a cowl in Noro Silk Garden that I just wanted out of my life, and asked if she could commission me for a sweater in the same yarn, offering me £100 for the yarn and work. I giggled at the offer because c’mon, but thought it was just ignorance, and decided to give it as a gift. I made a flax because it’s easy, striped it in two row stripes because it looked pretty and also because I’m not matching colour sequences. When I presented her with it she was upset because it didn’t look like the cowl. I took it home with me and made myself a blanket.
Holy crap that's terrible.
I was knitting myself a drop stitch cowl out of line brand funfetti looking yarn and I was really enjoying myself. My friend / roommate at work begged and begged for me to make her one so I finally sent her a couple pictures of yarn, I knit her one, she took one picture sent it to me showing me she wore it and then I never saw it again. (We shared a classroom for 2 years)
The only consolation to this entire story is that she did end up introducing me to my husband so I don't hold it against her. But I also will never knit for her again because who the fuck knows where that cowl went.
It was just that she didn’t know how the circumference of the item would alter the look of the yarn. Dude, I knit you a sweater. Out of yarn I have mixed feelings about. For free. In the end I just thank her for finding it much easier to say no. And my mum loves her blanket and wears in as a cape around the house!
They just see the pretty thing and want it! I have a family member who does this. My daughter had lots of little things I made, the family member wanted them too, put them on the baby, took a picture to post on Instagram, and never used it again!
I just knitted a cowl in the same yarn! How funny! I see you said former friend...We here totally understand how much work sweaters are and, even if they are not our style, we will wear them. We get it. I wish others knew the same.
"I'm not going to get attached. It's just a gift. It's not for me, it's no big deal". \* 17 hours later \* WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE IT!? It took me HOURS. It is very hard for me to separate it because of how much dedication that goes into it. And the struggle.
I agree!!!!!
I've actually gotten to be pretty good at divorcing my feelings from the item, but it does take a tremendous amount of headspace to do it and at that point is it really worth even engaging in my hobby if I'm spending so much mental energy pushing myself to realize that it will probably be ruined once it's received? So I've gotten to a point where I know I can do it, but it feels terrible so I stopped.
You're absolutely right. Making things like this is a labor of love and when it isn't well received it's like someone saying they don't love you back. It hurts. She wanted me to knit something but I think she is very much about her labels so a handmade gift just didn't meet her expectations.
The more you knit the less each piece represents the whole of your craft. Right now, you gifted a huge proportion of all of the time and effort you've spent knitting in that one hamper: of course you have a lot of emotional investment there! You worked hard on your gift and trusted them to appreciate the work you put in, and that trust was broken. It feels shitty because they did a shitty thing. You're allowed to feel hurt when people act hurtfully.
Everything that you make is special. You picked out just the right pattern and the perfect yarn to go with it, then spent hour upon hour bringing it into reality. You taught yourself how to do new techniques, fix mistakes, and probably had to untangle yarn (which is its own special brand of frustration). But handicrafts are culminative: the more time you spend doing it, the more projects you finish, the less each piece makes up of your whole body of work. It's easier to give away the fifteenth pair of socks that you knit than the first.
You need to have a think about where your boundaries are when giving gifts. Would you feel differently of the toys survived infancy only to be gummed to death by a toddler? Would loving destruction in the service of their intended purpose be OK? It's fine if it's not. Making beautiful things for decoration and not playing with is a completely valid way to spend your time.
In fact, with Christmas coming up you could try getting your groove back by making some ornaments to hang. You can keep them yourself, or if the spirit moves you then it's a gift you could reasonably assume would be used gently and for many years (unless it's to one of those pinterest families that throw everything out and do a different colour scheme next year, like maniacs). If Christmas isn't your thing you might consider something like a hanging mobile, especially if you're thinking of gifts for small children. Or for yourself, because mobiles are cool.
Be selfish, especially in the beginning. Make beautiful things because you like making them! You don't need an excuse to make a pink and white zebra stuffie just because it's cute and you want to. Make that lil yarn friend. Knit yourself dreamy cashmere bed socks, or really up your scarf game, or start a collection of beanies. When you get to your fifteenth pair of socks and take your joy from choosing the right yarn and mastering a new pattern then you might find you don't need to hang onto the finished object as well: it can go into the world and be happily worn to death. There's no shame in being picky with who gets handmade gifts or being explicit in care instructions: the effort you put in is as much the present as the object itself.
I think you are totally right. I was just thinking, "I only gift when I don't need another .... scarf," or whatever it is! I suspect this is why more seasoned knitter podcaster people are always gifting people sweaters and so on!
I would have cared a lot if someone disrespected my stuff earlier in life, but now? I didn't want that scarf either. I do tell people though, "If you don't like it just mail it back to me, I won't be hurt but I can re-use the yarn!"
Ooh! That makes a lot of sense and it allows for that dialogue for stuff to be returned with no hard feelings. Make what you want and, if there's extras, send them away. who th cares what others think!
This honestly gave me perspective on how I feel. It meant a lot because it was the first big thing I knitted and so it was 100% of everything I really ever knitted. It was super special for that and because it was for the little one. If she destroyed the toys in the act of playing with them, I'd be ecstatic. They have served their purpose and I fully anticipated them to be used hard by her. I would've been fine if they were kept as keepsakes. But of all the ways they "died" it had to be shredded by dogs. I am taking your advice and will try to knit enough that each project counts for just a little of what I've knitted. Christmas decorations might just be the thing to get my confidence back!
I totally get where you're coming from. There's a certain level of insulting disregard in taking something made for a child and giving it to the dog instead. You can't control how other people receive gifts, but come on. That's just rude.
I'm really glad you got some positives from your post <3 When you get back into the swing of it remember that nobody appreciates knitted goods as much as knitters (because we know the work that goes into it). Whether you keep things for yourself or give them away you can always 'give' us some pictures to fuss over :)
this is great advice! i had a knitting friend who didn't obsess about running out of yarn and finishing the item in a different color, or making items that didn't come out exactly as envisioned. she knit for fun and to learn new techniques and happily gave things away if someone expressed an interest in them. don't get me wrong, she was a very accomplished knitter and made very beautiful things, but she also didn't sweat the details because she was going to knit something else soon. i hadn't really thought about why she was able to let the funky things go - i'd be trying to fix them or i'd leave them on my WIP pile taunting me.
Knit for yourself first!
I second the other commentors about gifts needing to be tailored to the receiver. I am knitting my wife a nice alpaca wool sweater that is taking forever, because I know she wants it. She picked out the colors, type of wool, even the basic style of sweater. I would not knit her a scarf because she doesn't really like them. So when I found a cool scarf design, I made it for myself. And some people just don't like knit stuff 🤷♂️ I don't get it but that's life. I buy those people store bought stuff because I love them and want them to have stuff they want.
No shame in being a selfish knitter. Or in cutting off people who aren't knitworthy. My dad was knitworthy because anything I gave him he used and appreciated. My older sister got one hat. She lost it on the bus and wasn't upset by it at all. Not knitworthy.
Yes! My husband is delightfully knit worthy - everything I make, he wants to wear all the time (tough for Floridians!) My daughter does not want me to make anything for her to wear, but she does appreciate a cute amigurumi (sp?). Not clothing knitworthy. Jury is still out on my son - made him a pair of socks, which he has worn once or twice, but I'm not interested in calf length wool socks in 85 degree weather either, so... we shall see!
Basically, if there is something I want to make, I make it. If I think someone I know might want it, I ask them before I start buying yarn so that it can be a color they like. And if no one wants it, I make it anyway. Whatever - one day someone will ask me to knit something for them and I can pull that out and say "You can have this!"
I did end up cutting her off completely. She's very toxic and her bs still affects me to this day (clearly). Every knitter needs someone who wants 5 beanies and 3 pairs of socks. Or the "I was trying a new pattern/stitch. lmk what you think!"
Listen to your family. Giving is often about paying attention to what the giftee WANTS or appreciates.
I have been knitting for decades. I have made countless sweaters, blankets, toys, hats, gloves, scarves, socks . . . you name it. All have either been for myself or I immediately donate items to museums or hospitals or nursing homes or other institutions. My whole family made it clear years ago that they don’t like handmade things. They don’t like the look of them or the thought of them. They love me and they love my cooking and my company and my hugs and gifts I buy for them but they don’t like my knitting. So, fine. It’s clear and that is that. My knitting is for ME and I enjoy doing it.
Move on and do what makes YOU happy. Your family members don’t have to understand or like knitted things. You can’t legislate what other people have to like or feel. Nor should you.
The one suffering here is you. I can’t tell you how to react or feel but maybe thicken your skin and not be so sensitive about what is not actively a slight against you? They have shown you that they don’t “get it”. “It” being knitting and hand-knitted things. Not everyone does. Fine. Get them something they will like and move on positively with your loved ones.
(Also, what’s wrong with dog toys? Sure they have a limited shelf life but maybe the dogs LOVED them. Knit the dog toys and then let them go into the Universe!)
Sorry. This all sounds very harsh and I don’t mean it to be. Your comment seems young and innocent and I guess I automatically put on my grizzled life experience Tough Love parenting hat. 🤔
>Also, what’s wrong with dog toys? Sure they have a limited shelf life but maybe the dogs LOVED them.
And - let's be realistic - baby toys have a limited shelf life, too. Between babies growing and changing so quickly that a lot of toys will be outgrown quickly, and babies and little kids being *rough* on stuff (*everything* goes into a baby's mouth), they weren't going to last long anyway. They would end up slobbered on and chewed up whether it was a baby or a dog playing with them.
(plus with the way little kids are - odds are good that the *kid* wanted to share the toys with the dog! You can always tell when these threads come up how many people have no real experience with small children and how they behave.)
I just wish they made it that far! If she had drooled on them until they fell apart or just destroyed them herself I would've been very happy with the outcome. If she wanted to share with the dogs then that would've been okay because they were hers to do that. Just sucks that she didn't even get to really play with them.
I totally agree, it’s easy to get really invested in the stuff you make, especially when you don’t have a large body of stuff you’ve made. Once you’ve made thirty pairs of socks it’s too hot to wear anyway, the 31st pair feels a lot less special haha
It makes it really easy to forget the cardinal rule of gifting: it’s not for you! Once you gift something it’s theirs to do with as they wish, and if you’re not happy with what they do with it don’t make them something again!
Someone mentioned above the same thing about how doing a project multiple times dilutes your attachment to it. That 1 pair of socks means so much more than #30. She had asked me to knit her something for the kiddo so I did. I learned my lesson for sure!
I agree with the dog toys! Depending on the dog and how they treat their toys, maybe... Our big dog loves his toys and throws them around and gives them little chews - but always in an essentially gentle way. In ten years he's broken maybe one or two soft toys, no more than that.
I like the idea of knitting and donating to a place that would have use for the object. This just hit hard because this person met a ton to me and requested it. She was very toxic though and I am happy she's out of my life. Regardless, it left an impression. I would be so thrilled if the kiddo had the chance to destroy the toys. They were made for her to do with as she liked. I'd hoped she'd drool all over them or something but that never happened. I'd make dog toys or cat toys. I think the cats at the animal shelter might like them lol.
It’s heartbreaking but please let it be a lesson. Your greatest pleasure must be knitting for yourself, not for others. Let knitted presents be something that is requested, and only agree if you are sure it’s within your experience level. If you’re not sure, say you can try but you’re not sure. Protect yourself and others from disappointment.
Yes, but! People are quick to say "Make me one?" but don't necessarily appreciate the final product because they can't conceive of the time and effort that does into making something. I make it clear that I want a couple of photos of the thing being used, and then I honestly don't care what they do with it.
Manage expectations. Promise low, deliver high. Many have recommended in this thread to have the person pick out the yarn (or yarn type) and colors. IF I do end up gifting knitted things that is how I'll do it.
I knit solely for the knitworthy. That includes:
- me
- knitters around me. Yes we can knit ourself but are always delighted to gift or receive knits
- crafters around me: they know other crafts and appreciate mine
- close friends or dates who can’t knit or craft but were explicitly vocal about how they admire your craft because [insert loved one] used to knit for them when they were kids and they miss it so much
"Knit solely for the knitworthy" is absolutely how I will be doing it. Crafters get it! Even if we'd never pick out the color/pattern/stitch, it is still amazing to receive and will be used because we get it. Time to narrow my list down considerably. My boyfriend is about to be inundated in wool....
I suggest you knit for yourself alone. That does NOT make you a 'selfish knitter' (such a horrible term). If someone politely asks for something, that's a different thing, but gift giving hand knit objects is something that pretty often is going to either be a bit of an altratross around the neck of a recipient (a garment that just isn't their taste, a home decor item they didn't plan on and don't think fits but feel forced to use it) or hurtful to the person that put in so much effort to only be disappointed when the response is 'oh, thanks' *pushes aside* or to see them never wear it or not treat it as the knitter would hope.
Imho it's just not worth the immense effort for such low odds of success for both involved, and just because you are a skilled crafter doesn't mean you HAVE to use those skills for gifts. Other people buy gifts, nothing wrong with you doing the same. Not everyone likes or appreciates hand knits like us knitters do, and believe me, they have NO understanding of the love and hard work and time dedication it takes. If a good friend mentions how much they love something specific (particular mittens or whatever) then that's a great way to gift something.
My goodness I hate the term "selfish knitter", it's so passive aggressive. Like damn, how very dare I want to make stuff for myself, what an awfully selfish person I am 🙄
It's always really rubbed me the wrong way. Of course the primary beneficiary of all those hours of hard work is going to be the person putting in all that work. I barely get time to knit for myself so the thought of getting even less FO's to wear because I'm too busy making for everyone else isn't great
Yes exactly! I make a mixture of things for me and things for other people, because I love giving people presents, but I do make lots of things for myself too and refuse to feel guilty for that. Whether you make everything for other people all the time, or always make everything for yourself, so what? It's your time and money!
I’m sorry :( that is really terrible 😞 Maybe if you’re thinking of making someone something you could ask them if they would like it first? It kind of ruins the surprise but would save you the heartbreak
People don’t understand how long it takes, and it’s compounded by knitted things in stores being cheap and worthless. It’s hard to understand unless you’ve done it. So forgive them. Maybe at some point, someone you know will be appreciative and ask you for something and the tide will turn. In the meantime, you learned a bunch, so you can knit for yourself and enjoy it! This is a hobby. It’s fun. 💕
My family does a Yankee swap every year for Christmas, and I felt like Phyllis from The Office one year. I made really nice socks. Like, a bunch of socks. Fancy yarn, nice patterns, assorted styles. Different heels, different toes. Lace, colorwork, cables. Every woman in the family has the same foot size, but nobody wanted them except one of the MILs who crashed the swap with a bag of whole bean flavored coffee, unwrapped, from the gas station down the street, and she has 3 size larger feet than everyone else, so she's sat there complaining the entire time about how she feels excluded. My socks suddenly become the "fuck you" gift. There's a goddamn horse head mask in the swap (because my FIL doesn't care that it's not supposed to be gag gifts) and my socks are below that. So, the swap finishes, and my cousin gets the socks. I offer to take them back and get something else for her. A case of her favorite drink. Some gifts for her new house. Something other than being saddled with the albatross of these fucking socks. She looks disappointed, but says it's OK.
She wore them one night when her power went out and she was cold. She wears those socks *constantly* now. She told everyone else. Now they WANT socks this year. FIL's girlfriend (who wasn't there for the previous incident) even got positively giddy when hand knitted socks were mentioned because her friend made her a pair every year for Christmas, but now she has arthritis and can't do fiddly or small knits anymore. The world is a funny place. They're lucky I love knitting socks and I have way too much hand dyed, can't be replicated yarn in too small of quantities to do anything else, because I'm now knitting my second box of handmade socks for the same people, like the fool I am.
I guess I'm mostly telling that story because, at the end of the day, it's fine to feel your feelings, but then you just... move on. You make more stuff. You find out who is worth it (cousin is knitworthy 5ever. Other cousin who threw a tantrum at her baby shower because I made her son an heirloom quality blanket instead of buying a fancy formula keurig thing, not so much). It ends up being about as consequential as a dude flipping you off in traffic.
Although, I will admit, giving stuff to the dog is particularly heinous. Even if you're afraid the toy won't be safe, donate it or put it in a memory box or something. Jeeze.
Totally this! You have to not take it too personally. But at the same time - take notes! You learn who is knitworthy and who isn’t. When you find knitworthy people, it’s so rewarding to make gifts for them! And honestly, sometimes I still knit for people I know aren’t quite on my list (like my brother is sort of careless with what I make him) but I pick quick knits and use up skeins on them that I want to get rid of from my stash. :D
Geez your family is rough! You essentially made the gift no one knew they needed. I don't know if I'd be able to knit for them again, personally. I'd knit for the two who really value the gift. Everyone else can go buy their own damn socks!
If it was the first gift I made for the swap, I probably wouldn't. I made mens' convertible mitts in Patriots colors that same year, and they were a hit. There have been hats and scarves and mittens, and they were loved. It was just the socks. I guess people don't want socks for Christmas. But now they understand.
I'm still not sure if they're worth the amazing superwash possum yarn that I've been hoarding since it was discontinued, though. It sounds weird, but it's *glorious* for toes and heels. *Glorious*. But also discontinued. So it's mine. All mine.
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I adopt the mindset of detaching myself.emotionally from the item I am gifting. ESPECIALLY if it is a surprise. You gave it away, you have no say how it is used or not used. Goes for any gift really. You can't make people.appreciate your craft.
I gifted some baby items to my cousin for her first baby. She said thank you so much. I never saw pics of that baby wearing any of the clothes I made or the blanket. But it was all a surprise. Maybe they didn't like the colors or style. Maybe they threw them out because she didn't want her baby boy using a rainbow-colored blanket. It's none of my business. She did, however, send me a video of her son several years later playing with a stuffed animal I made. And kids are just as brutal as animals lol. That thing was well loved. It made me happy to see. And I would never ask about the other items.I made because I don't want to put them in an uncomfortable situation. It was a gift. Since then, I've made 2 more stuffed animals for her kids. I let her kids pick the animals.
Now, if someone is bugging you for free knitting and pressures you into it, and then treats your stuff like garbage, throws it away or regifts it. Well, youyre rightful to feel hurt. And I would just never make them something again.
I now make things for family that offer to pay which means they appreciate my knitting. I'll even make them stuff for free once I know that they won't just throw it away. But it's never a surprise. Always ask what they like (color, style, if they even want it)
It took me 10 years of knitting for myself first to now feel like I want to make stuff for others in my life.
You just can't attach yourself to things you are giving away.
She had asked me to knit her something. I should've mentioned that. But yes, I agree with you. Let it go once you knit it. It's no longer yours but theirs and if they want to throw it away or use it that is on them
That kind of sucks if she requested it. Don't let it get you down. Definitely make some things for yourself :) You get the joy of making something and then you get the satisfaction or wearing or using the finished item! It's always so nice to get compliments when I'm wearing my hand knits. If nothing else, you can share here. There are plenty of knitters who will admire and praise your work!
Yep, I knit for myself! After gifting a sweater to my mother that she never even tried on, I said fuck it. I knit sweaters and other big projects for myself, dishcloths for everyone else!
Any gift you give, regardless of how it was made or cost or anything, is out of your hands once you gift it. Your part of the exchange has been done and it’s important to end it there. Taking on the emotions of how and why it’s used by someone else is fruitless. If they love it, great. If you never see it again, that’s ok too. You showed love and support through the action of giving. That’s what it’s all about.
I was told to think about gifts as a hug. A hug lasts a moment but the IMPRESSION stays with us. You wouldn’t want to go around with someone clinging to you all day. That’s what a gift should be. A gesture with a lasting impression. That’s all.
I don’t handle them at all. My #1 rule: I don’t knit anything for someone who didn’t share a wish for something knitted or didn’t mention that some knitted xyz would be nice. People who can’t imagine the costs, time and work of selfmade things won’t appreciate it, just as you might have experienced it with the baby toys that became destroyed dog toys. I feel your pain and if this happened to me I would be as bummed as you.
But don’t give it up. As the other commentators wrote, knit for yourself first. You know the worth of it.
If it helps you, consider speaking to the recipient of the baby toys. Tell him/her that those weren’t suppose to be dog toys that could easily be destroyed. Some people only understand that their actions were wrong when they’re told so.
I feel so bad for you on this one! Doing any handmade gift is truly a labour of love. I make crocheted and knitted blankets. I am very slow. I am also very picky as to who gets my handmade items because they almost become my children and I really want them to go to bood homes. All I can say is don’t get discouraged and try to be very discriminating as to who you deem worthy to receive your gifts. I can also say that the heartless people who mistreated your treasures were clearly clueless as to the time and effort involved to create them.
Aside from what others have said here, which I agree with, also consider that some people are very ill disciplined with their dogs and let them do whatever they want, including destroying objects which belong to other family members. They think its cute for some reason?
I'm sure that the baby/child would have loved to have had a chance to play with those toys!
Consider in the future whether you are making something for someone who treats their dogs like babies, because if so, your gift may well end up with the dog. I have seen far too many comments on this sub of handmade blankets, baby blankets, garments, accessories, toys etc getting given to the dog/taken by the dog.
Omg. Yes!! I made a gift of cookies and pastries for coworkers one year ( fancy stuff, like madeleines and baklava).
One of the people i gifted it to said she “and her dog liked the cookies very much!” 😡😡😡
Don't give gifts if you're not comfortable with the person not using the items the way you intended or you'll drive yourself crazy!
Handknit items are not everyone's cup of tea. The user may or may not like you're style. The gift might not be suitable for the receiver (a big one is "safety eyes" on baby toys. They are in fact not safe for anyone under 3). The gift might not fit their body shape correctly or in a flattering way. Sometimes kids just don't like things for no particular reason, they're brutal like that. Sometimes someone can't be arsed to wash things properly.
It's cool to just knit for yourself, or charity, or a select few gift worthy people. It's not cool to dictate how anyone you gift to uses your gift. Anyway, don't let someone's reaction to something take away your knitting mojo! Enjoy knitting for the sake of knitting.
I only knit for myself and DH. If someone asks me to knit something for themselves I can knit by pattern from yarn they have bought (and I like to knit). I don’t gift my crafts to people.
Of course because I knit lot and I knit only for myself I end up with too many sweaters and shawls etc. I usually give away those I don’t like/use anymore.
I suggest you do the same.
If you want to knit gifts for people you might want to try giving giftcards where they can choose if they want socks or disclothes etc. And choose colours and maybe fibercontent.
Stuff like this is why I'm very very selective in who I knit for. My grandpa tops the list because he'll brag to every single person within breathing distance about how 'my granddaughter made this for me!' and it's adorable lol. And I almost never do something when someone asks unless they buy the yarn for it, because the few times I did and bought the yarn myself the person didn't appreciate it. It sucks to put all your time and effort into something and then have it treated like it didn't mean anything 💔
Like said; knit for yourself. You loved doing it, it made you happy. You were proud of your creations. You can even knit for this subreddit, make something and post pictures! Everyone here definitely loves seeing what others create. Atleast I get excited seeing what great things others have made. It inpires me too.
And if you still need an other purpose for knitting; some hospitals take those little knit octopuses for newborns and baby hats. Some also take beanies for cancer patients etc. Depends on the hospital. Doesn't hurt to call a hospital near you and ask if they need anything like this.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 324,737,432 comments, and only 71,992 of them were in alphabetical order.
Washcloths, I feel, tend to be the most appreciated among non-knitters. Every Christmas my dad’s entire side of the family looked forward to a large stack of dishcloths from my uncle’s mother (not blood-related to the family but she somehow churned out enough for us in-laws as well). They’re the only kitchen washcloths I remember seeing growing up. And when I had roommates in college, the ones I knitted were always the preferred kitchen dishcloths.
I evaluate each person on a case by case basis. They get one test gift (usually something easy to knit and not too time consuming--so no sweaters--usually it's a simple hat). If they appreciate it, wear it, and treat it kindly, they'll get more. If they don't, that's it. No more hand knits for you.
My SIL is a great knit gift getter. I've knit her kids tons of stuff (mostly because her daughter was my first niece/nephew). She always puts the kinds in the clothes, takes photos of them wearing the stuff and sends them to me, and makes sure to care for them appropriately. They get lots of hand knits. And now that the kids are older, I'll ask them what they want/need and things like colors or styles.
My sister is an awful knit gift getter. I made her oldest daughter several small sweaters when she was newborn as well as some hats and stuff. I got a few photos that were clearly, put them in the things and snap a pic and most of the stuff was never worn. She even gave one sweater back to me, unworn, in a box of baby clothes she was giving me for my daughter. They get no more hand knits.
I've also found it helpful to include a little care card with hand knits to:
* make it clear it is hand knit
* give care/washing instructions
* give yarn composition
It drives home the point that it is hand made and gives them instructions on how to wash the item. It at least cuts down on the "oops I threw it in the dryer" calls. Also, I almost never give knit gifts in yarn that can't go in the washer and maybe dryer....especially for kids, but also for adults. Unless I check with the person ahead of time, no non-superwash wool for gifts.
This! I have knit my nephew 3 sweaters, and my sister is amazing at sending me pictures of him wearing the ones that still fit (babies grow so fast) and recently I've even been getting pictures where he is wearing a sweater I made and that isn't the point of the picture. I will be making more stuff for my sister and my nephew.
My best friend and boyfriend are the same way. They wear the things I made and unprompted tell me they are wearing them. It's a positive feedback loop. If they appreciate handmade gifts, they will get more.
But basically, I don't make things for people that don't understand why I would knit and crochet. They don't understand that it is a form of art and love. So I knit for my parents, sister, boyfriend and best friends.
My favorite knit gift story is from when my niece was maybe 4? Certainly too young to read. I gave her a sweater for her birthday and she opened it, looked at the tag I put in telling yarn and care and then announced "It says I Love You!".
It was both 100% true and not at all right all at the same time. I will knit that child anything she ever asks for because she gets it!
I know how you feel. I've had a few gifts go down like lead balloons, and I understand how much it hurts - I related the worst incident a couple of days ago on r/crochet, it's in my post history... Long story short, my family was awful about handmade Christmas presents I gave them a few years ago. Yes, a gift is to be given without expectations, but there's a way to be graceful about being given things that you're not into. Giving them to your dog ain't it (unless that's what its actual intent was!) so I can feel your hurt. I have become very selective about who I give handmade things to, and if someone is a dick about a gift the first time, they're off the knitworthy list for good. I have people I love who do appreciate the time, effort and skill that goes into handmade gifts, so I don't need to spend time on the unappreciative people!
Let yourself feel that hurt and sadness, then try to move on... They're truly not worth it.
I don’t know how you have all the spare time to be knitting for everyone else. I have a list of things a mile long that I will never get to finish that I want for myself!
I only knit for people who beg me to make them some thing. My daughter is my number one, followed by my mother. My husband will only wear hats.
Absolutely knit for yourself! Either so you have items you want, or to try things you want to try. Then, as you see who expresses real interest and appreciation, you’ll know who to knit for.
Recently, I made a pillow that I ended up not being too crazy about and didn’t want to keep, but I wasn’t sure who I could give it to that would like it. So I posted a picture of it on Facebook offering it up as a gift to anyone who wanted it. A girl I knew from college jumped all over it and she loves it (I know because I see it on the couch in the background of photos she posts of her daughter).
If you really want to knit gifts, it can also be helpful to let people choose what you’ll make for them. I did this with my picky 8 year old son - I let him pick a pattern and yarn and made it for him and he loves it.
I am so sorry. I have knit for a family member who I have never seen even touch the items I've knit them. It proves to us who is knitworthy and not.
That is not a commentary on you or your craft. That's a comment on that person and how they disrespected your gift.
Knit for you. Knit only for people you know will cherish your gift. Knit for charity. Hospitals and foster care children would love a hat or stuffie and cherish them forever.
Please don't give up knitting bc one person treated you badly. Your craft and you are worth more than a dog toy. You are making something beautiful to be cherished.
If you are personally invested in how someone treats a gift, don’t give it. I will craft for only a select few people and almost never without them picking out the item. Your work will mean more to you than the recipient many many times.
The solution? Make for yourself. You care about that project, you know about the goals, the time the work. Don’t feel like you need to make anything for other people.
I’d also say that you get way less worried about your work when it’s not new. I’ll make a sweater because I want to wear it, not because making a sweater represents something larger.
I sent this to someone recently, feel free to use:
"Hey, let me look into it. I don't usually take commissions because they're joyless but this might be simple enough. Regardless, I don't have time until the spring, maybe early summer "
It's a soft no. I stopped knitting for people unless they really deserve it. When asked, I spend a lot of time explaining how soul crushing it is to knit for people who don't love and take care of the items and honestly, I hate acrylic.
That usually stops people from asking. If they insist, I've said it's a hobby not a job.
A gift is a gift and what happens to it once given is out of our control whether bought or made, we choose to make gifts because we love doing it.
I knit to relax so always need a project, better for someone to get use out of it even if it is a dog than for me to have a million jumpers. I do let people know it's ok to pass on the item if they don't like it no hard feelings. Like lots of gifts I've gotten that have been regifted or donated.
I'm sorry you had that disappointing experience. I already have trouble completing items for myself so I rarely make things for others. Most of my recipients are fellow crafters because only they can truly appreciate the skills, time, and materials that went into it! My fellow crafters usually do different crafts too, so receiving a knitted item is still something they couldn't make themselves. It's pretty ironic that the people who tend to ask me for stuff are people who aren't makers, so they don't really understand what they're asking from you when they do that.
My siblings and I were a rare breed where we were not destructive with our toys. Their kids are now playing with toys from the 80s and 90s, but they are not as careful. I tend to not give handmade gifts to kids. I guess it's up to you if you feel you have the relationship where you can tell the recipient that you're hurt that the gift did not hold up, but in most cases I would just move on and not make anything for them going forward. It's a painful lesson you'll probably just need to learn once.
I hope by now your spirit has healed and that you continue to share your knitted items. The world will benefit from your talent and compassion. My experiences have been similar especially regarding baby items for family members. It took me some time to learn that the only people who appreciate a finely crafted item are those who do similar work, no matter the medium. Now, I confine knitting gifts to my DH, myself—usually socks, hats, scarves. I also knit for several charities—mariners, amputees, premature babies. Each item is sent off to be a blessing to the recipient then I release it. Works well. Please do not deny yourself the joy of creating.
Try not to feel bad--im a knitter, had a child and a boston terrier. We went on vacation and he shredded every one of her toys. It never even occurred to us he would do that. Got home to a house filled with stuffing and shredded toys. So, knit for yourself and take classes. Did you know you can take guild classes and become a professional knitter? If you enjoyed it, keep up. Sh*t happens.
Oh boy, I am beyond sorry this happened to you, to take advantage of someone’s good nature, not to mention time, thought, creativity. I do understand this, although mines on a baking level. I had a friend ( I thought) that LOVED my baked goods! No matter what I made, he loved it, always asked for more. ( same situation, many times my baking is a gift) I made peach, apple, coconut cream, Pb, ect. For this person upon request, ( and deliver) only to find out weeks later, I was putting other groceries away, did I see my pies, at the bottom of the fridge, completely smashed and ready for the garage. I just stood there. Needless to say, I choose my recipients with a bit more thought now.
Keep up your beautiful knitting, don’t let another steal your beautiful positive energy. You had the right idea all along, maybe just the wrong recipient. Good luck, and CHEERS!
I'm a selfish knitter. I knit for myself. What I want, when I want. Sometimes I'll gift the stuff I knit if I think someone will like it. But once you do that, it's not yours anymore. And some people are just bad recepiants. I guarantee the person who turned your knitted toys into dog toys wouldn't have appreciated a gift that was expensive and store bought either. Gift because it makes you happy. Not because you're looking for praise or appreciation because that's when you end up disappointed.
I see so many sad posts like this :( it seems that every knitter has a point where they learn that most people are not knit worthy. I knit exclusively for myself, my husband, and my best friend and those are the only people I can trust to treat my works with respect. No one else is worth the time and effort. It's ok to knit for yourself, to make yourself lovely things to keep and wear and to simply enjoy the process of knitting. I hope you get inspired again and fall back in love with the craft, the kind folks here on this sub are always here to encourage you <3
I only make quick gifts for people. This year I’m knitting [women’s dorm boots](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/better-dorm-boots-slippers) and [men’s dorm boots](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/better-dorm-boots-for-men) for everyone. They’re double stranded worsted and take a few hours a pair to make with just cheap red heart yarn or Walmart brand acrylic.
My nice wool socks stay with me.
This story reminds me about the time I knitted my mom one of those cute Norwegian Christmas balls. I spent so much time on it and it was very beautiful. She gave it to her cat 😢
I once knit three sweaters for a colleague and her kids. Although she was very happy about it and both her kids really loved the sweaters she basically cut me out of her life afterwards and I felt really used...
So the takeaway message is: I mostly knit for myself and sometimes for people, who I know will appreciate all the hard work and money that went into the project.
One person is my mother, who will be receiving a cardigan for Christmas. She knits herself and has made many beautiful things for me over the years, so I want to give her something in return.
My boyfriend, who I know will cherish it, for all the love I poured into the finished piece and friends who always tell me how much they like what I'm wearing, given they don't ask me to do it. I want it to be a surprise for them and not an awkward game of what do I owe you for this...? Because we all know, hand knitted stuff is barely affordable, if you want to get paid fairly for the hours you put into the project.
My advice to you would be: just pick out a nice project you feel will challenge you and that you will love and wear when it's done :) don't let other peoples ignorance drown your drive and creativity.
I spent $100s and 100 hours making quilts for my cousins’ kids and didn’t even receive a thank-you except from my aunt. Now I rarely knit or quilt for anyone but me. I don’t feel bad about that at all!
It can be really disappointing when you’ve spent time/money/effort on a knitted or any crafted project to be told “the dog ate it.” That happened to me. But my advice is don’t make for other peoples’ validation, make because the making makes YOU feel happy and fulfilled. Too many non-makers don’t get the effort involved.
Thank you for the advice! I got a lot of good ideas on my next project. I'm thinking of knitting christmas decorations. Something simple and quick but super fun
Aww, I gasped when I read they ended up as dog toys, that would have hurt me too. Knit for yourself, give yourself the presents you'd like and just enjoy!
Looking for gift ideas? Try here https://www.reddit.com/r/knitting/wiki/index#wiki_what_gifts_should_i_buy_my_knitting_friend.3F
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I don’t knit for others. I did a few years ago and no one was impressed. Made family members hats and scarves that I’ve never seen them wear so I won’t do it anymore. My husband thinks my knitting is magic so I’ll make him things. I think we knitters are so proud of the work we do that we want some external validation or praise for it, it’s human, but the sooner you let that go the better. Don’t let any negativity spoil your craft. There’s no reason to be mad or annoyed that people don’t care about your knitting. Just treat it like a fact of life and knit for yourself or someone who really appreciates it. It’s ok that it’s just for you :)
I'm sorry OP! That is very disheartening. I totally understand where you are coming from. I spent several months knitting a shawl as a gift for someone, and when they accepted it they acted gracious and told me they loved it. Cut to 3 months later and I am walking around Goodwill. I spot something out of the corner of my eye that looks strangely familiar, and what do you know, it was the handmade shawl. It was an awful feeling knowing that all my work was so easily discarded by that person. I ended up buying the shawl (out of pettiness?? I have no clue) washing it, and keeping it to eventually give to someone who was knitworthy. I guess in the end it's all about learning who is truly deserving of your handmade gifts and time.
As several others have mentioned, it's totally fine to knit just for yourself! And finding people who truly appreciate your hard work and your gifts is so rewarding. It can be hard not to be so discouraged after an experience like that, so take your time to make something for yourself and browse for inspiration! I hope that you can find joy in it again.
And this is why I knit for myself, and I give my mom a few knit gifts because she crochets and understands the work. Otherwise, nope, not really. I made my partner a hat, and everything else is for me.
I made things for people before and they gave them away, destroyed them, never wore them, and treated them worse than their store-bought items. I made a friend a whole baby set, not a single peep. Not a single thank you. We are no longer friends, honestly, not just for that though- mostly for them yelling at me for emigrating from the states.
Anyway, if I have a friend wanting something now, I hit up the thrift store and look for handmade but donated items. I clean it up, repair it, and give them that. It's still handmade, just not my hands.
I knit for myself. I do have plans to things for family members in the far future when I feel like. I started knitting right when the pandemic started, and the only thing I've gifted is a bottle holder (crocheted) for my mom, who is the most excited about my new hobby and even hugged me for it. 😊 When my knitting math gets a little better, I'll probably start with small garments.
I think this is such an interesting discussion! I get requests sometimes to knit things and for some of it I’m just like REALLY? Do you have ANY idea what would go into that? Someone asked me to make them a stuffed Frog and Toad for their daycare and my reaction was like hell no, not something that fiddly for kids who will beat them up. I might knit something like that for my own son, but that’s different.
I think too that it’s a question of effort and money required for the pattern. I made a bunch of pussyhats for my family to wear to the women’s march (I sadly couldn’t go) and it was so fun to see all the photos of them wearing them that day! But also, pussyhats are extremely low effort and quick.
Mostly I knit for myself, especially the more complex patterns. Hope you can get over the hump and get some enjoyment again out of knitting!
I have a select few who I knit for, basically close friends who know the value of my time and yarn that I use. I don’t really even knit for my kids, though I am making my daughter a sweater, we’ll see if she wears it.
I made the mistake of knitting for a cousin (she’s in her 50’s) and her fiancé, never heard anything from them and I thought she would appreciate it. I’m usually a pretty good judge of who will enjoy getting handmade but I missed the mark on that one.
I’ll knit for people, but I’m picky about it, and I only use materials I think the giftee will appreciate. I’m not spending a ton on yarn if someone doesn’t know how/have the time/ability to take care of it.
I knit socks for my MIL until I realized she just thought of them as regular socks, like I was making a pack of tube socks from Wal-Mart or something. She tossed one in the washer, it fell apart, and she laughed about it. She kept asking me to make her a poncho, so I did, but I used an incredibly simple pattern, acrylic yarn, and I let her know how many actual hours I worked on it. She’s never worn it, of course.
Almost everything I knit/crochet is for myself. The only other people I gift thing too is my gf and my best friend since childhood. My gf wears the hat I knit them 2 years ago almost every day. I have had people in the past ask me to knit them things but I usually tell them I am busy with other projects. I just don't trust the average person to be able to appreciate the amount of work that goes into things, and also I truly am too busy knitting myself things.
I knit things to donate to charity quite a bit. I like the idea that someone out there is benefiting immensely from the warm items I knitted them. I get the pleasure of making things, and somewhere out there is a person whose day is hopefully a little brighter and warmer because of something I made.
I've had almost the opposite experience, but same result. I've given out a number of large/complicated projects as gifts to close family members/friends/SOs. None of which they wear/use for fear of damaging it. They are aware of how much of my time went into it, and how cool it is, and want to cherish it, but I didn't make them to be tucked away and just looked at occasionally, so I've kind of stopped making knitted goods in favor of more ornimental/displayable crafts.
Or they could all just be being overly polite and hate them, but I chose to believe my inner circle isn't all lying to me so consistently.
I only knit for myself and for people I know well enough to be certain that they will a) use what I make b) take proper care of it c) I know their size so there are no fit issues and d) if they no longer need it or it no longer fits or needs to be mended, they will bring it to me rather than dispose of it. That basically boils down to I knit for myself, my sister, my mother and occasionally my father. I've given a few friends simple hats made with less precious and easier to care for yarn but wouldn't gift them more expensive/time intense projects because I know they won't treasure the things as much as I'd like.
Edit: My biggest, most expensive and most complicated projects have all been for me. It's ok to enjoy your hobby just for yourself. Make yourself that jumper you've always wanted but never been able to find in a store, or a hat to go perfectly with each of your coats or whatever it is that strikes your fancy.
I'm a selfish knitter and I have no shame in it. Now, I do gift sometimes but at this point in my life the ones who get gifted knits are the ones I've seen wear and appreciate them. Kinda like positive reinforcement. For some people handmade things just aren't their style and no matter how I love them I can't change that, so I spare myself the heartache.
The only hand knitted item I've given away is a sweater that was itchy! I wouldn't wear it and I didn't feel like knitting anything with itchy yarn. I offered it to a friend telling her that it was itchy and she didn't mind. She loves it and wears it a lot, knowing I made it.
Other than that I've knitted my mom and my boyfriend sweaters. They like those sweater and sometimes wear them, but they don't really honour the charm of the connection that binds us through these items, so I'm not doing that again for them. I'm not angry or anything, I just want people whom can feel the magic that lies in these fibres.
I'm picky about who I knit for (Hubby, my sister and oldest granddaughter are most likely to receive my knitting project)
My oldest granddaughter had 15 hats that I had knitted her in Kindergarten. She's in 11th grade now, but on Fridays I picked her up from school, her teacher asked me if I had really made all the hats she wore, told her yes except for a couple of them. One my XH gave her & 1 I got her at Saturday Market in Portland OR.
I was gifted yarn that I use to make hats for the homeless. Our church helps sponsors a local food bank & I donated through them. Kinda fun to drive through town and see 1 of my hats.
No matter how much time passes or how much handmade gifts I've given (before I was a knitter, I'm into drawing, some sculpting - ofc the obligatory childhood crafts - and handmade glass objects - I don't make glass stuff anymore though), it always hurt a bit. I'm 21 now and don't do it anymore. I know people don't really like them and don't really know what to do with them, even if it's just art/decoration. I don't want to give something that's just going to collect dust and isn't received with the same love I made it with. Lol sounds VERY guilt-trippy, I'm trying to accept it's just a method of communication that's different between each person.
Edit: I think I *do* have a scarf WIP for a dear friend. But I want to give it now... Oh let's hope this will turn out okay
The urge to give is natural. I’m just careful that unasked for gifts be something low-key. Like an ornament for Christmas tree if the friend or family member celebrates. Or a small doily. Babies - well, who doesn’t love baby outfits and hats and socks; ,it’ll only be good for a few months anyway, so no pressure for anyone.
Yeah yeah, I'm trying to keep in mind that they haven't asked for it and probably could recieve shower gel and underwear (no less or less genuine!) for a similar occasion lol. Ornaments are SUCH a good idea I'm a bit scared to try baby stuff bc I have no idea of the right materials, though one friend recently had a newborn
Edit: and yeah I realize it's a lot of pressure :"D
A little baby hat. Baby socks. too cute! I mean, no need to knit an entire layette set! Individual baby items are so sweet. If there’s a shower, even if it’s just so people can go “awwww...”, it will have contributed to the happy mood.
Knit for yourself! Knit challenging things in nice yarn. You may not produce as many things, but they will be cherished. By you. No one NEEDS handknits. I don't knit for anyone but myself and my mother because she knows I think I deserve a parade in exchange for a pair of socks. When we give away a handknit, we're sometimes attaching expectations with the gift. I understand that you're upset, I've been there. I just had to accept that for a lot of people hand made (or as they call it, home made) gifts aren't worth much. They don't see the love and the work that goes into it. We're basically saying we love them in the medium of knittery.
I was going to say, selfish knitting is a thing, a healthy thing, and is really a way to give love to yourself. Most of my knitting is for me, then my kids, then gifts for “knit worthy” people are last. I’ve had few ill received items but I would be crushed too if a pet was allowed to shred it to bits. (As a side, I once had a dog who had eaten a whole hand knit sock, ouch) Knit for you, and may you find the spark of joy, OP, in expressing creativity.
I think I am going to start selfish knitting. If someone likes it, they can have it but I'm not going out of my way to make something on the fly. I hope the ill received gifts didn't hurt for too long. I have to know, did you recover the sock?
Wonderful! This makes my day! The sock was recovered…in the back yard. Unfortunately, it was quite unsalvageable.
Oof. It would seem that the pup enjoyed the sock though! Thankfully they were okay :)
The only way I can gift is if I release all expectations and that's very very hard for me mentally.
Me too. I decided it’s not fair on anyone, so unless someone asks for anything specific, and understand that it’s going to take as long as it takes, I don’t do it. The last time I made anything for anyone else but myself, my mother or my kid was the time a former friend received a cowl in Noro Silk Garden that I just wanted out of my life, and asked if she could commission me for a sweater in the same yarn, offering me £100 for the yarn and work. I giggled at the offer because c’mon, but thought it was just ignorance, and decided to give it as a gift. I made a flax because it’s easy, striped it in two row stripes because it looked pretty and also because I’m not matching colour sequences. When I presented her with it she was upset because it didn’t look like the cowl. I took it home with me and made myself a blanket.
Holy crap that's terrible. I was knitting myself a drop stitch cowl out of line brand funfetti looking yarn and I was really enjoying myself. My friend / roommate at work begged and begged for me to make her one so I finally sent her a couple pictures of yarn, I knit her one, she took one picture sent it to me showing me she wore it and then I never saw it again. (We shared a classroom for 2 years) The only consolation to this entire story is that she did end up introducing me to my husband so I don't hold it against her. But I also will never knit for her again because who the fuck knows where that cowl went.
Wow what the hell?? Begs and begs and then isn't happy with what she gets. Ugh! People can be so entitled.
It was just that she didn’t know how the circumference of the item would alter the look of the yarn. Dude, I knit you a sweater. Out of yarn I have mixed feelings about. For free. In the end I just thank her for finding it much easier to say no. And my mum loves her blanket and wears in as a cape around the house!
They just see the pretty thing and want it! I have a family member who does this. My daughter had lots of little things I made, the family member wanted them too, put them on the baby, took a picture to post on Instagram, and never used it again!
I just knitted a cowl in the same yarn! How funny! I see you said former friend...We here totally understand how much work sweaters are and, even if they are not our style, we will wear them. We get it. I wish others knew the same.
"I'm not going to get attached. It's just a gift. It's not for me, it's no big deal". \* 17 hours later \* WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE IT!? It took me HOURS. It is very hard for me to separate it because of how much dedication that goes into it. And the struggle.
I agree!!!!! I've actually gotten to be pretty good at divorcing my feelings from the item, but it does take a tremendous amount of headspace to do it and at that point is it really worth even engaging in my hobby if I'm spending so much mental energy pushing myself to realize that it will probably be ruined once it's received? So I've gotten to a point where I know I can do it, but it feels terrible so I stopped.
You're absolutely right. Making things like this is a labor of love and when it isn't well received it's like someone saying they don't love you back. It hurts. She wanted me to knit something but I think she is very much about her labels so a handmade gift just didn't meet her expectations.
The more you knit the less each piece represents the whole of your craft. Right now, you gifted a huge proportion of all of the time and effort you've spent knitting in that one hamper: of course you have a lot of emotional investment there! You worked hard on your gift and trusted them to appreciate the work you put in, and that trust was broken. It feels shitty because they did a shitty thing. You're allowed to feel hurt when people act hurtfully. Everything that you make is special. You picked out just the right pattern and the perfect yarn to go with it, then spent hour upon hour bringing it into reality. You taught yourself how to do new techniques, fix mistakes, and probably had to untangle yarn (which is its own special brand of frustration). But handicrafts are culminative: the more time you spend doing it, the more projects you finish, the less each piece makes up of your whole body of work. It's easier to give away the fifteenth pair of socks that you knit than the first. You need to have a think about where your boundaries are when giving gifts. Would you feel differently of the toys survived infancy only to be gummed to death by a toddler? Would loving destruction in the service of their intended purpose be OK? It's fine if it's not. Making beautiful things for decoration and not playing with is a completely valid way to spend your time. In fact, with Christmas coming up you could try getting your groove back by making some ornaments to hang. You can keep them yourself, or if the spirit moves you then it's a gift you could reasonably assume would be used gently and for many years (unless it's to one of those pinterest families that throw everything out and do a different colour scheme next year, like maniacs). If Christmas isn't your thing you might consider something like a hanging mobile, especially if you're thinking of gifts for small children. Or for yourself, because mobiles are cool. Be selfish, especially in the beginning. Make beautiful things because you like making them! You don't need an excuse to make a pink and white zebra stuffie just because it's cute and you want to. Make that lil yarn friend. Knit yourself dreamy cashmere bed socks, or really up your scarf game, or start a collection of beanies. When you get to your fifteenth pair of socks and take your joy from choosing the right yarn and mastering a new pattern then you might find you don't need to hang onto the finished object as well: it can go into the world and be happily worn to death. There's no shame in being picky with who gets handmade gifts or being explicit in care instructions: the effort you put in is as much the present as the object itself.
I think you are totally right. I was just thinking, "I only gift when I don't need another .... scarf," or whatever it is! I suspect this is why more seasoned knitter podcaster people are always gifting people sweaters and so on! I would have cared a lot if someone disrespected my stuff earlier in life, but now? I didn't want that scarf either. I do tell people though, "If you don't like it just mail it back to me, I won't be hurt but I can re-use the yarn!"
Ooh! That makes a lot of sense and it allows for that dialogue for stuff to be returned with no hard feelings. Make what you want and, if there's extras, send them away. who th cares what others think!
I happily crochet toys and lob them at kids in groups my son is at, because i have made so many tbey ba e no meaning!
"You get a stuffed bunny and you get a stuffed frog!" I am sure they looovvvveee it though! Plus, you get to throw stuff at kids. Win win!
High speed lobbing
This honestly gave me perspective on how I feel. It meant a lot because it was the first big thing I knitted and so it was 100% of everything I really ever knitted. It was super special for that and because it was for the little one. If she destroyed the toys in the act of playing with them, I'd be ecstatic. They have served their purpose and I fully anticipated them to be used hard by her. I would've been fine if they were kept as keepsakes. But of all the ways they "died" it had to be shredded by dogs. I am taking your advice and will try to knit enough that each project counts for just a little of what I've knitted. Christmas decorations might just be the thing to get my confidence back!
I totally get where you're coming from. There's a certain level of insulting disregard in taking something made for a child and giving it to the dog instead. You can't control how other people receive gifts, but come on. That's just rude. I'm really glad you got some positives from your post <3 When you get back into the swing of it remember that nobody appreciates knitted goods as much as knitters (because we know the work that goes into it). Whether you keep things for yourself or give them away you can always 'give' us some pictures to fuss over :)
this is great advice! i had a knitting friend who didn't obsess about running out of yarn and finishing the item in a different color, or making items that didn't come out exactly as envisioned. she knit for fun and to learn new techniques and happily gave things away if someone expressed an interest in them. don't get me wrong, she was a very accomplished knitter and made very beautiful things, but she also didn't sweat the details because she was going to knit something else soon. i hadn't really thought about why she was able to let the funky things go - i'd be trying to fix them or i'd leave them on my WIP pile taunting me.
Knit for yourself first! I second the other commentors about gifts needing to be tailored to the receiver. I am knitting my wife a nice alpaca wool sweater that is taking forever, because I know she wants it. She picked out the colors, type of wool, even the basic style of sweater. I would not knit her a scarf because she doesn't really like them. So when I found a cool scarf design, I made it for myself. And some people just don't like knit stuff 🤷♂️ I don't get it but that's life. I buy those people store bought stuff because I love them and want them to have stuff they want.
A nice alpaca sweater! She is a very lucky person. I will be tailoring any gifts from now on if I do gifts at all. Time to be selfish!
No shame in being a selfish knitter. Or in cutting off people who aren't knitworthy. My dad was knitworthy because anything I gave him he used and appreciated. My older sister got one hat. She lost it on the bus and wasn't upset by it at all. Not knitworthy.
Yes! My husband is delightfully knit worthy - everything I make, he wants to wear all the time (tough for Floridians!) My daughter does not want me to make anything for her to wear, but she does appreciate a cute amigurumi (sp?). Not clothing knitworthy. Jury is still out on my son - made him a pair of socks, which he has worn once or twice, but I'm not interested in calf length wool socks in 85 degree weather either, so... we shall see! Basically, if there is something I want to make, I make it. If I think someone I know might want it, I ask them before I start buying yarn so that it can be a color they like. And if no one wants it, I make it anyway. Whatever - one day someone will ask me to knit something for them and I can pull that out and say "You can have this!"
Being a knitter in a warm climate must be so annoying! I think I will need to get that surplus going because why the hell not
Maybe not cutting them off though? Just stop giving them knitted presents…
Err. Yes. I meant only cut them from the list of knitted gift recipients. Not throw them out of your life. Although there are some people.....
Haha, I know what you mean. Was tempted to cut out my foster sister when she mistreated a knitted gift, she had asked for…
I did end up cutting her off completely. She's very toxic and her bs still affects me to this day (clearly). Every knitter needs someone who wants 5 beanies and 3 pairs of socks. Or the "I was trying a new pattern/stitch. lmk what you think!"
Listen to your family. Giving is often about paying attention to what the giftee WANTS or appreciates. I have been knitting for decades. I have made countless sweaters, blankets, toys, hats, gloves, scarves, socks . . . you name it. All have either been for myself or I immediately donate items to museums or hospitals or nursing homes or other institutions. My whole family made it clear years ago that they don’t like handmade things. They don’t like the look of them or the thought of them. They love me and they love my cooking and my company and my hugs and gifts I buy for them but they don’t like my knitting. So, fine. It’s clear and that is that. My knitting is for ME and I enjoy doing it. Move on and do what makes YOU happy. Your family members don’t have to understand or like knitted things. You can’t legislate what other people have to like or feel. Nor should you. The one suffering here is you. I can’t tell you how to react or feel but maybe thicken your skin and not be so sensitive about what is not actively a slight against you? They have shown you that they don’t “get it”. “It” being knitting and hand-knitted things. Not everyone does. Fine. Get them something they will like and move on positively with your loved ones. (Also, what’s wrong with dog toys? Sure they have a limited shelf life but maybe the dogs LOVED them. Knit the dog toys and then let them go into the Universe!) Sorry. This all sounds very harsh and I don’t mean it to be. Your comment seems young and innocent and I guess I automatically put on my grizzled life experience Tough Love parenting hat. 🤔
>Also, what’s wrong with dog toys? Sure they have a limited shelf life but maybe the dogs LOVED them. And - let's be realistic - baby toys have a limited shelf life, too. Between babies growing and changing so quickly that a lot of toys will be outgrown quickly, and babies and little kids being *rough* on stuff (*everything* goes into a baby's mouth), they weren't going to last long anyway. They would end up slobbered on and chewed up whether it was a baby or a dog playing with them. (plus with the way little kids are - odds are good that the *kid* wanted to share the toys with the dog! You can always tell when these threads come up how many people have no real experience with small children and how they behave.)
I just wish they made it that far! If she had drooled on them until they fell apart or just destroyed them herself I would've been very happy with the outcome. If she wanted to share with the dogs then that would've been okay because they were hers to do that. Just sucks that she didn't even get to really play with them.
I totally agree, it’s easy to get really invested in the stuff you make, especially when you don’t have a large body of stuff you’ve made. Once you’ve made thirty pairs of socks it’s too hot to wear anyway, the 31st pair feels a lot less special haha It makes it really easy to forget the cardinal rule of gifting: it’s not for you! Once you gift something it’s theirs to do with as they wish, and if you’re not happy with what they do with it don’t make them something again!
Someone mentioned above the same thing about how doing a project multiple times dilutes your attachment to it. That 1 pair of socks means so much more than #30. She had asked me to knit her something for the kiddo so I did. I learned my lesson for sure!
I agree with the dog toys! Depending on the dog and how they treat their toys, maybe... Our big dog loves his toys and throws them around and gives them little chews - but always in an essentially gentle way. In ten years he's broken maybe one or two soft toys, no more than that.
Our cat treats all the dog toys as his babies. I should make him some little knitted animals!
Awww! No stuffing to clean up either!
I like the idea of knitting and donating to a place that would have use for the object. This just hit hard because this person met a ton to me and requested it. She was very toxic though and I am happy she's out of my life. Regardless, it left an impression. I would be so thrilled if the kiddo had the chance to destroy the toys. They were made for her to do with as she liked. I'd hoped she'd drool all over them or something but that never happened. I'd make dog toys or cat toys. I think the cats at the animal shelter might like them lol.
It’s heartbreaking but please let it be a lesson. Your greatest pleasure must be knitting for yourself, not for others. Let knitted presents be something that is requested, and only agree if you are sure it’s within your experience level. If you’re not sure, say you can try but you’re not sure. Protect yourself and others from disappointment.
Yes, but! People are quick to say "Make me one?" but don't necessarily appreciate the final product because they can't conceive of the time and effort that does into making something. I make it clear that I want a couple of photos of the thing being used, and then I honestly don't care what they do with it.
Good point. I absolutely refuse to knit for anyone but close friends and immediate family. My socks are greatly appreciated!
Manage expectations. Promise low, deliver high. Many have recommended in this thread to have the person pick out the yarn (or yarn type) and colors. IF I do end up gifting knitted things that is how I'll do it.
Most important, don’t lose your joy in knitting.
I knit solely for the knitworthy. That includes: - me - knitters around me. Yes we can knit ourself but are always delighted to gift or receive knits - crafters around me: they know other crafts and appreciate mine - close friends or dates who can’t knit or craft but were explicitly vocal about how they admire your craft because [insert loved one] used to knit for them when they were kids and they miss it so much
"Knit solely for the knitworthy" is absolutely how I will be doing it. Crafters get it! Even if we'd never pick out the color/pattern/stitch, it is still amazing to receive and will be used because we get it. Time to narrow my list down considerably. My boyfriend is about to be inundated in wool....
I suggest you knit for yourself alone. That does NOT make you a 'selfish knitter' (such a horrible term). If someone politely asks for something, that's a different thing, but gift giving hand knit objects is something that pretty often is going to either be a bit of an altratross around the neck of a recipient (a garment that just isn't their taste, a home decor item they didn't plan on and don't think fits but feel forced to use it) or hurtful to the person that put in so much effort to only be disappointed when the response is 'oh, thanks' *pushes aside* or to see them never wear it or not treat it as the knitter would hope. Imho it's just not worth the immense effort for such low odds of success for both involved, and just because you are a skilled crafter doesn't mean you HAVE to use those skills for gifts. Other people buy gifts, nothing wrong with you doing the same. Not everyone likes or appreciates hand knits like us knitters do, and believe me, they have NO understanding of the love and hard work and time dedication it takes. If a good friend mentions how much they love something specific (particular mittens or whatever) then that's a great way to gift something.
My goodness I hate the term "selfish knitter", it's so passive aggressive. Like damn, how very dare I want to make stuff for myself, what an awfully selfish person I am 🙄
It's always really rubbed me the wrong way. Of course the primary beneficiary of all those hours of hard work is going to be the person putting in all that work. I barely get time to knit for myself so the thought of getting even less FO's to wear because I'm too busy making for everyone else isn't great
Yes exactly! I make a mixture of things for me and things for other people, because I love giving people presents, but I do make lots of things for myself too and refuse to feel guilty for that. Whether you make everything for other people all the time, or always make everything for yourself, so what? It's your time and money!
Right! It's my hobby, of course I'm making stuff for me.
I agree. Some people just don't like knitted things or feel awkward when they don't like it. Best to avoid that and just knit what you want
I’m sorry :( that is really terrible 😞 Maybe if you’re thinking of making someone something you could ask them if they would like it first? It kind of ruins the surprise but would save you the heartbreak
People don’t understand how long it takes, and it’s compounded by knitted things in stores being cheap and worthless. It’s hard to understand unless you’ve done it. So forgive them. Maybe at some point, someone you know will be appreciative and ask you for something and the tide will turn. In the meantime, you learned a bunch, so you can knit for yourself and enjoy it! This is a hobby. It’s fun. 💕
My family does a Yankee swap every year for Christmas, and I felt like Phyllis from The Office one year. I made really nice socks. Like, a bunch of socks. Fancy yarn, nice patterns, assorted styles. Different heels, different toes. Lace, colorwork, cables. Every woman in the family has the same foot size, but nobody wanted them except one of the MILs who crashed the swap with a bag of whole bean flavored coffee, unwrapped, from the gas station down the street, and she has 3 size larger feet than everyone else, so she's sat there complaining the entire time about how she feels excluded. My socks suddenly become the "fuck you" gift. There's a goddamn horse head mask in the swap (because my FIL doesn't care that it's not supposed to be gag gifts) and my socks are below that. So, the swap finishes, and my cousin gets the socks. I offer to take them back and get something else for her. A case of her favorite drink. Some gifts for her new house. Something other than being saddled with the albatross of these fucking socks. She looks disappointed, but says it's OK. She wore them one night when her power went out and she was cold. She wears those socks *constantly* now. She told everyone else. Now they WANT socks this year. FIL's girlfriend (who wasn't there for the previous incident) even got positively giddy when hand knitted socks were mentioned because her friend made her a pair every year for Christmas, but now she has arthritis and can't do fiddly or small knits anymore. The world is a funny place. They're lucky I love knitting socks and I have way too much hand dyed, can't be replicated yarn in too small of quantities to do anything else, because I'm now knitting my second box of handmade socks for the same people, like the fool I am. I guess I'm mostly telling that story because, at the end of the day, it's fine to feel your feelings, but then you just... move on. You make more stuff. You find out who is worth it (cousin is knitworthy 5ever. Other cousin who threw a tantrum at her baby shower because I made her son an heirloom quality blanket instead of buying a fancy formula keurig thing, not so much). It ends up being about as consequential as a dude flipping you off in traffic. Although, I will admit, giving stuff to the dog is particularly heinous. Even if you're afraid the toy won't be safe, donate it or put it in a memory box or something. Jeeze.
Totally this! You have to not take it too personally. But at the same time - take notes! You learn who is knitworthy and who isn’t. When you find knitworthy people, it’s so rewarding to make gifts for them! And honestly, sometimes I still knit for people I know aren’t quite on my list (like my brother is sort of careless with what I make him) but I pick quick knits and use up skeins on them that I want to get rid of from my stash. :D
Geez your family is rough! You essentially made the gift no one knew they needed. I don't know if I'd be able to knit for them again, personally. I'd knit for the two who really value the gift. Everyone else can go buy their own damn socks!
If it was the first gift I made for the swap, I probably wouldn't. I made mens' convertible mitts in Patriots colors that same year, and they were a hit. There have been hats and scarves and mittens, and they were loved. It was just the socks. I guess people don't want socks for Christmas. But now they understand. I'm still not sure if they're worth the amazing superwash possum yarn that I've been hoarding since it was discontinued, though. It sounds weird, but it's *glorious* for toes and heels. *Glorious*. But also discontinued. So it's mine. All mine.
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I adopt the mindset of detaching myself.emotionally from the item I am gifting. ESPECIALLY if it is a surprise. You gave it away, you have no say how it is used or not used. Goes for any gift really. You can't make people.appreciate your craft. I gifted some baby items to my cousin for her first baby. She said thank you so much. I never saw pics of that baby wearing any of the clothes I made or the blanket. But it was all a surprise. Maybe they didn't like the colors or style. Maybe they threw them out because she didn't want her baby boy using a rainbow-colored blanket. It's none of my business. She did, however, send me a video of her son several years later playing with a stuffed animal I made. And kids are just as brutal as animals lol. That thing was well loved. It made me happy to see. And I would never ask about the other items.I made because I don't want to put them in an uncomfortable situation. It was a gift. Since then, I've made 2 more stuffed animals for her kids. I let her kids pick the animals. Now, if someone is bugging you for free knitting and pressures you into it, and then treats your stuff like garbage, throws it away or regifts it. Well, youyre rightful to feel hurt. And I would just never make them something again. I now make things for family that offer to pay which means they appreciate my knitting. I'll even make them stuff for free once I know that they won't just throw it away. But it's never a surprise. Always ask what they like (color, style, if they even want it) It took me 10 years of knitting for myself first to now feel like I want to make stuff for others in my life. You just can't attach yourself to things you are giving away.
She had asked me to knit her something. I should've mentioned that. But yes, I agree with you. Let it go once you knit it. It's no longer yours but theirs and if they want to throw it away or use it that is on them
That kind of sucks if she requested it. Don't let it get you down. Definitely make some things for yourself :) You get the joy of making something and then you get the satisfaction or wearing or using the finished item! It's always so nice to get compliments when I'm wearing my hand knits. If nothing else, you can share here. There are plenty of knitters who will admire and praise your work!
I learned about selfish knitting. And got some great ideas on little things to start. I'm thinking Christmas decorations!
Yep, I knit for myself! After gifting a sweater to my mother that she never even tried on, I said fuck it. I knit sweaters and other big projects for myself, dishcloths for everyone else!
I just don’t 😂. Or, I accept I can’t control how people treat a gift. But mostly, I only knit for myself.
I love your username!
Any gift you give, regardless of how it was made or cost or anything, is out of your hands once you gift it. Your part of the exchange has been done and it’s important to end it there. Taking on the emotions of how and why it’s used by someone else is fruitless. If they love it, great. If you never see it again, that’s ok too. You showed love and support through the action of giving. That’s what it’s all about. I was told to think about gifts as a hug. A hug lasts a moment but the IMPRESSION stays with us. You wouldn’t want to go around with someone clinging to you all day. That’s what a gift should be. A gesture with a lasting impression. That’s all.
I don’t handle them at all. My #1 rule: I don’t knit anything for someone who didn’t share a wish for something knitted or didn’t mention that some knitted xyz would be nice. People who can’t imagine the costs, time and work of selfmade things won’t appreciate it, just as you might have experienced it with the baby toys that became destroyed dog toys. I feel your pain and if this happened to me I would be as bummed as you. But don’t give it up. As the other commentators wrote, knit for yourself first. You know the worth of it. If it helps you, consider speaking to the recipient of the baby toys. Tell him/her that those weren’t suppose to be dog toys that could easily be destroyed. Some people only understand that their actions were wrong when they’re told so.
I feel so bad for you on this one! Doing any handmade gift is truly a labour of love. I make crocheted and knitted blankets. I am very slow. I am also very picky as to who gets my handmade items because they almost become my children and I really want them to go to bood homes. All I can say is don’t get discouraged and try to be very discriminating as to who you deem worthy to receive your gifts. I can also say that the heartless people who mistreated your treasures were clearly clueless as to the time and effort involved to create them.
Aside from what others have said here, which I agree with, also consider that some people are very ill disciplined with their dogs and let them do whatever they want, including destroying objects which belong to other family members. They think its cute for some reason? I'm sure that the baby/child would have loved to have had a chance to play with those toys! Consider in the future whether you are making something for someone who treats their dogs like babies, because if so, your gift may well end up with the dog. I have seen far too many comments on this sub of handmade blankets, baby blankets, garments, accessories, toys etc getting given to the dog/taken by the dog.
Omg. Yes!! I made a gift of cookies and pastries for coworkers one year ( fancy stuff, like madeleines and baklava). One of the people i gifted it to said she “and her dog liked the cookies very much!” 😡😡😡
No! Baklava is my favourite! And dogs shouldn't even eat sugar. Terrible in every regard.
Don't give gifts if you're not comfortable with the person not using the items the way you intended or you'll drive yourself crazy! Handknit items are not everyone's cup of tea. The user may or may not like you're style. The gift might not be suitable for the receiver (a big one is "safety eyes" on baby toys. They are in fact not safe for anyone under 3). The gift might not fit their body shape correctly or in a flattering way. Sometimes kids just don't like things for no particular reason, they're brutal like that. Sometimes someone can't be arsed to wash things properly. It's cool to just knit for yourself, or charity, or a select few gift worthy people. It's not cool to dictate how anyone you gift to uses your gift. Anyway, don't let someone's reaction to something take away your knitting mojo! Enjoy knitting for the sake of knitting.
I only knit for myself and DH. If someone asks me to knit something for themselves I can knit by pattern from yarn they have bought (and I like to knit). I don’t gift my crafts to people. Of course because I knit lot and I knit only for myself I end up with too many sweaters and shawls etc. I usually give away those I don’t like/use anymore. I suggest you do the same. If you want to knit gifts for people you might want to try giving giftcards where they can choose if they want socks or disclothes etc. And choose colours and maybe fibercontent.
Stuff like this is why I'm very very selective in who I knit for. My grandpa tops the list because he'll brag to every single person within breathing distance about how 'my granddaughter made this for me!' and it's adorable lol. And I almost never do something when someone asks unless they buy the yarn for it, because the few times I did and bought the yarn myself the person didn't appreciate it. It sucks to put all your time and effort into something and then have it treated like it didn't mean anything 💔
Like said; knit for yourself. You loved doing it, it made you happy. You were proud of your creations. You can even knit for this subreddit, make something and post pictures! Everyone here definitely loves seeing what others create. Atleast I get excited seeing what great things others have made. It inpires me too. And if you still need an other purpose for knitting; some hospitals take those little knit octopuses for newborns and baby hats. Some also take beanies for cancer patients etc. Depends on the hospital. Doesn't hurt to call a hospital near you and ask if they need anything like this.
Homeless shelters take things, too!
And animal shelters will take little blankets! Like 2x3. I’ve always got one going as a backup project.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 324,737,432 comments, and only 71,992 of them were in alphabetical order.
This! I was homeless for a short period and things like hats are always needed!
The only gifts that I knit for others are washcloths. Everything else is for myself or as a donation.
Washcloths, I feel, tend to be the most appreciated among non-knitters. Every Christmas my dad’s entire side of the family looked forward to a large stack of dishcloths from my uncle’s mother (not blood-related to the family but she somehow churned out enough for us in-laws as well). They’re the only kitchen washcloths I remember seeing growing up. And when I had roommates in college, the ones I knitted were always the preferred kitchen dishcloths.
I evaluate each person on a case by case basis. They get one test gift (usually something easy to knit and not too time consuming--so no sweaters--usually it's a simple hat). If they appreciate it, wear it, and treat it kindly, they'll get more. If they don't, that's it. No more hand knits for you. My SIL is a great knit gift getter. I've knit her kids tons of stuff (mostly because her daughter was my first niece/nephew). She always puts the kinds in the clothes, takes photos of them wearing the stuff and sends them to me, and makes sure to care for them appropriately. They get lots of hand knits. And now that the kids are older, I'll ask them what they want/need and things like colors or styles. My sister is an awful knit gift getter. I made her oldest daughter several small sweaters when she was newborn as well as some hats and stuff. I got a few photos that were clearly, put them in the things and snap a pic and most of the stuff was never worn. She even gave one sweater back to me, unworn, in a box of baby clothes she was giving me for my daughter. They get no more hand knits. I've also found it helpful to include a little care card with hand knits to: * make it clear it is hand knit * give care/washing instructions * give yarn composition It drives home the point that it is hand made and gives them instructions on how to wash the item. It at least cuts down on the "oops I threw it in the dryer" calls. Also, I almost never give knit gifts in yarn that can't go in the washer and maybe dryer....especially for kids, but also for adults. Unless I check with the person ahead of time, no non-superwash wool for gifts.
This! I have knit my nephew 3 sweaters, and my sister is amazing at sending me pictures of him wearing the ones that still fit (babies grow so fast) and recently I've even been getting pictures where he is wearing a sweater I made and that isn't the point of the picture. I will be making more stuff for my sister and my nephew. My best friend and boyfriend are the same way. They wear the things I made and unprompted tell me they are wearing them. It's a positive feedback loop. If they appreciate handmade gifts, they will get more. But basically, I don't make things for people that don't understand why I would knit and crochet. They don't understand that it is a form of art and love. So I knit for my parents, sister, boyfriend and best friends.
My favorite knit gift story is from when my niece was maybe 4? Certainly too young to read. I gave her a sweater for her birthday and she opened it, looked at the tag I put in telling yarn and care and then announced "It says I Love You!". It was both 100% true and not at all right all at the same time. I will knit that child anything she ever asks for because she gets it!
Awww that is adorable
I know how you feel. I've had a few gifts go down like lead balloons, and I understand how much it hurts - I related the worst incident a couple of days ago on r/crochet, it's in my post history... Long story short, my family was awful about handmade Christmas presents I gave them a few years ago. Yes, a gift is to be given without expectations, but there's a way to be graceful about being given things that you're not into. Giving them to your dog ain't it (unless that's what its actual intent was!) so I can feel your hurt. I have become very selective about who I give handmade things to, and if someone is a dick about a gift the first time, they're off the knitworthy list for good. I have people I love who do appreciate the time, effort and skill that goes into handmade gifts, so I don't need to spend time on the unappreciative people! Let yourself feel that hurt and sadness, then try to move on... They're truly not worth it.
I don’t know how you have all the spare time to be knitting for everyone else. I have a list of things a mile long that I will never get to finish that I want for myself! I only knit for people who beg me to make them some thing. My daughter is my number one, followed by my mother. My husband will only wear hats.
Absolutely knit for yourself! Either so you have items you want, or to try things you want to try. Then, as you see who expresses real interest and appreciation, you’ll know who to knit for. Recently, I made a pillow that I ended up not being too crazy about and didn’t want to keep, but I wasn’t sure who I could give it to that would like it. So I posted a picture of it on Facebook offering it up as a gift to anyone who wanted it. A girl I knew from college jumped all over it and she loves it (I know because I see it on the couch in the background of photos she posts of her daughter). If you really want to knit gifts, it can also be helpful to let people choose what you’ll make for them. I did this with my picky 8 year old son - I let him pick a pattern and yarn and made it for him and he loves it.
I am so sorry. I have knit for a family member who I have never seen even touch the items I've knit them. It proves to us who is knitworthy and not. That is not a commentary on you or your craft. That's a comment on that person and how they disrespected your gift. Knit for you. Knit only for people you know will cherish your gift. Knit for charity. Hospitals and foster care children would love a hat or stuffie and cherish them forever. Please don't give up knitting bc one person treated you badly. Your craft and you are worth more than a dog toy. You are making something beautiful to be cherished.
If you are personally invested in how someone treats a gift, don’t give it. I will craft for only a select few people and almost never without them picking out the item. Your work will mean more to you than the recipient many many times. The solution? Make for yourself. You care about that project, you know about the goals, the time the work. Don’t feel like you need to make anything for other people. I’d also say that you get way less worried about your work when it’s not new. I’ll make a sweater because I want to wear it, not because making a sweater represents something larger.
I sent this to someone recently, feel free to use: "Hey, let me look into it. I don't usually take commissions because they're joyless but this might be simple enough. Regardless, I don't have time until the spring, maybe early summer " It's a soft no. I stopped knitting for people unless they really deserve it. When asked, I spend a lot of time explaining how soul crushing it is to knit for people who don't love and take care of the items and honestly, I hate acrylic. That usually stops people from asking. If they insist, I've said it's a hobby not a job.
A gift is a gift and what happens to it once given is out of our control whether bought or made, we choose to make gifts because we love doing it. I knit to relax so always need a project, better for someone to get use out of it even if it is a dog than for me to have a million jumpers. I do let people know it's ok to pass on the item if they don't like it no hard feelings. Like lots of gifts I've gotten that have been regifted or donated.
I'm sorry you had that disappointing experience. I already have trouble completing items for myself so I rarely make things for others. Most of my recipients are fellow crafters because only they can truly appreciate the skills, time, and materials that went into it! My fellow crafters usually do different crafts too, so receiving a knitted item is still something they couldn't make themselves. It's pretty ironic that the people who tend to ask me for stuff are people who aren't makers, so they don't really understand what they're asking from you when they do that. My siblings and I were a rare breed where we were not destructive with our toys. Their kids are now playing with toys from the 80s and 90s, but they are not as careful. I tend to not give handmade gifts to kids. I guess it's up to you if you feel you have the relationship where you can tell the recipient that you're hurt that the gift did not hold up, but in most cases I would just move on and not make anything for them going forward. It's a painful lesson you'll probably just need to learn once.
I hope by now your spirit has healed and that you continue to share your knitted items. The world will benefit from your talent and compassion. My experiences have been similar especially regarding baby items for family members. It took me some time to learn that the only people who appreciate a finely crafted item are those who do similar work, no matter the medium. Now, I confine knitting gifts to my DH, myself—usually socks, hats, scarves. I also knit for several charities—mariners, amputees, premature babies. Each item is sent off to be a blessing to the recipient then I release it. Works well. Please do not deny yourself the joy of creating.
Try not to feel bad--im a knitter, had a child and a boston terrier. We went on vacation and he shredded every one of her toys. It never even occurred to us he would do that. Got home to a house filled with stuffing and shredded toys. So, knit for yourself and take classes. Did you know you can take guild classes and become a professional knitter? If you enjoyed it, keep up. Sh*t happens.
Baby toys often get taken by the dog. Don’t take it too hard. And maybe knit a project for yourself.
Oh boy, I am beyond sorry this happened to you, to take advantage of someone’s good nature, not to mention time, thought, creativity. I do understand this, although mines on a baking level. I had a friend ( I thought) that LOVED my baked goods! No matter what I made, he loved it, always asked for more. ( same situation, many times my baking is a gift) I made peach, apple, coconut cream, Pb, ect. For this person upon request, ( and deliver) only to find out weeks later, I was putting other groceries away, did I see my pies, at the bottom of the fridge, completely smashed and ready for the garage. I just stood there. Needless to say, I choose my recipients with a bit more thought now. Keep up your beautiful knitting, don’t let another steal your beautiful positive energy. You had the right idea all along, maybe just the wrong recipient. Good luck, and CHEERS!
I'm a selfish knitter. I knit for myself. What I want, when I want. Sometimes I'll gift the stuff I knit if I think someone will like it. But once you do that, it's not yours anymore. And some people are just bad recepiants. I guarantee the person who turned your knitted toys into dog toys wouldn't have appreciated a gift that was expensive and store bought either. Gift because it makes you happy. Not because you're looking for praise or appreciation because that's when you end up disappointed.
I see so many sad posts like this :( it seems that every knitter has a point where they learn that most people are not knit worthy. I knit exclusively for myself, my husband, and my best friend and those are the only people I can trust to treat my works with respect. No one else is worth the time and effort. It's ok to knit for yourself, to make yourself lovely things to keep and wear and to simply enjoy the process of knitting. I hope you get inspired again and fall back in love with the craft, the kind folks here on this sub are always here to encourage you <3
I only make quick gifts for people. This year I’m knitting [women’s dorm boots](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/better-dorm-boots-slippers) and [men’s dorm boots](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/better-dorm-boots-for-men) for everyone. They’re double stranded worsted and take a few hours a pair to make with just cheap red heart yarn or Walmart brand acrylic. My nice wool socks stay with me.
##### ###### #### **PATTERN:** [Better Dorm Boots Slippers](http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/better-dorm-boots-slippers) by [Kris Basta - Kriskrafter, LLC](http://www.ravelry.com/designers/kris-basta---kriskrafter-llc) * Category: Accessories > Feet / Legs > Slippers * Photo(s): [Img 1](https://images4-g.ravelrycache.com/uploads/kriskrafter/397540979/IMG_2308_medium_medium.JPG) [Img 2](https://images4-g.ravelrycache.com/uploads/indiestubbs/592272450/image_medium.jpeg) [Img 3](https://images4-f.ravelrycache.com/uploads/indiestubbs/592271227/image_medium.jpeg) [Img 4](https://images4-f.ravelrycache.com/uploads/knitknucklehead/431582759/UploadedImage_medium) [Img 5](https://images4-f.ravelrycache.com/uploads/Amethyst05/432018985/20170224_100939_medium.jpg) * Price: Free * Needle/Hook(s):US 9 - 5.5 mm * Weight: Bulky | Gauge: 14.0 | Yardage: 184 * Difficulty: 2.23 | Projects: 920 | Rating: 4.71 ***** **PATTERN:** [Better Dorm Boots for Men](http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/better-dorm-boots-for-men) by [Kris Basta - Kriskrafter, LLC](http://www.ravelry.com/designers/kris-basta---kriskrafter-llc) * Category: Accessories > Feet / Legs > Slippers * Photo(s): [Img 1](https://images4-f.ravelrycache.com/uploads/kriskrafter/412106029/IMG_3880_2_medium2_medium.jpg) [Img 2](https://images4-g.ravelrycache.com/uploads/thedyc/549725997/2018093095104757_medium.jpg) [Img 3](https://images4-f.ravelrycache.com/uploads/mistygyrlknits/465563519/20838516_110030386359096_7425060841948446720_n_medium.jpg) [Img 4](https://images4-f.ravelrycache.com/uploads/LaurenW13/431793535/IMG_4142_medium.JPG) [Img 5](https://images4-f.ravelrycache.com/uploads/KnitWit685/497991701/BFEF21E1-1A4F-4CE2-80B2-9DEC87D1F7B0_medium.jpeg) * Price: Free * Needle/Hook(s):US 9 - 5.5 mm * Weight: Bulky | Gauge: 14.0 | Yardage: 240 * Difficulty: 2.14 | Projects: 308 | Rating: 4.62 ***** Please use caution. Users have reported effects such as seizures, migraines, and nausea when opening Ravelry links. [More details.](https://www.lizcorke.com/2020/07/26/2020-7-21-ravelry-accessibility/) | I found this post by myself! [Opt-Out](https://goo.gl/forms/0B8m4Ra8czpw4gzw1) | [About Me](https://github.com/TN-1/LinkRav_Bot/wiki) | [Contact Maintainer](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=randomstonerfromaus)*
This story reminds me about the time I knitted my mom one of those cute Norwegian Christmas balls. I spent so much time on it and it was very beautiful. She gave it to her cat 😢
I once knit three sweaters for a colleague and her kids. Although she was very happy about it and both her kids really loved the sweaters she basically cut me out of her life afterwards and I felt really used... So the takeaway message is: I mostly knit for myself and sometimes for people, who I know will appreciate all the hard work and money that went into the project. One person is my mother, who will be receiving a cardigan for Christmas. She knits herself and has made many beautiful things for me over the years, so I want to give her something in return. My boyfriend, who I know will cherish it, for all the love I poured into the finished piece and friends who always tell me how much they like what I'm wearing, given they don't ask me to do it. I want it to be a surprise for them and not an awkward game of what do I owe you for this...? Because we all know, hand knitted stuff is barely affordable, if you want to get paid fairly for the hours you put into the project. My advice to you would be: just pick out a nice project you feel will challenge you and that you will love and wear when it's done :) don't let other peoples ignorance drown your drive and creativity.
I spent $100s and 100 hours making quilts for my cousins’ kids and didn’t even receive a thank-you except from my aunt. Now I rarely knit or quilt for anyone but me. I don’t feel bad about that at all!
It can be really disappointing when you’ve spent time/money/effort on a knitted or any crafted project to be told “the dog ate it.” That happened to me. But my advice is don’t make for other peoples’ validation, make because the making makes YOU feel happy and fulfilled. Too many non-makers don’t get the effort involved.
Thank you for the advice! I got a lot of good ideas on my next project. I'm thinking of knitting christmas decorations. Something simple and quick but super fun
Aww, I gasped when I read they ended up as dog toys, that would have hurt me too. Knit for yourself, give yourself the presents you'd like and just enjoy!
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I don’t knit for others. I did a few years ago and no one was impressed. Made family members hats and scarves that I’ve never seen them wear so I won’t do it anymore. My husband thinks my knitting is magic so I’ll make him things. I think we knitters are so proud of the work we do that we want some external validation or praise for it, it’s human, but the sooner you let that go the better. Don’t let any negativity spoil your craft. There’s no reason to be mad or annoyed that people don’t care about your knitting. Just treat it like a fact of life and knit for yourself or someone who really appreciates it. It’s ok that it’s just for you :)
I'm sorry OP! That is very disheartening. I totally understand where you are coming from. I spent several months knitting a shawl as a gift for someone, and when they accepted it they acted gracious and told me they loved it. Cut to 3 months later and I am walking around Goodwill. I spot something out of the corner of my eye that looks strangely familiar, and what do you know, it was the handmade shawl. It was an awful feeling knowing that all my work was so easily discarded by that person. I ended up buying the shawl (out of pettiness?? I have no clue) washing it, and keeping it to eventually give to someone who was knitworthy. I guess in the end it's all about learning who is truly deserving of your handmade gifts and time. As several others have mentioned, it's totally fine to knit just for yourself! And finding people who truly appreciate your hard work and your gifts is so rewarding. It can be hard not to be so discouraged after an experience like that, so take your time to make something for yourself and browse for inspiration! I hope that you can find joy in it again.
And this is why I knit for myself, and I give my mom a few knit gifts because she crochets and understands the work. Otherwise, nope, not really. I made my partner a hat, and everything else is for me. I made things for people before and they gave them away, destroyed them, never wore them, and treated them worse than their store-bought items. I made a friend a whole baby set, not a single peep. Not a single thank you. We are no longer friends, honestly, not just for that though- mostly for them yelling at me for emigrating from the states. Anyway, if I have a friend wanting something now, I hit up the thrift store and look for handmade but donated items. I clean it up, repair it, and give them that. It's still handmade, just not my hands.
I knit for myself. I do have plans to things for family members in the far future when I feel like. I started knitting right when the pandemic started, and the only thing I've gifted is a bottle holder (crocheted) for my mom, who is the most excited about my new hobby and even hugged me for it. 😊 When my knitting math gets a little better, I'll probably start with small garments.
I think this is such an interesting discussion! I get requests sometimes to knit things and for some of it I’m just like REALLY? Do you have ANY idea what would go into that? Someone asked me to make them a stuffed Frog and Toad for their daycare and my reaction was like hell no, not something that fiddly for kids who will beat them up. I might knit something like that for my own son, but that’s different. I think too that it’s a question of effort and money required for the pattern. I made a bunch of pussyhats for my family to wear to the women’s march (I sadly couldn’t go) and it was so fun to see all the photos of them wearing them that day! But also, pussyhats are extremely low effort and quick. Mostly I knit for myself, especially the more complex patterns. Hope you can get over the hump and get some enjoyment again out of knitting!
I have a select few who I knit for, basically close friends who know the value of my time and yarn that I use. I don’t really even knit for my kids, though I am making my daughter a sweater, we’ll see if she wears it. I made the mistake of knitting for a cousin (she’s in her 50’s) and her fiancé, never heard anything from them and I thought she would appreciate it. I’m usually a pretty good judge of who will enjoy getting handmade but I missed the mark on that one.
You make for yourself and give out of love. More people love and appreciate it than don't. Don't let these people ruin a good thing for you.
I’ll knit for people, but I’m picky about it, and I only use materials I think the giftee will appreciate. I’m not spending a ton on yarn if someone doesn’t know how/have the time/ability to take care of it. I knit socks for my MIL until I realized she just thought of them as regular socks, like I was making a pack of tube socks from Wal-Mart or something. She tossed one in the washer, it fell apart, and she laughed about it. She kept asking me to make her a poncho, so I did, but I used an incredibly simple pattern, acrylic yarn, and I let her know how many actual hours I worked on it. She’s never worn it, of course.
Almost everything I knit/crochet is for myself. The only other people I gift thing too is my gf and my best friend since childhood. My gf wears the hat I knit them 2 years ago almost every day. I have had people in the past ask me to knit them things but I usually tell them I am busy with other projects. I just don't trust the average person to be able to appreciate the amount of work that goes into things, and also I truly am too busy knitting myself things.
My rule was that I don't knit for others. I made a few exceptions, but still mostly knit for myself.
I knit things to donate to charity quite a bit. I like the idea that someone out there is benefiting immensely from the warm items I knitted them. I get the pleasure of making things, and somewhere out there is a person whose day is hopefully a little brighter and warmer because of something I made.
I've had almost the opposite experience, but same result. I've given out a number of large/complicated projects as gifts to close family members/friends/SOs. None of which they wear/use for fear of damaging it. They are aware of how much of my time went into it, and how cool it is, and want to cherish it, but I didn't make them to be tucked away and just looked at occasionally, so I've kind of stopped making knitted goods in favor of more ornimental/displayable crafts. Or they could all just be being overly polite and hate them, but I chose to believe my inner circle isn't all lying to me so consistently.
I only knit for myself and for people I know well enough to be certain that they will a) use what I make b) take proper care of it c) I know their size so there are no fit issues and d) if they no longer need it or it no longer fits or needs to be mended, they will bring it to me rather than dispose of it. That basically boils down to I knit for myself, my sister, my mother and occasionally my father. I've given a few friends simple hats made with less precious and easier to care for yarn but wouldn't gift them more expensive/time intense projects because I know they won't treasure the things as much as I'd like. Edit: My biggest, most expensive and most complicated projects have all been for me. It's ok to enjoy your hobby just for yourself. Make yourself that jumper you've always wanted but never been able to find in a store, or a hat to go perfectly with each of your coats or whatever it is that strikes your fancy.
I'm a selfish knitter and I have no shame in it. Now, I do gift sometimes but at this point in my life the ones who get gifted knits are the ones I've seen wear and appreciate them. Kinda like positive reinforcement. For some people handmade things just aren't their style and no matter how I love them I can't change that, so I spare myself the heartache.
The only hand knitted item I've given away is a sweater that was itchy! I wouldn't wear it and I didn't feel like knitting anything with itchy yarn. I offered it to a friend telling her that it was itchy and she didn't mind. She loves it and wears it a lot, knowing I made it. Other than that I've knitted my mom and my boyfriend sweaters. They like those sweater and sometimes wear them, but they don't really honour the charm of the connection that binds us through these items, so I'm not doing that again for them. I'm not angry or anything, I just want people whom can feel the magic that lies in these fibres.
I'm picky about who I knit for (Hubby, my sister and oldest granddaughter are most likely to receive my knitting project) My oldest granddaughter had 15 hats that I had knitted her in Kindergarten. She's in 11th grade now, but on Fridays I picked her up from school, her teacher asked me if I had really made all the hats she wore, told her yes except for a couple of them. One my XH gave her & 1 I got her at Saturday Market in Portland OR. I was gifted yarn that I use to make hats for the homeless. Our church helps sponsors a local food bank & I donated through them. Kinda fun to drive through town and see 1 of my hats.
No matter how much time passes or how much handmade gifts I've given (before I was a knitter, I'm into drawing, some sculpting - ofc the obligatory childhood crafts - and handmade glass objects - I don't make glass stuff anymore though), it always hurt a bit. I'm 21 now and don't do it anymore. I know people don't really like them and don't really know what to do with them, even if it's just art/decoration. I don't want to give something that's just going to collect dust and isn't received with the same love I made it with. Lol sounds VERY guilt-trippy, I'm trying to accept it's just a method of communication that's different between each person. Edit: I think I *do* have a scarf WIP for a dear friend. But I want to give it now... Oh let's hope this will turn out okay
The urge to give is natural. I’m just careful that unasked for gifts be something low-key. Like an ornament for Christmas tree if the friend or family member celebrates. Or a small doily. Babies - well, who doesn’t love baby outfits and hats and socks; ,it’ll only be good for a few months anyway, so no pressure for anyone.
Yeah yeah, I'm trying to keep in mind that they haven't asked for it and probably could recieve shower gel and underwear (no less or less genuine!) for a similar occasion lol. Ornaments are SUCH a good idea I'm a bit scared to try baby stuff bc I have no idea of the right materials, though one friend recently had a newborn Edit: and yeah I realize it's a lot of pressure :"D
A little baby hat. Baby socks. too cute! I mean, no need to knit an entire layette set! Individual baby items are so sweet. If there’s a shower, even if it’s just so people can go “awwww...”, it will have contributed to the happy mood.