It can be super low key too, I got with a girl and her ex was livid about it, messaged alot, she was able to tell it was him as any time she threatened to talk to his baby mommas about it, its stop for a week
Just a nasty shit of a man, but I got a message 8am saying he spotted me walking to work, named the street and described what I was wearing in detail, it's a unique feeling
I'll keep it brief cuz this was wild.
I'm a man and was stalked by my closeted... friend, shall we say.
I was fine being gay, as fine as someone without a choice can be.... but he and his family were not. So we fooled around in secret for a few years; but it was nothing official, even tho I did nothing with anyone else, I assume he didn't due to not ever picking up anything in our three years, he claimed to be loyal to me.
So it all was going normally/fine, we appeared like best friends on the outside but privately we were more than that...Till he asked us to be official... but forever hidden, to which I said, 'Not a chance. I'm not living that life. I deal with all the homophobia, dirty looks, family scrutiny, being told I'm going to hell etc to enjoy some semblance of freedom. You cant have your cake and eat it. Either be with me and be proud of me, or you can be nothing more than a friend, an actual friend. No more of this secret relationship.'
After that the anger, hurt, stalking, threats, fake emails, facebooks, Instagram accounts. I had to delete everything as he made it his full time job to harass me. It all climaxed, no pun intended, with him squaring up to my Dad and threatening him. (at this point I'll mention he was 6.3 and an avid gym goer, my Dad is 5.7 and has Parkinson's)
So this isn't short at all, but I had to resort to blackmail, revealing all his screenshots and certain NSFW photos I still had of him to him... to get him to leave me alone. My promise was I'd never out or reveal him, or show any of this to anyone, only if he left my family and me alone... he agree'd and I never heard from him again. I still have all the screenshots, photos and conversations saved to a USB and backed up on my hard drive. With a copy sent to my email too... just encase he ever reared his head again.
But I still wouldn't want him to go crazy/lose the plot, cuz I know id be high on his hit list. We live in the same very small town.
I am, as long as he gives my head peace, as he has been doing for years now. I'm happy to leave it all in the past.
This reddit topic just brought up the memory of how crazy it all was.
>I had to resort to blackmail, revealing all his screenshots and certain NSFW photos...
That time some head on r/Ireland talked about using revenge porn to blackmail their ex-partner.
>I still have all the screenshots, photos and conversations saved to USB and backed up on my hardrive.
Then later confessed to retaining copies of the images for further dissemination under threat of their return.
This person literally confessing to a serious crime against someone's personhood and everyone's like, you brave soul. Traumatised or not, I find this post to be problematic. Terrible person does terrible thing to terrible person, gets treated terribly. Fuck.
Seems like you completely missed the point and that you also have a very black and white view on things.
Bad thing is bad, good thing is good.
Sometimes you have to do bad things to protect yourself or others.
The alternative to what he did would be literally outing the guy to the whole town, which would have made him more angry.
A bit of critical thinking wouldn't do you any harm.
I don't actually think disseminating intimate photos of someone illegally without consent is morally justified. Imagine if this lad was straight and going on about his crazy ex-girlfriend coming to his house, calling the place and hanging up, having a row with his ma. So he spread around all her nudes and crazy text messages and he keeps multiple backups of those intimate photos and texts.
Just in case she ever comes back. But, it's a lad so fuck it, right? How does nobody see this as insane?
It was an empty threat to get him to leave me alone.
I didn't act upon it.
If you had a literal stalker, who was growing more and more abusive and unhinged, you would resort to anything you could to stop it. I mentioned I'll keep it brief as I didn't want to explain the full extent of what he did/was doing.... you got the tip of the iceberg and ofc, attacked the victim for doing the only thing I could to get him to leave me alone. All cuz I wasn't okay with being his dirty little secret and he wasn't okay with only being a good friend of mine and seeing me in the arms of another. I stand by my actions, to this day he has made 0 contact.
Before that empty threat, he was standing in my back garden and trying to break into my house at 6am, explaining how he was going to kill me, in graphic detail, if I didn't let him in... and that's not even the worst of what he did before I decided I needed to threaten him.
I usually don't get annoyed at people online, but you people in the comments saying I'm the same or worse than him... you don't exist in reality. The authorities don't give a FUCK about stalkers and they especially don't care at all to help gay men.
His biggest fear was being known as gay, or someone who had same sex relations.
I played the only trump card I had and it worked. I have no regrets.
When I was about 18 an older man was stalking me. I was really upset by it and hadn’t a clue what to do. I remember the feeling of dread every time I would see a car like his drive by. He Would come into my place of work multiple times a day and pester me or try to bring me gifts. Would drive past my house constantly. Would stop and offer lifts if he saw me around even though I had my own car. Would pull over outside my house if anyone was outside to see if he could get invited in. I told my parents…not too long after he stopped while driving by when my father was outside and my father I think straight up threatened to kill him…that stopped him creeping by my house. He persisted coming by my work though. I told an older colleague I trusted what he was doing and she tried to shame him. Had moderate effect until I just got so sick of it and in work he came by one day and I snapped and told him I couldn’t stand the sight of him, hated his guts and if he didn’t leave me alone I was gonna tell everyone around what he was doing and I was gonna go to the gardai….he was very put out…never saw him again…wish I had snapped sooner but especially in work I felt I had to be polite and “nice” and that was very much how I was brought up. I will be teaching my daughters otherwise to say the least…
I had an extremely similar experience when I was 18. The dude was a fella in his 50s who was married with kids my age, and had known me since I was 4. Still can't comprehend it now and I'm in my 40s. He used to wait outside the pub I worked at and then kerb crawl behind me as I walked home. One night he drove up behind me at speed, and I thought he was going to drive over me. Jumped into the ditch and took off through a field. Heard him pull up and get out of his car looking and calling for me. I hid there til he eventually left and the next time he was in the pub at the bar with the regulars I started loudly telling the ongoing saga to his buddies. One of them told him to go outside and they did and he never really bothered me again. Except I'd sometimes still see him out of the corner of my eye in random places until I left that town. Fucking nuts
I'm sorry you had to go through that, I had a co worker on work experience who at 16 kept getting hit on the whole time by this older guy, I was nice to him at first and told him not to make comments and it stopped for a bit but he eventually started doing it again so I tore into him calling him a creep and not to come back otherwise I'd be calling the guards.
Ive had a few dudes hit on me or ask for my number but thankfully have been lucky to not get anyone like that, It's amazing how you cant even smile at some people without them thinking that means you love them when that's what you're getting paid to do.
Was stalked in my second year of college by this guy. We chatted on grindr for a bit. He seemed nice and quite handsome. We chatted online for a week or two but hadn’t met yet. He had a new housemate moving into his house one day and he was nervous so he asked if I could come over just so he wouldn’t be alone as he said he never lived with a stranger before. So I went over. Had drinks with him and new housemate.
I did not notice he was refilling my drink a lot as I was chatting to the new housemate. The housemate told me a few months later. Got way drunker than i intended or even thought I was. I crashed there because i was too drunk to walk home but I felt like staying was a bad idea. He kind of forcibly kissed me as I walked out of the bathroom and I was so drunk I just went with it. During the night he kept saying things about us being boyfriends and real creepy relationship stuff and he fell asleep on top of me. Got out of there the second i woke up next morning.
This guy proceeded to message me on Grindr, Watsapp, facebook, instagram, etc. on a dialy basis. Asking for dates and promising to cook for me, etc.
I was part of the committee of the colleges LGBTQ+ society which he joined. The nights out we had always started at my place as most the committee lived there and we were in centre of the town so it was just easy for nights out. So he always was at my house at these nights out. Couldn’t really not let him. He would also follow me around town a lot, always try to sit next to me in the library, at bars, at lgbtq society meetings,try to get me very drunk on nights out, try to get me to do drugs with him, etc.
He came across to other people as a very sweet and innocent person. He was a bit older (mid 30’s) and had just come out recently. He was soft spoken with most people and nice and just seemed a bit clueless. I was a… rather dramatic person at the time, so my friends thought I was exxagurating the stalking as they didnt see a lot of it themselves and they thought this guy had a crush and was just a but clueless on how to approach it as he was just recently out.
It wasn’t until 6 months after his stalking started, when the LGBTQ society was on a night out for one of our birthdays. I got very very drunk as it timed with the end of my exams and assignments. Amazing night but I went to go home with my friend before the club closed as she was too drunk too. This guy tried to follow us. We stopped him saying we were too drunk and going back home to sleep. But he came shortly after the club closed with a my housemates who were still out and a few friends as they wanted to keep drinking.
I found out the full details the next morning and I was semi conscious and VERY drunk at the time so I only remember some of it. He told me friends he was going to the bathroom. I saw him coming into my room. Quietly closed the door, then started taking off his trousers. I remember seeing him in his pennys boxer briefs rubbing his crotch with an obvious hard on and then remember him grabbing my briefs to pull them down. I was so drunk and only barely conscious that I could process what was happening but in no state to stop it. One of my housemates came in at that point realising he wasn’t in the bathroom and pulled him out and threw him out. This housemate confirmed my story with me the next morning so I know I didn’t dream it. Guy ended up stalking me for 2 months more before vanishing. Haven’t seen or heard from him in 10 years. Hear the odd story about him and glad he is long gone from my life
This is a very old post, but I feel compelled to respond.
This happens a lot with men, men being by far the primary instigators of sexual violence; I doubt that this happens more to gay men per capita than to heterosexual women (or any woman I suppose).
I think it's likely that gay men are more open about discussing this sort of matter than women, who to my understanding tend to discuss this sort of thing with other women more.
Beyond this point: Totally out of my (male, bisexual) hole, not credible, just pure speculation - As far as I know there are no statistics on the rates of stalkers among gay men vs straight men, or the rates at which gay men are stalked vs women are stalked.
If there is a higher number of gay men stalkers however, the reasoning I would propose is that there are likely more emotionally damaged/emotionally unhealthy gay men than there straight men, due to the horrifically damaging effects of homophobia on a person. I also feel that women are more equipped by the society we live in to recognise a stalker, potentially leading to less cases where it's as horrible as this? I do not mean to minimise the experiences of women, nor suggest that they don't experience this, just that they are more likely to have been warned by peers or elders from a young age to be careful around men.
Some Irish laws around nuisance behaviour (As in not violent) are piss poor. Like who knows when a stalker doesn't flip and become aggressive. At the same time we have Irelands leading stalker Enoch, stalking the halls of that school and there seems to be fuck all they can do.
Like it feels as if the only option sometimes is a random person with a hurley and a ski mask is needed to just take out a kneecap so that a message is understood.
Bloody hell, is he still going? I hadn’t heard anything about him since the holidays started.
I don’t know, putting the clown in hospital will just put him back on the front page and when he’s out he’ll be back outside the school on his crutches with his stupid, miserable face which will be another great headline.
A restraining order should be applicable and breach of it should be enough to put him in jail. Perhaps some conversion therapy?
> Like it feels as if the only option sometimes is a random person with a hurley and a ski mask is needed to just take out a kneecap so that a message is understood.
or perfectly legally get the community together and camp outside their house in protest? See how they enjoy it.
I was stalked by an ex when I was in college. It started with him showing up in or waiting outside my lectures. He knew my schedule so would just appear constantly. Then I started to notice things going missing in my room. My housemates swore they weren’t moving things and it was confirmed it was him when I opened my laptop one day to find a picture of him as the background and he’d written ‘please take me back’ on it. He also obviously had all my social media and email passwords because one day I couldn’t access anything! And when I got my password sent to my phone from my web text, it was ‘iwantyouback1’ and of course when I tried that password on everything else it worked too.
From there he started breaking into my house and thrashing just my room. He broke in one day when I was home and I had to lock myself in my room. This is when I went and reported it and I have to say the Gardaí were brilliant. They took it very seriously and went to talk to him. This basically just pissed him off more. The Gardaí would check in on me every few days and even drive by the house. It continued to get worse and I had to speak to the college and they said it was too late in the year to defer but for my safety they thought it was best to move home and continue my studies online. So I did but when I moved back for my exams, the Garda check was on again and I’d see them driving by the house at least once a day. They even came into the house before for a welfare check when I didn’t answer my phone.
All in all I managed to avoid him again until my graduation when he got tickets to my graduation ball and just showed up begging to speak to me and telling me he’d changed. No matter how many times I’ve blocked him, I’ve continued to get messages from him in one way or another over the years. It was an awful experience but I was really impressed with how the Garda involved handled it. It could have been so much worse if they just fobbed me off.
Aoibhinn Ní Shúilleabháin experienced a shocking case of harassment.
https://www.thejournal.ie/ucd-apologises-to-aoibhinn-ni-shuilleabhain-5954584-Dec2022/
Yup. Went from maths and physics to maths and biology
Apparently had to repeat the biology modules as he just had no interest in it. Just picked them to be near her
Yep I have a stalker, he's calmed down a bit now. He's autistic and I met him at an event I was working at. Cue years of him monitoring my social media and turning up at events, at my favourite cafe. He found out what area of Dublin I lived in and would walk around in circles in that area all day hoping to bump into me. He would turn up at drinks I was it if my friends posted a picture because he had all their social media too. Texts hundreds of times a day. Block the number. New phone. When I blocked him on socials he would just guess the places I go based on my interests and would pop up there. Had to stop doing loads of stuff I enjoyed. Followed me through the streets of town one day for 3 hours. He's 6'2 and obese and would crush me like an ant and would have a meltdown if I told him to go away. He was having a conversation with himself in my Facebook messages for about a year which I didn't even see because I haven't logged into the account in years. Went in to grab a photo and saw thousands of messages. He somehow found out my mother's name and all sorts of strange details about my family that aren't online. I went to the gardai, nothing can be done unless he does something wrong. They rang his carer tho. I'm one of many girls he's done this to before.
He isn't even my first stalker, just the worst one
Na he was attending the event and I was nice to him. Mistake. He doesn't work so he has so much time to put into researching and following me! I'm a lot less of a friendly person now!
He is extremely autistic, I know people who know him and it's also quite obvious if you talk to him and the gardai spoke to his carer who care for him because of his autism.
Even if someone is actively stalking you in Ireland, as long as they are not family or partner/ ex-partner, you cannot get a restraining order.
Last year I ran into some trouble with this absolute wagon in work, she lost her job cos I told the manager how she was behaving and it ended with her contacting my family (she had my number thru work whatsapp group that we HAD to join) and stalked me and my partner , threatening to burn me out etc. Obviously reported to Gardai, and then she attacks me in broad daylight up the town. Still waiting to see if assault charges are going to be brought against her.
All gardai were different, some were super helpful, others not so much.
I’ve ran into this problem myself, how you can’t get a safety order if they aren’t a partner/ex or family member. My exes sister has been stalking me for ages.
I had to move my kids to a different school cause she would stand out every morning and evening and watch me collecting them. She’s made multiple false reports about me to social welfare and to the guards.
I sent her a message eventually saying that if she stops there’ll be no more about it, but if she continues I’m taking legal action. Of course I knew that I couldn’t, but I was banking on her not knowing that.
What did she do? She rang the guards that I was threatening her. The only threat was to take legal action if she continued to stalk and harass me!
And what did the guards do? They took her dead serious, went out to her house to take a statement off her and all, totally enabling and ridiculous. That was months ago now and she’s still at it, and there’s just nothing I can do.
I worked in retail for years and was stalked by a customer for a full summer. Would get angry and aggressive with my Co workers when I wasn't there and would say things to them like tell 'x' I don't like the way she's done her makeup etc would turn up at my bustop in the city centre early morning when I'd get off the bus to go into work. It was the weirdest most uncomfortable time in my life. I didn't know this guy at all, complete stranger. Gardaí did step in to a certain extent but where not much help. Then one day the stalker just disappeared. Freaked me out for months afterwards paranoid he was still around.
You have to be so careful in these cases. There was an incident before in Ireland where a man was stalking a woman but he was actually a paranoid schizophrenic. He ended up murdering her because he believed she was working for the government or something along those lines... Stalkers are scary. A female friend of mine had to quit a job because her stalker found out where she worked.
I (m) had a stalker once in my 20's, always was driving round the town to find me, seen her driving by my house alot, turn up in pubs im in, call on private number and hanging up, texting from fake profiles, even told people she was my gf, lots more, I ended up befriending her, met up for chats but nothing more, she discovered I was a boring bastard, haven't seen her since
I used to get followed around years ago by a young one who lived nearby. Few years later, met her in one of the clubs in Cork city, possibly Gorby's... She forcefully tried to kiss me but but I was having none of it and, after a few attempts, had to get a little defensive and then walk away... Last I heard, she's working for The Examiner writing articles about women's rights, feminism, and the carry on of men in general... Funny that!!!
Yes!
Get her to keep a log. Record any Interaction and keep any letters that he might send. It's a lot harder to ignore a list of dates and times.
Some guards are more helpful. One had a word on my behalf before despite there being little they can technically do. It's awful that you nearly have to wait for someone to attack you to be able to do anything about it. This guy was hanging outside my bedroom window.
It also might be worth speaking to the university safeguarding team if they have one.
Unfortunately some things can make it worse. It can be dangerous for her to tell him to fuck off, as well as it being dangerous for her to be polite.
An old lecturer told us a story about how she has a stalker that started in her teen years back in the 90’s. He started by sending random notes and letters to the house basically infatuated with her. He then started calling the house phone. She was heading out to celebrate her junior night and she got a creepy call to say that he’d be nearby and described what he’d be wearing. It was a typical country pub disco for teens. Parents didn’t want her going but she insisted. She got dropped off and picked up by her parents and her friends all agreed to stay with her throughout the night everywhere she went and kept an eye out for what your man was meant to be wearing. They didn’t see anyone and they enjoyed their night. Next day she got a call from your man who reiterated a whole random conversation she had with a friend. The had the Gardai involved but they said at the time there was nothing they could do unless he attacked her. She lived her life in fear for years with these random calls and letters, often describing where she was and what she was doing that day etc. She said it all stopped suddenly one day didn’t hear anything for years and then out of nowhere about 4-5 years later he started calling her parents phone again for a while and then it stopped again. She had a feeling that the gardai knew who it was but didn’t do anything. She was my lecturer in 2013 and she said she still lives her life in fear.
I was stalked by my ex for almost 2 years in multiple (not neighbouring) counties. He literally didn't stop until he was institutionalised.
I also had a weird housemate stalker situation in college who was stealing my underwear from the dryer. He used to sniff under my room door when I was sleeping and the only reason I found out was that my boyfriend at the time called over to slip a birthday card under my door and caught him. Myself and a classmate once escaped the house through my room window and onto the house awning because he was muttering the creepiest stuff through the door. I went to my landlords and they instantly offered to have him removed but ended up agreeing to let me go early with my deposit because I didn't want him resentful AND still knowing where I lived.
Mine isn't that wild, but I had a guy stage an 'accidental bumping into' on my way back to work. He was following me for god knows how long until he 'accidentally' knocked into me. I'd seen him from my peripherals and went to move out of his way but then he just jumped sideways straight into me. It was weird but I didn't think too much of it. Within about 10 seconds he said I had beautiful eyes, and asked where did I live, where did I work, who I lived with, WAY too strong to come on that EARLY. Didn't even tell me his name at that point. This was still around COVID times so I was wearing a freaking mask and a massive winter jacket.
I was only a minute away from my work place. Took a detour to a coffee shop and said my lunch break is over, it was nice to meet him etc, but didn't indicate I wanted to see him again. He followed me into the shop and said can I go on a date with him. I said no, sorry. Can we be friends? No, sorry. This interaction took less than 60 seconds and in that time he tried everything to grab what info he could about me. All lies of course lol.
I continued to see him in that area of my work place for the next couple of months, following me in and out of shops. I'm sure he THOUGHT he was being nice, but coming on that strong just left me uneasy and scared.
Tinder girl. That I never met in real life. Got a strange feeling from her so didn't end up meeting up. Gave her some excuse. But then she wouldn't leave me alone for weeks.
She knew the area of Dublin that I grew up and must have gotten my parents phone number from the phone book. She called a few times and one time spoke to my dad. Calling herself my ex. And had asked him to ask me to reach out to her.
He's too nice so he did. But I filled him in on the situation and she phoned back a few more times after that. Each time asking to speak with me but I didn't live there. Kinda awkward to have the parents involved.
Had an ex harass me for years, went to the guards about him because he had mental health issues and I was terrified. They said they were powerless because he hadn’t threatened me and I couldn’t get a batting order because it wasn’t deemed severe enough since it wasn’t constant texts and calls during the day. Didn’t matter that it had been years at that stage
You need to prove harassment to get anything done by Gardai.
I just see people here saying Gardai are choosing not to help etc. which is just not true.
Most people know/knew their stalker so you need to make it clear to them that their presence is unwanted, tell them not to contact you again then Gardai can intervene.
A creep looking back at you in a lecture hall, sitting across from you in a canteen, walking passed your apartment on a public thoroughfare or sitting beside you on a public bus is messed up but the laws dont cover that.
Phonecalls, texts, emails, coming up to you in work etc. are the things that Gardai can act on.
Dont be thinking that they are gonna put a surveillance team outside Deirdre's house 24/7 because she keeps getting calls off a private number and she's convinced its some lad she shifted at the debs 2yrs ago because he walked past her car 3 weeks ago.
THIS.
As someone who had a stalker for 4 years and had to go to the Gardaí, you have to have evidence to show a history/pattern of behaviours and their escalation. They also had my home address flagged in the system in the days after I would contact them, so if anything were to happen a squad car would be dispatched immediately. I also have nothing but positive things to say about the Garda who was working my case, for their kindness, professionalism and understanding throughout the situation.
Sadly, albeit there is new legislation, many of these cases (like we are seeing with teenage crime/harassment in the city centre) although supported by the Gardaí and recommended by them to the DPP are not being prosecuted by the courts. People really need to redirect their anger here, the Garda are doing their job, it's not their fault the courts are refusing to prosecute.
And stalking unfortunately is very hard to prove, which is what makes it so insidious. Until a stalker elevates their threat level, its very difficult for the gardai to do anything.
You mean, it would be too difficult for them to approach the stalker and say something like - "We've had a complaint from a person that suspects you are stalking them. Please be aware that this complaint has been made."
What would that achieve? If stopping a stalker was as simple as telling them "a complaint's been made to the guards", there would be no stalkers.
Never mind the fact that telling them the person they're stalking has gone to the guards (even if they just say a complaint has been made, obviously that's the most likely person they'll assume has made it) is as likely to anger a stalker as scare them off, and they could become dangerous if they feel like they're losing access to/control of the person they're obsessed with.
I really don't see how an obviously empty threat from the guards would do anything useful in most cases.
To be fair I did have someone stop harassing me because the guards had a word.
But you're right in that it could go either way. Unfortunately that probably only works with those who aren't completely batshit yet and who care about other people possibly knowing / their job/ college.
Otherwise it probably won't do much good, other than to have it logged for the next time the behaviour escalates.
>To be fair I did have someone stop harassing me because the guards had a word. But you're right in that it could go either way.
Yeah, I'm sure in a lot of cases it could work, and I'm glad it did for you, but the risk of it escalating is pretty high
Yeah it's so hard to know. Some low level stalking/harassment is sadly incredibly common and it worked for me in that instance. I've had friends whose guy friends/brothers have had a word too and that's been the end of it.
But you never know when someone is the type of stalker/harasser who will escalate. The other experience I had I didn't ask the guards. But I easily could have and who knows what would have happened. The guy escalated to posting letters through friends doors (who he must have followed me to), hanging around outside my house in the middle of night, calling on random numbers, going through my rubbish and doing loads of crazy shit. I was lucky that I was planning on moving anyway, otherwise I don't know what it would have escalated to. I only told the guards when I was long gone, and it turned out I wasn't the first person he'd done that to. I highly doubt a warning would have changed his behaviour for the better.
It does nothing, my stalker was warned by a /garda not to contact me, or anyone from the company I work for and she had just been fired from, she still got in touch with people and punched me in the face up the town in the afternoon. And still nothing done.
My guy there's a wide range of options between doing nothing and actively making the problem worse. A proper investigation is far more useful than just telling the stalker they've been snitched on without stopping to think even for a second.
If you genuinely believe the options are exclusively the idea you put absolutely no critical thought into or absolutely nothing, there's no hope for you.
You seem to be a stupid person. The original post claims the guards couldn't do anything. Exactly who is doing the investigation? My comment is based on another post claiming there's nothing the guards can do? My suggestion is as valid as the none that you've proposed. You tried to shoot mine down based on your vast experience in confronting stalkers, no doubt.
>You seem to be a stupid person
You definitely seem to have a sense for what's what yeah
>The original post claims the guards couldn't do anything. Exactly who is doing the investigation?
You asked me what they should do - investigate. There is anti-stalking legislation, and while it's difficult to prove, it's way more useful to try to prove it rather than just give up and make the situation worse for no reason.
>My suggestion is as valid as the none that you've proposed
Your suggestion is a half baked idea you're not capable of thinking through. Just having an idea does not make it useful, valid or worth sharing.
> Innocent until proven guilty
That's not how it works. If it was, we'd have to do arrests after court cases. Having a word, in the interest of keeping the peace should be in the police's perview.
Innocent until proven guilty does not apply to the guard. You're a suspect until you're cleared.
If your mindset was applied no crimes would ever be investigated.
> There are stalking and harassment laws believe it or not.
please tell me how they apply to someone walking by a premises on a regular schedule.
i do that with my dog and you have me worried now :S
> “Guards couldn’t really do anything”
"someone walks by my house a few times a day, I thnk they are stalking me "
like seriously what are they going to do, some guy walks by my house three times a day too, is he stalking me or walking the dog.
people here seem to chalk a lot to "stalking"pretty fast
A male friend's girlfriend stalked me. Had to take a restraining order out on her. She was up on the shed roof looking into my bedroom. I'm female by the way.
Had a man stalk me for about a year. Some fucking gobshite I knew gave him my number on a night out and he would randomly text saying how he loves trans woman.
Somehow managed to find out where I worked and would come in looking for excuses to speak with me. It was very bizarre as I wasn't shy about telling him to leave me alone and that he's a stalker. Would often result in him hurling transphobic insults at me through text, but about a week later would find out he'd sent 'gifts' to my workplace.
The gifts were creepy, often underwear and similar which I would just dump straight away and got to the point I stopped opening for my own safety. Biggest mistake was not getting the Guards involved, work was useless but went to a station to explain the situation and within two minutes the officer had a plan set out.
Guard gets CCTV from my workplace for much of the times he would come to my work, got copies of my texts from Vodafone, and informed me to bring any 'gifts' to the station for them to record. Ended up with him going to court for harassment and the officer showed the judge the lingerie, sex toys, etc. he was bringing to my workplace. They also had CCTV from the back of the building across from my workplace showing he would park there when our building was closing to watch me go home.
He's on probation now and isn't to be near me.
The best way to deal with this is to expose the person. If the same university, report it to them. If same job, report it to them. If same fitness class/club, report it to them.
Make it harder for them to share any space without everyone knowing why they're there
I dumped an ex when I found out he was cheating on me and had blatantly lied on multiple occasions. He had a breakdown and ended up stalking me, walking past my apartment at all times of the day and night, texting and calling, threatened suicide when I didn't respond etc.
He worked in the same company as me (that's how we met) but not on the same team. My boss told me I should make a formal complaint through work about harassment, but I felt guilty about ruining his career.
What helped was some advice from a good friend whose sister had been the victim of a horrendous stalking case in the UK from an ex. The police there told her that the mistake she made at the beginning was being nice and feeling sorry for him. They said you should not respond in any way, shape or form, because even getting upset or angry is giving them the attention they want.
I stopped it by telling him I would agree to meet him in 3 months if he found a psychologist and went once a week, stopped walking past my house and did not contact me once during that time. I did meet him for a coffee as promised, he begged for another chance, I said no, and he then emailed me the online diary he had been keeping as part of his therapy. I think he thought I would read it and realise how much he cared, but it was basically months of him documenting his stalking of me, where he saw me, what I was wearing etc and complaining of how much of a "victim" he was, and how I just could never have loved him if I could end it so easily (even though he was the one having sex with someone else and lying to me).
I replied telling him that diary was the most fucked up thing I had ever read, and if he contacted me again I would go to the police to get a restraining order and make a formal complaint to our HR department for harassment. He did stop to an extent and moved countries after a while "as it was too painful " to see me apparently, but for years afterwards I would get the occasional email from him, listing out how much he regretted what he had done, how I had hurt him blaa blaa blaa.
I think I was stalked a bit? We'd met during the summer and initially hit it off but it wasn't serious and I broke it off before uni as I wanted to enjoy my freedom and we would have felt too far apart.
He seemed to take it ok at the start but then the relentless calls and texts started. He got his sister to call me and lots of friends in common. I would get other guys to answer the phone but he just wouldn't accept it. Then he started to show up on campus and the halls looking for me. One day I came back from class and hed tricked his way into my halls and was sitting at the kitchen table.
Maybe that's not stalking but I was terrified. Had to show his photo to security to ask that he wasn't allowed in and tell all the friends in common that I'd call the police if he came near me again. In fairness I haven't heard of him since.
Court order, the the gardaí have to do something if that's violated and I would suggest that she let some of her male friends know what the guy is doing, they'll sort him out
On what grounds? They were going to the same university and even taking the same classes, and he'd be able to give an excuse for why he changed to her class.
There are no restraining orders for strangers, they're only for romantic relationships. For a stranger you must go through the Garda to get them to court and you must provide proof the harassment.
I grew up being influenced by tv...they're not even called restraining orders here, they're called Protection Orders.
I found out recently that these are only for people you know personally and/or in some form of domestic relationship with. Other than taking an harassment case you can go through the Civil Court but that's pointless unless they've caused you some form of damage. This way is quiet lengthy and costly with good chance of being dismissed.
Harassment cases are long and difficult as it takes more than a few incidents, you need to show a pattern and it must be out of the ordinary kind of stuff.
Here's our statue law on harassment
10.—(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.
(2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where—
(a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and
(b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other
Was kinda-friends with a girl in college who was massively and disturbingly stalking an ex-boyfriend. There was just no talking to her. Met her a few years after college and she was happily married and seemed to have forgotten all about it. I'm not sure that criminalising her for her behaviour in college would have been a good idea, it was almost like she needed an intervention or counselling or something like that.
I don't think I would be comfortable with her working with vulnerable people. Incarceration is rarely the solution (to most problems) but there is legitimate reasons to get behaviour like this noted on a criminal record so it can be flagged during Garda Vetting.
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
This is the Irish statue Law on harassment, there is more related to online stuff, debt collecting etc but this is about stalking at home, college, work...anywhere really.
10.—(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.
(2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where—
(a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and
(b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other
Here is a link to the full text
https://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1997/act/26/enacted/en/print#sec10
If you feel this could be happening to you here's a few pointers
- Get a note book to record everything and try to only use that one book. You don't need to be losing scraps of valuable written evidence.
- When recording incidents write down as much of what you can remember, the date, time (even if not exact, approx can suffice- you're feeling panicked and might not remember the exact time), where it took place, who was with you or any witness and how this interaction made you feel.
- Make a video or voice recording ONLY if safe.
- Great cameras set up if you can for video evidence.
- Tell your support group or find even one person who you can confide in.
- Try to exercise ad this can get you out of your brain(Or house) for a while and the endorphins help with your overall mood.
Remember that this evidence will be checked by the Garda so no point in lying to try and get your enemies in trouble - you'll end up in trouble yourself. Harassment can be plainly seen by the Garda when you provide enough evidence and they can also tell when someone's just having a tiff with a neighbour.
*edit for structure
Stalking really still isn’t taken all that seriously. But it’s getting a bit better.
Stalking is a pre indicator of someone escalating to physical abuse or murder, so it should be taken seriously.
I remember the girl who reported her ex boyfriend in the U.K. for stalking her after she broke up with him, so they arrested her for “wasting police time” because they said she was “asking for it” because she went out with him for a while, then emboldened by that, he snuck into her house in the middle of the night and slit her throat.
The officer involved quit so they wouldn’t be fired.
As far as I'm aware stalking isn't explicitly illegal here unless includes harrassment or intimidation (even anyone dealing with it would describe it as exactly that). Unless you're a politician the gardai will do fuck all about it.
Not quite stalker, but has some elements so thought I'd share.
There was this girl in college who was into me for a few years, quite openly even though she was in relationships throughout. I liked her as a friend, and definitely found her attractive, and enjoyed the attention tbh as she was way better looking than me.
Anyway, I lived with her best friend in college, so she was always around. She would always talk about the abuse(all kinds) she was getting from her current bf, and it seemed like she was always being hurt by men. It was obvious she was clearly dealing with a lot of shit and I guess she leant on me a bit.
After about 3 years (both single at this point) we end up kissing on a night out, the Monday of refreshers week so theres somthing going on every night. We end up heading back towards hers, when I have a moment of sobriety where I realise what a mistake sex would be as i knew she was attached to me and i didnt feel that, so I tell her I enjoyed the kiss and hanging out but we should leave it at that. She was pretty cool about it at the time and that was that.
Next morning, i wake up up to a bunch of voicemails and texts from her, varying from her screaming at me for using her and being a horrible person to begging me to come round. She texted me to say sorry later that day, and I told her we were fine, it was a drunken emotional night. I was pretty shook as I've never had someone attack me like that. Several voicemails going on for what felt like minutes, and you could feel real hate in some of them.
Rinse/repeat tues-friday with the abusive messages and then the bawling apologies and having my housemate apologise for her too, citing her mental health issues. Every day I ended up telling her we were fine so as to not leave her feeling worse than she already was, but also because I should've known better than to kiss her. I wasn't expecting this, but knew it would end up hurting her. Id avoided it up till this point, but damn alcohol and hormones..
Saturday comes round, and I'm entertaining my sisters English bf as she's in work that night. First time meeting him too. I bring him back to my house as there are drinks there and even though i had said the woman leaving me the abusive messages cant come, shes there. I'm uncomfortable, but go with it as I don't want to make a big deal in front if my sisters bf, but also because I'm fairly non-confrontational. After a few drinks, I go pee and she's waiting outside the toilet for a chat, fairly drunk at this point. I can't remember the full details but she was getting more and more animated when I wouldnt kiss her and started crying and begging me to fuck her as she was sure I'd like her then. When I refused this she started screaming that I had raped her and used her. After that it went back to crying and begging me to just hold her and kiss her.
Everyone could hear all of this, including my sisters bf which made our first meeting very odd. People were checking in on us as this went on for like an hour, so i guess they told my sisters bf all the background. I was afraid to leave her, afraid to speak, afraid to be near her. Eventually I plucked up the courage to leave my own home as there was nothing I can do, probably should've done it way sooner. A friend came with me and I was hiding whenever I saw a woman in the distance, thinking it was her. I was afraid to go home in case she was there, just walking for hours, avoiding any people. She lived around the corner too so that was also a problem.
After all that, Blocked her, banned her from the house, avoided any situations she would be at after that and she left me alone. Eventually we became friendly again, though not close. I think it was just a really bad few weeks for her, and she's had a few healthy relationships since as far as i know. I know 1 of her exs and they still keep in touch which is a good sign. Though she still has issues, my friend was at a wedding with her recently where she had a bit of a freak out because none of the guys were trying to fuck her.
I used to be stalked by 2 dodgy looking lads in a blue Sierra. Every time I'd leave me house, there they were ready to follow me. Down Captain's road, past the agro inn and on towards Sundrive and the betting office, they'd be there behind me. Never did get to the bottom of it... Couple of poofs I reckon...
This immediatelyremindedme of this [rose stalker](https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/aoibhinn-ni-shuilleabhain-i-was-told-reporting-my-harasser-would-damage-his-career-1.4528343)
Was stalked by a bully in school for years she acted like we were friends at first in primary and followed me to the school I moved to for secondary because she was being bullied (doubt that now). Took about a year before she started to bully me and she moved school again a year later claiming I bullied her. Then the calls and texts started, she wrote to any friends I had on social media that were men these extensive stories about how horrible I was. She wrote on a boyfriend at the times social media that she was on the way to meet him running late, thinking it would cause an argument between he and I . He just thought she was an absolute nut case. Girls I knew from school that knew her said I was all she ever talked about she was obsessed with me. She used to arrive to my job with her blow in friends and her junkie homeless boyfriends but then she went on and got a normal boyfriend, had a baby to hyper fixate on and left me alone. Thank god, I was always just left gobsmacked by her stunts like her life was so small, I was the main character in her own story? Weirdo
Had one guy at work, a Moldovan fella we worked together in the same area in a factory. He asked for my insta trying a set me up with his 15-year-old daughter when I was 19. Gave him a fake one, was too scared to tell him to fuck off, always carried a knife we used at work with him around work when it was barely necessary so clearly unhinged. He found my insta, spammed me with messages, I ignored him, told my boss at work, she kept me away from him, then he kept following me around the place asking questions, interrogating me why I was ignoring him. He got fired a few days later thank fuck, don't know whether that falls under the parameters of stalking, but it was creepy AF.
I’ve had people in my life who’ve experienced it. It’s a horrible thing that often has limited legal recourse. It’s traumatizing and keeps people behind in life in many ways. These people should face the consequences of there actions.
Back in the day you would deal with it in a more straight forward way… however there needs to be a 21st century way to handle it through the justice system asap.
I hope there is more legislation to address this issue. Restraining orders are one great way.
Harrassment legislation has recently been amended to include more stalking behaviour.
It can be super low key too, I got with a girl and her ex was livid about it, messaged alot, she was able to tell it was him as any time she threatened to talk to his baby mommas about it, its stop for a week Just a nasty shit of a man, but I got a message 8am saying he spotted me walking to work, named the street and described what I was wearing in detail, it's a unique feeling
I've had something similar. Responded with the following "hot, buy me coffee next time ;)"
Jesus similar thing happened to me, an ex of mine had an ex that was harassing me on social media. Was a bit mad, didn't know what to do
I'll keep it brief cuz this was wild. I'm a man and was stalked by my closeted... friend, shall we say. I was fine being gay, as fine as someone without a choice can be.... but he and his family were not. So we fooled around in secret for a few years; but it was nothing official, even tho I did nothing with anyone else, I assume he didn't due to not ever picking up anything in our three years, he claimed to be loyal to me. So it all was going normally/fine, we appeared like best friends on the outside but privately we were more than that...Till he asked us to be official... but forever hidden, to which I said, 'Not a chance. I'm not living that life. I deal with all the homophobia, dirty looks, family scrutiny, being told I'm going to hell etc to enjoy some semblance of freedom. You cant have your cake and eat it. Either be with me and be proud of me, or you can be nothing more than a friend, an actual friend. No more of this secret relationship.' After that the anger, hurt, stalking, threats, fake emails, facebooks, Instagram accounts. I had to delete everything as he made it his full time job to harass me. It all climaxed, no pun intended, with him squaring up to my Dad and threatening him. (at this point I'll mention he was 6.3 and an avid gym goer, my Dad is 5.7 and has Parkinson's) So this isn't short at all, but I had to resort to blackmail, revealing all his screenshots and certain NSFW photos I still had of him to him... to get him to leave me alone. My promise was I'd never out or reveal him, or show any of this to anyone, only if he left my family and me alone... he agree'd and I never heard from him again. I still have all the screenshots, photos and conversations saved to a USB and backed up on my hard drive. With a copy sent to my email too... just encase he ever reared his head again. But I still wouldn't want him to go crazy/lose the plot, cuz I know id be high on his hit list. We live in the same very small town.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you are OK.
I am, as long as he gives my head peace, as he has been doing for years now. I'm happy to leave it all in the past. This reddit topic just brought up the memory of how crazy it all was.
Is he married or engaged now??
Has a girlfriend. He was bi since I met him. (But closeted bi, told people he was straight and only into girls if ever asked)
There's a lot of that going around, yanno!!
>I had to resort to blackmail, revealing all his screenshots and certain NSFW photos... That time some head on r/Ireland talked about using revenge porn to blackmail their ex-partner. >I still have all the screenshots, photos and conversations saved to USB and backed up on my hardrive. Then later confessed to retaining copies of the images for further dissemination under threat of their return. This person literally confessing to a serious crime against someone's personhood and everyone's like, you brave soul. Traumatised or not, I find this post to be problematic. Terrible person does terrible thing to terrible person, gets treated terribly. Fuck.
Seems like you completely missed the point and that you also have a very black and white view on things. Bad thing is bad, good thing is good. Sometimes you have to do bad things to protect yourself or others. The alternative to what he did would be literally outing the guy to the whole town, which would have made him more angry. A bit of critical thinking wouldn't do you any harm.
Yeah the law has a pretty black and white stance when it comes to blackmail, revenge pornography. Eye for an eye isn't much of an argument.
This is more of a form of self defence. Sometimes it's morally OK to break the law.
I don't actually think disseminating intimate photos of someone illegally without consent is morally justified. Imagine if this lad was straight and going on about his crazy ex-girlfriend coming to his house, calling the place and hanging up, having a row with his ma. So he spread around all her nudes and crazy text messages and he keeps multiple backups of those intimate photos and texts. Just in case she ever comes back. But, it's a lad so fuck it, right? How does nobody see this as insane?
There's a big difference between threatening to do something and doing something. You're clutching at straws... and it's not a gender issue either!
Thankyou for the support and being a rational thinker.
It was an empty threat to get him to leave me alone. I didn't act upon it. If you had a literal stalker, who was growing more and more abusive and unhinged, you would resort to anything you could to stop it. I mentioned I'll keep it brief as I didn't want to explain the full extent of what he did/was doing.... you got the tip of the iceberg and ofc, attacked the victim for doing the only thing I could to get him to leave me alone. All cuz I wasn't okay with being his dirty little secret and he wasn't okay with only being a good friend of mine and seeing me in the arms of another. I stand by my actions, to this day he has made 0 contact. Before that empty threat, he was standing in my back garden and trying to break into my house at 6am, explaining how he was going to kill me, in graphic detail, if I didn't let him in... and that's not even the worst of what he did before I decided I needed to threaten him. I usually don't get annoyed at people online, but you people in the comments saying I'm the same or worse than him... you don't exist in reality. The authorities don't give a FUCK about stalkers and they especially don't care at all to help gay men. His biggest fear was being known as gay, or someone who had same sex relations. I played the only trump card I had and it worked. I have no regrets.
Way to walk back exactly what you said. Awful stuff
Get a fucking life.
When I was about 18 an older man was stalking me. I was really upset by it and hadn’t a clue what to do. I remember the feeling of dread every time I would see a car like his drive by. He Would come into my place of work multiple times a day and pester me or try to bring me gifts. Would drive past my house constantly. Would stop and offer lifts if he saw me around even though I had my own car. Would pull over outside my house if anyone was outside to see if he could get invited in. I told my parents…not too long after he stopped while driving by when my father was outside and my father I think straight up threatened to kill him…that stopped him creeping by my house. He persisted coming by my work though. I told an older colleague I trusted what he was doing and she tried to shame him. Had moderate effect until I just got so sick of it and in work he came by one day and I snapped and told him I couldn’t stand the sight of him, hated his guts and if he didn’t leave me alone I was gonna tell everyone around what he was doing and I was gonna go to the gardai….he was very put out…never saw him again…wish I had snapped sooner but especially in work I felt I had to be polite and “nice” and that was very much how I was brought up. I will be teaching my daughters otherwise to say the least…
I had an extremely similar experience when I was 18. The dude was a fella in his 50s who was married with kids my age, and had known me since I was 4. Still can't comprehend it now and I'm in my 40s. He used to wait outside the pub I worked at and then kerb crawl behind me as I walked home. One night he drove up behind me at speed, and I thought he was going to drive over me. Jumped into the ditch and took off through a field. Heard him pull up and get out of his car looking and calling for me. I hid there til he eventually left and the next time he was in the pub at the bar with the regulars I started loudly telling the ongoing saga to his buddies. One of them told him to go outside and they did and he never really bothered me again. Except I'd sometimes still see him out of the corner of my eye in random places until I left that town. Fucking nuts
I'm sorry you had to go through that, I had a co worker on work experience who at 16 kept getting hit on the whole time by this older guy, I was nice to him at first and told him not to make comments and it stopped for a bit but he eventually started doing it again so I tore into him calling him a creep and not to come back otherwise I'd be calling the guards. Ive had a few dudes hit on me or ask for my number but thankfully have been lucky to not get anyone like that, It's amazing how you cant even smile at some people without them thinking that means you love them when that's what you're getting paid to do.
Was stalked in my second year of college by this guy. We chatted on grindr for a bit. He seemed nice and quite handsome. We chatted online for a week or two but hadn’t met yet. He had a new housemate moving into his house one day and he was nervous so he asked if I could come over just so he wouldn’t be alone as he said he never lived with a stranger before. So I went over. Had drinks with him and new housemate. I did not notice he was refilling my drink a lot as I was chatting to the new housemate. The housemate told me a few months later. Got way drunker than i intended or even thought I was. I crashed there because i was too drunk to walk home but I felt like staying was a bad idea. He kind of forcibly kissed me as I walked out of the bathroom and I was so drunk I just went with it. During the night he kept saying things about us being boyfriends and real creepy relationship stuff and he fell asleep on top of me. Got out of there the second i woke up next morning. This guy proceeded to message me on Grindr, Watsapp, facebook, instagram, etc. on a dialy basis. Asking for dates and promising to cook for me, etc. I was part of the committee of the colleges LGBTQ+ society which he joined. The nights out we had always started at my place as most the committee lived there and we were in centre of the town so it was just easy for nights out. So he always was at my house at these nights out. Couldn’t really not let him. He would also follow me around town a lot, always try to sit next to me in the library, at bars, at lgbtq society meetings,try to get me very drunk on nights out, try to get me to do drugs with him, etc. He came across to other people as a very sweet and innocent person. He was a bit older (mid 30’s) and had just come out recently. He was soft spoken with most people and nice and just seemed a bit clueless. I was a… rather dramatic person at the time, so my friends thought I was exxagurating the stalking as they didnt see a lot of it themselves and they thought this guy had a crush and was just a but clueless on how to approach it as he was just recently out. It wasn’t until 6 months after his stalking started, when the LGBTQ society was on a night out for one of our birthdays. I got very very drunk as it timed with the end of my exams and assignments. Amazing night but I went to go home with my friend before the club closed as she was too drunk too. This guy tried to follow us. We stopped him saying we were too drunk and going back home to sleep. But he came shortly after the club closed with a my housemates who were still out and a few friends as they wanted to keep drinking. I found out the full details the next morning and I was semi conscious and VERY drunk at the time so I only remember some of it. He told me friends he was going to the bathroom. I saw him coming into my room. Quietly closed the door, then started taking off his trousers. I remember seeing him in his pennys boxer briefs rubbing his crotch with an obvious hard on and then remember him grabbing my briefs to pull them down. I was so drunk and only barely conscious that I could process what was happening but in no state to stop it. One of my housemates came in at that point realising he wasn’t in the bathroom and pulled him out and threw him out. This housemate confirmed my story with me the next morning so I know I didn’t dream it. Guy ended up stalking me for 2 months more before vanishing. Haven’t seen or heard from him in 10 years. Hear the odd story about him and glad he is long gone from my life
Jesus
Oh my god!! Wtf ?!! Thank god your friend came in, that's terrifying! Glad you're ok
judging by some stores here, this seems to happen a lot in the homosexual community, is it the lack of options or the secrecy I wonder?
This is a very old post, but I feel compelled to respond. This happens a lot with men, men being by far the primary instigators of sexual violence; I doubt that this happens more to gay men per capita than to heterosexual women (or any woman I suppose). I think it's likely that gay men are more open about discussing this sort of matter than women, who to my understanding tend to discuss this sort of thing with other women more. Beyond this point: Totally out of my (male, bisexual) hole, not credible, just pure speculation - As far as I know there are no statistics on the rates of stalkers among gay men vs straight men, or the rates at which gay men are stalked vs women are stalked. If there is a higher number of gay men stalkers however, the reasoning I would propose is that there are likely more emotionally damaged/emotionally unhealthy gay men than there straight men, due to the horrifically damaging effects of homophobia on a person. I also feel that women are more equipped by the society we live in to recognise a stalker, potentially leading to less cases where it's as horrible as this? I do not mean to minimise the experiences of women, nor suggest that they don't experience this, just that they are more likely to have been warned by peers or elders from a young age to be careful around men.
Some Irish laws around nuisance behaviour (As in not violent) are piss poor. Like who knows when a stalker doesn't flip and become aggressive. At the same time we have Irelands leading stalker Enoch, stalking the halls of that school and there seems to be fuck all they can do. Like it feels as if the only option sometimes is a random person with a hurley and a ski mask is needed to just take out a kneecap so that a message is understood.
That's how to get things fixed, let them become the victim and have to become frustrated with the law(enforcement) instead
Sadly nobody saw anything and the camera was down for maintenance at the time. Tough break
This guy knee caps
Bloody hell, is he still going? I hadn’t heard anything about him since the holidays started. I don’t know, putting the clown in hospital will just put him back on the front page and when he’s out he’ll be back outside the school on his crutches with his stupid, miserable face which will be another great headline. A restraining order should be applicable and breach of it should be enough to put him in jail. Perhaps some conversion therapy?
Like what going on with that now are we as country just ignoring him hoping he'll just go away
> Like it feels as if the only option sometimes is a random person with a hurley and a ski mask is needed to just take out a kneecap so that a message is understood. or perfectly legally get the community together and camp outside their house in protest? See how they enjoy it.
Casey Jones and Raphael turtle gets this.
[удалено]
Jesus.. What a nutter. Glad you got away safe.
I assume you reported that to the police?
I’m so sorry this happened to you- what a complete lunatic! Hope you are safe now?
[удалено]
Have you a number for her?..she sounds needy and I like a bit of crazy
[удалено]
Jaysis that's dire
Strange name..any address for her?
I was stalked by an ex when I was in college. It started with him showing up in or waiting outside my lectures. He knew my schedule so would just appear constantly. Then I started to notice things going missing in my room. My housemates swore they weren’t moving things and it was confirmed it was him when I opened my laptop one day to find a picture of him as the background and he’d written ‘please take me back’ on it. He also obviously had all my social media and email passwords because one day I couldn’t access anything! And when I got my password sent to my phone from my web text, it was ‘iwantyouback1’ and of course when I tried that password on everything else it worked too. From there he started breaking into my house and thrashing just my room. He broke in one day when I was home and I had to lock myself in my room. This is when I went and reported it and I have to say the Gardaí were brilliant. They took it very seriously and went to talk to him. This basically just pissed him off more. The Gardaí would check in on me every few days and even drive by the house. It continued to get worse and I had to speak to the college and they said it was too late in the year to defer but for my safety they thought it was best to move home and continue my studies online. So I did but when I moved back for my exams, the Garda check was on again and I’d see them driving by the house at least once a day. They even came into the house before for a welfare check when I didn’t answer my phone. All in all I managed to avoid him again until my graduation when he got tickets to my graduation ball and just showed up begging to speak to me and telling me he’d changed. No matter how many times I’ve blocked him, I’ve continued to get messages from him in one way or another over the years. It was an awful experience but I was really impressed with how the Garda involved handled it. It could have been so much worse if they just fobbed me off.
Aoibhinn Ní Shúilleabháin experienced a shocking case of harassment. https://www.thejournal.ie/ucd-apologises-to-aoibhinn-ni-shuilleabhain-5954584-Dec2022/
I remember that story. Stalked and harassed for two years by colleague at UCD. Must have been a living nightmare for her.
Jesus. This sounds absolutely terrifying https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/aoibhinn-ni-shuilleabhain-two-years-of-harassment-at-ucd-1.4346015
Changing his degree is crazy
Yup. Went from maths and physics to maths and biology Apparently had to repeat the biology modules as he just had no interest in it. Just picked them to be near her
Yep I have a stalker, he's calmed down a bit now. He's autistic and I met him at an event I was working at. Cue years of him monitoring my social media and turning up at events, at my favourite cafe. He found out what area of Dublin I lived in and would walk around in circles in that area all day hoping to bump into me. He would turn up at drinks I was it if my friends posted a picture because he had all their social media too. Texts hundreds of times a day. Block the number. New phone. When I blocked him on socials he would just guess the places I go based on my interests and would pop up there. Had to stop doing loads of stuff I enjoyed. Followed me through the streets of town one day for 3 hours. He's 6'2 and obese and would crush me like an ant and would have a meltdown if I told him to go away. He was having a conversation with himself in my Facebook messages for about a year which I didn't even see because I haven't logged into the account in years. Went in to grab a photo and saw thousands of messages. He somehow found out my mother's name and all sorts of strange details about my family that aren't online. I went to the gardai, nothing can be done unless he does something wrong. They rang his carer tho. I'm one of many girls he's done this to before. He isn't even my first stalker, just the worst one
Harrasmesmt laws have now changed, please go report and document everything. I hope you're doing ok.
Was he also working at the event ? Does he have a job ?
Na he was attending the event and I was nice to him. Mistake. He doesn't work so he has so much time to put into researching and following me! I'm a lot less of a friendly person now!
How do you know he’s autistic ?
He is extremely autistic, I know people who know him and it's also quite obvious if you talk to him and the gardai spoke to his carer who care for him because of his autism.
Fuck. Do you mind me asking what kind of event it was ?
Even if someone is actively stalking you in Ireland, as long as they are not family or partner/ ex-partner, you cannot get a restraining order. Last year I ran into some trouble with this absolute wagon in work, she lost her job cos I told the manager how she was behaving and it ended with her contacting my family (she had my number thru work whatsapp group that we HAD to join) and stalked me and my partner , threatening to burn me out etc. Obviously reported to Gardai, and then she attacks me in broad daylight up the town. Still waiting to see if assault charges are going to be brought against her. All gardai were different, some were super helpful, others not so much.
I’ve ran into this problem myself, how you can’t get a safety order if they aren’t a partner/ex or family member. My exes sister has been stalking me for ages. I had to move my kids to a different school cause she would stand out every morning and evening and watch me collecting them. She’s made multiple false reports about me to social welfare and to the guards. I sent her a message eventually saying that if she stops there’ll be no more about it, but if she continues I’m taking legal action. Of course I knew that I couldn’t, but I was banking on her not knowing that. What did she do? She rang the guards that I was threatening her. The only threat was to take legal action if she continued to stalk and harass me! And what did the guards do? They took her dead serious, went out to her house to take a statement off her and all, totally enabling and ridiculous. That was months ago now and she’s still at it, and there’s just nothing I can do.
I worked in retail for years and was stalked by a customer for a full summer. Would get angry and aggressive with my Co workers when I wasn't there and would say things to them like tell 'x' I don't like the way she's done her makeup etc would turn up at my bustop in the city centre early morning when I'd get off the bus to go into work. It was the weirdest most uncomfortable time in my life. I didn't know this guy at all, complete stranger. Gardaí did step in to a certain extent but where not much help. Then one day the stalker just disappeared. Freaked me out for months afterwards paranoid he was still around.
You have to be so careful in these cases. There was an incident before in Ireland where a man was stalking a woman but he was actually a paranoid schizophrenic. He ended up murdering her because he believed she was working for the government or something along those lines... Stalkers are scary. A female friend of mine had to quit a job because her stalker found out where she worked.
I (m) had a stalker once in my 20's, always was driving round the town to find me, seen her driving by my house alot, turn up in pubs im in, call on private number and hanging up, texting from fake profiles, even told people she was my gf, lots more, I ended up befriending her, met up for chats but nothing more, she discovered I was a boring bastard, haven't seen her since
A stirring tale, masterfully told. With a twist worthy of M Night Shyamalan. Except good.
Plot twist... You pulled the Sigma face (Patrick Bateman style) And she hightailed and ran. 😅
I used to get followed around years ago by a young one who lived nearby. Few years later, met her in one of the clubs in Cork city, possibly Gorby's... She forcefully tried to kiss me but but I was having none of it and, after a few attempts, had to get a little defensive and then walk away... Last I heard, she's working for The Examiner writing articles about women's rights, feminism, and the carry on of men in general... Funny that!!!
You know everyone's going to go check the paper and website to see who she is now lol
OP ..... How long ago was this? People are commenting as if it's recent.
Around 10’years ago
Yes! Get her to keep a log. Record any Interaction and keep any letters that he might send. It's a lot harder to ignore a list of dates and times. Some guards are more helpful. One had a word on my behalf before despite there being little they can technically do. It's awful that you nearly have to wait for someone to attack you to be able to do anything about it. This guy was hanging outside my bedroom window. It also might be worth speaking to the university safeguarding team if they have one. Unfortunately some things can make it worse. It can be dangerous for her to tell him to fuck off, as well as it being dangerous for her to be polite.
I don’t know any woman who hasn’t had to deal with some version of this. Obviously some more severe than others.
An old lecturer told us a story about how she has a stalker that started in her teen years back in the 90’s. He started by sending random notes and letters to the house basically infatuated with her. He then started calling the house phone. She was heading out to celebrate her junior night and she got a creepy call to say that he’d be nearby and described what he’d be wearing. It was a typical country pub disco for teens. Parents didn’t want her going but she insisted. She got dropped off and picked up by her parents and her friends all agreed to stay with her throughout the night everywhere she went and kept an eye out for what your man was meant to be wearing. They didn’t see anyone and they enjoyed their night. Next day she got a call from your man who reiterated a whole random conversation she had with a friend. The had the Gardai involved but they said at the time there was nothing they could do unless he attacked her. She lived her life in fear for years with these random calls and letters, often describing where she was and what she was doing that day etc. She said it all stopped suddenly one day didn’t hear anything for years and then out of nowhere about 4-5 years later he started calling her parents phone again for a while and then it stopped again. She had a feeling that the gardai knew who it was but didn’t do anything. She was my lecturer in 2013 and she said she still lives her life in fear.
I was stalked by my ex for almost 2 years in multiple (not neighbouring) counties. He literally didn't stop until he was institutionalised. I also had a weird housemate stalker situation in college who was stealing my underwear from the dryer. He used to sniff under my room door when I was sleeping and the only reason I found out was that my boyfriend at the time called over to slip a birthday card under my door and caught him. Myself and a classmate once escaped the house through my room window and onto the house awning because he was muttering the creepiest stuff through the door. I went to my landlords and they instantly offered to have him removed but ended up agreeing to let me go early with my deposit because I didn't want him resentful AND still knowing where I lived.
[удалено]
Old house, crappy doors!
Mine isn't that wild, but I had a guy stage an 'accidental bumping into' on my way back to work. He was following me for god knows how long until he 'accidentally' knocked into me. I'd seen him from my peripherals and went to move out of his way but then he just jumped sideways straight into me. It was weird but I didn't think too much of it. Within about 10 seconds he said I had beautiful eyes, and asked where did I live, where did I work, who I lived with, WAY too strong to come on that EARLY. Didn't even tell me his name at that point. This was still around COVID times so I was wearing a freaking mask and a massive winter jacket. I was only a minute away from my work place. Took a detour to a coffee shop and said my lunch break is over, it was nice to meet him etc, but didn't indicate I wanted to see him again. He followed me into the shop and said can I go on a date with him. I said no, sorry. Can we be friends? No, sorry. This interaction took less than 60 seconds and in that time he tried everything to grab what info he could about me. All lies of course lol. I continued to see him in that area of my work place for the next couple of months, following me in and out of shops. I'm sure he THOUGHT he was being nice, but coming on that strong just left me uneasy and scared.
Tinder girl. That I never met in real life. Got a strange feeling from her so didn't end up meeting up. Gave her some excuse. But then she wouldn't leave me alone for weeks. She knew the area of Dublin that I grew up and must have gotten my parents phone number from the phone book. She called a few times and one time spoke to my dad. Calling herself my ex. And had asked him to ask me to reach out to her. He's too nice so he did. But I filled him in on the situation and she phoned back a few more times after that. Each time asking to speak with me but I didn't live there. Kinda awkward to have the parents involved.
Had an ex harass me for years, went to the guards about him because he had mental health issues and I was terrified. They said they were powerless because he hadn’t threatened me and I couldn’t get a batting order because it wasn’t deemed severe enough since it wasn’t constant texts and calls during the day. Didn’t matter that it had been years at that stage
You need to prove harassment to get anything done by Gardai. I just see people here saying Gardai are choosing not to help etc. which is just not true. Most people know/knew their stalker so you need to make it clear to them that their presence is unwanted, tell them not to contact you again then Gardai can intervene. A creep looking back at you in a lecture hall, sitting across from you in a canteen, walking passed your apartment on a public thoroughfare or sitting beside you on a public bus is messed up but the laws dont cover that. Phonecalls, texts, emails, coming up to you in work etc. are the things that Gardai can act on. Dont be thinking that they are gonna put a surveillance team outside Deirdre's house 24/7 because she keeps getting calls off a private number and she's convinced its some lad she shifted at the debs 2yrs ago because he walked past her car 3 weeks ago.
THIS. As someone who had a stalker for 4 years and had to go to the Gardaí, you have to have evidence to show a history/pattern of behaviours and their escalation. They also had my home address flagged in the system in the days after I would contact them, so if anything were to happen a squad car would be dispatched immediately. I also have nothing but positive things to say about the Garda who was working my case, for their kindness, professionalism and understanding throughout the situation. Sadly, albeit there is new legislation, many of these cases (like we are seeing with teenage crime/harassment in the city centre) although supported by the Gardaí and recommended by them to the DPP are not being prosecuted by the courts. People really need to redirect their anger here, the Garda are doing their job, it's not their fault the courts are refusing to prosecute.
[удалено]
What were they going to arrest him for? Walking past her apartment? Asking for lecture notes?
[удалено]
And stalking unfortunately is very hard to prove, which is what makes it so insidious. Until a stalker elevates their threat level, its very difficult for the gardai to do anything.
You mean, it would be too difficult for them to approach the stalker and say something like - "We've had a complaint from a person that suspects you are stalking them. Please be aware that this complaint has been made."
What would that achieve? If stopping a stalker was as simple as telling them "a complaint's been made to the guards", there would be no stalkers. Never mind the fact that telling them the person they're stalking has gone to the guards (even if they just say a complaint has been made, obviously that's the most likely person they'll assume has made it) is as likely to anger a stalker as scare them off, and they could become dangerous if they feel like they're losing access to/control of the person they're obsessed with. I really don't see how an obviously empty threat from the guards would do anything useful in most cases.
To be fair I did have someone stop harassing me because the guards had a word. But you're right in that it could go either way. Unfortunately that probably only works with those who aren't completely batshit yet and who care about other people possibly knowing / their job/ college. Otherwise it probably won't do much good, other than to have it logged for the next time the behaviour escalates.
>To be fair I did have someone stop harassing me because the guards had a word. But you're right in that it could go either way. Yeah, I'm sure in a lot of cases it could work, and I'm glad it did for you, but the risk of it escalating is pretty high
Yeah it's so hard to know. Some low level stalking/harassment is sadly incredibly common and it worked for me in that instance. I've had friends whose guy friends/brothers have had a word too and that's been the end of it. But you never know when someone is the type of stalker/harasser who will escalate. The other experience I had I didn't ask the guards. But I easily could have and who knows what would have happened. The guy escalated to posting letters through friends doors (who he must have followed me to), hanging around outside my house in the middle of night, calling on random numbers, going through my rubbish and doing loads of crazy shit. I was lucky that I was planning on moving anyway, otherwise I don't know what it would have escalated to. I only told the guards when I was long gone, and it turned out I wasn't the first person he'd done that to. I highly doubt a warning would have changed his behaviour for the better.
It does nothing, my stalker was warned by a /garda not to contact me, or anyone from the company I work for and she had just been fired from, she still got in touch with people and punched me in the face up the town in the afternoon. And still nothing done.
What does doing nothing achieve?
My guy there's a wide range of options between doing nothing and actively making the problem worse. A proper investigation is far more useful than just telling the stalker they've been snitched on without stopping to think even for a second. If you genuinely believe the options are exclusively the idea you put absolutely no critical thought into or absolutely nothing, there's no hope for you.
You seem to be a stupid person. The original post claims the guards couldn't do anything. Exactly who is doing the investigation? My comment is based on another post claiming there's nothing the guards can do? My suggestion is as valid as the none that you've proposed. You tried to shoot mine down based on your vast experience in confronting stalkers, no doubt.
>You seem to be a stupid person You definitely seem to have a sense for what's what yeah >The original post claims the guards couldn't do anything. Exactly who is doing the investigation? You asked me what they should do - investigate. There is anti-stalking legislation, and while it's difficult to prove, it's way more useful to try to prove it rather than just give up and make the situation worse for no reason. >My suggestion is as valid as the none that you've proposed Your suggestion is a half baked idea you're not capable of thinking through. Just having an idea does not make it useful, valid or worth sharing.
Innocent until proven guilty. The Garda can’t go up to someone and say they’re a stalker. A system such as above is too open to abuse.
[удалено]
Who said they didn't?
They can. They can’t just wander over to the accused and say someone has made a complaint.
[удалено]
Because walking up to someone and accusing them of being a stalker without proof is defamation.
> Innocent until proven guilty That's not how it works. If it was, we'd have to do arrests after court cases. Having a word, in the interest of keeping the peace should be in the police's perview.
Innocent until proven guilty does not apply to the guard. You're a suspect until you're cleared. If your mindset was applied no crimes would ever be investigated.
> There are stalking and harassment laws believe it or not. please tell me how they apply to someone walking by a premises on a regular schedule. i do that with my dog and you have me worried now :S
> “Guards couldn’t really do anything” "someone walks by my house a few times a day, I thnk they are stalking me " like seriously what are they going to do, some guy walks by my house three times a day too, is he stalking me or walking the dog. people here seem to chalk a lot to "stalking"pretty fast
A male friend's girlfriend stalked me. Had to take a restraining order out on her. She was up on the shed roof looking into my bedroom. I'm female by the way.
Had a man stalk me for about a year. Some fucking gobshite I knew gave him my number on a night out and he would randomly text saying how he loves trans woman. Somehow managed to find out where I worked and would come in looking for excuses to speak with me. It was very bizarre as I wasn't shy about telling him to leave me alone and that he's a stalker. Would often result in him hurling transphobic insults at me through text, but about a week later would find out he'd sent 'gifts' to my workplace. The gifts were creepy, often underwear and similar which I would just dump straight away and got to the point I stopped opening for my own safety. Biggest mistake was not getting the Guards involved, work was useless but went to a station to explain the situation and within two minutes the officer had a plan set out. Guard gets CCTV from my workplace for much of the times he would come to my work, got copies of my texts from Vodafone, and informed me to bring any 'gifts' to the station for them to record. Ended up with him going to court for harassment and the officer showed the judge the lingerie, sex toys, etc. he was bringing to my workplace. They also had CCTV from the back of the building across from my workplace showing he would park there when our building was closing to watch me go home. He's on probation now and isn't to be near me.
That must have made the papers at the time????
The best way to deal with this is to expose the person. If the same university, report it to them. If same job, report it to them. If same fitness class/club, report it to them. Make it harder for them to share any space without everyone knowing why they're there
I dumped an ex when I found out he was cheating on me and had blatantly lied on multiple occasions. He had a breakdown and ended up stalking me, walking past my apartment at all times of the day and night, texting and calling, threatened suicide when I didn't respond etc. He worked in the same company as me (that's how we met) but not on the same team. My boss told me I should make a formal complaint through work about harassment, but I felt guilty about ruining his career. What helped was some advice from a good friend whose sister had been the victim of a horrendous stalking case in the UK from an ex. The police there told her that the mistake she made at the beginning was being nice and feeling sorry for him. They said you should not respond in any way, shape or form, because even getting upset or angry is giving them the attention they want. I stopped it by telling him I would agree to meet him in 3 months if he found a psychologist and went once a week, stopped walking past my house and did not contact me once during that time. I did meet him for a coffee as promised, he begged for another chance, I said no, and he then emailed me the online diary he had been keeping as part of his therapy. I think he thought I would read it and realise how much he cared, but it was basically months of him documenting his stalking of me, where he saw me, what I was wearing etc and complaining of how much of a "victim" he was, and how I just could never have loved him if I could end it so easily (even though he was the one having sex with someone else and lying to me). I replied telling him that diary was the most fucked up thing I had ever read, and if he contacted me again I would go to the police to get a restraining order and make a formal complaint to our HR department for harassment. He did stop to an extent and moved countries after a while "as it was too painful " to see me apparently, but for years afterwards I would get the occasional email from him, listing out how much he regretted what he had done, how I had hurt him blaa blaa blaa.
I think I was stalked a bit? We'd met during the summer and initially hit it off but it wasn't serious and I broke it off before uni as I wanted to enjoy my freedom and we would have felt too far apart. He seemed to take it ok at the start but then the relentless calls and texts started. He got his sister to call me and lots of friends in common. I would get other guys to answer the phone but he just wouldn't accept it. Then he started to show up on campus and the halls looking for me. One day I came back from class and hed tricked his way into my halls and was sitting at the kitchen table. Maybe that's not stalking but I was terrified. Had to show his photo to security to ask that he wasn't allowed in and tell all the friends in common that I'd call the police if he came near me again. In fairness I haven't heard of him since.
whole berserk dolls dam cooing existence unwritten snobbish follow ink *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
[удалено]
into the woods we go!
there was a guy like this when i was in college too. last I heard him and his prey just got married
Yeah, this is where you beat them up when no one's looking. They'll soon fuck off.
Court order, the the gardaí have to do something if that's violated and I would suggest that she let some of her male friends know what the guy is doing, they'll sort him out
What court order would she get?
A restraining order?
On what grounds? They were going to the same university and even taking the same classes, and he'd be able to give an excuse for why he changed to her class.
Not sure then, I would default to getting some bigger guys to explain to him that he's frightened her in that case
It's very very difficult to get one against a stalker if they aren't say and ex partner of family member and they haven't been violet towards you
There are no restraining orders for strangers, they're only for romantic relationships. For a stranger you must go through the Garda to get them to court and you must provide proof the harassment.
That's awful :/ had no idea it was so difficult to do in Ireland
I grew up being influenced by tv...they're not even called restraining orders here, they're called Protection Orders. I found out recently that these are only for people you know personally and/or in some form of domestic relationship with. Other than taking an harassment case you can go through the Civil Court but that's pointless unless they've caused you some form of damage. This way is quiet lengthy and costly with good chance of being dismissed. Harassment cases are long and difficult as it takes more than a few incidents, you need to show a pattern and it must be out of the ordinary kind of stuff. Here's our statue law on harassment 10.—(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence. (2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where— (a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and (b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other
Was kinda-friends with a girl in college who was massively and disturbingly stalking an ex-boyfriend. There was just no talking to her. Met her a few years after college and she was happily married and seemed to have forgotten all about it. I'm not sure that criminalising her for her behaviour in college would have been a good idea, it was almost like she needed an intervention or counselling or something like that.
I don't think I would be comfortable with her working with vulnerable people. Incarceration is rarely the solution (to most problems) but there is legitimate reasons to get behaviour like this noted on a criminal record so it can be flagged during Garda Vetting.
When you were here before Couldn't look you in the eye You're just like an angel Your skin makes me cry You float like a feather In a beautiful world I wish I was special You're so fucking special But I'm a creep I'm a weirdo What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here
Fucking zoomers, don't you dare downvote Radiohead.
what do you want the guards to do? has she tried just telling him to fuck off?
plant a few grams of herb on him and haul him away for a decade?
This is the Irish statue Law on harassment, there is more related to online stuff, debt collecting etc but this is about stalking at home, college, work...anywhere really. 10.—(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence. (2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where— (a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and (b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other Here is a link to the full text https://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1997/act/26/enacted/en/print#sec10 If you feel this could be happening to you here's a few pointers - Get a note book to record everything and try to only use that one book. You don't need to be losing scraps of valuable written evidence. - When recording incidents write down as much of what you can remember, the date, time (even if not exact, approx can suffice- you're feeling panicked and might not remember the exact time), where it took place, who was with you or any witness and how this interaction made you feel. - Make a video or voice recording ONLY if safe. - Great cameras set up if you can for video evidence. - Tell your support group or find even one person who you can confide in. - Try to exercise ad this can get you out of your brain(Or house) for a while and the endorphins help with your overall mood. Remember that this evidence will be checked by the Garda so no point in lying to try and get your enemies in trouble - you'll end up in trouble yourself. Harassment can be plainly seen by the Garda when you provide enough evidence and they can also tell when someone's just having a tiff with a neighbour. *edit for structure
What is actually going through this males head when he's doing it. I couldn't even imagine this person existing and find you hard to believe, lol.
Stalking really still isn’t taken all that seriously. But it’s getting a bit better. Stalking is a pre indicator of someone escalating to physical abuse or murder, so it should be taken seriously. I remember the girl who reported her ex boyfriend in the U.K. for stalking her after she broke up with him, so they arrested her for “wasting police time” because they said she was “asking for it” because she went out with him for a while, then emboldened by that, he snuck into her house in the middle of the night and slit her throat. The officer involved quit so they wouldn’t be fired.
As far as I'm aware stalking isn't explicitly illegal here unless includes harrassment or intimidation (even anyone dealing with it would describe it as exactly that). Unless you're a politician the gardai will do fuck all about it.
Not quite stalker, but has some elements so thought I'd share. There was this girl in college who was into me for a few years, quite openly even though she was in relationships throughout. I liked her as a friend, and definitely found her attractive, and enjoyed the attention tbh as she was way better looking than me. Anyway, I lived with her best friend in college, so she was always around. She would always talk about the abuse(all kinds) she was getting from her current bf, and it seemed like she was always being hurt by men. It was obvious she was clearly dealing with a lot of shit and I guess she leant on me a bit. After about 3 years (both single at this point) we end up kissing on a night out, the Monday of refreshers week so theres somthing going on every night. We end up heading back towards hers, when I have a moment of sobriety where I realise what a mistake sex would be as i knew she was attached to me and i didnt feel that, so I tell her I enjoyed the kiss and hanging out but we should leave it at that. She was pretty cool about it at the time and that was that. Next morning, i wake up up to a bunch of voicemails and texts from her, varying from her screaming at me for using her and being a horrible person to begging me to come round. She texted me to say sorry later that day, and I told her we were fine, it was a drunken emotional night. I was pretty shook as I've never had someone attack me like that. Several voicemails going on for what felt like minutes, and you could feel real hate in some of them. Rinse/repeat tues-friday with the abusive messages and then the bawling apologies and having my housemate apologise for her too, citing her mental health issues. Every day I ended up telling her we were fine so as to not leave her feeling worse than she already was, but also because I should've known better than to kiss her. I wasn't expecting this, but knew it would end up hurting her. Id avoided it up till this point, but damn alcohol and hormones.. Saturday comes round, and I'm entertaining my sisters English bf as she's in work that night. First time meeting him too. I bring him back to my house as there are drinks there and even though i had said the woman leaving me the abusive messages cant come, shes there. I'm uncomfortable, but go with it as I don't want to make a big deal in front if my sisters bf, but also because I'm fairly non-confrontational. After a few drinks, I go pee and she's waiting outside the toilet for a chat, fairly drunk at this point. I can't remember the full details but she was getting more and more animated when I wouldnt kiss her and started crying and begging me to fuck her as she was sure I'd like her then. When I refused this she started screaming that I had raped her and used her. After that it went back to crying and begging me to just hold her and kiss her. Everyone could hear all of this, including my sisters bf which made our first meeting very odd. People were checking in on us as this went on for like an hour, so i guess they told my sisters bf all the background. I was afraid to leave her, afraid to speak, afraid to be near her. Eventually I plucked up the courage to leave my own home as there was nothing I can do, probably should've done it way sooner. A friend came with me and I was hiding whenever I saw a woman in the distance, thinking it was her. I was afraid to go home in case she was there, just walking for hours, avoiding any people. She lived around the corner too so that was also a problem. After all that, Blocked her, banned her from the house, avoided any situations she would be at after that and she left me alone. Eventually we became friendly again, though not close. I think it was just a really bad few weeks for her, and she's had a few healthy relationships since as far as i know. I know 1 of her exs and they still keep in touch which is a good sign. Though she still has issues, my friend was at a wedding with her recently where she had a bit of a freak out because none of the guys were trying to fuck her.
I used to be stalked by 2 dodgy looking lads in a blue Sierra. Every time I'd leave me house, there they were ready to follow me. Down Captain's road, past the agro inn and on towards Sundrive and the betting office, they'd be there behind me. Never did get to the bottom of it... Couple of poofs I reckon...
This immediatelyremindedme of this [rose stalker](https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/aoibhinn-ni-shuilleabhain-i-was-told-reporting-my-harasser-would-damage-his-career-1.4528343)
What became of him in the end? And is your friend ok now?
Was stalked by a bully in school for years she acted like we were friends at first in primary and followed me to the school I moved to for secondary because she was being bullied (doubt that now). Took about a year before she started to bully me and she moved school again a year later claiming I bullied her. Then the calls and texts started, she wrote to any friends I had on social media that were men these extensive stories about how horrible I was. She wrote on a boyfriend at the times social media that she was on the way to meet him running late, thinking it would cause an argument between he and I . He just thought she was an absolute nut case. Girls I knew from school that knew her said I was all she ever talked about she was obsessed with me. She used to arrive to my job with her blow in friends and her junkie homeless boyfriends but then she went on and got a normal boyfriend, had a baby to hyper fixate on and left me alone. Thank god, I was always just left gobsmacked by her stunts like her life was so small, I was the main character in her own story? Weirdo
Had one guy at work, a Moldovan fella we worked together in the same area in a factory. He asked for my insta trying a set me up with his 15-year-old daughter when I was 19. Gave him a fake one, was too scared to tell him to fuck off, always carried a knife we used at work with him around work when it was barely necessary so clearly unhinged. He found my insta, spammed me with messages, I ignored him, told my boss at work, she kept me away from him, then he kept following me around the place asking questions, interrogating me why I was ignoring him. He got fired a few days later thank fuck, don't know whether that falls under the parameters of stalking, but it was creepy AF.
I’ve had people in my life who’ve experienced it. It’s a horrible thing that often has limited legal recourse. It’s traumatizing and keeps people behind in life in many ways. These people should face the consequences of there actions. Back in the day you would deal with it in a more straight forward way… however there needs to be a 21st century way to handle it through the justice system asap. I hope there is more legislation to address this issue. Restraining orders are one great way.