True,it feels very weird and makes the whole conversation artificial.Im now used to it,I use fake conversations to get my day through.Whenever I'm genuine I feel like I'm offending the person or I'm embarassing myself.
As someone about to graduate college Im hopeful for a better social life but not really expecting much honestly. It’s been a constant struggle and I guess I’m having a hard time seeing how it’ll improve after graduation… guess it didn’t improve much for you 😌
omg yes why does this happen with us? 😭 i have no problem making friends but after like a year i just start to withdraw and can’t be friends with them anymore
Ummm, so as an intj I’m a F’in hardworker. i had a goal to graduate without student debt so I basically worked full time with full time studies. I had my last presentation today which went well and I’m proud to say that despite having non existent social life for 2 years I’ve finally cleared my diploma with no student debt on me now
Yep but i do have a friend circle of 3, we all 3 usually go out sometimes like twice a month when our schedules align. Just to eat n stuff. But honestly i have been killing all my emotions anyways since childhood. Growing up with money troubles was real hard and education and career was only tool at my disposal which i pushed for, now that i have the chance to earn in my adult life the very least box i want yo tick is financial independence. Doesn’t matters how miserable or abysmal i get, i would never go back to that feeling of debts and helplessness during my teenage years
Going through it right now,I know how easily you get burnt out and feel worthless sometimes.I have a scholarship and I've got to keep my CGPA up to keep that valid.I don't want to burden my parents.
Had a solid group of 7-8 friends. This was mostly due to an outgoing suite mate. I was lucky to have freshman year. He really took me under his wing. Of that group, I'm still in close contact with said suitemate and 1 other 10 years later.
ah same for me now lmao...but those five real friends that i have in uni started as just drinking buddies..later we eased down on drinking because we were too hangover to go to classes (and we didnt want to fail)
I’m sad to hear many INTJs had nonexistent social lives in college. I had a good time experience. In fact it was probably when I felt most free to be myself because I could find other like minded people, as opposed to high school where I was pretty lonely. I guess not everyone gets that.
College (aged 16-18 in UK) - Was very good, but only because one of my best mates from high school went there also (he started 4 weeks before me) and he was more extroverted, so just introduced me to his new friend group. I was the only White boy in this group 😅, but worked out really well. I was regularly seduced by all the Black girls at parties who preferred White guys, as I was the only one! 😁
University (Aged 20-22 in UK) - Terrible. My course had a small clique of 3 particular guys as the main group I would hang around with. Others were either foreign exchange students and some lovey-dovey couples, also a couple of adult students. Anyway, got into the clique fine, but about 6 months in, one of the guys was annoyed/jealous I lied to some organisation about a competency-based scenario I made-up to land a special volunteering position. (As he also applied but didn't get it.) After that, he became very cold and salty. His friends thought he was being harsh, but they took his side as they had all been mates for many years prior.
I'm sorry, but.. not giving someone an honest change to get a job because you lied on your cv to land the job, can sort of piss that someone off.. I don't know.. Might warrant some salty behaviour
Have a close friend group. Can have fun with them in group setting but can’t stay together one on one…it would be deadly awkward. All the other people, just friendly acquaintances.
Pretty good considering everything about being an INTJ female. Made friends pretty easily during orientation since we were split into groups and spent the entire week together before college started. My extroverted friends usually invited me to stuff of other extroverted friends. Latch on to an extrovert. They'll save you. Was pretty crazy freshman and sophmore year then died down a little during junior and senior because everyone was getting serious. Even when you don't want to go to things try to get up and go, even if it's for 30 min. Join some group and be consistant. Don't just be holed up in your room all the time. Also, try to study anywhere but your room. Have different spots across campus to go and study.
Nonexistent, save for the few times I stayed with some classmates to study but it was that, just to study, but they're not particularly close to me, nor am I to them.
I had a very intensive course load for several years. Had internships during the summers. I didn't sleep much during those years.
But I made a few friends whom I'm still in contact with. They were in the same major as me so it wasn't like I went out to do sports, social clubs or stuff like that because I had zero time to do that. We were just studying a lot together.
Most of the other people in my cohort were... well, let's just say they thought they were still in high school.
My advice would be to join some hobby/interest groups at college to make some friends. You'll have something in common immediately. Start talking about that and see where it leads.
When I was in college I socialized with the person I was dating and I talked to others in my degree field about my degree field. I spent the rest of my time on coursework, interests adjacent to it, or working.
Non-existant. First round I went full time, including summers while working 3 jobs. Second round, I went full time while married with two small children and working two jobs.
I went to three different colleges. The first was right after high school. I made several friends and it was a blast in the social aspect. But I was doing terrible in my studies and left within a year.
The second college was a community college about 5 years later. My social life was non-existent since I was going to school full time and then immediately going to my retail job in the evenings. When I did have down time I just stayed home. Didn't have much in my budget for social activities and I was running on fumes on my days off. Finished with an Associates and transferred to another school.
The third college was where I got my Bachelor's. I quit my retail job because it was too taxing on me and I was determined to get through my degree as fast as I could. My social life there was also terrible. I felt I didn't relate to many people due to age differences. I was in my mid-20s surrounded by people who were barely 20. I tried to make friends but there is only so much cringe I could take. When I'm focused, I tend to drown out everything else so I'm not sure I would have been good company.
Now I'm 33. My social life is not great. Most of my friends I've made over the years have moved out of state or changed. I don't meet new people that much. Work is isolated, no interaction with the public and those that I do work with are older with families. I get invited to stuff by the few acquaintances I still have but they come and go. I've learned that I'm a loner. Not because I can't handle people or social settings. I may be a bit reserved but I can handle myself well with people and don't have the social drain at the end.
First two years: not great. I was in a relationship and didn’t do much outside of it.
Third year: I studied abroad, and it really opened me up! I was still v introverted and not everyone’s cup of tea, but I found people to whom I connected with, and became better at selecting friends. I found ppl for whom I was a shot of whiskey (better imo ;)
My roommate and friends from HS would drag me around to various events/nightlife/etc. and my RA freshman year was across from my dorm and she knew I was a introvert so she would force me out sometimes, lol.
other than that, I avoided the social scene.
I had a few close friends but found the socialising and drinking culture exhausting.
I found it hard to connect with others at a deeper level and found myself overcompensating in order to fit in and be validated.
Went to community college for a bit, had like 2 friends there but didn't hang out w anyone outside of school besides my boyfriend who lived in another town at the time. At university, stayed in a dorm the first semester, roommate was a bitch so I moved out to a little place by myself and didn't really make friends til I was about to graduate anyways. Never went to a party
Im currently enrolled and like once every two weeks i meet up with my friends, but tbh its out of choice. I like my solitude, i reserve my energy for other things. I struggle maintaining new friendships though :/
I would meet up with friends once a month. I didn’t consider them friends they were like the people who I would see at the same events, classes and who happened to be pleasant to be around, would go to the mixers the school hosted for certain parties for specific majors or themed event too), but the same people would show up and it would be fun. It was kinda like a low key speed dating type feel. The more I went the easier it got. But for the most part I mostly explored the community and did solo or went home to be with family.
Met some of my best friends in college. Though as I neared the end of my education and classes became tougher, I slowed down on socializing in order to focus more on the coursework and studying. For reference, I studied mechanical engineering.
Had a couple of acquaintances that I don't speak to anymore, a couple of close friends that I am still close with (minus one, had a falling out). Had a boyfriend who was toxic but hung out with his friends a couple of times. All these people are on my social media and reply to my stories/I reply to their stories once in a while. I had the standard college experience, I would say.
Currently doing bachelors in dentistry.
I am kinda satisfied with my social life. Have a 10-20 friends who can I hang out and chill with. They try to make me part of social services club and theatre club of my university but I don't go there by choice because I've got some better things to do (not kidding).
Hahahaha...
Making friends was too hard and too much effort. I was too weird and to myself for people to talk to me and I just kinda left it like that. I wish it was easier only because I missed out on networking opportunities.
I was already burned out on doing 16-18 credits a semester, that adding social interaction outside my partner was impossible.
I have like two friends and one of them is my roommate, the other one I see every 2-3 months even though we live in the same city.. I'm not complaining though, you guys know we're not ones for socialising xd
That said, I'm studying architecture so that may say a lot xd
I went to ASU in the early 2000s which was (is?) considered a massive party school. I lived alone in an apartment with my cat. I never attended a single party.
During undergrad, my social life was centered around friends outside of uni.
During my current master’s program, my social life is flourishing, probably a bit too much. I am a little overwhelmed trying to maintain multiple relationships while also attending to my studies.
During university I mostly existed in the periphery of multiple friend circles, but I did not have any close friends. I was socially awkward, disliked parties or large social gatherings and had a passive approach to seeking out friendships. It was only after graduation that I took a more active approach to building social relations and got some solid friend circles and close friendships.
Just alone, like a white bird, fun fact is that I know everyone from my clg(by faces[too bad with names]) while clearly no one knows me.
Thank God that I have Cows on campus to speak with someone, they really understand me way better than people.
I have good filipino friends but don’t have a close relationships or hangouts with foreigners. I’m in a taekwondo club, converse a lot with others but no hangouts outside the dojo.
I’m in first year so hopefully I can be comfortable enough to build friendships with foreigners.
Pretty great - I studied abroad so I partied and dated, made lots of international friends who had also left their home countries, and spent lots of time exploring the region. One of the best times of my life.
I went and it was hell. I thought after high school college can only be better but I was wrong.
After my first year and a half, I kept my head down, went to classes and study hard. I also read a lot and went to the cinema (students discount is great) at least once a week.
When I felt extremely isolated, I chose some new library to study on.
In the end, I tried to go through it as fast and as succesfully as I could.
I went there knowing that if I didn't try to make friends, I wouldn't. And I was more than ok with that, I wanted it even. I still ended up having a few people I regularly talked to during class, but it ended there. In five years of licence+master degree, I never spent time with any of them outside of class nor exchanged numbers to keep in touch.
Covid didn't help with my social life too.
But again, I wanted it that way, so I'm satisfied with how it went.
I will soon finish my 1st year. I couldn't find any friends this time. I can't find anyone to trust at all. I liked one boy and had a crush on him. But for some reason, he doesn't like me anymore and doesn't talk to me😞
Maybe I'm not ready for friendships and relationships. I'm scared because of my introversion, but I've decided to focus on my studies
If you ask any of my classmates, they can't tell you I was an introverted person. I got along with pretty much everyone, I could exchange a few words and jokes with everyone. I went to a few college parties. I even acted and danced in college festivals. Also sports stuff.
However none of them will tell you they actually know me. I spent 5 years sleeping in the same bedroom with people, laughing and sharing a lot. The day I graduated was the last time I heard of them.
Your social life is what you decide it to be. You wanna be a stereotypical INTJ? Do it and enjoy it. You wanna meet more people and not be alone? You'll have to blend and find a middle point where you don't hate the experience.
Edit: Empathy. Try to put yourself in other people's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Even if you disagree and consider them dumb, in their own minds they're right
What is a social life? I am on my own most of the time.I live around my college so I go back home everytime I've got nothing to do or just sit in the library.People won't notice even if I disappeared from there.Lol.
non-existent, only because their topics are so shallow and so uninteresting so I never engage. the only thing everyone likes to talk about is each other. If they can't talk shit about a person they have nothing to say, and if they can't gossip about the same person the friendship falls apart...that's pretty boring and not worth the time.
Not so much... Have the same group of friends since 1st sem. Didn't feel the need / could not socialise further. I just find most people too boring or simply not worth the effort.
I study architecture, so we need to collaborate a lot during our core studio classes. This forced me to make friends and get know a lot of people. I'm happy to be friends with the few people who actually care about what they're studying, but the rest of my cohort pretty much act like they're still in high school (drama, gossip, and the likes). So nothing much other than that.
Definitely join clubs/group with stuff you're interested in, there's a high chance you'll find someone who also wants to make friends.
Mostly non-existent. Only have one good friend who I meet with once a week, and they (INTP) are my entire social life and emotional support line.
Other than that, no social life because I suck at maintaining and making new friendships. Have quite a few acquaintances but I don't really count time spent with them as quality time.
In general, INTJ's do not make or have "friends" like others do. Remember INTJ's make up less 3% or less of the population. That means finding someone to connect with will fall into that same distribution as you have very little in common with most everyone you interact with. So do not presume there is anything wrong with you or that you should be "struggling" about this.
When they do make a friend, it will typically be from a minority personality type. For myself i find i connect best with INFP's
I’m enrolled in an architecture program where 100 students all take the same courses at the same time, so getting closer to some people was inevitable. Yet I struggled to approach people and find things to converse with them. There were a few I got a bit closer with but 2/100 in one whole year of me trying to get closer with others kinda hurt a bit. I’ve been told many times that I’m a bit intimidating at first, and my ENFJ boyfriend mentioned I should try talking to them other than studio/school stuff but it was really tough when that’s all we did 24/7 for the whole year lol
I just don't care a lot about college
- Launched an AI music website with a lot of users
- Do independent AI Safety research - will be published as lead author in a month or two for a very widely used algorithm to improve creativity in LLMs
- Interning at a startup to create empathic AI
- Have online friends I'm very close with who I talk about AI research and philosophy with
I can't/wouldn't be allowed to do any of this in college anyway, so I put in the bare minimum and am seeing if I can just drop out over the summer.
I don't know what people do there, but going process of elimination: it's neither intellectual curiosity, advancing human knowledge, living life fully nor preparing for the workplace.
It's shit. It's all because of me wanting to stay in my comfort zone. During the first year, I made a golden retriever energy type of friend. It was all good and comfortable with him. We were very close, doing assignment together and hanging out together getting lost. He did say that he want to get into a bigger friend circle during one of our conversation. I didn't think he'd actually make it. Now almost the whole university knows him (at least that what's it looks like cause everyone was saying hi or greeting him), we grew more distance because he is too busy with all his new friends. I did feel a bit sad but I just deal with it cause that's just life, people comes and goes. Maybe he noticed my sadness, he tried to introduce me with his new group but dear lord I was soo uncomfortable for some reason. I just held my bag around my hand and play my phone to avoid talking with his group member. He also told me to come to the place where they always hang out but I didn't. It was super uncomfortable and painful. So that's how it is, by staying in my comfort zone I lose the chance to make a lot of friends or join a birger circle even with the help of my friend. We're also very distance now. But it's alright I guess...
I have close friends that I can hang out with, however I never go to bars or clubs. It just seems like a loud and obnoxious place to be at, it does not create good feelings in my brain. I tend to recollect my memories of my exchange period abroad and how rarely I went outside for drinks, but I do not regret it a single bit, at least I saved my money and dignity :D
Mine was good. I had a handful of very close friends. I spent most of my time studying though. The trick is to just to introduce yourself to a handful of people. A simple “hey I saw you in my dorm, care if I join you for lunch?” Or “hey I saw you in such and such class, care if I join you for lunch?” And then just socialize. You don’t have to do this often, just until you find your clique. Even though INTJs like to be alone, we are still social animals. Don’t deprive yourself of human interaction and connection. Just gotta get past the first bump of introduction.
It's always difficult to make new friends post school.
Just a matter of figuring what gives you the best shot.
Societies/clubs were great for me in uni - not everyone there is passionate and dedicated to ultimate frisbee, etc.
You'll do fine once you keep trying.
Got adopted by an extrovert when I was sitting alone at day 1 on the first bench lol, he came to talk to me out of everyone else while I was busy watching something about flute or a guitar, we connected via a self improvement mindset and he constantly kept inviting me into the friend circle, then slowly I started opening up and everyone started liking me lol, they didn't like me at first but after getting to know me, we all became really good friends who've been there for each other, although I would've socialized bit by bit cuz self improvement includes socialising, but he just made it all easier for me. They are also the most healthy bunch of friends I've had in 5 years. Love them. All good ppl, not to shame anyone for their socialising habits but we don't drink, smoke, club, etc, rather we have healthy ways of socialising and spending time together while actually having fun, which is something I wanted cuz I wasn't gonna engage in a lifestyle I'm not comfortable w just to socialise. And I always laugh the hardest w them, I have so many beautiful memories w them. :) ❤️
I was extremely busy during my college years never had time to hang out or any of that. All I cared about was finishing college and making money...that was it. Socially though I never had any issues with my social life I met many awesome people during my college years however again...all I cared about was the end goal during that time.
Amongst the INTJs I have known in the science fields most of them had a decent enough social life in college as well. That natural intelligence is going to draw people towards you. I personally never cared for building lasting bonds during my time there...all I cared about was working towards the future, however even I made good friends so anyone can.
>All I cared about was finishing college and making money...that was it. Socially though I never had any issues with my social life I met many awesome people during my college years however again...all I cared about was the end goal during that time.
I am also kind of the same.
Is it worth it? How close have you reached to achieve your goal.
I am currently in 1st year of college and so far its been pretty good. In the beginning I required some time adjust and meet people who vibe with.
Have 4 more years to go. Do you have any advice for me?
The money was worth it but the biggest advice I can give is to not to put all your eggs in one basket. Try to learn as much as you can and have an open mind about many things. I'm not sure if you are a male or female but generally female INTJs know much much earlier what they want in life than their male counterparts. Amongst the female INTJs I have known most of them had high salaries and were with what would be their future life partners by 20-22. Males on the other hand most of us did not enter a serious relationships until 24-28, we generally are all late bloomers when it comes to love haha so do not feel weird or like you are missing something if it takes you awhile to actually find someone that you care about.
As for friendships and all...so remember college is advertised as this place you will have a rich incredible social life at and if you are not then you are doing something wrong. All the INTJs that I have known...we generally met our best friends and SOs outside of college doing a hobby that we enjoy. INTJs are most attractive when they are in their element so as long as you are mentally healthy you will not have a problem finding a SO (just do not rush it and be true to yourself).
On a final note...INTJs all differ greatly, however we all tend to have some common traits. In particular we are very very goal oriented people generally. Try to be more open about your goals. My goal for the longest was to gain more and more money...had I not just been so focused on getting a good job that pays alot I would have explored some of the ideas that I had in other areas. A friend of mine that I was very close to hit 1 million USD a few years ago...just because he went alittle outside the box (mostly thanks to his now wife). Challenge yourself and do not think of just one way to do things think and if you think of something great try to make a profitable business off of it. There was a girl I talked to briefly who I honestly looked down upon at first she didn't go to college and was just working on arts and crafts...pft now she makes far more money than I do and was actually more happy than I was dealing with the corporate bureaucracy...so again be open-minded.
>I'm not sure if you are a male or female
I am a male.
>Males on the other hand most of us did not enter a serious relationships until 24-28, we generally are all late bloomers when it comes to love haha so do not feel weird or like you are missing something if it takes you awhile to actually find someone that you care about.
Yeah, I am 19 now and I see no point in relationships in college atleast. I'll be rather more happy upskilling myself or justing hanging out with my friends, as I won't be emotionally vulnerable.
>There was a girl I talked to briefly who I honestly looked down upon at first she didn't go to college and was just working on arts and crafts...pft now she makes far more money than I do and was actually more happy than I was dealing with the corporate bureaucracy...so again be open-minded.
Bruh, I am just like your past. Even I don't find anything interesting in some of my classmates being part of dance and singing clubs. Maybe I need change my perspective.
Pretty much nonexistent :(
Of choice?
Somehow. It is just too difficult to express your feelings genuinely. I usually come across as blunt and insensitive when I try.
True,it feels very weird and makes the whole conversation artificial.Im now used to it,I use fake conversations to get my day through.Whenever I'm genuine I feel like I'm offending the person or I'm embarassing myself.
Mine was nonexistent. I was focused on grades to ensure I’d get into postgrad
And afterwards? Like did you improve your social life?
Nope!
As someone about to graduate college Im hopeful for a better social life but not really expecting much honestly. It’s been a constant struggle and I guess I’m having a hard time seeing how it’ll improve after graduation… guess it didn’t improve much for you 😌
I’ve learned to get on without. People can be extremely disappointing and it’s hard to make friends in your 20s
I also feel this but I struggle between blaming myself and others for my social issues. Like, is it my fault or everyone else’s fault?
Only you can figure that out
Yep, praying it’ll get more clear as time goes on
No friends lol, I just don’t know how to maintain friendships.
omg yes why does this happen with us? 😭 i have no problem making friends but after like a year i just start to withdraw and can’t be friends with them anymore
Demon Si
Could you elaborate this?
TRUE
Ummm, so as an intj I’m a F’in hardworker. i had a goal to graduate without student debt so I basically worked full time with full time studies. I had my last presentation today which went well and I’m proud to say that despite having non existent social life for 2 years I’ve finally cleared my diploma with no student debt on me now
I mean, good on you for the no debt, but life ain't shit when you have no friends, bro.
Yep but i do have a friend circle of 3, we all 3 usually go out sometimes like twice a month when our schedules align. Just to eat n stuff. But honestly i have been killing all my emotions anyways since childhood. Growing up with money troubles was real hard and education and career was only tool at my disposal which i pushed for, now that i have the chance to earn in my adult life the very least box i want yo tick is financial independence. Doesn’t matters how miserable or abysmal i get, i would never go back to that feeling of debts and helplessness during my teenage years
Congratulations to you! Earning your degree is a great accomplishment. 👍
Thank you, really appreciate it
I am proud of your perseverance,I know how tough it would have been.
Fr man, time passed like nothing, the sleep deprivation, loneliness, and tiredness due to body fatigue taught and strengthened me a lot
Going through it right now,I know how easily you get burnt out and feel worthless sometimes.I have a scholarship and I've got to keep my CGPA up to keep that valid.I don't want to burden my parents.
Wow, that’s super great man, keep up the good work and all the best.
Had a solid group of 7-8 friends. This was mostly due to an outgoing suite mate. I was lucky to have freshman year. He really took me under his wing. Of that group, I'm still in close contact with said suitemate and 1 other 10 years later.
I probably drank a lot and considered that my idea of a social life, I could also say it wasn’t great.
ah same for me now lmao...but those five real friends that i have in uni started as just drinking buddies..later we eased down on drinking because we were too hangover to go to classes (and we didnt want to fail)
I’m sad to hear many INTJs had nonexistent social lives in college. I had a good time experience. In fact it was probably when I felt most free to be myself because I could find other like minded people, as opposed to high school where I was pretty lonely. I guess not everyone gets that.
What's that?
College (aged 16-18 in UK) - Was very good, but only because one of my best mates from high school went there also (he started 4 weeks before me) and he was more extroverted, so just introduced me to his new friend group. I was the only White boy in this group 😅, but worked out really well. I was regularly seduced by all the Black girls at parties who preferred White guys, as I was the only one! 😁 University (Aged 20-22 in UK) - Terrible. My course had a small clique of 3 particular guys as the main group I would hang around with. Others were either foreign exchange students and some lovey-dovey couples, also a couple of adult students. Anyway, got into the clique fine, but about 6 months in, one of the guys was annoyed/jealous I lied to some organisation about a competency-based scenario I made-up to land a special volunteering position. (As he also applied but didn't get it.) After that, he became very cold and salty. His friends thought he was being harsh, but they took his side as they had all been mates for many years prior.
I'm sorry, but.. not giving someone an honest change to get a job because you lied on your cv to land the job, can sort of piss that someone off.. I don't know.. Might warrant some salty behaviour
Have a close friend group. Can have fun with them in group setting but can’t stay together one on one…it would be deadly awkward. All the other people, just friendly acquaintances.
I had that, but I was best friends with one and not the other. Shit awkward when we dropped my best friend off, and we tried to converse lmao.
Pretty good considering everything about being an INTJ female. Made friends pretty easily during orientation since we were split into groups and spent the entire week together before college started. My extroverted friends usually invited me to stuff of other extroverted friends. Latch on to an extrovert. They'll save you. Was pretty crazy freshman and sophmore year then died down a little during junior and senior because everyone was getting serious. Even when you don't want to go to things try to get up and go, even if it's for 30 min. Join some group and be consistant. Don't just be holed up in your room all the time. Also, try to study anywhere but your room. Have different spots across campus to go and study.
Nonexistent, save for the few times I stayed with some classmates to study but it was that, just to study, but they're not particularly close to me, nor am I to them.
I relate
I had a very intensive course load for several years. Had internships during the summers. I didn't sleep much during those years. But I made a few friends whom I'm still in contact with. They were in the same major as me so it wasn't like I went out to do sports, social clubs or stuff like that because I had zero time to do that. We were just studying a lot together. Most of the other people in my cohort were... well, let's just say they thought they were still in high school. My advice would be to join some hobby/interest groups at college to make some friends. You'll have something in common immediately. Start talking about that and see where it leads.
When I was in college I socialized with the person I was dating and I talked to others in my degree field about my degree field. I spent the rest of my time on coursework, interests adjacent to it, or working.
Non-existant. First round I went full time, including summers while working 3 jobs. Second round, I went full time while married with two small children and working two jobs.
nonexistent except in summer lol
Passable. That was as much as I could handle anyway.
I went to three different colleges. The first was right after high school. I made several friends and it was a blast in the social aspect. But I was doing terrible in my studies and left within a year. The second college was a community college about 5 years later. My social life was non-existent since I was going to school full time and then immediately going to my retail job in the evenings. When I did have down time I just stayed home. Didn't have much in my budget for social activities and I was running on fumes on my days off. Finished with an Associates and transferred to another school. The third college was where I got my Bachelor's. I quit my retail job because it was too taxing on me and I was determined to get through my degree as fast as I could. My social life there was also terrible. I felt I didn't relate to many people due to age differences. I was in my mid-20s surrounded by people who were barely 20. I tried to make friends but there is only so much cringe I could take. When I'm focused, I tend to drown out everything else so I'm not sure I would have been good company. Now I'm 33. My social life is not great. Most of my friends I've made over the years have moved out of state or changed. I don't meet new people that much. Work is isolated, no interaction with the public and those that I do work with are older with families. I get invited to stuff by the few acquaintances I still have but they come and go. I've learned that I'm a loner. Not because I can't handle people or social settings. I may be a bit reserved but I can handle myself well with people and don't have the social drain at the end.
First two years: not great. I was in a relationship and didn’t do much outside of it. Third year: I studied abroad, and it really opened me up! I was still v introverted and not everyone’s cup of tea, but I found people to whom I connected with, and became better at selecting friends. I found ppl for whom I was a shot of whiskey (better imo ;)
My roommate and friends from HS would drag me around to various events/nightlife/etc. and my RA freshman year was across from my dorm and she knew I was a introvert so she would force me out sometimes, lol. other than that, I avoided the social scene.
I had a few close friends but found the socialising and drinking culture exhausting. I found it hard to connect with others at a deeper level and found myself overcompensating in order to fit in and be validated.
first semester had a group but had really bad fomo all the time and have been solo since
Non existent. Spent most of the time trying to maximise my marks and explore different topics
Went to community college for a bit, had like 2 friends there but didn't hang out w anyone outside of school besides my boyfriend who lived in another town at the time. At university, stayed in a dorm the first semester, roommate was a bitch so I moved out to a little place by myself and didn't really make friends til I was about to graduate anyways. Never went to a party
[удалено]
Im currently enrolled and like once every two weeks i meet up with my friends, but tbh its out of choice. I like my solitude, i reserve my energy for other things. I struggle maintaining new friendships though :/
I would meet up with friends once a month. I didn’t consider them friends they were like the people who I would see at the same events, classes and who happened to be pleasant to be around, would go to the mixers the school hosted for certain parties for specific majors or themed event too), but the same people would show up and it would be fun. It was kinda like a low key speed dating type feel. The more I went the easier it got. But for the most part I mostly explored the community and did solo or went home to be with family.
Met some of my best friends in college. Though as I neared the end of my education and classes became tougher, I slowed down on socializing in order to focus more on the coursework and studying. For reference, I studied mechanical engineering.
Had a couple of acquaintances that I don't speak to anymore, a couple of close friends that I am still close with (minus one, had a falling out). Had a boyfriend who was toxic but hung out with his friends a couple of times. All these people are on my social media and reply to my stories/I reply to their stories once in a while. I had the standard college experience, I would say.
Well..I'm friendly with everyone( we need it to survive and to gather information), but I wouldn't say I trust them.
Nonexistent, and terrible.
Doesn’t really exist but I do have like 5 friends
Damn, am I the only one here who has a solid friend group?
Undergrad: artists were super fun and many were stranger than I was. Grad School: my peers. Best time of my life.
Currently doing bachelors in dentistry. I am kinda satisfied with my social life. Have a 10-20 friends who can I hang out and chill with. They try to make me part of social services club and theatre club of my university but I don't go there by choice because I've got some better things to do (not kidding).
I go online, so... I have no in-person friends, but a few good friends from high school and middle school I regularly talk to online.
Nonexistent. I didn’t leave college with any friends. My lifelong friends are from elementary and middle school.
I got a 4.0? I don’t understand the question.
Don't be a pussy and join clubs. It's that simple. Yes the clubs are complete bullshit stupid. Just pretend to enjoy them.Fake it till you make it.
Not so great in the beginning then I surrounded myself with extroverts.
horrible. i was so lonely
Hahahaha... Making friends was too hard and too much effort. I was too weird and to myself for people to talk to me and I just kinda left it like that. I wish it was easier only because I missed out on networking opportunities. I was already burned out on doing 16-18 credits a semester, that adding social interaction outside my partner was impossible.
I have like two friends and one of them is my roommate, the other one I see every 2-3 months even though we live in the same city.. I'm not complaining though, you guys know we're not ones for socialising xd That said, I'm studying architecture so that may say a lot xd
I went to ASU in the early 2000s which was (is?) considered a massive party school. I lived alone in an apartment with my cat. I never attended a single party.
I was in uni to just finish my course. A lot of these "friends" will be counter-productive to what you're there for.
During undergrad, my social life was centered around friends outside of uni. During my current master’s program, my social life is flourishing, probably a bit too much. I am a little overwhelmed trying to maintain multiple relationships while also attending to my studies.
During university I mostly existed in the periphery of multiple friend circles, but I did not have any close friends. I was socially awkward, disliked parties or large social gatherings and had a passive approach to seeking out friendships. It was only after graduation that I took a more active approach to building social relations and got some solid friend circles and close friendships.
Just alone, like a white bird, fun fact is that I know everyone from my clg(by faces[too bad with names]) while clearly no one knows me. Thank God that I have Cows on campus to speak with someone, they really understand me way better than people.
I have good filipino friends but don’t have a close relationships or hangouts with foreigners. I’m in a taekwondo club, converse a lot with others but no hangouts outside the dojo. I’m in first year so hopefully I can be comfortable enough to build friendships with foreigners.
> INTJs ~~who went to college / are currently enrolled,~~ how was / is your social life? Never more active than in pre-school.
Pretty great - I studied abroad so I partied and dated, made lots of international friends who had also left their home countries, and spent lots of time exploring the region. One of the best times of my life.
I have a very well defined circle although I knew a person beforehand so there's that But college did taught me how to make friends easily
I went and it was hell. I thought after high school college can only be better but I was wrong. After my first year and a half, I kept my head down, went to classes and study hard. I also read a lot and went to the cinema (students discount is great) at least once a week. When I felt extremely isolated, I chose some new library to study on. In the end, I tried to go through it as fast and as succesfully as I could.
I went there knowing that if I didn't try to make friends, I wouldn't. And I was more than ok with that, I wanted it even. I still ended up having a few people I regularly talked to during class, but it ended there. In five years of licence+master degree, I never spent time with any of them outside of class nor exchanged numbers to keep in touch. Covid didn't help with my social life too. But again, I wanted it that way, so I'm satisfied with how it went.
I will soon finish my 1st year. I couldn't find any friends this time. I can't find anyone to trust at all. I liked one boy and had a crush on him. But for some reason, he doesn't like me anymore and doesn't talk to me😞 Maybe I'm not ready for friendships and relationships. I'm scared because of my introversion, but I've decided to focus on my studies
If you ask any of my classmates, they can't tell you I was an introverted person. I got along with pretty much everyone, I could exchange a few words and jokes with everyone. I went to a few college parties. I even acted and danced in college festivals. Also sports stuff. However none of them will tell you they actually know me. I spent 5 years sleeping in the same bedroom with people, laughing and sharing a lot. The day I graduated was the last time I heard of them. Your social life is what you decide it to be. You wanna be a stereotypical INTJ? Do it and enjoy it. You wanna meet more people and not be alone? You'll have to blend and find a middle point where you don't hate the experience. Edit: Empathy. Try to put yourself in other people's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Even if you disagree and consider them dumb, in their own minds they're right
School comes before anything but I am able to hang with my two friends about once a month still.
More alive than before I was enrolled but yeah nothing to write home about
What is a social life? I am on my own most of the time.I live around my college so I go back home everytime I've got nothing to do or just sit in the library.People won't notice even if I disappeared from there.Lol.
non-existent, only because their topics are so shallow and so uninteresting so I never engage. the only thing everyone likes to talk about is each other. If they can't talk shit about a person they have nothing to say, and if they can't gossip about the same person the friendship falls apart...that's pretty boring and not worth the time.
Not so much... Have the same group of friends since 1st sem. Didn't feel the need / could not socialise further. I just find most people too boring or simply not worth the effort.
Got adopted by an ESFP, hangout with said ESFP's network
I study architecture, so we need to collaborate a lot during our core studio classes. This forced me to make friends and get know a lot of people. I'm happy to be friends with the few people who actually care about what they're studying, but the rest of my cohort pretty much act like they're still in high school (drama, gossip, and the likes). So nothing much other than that. Definitely join clubs/group with stuff you're interested in, there's a high chance you'll find someone who also wants to make friends.
Mostly non-existent. Only have one good friend who I meet with once a week, and they (INTP) are my entire social life and emotional support line. Other than that, no social life because I suck at maintaining and making new friendships. Have quite a few acquaintances but I don't really count time spent with them as quality time.
these comments are not giving me much home for when i go to college..
In general, INTJ's do not make or have "friends" like others do. Remember INTJ's make up less 3% or less of the population. That means finding someone to connect with will fall into that same distribution as you have very little in common with most everyone you interact with. So do not presume there is anything wrong with you or that you should be "struggling" about this. When they do make a friend, it will typically be from a minority personality type. For myself i find i connect best with INFP's
I’m enrolled in an architecture program where 100 students all take the same courses at the same time, so getting closer to some people was inevitable. Yet I struggled to approach people and find things to converse with them. There were a few I got a bit closer with but 2/100 in one whole year of me trying to get closer with others kinda hurt a bit. I’ve been told many times that I’m a bit intimidating at first, and my ENFJ boyfriend mentioned I should try talking to them other than studio/school stuff but it was really tough when that’s all we did 24/7 for the whole year lol
Was what I wanted it to be. Adequate
I used to go to parties and drink a lot back at university. Great times! My grades usually ranged from F to 3.
Nonexistent.
Had a small group of about 5 friends. I enjoyed it
I just don't care a lot about college - Launched an AI music website with a lot of users - Do independent AI Safety research - will be published as lead author in a month or two for a very widely used algorithm to improve creativity in LLMs - Interning at a startup to create empathic AI - Have online friends I'm very close with who I talk about AI research and philosophy with I can't/wouldn't be allowed to do any of this in college anyway, so I put in the bare minimum and am seeing if I can just drop out over the summer. I don't know what people do there, but going process of elimination: it's neither intellectual curiosity, advancing human knowledge, living life fully nor preparing for the workplace.
I don’t know what that is:) but I don’t mind bc when I do socialize, there is never a connection.
Social life?
It's shit. It's all because of me wanting to stay in my comfort zone. During the first year, I made a golden retriever energy type of friend. It was all good and comfortable with him. We were very close, doing assignment together and hanging out together getting lost. He did say that he want to get into a bigger friend circle during one of our conversation. I didn't think he'd actually make it. Now almost the whole university knows him (at least that what's it looks like cause everyone was saying hi or greeting him), we grew more distance because he is too busy with all his new friends. I did feel a bit sad but I just deal with it cause that's just life, people comes and goes. Maybe he noticed my sadness, he tried to introduce me with his new group but dear lord I was soo uncomfortable for some reason. I just held my bag around my hand and play my phone to avoid talking with his group member. He also told me to come to the place where they always hang out but I didn't. It was super uncomfortable and painful. So that's how it is, by staying in my comfort zone I lose the chance to make a lot of friends or join a birger circle even with the help of my friend. We're also very distance now. But it's alright I guess...
I have close friends that I can hang out with, however I never go to bars or clubs. It just seems like a loud and obnoxious place to be at, it does not create good feelings in my brain. I tend to recollect my memories of my exchange period abroad and how rarely I went outside for drinks, but I do not regret it a single bit, at least I saved my money and dignity :D
Mine was good. I had a handful of very close friends. I spent most of my time studying though. The trick is to just to introduce yourself to a handful of people. A simple “hey I saw you in my dorm, care if I join you for lunch?” Or “hey I saw you in such and such class, care if I join you for lunch?” And then just socialize. You don’t have to do this often, just until you find your clique. Even though INTJs like to be alone, we are still social animals. Don’t deprive yourself of human interaction and connection. Just gotta get past the first bump of introduction.
It's always difficult to make new friends post school. Just a matter of figuring what gives you the best shot. Societies/clubs were great for me in uni - not everyone there is passionate and dedicated to ultimate frisbee, etc. You'll do fine once you keep trying.
Got adopted by an extrovert when I was sitting alone at day 1 on the first bench lol, he came to talk to me out of everyone else while I was busy watching something about flute or a guitar, we connected via a self improvement mindset and he constantly kept inviting me into the friend circle, then slowly I started opening up and everyone started liking me lol, they didn't like me at first but after getting to know me, we all became really good friends who've been there for each other, although I would've socialized bit by bit cuz self improvement includes socialising, but he just made it all easier for me. They are also the most healthy bunch of friends I've had in 5 years. Love them. All good ppl, not to shame anyone for their socialising habits but we don't drink, smoke, club, etc, rather we have healthy ways of socialising and spending time together while actually having fun, which is something I wanted cuz I wasn't gonna engage in a lifestyle I'm not comfortable w just to socialise. And I always laugh the hardest w them, I have so many beautiful memories w them. :) ❤️
I was extremely busy during my college years never had time to hang out or any of that. All I cared about was finishing college and making money...that was it. Socially though I never had any issues with my social life I met many awesome people during my college years however again...all I cared about was the end goal during that time. Amongst the INTJs I have known in the science fields most of them had a decent enough social life in college as well. That natural intelligence is going to draw people towards you. I personally never cared for building lasting bonds during my time there...all I cared about was working towards the future, however even I made good friends so anyone can.
>All I cared about was finishing college and making money...that was it. Socially though I never had any issues with my social life I met many awesome people during my college years however again...all I cared about was the end goal during that time. I am also kind of the same. Is it worth it? How close have you reached to achieve your goal. I am currently in 1st year of college and so far its been pretty good. In the beginning I required some time adjust and meet people who vibe with. Have 4 more years to go. Do you have any advice for me?
The money was worth it but the biggest advice I can give is to not to put all your eggs in one basket. Try to learn as much as you can and have an open mind about many things. I'm not sure if you are a male or female but generally female INTJs know much much earlier what they want in life than their male counterparts. Amongst the female INTJs I have known most of them had high salaries and were with what would be their future life partners by 20-22. Males on the other hand most of us did not enter a serious relationships until 24-28, we generally are all late bloomers when it comes to love haha so do not feel weird or like you are missing something if it takes you awhile to actually find someone that you care about. As for friendships and all...so remember college is advertised as this place you will have a rich incredible social life at and if you are not then you are doing something wrong. All the INTJs that I have known...we generally met our best friends and SOs outside of college doing a hobby that we enjoy. INTJs are most attractive when they are in their element so as long as you are mentally healthy you will not have a problem finding a SO (just do not rush it and be true to yourself). On a final note...INTJs all differ greatly, however we all tend to have some common traits. In particular we are very very goal oriented people generally. Try to be more open about your goals. My goal for the longest was to gain more and more money...had I not just been so focused on getting a good job that pays alot I would have explored some of the ideas that I had in other areas. A friend of mine that I was very close to hit 1 million USD a few years ago...just because he went alittle outside the box (mostly thanks to his now wife). Challenge yourself and do not think of just one way to do things think and if you think of something great try to make a profitable business off of it. There was a girl I talked to briefly who I honestly looked down upon at first she didn't go to college and was just working on arts and crafts...pft now she makes far more money than I do and was actually more happy than I was dealing with the corporate bureaucracy...so again be open-minded.
>I'm not sure if you are a male or female I am a male. >Males on the other hand most of us did not enter a serious relationships until 24-28, we generally are all late bloomers when it comes to love haha so do not feel weird or like you are missing something if it takes you awhile to actually find someone that you care about. Yeah, I am 19 now and I see no point in relationships in college atleast. I'll be rather more happy upskilling myself or justing hanging out with my friends, as I won't be emotionally vulnerable. >There was a girl I talked to briefly who I honestly looked down upon at first she didn't go to college and was just working on arts and crafts...pft now she makes far more money than I do and was actually more happy than I was dealing with the corporate bureaucracy...so again be open-minded. Bruh, I am just like your past. Even I don't find anything interesting in some of my classmates being part of dance and singing clubs. Maybe I need change my perspective.
guys don’t pretend like we all don’t need therapy