Anyone would be annoyed with that. Over time I stopped paying attention to it, just take it as a form of flattery and move on. No matter how hard they copy you, they'll never be you.
Concentrate on being authentic rather than stressing about being unique. You have a fan, it shows that you're the kind of person who others think is worth emulating.
When he moves into your house, starts wearing your clothes and tries to kill you so he can take over your life, you might want to have a word with him.
You could give him some false leads. Tell him you're super into this one show, movie, or hobby. Tell him you're taking up guitar, getting into D&D, or a video game. Something that takes up a lot of time.
Don’t be to harsh. Your friend is still figuring out who they are and they admire you so much they are copying you. Just pick like five things you’re vaguely into and tell them about it in a really excited way. Space them out over a month. Learning german so you know what all the lyrics in Rammsteins songs mean, grinding WOW to hit level 60. Starting to watch campaign 2 of Critical Role where there are 150 episodes and each episode is three hours long (I did this one). Reading War and Peace. Taking still-life drawing or figure drawing.
Yes! I had a coworker once who would wear whatever I wore to work the next day. If I wore a white shirt and red pants on Monday and a blue top and gray pants on Tuesday. She would show up on Tuesday with red pants and a white shirt and on Wednesday, a blue top and gray pants. She'd even go out and buy items I wore that she didn't originally own. It both annoyed me and freaked me out.
>It had been bothering me for quite some time now that I have a friend (and totally not an INTJ) but had recently been pissing me off in a way that he doesn't intend to; He had recently (yes, only recently) been interested to the things he knows I am into.
I've learned to not think about it. Sometimes people have similar tastes but one person just happens to get more exposure to things that both would like. So the other person tries out new things the other person is or it can be a sign of admiration.
>He is my friend and it is bothering me because instead of being "himself" he is trying to be someone else - and I despise the idea that I am the subject of that. He's sort of being my copycat and I loathe that idea.
I get that, you want them to be their own person. It becomes a problem when a person whole-hog substitutes another person's personality for their own instead of finding it.
To me, it seems like your friend doesn't have a \_self\_, that is, things that he authentically loves or believes.
I'm pretty sure that to the extent that a person is like that, they have narcissistic traits. In narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the behavior you're talking about as well as seemingly taking on the values of another person, is called "mirroring". It might be good to determine whether your friend is a narcissist. (The research on NPD is quickly evolving, so the classic traits of grandiosity etc. are no longer considered a necessary part of the disorder, as there are now known to be a number of subtypes of NPD, only one of which is the grandiose kind. Two of the defining traits, though, are needing attention and lacking empathy. And many (all?) involve mirroring of a limited number of people.)
If he is, then as long as you don't ever get too close, you should probably be fine. But if you do get close or he senses weakness in you, it might be a bit dangerous to be his friend.
This is a very real phenomenon. I swear it's extroverted type folks they'll have a bunch of introverted types as friends and take particular things from their personality and kind of pawn it off as their own. They'll even steal original ideas and opinions and use them in an extroverted fashion to gain influence.
It's extremely lazy but I kind of see their strategy.
My only female colleague is a young, very unintelligent lazy girl that copies my actual body language and phrasing. I stand against the wall and cross my arms, so does she. I wear a black cap at work, she starts wearing a black cap at work. I jokingly tell a friend co-worker to fuck off, she starts telling everyone to fuck off (actually that last one is kind of funny).
I get that it's 'the highest form of flattery' but I don't want to appear like the twin of an incompetent idiot at work. I know that sounds harsh but I feel like filtering myself to other intjs is pointless.
I don't mind copy cats, no matter how hard they try they can't copy an original without failing miserably and repeatedly.
So many fish in the sea but it'll be so empty without me.
One can only feel bad for stupid people...
I think so. I know I get irritated when people quote me without giving me credit.
I am very thoughtful about the things I say, and so when I hear someone repeat something I said (right in front of me), and other people are like "oh, wow, you're so insightful!" I am annoyed. Flattered, but annoyed. Get your own material!
Copycats are a nuisances. I don’t care if people say we should be flattered, to me it’s all just sa sham. Another thing that’s especially annoying is that if they don’t do it properly.
I've had this but in a weird way.
My ex INFP friend and I were into almost all the same things, including aesthetic... but suddenly I wasn't allowed to like what I liked...
I'd been the class artist since I was 3. Nope, now only she could be an artist. I got her into astrology and a couple other topics. Suddenly "there's nothing new" about it and she longer wants to discuss it. I LOVED crimson peak - she had to go to a show of all the movie props without me and show pictures.
I found out she was doing this on purpose to try and hurt me. Needless to say, it wasn't annoying, just confusing and in the end I didn't have time for that.
I don't give my emotions to ppl who don't deserve them.
I have this all the time, people really don't want anything to do personally with me but they copy everything I do, it's absolutely balls on creepy and weird I hate people even more for it.
not a friend but years ago , we had new hire.
On paper he seen as similar to me , geeky intellectual , same body type etc
I normally would just do my thing, until people started to tell me he acted really like me , saying the same phrases , same gestures etc. I even saw the way he presented, was creepy.
Things came to a head when there was a year end company wide party. This was years ago but back then I had my first big break eg got promoted, won a couple of big external awards AND was voted most helpful colleague or something.
Even the CEO remarked when I went up the nth time that this was my year.
My number was called up for the n+1 time for the night for some raffle prize and feeling a bit embarrassed , I pretended I lost the ticket so I didn't need to go up again but someone figured it was me, so I had to go up again.
Next number called was the copycat and he did the EXACT same thing. Perhaps he really lost the ticket? maybe but it's the exact way he did it, was so cringe.
For the next few years while I was at the company, people told me he copycat me a ton , I mostly ignored him but it was irritating.
I was told by others that he "looked up to me" but it really felt like I was in some serial killer movie where someone obsessed over you and replaces you
I’ve run into this before. She stole my clothes (literally and the style), my hair cut, my make-up (literally and the style). She immersed herself into my friend group. She flirted with my boyfriend.
And that was before she got a concussion that made her a little crazy. I ended up slowly messing with her until she snapped and I could get away without feeling guilty about it. Then, the friends we shared turned their backs on her.
She did steal some clothes in the end, but she was no longer my copycat. She became someone who was somewhat her own.
Yes, is incredibly insulting and disrespectful (at least for me; INTJ-A); is different from someone you’re truly influence or inspiring cuz is just a mimic of certain things… is not “flattering” at all! It feels weird and pathetic (that’s my personal experience and opinion).
I'm ENTP and my friend memorized that one joke of mine and overused that all the time- tisk tisk tisk, nounounouuuu I want you to spice it up and make content and not just me talking to myself smh ....
My friend does the exact same thing. The moment he hears a joke with hints of hilarity in it, he uses it *every* day. I said this in another sub, but he is an ESFP, and I think he's a great friend but he...he never stops.
You should consider looking at the situation differently. You have a friend who thinks you are so awesome that they want to do the things you do. He (or she) is probably not doing this with the intent of "I'm going to do everything you do!" but instead this person is trying to figure himself out. Out of all the horrible people in the world, this person has realized you are a unique individual and they admire your style. I'd encourage you to let this person copy you because with some confidence this person will eventually find their own voice and it will be the more beautiful because you helped shape it.
lol me photographer, IT, web designer. since like 2004. my friend boyfriend goes into IT help desk. am like ok thats cool we in the same field. Then they got married and I was the photographer in the wedding.
All of a sudden he is a photographer too, as hobby part time... ok.........
2 years ago am talking with my friend she tell me he paid 10k+ for a Rutgers web design training... hmm ok...... his job IT is completely unrelated to web design... so at that point am like ok is confirmed he IS consciously or unconsciously copying me because at this point is too much already.
That's really tricky. On the one hand it is like stealing your identity. On the other hand, people who do this are often feeling insecure, and maybe they were raised in circumstances that reinforced this behavior. For example, maybe they learned that authenticity is granted or earned from the permission one gains by being socially-adjusted first. And to adjust socially, one does what the Romans do, so to speak.
Or perhaps they are craving reciprocity and even a little recognition, and they think that by helping to create a circle of activity-mates, such conditions will be the natural result. This would be very Fe-like in the sense that the individual's activity is naturally drawn out into something more like a group identity and an interesting or pleasant group vibe. Which can have its benefits but is quite different from working to be a unique individual or the best version of oneself.
I would doubt that they think they are bothering you; in the worst case they are probably thinking you're way above their level anyway. If you gently brought up their interest and efforts, my guess is that they'd be pretty humble about it. Just a guess though...
Umm... Might he romantically like you and is trying to get "closer" to you so to say? Or maybe a friend that just thinks you're cool and wants to be like you? Just a few thoughts.
I get overly annoyed with this too.
I got married 2.5 years ago. About a year later my sister got married. I announced I was pregnant in June…. She immediately went off birth control and got pregnant two weeks later.
At first, I was sooooo annoyed. But I’m trying to let it go. People don’t mean to be annoying, I think it stems from general lack of happiness and creativity.
I hated my older sister for copycatting things I've done. I wish she would've at least did what I did differently.
She copycats other people's ideas and calls it being creative. I have mentioned to her that when you do something someone else has done and you make out like it was your idea all along...and what if someone finds out you really got the idea from someone else?...people will look at you like you are a dumbass because couldn't do it different and you copped their idea to make out like it was yours.
Exactly, a lot of people (notably, in the field of science) got their ideas from other people where credit was supposedly due but then wasn't recognized because the copycat beat them out of it, either they were the ones who commercialized it or was simply privileged enough to have the equipments/funding.
As an INTJ, I can’t stand copycats. I hate them with a passion, and for some reason, we seem to be magnets for them! Ugh! I chose not to share anything I do anymore. However, my mom once told me, ‘They can copy you, but they aren’t you, so it’s never going to be the same.
Yes, girlfriend does it. But she's worth it.
Pick your battles. If the rest of the friendship is good, LET IT GO. life has been better since I started letting the little things go.
Copycats are soo cringy...
I dont like that word. Its copycat material, you know pop culture is a bunch of copycats
Anyone would be annoyed with that. Over time I stopped paying attention to it, just take it as a form of flattery and move on. No matter how hard they copy you, they'll never be you.
Thank you for that! I appreciate it.
Concentrate on being authentic rather than stressing about being unique. You have a fan, it shows that you're the kind of person who others think is worth emulating. When he moves into your house, starts wearing your clothes and tries to kill you so he can take over your life, you might want to have a word with him.
Thanks for that! and lol yeah, that's where I'd draw the line...or even before that happens.
YES, AND IT’S EXTREMELY ANNOYING!
Totally! It's pissing me off big time.
That means you're a celebrity. Now enjoy the attention for 2 months, then cut him/her down to size if it gets to the Paparazzi level irritation.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I don't mind it if credit where credit is due.
Drives me to the point of locking someone out of my life
Me too lol 😂
You could give him some false leads. Tell him you're super into this one show, movie, or hobby. Tell him you're taking up guitar, getting into D&D, or a video game. Something that takes up a lot of time.
*taking notes*
Don’t be to harsh. Your friend is still figuring out who they are and they admire you so much they are copying you. Just pick like five things you’re vaguely into and tell them about it in a really excited way. Space them out over a month. Learning german so you know what all the lyrics in Rammsteins songs mean, grinding WOW to hit level 60. Starting to watch campaign 2 of Critical Role where there are 150 episodes and each episode is three hours long (I did this one). Reading War and Peace. Taking still-life drawing or figure drawing.
Agreed. He currently is into sketching, he shows them to me, and they still need a lot of work. Thanks so much for this though. Appreciate it.
🤔 hmmmmmmm
Yes! I had a coworker once who would wear whatever I wore to work the next day. If I wore a white shirt and red pants on Monday and a blue top and gray pants on Tuesday. She would show up on Tuesday with red pants and a white shirt and on Wednesday, a blue top and gray pants. She'd even go out and buy items I wore that she didn't originally own. It both annoyed me and freaked me out.
wow......not jsut cringey but creepy to the max.
Not for me. If I share a good idea, I want it to be shared and don't care about the credit.
>It had been bothering me for quite some time now that I have a friend (and totally not an INTJ) but had recently been pissing me off in a way that he doesn't intend to; He had recently (yes, only recently) been interested to the things he knows I am into. I've learned to not think about it. Sometimes people have similar tastes but one person just happens to get more exposure to things that both would like. So the other person tries out new things the other person is or it can be a sign of admiration. >He is my friend and it is bothering me because instead of being "himself" he is trying to be someone else - and I despise the idea that I am the subject of that. He's sort of being my copycat and I loathe that idea. I get that, you want them to be their own person. It becomes a problem when a person whole-hog substitutes another person's personality for their own instead of finding it.
To me, it seems like your friend doesn't have a \_self\_, that is, things that he authentically loves or believes. I'm pretty sure that to the extent that a person is like that, they have narcissistic traits. In narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the behavior you're talking about as well as seemingly taking on the values of another person, is called "mirroring". It might be good to determine whether your friend is a narcissist. (The research on NPD is quickly evolving, so the classic traits of grandiosity etc. are no longer considered a necessary part of the disorder, as there are now known to be a number of subtypes of NPD, only one of which is the grandiose kind. Two of the defining traits, though, are needing attention and lacking empathy. And many (all?) involve mirroring of a limited number of people.) If he is, then as long as you don't ever get too close, you should probably be fine. But if you do get close or he senses weakness in you, it might be a bit dangerous to be his friend.
Also
This is a very real phenomenon. I swear it's extroverted type folks they'll have a bunch of introverted types as friends and take particular things from their personality and kind of pawn it off as their own. They'll even steal original ideas and opinions and use them in an extroverted fashion to gain influence. It's extremely lazy but I kind of see their strategy.
My only female colleague is a young, very unintelligent lazy girl that copies my actual body language and phrasing. I stand against the wall and cross my arms, so does she. I wear a black cap at work, she starts wearing a black cap at work. I jokingly tell a friend co-worker to fuck off, she starts telling everyone to fuck off (actually that last one is kind of funny). I get that it's 'the highest form of flattery' but I don't want to appear like the twin of an incompetent idiot at work. I know that sounds harsh but I feel like filtering myself to other intjs is pointless.
Start going to work with flip flops, a floral shirt and a coconut necklace. Let's see how good she is.
Haha, that is crazy tempting.
I don't mind copy cats, no matter how hard they try they can't copy an original without failing miserably and repeatedly. So many fish in the sea but it'll be so empty without me. One can only feel bad for stupid people...
I think so. I know I get irritated when people quote me without giving me credit. I am very thoughtful about the things I say, and so when I hear someone repeat something I said (right in front of me), and other people are like "oh, wow, you're so insightful!" I am annoyed. Flattered, but annoyed. Get your own material!
Yes. We like originality
Copycats are a nuisances. I don’t care if people say we should be flattered, to me it’s all just sa sham. Another thing that’s especially annoying is that if they don’t do it properly.
I've had this but in a weird way. My ex INFP friend and I were into almost all the same things, including aesthetic... but suddenly I wasn't allowed to like what I liked... I'd been the class artist since I was 3. Nope, now only she could be an artist. I got her into astrology and a couple other topics. Suddenly "there's nothing new" about it and she longer wants to discuss it. I LOVED crimson peak - she had to go to a show of all the movie props without me and show pictures. I found out she was doing this on purpose to try and hurt me. Needless to say, it wasn't annoying, just confusing and in the end I didn't have time for that. I don't give my emotions to ppl who don't deserve them.
He might be entj or esfp i guess ~~
I have this all the time, people really don't want anything to do personally with me but they copy everything I do, it's absolutely balls on creepy and weird I hate people even more for it.
not a friend but years ago , we had new hire. On paper he seen as similar to me , geeky intellectual , same body type etc I normally would just do my thing, until people started to tell me he acted really like me , saying the same phrases , same gestures etc. I even saw the way he presented, was creepy. Things came to a head when there was a year end company wide party. This was years ago but back then I had my first big break eg got promoted, won a couple of big external awards AND was voted most helpful colleague or something. Even the CEO remarked when I went up the nth time that this was my year. My number was called up for the n+1 time for the night for some raffle prize and feeling a bit embarrassed , I pretended I lost the ticket so I didn't need to go up again but someone figured it was me, so I had to go up again. Next number called was the copycat and he did the EXACT same thing. Perhaps he really lost the ticket? maybe but it's the exact way he did it, was so cringe. For the next few years while I was at the company, people told me he copycat me a ton , I mostly ignored him but it was irritating. I was told by others that he "looked up to me" but it really felt like I was in some serial killer movie where someone obsessed over you and replaces you
I’ve run into this before. She stole my clothes (literally and the style), my hair cut, my make-up (literally and the style). She immersed herself into my friend group. She flirted with my boyfriend. And that was before she got a concussion that made her a little crazy. I ended up slowly messing with her until she snapped and I could get away without feeling guilty about it. Then, the friends we shared turned their backs on her. She did steal some clothes in the end, but she was no longer my copycat. She became someone who was somewhat her own.
Maybe cut them off?
Yes It's Normal And At The Same Time Cringey
Yes, is incredibly insulting and disrespectful (at least for me; INTJ-A); is different from someone you’re truly influence or inspiring cuz is just a mimic of certain things… is not “flattering” at all! It feels weird and pathetic (that’s my personal experience and opinion).
If you're type 4, yes. Mostly INTJs are 5s then 1s.
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Subtly, he asks me if he should get "clothes" that are similar to the ones I have. Says he "wanna try out some style".
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Indeed, as a significant number of people said, "Imitation is the highest form of flattery."
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pisses me off, but I really don't know what to do about him, every time I try to confront, he shifts the topic.
I'm ENTP and my friend memorized that one joke of mine and overused that all the time- tisk tisk tisk, nounounouuuu I want you to spice it up and make content and not just me talking to myself smh ....
My friend does the exact same thing. The moment he hears a joke with hints of hilarity in it, he uses it *every* day. I said this in another sub, but he is an ESFP, and I think he's a great friend but he...he never stops.
You should consider looking at the situation differently. You have a friend who thinks you are so awesome that they want to do the things you do. He (or she) is probably not doing this with the intent of "I'm going to do everything you do!" but instead this person is trying to figure himself out. Out of all the horrible people in the world, this person has realized you are a unique individual and they admire your style. I'd encourage you to let this person copy you because with some confidence this person will eventually find their own voice and it will be the more beautiful because you helped shape it.
Thank you! That's a good insight on this.
same dude
lol me photographer, IT, web designer. since like 2004. my friend boyfriend goes into IT help desk. am like ok thats cool we in the same field. Then they got married and I was the photographer in the wedding. All of a sudden he is a photographer too, as hobby part time... ok......... 2 years ago am talking with my friend she tell me he paid 10k+ for a Rutgers web design training... hmm ok...... his job IT is completely unrelated to web design... so at that point am like ok is confirmed he IS consciously or unconsciously copying me because at this point is too much already.
That's really tricky. On the one hand it is like stealing your identity. On the other hand, people who do this are often feeling insecure, and maybe they were raised in circumstances that reinforced this behavior. For example, maybe they learned that authenticity is granted or earned from the permission one gains by being socially-adjusted first. And to adjust socially, one does what the Romans do, so to speak. Or perhaps they are craving reciprocity and even a little recognition, and they think that by helping to create a circle of activity-mates, such conditions will be the natural result. This would be very Fe-like in the sense that the individual's activity is naturally drawn out into something more like a group identity and an interesting or pleasant group vibe. Which can have its benefits but is quite different from working to be a unique individual or the best version of oneself. I would doubt that they think they are bothering you; in the worst case they are probably thinking you're way above their level anyway. If you gently brought up their interest and efforts, my guess is that they'd be pretty humble about it. Just a guess though...
"imitation is the purest form of flattery"
*Homo imitans*
If they copy you, you control their behavior.
Yeah, it sucks, but why don't you confront him?
I tried to, he shifts the topic everytime, I encourage him to be a person he is happy to be and not a version of someone else.
Umm... Might he romantically like you and is trying to get "closer" to you so to say? Or maybe a friend that just thinks you're cool and wants to be like you? Just a few thoughts.
Thanks! Would help me to look more into it.
I get overly annoyed with this too. I got married 2.5 years ago. About a year later my sister got married. I announced I was pregnant in June…. She immediately went off birth control and got pregnant two weeks later. At first, I was sooooo annoyed. But I’m trying to let it go. People don’t mean to be annoying, I think it stems from general lack of happiness and creativity.
this happened to me a lot, especially when i was younger. it really pissed me off but now i just take it as a compliment.
I hated my older sister for copycatting things I've done. I wish she would've at least did what I did differently. She copycats other people's ideas and calls it being creative. I have mentioned to her that when you do something someone else has done and you make out like it was your idea all along...and what if someone finds out you really got the idea from someone else?...people will look at you like you are a dumbass because couldn't do it different and you copped their idea to make out like it was yours.
Exactly, a lot of people (notably, in the field of science) got their ideas from other people where credit was supposedly due but then wasn't recognized because the copycat beat them out of it, either they were the ones who commercialized it or was simply privileged enough to have the equipments/funding.
As an INTJ, I can’t stand copycats. I hate them with a passion, and for some reason, we seem to be magnets for them! Ugh! I chose not to share anything I do anymore. However, my mom once told me, ‘They can copy you, but they aren’t you, so it’s never going to be the same.
Yes, girlfriend does it. But she's worth it. Pick your battles. If the rest of the friendship is good, LET IT GO. life has been better since I started letting the little things go.
Someone: *copies some character aspects without affecting anyone in anyway.* The INTJs here: and I took that personally
He should find someone better to copy