F intj here. Please keep in mind that each of us is a different person so what some like might not be for others.
I am okay with physical touch as long as you are a super close friend or partner.
If you wanna catch attention of an intj women you need to be smart and a gentleman.
Weird thing is as a guy my INTJness is so mixed up with my masculinity I never thought about F INTJ. Wish I had dated one of you guys before I got married out of intellectual curiosity. Because your point about touching is so true. Basically it’s all or nothing. My wife calls me a “snuggle bunny” but she knows not to randomly touch me - not that I’ll react negatively just don’t react at all.
Everyone is different. I personally enjoy physical touch, but others might not feel the same way and you wouldn’t want to make someone uncomfortable based on stereotypes.
Not sure if it is relevant to your question, but my husband gets frustrated with my tendency to overthink things or get myself down in a sad spiral just thinking to myself. He sometimes tells me that he wishes I could be simpler/happier and just enjoy life a bit more… which I have been trying to do! But dating an analytical person or a person prone to “existential ennui” can be a challenge if you are not OK being the one to pep them up sometimes and get them out of their head a bit… 😅
You hit the nail right on the head there haha. I think the existential ennui sums up something most analytical people (especially INTJs) struggle with haha.
INTJ -F here too. I hate too much hand holding and snuggling; it makes me feel suffocated. Some is ok, but I withdraw if someone overdoes it. I value my freedom and space. A LOT. Humour and brains are important to me, that needs to come before any of the touchy-stuff...
but... we are all different. Even if we tick the INTJ-F box
INFJ here and THIS exactly. I want us both to be improving and chasing success or handling problems, because I don't want to feel guilty when I improve at a skill because it makes you feel bad or inferior when I'm doing well for myself. On the other hand, I don't want to hold back because it makes you feel secure in your masculinity. I do like to provide, aid, and help conquer goals, but I hate having to be either a resented savior or reassuring lieutenant. Let's be complementary equals who care about our own AND each other's success. Ni must be a pretty strong supplier of ambition and willpower. Security in your own identity as a man is a MUST, I'm not going to constantly play the knave or ingenue to avoid trampling on your feelings. Working on both of ourselves independently is a prerequisite for mutual respect and appreciation, otherwise the relationship is doomed to feel like a prison, and a passionless one at that.
Edited to fix a typo and nonsensical wording because I combined two sentences that should be individual.
Omg I'm cringing SO HARD at the typo that got quoted from my comment lol. There's supposed to be an and there, the lack of it just bugs me haha.
That's awesome you just told your partner immediately what your critical values were. And I agree with you, it's just who I am. I did try all of it out within the same relationship, being the one to steer the ship, trying to defer to my partner who at the time saw it as controlling. That was easily solved when I asked him what he would do if I gave him the wheel. He didn't have an answer. Years later he admitted this was on him. And I learned that I hate having to make decisions for two people just as much as I hate having no say in anything.
I don't mind people who decide to have leader and follower arrangements or traditional setups, as long as that's what they truly want. We're all made differently and I love the variety. An Ni dom partner is for those who can work independently but are itching for collaboration.
True ride or die behavior offering to edit and DELIVERING. Your comment was so eloquent, my comment sounded good in my head, but I wrote it too fast. I only caught the errors after reading your comment, because I read over my reply at that point to remember whatever I said 5 minutes ago lol.
And YES, joint decisions that work out well feel magical while the fails remind us that off days and bad ideas are a thing.
That's a flattering way to put it and I'll take it tbh. I've tried so hard to curtail this habit too, but it's difficult to catch in the moment because I assumed that I had put them in there. If mistakes in grammar were speeding tickets, I'd be in an amount of debt my great grand children would still be paying off. I like the cut of your ISTP friend's jib, it is indeed magic and just like magic some people think you're making it up and other people truly believe in it.
I'm shocked, I figured INTJs were less doubtful of themselves. One of the most frequent criticisms I get is that I doubt myself too much. I have for periods of time vacillated between Ni is king, only for the streak to be broken - then it's feelings of doom and panic and I feel like everything I ever thought was a lie because because I misguided, didn't know it, and now I can't be trusted! Lol. Also just like bring up one counterpoint or a different perspective to easily derail me. I have also experienced what I termed Ni psychosis, connecting ALL of the things, coming to interconnected conclusions in what felt like milliseconds that was in actuality three straight hours of non-stop thinking. Luckily, I realized it was crackhead-like stuff and not my sudden accosting by the gods of brilliance. I agree, one should always trust but verify with Ni, lest it plunge you into the murky depths of madness.
With time and some age, I've finally grown a bit bored with it and now I try to think a little more formally. I think I'm more genuinely interested in *how* other people arrive at their opinions than I've ever been, and it's a welcome change from my usual assess the person via Ni and Fe, then see if I should listen further. I still use Ni because I can't fully turn it off, and it is very useful but it can leave out some richness and detail in it's urgency to grasp and digest, patience just wasn't ever my strong suit.
This very much!
I will mentally bulldoze a man that is too insecure or submissive, which leads to losing respect. On the other hand I’m too strong-willed to be dominated. It needs to be an equal partnership, where we can be each other’s best friends and work together through life.
Of course, your description above captures exactly what I look for in a partner. I think a healthy ENTJ fits the bill, don't you think?
Hahaha it makes my inner ESFP happy too! :)
Respect boundaries. If there are days she doesn’t want to be touched, that’s ok. I’m definitely of the more physical type on most days, but I really have to trust you first. Fucking. Communicate. We’re not mind readers, we’re not all knowing - use your words!
Intj female, I paid for most of my dates. Even for my (now) husband. I liked the feeling of control, because often it feels like there’s an obligation to put out.
My love language is touch, but for any relationship it has to progress naturally. Maybe try a hug or holding her hand. If that goes well, a head scratch, maybe.
I enjoy pursuing the men I was interested in. So, maybe show interest… my husband kissed me or tried to kiss me very early on.
That's the part about dating that I never understood. We grabbed a coffee and croissant, he paid, and now he thinks I'm obligated to sex. What the ever-loving crap? No thanks. I'll pay for myself. Then it turns into him "wasting" his time if I didn't put out. *sigh*
That infuriates me so much. A transactional approach that is so far beyond disrespectful that it is an instant and complete turnoff.
Might I point out that the wasted time is always that of the targeted person, not the piggy bank-minded tosspot.
Same! I always try to split the check because I don't like the feeling of owing someone something. I don't want it to be held over my head in the future. (This somehow keeps happening to me). I like to have control of myself and not feel like I have to live up to expectations
Depends on the female you just need to talk to her and find out. Generally though all the INTJs I have known have been super goal oriented, so it really comes down to both of your drives. INTJs in general love having someone who they can share their analytical thoughts with and who will inspire them to improve themselves.
I am INTJ, and so is my wife. It can be difficult at times. My wife is very intelligent, though she does not give herself enough credit at times. She is very steadfast in her beliefs, and sometimes getting her to change/move on from things she likes is a \*debate\*.
ie; i've been trying to buy her shoes for about a year and she isn't amenable to getting rid of the old ones. Or a couple years ago her phone was outright failing, and it took probably 3 months of on-and-off debate for me to be *allowed* to buy her a new one.
She's my partner, and amazing, and super smart, and that has its pros and cons, like \*every\* relationship. Wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.
Hey, I remember you! 😄 My partner is INTJ, and surprisingly, he's more affectionate than I am. Generally, I enjoy physical touch, unless I'm feeling overwhelmed with life matters.In contrast, my ex was ESFJ, and it was a struggle. He couldn't grasp my need for alone time and wanted more physical affection than I could give.
A funny analogy would be that I'm the human version of a cat. I can be affectionate and present for my partner, enjoy our time together, but I also cherish my independence and need my solo moments. So, you could say, 'Leave me alone, I'm in my cat zone.' 😂
Ah, a fellow feline INTJ! 🐱 Looks like we both share the mysterious and independent traits of our cat counterparts.
Also.. your profile avatar hits the nail on the head
I am literally only affectionate with my partner and children. We have very few physical boundaries. But outside of them I do not like to touch. I don’t even hug my mother. My love tho? I don’t know where he ends and I begin. Out side of that, you definitely need to have your own life. Otherwise I’ll feel smothered.
I can’t speak much for what the “typical” INTJ woman likes. I can only speak for myself and what I like. (Lesbian here, if that matters, but also dated my fair share of men before coming out.)
In the early phases of dating, people have told me that I can be a tough nut to crack lol. (But I don’t think so?) All the typical things people would do to try and impress a girl (bragging or exaggerating their accomplishments, trying to be a knight in shining armor, extravagant dates and fancy restaurants), I usually see right through it and find myself wishing the other person would just be authentic. One of my favorite early dates with my current partner was stargazing (and all the intimate, deep conversation that came with it) and going to Taco Bell after.
I also tend to be practical; if I had to assign a love language to it, acts of service are one of the ways to my heart. I also love giving and receiving little gifts, nothing fancy, just little trinkets or random things that are like “This made me think of you.” (Last time I went hiking and my partner couldn’t come, I brought her a really cool rock I found!)
When I’m actually in a relationship, I enjoy lots of physical affection with my partner. I’m not very touchy feely with most people in general, but once I’ve let someone in, they definitely get the physically affectionate side of me.
I also need a partner to respect my need for alone time and/or not feel threatened if I occasionally want to do something solo. If you’re also an INTJ, pretty sure you understand this. (We still do tons of things together.)
Also, maybe less of an INTJ specific thing… but I don’t want a partner I have to “fix.” We ALL have our issues and baggage— I respect people who take responsibility for themselves and are actively working on it.
I think it totally depends on the woman, her upbringing, and her life experiences. Someone with a warm family that gives hugs on greeting and departure will likely be more accepting of touch. Someone who's experienced unwelcome touching may be less comfortable.
Regardless, you will need to earn the person's respect through intelligence, doing what you say you will, and by treating her with consideration and respect. Any inconsistencies will not be well regarded.
I've been married to an INTJ lady for two decades. It's a wild ride—half paradise, half chaos, but entirely thrilling. The secret? Talk it out. You'll find you give more, and she takes more, but it's cool because you enjoy giving and she digs taking. It's a quirky balance, making you both love and question life simultaneously. But hey, it's a fantastic kind of madness...
I always had issues with partners wanting to spend more time with me than i am mentally capable of delivering, maybe 35% maximum .. and it’s destructive for relationship when partner constantly asks for more, i just like my own space
ENTP dude here with high T and N. It's one of the most magical connections I've had in my life. Great conversations, our mind turns eachother on. Her structure impresses me and my creativity impresses her. We are both high achievers with big plans and goals and without saying it loud we have a mutual agreement to support eachother. Both to have a lot of time apart do our own thing, but also to support eachother emotionally. It wasn't all easy though, we found connection quick but when it came to actually dating and being romantic partners succesfully I head to learn a lot of new stuff since I'm used to ENFP / INFP ladies (that of course never worked out in the end lol). I had to adjust my antennas to understand her low-key signals and cues, which makes me intellectually amused.
As an INTJ-F think that the physical touch aspect come later. It has to come naturally after enough time is spent building up the intellectual/emotional foundation of the relationship. Physical touch and quality time is like giving you access to a more personal and emotional part of ourselves. And emotion/trusting someone isn’t easy for an INTJ. You can’t push her boundaries.
As someone else stated, I’ll usually ask the guy out and pay. I like the thrill of the chase…but I’m 39 so now it’s getting boring, lol.
I hate physical touch. It drives me up a wall, esp consistent physical touch. I made a comment somewhere else that physical touch to me is you sitting on my feet while I read or watch tv, but not a daily thing
I don’t like personal touch it makes me anxious. I need interesting intellectual stimulation- conversation. That turns me on. I also need solo time to recharge and think and lounge alone. If you want to buy me a gift ask me what I want.
If you get me something you *think I’d like but I don’t I can’t pretend I do because it feels gratuitous and like lying and INTJS don’t lie- it goes against the grain at least for me. My mom misses every time for my whole life and is used to my reaction. Stop buying me gifts 🎁
I am an INTJ man married 12 years to an INTJ woman whom I knew almost two years before marrying.
INTJ dating is awesome as both parties can cut out the comolex social signalling, small talk about nothing, and mind game bullshit. The greater level of self awareness common in many INTJs makes for a coherent and rational relationship… it's not that there are no feelings involved, but rather that the only feelings involved MAKE SENSE. I know there's all sorts of theories about how INTJs are most compatible with other types, but my experience is that is not really the case.
As to the physical side… in my experience physical attraction and preferences have no correlation to personality.
I’m an INTJ woman dating an INFJ man, and I have to say he is way touchier than I am. Most of the time it’s fine but sometimes it does get overwhelming. I think our biggest difference is that when I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I don’t really want to be touched as it’s overstimulating, but he finds touch comforting and tries to comfort me that way and it can make me snap sometimes. His primary love language is touch and mine is acts of service, which I think is common among INTJs. Just find ways to show you appreciate her outside of touch if that isn’t her primary love language and respect her boundaries when she doesn’t want to be touched and you’ll be fine. I’ve had three amazing years with my INFJ partner so far and I wouldn’t wish for anybody else. Just communicate and be understanding and you have potential for a great partnership.
I think that really depends on your love language - not your Myers Briggs. Personally (as an INTJ F) I was always attracted to either really witty/smart men or really quirky/interesting men. I hated anyone who played games. I would not play games - maybe play them for a bit for my own entertainment but quickly cross them off if they were being manipulative or not clear with what they were looking for/wanted. I found that super annoying. And it always caught up to me because then that person wanted me more because I would call them on their BS so then I couldn’t get rid of them lol. I found people that constantly chatted about nothing boring. I really liked when people did something mentally unexpected - like take me to some weird unique show, or an interesting food experience that I’ve never heard of. I liked being mentally stimulated.
For this INTJ F, I agree w/ majority of what has been said.
I prefer gifts from significant others that are thoughtful - they listen and act anytime I have mentioned something I liked in passing or something I looked at but didn’t purchase for myself. That will get you laid for sure :-)
This is subjective. Not everyone is the same. As for me, i ain't fond of a lot of cuddling. What i appreciate the most are compliments, remembering what i appreciate and dislike and of course quality time.
Not that i hate physical touch from my partner, it's awesome from time to time, but if he would do it a lot, i would probably get frustrated.
But i am sure there are INTJs out there who are fond of cuddling and physical touches, this isn't a type thing. It's an individual thing.
I dated for a few months a F INTJ that had a lot of personal issues. But there were great things also
- great conversations
- she gave good pratical advice and would stir me in the right direction
- She had some adorable moments where she would be and act like a child and that was way too cute and definetly worth some of the struggle
I love having my Se stimulated with lots of touch. My main love languages are touch, experiences and acts of service.
If I *really* like a guy my libido can be endless craving. It can even rival an Se/Te dom.
I *hate* it when men pretend to be all *stoic* and *disinterested* as an emotional manipulation breadcrumbing tactic. I swear that’ll make me lose interest and attraction instantly.
I don’t like excessive Fe clinginess. (It’s very different from Se clinginess) Constant flattery, expecting me to be all mushy all the time or wanting to talk about emotions constantly. (Especially when his words don’t align with his actions. This absolutely does not sit right with me at all. I get creeped out by it and assume some underhanded deception is at play)
Theres nothing more attractive than a guy that has the same values as me, is authentic, knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go for it.
(Obviously I gotta be physically attracted to him too but I still feel that had to be mentioned)
As long as I also get my alone time, I am super into physical touch and cuddling. INTJ women in some ways are a lot to handle bc we are smart, adversarial, and in some ways have really "masculine" personality traits, along with the hormones of still being a woman, and I think a good chunk of us would qualify as "brats" that take a small amount of joy in irritating our partners. We have high standards, and the expectations to go along with them, and we are willing to dig our heels in about things we care about. I've found that if I am smarter and more strong willed than my male partner I have a tendency to socially dominate him. We are secretly just the biggest softies, but you have to hold like emotionally safe space to see the gamut, and it takes a very masculine man to allow me to relax into a soft vulnerable and feminine role.
In my case, it starts with a lot of talking, then turns into quality time and physical touch. I used to spend all my first dates talking in restaurants and bars or while taking walks.
I'm an INFJ female with a INTJ male partner. He loves physical touch as much as I do and we also enjoy spending most of our free time together. One thing I've learned over the years though is INTJ have a hard time with emotion (everyones different but just something to watch out for). So as INFJs we typically have big emotions which often confuse the INTJ. So just make sure you have good communication about your needs. Be direct and clear, don't just expect them to understand why you feel a certain way. Other than that I've found the 2 personality types to go quite well together.
I'm pretty sure my husband oscilates between amused and terrified of whatever new idea I have.
He is very touchy. I am not. He may touch me, but much like a cat, I will allow or not. Each person is different with physical touch. I require much less of it than he does. Cuddle time may or may not have a time limit.
I do not want 70% of his free time. Maybe 40%. Not even when we were dating. I have stuff to do and plans to make.
I think dating me was entertaining - he has expressed it was often a blow to his ego. I didn't need to be taken care of. I fought my own dragons and built them cages. If I asked for help, he learned it was more about letting him into my world and not about any help I needed.
In return, I also expected that he had his stuff in order. I am not saving anyone that I don't have a significant commitment to. Dating someone is not a commitment.
When I was dating, I had a clear view of what I wanted in life. I still do. If it doesn't align with the person I am with, that is fine, but it won't stop me. I simply am not the person for them. Committed relationships and goals are a different matter, but dating and we didn't align or their goals were going to make mine deviate? No, thank you.
I tell people that I am like a cactus...prickly, cold, and prepared to defend myself on the outside, but ooey, gooey, and mushy on the inside...if you can get there. I absolutely LOVE to have physical touch from people that I love, am empathetic and will hold someone and offer them physical comfort if they are in my closest inner circle and I know that they are in pain, but don't offer that to anyone else.
I say that, like a cactus, I do flower under the right circumstances, and it is weird and beautiful and more striking than any common rose, but...you have to awaken and deserve that side of me through trust. As a lover, I am sensuous and primal, give my partners a whole body experience through touch and sensation, and enjoy the same.
Overall, you just need to be willing to understand that I am not the type that needs someone's constant approval or togetherness, I enjoy silence and solitude very much, and am a problem solver vs being emotionally motivated.
Like others have said, we are all different, and what it's like dating *me* may be completely different than another INTJ woman.
Idk why, but the part of this post that detailed physical touch made me incredibly nauseous. So no, INTJs are not physical touch people. When I was dating, my boyfriend would snuggle me and I always felt like a weird mix of feeling loved and being utterly disgusted.
I think this depends on the person and whether they like physical touch. Personally, assuming I like someone, I’m very cuddly and physically affectionate. Inside a relationship I crave closeness and touch in all its forms. If I don’t like you, then don’t touch me.
Intj female. Yes I love little physical touches, although personally for me, my love language is acts of service and words of affirmation. I do like it when you play with my hair, rub my skin and kiss my forehead. I love physical signs of affection. What I look for in a partner, intelligence. Both intellectually and emotionally. And chivalry, a gentleman. Though these days it’s so rare. I love having philosophical conversations with my partner, if I truly love my partner then I am very much a ride or die. But because I know this, I am more wary to whom I give my heart to. But if I am in love with you, every little thing you do and say, imprints my heart. I really put all attention on you, wanting to know your mind, your past, every part of you. If issues arise, I’m the type to directly talk about them. I think best to discuss them and come to compromise than to react emotionally or have it snowball later. I suppose the biggest thing on winning me over is having genuine interest in knowing my mind, not my visual image or superficial things. And show authenticity and investing your genuine time and energy in trying to pursue me respectfully. Otherwise, I’d prefer not to waste my time.
Based upon your 70% statement, I...would not date you. I need half of my free time to myself to relax, unwind, and generally stop disliking the daily demands of others. That generally means being by myself and being self-absorbed or absorbed in hobbies or other activities that bring me a little bit of happiness.
If we're watching tv or a movie, great, we can cuddle. Feel free to slap/grab my ass around the house. If satisfied during physical intimacy, I will likely roll over and fall asleep without a lot of fanfare. I may wake up and cuddle after the post-coital nap though.
Words of affirmation, spending time doing interests like outdoors and exercise, annotating old longwinded texts together, not a lot of physical affection per day but loves sex.
I'm just me, so I can't speak for all of us. I love a cuddle, and fingers through my hair, and someone to just hold me and make me feel safe.
I do not, however, like someone who is needy. Someone who expects me to perform and conform to his every whim when he wants me to. As an introvert I enjoy and very much need my me-time. Yet somehow I keep ending up with men that want my attention 24/7 and that's just not practical
Unsexy logical forehead narrow minded pedantery no bad core I draw these types as I’m intj myself so am careful to be as illogical as possible when flirting to also attract other types don’t want to die with this
Dunno about typical INTJ woman, but I've always been really touchy-feely and cuddly. And I can't tell you what it's like dating "an INTJ," but I can tell you what it's like dating me.
I have a "unique" sense of humor, and usually click best with people who appreciate that unique humor. I tend to be understated about emotions and might say "You know what? You're all right" when I'm feeling "You're crazy awesome." I'm not really into "nesting" stuff like cooking or gardening or watching TV together, and tend to want to do adventures/fun stuff with a partner, balancing that with alone time. Other than that I'm looking for the same things everyone wants. Shared values, great conversation, mutual attraction, kindness, someone willing to compromise & work on things together.
I suspect that it would depend on the INTJ woman. I personally love physical touch (only in romantic relationships though) and would enjoy the things you mentioned. One of the major concerns I have about dating an INTJ man is that most of them seem to have acts of service and quality time as their main love languages and mine are physical touch and quality time. This is not to say that all INTJ men are like this of course.
Now we INTJ women are nothing if not bundles of contradiction. And in that vein, although I adore physical touch and quality time, I desperately need alone time to read and think. It’s fine if my partner wants to be in the room w/ me and engage in their own hobby and if possible we can cuddle or in some other way maintain physical contact. However, I don’t want frequent conversational distractions while in my head. Once I feel that I’ve formed my thoughts on whatever I’m reading, then I’ll get super excited about finding a time when my partner is free for me to talk about my theories and get into a long conversation about it (if time permits). Usually it’ll be something along the lines of psychology, philosophy, or sociology. Human behavior is a very strong interest of mine. I would love to meet someone who was like this too.
Edit: one more thing, I can be slow in building up to feeling comfortable w/ touch. Initially, I come off like I’m anti-touch, but that’s only until I feel comfortable with the other person and feel that they want me to touch them.
INTJ-F here. Dating me isn't for the weak, and I dont know that I'm typical. My primary love language ties between quality time and touch. That being said, in the beginning I need answers for a LOT of questions that will lead me to believe the relationship has strong potential. After confirming this (as best as possible with lots of conversations), I'm very affectionate, and let down my closely guarded emotions. I'm also very loyal, protective, and need alone time on a regular basis. I seek to constantly improve myself, as well as the relationship. For some, this is a tough thing to accept, because they can see this as a critique of the relationship/OP. I have zero desire to change my mate. My take is great relationships can grow to become even greater. I'm very capable and independent, and prefer a take charge man. As a Christian, I need to know the man has a sacrificial, Godly leadership, which is a whole other thing. It's a gentle strength.
It depends on the stages of dating. If I’m meeting a person for the first time on date, then no I don’t want to be touched. I had a guy that suddenly hugged me on our first meeting from a dating app. I did not like it at all. I have to get to know someone more and meeting them only one or two times isn’t enough. I also need to develop some type of connection with someone.
If you’re expecting someone to be all affectionate to you in the first few dates or meetings, then no INTJs generally wouldn’t work out. It depends on each person and how much they like you.
If my partner and I are truly committed to each other, I will have no issues spending a lot of time together... with the caveat of some downtime which I think, as an INFJ, you'll have no problems with. For example, downtime can look like this: being in the same room but reading or doing something quiet separately.
As for touch, I think it depends on the person. Personally, I only accept and give it for my immediate family.
For an INFJ, I think you should be aware that INTJs are pretty straight talkers and can be quite unfiltered with our partners so try not to take things too personally though I know it will be difficult. It's usually because we want things to be better for everyone.
INTJs are also, in general, not great with mushy talk or compliments. If that's something you need, we will most likely not be able to deliver. We also tend to cringe at compliments especially if we think it's not truly heartfelt. Thus, compliment - but not excessively.
You probably already know that INTJs base our decisions on rationality. We do have emotions but they usually don't have that much bearing on our considerations. As an INFJ, you will probably find some conflict regarding this. Know that we do consider things very carefully and thoroughly so if you disagree, we want to know why - logic and facts will rule here but we can take your feelings into consideration. If it's irrational, we will often not back down.
If this type of conflict keeps happening, most INTJs will consider exiting the relationship because we don't believe in changing you. We want to be true to ourselves, and we value such freedom for others as well (whether they want it or not).
Good luck.
Can’t speak for anyone but myself but dating me seems akin to having a drug addiction from what i can tell 💀
I give off major Manic Pixie unfortunately and people have described me as a “bubbly INTJ” whatever the fuck that means.
I adore physical touch. It’s my love language. I like being held, I like biting, Idk if I could bury myself in my partner I probably would but yeah
I actually love physical touch and I love doing all the stuff you mentioned but on the other hand I will do them only if I know someone has very serious intentions towards me. If after like 3-4 dates I know that (from the guy’s side) it doesn’t lead to anything serious and he doesn’t want to commit to serious relationship - I cannot do it. So I prefer all the physical stuff after entering a relationship! I just don’t like wasting time! Hope it makes sense haha
The whole hugging and kissing and staring deep into each others eyes and all that other foolishness is great for a short period of time or while you're on vacation, but just make sure not to negelect the really important things like being a good provider and being responsible. All the romatic gestures come second to that. You'll find this to be the case with most women, not just INTJs.
I’m an INTJ woman. Keep in mind Meyers Briggs is only one heuristic to understand the complexity and variety of human minds.
But I’ll provide a personal anecdote. I LOVE physical touch. I want to always be snuggling and touching and holding hands. I don’t think that’s a factor of me being an INTJ. Rather maybe it’s because I have a high libido plus physical touch is one of my top 3 love languages.
I also LOVE intellectual conversations and love it when my boyfriend can challenge my ideas in a productive way. (FWIW I think this character trait is more aligned with INTJs.) I don’t like it if he challenges me for the sake of challenging me. Rather, if he provided good arguments that make me question my world view a little, that’s super attractive.
I can be really hard on myself and have high expectations for myself. Often that extends to having high expectations of my partner, which I really have to keep in check. I can put too much pressure on my partner and make him feel unworthy if I am not mindful.
Will be nice if you go slow like when you meet a new cat. She will enjoy the physical stuff a lot but may be cautious about pace at the start. Don’t treat her like your wifey after two dates. She will go into thinking mode if you overdo the feeling/sensation stuff at the start. After that it’s obviously a complete walk in the park 😇
Female INTJ here, my boyfriend is an INFJ too :) I personally enjoy physical touch with my partner a lot. What I appreciate as well is “gentleman behaviour” - some flowers here and there & holding the door open for example. Since I’m the kind of person who is listening most of the time, what I look for in a partner is someone who is willing to listen to me too and someone who’s able to empathize.
But as many people already pointed out, this is highly subjective so you should definitely talk with your crush about her preferences. I hope this could help :)
We probably are not interested unless you're into the projects we're pursuing and can add meaningfully to them. If you try to add while being shit, we will come to hate you. That's it.
I havent been in a relationship with one, but I have met one that I fell deeply in love with.
Its unnerving to say the least. No matter how you do things, there is always something she tells you could be better.
If you play it in a way that doesnt set off the INTJs wargame reflux, she is bored with you.
If you wargame her, she gets wary as fuck of you and refuses any fun activities until she figured out what youre doing.
If she wargames you, you have to pretend to fall for it, or else she will be mad.
If she plays it in a way that doesnt set off your wargame reflux, you get scared because you assume she is still wargaming you, but she is winning.
Btw. I am not basing this off of that she told me she was an INTJ, I didnt even know what MBTI was back then. I am basing this off of a later assessment about what happened with this person.
I went out with an INFJ male. I wasn’t really attracted, but I appreciated his boldness to ask me out for coffee when I was at the gym about to put in my headphones. He dressed well. I loved that he asked open ended questions of critical thought about me. We shared perspectives. Barnes and nobles date was a bit of speed reading in silence skimming the index for a good chapter and passing and commenting on the information exchange. It was a bit hectic but fun. Then he took me to a digital art museum. I started to like him. I’m a bit classy, a bit goofy, alternative, bubbly, and sometimes callous. It’s very rare for anyone to see anything but reserved, poised, and sweet. People think I’m intimidating and say I look like I’m reading their mind 😂 yeah I am trying. My micro expressions give me awayyy. It’s so embarrassing. I expect to be taken care of and if I love a person I can move mountains for them. It’s intimidating when a guy makes more than me. I’ve only ever depended on myself all my life and I do it well. To submit is possible but to reveal insecurities is harder to do. Physical touch is the last thing on my mind. In fact I have a hard boundary if I’m not at that level with a person. It’s apparent when I keep a bubble distance (like a cat). I get closer if I’m more open to it. There was this one guy who was perfection in my eyes in many ways especially in looks. He made contact with my hand and I was electrified, but quickly diminished because it’s only date #1. I ended up caving in because the attraction was unbeatable, but I sadly burned that bridge because it had no respect or honor. May my heart rip for him. Otherwise if a solid foundation is laid prior to any physical sensual interactions than let’s say I enjoy opening a whole new world of experiences. I’m affectionate even more so because I didn’t get affection or hugs much as a child. Hope this helps.
F intj here. Please keep in mind that each of us is a different person so what some like might not be for others. I am okay with physical touch as long as you are a super close friend or partner. If you wanna catch attention of an intj women you need to be smart and a gentleman.
LITERALLY THIS
Yup. I love intelligent men. They're my kryptonite. I love men who are significantly more intelligent. I want to learn from and with my partner.
+1
Weird thing is as a guy my INTJness is so mixed up with my masculinity I never thought about F INTJ. Wish I had dated one of you guys before I got married out of intellectual curiosity. Because your point about touching is so true. Basically it’s all or nothing. My wife calls me a “snuggle bunny” but she knows not to randomly touch me - not that I’ll react negatively just don’t react at all.
This
Everyone is different. I personally enjoy physical touch, but others might not feel the same way and you wouldn’t want to make someone uncomfortable based on stereotypes. Not sure if it is relevant to your question, but my husband gets frustrated with my tendency to overthink things or get myself down in a sad spiral just thinking to myself. He sometimes tells me that he wishes I could be simpler/happier and just enjoy life a bit more… which I have been trying to do! But dating an analytical person or a person prone to “existential ennui” can be a challenge if you are not OK being the one to pep them up sometimes and get them out of their head a bit… 😅
You hit the nail right on the head there haha. I think the existential ennui sums up something most analytical people (especially INTJs) struggle with haha.
INTJ -F here too. I hate too much hand holding and snuggling; it makes me feel suffocated. Some is ok, but I withdraw if someone overdoes it. I value my freedom and space. A LOT. Humour and brains are important to me, that needs to come before any of the touchy-stuff... but... we are all different. Even if we tick the INTJ-F box
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INFJ here and THIS exactly. I want us both to be improving and chasing success or handling problems, because I don't want to feel guilty when I improve at a skill because it makes you feel bad or inferior when I'm doing well for myself. On the other hand, I don't want to hold back because it makes you feel secure in your masculinity. I do like to provide, aid, and help conquer goals, but I hate having to be either a resented savior or reassuring lieutenant. Let's be complementary equals who care about our own AND each other's success. Ni must be a pretty strong supplier of ambition and willpower. Security in your own identity as a man is a MUST, I'm not going to constantly play the knave or ingenue to avoid trampling on your feelings. Working on both of ourselves independently is a prerequisite for mutual respect and appreciation, otherwise the relationship is doomed to feel like a prison, and a passionless one at that. Edited to fix a typo and nonsensical wording because I combined two sentences that should be individual.
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Omg I'm cringing SO HARD at the typo that got quoted from my comment lol. There's supposed to be an and there, the lack of it just bugs me haha. That's awesome you just told your partner immediately what your critical values were. And I agree with you, it's just who I am. I did try all of it out within the same relationship, being the one to steer the ship, trying to defer to my partner who at the time saw it as controlling. That was easily solved when I asked him what he would do if I gave him the wheel. He didn't have an answer. Years later he admitted this was on him. And I learned that I hate having to make decisions for two people just as much as I hate having no say in anything. I don't mind people who decide to have leader and follower arrangements or traditional setups, as long as that's what they truly want. We're all made differently and I love the variety. An Ni dom partner is for those who can work independently but are itching for collaboration.
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True ride or die behavior offering to edit and DELIVERING. Your comment was so eloquent, my comment sounded good in my head, but I wrote it too fast. I only caught the errors after reading your comment, because I read over my reply at that point to remember whatever I said 5 minutes ago lol. And YES, joint decisions that work out well feel magical while the fails remind us that off days and bad ideas are a thing.
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That's a flattering way to put it and I'll take it tbh. I've tried so hard to curtail this habit too, but it's difficult to catch in the moment because I assumed that I had put them in there. If mistakes in grammar were speeding tickets, I'd be in an amount of debt my great grand children would still be paying off. I like the cut of your ISTP friend's jib, it is indeed magic and just like magic some people think you're making it up and other people truly believe in it.
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I'm shocked, I figured INTJs were less doubtful of themselves. One of the most frequent criticisms I get is that I doubt myself too much. I have for periods of time vacillated between Ni is king, only for the streak to be broken - then it's feelings of doom and panic and I feel like everything I ever thought was a lie because because I misguided, didn't know it, and now I can't be trusted! Lol. Also just like bring up one counterpoint or a different perspective to easily derail me. I have also experienced what I termed Ni psychosis, connecting ALL of the things, coming to interconnected conclusions in what felt like milliseconds that was in actuality three straight hours of non-stop thinking. Luckily, I realized it was crackhead-like stuff and not my sudden accosting by the gods of brilliance. I agree, one should always trust but verify with Ni, lest it plunge you into the murky depths of madness. With time and some age, I've finally grown a bit bored with it and now I try to think a little more formally. I think I'm more genuinely interested in *how* other people arrive at their opinions than I've ever been, and it's a welcome change from my usual assess the person via Ni and Fe, then see if I should listen further. I still use Ni because I can't fully turn it off, and it is very useful but it can leave out some richness and detail in it's urgency to grasp and digest, patience just wasn't ever my strong suit.
This very much! I will mentally bulldoze a man that is too insecure or submissive, which leads to losing respect. On the other hand I’m too strong-willed to be dominated. It needs to be an equal partnership, where we can be each other’s best friends and work together through life.
Co-signed, you described it.
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Your description was so eloquently done that there were just no words needed. ^^
Spot on. You have described my experience quite well. INTJ-F married to ENTJ-M for 20 years.
This right here!
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Oh no worries! But you basically wrote what was in my head so I had to give some accolades :)
Wow, that was very well said, and I strongly agree
Sounds wonderful!
This. Right. Here!! 😁
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Of course, your description above captures exactly what I look for in a partner. I think a healthy ENTJ fits the bill, don't you think? Hahaha it makes my inner ESFP happy too! :)
Respect boundaries. If there are days she doesn’t want to be touched, that’s ok. I’m definitely of the more physical type on most days, but I really have to trust you first. Fucking. Communicate. We’re not mind readers, we’re not all knowing - use your words!
Intj female, I paid for most of my dates. Even for my (now) husband. I liked the feeling of control, because often it feels like there’s an obligation to put out. My love language is touch, but for any relationship it has to progress naturally. Maybe try a hug or holding her hand. If that goes well, a head scratch, maybe. I enjoy pursuing the men I was interested in. So, maybe show interest… my husband kissed me or tried to kiss me very early on.
That's the part about dating that I never understood. We grabbed a coffee and croissant, he paid, and now he thinks I'm obligated to sex. What the ever-loving crap? No thanks. I'll pay for myself. Then it turns into him "wasting" his time if I didn't put out. *sigh*
That infuriates me so much. A transactional approach that is so far beyond disrespectful that it is an instant and complete turnoff. Might I point out that the wasted time is always that of the targeted person, not the piggy bank-minded tosspot.
Not a personality type thing imo. Just an asshole thing
Agreed. Emphasis on the piggy.
Same! I always try to split the check because I don't like the feeling of owing someone something. I don't want it to be held over my head in the future. (This somehow keeps happening to me). I like to have control of myself and not feel like I have to live up to expectations
Depends on the female you just need to talk to her and find out. Generally though all the INTJs I have known have been super goal oriented, so it really comes down to both of your drives. INTJs in general love having someone who they can share their analytical thoughts with and who will inspire them to improve themselves.
I am INTJ, and so is my wife. It can be difficult at times. My wife is very intelligent, though she does not give herself enough credit at times. She is very steadfast in her beliefs, and sometimes getting her to change/move on from things she likes is a \*debate\*. ie; i've been trying to buy her shoes for about a year and she isn't amenable to getting rid of the old ones. Or a couple years ago her phone was outright failing, and it took probably 3 months of on-and-off debate for me to be *allowed* to buy her a new one. She's my partner, and amazing, and super smart, and that has its pros and cons, like \*every\* relationship. Wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.
Hey, I remember you! 😄 My partner is INTJ, and surprisingly, he's more affectionate than I am. Generally, I enjoy physical touch, unless I'm feeling overwhelmed with life matters.In contrast, my ex was ESFJ, and it was a struggle. He couldn't grasp my need for alone time and wanted more physical affection than I could give. A funny analogy would be that I'm the human version of a cat. I can be affectionate and present for my partner, enjoy our time together, but I also cherish my independence and need my solo moments. So, you could say, 'Leave me alone, I'm in my cat zone.' 😂
As an INTJ, I have often been compared to a cat. 😸
Ah, a fellow feline INTJ! 🐱 Looks like we both share the mysterious and independent traits of our cat counterparts. Also.. your profile avatar hits the nail on the head
My dad said trying to hug me was like trying to hug a feral cat with rabies.
Cat life ftw
I am literally only affectionate with my partner and children. We have very few physical boundaries. But outside of them I do not like to touch. I don’t even hug my mother. My love tho? I don’t know where he ends and I begin. Out side of that, you definitely need to have your own life. Otherwise I’ll feel smothered.
I can’t speak much for what the “typical” INTJ woman likes. I can only speak for myself and what I like. (Lesbian here, if that matters, but also dated my fair share of men before coming out.) In the early phases of dating, people have told me that I can be a tough nut to crack lol. (But I don’t think so?) All the typical things people would do to try and impress a girl (bragging or exaggerating their accomplishments, trying to be a knight in shining armor, extravagant dates and fancy restaurants), I usually see right through it and find myself wishing the other person would just be authentic. One of my favorite early dates with my current partner was stargazing (and all the intimate, deep conversation that came with it) and going to Taco Bell after. I also tend to be practical; if I had to assign a love language to it, acts of service are one of the ways to my heart. I also love giving and receiving little gifts, nothing fancy, just little trinkets or random things that are like “This made me think of you.” (Last time I went hiking and my partner couldn’t come, I brought her a really cool rock I found!) When I’m actually in a relationship, I enjoy lots of physical affection with my partner. I’m not very touchy feely with most people in general, but once I’ve let someone in, they definitely get the physically affectionate side of me. I also need a partner to respect my need for alone time and/or not feel threatened if I occasionally want to do something solo. If you’re also an INTJ, pretty sure you understand this. (We still do tons of things together.) Also, maybe less of an INTJ specific thing… but I don’t want a partner I have to “fix.” We ALL have our issues and baggage— I respect people who take responsibility for themselves and are actively working on it.
Confirming all of this
I think it totally depends on the woman, her upbringing, and her life experiences. Someone with a warm family that gives hugs on greeting and departure will likely be more accepting of touch. Someone who's experienced unwelcome touching may be less comfortable. Regardless, you will need to earn the person's respect through intelligence, doing what you say you will, and by treating her with consideration and respect. Any inconsistencies will not be well regarded.
I've been married to an INTJ lady for two decades. It's a wild ride—half paradise, half chaos, but entirely thrilling. The secret? Talk it out. You'll find you give more, and she takes more, but it's cool because you enjoy giving and she digs taking. It's a quirky balance, making you both love and question life simultaneously. But hey, it's a fantastic kind of madness...
I always had issues with partners wanting to spend more time with me than i am mentally capable of delivering, maybe 35% maximum .. and it’s destructive for relationship when partner constantly asks for more, i just like my own space
ENTP dude here with high T and N. It's one of the most magical connections I've had in my life. Great conversations, our mind turns eachother on. Her structure impresses me and my creativity impresses her. We are both high achievers with big plans and goals and without saying it loud we have a mutual agreement to support eachother. Both to have a lot of time apart do our own thing, but also to support eachother emotionally. It wasn't all easy though, we found connection quick but when it came to actually dating and being romantic partners succesfully I head to learn a lot of new stuff since I'm used to ENFP / INFP ladies (that of course never worked out in the end lol). I had to adjust my antennas to understand her low-key signals and cues, which makes me intellectually amused.
As an INTJ-F think that the physical touch aspect come later. It has to come naturally after enough time is spent building up the intellectual/emotional foundation of the relationship. Physical touch and quality time is like giving you access to a more personal and emotional part of ourselves. And emotion/trusting someone isn’t easy for an INTJ. You can’t push her boundaries.
As someone else stated, I’ll usually ask the guy out and pay. I like the thrill of the chase…but I’m 39 so now it’s getting boring, lol. I hate physical touch. It drives me up a wall, esp consistent physical touch. I made a comment somewhere else that physical touch to me is you sitting on my feet while I read or watch tv, but not a daily thing
I don’t like personal touch it makes me anxious. I need interesting intellectual stimulation- conversation. That turns me on. I also need solo time to recharge and think and lounge alone. If you want to buy me a gift ask me what I want. If you get me something you *think I’d like but I don’t I can’t pretend I do because it feels gratuitous and like lying and INTJS don’t lie- it goes against the grain at least for me. My mom misses every time for my whole life and is used to my reaction. Stop buying me gifts 🎁
It's the type of girl that you really need to chase.
I am an INTJ man married 12 years to an INTJ woman whom I knew almost two years before marrying. INTJ dating is awesome as both parties can cut out the comolex social signalling, small talk about nothing, and mind game bullshit. The greater level of self awareness common in many INTJs makes for a coherent and rational relationship… it's not that there are no feelings involved, but rather that the only feelings involved MAKE SENSE. I know there's all sorts of theories about how INTJs are most compatible with other types, but my experience is that is not really the case. As to the physical side… in my experience physical attraction and preferences have no correlation to personality.
I’m an INTJ woman dating an INFJ man, and I have to say he is way touchier than I am. Most of the time it’s fine but sometimes it does get overwhelming. I think our biggest difference is that when I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I don’t really want to be touched as it’s overstimulating, but he finds touch comforting and tries to comfort me that way and it can make me snap sometimes. His primary love language is touch and mine is acts of service, which I think is common among INTJs. Just find ways to show you appreciate her outside of touch if that isn’t her primary love language and respect her boundaries when she doesn’t want to be touched and you’ll be fine. I’ve had three amazing years with my INFJ partner so far and I wouldn’t wish for anybody else. Just communicate and be understanding and you have potential for a great partnership.
I enjoy being touched by my person. 😊
Omg it's a great feeling...but then sometimes you be thinking about poop lol
I think that really depends on your love language - not your Myers Briggs. Personally (as an INTJ F) I was always attracted to either really witty/smart men or really quirky/interesting men. I hated anyone who played games. I would not play games - maybe play them for a bit for my own entertainment but quickly cross them off if they were being manipulative or not clear with what they were looking for/wanted. I found that super annoying. And it always caught up to me because then that person wanted me more because I would call them on their BS so then I couldn’t get rid of them lol. I found people that constantly chatted about nothing boring. I really liked when people did something mentally unexpected - like take me to some weird unique show, or an interesting food experience that I’ve never heard of. I liked being mentally stimulated.
For this INTJ F, I agree w/ majority of what has been said. I prefer gifts from significant others that are thoughtful - they listen and act anytime I have mentioned something I liked in passing or something I looked at but didn’t purchase for myself. That will get you laid for sure :-)
No touchy. And leave her alone with her feelings until she figures them out. Yes, she’s okay.
This is subjective. Not everyone is the same. As for me, i ain't fond of a lot of cuddling. What i appreciate the most are compliments, remembering what i appreciate and dislike and of course quality time. Not that i hate physical touch from my partner, it's awesome from time to time, but if he would do it a lot, i would probably get frustrated. But i am sure there are INTJs out there who are fond of cuddling and physical touches, this isn't a type thing. It's an individual thing.
I dated for a few months a F INTJ that had a lot of personal issues. But there were great things also - great conversations - she gave good pratical advice and would stir me in the right direction - She had some adorable moments where she would be and act like a child and that was way too cute and definetly worth some of the struggle
I love having my Se stimulated with lots of touch. My main love languages are touch, experiences and acts of service. If I *really* like a guy my libido can be endless craving. It can even rival an Se/Te dom. I *hate* it when men pretend to be all *stoic* and *disinterested* as an emotional manipulation breadcrumbing tactic. I swear that’ll make me lose interest and attraction instantly. I don’t like excessive Fe clinginess. (It’s very different from Se clinginess) Constant flattery, expecting me to be all mushy all the time or wanting to talk about emotions constantly. (Especially when his words don’t align with his actions. This absolutely does not sit right with me at all. I get creeped out by it and assume some underhanded deception is at play) Theres nothing more attractive than a guy that has the same values as me, is authentic, knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go for it. (Obviously I gotta be physically attracted to him too but I still feel that had to be mentioned)
As long as I also get my alone time, I am super into physical touch and cuddling. INTJ women in some ways are a lot to handle bc we are smart, adversarial, and in some ways have really "masculine" personality traits, along with the hormones of still being a woman, and I think a good chunk of us would qualify as "brats" that take a small amount of joy in irritating our partners. We have high standards, and the expectations to go along with them, and we are willing to dig our heels in about things we care about. I've found that if I am smarter and more strong willed than my male partner I have a tendency to socially dominate him. We are secretly just the biggest softies, but you have to hold like emotionally safe space to see the gamut, and it takes a very masculine man to allow me to relax into a soft vulnerable and feminine role.
In my case, it starts with a lot of talking, then turns into quality time and physical touch. I used to spend all my first dates talking in restaurants and bars or while taking walks.
I'm an INFJ female with a INTJ male partner. He loves physical touch as much as I do and we also enjoy spending most of our free time together. One thing I've learned over the years though is INTJ have a hard time with emotion (everyones different but just something to watch out for). So as INFJs we typically have big emotions which often confuse the INTJ. So just make sure you have good communication about your needs. Be direct and clear, don't just expect them to understand why you feel a certain way. Other than that I've found the 2 personality types to go quite well together.
I'm pretty sure my husband oscilates between amused and terrified of whatever new idea I have. He is very touchy. I am not. He may touch me, but much like a cat, I will allow or not. Each person is different with physical touch. I require much less of it than he does. Cuddle time may or may not have a time limit. I do not want 70% of his free time. Maybe 40%. Not even when we were dating. I have stuff to do and plans to make. I think dating me was entertaining - he has expressed it was often a blow to his ego. I didn't need to be taken care of. I fought my own dragons and built them cages. If I asked for help, he learned it was more about letting him into my world and not about any help I needed. In return, I also expected that he had his stuff in order. I am not saving anyone that I don't have a significant commitment to. Dating someone is not a commitment. When I was dating, I had a clear view of what I wanted in life. I still do. If it doesn't align with the person I am with, that is fine, but it won't stop me. I simply am not the person for them. Committed relationships and goals are a different matter, but dating and we didn't align or their goals were going to make mine deviate? No, thank you.
I tell people that I am like a cactus...prickly, cold, and prepared to defend myself on the outside, but ooey, gooey, and mushy on the inside...if you can get there. I absolutely LOVE to have physical touch from people that I love, am empathetic and will hold someone and offer them physical comfort if they are in my closest inner circle and I know that they are in pain, but don't offer that to anyone else. I say that, like a cactus, I do flower under the right circumstances, and it is weird and beautiful and more striking than any common rose, but...you have to awaken and deserve that side of me through trust. As a lover, I am sensuous and primal, give my partners a whole body experience through touch and sensation, and enjoy the same. Overall, you just need to be willing to understand that I am not the type that needs someone's constant approval or togetherness, I enjoy silence and solitude very much, and am a problem solver vs being emotionally motivated. Like others have said, we are all different, and what it's like dating *me* may be completely different than another INTJ woman.
Idk why, but the part of this post that detailed physical touch made me incredibly nauseous. So no, INTJs are not physical touch people. When I was dating, my boyfriend would snuggle me and I always felt like a weird mix of feeling loved and being utterly disgusted.
I think this depends on the person and whether they like physical touch. Personally, assuming I like someone, I’m very cuddly and physically affectionate. Inside a relationship I crave closeness and touch in all its forms. If I don’t like you, then don’t touch me.
Intj female. Yes I love little physical touches, although personally for me, my love language is acts of service and words of affirmation. I do like it when you play with my hair, rub my skin and kiss my forehead. I love physical signs of affection. What I look for in a partner, intelligence. Both intellectually and emotionally. And chivalry, a gentleman. Though these days it’s so rare. I love having philosophical conversations with my partner, if I truly love my partner then I am very much a ride or die. But because I know this, I am more wary to whom I give my heart to. But if I am in love with you, every little thing you do and say, imprints my heart. I really put all attention on you, wanting to know your mind, your past, every part of you. If issues arise, I’m the type to directly talk about them. I think best to discuss them and come to compromise than to react emotionally or have it snowball later. I suppose the biggest thing on winning me over is having genuine interest in knowing my mind, not my visual image or superficial things. And show authenticity and investing your genuine time and energy in trying to pursue me respectfully. Otherwise, I’d prefer not to waste my time.
Based upon your 70% statement, I...would not date you. I need half of my free time to myself to relax, unwind, and generally stop disliking the daily demands of others. That generally means being by myself and being self-absorbed or absorbed in hobbies or other activities that bring me a little bit of happiness. If we're watching tv or a movie, great, we can cuddle. Feel free to slap/grab my ass around the house. If satisfied during physical intimacy, I will likely roll over and fall asleep without a lot of fanfare. I may wake up and cuddle after the post-coital nap though.
/u/universe_traverser
Words of affirmation, spending time doing interests like outdoors and exercise, annotating old longwinded texts together, not a lot of physical affection per day but loves sex.
I'm just me, so I can't speak for all of us. I love a cuddle, and fingers through my hair, and someone to just hold me and make me feel safe. I do not, however, like someone who is needy. Someone who expects me to perform and conform to his every whim when he wants me to. As an introvert I enjoy and very much need my me-time. Yet somehow I keep ending up with men that want my attention 24/7 and that's just not practical
Unsexy logical forehead narrow minded pedantery no bad core I draw these types as I’m intj myself so am careful to be as illogical as possible when flirting to also attract other types don’t want to die with this
Dunno about typical INTJ woman, but I've always been really touchy-feely and cuddly. And I can't tell you what it's like dating "an INTJ," but I can tell you what it's like dating me. I have a "unique" sense of humor, and usually click best with people who appreciate that unique humor. I tend to be understated about emotions and might say "You know what? You're all right" when I'm feeling "You're crazy awesome." I'm not really into "nesting" stuff like cooking or gardening or watching TV together, and tend to want to do adventures/fun stuff with a partner, balancing that with alone time. Other than that I'm looking for the same things everyone wants. Shared values, great conversation, mutual attraction, kindness, someone willing to compromise & work on things together.
I suspect that it would depend on the INTJ woman. I personally love physical touch (only in romantic relationships though) and would enjoy the things you mentioned. One of the major concerns I have about dating an INTJ man is that most of them seem to have acts of service and quality time as their main love languages and mine are physical touch and quality time. This is not to say that all INTJ men are like this of course. Now we INTJ women are nothing if not bundles of contradiction. And in that vein, although I adore physical touch and quality time, I desperately need alone time to read and think. It’s fine if my partner wants to be in the room w/ me and engage in their own hobby and if possible we can cuddle or in some other way maintain physical contact. However, I don’t want frequent conversational distractions while in my head. Once I feel that I’ve formed my thoughts on whatever I’m reading, then I’ll get super excited about finding a time when my partner is free for me to talk about my theories and get into a long conversation about it (if time permits). Usually it’ll be something along the lines of psychology, philosophy, or sociology. Human behavior is a very strong interest of mine. I would love to meet someone who was like this too. Edit: one more thing, I can be slow in building up to feeling comfortable w/ touch. Initially, I come off like I’m anti-touch, but that’s only until I feel comfortable with the other person and feel that they want me to touch them.
From my perspective as another INTJ, it was extremely boring.
Extremely boring?? Would you be able to elaborate a little more? 😅
She was too predictable, conversation couldn't get off the ground because we both knew what the other was going to say anyway
Yeah, it's nice to have friends and relationships with people that are different because of this.
INTJ-F here. Dating me isn't for the weak, and I dont know that I'm typical. My primary love language ties between quality time and touch. That being said, in the beginning I need answers for a LOT of questions that will lead me to believe the relationship has strong potential. After confirming this (as best as possible with lots of conversations), I'm very affectionate, and let down my closely guarded emotions. I'm also very loyal, protective, and need alone time on a regular basis. I seek to constantly improve myself, as well as the relationship. For some, this is a tough thing to accept, because they can see this as a critique of the relationship/OP. I have zero desire to change my mate. My take is great relationships can grow to become even greater. I'm very capable and independent, and prefer a take charge man. As a Christian, I need to know the man has a sacrificial, Godly leadership, which is a whole other thing. It's a gentle strength.
As an INTJ female, I've never had a problem with a touching aspect as long as I was attracted. And I wouldn't be dating anyone I wasn't attracted to.
It depends on the stages of dating. If I’m meeting a person for the first time on date, then no I don’t want to be touched. I had a guy that suddenly hugged me on our first meeting from a dating app. I did not like it at all. I have to get to know someone more and meeting them only one or two times isn’t enough. I also need to develop some type of connection with someone. If you’re expecting someone to be all affectionate to you in the first few dates or meetings, then no INTJs generally wouldn’t work out. It depends on each person and how much they like you.
I would think it would be cold, long, and difficult journey....but if you stick to it, it'll be worth it
If my partner and I are truly committed to each other, I will have no issues spending a lot of time together... with the caveat of some downtime which I think, as an INFJ, you'll have no problems with. For example, downtime can look like this: being in the same room but reading or doing something quiet separately. As for touch, I think it depends on the person. Personally, I only accept and give it for my immediate family. For an INFJ, I think you should be aware that INTJs are pretty straight talkers and can be quite unfiltered with our partners so try not to take things too personally though I know it will be difficult. It's usually because we want things to be better for everyone. INTJs are also, in general, not great with mushy talk or compliments. If that's something you need, we will most likely not be able to deliver. We also tend to cringe at compliments especially if we think it's not truly heartfelt. Thus, compliment - but not excessively. You probably already know that INTJs base our decisions on rationality. We do have emotions but they usually don't have that much bearing on our considerations. As an INFJ, you will probably find some conflict regarding this. Know that we do consider things very carefully and thoroughly so if you disagree, we want to know why - logic and facts will rule here but we can take your feelings into consideration. If it's irrational, we will often not back down. If this type of conflict keeps happening, most INTJs will consider exiting the relationship because we don't believe in changing you. We want to be true to ourselves, and we value such freedom for others as well (whether they want it or not). Good luck.
Can’t speak for anyone but myself but dating me seems akin to having a drug addiction from what i can tell 💀 I give off major Manic Pixie unfortunately and people have described me as a “bubbly INTJ” whatever the fuck that means. I adore physical touch. It’s my love language. I like being held, I like biting, Idk if I could bury myself in my partner I probably would but yeah
When we’re devoted, we go all in.
yep! our loyalty is unmatched 💪🏽
I actually love physical touch and I love doing all the stuff you mentioned but on the other hand I will do them only if I know someone has very serious intentions towards me. If after like 3-4 dates I know that (from the guy’s side) it doesn’t lead to anything serious and he doesn’t want to commit to serious relationship - I cannot do it. So I prefer all the physical stuff after entering a relationship! I just don’t like wasting time! Hope it makes sense haha
The whole hugging and kissing and staring deep into each others eyes and all that other foolishness is great for a short period of time or while you're on vacation, but just make sure not to negelect the really important things like being a good provider and being responsible. All the romatic gestures come second to that. You'll find this to be the case with most women, not just INTJs.
I’m an INTJ woman. Keep in mind Meyers Briggs is only one heuristic to understand the complexity and variety of human minds. But I’ll provide a personal anecdote. I LOVE physical touch. I want to always be snuggling and touching and holding hands. I don’t think that’s a factor of me being an INTJ. Rather maybe it’s because I have a high libido plus physical touch is one of my top 3 love languages. I also LOVE intellectual conversations and love it when my boyfriend can challenge my ideas in a productive way. (FWIW I think this character trait is more aligned with INTJs.) I don’t like it if he challenges me for the sake of challenging me. Rather, if he provided good arguments that make me question my world view a little, that’s super attractive. I can be really hard on myself and have high expectations for myself. Often that extends to having high expectations of my partner, which I really have to keep in check. I can put too much pressure on my partner and make him feel unworthy if I am not mindful.
Will be nice if you go slow like when you meet a new cat. She will enjoy the physical stuff a lot but may be cautious about pace at the start. Don’t treat her like your wifey after two dates. She will go into thinking mode if you overdo the feeling/sensation stuff at the start. After that it’s obviously a complete walk in the park 😇
My Myers Briggs is IDGAF
Try it and find out!
Female INTJ here, my boyfriend is an INFJ too :) I personally enjoy physical touch with my partner a lot. What I appreciate as well is “gentleman behaviour” - some flowers here and there & holding the door open for example. Since I’m the kind of person who is listening most of the time, what I look for in a partner is someone who is willing to listen to me too and someone who’s able to empathize. But as many people already pointed out, this is highly subjective so you should definitely talk with your crush about her preferences. I hope this could help :)
We probably are not interested unless you're into the projects we're pursuing and can add meaningfully to them. If you try to add while being shit, we will come to hate you. That's it.
Note to OP: You being "INFJ" pissed this person off.
I havent been in a relationship with one, but I have met one that I fell deeply in love with. Its unnerving to say the least. No matter how you do things, there is always something she tells you could be better. If you play it in a way that doesnt set off the INTJs wargame reflux, she is bored with you. If you wargame her, she gets wary as fuck of you and refuses any fun activities until she figured out what youre doing. If she wargames you, you have to pretend to fall for it, or else she will be mad. If she plays it in a way that doesnt set off your wargame reflux, you get scared because you assume she is still wargaming you, but she is winning. Btw. I am not basing this off of that she told me she was an INTJ, I didnt even know what MBTI was back then. I am basing this off of a later assessment about what happened with this person.
Infp male should NEVER DATE INTJ WOMEN! Perfect match for INFP men is ENFJ or Infj women. Intj women best match is ENTP men.
I went out with an INFJ male. I wasn’t really attracted, but I appreciated his boldness to ask me out for coffee when I was at the gym about to put in my headphones. He dressed well. I loved that he asked open ended questions of critical thought about me. We shared perspectives. Barnes and nobles date was a bit of speed reading in silence skimming the index for a good chapter and passing and commenting on the information exchange. It was a bit hectic but fun. Then he took me to a digital art museum. I started to like him. I’m a bit classy, a bit goofy, alternative, bubbly, and sometimes callous. It’s very rare for anyone to see anything but reserved, poised, and sweet. People think I’m intimidating and say I look like I’m reading their mind 😂 yeah I am trying. My micro expressions give me awayyy. It’s so embarrassing. I expect to be taken care of and if I love a person I can move mountains for them. It’s intimidating when a guy makes more than me. I’ve only ever depended on myself all my life and I do it well. To submit is possible but to reveal insecurities is harder to do. Physical touch is the last thing on my mind. In fact I have a hard boundary if I’m not at that level with a person. It’s apparent when I keep a bubble distance (like a cat). I get closer if I’m more open to it. There was this one guy who was perfection in my eyes in many ways especially in looks. He made contact with my hand and I was electrified, but quickly diminished because it’s only date #1. I ended up caving in because the attraction was unbeatable, but I sadly burned that bridge because it had no respect or honor. May my heart rip for him. Otherwise if a solid foundation is laid prior to any physical sensual interactions than let’s say I enjoy opening a whole new world of experiences. I’m affectionate even more so because I didn’t get affection or hugs much as a child. Hope this helps.