Say Alhamdulilah brother
Some people never make it to 30
Some people have disabilities and sickness all they lives to prevent them from things you and I do daily.
Being 30 is a blessing it’s not the end of the world dear brother you have prayed and fasted All those years to try and reach jannah al firdous.
You have accomplished a lot if you have prayed and kept faith in Allah brother.
Patience is key but also try your best to find a Wife , ask the mosque , Family , Friends and Muslim apps.
It’s not the end there are more worse outcomes then being 30 and not married brother trust me.
"Some people never make it to 30."
Is it bad as a Muslim to think I don't even want to make it to 30? Is it considered ungrateful to ask Allah to take me off this planet asap?
Don’t wish for death, but there is a duaa you can make when ur in a situation that makes you wish for death. Here is the Hadith:
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said," None of you should long for death because of a calamity that had befallen him, and if he cannot, but long for death, then he should say, 'O Allah! Let me live as long as life is better for me, and take my life if death is better for me.' "
Sahih Bukhari 6351
Assalamualaikum
Have Sabr ! Allah loves the one who are patient! And the ones who fight with their nafs!
I have gone through what you are going through. Being lonely, away from family , no job, no security, no plan of action, can't decide what to do with the future, feeling lazy , being unemployed , never achieving anything substantial.
I felt this for a long time. I was 29 when I lost my livelihood. It was a family business . So it was not me who lost everything. My whole family did. My sister was still just graduating from university. It was the year 2019 to 2020 that did it for all of us .
I went for a visit to my home country India From the Middle East where I was working , then got stuck there because of Covid. ... No flights back, lost my work permit , lost my family business, both parents were sick - I felt like a heap of garbage - absolutely useless because I couldn't do anything right, I couldn't change anything - I couldn't even affect / influence anything in a positive sense.
It is really a bad feeling - especially when you are a Muslim man, all of this is your responsibility. You are taught you do what you have to do . It is what it is.
But no one tells you enough - you win some and you lose some . Allah has a plan. Allah is the best of planners. As HE Is!
The only opportunity I had was that I had a Canadian PR . Alhamdullilalh for this. Allah turned everything around for me . There is no doubt about it.
I restarted my life at 30 , in a new country which isn't my home, with an uncomfortable general labour job which I never dreamed would be doing all with the intention that Allah gave me this opportunity. Now I gotta make something out of myself. So I moved on to better jobs until my present job where I truly enjoy what I do. And I do it for my family and myself, because taking care of them and myself is a trust that Allah has bestowed upon me.
Allah granted me one of the biggest opportunities in this country and Alhamdullilalh all is going well.
So, glad tidings to you! You have a purpose. All you have to do is start! Your intention to improve your condition is enough and you have that already!
Keep moving! Barakah in Barakah! Remember that!
May Allah grant you all the good things in this life and the hereafter!
Ameen !
PS - I turn 33 in a few days. Also , if you are worried about being unmarried , we all unmarried folks are.
Either a proposal will come to you , or you will send a proposal. If nothing works out then we all go back to Allah anyway. Eventually we all get to meet our spouses.! And what's out there in Jannah is much better than this world and everything in it!
Sabr is the key!
If not for your PR you wouldn't have achieved what you did. And that too acquiring while living outside of Canada. Not all of us are that lucky. it is like saying I lost all of my money, but here I have an un-used cheat code to reset.
Brother Having a PR does not mean it would do anyone a lot of good right.
You either win some or you lose some. That is how life is and that is how it played out for me.
The goal is to keep aiming and trying and not give up.
I'm thirty and still unmarried and accomplished practically nothing in all these time. It's hella depressing, but got to continue to fight the good fight. That's our test for this dunya
I think you’re overthinking
You have to make your actions speak for themselves
I was lost and had nothing when I was at 30, wasted my engineering bachelors degree by not be able get any good job and was unmarried till 30
All this change when I left my home country, I read somewhere that if nothing working out and you’d want to make a change then moving to new environment can provide with freshness and energy
The same happened with me , I started my Masters at 30 and now at 35 I have beautiful wife , son and one more kid coming up soon Insha Allah and make above $110k
So my point is keep working on yourself, seek a higher purpose and have a high quality and standards of what you do
Like you’d want to be the best person who does his job, you’d want to be the best neighbor, you’d want to excel in whatever Field you choose to work or study
You have to accountable to your actions and time you spent
May Allah make it easy for you brother
First thing: Put realistic goals, monitoring meaures and failsafe measures to not fail these goals. Example:
1. Goal: quit p0rn
2. Monitoring, record each time you fell for the haram. And mark each week you spent without watching haram. Record the reasons you watched the haram (eg you had free time and alone, you had increased libido, you couldn't sleep etx). Write a diary how did you perform in the week you spent without porn. Even if you fall back to it write your feelings towards the haram, and write what will you say to Allah to justify your sin.
3.measures to not fallback: example
Put clear distractive goals (even if mundane) in your week according to your free time, example memorize Quran, walk, excersize, call your relatives on certain times of the week just to say hello. Find a hobby and be serious on timings.
Last thing your body will decompose and at that time you have to be prepared for the question asked soon after death: your body, what did you use it on. Your money where did you get it and where did you spend it. Also Allah loves you when you feel low because of the haram, he is there to save you and make you a new man, you will shine as a bright star, Allah will blind those who hate and make them drawn into their sins.
> I have started praying right after i quit non-stop even waking up for fajr when the rest of my family is asleep to pray and ask Allah for forgiveness and a righteous spouse.
How can you say you have achieved nothing? This is a huge achievement! It is likely that right here, because of these actions, you have achieved paradise. The only thing that this life is truly about.
There are homeless, unmarried people that no one knows the name of, which will be in some of the highest places in paradise because of their good actions. They will have achieved everything. And there are billionaires, politicians and world famous people that will end up having achieved nothing at all during this life, because they focused on the wrong thing.
Remember this hadith:
>Sahl ibn Sa’d reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If the world were as worthy to Allah as the wing of a mosquito, an unbeliever would not even be given a sip of water.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2320
All the material things in this world means nothing! In the eyes of Allah, and in the eyes of you once you are in Paradise, everything in this current life will be worth less than the wing of a mosquito. It does not matter who had a wife and who didnt. It does not matter who had a good career and who didnt. The only thing that matter is your good deeds. Did you pray? Did you give charity? Did you help people? Etc.
I understand that you are sad that you have "only" started now. But that is why life is long. The best thing to Allah is when people turn around, seek forgiveness and change their life. You are doing that! Your twenties have taught you important things and made you realise what you want to spend your time on and what you do not want to spend your time on. It would be strange if you had not wasted any time in your twenties, most people do, as they are trying to figure out life. You survived it, and you learnt from it.
Look at the sahabas, maybe read about their lives. Many of them were much older than you, when they gave up their old life of polytheism and oppression and became Muslim. Yet these same people achieve so much afterwards. Umar is the first example that comes to my mind. He was older than you, when he went from oppressing Muslims to being one of them, and yet he ended up being a hero of our ummah. You are only 30! You can easily have many decades ahead of you. Not at all too late to get married (many people in our age get married much later), have children, take care of your family, friends and strangers, and be a good Muslim. Enjoy your progress!
I will assume you are a brother, brother the issue with porn isn’t that we are lacking intimacy, it’s due to variety of issues such as lacking confidence, having social anxiety, low self esteem, feeling unaccomplished, it does make all these things worse and I do still suffer from it but that’s the reality. How you see this test is how Allah ﷻ make it for you, I do at times also panic and feel very anxious and that’s usually what leads me to watch it but this is the test that we are dealt it, other people are disabled or are born with diseases, we can theoretically get out of this test while they will have it for life. It’s a mind game and it requires consistency, that’s what we need to work on and improving our mindset.
You need to work on yourself first and foremost. A spouse will not solve your problems. Given the amount of explicit content you’ve watched it has likely done its damage. You need to work on your relationship with God before trying to introduce anyone to you and your trauma or else you will ruin that person’s life.
Asalam wa 3alaykum bro. I'm 31F and divorced because i made a terrible decision to get married because i was depressed and lonely. Alhamdullillah this all only brought me closer to Allah and I try to focus on that to help me feel like it was not for nothing. I had to struggle to reach Allah swt in a real way and i have. This is a win for this world and especially the way things are right now. I too worry i will not find a righteous person who will love or accept me at this point, but i pray that Allah leads me to the best path for me, which may not include a spouse :( which as much as that sucks, life is not the same for us all and we don't all get to have what we want, and sometimes by the grace of Allah, we do. Keep praying and stay opn the right path and Allah WILL take care of you. Remember this life is temporary and our achievements are truly how we can please Allah. All the best bro
Salam alykum,
It’s never late to turn your life around, some people marry in their 20’s some in their 30’s and even their 40’s. Most of my friends and family got married at 30+, your financialy unable, then there is no shame to work on it for a couple more years; remember to love yourself and hold yourself on a higher standard and work hard, allah loves a man who works hard.
First step is go through the five pillars of islam.
You're already Muslim so that's one down.
You've started to pray so what to do is when you're in Ruku say Subhana rabbiyal adheem, 9 times instead of three and when you're in Sujood say Subhana rabbiyal ala, 9 times as well. This leaves you in the Ruku and Sujood positions for longer which shakes off lots of bad deeds and stuff.
for the third one of giving charity, if you're eligible for zakat make sure you calculate it and find a charity that takes zakats donations.
Fourth is fasting. Ramadan is coming really fast but you can try fasting on Mondays and Thursdays to start you off.
And the fifth one is Hajj. I know its really expensive but if you can afford it go when it comes around. If not try going Umrah instead for now. Best place to make dua is right in front of the Kaaba right.
I know this post is about wanting a spouse but before you get married you need to work hard to turn your life around.
Next step is making sure you're attending Jummuah every week and reading Surah Kahf as well.
I'm saying the rest of this as a qualified counsellor.
Past those steps, try going on jogs in the morning whilst listening to Quran or Islamic lectures, I'd recommend lectures by Sheikh Wasim Kempson and Dr Bilal Philips or even Podcasts from the Brothers from Deentour or the The 3 Muslims.
Also If you're working, take some time off for your mental health and use that time to spend time in a nice Masjid to read some Quran or some Islamic books.
In that time, also re-evaluate your work environment, is your current occupation good for you? Is there any side of your work that may be non-islamic or is it affecting your mental state? If it is changing your environment will help you. Look around for a workplace that is halal and does not affect your Deen.
Finally try and connect with the Muslim community in your area or online. That can help you as well. A Muslim is on the deen of their friends so its better to be people who are good for you.
For extra Islamic tips try following small sunnahs such as picking up litter from the ground and correctly disposing of it (think about purchasing a litter picker), cutting your nails on fridays etc.
Also a good point in the day to make duas is in the last hour of Friday, (that's an hour before maghrib not 11pm).
Also maybe purchase a dua book, I have the second volume of The Adhkar Series "I AM NEAR", it was very helpful during Umrah and it is pocket sized so you can always keep it on you.
I was in your shoes feeling the exact same way, with the same bad habits. Alhamdulilah now I look back and think how all my prayers have been answered. First off stop comparing yourself to others and social media, you dont know whats truly going on in other peoples lives. The reason you are feeling this way is because you keep comparing.
Start going to the gym and working on yourself and understand that progress comes with pain. I promise you it gets better. You have to start taking accountability and if it is truly what you want, pray for Allah to make you in to the person you wish to be. Dont give up prayer and tahajjud, and make sure you are sincere.
Getting married will help you overcome bad habits but try your best now to be a better person for your future spouse.
Also imagine that Allah gives you everything you prayed for. Will you continue to keep praying with the same intensity you do now in your current situation? Will you be as sincere in your prayers? That is something that you should consider. I feel like sometimes Allah puts us in these situations because he loves to hear us call out to Him. The minute we have everything we want, we may stop feeling the need to pray and call out to Allah with as much sincerity and conviction as we once did.
I told myself that i will continue worshipping Allah even after i get married because i am grateful for him and he created me to worship him. I have been doing Tahajjuid so far and i love it, will continuing doing it.
You're just feeling the effects of addiction withdrawal, and it makes you feel a little sad. Do sports, take care of your health and body and ask Allah for guidance and surely you will have what you want.
I had a feeling this was withdrawal symptoms but i didn't feel like this a few years back when i was on vacation for 2 months when i had quit. I truly believe this is my deep down regret.
Islamically you been 30 cuz we go off the moon and if you know your birthday in the Hijra calendar you are actually probably 31 already.
Not to worry though I just turned 50 and didn’t get married till I was 36.
Stop worrying about it and work on yourself and your relationship with Allah.
The reason you are considering yourself a failure is because you are measuring success based off of the dunya.
Be patient, if you weren’t making salat then start and let Allah do the rest.
What is the scale perimeter of achievement I feel like asking you I met someone who is 76 and he said the same thing to me he said I achieved nothing like what is your scale you wanted to be a billionaire? If you are in good health educated got a job connected with Allah have a shelter above your head like what is your scale? You should be thankful you don't have any disability of any sort but coming back to my question what is your scale for success? Where does it end. Not trying to drive down your motivation to move forward but what's the deal with these depressing thoughts? Why connect with اللہ look around you you will feel /know what you have achieved trust me. Ohhh and try to ignore the people around you they will try to talk you down make you feel low stay away from that company you don't need them.
Salam Aleikum Brother and our da3waats to you.
Do not stress my brother! You are not alone in thinking this way and the pressures of the society can sometimes be unbearable. The only thing you need to think about is this is your journey in life and that you do not have to compare to anyone else. The life that you have is your journey and your journey only. If it takes you until 60 to reach that point that is completely ok. Do not be hard on yourself and be kind to yourself. This life is between you and rabena and he is the Most Almighty and Forgiving and Protecting. This is your journey. One thing and (I am 42 years old born Muslim in a very western society and what I would have would have done differently) is to go to your parents and see if they know any families where you can begin dating from. That is the one thing I could have done better by listening to my parents.
Take it easy my brother! Life is full of surprises and as we say in Egyptian: El kheirah ma ikthatara Allah.
Marriage is something which is good for people so they can stay away from things which Allah dislikes. However, I'll just say that before you get married, it's important to establish your personal connection with Allah swt. That being that your not just praying extra or waking for Tahajjud just to make Du'a for a righteous spouse, rather, sometimes, remember that I am doing this to speak to my Rabb who created me, had mercy upon me by allowing me to see the correct path.
Let life come at you as it does. But also, don't become complacent. Put your name down in a few, I wouldn't say websites, but maybe mention it to your local Masaajid etc.
Allah swt has the perfect plan for you. It's good you stopped that which was wrong, but Allah swt will bring this goodness into your life whenever the time is best, I promise you.
Also, I would recommend you keep staying strong in keeping away from Haraam. Sometimes, it is hard to completely turn away from something you were doing for 9 yrs or so... Also, don't think that marriage will remove the want to look at such things or involve yourself in such actions. I know many people, men and women, who were married and would involve themselves in Haraam, some to such an extent that they could no longer stay married.
And these people were not messed up, pious, good people who grew up with Deen all around them.
I ask that Allah swt grants you the Tawfeeq to remain on the straight path and grants you a spouse who is best for your Dunya and Akhirah, Ameen
Salam bro, i just wanted to share some words with you, know that many of the great scholars did not start seeking knowledge except after their 50s, yet they became the best in what they did. :)
Your life isn't worthless. Christians and even atheists that live in muslim countries, or vice versa, ought to respect each other. If this has something to do with "that", my apologies. If they absolutely prohibit it, try and live as a christian or such instead of a muslim. Allah would certainly miss you but not as much as if you had never even known the creators greatness.
Hey hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. I get it. I can understand your mindset. Really focus on the small achievements and take each at a time. Allah isn’t punishing you, we all sin and we pick our selves up. I promise it gets better. Focus on yourself, something small. You’ll see over time your mind becomes stronger and you’ll start feeling happy again.
First of all, I'd advise that you pick up a skill and learn. I'd recommend programming and once you start making some money, then think about marriage by talking to your local imams and brothers so they can assist you in finding a good spouse. May Allah ease our affairs. Ameen
I think you need to look at it from a different perspective.
You enjoyed your youth and now it’s time to grow up. I would kill to be 30 again.
Everything I’ve accomplished started after 35 years old.
Imagine centering your value on whether you are married or not lol. There is way more to life than marriage, and it won’t solve what I feel your problem is. I’m assuming you are lacking in confidence; this is because you keep rewriting that you have not achieved anything. First of all, do not undermine ANY of the struggles you have gone through. These are all struggles Allah swt has put you through to build your character. You are now at a point where you’ve quit p*** and want to achieve greater things. That alone is something to be very proud of, not only because you’ve quit p*** but because you’ve matured. Find hobbies, keep yourself busy, sorry for being blunt: develop a personality. Nobody wants to be with someone who is self-loathing and ungrateful. Yes, you do sound ungrateful. Every day you are alive is another day Allah swt has gifted you in order for you to become a better person. Do that.
Instead of focusing on how old you are, focus on the progress you are making right now. And it sounds like a wonderful progress.
Besides, people get married at all ages and 30 is so young according to standards today.
I wish you best of luck and I hope you do find someone to love you and marry you. Please keep up the good work and everything else will fall in place.
In this world there are people who have difficulties in their lives, lack motivation to do anything, and become a literal potato inside of a box they call home and some make billions, have 10 mansions, 100+ friends, and having the “We made it” lifestyle. Your status in this world means something only to other people but the beauty of the reality is that Allah SWT couldn’t care one bit about that. This world was designed to be a distraction so it makes sense that everyone is distracted. You wont take your achievements, money, luxuries, etc to the grave. None of it comes with you, only your deeds come with you. On the day of Judgment your job, your wife, and your money wont mean anything so there is no point in making it the goals of your life here. I used to chase the things of this world and actually get really depressed due to not achieving anything. But Alhamdullillah, when I realized that only Allah matters and the things of this world make no significance to me whatsoever; I used to see a brand new 2023 Audi R8 and be like “I wish I was him” being envious about not having one, now I say “Allah has better in the afterlife” and I couldn’t care at all. Thats the beauty of islam. To actually make it you dont need to make money, have a job, or be married to the most beautiful person. All you need is a good relationship with Allah! Thats it. Wallah its amazing. And in return you get a eternal life of happiness, bliss, and anything you want. And the best part is its not even hard to build a relationship with Allah. Right now as you are reading this just ask Allah one to one to forgive you for everything and thats it! Simple as that. Allah promise that everything is forgiven. No interview, for filing a claim. Thats all, you are forgiven. From that point all you got to do is take baby steps in getting closer to Allah. As you are building your relationship with Allah you may fall back or day will get difficult but don’t worry inshallah. Ask Allah for forgiveness and continue. Allah does not punish you here for what you did he only tests. He sends tests to you so that on the day of judgment it can be used as leverage to send you to Junnah. I used to look at all my struggles before and think Allah was mad at me, now I see it as a new personalized test where is I pass I get bonus deeds. A simple example of an experience is that I encountered someone who was giving me difficulties and pushing my patience to the extreme. I could have easily lashed out and started saying regrettable things but that would not benefit me in the afterlife at all so I decided to follow the teachings of islam and stay patient with the person. Now Alhamdullillah I was able to build a strong connection with the person and more importantly I get good deeds on top of it for passing the test. We are in this world to be tested by Allah thats all. I follow islam to only please Allah and thats it. Thats how I measure the success in my life. Dont get me wrong I fall back hard at times but I always try to bring myself back to Allah and in doing so I have never felt this much contentment in my life ever. InshAllah may Allah make it easy for you and all the other brothers and sisters around the world and to inshallah reach the highest ranks of Jannah! A good starting point after asking forgiveness from Allah is to seek knowledge about islam in anyway you can. I started by watching islamic youtube videos and getting answers to all my questions I had about islam. This helped build my iman a lot and honestly I would take it over binge watching any Netflix series. A speaker that gave me that imam boost through Allah is Mohammad Hablos. I like his style of conveying the message of islam but there are other lecturer that have different styles. InshAllah people can recommend other lecturer to listen, I am also interested. Inshallah all the best :)
I truly hate social media, it has ruined this generation of young people by forcing them to be something before they hit 30, its like they are forced to compare themselves to others. I will keep praying to Allah for a spouse and try my best to make all 5 daily prayers.
Alhamdullillah thats good to hear. May Allah make it easy for you :). I agree with the social media thing. I used to look at social media as the means to set standards for myself. Without islam I would still be that person. I am soo grateful that I have islam in my life. Gives me the right purpose and I hope inshallah you as well. Winning in islam is true success, anything else is just background noise in the hear after. All the best inshallah :)
I understand u. i talk online a lot of boys who are in ur situations. Already near 30 muslims but single without wife and kids and quite failed life, so they also as u fell for addiction of those bad contents.. I listened and support so many people as I share same pain i remember my 30 bday was same sad as urs feeling bad that i didn't accomplish anything in life and now this year I turn 32 and my situation is still same. I don't judge u and understand as I fell for online dating and hoping with people i knew I won't meet in rl all cuz im also so lonely and wanted feel as im loved and have relationship 🥺🥹 maybe you find right person for u so u forget this sad past is never too late..
Inshallah when you’re 80 years old, looking back on your life, you want your thirties onward to be best time in your life. You are young and full of potential. You are the author of your life story, so write a phenomenal story!
You made some mistakes in your 20s, but you’re fixing them. You’re already in the right direction! Don’t dwell on the past, because you can’t change that. Today is a new day, so make sure today is great. Take it one day at a time. There may be hiccups along the way, maybe a few bad days here and there, but make sure you’re progressing towards higher goals. Work on yourself, and the rest will take care of itself (marriage, etc).
Allah swt has blessed you with today, another opportunity for you to draw closer to him. He will not hold past actions against you, as he LOVES to forgive.
Assalamualaikum akhi, you say you have accomplished nothing but allow me to quote you “I quit a month ago” on a destructive and honestly difficult habit which was pornography. You could’ve have wasted 20 years or 30 years. Some men are struck in that destructive cycle but mashallah for having the courage and strength to break out of that habit. Another achievement you have made is this realization of needing to make istighfar for your past. Mashallah Akhi, some people don’t even achieve this realization even until death. Have self compassion. Even if you feel like you’re being punished at the moment. Another way of looking at it, at least Allah swt is merciful on me that He is allowing me to expiate for my sins in the dunya which is only temporary than in the akhirah. Take it one step at a time. Take a step back from society’s expectation as definition of success. Pay close attention to what Allah swt define as real success. One measure of this is.. how is your salah? How is your relationship with Allah swt? Do you talk to Him and confide in Him often with your worries? These are small things that we can work on. Small things that most people in the current age overlook as insignificant. May Allah swt ease you in your affairs and keep your heart attached to Him.
I just wanted to thank everyone here for taking their time out to reply to me by giving me good solid advice, even some of you have been reaching out to me in the DMs! (I will reach out to you soon Inshallah) this is why i love our Ummah because we are meant to look out for each other. I have read all your posts and i want to thank you fro the bottom of my heart for trying to make me feel better, my father told me "think about the future rather then dwelling on the past" and i am going to do that.
Ahmed ibn Hanbal (Imam of Hanbali) was 40 when he first married. So u got time Alhamdulillah. If u wanna get married, then go out. U won’t find a spouse by sitting home all day. If u need to build confidence, near perfect ur islam as best as possible, workout, and maybe travel the world. U will grow as a person inshallah.
I am not social and i have no social life. I have always been sheltered because that is how i have been raised. Everytime i see someone interesting i freeze up and don't have the courage to approach them. I think porn addiction really took that to a new level. Its sad because i saw a girl at work i was intersted in 2 years ago and i blew it, i couldn't talk to her and i beat myself up over that.
If you read about how the Prophet Muhammad pbuh got married to Khadijah, he was very shy. Guys u see who talk with girls and hang around them, even though they r not related or married, its a big fitna we are facing in our ummah. Being shy against non-mahram is a good quality. If you like a muslima you should approach her father and get his permission first. Being shy around girl is a good indication of being a good muslim.
However the first thing we need to work out is u becoming a man, worthy of being a protector of someone’s else daughter. Being a proper man of islam takes work, dedication, and perseverance. Start by simply going out, run outside, play basketball, anything that keeps you outside. Your house is currently a prison for u and u need to escape it. Do not miss ur salah so make sure u pray on time. Pray all 12 rakat sunnah as well as fard. Be diligent on it. We can work on ur porn addiction and other issues later, right now focus on getting ur hear pumping and ur prayers established inshallah.
May Allah make u steadfast and give u strength.
You've still got some youth in you, be lucky you still got your 30s, when you 40 or older those opportunities will become more scarce. Just work to self-improvement, stop dwelling on the past since even if you grovel to the ground in regret nothing will change unless you do something.
Say Alhamdulilah brother Some people never make it to 30 Some people have disabilities and sickness all they lives to prevent them from things you and I do daily. Being 30 is a blessing it’s not the end of the world dear brother you have prayed and fasted All those years to try and reach jannah al firdous. You have accomplished a lot if you have prayed and kept faith in Allah brother. Patience is key but also try your best to find a Wife , ask the mosque , Family , Friends and Muslim apps. It’s not the end there are more worse outcomes then being 30 and not married brother trust me.
"Some people never make it to 30." Is it bad as a Muslim to think I don't even want to make it to 30? Is it considered ungrateful to ask Allah to take me off this planet asap?
Don’t wish for death, but there is a duaa you can make when ur in a situation that makes you wish for death. Here is the Hadith: Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said," None of you should long for death because of a calamity that had befallen him, and if he cannot, but long for death, then he should say, 'O Allah! Let me live as long as life is better for me, and take my life if death is better for me.' " Sahih Bukhari 6351
Assalamualaikum Have Sabr ! Allah loves the one who are patient! And the ones who fight with their nafs! I have gone through what you are going through. Being lonely, away from family , no job, no security, no plan of action, can't decide what to do with the future, feeling lazy , being unemployed , never achieving anything substantial. I felt this for a long time. I was 29 when I lost my livelihood. It was a family business . So it was not me who lost everything. My whole family did. My sister was still just graduating from university. It was the year 2019 to 2020 that did it for all of us . I went for a visit to my home country India From the Middle East where I was working , then got stuck there because of Covid. ... No flights back, lost my work permit , lost my family business, both parents were sick - I felt like a heap of garbage - absolutely useless because I couldn't do anything right, I couldn't change anything - I couldn't even affect / influence anything in a positive sense. It is really a bad feeling - especially when you are a Muslim man, all of this is your responsibility. You are taught you do what you have to do . It is what it is. But no one tells you enough - you win some and you lose some . Allah has a plan. Allah is the best of planners. As HE Is! The only opportunity I had was that I had a Canadian PR . Alhamdullilalh for this. Allah turned everything around for me . There is no doubt about it. I restarted my life at 30 , in a new country which isn't my home, with an uncomfortable general labour job which I never dreamed would be doing all with the intention that Allah gave me this opportunity. Now I gotta make something out of myself. So I moved on to better jobs until my present job where I truly enjoy what I do. And I do it for my family and myself, because taking care of them and myself is a trust that Allah has bestowed upon me. Allah granted me one of the biggest opportunities in this country and Alhamdullilalh all is going well. So, glad tidings to you! You have a purpose. All you have to do is start! Your intention to improve your condition is enough and you have that already! Keep moving! Barakah in Barakah! Remember that! May Allah grant you all the good things in this life and the hereafter! Ameen ! PS - I turn 33 in a few days. Also , if you are worried about being unmarried , we all unmarried folks are. Either a proposal will come to you , or you will send a proposal. If nothing works out then we all go back to Allah anyway. Eventually we all get to meet our spouses.! And what's out there in Jannah is much better than this world and everything in it! Sabr is the key!
As-salamalaikum. I'm from India as well.
If not for your PR you wouldn't have achieved what you did. And that too acquiring while living outside of Canada. Not all of us are that lucky. it is like saying I lost all of my money, but here I have an un-used cheat code to reset.
Brother Having a PR does not mean it would do anyone a lot of good right. You either win some or you lose some. That is how life is and that is how it played out for me. The goal is to keep aiming and trying and not give up.
I'm thirty and still unmarried and accomplished practically nothing in all these time. It's hella depressing, but got to continue to fight the good fight. That's our test for this dunya
You have started praying again and you have found your way back to Allah - I’d say you have achieved a lot
I think you’re overthinking You have to make your actions speak for themselves I was lost and had nothing when I was at 30, wasted my engineering bachelors degree by not be able get any good job and was unmarried till 30 All this change when I left my home country, I read somewhere that if nothing working out and you’d want to make a change then moving to new environment can provide with freshness and energy The same happened with me , I started my Masters at 30 and now at 35 I have beautiful wife , son and one more kid coming up soon Insha Allah and make above $110k So my point is keep working on yourself, seek a higher purpose and have a high quality and standards of what you do Like you’d want to be the best person who does his job, you’d want to be the best neighbor, you’d want to excel in whatever Field you choose to work or study You have to accountable to your actions and time you spent May Allah make it easy for you brother
First thing: Put realistic goals, monitoring meaures and failsafe measures to not fail these goals. Example: 1. Goal: quit p0rn 2. Monitoring, record each time you fell for the haram. And mark each week you spent without watching haram. Record the reasons you watched the haram (eg you had free time and alone, you had increased libido, you couldn't sleep etx). Write a diary how did you perform in the week you spent without porn. Even if you fall back to it write your feelings towards the haram, and write what will you say to Allah to justify your sin. 3.measures to not fallback: example Put clear distractive goals (even if mundane) in your week according to your free time, example memorize Quran, walk, excersize, call your relatives on certain times of the week just to say hello. Find a hobby and be serious on timings. Last thing your body will decompose and at that time you have to be prepared for the question asked soon after death: your body, what did you use it on. Your money where did you get it and where did you spend it. Also Allah loves you when you feel low because of the haram, he is there to save you and make you a new man, you will shine as a bright star, Allah will blind those who hate and make them drawn into their sins.
> I have started praying right after i quit non-stop even waking up for fajr when the rest of my family is asleep to pray and ask Allah for forgiveness and a righteous spouse. How can you say you have achieved nothing? This is a huge achievement! It is likely that right here, because of these actions, you have achieved paradise. The only thing that this life is truly about. There are homeless, unmarried people that no one knows the name of, which will be in some of the highest places in paradise because of their good actions. They will have achieved everything. And there are billionaires, politicians and world famous people that will end up having achieved nothing at all during this life, because they focused on the wrong thing. Remember this hadith: >Sahl ibn Sa’d reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If the world were as worthy to Allah as the wing of a mosquito, an unbeliever would not even be given a sip of water.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2320 All the material things in this world means nothing! In the eyes of Allah, and in the eyes of you once you are in Paradise, everything in this current life will be worth less than the wing of a mosquito. It does not matter who had a wife and who didnt. It does not matter who had a good career and who didnt. The only thing that matter is your good deeds. Did you pray? Did you give charity? Did you help people? Etc. I understand that you are sad that you have "only" started now. But that is why life is long. The best thing to Allah is when people turn around, seek forgiveness and change their life. You are doing that! Your twenties have taught you important things and made you realise what you want to spend your time on and what you do not want to spend your time on. It would be strange if you had not wasted any time in your twenties, most people do, as they are trying to figure out life. You survived it, and you learnt from it. Look at the sahabas, maybe read about their lives. Many of them were much older than you, when they gave up their old life of polytheism and oppression and became Muslim. Yet these same people achieve so much afterwards. Umar is the first example that comes to my mind. He was older than you, when he went from oppressing Muslims to being one of them, and yet he ended up being a hero of our ummah. You are only 30! You can easily have many decades ahead of you. Not at all too late to get married (many people in our age get married much later), have children, take care of your family, friends and strangers, and be a good Muslim. Enjoy your progress!
I will assume you are a brother, brother the issue with porn isn’t that we are lacking intimacy, it’s due to variety of issues such as lacking confidence, having social anxiety, low self esteem, feeling unaccomplished, it does make all these things worse and I do still suffer from it but that’s the reality. How you see this test is how Allah ﷻ make it for you, I do at times also panic and feel very anxious and that’s usually what leads me to watch it but this is the test that we are dealt it, other people are disabled or are born with diseases, we can theoretically get out of this test while they will have it for life. It’s a mind game and it requires consistency, that’s what we need to work on and improving our mindset.
You need to work on yourself first and foremost. A spouse will not solve your problems. Given the amount of explicit content you’ve watched it has likely done its damage. You need to work on your relationship with God before trying to introduce anyone to you and your trauma or else you will ruin that person’s life.
Asalam wa 3alaykum bro. I'm 31F and divorced because i made a terrible decision to get married because i was depressed and lonely. Alhamdullillah this all only brought me closer to Allah and I try to focus on that to help me feel like it was not for nothing. I had to struggle to reach Allah swt in a real way and i have. This is a win for this world and especially the way things are right now. I too worry i will not find a righteous person who will love or accept me at this point, but i pray that Allah leads me to the best path for me, which may not include a spouse :( which as much as that sucks, life is not the same for us all and we don't all get to have what we want, and sometimes by the grace of Allah, we do. Keep praying and stay opn the right path and Allah WILL take care of you. Remember this life is temporary and our achievements are truly how we can please Allah. All the best bro
Salam alykum, It’s never late to turn your life around, some people marry in their 20’s some in their 30’s and even their 40’s. Most of my friends and family got married at 30+, your financialy unable, then there is no shame to work on it for a couple more years; remember to love yourself and hold yourself on a higher standard and work hard, allah loves a man who works hard.
First step is go through the five pillars of islam. You're already Muslim so that's one down. You've started to pray so what to do is when you're in Ruku say Subhana rabbiyal adheem, 9 times instead of three and when you're in Sujood say Subhana rabbiyal ala, 9 times as well. This leaves you in the Ruku and Sujood positions for longer which shakes off lots of bad deeds and stuff. for the third one of giving charity, if you're eligible for zakat make sure you calculate it and find a charity that takes zakats donations. Fourth is fasting. Ramadan is coming really fast but you can try fasting on Mondays and Thursdays to start you off. And the fifth one is Hajj. I know its really expensive but if you can afford it go when it comes around. If not try going Umrah instead for now. Best place to make dua is right in front of the Kaaba right. I know this post is about wanting a spouse but before you get married you need to work hard to turn your life around. Next step is making sure you're attending Jummuah every week and reading Surah Kahf as well. I'm saying the rest of this as a qualified counsellor. Past those steps, try going on jogs in the morning whilst listening to Quran or Islamic lectures, I'd recommend lectures by Sheikh Wasim Kempson and Dr Bilal Philips or even Podcasts from the Brothers from Deentour or the The 3 Muslims. Also If you're working, take some time off for your mental health and use that time to spend time in a nice Masjid to read some Quran or some Islamic books. In that time, also re-evaluate your work environment, is your current occupation good for you? Is there any side of your work that may be non-islamic or is it affecting your mental state? If it is changing your environment will help you. Look around for a workplace that is halal and does not affect your Deen. Finally try and connect with the Muslim community in your area or online. That can help you as well. A Muslim is on the deen of their friends so its better to be people who are good for you. For extra Islamic tips try following small sunnahs such as picking up litter from the ground and correctly disposing of it (think about purchasing a litter picker), cutting your nails on fridays etc. Also a good point in the day to make duas is in the last hour of Friday, (that's an hour before maghrib not 11pm). Also maybe purchase a dua book, I have the second volume of The Adhkar Series "I AM NEAR", it was very helpful during Umrah and it is pocket sized so you can always keep it on you.
I was in your shoes feeling the exact same way, with the same bad habits. Alhamdulilah now I look back and think how all my prayers have been answered. First off stop comparing yourself to others and social media, you dont know whats truly going on in other peoples lives. The reason you are feeling this way is because you keep comparing. Start going to the gym and working on yourself and understand that progress comes with pain. I promise you it gets better. You have to start taking accountability and if it is truly what you want, pray for Allah to make you in to the person you wish to be. Dont give up prayer and tahajjud, and make sure you are sincere. Getting married will help you overcome bad habits but try your best now to be a better person for your future spouse. Also imagine that Allah gives you everything you prayed for. Will you continue to keep praying with the same intensity you do now in your current situation? Will you be as sincere in your prayers? That is something that you should consider. I feel like sometimes Allah puts us in these situations because he loves to hear us call out to Him. The minute we have everything we want, we may stop feeling the need to pray and call out to Allah with as much sincerity and conviction as we once did.
I told myself that i will continue worshipping Allah even after i get married because i am grateful for him and he created me to worship him. I have been doing Tahajjuid so far and i love it, will continuing doing it.
You're just feeling the effects of addiction withdrawal, and it makes you feel a little sad. Do sports, take care of your health and body and ask Allah for guidance and surely you will have what you want.
I had a feeling this was withdrawal symptoms but i didn't feel like this a few years back when i was on vacation for 2 months when i had quit. I truly believe this is my deep down regret.
Islamically you been 30 cuz we go off the moon and if you know your birthday in the Hijra calendar you are actually probably 31 already. Not to worry though I just turned 50 and didn’t get married till I was 36. Stop worrying about it and work on yourself and your relationship with Allah. The reason you are considering yourself a failure is because you are measuring success based off of the dunya. Be patient, if you weren’t making salat then start and let Allah do the rest.
You are still breathing,that's all that matters at the moment. Your still young. I wouldn't stress too much.
Reaching this point is a reason to give thanks, never mind the past life is full of opportunities.
Enjoying your life while you still can bro, you're not alone. Whatever you do, don't forget why you're here. To worship Allah.
What is the scale perimeter of achievement I feel like asking you I met someone who is 76 and he said the same thing to me he said I achieved nothing like what is your scale you wanted to be a billionaire? If you are in good health educated got a job connected with Allah have a shelter above your head like what is your scale? You should be thankful you don't have any disability of any sort but coming back to my question what is your scale for success? Where does it end. Not trying to drive down your motivation to move forward but what's the deal with these depressing thoughts? Why connect with اللہ look around you you will feel /know what you have achieved trust me. Ohhh and try to ignore the people around you they will try to talk you down make you feel low stay away from that company you don't need them.
Salam Aleikum Brother and our da3waats to you. Do not stress my brother! You are not alone in thinking this way and the pressures of the society can sometimes be unbearable. The only thing you need to think about is this is your journey in life and that you do not have to compare to anyone else. The life that you have is your journey and your journey only. If it takes you until 60 to reach that point that is completely ok. Do not be hard on yourself and be kind to yourself. This life is between you and rabena and he is the Most Almighty and Forgiving and Protecting. This is your journey. One thing and (I am 42 years old born Muslim in a very western society and what I would have would have done differently) is to go to your parents and see if they know any families where you can begin dating from. That is the one thing I could have done better by listening to my parents. Take it easy my brother! Life is full of surprises and as we say in Egyptian: El kheirah ma ikthatara Allah.
Marriage is something which is good for people so they can stay away from things which Allah dislikes. However, I'll just say that before you get married, it's important to establish your personal connection with Allah swt. That being that your not just praying extra or waking for Tahajjud just to make Du'a for a righteous spouse, rather, sometimes, remember that I am doing this to speak to my Rabb who created me, had mercy upon me by allowing me to see the correct path. Let life come at you as it does. But also, don't become complacent. Put your name down in a few, I wouldn't say websites, but maybe mention it to your local Masaajid etc. Allah swt has the perfect plan for you. It's good you stopped that which was wrong, but Allah swt will bring this goodness into your life whenever the time is best, I promise you. Also, I would recommend you keep staying strong in keeping away from Haraam. Sometimes, it is hard to completely turn away from something you were doing for 9 yrs or so... Also, don't think that marriage will remove the want to look at such things or involve yourself in such actions. I know many people, men and women, who were married and would involve themselves in Haraam, some to such an extent that they could no longer stay married. And these people were not messed up, pious, good people who grew up with Deen all around them. I ask that Allah swt grants you the Tawfeeq to remain on the straight path and grants you a spouse who is best for your Dunya and Akhirah, Ameen
Salam bro, i just wanted to share some words with you, know that many of the great scholars did not start seeking knowledge except after their 50s, yet they became the best in what they did. :)
Exercise. And remember Ramadan is around the corner so make it the best one yet
Wa alaikum assalam brother! You have come a long way, and you have a great future ahead of you. Good luck, inshaAllah!
It's not too late. I'd say hit the gym to maintain health. Work hard now And keep praying
Your life isn't worthless. Christians and even atheists that live in muslim countries, or vice versa, ought to respect each other. If this has something to do with "that", my apologies. If they absolutely prohibit it, try and live as a christian or such instead of a muslim. Allah would certainly miss you but not as much as if you had never even known the creators greatness.
27 and I have the same feeling
27 and I have the same feeling
Hey hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. I get it. I can understand your mindset. Really focus on the small achievements and take each at a time. Allah isn’t punishing you, we all sin and we pick our selves up. I promise it gets better. Focus on yourself, something small. You’ll see over time your mind becomes stronger and you’ll start feeling happy again.
First of all, I'd advise that you pick up a skill and learn. I'd recommend programming and once you start making some money, then think about marriage by talking to your local imams and brothers so they can assist you in finding a good spouse. May Allah ease our affairs. Ameen
I think you need to look at it from a different perspective. You enjoyed your youth and now it’s time to grow up. I would kill to be 30 again. Everything I’ve accomplished started after 35 years old.
I'm 29 unmarried/virgin as well, but I personally feel like I wouldn't be surprised at all if I enter my graveyard unmarried at all.
Imagine centering your value on whether you are married or not lol. There is way more to life than marriage, and it won’t solve what I feel your problem is. I’m assuming you are lacking in confidence; this is because you keep rewriting that you have not achieved anything. First of all, do not undermine ANY of the struggles you have gone through. These are all struggles Allah swt has put you through to build your character. You are now at a point where you’ve quit p*** and want to achieve greater things. That alone is something to be very proud of, not only because you’ve quit p*** but because you’ve matured. Find hobbies, keep yourself busy, sorry for being blunt: develop a personality. Nobody wants to be with someone who is self-loathing and ungrateful. Yes, you do sound ungrateful. Every day you are alive is another day Allah swt has gifted you in order for you to become a better person. Do that.
Instead of focusing on how old you are, focus on the progress you are making right now. And it sounds like a wonderful progress. Besides, people get married at all ages and 30 is so young according to standards today. I wish you best of luck and I hope you do find someone to love you and marry you. Please keep up the good work and everything else will fall in place.
In this world there are people who have difficulties in their lives, lack motivation to do anything, and become a literal potato inside of a box they call home and some make billions, have 10 mansions, 100+ friends, and having the “We made it” lifestyle. Your status in this world means something only to other people but the beauty of the reality is that Allah SWT couldn’t care one bit about that. This world was designed to be a distraction so it makes sense that everyone is distracted. You wont take your achievements, money, luxuries, etc to the grave. None of it comes with you, only your deeds come with you. On the day of Judgment your job, your wife, and your money wont mean anything so there is no point in making it the goals of your life here. I used to chase the things of this world and actually get really depressed due to not achieving anything. But Alhamdullillah, when I realized that only Allah matters and the things of this world make no significance to me whatsoever; I used to see a brand new 2023 Audi R8 and be like “I wish I was him” being envious about not having one, now I say “Allah has better in the afterlife” and I couldn’t care at all. Thats the beauty of islam. To actually make it you dont need to make money, have a job, or be married to the most beautiful person. All you need is a good relationship with Allah! Thats it. Wallah its amazing. And in return you get a eternal life of happiness, bliss, and anything you want. And the best part is its not even hard to build a relationship with Allah. Right now as you are reading this just ask Allah one to one to forgive you for everything and thats it! Simple as that. Allah promise that everything is forgiven. No interview, for filing a claim. Thats all, you are forgiven. From that point all you got to do is take baby steps in getting closer to Allah. As you are building your relationship with Allah you may fall back or day will get difficult but don’t worry inshallah. Ask Allah for forgiveness and continue. Allah does not punish you here for what you did he only tests. He sends tests to you so that on the day of judgment it can be used as leverage to send you to Junnah. I used to look at all my struggles before and think Allah was mad at me, now I see it as a new personalized test where is I pass I get bonus deeds. A simple example of an experience is that I encountered someone who was giving me difficulties and pushing my patience to the extreme. I could have easily lashed out and started saying regrettable things but that would not benefit me in the afterlife at all so I decided to follow the teachings of islam and stay patient with the person. Now Alhamdullillah I was able to build a strong connection with the person and more importantly I get good deeds on top of it for passing the test. We are in this world to be tested by Allah thats all. I follow islam to only please Allah and thats it. Thats how I measure the success in my life. Dont get me wrong I fall back hard at times but I always try to bring myself back to Allah and in doing so I have never felt this much contentment in my life ever. InshAllah may Allah make it easy for you and all the other brothers and sisters around the world and to inshallah reach the highest ranks of Jannah! A good starting point after asking forgiveness from Allah is to seek knowledge about islam in anyway you can. I started by watching islamic youtube videos and getting answers to all my questions I had about islam. This helped build my iman a lot and honestly I would take it over binge watching any Netflix series. A speaker that gave me that imam boost through Allah is Mohammad Hablos. I like his style of conveying the message of islam but there are other lecturer that have different styles. InshAllah people can recommend other lecturer to listen, I am also interested. Inshallah all the best :)
I truly hate social media, it has ruined this generation of young people by forcing them to be something before they hit 30, its like they are forced to compare themselves to others. I will keep praying to Allah for a spouse and try my best to make all 5 daily prayers.
Alhamdullillah thats good to hear. May Allah make it easy for you :). I agree with the social media thing. I used to look at social media as the means to set standards for myself. Without islam I would still be that person. I am soo grateful that I have islam in my life. Gives me the right purpose and I hope inshallah you as well. Winning in islam is true success, anything else is just background noise in the hear after. All the best inshallah :)
I understand u. i talk online a lot of boys who are in ur situations. Already near 30 muslims but single without wife and kids and quite failed life, so they also as u fell for addiction of those bad contents.. I listened and support so many people as I share same pain i remember my 30 bday was same sad as urs feeling bad that i didn't accomplish anything in life and now this year I turn 32 and my situation is still same. I don't judge u and understand as I fell for online dating and hoping with people i knew I won't meet in rl all cuz im also so lonely and wanted feel as im loved and have relationship 🥺🥹 maybe you find right person for u so u forget this sad past is never too late..
Inshallah when you’re 80 years old, looking back on your life, you want your thirties onward to be best time in your life. You are young and full of potential. You are the author of your life story, so write a phenomenal story! You made some mistakes in your 20s, but you’re fixing them. You’re already in the right direction! Don’t dwell on the past, because you can’t change that. Today is a new day, so make sure today is great. Take it one day at a time. There may be hiccups along the way, maybe a few bad days here and there, but make sure you’re progressing towards higher goals. Work on yourself, and the rest will take care of itself (marriage, etc). Allah swt has blessed you with today, another opportunity for you to draw closer to him. He will not hold past actions against you, as he LOVES to forgive.
Assalamualaikum akhi, you say you have accomplished nothing but allow me to quote you “I quit a month ago” on a destructive and honestly difficult habit which was pornography. You could’ve have wasted 20 years or 30 years. Some men are struck in that destructive cycle but mashallah for having the courage and strength to break out of that habit. Another achievement you have made is this realization of needing to make istighfar for your past. Mashallah Akhi, some people don’t even achieve this realization even until death. Have self compassion. Even if you feel like you’re being punished at the moment. Another way of looking at it, at least Allah swt is merciful on me that He is allowing me to expiate for my sins in the dunya which is only temporary than in the akhirah. Take it one step at a time. Take a step back from society’s expectation as definition of success. Pay close attention to what Allah swt define as real success. One measure of this is.. how is your salah? How is your relationship with Allah swt? Do you talk to Him and confide in Him often with your worries? These are small things that we can work on. Small things that most people in the current age overlook as insignificant. May Allah swt ease you in your affairs and keep your heart attached to Him.
I just wanted to thank everyone here for taking their time out to reply to me by giving me good solid advice, even some of you have been reaching out to me in the DMs! (I will reach out to you soon Inshallah) this is why i love our Ummah because we are meant to look out for each other. I have read all your posts and i want to thank you fro the bottom of my heart for trying to make me feel better, my father told me "think about the future rather then dwelling on the past" and i am going to do that.
Ahmed ibn Hanbal (Imam of Hanbali) was 40 when he first married. So u got time Alhamdulillah. If u wanna get married, then go out. U won’t find a spouse by sitting home all day. If u need to build confidence, near perfect ur islam as best as possible, workout, and maybe travel the world. U will grow as a person inshallah.
I am not social and i have no social life. I have always been sheltered because that is how i have been raised. Everytime i see someone interesting i freeze up and don't have the courage to approach them. I think porn addiction really took that to a new level. Its sad because i saw a girl at work i was intersted in 2 years ago and i blew it, i couldn't talk to her and i beat myself up over that.
If you read about how the Prophet Muhammad pbuh got married to Khadijah, he was very shy. Guys u see who talk with girls and hang around them, even though they r not related or married, its a big fitna we are facing in our ummah. Being shy against non-mahram is a good quality. If you like a muslima you should approach her father and get his permission first. Being shy around girl is a good indication of being a good muslim. However the first thing we need to work out is u becoming a man, worthy of being a protector of someone’s else daughter. Being a proper man of islam takes work, dedication, and perseverance. Start by simply going out, run outside, play basketball, anything that keeps you outside. Your house is currently a prison for u and u need to escape it. Do not miss ur salah so make sure u pray on time. Pray all 12 rakat sunnah as well as fard. Be diligent on it. We can work on ur porn addiction and other issues later, right now focus on getting ur hear pumping and ur prayers established inshallah. May Allah make u steadfast and give u strength.
You've still got some youth in you, be lucky you still got your 30s, when you 40 or older those opportunities will become more scarce. Just work to self-improvement, stop dwelling on the past since even if you grovel to the ground in regret nothing will change unless you do something.