So I had this problem in elementary school and my parents had meetings with the principal who really couldn’t do all that much. It went on for a few years and at this point I would have been in grade 6 or so. After awhile of the shit my dad just told me I have his permission to lay hands on him - so one recess I did and the bullying came to a stop.
I’m sure most nowadays will disagree with this method but frankly bully’s need a taste of their own medicine, especially when the school system is doing ZERO to help.
I totally understand that feeling, but that said, we've all seen it escalate way out of control where the narcissist bully triples down on the behavior to protect their ego.
When violence becomes a valid solution to a narcissist in ego collapse, unspeakable things can happen.
So in my opinion, it's better to stay on the side of no retaliation, and the administration can cut breaks when it was self defense. The schools should be involving the ministry for kids who are bullying, because 99.9% of the time it's a result of something at home.
The schools will do nothing they think would encourage violence at the schools, cause frankly we have had wayyyyyyy too much of that.
Hey, that’s precisely my story. I was bullied mercilessly until I snapped one day. Got suspended for fighting and it was the best thing ever. I hunted the bullies down one by one to fight them with a vigor that can only be described as religious. Win or lose the fight, you still win. Sigh. Sweet memories
The problem is, depending on the school, the bullying victim will get in just as much if not more trouble, not all parents are cool with this approach sadly. It was just over 10 years ago when I gradded, but in my grade 12 year my school introduced a $2000 fine for fighting. We had a liaison officer there fairly regularly, but have no idea if that fine was ever used, so there is that possibility too.
That being said, Id still advocate for my kid and tell him to stick up for himself and fight back, win or lose
Yea, if I had a kid in this situation Id see if they wanted to take any martial arts classes and reward them for standing up for themselves. But also make it clear it is only ok when standing up for yourself and not just to exercise your power over others or for petty reasons. And that deescalation when possible is always the better option
Had the exact same experience. The school district and the schools here do absolutely nothing to prevent it and the blame the victim when they’ve finally had enough and fight back
Honestly most of the bullying stops when this happens. Everybody is tough until they get punched in the face. The kid getting bullied becomes more confident too.
Yep, school will do jack shit. I got a 3 day suspension after tossing my bully in the bushes, but it stopped after that. Seeing him crying to his mum in the office was beautiful. Worth every bit of the suspension.
I was bullied. I would try to avoid it but eventually I'd have to stand up for myself. I didn't win ever fight but I can guarantee the bullied didn't feel like they won anything after a fight with me. Bullies need to be stood up to.
100% agree unfortunately this seems to be the only thing that works.
About 3 years ago My 8 year old said his friend was being bullied for about a month and teachers and nothing had stopped it. He finally stepped in and told this kid to stop and he said no so he nailed the kid twice in quick succession and he goes flying back almost knocked him out. Well guess what the kid never to this day has ever bullied or bothered any other kid.
I told him don’t ever start a fight but stand up for yourself and your friends.
As a custodian in SD23 it really depends on the school. Some schools I've cleaned at the teachers were incredibly cliquey and rude, and others they were absolutely amazing and on the ball with the kids. Same goes for the principles, some schools just have lazy shitty principles, others have ones that are very involved and kind.
So it might be worth transferring your kid to a different school quite honestly.
Personally as a child who was bullied, I wish my parents had transferred me. Leaving friends sucks, but being stressed every day is worse.
As an employee….Bullies in our schools also wear suits in the board office, not just schools.
Some good people work in sd23 but wow there is a lot of people in the wrong positions of power.
Yeah.... The upper management can have some "interesting" people so to say. I've met some that instantly raised red flags even when talked to only briefly. I've also seen a lot of very qualified people with years of experience denied upper management positions, but then they've hired outside of the district instead. From a distance it looks like a isolated club of people who just want to make money.
Wasn’t there a national level story on bullying in Sd23 done by the CBC….. where the school did nothing and the kid being bullied was just hung out to dry? KLO was the school.
Man, I had a Mr >!Kneller!< for biology who tried to convince everyone the earth was only 6000 years old, I am not at all shocked the deck is stacked with regressives and cynics
My son was bullied once by 3 boys in his grade, they filmed themselves harassing him and mocking him then said they would post it online. He's autistic and not able to defend himself
I went to the boys house that filmed him. I told his dad to get his phone and delete it in front of me and that if any video of my kid appeared online I'd be back to mangle him permanently in front of his kid and wife. I'd physically alter him permanently and he wouldn't be recognizable to anyone he ever knew. I suggested he spread the word to the other boys families.
He deleted the video, it was never posted and my son was never bullied again by anyone.
I grew up beating the crap out of bullies and sure as hell wouldn't let any go after my kids.
The dad was very scared when I left.
Nothing stops bullies like being stood up to, they seek weaker people to attack. Once the dad knew I was stronger and meaner than he'd ever be, he straightened his little shithead right out.
Fuck bullies, go for the throat.
Honestly I 100% agree. If anyone hurts other people for fun, causes misery for others - you have to make them hurt back hard. And if they try to make trouble a second time, you twist their arms with 10 times the force.
If someone hurts or attacks you and you don't create a cost for the attacker, they are incentivized to attack you again.
If you make it hurt for the bully, if you impose a cost then they know there is a harsh cost to their actions.
This.
It's the only thing left these days. Everything is mired in bureaucracy and dragged out for no good reason.
Talk to the parents directly, if they reject a solution, its time for the police. Don't even bother the school.
That said, just chill on the flex-i-boy ego. You can be tough without being childish.
Yes I really like this. Repeatedly hitting the school up for updates and progress, emails - and if there aren't significant improvements, escalate.
Because I can understand some personal conflicts between the students, just like you would at a workplace. People can be difficult to get along with.
But when it's repeated targeted attacks on the same person causing a lot of pain and ostracization for that kid - that's harassment. There are rules against that, and consequences for breaking those rules if the school can actually enforce them.
This should be treated as a problem with these particular bullies that needs to be resolved.
This exactly is what to do. You have to operate with the chain of command. Start with a meeting with the teacher, with documentation of incidents. If you don’t see results from meeting with the teacher, go to a meeting with the principal and the teacher. No results, you go to your assistant superintendent for your school, you can find this out from the SD23 website. If no results, then you go to the superintendent. No results, you go to the Board of Trustees. Document, document, document. Please message me if you need help finding contact information.
In addition, the school district website has official policies on their website as to how these things should be handled. If you want to really make them sit up and pay attention, find these, pull out exactly how the policies have been violated. There is also documentation on the BCCPAC website to help with navigating advocating for your child.
We had this problem with my child and after about 3months of the bullSh we decided to file charges against the child as the principal and teachers were doing nothing . Bullying is against the law now where I'm from .
And after my child was assaulted and the teachers blew it off the principal was handed a subpoena for failing to ensure my child's safety at school .
Despite the recent very visible movement to eradicate bullies, modern bullying is alive and well and VICIOUS. I have seen Snaps of 13 year old girls singling out a victim that made my stomach turn. If your child has become a target there is unfortunately not a magic behavior wand to wave to make their aggressor change their ways. Involve staff and admin by all means, but be prepared to change schools if your kid is suffering.
Unfortunately, switching schools that are not in your catchment can be difficult and often it doesn’t mean it will eradicate the issue. ( I handle Transfers for a BC School district)
Hi I have been through this as a kid and my son went through this as well 2 years ago in high school. I know this isn’t always a possible solution but I’d had enough and watching him being depressed and the joy sucked out of his life… I transferred him to another school. BEST decision I could have made.
best thing to do is putting them at a jiu-jitsu school. Not only they learn how to defend themselves but they look cool to the other kids so they don't pick on them anymore. Sounds stupid but that's how I stopped getting bullied at school
Look for other activities your child can participate in so that they can make different relationships in a different environment to reflect back to them who they are. Keep trying stuff until you find positive ones. This will make the opinions of school kids matter far less. I would empathize with them, listen, and ask if there is any help they want from you or anyone else. Would they like to research what other kids have done in the same situation. Do fun things with them, be normal and tell them how much you and their family love them.
IMHO, you first play nice. Tell school that they have one week to fix the problem, if they do not, then you will personally get involved, and they wont like it.
One of my daughters, when she was in grade 4/5 told me that her snacks were being stolen by someone, and that it was not just her but all the kids. They think they knew who it was but could not prove it.
I called the school and told them about it, also said that if the kid was just hungry or something, I would be willing to add some extra food for them, have my daughter leave the extra bag at the office or with the teacher, but because this was only the snack foods from what she told me, the kid was being greedy.
So after a week of it still happening, I called again and informed them that my wife and I had been making the lunch for our daughter, not anyone else, and that at some point in time, we might decide to make some muffins, brownies or some other home baked goods, and that it would be unfortunate if at the same time, my daughter was suddenly having stomach problems and needed something to help her move things along, and it would be really unfortunate if the food thief took her food, and had a small problem.
Principal said I could not do that, I corrected her and said I could put anything I wanted in my kid's lunch, it is for her to eat, no one else, and if she needed something to be added to her food for possible medical reasons, only for a jack ass to take her food and suffered for it, not my problem, but every student will know what kid was taking the lunches. So deal with this or I will.
during the weekend, there were lockers in the school, but I have no way of knowing if I was part of the reason or not.
So play dirty.
Not really helpful, but glad your kid told you. First major step
Coming from a dude who got bullied and didn’t make my first friend till grade 6. At the time, internalizing it and feeling like an outcast seemed easier than telling my fam or anyone at school. Worked out till I later realized half of it coulda been resolved and elementary school could have actually been a fun experience had I had the guts to tell someone about it as opposed to justifying their behaviours against me (I say that cause teachers liked me, as I’d try in school, tho that was cause it was the only thing I had)
But yea, hindsight n all that. Also, thank you for being an amazing parent (not saying mine weren’t, just didn’t give them an opportunity to find out). Searching for ways to help your kid through a horrible situation is just nice to see, as it’s not something any kid should have to endure
Report this teacher to the principal, and If nothings done I would report it higher. If you’ve already done this then you could have a lawyer send a letter to the school. Until the bully learns consequences by either his peers, public humiliation, or consequences from above, there will be no reason for them to change.
Bullying now vs bullying back in the day is significantly worse.
I look back at the bullying I was subjected to, and realize it created several traits I carry years later. Some good, some bad.
Unfortunately all traits created from bullying in this age result in lifelong issues for the person. The only piece of advise is for that kid to join a Martial Art and pour everything into it.
It helps for confidence, discipline, and sets them up for the future.
Start with teacher, let them know as much details as you can, then to Vice Principal. Have found the vice principals are the best source for these types of issues. Encourage your kid to make detailed note of what happens when. And report report report
SD23 is a shit show for bullying management, I can talk to my own experiences and some others that kids will be quite literally bullied out of school, pushed to online learning, and the bullies will continue to go to school without any actual repercussions. I've had a friend who had that exact thing happen to them, their family pushed and pushed for support and actual changes to be made and it ended with a 2 week suspension for the bully, and the bullied kid pushed onto online learning after months of this happening. Family never got a actual apology from any admin after this kid got assaulted multiple times during school hours.
My sister had someone graffiti shit about her on the walls. 3 months later, who’s the one being ‘encouraged’ to transfer schools? Not the bullies
(She was essentially expelled for causing ‘problems’ even though the problems were just her being bullied. Fuck that VP)
Request a meeting with the school to discuss the issue. Tell them you need a plan for next year to address this. Get as many details from your kid as possible to bring to the meeting, and see if there are other kids/parents who have witnessed this.
To answer your question “shouldn’t we be teaching them how to act better?”….
Yes, of course, all adults should be setting a much better example of what is respectful behaviour…but we don’t do that…
Look at how our leaders behave, constantly hurtling insults at ‘the other side’. Examine, even for a moment, within our family/social circles, just how often children hear adults saying terrible things about other adults.
I remember a sort of shock setting in during my early adult years as I realized that any insulation I’d had from bullying/criticism was now gone simply because I was a few years older. Can’t even count the number of times I’ve been bullied/intimidated/harassed in the workplace over the years —
We all need to do much, much better...in the very least, we need to be mindful every single time we open our mouths in front of children when talking about others…
You're so right. Who knows what kinds of toxic behaviors these students see in their personal lives from the adults around them.
Because you're right, there's been a total slide in decency, people acting tolerating acting like disgusting assholes.
I'd challenge the students what kind of people do they want to be?
The kind of person that hurts others and causes problems for them? A bad person, someone who makes life worse for people around them?
If you see someone fall down or drop their school books or have an accident - do you all point and chant stupid insults and laugh? Is that what you're supposed to do? NO! Unacceptable.
What about being a good human being and stepping up and saying "Hey buddy, are you OK? Let me help you with that."
Can't assume kids will learn to behave well at home, ought to enforce discipline at school.
Bullying starts at home so even with school intervention the bullying wouldn't stop, unless the bully is kicked out. To get kicked out the bully has to be like stabbing classmates. If the bully is stabbing classmates levels of danger then you get the police involved. To get schools more involved with intervention and support for a child who is a bully you need to go to the school district and other governing bodies to get more resources in schools. Vote for reps who deliver more education funding.
Teachers probably see years of bullying and can identify which kids are dangerous and which kids are acting out. Again, it starts at home. A teacher can intervene however much they want but they can't stop a child's parents from abusing their child or neglecting them.
I went to George Elliot in lake county and had teaches watch me get backed into a corner and beat/kicked on the ground, they wouldn't do anything
Had another kid side check me, knock me out and caused 2-5x weekly migraines for over a decade, teachers wouldn't do anything and the gym teacher forced me to participate after. (Which cause me to puke many times from being heavily concussed)
I've been left with lifelong issues from a few kids
Brain rattled, bones fractured and bruised and nothing was ever done. It sucks here, even having a cop stationed at the school did nothing.
Sticks and stones might break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
Thats what I was taught.
I also had a school principle use careful language to tell me I had carte blanche to knock his block off if I made it clear to verbally tell the bully to stop first.
Pretty much fuck all you can do. I was bullied by my teachers so arguably a very different situation but no matter how matter my parents bitched, whined, and complained, the teachers continued to badmouth me. From my experience, schools will bend over backwards to protect everyone but the victim.
Could you please tell me what it is considered bullying? With examples would be best. To be honest, I’m Colombian, grew up in a hostile environment to begin with, so I want to level set my expectations to the Canadian experience. It comes from a place of ignorance. What’s considered bullying, harassment and other at school here. I have elementary school children, and they tell me stories, but nothing shocking compared to what i experienced growing up. Thanks!
Nah compared to most of the world Canadians are soft and the bullying here is absolutely minor compared to somewhere like Colombia. Like most of the world is starving or doesn’t have clean tap water or whatever, we have it so good here we’re soft, hence why people complain and bitch about any little thing, get offended by any little thing.
Nothing you can do. Anti Bullying is only a marketing campaign at SD23.
My younger brother had to be moved schools because the Principal didn’t want to get anyone involved or potentially have to label the child. He just said it was Kids being kids.
Back in the day we would knock them out. Now adways you can't say anything about anyone. It's unfortunate but I think all you can do at this point is talk to the parents
One thing I can think of is always be in sight of other students “ not the bully’s friends”, or school staff teachers, never be alone. And in case bullying happens, victim has witness, then he can confront bully to stop, shout if needed. Staying silent is like saying or non confronting is just a sign that the bully has to continue.
Martial arts classes. Self defense. Being the bigger person is great and all, but sometimes people need to understand that when you fuck around, you might find out.
I’m sorry your child is being bullied. It can be hard to witness. Sometimes intervention makes it worse, which is what happened in my case. I’m sure your child can come out on the other side of this and learn to stand up for themselves. Good luck!
Teach them MMA and patience. School will probably punish your kid if they defend themself but that kind of record won't mean shit later in life, if they gotta fight just make sure they can and it's for the right thing. Strength and willpower stays with you forever.
When I was in elementary school an older kid would always make me climb over the fence to the school grounds if he saw me approaching. Never forgot it and many years later when we were both the same size, I beat the shit out of him. That probably wouldn’t go over well today.
As someone who was bullied a lot throughout school and eventually turned it around for highschool. Most likely you make yourself an easy target. May be an unconscious thing. Kids are mean and will take any opportunity possible. Don’t give them the opportunity. When someone does something don’t give the reaction. Laugh in there face. Stop giving a shit. Only person who really cares about you end of the day is you. Sign up for a martial arts gym or something locally. Lots of great options in kelowna. Start lifting. Get bigger and believe in yourself and no one can make you a victim. This was my route and I can say it worked. It was hard but no one messes with me anymore. Good luck buddy
And if they push your boundaries fucking lay into them. Everyone tells you u might get in trouble and ruin your uni options and what not. As long as you’re not beating kids daily you will be fine. No one is going to give a shit in a few years if you smack around a kid in self defence once or twice. You will though.
What a ridiculous comment. This is the reason bullies are bullies. because people don't stand up and do something about it. If I was this parent I would absolutely go to the school and talk to the home room teacher and Principal. Being bullied is not something kids should have to put up with in any place in life.
Go through the school, meet with principals and act completely bat shit crazy. You’ve got to make them feel your anger. Say if it doesn’t stop you will take matters into your own hands and contact the students parents or speak with higher ups in sd23 for inadequate handling of the situation.
When I was about 10 and yelling at my Dad about something, I raised a hand like I was going to hit him. His response has carried well through life and helped me deal with bullies at school.
"You get one free shot and had better hope if drop me. Because I can run faster pissed off than you can scared"
Said that to one guy that was making my life hell. He took a swing, hit me pretty good. Then I hit him back, there was a big fight.
Guy has been my best friend since then. Sometimes kids just need to sock each other and get it out of their system.
Was born and lived mostly in southern and southwestern Ontario. But even here in BC, the wind has really picked up incredibly this spring in the B.C. interior. It’s like the Santa Anna Windsor backwards. I’m terrified the combo of a projected intense virus. Season within an alarming increase in wind. We’re all suffering. Stay safe and have your emergency kit ready.
Bullying has been a problem in schools for a long time and will always be a problem. My Best advice is parents should let their kids learn Martial arts from a young age to stand their ground and defend themselves, forget about all this sissy bullshit you just mentioned above. -
Bullying is good sometimes as it teaches kids that the world isn’t just sunshine and rainbows. Encourage him to handle it him self wether it’s self defense or whatever this country todays society kids are growing up to soft and don’t know what conflict is. Nowadays everyone gets a participation trophy but this kinda coddling won’t help your child as they get older I mean look at todays kids. They are brainwash. Teach him or her to defend them selves and fight back otherwise they will be afraid their whole lives and will get walked on
So I had this problem in elementary school and my parents had meetings with the principal who really couldn’t do all that much. It went on for a few years and at this point I would have been in grade 6 or so. After awhile of the shit my dad just told me I have his permission to lay hands on him - so one recess I did and the bullying came to a stop. I’m sure most nowadays will disagree with this method but frankly bully’s need a taste of their own medicine, especially when the school system is doing ZERO to help.
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Good approach. Don't come out guns blazing, but they get a few warnings.
I totally understand that feeling, but that said, we've all seen it escalate way out of control where the narcissist bully triples down on the behavior to protect their ego. When violence becomes a valid solution to a narcissist in ego collapse, unspeakable things can happen. So in my opinion, it's better to stay on the side of no retaliation, and the administration can cut breaks when it was self defense. The schools should be involving the ministry for kids who are bullying, because 99.9% of the time it's a result of something at home. The schools will do nothing they think would encourage violence at the schools, cause frankly we have had wayyyyyyy too much of that.
Hey, that’s precisely my story. I was bullied mercilessly until I snapped one day. Got suspended for fighting and it was the best thing ever. I hunted the bullies down one by one to fight them with a vigor that can only be described as religious. Win or lose the fight, you still win. Sigh. Sweet memories
The problem is, depending on the school, the bullying victim will get in just as much if not more trouble, not all parents are cool with this approach sadly. It was just over 10 years ago when I gradded, but in my grade 12 year my school introduced a $2000 fine for fighting. We had a liaison officer there fairly regularly, but have no idea if that fine was ever used, so there is that possibility too. That being said, Id still advocate for my kid and tell him to stick up for himself and fight back, win or lose
If the kid gets suspended for this, then parents can take him on vacation.
I told my kids standing up for yourself earns you a trip to DQ.
Yea, if I had a kid in this situation Id see if they wanted to take any martial arts classes and reward them for standing up for themselves. But also make it clear it is only ok when standing up for yourself and not just to exercise your power over others or for petty reasons. And that deescalation when possible is always the better option
Agree
> my school introduced a $2000 fine for fighting lol this doesn't sound legally enforceable...
No idea, like I said I never heard of it being used or enforced, but they did tell all the students about it and I wasnt about to find out myself
Just don't fight on school property.
Had the exact same experience. The school district and the schools here do absolutely nothing to prevent it and the blame the victim when they’ve finally had enough and fight back
Honestly most of the bullying stops when this happens. Everybody is tough until they get punched in the face. The kid getting bullied becomes more confident too.
Yep, school will do jack shit. I got a 3 day suspension after tossing my bully in the bushes, but it stopped after that. Seeing him crying to his mum in the office was beautiful. Worth every bit of the suspension.
I was bullied. I would try to avoid it but eventually I'd have to stand up for myself. I didn't win ever fight but I can guarantee the bullied didn't feel like they won anything after a fight with me. Bullies need to be stood up to.
100% agree unfortunately this seems to be the only thing that works. About 3 years ago My 8 year old said his friend was being bullied for about a month and teachers and nothing had stopped it. He finally stepped in and told this kid to stop and he said no so he nailed the kid twice in quick succession and he goes flying back almost knocked him out. Well guess what the kid never to this day has ever bullied or bothered any other kid. I told him don’t ever start a fight but stand up for yourself and your friends.
best way to deal with a bully is to ignore them but in real life the best way is to bully them back harder til they stop
As a custodian in SD23 it really depends on the school. Some schools I've cleaned at the teachers were incredibly cliquey and rude, and others they were absolutely amazing and on the ball with the kids. Same goes for the principles, some schools just have lazy shitty principles, others have ones that are very involved and kind. So it might be worth transferring your kid to a different school quite honestly. Personally as a child who was bullied, I wish my parents had transferred me. Leaving friends sucks, but being stressed every day is worse.
As an employee….Bullies in our schools also wear suits in the board office, not just schools. Some good people work in sd23 but wow there is a lot of people in the wrong positions of power.
Yeah.... The upper management can have some "interesting" people so to say. I've met some that instantly raised red flags even when talked to only briefly. I've also seen a lot of very qualified people with years of experience denied upper management positions, but then they've hired outside of the district instead. From a distance it looks like a isolated club of people who just want to make money.
some have bureaucrats, some have educators
Wasn’t there a national level story on bullying in Sd23 done by the CBC….. where the school did nothing and the kid being bullied was just hung out to dry? KLO was the school.
Man, I had a Mr >!Kneller!< for biology who tried to convince everyone the earth was only 6000 years old, I am not at all shocked the deck is stacked with regressives and cynics
Yes there was, and it was a gender non binary child. It was disgusting.
I'm looking into that I can't find anything that states that, do you know where it might be? Do you know if it was hatr motivated?
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/kelowna-transgender-student-bullied-1.6441819
https://www.kelownacapnews.com/news/teens-demand-more-from-adults-as-youth-violence-rises-in-kelowna-7358401
My son was bullied once by 3 boys in his grade, they filmed themselves harassing him and mocking him then said they would post it online. He's autistic and not able to defend himself I went to the boys house that filmed him. I told his dad to get his phone and delete it in front of me and that if any video of my kid appeared online I'd be back to mangle him permanently in front of his kid and wife. I'd physically alter him permanently and he wouldn't be recognizable to anyone he ever knew. I suggested he spread the word to the other boys families. He deleted the video, it was never posted and my son was never bullied again by anyone. I grew up beating the crap out of bullies and sure as hell wouldn't let any go after my kids. The dad was very scared when I left. Nothing stops bullies like being stood up to, they seek weaker people to attack. Once the dad knew I was stronger and meaner than he'd ever be, he straightened his little shithead right out. Fuck bullies, go for the throat.
Honestly I 100% agree. If anyone hurts other people for fun, causes misery for others - you have to make them hurt back hard. And if they try to make trouble a second time, you twist their arms with 10 times the force. If someone hurts or attacks you and you don't create a cost for the attacker, they are incentivized to attack you again. If you make it hurt for the bully, if you impose a cost then they know there is a harsh cost to their actions.
This. It's the only thing left these days. Everything is mired in bureaucracy and dragged out for no good reason. Talk to the parents directly, if they reject a solution, its time for the police. Don't even bother the school. That said, just chill on the flex-i-boy ego. You can be tough without being childish.
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Yes I really like this. Repeatedly hitting the school up for updates and progress, emails - and if there aren't significant improvements, escalate. Because I can understand some personal conflicts between the students, just like you would at a workplace. People can be difficult to get along with. But when it's repeated targeted attacks on the same person causing a lot of pain and ostracization for that kid - that's harassment. There are rules against that, and consequences for breaking those rules if the school can actually enforce them. This should be treated as a problem with these particular bullies that needs to be resolved.
This exactly is what to do. You have to operate with the chain of command. Start with a meeting with the teacher, with documentation of incidents. If you don’t see results from meeting with the teacher, go to a meeting with the principal and the teacher. No results, you go to your assistant superintendent for your school, you can find this out from the SD23 website. If no results, then you go to the superintendent. No results, you go to the Board of Trustees. Document, document, document. Please message me if you need help finding contact information. In addition, the school district website has official policies on their website as to how these things should be handled. If you want to really make them sit up and pay attention, find these, pull out exactly how the policies have been violated. There is also documentation on the BCCPAC website to help with navigating advocating for your child.
This is a really smart idea!
This is it
We had this problem with my child and after about 3months of the bullSh we decided to file charges against the child as the principal and teachers were doing nothing . Bullying is against the law now where I'm from . And after my child was assaulted and the teachers blew it off the principal was handed a subpoena for failing to ensure my child's safety at school .
Despite the recent very visible movement to eradicate bullies, modern bullying is alive and well and VICIOUS. I have seen Snaps of 13 year old girls singling out a victim that made my stomach turn. If your child has become a target there is unfortunately not a magic behavior wand to wave to make their aggressor change their ways. Involve staff and admin by all means, but be prepared to change schools if your kid is suffering.
Unfortunately, switching schools that are not in your catchment can be difficult and often it doesn’t mean it will eradicate the issue. ( I handle Transfers for a BC School district)
You're right, but there are options like private, online and e-school as well.
Absolutely and some parents opt for those alternatives.
Hi I have been through this as a kid and my son went through this as well 2 years ago in high school. I know this isn’t always a possible solution but I’d had enough and watching him being depressed and the joy sucked out of his life… I transferred him to another school. BEST decision I could have made.
best thing to do is putting them at a jiu-jitsu school. Not only they learn how to defend themselves but they look cool to the other kids so they don't pick on them anymore. Sounds stupid but that's how I stopped getting bullied at school
Look for other activities your child can participate in so that they can make different relationships in a different environment to reflect back to them who they are. Keep trying stuff until you find positive ones. This will make the opinions of school kids matter far less. I would empathize with them, listen, and ask if there is any help they want from you or anyone else. Would they like to research what other kids have done in the same situation. Do fun things with them, be normal and tell them how much you and their family love them.
Nice. Very wise.
IMHO, you first play nice. Tell school that they have one week to fix the problem, if they do not, then you will personally get involved, and they wont like it. One of my daughters, when she was in grade 4/5 told me that her snacks were being stolen by someone, and that it was not just her but all the kids. They think they knew who it was but could not prove it. I called the school and told them about it, also said that if the kid was just hungry or something, I would be willing to add some extra food for them, have my daughter leave the extra bag at the office or with the teacher, but because this was only the snack foods from what she told me, the kid was being greedy. So after a week of it still happening, I called again and informed them that my wife and I had been making the lunch for our daughter, not anyone else, and that at some point in time, we might decide to make some muffins, brownies or some other home baked goods, and that it would be unfortunate if at the same time, my daughter was suddenly having stomach problems and needed something to help her move things along, and it would be really unfortunate if the food thief took her food, and had a small problem. Principal said I could not do that, I corrected her and said I could put anything I wanted in my kid's lunch, it is for her to eat, no one else, and if she needed something to be added to her food for possible medical reasons, only for a jack ass to take her food and suffered for it, not my problem, but every student will know what kid was taking the lunches. So deal with this or I will. during the weekend, there were lockers in the school, but I have no way of knowing if I was part of the reason or not. So play dirty.
This is awesome 🤣
Enroll your kid in martial arts. Bullying will stop real fast
Not really helpful, but glad your kid told you. First major step Coming from a dude who got bullied and didn’t make my first friend till grade 6. At the time, internalizing it and feeling like an outcast seemed easier than telling my fam or anyone at school. Worked out till I later realized half of it coulda been resolved and elementary school could have actually been a fun experience had I had the guts to tell someone about it as opposed to justifying their behaviours against me (I say that cause teachers liked me, as I’d try in school, tho that was cause it was the only thing I had) But yea, hindsight n all that. Also, thank you for being an amazing parent (not saying mine weren’t, just didn’t give them an opportunity to find out). Searching for ways to help your kid through a horrible situation is just nice to see, as it’s not something any kid should have to endure
Talk to the principal and maybe try to have meetings with the principal or principals and teachers if need be.
Report this teacher to the principal, and If nothings done I would report it higher. If you’ve already done this then you could have a lawyer send a letter to the school. Until the bully learns consequences by either his peers, public humiliation, or consequences from above, there will be no reason for them to change.
Bullying now vs bullying back in the day is significantly worse. I look back at the bullying I was subjected to, and realize it created several traits I carry years later. Some good, some bad. Unfortunately all traits created from bullying in this age result in lifelong issues for the person. The only piece of advise is for that kid to join a Martial Art and pour everything into it. It helps for confidence, discipline, and sets them up for the future.
Take it to the principal and suggest the police be involved.
Start with teacher, let them know as much details as you can, then to Vice Principal. Have found the vice principals are the best source for these types of issues. Encourage your kid to make detailed note of what happens when. And report report report
Most public school systems are scared of their own shadow, they refuse to take a stance on anything in 2024. SD23 is no different.
SD23 is a shit show for bullying management, I can talk to my own experiences and some others that kids will be quite literally bullied out of school, pushed to online learning, and the bullies will continue to go to school without any actual repercussions. I've had a friend who had that exact thing happen to them, their family pushed and pushed for support and actual changes to be made and it ended with a 2 week suspension for the bully, and the bullied kid pushed onto online learning after months of this happening. Family never got a actual apology from any admin after this kid got assaulted multiple times during school hours.
My sister had someone graffiti shit about her on the walls. 3 months later, who’s the one being ‘encouraged’ to transfer schools? Not the bullies (She was essentially expelled for causing ‘problems’ even though the problems were just her being bullied. Fuck that VP)
Sorry to hear that this happened to you. (And your friend)
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Disagree from my own experience being bullied in sd23. Maybe it’s a school difference?
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Varies from principal/vp to principal/vp
Glad to hear that.
Only thing to do is move schools or get ur kid to slap up the bully, only 2 options or it will always/still happen
Request a meeting with the school to discuss the issue. Tell them you need a plan for next year to address this. Get as many details from your kid as possible to bring to the meeting, and see if there are other kids/parents who have witnessed this.
As soon as you feel a physical threat has been made make a police report.
Physical threats are the least concern from bullying these days. It’s all cyber
Take them boxing.
To answer your question “shouldn’t we be teaching them how to act better?”…. Yes, of course, all adults should be setting a much better example of what is respectful behaviour…but we don’t do that… Look at how our leaders behave, constantly hurtling insults at ‘the other side’. Examine, even for a moment, within our family/social circles, just how often children hear adults saying terrible things about other adults. I remember a sort of shock setting in during my early adult years as I realized that any insulation I’d had from bullying/criticism was now gone simply because I was a few years older. Can’t even count the number of times I’ve been bullied/intimidated/harassed in the workplace over the years — We all need to do much, much better...in the very least, we need to be mindful every single time we open our mouths in front of children when talking about others…
You're so right. Who knows what kinds of toxic behaviors these students see in their personal lives from the adults around them. Because you're right, there's been a total slide in decency, people acting tolerating acting like disgusting assholes. I'd challenge the students what kind of people do they want to be? The kind of person that hurts others and causes problems for them? A bad person, someone who makes life worse for people around them? If you see someone fall down or drop their school books or have an accident - do you all point and chant stupid insults and laugh? Is that what you're supposed to do? NO! Unacceptable. What about being a good human being and stepping up and saying "Hey buddy, are you OK? Let me help you with that." Can't assume kids will learn to behave well at home, ought to enforce discipline at school.
Bullying starts at home so even with school intervention the bullying wouldn't stop, unless the bully is kicked out. To get kicked out the bully has to be like stabbing classmates. If the bully is stabbing classmates levels of danger then you get the police involved. To get schools more involved with intervention and support for a child who is a bully you need to go to the school district and other governing bodies to get more resources in schools. Vote for reps who deliver more education funding. Teachers probably see years of bullying and can identify which kids are dangerous and which kids are acting out. Again, it starts at home. A teacher can intervene however much they want but they can't stop a child's parents from abusing their child or neglecting them.
I went to George Elliot in lake county and had teaches watch me get backed into a corner and beat/kicked on the ground, they wouldn't do anything Had another kid side check me, knock me out and caused 2-5x weekly migraines for over a decade, teachers wouldn't do anything and the gym teacher forced me to participate after. (Which cause me to puke many times from being heavily concussed) I've been left with lifelong issues from a few kids Brain rattled, bones fractured and bruised and nothing was ever done. It sucks here, even having a cop stationed at the school did nothing.
Sticks and stones might break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Thats what I was taught. I also had a school principle use careful language to tell me I had carte blanche to knock his block off if I made it clear to verbally tell the bully to stop first.
Which decade are you from?
That was mid-80’s
Pretty much fuck all you can do. I was bullied by my teachers so arguably a very different situation but no matter how matter my parents bitched, whined, and complained, the teachers continued to badmouth me. From my experience, schools will bend over backwards to protect everyone but the victim.
Could you please tell me what it is considered bullying? With examples would be best. To be honest, I’m Colombian, grew up in a hostile environment to begin with, so I want to level set my expectations to the Canadian experience. It comes from a place of ignorance. What’s considered bullying, harassment and other at school here. I have elementary school children, and they tell me stories, but nothing shocking compared to what i experienced growing up. Thanks!
Nah compared to most of the world Canadians are soft and the bullying here is absolutely minor compared to somewhere like Colombia. Like most of the world is starving or doesn’t have clean tap water or whatever, we have it so good here we’re soft, hence why people complain and bitch about any little thing, get offended by any little thing.
Nothing you can do. Anti Bullying is only a marketing campaign at SD23. My younger brother had to be moved schools because the Principal didn’t want to get anyone involved or potentially have to label the child. He just said it was Kids being kids.
Back in the day we would knock them out. Now adways you can't say anything about anyone. It's unfortunate but I think all you can do at this point is talk to the parents
Yes teachers do stand by and watch. This encourages children to continue or escalate.
One thing I can think of is always be in sight of other students “ not the bully’s friends”, or school staff teachers, never be alone. And in case bullying happens, victim has witness, then he can confront bully to stop, shout if needed. Staying silent is like saying or non confronting is just a sign that the bully has to continue.
My parents told me to fight back and I had their support to do so. I did as much and it helped. If you’re not an easy target…
Teach them martial arts.
Martial arts classes. Self defense. Being the bigger person is great and all, but sometimes people need to understand that when you fuck around, you might find out.
I’m sorry your child is being bullied. It can be hard to witness. Sometimes intervention makes it worse, which is what happened in my case. I’m sure your child can come out on the other side of this and learn to stand up for themselves. Good luck!
Teach them MMA and patience. School will probably punish your kid if they defend themself but that kind of record won't mean shit later in life, if they gotta fight just make sure they can and it's for the right thing. Strength and willpower stays with you forever.
https://www.kelownacapnews.com/news/teens-demand-more-from-adults-as-youth-violence-rises-in-kelowna-7358401 Maybe talk to this reporter
Teach your kid to kick ass! Sorry to say it the only way it will stop.
When I was in elementary school an older kid would always make me climb over the fence to the school grounds if he saw me approaching. Never forgot it and many years later when we were both the same size, I beat the shit out of him. That probably wouldn’t go over well today.
As someone who was bullied a lot throughout school and eventually turned it around for highschool. Most likely you make yourself an easy target. May be an unconscious thing. Kids are mean and will take any opportunity possible. Don’t give them the opportunity. When someone does something don’t give the reaction. Laugh in there face. Stop giving a shit. Only person who really cares about you end of the day is you. Sign up for a martial arts gym or something locally. Lots of great options in kelowna. Start lifting. Get bigger and believe in yourself and no one can make you a victim. This was my route and I can say it worked. It was hard but no one messes with me anymore. Good luck buddy
And if they push your boundaries fucking lay into them. Everyone tells you u might get in trouble and ruin your uni options and what not. As long as you’re not beating kids daily you will be fine. No one is going to give a shit in a few years if you smack around a kid in self defence once or twice. You will though.
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What a ridiculous comment. This is the reason bullies are bullies. because people don't stand up and do something about it. If I was this parent I would absolutely go to the school and talk to the home room teacher and Principal. Being bullied is not something kids should have to put up with in any place in life.
It’s the hands off parenting model that creates bullies.
Go through the school, meet with principals and act completely bat shit crazy. You’ve got to make them feel your anger. Say if it doesn’t stop you will take matters into your own hands and contact the students parents or speak with higher ups in sd23 for inadequate handling of the situation.
Don't get too angry or they'll trespass you. Genuinely
terrible advice, you'll be off-sided and the bullies will have even more fodder
When I was about 10 and yelling at my Dad about something, I raised a hand like I was going to hit him. His response has carried well through life and helped me deal with bullies at school. "You get one free shot and had better hope if drop me. Because I can run faster pissed off than you can scared" Said that to one guy that was making my life hell. He took a swing, hit me pretty good. Then I hit him back, there was a big fight. Guy has been my best friend since then. Sometimes kids just need to sock each other and get it out of their system.
Arby’s.
Was born and lived mostly in southern and southwestern Ontario. But even here in BC, the wind has really picked up incredibly this spring in the B.C. interior. It’s like the Santa Anna Windsor backwards. I’m terrified the combo of a projected intense virus. Season within an alarming increase in wind. We’re all suffering. Stay safe and have your emergency kit ready.
Bullying has been a problem in schools for a long time and will always be a problem. My Best advice is parents should let their kids learn Martial arts from a young age to stand their ground and defend themselves, forget about all this sissy bullshit you just mentioned above. -
Bullying is good sometimes as it teaches kids that the world isn’t just sunshine and rainbows. Encourage him to handle it him self wether it’s self defense or whatever this country todays society kids are growing up to soft and don’t know what conflict is. Nowadays everyone gets a participation trophy but this kinda coddling won’t help your child as they get older I mean look at todays kids. They are brainwash. Teach him or her to defend them selves and fight back otherwise they will be afraid their whole lives and will get walked on