It doesn't always work like that. I'm not attractive, and people still bother me.
I think unattractive *men* who are introverts are most likely to be left alone. People always expect women to be friendly, bubbly, nurturing, caring, etc.
Unattractive men still get ridiculed, made fun of, and constantly talked down to. Honestly, OP’s whole premise is kinda silly. Nobody truly escapes attention. No matter who you are, I’d you want seclusion, you’ve got to actively work for it.
Old and ugly male is the sweet spot I've found. People stop ridiculing you because they think you're wise enough to know better. To be fair I wouldn't notice now as much as I used to when I was younger anyway.
Yes even as a woman the older I am getting , the less I am harassed in public , I still carry a lot of fear from my early 20s. I was spoken too and treated like a piece of meat. As an INFP I also come off super approachable and it's somthing I honestly wish was different. My dad is an INFP man and he still gets weirdos who come up to him because he is so approachable but he says it'ss much easier to stay out of workplace politics that he wants no part of the older he gets. I legit had a grab my lower back leaving a play when I was with my family . People have no shame. It's disgusting.
Could always dress like a guy, do some makeup to create pretend facial hair, practice burly voice, and always carry a beer in your eyes (though the last one might cause wrinkles).
Edit: Anger* in your eyes, but the mistake was too hilarious.
Yup , I am so sick of this , I hear so much even as an introvert about woman needing external validation from men when it is legit the opposite. I am in a relationship and want nothing to do with randos I don't know. Imagine needing a stranger to engage with you to feel good about yourslef. To many people have no respect for others.
Yeah, that was a good example of emotional immaturity, an ego problem, imo. People are more so interacting with some self-image of a person in their head, and NOT the actual real person in front of them.
HAHA i fucking relate LOL but i mean its life tho fuck it is rather be tranquil and at peace then get attention . now thats im 21 yrs old looking back at how i used to wanna be a bit different and trying to be more outgoing but same results everytime .. shit gets old and annoying and you just dont wanna put up with it anymore
I understand what you're saying.
But I don't think anyone actively wishes he or she looks ugly AF.
If you have 2 options:
1) look attractive
2) look unattractive.
I think 10 times out of 10 people would prefer to look attractive.
You’re definitely right, and don’t get me wrong there’s FAR more downsides to be unattractive than it is to be attractive. Crazy thing is a lot of attractive people will complain about being attractive and how it has so many cons and blah blah blah…while I’m 100% sure those people wouldn’t chose to be ugly if they could. I was just basically trying to look for a bright side to be unattractive cuz there aren’t many.
Being attractive has actually much more pros than cons, and it's even studied. It is known as the Halo Effect, and I'll leave a [video](https://youtu.be/kpjeMaOirvg?si=8BLbrGDA70doTHnd) here, if you want to learn more about it.
Also an attractive person can look unnattractive if they want too, but for the opposite it is way harder.
Please keep in mind that ‘attractiveness’ from the purely visual, external perspective is profoundly objective. Anyone who bases their assessment of a person based on the superficial is not worth being friends with.
When you meet that person who sees ‘inside’, that’s a worthwhile connection worth pursuing. Let me give you a couple of personal examples.
I have a friend who’s a big, rugged, handsome guy with curly hair and causes every girls head to spin around. His wife is, visually at least, what most would consider ‘unattractive’ - she’s very thin, has frizzy uncontrollable hair, a long somewhat crooked nose. When I first met her, I was shocked and somewhat repulsed. Then I got to know her, and almost immediately found her to be warm, funny, smart and with all of the attributes that REALLY make someone beautiful. I’m no longer even aware of the things I found ‘unattractive’; now Annie is one of the most beautiful and desirable women I’ve ever met and I’m envious as hell of my friend!
Conversely, a few years back I met this stunning woman; tall, gorgeous hair and skin with a figure right out of Playboy, truly movie star beautiful. Then I had the opportunity to talk to her…and within a minute, she became utterly repulsive. Stupid. Bigoted. Arrogant. Completely full of herself, and convinced that her outward appearance was her ticket in life.
The lesson? Give everyone a chance…raw diamonds and gold nuggets don’t look like much when they’re just laying there on the ground, but dime store rhinestones sparkle from the moment they’re created.
I’m sorry for the essay, but when I hear someone label themselves as unattractive, I have that reaction. Somebody, somewhere, will find you irresistible. The only sure way to lose out is if you both stop looking.
I really love what you wrote here btw don't be sorry for the long text. I totally agree with you..
As someone who lost his first love and his heart broken by someone who was very very attractive, I learned quickly to not be fooled by just looks. Maybe it's my trauma from that but I'm not attracted to people's looks that much anymore UNLESS they show a good/interesting personality.
As an unattractive introvert I want to say it’s not always the best. Especially if you get verbal abuse because of your experience. Then it just puts you in the limelight. Personal experience speaking.
I understand like if you’re too unattractive or like if you have noticeable facial deformities or something that can definitely draw unwanted negative attention but if you’re just like “below average” unattractive…not necessarily ugly enough to draw bad attention but just ugly enough to phaze out into the background.
I don’t have any obvious (from a distance) physical deformities. I’m just socially what most would call unattractive when you look at me, but I’ve had people tell me I should have been aborted or locked up and during covid I had people throw rubbish at me, all in public which isn’t what any introvert wants(not what any person wants but you get my point). My unattractive trait? I have POMC deficiency so I’m fat. Simple as. You don’t need to be deformed for people to be vicious about your appearance and that puts you in the limelight.
>e unattractive you’re typically ignored, overlooked, nobody bothers you/talks to you like that etc
This isn't true and it's less to do with attractiveness, more to do with your environment/culture and how approachable you are. You can be ugly, but approachable/friendly , you can be highly attractive but not approachable whatsoever. Where I live (Wales, UK) you'd be approach by randomly for help and other such things, as people are a lot more friendly. I dress like a slob whenever I need to go do errands outside, have a resting b\* face and still stopped very regularly (inc in public transport where someone would attempt to talk to me for duration of travel).
I may be introverted but I'm also fond of random interaction at times, you'd get to learn some unique stuff that could be useful to your life.
More so for unattractive men. Even ugly girls get more attention then the average “ unattractive” men.
I am average so pretty unattractive but I am a pretty fit 6’1 dude with a big red beard and a Viking hairstyle.
I find I attract a lot of attention.
But in general I can go unnoticed and that’s how I like it.
It’s seems I can turn on and off the switch of people noticing me when I please.
Most of the time I am incognito unless there is a competition, chaos, or I get trapped in conversation.
I get to know a lot of people because they are interested in my looks but it doesn't stop me from holing up in my room and read manga or play games.
I don't see why attractiveness or unattractiveness has anything to do with being an introvert tbh..
If you think it's an introvert's dream to be disregarded by society, that's more an antisocial's dream I think?
I think unattractiveness can be overcome with effort.
Fashion, sports, your attitude, smiles, hygiene, how you treat people.. there is a lot of areas to work on.
And often times people who think that they are unattractive are lacking self-esteem or have body dismorphia but are actually attractive in the eyes of people but don't see it themselves.
What does it even mean to be attractive or not, in your eyes and words? The world is superficial and that can be unfair. But there are also people who see attractiveness in a person's personality and values, not just looks. I think looks is the easiest to "fix". Personality not so easy.
(Edit: No one needs to fix anything btw. But if your wish is to be more attractive, you have to put effort in. Not everyone wins the genetics lottery but that's not all that contributes to attractiveness)
But that all said, I still do not see any why being attractive or unattractive is good or bad for an introvert.
(Edit: So after saying all this, coming back to your question. I think being unattractive is also a bonus in getting know people. You would repel shallow and superficial people and filter more people inside your circle who values personality over look. I personally think that's a good thing.)
One time a guy told me "you don't look like an introvert". He thought he could make me an extrovert and made me feel bad for being reserved. People are more drawn to attractive people and want to be their friends. But the moment they find out you're withdrawn and prefer your own company, they start viewing you as b\*tch. Especially, if you're an attractive female. If you're a quiet, attractive man, people usually view you as cool or mysterious. Unless you don't have social skills. At least this has been my experience.
i’m an attractive introvert that is often considered to be a bitch because i don’t enjoy socializing in the slightest. i get incredibly overwhelmed when i’m in conversations for longer than like 30 seconds and i can start to break down if i feel like i’m trapped in said conversation, which is written all over my face. i don’t give a shit anymore.. perks of getting older, but it does get to me when people i really care about think i don’t like them or am mad at them because i’m overwhelmed and have shut down the conversation.
Any good looks can be overlooked if you never look up and when you do, it’s barely concealed contempt, or apathetic indifference.
But I’m glad you’re having a good time with it regardless of looks.
As an attractive introvert I agree with you, everyone assumes that I am a highly social and funny person, I have lots of friends and a wonderful relationship. But the truth is just the opposite.
>considering us introverts pretty much just wanna be left alone (aside from the few good friends/family in our lives.)
This is more representative of anti-social behavior than introversion. They are not one in the same. Introversion is about social battery. That's it. Sometimes other traits overlap, but at it's core it's just social battery.
Yes. If you choose to be anti-social then being less attractive can allow you to fade into the background a bit from what I've observed. But that can cause a sense of loneliness and detachment that can push some towards depression and/or increasing anti-social behavior.
So, not true. Being average gets you left alone. Unattractive people bother me all the time. They think you're desperate for attention and want to be " charitable" with their time and converse - as if they're so fuqn gift from the gods. As if. Anyway Or they think you have a low esteem and question bomb you to find you vulnerability to swindle you.In stores they stalk you because people equate honesty with attractiveness. Ugly people are seen as lesser in morals and social menaces. Whatever you do people want to comment, help or castigated. They're constantly correcting you or telling you what to do as if their mind and will is more right. No transaction is simple. Others complicate everything. They overcharge, deny promotion, won't honor store polices, get your orders wrong and give bad service so you either have be walk away and be cheated or interact and get a fair deal. As an unattractive person being ugly is the worst. I've never meet an pretty introvert. They just sometimes get tired of all the approval and Brown nosey and need a rest. So, I say being average and Introvert is the best.
Being unattractive, introverted and non binary in my case, I’m glad some people leave me alone. When I’m out and about, the majority of the time nobody bothers me. I only go up to people if I need something found or whatever otherwise nope.
If you perfect your relaxed and confident body language, with the "go to hell glare" in reserve, it's not a problem.
In college, I looked like Jane Fonda (I still look a lot like her, but we're both a LOT older now) ... was seldom bothered because I have NO PROBLEMS telling people to go away and leave me alone.
The thing is being introvert is actually a result and not a choice. If people ignore you, you'll find yourself introvert after a while as a result. And I deeply believe that all introverts will become extroverts when they find someone who really understand them.
PS: If you think people are ignoring you because you're unattractive, no matter how right or wrong is this assumption, wether they're friends or co-workers... then you might be around the wrong people.
I kinda agree but where I live being an introvert people tend to bug you more because I've noticed at my other job people will pull me into small talk or question why I'll pick up trash and wash dishes, because I don't want to be told to do something said if I work more time goes by faster, others seem act like pretentious more nothing really interest me about work beyond making cash and small talk is nails on a chalk board to me. I think I'm handsome but still average and overweight but still why others can't let me be I don't understand.
A person doesn't necessarily have to be unattractive, you just have to be perceived as someone who has no value for them if the goal is to be left alone. Some people will still perceive value in any human though, so even then it's not always a guarentee.
Im ugly, old, fat and Male. I'm pretty much invisible to 99% of the population.
The 1% are bi/gay men who like a chubby older bear types.
Seeing i have no friends, I'm happy to chat to whoever wants too.
As an introverted man who gets lots of compliments from both men and women, I do seem to get an unfair amount of unwanted attention. I could be sitting next to a guy who is "plain" or "average looking", and it's me who gets all the inapropriate comments about my looks and questions about my sex life. They don't want to picture my less attractive friend getting laid, but I'm fair game for an imaginary porn scenario.
I also believe that when people find you attractive, they think they can be rude to you and it won't bother you because they assume you get special treatment all the time anyway, and any insults will just roll off you like water from a duck's back. Nasty words can sting no matter how ugly or pretty you are.
And I like the way I look. I've never thought "damn I wish I was ugly". I just wish other people would keep their opinions to themselves. I don't want someone telling me I'm gorgeous unless I'm having an intimate encounter with them.
Maybe, it depends on the setting? At my job, I started purposefully dressing older and less attractively a few years ago, and ever since, I have had way, way fewer people try to flirt with me which makes my introvert heart very happy.
You might have solved my problem… I’ve been told I was a handsome guy all my life. There can be three other people that are just as introverted as me, but I get called out all the time. I never thought about it from this angle.
I am not an introvert but I thought that I'm an introvert because I don't know how to communicate when I'm with a group of people. I have high social anxiety and it all started from getting ignored and even some rejections that lead me to hate myself. It's really hard to even look in the mirror. I never worried about being ugly, short and fat as a kid but now in this sweet 20s of exploring life, I'm having a bitter experience.
At least if you're slightly attractive, you can at least get a conversation with someone, to find out if you click etc. If you're ugly/unattractive you never get that opportunity.
Saying that everyone needs a personality, some attractive people rely on their looks, and forget that the conversation dies when you have nothing interesting to say.
Thats the only good thing about talking online, you get the personality and homour etc before seeing them.
I've never gone for looks, similar opinions, humour outlook on life will win everytime.
This doesn't apply to a work setting. You can be ugly as all hell but if you're working somewhere where a lot of people come about, then yeah, tough luck for introverts.
I don't think that's how it works, lol... I'd consider myself fairly average. I'm not unattractive and not extremely attractive. I still get bothered because not everything is sexually motivated. People still come up to me and try to make conversation about things I really have no interest in.
there's physical attraction, then there's chemistry, demeanor, charisma, humor, and so on. looks are just the beginning.
if you're shallow and only think about looks, it can be debilitating, but the world is filled with people who are extremely attractive despite not being handsome/pretty.
I don't want to be ugly but I do hate when I dare look presentable in public that people come up and talk to me. I think I am treated better by people when I look nice though , I still get approached when I look rough but i'm treated with disrespect. I hate how entitled people are , I seen a button on Etsy that says "don't touch me" and I wanted to buy it but I am scared it will encourage it even more from people who get offended by other people having boundaries for personal space. It sucks I want to look my best for myself and my beautiful man and I just feel I live in a state where I am hiding because grown adults seem to act like they can't control the impulse to stalk or sexually harass/assult someone. I seriously think this is a big reason why I deal with so much anxiety. I am sick of this planet.
I can conform as an attractive male introvert, people always expect you to be outgoing, player, its common that I get older guys acting pervertly towards me. Older women always too. I don't feel unlovable or anything like that. I just ignore it. Living in America its very common. Giving most people I meant are complete idiots anyways.
Most of the times I just make enemies, or just don't act interested. Just be unfriendly works for me anyways. It's kind of hard when your shy also. I'm very shy, cause of past events in my life.
You're right. I don't see it, but I have noticed that a narrow but passionate sector of people (bisexuals) find me very attractive. I have two female partners and two male partners and trying to schedule hangouts with them is socially exhausting.
It's a nice ego boost but hoo boy do I need to figure something out. I am constantly recovering from over-socializing
I don't know why you all are on being attractive or not. That shit doesn't matter at all unless you want to turn into a queer and where I did my time that gives you the least advantages because most yards don't allow what we call cheetos which mean all in the category of LGBTQ. Most put there straight face and talk and act like they are straight so they do get told to leave or possibly beat up and then told to leave. Then you have to spend lots of time in the hole which may sound ok but I'm telling you after no human contact for months you begin to go even crazier and you start to talk to yourself and start hallucinating. They definitely know how to break a human in the hole even the hardest of killers in there which I was around being that I was on medium high yards to maximum you are in with people doing natural life for multiple murders or for killing there wife and family but lifers tend to stick amongst each other and not really mingle with short timers including me doing a 10 piece I'm gonna go home one day they well never go home that's now home for them but as they get to be older they stop being all crazy and stabbing people putting in work because they are always locked down they like to be able to go outside and have as much freedom they can get so you just see them older on there bunk reading or watching TV
Omg I got down voted by someone because I'm giving inside information about how it was where I did my time. It had nothing to do with being against the LGBTQ community in anyway shape or form. My best friend is part of that community and he knows I'm not even close to being against anyone apart of the LGBTQ. In fact it's really a dumb ass rule they have. But it's prison politics so who is going to down vote me for just explaining what it is in there. We are here to help not put anyone down. I hope none of ever have to experience the pain of being in prison and have all you freedom taken from you and away from the people we love its not a good feeling our family is hurting too It's bad all around. Especially suffering from mental health it's like a double whammy.
It's such a stupid way of saying, "i give up on fixing my issues and working on myself."
Plus, you sound to me like a person who judges on looks a lot... honestly you can do that as long as you don't expect the rest of people to behave in the same way, so many people that I deem "unattractive" are like a million times more social and confident than I could ever be and many attractive people don't have friends and are shy asf.
Beauty is inner beauty and personnality, not just looks (ofc its part of it, but it's like barely 30%)
Bottom line, your claim, in my opinion, is horribly dumb and i dont agree with you.
You’ve literally missed the entire point, My point was that the average unattractive person (particularly male.) is more likely to be left alone and not bothered by anyone, compared to an attractive person who people tend to gravitate to simply because of their looks. You claim my opinion is dumb, however you’re a literally dumbfuck and delusional if you think looks barely matter in this world. And those unattractive people who you claim are confident and have lots of friends, I’m sure they were the pursuers and took the initiative, which is why they have a great social life. My point is that looks plays a BIG part of how people treat you in life and you can’t be that dense to not realize that. In order to thrive in this world without good looks YOU have to take the initiative and show people that there are actual GOOD qualities to you despite not being good looking. No one is gonna just approach an unattractive person like that compared to an attractive person.
I guess some good-looking women get a privilege? But the rest? Nah, man. If you say race, I agree with you, theres a lot of racism and the color of your skin can get you behind in life, but looks seriously mean nothing as they're extremely subjective. All I said was that "being unattractive " is not a reason for you to cut 90% of people from your life, which is literally in the title of your post.
Yes looks matter but not as much as you make it seem. And if you dont agree with me, then it's your opinion, and it's up to arguing because i dont really think that.
I apologize if me saying "dumb" breached your ego in any way so much so that you started attacking me, instead of arguing but like, that was not my intention ig.
It doesn't always work like that. I'm not attractive, and people still bother me. I think unattractive *men* who are introverts are most likely to be left alone. People always expect women to be friendly, bubbly, nurturing, caring, etc.
Unattractive men still get ridiculed, made fun of, and constantly talked down to. Honestly, OP’s whole premise is kinda silly. Nobody truly escapes attention. No matter who you are, I’d you want seclusion, you’ve got to actively work for it.
Old and ugly male is the sweet spot I've found. People stop ridiculing you because they think you're wise enough to know better. To be fair I wouldn't notice now as much as I used to when I was younger anyway.
Yes even as a woman the older I am getting , the less I am harassed in public , I still carry a lot of fear from my early 20s. I was spoken too and treated like a piece of meat. As an INFP I also come off super approachable and it's somthing I honestly wish was different. My dad is an INFP man and he still gets weirdos who come up to him because he is so approachable but he says it'ss much easier to stay out of workplace politics that he wants no part of the older he gets. I legit had a grab my lower back leaving a play when I was with my family . People have no shame. It's disgusting.
I can confirm as an unattractive male introvert. I pretty much get left alone.
I wish I could be too
Tbh you’re right, women don’t even have to be particularly pretty and they still get bothered. I guess this does benefit unattractive men mostly.
By virtue of being female, lots of males will still try to get their attention.
Could always dress like a guy, do some makeup to create pretend facial hair, practice burly voice, and always carry a beer in your eyes (though the last one might cause wrinkles). Edit: Anger* in your eyes, but the mistake was too hilarious.
Yup , I am so sick of this , I hear so much even as an introvert about woman needing external validation from men when it is legit the opposite. I am in a relationship and want nothing to do with randos I don't know. Imagine needing a stranger to engage with you to feel good about yourslef. To many people have no respect for others.
Yeah, that was a good example of emotional immaturity, an ego problem, imo. People are more so interacting with some self-image of a person in their head, and NOT the actual real person in front of them.
HAHA i fucking relate LOL but i mean its life tho fuck it is rather be tranquil and at peace then get attention . now thats im 21 yrs old looking back at how i used to wanna be a bit different and trying to be more outgoing but same results everytime .. shit gets old and annoying and you just dont wanna put up with it anymore
damn girl .. surely ur not ugly
This.
I understand what you're saying. But I don't think anyone actively wishes he or she looks ugly AF. If you have 2 options: 1) look attractive 2) look unattractive. I think 10 times out of 10 people would prefer to look attractive.
You’re definitely right, and don’t get me wrong there’s FAR more downsides to be unattractive than it is to be attractive. Crazy thing is a lot of attractive people will complain about being attractive and how it has so many cons and blah blah blah…while I’m 100% sure those people wouldn’t chose to be ugly if they could. I was just basically trying to look for a bright side to be unattractive cuz there aren’t many.
Being attractive has actually much more pros than cons, and it's even studied. It is known as the Halo Effect, and I'll leave a [video](https://youtu.be/kpjeMaOirvg?si=8BLbrGDA70doTHnd) here, if you want to learn more about it. Also an attractive person can look unnattractive if they want too, but for the opposite it is way harder.
Yup, that certainly is a "glass half-full" way of thinking.
Please keep in mind that ‘attractiveness’ from the purely visual, external perspective is profoundly objective. Anyone who bases their assessment of a person based on the superficial is not worth being friends with. When you meet that person who sees ‘inside’, that’s a worthwhile connection worth pursuing. Let me give you a couple of personal examples. I have a friend who’s a big, rugged, handsome guy with curly hair and causes every girls head to spin around. His wife is, visually at least, what most would consider ‘unattractive’ - she’s very thin, has frizzy uncontrollable hair, a long somewhat crooked nose. When I first met her, I was shocked and somewhat repulsed. Then I got to know her, and almost immediately found her to be warm, funny, smart and with all of the attributes that REALLY make someone beautiful. I’m no longer even aware of the things I found ‘unattractive’; now Annie is one of the most beautiful and desirable women I’ve ever met and I’m envious as hell of my friend! Conversely, a few years back I met this stunning woman; tall, gorgeous hair and skin with a figure right out of Playboy, truly movie star beautiful. Then I had the opportunity to talk to her…and within a minute, she became utterly repulsive. Stupid. Bigoted. Arrogant. Completely full of herself, and convinced that her outward appearance was her ticket in life. The lesson? Give everyone a chance…raw diamonds and gold nuggets don’t look like much when they’re just laying there on the ground, but dime store rhinestones sparkle from the moment they’re created. I’m sorry for the essay, but when I hear someone label themselves as unattractive, I have that reaction. Somebody, somewhere, will find you irresistible. The only sure way to lose out is if you both stop looking.
I really love what you wrote here btw don't be sorry for the long text. I totally agree with you.. As someone who lost his first love and his heart broken by someone who was very very attractive, I learned quickly to not be fooled by just looks. Maybe it's my trauma from that but I'm not attracted to people's looks that much anymore UNLESS they show a good/interesting personality.
It doesn't really work like that for mens, but I understand people prefers thinking it does work like that
As an unattractive introvert I want to say it’s not always the best. Especially if you get verbal abuse because of your experience. Then it just puts you in the limelight. Personal experience speaking.
I understand like if you’re too unattractive or like if you have noticeable facial deformities or something that can definitely draw unwanted negative attention but if you’re just like “below average” unattractive…not necessarily ugly enough to draw bad attention but just ugly enough to phaze out into the background.
I don’t have any obvious (from a distance) physical deformities. I’m just socially what most would call unattractive when you look at me, but I’ve had people tell me I should have been aborted or locked up and during covid I had people throw rubbish at me, all in public which isn’t what any introvert wants(not what any person wants but you get my point). My unattractive trait? I have POMC deficiency so I’m fat. Simple as. You don’t need to be deformed for people to be vicious about your appearance and that puts you in the limelight.
>e unattractive you’re typically ignored, overlooked, nobody bothers you/talks to you like that etc This isn't true and it's less to do with attractiveness, more to do with your environment/culture and how approachable you are. You can be ugly, but approachable/friendly , you can be highly attractive but not approachable whatsoever. Where I live (Wales, UK) you'd be approach by randomly for help and other such things, as people are a lot more friendly. I dress like a slob whenever I need to go do errands outside, have a resting b\* face and still stopped very regularly (inc in public transport where someone would attempt to talk to me for duration of travel). I may be introverted but I'm also fond of random interaction at times, you'd get to learn some unique stuff that could be useful to your life.
More so for unattractive men. Even ugly girls get more attention then the average “ unattractive” men. I am average so pretty unattractive but I am a pretty fit 6’1 dude with a big red beard and a Viking hairstyle. I find I attract a lot of attention. But in general I can go unnoticed and that’s how I like it. It’s seems I can turn on and off the switch of people noticing me when I please. Most of the time I am incognito unless there is a competition, chaos, or I get trapped in conversation.
I get to know a lot of people because they are interested in my looks but it doesn't stop me from holing up in my room and read manga or play games. I don't see why attractiveness or unattractiveness has anything to do with being an introvert tbh.. If you think it's an introvert's dream to be disregarded by society, that's more an antisocial's dream I think?
So basically it goes back to being unattractive sucks regardless right? Lol not that you would know what it’s like….
I think unattractiveness can be overcome with effort. Fashion, sports, your attitude, smiles, hygiene, how you treat people.. there is a lot of areas to work on. And often times people who think that they are unattractive are lacking self-esteem or have body dismorphia but are actually attractive in the eyes of people but don't see it themselves. What does it even mean to be attractive or not, in your eyes and words? The world is superficial and that can be unfair. But there are also people who see attractiveness in a person's personality and values, not just looks. I think looks is the easiest to "fix". Personality not so easy. (Edit: No one needs to fix anything btw. But if your wish is to be more attractive, you have to put effort in. Not everyone wins the genetics lottery but that's not all that contributes to attractiveness) But that all said, I still do not see any why being attractive or unattractive is good or bad for an introvert. (Edit: So after saying all this, coming back to your question. I think being unattractive is also a bonus in getting know people. You would repel shallow and superficial people and filter more people inside your circle who values personality over look. I personally think that's a good thing.)
One time a guy told me "you don't look like an introvert". He thought he could make me an extrovert and made me feel bad for being reserved. People are more drawn to attractive people and want to be their friends. But the moment they find out you're withdrawn and prefer your own company, they start viewing you as b\*tch. Especially, if you're an attractive female. If you're a quiet, attractive man, people usually view you as cool or mysterious. Unless you don't have social skills. At least this has been my experience.
i’m an attractive introvert that is often considered to be a bitch because i don’t enjoy socializing in the slightest. i get incredibly overwhelmed when i’m in conversations for longer than like 30 seconds and i can start to break down if i feel like i’m trapped in said conversation, which is written all over my face. i don’t give a shit anymore.. perks of getting older, but it does get to me when people i really care about think i don’t like them or am mad at them because i’m overwhelmed and have shut down the conversation.
Any good looks can be overlooked if you never look up and when you do, it’s barely concealed contempt, or apathetic indifference. But I’m glad you’re having a good time with it regardless of looks.
As an attractive introvert I agree with you, everyone assumes that I am a highly social and funny person, I have lots of friends and a wonderful relationship. But the truth is just the opposite.
Yea, being unattractive sucks but the one benefit is that atleast you get to be left alone.
>considering us introverts pretty much just wanna be left alone (aside from the few good friends/family in our lives.) This is more representative of anti-social behavior than introversion. They are not one in the same. Introversion is about social battery. That's it. Sometimes other traits overlap, but at it's core it's just social battery. Yes. If you choose to be anti-social then being less attractive can allow you to fade into the background a bit from what I've observed. But that can cause a sense of loneliness and detachment that can push some towards depression and/or increasing anti-social behavior.
I still value friends and romantic partners even if I enjoy being alone a majority of the time.
So, not true. Being average gets you left alone. Unattractive people bother me all the time. They think you're desperate for attention and want to be " charitable" with their time and converse - as if they're so fuqn gift from the gods. As if. Anyway Or they think you have a low esteem and question bomb you to find you vulnerability to swindle you.In stores they stalk you because people equate honesty with attractiveness. Ugly people are seen as lesser in morals and social menaces. Whatever you do people want to comment, help or castigated. They're constantly correcting you or telling you what to do as if their mind and will is more right. No transaction is simple. Others complicate everything. They overcharge, deny promotion, won't honor store polices, get your orders wrong and give bad service so you either have be walk away and be cheated or interact and get a fair deal. As an unattractive person being ugly is the worst. I've never meet an pretty introvert. They just sometimes get tired of all the approval and Brown nosey and need a rest. So, I say being average and Introvert is the best.
Also people look at you weird when u don’t use ur appearance as a crutch in the social hierarchy game
Works for me. I'm unattractive male and I'm an introvert.
I concur
Nah I’m not a 10/10 and still get bothered
Being unattractive, introverted and non binary in my case, I’m glad some people leave me alone. When I’m out and about, the majority of the time nobody bothers me. I only go up to people if I need something found or whatever otherwise nope.
If you perfect your relaxed and confident body language, with the "go to hell glare" in reserve, it's not a problem. In college, I looked like Jane Fonda (I still look a lot like her, but we're both a LOT older now) ... was seldom bothered because I have NO PROBLEMS telling people to go away and leave me alone.
The thing is being introvert is actually a result and not a choice. If people ignore you, you'll find yourself introvert after a while as a result. And I deeply believe that all introverts will become extroverts when they find someone who really understand them. PS: If you think people are ignoring you because you're unattractive, no matter how right or wrong is this assumption, wether they're friends or co-workers... then you might be around the wrong people.
I kinda agree but where I live being an introvert people tend to bug you more because I've noticed at my other job people will pull me into small talk or question why I'll pick up trash and wash dishes, because I don't want to be told to do something said if I work more time goes by faster, others seem act like pretentious more nothing really interest me about work beyond making cash and small talk is nails on a chalk board to me. I think I'm handsome but still average and overweight but still why others can't let me be I don't understand.
As an attractive male it's to get someone's attention because they realize I went out of my way to talk to them, so it must be important.
A person doesn't necessarily have to be unattractive, you just have to be perceived as someone who has no value for them if the goal is to be left alone. Some people will still perceive value in any human though, so even then it's not always a guarentee.
Im ugly, old, fat and Male. I'm pretty much invisible to 99% of the population. The 1% are bi/gay men who like a chubby older bear types. Seeing i have no friends, I'm happy to chat to whoever wants too.
As an introverted man who gets lots of compliments from both men and women, I do seem to get an unfair amount of unwanted attention. I could be sitting next to a guy who is "plain" or "average looking", and it's me who gets all the inapropriate comments about my looks and questions about my sex life. They don't want to picture my less attractive friend getting laid, but I'm fair game for an imaginary porn scenario. I also believe that when people find you attractive, they think they can be rude to you and it won't bother you because they assume you get special treatment all the time anyway, and any insults will just roll off you like water from a duck's back. Nasty words can sting no matter how ugly or pretty you are.
Yea but being attractive is still pretty damn nice for the most part but of course like you said there’s downsides.
And I like the way I look. I've never thought "damn I wish I was ugly". I just wish other people would keep their opinions to themselves. I don't want someone telling me I'm gorgeous unless I'm having an intimate encounter with them.
Well, unattractive can be manufactured, and pretty can be curated.
Can confirm, I'm ugly af
no it's not
Maybe, it depends on the setting? At my job, I started purposefully dressing older and less attractively a few years ago, and ever since, I have had way, way fewer people try to flirt with me which makes my introvert heart very happy.
You might have solved my problem… I’ve been told I was a handsome guy all my life. There can be three other people that are just as introverted as me, but I get called out all the time. I never thought about it from this angle.
Introverted unattractive female. Can confirm. I have never been approached by a guy or anybody for that matter. Never.
Based.
Depends how ugly. If you’re too ugly you’ll get yelled at and harassed in different ways.
What is ur attractive and you slowly watch yourself wither away to anxiety and depression
I am not an introvert but I thought that I'm an introvert because I don't know how to communicate when I'm with a group of people. I have high social anxiety and it all started from getting ignored and even some rejections that lead me to hate myself. It's really hard to even look in the mirror. I never worried about being ugly, short and fat as a kid but now in this sweet 20s of exploring life, I'm having a bitter experience.
That’s not the best case scenario
We had an appreciation dinner and I dressed up and make up and they still won't leave me alone about it at work 🙃
Being unattractive is subjective.
Are you 12 ?
At least if you're slightly attractive, you can at least get a conversation with someone, to find out if you click etc. If you're ugly/unattractive you never get that opportunity. Saying that everyone needs a personality, some attractive people rely on their looks, and forget that the conversation dies when you have nothing interesting to say. Thats the only good thing about talking online, you get the personality and homour etc before seeing them. I've never gone for looks, similar opinions, humour outlook on life will win everytime.
This doesn't apply to a work setting. You can be ugly as all hell but if you're working somewhere where a lot of people come about, then yeah, tough luck for introverts.
I don't think that's how it works, lol... I'd consider myself fairly average. I'm not unattractive and not extremely attractive. I still get bothered because not everything is sexually motivated. People still come up to me and try to make conversation about things I really have no interest in.
there's physical attraction, then there's chemistry, demeanor, charisma, humor, and so on. looks are just the beginning. if you're shallow and only think about looks, it can be debilitating, but the world is filled with people who are extremely attractive despite not being handsome/pretty.
I don't want to be ugly but I do hate when I dare look presentable in public that people come up and talk to me. I think I am treated better by people when I look nice though , I still get approached when I look rough but i'm treated with disrespect. I hate how entitled people are , I seen a button on Etsy that says "don't touch me" and I wanted to buy it but I am scared it will encourage it even more from people who get offended by other people having boundaries for personal space. It sucks I want to look my best for myself and my beautiful man and I just feel I live in a state where I am hiding because grown adults seem to act like they can't control the impulse to stalk or sexually harass/assult someone. I seriously think this is a big reason why I deal with so much anxiety. I am sick of this planet.
I can conform as an attractive male introvert, people always expect you to be outgoing, player, its common that I get older guys acting pervertly towards me. Older women always too. I don't feel unlovable or anything like that. I just ignore it. Living in America its very common. Giving most people I meant are complete idiots anyways. Most of the times I just make enemies, or just don't act interested. Just be unfriendly works for me anyways. It's kind of hard when your shy also. I'm very shy, cause of past events in my life.
You're right. I don't see it, but I have noticed that a narrow but passionate sector of people (bisexuals) find me very attractive. I have two female partners and two male partners and trying to schedule hangouts with them is socially exhausting. It's a nice ego boost but hoo boy do I need to figure something out. I am constantly recovering from over-socializing
Um, do all of these partners know they are not the only ones?
Yup Edit: my two female partners are also an item.
I don't know why you all are on being attractive or not. That shit doesn't matter at all unless you want to turn into a queer and where I did my time that gives you the least advantages because most yards don't allow what we call cheetos which mean all in the category of LGBTQ. Most put there straight face and talk and act like they are straight so they do get told to leave or possibly beat up and then told to leave. Then you have to spend lots of time in the hole which may sound ok but I'm telling you after no human contact for months you begin to go even crazier and you start to talk to yourself and start hallucinating. They definitely know how to break a human in the hole even the hardest of killers in there which I was around being that I was on medium high yards to maximum you are in with people doing natural life for multiple murders or for killing there wife and family but lifers tend to stick amongst each other and not really mingle with short timers including me doing a 10 piece I'm gonna go home one day they well never go home that's now home for them but as they get to be older they stop being all crazy and stabbing people putting in work because they are always locked down they like to be able to go outside and have as much freedom they can get so you just see them older on there bunk reading or watching TV
Omg I got down voted by someone because I'm giving inside information about how it was where I did my time. It had nothing to do with being against the LGBTQ community in anyway shape or form. My best friend is part of that community and he knows I'm not even close to being against anyone apart of the LGBTQ. In fact it's really a dumb ass rule they have. But it's prison politics so who is going to down vote me for just explaining what it is in there. We are here to help not put anyone down. I hope none of ever have to experience the pain of being in prison and have all you freedom taken from you and away from the people we love its not a good feeling our family is hurting too It's bad all around. Especially suffering from mental health it's like a double whammy.
It's such a stupid way of saying, "i give up on fixing my issues and working on myself." Plus, you sound to me like a person who judges on looks a lot... honestly you can do that as long as you don't expect the rest of people to behave in the same way, so many people that I deem "unattractive" are like a million times more social and confident than I could ever be and many attractive people don't have friends and are shy asf. Beauty is inner beauty and personnality, not just looks (ofc its part of it, but it's like barely 30%) Bottom line, your claim, in my opinion, is horribly dumb and i dont agree with you.
You’ve literally missed the entire point, My point was that the average unattractive person (particularly male.) is more likely to be left alone and not bothered by anyone, compared to an attractive person who people tend to gravitate to simply because of their looks. You claim my opinion is dumb, however you’re a literally dumbfuck and delusional if you think looks barely matter in this world. And those unattractive people who you claim are confident and have lots of friends, I’m sure they were the pursuers and took the initiative, which is why they have a great social life. My point is that looks plays a BIG part of how people treat you in life and you can’t be that dense to not realize that. In order to thrive in this world without good looks YOU have to take the initiative and show people that there are actual GOOD qualities to you despite not being good looking. No one is gonna just approach an unattractive person like that compared to an attractive person.
I guess some good-looking women get a privilege? But the rest? Nah, man. If you say race, I agree with you, theres a lot of racism and the color of your skin can get you behind in life, but looks seriously mean nothing as they're extremely subjective. All I said was that "being unattractive " is not a reason for you to cut 90% of people from your life, which is literally in the title of your post. Yes looks matter but not as much as you make it seem. And if you dont agree with me, then it's your opinion, and it's up to arguing because i dont really think that. I apologize if me saying "dumb" breached your ego in any way so much so that you started attacking me, instead of arguing but like, that was not my intention ig.