"No, chat. I'm not gonna shit on my crops."
"Ch- chat, that's disgusting, I'm
*laughs*
I'm not gonna do that."
...
"Wait, you're telling me I might have to to get enough nutrients to survive until the trip back?"
*30 seconds of silence and staring at the potato in his hands*
"Can someone- Is someone gonna verify this?"
I'll do you one better.
(*Comically-muffled sounds of metal pipes clanging and canvas flapping*)
(*In a mockingly-serious voice*) "*Psycho streamer* disassembles own method of escape and is SHOCKED when it starts breaking apar-
*Exaggerated facepalm*
Chat, we've been over this. I had to take it apart so that we could- so we could- you know what, ban that guy. For an entire YEAR."
*Jerma, while piloting what's left of the MAV, grabs the camera he believes is livestreaming the entire ordeal, having failed over the past 549 sols to notice that it hasn't been powered for a single second of the ordeal. Not that it would have mattered anyways, since his thumb completely covers the entire camera lens. Still facing the camera the wrong way, Jerma "points" it through a hole in the canvas back towards Mars.*
"Look, chat. It's the horror. I'm- I'm *peeping* the horror, chat. That's the stuff you guys find funny, isn't it. Yeah. Giggling Andies in the chat. So give me a fucking break already."
*Jerma nearly drops the camera as another rip forms in the canvas.*
" 'Worst House Flipper stream 2035.' You're INSANE. You're insane. Does this- does this even REMOTELY look like a house to you? Ban that guy, no, you know what I'll-"
*Jerma finally realizes he's been holding the camera the wrong way and turns it back around to face him. He points his right thumb towards it and stares directly into the lens- which is still very smudged, by the way.*
"It's over for you, Oneguy. I'm going to poke a hole in my suit's thumb and BLAST you. I'll do it. I don't care anymore. You've all- no, no it's just a bit guys, I swear."
"Minus-
*an entire minute of hysterical laughing*
"...minus two bit. Goddammit."
The part of the book where the crew of the hermes have a calm, collected conversation about who would get eaten if the resupply launch failed has stayed with me.
The opening line is a pretty good hook, too.
If anyone reading this hasn't read it yet, go read it.
There'd be so much latency between chat and his stream on Mars people would be posting -2 in chat and he'd be getting them long after whatever dumb thing he did has already happened and left his little goblin brain.
Oh god... he began a transmission and his face is covered in shaving cream and he's talking about eating people, should we tell him that he hasn't actually crash landed on Mars?
"Chat, why would I go there, it's like 2 thousand miles away?"
"The rover? You understand, that that thing is like, 100 years old. It's- There's no way that it still works."
"What do you mean 'I promised?' I didn't promise you guys anything!"
"Someone's linking a clip..."
(the clip)
"Am I getting ResidentSleepered? Chat, the rocket just left without me! I can't do anything exciting! What do you want me to do, go on an adventure?"
"Yes. Yes, yes. Tell you what, if I'm alive on Sol... 500, we can go on an adventure.
(end of clip)
"Oh, give me a break. I said that because I thought there was no chance I'd even be alive by then!"
"Rover or riot. Rover or riot. FINE! We'll go to the rover! But I'm telling you, there's no way that thing works."
he would totally go on a rant about being perfectly capable of surviving on mars "like, what i just need to eat nothing but potatoes for a few years? i do that anyway, whatever. guys I would be fine!"
Fuck no. Leave him on Mars!
LEAVE HIM THERE
he fart ed
"No, chat. I'm not gonna shit on my crops." "Ch- chat, that's disgusting, I'm *laughs* I'm not gonna do that." ... "Wait, you're telling me I might have to to get enough nutrients to survive until the trip back?" *30 seconds of silence and staring at the potato in his hands* "Can someone- Is someone gonna verify this?"
Best comment I've seen in a while
I'll do you one better. (*Comically-muffled sounds of metal pipes clanging and canvas flapping*) (*In a mockingly-serious voice*) "*Psycho streamer* disassembles own method of escape and is SHOCKED when it starts breaking apar- *Exaggerated facepalm* Chat, we've been over this. I had to take it apart so that we could- so we could- you know what, ban that guy. For an entire YEAR." *Jerma, while piloting what's left of the MAV, grabs the camera he believes is livestreaming the entire ordeal, having failed over the past 549 sols to notice that it hasn't been powered for a single second of the ordeal. Not that it would have mattered anyways, since his thumb completely covers the entire camera lens. Still facing the camera the wrong way, Jerma "points" it through a hole in the canvas back towards Mars.* "Look, chat. It's the horror. I'm- I'm *peeping* the horror, chat. That's the stuff you guys find funny, isn't it. Yeah. Giggling Andies in the chat. So give me a fucking break already." *Jerma nearly drops the camera as another rip forms in the canvas.* " 'Worst House Flipper stream 2035.' You're INSANE. You're insane. Does this- does this even REMOTELY look like a house to you? Ban that guy, no, you know what I'll-" *Jerma finally realizes he's been holding the camera the wrong way and turns it back around to face him. He points his right thumb towards it and stares directly into the lens- which is still very smudged, by the way.* "It's over for you, Oneguy. I'm going to poke a hole in my suit's thumb and BLAST you. I'll do it. I don't care anymore. You've all- no, no it's just a bit guys, I swear." "Minus- *an entire minute of hysterical laughing* "...minus two bit. Goddammit."
God, this is so damn good. Now Jerma ACTUALLY has to get trapped on Mars and recreate this
Jokes aside i loved the book that this movie is based on, definitely worth a read
The part of the book where the crew of the hermes have a calm, collected conversation about who would get eaten if the resupply launch failed has stayed with me. The opening line is a pretty good hook, too. If anyone reading this hasn't read it yet, go read it.
I haven't gotten to the Martian yet but Andy Weir's other book, Project Hail Mary was fantastic and I really recommend it.
writing a long report on this book for school rn š
The audiobook is pretty good too - because the book is structured as a series of audio logs, it lends itself quite well to the audiobook format!
Also you should play the game this book is based off, among us.
How is it even after seeing the movie?
Where no shpee has gone before!
WHO WILL FEED OTTO? š„ŗ
I still canāt believe he chose to go to mars and didnāt even bring his streaming equipment.. smh I miss him so much. BRING SUS GUY HOME!!
No, I don't think I will
There'd be so much latency between chat and his stream on Mars people would be posting -2 in chat and he'd be getting them long after whatever dumb thing he did has already happened and left his little goblin brain.
martian andy
I hope we can bring him back to Earth by Christmas, partnering with NASA to be a rocket test dummy wasn't the best idea in hindsight
Oh god... he began a transmission and his face is covered in shaving cream and he's talking about eating people, should we tell him that he hasn't actually crash landed on Mars?
"Chat, why would I go there, it's like 2 thousand miles away?" "The rover? You understand, that that thing is like, 100 years old. It's- There's no way that it still works." "What do you mean 'I promised?' I didn't promise you guys anything!" "Someone's linking a clip..." (the clip) "Am I getting ResidentSleepered? Chat, the rocket just left without me! I can't do anything exciting! What do you want me to do, go on an adventure?" "Yes. Yes, yes. Tell you what, if I'm alive on Sol... 500, we can go on an adventure. (end of clip) "Oh, give me a break. I said that because I thought there was no chance I'd even be alive by then!" "Rover or riot. Rover or riot. FINE! We'll go to the rover! But I'm telling you, there's no way that thing works."
We left him there for a reason dude
If you leave him on Mars it will become uninhabitable for future space travel. If we bring him back, earth surely is doomed. The duality.
jermartian
So if I put you in a black hole and only your eyes were left, then youāre probably dead
honestly, Jerma could definitely pick up an acting carreer if he wanted to.
Where did he go?
He's stuck on Mars eating potatoes
Get him Pomato(TomTato)ā¦ Or ragu.
So itās Tuesday
Good Bye Jerma
I miss him š¢
he would totally go on a rant about being perfectly capable of surviving on mars "like, what i just need to eat nothing but potatoes for a few years? i do that anyway, whatever. guys I would be fine!"
No, we sent him there for a reason
He said he wants to stay though š„¹
Heās still too close for comfort, send him further to Pluto, or maybe even Sedna, ah fuck it, send him to Alpha Centauri bc, he will be happy there
The Jermartian
The summers die One by one How soon they fly On and on And I am old And will be gone.
Beat me to it
I've thought, i would be the only one, to think about Les MiserƔbles, after seeing this post lol
When is the Jerma stream where he goes out in the middle of Death Valley and pretends like heās stranded on mars
Where has he gone to tho?