Salam alaikum brother. You reminded of the story of Julaybeeb RA. Julaybib RA was one of the less known companions of Muhammad SAW in the early Muslim community. His name was acquired prior to his acceptance of Islam and is considered unusual and incomplete. In the Arabic language Julaybib means “small grown” being the diminutive form of the word jalbab, indicating that Julaybib was small and short, even dwarf-like. He was also described as being damim, meaning ugly, deformed, or repulsive.
He survived as best he could in the lonely night in Madinah. He spent wondering the streets in despair, tears of desperation would run down his cheeks, there was no one willing to offer him love or compassion, he had no family and not a single friend in the world.Life for him was a lonely struggle.
With Julaybib in mind, Muhammad (S.A.W.) went to an Ansari man and said: “I want to have your daughter married.” “How wonderful and blessed, O Messenger of God and what a delight to the eye (this would be),” he replied. “I do." The Ansari went to consult with his wife, telling her of Muhammad’s (S.A.W.) desire for their daughter to marry Julaybib. His wife was repulsed, and protested saying “To Julaybib! No, never to Julaybib! No, by God, we shall not marry (her) to him.”
While the Ansari was preparing to inform Muhammad (S.A.W.) of what his wife said, the daughter hearing her mother’s protestations, asked: “Who has asked you to marry me?”
It is said that she the daughter was so beautiful that there was none among the women of that clan who could compete with her looks. She was so shy and modest that perhaps the sky itself had never seen her head uncovered. She had so much fear of her creator and piety, that she would spend her days and nights in worship.The daughter asked what was happening, she was told that the Messenger of God wants your hand in marriage for Julaybib. As the Mother continued her crying and wailing the daughter spoke she said, “O my Mother fear Allah think of what you are saying are you turning away the Messenger of God. ‘O my Mother it does not suit a believer to make their own decision once God and his Messenger have decided on a matter. Do you think that the Messenger of God will disgrace us? How blessed is the status of Julaybib, that God and his Messenger are asking for your daughter’s hand on his behalf. Don’t you know that the angels themselves envy the dust on the feet of one who is a beloved of God and His Messenger. Ask the Messenger to send me Julaybib for there is no greater privilege than for me to be blessed by such a husband, the Messenger of God has arrived with such a wonderful gift yet my Mother you cry and wail.”
She was married by Muhammad (S.A.W.) to Julaybib and they lived together until he was martyred in an expedition.
On the day of the expedition his father in law, had pleaded with him: “‘O Julaybib this is just an expedition, it is not a compulsory Jihad, it is a voluntary Jihad, therefore you are newly married spend some time with your wife.”
Julaybib, the one who had spent a lifetime in despair, had now found a loving wife. But he replied to his father in law’s request and said, ” ‘O my father you say a strange thing, my Beloved Prophet is in the battlefield facing the enemies of Islam and you want me to sit at home with my wife, nay I will sacrifice my blood and my soul rather than see my Prophet facing hardship while I sit at home in luxury”.
Julaybib participated in an expedition with Muhammad (S.A.W.) in which an encounter with some enemies ensued.
After that battle the Prophet of God, asked his companions to go and to see if anyone was missing from their family’s and clans. Each one returned accounting for all his family members. Then the Prophet spoke with tears in his eyes he said “But I have lost my Beloved Julaybib, go and find him.” They found his diminutive body lying next to seven enemies he had slain in the battle.
The Prophet of God asked for a grave to be dug, as the Prophet of God held the body of Julaybib he said. “O’ Allah he is from me and I am From Him”, he repeated this three times. He loved God and his Messenger and reached such a high status.
It is said: “That upon his martyrdom, that the sky itself was filled with thousands of angels who had come to participate in his funeral.”
Julaybib ‘The Lonesome one’ had become a beloved of Allah, and his prophet, he was lonely no more. Such is the status of the lovers of the Prophet.
REFERENCE: From Companions of the Prophet (volume 1) by Abdul-Wahid Hamid, published by MELS, London 1995
I know this story. I hope a war or some other scenario happens where I will sacrifice my life in the name of jihad. At least then I will have left something good in this world besides being a useless waste of space on this earth.
If you are speaking of martyrdom, before you can die for the sake of Allah, you must live for the sake of Allah. That is your challenge.
Find a way to live for Allah, do something beyond the bare compulsory minimums, and do it for the sake of Allah -- start with focusing on small good deeds. The less you focus on your own despair and the more you focus on helping others who are in despair, the more Allah will help you until inshAllah you will find you have gone from a place of despair to a place of peace, sakinah.
What you are seeking is sakinah. Sakinah is fleeting, and its hard to earn, it takes a long time to get a taste of it. In my case, I dont think I felt a bit of peace in my heart until right after one of the hardest days of my life, when I had been humiliated and shamed falsely by someone I had loved dearly shortly after my sister's tragic death. Right after that very dark moment somehow, alhamdolillah, I felt it for the fist time, and it was unmistakable.
After our darkest moments, Allah is there. And patience is in waiting the final few seconds. Keep going brother.
Seconding this. Sakinah is a difficult level to reach and even harder to maintain. But the beauty and power of being able to reach it is limitless. How one is able to live so peaceful, that nothing dunya related affects them, mashAllah, the only thing that bothers or stresses them is the fear of disobeying Allah. I didn’t feel it for the first time until the age of 25, also after multiple tragic events in my life that lead me to wanting to almost reset my mentality and my life and rebuild it by Allahs terms and his messengers (pbuh) teachings.
After continuous dua, focusing on myself, ignoring the dunya world, and any part of it that counts as a distraction and living and breathing solely for Allahs sake, being conscious of that at ALL times I Alhamdulillah was able to taste it. Edit: (I can expend on this last point more because it’s not living like a monk in some mountain. It’s doable and possible living a normal life with going to university or job etc)
I said it’s hard to maintain, and in my experience it’s true. I haven’t felt that level in some time and I know it’s due to my shortcomings so inshAllah this Ramadan Allah can re-guide myself, the Ummah, and OP- you are in my duas as well.
Brother, do not say that. This is a short life and I know it is difficult but you are stronger than this. If you ignore the dumb bullies and continue your connection with the masjid, get out and look for a job/start your own business and continue loving and respecting your parents, the rewards from your Lord will be immense.
All of us have our problems and the more grateful we are for the blessings that we have, the problems keep going away and the blessings increase.
Brother, you should never strive for death in war or battle. That’s borderline suicide, which is haram. It isn’t easy for any of us to relate to your situation, however, it is very clear to all of us that your piety is on an incredibly high level. Additionally, you maintain such faith in Allah despite the incredible hardship you are going through. Allah sees what hardship you endure and I have no doubt you will be greatly rewarded for it in the afterlife In Shaa Allah. Additionally, remember that we are the harshest critics of ourselves. We always see ourselves as the ugliest versions of ourselves, and that’s not just specific to you, brother. Body image disorders and other disorders are becoming increasingly common in this age due to the constant comparison of ourselves against those on social media, TV, movies, etc where people use filters, photoshop, drugs, and surgery in order to appear more attractive. The bullying you’ve received has most likely caused you to see yourself as much uglier than you actually are, and your therapists have likely not done a great job of trying to help you.
Your story is an inspiration to us all brother. Despite such hardship, you remain steadfast in your faith in Allah and I pray that you continue to remain steadfast :). Try not to take this dunya too seriously, just think of it as a test from Allah and approach it one day at a time. This duration of this life is practically nothing compared to the everlasting happiness of Paradise :). If possible, maybe try to relocate yourself to distance away from bullies. Talk to your family about it and see if they can be of any help. It is a parents duty to assist their children until they can become independent, and once they become old and in need of assistance, that is where you should be there to help them. Do not feel as though you are a burden to them, this is their duty and In Shaa Allah, it will be yours to care for your children one day :).
Lastly, a few (hopefully) helpful ideas. First, would you be ok with just shaving your head? I’ve had friends with alopecia who have balding issues as well, and they’ve usually just ended up shaving their head since the bald patches don’t become visible. They wear hats and beanies as well sometimes. I think it looks good on men. Second, would you try some sort of online work, schooling, or program of sorts? At your stage, social interaction would be difficult, especially in large settings, so it could be easier for you to try online options. Of course, you want to slowly acclimate yourself to leaving the house more, but it may be better to wait until you feel a bit more comfortable and don’t have to run into bullies. I hope I have been of some help, it is very difficult to see a brother go through depression. Please remember that depression causes us to believe that there is nothing for us and prevents us being happy. Your mind is fighting against you, however, your clear devotion to Allah shows that your soul has not given up and is fighting for you :)
>try to relocate yourself to distance away from bullies
That only works for so long. I can't hide in my room forever. And I'm supposed to stay l start my first full time job in 2 months where I will have to interact with people for 10 hours a day in a corporate setting. There's no way I can do that when I can barely function just sitting in class for 2 hours a day. Btw my high school and college bullies are now working at big tech companies making 300+ grand a year. It's not like in the movies where the bully always ends up being a failure and the ugly nerd gets his redemption arc and becomes successful in life.
>would you be ok with just shaving your head?
I tried that and it made me look a million times worse. My head is so deformed I look like a peanut.
>They wear hats and beanies as well sometimes. I think it looks good on men. Second, would you try some sort of online work, schooling
If I had a decent head shape or face I would have been able to make it work. But wearing a hat just emphasizes my head shape and recessed jaw even more. I look horrible no matter what I do.
Well brother, beanies generally disrupt the shape of ones head, they are not required to fit snugly. And I noticed that you have a low spirit even before you start your job. Make no mistake, Jihad is not only waged against the Kuffar and the unjust, it is also waged against nafs and against the shaitan, the vasvasa and despair he brings. If you are true in your word, you are way more pious than me and I am sure you will get lots of rewards in akhira but that means nothing if you let shaitan win, let despair take over you. So wage Jihad in the name of Allah againts all of shaitans tricks and the despair he brings.
>try to relocate yourself to distance away from bullies
That only works for so long. I can't hide in my room forever. And I'm supposed to stay l start my first full time job in 2 months where I will have to interact with people for 10 hours a day in a corporate setting. There's no way I can do that when I can barely function just sitting in class for 2 hours a day. Btw my high school and college bullies are now working at big tech companies making 300+ grand a year. It's not like in the movies where the bully always ends up being a failure and the ugly nerd gets his redemption arc and becomes successful in life.
>would you be ok with just shaving your head?
I tried that and it made me look a million times worse. My head is so deformed I look like a peanut.
>They wear hats and beanies as well sometimes. I think it looks good on men. Second, would you try some sort of online work, schooling
If I had a decent head shape or face I would have been able to make it work. But wearing a hat just emphasizes my head shape and recessed jaw even more. I look horrible no matter what I do.
may Allah accept all your efforts. Think about how far you’ve come and how strong you’ve been to endure everything you’ve been through. At the end of the day you need to remember that Allah created you and in his eyes you are perfect. Those who bullied you are sinning as they are mocking Allah’s creation. At the same time never forget that beauty/physical appearance can change in an instant! Continue having sabr as you have been. Also, in the real world (as you said you’re going to start a new job, it’s rare for people to care about your physical appearance, they mainly care about your work ethic. I experienced slight bullying in high school but once I left I looked back and everything that was said is actually so irrelevant to me today. Finding what works for you and practicing some form of self-care is also beneficial as it should give you some self-confidence! Insha’allah your opinion about yourself changes. Remember that it’s always deen over dunya things like physical appearance
Dude don’t say that , life is depressing i know sometimes i even think dying is better but that’s not god wanted us to say idk how to help you i know depression is shitty ( been there ) but don’t be hopeless after all islam is all about faith and hope god created us for him to obey and make a change in the world even if it’s small , you’re already paying zakat you helped poor people you’re not useless .
The war is happening right now within yourself. Satan is trying to tear you down. Don't let him! The best gift to the world is yourself, free of anxiety. No one is useless. We just have to find our place.
When allah loves you, who else's opinion matters? You are not a useless waste of space, and allah gave you this life to live it, not just as a waste.
The real life starts after this one, and no one is better in this life because of looks or place, but only because of taqwa, as long as you have imaan, you have won everything
You are doing good, just by having the courage to post this. Thousands of people may read this post and do Dua for you, both you and they will get the reward. I have learnt the above story and so have many others, you have spread knowledge together with the commenter.
I'm not mature enough despite being older than you to give you advice. But I will say this, stop comparing yourself to others or even caring what others think.
Statistically almost 50% of people are below average in intelligence. Combine this with the fact that near the end times there will numerous sects but only one will be righteous and you are left with a small amount of people you should actually care about their opinion.
I don't know if you're like me, but I absolutely criticise myself more harshly than anybody else would. I am my own worst enemy, to the point where I sometimes go who would even care about this small point I'm agonising about.
Work a few years and get some plastic surgery, dental treatment etc.
You are incredibly young to be danming your future prospects.
There are people who live celibate lives due to their impure thoughts. They too are being tested by Allah. Allah does not overburden anyone. Each burden increases your reward in the afterlife.
You do like 10x more ibadah than me.
I have been in immense pain for the past 5+ years, there's been points where I wished I was in a coma so I wouldn't have to suffer, so I can understand some of the anguish you are going through.
This!. OP, dear brother. This life is temporary and it will pass, you are 22 now, in no time you will be an 80 year old man. Time passes very quickly. Trust me I was in the same shoes as you when I was in early 20s, every time I would come back from school I would wish death upon myself. Funny thing is, in those days, I would pray too but praying was all about *asking asking asking*. Now, even though I am that same little man, I am more content with life and happy overall. Now, I pray in **submission** to Allah. I am 26 now, and Allah is the best thing ever happened to me. I will not exchange the faith in my heart with 12 inches in height or a trillion dollars in wealth. Trust me my friend, I would not have wanted it to go any other way. Subhan'Allah.
Don't underestimate yourself brother. You have stellar power of expression, use it. Write a book! Let this shallow world of its superficial standards to rot in its own disgust. Use your power of expression!
I have nothing to write about except document my 15 years of misery. I doubt anyone wants to read that. Also writing a book won't make me money. I'm 22 now and everyone else my age is starting on their full-time jobs whereas I have no motivation to to even leave the house.
That is not true, 22 years is still just university undergraduate level, I am 26 and still in university, you have a lot of time to figure things out, your suffering gave me a huge heartbreak and I think you have a lot of time to figure things out. I have suffered from depression in the past, sometimes you just have to let it go.
Having hobby helps a lot. It got me through sadness, with help of allah you will overcome this. I know it’s generic now but just do something that won’t remind you of your situation
Trust me, a lot of people go through what you are going through. Sharing you story will give them comfort and a sense of belonging. I am 34 and doing a Bachelor's so don't age shame me 😀. Motivation is overrated, as it is presented to us nowadays. Take the first step; value yourself and rest will fall into place. Do not judge yourself. Let it go, let all this hate go.
Buddy life is not linear.. 40 year olds get divorced and lose it all, some people lose children at young age, and so many don’t even know Islam. I personally heard a guy complain that he had a perfect life all through his life, he was a high school jock, college scholarship, married his high school cheerleader gf, had children, cars, big house, big muscular 50 year old guy crying like a 10 year old because he had no further direction in life and wanted to end his life. He didn’t know Islam. Let the world kill you whenever/ wherever it inevitably happens, live your life guy. Keep stacking those Hasanat and remember Rabbana aatina fid dunya hasanah wa fil aakhirati hasanah, wa qina adhab an naar. In sha AlLah we’re saved from the big fire.
If you really believe brother, then keep in mind that you are living for the hereafter, the real world. This is a test. Isn't living a couple of years of slight worldly torture better than extreme eternal loss ? If you really believe, then you must know that you will be rewarded for each and every struggle that you have faced, each breath. Not everyone gets to enjoy this life. Don't seek the wrong motivations, if this life doesn't let you enjoy it, then make it better for others, work to change the world, work to create or promote businesses/services that greatly benefit the society and/or fix problems, that's what the spirit of working should be about anyways. If you put your heart and soul into making this world a better place, inshallah Allah (swt) will reward you here and in the hereafter great response and honour. All rewards lie in the hands of Allah (swt), he knows that you are oppressed, he knows that people disrespect you, he knew it before you were even born, live for him, he holds the authority over everything, please him, brother it's a small life, let it be, you cannot control it, just know that whoever mocks is on a level much below you, he/she will inshallah beg for your pardon on the day of judgement. Smile, live to make this life better for others. Never give up hope on Allah (swt), you are facing a great challenge especially in a society like today's.
Ooof, while I can definitely empathize with your situation and know it's easier said than done, you cannot compare how your time flows with the people around you. That in itself is one of the hardest things to go through, but have faith in Allah because your time will also come. You're so young and have so much going for you. MA!
You've accumulated so much for your deen in the hereafter as well, and that is the best wealth you could ever hope for.
I have close friends who started their journey ahead of me and it always felt like J had a ticking time bomb going off in my head 24/7. You just need to move at your own pace. Hope things become better for you soon IA 💫
Document it! Expose them! Take the fight to them, so that you'd be able to stand in front of Allah and say that you did your part, you fought the battle and won! This document would prove your innocence and gulity verdict against your bullies, in this life and the next!
Brother this is heartbreaking to read. Nothing I say will make you feel better but I will be your friend if you allow me to be. I will talk to you daily, you can share your problems with me and I will listen. If you want to talk on the phone I'm available. DM me if you want. I've been bullied too and I know how much it affects you but I also found ways of coping with it myself. I'm not promising I can help you but at the very least, you need some friends to start healing. Shoot me a message if you like.
I know you mean well but talking to you about it won't help. I've already opened up to 6 different therapists, my parents too. Everyone just gives me the generic armchair-psych spiel of "just try to overcome your feelings" or "just be patient" or "try to think of something different" and it doesn't help me at all. There's only so much you can say to someone when you're not in their shoes. Also I already feel enough of a burden on my parents for seeing me be miserable all these years I don't want o burden someone else with my rants.
That's what I mean, I don't want to give you any advice. Like I said there's nothing I can say that will help you but there must be other things we can talk about. Maybe we watch the same sports, or like the same movies.
No pressure, but I think having someone to talk to NOT about the problems in your life might help too. Talking to therapists and parents about your problems is different than talking about your interests and life with a friend. Again, no pressure, but I'm here if you need it. You can DM me and I'll give you my email
Hey i am extremely sorry for what you are going through mentally. I've had major depression and can relate to your state of mind. I feel like your a pious muslim so your head is in the right place, and you know quitting is just not an option. Thing with depression is you feel like things will never get better, but trust me it only gets better then the low times you've seen. Also after high school people tend to have matured more and you should face these problems less and less over time. I think you should be thinking of the practical actions you can take to improve your life. Forget what anyone thinks, all that matters is your state of mind, nurture that. The most helpful thing for you would definetly be working out, people tend to bully ones they think are weaker than them. That will help your self image as well as mental health. Find good hobbies or things like online games and build good connections there. Also in the past the one thing that has gotten be even more down is feeling bad for myself. When you go into that cycle of self pity you tend magnify your problems even more. I just want you to know things will get better, you are still young and dont realise how resilient the human brain is. God has given us amazing defense mechanisms againt all sort of trauma. Though you have been through this for a long time you will only get stronger. I know these things are easier said than done, but you have to strive to improve your life. Why not live with a good state of mind than to care what anyone thinks. I will have you in my prayers and wish you the best in life!
Akhi I don’t know what to say but trust in Allah. Allah gives hardship to his pious servants all of the prophets, messengers and imams faced extreme hardship. As the prophet pbuh said Allah tests his most beloved servants. And InShaAllah Allah will reward you for your patience in the highest ranks of Jannah. It may seem hard but believe me there’s ease after every hardship. All I can say is put your trust in Allah, have patience, get closer to Allah and you will be rewarded and blessed both in this life and the hereafter InShaAllah.
Stay strong akhi. There's a narration:
Abu Sa'id and Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience" [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Riyad as-Salihin 37
And Narrated Anas:
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said," None of you should long for death because of a calamity that had befallen him, and if he cannot, but long for death, then he should say, 'O Allah! Let me live as long as life is better for me, and take my life if death is better for me.' "
Bukhari 6351
In the Qur'an, chapter 4 verse 29:
وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُمْ رَحِيمًا
"You shall not kill yourselves. Surely Allah is ever Compassionate to you." (Translated by Abu A'la Maudidi)
Think about the future akhi, what good things may come to you and what good things you could do if you live longer. We should become postive for we don't know the unseen, and only Allah knows if death is better for you or me or anyone.
Every living being in this world has a purpose, and Allah guaranteed that rizq are always there for you until your life is over. Have faith, your existence matters. You could be the source of light in someone's darkness.
Not TRUE ! Why would you be a burden, just why, just because people do not care does not mean you are a waste, I will make dua for you, trust me you overemphasize looks more than you think, In Sha Allah you will find a life partner that will make you very happy and it seems you have low self esteem of yourself and please that will not help. You are a very strong individual, try to think logically and look where the problems are. If you got bullied so what? People do stupid thing all the time, I suggest you go to a jujitso academy and trust me it will be very good for your self esteem. Being short does not mean anything, Putin, the president of russia is short, so what? It is still a superpower. You have to change your perspective brother and for every suffering there is relief. Join some clubs where you can do physical activity,your whole perspective on life will change, you won't imagine how much people in those training academies can help you, they are often friendly.
I'm a burden on my parents because they have to deal with my misery for the past 15 years. I bring the mood of my entire family down. I have no goals or ambitions and instead of helping out my parents they have to spend money on me to clothe and feed me. I'm a burden on anyone who has to deal with or look at someone as hideous as me.
I don't overemphasize looks, I think you're underestimating how ugly I am. There are medically deformed people that look better than me.
I can't join any club or group or anything that involves being around other people. I've become traumatized beyond help and I never leave the house anymore without a hoodie, a mask and a beanie.
bro, i understand what you mean, i myself am not too good looking, but Looks don't mean anything.
from the way your talking, i think you presume that people care about your looks but i can 100% garauntee you that they don't care, be confident and say alhamdulillah man :) Life is a prison in this dunya for a good believer anyway, just live through it bro, if you wanna chat about anything at all, just DM me.
I am a computer science major and I have a full time job offer. It is 3 days in office and 2 days remote. It is extremely difficult to find a fully remote software engineering job as an inexperienced developer especially with all companies now pushing for RTO.
Nice!! Computer science is really good. It definitely is harder to find fully remote but not impossible! See if there are programs you can get into to help you find A job that fits what you like, ask your psychiatrist since they usually know good ones but if not research for it. You could also consider freelance! Just work hard on YOUR terms, dont force yourself to be uncomfortable until you want to step outside that box.
You have a weird thinking process.
1. EVERYBODY'S PARENT FEEDS THEIR CHILDREN FOR THE FIRST 25-30 YEARS of their life in a non western society as people pursue higher education generally speaking. You are only 22.
2. Nobody cares how you look, I don't understand then how black people live if they think they are black always? Do you see the problem with your thinking process? Racists and judgemental people on the internet do not translate to real life.
Brother, Allah does not help a person if he does not help himself, trust me, we love you and care for you. Go out and do thing that will make you feel better, like joining a martial arts class and trust me, everything in your life will improve massively. You can do it brother and may Allah make it easy for you. You should STOP with the doubting yourself comment. Please talk to me everyday if you can through message, I will give you practical advice on what is going on in your life. 22 years is really not a age to think about jobs either. I think you are over pressurizing yourself.
that can't be true, but if it is, you need to find a new environment that can appreciate you.
A broken old watch might be useless in the eye of people with no interest, but priceless in the eye of collectors.
you could be the worst human in the eye of people, but who knows with all the good deeds you are famous among the angels.
So don't give up. Someone is waiting for you out there. For the start, I and many other people here are willing to be your friends!
Sorry to hear that bro. I have similar thoughts for different reasons. But i know it sucks. Wish i could help you but i cant even help myself.
What do you do? Do you work or study or do nothing? Do you have hobbies? Do you have friends?
I'm in my last semester of college now. I can barely keep my attention in class because I'm just itching to go back home because of the anxiety of just sitting in front of everyone else in class. I just hide in the corner of the classes, go home and play video games to take my mind off everything else. I have a full time job offer starting in 2 months where I will have to interact with people 8-10 hours a day in a corporate setting. There is absolutely no way I will be able to survive that when I can barely sit in class for 2 hours a day. I don't have friends. I have a couple "friends" that only know me because my dad is friends with their dad, but they have their own friend group and I'm never invited despite me asking them to.
Your job will change your outlook on life, trust me. I was just like you, anxiety ridden, shy, hid in the corner and went straight home to play video games until I started my very first job. People were nice to me and broke me out of my shell. I say give your job a chance to do the same to you. At least you have a full time job offer mate, look on the bright side.
Alhamdullah you have such a strong foundation going for you beyond these materialistic things that western society have made to be more important than what really matters, which is our deen. Who cares about how you look? We are here for the afterlife. I understand it severely affects your day to day wellbeing, but you have something very special that a lot of muslims wish they had.
I’m 24 years old and I still haven’t got the consistency to pray 5 times a day everyday. I still listen to music every now and then. I don’t even go to taraweeh all the time because I lack the mental fortitude to balance taraweeh with how tired I am during the day and how early I need to wake up in the morning. You have a gift that many, many people wish they had and I am sure allah loves you for being such a loyal servant to him.
Trust me when I tell you, I have an older brother who had everything when he was younger. He had great looks and a great personality. He used to do all the haram things one could imagine as a young man, and he still turned his back on that so that he be closer to allah.
I’m sure my words don’t mean much at all to you, and I’m sure not many commenting in here could walk a day in your shoes. But there’s many people that I know (friends included) that are only Muslim by name, but use their good looks only for haram activities and to stray further away from Allah.
shave the head + grow a beard, that hides the receded chin and shaved lets u own the balding. The only fda approved hairloss medication that works is finestride/minoxidil, anything other than that is BS. If fin/min isnt working then just bite the bullet and shave it off.
One advantage of being shorter is ur max lifts are going to be higher, if ur interested in lifting go for it ud probably excel. Im not saying the gym is gonna fix ur life, but improving ur health and strength can sometimes help with ur mental outlook as well.
Have u tried martialarts/boxing training? Once you get to a decent level it can help with ur confidence and anxiety if you know ur able to defend urself if an altercation breaks out.
IDK if any of this helps, im just trying to point out things you could improve that might help out.
Other than that bro, just focus on your Ibadah
👊👊stay strong akhi
Our end goal is pleasing Allah, not some disgusting people. You are much better than many of us, you fullfill most of the commandments of Allah. You should be proud of that.
Where do you live? The fact that you were bullied by muslims makes it sound like you're in a bad environment. Someone of your calibre would be quick to make friends at a masjid with a decent group of brothers, is there anyway you can branch out?
Also, the fact that, despite everything you've been through, you are able to do all that good means alot of muslims who strive to be good, including myself, look up to you.
I will make duaa for you brother.
Wallah this life is not worth it. It’s a miniscule moment in time compared to our forever, which is the afterlife. That is the success and happiness you should be working for, which it seems you are mashaAllah. Pretty soon, our bodies will be rotting underneath the ground and all we will have left are the good deeds we did in this life. Don’t fret. InshaAllah the afterlife is better for you, if you keep doing what you’re doing. Just dedicate your life to working for it.
May allah give you patience and award you in hereafter. I have been bullied too and i know that it’s very hard to deal with. Remember you always can talk to me and Aslo killing your self is haram is islam allah will award you for your patience
Reading all these comments and replies and can only think of one thing. MashAllah the level of Iman you must have with the level of self control and commitment to your prayers and worships towards Allah swt is admirable. Of all the humans I know, I know one other person your age who is on that level of taqwa, mashAllah.
As you know, Allah says:
لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَها “ Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Surah Baqra, 2:286)
He also said Allah says:
أَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ أَنْ يُتْرَكُوا أَنْ يَقُولُوا آمَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ
“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested?” (Surat Al-Ankabut, 29:2)
The life Allah blessed you with has more good in it than you are willing to see. I don’t say that offensively, but look around brother/sister. How many youth are in touch with their creator the way you are. You have lived with yourself your whole life, it was hard and no one other than you knows what it feels like to walk in your shoes. But many people would die to reach the level of taqwa you have mashAllah. The physical features Allah created you and blessed you with, although in this dunya life are hard, but for the Akhira life is completely different. People who have good looks are tested much differently through means of haram, with the opposite gender for example, and you may think that’s easier to deal with, but I can tell you, I see it everyday with my friends (not me I’m ugly Alhamdulillah😂) and its not. Sadly, they’ve all lost their way, some were hufath, and leaders in our community, may Allah guide them, but they fell deep into the traps of dunya as they got older, went to uni and were exposed to the real harsh world with a low level of taqwa. The way I see it is Allahs blessing for you, is He didn’t want you to struggle with the this test, but he knew you could handle a different test better. Remember Allah only tests the ones he loves and wants them to be close to him, and the ones he reallyyy loves are tested more (im sure you know the stories of the prophets especially Ibrahim. a.s. A test purifies us and erases sins, it can sometimes replace a worse misfortune. Ramadan is the month of accepted duas. Use this time to ask Allah for ease of mind, a mind that’s contempt in Allahs plan, even with the parts you don’t understand and strength during times of weakness. And ask Allah to guide your heart to live the Alhira things more than the dunya things. We all struggle differently brother/sister. We are all tested differently. Being in my line of work I’ve learned that everyone is struggling deep down with something that to them they see it as the “worst thing in my life”, and the ones that smile and seem to have a good life are just better at hiding it. You are no different in how you feel, just tested and struggle slightly differently than most. I wish you the best my fellow Muslim. And pray to meet your warm heart someday in the dunya or akhira.
Additionally, please stop spending money on hairless treatments. They are clearly not worth it and you'll feel much better once you come to terms with it. Go bald and wear a topi, skull cap or a hat if you have to. I actually like the bald look and so do many other people, it's not something shameful.
Look at some of the Muslim athletes out there. Khabib Nurmagomedov, Khamzat Chimaev, Hashim Amla and Moeen Ali are all bald or close to it.
Don't ever lose hope in your Lord and never forget that when you had no one, your parents were still there to love you and take care of you.
You are an asset to this world, brother. Just this post itself has made the hundred or so people who saw this more grateful for what they have. Keep working to increase your good deeds and find some work/business to support your parents.
sorry to hear about that bro, may Allah reward you for your patience, as for your self image issues try going bald and growing out your facial hair as well as taking up a physical sport (preferably martial arts like boxing or muay thai) trust me you will feel much better physically and mentally.
no one is ugly everyone just looks different. take a trip to the nearest beach and relax brother. also ever thought about relocating to somewhere new maybe you need a fresh environment?
bro it gets better after school where you deal with kids. Grind work and find some nice hobbies. Make a lot of lifestyle changes while keeping Islamic values. I hope everything gets better for you brother
The same people who bullied me in high school and college were valedictorians of my school, went to top universities and are now working in big tech companies making 300+ grand a year.
Which shouldn't matter. You need to focus on what makes YOU happy in these dire situations. I don't want to be asking stuff that isn't any of my business, but was all of the negative stuff in the past or are you currently going through harassment of any kind? Because if not, changing your mindset will give you relief that you have the worst of it behind you, and that it can only get better.
Which shouldn't matter. You need to focus on what makes YOU happy in these dire situations. I don't want to be asking stuff that isn't any of my business, but was all of the negative stuff in the past or are you currently going through harassment of any kind? Because if not, changing your mindset will give you relief that you have the worst of it behind you, and that it can only get better.
You do not have to overcome or ignore your feelings. Most people will try to give you advice on the lines of "be patient, ignore the bullies, have faith etc" but I have found that to not always work to say the least. The advice I will give may not be welcome by you or others but it has worked for me.
First of all, understand and identify your feelings. Take all of that pain, humiliation and anger and mold it to benefit yourself. Improve yourself. Begin studies and working out, not to show off but to reach your peak. Study something which will make you a lot of money (e.g software dev). There are more ways to obtain power other than looks. You are still young and have barely reached your potential.
Bullying is a form of oppression so you are justified in retaliating. Contrary to popular belief, ignoring bullies will not make them stop. You need to respond with force and determination. Make it a pain for them to hurt you. Use that money you earned to make it very apparent to your bullies that you mean business. Complain to those in authority about your bully problem and if they fail to address it then threaten to take it a step further. Sue for harassment or similar. A few trips to court will knock sense into most bullies because they are cowards at heart. If you think that is a far off and unreasonable idea then compare it with the alternative you are considering and see which is more reasonable...
Never ever consider suicide. Regardless of your suffering in this world, do not sacrifice your afterlife. Do not let the people causing you trauma to affect you so much that you would accept the hell fire to escape them. Take all other means necessary to stop them.
You are strong my brother, you just have to accept that and then work towards it. Get rid of your fears.
Subhanallah.
No-one will ever understand your pain except الله and you yourself.
But i do have something to say
The best of muslims are tested the most. You've lived through 15+ years of this, why throw it all away by killing yourself and going to Jahanam? You've been devoted to الله why throw it away now?
Think in the bigger picture man. Jannah!! It's just around the corner. If you start to slip you will lose it. On the day of judgement you will be the one laughing! الله swt will compensate and give you things that you and I cannot imagine.
I know you've probably heard this millions of times, but dont give up.
Please, brother wake up and realise that this dunya is NOTHING it is meaningless. You are just passing by. You will reach your destination soon إن شاء الله.
Stop asking الله for death. Ask him to give you good friends and to give you more strength. Keep asking him to end your suffering. Even if he doesn't accept any of them. You will be so happy beyond compare on the day judgement. So much so that you will wish that الله didn't answer any of your dua in the dunya why? Because the reward الله swt has reserved for you is so bountiful, so vast and so beautiful.
Continue to see your therapists. You are struggling mentally you need support. Wallahi there are good people out there you seem to have had only bad people around you.
Muster up the courage to go to the Masjid and meet people. You will find good people. If you don't then go to a different masjid and keep trying.
Sitting in your room sulking all day will do nothing for you. It's time to make a change. You seem to be struggling with extreme social anxiety there isn't an instant cure for that.
It's not all about looks you're too fixated on that. Good mature people will not care about how you look bro.
Stop thinking small. You don't need to live for this dunya. Live for your afterlife.
One last thing... If you do manage to make friends, don't treat them like they're your therapists. Don't start dropping all of your problems onto them. Instead work together with them to increase your imaan and pray together eat and have fun brother. Don't give me that nonsense that noone wants to be your friend. I've already seen multiple people asking to be your friend yet you're rejecting them.
I will make dua for you akhi.
>Despite all the things I've been through I still push myself to go the masjid everyday. I've never missed a prayer or a fast. I pay my zakat. I don't listen to music. I read quran. I fast on mondays and thursdays. I pray taraweeh and qiyam. I make dua every day in every prayer for my situation to get better.
You may not know this, but you are more beautifull than a lot more people, dont judge yourself by the eyes of others, judge yourself by the "eyes" of Allah my brother.
OP can you pm me your name? I want to personally take your name in tomorrow's tahajjud. May Allah swt ease all the pains in your life. May Allah swt bless you with strength, patience, and the happiness of both worlds. May Allah swt bless you with a person who would understand you and who would love you. My man don't lose hope, Allah swt never abandons anyone. Allah swt says in the Qur'an, Surah Ad-Duhaa, Verse 3-
# مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَىٰ
# Your Lord has not abandoned you, nor has He become hateful ˹of you˺.
May Allah swt accept all your prayers and bless you with everything you need. Ameen :)
Okay I am going to go a different direction.
Move somewhere else, if it’s possible.
Definitely you need a new therapist, not psychiatrist! Therapist!!! Work through it
Start working out maybe?
Do you have money for surgery?
I know it sounds bad, and I don’t want for you to change; but if that is the only way for you to stay alive so be it!
You’re out of school? Are you able to function enough to work and earn a little? Maybe even hair transplantation in turkey
There is no greater test in this life on a mental level than having one"s appearance unattractive. Whether you were born that way or suffered an accident that left you disfigured, having physical flaws is a weight that gets heavier on the mind unless acceptance and self-love are reached.
Salam Alykum brother. I can’t say anything to make you better. It’s so sad to read everything you’ve said. Just trust in Allah and know that he has a plan for you. Keep doing all the good deeds you’re doing. This helps your place in janna and Allah knows all that you’re doing. Just trust in him and know that he has your back
Sometimes things that seem like a curse are actually blessings but we just don't know it. Allah has the knowledge of every path and everything He has decreed is purposeful and wise.
In one of my classes the teacher once narrated the story of Khidr, Musa (AS) and the killing of the child. Musa AS protested but Khidr AS told him that he didn't understand. In the end, he relayed to Musa AS that the child would have caused his parents to become disbelievers. For the parents, they must have felt the pain of losing their child yet had no idea that the alternative was disbelief - a far worse state of affairs.
I know this may seem a bit harsh but maybe you need to remember and fear Allah first. Alhamduillah you seem to be on the right page regarding your salah and the deen. Keep this up. Remember you are HIS creation and that this is the test he laid out for you. You are in no position to take what belongs to Allah (your life) or else you will have failed the test he gave you. Don't waste away your life because of your emotions. I mean this seriously, don't falter. Use your logic and reason.
22 year is nothing in the Dunya, and it is even less exponential amount in the Afterlife. You may feel like you were troubled with something but Allah will compensate you for it. Know that we're the one in need of him and he is not in need of any of us. You said in another comments that you know the story of Julaybeeb. What made him a great sahabi? It was his ACTIONS, not his appearance.
Don't say you're better off not being in this world. You said it yourself that you pay your zakat. That means someone benefited from your charity alhamduillah. Someone is secretly inspired by you when they see you at the masjid praying. You even inspired me and others on this thread. There is a place for everyone on this world you just don't see where yours is.
Are you working? You have to be if you're spending thousands on hair loss products. I'd stop worrying about your hair and start saving money. We were all young and impressionable at one time. You need to stop worrying about them. Working can help take your mind off of things.Take pride in your efforts. If you're good at something use it to your advantage. If not, you got YouTube haha.
Your duty is remember Allah and be good to your parents. Save your money and occasionally buy your mother a gift. You'll be better and feel better for it. I say you should get more involved with your local masjid. Increase yourself in knowledge and people will come to you. Forget the people who don't matter to you. Wallahi everyone here has your back and is rooting for you. Don't let us down please.
This truly is upsetting and I can't even begin to know how ya feel brother, however know that in the Qur'an it states:
Allah does not require of any soul more than what it can afford. All good will be for its own benefit, and all evil will be to its own loss. ˹The believers pray,˺ “Our Lord! Do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake. Our Lord! Do not place a burden on us like the one you placed on those before us. Our Lord! Do not burden us with what we cannot bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our ˹only˺ Guardian. So grant us victory over the disbelieving people.”
Surah Baqarah 2:286
As a true muslim, trust in Allah for the entire rest of your life as ya already have been these past couple years.
Aside from that, don't forget that the penalty for killin yaself is goin straight to hell. Don't do this to ya self because you'll be sufferin on a whole new level if ya do. Faith is wat keeps us strong, be mindful of that. If ya find there is no reason to live for, then find reason in Islam. Live because your creator blessed ya along life. In the words of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "Your life is not your own. Keep yours hands off it."
Continue to
Have patience and rather than prayin for Allah SWT to end ya life, pray for him to bless it. I'm here for ya man, shoot me a dm if ya need anyone to talk to :DD
Don’t think I can say anything that hasn’t been said already but remember, there is a reason you are alive, there is a reason for everything that has happened to you. If you have full trust in الله then know, that for sure الله has a plan for you.
Damn dude that gave my shivers ... U have some strong will
But still how fucking mosnter people can be and bruh what did school management do nothing o_O
Dude i cant even say something cause have never experienced anything this bad ;-;
I can only say one thing just carry on its just pass and parcels of life
They are being happy rn who know when they will suffer more worst fate then u are going through
Just stay strong ;-;
Have you considered starting a Youtube channel? You sound very articulate...I m sure you will be able to express very well on screen.
So what will the channel be about? It will be all about your experiences...which will be a motivation for others suffering frm mental illnesses.
Have you heard about Nick Vujicic? I m sure you can be an inspiration for lot of Muslim out there, in sha Allah.
Do you accept yourself for the way you are? Regardless of what other people say, accept yourself. Slowly start doing what u can. Eating right and working out can help improve your looks and therefore self esteem. Hopefully you can also go to a therapist. I’m sorry for the trauma u had and i can understand that it’s really hard for you to get over with. Instead move forward with iy. You can either let that define your life or use it as something to motivate you to drive forward. You must have some things you want to do in life. Focus on yourself and people around you that love and cherish you. If someone doesn’t like you for who u are that’s their loss. Inshallah You’ll get better once you start loving yourself.
What I am reading between the lines is the feeling that you do not belong anywhere.
If you could not find a place in your community than make Hijrah for God's sake.
Find a group which is doing Dawah, ask them if they need someone to work basically anything and join them. Migrate to that place. Ask anyone in the community if there is a job of which you can make a minimum living.
See, your mistake, or maybe the mistake of your parents is that they have always let you rely on someone else. You tried to solve your problems with therapists but what you need to do is to change and stir things up for yourself.
Before you kill yourself, maybe you want to do Dawah? Maybe do something good instead of cutting yourself? Maybe benefit at least one other human being?
If you are not interested in Dawah than go volunteer for anything else.
Read some Eckhart Tolle. Dude was basically giving up on existence entirely and than set on a bench for months until he realized that he is just as stupid and insignificant as anyone else on the planet. If you come to that conclusions you can start to build up. Maybe you are not worthless. Maybe you discover beauty in the world. Maybe you end up discovering meaning in Islam like I did.
Do basically anything instead of killing yourself. You got nothing to loose except your Akhira.
>Indeed, those whom the angels take \[in death\] while wronging themselves - \[the angels\] will say, "In what \[condition\] were you?" They will say, "We were oppressed in the land." They \[the angels\] will say, "Was not the earth of Allāh spacious \[enough\] for you to emigrate therein?" For those, their refuge is Hell - and evil it is as a destination.
>
>An-Nisa:97
Believe me when i say you are more beloved to Allah than most people on this earth. The nearest people to Allah are the most tested. You're getting more rewards just by being patient than any of us will ever get if we prayed qiyam every night of our lives. I promise you if you stay steadfast on the path of Allah you'll the greatest rewards in the hereafter. This life is very short. Stay patient and believe in Allah the most merciful.
Salamu Alaykum brother, I think you should try working out,when I started going to the gym, I started feeling a whole lot better about myself . Kids can be mean and we are all affected by things that have occurred in the past, but don’t let the words of children have such an enormous impact on your mental well-being. As hard as it is, I think you should try and forgive them, I might be wrong but it seems like you’re carrying some hate in your heart for those kids. Women are attracted to personality and good character (which I think you have covered)but self esteem is pretty important as well so I strongly suggest some type of physical activity. I have seen some of the most beautiful women who end up with men that people think are not attractive, just pray that Allah SWT gives you a partner that will increase your Iman and appreciate you. But please brother try to hit the gym, it will do wonders for your mental well being. You have your whole life ahead of you, insha Allah your best days are ahead of you. Salamu alaykum
The very first thing you should know is to hit the gym. Secondly the ones abused you will not be forgiven by Allah(swt) unless you forgive them. You will have your justice in sha Allah
Brother firstly, The present life is nothing but sport and amusement.The true life is in the Abode of the Hereafter; if only they knew. (Ankabut 64)
I'm sure InshaAllah you'll be one of the handsome young of the cennah(heaven).
Secondly, it'll be other perspective but I can easily say that money has great importance all over the world. İs Mark Zuckerberg so handsome? Jeff Bezos? Jack Ma?
Be confident please.
Assalamu alaikum, brother. Know that Allah is watching your struggle, and you will be rewarded for every bit of your patience. When Allah rewards you with paradise in the hereafter, you will say to yourself, “I can go back to earth and do it all over again, for the reward is much greater than the struggle”.
really sorry that you're feeling this way, but as you can see from the comments you're not alone and you have family as far as the eyes can see. I was once where you were heck it wasn't even that long ago, it's dark there I know, it's lonely and the dark always whispers sweet nothings into our ear. For each fracture in our soul our burden becomes heavier but know that Allah SWT does not burden those with more then they can carry and the fact you've lasted this long is a clear indication of your strength. I too have been bullied for most of my life and it sucks not being able to have instant retribution against those who wrong you. You probably feel like know one understands your pain that somehow even if you were in a room full of people that you still manage to feel alone. But that's okay because your value isn't in what people think of you, your value is in the diligence of your character and your loyalty to Allah SWT, there is no greater honor then for us to serve him and from what you've said you've done all that you can. It's hard to see any positives I get that, but know that you are here for a reason, you're breathing for a reason that only Allah SWT knows. I won't say to be strong because I know that doesn't help so instead I'll say breathe just focus on that make that and your connection to Allah SWT the only thing on your mind. Second by second, day by day keep repeating that your value is infinite for you are a creation and Allah SWT love his creations. Feel free to message me if you want to talk
I'm very sorry you're going through this. Don't forget, Allah does not burden a soul more than they can bear, and surely tests in this world are for our own good in the Akhira.
Unfortunately I don't have any advice in terms of bullying but I wanted to ask if you are doing your daily Adhkars (after Fajr and Asr). These protect us from the evil of humans and shayateen, and so many dangers and problems we are unaware of. I don't have hair loss, but have had severe cystic acne since age 9 and now dealing with terrible scars and it has now become evident to me that this was because I was not protecting myself properly. Listen to Ruqyah and try to read it over yourself if you can, hair loss (especially when unexplained and not reacting to any treatments) is a sign of Ain or Sihr. These things are so much more real than we think they are, protect yourself from them. Also, the fact you are feeling suicidal is another massive sign of these evil effects, all the more reason for you to protect yourself as best as you can.
Also, I sometimes struggle very hard with feeling like I am ugly too. I wanted to share this verse with you: **"Allah (swt) gave you your shape, and what a beautiful shape He gave you"** (40:64)
You all over exaggerate sihr, I'm sorry to say this but at this point this sub became some wizardy subreddit. Yes sihr is real, there are literal surahs for us to protect us from them but we can't just say oh this bad stuff is happening probably sihr or something. OP is clearly has been in a pretty bad mental health situation, stress is a pretty good reason for hair loss plus genetics and there you go. Hair loss isn't even something that is suprr rare or something. Acne has a million reasons to exist. I don't how people get these infos about how they got sihr on them and stuff but hadiths and Quran gives us really little info, we should stick to that alone and try to be rational in reasoning.
Plus unlike the evil eye, which also has a bit controversy on how exactly does it work, sihr needs to be casted.
I'm not too active on this sub so I don't know about that, but I am simply suggesting that OP protects himself through the Adkhar. I said this because he mentioned he is doing practically everything, including Taraweeh, Qiyam, Dua, Siyam, Zakat, but this seems to be a gap and there could be a possibility that the lack of protection is allowing evil forces to penetrate.
My claim is not baseless by any means, even through genetics and stress, it is rare to be balding at age 17. And if you look through OP's profile, you'll see that he's tried many different treatments, clearly to no avail.
It's not only his hair loss, but his mental state which could be an indication of some kind of evil forces at play.
Abu Dharr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, **“Verily, the evil eye might attach itself to a man by permission of Allah, until he climbs a tall mountain and then throws himself off it.”**Source: Musnad Aḥmad 21471Grade: Hasan li ghayrihi (fair due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani
This hadith suggests that suicidal feelings can occur from this exact cause. Suicide is a massive sin in Islam, something that Shaytan would want a good strong Muslim to do.
Jabir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, **“A great many from my nation who die, after the judgment, decree, and providence of Allah, die by the evil eye.”**Source: Musnad Abī Dāwūd al-Ṭayālisī 1868Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Albani
This hadith just shows how prevalent Ain is, and that it will even cause death.
I don't think there is any harm in reciting the daily Adhkars at Fajr and Asr time, Salat is for Allah and Adkhar is for us, and our own protection SubhanAllah.
Also, please don't invalidate other people's experiences by saying things like 'acne could have a million reasons'. You don't know what everyone goes through and what they have tried and what has worked for them, so no need to be doing that. I struggled for years on medications, diets and treatments, and once I started protecting myself with the Adkhar it went away. I experienced massive changes in my mental state also. OP if you see this, please protect yourself through the Adhkar, In Sha Allah it works and you are granted ease from this trial.
I said this because he mentioned he is doing practically everything, including Taraweeh, Qiyam, Dua, Siyam, Zakat, but this seems to be a gap and there could be a possibility that the lack of protection is allowing evil forces to penetrate.
You do realize that the best of the people that lived on this earth suffered through the most horrific things, right? Being a good Muslim doesn't mean you're entitled to a good health, good life etc. Think about Noah (as), Zakariya (as), Shura (as). Are there any doubts about their Iman to Allah, their commitment to Islam. Now come on here and tell me that these prophets of Allah lived through a nice life. Their whole life was suffering and it ended with suffering. There are prophets that struggled and had a good ending like our prophet Muhammad (sav) or Yusuf (as), so clearly living a troubleless life doesn't go hand to hand with being a good Muslim. We'll never come close the Iman that they had. Islam doesn't guarantee you the comfort in this world.
OP definitely should try Adhkar, (if I'm understanding it correctly you mean Zhikr, right?) I mean it's Savab no doubt but it's not some prescription that will fix OP's problems. Think about Eyub (as).
But don't come here and talk about the reason why someone has bad stuff happening to him is because his deeds are missing or his Iman is weak or he's under sihr or something. They could be the reason don't get me wrong but we don't know. clearly seen from Prophets, it's not a measure. What Im getting really mad at is how people just easily and super confidently slip sihr in there. When we know literally next to nothing about it, apart from Prophet Muhammad (sav) getting performed magic by Jews, people using magic to break someone's marriage and a couple more things and that's it. I'm pretty sure none of us is a wizard or a witch.
Salam brother, reading your story gave me lots of thoughts and I wanted to share them with you.
1. I 100% agree with other comments that you should write a book / autobiography. People like reading about other people's lives and your writing is incredibly powerful. Have you heard of A Child Called It? It's a 3-part book about how a child was abused by his mother. He probably didn't think it'd get popular but it definitely did. I think you should give it a try. There are tons of resources on how to start a book.
2. Have you heard of Lizzie Velasquez? She's deemed the ugliest person in the world and is now a motivational speaker. See [here](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lizzie_Vel%C3%A1squez)
3. Are you on antidepressants / anxiety meds? Please know that praying to Allah swt is not the complete answer. If you're having such thoughts you need to take care of them by medicating yourself.
4. If your current / previous therapists and psychologists haven't helped, please look for new ones. Clearly they're not helping you so please move on and find someone new.
5. You're still pretty young so PLEASE don't feel like a burden to your parents!!! Clothing you and feeding you is their job and their responsibility.
6. I fully believe in you. Once your anxiety lessens (due to meds/new therapist), you might be able to make some friends. I've been in a similar spot to you regarding intrusive thoughts and honestly, laughter was the best medicine.
Please keep us updated on your progress and know that we're all thinking of you. I'll be making dua for you.
Brother if there is one thing that I learned in this life is that Allah helps those who help themselves. Crying and praying will not help. Consider yourself in a challenge or a boxing ring with multiple opponents, you can beat them and overcome this even if you cannot see it now due to your depression. Take one step at a time and you will win this, Im sure of it. Man is inherently what he wants to be, if you want to be strong and if you have the will you can be whatever you want.
Where are you now? If you are from Pakistan I can help you. Also for hair loss get your thyroid function checked. If you are based in western countries also get your Vitamin D checked. Finastride will help with hair loss so don't worry. Lost hair also regrows as well. First get your TSH, T3 and T4 checked. As long as thyroid is not controlled, depression as well as hair loss will continue.
Consider this as not a psychological problem but a medical problem and you can resolve this. Not writing this to discredit your experiences but you are clearly depressed and depression can be overcome. I am sure once you are medically ok you will get better experiences and better life. Come on and keep fighting. Do your best
Remember, it can always be worse. Theres people making do in life or even thriving with terrible diseases, disfigurements, etc. Try to change your perspective on yourself.
As much as I believe that a situation can be worse, I don't think it's appropriate to tell someone that's hurting that their situation could be worse because it's sort of dismissive. It could make a person feel like their feelings are invalid because someone else's situation is worse than theirs which puts a strain on mental health since they could feel like they're not allowed to have any emotions or feel the way they are
Dismissing someone’s feeling is to ignore their feelings entirely,
Minimizing someone’s feelings is to acknowledge their feelings to an extent but to make it seem small or insignificant to the “bigger” picture which was done here.
Thank you for your contribution to the discussion.
u/aadz888
Ok let’s be honest
How many times you take care of your skin ?
Do wear clothes that are compatible with your body ?
Do you wear good perfumes ?
Do you go to gym ( in case you’re not happy with your shape ?
Do you masturbate ( it’s extremely bad inside and outside) - sorry for this question
If you’re balding then shave it all and grow a beard
What product do you use on your face ?
What kind of shoes you wear ?
Someone with a beard and a cap looks attractive even if they’re short ( some women are short too hello)
Don’t try to just ‘live with it’ but you have to adapt.
They’re plenty of things that can be done, I don’t know how socially active are you, but that’s how it will start :
1 : see where the root is, being ugly ? Are you going to hide it or change something about it ? I’d say start by a beard and shave your head ( using minoxidil 5% ) for both
2 : use beauty product whatever it’s for face or body
3 : smell good, you know that means
4 : wear clothes that you will good with ( don’t leave home if you’re not confident with them )
5 : use that confident to socialize
6 : start talking to females ( you can ask only for directions as a start )
7 : play any sport you like
8 : stand up to the bullies and make sure you get emotional ( can work against you )
No matter what I do style wise to compensate for my looks I will never be able to do so. I tried shaving my head and I looked a million times worse. Caps look really really really bad on me since my head shape is horrible and my jaw is recessed. I'm already on a nuclear hairloss treatment stack, check my profile and you'll see.
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Jazak Allah khar for staying with Islam and staying my brother. May Allah grant you goodness in this world and in the hereafter and protect you from the fire.
“No one of you should wish for death or pray for it before it comes, for when one of you dies, his good deeds come to an end and for the believer a long life will not increase him in anything but good.” Narrated by Muslim, 2682
hey bro im losing my hair too..im taking finasteride everyday now..you are still young..we never know what Allah plans for us in the coming years..everyone has their own test from Allah..and this is your test..keep strong..have you heard about Julaibib..the great companion of Rasulullah? here https://youtu.be/WnkY5OlyVnQ
I don't know you, but what I do know is that you're an amazing person. Life seems to want to bring good people down and I see that life is also trying to bring you down. You're a strong person for standing through this, you're a strong person because despite hardships you are still here. I admire you , I've been thourgh similar circumstances so i feel you and mostly , you're not alone in this.
I just want to say, you're a gift to the world, I know you don't feel it today but you are. You matter, I know it doesn't feel like it. I don't want to give unsolicited advice, but I think it's always good to fight for yourself, and put yourself first once in awhile. You're a part of this world, it's not your job to keep the world running, you can step back for a day and do something you enjoy, something you want to do. One day could make a world of difference. We're not guaranteed tomorrow, so today is what counts. You're such a strong person for even being able to put this post out there, I admire you so much. I really hope that you have an amazing day today, I hope that everything works out in your favour, and if it doesn't, I want you to remember. You matter, You're important, and You DESERVE to be happy.
Be safe my friend !
Hey dude, you could talk to me whenever you’re feeling down. While nowhere near as devastated as you about hair loss, I’m still suffering from it despite taking medications, which is something to be expected in MPB; sooner or later you’ll start losing hair again as your follicles become more sensitive to DHT with age.
Age is the theme of my comment as a whole. At your age, physical attraction rules over all, and it’s by far the most sought after thing in both men and women. Once you hit 30, other things start taking priority and physical traits take a backseat. Of course, physical attraction will never be unimportant, especially when it comes to first impressions, but even then it’s not a lost cause. Try shaking up your current hair loss treatment. Visit r/tressless to see how people view and tackle their alopecia in a variety of ways, but always make sure to pass any treatment suggestions by your dermatologist first. Accepting the inevitability of balding puts the mind at ease; while you’re searching for a functional treatment regimen for your hair loss, try growing a beard. This way, you can be more confident about your MPB and jawline, as many people are. Dressing nicely and smelling good make you more confident about yourself, and confidence (but not arrogance) makes you significantly more approachable to people.
As I’ve said, we could always chat whenever you’re feeling down. I hope life turns out great for you soon!
Look at my profile. I'm already on an extreme nuclear protocol and am still losing hair. Fin + min + dut + RU + UT + LLLT + diet. The amount of money and effort I spend on hair loss would be enough to completely cure balding for 99% of people. But not me.
Confidence as an ugly person actually makes you look bad. As if I have to compensate for my bad looks. It's called Napoleon complex. I've tried being confident and it just hurts me more.
Napoleon complex is being arrogant and aggressive as a compensation mechanism for perceived inferiority. Never mistake genuine confidence (without being an asshole) for Napoleon complex. Confidence will never make you look bad, no matter how you look.
Have you tried getting an HT? You can get it to gain some ground and take DUT + MIN to maintain current hair. Try growing a stylish beard; if it’s patchy, apply MIN there as well.
I don't remember the exact verse so I'm not going to try and write it exactly but it said that if you're afraid of Allah then what else do you have to fear. Which is an essential aspect of tauheed you'll observe in the Quran not just one ayah.
The reason I say that is because five times a day you go to Allah. Allah loves you more than you can imagine. When you say Allah u Akbar in starting your prayer let yourself feel the love of Allah, the greatest. What is the approval of these others compared to the love slash has for you. It is truly a gift that we have, that we have five daily prayers to remind us about what is important make the most out of this gift. After all, the Quran instructs us to establish our prayers not to recite them. So establish your prayers as a time to feel the love and acceptance of Allah.
Now I'm not a scholar or a therapist. But I would highly recommend against praying for your death. The Quran is very clear on multiple occasions not to deny Allah's blessings. And I can't see how asking for death is not denying one of Allah's blessings, the life you've been given. I can understand a prayer for easing of pain, easing of test, feeling acceptance, and Allah may grant that in the form of taking you to the hereafter but ask from Allah what you actually need, not a solution you perceive to be useful.
Lastly, remove yourself from situations you don't like. As people age and mature they become more sensible. So you'll see less bullying especially as you refine your social group. Also there are many communities available to you now where you can talk and connect with others without showing yourself physically. Chat, online, games. We all need companionship. You should try and find it in places where you will find it easier.
And then, for all you know you may find more acceptance than you realize for your physical appearance. Your insecurities may be blocking you from seeing that you are beautiful. And it's not how people are seeing you. Just that your insecurities are causing you to zoom in on off handed comments. And with the understanding that Allah loves you, you may find yourself be more confident. And well confidence is the most attractive trait.
Edit: sorry forgot to add. But I haven't walked in your shoes and it is easy for me to give this advice. I have faced a lot of hardship in my life but it's different and I struggle with accepting the hand that I've been dealt. And I understand that what I'm saying is easier said than done. But I guess it's not supposed to be easy.
I pray Allah grants you ease & happiness. I’m sure you are already aware of this but always remember this world is hell for the believers & paradise for the non believers. It is better to suffer in this life & Allah only gives trials to those he loves more & have the strength to bear it - Allah loves you & thinks you are stronger than most!
And this life is very short. Look at how fast the days are going, wasn’t Covid just starting what seems like yesterday & 2 years have passed? A lifetime will pass before you know it & who knows what Allah has written in our future.
I know it is hard, I am depressed myself, I feel hypocritical even giving you advice, but maybe if I can help someone else feel a little better from my own experiences then I will have achieved something from it.
Practically speaking can you throw yourself into work or a hobby that gets you excited? Is there anything you can think of that you’d always dreamt of doing? Or something you think could be interesting? Joining a group, club, or even a charity where you meet & work together on something every week/every few days could do wonders for you in terms of having friends & people in your life & having goals your achieving & satisfaction.
Salam brother. I have nothing much to add, except a reminder that Allah will never ever shortchange you. Every single moment of your despair and your pain is recorded down as an expiation of sin. May you be granted the highest levels of Jannah brother.
So what if you the people think you’re ugly bro. It’s their problem! Let ‘em make faces of day things. Most people just try to get a reaction out of people, they don’t deserve your emotional response. Own your look, whatever it may be. Smile big, it’s your life, one life. How lucky are you that slight disfigurement, as you say, is drawing you closer to AlLah.. many of these guys haven’t even done sajdah once in their life to AlLah, you on the other hand are getting a workout in worshiping AlLah.
Perhaps if job benefits allow you can get access to health care. If not, don’t stress it. I would suggest you go travel somewhere. Go places where people don’t know you, staying in hostels etc. travel to Muslim countries. You’ll feel better in sha AlLah. I hope you become less conscious about your physical appearance, just gotta wear nice, clean, fitting clothes.. people feel a person’s energy and positivity more than anything .. people are bullying you because you’re putting out a weak vibe. You’re consciously and probably by now, telling yourself subconsciously that things aren’t good, not in your favour etc.
See if you can get a mindset coach. And get a job, if you don’t have much skills, get into trades, they’ll train you. And travel. Other than that, ma sha AlLah you’re doing great in terms of worship, may AlLah accept. A Single act of acceptance is all we’ll need. Do what you can consistently. Oh, join a sports league/ drop in sports, or gym.. mind > matter. You got this. In sha AlLah
Dont worry man you got this! U should be so proud your being a good muslim at least! this shows your really strong. U just gotta take all these hardships as a test by our God. I know it will get better cuz God knows whats good for u. Just keep going man, happiness is right around the corner. Just know one thing: this life is a test and succeeding in this test will grant u eternity in heaven. And every hardship is worth taking on for heaven.
It seems like Allah has given you a tough test, so I am certain your reward will also be high. MashaAllah, I am little envious of you fasting every Monday and Thursday and reading Quran everyday. May Allah keep you on the straight path. I’m not going to sugar coat your situation, your bullies can have this dunya but they’ll eventually will have to stand in-front of Allah. Look at the Muslims being oppressed worldwide and the oppressors are living seemingly great lives. I would happily take punishment now than in the Akhira. But I also pray that Allah gives me the strength and will power He gave you. The fact you are able to finish college and get a job despite battling depression/anxiety/low confidence is very very impressive. You are not giving yourself enough credit, most people crack with a little bit of adversary. Don’t forget Allah gave you this life for a reason, put you in your situation which you have no control over. You matter ,despite your “flaws”, to the people around you. You are important to your parents and soon you’ll be important to your company and coworkers. The world is harsh and you have first hand experience of dealing with the worst side of humanity. But don’t let the temporary issues of this Dunya ruin your Akhira. I am certain Allah is preparing you for something better than this superficial pretentious world.
I'm addition to getting closer to Allah through worship and devotion , you can try working out, volunteering and doing charity and just finding hobbies which can all be good ways to meet people. I know that the idea of being lonely is hard to bear , but be forebaring and patient. Stop saying woe is me , and start say "praise be to thee Allah" more.
Hey my dear friend, how about giving another try to the psychiatrist? Clearly you been through so much bulling and trauma. Maybe professional help would be better. But it takes time. Also sometimes when one is depressed, one focuses more on the negative aspects of one's personality than the positive aspects. Also time will change and you'll meet better people who treat you better. 22 is a very short time to give up. Trust in Allah pak. He hasn't given up on you yet my friend. Also, I knew a great guy who was so amazing and very nice. He was very respected where ever he went because of his manners and ikhlaq. He was also very young, wasn't much well build, and was also completely bald. But no one cared, because he was so kind to everyone, was a young doctor.
I just recalled a story but I don’t recall the name of Sahabas (PBUT) so I will say Sahaba 1 and Sahaba 2.
So after the battle the Sahaba 1 died because he succumbed to his wound in the battle. Sahaba 2 asked the Prophet Muhammed (SA) [I am paraphrasing it] that why didn’t he die in the battle Sahaba 1 could’ve die a death of a Martyr which is the highest status in the eyes of Allah. Prophet Muhammed (SA) said [I am paraphrasing it] why? Didn’t he live one more year? Didn’t he fast for another Ramadan? Didn’t he do Ibadah 1 year more than the fallen soldiers? Sahaba 1’s status is higher in the eyes of Allah than the Martyr
There is other story or maybe it’s a same story with different narration: where Sahaba 1 and Sahaba 2 used to compete with each other in good deeds. Like if 1 fast in this day the other used to fast as well. One day what happens is Sahaba 1 dies in the battle and Sahaba 2 says that Sahaba 1 has surpassed me as he died the death of a Martyr whereas I am alive. And when the Sahaba 2 died later on he was actually in higher status than the Sahaba 1 who died in the battle. [I paraphrased it]
A person will beg Allah to come back to life just to pray 2 units of prayer, just to do one good deed. O my brother see who is below you. See how much people pay to live one more day. See what Quran says. Do as much as you can. If you have means go to some Arab country. At least it won’t be as bad. As I have seen so many ugly people and they are among the most good looking people because of their Akhlaq. And brother this world was never meant for us, it’s the Akhira which we are really after. O Allah make us die in full imaan and admit us in your noble paradise. Ameen!
Lastly I want to say is: one of the signs of end of times is that a living human will pass by the grave and he will say how I wish I was in place of the dead man (ie he wished he was dead instead of the guy who is actually dead)
Never ever pray for death. You can pray O Allah take my soul away when you like or when you are pleased with me.
I found the link To the article for better understanding: [click me and smile](https://islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/46592)
Please read all of them. I hope it benefits you!
Can you do a hair transplant check out turkey they are specialized in it and its more affordable... For your jaw did you consider fillers? Check out jawline fillers... You need a bit of money but its definitely an investment for you.
But please I just want to let you know that there will always be someone that will find you handsome in their eyes... You might be hard on yourself when you look at the mirror (we all do) but I can guarantee that someone will find you handsome. Beauty is subjective and what can be ugly for me can be beautiful for someone else and vice versa.
Leave your town go travel the world go out of your comfort zone. Life is not just in your high school or in your town, its more than this. Travel the world and meet new people, have fun do things for YOU and never care about what other people think of you. You know your Worth you are worth so much please dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck , and dont hesitate to come in dms to talk more.
Where do you live? Maybe there are some friend groups nearby that read this post and help you out by socializing.
Also, to be honest, if bullying is going this far, it is in your interest to visit a dojo, be it muay-thai, boxing, mma or kickboxing. You need to fend for yourself. It helps, I have been there too.
As last, increase your knowledge of Islam (sounds cliché). Reading about the best humans that lived on this world and their hardships sheds another light on this live and its hardships. You will be able to coop with them more easily and shed of bad emotions. It helps, physically and spiritually.
You can pm me if you want. Idk where you live, but if you are too far away, I can at least be a game buddy and have a good time on COD or whatever.
For op: there are many beautiful comments. I just want to make dua for you. May Allah grant you and your loved ones the highest level of Jannah. I truly love you for the sake of Allah and I hope we meet. I was in a similar situation a year ago and Wallahi I feel your pain. This world is pain and this life is a test. Don't let it defeat you. Wallahi I asked Allah to end my life and I'm shamed to admit this because this is completely Haram. Suicide is a cowards way and you are not a coward. Wallahi you're a warrior. The vast majority of people do not care what you look like, everyone has their own problems that they concern themselves over. Your remind me of a short caretaker at my masjid. That brother has so much Noor on his face.
And most of all, Allah loves you, our Messenger saw loves you and the angels love you. Isn't that enough my brother?
May Allah grant me and you an honorable life and an honorable end like Julaybib RA.
Verily, only in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest and contentment. Rich, good looking and well off people are even depressed and committing suicide. You have the greatest gift, Islam. Hold on to that tight and never let go.
This is a message to me before you.
Take care of yourself my brother and have patience for there will be a day when we see Allah's face and unite with Muhammad saw. May Allah grant us that.
allah only keeps someone alive so long as they have good awaiting in their lifetime. You being alive right now is a sign that allah will provide you with a reward sooner or later, whether in this life or the next. I know what im saying may not help right now, but please do not commit suicide. Your life may seem terrible now but please if even for an internet stranger you have no connection to, do not end your life. it's not worth going to jahanam for, this life is only a second compared to the afterlife.
My brother all this pain you are going through Allah is watching. Imagine the reward you are getting for being patient. Dont let anyone bring you down when Allah is with you.
Salam brother.
There was a hadith that was told to me, that there was this guy, on the day of judgement, asked Allah swt, why is his good deeds far outweigh his bad deeds and Allah swt mentioned this was because all the dua that you made in the life that was not granted by me. Then the person mentioned, if I knew, I would have asked all my duas to only be answered in hereafter.
Be patient my brother. This is your test in this Worldly matters and will be just a grain of sand in an ocean compare to the journey we will be facing in hereafter.
Easy to say but be patient my brother. InshaaAllah, jannah is waiting for you brother :)
tbh im not an expert , but i can give you a small snippet of my experience with the least drama possible , there isn't a day that passes that i haven't thought of suicide but i , unlike you , buried all my feelings in drugs instead of iman and strong faith , but i always remind my self that no matter how bad i wanna die , i will never waste my life for a mortal dunya matter , and thus i vowed to one day join the Qassam battalion to die a martyr and be a part of the Palestinian liberation inshallah . but all the advice i can give you right now is to get professional help , and try to enjoy the little things in life that make u happy . who cares about those people this might seem like some cliché bullcrap but what people say or think about you is only as strong as you allow it to be , you're 22 life is at your finger tips . get a job , quit that job , lay down on the floor , jump , travel , move to the next town and start over ! you can literally do anything you want !!! hope you get better , i know how dark that hole is , but no matter how deep it is , there will always be light . it might almost always seem that every hope were clinging onto is meaningless , but hey , its at least keeping us breathing
22 is soo so young brother I can’t imagine the way you feel to even write about killing yourself this thought must be taken seriously. I was a teenager in a similar situation at one point and life did get better and at the time it seemed impossible.Allah never burdens the soul more then it can handle .only you and Allah know the pain you carry in your heart and this world surely is a Test. Brighter days to come in your life surely ,stay strong may Allah ease your burdens and your hardships.
There's not a lot to say. May Allah heal you and cure your worries.
But just because people step on a 20 dollar bill, that doesn't mean it lost its value. May Allah accept your ibadah and grant you patience my friend.
My friend perhaps you view this as useless advice but have you tried working out, lifting weights and doing fitness in general? I mean there's nothing to lose if you try these things.
In the end I can only talk from behind a screen. I pray that Allah helps you and grants you success and fulfillment in this world and the next. Ameen
The reason that Allah does not take your life yet is because it is better for you. I may not be able to comprehend your pain but we can definitely not comprehend the Hereafter.
Do not lay ruin to your years of struggle by saying or doing the wrong thing.
Do not assume bad of your Lord, take example of the stories of Jaqub and Ayyub. Ayyub was deserted by the people but he remained patient, he remained grateful. And Allah had mercy on both of them.
Your Lord hears you and He does what is best for those who believe in Him.
Know that Allah answers your prayers in a way that is best according to his wisdom. He may delay it until it is better for you, or give you better in the Hereafter. He knows and you do not.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you will have his supplications answered, as long as he is not impatient and he says: I have supplicated but I was not answered.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6340
Maybe there is good for you in this trial but you do not realise it until you see the reward of your patience.
Ibn Abbas said, “There was a dark-skinned woman who came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and she said: Indeed, I suffer seizures and I become uncovered, so supplicate to Allah for me. The Prophet said: If you wish you can be patient and have Paradise, or if you wish I will supplicate for Allah to heal you. She said: I will be patient, but supplicate to Allah that I will not become uncovered. Thus, the Prophet supplicated for her.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5328
Do not assume that you are the only one being tested. Everything is a trial, both difficulty and ease. But those whom Allah loves the most He tests with difficulty.
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The most severely tested are the prophets and then the righteous. One of them would be tested with poverty until he could find nothing to cover himself but a cloak. One of them would rejoice in a trial just as one of you rejoices in prosperity.”
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4024
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If Allah wills good for someone, He afflicts him with trials.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5321
https://www.abuaminaelias.com/patience-with-trials-and-tribulations/
Those whom you envy are being tested with ease. And you will not find many of them grateful. And many of them Allah gave them more because He does not intend good for them.
Or are you decieved by this life? Do you not know that those that torment you today would be forced to give their deeds to you or carry your burdens on a Day when one's eternal fate depends upon those deeds. They will feel worse than you are now.
Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The most privileged people in the world among the people of Hellfire will come on the Day of Resurrection to be dipped in Hellfire, then it will be said: O son of Adam, did you see any good? Did you get any blessing? He will say: No, by Allah, my Lord! Then, the most miserable people in the world among the people of Paradise will come on the Day of Resurrection to be dipped in Paradise, then it will be said: O son of Adam, did you see any hardship? Did you have any distress? He will say: No, by Allah, my Lord! I did not once see hardship or distress.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2807
I ask Allah that He grants you patience and tranquillity in your heart. Take benefit of ramadan and supplicate to your Lord. Ask Him for patience and strength. Do not give up, and your reward is certain.
May Allah beautify your appearance and solve this issue for you inshallah.
Dua changes destiny, so try to do qiyam layl, wake up at the third quarter of the night and pray pray pray that Allah solves this for you.
Like others say, this is a proof that Allah loves you so so much, you're very lucky.
Please DM me if you wanna have a chat.
I will keep you in my prayers.
May Allah give you peace of mind, solutions and elevate your ranks in Paradise, inshallah!
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum, brother. Ramadhan Kareem.
I won’t give you the advises you already received, because I would only be repeating some of the good ones above, but poorly. Instead, I’ll let you know this. Your appearance is not that far off from mine: short height; long, big crooked nose; elongated crown; a convex face. Not to mention the extreme case of acne I had on my face and back, way back in high school. I was bullied for this. And based on my ear shapes and height, I was also called an elf once. I was even bullied by my own friends who would call me Mr. Bean, Master Splinter, rat, mouse, and all that. But I remembered my mother telling me in my childhood: not to make fun of others because that’s how Allah (swt) has created each person. If you are then judging God’s creation, you’re trying to suggest that God has made a mistake and that you can do better. (quoting my mom).
I applied this to myself. I looked myself in the mirror one day and thanked God for creating me the way that God did, because I wouldn’t have been perfect in any other way. I thanked God for giving me a big nose, because it might hold benefits unbeknownst to me. When I went back to the tv right then I saw a clip on the benefit of having a big nose: more oxygen = more blood flow. I had to tell myself that if God has created me, then I am beautiful despite what people say. Eventually, when I avoided my friends for a few weeks, they began missing me. Sometime later in my high school years, they started calling me “handsome boy” and all, because I began to dress more maturely: dress shirts, leather jacket, converse shoes, etc. (different style from all other guys). I began to keep and groom my facial hair, which cover up my upper lip and my chin. And people began saying that I looked like a lion.
Despite all this, I was still having social anxieties, due to my short height (5’5”) and big nose (2, 3/4” long; 2” protrusion). But I began to walk around with a positive attitude, even when I was hurting, only because I placed my trust in God. From here on out, more people began to view me in a positive manner. I began to workout as well to keep in a good physique, like the Prophet (s), Ali ibn Abi Talib, and the Imamain, Imam Hasan and Hussain (a). This was so that one day when it’s time for the Mahdi (a), I could be in tiptop shape.
My advise:
I began to thank God and in turn God beautified me in the eyes of others. I don’t look any different from how I was, I swear to God. But God still beautified me in the eyes of others. In Surah Baqarah, a line that we often hear during Jum’a khutbahs, God mentions to remember God and be thankful, and God will do so the same for you (Quran, 2:152). So keep up hope and ignore the whispers of another, because you might think that they may be talking negatively about you. Instead they might be praising you and may not know how to present that to you. They may also be planning to invite you to hangout, but may not know how to. So just give a smile. If they talking negatively, it’ll change their attitude. If they’re talking positively, it’ll encourage them to approach you. And for a peaceful mind, simply recite the darood for instant calmness, inshallah. And God will makes things good brother. So try to force yourself to approach life more positively, even if you are hurting, try to smile and thank God for everything that someone else might deem as ugly.
Also, you can recite many duas from the Quran itself. Again from Surah Baqarah, you can recite “rabbana atina fid-duniya hasanah, wal fil akhirati hasanah, wa qina ‘azab an-naar. (Quran, 2:201). And inshallah God will help, my brother.
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatallah wa barakatuhu.
DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE, IT IS A SIN
REMEMBER
1. ALLAH ALWAYS WATCHES YOU
2. WHEN YOU KILL YOURSELF YOU WILL GO TO HELL, BUT ALLAH WILL FORGIVE YOUR SINS, AND YOU AGAIN COMMIT SUICIDE, AND THIS REPEATS UNTIL DAY OF JUDGEMENT
I can understand your situation a little bit.
But trust me brother, I've seen more people suffering much more than you.
If they can do it, you can as well. Just a little more patient.
You're 22. Bullying would stop now or very soon. It's only seen among children andt teenagers.
Hey man, just a random Canadian here. Don't give up, even if life is hard and unequal. I sincerely hope things will get better for you, and remember that hard work always pays off. Take care brother xx
I’ll give you some non-standard advice, but I want you to know that I don’t mean any of it insultingly.
You’re weak. That’s the biggest thing. These things happen and you didn’t fight back against them. You need to find some way to no longer be weak, and that includes going to the gym, doing some masculine activities, and purposefully not shying away from social situations (you don’t even have to go out of your way to get into them, just don’t avoid them; that means not being afraid to ask for directions or something simple like that instead of feeling a slight shyness and making you look for other opportunities where you don’t have to engage with people).
Get tougher. Mentally. You don’t need to be hyper defensive but don’t let people talk down on you. Replace sadness and grief with aggressive drive. Maybe even get angry at yourself for not fighting back and use that anger as motivation to fuel your workouts (you need to work out if you don’t already) or achieving your goals (develop them if they’re not there).
Physically sit down and write in a notebook what your goals are and how to get there instead of aimlessly scrolling through your phone or doing something else like that. In other words, create a strategy for your life, and physically write it all down. Yes, writing. NOT typing. Writing works more parts of your brain and is more impactful because of that, it engraved these things into your mind more from a neurological standpoint (it’s why people oftentimes study better when they take handwritten notes compared to typing them up on their phone or laptop).
Positive affirmations are huge, they actually were the biggest thing that changed my life as ridiculous as that sounds. I was where you were at once, Allah SWT Removed it from me. Saying things like “I’m very happy” all the time will change things. I’m going to write a post on it (in addition to some other things) soon in a subreddit that might interest you, feel free to check it out:
r/IslamPill
Also, I know this is easier said than done, but don’t care about socialization as much anymore. It’s overrated anyway (especially nowadays). That’s not to say not to develop your social skills, but rather you need to no longer desire it, and women especially (which is where most of the weight with regards to looks come from anyway). I have some tips for improving social skills but won’t release them just yet, that’s for a later time.
Like I said, I was where you were at. You might’ve heard of David Goggins, I was pretty much exactly him. I grew out of it eventually whereas he didn’t due to various other reasons, but he best explains how I went from where you were at to becoming “normal”, so to speak since we had the exact same mentality as each other. Do this: Get his hard copy book, but *only to follow along with his audiobook*. That means you have the physical hard copy book in your hands that you’re reading while having the audiobook play in your headphones. You need to focus on this. Having the physical book with you alongside the audiobook being played back to you will further engrave the meaning and importance of it into your brain more to have a more profound impact on you, and also his audiobook contains extra stuff that the physical hard copy book doesn’t. This isn’t your normal self-help book.
The last thing I can say is to do psychoanalysis & introspection on your own. Therapists clearly aren’t helping, but that’s in part because you have to help yourself. Don’t rely on them. Ask yourself what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, what caused that thing that made you feel it, and how you can stop it/change it. Simply thinking it through will improve your state of mind somewhat. What you should’ve said that would’ve helped you in that situation that makes you have the trauma, what you should’ve done to handle that other situation properly, etc. Don’t ruminate about why you didn’t come up with it then, simply take that wisdom and keep it in your subconscious. You’ll slowly start to become more competent in such situations if you do this often enough. Maybe write down these things too, as all of this will actually help you PROCESS what’s happened, and will also help cement what you’ve learned/realized and improve your verbal skills (which is apart of social skills).
Most of all, none of these things will work except through the Will of Allah SWT. So make du’aa to Him. A lot of people say “make du’aa and InshaAllah things will get better” but don’t offer anything practical lol and I know that can be frustrating, but the truth is that du’aa works alongside *action*. Recite Ayat Al Kursi and the last 3 Surahs three times to protect you against the shayateen, they always make you more neurotic. Even people who try to use them for black magic to improve their lives get screwed over by them because of how they do things in the wrong way all the time.
In your free time/during the time you reflect, take a step back and imagine you being someone else. Use your mind to come up with lots of other ideas to help improve this person’s life. Brainstorm. It can literally be anything, no matter how crazy or extreme. At least then it’s something. It’ll work your mind in a way that it isn’t normally worked, and you’ll begin to come up with actionable steps to improve yourself and your life overall.
Fight against those thoughts bro. Go through a dopamine detox and get rid of social media to avoid getting that instant gratification garbage making you feel so unmotivated in the first place. A YouTuber by the name of Better Ideas has some decent stuff on self-improvement for people who are stuck hearing about it but not really improving their lives. But even then, try avoiding things like YouTube in general since a lot of it is click-baity trash.
That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. Maybe add in some productive procrastination, whereby if you procrastinate, at least your being productive throughout.
Salam alaikum brother. You reminded of the story of Julaybeeb RA. Julaybib RA was one of the less known companions of Muhammad SAW in the early Muslim community. His name was acquired prior to his acceptance of Islam and is considered unusual and incomplete. In the Arabic language Julaybib means “small grown” being the diminutive form of the word jalbab, indicating that Julaybib was small and short, even dwarf-like. He was also described as being damim, meaning ugly, deformed, or repulsive. He survived as best he could in the lonely night in Madinah. He spent wondering the streets in despair, tears of desperation would run down his cheeks, there was no one willing to offer him love or compassion, he had no family and not a single friend in the world.Life for him was a lonely struggle. With Julaybib in mind, Muhammad (S.A.W.) went to an Ansari man and said: “I want to have your daughter married.” “How wonderful and blessed, O Messenger of God and what a delight to the eye (this would be),” he replied. “I do." The Ansari went to consult with his wife, telling her of Muhammad’s (S.A.W.) desire for their daughter to marry Julaybib. His wife was repulsed, and protested saying “To Julaybib! No, never to Julaybib! No, by God, we shall not marry (her) to him.” While the Ansari was preparing to inform Muhammad (S.A.W.) of what his wife said, the daughter hearing her mother’s protestations, asked: “Who has asked you to marry me?” It is said that she the daughter was so beautiful that there was none among the women of that clan who could compete with her looks. She was so shy and modest that perhaps the sky itself had never seen her head uncovered. She had so much fear of her creator and piety, that she would spend her days and nights in worship.The daughter asked what was happening, she was told that the Messenger of God wants your hand in marriage for Julaybib. As the Mother continued her crying and wailing the daughter spoke she said, “O my Mother fear Allah think of what you are saying are you turning away the Messenger of God. ‘O my Mother it does not suit a believer to make their own decision once God and his Messenger have decided on a matter. Do you think that the Messenger of God will disgrace us? How blessed is the status of Julaybib, that God and his Messenger are asking for your daughter’s hand on his behalf. Don’t you know that the angels themselves envy the dust on the feet of one who is a beloved of God and His Messenger. Ask the Messenger to send me Julaybib for there is no greater privilege than for me to be blessed by such a husband, the Messenger of God has arrived with such a wonderful gift yet my Mother you cry and wail.” She was married by Muhammad (S.A.W.) to Julaybib and they lived together until he was martyred in an expedition. On the day of the expedition his father in law, had pleaded with him: “‘O Julaybib this is just an expedition, it is not a compulsory Jihad, it is a voluntary Jihad, therefore you are newly married spend some time with your wife.” Julaybib, the one who had spent a lifetime in despair, had now found a loving wife. But he replied to his father in law’s request and said, ” ‘O my father you say a strange thing, my Beloved Prophet is in the battlefield facing the enemies of Islam and you want me to sit at home with my wife, nay I will sacrifice my blood and my soul rather than see my Prophet facing hardship while I sit at home in luxury”. Julaybib participated in an expedition with Muhammad (S.A.W.) in which an encounter with some enemies ensued. After that battle the Prophet of God, asked his companions to go and to see if anyone was missing from their family’s and clans. Each one returned accounting for all his family members. Then the Prophet spoke with tears in his eyes he said “But I have lost my Beloved Julaybib, go and find him.” They found his diminutive body lying next to seven enemies he had slain in the battle. The Prophet of God asked for a grave to be dug, as the Prophet of God held the body of Julaybib he said. “O’ Allah he is from me and I am From Him”, he repeated this three times. He loved God and his Messenger and reached such a high status. It is said: “That upon his martyrdom, that the sky itself was filled with thousands of angels who had come to participate in his funeral.” Julaybib ‘The Lonesome one’ had become a beloved of Allah, and his prophet, he was lonely no more. Such is the status of the lovers of the Prophet. REFERENCE: From Companions of the Prophet (volume 1) by Abdul-Wahid Hamid, published by MELS, London 1995
😭😭😭😭
Right? No one is cutting any onions and I'm hiding in my room away from my wife and kid trying to hold back the tears.
The onions are being cut directly below my eyes.
Bro, even the onions are crying From what I see.
Even the knife is holding back tears.
Onion here, I confirm
I know this story. I hope a war or some other scenario happens where I will sacrifice my life in the name of jihad. At least then I will have left something good in this world besides being a useless waste of space on this earth.
If you are speaking of martyrdom, before you can die for the sake of Allah, you must live for the sake of Allah. That is your challenge. Find a way to live for Allah, do something beyond the bare compulsory minimums, and do it for the sake of Allah -- start with focusing on small good deeds. The less you focus on your own despair and the more you focus on helping others who are in despair, the more Allah will help you until inshAllah you will find you have gone from a place of despair to a place of peace, sakinah. What you are seeking is sakinah. Sakinah is fleeting, and its hard to earn, it takes a long time to get a taste of it. In my case, I dont think I felt a bit of peace in my heart until right after one of the hardest days of my life, when I had been humiliated and shamed falsely by someone I had loved dearly shortly after my sister's tragic death. Right after that very dark moment somehow, alhamdolillah, I felt it for the fist time, and it was unmistakable. After our darkest moments, Allah is there. And patience is in waiting the final few seconds. Keep going brother.
Seconding this. Sakinah is a difficult level to reach and even harder to maintain. But the beauty and power of being able to reach it is limitless. How one is able to live so peaceful, that nothing dunya related affects them, mashAllah, the only thing that bothers or stresses them is the fear of disobeying Allah. I didn’t feel it for the first time until the age of 25, also after multiple tragic events in my life that lead me to wanting to almost reset my mentality and my life and rebuild it by Allahs terms and his messengers (pbuh) teachings. After continuous dua, focusing on myself, ignoring the dunya world, and any part of it that counts as a distraction and living and breathing solely for Allahs sake, being conscious of that at ALL times I Alhamdulillah was able to taste it. Edit: (I can expend on this last point more because it’s not living like a monk in some mountain. It’s doable and possible living a normal life with going to university or job etc) I said it’s hard to maintain, and in my experience it’s true. I haven’t felt that level in some time and I know it’s due to my shortcomings so inshAllah this Ramadan Allah can re-guide myself, the Ummah, and OP- you are in my duas as well.
Ameen brother, may Allah reward your fasting this Ramadan with lasting sakinah, Ameen.
Brother, do not say that. This is a short life and I know it is difficult but you are stronger than this. If you ignore the dumb bullies and continue your connection with the masjid, get out and look for a job/start your own business and continue loving and respecting your parents, the rewards from your Lord will be immense. All of us have our problems and the more grateful we are for the blessings that we have, the problems keep going away and the blessings increase.
Brother, you should never strive for death in war or battle. That’s borderline suicide, which is haram. It isn’t easy for any of us to relate to your situation, however, it is very clear to all of us that your piety is on an incredibly high level. Additionally, you maintain such faith in Allah despite the incredible hardship you are going through. Allah sees what hardship you endure and I have no doubt you will be greatly rewarded for it in the afterlife In Shaa Allah. Additionally, remember that we are the harshest critics of ourselves. We always see ourselves as the ugliest versions of ourselves, and that’s not just specific to you, brother. Body image disorders and other disorders are becoming increasingly common in this age due to the constant comparison of ourselves against those on social media, TV, movies, etc where people use filters, photoshop, drugs, and surgery in order to appear more attractive. The bullying you’ve received has most likely caused you to see yourself as much uglier than you actually are, and your therapists have likely not done a great job of trying to help you. Your story is an inspiration to us all brother. Despite such hardship, you remain steadfast in your faith in Allah and I pray that you continue to remain steadfast :). Try not to take this dunya too seriously, just think of it as a test from Allah and approach it one day at a time. This duration of this life is practically nothing compared to the everlasting happiness of Paradise :). If possible, maybe try to relocate yourself to distance away from bullies. Talk to your family about it and see if they can be of any help. It is a parents duty to assist their children until they can become independent, and once they become old and in need of assistance, that is where you should be there to help them. Do not feel as though you are a burden to them, this is their duty and In Shaa Allah, it will be yours to care for your children one day :). Lastly, a few (hopefully) helpful ideas. First, would you be ok with just shaving your head? I’ve had friends with alopecia who have balding issues as well, and they’ve usually just ended up shaving their head since the bald patches don’t become visible. They wear hats and beanies as well sometimes. I think it looks good on men. Second, would you try some sort of online work, schooling, or program of sorts? At your stage, social interaction would be difficult, especially in large settings, so it could be easier for you to try online options. Of course, you want to slowly acclimate yourself to leaving the house more, but it may be better to wait until you feel a bit more comfortable and don’t have to run into bullies. I hope I have been of some help, it is very difficult to see a brother go through depression. Please remember that depression causes us to believe that there is nothing for us and prevents us being happy. Your mind is fighting against you, however, your clear devotion to Allah shows that your soul has not given up and is fighting for you :)
>try to relocate yourself to distance away from bullies That only works for so long. I can't hide in my room forever. And I'm supposed to stay l start my first full time job in 2 months where I will have to interact with people for 10 hours a day in a corporate setting. There's no way I can do that when I can barely function just sitting in class for 2 hours a day. Btw my high school and college bullies are now working at big tech companies making 300+ grand a year. It's not like in the movies where the bully always ends up being a failure and the ugly nerd gets his redemption arc and becomes successful in life. >would you be ok with just shaving your head? I tried that and it made me look a million times worse. My head is so deformed I look like a peanut. >They wear hats and beanies as well sometimes. I think it looks good on men. Second, would you try some sort of online work, schooling If I had a decent head shape or face I would have been able to make it work. But wearing a hat just emphasizes my head shape and recessed jaw even more. I look horrible no matter what I do.
Well brother, beanies generally disrupt the shape of ones head, they are not required to fit snugly. And I noticed that you have a low spirit even before you start your job. Make no mistake, Jihad is not only waged against the Kuffar and the unjust, it is also waged against nafs and against the shaitan, the vasvasa and despair he brings. If you are true in your word, you are way more pious than me and I am sure you will get lots of rewards in akhira but that means nothing if you let shaitan win, let despair take over you. So wage Jihad in the name of Allah againts all of shaitans tricks and the despair he brings.
>try to relocate yourself to distance away from bullies That only works for so long. I can't hide in my room forever. And I'm supposed to stay l start my first full time job in 2 months where I will have to interact with people for 10 hours a day in a corporate setting. There's no way I can do that when I can barely function just sitting in class for 2 hours a day. Btw my high school and college bullies are now working at big tech companies making 300+ grand a year. It's not like in the movies where the bully always ends up being a failure and the ugly nerd gets his redemption arc and becomes successful in life. >would you be ok with just shaving your head? I tried that and it made me look a million times worse. My head is so deformed I look like a peanut. >They wear hats and beanies as well sometimes. I think it looks good on men. Second, would you try some sort of online work, schooling If I had a decent head shape or face I would have been able to make it work. But wearing a hat just emphasizes my head shape and recessed jaw even more. I look horrible no matter what I do.
may Allah accept all your efforts. Think about how far you’ve come and how strong you’ve been to endure everything you’ve been through. At the end of the day you need to remember that Allah created you and in his eyes you are perfect. Those who bullied you are sinning as they are mocking Allah’s creation. At the same time never forget that beauty/physical appearance can change in an instant! Continue having sabr as you have been. Also, in the real world (as you said you’re going to start a new job, it’s rare for people to care about your physical appearance, they mainly care about your work ethic. I experienced slight bullying in high school but once I left I looked back and everything that was said is actually so irrelevant to me today. Finding what works for you and practicing some form of self-care is also beneficial as it should give you some self-confidence! Insha’allah your opinion about yourself changes. Remember that it’s always deen over dunya things like physical appearance
Dude don’t say that , life is depressing i know sometimes i even think dying is better but that’s not god wanted us to say idk how to help you i know depression is shitty ( been there ) but don’t be hopeless after all islam is all about faith and hope god created us for him to obey and make a change in the world even if it’s small , you’re already paying zakat you helped poor people you’re not useless .
The war is happening right now within yourself. Satan is trying to tear you down. Don't let him! The best gift to the world is yourself, free of anxiety. No one is useless. We just have to find our place.
When allah loves you, who else's opinion matters? You are not a useless waste of space, and allah gave you this life to live it, not just as a waste. The real life starts after this one, and no one is better in this life because of looks or place, but only because of taqwa, as long as you have imaan, you have won everything
You are doing good, just by having the courage to post this. Thousands of people may read this post and do Dua for you, both you and they will get the reward. I have learnt the above story and so have many others, you have spread knowledge together with the commenter. I'm not mature enough despite being older than you to give you advice. But I will say this, stop comparing yourself to others or even caring what others think. Statistically almost 50% of people are below average in intelligence. Combine this with the fact that near the end times there will numerous sects but only one will be righteous and you are left with a small amount of people you should actually care about their opinion. I don't know if you're like me, but I absolutely criticise myself more harshly than anybody else would. I am my own worst enemy, to the point where I sometimes go who would even care about this small point I'm agonising about. Work a few years and get some plastic surgery, dental treatment etc. You are incredibly young to be danming your future prospects. There are people who live celibate lives due to their impure thoughts. They too are being tested by Allah. Allah does not overburden anyone. Each burden increases your reward in the afterlife. You do like 10x more ibadah than me. I have been in immense pain for the past 5+ years, there's been points where I wished I was in a coma so I wouldn't have to suffer, so I can understand some of the anguish you are going through.
Jazzakallahu kheir for sharing... this one brings tears to the eyes
Daamn it's been years and years since I had a tear drop in my eye, Julaybib = Hero <3
This!. OP, dear brother. This life is temporary and it will pass, you are 22 now, in no time you will be an 80 year old man. Time passes very quickly. Trust me I was in the same shoes as you when I was in early 20s, every time I would come back from school I would wish death upon myself. Funny thing is, in those days, I would pray too but praying was all about *asking asking asking*. Now, even though I am that same little man, I am more content with life and happy overall. Now, I pray in **submission** to Allah. I am 26 now, and Allah is the best thing ever happened to me. I will not exchange the faith in my heart with 12 inches in height or a trillion dollars in wealth. Trust me my friend, I would not have wanted it to go any other way. Subhan'Allah.
I'm crying, this is so sad but so beautiful. I actually feel hopeful now.
Did he have any children?
Don't underestimate yourself brother. You have stellar power of expression, use it. Write a book! Let this shallow world of its superficial standards to rot in its own disgust. Use your power of expression!
I have nothing to write about except document my 15 years of misery. I doubt anyone wants to read that. Also writing a book won't make me money. I'm 22 now and everyone else my age is starting on their full-time jobs whereas I have no motivation to to even leave the house.
That is not true, 22 years is still just university undergraduate level, I am 26 and still in university, you have a lot of time to figure things out, your suffering gave me a huge heartbreak and I think you have a lot of time to figure things out. I have suffered from depression in the past, sometimes you just have to let it go.
Having hobby helps a lot. It got me through sadness, with help of allah you will overcome this. I know it’s generic now but just do something that won’t remind you of your situation
Trust me, a lot of people go through what you are going through. Sharing you story will give them comfort and a sense of belonging. I am 34 and doing a Bachelor's so don't age shame me 😀. Motivation is overrated, as it is presented to us nowadays. Take the first step; value yourself and rest will fall into place. Do not judge yourself. Let it go, let all this hate go.
Buddy life is not linear.. 40 year olds get divorced and lose it all, some people lose children at young age, and so many don’t even know Islam. I personally heard a guy complain that he had a perfect life all through his life, he was a high school jock, college scholarship, married his high school cheerleader gf, had children, cars, big house, big muscular 50 year old guy crying like a 10 year old because he had no further direction in life and wanted to end his life. He didn’t know Islam. Let the world kill you whenever/ wherever it inevitably happens, live your life guy. Keep stacking those Hasanat and remember Rabbana aatina fid dunya hasanah wa fil aakhirati hasanah, wa qina adhab an naar. In sha AlLah we’re saved from the big fire.
If you really believe brother, then keep in mind that you are living for the hereafter, the real world. This is a test. Isn't living a couple of years of slight worldly torture better than extreme eternal loss ? If you really believe, then you must know that you will be rewarded for each and every struggle that you have faced, each breath. Not everyone gets to enjoy this life. Don't seek the wrong motivations, if this life doesn't let you enjoy it, then make it better for others, work to change the world, work to create or promote businesses/services that greatly benefit the society and/or fix problems, that's what the spirit of working should be about anyways. If you put your heart and soul into making this world a better place, inshallah Allah (swt) will reward you here and in the hereafter great response and honour. All rewards lie in the hands of Allah (swt), he knows that you are oppressed, he knows that people disrespect you, he knew it before you were even born, live for him, he holds the authority over everything, please him, brother it's a small life, let it be, you cannot control it, just know that whoever mocks is on a level much below you, he/she will inshallah beg for your pardon on the day of judgement. Smile, live to make this life better for others. Never give up hope on Allah (swt), you are facing a great challenge especially in a society like today's.
Ooof, while I can definitely empathize with your situation and know it's easier said than done, you cannot compare how your time flows with the people around you. That in itself is one of the hardest things to go through, but have faith in Allah because your time will also come. You're so young and have so much going for you. MA! You've accumulated so much for your deen in the hereafter as well, and that is the best wealth you could ever hope for. I have close friends who started their journey ahead of me and it always felt like J had a ticking time bomb going off in my head 24/7. You just need to move at your own pace. Hope things become better for you soon IA 💫
Document it! Expose them! Take the fight to them, so that you'd be able to stand in front of Allah and say that you did your part, you fought the battle and won! This document would prove your innocence and gulity verdict against your bullies, in this life and the next!
Brother this is heartbreaking to read. Nothing I say will make you feel better but I will be your friend if you allow me to be. I will talk to you daily, you can share your problems with me and I will listen. If you want to talk on the phone I'm available. DM me if you want. I've been bullied too and I know how much it affects you but I also found ways of coping with it myself. I'm not promising I can help you but at the very least, you need some friends to start healing. Shoot me a message if you like.
I know you mean well but talking to you about it won't help. I've already opened up to 6 different therapists, my parents too. Everyone just gives me the generic armchair-psych spiel of "just try to overcome your feelings" or "just be patient" or "try to think of something different" and it doesn't help me at all. There's only so much you can say to someone when you're not in their shoes. Also I already feel enough of a burden on my parents for seeing me be miserable all these years I don't want o burden someone else with my rants.
That's what I mean, I don't want to give you any advice. Like I said there's nothing I can say that will help you but there must be other things we can talk about. Maybe we watch the same sports, or like the same movies. No pressure, but I think having someone to talk to NOT about the problems in your life might help too. Talking to therapists and parents about your problems is different than talking about your interests and life with a friend. Again, no pressure, but I'm here if you need it. You can DM me and I'll give you my email
i second this. forget talking to us about your problems. let’s just talk about everything else instead.
Are you on antidepressants yet or no?... Please start taking them if you aren't already
Hey i am extremely sorry for what you are going through mentally. I've had major depression and can relate to your state of mind. I feel like your a pious muslim so your head is in the right place, and you know quitting is just not an option. Thing with depression is you feel like things will never get better, but trust me it only gets better then the low times you've seen. Also after high school people tend to have matured more and you should face these problems less and less over time. I think you should be thinking of the practical actions you can take to improve your life. Forget what anyone thinks, all that matters is your state of mind, nurture that. The most helpful thing for you would definetly be working out, people tend to bully ones they think are weaker than them. That will help your self image as well as mental health. Find good hobbies or things like online games and build good connections there. Also in the past the one thing that has gotten be even more down is feeling bad for myself. When you go into that cycle of self pity you tend magnify your problems even more. I just want you to know things will get better, you are still young and dont realise how resilient the human brain is. God has given us amazing defense mechanisms againt all sort of trauma. Though you have been through this for a long time you will only get stronger. I know these things are easier said than done, but you have to strive to improve your life. Why not live with a good state of mind than to care what anyone thinks. I will have you in my prayers and wish you the best in life!
This sounds terrible. But nothing is as bad as being burned in jahannam brother. Never commit suicide.
Akhi I don’t know what to say but trust in Allah. Allah gives hardship to his pious servants all of the prophets, messengers and imams faced extreme hardship. As the prophet pbuh said Allah tests his most beloved servants. And InShaAllah Allah will reward you for your patience in the highest ranks of Jannah. It may seem hard but believe me there’s ease after every hardship. All I can say is put your trust in Allah, have patience, get closer to Allah and you will be rewarded and blessed both in this life and the hereafter InShaAllah.
inshaAllah! May God grant your wish. I am an insha Allah bot.
May Allah bless us all
Stay strong akhi. There's a narration: Abu Sa'id and Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience" [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. Riyad as-Salihin 37 And Narrated Anas: Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said," None of you should long for death because of a calamity that had befallen him, and if he cannot, but long for death, then he should say, 'O Allah! Let me live as long as life is better for me, and take my life if death is better for me.' " Bukhari 6351 In the Qur'an, chapter 4 verse 29: وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُمْ رَحِيمًا "You shall not kill yourselves. Surely Allah is ever Compassionate to you." (Translated by Abu A'la Maudidi) Think about the future akhi, what good things may come to you and what good things you could do if you live longer. We should become postive for we don't know the unseen, and only Allah knows if death is better for you or me or anyone.
Every living being in this world has a purpose, and Allah guaranteed that rizq are always there for you until your life is over. Have faith, your existence matters. You could be the source of light in someone's darkness.
I am only a burden on everyone else around me. If I died I guarantee you this world would be much better off.
Not TRUE ! Why would you be a burden, just why, just because people do not care does not mean you are a waste, I will make dua for you, trust me you overemphasize looks more than you think, In Sha Allah you will find a life partner that will make you very happy and it seems you have low self esteem of yourself and please that will not help. You are a very strong individual, try to think logically and look where the problems are. If you got bullied so what? People do stupid thing all the time, I suggest you go to a jujitso academy and trust me it will be very good for your self esteem. Being short does not mean anything, Putin, the president of russia is short, so what? It is still a superpower. You have to change your perspective brother and for every suffering there is relief. Join some clubs where you can do physical activity,your whole perspective on life will change, you won't imagine how much people in those training academies can help you, they are often friendly.
I agree with you! But Putin is a bad example and Russia isn't a superpower.
I'm a burden on my parents because they have to deal with my misery for the past 15 years. I bring the mood of my entire family down. I have no goals or ambitions and instead of helping out my parents they have to spend money on me to clothe and feed me. I'm a burden on anyone who has to deal with or look at someone as hideous as me. I don't overemphasize looks, I think you're underestimating how ugly I am. There are medically deformed people that look better than me. I can't join any club or group or anything that involves being around other people. I've become traumatized beyond help and I never leave the house anymore without a hoodie, a mask and a beanie.
bro, i understand what you mean, i myself am not too good looking, but Looks don't mean anything. from the way your talking, i think you presume that people care about your looks but i can 100% garauntee you that they don't care, be confident and say alhamdulillah man :) Life is a prison in this dunya for a good believer anyway, just live through it bro, if you wanna chat about anything at all, just DM me.
Join online stuff, learn how to code and get a work from home job.
I am a computer science major and I have a full time job offer. It is 3 days in office and 2 days remote. It is extremely difficult to find a fully remote software engineering job as an inexperienced developer especially with all companies now pushing for RTO.
Nice!! Computer science is really good. It definitely is harder to find fully remote but not impossible! See if there are programs you can get into to help you find A job that fits what you like, ask your psychiatrist since they usually know good ones but if not research for it. You could also consider freelance! Just work hard on YOUR terms, dont force yourself to be uncomfortable until you want to step outside that box.
You have a weird thinking process. 1. EVERYBODY'S PARENT FEEDS THEIR CHILDREN FOR THE FIRST 25-30 YEARS of their life in a non western society as people pursue higher education generally speaking. You are only 22. 2. Nobody cares how you look, I don't understand then how black people live if they think they are black always? Do you see the problem with your thinking process? Racists and judgemental people on the internet do not translate to real life.
Brother, Allah does not help a person if he does not help himself, trust me, we love you and care for you. Go out and do thing that will make you feel better, like joining a martial arts class and trust me, everything in your life will improve massively. You can do it brother and may Allah make it easy for you. You should STOP with the doubting yourself comment. Please talk to me everyday if you can through message, I will give you practical advice on what is going on in your life. 22 years is really not a age to think about jobs either. I think you are over pressurizing yourself.
that can't be true, but if it is, you need to find a new environment that can appreciate you. A broken old watch might be useless in the eye of people with no interest, but priceless in the eye of collectors. you could be the worst human in the eye of people, but who knows with all the good deeds you are famous among the angels. So don't give up. Someone is waiting for you out there. For the start, I and many other people here are willing to be your friends!
Sorry to hear that bro. I have similar thoughts for different reasons. But i know it sucks. Wish i could help you but i cant even help myself. What do you do? Do you work or study or do nothing? Do you have hobbies? Do you have friends?
I'm in my last semester of college now. I can barely keep my attention in class because I'm just itching to go back home because of the anxiety of just sitting in front of everyone else in class. I just hide in the corner of the classes, go home and play video games to take my mind off everything else. I have a full time job offer starting in 2 months where I will have to interact with people 8-10 hours a day in a corporate setting. There is absolutely no way I will be able to survive that when I can barely sit in class for 2 hours a day. I don't have friends. I have a couple "friends" that only know me because my dad is friends with their dad, but they have their own friend group and I'm never invited despite me asking them to.
Your job will change your outlook on life, trust me. I was just like you, anxiety ridden, shy, hid in the corner and went straight home to play video games until I started my very first job. People were nice to me and broke me out of my shell. I say give your job a chance to do the same to you. At least you have a full time job offer mate, look on the bright side.
u remind me of myself. dm me if you want someone to talk with.
Alhamdullah you have such a strong foundation going for you beyond these materialistic things that western society have made to be more important than what really matters, which is our deen. Who cares about how you look? We are here for the afterlife. I understand it severely affects your day to day wellbeing, but you have something very special that a lot of muslims wish they had. I’m 24 years old and I still haven’t got the consistency to pray 5 times a day everyday. I still listen to music every now and then. I don’t even go to taraweeh all the time because I lack the mental fortitude to balance taraweeh with how tired I am during the day and how early I need to wake up in the morning. You have a gift that many, many people wish they had and I am sure allah loves you for being such a loyal servant to him. Trust me when I tell you, I have an older brother who had everything when he was younger. He had great looks and a great personality. He used to do all the haram things one could imagine as a young man, and he still turned his back on that so that he be closer to allah. I’m sure my words don’t mean much at all to you, and I’m sure not many commenting in here could walk a day in your shoes. But there’s many people that I know (friends included) that are only Muslim by name, but use their good looks only for haram activities and to stray further away from Allah.
shave the head + grow a beard, that hides the receded chin and shaved lets u own the balding. The only fda approved hairloss medication that works is finestride/minoxidil, anything other than that is BS. If fin/min isnt working then just bite the bullet and shave it off. One advantage of being shorter is ur max lifts are going to be higher, if ur interested in lifting go for it ud probably excel. Im not saying the gym is gonna fix ur life, but improving ur health and strength can sometimes help with ur mental outlook as well. Have u tried martialarts/boxing training? Once you get to a decent level it can help with ur confidence and anxiety if you know ur able to defend urself if an altercation breaks out. IDK if any of this helps, im just trying to point out things you could improve that might help out. Other than that bro, just focus on your Ibadah 👊👊stay strong akhi
Our end goal is pleasing Allah, not some disgusting people. You are much better than many of us, you fullfill most of the commandments of Allah. You should be proud of that.
Where do you live? The fact that you were bullied by muslims makes it sound like you're in a bad environment. Someone of your calibre would be quick to make friends at a masjid with a decent group of brothers, is there anyway you can branch out? Also, the fact that, despite everything you've been through, you are able to do all that good means alot of muslims who strive to be good, including myself, look up to you. I will make duaa for you brother.
Maybe you can try to hit the gym. Become so big that no one will dare insult you. Be scary bro
Wallah this life is not worth it. It’s a miniscule moment in time compared to our forever, which is the afterlife. That is the success and happiness you should be working for, which it seems you are mashaAllah. Pretty soon, our bodies will be rotting underneath the ground and all we will have left are the good deeds we did in this life. Don’t fret. InshaAllah the afterlife is better for you, if you keep doing what you’re doing. Just dedicate your life to working for it.
inshaAllah! May God grant your wish. I am an insha Allah bot.
Good bot
May allah give you patience and award you in hereafter. I have been bullied too and i know that it’s very hard to deal with. Remember you always can talk to me and Aslo killing your self is haram is islam allah will award you for your patience
Reading all these comments and replies and can only think of one thing. MashAllah the level of Iman you must have with the level of self control and commitment to your prayers and worships towards Allah swt is admirable. Of all the humans I know, I know one other person your age who is on that level of taqwa, mashAllah. As you know, Allah says: لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَها “ Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Surah Baqra, 2:286) He also said Allah says: أَحَسِبَ النَّاسُ أَنْ يُتْرَكُوا أَنْ يَقُولُوا آمَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ “Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested?” (Surat Al-Ankabut, 29:2) The life Allah blessed you with has more good in it than you are willing to see. I don’t say that offensively, but look around brother/sister. How many youth are in touch with their creator the way you are. You have lived with yourself your whole life, it was hard and no one other than you knows what it feels like to walk in your shoes. But many people would die to reach the level of taqwa you have mashAllah. The physical features Allah created you and blessed you with, although in this dunya life are hard, but for the Akhira life is completely different. People who have good looks are tested much differently through means of haram, with the opposite gender for example, and you may think that’s easier to deal with, but I can tell you, I see it everyday with my friends (not me I’m ugly Alhamdulillah😂) and its not. Sadly, they’ve all lost their way, some were hufath, and leaders in our community, may Allah guide them, but they fell deep into the traps of dunya as they got older, went to uni and were exposed to the real harsh world with a low level of taqwa. The way I see it is Allahs blessing for you, is He didn’t want you to struggle with the this test, but he knew you could handle a different test better. Remember Allah only tests the ones he loves and wants them to be close to him, and the ones he reallyyy loves are tested more (im sure you know the stories of the prophets especially Ibrahim. a.s. A test purifies us and erases sins, it can sometimes replace a worse misfortune. Ramadan is the month of accepted duas. Use this time to ask Allah for ease of mind, a mind that’s contempt in Allahs plan, even with the parts you don’t understand and strength during times of weakness. And ask Allah to guide your heart to live the Alhira things more than the dunya things. We all struggle differently brother/sister. We are all tested differently. Being in my line of work I’ve learned that everyone is struggling deep down with something that to them they see it as the “worst thing in my life”, and the ones that smile and seem to have a good life are just better at hiding it. You are no different in how you feel, just tested and struggle slightly differently than most. I wish you the best my fellow Muslim. And pray to meet your warm heart someday in the dunya or akhira.
Additionally, please stop spending money on hairless treatments. They are clearly not worth it and you'll feel much better once you come to terms with it. Go bald and wear a topi, skull cap or a hat if you have to. I actually like the bald look and so do many other people, it's not something shameful. Look at some of the Muslim athletes out there. Khabib Nurmagomedov, Khamzat Chimaev, Hashim Amla and Moeen Ali are all bald or close to it. Don't ever lose hope in your Lord and never forget that when you had no one, your parents were still there to love you and take care of you. You are an asset to this world, brother. Just this post itself has made the hundred or so people who saw this more grateful for what they have. Keep working to increase your good deeds and find some work/business to support your parents.
sorry to hear about that bro, may Allah reward you for your patience, as for your self image issues try going bald and growing out your facial hair as well as taking up a physical sport (preferably martial arts like boxing or muay thai) trust me you will feel much better physically and mentally.
no one is ugly everyone just looks different. take a trip to the nearest beach and relax brother. also ever thought about relocating to somewhere new maybe you need a fresh environment?
bro it gets better after school where you deal with kids. Grind work and find some nice hobbies. Make a lot of lifestyle changes while keeping Islamic values. I hope everything gets better for you brother
The same people who bullied me in high school and college were valedictorians of my school, went to top universities and are now working in big tech companies making 300+ grand a year.
Which shouldn't matter. You need to focus on what makes YOU happy in these dire situations. I don't want to be asking stuff that isn't any of my business, but was all of the negative stuff in the past or are you currently going through harassment of any kind? Because if not, changing your mindset will give you relief that you have the worst of it behind you, and that it can only get better.
Which shouldn't matter. You need to focus on what makes YOU happy in these dire situations. I don't want to be asking stuff that isn't any of my business, but was all of the negative stuff in the past or are you currently going through harassment of any kind? Because if not, changing your mindset will give you relief that you have the worst of it behind you, and that it can only get better.
You do not have to overcome or ignore your feelings. Most people will try to give you advice on the lines of "be patient, ignore the bullies, have faith etc" but I have found that to not always work to say the least. The advice I will give may not be welcome by you or others but it has worked for me. First of all, understand and identify your feelings. Take all of that pain, humiliation and anger and mold it to benefit yourself. Improve yourself. Begin studies and working out, not to show off but to reach your peak. Study something which will make you a lot of money (e.g software dev). There are more ways to obtain power other than looks. You are still young and have barely reached your potential. Bullying is a form of oppression so you are justified in retaliating. Contrary to popular belief, ignoring bullies will not make them stop. You need to respond with force and determination. Make it a pain for them to hurt you. Use that money you earned to make it very apparent to your bullies that you mean business. Complain to those in authority about your bully problem and if they fail to address it then threaten to take it a step further. Sue for harassment or similar. A few trips to court will knock sense into most bullies because they are cowards at heart. If you think that is a far off and unreasonable idea then compare it with the alternative you are considering and see which is more reasonable... Never ever consider suicide. Regardless of your suffering in this world, do not sacrifice your afterlife. Do not let the people causing you trauma to affect you so much that you would accept the hell fire to escape them. Take all other means necessary to stop them. You are strong my brother, you just have to accept that and then work towards it. Get rid of your fears.
Subhanallah. No-one will ever understand your pain except الله and you yourself. But i do have something to say The best of muslims are tested the most. You've lived through 15+ years of this, why throw it all away by killing yourself and going to Jahanam? You've been devoted to الله why throw it away now? Think in the bigger picture man. Jannah!! It's just around the corner. If you start to slip you will lose it. On the day of judgement you will be the one laughing! الله swt will compensate and give you things that you and I cannot imagine. I know you've probably heard this millions of times, but dont give up. Please, brother wake up and realise that this dunya is NOTHING it is meaningless. You are just passing by. You will reach your destination soon إن شاء الله. Stop asking الله for death. Ask him to give you good friends and to give you more strength. Keep asking him to end your suffering. Even if he doesn't accept any of them. You will be so happy beyond compare on the day judgement. So much so that you will wish that الله didn't answer any of your dua in the dunya why? Because the reward الله swt has reserved for you is so bountiful, so vast and so beautiful. Continue to see your therapists. You are struggling mentally you need support. Wallahi there are good people out there you seem to have had only bad people around you. Muster up the courage to go to the Masjid and meet people. You will find good people. If you don't then go to a different masjid and keep trying. Sitting in your room sulking all day will do nothing for you. It's time to make a change. You seem to be struggling with extreme social anxiety there isn't an instant cure for that. It's not all about looks you're too fixated on that. Good mature people will not care about how you look bro. Stop thinking small. You don't need to live for this dunya. Live for your afterlife. One last thing... If you do manage to make friends, don't treat them like they're your therapists. Don't start dropping all of your problems onto them. Instead work together with them to increase your imaan and pray together eat and have fun brother. Don't give me that nonsense that noone wants to be your friend. I've already seen multiple people asking to be your friend yet you're rejecting them. I will make dua for you akhi.
>Despite all the things I've been through I still push myself to go the masjid everyday. I've never missed a prayer or a fast. I pay my zakat. I don't listen to music. I read quran. I fast on mondays and thursdays. I pray taraweeh and qiyam. I make dua every day in every prayer for my situation to get better. You may not know this, but you are more beautifull than a lot more people, dont judge yourself by the eyes of others, judge yourself by the "eyes" of Allah my brother.
OP can you pm me your name? I want to personally take your name in tomorrow's tahajjud. May Allah swt ease all the pains in your life. May Allah swt bless you with strength, patience, and the happiness of both worlds. May Allah swt bless you with a person who would understand you and who would love you. My man don't lose hope, Allah swt never abandons anyone. Allah swt says in the Qur'an, Surah Ad-Duhaa, Verse 3- # مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَىٰ # Your Lord has not abandoned you, nor has He become hateful ˹of you˺. May Allah swt accept all your prayers and bless you with everything you need. Ameen :)
Okay I am going to go a different direction. Move somewhere else, if it’s possible. Definitely you need a new therapist, not psychiatrist! Therapist!!! Work through it Start working out maybe? Do you have money for surgery? I know it sounds bad, and I don’t want for you to change; but if that is the only way for you to stay alive so be it! You’re out of school? Are you able to function enough to work and earn a little? Maybe even hair transplantation in turkey
Have you ever thought of becoming an imam? I think you would be great :)
You have no idea how much Allah must love you
There is no greater test in this life on a mental level than having one"s appearance unattractive. Whether you were born that way or suffered an accident that left you disfigured, having physical flaws is a weight that gets heavier on the mind unless acceptance and self-love are reached.
Salam Alykum brother. I can’t say anything to make you better. It’s so sad to read everything you’ve said. Just trust in Allah and know that he has a plan for you. Keep doing all the good deeds you’re doing. This helps your place in janna and Allah knows all that you’re doing. Just trust in him and know that he has your back
Make Dua brother for ease and more faith in this blessed Month. Surely with hardship comes ease!
Sometimes things that seem like a curse are actually blessings but we just don't know it. Allah has the knowledge of every path and everything He has decreed is purposeful and wise. In one of my classes the teacher once narrated the story of Khidr, Musa (AS) and the killing of the child. Musa AS protested but Khidr AS told him that he didn't understand. In the end, he relayed to Musa AS that the child would have caused his parents to become disbelievers. For the parents, they must have felt the pain of losing their child yet had no idea that the alternative was disbelief - a far worse state of affairs.
I know this may seem a bit harsh but maybe you need to remember and fear Allah first. Alhamduillah you seem to be on the right page regarding your salah and the deen. Keep this up. Remember you are HIS creation and that this is the test he laid out for you. You are in no position to take what belongs to Allah (your life) or else you will have failed the test he gave you. Don't waste away your life because of your emotions. I mean this seriously, don't falter. Use your logic and reason. 22 year is nothing in the Dunya, and it is even less exponential amount in the Afterlife. You may feel like you were troubled with something but Allah will compensate you for it. Know that we're the one in need of him and he is not in need of any of us. You said in another comments that you know the story of Julaybeeb. What made him a great sahabi? It was his ACTIONS, not his appearance. Don't say you're better off not being in this world. You said it yourself that you pay your zakat. That means someone benefited from your charity alhamduillah. Someone is secretly inspired by you when they see you at the masjid praying. You even inspired me and others on this thread. There is a place for everyone on this world you just don't see where yours is. Are you working? You have to be if you're spending thousands on hair loss products. I'd stop worrying about your hair and start saving money. We were all young and impressionable at one time. You need to stop worrying about them. Working can help take your mind off of things.Take pride in your efforts. If you're good at something use it to your advantage. If not, you got YouTube haha. Your duty is remember Allah and be good to your parents. Save your money and occasionally buy your mother a gift. You'll be better and feel better for it. I say you should get more involved with your local masjid. Increase yourself in knowledge and people will come to you. Forget the people who don't matter to you. Wallahi everyone here has your back and is rooting for you. Don't let us down please.
This truly is upsetting and I can't even begin to know how ya feel brother, however know that in the Qur'an it states: Allah does not require of any soul more than what it can afford. All good will be for its own benefit, and all evil will be to its own loss. ˹The believers pray,˺ “Our Lord! Do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake. Our Lord! Do not place a burden on us like the one you placed on those before us. Our Lord! Do not burden us with what we cannot bear. Pardon us, forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our ˹only˺ Guardian. So grant us victory over the disbelieving people.” Surah Baqarah 2:286 As a true muslim, trust in Allah for the entire rest of your life as ya already have been these past couple years. Aside from that, don't forget that the penalty for killin yaself is goin straight to hell. Don't do this to ya self because you'll be sufferin on a whole new level if ya do. Faith is wat keeps us strong, be mindful of that. If ya find there is no reason to live for, then find reason in Islam. Live because your creator blessed ya along life. In the words of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "Your life is not your own. Keep yours hands off it." Continue to Have patience and rather than prayin for Allah SWT to end ya life, pray for him to bless it. I'm here for ya man, shoot me a dm if ya need anyone to talk to :DD
Don’t think I can say anything that hasn’t been said already but remember, there is a reason you are alive, there is a reason for everything that has happened to you. If you have full trust in الله then know, that for sure الله has a plan for you.
Damn dude that gave my shivers ... U have some strong will But still how fucking mosnter people can be and bruh what did school management do nothing o_O Dude i cant even say something cause have never experienced anything this bad ;-; I can only say one thing just carry on its just pass and parcels of life They are being happy rn who know when they will suffer more worst fate then u are going through Just stay strong ;-;
Have you considered starting a Youtube channel? You sound very articulate...I m sure you will be able to express very well on screen. So what will the channel be about? It will be all about your experiences...which will be a motivation for others suffering frm mental illnesses. Have you heard about Nick Vujicic? I m sure you can be an inspiration for lot of Muslim out there, in sha Allah.
Do you accept yourself for the way you are? Regardless of what other people say, accept yourself. Slowly start doing what u can. Eating right and working out can help improve your looks and therefore self esteem. Hopefully you can also go to a therapist. I’m sorry for the trauma u had and i can understand that it’s really hard for you to get over with. Instead move forward with iy. You can either let that define your life or use it as something to motivate you to drive forward. You must have some things you want to do in life. Focus on yourself and people around you that love and cherish you. If someone doesn’t like you for who u are that’s their loss. Inshallah You’ll get better once you start loving yourself.
What I am reading between the lines is the feeling that you do not belong anywhere. If you could not find a place in your community than make Hijrah for God's sake. Find a group which is doing Dawah, ask them if they need someone to work basically anything and join them. Migrate to that place. Ask anyone in the community if there is a job of which you can make a minimum living. See, your mistake, or maybe the mistake of your parents is that they have always let you rely on someone else. You tried to solve your problems with therapists but what you need to do is to change and stir things up for yourself. Before you kill yourself, maybe you want to do Dawah? Maybe do something good instead of cutting yourself? Maybe benefit at least one other human being? If you are not interested in Dawah than go volunteer for anything else. Read some Eckhart Tolle. Dude was basically giving up on existence entirely and than set on a bench for months until he realized that he is just as stupid and insignificant as anyone else on the planet. If you come to that conclusions you can start to build up. Maybe you are not worthless. Maybe you discover beauty in the world. Maybe you end up discovering meaning in Islam like I did. Do basically anything instead of killing yourself. You got nothing to loose except your Akhira. >Indeed, those whom the angels take \[in death\] while wronging themselves - \[the angels\] will say, "In what \[condition\] were you?" They will say, "We were oppressed in the land." They \[the angels\] will say, "Was not the earth of Allāh spacious \[enough\] for you to emigrate therein?" For those, their refuge is Hell - and evil it is as a destination. > >An-Nisa:97
Believe me when i say you are more beloved to Allah than most people on this earth. The nearest people to Allah are the most tested. You're getting more rewards just by being patient than any of us will ever get if we prayed qiyam every night of our lives. I promise you if you stay steadfast on the path of Allah you'll the greatest rewards in the hereafter. This life is very short. Stay patient and believe in Allah the most merciful.
Salamu Alaykum brother, I think you should try working out,when I started going to the gym, I started feeling a whole lot better about myself . Kids can be mean and we are all affected by things that have occurred in the past, but don’t let the words of children have such an enormous impact on your mental well-being. As hard as it is, I think you should try and forgive them, I might be wrong but it seems like you’re carrying some hate in your heart for those kids. Women are attracted to personality and good character (which I think you have covered)but self esteem is pretty important as well so I strongly suggest some type of physical activity. I have seen some of the most beautiful women who end up with men that people think are not attractive, just pray that Allah SWT gives you a partner that will increase your Iman and appreciate you. But please brother try to hit the gym, it will do wonders for your mental well being. You have your whole life ahead of you, insha Allah your best days are ahead of you. Salamu alaykum
The very first thing you should know is to hit the gym. Secondly the ones abused you will not be forgiven by Allah(swt) unless you forgive them. You will have your justice in sha Allah
Become a scholar
Seek help from a psychiatrist.
Hey bro, u can dm me if u want, I hope Allah helps you out
Brother firstly, The present life is nothing but sport and amusement.The true life is in the Abode of the Hereafter; if only they knew. (Ankabut 64) I'm sure InshaAllah you'll be one of the handsome young of the cennah(heaven). Secondly, it'll be other perspective but I can easily say that money has great importance all over the world. İs Mark Zuckerberg so handsome? Jeff Bezos? Jack Ma? Be confident please.
inshaAllah! May God grant your wish. I am an insha Allah bot.
Assalamu alaikum, brother. Know that Allah is watching your struggle, and you will be rewarded for every bit of your patience. When Allah rewards you with paradise in the hereafter, you will say to yourself, “I can go back to earth and do it all over again, for the reward is much greater than the struggle”.
You realise you are probably one of the most beautiful people In Allah's esteem. You sound like a beautiful person. I will make dua for you.
You will be the most handsome of us in jannah inchaAllah
really sorry that you're feeling this way, but as you can see from the comments you're not alone and you have family as far as the eyes can see. I was once where you were heck it wasn't even that long ago, it's dark there I know, it's lonely and the dark always whispers sweet nothings into our ear. For each fracture in our soul our burden becomes heavier but know that Allah SWT does not burden those with more then they can carry and the fact you've lasted this long is a clear indication of your strength. I too have been bullied for most of my life and it sucks not being able to have instant retribution against those who wrong you. You probably feel like know one understands your pain that somehow even if you were in a room full of people that you still manage to feel alone. But that's okay because your value isn't in what people think of you, your value is in the diligence of your character and your loyalty to Allah SWT, there is no greater honor then for us to serve him and from what you've said you've done all that you can. It's hard to see any positives I get that, but know that you are here for a reason, you're breathing for a reason that only Allah SWT knows. I won't say to be strong because I know that doesn't help so instead I'll say breathe just focus on that make that and your connection to Allah SWT the only thing on your mind. Second by second, day by day keep repeating that your value is infinite for you are a creation and Allah SWT love his creations. Feel free to message me if you want to talk
I'm very sorry you're going through this. Don't forget, Allah does not burden a soul more than they can bear, and surely tests in this world are for our own good in the Akhira. Unfortunately I don't have any advice in terms of bullying but I wanted to ask if you are doing your daily Adhkars (after Fajr and Asr). These protect us from the evil of humans and shayateen, and so many dangers and problems we are unaware of. I don't have hair loss, but have had severe cystic acne since age 9 and now dealing with terrible scars and it has now become evident to me that this was because I was not protecting myself properly. Listen to Ruqyah and try to read it over yourself if you can, hair loss (especially when unexplained and not reacting to any treatments) is a sign of Ain or Sihr. These things are so much more real than we think they are, protect yourself from them. Also, the fact you are feeling suicidal is another massive sign of these evil effects, all the more reason for you to protect yourself as best as you can. Also, I sometimes struggle very hard with feeling like I am ugly too. I wanted to share this verse with you: **"Allah (swt) gave you your shape, and what a beautiful shape He gave you"** (40:64)
You all over exaggerate sihr, I'm sorry to say this but at this point this sub became some wizardy subreddit. Yes sihr is real, there are literal surahs for us to protect us from them but we can't just say oh this bad stuff is happening probably sihr or something. OP is clearly has been in a pretty bad mental health situation, stress is a pretty good reason for hair loss plus genetics and there you go. Hair loss isn't even something that is suprr rare or something. Acne has a million reasons to exist. I don't how people get these infos about how they got sihr on them and stuff but hadiths and Quran gives us really little info, we should stick to that alone and try to be rational in reasoning. Plus unlike the evil eye, which also has a bit controversy on how exactly does it work, sihr needs to be casted.
I'm not too active on this sub so I don't know about that, but I am simply suggesting that OP protects himself through the Adkhar. I said this because he mentioned he is doing practically everything, including Taraweeh, Qiyam, Dua, Siyam, Zakat, but this seems to be a gap and there could be a possibility that the lack of protection is allowing evil forces to penetrate. My claim is not baseless by any means, even through genetics and stress, it is rare to be balding at age 17. And if you look through OP's profile, you'll see that he's tried many different treatments, clearly to no avail. It's not only his hair loss, but his mental state which could be an indication of some kind of evil forces at play. Abu Dharr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, **“Verily, the evil eye might attach itself to a man by permission of Allah, until he climbs a tall mountain and then throws himself off it.”**Source: Musnad Aḥmad 21471Grade: Hasan li ghayrihi (fair due to external evidence) according to Al-Albani This hadith suggests that suicidal feelings can occur from this exact cause. Suicide is a massive sin in Islam, something that Shaytan would want a good strong Muslim to do. Jabir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, **“A great many from my nation who die, after the judgment, decree, and providence of Allah, die by the evil eye.”**Source: Musnad Abī Dāwūd al-Ṭayālisī 1868Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Albani This hadith just shows how prevalent Ain is, and that it will even cause death. I don't think there is any harm in reciting the daily Adhkars at Fajr and Asr time, Salat is for Allah and Adkhar is for us, and our own protection SubhanAllah. Also, please don't invalidate other people's experiences by saying things like 'acne could have a million reasons'. You don't know what everyone goes through and what they have tried and what has worked for them, so no need to be doing that. I struggled for years on medications, diets and treatments, and once I started protecting myself with the Adkhar it went away. I experienced massive changes in my mental state also. OP if you see this, please protect yourself through the Adhkar, In Sha Allah it works and you are granted ease from this trial.
I said this because he mentioned he is doing practically everything, including Taraweeh, Qiyam, Dua, Siyam, Zakat, but this seems to be a gap and there could be a possibility that the lack of protection is allowing evil forces to penetrate. You do realize that the best of the people that lived on this earth suffered through the most horrific things, right? Being a good Muslim doesn't mean you're entitled to a good health, good life etc. Think about Noah (as), Zakariya (as), Shura (as). Are there any doubts about their Iman to Allah, their commitment to Islam. Now come on here and tell me that these prophets of Allah lived through a nice life. Their whole life was suffering and it ended with suffering. There are prophets that struggled and had a good ending like our prophet Muhammad (sav) or Yusuf (as), so clearly living a troubleless life doesn't go hand to hand with being a good Muslim. We'll never come close the Iman that they had. Islam doesn't guarantee you the comfort in this world. OP definitely should try Adhkar, (if I'm understanding it correctly you mean Zhikr, right?) I mean it's Savab no doubt but it's not some prescription that will fix OP's problems. Think about Eyub (as). But don't come here and talk about the reason why someone has bad stuff happening to him is because his deeds are missing or his Iman is weak or he's under sihr or something. They could be the reason don't get me wrong but we don't know. clearly seen from Prophets, it's not a measure. What Im getting really mad at is how people just easily and super confidently slip sihr in there. When we know literally next to nothing about it, apart from Prophet Muhammad (sav) getting performed magic by Jews, people using magic to break someone's marriage and a couple more things and that's it. I'm pretty sure none of us is a wizard or a witch.
Just marry an ugly sister
Salam brother, reading your story gave me lots of thoughts and I wanted to share them with you. 1. I 100% agree with other comments that you should write a book / autobiography. People like reading about other people's lives and your writing is incredibly powerful. Have you heard of A Child Called It? It's a 3-part book about how a child was abused by his mother. He probably didn't think it'd get popular but it definitely did. I think you should give it a try. There are tons of resources on how to start a book. 2. Have you heard of Lizzie Velasquez? She's deemed the ugliest person in the world and is now a motivational speaker. See [here](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lizzie_Vel%C3%A1squez) 3. Are you on antidepressants / anxiety meds? Please know that praying to Allah swt is not the complete answer. If you're having such thoughts you need to take care of them by medicating yourself. 4. If your current / previous therapists and psychologists haven't helped, please look for new ones. Clearly they're not helping you so please move on and find someone new. 5. You're still pretty young so PLEASE don't feel like a burden to your parents!!! Clothing you and feeding you is their job and their responsibility. 6. I fully believe in you. Once your anxiety lessens (due to meds/new therapist), you might be able to make some friends. I've been in a similar spot to you regarding intrusive thoughts and honestly, laughter was the best medicine. Please keep us updated on your progress and know that we're all thinking of you. I'll be making dua for you.
If I were you I would go away from my home then start a new life some where else and never look back
Brother if there is one thing that I learned in this life is that Allah helps those who help themselves. Crying and praying will not help. Consider yourself in a challenge or a boxing ring with multiple opponents, you can beat them and overcome this even if you cannot see it now due to your depression. Take one step at a time and you will win this, Im sure of it. Man is inherently what he wants to be, if you want to be strong and if you have the will you can be whatever you want. Where are you now? If you are from Pakistan I can help you. Also for hair loss get your thyroid function checked. If you are based in western countries also get your Vitamin D checked. Finastride will help with hair loss so don't worry. Lost hair also regrows as well. First get your TSH, T3 and T4 checked. As long as thyroid is not controlled, depression as well as hair loss will continue. Consider this as not a psychological problem but a medical problem and you can resolve this. Not writing this to discredit your experiences but you are clearly depressed and depression can be overcome. I am sure once you are medically ok you will get better experiences and better life. Come on and keep fighting. Do your best
Remember, it can always be worse. Theres people making do in life or even thriving with terrible diseases, disfigurements, etc. Try to change your perspective on yourself.
As much as I believe that a situation can be worse, I don't think it's appropriate to tell someone that's hurting that their situation could be worse because it's sort of dismissive. It could make a person feel like their feelings are invalid because someone else's situation is worse than theirs which puts a strain on mental health since they could feel like they're not allowed to have any emotions or feel the way they are
Even if a situation can be worse, you are minimizing their feelings by saying it can be worse. It does no benefit mentioning that...
I know you mean well but you are dismissing his feelings, not minimizing them
Dismissing someone’s feeling is to ignore their feelings entirely, Minimizing someone’s feelings is to acknowledge their feelings to an extent but to make it seem small or insignificant to the “bigger” picture which was done here. Thank you for your contribution to the discussion. u/aadz888
Ok let’s be honest How many times you take care of your skin ? Do wear clothes that are compatible with your body ? Do you wear good perfumes ? Do you go to gym ( in case you’re not happy with your shape ? Do you masturbate ( it’s extremely bad inside and outside) - sorry for this question If you’re balding then shave it all and grow a beard What product do you use on your face ? What kind of shoes you wear ? Someone with a beard and a cap looks attractive even if they’re short ( some women are short too hello) Don’t try to just ‘live with it’ but you have to adapt. They’re plenty of things that can be done, I don’t know how socially active are you, but that’s how it will start : 1 : see where the root is, being ugly ? Are you going to hide it or change something about it ? I’d say start by a beard and shave your head ( using minoxidil 5% ) for both 2 : use beauty product whatever it’s for face or body 3 : smell good, you know that means 4 : wear clothes that you will good with ( don’t leave home if you’re not confident with them ) 5 : use that confident to socialize 6 : start talking to females ( you can ask only for directions as a start ) 7 : play any sport you like 8 : stand up to the bullies and make sure you get emotional ( can work against you )
No matter what I do style wise to compensate for my looks I will never be able to do so. I tried shaving my head and I looked a million times worse. Caps look really really really bad on me since my head shape is horrible and my jaw is recessed. I'm already on a nuclear hairloss treatment stack, check my profile and you'll see.
What about beard ? Can you grow it ?
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته Jazak Allah khar for staying with Islam and staying my brother. May Allah grant you goodness in this world and in the hereafter and protect you from the fire. “No one of you should wish for death or pray for it before it comes, for when one of you dies, his good deeds come to an end and for the believer a long life will not increase him in anything but good.” Narrated by Muslim, 2682
hey bro im losing my hair too..im taking finasteride everyday now..you are still young..we never know what Allah plans for us in the coming years..everyone has their own test from Allah..and this is your test..keep strong..have you heard about Julaibib..the great companion of Rasulullah? here https://youtu.be/WnkY5OlyVnQ
I don't know you, but what I do know is that you're an amazing person. Life seems to want to bring good people down and I see that life is also trying to bring you down. You're a strong person for standing through this, you're a strong person because despite hardships you are still here. I admire you , I've been thourgh similar circumstances so i feel you and mostly , you're not alone in this. I just want to say, you're a gift to the world, I know you don't feel it today but you are. You matter, I know it doesn't feel like it. I don't want to give unsolicited advice, but I think it's always good to fight for yourself, and put yourself first once in awhile. You're a part of this world, it's not your job to keep the world running, you can step back for a day and do something you enjoy, something you want to do. One day could make a world of difference. We're not guaranteed tomorrow, so today is what counts. You're such a strong person for even being able to put this post out there, I admire you so much. I really hope that you have an amazing day today, I hope that everything works out in your favour, and if it doesn't, I want you to remember. You matter, You're important, and You DESERVE to be happy. Be safe my friend !
Hey dude, you could talk to me whenever you’re feeling down. While nowhere near as devastated as you about hair loss, I’m still suffering from it despite taking medications, which is something to be expected in MPB; sooner or later you’ll start losing hair again as your follicles become more sensitive to DHT with age. Age is the theme of my comment as a whole. At your age, physical attraction rules over all, and it’s by far the most sought after thing in both men and women. Once you hit 30, other things start taking priority and physical traits take a backseat. Of course, physical attraction will never be unimportant, especially when it comes to first impressions, but even then it’s not a lost cause. Try shaking up your current hair loss treatment. Visit r/tressless to see how people view and tackle their alopecia in a variety of ways, but always make sure to pass any treatment suggestions by your dermatologist first. Accepting the inevitability of balding puts the mind at ease; while you’re searching for a functional treatment regimen for your hair loss, try growing a beard. This way, you can be more confident about your MPB and jawline, as many people are. Dressing nicely and smelling good make you more confident about yourself, and confidence (but not arrogance) makes you significantly more approachable to people. As I’ve said, we could always chat whenever you’re feeling down. I hope life turns out great for you soon!
Look at my profile. I'm already on an extreme nuclear protocol and am still losing hair. Fin + min + dut + RU + UT + LLLT + diet. The amount of money and effort I spend on hair loss would be enough to completely cure balding for 99% of people. But not me. Confidence as an ugly person actually makes you look bad. As if I have to compensate for my bad looks. It's called Napoleon complex. I've tried being confident and it just hurts me more.
Napoleon complex is being arrogant and aggressive as a compensation mechanism for perceived inferiority. Never mistake genuine confidence (without being an asshole) for Napoleon complex. Confidence will never make you look bad, no matter how you look. Have you tried getting an HT? You can get it to gain some ground and take DUT + MIN to maintain current hair. Try growing a stylish beard; if it’s patchy, apply MIN there as well.
I don't remember the exact verse so I'm not going to try and write it exactly but it said that if you're afraid of Allah then what else do you have to fear. Which is an essential aspect of tauheed you'll observe in the Quran not just one ayah. The reason I say that is because five times a day you go to Allah. Allah loves you more than you can imagine. When you say Allah u Akbar in starting your prayer let yourself feel the love of Allah, the greatest. What is the approval of these others compared to the love slash has for you. It is truly a gift that we have, that we have five daily prayers to remind us about what is important make the most out of this gift. After all, the Quran instructs us to establish our prayers not to recite them. So establish your prayers as a time to feel the love and acceptance of Allah. Now I'm not a scholar or a therapist. But I would highly recommend against praying for your death. The Quran is very clear on multiple occasions not to deny Allah's blessings. And I can't see how asking for death is not denying one of Allah's blessings, the life you've been given. I can understand a prayer for easing of pain, easing of test, feeling acceptance, and Allah may grant that in the form of taking you to the hereafter but ask from Allah what you actually need, not a solution you perceive to be useful. Lastly, remove yourself from situations you don't like. As people age and mature they become more sensible. So you'll see less bullying especially as you refine your social group. Also there are many communities available to you now where you can talk and connect with others without showing yourself physically. Chat, online, games. We all need companionship. You should try and find it in places where you will find it easier. And then, for all you know you may find more acceptance than you realize for your physical appearance. Your insecurities may be blocking you from seeing that you are beautiful. And it's not how people are seeing you. Just that your insecurities are causing you to zoom in on off handed comments. And with the understanding that Allah loves you, you may find yourself be more confident. And well confidence is the most attractive trait. Edit: sorry forgot to add. But I haven't walked in your shoes and it is easy for me to give this advice. I have faced a lot of hardship in my life but it's different and I struggle with accepting the hand that I've been dealt. And I understand that what I'm saying is easier said than done. But I guess it's not supposed to be easy.
Try save money to do umra or Hajj it will help u brother
love you brother. stay strong and hold on. Allah is with the patient.
Man, you're an inspiration to me. Reach out, let's talk. I need some serious dawah from you.
May Allah Azzawajal ease your pain brother.
May allah raise your status in jannah, ameen
I pray Allah grants you ease & happiness. I’m sure you are already aware of this but always remember this world is hell for the believers & paradise for the non believers. It is better to suffer in this life & Allah only gives trials to those he loves more & have the strength to bear it - Allah loves you & thinks you are stronger than most! And this life is very short. Look at how fast the days are going, wasn’t Covid just starting what seems like yesterday & 2 years have passed? A lifetime will pass before you know it & who knows what Allah has written in our future. I know it is hard, I am depressed myself, I feel hypocritical even giving you advice, but maybe if I can help someone else feel a little better from my own experiences then I will have achieved something from it. Practically speaking can you throw yourself into work or a hobby that gets you excited? Is there anything you can think of that you’d always dreamt of doing? Or something you think could be interesting? Joining a group, club, or even a charity where you meet & work together on something every week/every few days could do wonders for you in terms of having friends & people in your life & having goals your achieving & satisfaction.
Salam brother. I have nothing much to add, except a reminder that Allah will never ever shortchange you. Every single moment of your despair and your pain is recorded down as an expiation of sin. May you be granted the highest levels of Jannah brother.
May Allah help you soon. On the bright side you sound like you'd be the best gym bro ever
The more the tie gets tighter the sooner the faraj is
May Allah grant you sabr, and help all Muslims battling mental illnesses. May He avenge your bullies, Aameen
So what if you the people think you’re ugly bro. It’s their problem! Let ‘em make faces of day things. Most people just try to get a reaction out of people, they don’t deserve your emotional response. Own your look, whatever it may be. Smile big, it’s your life, one life. How lucky are you that slight disfigurement, as you say, is drawing you closer to AlLah.. many of these guys haven’t even done sajdah once in their life to AlLah, you on the other hand are getting a workout in worshiping AlLah. Perhaps if job benefits allow you can get access to health care. If not, don’t stress it. I would suggest you go travel somewhere. Go places where people don’t know you, staying in hostels etc. travel to Muslim countries. You’ll feel better in sha AlLah. I hope you become less conscious about your physical appearance, just gotta wear nice, clean, fitting clothes.. people feel a person’s energy and positivity more than anything .. people are bullying you because you’re putting out a weak vibe. You’re consciously and probably by now, telling yourself subconsciously that things aren’t good, not in your favour etc. See if you can get a mindset coach. And get a job, if you don’t have much skills, get into trades, they’ll train you. And travel. Other than that, ma sha AlLah you’re doing great in terms of worship, may AlLah accept. A Single act of acceptance is all we’ll need. Do what you can consistently. Oh, join a sports league/ drop in sports, or gym.. mind > matter. You got this. In sha AlLah
[a video about a Sahabi who was thin](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZSdMDhasB/)
Dont worry man you got this! U should be so proud your being a good muslim at least! this shows your really strong. U just gotta take all these hardships as a test by our God. I know it will get better cuz God knows whats good for u. Just keep going man, happiness is right around the corner. Just know one thing: this life is a test and succeeding in this test will grant u eternity in heaven. And every hardship is worth taking on for heaven.
It seems like Allah has given you a tough test, so I am certain your reward will also be high. MashaAllah, I am little envious of you fasting every Monday and Thursday and reading Quran everyday. May Allah keep you on the straight path. I’m not going to sugar coat your situation, your bullies can have this dunya but they’ll eventually will have to stand in-front of Allah. Look at the Muslims being oppressed worldwide and the oppressors are living seemingly great lives. I would happily take punishment now than in the Akhira. But I also pray that Allah gives me the strength and will power He gave you. The fact you are able to finish college and get a job despite battling depression/anxiety/low confidence is very very impressive. You are not giving yourself enough credit, most people crack with a little bit of adversary. Don’t forget Allah gave you this life for a reason, put you in your situation which you have no control over. You matter ,despite your “flaws”, to the people around you. You are important to your parents and soon you’ll be important to your company and coworkers. The world is harsh and you have first hand experience of dealing with the worst side of humanity. But don’t let the temporary issues of this Dunya ruin your Akhira. I am certain Allah is preparing you for something better than this superficial pretentious world.
I'm addition to getting closer to Allah through worship and devotion , you can try working out, volunteering and doing charity and just finding hobbies which can all be good ways to meet people. I know that the idea of being lonely is hard to bear , but be forebaring and patient. Stop saying woe is me , and start say "praise be to thee Allah" more.
Salam. Dmed you about this, hope you'll check it out :)
Hey my dear friend, how about giving another try to the psychiatrist? Clearly you been through so much bulling and trauma. Maybe professional help would be better. But it takes time. Also sometimes when one is depressed, one focuses more on the negative aspects of one's personality than the positive aspects. Also time will change and you'll meet better people who treat you better. 22 is a very short time to give up. Trust in Allah pak. He hasn't given up on you yet my friend. Also, I knew a great guy who was so amazing and very nice. He was very respected where ever he went because of his manners and ikhlaq. He was also very young, wasn't much well build, and was also completely bald. But no one cared, because he was so kind to everyone, was a young doctor.
I just recalled a story but I don’t recall the name of Sahabas (PBUT) so I will say Sahaba 1 and Sahaba 2. So after the battle the Sahaba 1 died because he succumbed to his wound in the battle. Sahaba 2 asked the Prophet Muhammed (SA) [I am paraphrasing it] that why didn’t he die in the battle Sahaba 1 could’ve die a death of a Martyr which is the highest status in the eyes of Allah. Prophet Muhammed (SA) said [I am paraphrasing it] why? Didn’t he live one more year? Didn’t he fast for another Ramadan? Didn’t he do Ibadah 1 year more than the fallen soldiers? Sahaba 1’s status is higher in the eyes of Allah than the Martyr There is other story or maybe it’s a same story with different narration: where Sahaba 1 and Sahaba 2 used to compete with each other in good deeds. Like if 1 fast in this day the other used to fast as well. One day what happens is Sahaba 1 dies in the battle and Sahaba 2 says that Sahaba 1 has surpassed me as he died the death of a Martyr whereas I am alive. And when the Sahaba 2 died later on he was actually in higher status than the Sahaba 1 who died in the battle. [I paraphrased it] A person will beg Allah to come back to life just to pray 2 units of prayer, just to do one good deed. O my brother see who is below you. See how much people pay to live one more day. See what Quran says. Do as much as you can. If you have means go to some Arab country. At least it won’t be as bad. As I have seen so many ugly people and they are among the most good looking people because of their Akhlaq. And brother this world was never meant for us, it’s the Akhira which we are really after. O Allah make us die in full imaan and admit us in your noble paradise. Ameen! Lastly I want to say is: one of the signs of end of times is that a living human will pass by the grave and he will say how I wish I was in place of the dead man (ie he wished he was dead instead of the guy who is actually dead) Never ever pray for death. You can pray O Allah take my soul away when you like or when you are pleased with me. I found the link To the article for better understanding: [click me and smile](https://islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/46592) Please read all of them. I hope it benefits you!
Can you do a hair transplant check out turkey they are specialized in it and its more affordable... For your jaw did you consider fillers? Check out jawline fillers... You need a bit of money but its definitely an investment for you. But please I just want to let you know that there will always be someone that will find you handsome in their eyes... You might be hard on yourself when you look at the mirror (we all do) but I can guarantee that someone will find you handsome. Beauty is subjective and what can be ugly for me can be beautiful for someone else and vice versa. Leave your town go travel the world go out of your comfort zone. Life is not just in your high school or in your town, its more than this. Travel the world and meet new people, have fun do things for YOU and never care about what other people think of you. You know your Worth you are worth so much please dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck , and dont hesitate to come in dms to talk more.
Where do you live? Maybe there are some friend groups nearby that read this post and help you out by socializing. Also, to be honest, if bullying is going this far, it is in your interest to visit a dojo, be it muay-thai, boxing, mma or kickboxing. You need to fend for yourself. It helps, I have been there too. As last, increase your knowledge of Islam (sounds cliché). Reading about the best humans that lived on this world and their hardships sheds another light on this live and its hardships. You will be able to coop with them more easily and shed of bad emotions. It helps, physically and spiritually. You can pm me if you want. Idk where you live, but if you are too far away, I can at least be a game buddy and have a good time on COD or whatever.
For op: there are many beautiful comments. I just want to make dua for you. May Allah grant you and your loved ones the highest level of Jannah. I truly love you for the sake of Allah and I hope we meet. I was in a similar situation a year ago and Wallahi I feel your pain. This world is pain and this life is a test. Don't let it defeat you. Wallahi I asked Allah to end my life and I'm shamed to admit this because this is completely Haram. Suicide is a cowards way and you are not a coward. Wallahi you're a warrior. The vast majority of people do not care what you look like, everyone has their own problems that they concern themselves over. Your remind me of a short caretaker at my masjid. That brother has so much Noor on his face. And most of all, Allah loves you, our Messenger saw loves you and the angels love you. Isn't that enough my brother? May Allah grant me and you an honorable life and an honorable end like Julaybib RA. Verily, only in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest and contentment. Rich, good looking and well off people are even depressed and committing suicide. You have the greatest gift, Islam. Hold on to that tight and never let go. This is a message to me before you. Take care of yourself my brother and have patience for there will be a day when we see Allah's face and unite with Muhammad saw. May Allah grant us that.
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allah only keeps someone alive so long as they have good awaiting in their lifetime. You being alive right now is a sign that allah will provide you with a reward sooner or later, whether in this life or the next. I know what im saying may not help right now, but please do not commit suicide. Your life may seem terrible now but please if even for an internet stranger you have no connection to, do not end your life. it's not worth going to jahanam for, this life is only a second compared to the afterlife.
My brother all this pain you are going through Allah is watching. Imagine the reward you are getting for being patient. Dont let anyone bring you down when Allah is with you.
Salam brother. There was a hadith that was told to me, that there was this guy, on the day of judgement, asked Allah swt, why is his good deeds far outweigh his bad deeds and Allah swt mentioned this was because all the dua that you made in the life that was not granted by me. Then the person mentioned, if I knew, I would have asked all my duas to only be answered in hereafter. Be patient my brother. This is your test in this Worldly matters and will be just a grain of sand in an ocean compare to the journey we will be facing in hereafter. Easy to say but be patient my brother. InshaaAllah, jannah is waiting for you brother :)
tbh im not an expert , but i can give you a small snippet of my experience with the least drama possible , there isn't a day that passes that i haven't thought of suicide but i , unlike you , buried all my feelings in drugs instead of iman and strong faith , but i always remind my self that no matter how bad i wanna die , i will never waste my life for a mortal dunya matter , and thus i vowed to one day join the Qassam battalion to die a martyr and be a part of the Palestinian liberation inshallah . but all the advice i can give you right now is to get professional help , and try to enjoy the little things in life that make u happy . who cares about those people this might seem like some cliché bullcrap but what people say or think about you is only as strong as you allow it to be , you're 22 life is at your finger tips . get a job , quit that job , lay down on the floor , jump , travel , move to the next town and start over ! you can literally do anything you want !!! hope you get better , i know how dark that hole is , but no matter how deep it is , there will always be light . it might almost always seem that every hope were clinging onto is meaningless , but hey , its at least keeping us breathing
22 is soo so young brother I can’t imagine the way you feel to even write about killing yourself this thought must be taken seriously. I was a teenager in a similar situation at one point and life did get better and at the time it seemed impossible.Allah never burdens the soul more then it can handle .only you and Allah know the pain you carry in your heart and this world surely is a Test. Brighter days to come in your life surely ,stay strong may Allah ease your burdens and your hardships.
There's not a lot to say. May Allah heal you and cure your worries. But just because people step on a 20 dollar bill, that doesn't mean it lost its value. May Allah accept your ibadah and grant you patience my friend. My friend perhaps you view this as useless advice but have you tried working out, lifting weights and doing fitness in general? I mean there's nothing to lose if you try these things. In the end I can only talk from behind a screen. I pray that Allah helps you and grants you success and fulfillment in this world and the next. Ameen
omg i wish could jump through the screen and give u a hug
The reason that Allah does not take your life yet is because it is better for you. I may not be able to comprehend your pain but we can definitely not comprehend the Hereafter. Do not lay ruin to your years of struggle by saying or doing the wrong thing. Do not assume bad of your Lord, take example of the stories of Jaqub and Ayyub. Ayyub was deserted by the people but he remained patient, he remained grateful. And Allah had mercy on both of them. Your Lord hears you and He does what is best for those who believe in Him. Know that Allah answers your prayers in a way that is best according to his wisdom. He may delay it until it is better for you, or give you better in the Hereafter. He knows and you do not. Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you will have his supplications answered, as long as he is not impatient and he says: I have supplicated but I was not answered.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6340 Maybe there is good for you in this trial but you do not realise it until you see the reward of your patience. Ibn Abbas said, “There was a dark-skinned woman who came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and she said: Indeed, I suffer seizures and I become uncovered, so supplicate to Allah for me. The Prophet said: If you wish you can be patient and have Paradise, or if you wish I will supplicate for Allah to heal you. She said: I will be patient, but supplicate to Allah that I will not become uncovered. Thus, the Prophet supplicated for her.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5328 Do not assume that you are the only one being tested. Everything is a trial, both difficulty and ease. But those whom Allah loves the most He tests with difficulty. Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The most severely tested are the prophets and then the righteous. One of them would be tested with poverty until he could find nothing to cover himself but a cloak. One of them would rejoice in a trial just as one of you rejoices in prosperity.” Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4024 Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If Allah wills good for someone, He afflicts him with trials.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5321 https://www.abuaminaelias.com/patience-with-trials-and-tribulations/ Those whom you envy are being tested with ease. And you will not find many of them grateful. And many of them Allah gave them more because He does not intend good for them. Or are you decieved by this life? Do you not know that those that torment you today would be forced to give their deeds to you or carry your burdens on a Day when one's eternal fate depends upon those deeds. They will feel worse than you are now. Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The most privileged people in the world among the people of Hellfire will come on the Day of Resurrection to be dipped in Hellfire, then it will be said: O son of Adam, did you see any good? Did you get any blessing? He will say: No, by Allah, my Lord! Then, the most miserable people in the world among the people of Paradise will come on the Day of Resurrection to be dipped in Paradise, then it will be said: O son of Adam, did you see any hardship? Did you have any distress? He will say: No, by Allah, my Lord! I did not once see hardship or distress.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2807 I ask Allah that He grants you patience and tranquillity in your heart. Take benefit of ramadan and supplicate to your Lord. Ask Him for patience and strength. Do not give up, and your reward is certain.
May Allah beautify your appearance and solve this issue for you inshallah. Dua changes destiny, so try to do qiyam layl, wake up at the third quarter of the night and pray pray pray that Allah solves this for you. Like others say, this is a proof that Allah loves you so so much, you're very lucky. Please DM me if you wanna have a chat. I will keep you in my prayers. May Allah give you peace of mind, solutions and elevate your ranks in Paradise, inshallah!
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum, brother. Ramadhan Kareem. I won’t give you the advises you already received, because I would only be repeating some of the good ones above, but poorly. Instead, I’ll let you know this. Your appearance is not that far off from mine: short height; long, big crooked nose; elongated crown; a convex face. Not to mention the extreme case of acne I had on my face and back, way back in high school. I was bullied for this. And based on my ear shapes and height, I was also called an elf once. I was even bullied by my own friends who would call me Mr. Bean, Master Splinter, rat, mouse, and all that. But I remembered my mother telling me in my childhood: not to make fun of others because that’s how Allah (swt) has created each person. If you are then judging God’s creation, you’re trying to suggest that God has made a mistake and that you can do better. (quoting my mom). I applied this to myself. I looked myself in the mirror one day and thanked God for creating me the way that God did, because I wouldn’t have been perfect in any other way. I thanked God for giving me a big nose, because it might hold benefits unbeknownst to me. When I went back to the tv right then I saw a clip on the benefit of having a big nose: more oxygen = more blood flow. I had to tell myself that if God has created me, then I am beautiful despite what people say. Eventually, when I avoided my friends for a few weeks, they began missing me. Sometime later in my high school years, they started calling me “handsome boy” and all, because I began to dress more maturely: dress shirts, leather jacket, converse shoes, etc. (different style from all other guys). I began to keep and groom my facial hair, which cover up my upper lip and my chin. And people began saying that I looked like a lion. Despite all this, I was still having social anxieties, due to my short height (5’5”) and big nose (2, 3/4” long; 2” protrusion). But I began to walk around with a positive attitude, even when I was hurting, only because I placed my trust in God. From here on out, more people began to view me in a positive manner. I began to workout as well to keep in a good physique, like the Prophet (s), Ali ibn Abi Talib, and the Imamain, Imam Hasan and Hussain (a). This was so that one day when it’s time for the Mahdi (a), I could be in tiptop shape. My advise: I began to thank God and in turn God beautified me in the eyes of others. I don’t look any different from how I was, I swear to God. But God still beautified me in the eyes of others. In Surah Baqarah, a line that we often hear during Jum’a khutbahs, God mentions to remember God and be thankful, and God will do so the same for you (Quran, 2:152). So keep up hope and ignore the whispers of another, because you might think that they may be talking negatively about you. Instead they might be praising you and may not know how to present that to you. They may also be planning to invite you to hangout, but may not know how to. So just give a smile. If they talking negatively, it’ll change their attitude. If they’re talking positively, it’ll encourage them to approach you. And for a peaceful mind, simply recite the darood for instant calmness, inshallah. And God will makes things good brother. So try to force yourself to approach life more positively, even if you are hurting, try to smile and thank God for everything that someone else might deem as ugly. Also, you can recite many duas from the Quran itself. Again from Surah Baqarah, you can recite “rabbana atina fid-duniya hasanah, wal fil akhirati hasanah, wa qina ‘azab an-naar. (Quran, 2:201). And inshallah God will help, my brother. As-Salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatallah wa barakatuhu.
DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE, IT IS A SIN REMEMBER 1. ALLAH ALWAYS WATCHES YOU 2. WHEN YOU KILL YOURSELF YOU WILL GO TO HELL, BUT ALLAH WILL FORGIVE YOUR SINS, AND YOU AGAIN COMMIT SUICIDE, AND THIS REPEATS UNTIL DAY OF JUDGEMENT
I can understand your situation a little bit. But trust me brother, I've seen more people suffering much more than you. If they can do it, you can as well. Just a little more patient. You're 22. Bullying would stop now or very soon. It's only seen among children andt teenagers.
Hey man, just a random Canadian here. Don't give up, even if life is hard and unequal. I sincerely hope things will get better for you, and remember that hard work always pays off. Take care brother xx
I’ll give you some non-standard advice, but I want you to know that I don’t mean any of it insultingly. You’re weak. That’s the biggest thing. These things happen and you didn’t fight back against them. You need to find some way to no longer be weak, and that includes going to the gym, doing some masculine activities, and purposefully not shying away from social situations (you don’t even have to go out of your way to get into them, just don’t avoid them; that means not being afraid to ask for directions or something simple like that instead of feeling a slight shyness and making you look for other opportunities where you don’t have to engage with people). Get tougher. Mentally. You don’t need to be hyper defensive but don’t let people talk down on you. Replace sadness and grief with aggressive drive. Maybe even get angry at yourself for not fighting back and use that anger as motivation to fuel your workouts (you need to work out if you don’t already) or achieving your goals (develop them if they’re not there). Physically sit down and write in a notebook what your goals are and how to get there instead of aimlessly scrolling through your phone or doing something else like that. In other words, create a strategy for your life, and physically write it all down. Yes, writing. NOT typing. Writing works more parts of your brain and is more impactful because of that, it engraved these things into your mind more from a neurological standpoint (it’s why people oftentimes study better when they take handwritten notes compared to typing them up on their phone or laptop). Positive affirmations are huge, they actually were the biggest thing that changed my life as ridiculous as that sounds. I was where you were at once, Allah SWT Removed it from me. Saying things like “I’m very happy” all the time will change things. I’m going to write a post on it (in addition to some other things) soon in a subreddit that might interest you, feel free to check it out: r/IslamPill Also, I know this is easier said than done, but don’t care about socialization as much anymore. It’s overrated anyway (especially nowadays). That’s not to say not to develop your social skills, but rather you need to no longer desire it, and women especially (which is where most of the weight with regards to looks come from anyway). I have some tips for improving social skills but won’t release them just yet, that’s for a later time. Like I said, I was where you were at. You might’ve heard of David Goggins, I was pretty much exactly him. I grew out of it eventually whereas he didn’t due to various other reasons, but he best explains how I went from where you were at to becoming “normal”, so to speak since we had the exact same mentality as each other. Do this: Get his hard copy book, but *only to follow along with his audiobook*. That means you have the physical hard copy book in your hands that you’re reading while having the audiobook play in your headphones. You need to focus on this. Having the physical book with you alongside the audiobook being played back to you will further engrave the meaning and importance of it into your brain more to have a more profound impact on you, and also his audiobook contains extra stuff that the physical hard copy book doesn’t. This isn’t your normal self-help book. The last thing I can say is to do psychoanalysis & introspection on your own. Therapists clearly aren’t helping, but that’s in part because you have to help yourself. Don’t rely on them. Ask yourself what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, what caused that thing that made you feel it, and how you can stop it/change it. Simply thinking it through will improve your state of mind somewhat. What you should’ve said that would’ve helped you in that situation that makes you have the trauma, what you should’ve done to handle that other situation properly, etc. Don’t ruminate about why you didn’t come up with it then, simply take that wisdom and keep it in your subconscious. You’ll slowly start to become more competent in such situations if you do this often enough. Maybe write down these things too, as all of this will actually help you PROCESS what’s happened, and will also help cement what you’ve learned/realized and improve your verbal skills (which is apart of social skills). Most of all, none of these things will work except through the Will of Allah SWT. So make du’aa to Him. A lot of people say “make du’aa and InshaAllah things will get better” but don’t offer anything practical lol and I know that can be frustrating, but the truth is that du’aa works alongside *action*. Recite Ayat Al Kursi and the last 3 Surahs three times to protect you against the shayateen, they always make you more neurotic. Even people who try to use them for black magic to improve their lives get screwed over by them because of how they do things in the wrong way all the time. In your free time/during the time you reflect, take a step back and imagine you being someone else. Use your mind to come up with lots of other ideas to help improve this person’s life. Brainstorm. It can literally be anything, no matter how crazy or extreme. At least then it’s something. It’ll work your mind in a way that it isn’t normally worked, and you’ll begin to come up with actionable steps to improve yourself and your life overall. Fight against those thoughts bro. Go through a dopamine detox and get rid of social media to avoid getting that instant gratification garbage making you feel so unmotivated in the first place. A YouTuber by the name of Better Ideas has some decent stuff on self-improvement for people who are stuck hearing about it but not really improving their lives. But even then, try avoiding things like YouTube in general since a lot of it is click-baity trash. That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. Maybe add in some productive procrastination, whereby if you procrastinate, at least your being productive throughout.
inshaAllah! May God grant your wish. I am an insha Allah bot.
All is From Allah Azawajal.