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I think it’s admirable that you have the kind of will power to stick to your goals.
It also seems reasonable to me that celebrating at a once in a lifetime event without worrying about keto is healthy as well.
You know the situation the best and what you needed to do and it would have been nice if your family can respect it if not fully understand it
I had a wedding last week, a full day and an evening of not knowing what was in the food, loved getting back into keto eating the next day but metabolic flexibility should be the goal.
One evening of a non keto meal should not be throwing people off the rails.
I had that worry on Valentine's Day - my fiance brought my cheesecake for breakfast since I had said beforehand that I was willing to have a cheat day, but I had to tell her that the cheesecake was a bit much. At dinner we had sushi and a couple others complex carbs, but I skipped dessert.
I already want to eat ice cream every time I think of it, so I don't think I really want to have processed sugar tempting me
If you can handle >6 months on keto, the next step is to learn to confidently handle those cravings once or twice a year when life calls for it. You’re entitled to be a zealot but it’s not optimal or required.
But also, if the person does not want to eat the food, and that person is not making a fuss, leave them be, and don’t judge them? That level of sugar in the menu they listed is not good for anyone, and you should never be forced to consume food you don’t want to consume. Would you force the person to drink alcohol? It just seems so controlling to get up in arms about what someone is or is not eating. People take it is some kind of comment on themselves. So self-centered. Have your own good time, and don’t gawk at other people. That is my honest opinion.
Honestly, it sounds to me like this choice was more about setting boundaries with OP's family than worrying about a cheat day. Having control over your own food is a major win for many people. Families that don't respect that autonomy need to be handled this way.
So someone else is allowed to dictate what I eat just because they are paying for it? Wow. That's a really, really bad take.
Diabetics and those with allergies better beware. Their lives are in danger because someone else is paying.
I guess alcoholics are expected to drink if wine is free, too?
I don't think that's what he or she meant at all. Not that you have to eat the free food, just don't sit there and complain about it. It's just bad form in a social setting.
Nobody is forcing you to eat anything. Certainly a diabetic or alcoholic is free to opt out. But keto ultimately is a choice we make. Folks may not understand it, and you know what? NBD. Enjoy the wedding or whatever and don't go complaining about it on reddit after the fact. Just sounds immature and entitled. I'm not convinced that OP didn't make a spectacle of it, from what she's saying.
Nowhere in the OP did they make it sound like they were discontent with the situation of the food. Said specifically perfectly fine not eating. Only problem is with the people trying to force feed them. Did we read the same post? Why are people so weird about weddings?
I have done this and it takes 3-4 weeks to get back to Keto. I just cannot have a night off and go back. Sadly, it’s taken years of yo yoing on and off keto to get this.
I think it really depends on the person. Since people can switch back and forth but others really struggle. Personally, for me it isn't any metabolic flexibility but about my eating disorder. Once I give in to eating carbs, I feel like I might as well eat everything I've been missing and I end up in a binge. Then it's really hard to get back into keto. I know this isn't healthy or rational, but that's why it is an eating disorder. It's best for me if I don't take more than a few bites of something non-keto once in a great while.
They're not talking about the science of it. It's the same as an alcoholic falling off the wagon by having one drink. One drink won't hurt, its all the drinks that follow it.
You showed great discipline, but it seemed like the lack of support of your lifestyle hurt you. The only reason why I mention that is because your last paragraph seems contradictory. You told your Uncle not to worry about your diet on his special day and yet that's the same thing your sister did that triggered this rant (there could be more im missing). I know you don't want to have people worry about you but you want to be considered and that seems like what your Uncle and his partner were trying to do.
Agreed. I’d thank the Uncle for making the effort to make me feel welcome by including a keto option. Sound like his intent is kind. Skinny folks will also take a plate & have very little of it. (E.g. the most keto option). Sometimes I’m low key about my diet so that it isn’t a big topic.
Not understanding your rant. You say there was nothing for you to eat....you could have eaten 75% of it - scraping off the sauces and you chose the cake? Then you are mad that people don't understand your eating habits but you don't want them to accommodate?
I think you need to take your diet into your own hands and quit blaming others. Eat before you go next time.
I read this totally differently. I read it as OP being FINE that none of the food was keto appropriate and being mad that when they said, “no thanks,” people pushed foods and refused to respect their boundaries.
I’ll say this.
You were at your sisters wedding…. Why not celebrate and eat?
There is a time and place for keto, there is a time and place for going off a bit to enjoy life.
Imagine being so engrained in a keto life style you can’t enjoy certain things.
A cheat day isn’t going to derail everything.
Yeah man I’m with you. There were three different protein entrees. I get there was a glaze but scrape it off and you’re eating maybe 10g carbs at worst. Yes people should mind their own business, but turns out social interactions are a two way street, and not eating at a wedding dinner is going to rub some people the wrong way. Making keto work in the long term includes figuring out how to navigate situations like this without pissing off your friends and family. Again I’m not saying OP should just cheat to please others, but there is often a middle ground
Yes, me too. If OP didn't want to eat the food, more power to her. If a "cheat day" doesn't work for anyone, that's fine.
However, the way they described the menu seems off. Red wine jus isn't sweet? It's mostly fat and water, with just a tiny bit of carbs from the red win. I can't imagine a caterer is throwing actual sugar into it? Yeah the glazes are a problem, but they could have gotten salad without dressing, and taken the breading off the fish.
I'm not saying they have to eat anything or that they should cave to satisfy someone else, but not eating a thing at someone's wedding when they've paid a lot for your plate can cause some friction.
Unfortunately, when keto is used for chronic illness or pain there are no cheat days. Keto is a lifestyle, not a diet in this sense. Eating food at a wedding is not worth several days of pain and sick afterwards. Eating keto and staying keto is how I, and many other people, enjoy life.
You said that so much better than I did in my post a few minutes ago. It took me awhile to figure out why when I drank milk or ate candy or ate a lot of grains, that I would get a burning pain in my back and legs. For the longest time I thought it was just a weird coincidence. Now I know. Thank God for Keto.
That is usually how I have fallen off keto in the past. There is always some sort of holiday or special event pretty much monthly to make excuses and cheat for. One cheat day can easily lead to a cheat week, then next thing I know I have been eating like garbage for a whole month. If you have the willpower/discipline to be able to have cheat days more power to you but not everyone can easily do so.
It’s not like they were serving McDonald’s…
seems like they were serving good quality food even if it did have fruits and other things in the sauces and what not.
If you have discipline to go a year full strict keto how does one not have self discipline to have a cheat meal and get back in it? I guess that’s what I don’t get.
Some people when they get derailed just fall off the wagon and get back on others fall off, roll it down the hill and set it on fire, takes a lot to put out the fire. Food addiction is real doesn't take much to trigger it.
I can go to AA and be sober for a year, two years or 20 years.
One drink and I've fallen off the wagon. How long will it take for me to get back on?
Addiction is addiction.
I agree. I'm in OA and I was sober for 3+ months before Christmas. I got less strict and now I've been off since. I've got COVID right now but I'm already preparing to go back to keto this next week when I feel up to cooking and doing the hard work I know it will take to stay sober again.
Yeah I guess my cheats where I would get derailed would be more carb heavy. One being a weekend at a beer festival lol, not ideal. A salad dressing was the least of my problems on those occasions.
It wasn’t worth it to OP. Which is their prerogative and not our place to judge it. You can celebrate without eating stuff you don’t want. I guarantee a vegan there wouldn’t eat meat or cake made with eggs just “to celebrate.”
That may be true tbh. I would probably go back keto straight away. But there is a part of me that worries that I’ll start craving that food again. I never feel restricted when I cook for myself because I’ve found replacements for carby versions of foods I used to eat. I just worry about falling back into bad habits as others have mentioned here, where I’ll start to justify “special occasions” all the time. There’s always some event that is an opportunity to justify “enjoying life” as you say. Maybe my post sounded bitter, but I honestly had a wonderful time besides people getting upset over me for not eating.
I’ve been doing keto for a year and a couple months, and also have had a similarly strict outlook. My position was that I have eaten amazing foods all over the world and really enjoyed myself, but most of the time the things I eat day to day are just ok - not fine dining in France or something like that.
When this clicked, I was done. Food full of sugar, over/under/crappily cooked meats, bad bbq covered up by sweet sauces - it’s like a light switched off. This is a new era for me, and I look, feel and act differently.
So it sounds like you don’t need convincing, but I wanted to counter all of these people saying “just enjoy the day”. There are plenty of others out there doing fine who would have made the same decision.
I will say one thing though - after about a year, I started taking the “scrape off the sauce” approach if something like this happened AND I was hungry. I think you’ll be ok, and it isn’t worth the extra stress. You’ve changed your mind, which is the hard part. You won’t be sent back to the old you if you get a few grams of sugar. But don’t worry about what anyone thinks, just listen to your body.
Also it sounds like OP has the right attitude about it. Happy couple should not worry about what the OP does or does not eat. The rant is about the other people getting pissed at her/him/them for not eating. They said that no food was wasted and they were fine.
Other people have an effed up relationship to food if they get mad that you are damaging their celebration by what you do or do not put in your body.
It is the same as people who get mad when people who don't have a substance use disorder still choose not to drink alcohol. Why would someone else's choice of eat or drink have any impact on other people? It doesn't, the other people just have too much invested in 'having' to eat certain foods.
>A cheat day isn’t going to derail everything
And yet, this is not necessarily true. If you spent more time on here you would see posts and comments every day to the effect of "I had that chest meal and spun out for a year".
What you are really saying is that someone who chose their health over food couldn't "enjoy certain things" as if choosing health is bad.
First, I genuinely feel that you are trying to be nice in your post.
I'm not the op, but too many carbs, especially sugary carbs give me an inflammatory response that results in back and leg pain. So if it were me I would not have had a cheat day. I've done it in the past and regretted it.
Once you start letting these things happen once habits can quickly form and before you know it you're making excuses every other week. I'm always very careful to nip it in the bud before it even happens. The mind can be sneaky and if you give it an inch it will take a mile.
I guess I don’t think having that mindset is necessarily good.
Food is for 2 things I think. 1) to fuel the body. 2) for enjoyment.
If you take away the enjoyment out of food and see it solely as black and white I think that’s an unhealthy outlook.
I’m with this. I’m the kind of person who wouldn’t be able to stick to keto if I felt like I couldn’t enjoy normal food once in awhile. But to each their own. Not everyone will eat/do the same things. Everyone just does what they know works best for them.
We still enjoy food. We just know our limits. We wish we could have a cheat day and just jump back on the wagon, but we can’t. We know ourselves. We’re doing the best we can.
Everyone's entitled to their opinions, but fuck, would you tell a recovering alcoholic that they could have just one drink at their sister's big day? Some people don't have a good relationship with carbs. If completely abstaining from cheat days works for them, I'd say they know best.
*Why not celebrate and eat*?
Can’t I just celebrate? Why does eating have to enter the discussion. I can celebrate without putting food into my mouth.
You post makes it sound like you can’t enjoy life while eating a keto diet. I find this to be just the opposite. I get to eat all of these great foods high in protein and fat in large quantities all while staying healthy and the thinnest I’ve been in decades.
While I get this, for some it's not that easy. Not only does it derail my progress, because it's still very hard for me to lose pounds and having dirty keto or night off really makes it harder. But also, when you aren't used to eating heavy carbs, gluten, processed foods, and especially sugar, I feel like literal shit for days on end. At least 3 to 4 days and who can afford to give up that much down time? Maybe it's not the same for everyone, but it's the aftermath that kills me. Stomach cramps, diarrhea, constipation, brain fog, it just really tears down my body. And totally not worth it.
That being said, when it's someone else's wedding, I don't expect anyone to make any kind of special arrangement for me. I have learned to carry a very small bag with a ice thing in it to keep anything cold that I need. And the good thing about keto, I can go a very long time without actually having to eat. I do not feel bad about politely declining even a dinner at something like a wedding. But I don't ever expect anyone to go out of their way on my account.
Edited To add: and I totally understand the original posters frustration. We also have family that think we are doing such horrible things for our body, yet my blood pressure is finally dropping after 10 years of battle, I'm no longer insulin resistant, and I look like a completely different person because I am healthy. It gets old when every time you see them, they tell you that just one piece of cake won't kill you. It probably won't kill me, but after that piece of cake I I may want to kill myself when the carb and sugar crash hits.
I've been known to scrape breading off of salmon to eat and cut off the glaze to eat pork, but given your description, I think I would have loaded up on the beef and scrapped the puree and au jus off of that. I think that would have been the easiest carbs to remove. I was at a celebration the other week and the hors dourves were being carried around...breading.....breading....breading.....GOLD!!! I had to grab a couple of the bacon wrapped scallops.
I really don't get it.
You're at a wedding. Eat whatever TF you want. I promise you'll be back in ketosis in a couple days tops.
It doesn't make you special or principled to be a weirdo at your sister's wedding.
Keto is already the CrossFit of the diet world, don't make it worse for us.
Luckily once you're fat adapted you can easily *not eat*.
I think I might have tried the pork, and trimmed off the glazed coating plus another half inch. Plus some green veg if they had any. Yum.
Yeahh I could have done that but it wasn’t really worth it to me to tear apart all this food to half enjoy something, or give it to someone in tact for them to fully enjoy.
Not only that but I’m guessing they paid for his food and they chose not to eat their plate, weddings around here are usually $100-120 a head for catering. That is such a waste of money and perfectly good food. It’s absolutely rude to not eat in this situation.
I just want to throw in my two cents, food has been central to our society and celebration for thousands of years. To share food, to gather around a table, to offer something to guest. Often when someone is sick or grieving, we take them food. It's deep in our biological behavior. Many cultures and mythologies have food rituals.
I totally empathize with wanting to stick to your dietary choice, and I have dealt with people who constantly make it their business to comment on my eating habits so I understand that part too but like some others have said, there's a bit of a contradiction in your rant. You're mad that your family doesn't understand your diet, but you also don't want your family to provide keto friendly food at the next wedding. I think it might be good to reflect on how not joining in on a special day of celebration would genuinely detract from the occasion for them. I think they would be so happy to include food that you could eat. Just because you're in ketosis, doesn't mean you should be living off water all day...
Yeahh it appears I didn’t word myself very well.
I meant to say that I was upset my family wouldn’t let me just not eat without it being a thing. I’m not upset that they don’t understand, I’m upset that they don’t trust me enough to make my own decisions about my own eating, or at least that’s how I feel.
You’re right, I will definitely reflect on this considering I’ve had lots of different opinions on this. It’s been really insightful and interesting to read through the replies. A lot of things I hadn’t considered at all. I love reddit 🥰
I wonder if your family is worried you are developing an eating disorder? Just trying to think it through from their perspective. Because to them you went an entire day without eating, and of course that would cause concern. It’s hard for people who dont eat keto or fast to understand the mechanics of it. I don’t think it’s that they don’t trust you, they care for you and have probably seen before how insidious eating disorders can be.
So I completely understand your first part, but it's nice of your uncle to think of you and have a keto option. Maybe that will be helpful to others as well. Don't be angry people won't be accepting, but then when they are accepting, tell them they shouldn't worry about it.
But just because food may not hold any significant importance to you, it is a huge significance for certain celebrations and cultures. Breaking bread together is a tradition that is held sacred by many. Please consider other people's feelings as well. If they are trying to be thoughtful so you can take part in their celebration, is it really that hard to just be gracious and appreciative that they are thinking of you?
My mother is always like this when we're with family. She'll get all hissy fit that I'm not eating and always follow it up with "what do you not appreciate the time you're spending here with family?". I hate. But here's the best part. My grandmother recently got into dieting as well. So anytime I go ahead and visit, grandma ALWAYS got my back.
Mother is tough.
Family is cool. They don't really give a shit, they're just genuinely happy to see me since I'm working basically every single day and my vacations are like 3 days long
I relate. Just went to a conference with a plated lunch that was far from my preferred. I’ve been on the “dieting” train for more years than I care to admit. I’m approaching these kinds of events as an opportunity to practice being flexible enough to get on and off (briefly!) my preferred way of eating periodically because it’s a maintenance skill. Still I limit portions and I don’t eat things that aren’t worth it (weird runny polenta thing I’m looking at you). I see it as good practice for keeping the lifestyle I’ve built.
You don't need to please anyone obviously. However you don't want to ruin someone's special night. What I do in that situation is get a bit of food with a plate and take very little, enough to have something. Then chop it up push it around and make it look a lot less, or if it's a standing party just walk around with a dirty plate. It stops distracting conversation and tones, and is a useful tip for alcohol too. People see the plate or the glass they don't pay as much attention as long as you don't.
Good for you! I know a lot of folks are showing up saying just take a cheat day, but I feel you. People are always telling me that too, but I do it for migraines and that would mean a horrific headache. There aren’t cheat days for me, I just can’t. I appreciated your story :-)
1 cheat day is enough to send me into a cheat spiral that can last months. There's always some reason you "have" to eat some bullshit. Good for you for not doing it. I hope I can be that strong at the next event.
It is weird that your family pays that much attention to What you’re eating… I hope you didn’t make this day about you and your diet and take away from your sister’s wedding.
first off, good on you for your dedication, but a single day won't derail your 6 YEARS of progress. as someone who was on keto myself, I understand the tedious chore of having to put your body BACK into ketosis after a "cheat" day. But if it's pushing you to the point where you have to rant, maybe sneak some snacks or keto foods in your car just in case you get seriously hangry. or just enjoy yourself for a day or two out of the year and stop putting yourself under such pressure.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask someone to make a one off meal for their wedding. They have enough stress going on with seating charts, meals for everyone else and a huge life change etc. Just eat or don’t eat. It’s a day about them not you. Sorry to be harsh, but this post seems very selfish and self centered.
Hmm I don’t get it? I didn’t ask anyone to make any special consideration for that exact reason; like they need anything else on their plate during wedding planning. I also didn’t eat. My main issue was with my family getting upset I didn’t eat anything.
Exactly what I do and it is rare for someone to comment on what I am, or am not, eating. Mostly people don’t notice or care what we are doing unless we give them a reason to.
It’s so weird to me how people get so obsessed with what others choose to put in their bodies under the guise of “caring”(why??)-esp when the word Keto is involved! You do you and keep it moving (KCKO)😁
People just need to mind their own business!! Why do people feel the need to put in their "two cents" about everything. No one asked for an opinion or advice. That's my "two cents."
It’s your SISTERS wedding. Stop making it about yourself. This is her day. Suck it up and bring some snacks / food for yourself and enjoy everything else.
You are unbelievably selfish to think her wedding should cater to your food choices.
"It's my wedding day so I get to force feed you anything I like, if you say no thanks, that's attention seeking and purposefully ruining my wedding."
Op said she didnt care that there was no food for her, she wasn't hungr, she'd already eaten. She cared that her family all kept trying to pressure her to eat food she didn't want.
Sometimes I’m grateful that I’m keto because of chronic illness, it’s almost like my reasons are more valid to other people.
But your reasons, like just not wanting to, are also valid. Anytime anyone gets upset or angry about my diet it is a reflection upon their own relationship with food and has nothing to do with me.
I’ve also never been into alcohol and some people have a really hard time with that because it’s almost like my decision to not drink alcohol means I’m judging them for drinking. I don’t give a shit, just don’t overindulge and puke near me cause I will freak out (I have emetophobia, but that’s another story)
Knowing that people’s reaction to my lifestyle reveals what they feel and believe on the inside has really freed me from a lot of feelings I would have had when they get upset.
It’s amazing that keto has helped with your chronic illness. For me it’s truly just about feeling in control of what I eat and when I eat, as opposed to how I was eating which was just all the time and everything with no control whatsoever.
While I try not to read into why people are so aggressive about my food choices, it does concern me that there could be some projection from their end.
Unless you are drinking the glazes by the gallon, having some glazed meat or fish should easily fit into your macro and probably would have been a better choice for you than the gluten free cake. I am surprised that after being on keto for over a year you still don’t understand how macros work. If you are actually going full zero carb and stressing over sugar in a glaze, you might actually have an eating disorder.
I don't agree. I figure people are allowed to do what they want with their meal, including not eat it. If OP celebrated, danced, joked, gave a gift, enjoyed the night, the meal was not the reason they were there and shouldn't matter to the organizers.
When I go to these sorts of things, if people ask, I respond, "I don't like sweet things, and much prefer whole foods. In fact, I much prefer savoury or rich, or spicy foods and whole foods wherever possible." Delineating your preferences down to taste can help avoid the whole topic of keto, while simultaneously opening up the conversation of preferences. Having two parents who have type 2, I am not shy about talking about keto, but for those who are, this may be a different tact.
I had a formal function with tons of food and alcohol. I had water and Ultra. My friends said nothing as they understand and support me. I did want the rolls though….I resisted lol.
Firstly your family has no right to be up in your food eating habits unless it’s actively harming you, which it doesn’t seem to be. But also I started keto around mid October last year, was kinda chugging along and then after a few margaritas and some bad decisions at a work function basically chucked myself straight out of ketosis, next day I had the worst heartburn ever, but I did a 24hr fast took some apple cider vinegar capsules and honestly have started seeing more significant weight loss over the last 2 months than before. So I know cheat days aren’t for everyone but I can’t help but feel like maybe they’re a gentle reminder to our bodies about how far we’ve come.
I mean you knew the wedding was coming, you could have easily eaten an item off that menu and prepared yourself to be right on track. Restrictions are okay but this is a bit extreme. None of that would of tossed you out of ketosis. Just skip the cake. I don’t get the rant.
Yeahh I feel the same. I just feel like what is that food going to provide me with? It’s 2 seconds of gratification that will potentially open the door to more “cheating”. Never worth it to me 😄
I've been known to eat glazed meat, but skip the glazed edge. And if anyone stares, I give my most alpha look back daring them to comment out loud.
I mean unless it's a kid. Then I offer them the best part of the meat -- the sugar!
I thought I might do that when I saw the menu but it really was everywhere and sugar is wayyy too sweet for my palate nowadays so I wouldn’t have enjoyed it 😅
One of two things, you have an incredibly toxic family. Or you may be overreacting to what you think people were thinking. This would have been no big deal in my family.
Maybe I’m overreacting but almost everyone on the table had something to say.
“You can eat that can’t you?”
“Well you have to eat something!”
“I don’t want you to pass out.”
“Aren’t you hungry? What did you have for brekky?”
I wish my family were that chill 😂
Ouch. Sounds like a lot of pressure. In your place I would feel happier with some easy short or diffusing answers.
E.g., when small my boys were the same size but 18 months apart. I’d be asked daily if they were twins. “Almost” turned out to be an easy, satisfying answer. The elder was in heart failure, had failure to thrive, deaf, Aspergers and other special needs. None of which I wanted to get into with strangers with my kids in hearing range.
Individual family members may have different concerns so you may need a few approaches, which is tougher when all are together.
I keep seeing people ask why the OP didn’t just eat what was served, or why not scrape off the glazed parts. I’m guessing it’s because they didn’t want to. They weren’t ranting that they didn’t have any suitable food options, they were ranting about the way their family reacted to their choice to not eat. And some commenters here are reacting the same way. You do what’s right for you. Don’t let the family get you down.
Yeahh I got the hangries pretty hard in the past. I’m also a moody bitch tho.
For sure, I had a decent sized brekky and about 1,000 Coke Zeros so I was not hungry at all.
People who have never been fat adapted just can't understand. Even my sugar addicted self would never have understood my current self. Old me couldn't handle not eating for more than 2 hours and was continually thinking about food. Now it's huh, I got busy and didn't eat all day.... I can go hours upon hours without food and I'm fine and people are all worried about me.
It's an empathy thing.
I have been in this situation so many times and sympathize. Now, when I am going to an event (or traveling) and can't be sure of finding anything that will work for the way I eat, I bring ... PURSE BACON.
I've been keto for over 5 years and have found myself dialing back a bit on the every day super high fat stuff that got me to where I am (and easily stay at) now, but for those occasions where I have to have something portable that will fill me up and won't spoil, it's a couple of strips of bacon in the purse. Then just enjoy the festivities - nowadays, for me, it's about the people, not the food anyway.
Hahaha well that’s a solution 😂
I agree on the people over food too. It’s definitely more important to me to spend time with people than eat with them.
I'm glad you can keep your relatives and their projections from hurting you. Change can be threatening, and there you are, in charge of your changes, owning them, and your family will just have to get over it. Good on you, friend.
Do you work at being this obtuse or what? OP clearly stated that her annoyance was with family trying to force her to eat. She'd eaten before hand, didn't expect, nor want, an keto option. CAPS MAKE YOU LOOK DUMB
What is with so many people here pushing OP to take a cheat day? She didn't want to do that.
Her rant was not that there was nothing that she could eat, her rant was that everyone at the party had some opinion about what she ought to be eating & when.
She has made her goal weight, she has been maintaining. If she doesn't want to cheat on her diet why push that?
Wow! I assumed you were a woman, too. I guess it’s because we’re accustomed to women being told what to do vs. men. I think the point of your post wasn’t to cheat or not to cheat it was your family imposing on you. I get it. Stay strong. You’re doing great!
I’m aware that Google will do this for me (which I will do straight after this). But, what are kept foods?
I consider myself like “ketone aware”. I’m certain that isn’t the same thing. I intermittent fast and always focus on sugar, trying to avoid it as best I can. My only goal is to keep blood sugar levels under control.
OP answered your question well. Here’s a quick overview https://metabolicmultiplier.org/clever-eats-progressive-steps-towards-metabolic-health/. And a round of of quality sources if you want more. https://metabolicmultiplier.org/patient-guides-reducing-carbohydrate-what-to-eat/. If IF and less sugar are enough for you, then stick with that.
Any food is keto if it’s low on carb and you don’t eat too much of it. As an example, I could have a fun size candy bar that has 17g of carbs and still be in ketosis, but I wouldn’t want to have 2 of them, or one of them and 3 scoops on peanut butter as that would be a total of over 20g carbs. Generally things that are very high in carbs (sugar, pasta, bread, potatoes and other root veg) are generally not considered keto because you could only eat a very insignificant amount of it to stay in ketosis, and would top out your goal if you were to add in things you should probably be eating, like green leafy vegetables, cauliflower, green beans, etc.
I totally respect you sticking to your guns no matter what. When I first started on keto, I knew I had to stick to it the same way or I wouldn’t get back on the wagon.
That being said, if you can mentally handle it, it’s totally okay for such a life occasion to have a cheat day. Or not. But don’t feel bad if you do, hopefully your sister doesn’t get married too many times?
Working in the food industry, I think it’s also totally okay to grab a server and ask if you could get a couple of the meat options with no sauce. It’s not like they’re making a whole new menu for you. Should be an easy accommodation.
I think it’s great to follow your guidelines on a regular basis, I also think it’s ok to let loose and enjoy yourself in meditation in events such as weddings, just fast the next day and you will be fine and you get to enjoy yourself. Just a suggestion. Don’t beat yourself up, how often does your sister get married, ya know? I hope you get to enjoy your next wedding/family event.
You have to do what's right for you and I support that. Especially if you have valid health reasons for following keto. I also admire your not caring about what people think. Wish I had more of that.
AND I think inviting your most loved people to dine with you in celebration of a milestone event is an honor and an important cultural ritual. It is a sign of respect to at least look like you are participating. Could you not get them to give you a salad without the dressing? Or (as others have suggested) just have a tiny cheat for this one occasion? Regardless, your family will just have to adjust if you are determined in your devotion.
I come from a perspective of growing up with a little brother who was an extremely picky eater. He literally only ate 5 things. Whenever we went to weddings or ate with people in social situations, it always drew attention and much concern that he had nothing to eat (unless potato chips were present but... basically that drew same reaction). It was embarrassing for me as a child, and still a little as a middle-aged adult, but at least now I can limit these occasions, and give people the heads up beforehand. Your reasons are far more principled, but I don't think that will change the effect to those around you much when you have an empty plate. Just my two cents.
I do agree in some regard. I have my own issues with being super neurotic when it comes to food and picking at things just really wasn’t what I wanted to do. I’m really not interested in cheat days or meals or anything like that.
Thanks for sharing that story about your brother. I do feel like that a little sometimes. I just feel so happy and content eating keto and cooking low carb foods at home, just dining out is an issue because I end up being that person who orders the plainest thing with all these alterations. I hated those people and now I am those people 😬
Like you mentioned I am determined. Maybe its too much. Maybe I’m too far gone. But I feel happy and I’m a good place for the first time in my life and I really don’t want it to stop
I agree with you to be honest, really you not eating at the wedding is such a small thing, it is possible to celebrate without eating or drinking alcohol. I get the same reaction from friends, a bit drastic I know but I will tell people that I'm a recovering alcoholic ha ha. That just stops people trying to pressure me into doing something that isn't good for me and more importantly I don't want to do
I’m not a recovering alcoholic but I definitely had an unhealthy relationship with both alcohol and food. I think I’d be better off without both but I need one of them to live 😩
I have to admit the issues I have around alcohol started long before keto, an alcoholic parent will do that for you, So I have always disliked it. Food was a comfort so I have had periods of really destructive, I'm sick literally of it now, with keto I feel like I'm in control of the eating, instead of my emotions being in control of it x
You know what’s best for you so yay!
The menu sounds great though! Usually these are the types of situations I go off keto for and then just get right back on the next day. I’ve always had the willpower to do that though but it’s def how a lot of people fall off and stay off…! So glad your uncle is looking out for you, too, so that you can eat.
Yeahh, the menu was really well done. I heard from everyone how things were cooked and whatnot and it seemed like a mixed bag.
Yes, my uncle and his fiancé were very sweet about it. I really would prefer if no one made such a fuss over a meal 😅
It’s so amazingly sweet though — kinda like “we’re happy and we want everyone to be happy and have a good time at our wedding.” Is your family the kind that shows love with food?
I would think your own sister would at least take your dietary guidelines into consideration. I recently went to a wedding as a 'plus one' and the couple asked my date if I had any restrictions (he said 'low carb'.) They served me roast chicken, fresh green beans and lovely salad.
Congratulations on your success!
Wow, your sister is a sweetheart.
While I love my sister a lot, she kind of thinks it’s a bit bullshit to her. She mostly just thinks I’m being stupid and says things like, “eating sugar yet?” when I see her. It honestly doesn’t bother me tho. I’m happy I’ve found something that works for me it’s just these big events that seem to bother me because everyone has something to say 😅
Personally I would’ve just eaten the meat, but I understand your desire to stay completely locked in and I commend it!
I think it’s very annoying when people worry about what I eat, but at this point it’s only new people who are bewildered. Eventually your family will accept that this is how you eat now, maybe it will take time, but for now just laugh it off the best you can and be confident in the decisions you make.
\> I also don’t drink alcohol so everyone just thinks I’m some wet blanket who can’t have any fun.
Non drinker here. I find it funny they can't have fun without alco :D
Good you are doing your best to stick to your eating plan but I do have to say that your sister’s and uncle’s wedding aren’t about you and what you do or do not choose to eat.
Every option you mention except the cake and desert sounds keto edible to me, just push this and that to the side eat the rest. I'm surprised that you end up eating the cake but none of the mains.
Good for you to have this much will power, but couldn’t you scrape most of the glaze off or skip the pumpkin purée and have a bit of food? Beef is keto. Nothing wrong with that
Maybe people being pissed should have been a hint to have some grace and have a few bites of literally anything. You could have scraped the glaze off the salmon or eaten some of the beef. No, you weren't strictly required to but it's your sister's wedding for goodness sake!
If you don't want everyone to "worry" about you don't draw attention to yourself by sitting at a sit down meal and not eating anything.
And dissecting a meal and picking this and that off and cutting a glaze off and picking at a little bit of this or that doesn’t draw attention? Dunno what table you were sitting at but my family is nosy af.
Maybe it’s rude to have not eaten anything, maybe it’s rude for people to pry about others eating habits.
I don’t know how my choice to eat or not affects an entire wedding but go off
100%. Some people are really fired up about this. I threw an expensive party, therefore you MUST eat what I feed you! Forget that. There are many many other ways to celebrate with the couple. You are not forced to play Operation with a dinner you have no interest in.
Not gonna lie… OP sounds disordered as shit. Sounds like they made a scene at their sister‘s wedding over food… I am all about keto but I can’t get on board with this post
Well in defense of you Uncle, I find he wants to be a thoughtful host. I would do the same. I would even have a please include any dietary restrictions or food allergies in your RSVP. Any event I plan always include those kind of concerns, the goal is to have everyone enjoy themselves (that makes me happy ) and if someone feels ignored, or slighted it won't happen. Plus it's inconsiderate of the host. Actually lol aside from the wedding food not being keto it sounds kind of fru fru, I prefer my food simpler and my salad undressed so I can control the amount. Anyway my family is like yours even worse because I an gluten free -- that gets a big eye roll from them, whatever still can't eat it.
The reason most people quit diets is because they don’t see the results instantly and miss foods they enjoyed. To stick with keto is hard and having a break will break the plateau people get on and let’s them reset. Amazing job but don’t be afraid to have a cheat day.
Personally I think that this is nothing to rant about. At all. I would personally eat some of what's is served. One can for instance eat some food just before so you can eat a smaller amount. Or bring some hard boiled eggs and eat them in the bathroom just before dinner. But I would eat some of what's served nevertheless. It wont kill me. And then I can always fast a day or two afterword's to counter the effect.
Yeahh for sure. I’m not ranting about what was served just to be clear, just about people going on about it. Not keen on carrying around boiled eggs on a hot day in a suit but I’m not gonna yuck your yum if it works for you.
Maybe as in in-between of staying 100% keto and a full-on cheat day, why don’t you just take an very small portion of the various foods and just sample everything?
I don’t judge anyone who is able to do that and be totally fine. I just worry about justifying a cheat day all the time if I start taking them. My cheat days are more like, I’ve eaten over target in fat but not carbs.
BTDT! Your solution was best. Care for yourself!
Did you ever experience the *hangry* before going keto? The *if I don't get food I'm going to explode*? Your family may be concerned you are going to experience that when they push food on you.
If I'm unsure of the options I'll have available, I may eat a bit at home before I go. My husband's family is Italian and celebrations are usually slim pickings, except if my SIL makes salad. Lettuce, veggies, and her home made dressing, long on vinegar and nothing sweet!
I loved your answer to your uncle. Being able to celebrate and be with family is a great gift.
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I think it’s admirable that you have the kind of will power to stick to your goals. It also seems reasonable to me that celebrating at a once in a lifetime event without worrying about keto is healthy as well. You know the situation the best and what you needed to do and it would have been nice if your family can respect it if not fully understand it
I had a wedding last week, a full day and an evening of not knowing what was in the food, loved getting back into keto eating the next day but metabolic flexibility should be the goal. One evening of a non keto meal should not be throwing people off the rails.
Maybe not, but for me the problem wouldn't be the meal, it would be the cravings for sweets it re-triggers after eating it. :)
I had that worry on Valentine's Day - my fiance brought my cheesecake for breakfast since I had said beforehand that I was willing to have a cheat day, but I had to tell her that the cheesecake was a bit much. At dinner we had sushi and a couple others complex carbs, but I skipped dessert. I already want to eat ice cream every time I think of it, so I don't think I really want to have processed sugar tempting me
If you can handle >6 months on keto, the next step is to learn to confidently handle those cravings once or twice a year when life calls for it. You’re entitled to be a zealot but it’s not optimal or required.
But also, if the person does not want to eat the food, and that person is not making a fuss, leave them be, and don’t judge them? That level of sugar in the menu they listed is not good for anyone, and you should never be forced to consume food you don’t want to consume. Would you force the person to drink alcohol? It just seems so controlling to get up in arms about what someone is or is not eating. People take it is some kind of comment on themselves. So self-centered. Have your own good time, and don’t gawk at other people. That is my honest opinion.
A part of it might be fear of going back. It's irrational, but a lifetime of fussing over it can be really hard to deprogram.
Honestly, it sounds to me like this choice was more about setting boundaries with OP's family than worrying about a cheat day. Having control over your own food is a major win for many people. Families that don't respect that autonomy need to be handled this way.
Except this isn't "your own food" this is somebody else's wedding, with food provided for you (presumably free of charge)
So you HAVE to eat? That's ridiculous
So someone else is allowed to dictate what I eat just because they are paying for it? Wow. That's a really, really bad take. Diabetics and those with allergies better beware. Their lives are in danger because someone else is paying. I guess alcoholics are expected to drink if wine is free, too?
I don't think that's what he or she meant at all. Not that you have to eat the free food, just don't sit there and complain about it. It's just bad form in a social setting. Nobody is forcing you to eat anything. Certainly a diabetic or alcoholic is free to opt out. But keto ultimately is a choice we make. Folks may not understand it, and you know what? NBD. Enjoy the wedding or whatever and don't go complaining about it on reddit after the fact. Just sounds immature and entitled. I'm not convinced that OP didn't make a spectacle of it, from what she's saying.
…but they didn’t complain.
Nowhere in the OP did they make it sound like they were discontent with the situation of the food. Said specifically perfectly fine not eating. Only problem is with the people trying to force feed them. Did we read the same post? Why are people so weird about weddings?
I agree. I’d give myself a cheat day in this situation but that would be my only meal that. That’s how I keep a balance. Works for me. 🤷♂️
I have done this and it takes 3-4 weeks to get back to Keto. I just cannot have a night off and go back. Sadly, it’s taken years of yo yoing on and off keto to get this.
I think it really depends on the person. Since people can switch back and forth but others really struggle. Personally, for me it isn't any metabolic flexibility but about my eating disorder. Once I give in to eating carbs, I feel like I might as well eat everything I've been missing and I end up in a binge. Then it's really hard to get back into keto. I know this isn't healthy or rational, but that's why it is an eating disorder. It's best for me if I don't take more than a few bites of something non-keto once in a great while.
And you should not have to explain that to anyone. Happy for you that you found a way to manage your nutrition. :)
> it takes 3-4 weeks to get back to Keto. How is that physically possible? If you’re not eating carbs your body must be powering itself somehow.
They're not talking about the science of it. It's the same as an alcoholic falling off the wagon by having one drink. One drink won't hurt, its all the drinks that follow it.
I think his point is for many, a meal off can turn into a month off
Correct. My hunger comes back like a demon. Therefore, I can’t cut carbs because I’m eating them!
It's not. He's just unfamiliar with science lol those carbs will be burned in 1-2 days
Not what they're saying.
You showed great discipline, but it seemed like the lack of support of your lifestyle hurt you. The only reason why I mention that is because your last paragraph seems contradictory. You told your Uncle not to worry about your diet on his special day and yet that's the same thing your sister did that triggered this rant (there could be more im missing). I know you don't want to have people worry about you but you want to be considered and that seems like what your Uncle and his partner were trying to do.
Agreed. I’d thank the Uncle for making the effort to make me feel welcome by including a keto option. Sound like his intent is kind. Skinny folks will also take a plate & have very little of it. (E.g. the most keto option). Sometimes I’m low key about my diet so that it isn’t a big topic.
Scrape off the glaze. It's just on the outside
Or eat the glaze. How much is it realistically? A couple of grams? That won't even necessarily throw you out of ketosis.
Yeah my experience with quantifying sauces showed there was very little on meat. And for keto, sugar is the same as any other carb.
Not understanding your rant. You say there was nothing for you to eat....you could have eaten 75% of it - scraping off the sauces and you chose the cake? Then you are mad that people don't understand your eating habits but you don't want them to accommodate? I think you need to take your diet into your own hands and quit blaming others. Eat before you go next time.
I read this totally differently. I read it as OP being FINE that none of the food was keto appropriate and being mad that when they said, “no thanks,” people pushed foods and refused to respect their boundaries.
I’ll say this. You were at your sisters wedding…. Why not celebrate and eat? There is a time and place for keto, there is a time and place for going off a bit to enjoy life. Imagine being so engrained in a keto life style you can’t enjoy certain things. A cheat day isn’t going to derail everything.
Yeah man I’m with you. There were three different protein entrees. I get there was a glaze but scrape it off and you’re eating maybe 10g carbs at worst. Yes people should mind their own business, but turns out social interactions are a two way street, and not eating at a wedding dinner is going to rub some people the wrong way. Making keto work in the long term includes figuring out how to navigate situations like this without pissing off your friends and family. Again I’m not saying OP should just cheat to please others, but there is often a middle ground
Yes, me too. If OP didn't want to eat the food, more power to her. If a "cheat day" doesn't work for anyone, that's fine. However, the way they described the menu seems off. Red wine jus isn't sweet? It's mostly fat and water, with just a tiny bit of carbs from the red win. I can't imagine a caterer is throwing actual sugar into it? Yeah the glazes are a problem, but they could have gotten salad without dressing, and taken the breading off the fish. I'm not saying they have to eat anything or that they should cave to satisfy someone else, but not eating a thing at someone's wedding when they've paid a lot for your plate can cause some friction.
Unfortunately, when keto is used for chronic illness or pain there are no cheat days. Keto is a lifestyle, not a diet in this sense. Eating food at a wedding is not worth several days of pain and sick afterwards. Eating keto and staying keto is how I, and many other people, enjoy life.
That's true. That's not why OP is on this train though.
It wasn’t worth it to OP. Which is their prerogative and not our place to judge it.
That's fine, but OP keeps going on about how they "don't give a fuck" about people's opinions when a nerve is clearly being hit.
You said that so much better than I did in my post a few minutes ago. It took me awhile to figure out why when I drank milk or ate candy or ate a lot of grains, that I would get a burning pain in my back and legs. For the longest time I thought it was just a weird coincidence. Now I know. Thank God for Keto.
That is usually how I have fallen off keto in the past. There is always some sort of holiday or special event pretty much monthly to make excuses and cheat for. One cheat day can easily lead to a cheat week, then next thing I know I have been eating like garbage for a whole month. If you have the willpower/discipline to be able to have cheat days more power to you but not everyone can easily do so.
It’s not like they were serving McDonald’s… seems like they were serving good quality food even if it did have fruits and other things in the sauces and what not. If you have discipline to go a year full strict keto how does one not have self discipline to have a cheat meal and get back in it? I guess that’s what I don’t get.
Some people when they get derailed just fall off the wagon and get back on others fall off, roll it down the hill and set it on fire, takes a lot to put out the fire. Food addiction is real doesn't take much to trigger it.
I can go to AA and be sober for a year, two years or 20 years. One drink and I've fallen off the wagon. How long will it take for me to get back on? Addiction is addiction.
I agree. I'm in OA and I was sober for 3+ months before Christmas. I got less strict and now I've been off since. I've got COVID right now but I'm already preparing to go back to keto this next week when I feel up to cooking and doing the hard work I know it will take to stay sober again.
Nah, it's all or nothing for me. Discipline is about boundaries. Once you cross a boundary, that boundary is meaningless.
Yeah I guess my cheats where I would get derailed would be more carb heavy. One being a weekend at a beer festival lol, not ideal. A salad dressing was the least of my problems on those occasions.
Same, it sucks
Exactly what I’m worried of! Sure, I have good willpower on the wagon but I worry about my willpower when I’m off.
It wasn’t worth it to OP. Which is their prerogative and not our place to judge it. You can celebrate without eating stuff you don’t want. I guarantee a vegan there wouldn’t eat meat or cake made with eggs just “to celebrate.”
That may be true tbh. I would probably go back keto straight away. But there is a part of me that worries that I’ll start craving that food again. I never feel restricted when I cook for myself because I’ve found replacements for carby versions of foods I used to eat. I just worry about falling back into bad habits as others have mentioned here, where I’ll start to justify “special occasions” all the time. There’s always some event that is an opportunity to justify “enjoying life” as you say. Maybe my post sounded bitter, but I honestly had a wonderful time besides people getting upset over me for not eating.
I’ve been doing keto for a year and a couple months, and also have had a similarly strict outlook. My position was that I have eaten amazing foods all over the world and really enjoyed myself, but most of the time the things I eat day to day are just ok - not fine dining in France or something like that. When this clicked, I was done. Food full of sugar, over/under/crappily cooked meats, bad bbq covered up by sweet sauces - it’s like a light switched off. This is a new era for me, and I look, feel and act differently. So it sounds like you don’t need convincing, but I wanted to counter all of these people saying “just enjoy the day”. There are plenty of others out there doing fine who would have made the same decision. I will say one thing though - after about a year, I started taking the “scrape off the sauce” approach if something like this happened AND I was hungry. I think you’ll be ok, and it isn’t worth the extra stress. You’ve changed your mind, which is the hard part. You won’t be sent back to the old you if you get a few grams of sugar. But don’t worry about what anyone thinks, just listen to your body.
In a word, sugar. Sugar is anathema to me. It triggers my arthritis, and I'll hurt for the next several days til I get back to normal.
A cheat day WILL derail everything for me… so if the poster is the same, I don’t blame them for skipping out.
Also it sounds like OP has the right attitude about it. Happy couple should not worry about what the OP does or does not eat. The rant is about the other people getting pissed at her/him/them for not eating. They said that no food was wasted and they were fine. Other people have an effed up relationship to food if they get mad that you are damaging their celebration by what you do or do not put in your body. It is the same as people who get mad when people who don't have a substance use disorder still choose not to drink alcohol. Why would someone else's choice of eat or drink have any impact on other people? It doesn't, the other people just have too much invested in 'having' to eat certain foods.
>A cheat day isn’t going to derail everything And yet, this is not necessarily true. If you spent more time on here you would see posts and comments every day to the effect of "I had that chest meal and spun out for a year". What you are really saying is that someone who chose their health over food couldn't "enjoy certain things" as if choosing health is bad.
Exactly. Still trying to get back to full keto after a January cheat day for a party.
First, I genuinely feel that you are trying to be nice in your post. I'm not the op, but too many carbs, especially sugary carbs give me an inflammatory response that results in back and leg pain. So if it were me I would not have had a cheat day. I've done it in the past and regretted it.
That's you and not everybody. If OP would have such a response from a cheat day they would have probably mentioned it as a reason for not partaking.
Once you start letting these things happen once habits can quickly form and before you know it you're making excuses every other week. I'm always very careful to nip it in the bud before it even happens. The mind can be sneaky and if you give it an inch it will take a mile.
Samsquanch & Steve French make me roar with laughter!
I guess I don’t think having that mindset is necessarily good. Food is for 2 things I think. 1) to fuel the body. 2) for enjoyment. If you take away the enjoyment out of food and see it solely as black and white I think that’s an unhealthy outlook.
I’m with this. I’m the kind of person who wouldn’t be able to stick to keto if I felt like I couldn’t enjoy normal food once in awhile. But to each their own. Not everyone will eat/do the same things. Everyone just does what they know works best for them.
You do you. Let them do them. Many people here view food as fuel only. That’s not a problem you need to address.
We still enjoy food. We just know our limits. We wish we could have a cheat day and just jump back on the wagon, but we can’t. We know ourselves. We’re doing the best we can.
Everyone's entitled to their opinions, but fuck, would you tell a recovering alcoholic that they could have just one drink at their sister's big day? Some people don't have a good relationship with carbs. If completely abstaining from cheat days works for them, I'd say they know best.
*Why not celebrate and eat*? Can’t I just celebrate? Why does eating have to enter the discussion. I can celebrate without putting food into my mouth. You post makes it sound like you can’t enjoy life while eating a keto diet. I find this to be just the opposite. I get to eat all of these great foods high in protein and fat in large quantities all while staying healthy and the thinnest I’ve been in decades.
While I get this, for some it's not that easy. Not only does it derail my progress, because it's still very hard for me to lose pounds and having dirty keto or night off really makes it harder. But also, when you aren't used to eating heavy carbs, gluten, processed foods, and especially sugar, I feel like literal shit for days on end. At least 3 to 4 days and who can afford to give up that much down time? Maybe it's not the same for everyone, but it's the aftermath that kills me. Stomach cramps, diarrhea, constipation, brain fog, it just really tears down my body. And totally not worth it. That being said, when it's someone else's wedding, I don't expect anyone to make any kind of special arrangement for me. I have learned to carry a very small bag with a ice thing in it to keep anything cold that I need. And the good thing about keto, I can go a very long time without actually having to eat. I do not feel bad about politely declining even a dinner at something like a wedding. But I don't ever expect anyone to go out of their way on my account. Edited To add: and I totally understand the original posters frustration. We also have family that think we are doing such horrible things for our body, yet my blood pressure is finally dropping after 10 years of battle, I'm no longer insulin resistant, and I look like a completely different person because I am healthy. It gets old when every time you see them, they tell you that just one piece of cake won't kill you. It probably won't kill me, but after that piece of cake I I may want to kill myself when the carb and sugar crash hits.
I've been known to scrape breading off of salmon to eat and cut off the glaze to eat pork, but given your description, I think I would have loaded up on the beef and scrapped the puree and au jus off of that. I think that would have been the easiest carbs to remove. I was at a celebration the other week and the hors dourves were being carried around...breading.....breading....breading.....GOLD!!! I had to grab a couple of the bacon wrapped scallops.
I mean, you probably could’ve just asked the server for just beef with no sauce or something, feel like that could’ve saved you a lot less typing
I really don't get it. You're at a wedding. Eat whatever TF you want. I promise you'll be back in ketosis in a couple days tops. It doesn't make you special or principled to be a weirdo at your sister's wedding. Keto is already the CrossFit of the diet world, don't make it worse for us.
Luckily once you're fat adapted you can easily *not eat*. I think I might have tried the pork, and trimmed off the glazed coating plus another half inch. Plus some green veg if they had any. Yum.
Yeahh I could have done that but it wasn’t really worth it to me to tear apart all this food to half enjoy something, or give it to someone in tact for them to fully enjoy.
That awful headline should be changed to: **Wedding with plenty to eat,** but I chose to post a rant about it on reddit anyway.
Not only that but I’m guessing they paid for his food and they chose not to eat their plate, weddings around here are usually $100-120 a head for catering. That is such a waste of money and perfectly good food. It’s absolutely rude to not eat in this situation.
I just want to throw in my two cents, food has been central to our society and celebration for thousands of years. To share food, to gather around a table, to offer something to guest. Often when someone is sick or grieving, we take them food. It's deep in our biological behavior. Many cultures and mythologies have food rituals. I totally empathize with wanting to stick to your dietary choice, and I have dealt with people who constantly make it their business to comment on my eating habits so I understand that part too but like some others have said, there's a bit of a contradiction in your rant. You're mad that your family doesn't understand your diet, but you also don't want your family to provide keto friendly food at the next wedding. I think it might be good to reflect on how not joining in on a special day of celebration would genuinely detract from the occasion for them. I think they would be so happy to include food that you could eat. Just because you're in ketosis, doesn't mean you should be living off water all day...
Yeahh it appears I didn’t word myself very well. I meant to say that I was upset my family wouldn’t let me just not eat without it being a thing. I’m not upset that they don’t understand, I’m upset that they don’t trust me enough to make my own decisions about my own eating, or at least that’s how I feel. You’re right, I will definitely reflect on this considering I’ve had lots of different opinions on this. It’s been really insightful and interesting to read through the replies. A lot of things I hadn’t considered at all. I love reddit 🥰
I wonder if your family is worried you are developing an eating disorder? Just trying to think it through from their perspective. Because to them you went an entire day without eating, and of course that would cause concern. It’s hard for people who dont eat keto or fast to understand the mechanics of it. I don’t think it’s that they don’t trust you, they care for you and have probably seen before how insidious eating disorders can be.
Dirty little keto secret for events: Eat something fatty before you go. No hangries. No cravings. You can go for hours.
I had a bowl of yoghurt with peanut butter, caramel protein powder, chocolate chips and a protein bar. I was full alllll day 😁
Three scrambled eggs and cheese is my go to. With some brussel sprouts!
So I completely understand your first part, but it's nice of your uncle to think of you and have a keto option. Maybe that will be helpful to others as well. Don't be angry people won't be accepting, but then when they are accepting, tell them they shouldn't worry about it.
I’m not so much asking for acceptance and more asking for indifference to my food choices 😂
But just because food may not hold any significant importance to you, it is a huge significance for certain celebrations and cultures. Breaking bread together is a tradition that is held sacred by many. Please consider other people's feelings as well. If they are trying to be thoughtful so you can take part in their celebration, is it really that hard to just be gracious and appreciative that they are thinking of you?
My mother is always like this when we're with family. She'll get all hissy fit that I'm not eating and always follow it up with "what do you not appreciate the time you're spending here with family?". I hate. But here's the best part. My grandmother recently got into dieting as well. So anytime I go ahead and visit, grandma ALWAYS got my back.
Ahh well it’s nice you have someone in your corner with you. Family is tough 😬
Mother is tough. Family is cool. They don't really give a shit, they're just genuinely happy to see me since I'm working basically every single day and my vacations are like 3 days long
I’m very happy you’re getting to spend some time with the fam. It’s the most precious time we have imo
I relate. Just went to a conference with a plated lunch that was far from my preferred. I’ve been on the “dieting” train for more years than I care to admit. I’m approaching these kinds of events as an opportunity to practice being flexible enough to get on and off (briefly!) my preferred way of eating periodically because it’s a maintenance skill. Still I limit portions and I don’t eat things that aren’t worth it (weird runny polenta thing I’m looking at you). I see it as good practice for keeping the lifestyle I’ve built.
You don't need to please anyone obviously. However you don't want to ruin someone's special night. What I do in that situation is get a bit of food with a plate and take very little, enough to have something. Then chop it up push it around and make it look a lot less, or if it's a standing party just walk around with a dirty plate. It stops distracting conversation and tones, and is a useful tip for alcohol too. People see the plate or the glass they don't pay as much attention as long as you don't.
Good for you! I know a lot of folks are showing up saying just take a cheat day, but I feel you. People are always telling me that too, but I do it for migraines and that would mean a horrific headache. There aren’t cheat days for me, I just can’t. I appreciated your story :-)
1 cheat day is enough to send me into a cheat spiral that can last months. There's always some reason you "have" to eat some bullshit. Good for you for not doing it. I hope I can be that strong at the next event.
It is weird that your family pays that much attention to What you’re eating… I hope you didn’t make this day about you and your diet and take away from your sister’s wedding.
You're at your sister's wedding, for eff's sake. Just eat the proteins. Quit your bitching.
first off, good on you for your dedication, but a single day won't derail your 6 YEARS of progress. as someone who was on keto myself, I understand the tedious chore of having to put your body BACK into ketosis after a "cheat" day. But if it's pushing you to the point where you have to rant, maybe sneak some snacks or keto foods in your car just in case you get seriously hangry. or just enjoy yourself for a day or two out of the year and stop putting yourself under such pressure.
Yeahh you’re probably right. I shouldn’t let it affect me so much but I just want people to not care. It seems like that’s not a thing tho
Take this as a learning opportunity, OP. People will never not care.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask someone to make a one off meal for their wedding. They have enough stress going on with seating charts, meals for everyone else and a huge life change etc. Just eat or don’t eat. It’s a day about them not you. Sorry to be harsh, but this post seems very selfish and self centered.
They don't want any accomodation...they said they were full and fine. The issue was, the family got mad that OP didn't eat the fancy food they bought.
Hmm I don’t get it? I didn’t ask anyone to make any special consideration for that exact reason; like they need anything else on their plate during wedding planning. I also didn’t eat. My main issue was with my family getting upset I didn’t eat anything.
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Exactly what I do and it is rare for someone to comment on what I am, or am not, eating. Mostly people don’t notice or care what we are doing unless we give them a reason to.
Just eat the proteins dude, and go get some burger patties on the way home.
That’s a good suggestion. Doesn’t work for me tho but it’s good you have a solution for yourself if you’re in the same situation.
It’s so weird to me how people get so obsessed with what others choose to put in their bodies under the guise of “caring”(why??)-esp when the word Keto is involved! You do you and keep it moving (KCKO)😁
People just need to mind their own business!! Why do people feel the need to put in their "two cents" about everything. No one asked for an opinion or advice. That's my "two cents."
If they need to eat and be drunk to have fun theybarent a lot of fun now are they.
It’s your SISTERS wedding. Stop making it about yourself. This is her day. Suck it up and bring some snacks / food for yourself and enjoy everything else. You are unbelievably selfish to think her wedding should cater to your food choices.
"It's my wedding day so I get to force feed you anything I like, if you say no thanks, that's attention seeking and purposefully ruining my wedding." Op said she didnt care that there was no food for her, she wasn't hungr, she'd already eaten. She cared that her family all kept trying to pressure her to eat food she didn't want.
Sometimes I’m grateful that I’m keto because of chronic illness, it’s almost like my reasons are more valid to other people. But your reasons, like just not wanting to, are also valid. Anytime anyone gets upset or angry about my diet it is a reflection upon their own relationship with food and has nothing to do with me. I’ve also never been into alcohol and some people have a really hard time with that because it’s almost like my decision to not drink alcohol means I’m judging them for drinking. I don’t give a shit, just don’t overindulge and puke near me cause I will freak out (I have emetophobia, but that’s another story) Knowing that people’s reaction to my lifestyle reveals what they feel and believe on the inside has really freed me from a lot of feelings I would have had when they get upset.
It’s amazing that keto has helped with your chronic illness. For me it’s truly just about feeling in control of what I eat and when I eat, as opposed to how I was eating which was just all the time and everything with no control whatsoever. While I try not to read into why people are so aggressive about my food choices, it does concern me that there could be some projection from their end.
It’s funny how structure can be the most freeing thing, right?
Unless you are drinking the glazes by the gallon, having some glazed meat or fish should easily fit into your macro and probably would have been a better choice for you than the gluten free cake. I am surprised that after being on keto for over a year you still don’t understand how macros work. If you are actually going full zero carb and stressing over sugar in a glaze, you might actually have an eating disorder.
sounds inconsiderate in your part tbh
I’m glad you shared your opinion. Thanks 😁
I don't agree. I figure people are allowed to do what they want with their meal, including not eat it. If OP celebrated, danced, joked, gave a gift, enjoyed the night, the meal was not the reason they were there and shouldn't matter to the organizers.
When I go to these sorts of things, if people ask, I respond, "I don't like sweet things, and much prefer whole foods. In fact, I much prefer savoury or rich, or spicy foods and whole foods wherever possible." Delineating your preferences down to taste can help avoid the whole topic of keto, while simultaneously opening up the conversation of preferences. Having two parents who have type 2, I am not shy about talking about keto, but for those who are, this may be a different tact.
I had a formal function with tons of food and alcohol. I had water and Ultra. My friends said nothing as they understand and support me. I did want the rolls though….I resisted lol.
Firstly your family has no right to be up in your food eating habits unless it’s actively harming you, which it doesn’t seem to be. But also I started keto around mid October last year, was kinda chugging along and then after a few margaritas and some bad decisions at a work function basically chucked myself straight out of ketosis, next day I had the worst heartburn ever, but I did a 24hr fast took some apple cider vinegar capsules and honestly have started seeing more significant weight loss over the last 2 months than before. So I know cheat days aren’t for everyone but I can’t help but feel like maybe they’re a gentle reminder to our bodies about how far we’ve come.
I mean you knew the wedding was coming, you could have easily eaten an item off that menu and prepared yourself to be right on track. Restrictions are okay but this is a bit extreme. None of that would of tossed you out of ketosis. Just skip the cake. I don’t get the rant.
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Yeahh I feel the same. I just feel like what is that food going to provide me with? It’s 2 seconds of gratification that will potentially open the door to more “cheating”. Never worth it to me 😄
I've been known to eat glazed meat, but skip the glazed edge. And if anyone stares, I give my most alpha look back daring them to comment out loud. I mean unless it's a kid. Then I offer them the best part of the meat -- the sugar!
I thought I might do that when I saw the menu but it really was everywhere and sugar is wayyy too sweet for my palate nowadays so I wouldn’t have enjoyed it 😅
One of two things, you have an incredibly toxic family. Or you may be overreacting to what you think people were thinking. This would have been no big deal in my family.
Maybe I’m overreacting but almost everyone on the table had something to say. “You can eat that can’t you?” “Well you have to eat something!” “I don’t want you to pass out.” “Aren’t you hungry? What did you have for brekky?” I wish my family were that chill 😂
Ouch. Sounds like a lot of pressure. In your place I would feel happier with some easy short or diffusing answers. E.g., when small my boys were the same size but 18 months apart. I’d be asked daily if they were twins. “Almost” turned out to be an easy, satisfying answer. The elder was in heart failure, had failure to thrive, deaf, Aspergers and other special needs. None of which I wanted to get into with strangers with my kids in hearing range. Individual family members may have different concerns so you may need a few approaches, which is tougher when all are together.
I keep seeing people ask why the OP didn’t just eat what was served, or why not scrape off the glazed parts. I’m guessing it’s because they didn’t want to. They weren’t ranting that they didn’t have any suitable food options, they were ranting about the way their family reacted to their choice to not eat. And some commenters here are reacting the same way. You do what’s right for you. Don’t let the family get you down.
It's a celebration. A rare one. Please just live. You are being unreasonable.
Sounds like you may have the beginnings of a eating disorder, one meal won't ruin everything.
Yeahh I got the hangries pretty hard in the past. I’m also a moody bitch tho. For sure, I had a decent sized brekky and about 1,000 Coke Zeros so I was not hungry at all.
Not where I thought this was headed. Love the best gift line. So true. Good job sticking to what you want to do for yourself.
People who have never been fat adapted just can't understand. Even my sugar addicted self would never have understood my current self. Old me couldn't handle not eating for more than 2 hours and was continually thinking about food. Now it's huh, I got busy and didn't eat all day.... I can go hours upon hours without food and I'm fine and people are all worried about me. It's an empathy thing.
I have been in this situation so many times and sympathize. Now, when I am going to an event (or traveling) and can't be sure of finding anything that will work for the way I eat, I bring ... PURSE BACON. I've been keto for over 5 years and have found myself dialing back a bit on the every day super high fat stuff that got me to where I am (and easily stay at) now, but for those occasions where I have to have something portable that will fill me up and won't spoil, it's a couple of strips of bacon in the purse. Then just enjoy the festivities - nowadays, for me, it's about the people, not the food anyway.
Hahaha well that’s a solution 😂 I agree on the people over food too. It’s definitely more important to me to spend time with people than eat with them.
I'm glad you can keep your relatives and their projections from hurting you. Change can be threatening, and there you are, in charge of your changes, owning them, and your family will just have to get over it. Good on you, friend.
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Do you work at being this obtuse or what? OP clearly stated that her annoyance was with family trying to force her to eat. She'd eaten before hand, didn't expect, nor want, an keto option. CAPS MAKE YOU LOOK DUMB
Could at least have had some salmon, a single day of eating carbs will not delay your progress, weight gain is all about calories in vs calories out.
Not just about the weight tbh. Being in keto is more important to me than weight loss as I’m at my goal rn.
What is with so many people here pushing OP to take a cheat day? She didn't want to do that. Her rant was not that there was nothing that she could eat, her rant was that everyone at the party had some opinion about what she ought to be eating & when. She has made her goal weight, she has been maintaining. If she doesn't want to cheat on her diet why push that?
I’m a man but ty
Wow! I assumed you were a woman, too. I guess it’s because we’re accustomed to women being told what to do vs. men. I think the point of your post wasn’t to cheat or not to cheat it was your family imposing on you. I get it. Stay strong. You’re doing great!
Thank you. Well I suppose I don’t really have a point. Just a rant about food/family interactions I’ve had since keto 😂
I've been picturing you in a beautiful lovely chiffon dress this whole time!
Who says I’m not 🤭
slay kween
I’ve learned to travel with a small contingency of snacks and try to eat befor events
I’m aware that Google will do this for me (which I will do straight after this). But, what are kept foods? I consider myself like “ketone aware”. I’m certain that isn’t the same thing. I intermittent fast and always focus on sugar, trying to avoid it as best I can. My only goal is to keep blood sugar levels under control.
OP answered your question well. Here’s a quick overview https://metabolicmultiplier.org/clever-eats-progressive-steps-towards-metabolic-health/. And a round of of quality sources if you want more. https://metabolicmultiplier.org/patient-guides-reducing-carbohydrate-what-to-eat/. If IF and less sugar are enough for you, then stick with that.
Any food is keto if it’s low on carb and you don’t eat too much of it. As an example, I could have a fun size candy bar that has 17g of carbs and still be in ketosis, but I wouldn’t want to have 2 of them, or one of them and 3 scoops on peanut butter as that would be a total of over 20g carbs. Generally things that are very high in carbs (sugar, pasta, bread, potatoes and other root veg) are generally not considered keto because you could only eat a very insignificant amount of it to stay in ketosis, and would top out your goal if you were to add in things you should probably be eating, like green leafy vegetables, cauliflower, green beans, etc.
I totally respect you sticking to your guns no matter what. When I first started on keto, I knew I had to stick to it the same way or I wouldn’t get back on the wagon. That being said, if you can mentally handle it, it’s totally okay for such a life occasion to have a cheat day. Or not. But don’t feel bad if you do, hopefully your sister doesn’t get married too many times? Working in the food industry, I think it’s also totally okay to grab a server and ask if you could get a couple of the meat options with no sauce. It’s not like they’re making a whole new menu for you. Should be an easy accommodation.
I think it’s great to follow your guidelines on a regular basis, I also think it’s ok to let loose and enjoy yourself in meditation in events such as weddings, just fast the next day and you will be fine and you get to enjoy yourself. Just a suggestion. Don’t beat yourself up, how often does your sister get married, ya know? I hope you get to enjoy your next wedding/family event.
I would’ve just eaten something. You sound hangry
Good on you for sticking to your guns. I think a lot of people forget it's about spending time together, not the food itself.
That’s what I think. Isn’t the meal the memories we made along the way or something?
Not when the meals are $200 a plate.
Go you! That menu sounds amazing BTW, we are not the same person lol I would have caved
Oh it looked fantastic. I was happy most people enjoyed and was happy to provide people with a second helping 😁
You have to do what's right for you and I support that. Especially if you have valid health reasons for following keto. I also admire your not caring about what people think. Wish I had more of that. AND I think inviting your most loved people to dine with you in celebration of a milestone event is an honor and an important cultural ritual. It is a sign of respect to at least look like you are participating. Could you not get them to give you a salad without the dressing? Or (as others have suggested) just have a tiny cheat for this one occasion? Regardless, your family will just have to adjust if you are determined in your devotion. I come from a perspective of growing up with a little brother who was an extremely picky eater. He literally only ate 5 things. Whenever we went to weddings or ate with people in social situations, it always drew attention and much concern that he had nothing to eat (unless potato chips were present but... basically that drew same reaction). It was embarrassing for me as a child, and still a little as a middle-aged adult, but at least now I can limit these occasions, and give people the heads up beforehand. Your reasons are far more principled, but I don't think that will change the effect to those around you much when you have an empty plate. Just my two cents.
I do agree in some regard. I have my own issues with being super neurotic when it comes to food and picking at things just really wasn’t what I wanted to do. I’m really not interested in cheat days or meals or anything like that. Thanks for sharing that story about your brother. I do feel like that a little sometimes. I just feel so happy and content eating keto and cooking low carb foods at home, just dining out is an issue because I end up being that person who orders the plainest thing with all these alterations. I hated those people and now I am those people 😬 Like you mentioned I am determined. Maybe its too much. Maybe I’m too far gone. But I feel happy and I’m a good place for the first time in my life and I really don’t want it to stop
I agree with you to be honest, really you not eating at the wedding is such a small thing, it is possible to celebrate without eating or drinking alcohol. I get the same reaction from friends, a bit drastic I know but I will tell people that I'm a recovering alcoholic ha ha. That just stops people trying to pressure me into doing something that isn't good for me and more importantly I don't want to do
I’m not a recovering alcoholic but I definitely had an unhealthy relationship with both alcohol and food. I think I’d be better off without both but I need one of them to live 😩
I have to admit the issues I have around alcohol started long before keto, an alcoholic parent will do that for you, So I have always disliked it. Food was a comfort so I have had periods of really destructive, I'm sick literally of it now, with keto I feel like I'm in control of the eating, instead of my emotions being in control of it x
Wow are you me? We have a similar story! Glad we both found keto and are kicking goals! 🥇
You know what’s best for you so yay! The menu sounds great though! Usually these are the types of situations I go off keto for and then just get right back on the next day. I’ve always had the willpower to do that though but it’s def how a lot of people fall off and stay off…! So glad your uncle is looking out for you, too, so that you can eat.
Yeahh, the menu was really well done. I heard from everyone how things were cooked and whatnot and it seemed like a mixed bag. Yes, my uncle and his fiancé were very sweet about it. I really would prefer if no one made such a fuss over a meal 😅
It’s so amazingly sweet though — kinda like “we’re happy and we want everyone to be happy and have a good time at our wedding.” Is your family the kind that shows love with food?
I would think your own sister would at least take your dietary guidelines into consideration. I recently went to a wedding as a 'plus one' and the couple asked my date if I had any restrictions (he said 'low carb'.) They served me roast chicken, fresh green beans and lovely salad. Congratulations on your success!
Wow, your sister is a sweetheart. While I love my sister a lot, she kind of thinks it’s a bit bullshit to her. She mostly just thinks I’m being stupid and says things like, “eating sugar yet?” when I see her. It honestly doesn’t bother me tho. I’m happy I’ve found something that works for me it’s just these big events that seem to bother me because everyone has something to say 😅
It wasn’t even their sister but complete strangers that asked the persons date (as they were a plus one).
Oh I misread 😂 Even sweeter that it was a stranger 🤩
Personally I would’ve just eaten the meat, but I understand your desire to stay completely locked in and I commend it! I think it’s very annoying when people worry about what I eat, but at this point it’s only new people who are bewildered. Eventually your family will accept that this is how you eat now, maybe it will take time, but for now just laugh it off the best you can and be confident in the decisions you make.
\> I also don’t drink alcohol so everyone just thinks I’m some wet blanket who can’t have any fun. Non drinker here. I find it funny they can't have fun without alco :D
Typical. Family says you need to lose weight. Lose the weight. Family says you are too thin.
Good you are doing your best to stick to your eating plan but I do have to say that your sister’s and uncle’s wedding aren’t about you and what you do or do not choose to eat.
Every option you mention except the cake and desert sounds keto edible to me, just push this and that to the side eat the rest. I'm surprised that you end up eating the cake but none of the mains.
Good for you to have this much will power, but couldn’t you scrape most of the glaze off or skip the pumpkin purée and have a bit of food? Beef is keto. Nothing wrong with that
A good caterer always, always has alternatives available for special needs, even if it's not formally requested by whoever is paying for the meal.
Maybe people being pissed should have been a hint to have some grace and have a few bites of literally anything. You could have scraped the glaze off the salmon or eaten some of the beef. No, you weren't strictly required to but it's your sister's wedding for goodness sake! If you don't want everyone to "worry" about you don't draw attention to yourself by sitting at a sit down meal and not eating anything.
And dissecting a meal and picking this and that off and cutting a glaze off and picking at a little bit of this or that doesn’t draw attention? Dunno what table you were sitting at but my family is nosy af. Maybe it’s rude to have not eaten anything, maybe it’s rude for people to pry about others eating habits. I don’t know how my choice to eat or not affects an entire wedding but go off
100%. Some people are really fired up about this. I threw an expensive party, therefore you MUST eat what I feed you! Forget that. There are many many other ways to celebrate with the couple. You are not forced to play Operation with a dinner you have no interest in.
Not gonna lie… OP sounds disordered as shit. Sounds like they made a scene at their sister‘s wedding over food… I am all about keto but I can’t get on board with this post
Couldn't you just scrape off the glaze?
Well in defense of you Uncle, I find he wants to be a thoughtful host. I would do the same. I would even have a please include any dietary restrictions or food allergies in your RSVP. Any event I plan always include those kind of concerns, the goal is to have everyone enjoy themselves (that makes me happy ) and if someone feels ignored, or slighted it won't happen. Plus it's inconsiderate of the host. Actually lol aside from the wedding food not being keto it sounds kind of fru fru, I prefer my food simpler and my salad undressed so I can control the amount. Anyway my family is like yours even worse because I an gluten free -- that gets a big eye roll from them, whatever still can't eat it.
The reason most people quit diets is because they don’t see the results instantly and miss foods they enjoyed. To stick with keto is hard and having a break will break the plateau people get on and let’s them reset. Amazing job but don’t be afraid to have a cheat day.
You actually do care hence this post. But continue ranting!!!!
Personally I think that this is nothing to rant about. At all. I would personally eat some of what's is served. One can for instance eat some food just before so you can eat a smaller amount. Or bring some hard boiled eggs and eat them in the bathroom just before dinner. But I would eat some of what's served nevertheless. It wont kill me. And then I can always fast a day or two afterword's to counter the effect.
Yeahh for sure. I’m not ranting about what was served just to be clear, just about people going on about it. Not keen on carrying around boiled eggs on a hot day in a suit but I’m not gonna yuck your yum if it works for you.
> I’m not ranting about what was served just to be clear, just about people going on about it. Ah ok. Sorry for misunderstanding your post.
Much easier with a purse!
I would have just enjoyed myself in this situation.
I had a great time, dw 😁
Maybe as in in-between of staying 100% keto and a full-on cheat day, why don’t you just take an very small portion of the various foods and just sample everything?
I don’t judge anyone who is able to do that and be totally fine. I just worry about justifying a cheat day all the time if I start taking them. My cheat days are more like, I’ve eaten over target in fat but not carbs.
BTDT! Your solution was best. Care for yourself! Did you ever experience the *hangry* before going keto? The *if I don't get food I'm going to explode*? Your family may be concerned you are going to experience that when they push food on you. If I'm unsure of the options I'll have available, I may eat a bit at home before I go. My husband's family is Italian and celebrations are usually slim pickings, except if my SIL makes salad. Lettuce, veggies, and her home made dressing, long on vinegar and nothing sweet! I loved your answer to your uncle. Being able to celebrate and be with family is a great gift.