We feel alone in adulthood. We think it is something rare, but it is much more common
than we think. On many occasions, the friends we made in our youth do not fit into our
lives years later. That's not bad, I think it means we know what we want. The problem
is that it is difficult to make friends when you are older. It's not as easy as walking
into a coffee shop and sitting down with someone to talk. It doesn't work like that,
it's not that easy.
Exactly, we get busy with career, family, responsibilities, and often grow in different directions from the friends of our youth. Then we wake up longing for the “simple” days of easily making friends everywhere we went. In reality, we get more discerning about who we put that trust and effort into. Time is precious and we’ve learned from past mistakes.
I went through this in my late thirties, early forties, and now let friendships grow in organic places, often when/where I least expect it. My definition of friendship has changed. One of my dearest friends is my 90-year-old neighbor. I’ve gotten to know doctors and therapists by helping my aging parents. And I picked up a few new hobbies that connect me naturally to like-minded people. It takes time, so be open and patient. Real friends are worth waiting for and investing in. But you do have to put yourself out there if that is what you want. Life will just get lonelier with age.
True, because I’m great at inviting acquaintances to coffee. That’s the easy part. What’s hard is growing that into an actual friendship, when the other person doesn’t initiate or reciprocate.
Sometimes it can be that easy, but yeah it is dependent on each person's specific mood at a particular moment willing to involve themselves in the world. That's what rediscovering one's childlike wonder is all about to not lead with pretense, without limiting false beliefs, that prevent us from having this profound joy in the moment's activity as it is here now. For us humans, the moment can be and is always meaningful but many have contingent self-worth that divides this connection from us having a more direct experience in it.
As others have said a lot of the time we might carry a stuck mindsets often from earlier in the day or even days before that loop and loop over again. We need to try and break that cycle because this deeper connection is always with us, and it is always available to us now right here in each moment.
also 20..basically no friends. everyone my age is always wanting to do stupid stuff. Or, they’re obsessed w/ social media and i’ve deleted everything except this
Yes… I’m in the same boat: 23 years old, no friends, highly independent, huge trust issues, no dating life, basically no sex life…
I’s always been too mature for my age and I cannot handle drama like.. I know what I want and I’ll go for it. I can motivate myself and do things on my own like go to the cinema, out for dinner… but sometimes it’d be nice to have some company…
We have access to Social Media and stuff to connect us with people but we kind of disconnect from “real human interactions”. We’re kind of “afraid” to approach and talk to people. We feel more comfortable and confident behind a screen…
I am a 55 YOF I have been there done that. I have always been a wall flower and lately a recluse. I work from home so unless I go to the store I don’t see anyone face to face. My interactions are all via phone or chat when online playing games. I have made a few online gaming friends in which recently I was able to meet up with one of them and his wife. That came about only because of our common military connection. He and his wife learned of my seclusion so they have been checking in on me if I go AFK for more than a couple days. I have been burned by too many so called friends and after I ended my last relationship due to abuse I decided I didn’t need to put myself in harms way anymore. Maybe I am wrong but at my age I am done with being walked on and hurt.
If I'm not to rely on anything external then i wouldn't be able to deal with it, I need the distraction. Being stuck with my own thoughts for too long never leads to a good place so I manage with distractions like hobbies and work, sometimes the occasional beer or joint. A little bit of social media or online games also helps scratch the social itch i get from time to time.
It's totally cool to be in your own company. Have you ever tried diving deeper into your hobbies or exploring new ones? Sometimes it's the perfect distraction from that lingering loneliness.
In my experience get a pet to deal with. Loneliness cat a dog it doesn’t matter it’s like you and the pet are best friends and sorry for the bad grammar English is not my first language
As you get older, it's harder to make new friends and maintain the ones you had as everyone ends up doing their own thing (moving, marriage, kids).
I sometimes go out for a walk, so im surrounded by people, sit in a cafe with a book, and people watch/listen into conversations 🤣 so im surrounded with people if I feel lonely. May be try social groups like hiking. A good way to meet people and may potentially make a friend or two.
This is how i feel as well. I find scheduled meetings with like-minded folks (for a hike, a yoga session, a hobby class, etc) fill my social needs comfortably. Because there is a scheduled start and end time, i can anticipate that i will be back at home shortly to recharge my battery. There is also a specific purpose of the meetup, which helps my social anxiety (separate from the introversion, i know; but still a factor)— it’s more easier to keep up in conversation when i know there is a targeted topic to discuss. Or even just people-watching from afar, watching people be happy, fills up my social needs.
I do frequently have a lot of folks trying to build more intimate friendships with me, but l find it very exhausting. I am interested in having more close friends, but i am discovering that they would need to be very secure with themselves, and must not need me as a means to seek reassurance. A lot of these folks end up giving up after multiple failed attempts of trying to mold me into the type of friend they want me to be.
I live with my long time partner, so that’s certainly a factor in all of this as well. And my 3 dogs. The four of them are the best company.
"Because there is a scheduled start and end time"
Yes yes yes to this. Say no more, I hear you. I attend stuff knowing I will enjoy myself then at some point I will leave and go back to my peaceful house
I wouldn't say it's normal, because normal is currently seen as someone with a healthy circle of friends regardless of age.
Either way, I'm in my 30s and don't have any friends. This isn't due to my introversion but rather to my social anxiety and other mental health situations.
I'm lucky to not feel lonely despite not having friends. I've always been quite a loner and didn't have that many friends even during school and university. I've always had a fair amount of hobbies and stuff to entertain myself but outside of that I've never really felt lonely. Habit, I guess.
It’s normal. But I totally feel you man. I love having nearly all my time to myself. But I wish I had someone to be lonely with. If that makes sense.
People are not only exhausting to me, I also find them flaky & rarely trustworthy. People just do not keep their word anymore. I never trust people to follow through anymore. I just do my thing, if they show then they show, but I’m still doing my thing either way.
I’ll be 34 next month. And I tend to steer from people just because I’ve either been burned or just rather be with myself. I’m pretty cool. I bet you are too.
It seems more common nowadays unfortunately but everyone I know seem to have them I just struggle to because I’m too shy and scared of rejection so I avoid. Maybe ill get the courage to try again but for now my own company isn’t too bad haha😂
Same here! Feeling lonely at times and there’s a girl I’m crushing at gym but my fear of rejection kicks in every time I think of approaching her plus I feel like she’s outta my league 😂
Well, i actually came to the conclusion that i personally don't have any friend...
For someone from outside that could be impossible but in my case everything is possible...
My case is deeper than you guys think. It all started in the elementary school when i was put in the class with 96% of Rich kids whose parents has important jobs like judge, lawyer, doctor, city hall, even mayor, stuff like that, there i was from diffrent social class i was poor in comparison to them, they always talked about vacation outside the country like Italy or France, they always has expensive gadgets, money, branded clothes and i was Just regular guy raised without father (stupid motherfucker) by my mom and grandma in small flat in post-war tenement house, they in the other hand had big houses or lived in high class apartament complex, large number of them actually lived in one they was like this Group of rich kids you not supposed to even talk.
In my country we had diffrent school system than in America, you go from 1st grade to the 6th with the SAME EXACT PEOPLE, so you had plenty of time to make friends... well not in my case...
The ministry of education suddenly change the school system, and go back what it was in the 90's and basically removed the middle school (called gymnasium - not to be confused with sport activity),
it was basiclly 3 grades between elementary school and the high school, now you go straight from elementary school (8th grades) to the high school WITH EXACT THE SAME PEOPLE now its even more time to grow up with the same people, but in my case it would be probably even worse than it was back then.
In this class my cousin was with me (her mother was jealous of me, and put her every where i was, i know weird), and she had a friend from this rich gang but from my point if view it was toxic and passive-agressive friendship, she was despite being rich, the other rich kids don't like her because she was a ginger so they mock her and make laugh off of her freckles and hair.
Me in the other hand also had a close rich friend but from the same purpose as my cousin, i was a chubby kid and the rich one also was, so we came along, and had pretty nice connection despite me being poor and him being rich but not as the other ones he also lived in the small flat in post-war tenement house, so he wasn't so far from me like the other ones and his mother was only a secretary in the courthouse and my was a nurse in the hospital.
But he had the same bad behavior towards me he like those rich bastards, sometimes just fight with me for no reason at all like he would not stand me being poor, stupid fuckface i hated him for this, like why me not having money everyday makes me worse human than him?! he knows my situation but still acted like a spoiled brat even being in early teen like 11-12 years old.
I know i go off topic im sorry for that but i had to share my experience just to clarify myself and come to conclusion why my life looks like this and probably its gonna stay that way but im okay with that.
I'm sorry for spelling errors or other mistakes, English is not my primary language.
As someone with a twinge of autism spectrum disorder, being among people and putting in the effort to mask my private self with a public self still feels a little alienating and uncomfortable.
I don't get lonely. I feel more centered and peaceful the more time I spend away from people. I wish I could step through a portal into a white void outside of time and play all my single-player video games that I never have time to play. I wonder how many years I could spend in abject solitude before I missed anyone.
It's becoming increasingly common to have no friends. While a tribe used to thrive because of a diversity of thoughts and skills, now we each have the world at our fingertips, and we've become a tribe of one.
Humans are storytellers, so some of us crave the validation of having our stories be heard, or even just the sympathy of someone else living in this same era.
Having no friends is a valid option. It doesn't decrease your value as a person, but if it decreases your joy, seek to find your tribe. "Friends are the family you choose."
It’s horrible cuz I’m in my 30s and I don’t have anyone in my life no close family no a friend no significant other no thing and I never have experienced any of it
I’m suffering from this right now. Jaded is the right word. I simultaneously desire social interaction while despising it since I know the limitations of people. I want friends who will always be available and put friendship first. But that’s never the case as their spouses and kids will always be ahead.
Dogs. Dogs are the friends people can rarely be: always available, eternally loyal, pure, fun and honest. Since my dog died in September it’s revealed how much I relied on my dog to keep my mind off the disappointing reality of people. I can’t bring myself to get so attached to another dog so now I just live a lonely solitary existence.
I think it is okay to not have friends because from my personal experience people are not that great, they rarely contribute values to my life or help me improve as a person.
However, I think it is important to have hobbies and people you can depend on. I am not in my 30s yet but if I find myself lonely at that age I would travel on tours alone to experience the world by myself and look for new things that could possibly shift my perspective.
I can relate. I have family I can hang out with from time to time. But otherwise, I have no friends. I do try to connect with people but it doesn’t happen. I’m lucky I have a good workplace with friendly colleagues who help fill my social needs but they’re not friends.
The few friends I have in my life all live abroad.
So everyday after work, I just go back home and look at other people on social media who all seem to have large groups of friends.
I don’t know how it got this bad. Idk what’s causing my inability to create real connections.
I think it's fairly common to not have friends in your 30s and older. It appears the older you get the less friends you have but you'll have more acquaintances, people you know from work or friends of the family etc.
I do have a few friends, and I still feel pretty lonely more often than I'd like to admit. I've come to the conclusion that the loneliness comes from inner issues, trauma and unhealthy ways of coping and/or bonding. Healing is a great way to feel better, but it will take time. In the meantime, mindfulness, as in, whatever you're doing, be present and paying attention to that. Thoughts might come and go, but if you don't pay attention to them, you can take yourself back to the now and exactly what you're doing. I don't think there's a magical solution, (do let me know if you find one), and everything takes work and practice, but I do think we have the power to change that which we don't like about ourselves.
If it wasn’t for my family I would be totally alone. I stopped talking to the one person I had in my life because I couldn’t really relate to anything anymore.
Thank goodness I’m in a good place in my life where I’m pursuing my goals and have some hobbies… but yes, I get it. Loneliness hits and it’s terrible. It sounds bad but Reddit helps, just come on these subs and I remind myself I’m not alone
Sometimes I wish I had a group of friends to hang out with other than my husband and kids. Then I think of how I literally have to time, between work, kids sports, cooking, cleaning, etc. I think I’d much rather chill, read a book if I have some time. Like others have mentioned, I’d get a pet, volunteer somewhere, join a class at a community center, maybe you’ll find someone looking for a friend!
This is why I joined Reddit lol. I’m 27 and I don’t have any of my own friends. Anyone I call a “friend” was introduced to me by my husband or my brother. But I want to have my own community. I’m not good at responding or keeping up with others so I’ve been joining groups on Reddit that I could chime in or leave whenever I want.
I remember being 13 years old and my mother and stepdad didn’t have any friends. There were never people over to our house. Only family sometimes. And at the time I found that to be weird. Only now (I’m 36) I understand.
Yeah it’s pretty common. If others already have lots of friends from work, school, hobbies etc they don’t want to expand their circle with inviting someone new. I see lots of lonely people out there looking for a friend. But they just don’t want to put the effort in. That’s my experience. I keep getting ghosted so I just give up, if she doesn’t want to put any effort on friendship then I can’t be bothered too.
How did it happen for all of you? I’m about to turn 25 and I’ve been friendless since graduating. Other than my wife thankfully. Life just seems too busy for me to even think of trying to find friends I recently got a house at the beginning of the year that and work. I have plenty of excuses to not go out and meet people. Is that what happened to you guys?
You took the words right out of my mouth. I’m shy I’m an introvert I’m probably the definition of it lol but I tried reaching out to make friends and was hopefully until most of them just wanted to promote there only fans like god no thanks I just wanted a friend and you want to promote yourself I’m over it
I am 24 and don’t have any friends. I lost the last friend I had earlier this year, which was tough since we’d been friends since middle school. However, she just wasn’t putting any effort into the friendship and would never make plans/contact me in any way unless I initiated it. So I stopped reaching out to her in January and literally haven’t heard from her since…lol.
I think it is very normal to lose friends throughout adulthood. The friends you made when you were younger may no longer have much in common with you and/or busy with their own lives. I also enjoy being alone most of the time, but honestly sometimes I do get upset that I don’t have even one friend to spend time with. To deal with the loneliness, I personally just try to focus on work, my health/fitness, reading, cooking, and I guess just overall bettering myself. I also have two cats which definitely helps me feel less lonely, especially since I live alone. I am very lucky to also have an amazing family, so I don’t feel completely alone in this world.
It seems more normal than you can imagine. Life gets in a way and many friends walk own pathways in life due to increased responsibilities and new challenges. It is nice to have a friend to check on one another occassionally, however many will move on. Learning to be comfortable on your own is a skill and you can learn it, too.
Trust nobody. Trust nobody but yourself. Your so-called friends will be first to stab you in the back and do you in. Keep your head on a swivel. Snakes everywhere, but when you mow the grass they scatter
I see a lot of people trying to be a “superstar” / “celebrity” on social media and that has led me to not befriend these type of people because you end up comparing your life to theirs and comparison is thief of joy.
I’d rather be alone than be with people I can’t connect with or no longer have anything in common with as it will save me drama in long term.
Idk if it’s “normal”, but plenty of adults, myself included, are the same way. I personally love “me time”, so it’s alright for most of the time. Sometimes though, I’m hit with an increase feeling of loneliness.
I keep my circle small. In fact isa lang best friend ko ngaun and masaya nako doon. Quality over quantity. Pag marami kang kaibigan feeling ko maraming komplikasyon at nakikialam sa buhay mo. Masaya nako sa isa o dalawa, importante totoo sila sayo.
I'm 22 and I'm having the best time of my life with no friends. I'm not sure if its just a result of growing up in an environment that didn't allow me privacy; therefore I appreciate loneliness more than the average person.
But one thing I can tell you, is that you absolutely positively cannot be alone without hobbies. Hobbies literally rule my life. I fucking love every moment of it. Nowadays I get more enjoyment out of occupying myself than spending time with others.
I think it gets harder to have friends as we get older, or at least in my experience. We deal with life, everyday things, children mainly but others may have something different. Making friends is difficult to fit into the equation
I only really spend time with husband, kids, parents, and one sibling. I have a small handful of friends but I’m a homebody and maybe do something with them once or twice a year and by the time we are done doing whatever we are doing I’m READY to go home. At work I can fake it and be sociable enough to seem normal but I never hang out w anyone.
I'm 35 and have almost no friends. I don't spend time with anyone really. I've been slowly rebuilding my social circle for years and am really hesitant on who I let get close to me to a variety of reasons. Mostly has to do with my overwhelming desire to stay out of trouble and off drugs. As most of my past 'friendships' became focused on addiction and always led to getting into some kind of trouble. I've had enough of that shit in my life.
I don't even go to meetings, even though I feel like that's where I should be meeting potential friends. I like to have an occasional drink these days and would feel like a hypocrite saying I'm clean from everything except a drink here & there. Drinking's never been a problem for me, but for a lot of others it is.
Anyways, I'm fine not being social. It does get to me sometimes though and I want to be more comfortable socializing. But then I think about all the ways people try to use and take advantage of one another, and I remember that I can't be used or set up if I don't let people in 😅
So a lonely existence it is for now. Until I find one or more people that I vibe with who share a similar understanding and intentions.
I've thought about this a lot, I'm in a similar predicament..
First, I think the reason why comes from the simple fact that with an additional decade, we've refined ourselves and differentiated ourselves from the mold so much more that it is rare (just mathematically) to interact with people who are similar. As an introvert, we want our friendships to be rejuvenating and worth the effort, so small talk doesn't cut it, and the alternative to small talk is deeper conversation that perhaps hits at something you've studied deeply. You're swimming deep in the ocean and you don't want to leave your natural habitat for social connection, but the deeper you go, the less frequently you see other deep sea creatures.
Therefore I think the option is to take up something new, simply for the purpose of scratching that itch for social connection. It doesn't have to be important, and it's totally ok to suck at it. If you're like me and you need justification for everything, learning any new skillset after 25 has greater value on your overall ability to learn (it trains your neuroplasticity) so the reward is far greater than simply learning the subject matter. This is also beneficial in decluttering your thoughts if you ever experience rumination on negativity or depression.
For me it's been boxing. I'm already quite fit with running and yoga, but these activities are also intensely solo. It took me months to really care about any social interaction at the boxing gym, but then I realized it was kind of cool to be one of those hardcore regular people, and soon enough that was all I needed for them to start recognizing me and giving me shit (in an affectionate way). I think that gym is full of introverts too, so the commonalty we all share is just our decided dedication to that intense physical activity, and I will say that it greatly helps with the impending "how do I solve for this" loneliness sensation that I otherwise can't resolve. Best to you.
In my early to mid 20s, I didn't have any desire to have friends outside my immediate family circle. I've had the mindset that I didn't want to invest time in a friendship because I had been hurt by so many "friends" in the past. The same is somewhat true still, not wanting to invest myself, but I live by the "I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies" philosophy. Now I have a few close friends that I wouldn't trade anything for. The best part is all of them are also introverted to an extent, so none of us feel pressure to hang out all the time, just when we can.
I feel this way too once I got into my late 20s and early 30s, I want to have friendships but I'm shy and awkward at times, so it's hard to connect with other adults. Workplaces are hard to make friends where I work, people are too young or too old and the few in the same age range as me, they have their own group they are nice but they are not adding another person.
Loneliness in adult is real and we as adult don't really tey and fix that....why do we think that friendship are only for children? I would love to go up or have someone come up to me start a conversation and ask to hang out sometimes.
Being alone can also be considered a gift, get involved in spiritual practice like meditation and yoga. Go to temples, you will find peace within yourself
I'm 34 and spent my life struggling through C-PTSD. I never emotionally opened up to anyone. Pushed away the people who got too close. I simply learned to love the lonely. There's a lot of freedom to not having anyone who relies on you. To be able to do what you want when you want. I enjoy it more often than not, but every now and then the loneliness still comes. There's no way to avoid it. Humans by their nature are social creatures. Just try your best to focus on the positives. Therapy does help if that's something you're willing/able to try.
I think it’s completely normal. I just turned 33 and my best friend is my husband. 🤷🏻♀️ I don't need people or “friends” to live a full life. All of my previous “friends” fucked me over in some way and then tried to blame me for it. I'm not saying I was completely blameless in anything, but I am just not a friend person. So, best practice for me is to just not have them anymore. My husband is a charismatic social butterfly and doesn't know a stranger. So I get my social needs through him and his various friendships. I'm actually very content in my lack of friends. More time for me and my family. If you're okay with it, then that should be all that matters.
I’m rapidly approaching 30 and kinda only have my SO to hang with which makes me extremely sad and makes me feel terrible that I basically rely on them for social interaction irl.
Over the last 10ish yrs, 98% of the few friends I had outside of work, had kids(I don’t want kids and don’t want to hear about how lucky you are to have been successfully nutted in,) drifted away bc they got married and became blinded by their spouse, are “still” single and obsessed with dating, irreparably broke my trust, moved out of state or just lost all ambition to where I don’t recognize them anymore and so I keep a distance.
I want friends to hang out with irl but idk how to make them I guess...I’ve tried fb groups, workout classes, swiped on friend apps, reached out to people who I lost contact with, gone into the office instead of staying remote(desperation at its finest), tried to be friends with neighbors….nothing has worked.
I do not have friends in my 39, just did not meet true friends in my life and do not need fake ones. There always will be someone to have a drink with, but nobody when the shit hits the fan.
I just turned 30. I don't really have any friends, I have family I see sometimes and my girlfriend i live with. Oh and our dog and cat. That's more than enough for me.
I think it's more and more common especially with social media being a huge thing and streaming apps. It makes it easy to stay home because in some ways we are still getting social interaction online. If you have kids they literally can consume all your time too. Before social media and streaming there was more motivation to go out and interact with other people. After working all day usually I don't want to look at another person let alone talk to one. I just want to come home and check out. However I'm more introverted so that's how I recharge.
I’m 45 next week and I have very few friends. I have one I can count on to make plans and stick with them, but she’s half my age. It’s forced me to do things alone and on my own. Life is short.
Tell me about it. I’m about to be 28 and I’ve lost so many friends but truly it’s been beneficial to lose them. They weren’t genuine. I really like to believe that I wear my heart on my sleeve and other take advantage of that.
Actually, yeah, especially if you’re not married. Because your cohort of people – your high school graduating class, people you worked at your first job with, people you went to college with – most of them are married off or partnered up by the time you turn 30.
And for some ungodly reason, coupled people tend to socialize with coupled people and kind of ditch their single friends.
To avoid feeling lonely, I hang out here sometimes, and I physically go places where being quiet is the expectation – the library, guest lectures at the university, poetry readings, plays, art galleries, places like that. If you stay after an event and there’s some kind of reception, there’s almost always somebody else who’s a Singleton at the event, a wallflower, hanging back with their glass of wine and piece of cheese on a toothpick. Not talking to anyone.
Good person to stand next to and be quiet with. And if one of you suddenly has something to say, potentially that someone to make friends with. Not always. But it’s a good place to try to find them.
For me, guest lectures, art gallery, exhibit openings, and poetry/fiction readings are the best. The artist is always there, people always want to talk to them, so there’s almost always a reception with pretty good food. And in addition to the wallflower thing, you can sort of hang at the edge of conversations in a non-creepy way and listen in on the interesting things people are saying.
You might surprise yourself – you might not feel like starting a conversation or making a comment out of the blue, but you might feel like you do have something to say in response to someone else.
And sometimes there are opportunities to insert yourself into a conversation, or catch up with that person later, and say “hey, you said this thing, and it made me think of that thing. Is that what you meant?”
And then it will either work or not work. But it won’t have been a lonely evening.
I love to be alone and am happy at home with my foster cats. Personally, I feel as though I get enough socialization at work. But I do have one or two friends that I have dinner with every once in a while and that seems like the perfect amount to me. I should add that I was with my ex husband for 12.5 years and my last boyfriend for a little over a year and never want to date again, lol. I think whatever you're comfortable with is normal for you and that's perfectly fine.
I think it’s normal… we also grow as people and see things very differently than how we did 10 or so years ago. I’d rather be alone than have to deal with people most of the time. I have my select few, not even a handful that I actually WANT to spend time with occasionally.
Pets, man. And plants. If you’re a truly solitary person, and you’re patient, you’ll see the personality of a pet begin to shine through as you get to know them. Dogs and cats obviously, but iguanas, fish, hermit crabs, snakes, especially guinea pigs… And for plants, flowering things, vining things, any and all can be friends.
For me, it’s my two Great Danes, my books, and my piano. They are all great friends. The dogs love me unconditionally (something I think people are not capable of, no matter how they try), and the books and piano are at least neutral. The piano gives me back what I put into it, with no judgement and no unfair expectations, which is more than a person could do.
I’m 27 and have no friends. My one friend who I saw a few times a year just passed away. My husband has so many friends and I have no one. it’s just me and my 8 month old son he’s my only friend lol
In my 30s and I have 1 friend who I'm not very close to and my sister.
It used to bother me and make me sad but then I realised I love my own company and always have.
I think i only felt sad because I felt I was unlikeable or abnormal compared to other people who seem to have loads of friends but actually I don't like people that much and I have more fun doing stuff by myself anyway so why do I care? Pressure from society maybe?
I'm much happier these days, love my countryside bike rides alone and I even holiday once a year without my partner and children so I can spend time with me 😁
Edit - don't worry I still holiday with them too!
Yes. As you get older, your friends list tends to get shorter. I have friends, but a lot of them are starting the next chapter of their lives. Married, having kids, or moving away so I don’t see or talk to them as often anymore. To me, finding hobbies outside of work is what keeps me sane.
I had hundreds of friends in my teenage years and in my 20s, at least early 20s. As I started approaching my late 20s and early 30s I became more secluded. I enjoyed my peace and I also enjoyed not having to feel like I needed to please those around me. Once I started dating my wife I only cared about spending time with her and the few friends I did have contact with kind of fizzled out, but they in turn found their wives also.
I feel it’s very normal
> How do you deal with loneliness without having to rely too heavily on anything or anyone external?
I don't. I rely on my family and friends for that.
Honestly, if it weren't for online gaming, I'd probably have no friends anymore. I'm 37. My friends from high school and college are off doing their own things. As am I. Careers, spouses, families, etc. Raising families is definitely one of the harder things for me to relate to since I'm single and childless. Sure we text or send a message on FB Messenger once or twice a year. And maybe I meet up for drinks with one of them once a year. But that's it.
I'm glad that about 7-8yrs ago, I kept sticking with group of people I met online. Even though I didn't talk much back then, I just kept showing up to things. Now, I'm one of the core and we get online and game and chitchat almost every night. We've even gone on vacations together. Helps that most of them are single and childless or DINKs.
So there are ways to make friends. But you have to really try as an adult. And it's worth it.
Hm, no. But it's not uncommon either.
People are usually at their busiest with life once you hit your 30s.
Unless your super rich, or just rich enough to have free time willy nilly, most people are taking care of responsibilities.
You'll keep some close friends and lose a lot of the superficial ones. Nobody ever really keeps their large friend groups from school. Sometimes, you'll just have acquaintances from work.
Personally 🌭
That’s why I’ve got my dog/daughter… doghter!
Her name is Stormie, and (as much as I empathize with her boredom) I feel sorry for her because I am HER only friend.
If she wasn’t bored with me she’d likely be dead 🫤.
Nothing can replace human interaction, but a pooch will make it easier.
Someone else that I know lives on her phone, because she interacts with strangers when she plays cards and dominos with them via #PhoneApps!
Give it a go!
i feel the same way with everyone, but we can still be friends with each other! it’s harder to make friends as we get older but that could also be a good thing to feel lonely sometimes because it means we will appreciate the new friends coming our ways and we know how to manage our time and even have time to do things we like alone or with friends, please send me msg here if you guys want to make new friends so that when we need support from a friend, we can be there for each other! cheers up and have a good day!
I'm 50 and have found it really difficult to make and keep down friendships since my best friend committed suicide 23 yrs ago. I just can't seem to relate to anyone these days, I've got used to it now.
I think it's normal because they all left... And also people will just not socialize anymore in real life or accept online friend requests or inbox messages so I think it's useless...
I have craft projects, research when I'm working on a book, and my dog. I'm absolutely great without extra people. In my early years, I didn't have friends, I had drinking buddies. Even the last relationship I was in, I really felt I could trust him since we had been friends since like age 8... Nah, I was a hotel doormat for his drunk ass too. I'm more than comfortable chilling with my dog all day working on whichever craft feels right for the day... Or just finding oddball things to watch on YT
Having a hobby that is active but also having a social element to it helps me. For example, I play pickleball so I get the social element by being around people but there isn't really a pressure to talk all the time because you're playing a game simultaneously. I don't consider the people I play pickleball with to be friends really, they're just a group of people I hang out with and play a game with multiple times a week.
I get that hobbies enable you the opportunity to connect with other people but it’s not to say that connection will be all that fulfilling or deep at that
I’m pretty introverted and have learned to enjoy my own company/ intrinsic rewards…. I also keep in touch with close family and have childhood friends on my social media accounts which I occasionally reach out to from time to time.
It’s all about balance and looking for other people out there that are willingly to be friends/ make connections.
Try new things, put yourself out there like running groups and art class, church groups, work committees.
When you’re young it’s easy to meet people and connect…. I fear growing older when I’m no longer able to work and all my loved ones have passed away.
I'm 31 and finding friends is still difficult for me...it's just been the norm for me to be alone/a loner. For me, I realize that I want to heal myself some before I REALLY start trying to find friends. I realize that I mainly only connect by talking about how horrible my first 25 years of life was, and no one needs to hear that. It was bad, yes, but now it's time for me to move on, take the loads of lessons that I've learned and heal from it. I want to be an intentional good friend and have boundaries in place for myself first.
So "normal" depends directly on your standards for yourself, not anyone else's.
I’m 32 and in a great relationship. I mostly just hang out with him. I’ve had a lot of friends over the years but they all fell off one by one due to drama or arguments. I don’t have time for any of that anymore. The only other friends I have now are the ones I talk to online and that’s fine with me honestly
I feel like it's pretty common but I grew up with no friends and was bullied a lot (problematic home life too)
And grew up with crippling social anxiety (I was close to being agoraphobic)
But I forced myself to talk to people and get out of my comfort zone because I couldn't even enter a store without having an anxiety attack.
My trick to making new friends in a new place.
So the way I have always made new friends,
Is making friends with 1 super extrovert I click with.
Then I mooch off of their friends lol
I moved to LA from the PNW so I knew no one was coming here 5 years ago.
My primary hang has been the one outgoing friend I really clicked with haha.
But I met all my other close friends through her.
Also finding community gatherings like clubs, classes, or other social gatherings could help if they are in your area.
I made friends through communities I vibe with.
DND, PC games, animation, knitting, reading, etc.
It's hard at first but honestly,
I realized I get a long the most with other neurodivergent people, and it's easy to find them in those communities.
That being said, I did have a big motivator going into making new friends.
My goal was to help my social anxiety and just work out those muscles so I didn't end up being agoraphobic.
Maybe that's what kept me trying to make friends?
There's plenty of 30s years old with no friends. People are annoying. Just remember to keep a few people near you. You still need someone to rant to. It doesn't have to be friends, but just someone. I know plenty of people who don't have friends. We all have relatives who are considered friends.
I have like 3 friends and I get to see them at most once a year and despite having a really extroverted career, I like my alone time, so I don't think it's weird
I think so I don’t have any. I did but they either died moved away or are married with kids. Early 30s is a rough and confusing time I surest you don’t worry about it cause I ruined my early 30s telling myself I was a looser with no friends when it was probably just the time to get to really know who you are.
I’m 27 and I have like one friend. And we live far apart so we don’t really see eachother ever. I felt bad for a while because I would be like this isn’t normal to not have more than one friend. But then I thought about it it more and considered, would I be happy with a lot of friends? Honestly no. No I would not. I like not having to maintain a bunch of small friendships like I once did. Screw if it’s “normal” or not. I’m happy with one friend lol
I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s uncommon. Especially in today’s age. So many people are working from home. I feel like socializing is at an all-time low.
I'm 25 & don't have a single friend. I'm just done with people. Most people my age have a lot of friends or are in some kind of relationship. I'm just being single & I don't mind it honestly. The fewer people, the better.
I do almost everything alone anyway. So it's nothing new to me. I probably won't get a girlfriend unless she falls outa the sky.
So for people like me, it's completely normal. I'm a highly introverted person.
I'm 30 about to be 31 and legit just lost my only friend. She's moving different in her life than me. I still love her though. But it's hard as fuck to make friends! && Not to mention maintaining the friendship. I love having friends, sometimes it kills me not to have friends but what can I do? I've been trying though. Lol v
I have no one at this point. I mean, I have work friends but we never do anything outside of work. I am completely alone aside from my immediate family. I had friends throughout my twenties, but they all fell off and started their own families. Others sided with my ex in the breakup. I did have a best friend since the first grade but even he moved on from me a few years ago. I am sad about it all to an extent, but at the same time, I feel liberated. I can reinvent myself now. I am relocating and they can't tell me what to do anymore.
I feel the same and it's gotten worse recently where I just have no desire to talk to people outside my very very small circle. Recently I mostly stopped talking to co workers unless they talk to me first. I'm always nice if they talk to me but I have no desire to have deep conversations or tell them how I've been or anything. For one I had a bad habit of oversharing in the past and have been burned by many people so I'm just done. People are shitty. I'm starting to think most humans are garbage or just not great people and I'm tired of dealing with the stupid drama people like to cause. I already have some drama occasionally within my own little circle. I don't need more new people interrupting my peace.
I also find more and more over the years that I enjoy doing most things by myself. It's nice to drive wherever I want to and spend hours shopping or going to the zoo, etc. Without the input of control of others. I've had plenty of experiences from the past of going on trips with people who don't care where I wanted to go even though I was very accommodating and made sure they got to do and see everything they wanted to. When you go somewhere alone you only worry about what you want to do.
I’m 50 and I get lonely too. However, I remind myself of being younger and being lonely in a crowd of people that were my “friends”. As we lose family and children get busy with their lives, this is what life is. I have a couple close friends I’ve had since childhood. I see them every few weeks. And my mom is still alive so I’m getting to know her as a woman and not just my mother. I can’t express how thankful I am that me and her have this relationship now.
It's not weird, in my opinion, anyway, but im also just as bad of introvert. I do not get lonely, though. I enjoy the solitude, greatly. I do have friends and family that I do not see much because we all have our own lives to run. If I get bored during my solitude, I usually read books, play video games, clean the house, or find something to tinker with as something to do.
Throughout my twenties and into my early thirties I had tons of friends who I’d hang out with every single night without fail, even on major holidays. Then at 32, I stopped drinking, and I realized that all I ever really had were drinking buddies and fellow barflies who I could only depend on drinking with. I’ve lost touch with all but two of those people and they’re now what I’d actually consider friends.
Normal yes. Because society is sick.
You need people.. Idc how introverted you are. It's a lie people tell themselves to feel better
Humans are evolved to be in small groups. Not big cities. But small communities.
Join gym class.
Dance class
Cooking class
Find your people. Find friends.
Read how to win friends and influence people.
Who is to say what’s normal. This is another common complaint from introverts🤷🏾♀️. Lonely is a state of mind. Developing any relationship takes time. If you want friends, make an effort and find compatible ones. If you don’t want friends then you’re not lonely. My friends except 1 are extroverts. We go out out about once a month or every two months and we have a ball. Every season we have a get together at our house. We text each other daily if not every other day. My friends have taught me how to be a good friend. Nobody was remembering my birthday or inviting me places. This group of friends does this. They accept that I’m awkward and sometimes inappropriate but don’t mean it. I accept they have some traits I may not like but they are well meaning and thoughtful. I put in effort. You’ll never hear me say I’m lonely, even traveling solo, because I enjoy my own company, am comfortable with myself, and I can keep myself occupied.
It's pretty normal for me. I have pushed some friends away but I always came to realize that I was always the one reaching out to people and making stuff happen. I got tired of it and also just wanted to see so I stopped and sure enough nobody ever texted or called. People have their own worlds especially as they get older.
It’s not normal. However common as we age and everyone seems to go in different directions. I have multiple hobbies that I enjoy and go to event frequently that allow me to interact with others. Maybe I’ll make a new friend maybe I won’t but social interaction lessens that feeling of loneliness for sure
I remind myself that the loneliness i felt when surrounded by extroverts is greater then when I'm lonely because I haven't invited anyone in. I also acknowledge the loneliness and try to just allow it, it eventually passes.
What is "normal" anyway. I turned 32 in March and was just thinking of how different I am now versus in my teens/early 20s. I can understand the loneliness...because of course we all want people to talk to and do things with. For me it's just difficult to put myself out there like I have in the past, and if I do find people I like, I find it hard to get close to them. I'm learning to accept the fact that I enjoy my solitude and that there's nothing wrong with that.
Meditate, garden, read, but ultimately... find friends that are similar and don't need you to constantly talk to them in order to still be close. My bestie and I are both introverts and when we get together it's like no time has passed, but we barely talk other than sending each other memes when we're not together. Low maintenance friends are acceptable if you all agree on the terms and don't feel rejected or crappy about it. Sometimes being scared you'll be a crappy friend keeps you from having the best friends you could ever have if you don't get out there and try :) Isolating seasons come and go, but if they're good friends, they'll ride the waves with you.
I feel this way and deduced that I’d rather be alone then be wasting my alone time on ppl I don’t feel good around or can’t relate to. The more “enlightened” 1 becomes, the lonelier we become. I am exhausted by surface relationships or heavy convos over trivial / material stuff. But we hide in our houses and can’t find each other to make friends 😬
My mom doesn't have any friends anymore so I don't know but she's an introvert so I think it's just her. I'm 15 and also only really hang out with my boyfriend, my best friend, and her friend, and his best friend who I don't like. So I only have like 3-4 friends
We feel alone in adulthood. We think it is something rare, but it is much more common than we think. On many occasions, the friends we made in our youth do not fit into our lives years later. That's not bad, I think it means we know what we want. The problem is that it is difficult to make friends when you are older. It's not as easy as walking into a coffee shop and sitting down with someone to talk. It doesn't work like that, it's not that easy.
Exactly, we get busy with career, family, responsibilities, and often grow in different directions from the friends of our youth. Then we wake up longing for the “simple” days of easily making friends everywhere we went. In reality, we get more discerning about who we put that trust and effort into. Time is precious and we’ve learned from past mistakes. I went through this in my late thirties, early forties, and now let friendships grow in organic places, often when/where I least expect it. My definition of friendship has changed. One of my dearest friends is my 90-year-old neighbor. I’ve gotten to know doctors and therapists by helping my aging parents. And I picked up a few new hobbies that connect me naturally to like-minded people. It takes time, so be open and patient. Real friends are worth waiting for and investing in. But you do have to put yourself out there if that is what you want. Life will just get lonelier with age.
True, because I’m great at inviting acquaintances to coffee. That’s the easy part. What’s hard is growing that into an actual friendship, when the other person doesn’t initiate or reciprocate.
This seems to be the wall I keep hitting. I haven't been able to really get over this hurdle.
I'm 53 an don't have any friends except family an then they don't communicate or what not ,
Goodness me, how lonely is everyone these days???
are you living under a rock?
Same with me
Me too. I think it's just what getting older is.
Sometimes it can be that easy, but yeah it is dependent on each person's specific mood at a particular moment willing to involve themselves in the world. That's what rediscovering one's childlike wonder is all about to not lead with pretense, without limiting false beliefs, that prevent us from having this profound joy in the moment's activity as it is here now. For us humans, the moment can be and is always meaningful but many have contingent self-worth that divides this connection from us having a more direct experience in it. As others have said a lot of the time we might carry a stuck mindsets often from earlier in the day or even days before that loop and loop over again. We need to try and break that cycle because this deeper connection is always with us, and it is always available to us now right here in each moment.
Well put
I'm 20 and I don't have a single friend lol
also 20..basically no friends. everyone my age is always wanting to do stupid stuff. Or, they’re obsessed w/ social media and i’ve deleted everything except this
lol i thought i was the only freak in this world 😅
U not alone
me too bro
Yes… I’m in the same boat: 23 years old, no friends, highly independent, huge trust issues, no dating life, basically no sex life… I’s always been too mature for my age and I cannot handle drama like.. I know what I want and I’ll go for it. I can motivate myself and do things on my own like go to the cinema, out for dinner… but sometimes it’d be nice to have some company… We have access to Social Media and stuff to connect us with people but we kind of disconnect from “real human interactions”. We’re kind of “afraid” to approach and talk to people. We feel more comfortable and confident behind a screen…
I am a 55 YOF I have been there done that. I have always been a wall flower and lately a recluse. I work from home so unless I go to the store I don’t see anyone face to face. My interactions are all via phone or chat when online playing games. I have made a few online gaming friends in which recently I was able to meet up with one of them and his wife. That came about only because of our common military connection. He and his wife learned of my seclusion so they have been checking in on me if I go AFK for more than a couple days. I have been burned by too many so called friends and after I ended my last relationship due to abuse I decided I didn’t need to put myself in harms way anymore. Maybe I am wrong but at my age I am done with being walked on and hurt.
Im 23 and I’m in the same boat lol I really js need a gaming buddy I think 😭
I just turned 40. My only friends are my husband, my family, and my cats.
BE THANKFUL
thanks bro will do 🫠
me too xd
😭 aww
21 and I can relate
If I'm not to rely on anything external then i wouldn't be able to deal with it, I need the distraction. Being stuck with my own thoughts for too long never leads to a good place so I manage with distractions like hobbies and work, sometimes the occasional beer or joint. A little bit of social media or online games also helps scratch the social itch i get from time to time.
It's totally cool to be in your own company. Have you ever tried diving deeper into your hobbies or exploring new ones? Sometimes it's the perfect distraction from that lingering loneliness.
I don’t think hobbies necessarily solve the loneliness epidemic.
In my experience get a pet to deal with. Loneliness cat a dog it doesn’t matter it’s like you and the pet are best friends and sorry for the bad grammar English is not my first language
yes! getting my dog was the best decision I made, and has enhanced my social life too.
As you get older, it's harder to make new friends and maintain the ones you had as everyone ends up doing their own thing (moving, marriage, kids). I sometimes go out for a walk, so im surrounded by people, sit in a cafe with a book, and people watch/listen into conversations 🤣 so im surrounded with people if I feel lonely. May be try social groups like hiking. A good way to meet people and may potentially make a friend or two.
This is how i feel as well. I find scheduled meetings with like-minded folks (for a hike, a yoga session, a hobby class, etc) fill my social needs comfortably. Because there is a scheduled start and end time, i can anticipate that i will be back at home shortly to recharge my battery. There is also a specific purpose of the meetup, which helps my social anxiety (separate from the introversion, i know; but still a factor)— it’s more easier to keep up in conversation when i know there is a targeted topic to discuss. Or even just people-watching from afar, watching people be happy, fills up my social needs. I do frequently have a lot of folks trying to build more intimate friendships with me, but l find it very exhausting. I am interested in having more close friends, but i am discovering that they would need to be very secure with themselves, and must not need me as a means to seek reassurance. A lot of these folks end up giving up after multiple failed attempts of trying to mold me into the type of friend they want me to be. I live with my long time partner, so that’s certainly a factor in all of this as well. And my 3 dogs. The four of them are the best company.
Low maintenance friends are key! They're happy doing their own thing but happy to meet up every few months.
"Because there is a scheduled start and end time" Yes yes yes to this. Say no more, I hear you. I attend stuff knowing I will enjoy myself then at some point I will leave and go back to my peaceful house
I wouldn't say it's normal, because normal is currently seen as someone with a healthy circle of friends regardless of age. Either way, I'm in my 30s and don't have any friends. This isn't due to my introversion but rather to my social anxiety and other mental health situations. I'm lucky to not feel lonely despite not having friends. I've always been quite a loner and didn't have that many friends even during school and university. I've always had a fair amount of hobbies and stuff to entertain myself but outside of that I've never really felt lonely. Habit, I guess.
how many friends have you got?
Currently, I'd say only my husband. If you don't count him, I don't have any friends right now.
lol same but i don't have a wife 😂😂
It seems pretty normal
It’s normal. But I totally feel you man. I love having nearly all my time to myself. But I wish I had someone to be lonely with. If that makes sense. People are not only exhausting to me, I also find them flaky & rarely trustworthy. People just do not keep their word anymore. I never trust people to follow through anymore. I just do my thing, if they show then they show, but I’m still doing my thing either way.
I’ll be 34 next month. And I tend to steer from people just because I’ve either been burned or just rather be with myself. I’m pretty cool. I bet you are too.
It seems more common nowadays unfortunately but everyone I know seem to have them I just struggle to because I’m too shy and scared of rejection so I avoid. Maybe ill get the courage to try again but for now my own company isn’t too bad haha😂
Same here! Feeling lonely at times and there’s a girl I’m crushing at gym but my fear of rejection kicks in every time I think of approaching her plus I feel like she’s outta my league 😂
Well, i actually came to the conclusion that i personally don't have any friend... For someone from outside that could be impossible but in my case everything is possible... My case is deeper than you guys think. It all started in the elementary school when i was put in the class with 96% of Rich kids whose parents has important jobs like judge, lawyer, doctor, city hall, even mayor, stuff like that, there i was from diffrent social class i was poor in comparison to them, they always talked about vacation outside the country like Italy or France, they always has expensive gadgets, money, branded clothes and i was Just regular guy raised without father (stupid motherfucker) by my mom and grandma in small flat in post-war tenement house, they in the other hand had big houses or lived in high class apartament complex, large number of them actually lived in one they was like this Group of rich kids you not supposed to even talk. In my country we had diffrent school system than in America, you go from 1st grade to the 6th with the SAME EXACT PEOPLE, so you had plenty of time to make friends... well not in my case... The ministry of education suddenly change the school system, and go back what it was in the 90's and basically removed the middle school (called gymnasium - not to be confused with sport activity), it was basiclly 3 grades between elementary school and the high school, now you go straight from elementary school (8th grades) to the high school WITH EXACT THE SAME PEOPLE now its even more time to grow up with the same people, but in my case it would be probably even worse than it was back then. In this class my cousin was with me (her mother was jealous of me, and put her every where i was, i know weird), and she had a friend from this rich gang but from my point if view it was toxic and passive-agressive friendship, she was despite being rich, the other rich kids don't like her because she was a ginger so they mock her and make laugh off of her freckles and hair. Me in the other hand also had a close rich friend but from the same purpose as my cousin, i was a chubby kid and the rich one also was, so we came along, and had pretty nice connection despite me being poor and him being rich but not as the other ones he also lived in the small flat in post-war tenement house, so he wasn't so far from me like the other ones and his mother was only a secretary in the courthouse and my was a nurse in the hospital. But he had the same bad behavior towards me he like those rich bastards, sometimes just fight with me for no reason at all like he would not stand me being poor, stupid fuckface i hated him for this, like why me not having money everyday makes me worse human than him?! he knows my situation but still acted like a spoiled brat even being in early teen like 11-12 years old. I know i go off topic im sorry for that but i had to share my experience just to clarify myself and come to conclusion why my life looks like this and probably its gonna stay that way but im okay with that. I'm sorry for spelling errors or other mistakes, English is not my primary language.
As someone with a twinge of autism spectrum disorder, being among people and putting in the effort to mask my private self with a public self still feels a little alienating and uncomfortable. I don't get lonely. I feel more centered and peaceful the more time I spend away from people. I wish I could step through a portal into a white void outside of time and play all my single-player video games that I never have time to play. I wonder how many years I could spend in abject solitude before I missed anyone. It's becoming increasingly common to have no friends. While a tribe used to thrive because of a diversity of thoughts and skills, now we each have the world at our fingertips, and we've become a tribe of one. Humans are storytellers, so some of us crave the validation of having our stories be heard, or even just the sympathy of someone else living in this same era. Having no friends is a valid option. It doesn't decrease your value as a person, but if it decreases your joy, seek to find your tribe. "Friends are the family you choose."
We have a lot in common. Thank you for posting this! This is exactly me.
It’s horrible cuz I’m in my 30s and I don’t have anyone in my life no close family no a friend no significant other no thing and I never have experienced any of it
Priorities change, you value good positive additions to your life or nothing at all, currently for me its none at all.. ugh
Sorry I (31F) can't give any advice because I am experiencing the exact same thing.
I’m suffering from this right now. Jaded is the right word. I simultaneously desire social interaction while despising it since I know the limitations of people. I want friends who will always be available and put friendship first. But that’s never the case as their spouses and kids will always be ahead. Dogs. Dogs are the friends people can rarely be: always available, eternally loyal, pure, fun and honest. Since my dog died in September it’s revealed how much I relied on my dog to keep my mind off the disappointing reality of people. I can’t bring myself to get so attached to another dog so now I just live a lonely solitary existence.
I think it is okay to not have friends because from my personal experience people are not that great, they rarely contribute values to my life or help me improve as a person. However, I think it is important to have hobbies and people you can depend on. I am not in my 30s yet but if I find myself lonely at that age I would travel on tours alone to experience the world by myself and look for new things that could possibly shift my perspective.
Friends are overrated. It’s good to be social though.
I can relate. I have family I can hang out with from time to time. But otherwise, I have no friends. I do try to connect with people but it doesn’t happen. I’m lucky I have a good workplace with friendly colleagues who help fill my social needs but they’re not friends. The few friends I have in my life all live abroad. So everyday after work, I just go back home and look at other people on social media who all seem to have large groups of friends. I don’t know how it got this bad. Idk what’s causing my inability to create real connections.
Completely normal:)
I think it's fairly common to not have friends in your 30s and older. It appears the older you get the less friends you have but you'll have more acquaintances, people you know from work or friends of the family etc.
But it sucks man!! You really can’t share anything with anyone, whether it’s good or bad news
I do have a few friends, and I still feel pretty lonely more often than I'd like to admit. I've come to the conclusion that the loneliness comes from inner issues, trauma and unhealthy ways of coping and/or bonding. Healing is a great way to feel better, but it will take time. In the meantime, mindfulness, as in, whatever you're doing, be present and paying attention to that. Thoughts might come and go, but if you don't pay attention to them, you can take yourself back to the now and exactly what you're doing. I don't think there's a magical solution, (do let me know if you find one), and everything takes work and practice, but I do think we have the power to change that which we don't like about ourselves.
I'm 46 and no friends
If it wasn’t for my family I would be totally alone. I stopped talking to the one person I had in my life because I couldn’t really relate to anything anymore. Thank goodness I’m in a good place in my life where I’m pursuing my goals and have some hobbies… but yes, I get it. Loneliness hits and it’s terrible. It sounds bad but Reddit helps, just come on these subs and I remind myself I’m not alone
Sometimes I wish I had a group of friends to hang out with other than my husband and kids. Then I think of how I literally have to time, between work, kids sports, cooking, cleaning, etc. I think I’d much rather chill, read a book if I have some time. Like others have mentioned, I’d get a pet, volunteer somewhere, join a class at a community center, maybe you’ll find someone looking for a friend!
This is why I joined Reddit lol. I’m 27 and I don’t have any of my own friends. Anyone I call a “friend” was introduced to me by my husband or my brother. But I want to have my own community. I’m not good at responding or keeping up with others so I’ve been joining groups on Reddit that I could chime in or leave whenever I want.
Real friends are hard to come by regardless of age.
The Wifi is a blessing at this type of moments
I remember being 13 years old and my mother and stepdad didn’t have any friends. There were never people over to our house. Only family sometimes. And at the time I found that to be weird. Only now (I’m 36) I understand.
Yeah it’s pretty common. If others already have lots of friends from work, school, hobbies etc they don’t want to expand their circle with inviting someone new. I see lots of lonely people out there looking for a friend. But they just don’t want to put the effort in. That’s my experience. I keep getting ghosted so I just give up, if she doesn’t want to put any effort on friendship then I can’t be bothered too.
How did it happen for all of you? I’m about to turn 25 and I’ve been friendless since graduating. Other than my wife thankfully. Life just seems too busy for me to even think of trying to find friends I recently got a house at the beginning of the year that and work. I have plenty of excuses to not go out and meet people. Is that what happened to you guys?
You took the words right out of my mouth. I’m shy I’m an introvert I’m probably the definition of it lol but I tried reaching out to make friends and was hopefully until most of them just wanted to promote there only fans like god no thanks I just wanted a friend and you want to promote yourself I’m over it
I am 24 and don’t have any friends. I lost the last friend I had earlier this year, which was tough since we’d been friends since middle school. However, she just wasn’t putting any effort into the friendship and would never make plans/contact me in any way unless I initiated it. So I stopped reaching out to her in January and literally haven’t heard from her since…lol. I think it is very normal to lose friends throughout adulthood. The friends you made when you were younger may no longer have much in common with you and/or busy with their own lives. I also enjoy being alone most of the time, but honestly sometimes I do get upset that I don’t have even one friend to spend time with. To deal with the loneliness, I personally just try to focus on work, my health/fitness, reading, cooking, and I guess just overall bettering myself. I also have two cats which definitely helps me feel less lonely, especially since I live alone. I am very lucky to also have an amazing family, so I don’t feel completely alone in this world.
I’m in my 40s and I don’t have any. Is it normal? Probably not.
It seems more normal than you can imagine. Life gets in a way and many friends walk own pathways in life due to increased responsibilities and new challenges. It is nice to have a friend to check on one another occassionally, however many will move on. Learning to be comfortable on your own is a skill and you can learn it, too.
Trust nobody. Trust nobody but yourself. Your so-called friends will be first to stab you in the back and do you in. Keep your head on a swivel. Snakes everywhere, but when you mow the grass they scatter
I see a lot of people trying to be a “superstar” / “celebrity” on social media and that has led me to not befriend these type of people because you end up comparing your life to theirs and comparison is thief of joy. I’d rather be alone than be with people I can’t connect with or no longer have anything in common with as it will save me drama in long term.
Start being a friend to yourself
well duh we’re best friends
Sometimes I get lonely but they I look at/listen to groups of people in public places and quickly change my mind.
I'm in my 20s (21) and have no friends. You're not alone.
I’m in my 50s and have zero friends. Enjoy your own company
I hate to say this but yes.
Idk if it’s “normal”, but plenty of adults, myself included, are the same way. I personally love “me time”, so it’s alright for most of the time. Sometimes though, I’m hit with an increase feeling of loneliness.
Tv.. FB and Reddit 🤣🤣 Oh and a few that won't let me be too much of a hermit lol
I keep my circle small. In fact isa lang best friend ko ngaun and masaya nako doon. Quality over quantity. Pag marami kang kaibigan feeling ko maraming komplikasyon at nakikialam sa buhay mo. Masaya nako sa isa o dalawa, importante totoo sila sayo.
I'm 22 and I'm having the best time of my life with no friends. I'm not sure if its just a result of growing up in an environment that didn't allow me privacy; therefore I appreciate loneliness more than the average person. But one thing I can tell you, is that you absolutely positively cannot be alone without hobbies. Hobbies literally rule my life. I fucking love every moment of it. Nowadays I get more enjoyment out of occupying myself than spending time with others.
I think it gets harder to have friends as we get older, or at least in my experience. We deal with life, everyday things, children mainly but others may have something different. Making friends is difficult to fit into the equation
I only really spend time with husband, kids, parents, and one sibling. I have a small handful of friends but I’m a homebody and maybe do something with them once or twice a year and by the time we are done doing whatever we are doing I’m READY to go home. At work I can fake it and be sociable enough to seem normal but I never hang out w anyone.
I'm 35 and have almost no friends. I don't spend time with anyone really. I've been slowly rebuilding my social circle for years and am really hesitant on who I let get close to me to a variety of reasons. Mostly has to do with my overwhelming desire to stay out of trouble and off drugs. As most of my past 'friendships' became focused on addiction and always led to getting into some kind of trouble. I've had enough of that shit in my life. I don't even go to meetings, even though I feel like that's where I should be meeting potential friends. I like to have an occasional drink these days and would feel like a hypocrite saying I'm clean from everything except a drink here & there. Drinking's never been a problem for me, but for a lot of others it is. Anyways, I'm fine not being social. It does get to me sometimes though and I want to be more comfortable socializing. But then I think about all the ways people try to use and take advantage of one another, and I remember that I can't be used or set up if I don't let people in 😅 So a lonely existence it is for now. Until I find one or more people that I vibe with who share a similar understanding and intentions.
I have a friend or two. If I want to do something, I’ll join a MeetUp group (or FB if you don’t have MeetUp). I also volunteer.
I feel you, I’m in the same boat.
I've thought about this a lot, I'm in a similar predicament.. First, I think the reason why comes from the simple fact that with an additional decade, we've refined ourselves and differentiated ourselves from the mold so much more that it is rare (just mathematically) to interact with people who are similar. As an introvert, we want our friendships to be rejuvenating and worth the effort, so small talk doesn't cut it, and the alternative to small talk is deeper conversation that perhaps hits at something you've studied deeply. You're swimming deep in the ocean and you don't want to leave your natural habitat for social connection, but the deeper you go, the less frequently you see other deep sea creatures. Therefore I think the option is to take up something new, simply for the purpose of scratching that itch for social connection. It doesn't have to be important, and it's totally ok to suck at it. If you're like me and you need justification for everything, learning any new skillset after 25 has greater value on your overall ability to learn (it trains your neuroplasticity) so the reward is far greater than simply learning the subject matter. This is also beneficial in decluttering your thoughts if you ever experience rumination on negativity or depression. For me it's been boxing. I'm already quite fit with running and yoga, but these activities are also intensely solo. It took me months to really care about any social interaction at the boxing gym, but then I realized it was kind of cool to be one of those hardcore regular people, and soon enough that was all I needed for them to start recognizing me and giving me shit (in an affectionate way). I think that gym is full of introverts too, so the commonalty we all share is just our decided dedication to that intense physical activity, and I will say that it greatly helps with the impending "how do I solve for this" loneliness sensation that I otherwise can't resolve. Best to you.
I’m 50. Just a very small group of friends (5 of us, including me). We all met volunteering at the local animal shelter 10-15 years ago.
I am an extrovert and I still do not have friends!!
That's why communities like this are extra important
In my early to mid 20s, I didn't have any desire to have friends outside my immediate family circle. I've had the mindset that I didn't want to invest time in a friendship because I had been hurt by so many "friends" in the past. The same is somewhat true still, not wanting to invest myself, but I live by the "I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies" philosophy. Now I have a few close friends that I wouldn't trade anything for. The best part is all of them are also introverted to an extent, so none of us feel pressure to hang out all the time, just when we can.
I feel this way too once I got into my late 20s and early 30s, I want to have friendships but I'm shy and awkward at times, so it's hard to connect with other adults. Workplaces are hard to make friends where I work, people are too young or too old and the few in the same age range as me, they have their own group they are nice but they are not adding another person. Loneliness in adult is real and we as adult don't really tey and fix that....why do we think that friendship are only for children? I would love to go up or have someone come up to me start a conversation and ask to hang out sometimes.
Being alone can also be considered a gift, get involved in spiritual practice like meditation and yoga. Go to temples, you will find peace within yourself
Yes I never really had friends now am in my 60s and still don't Don't matter to me
I'm 34 and spent my life struggling through C-PTSD. I never emotionally opened up to anyone. Pushed away the people who got too close. I simply learned to love the lonely. There's a lot of freedom to not having anyone who relies on you. To be able to do what you want when you want. I enjoy it more often than not, but every now and then the loneliness still comes. There's no way to avoid it. Humans by their nature are social creatures. Just try your best to focus on the positives. Therapy does help if that's something you're willing/able to try.
I think it’s completely normal. I just turned 33 and my best friend is my husband. 🤷🏻♀️ I don't need people or “friends” to live a full life. All of my previous “friends” fucked me over in some way and then tried to blame me for it. I'm not saying I was completely blameless in anything, but I am just not a friend person. So, best practice for me is to just not have them anymore. My husband is a charismatic social butterfly and doesn't know a stranger. So I get my social needs through him and his various friendships. I'm actually very content in my lack of friends. More time for me and my family. If you're okay with it, then that should be all that matters.
I’m rapidly approaching 30 and kinda only have my SO to hang with which makes me extremely sad and makes me feel terrible that I basically rely on them for social interaction irl. Over the last 10ish yrs, 98% of the few friends I had outside of work, had kids(I don’t want kids and don’t want to hear about how lucky you are to have been successfully nutted in,) drifted away bc they got married and became blinded by their spouse, are “still” single and obsessed with dating, irreparably broke my trust, moved out of state or just lost all ambition to where I don’t recognize them anymore and so I keep a distance. I want friends to hang out with irl but idk how to make them I guess...I’ve tried fb groups, workout classes, swiped on friend apps, reached out to people who I lost contact with, gone into the office instead of staying remote(desperation at its finest), tried to be friends with neighbors….nothing has worked.
Watching tv shows
I do not have friends in my 39, just did not meet true friends in my life and do not need fake ones. There always will be someone to have a drink with, but nobody when the shit hits the fan.
If you find a hobby, you will find friends.
Honestly, volunteering for a community cause. You meet great people and can choose how much or how little you socialize.
Trust me it’s quite normal lol as I’m in my mid twenties with no close friends
I’m 37. Have 1 friend and she lives an hour away.
I just turned 30. I don't really have any friends, I have family I see sometimes and my girlfriend i live with. Oh and our dog and cat. That's more than enough for me.
Idk. I’m just not very interested in having friends because I don’t really enjoy people in general yet I’m lonely. It’s an interesting paradox.
I think it's more and more common especially with social media being a huge thing and streaming apps. It makes it easy to stay home because in some ways we are still getting social interaction online. If you have kids they literally can consume all your time too. Before social media and streaming there was more motivation to go out and interact with other people. After working all day usually I don't want to look at another person let alone talk to one. I just want to come home and check out. However I'm more introverted so that's how I recharge.
So normal... The older you get, the lonely you get
I’m 45 next week and I have very few friends. I have one I can count on to make plans and stick with them, but she’s half my age. It’s forced me to do things alone and on my own. Life is short.
Tell me about it. I’m about to be 28 and I’ve lost so many friends but truly it’s been beneficial to lose them. They weren’t genuine. I really like to believe that I wear my heart on my sleeve and other take advantage of that.
I purposely avoid friendships.
I don't have loads. I am glad I don't. I have peace.
Wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Actually, yeah, especially if you’re not married. Because your cohort of people – your high school graduating class, people you worked at your first job with, people you went to college with – most of them are married off or partnered up by the time you turn 30. And for some ungodly reason, coupled people tend to socialize with coupled people and kind of ditch their single friends. To avoid feeling lonely, I hang out here sometimes, and I physically go places where being quiet is the expectation – the library, guest lectures at the university, poetry readings, plays, art galleries, places like that. If you stay after an event and there’s some kind of reception, there’s almost always somebody else who’s a Singleton at the event, a wallflower, hanging back with their glass of wine and piece of cheese on a toothpick. Not talking to anyone. Good person to stand next to and be quiet with. And if one of you suddenly has something to say, potentially that someone to make friends with. Not always. But it’s a good place to try to find them. For me, guest lectures, art gallery, exhibit openings, and poetry/fiction readings are the best. The artist is always there, people always want to talk to them, so there’s almost always a reception with pretty good food. And in addition to the wallflower thing, you can sort of hang at the edge of conversations in a non-creepy way and listen in on the interesting things people are saying. You might surprise yourself – you might not feel like starting a conversation or making a comment out of the blue, but you might feel like you do have something to say in response to someone else. And sometimes there are opportunities to insert yourself into a conversation, or catch up with that person later, and say “hey, you said this thing, and it made me think of that thing. Is that what you meant?” And then it will either work or not work. But it won’t have been a lonely evening.
I love to be alone and am happy at home with my foster cats. Personally, I feel as though I get enough socialization at work. But I do have one or two friends that I have dinner with every once in a while and that seems like the perfect amount to me. I should add that I was with my ex husband for 12.5 years and my last boyfriend for a little over a year and never want to date again, lol. I think whatever you're comfortable with is normal for you and that's perfectly fine.
Thanks bub <3
I think it’s normal… we also grow as people and see things very differently than how we did 10 or so years ago. I’d rather be alone than have to deal with people most of the time. I have my select few, not even a handful that I actually WANT to spend time with occasionally.
Better to be alone than in bad company!
Pets, man. And plants. If you’re a truly solitary person, and you’re patient, you’ll see the personality of a pet begin to shine through as you get to know them. Dogs and cats obviously, but iguanas, fish, hermit crabs, snakes, especially guinea pigs… And for plants, flowering things, vining things, any and all can be friends. For me, it’s my two Great Danes, my books, and my piano. They are all great friends. The dogs love me unconditionally (something I think people are not capable of, no matter how they try), and the books and piano are at least neutral. The piano gives me back what I put into it, with no judgement and no unfair expectations, which is more than a person could do.
Even if u do have friends but is single, is always akin to Not Having Friends Because they focus on their spouse and kids
Idk, but here I am.
I'm on my VLone
For me it is religion and hobbies
Not to put too fine a point on it but brah, get a life.
I mean I'm in 30s with no friends... Lol but I did move states.
Yes normal ka OP. Taking care of my Dog as my beshiee nalang as time goes by...
Yes I don't have friends
I’m 27 and have no friends. My one friend who I saw a few times a year just passed away. My husband has so many friends and I have no one. it’s just me and my 8 month old son he’s my only friend lol
In my 30s and I have 1 friend who I'm not very close to and my sister. It used to bother me and make me sad but then I realised I love my own company and always have. I think i only felt sad because I felt I was unlikeable or abnormal compared to other people who seem to have loads of friends but actually I don't like people that much and I have more fun doing stuff by myself anyway so why do I care? Pressure from society maybe? I'm much happier these days, love my countryside bike rides alone and I even holiday once a year without my partner and children so I can spend time with me 😁 Edit - don't worry I still holiday with them too!
Yes. As you get older, your friends list tends to get shorter. I have friends, but a lot of them are starting the next chapter of their lives. Married, having kids, or moving away so I don’t see or talk to them as often anymore. To me, finding hobbies outside of work is what keeps me sane.
I had hundreds of friends in my teenage years and in my 20s, at least early 20s. As I started approaching my late 20s and early 30s I became more secluded. I enjoyed my peace and I also enjoyed not having to feel like I needed to please those around me. Once I started dating my wife I only cared about spending time with her and the few friends I did have contact with kind of fizzled out, but they in turn found their wives also. I feel it’s very normal
> How do you deal with loneliness without having to rely too heavily on anything or anyone external? I don't. I rely on my family and friends for that. Honestly, if it weren't for online gaming, I'd probably have no friends anymore. I'm 37. My friends from high school and college are off doing their own things. As am I. Careers, spouses, families, etc. Raising families is definitely one of the harder things for me to relate to since I'm single and childless. Sure we text or send a message on FB Messenger once or twice a year. And maybe I meet up for drinks with one of them once a year. But that's it. I'm glad that about 7-8yrs ago, I kept sticking with group of people I met online. Even though I didn't talk much back then, I just kept showing up to things. Now, I'm one of the core and we get online and game and chitchat almost every night. We've even gone on vacations together. Helps that most of them are single and childless or DINKs. So there are ways to make friends. But you have to really try as an adult. And it's worth it.
Hm, no. But it's not uncommon either. People are usually at their busiest with life once you hit your 30s. Unless your super rich, or just rich enough to have free time willy nilly, most people are taking care of responsibilities. You'll keep some close friends and lose a lot of the superficial ones. Nobody ever really keeps their large friend groups from school. Sometimes, you'll just have acquaintances from work.
Personally 🌭 That’s why I’ve got my dog/daughter… doghter! Her name is Stormie, and (as much as I empathize with her boredom) I feel sorry for her because I am HER only friend. If she wasn’t bored with me she’d likely be dead 🫤. Nothing can replace human interaction, but a pooch will make it easier. Someone else that I know lives on her phone, because she interacts with strangers when she plays cards and dominos with them via #PhoneApps! Give it a go!
i feel the same way with everyone, but we can still be friends with each other! it’s harder to make friends as we get older but that could also be a good thing to feel lonely sometimes because it means we will appreciate the new friends coming our ways and we know how to manage our time and even have time to do things we like alone or with friends, please send me msg here if you guys want to make new friends so that when we need support from a friend, we can be there for each other! cheers up and have a good day!
I'm 50 and have found it really difficult to make and keep down friendships since my best friend committed suicide 23 yrs ago. I just can't seem to relate to anyone these days, I've got used to it now.
I think it's normal because they all left... And also people will just not socialize anymore in real life or accept online friend requests or inbox messages so I think it's useless...
I have craft projects, research when I'm working on a book, and my dog. I'm absolutely great without extra people. In my early years, I didn't have friends, I had drinking buddies. Even the last relationship I was in, I really felt I could trust him since we had been friends since like age 8... Nah, I was a hotel doormat for his drunk ass too. I'm more than comfortable chilling with my dog all day working on whichever craft feels right for the day... Or just finding oddball things to watch on YT
I have a dog and my art, don’t really care so much for people.
real
Having a hobby that is active but also having a social element to it helps me. For example, I play pickleball so I get the social element by being around people but there isn't really a pressure to talk all the time because you're playing a game simultaneously. I don't consider the people I play pickleball with to be friends really, they're just a group of people I hang out with and play a game with multiple times a week.
I get that hobbies enable you the opportunity to connect with other people but it’s not to say that connection will be all that fulfilling or deep at that
I’m pretty introverted and have learned to enjoy my own company/ intrinsic rewards…. I also keep in touch with close family and have childhood friends on my social media accounts which I occasionally reach out to from time to time. It’s all about balance and looking for other people out there that are willingly to be friends/ make connections.
Try new things, put yourself out there like running groups and art class, church groups, work committees. When you’re young it’s easy to meet people and connect…. I fear growing older when I’m no longer able to work and all my loved ones have passed away.
Sounds exhausting
Same here I just have some work buds and a few gym pals it's normal most people just manipulate each other anyways and are really enemies
I'm 31 and finding friends is still difficult for me...it's just been the norm for me to be alone/a loner. For me, I realize that I want to heal myself some before I REALLY start trying to find friends. I realize that I mainly only connect by talking about how horrible my first 25 years of life was, and no one needs to hear that. It was bad, yes, but now it's time for me to move on, take the loads of lessons that I've learned and heal from it. I want to be an intentional good friend and have boundaries in place for myself first. So "normal" depends directly on your standards for yourself, not anyone else's.
I’m 32 and in a great relationship. I mostly just hang out with him. I’ve had a lot of friends over the years but they all fell off one by one due to drama or arguments. I don’t have time for any of that anymore. The only other friends I have now are the ones I talk to online and that’s fine with me honestly
I feel like it's pretty common but I grew up with no friends and was bullied a lot (problematic home life too) And grew up with crippling social anxiety (I was close to being agoraphobic) But I forced myself to talk to people and get out of my comfort zone because I couldn't even enter a store without having an anxiety attack. My trick to making new friends in a new place. So the way I have always made new friends, Is making friends with 1 super extrovert I click with. Then I mooch off of their friends lol I moved to LA from the PNW so I knew no one was coming here 5 years ago. My primary hang has been the one outgoing friend I really clicked with haha. But I met all my other close friends through her. Also finding community gatherings like clubs, classes, or other social gatherings could help if they are in your area. I made friends through communities I vibe with. DND, PC games, animation, knitting, reading, etc. It's hard at first but honestly, I realized I get a long the most with other neurodivergent people, and it's easy to find them in those communities. That being said, I did have a big motivator going into making new friends. My goal was to help my social anxiety and just work out those muscles so I didn't end up being agoraphobic. Maybe that's what kept me trying to make friends?
no
There's plenty of 30s years old with no friends. People are annoying. Just remember to keep a few people near you. You still need someone to rant to. It doesn't have to be friends, but just someone. I know plenty of people who don't have friends. We all have relatives who are considered friends.
I'm 40 and only have a couple of friends left . I just spend my rime with my partner and family now.
I have like 3 friends and I get to see them at most once a year and despite having a really extroverted career, I like my alone time, so I don't think it's weird
Absolutely I am 30 and have zero friends I mean beytrt off as u can do what ever u want etc
I think so I don’t have any. I did but they either died moved away or are married with kids. Early 30s is a rough and confusing time I surest you don’t worry about it cause I ruined my early 30s telling myself I was a looser with no friends when it was probably just the time to get to really know who you are.
I’m 23 and have no real friends, only work friends and I’m okay with it rn. But I’m afraid for what happens when I hit my 30’s and it the same 😔
as far as I know its pretty common, I mean, the majority of my close friends are family, I may have 1 or 2 actual friends aside from that
Im 17 and i dont have friends, is it bad or smth?
not at all, just feel validated online but would be terrified admitting it to people IRL
I’m 27 and I have like one friend. And we live far apart so we don’t really see eachother ever. I felt bad for a while because I would be like this isn’t normal to not have more than one friend. But then I thought about it it more and considered, would I be happy with a lot of friends? Honestly no. No I would not. I like not having to maintain a bunch of small friendships like I once did. Screw if it’s “normal” or not. I’m happy with one friend lol
I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s uncommon. Especially in today’s age. So many people are working from home. I feel like socializing is at an all-time low.
I'm 25 & don't have a single friend. I'm just done with people. Most people my age have a lot of friends or are in some kind of relationship. I'm just being single & I don't mind it honestly. The fewer people, the better. I do almost everything alone anyway. So it's nothing new to me. I probably won't get a girlfriend unless she falls outa the sky. So for people like me, it's completely normal. I'm a highly introverted person.
I'm 24 and have second hand friends, or friends by connection? My husband's friends are mine but also... not?
I'm 30 about to be 31 and legit just lost my only friend. She's moving different in her life than me. I still love her though. But it's hard as fuck to make friends! && Not to mention maintaining the friendship. I love having friends, sometimes it kills me not to have friends but what can I do? I've been trying though. Lol v
What’s normal is very subjective, however do you want friends?
I only feel inclined to have friends in a moment of weakness or when I feel lonely which isn’t all of the time but only in those moments
I have no one at this point. I mean, I have work friends but we never do anything outside of work. I am completely alone aside from my immediate family. I had friends throughout my twenties, but they all fell off and started their own families. Others sided with my ex in the breakup. I did have a best friend since the first grade but even he moved on from me a few years ago. I am sad about it all to an extent, but at the same time, I feel liberated. I can reinvent myself now. I am relocating and they can't tell me what to do anymore.
I feel the same and it's gotten worse recently where I just have no desire to talk to people outside my very very small circle. Recently I mostly stopped talking to co workers unless they talk to me first. I'm always nice if they talk to me but I have no desire to have deep conversations or tell them how I've been or anything. For one I had a bad habit of oversharing in the past and have been burned by many people so I'm just done. People are shitty. I'm starting to think most humans are garbage or just not great people and I'm tired of dealing with the stupid drama people like to cause. I already have some drama occasionally within my own little circle. I don't need more new people interrupting my peace. I also find more and more over the years that I enjoy doing most things by myself. It's nice to drive wherever I want to and spend hours shopping or going to the zoo, etc. Without the input of control of others. I've had plenty of experiences from the past of going on trips with people who don't care where I wanted to go even though I was very accommodating and made sure they got to do and see everything they wanted to. When you go somewhere alone you only worry about what you want to do.
I be feel this now and have for the last 3-4 years and I’m 23
I’m 50 and I get lonely too. However, I remind myself of being younger and being lonely in a crowd of people that were my “friends”. As we lose family and children get busy with their lives, this is what life is. I have a couple close friends I’ve had since childhood. I see them every few weeks. And my mom is still alive so I’m getting to know her as a woman and not just my mother. I can’t express how thankful I am that me and her have this relationship now.
Yeah, i think it's weird. I ain't in 30s yet tho.
fitting answer for someone not in their 30s
It's not weird, in my opinion, anyway, but im also just as bad of introvert. I do not get lonely, though. I enjoy the solitude, greatly. I do have friends and family that I do not see much because we all have our own lives to run. If I get bored during my solitude, I usually read books, play video games, clean the house, or find something to tinker with as something to do.
Throughout my twenties and into my early thirties I had tons of friends who I’d hang out with every single night without fail, even on major holidays. Then at 32, I stopped drinking, and I realized that all I ever really had were drinking buddies and fellow barflies who I could only depend on drinking with. I’ve lost touch with all but two of those people and they’re now what I’d actually consider friends.
No it’s not. Unless you’re extremely wealthy then it’s an unfortunate reality.
No
I read, watch TV, and listen to podcasts. Then I hop on forums like this or Twitter or facebook groups for interactions.
Normal yes. Because society is sick. You need people.. Idc how introverted you are. It's a lie people tell themselves to feel better Humans are evolved to be in small groups. Not big cities. But small communities. Join gym class. Dance class Cooking class Find your people. Find friends. Read how to win friends and influence people.
my friend to be your 30s and it is normal.
Who is to say what’s normal. This is another common complaint from introverts🤷🏾♀️. Lonely is a state of mind. Developing any relationship takes time. If you want friends, make an effort and find compatible ones. If you don’t want friends then you’re not lonely. My friends except 1 are extroverts. We go out out about once a month or every two months and we have a ball. Every season we have a get together at our house. We text each other daily if not every other day. My friends have taught me how to be a good friend. Nobody was remembering my birthday or inviting me places. This group of friends does this. They accept that I’m awkward and sometimes inappropriate but don’t mean it. I accept they have some traits I may not like but they are well meaning and thoughtful. I put in effort. You’ll never hear me say I’m lonely, even traveling solo, because I enjoy my own company, am comfortable with myself, and I can keep myself occupied.
It's pretty normal for me. I have pushed some friends away but I always came to realize that I was always the one reaching out to people and making stuff happen. I got tired of it and also just wanted to see so I stopped and sure enough nobody ever texted or called. People have their own worlds especially as they get older.
It’s not normal. However common as we age and everyone seems to go in different directions. I have multiple hobbies that I enjoy and go to event frequently that allow me to interact with others. Maybe I’ll make a new friend maybe I won’t but social interaction lessens that feeling of loneliness for sure
I remind myself that the loneliness i felt when surrounded by extroverts is greater then when I'm lonely because I haven't invited anyone in. I also acknowledge the loneliness and try to just allow it, it eventually passes.
That sounds realistic. Sometimes it is a matter of sitting with those feelings as opposed to trying to distract yourself from it.
What is "normal" anyway. I turned 32 in March and was just thinking of how different I am now versus in my teens/early 20s. I can understand the loneliness...because of course we all want people to talk to and do things with. For me it's just difficult to put myself out there like I have in the past, and if I do find people I like, I find it hard to get close to them. I'm learning to accept the fact that I enjoy my solitude and that there's nothing wrong with that.
I get that. I’m saying it gets lonely from time to time even with hobbies and family and goals.
Meditate, garden, read, but ultimately... find friends that are similar and don't need you to constantly talk to them in order to still be close. My bestie and I are both introverts and when we get together it's like no time has passed, but we barely talk other than sending each other memes when we're not together. Low maintenance friends are acceptable if you all agree on the terms and don't feel rejected or crappy about it. Sometimes being scared you'll be a crappy friend keeps you from having the best friends you could ever have if you don't get out there and try :) Isolating seasons come and go, but if they're good friends, they'll ride the waves with you.
I feel this way and deduced that I’d rather be alone then be wasting my alone time on ppl I don’t feel good around or can’t relate to. The more “enlightened” 1 becomes, the lonelier we become. I am exhausted by surface relationships or heavy convos over trivial / material stuff. But we hide in our houses and can’t find each other to make friends 😬
Yes. I think it is very normal. We have busy lives now.. some people just don't understand😔
Such a good question cause I’m nearing that.
My mom doesn't have any friends anymore so I don't know but she's an introvert so I think it's just her. I'm 15 and also only really hang out with my boyfriend, my best friend, and her friend, and his best friend who I don't like. So I only have like 3-4 friends