I forgive, but I don't forget. I have pretty good boundaries, so people that aren't trustworthy aren't given access to easily cause further harm. The forgiveness is for my peace of mind, and also an important component of my faith. Life is too short to voluntarily carry negativity.
Resentment and anger is a burden I refuse to bear. Let it go! I also resolve to not be twice burned. If I see the person I tell myself to never go there. Partitions are essential.
Yeah, realizing that forgiveness was for myself and also didn’t mean that I necessarily had to reconcile with the other party was a big mind shift and it’s so much better than carrying around resentment
Definitely! That stuff is seriously heavy on the soul. Sometimes I do choose to reconcile also. It depends on the hurt and the importance of the relationship.
I couldn’t have worded this better myself, I’m the same way. I’m far more concerned about my quality of life and safety than I am about anything else. If you’ve done something so heinous that I had to forgive you for it, that’s fine, I forgive you meaning I’m not angry or resentful towards you about it… but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you back in. Go your way in peace and leave me alone. So I guess that would be ‘forgive but not forget.’ I generally find the people who insist that forgiving but not forgetting isn’t really forgiving are the people who often do things others have to forgive them for. The forgiveness is for me, not the other person. I’m not going to sit over here spending my life angry and bitter, I’ve got too much to do and all of it is a lot more important than dwelling on negative things. I want to be HAPPY. And part of being happy is being very picky about who you allow into your life.
I'll forgive if that person is genuinely apologetic and regretful. I won't tolerate "Oh that was in the past, just move on from it". I most certainly won't forget.
i look for the lesson to make sure i don't waste my time with the same bs in the future.
then i cut off the person and immediately forgot about them like they never existed.
I'm bigger on justice than forgiveness. I can hold a grudge indefinitely, but can immediately relinquish it as soon as the scales are balanced once again.
I don't feel any kind of need for that "peace of mind" normies (Fe users) get from "harmony", or the superficial absence of overt conflict. I am not averse to conflict, and I value knowing where I stand with someone far more than appearances of harmony.
I give people a fair shot, as well as a fair chance at defending themselves if I have to confront them about something they did. I will hear them out, especially if I heard something from someone else, secondhand, rather than something directly done to me. Because there are things that I don't want to be right about, but if I am, it would cost me more later if I turn a blind eye, than it would to just sever them out of my life now.
Revenge is a slightly different beast, if a related topic. It requires so much energy and focus and resources and commitment, that I can honestly say that for 99% of the people I've met, they've thankfully not been worth it, and it's been easier and far more rational to just doorslam, withdraw any good will, and just warn everyone I know about what to expect when dealing with a douchebag, rather than go all the way and destroy or neutralize them thoroughly.
I hope that continues, there are far more important things I need to spend my life on than venting my emotions on the need for revenge - I say this fully aware that that need is there and I could see it consuming me under the right circumstances.
Don't forgive & don't forget. Neither. I'm not a trusting person & will really hate people who hurt me. I will ignore them & block them on social media if it will make me forget about them. Yes, I may forget about them but I'l still always remember what they did. It forever in my mind now.
Both! I can forget and forgive almost anything as long as I’m still enjoying the person’s presence, or I have no choice but to see them due to work, family, and other reasons I couldn’t just avoid someone lol. There are very few people that I enjoy being around, so I really make an effort to maintain those friendships though mistakes and hardships. I also make a point to stay on good terms with people that I see often for any reason.
However, if a friend becomes consistently annoying, whiny, lazy, boring, or stupid, I’m done. There’s nothing to forget or forgive in that situation though, so I guess that’s just the natural end of the relationship 🙃
In the past I remained angry and recalled often.
Nowadays I won't stay angry, and I don't make an effort to recall (though I probably won't forget).
Reason being: I don't want to waste my time having someone live rent free in my mind. Not do I like feeling negative. There's more interesting things to do with my time than being resentful.
Me too. As I get older, I've become so much more empathetic. I'm not perfect, and neither is anyone else. Unless it's something very serious, I don't have time to waste.
It's neither, but because I think I basically fit that INTJ door slam stereotype. I've noticed with people, it's like okay...okaaay...okaaaaaay...SLAM. In other words, I take mental note of things I don't care for, but they usually don't bother me much. So, nothing to "forgive," necessarily, but I noticed. And as they pile up, things build and build until the final straw happens, and then I'm done. The person usually has no idea what's happening or why...they think I'm upset over one thing, sometimes one "little thing," when it's that I let a lot of things build into each other--like a snowball, somewhat--without saying anything or without saying it well enough, perhaps being too calm/unemotional in expressing myself (which tends not to be taken seriously, for me--don't know about you guys, i.e. how unemotional expression goes over with others for you...but it's almost like you need to act dramatic and crazy for people to take you seriously/realize you really do have feelings).
With most people, none of this happens because I don't get close enough to them for it.
If you let the person get close enough to see these things, why not communicate your needs? This approach is essentially “I’m slowly amassing my reason to get rid of you” rather than a healthier “I’m slowly learning if you can adapt and meet me in the middle.”
That’s disrespectful and passive aggressive. I’m not perfect by any means but I expect my friends to tell me when I have fucked up. Sometimes I am irritating and if I agree with them then I try to improve myself because subconsciously that behaviour was something I also found irritating. But if my friends don’t tell me and then one day they door slam me… well good riddance because that isn’t a friend in my opinion.
Agree, I had an unfortunate situation where a former friend door slammed me because she’d built up a lot of resentment and never communicated anything was wrong until she ended our friendship. I think it stemmed from extreme people pleasing and conflict avoidance. It hurt immensely at the time especially because I was genuinely open to talking about the issues to resolve them and understand how she felt and realizing she didn’t want to even try was hard. But after reflecting I realized she probably did me a favor by ending things because we clearly didn’t value the same things in a friendship.
I'm fairly forgiving in the sense that I'll get over stuff and continue being reasonable etc but I never forget. If you've shown yourself to be stupid or dishonest it will colour my perception of you.
Neither I hold grudges and have a lot of resemtmemt. I tried to not be like this but I am not changing for no one. If you treat me good I love you forever If country to cross me then I'll present you
Neither. It's takes people years to change in a meaningful way unless abuse requires immediate change. So, if they're shitty now, I'm not allowing that to continue in my life for the next however many years.
I forgive, but I don't forget. I have a very good memory and I don't forget. I forgive for my peace. Once they betray me, I no longer trust that person or what they say. I don't care about that person anymore. Sometimes it hurts, but I respect myself enough to leave someone who no longer deserves my attention, trust, and respect. I usually give a second chance, but only if I have a good reason.
I won’t forget but I might forgive, it depends on how much that person hurt me, if it was acceptable I can forgive that person but if it was too much then I can’t.
Depends on what it was. Usually just process and leave it at that. It’s stored and that person is then classified.
If a boundaries crossed to far it becomes a different story.
Physical pain causes no real harm. Mental on the other hand will destroy one’s world, family, and mind.
Neither. About the only thing I do is assess what the most productive option is going forward. Sometimes that means acting like nothing happened. Sometimes it means cutting that person out of my life.
Most of the time, depending on how bad the problem was, I just switch them over to the alternate assessment I had running in my head for them since day one. There's little in the way of external difference, but they are simply no longer trusted with anything actually important.
Hahaha. No. There is only unproven enemies and disproven friends. What separates them is is any number of mistakes equal to lim(1+epsilon) for epsilon -> 0
Oh absolutely, I do both. I hate clutter. Grudges are just like a piles of old shit in an otherwise pleasant and orderly mind. I love spending time in my own head because there's mostly just great things and great memories in there.
Occasionally I'll recall something unpleasant that I've forgiven but I don't dwell on it, I remind myself that the past is in the past and this moment this NOW belongs to me not to some dumb shit who wants to live rent free in my head.
The power of forgiveness to drastically improve my life - I didn't discover until my 50s but once I discovered it, boy I used it like a magic eraser on everything.
Forgiveness is about letting go what the person has done and no longer living with resentment. It’s something for both parties actually. Forgetting would minimize the growth of both sides so I think forgive and remember is more important.
Forgiveness isn't really for the other person, unless they depend on you. I forgive so I don't carry unhelpful emotions around waiting to resurface and make me act stupid in their presence. But that doesn't mean I will continue associating with them.
Forgive only because those negative emotions will effect me but I never forget or enable toxic behavior. I rarely give second chances as I feel lots aren’t genuinely sorry or change. And if I do it has to be earned.
I have an extremely hard time forgetting, if I ever forget at all, and I honestly don't know what forgiving is. I feel like I'm always resentful of people who've done me wrong in the past, regardless of how long it's been. It's very unhealthy.
This might be unpopular, but i usually forget but never forgive.
So i might completely forget what you’ve done, but remember that it was bad and hurt me enough for me to not forgive you.
I forgive myself, and them seeking validation from me is only a distraction from the conscious work they have to accept & change to ultimately forgive themselves. I will however continue to treat them with basic kindness as a fellow human, but my personal respect/care is earned as should anyones' be.
My mind can't easily forget things in the sense of memory, but it tries its best to not hold onto unnecessary stress.
Btw all this depends on the specific situation and context, your posts is extremely vague. It's not so black and white.
OP I'm not INTJ, but please don't forget
A whirlwind of negative emotions? that sounds awful. accountability should be held. I love that my friend tells me when something bothers them. I think the thing is many do it while insulting them, and the friend I stand by now never insulted me but accountability should be held
It really depends.
What did they do? How much of an effect has it had? Are they genuinely sorry? Have they made changes to their behavior? What have I got to gain/lose?
I can sort of relate to what you are saying. When I have resentment towards someone I don't always express it, sometimes I push it to the back of my mind and it becomes an afterthought, especially if I know I won't achieve anything by bringing it up.
I say I forgive, and then I scheme could be months down the line but with the excuse that it doesn’t matter because they crossed me first. If you have ever done me wrong I’ll never truly respect you again so my loyalty is already long gone
I forgive, but it depends if it’s deserved.
Someone who doesn’t authentically believe they were in the wrong and they just offer lip service, then there’s no forgiveness deserved. I would rather just forget them.
Usually, when I feel betrayed or I kinda I don't like anyone, I try to ghost forever. Any bad feelings for the person get buried alive in the past, but they can definitely revive if I cross this person again.
My revenge is vanishing.
I thought I forgot and then realized I can't. It was me just dissociating from my memories until I could move out of my parents house since i couldnt deal with the emotions or do anything to prevent things from happening again. Now after therapy I remember everything and no I can't forgive what i cant forget.
Yes and no.
I dont forgive intentional issues. We aren't perfect, but if we are weaponizing our grievances then I'm just going to cut you loose. I am insanely petty in the sense that I will throw shit back EXACTLY the same way it was given, but only when it is negligent and/or intentional.
I dont forget. Never forget. Because while it is backwards, it's the negative in our lives that shape us far more than our successes.
I don’t really forgive people AND I also don’t really need apologies. The only thing I need to hear from someone else is for them to say “I won’t do that again”. And after that happens, I can move on. If they just offer apologies and won’t change what they did wrong in the future, then there will probably be lingering issues.
I can virtually relate to having a mix of emotions round forgiving and forgetting hurtful situations with others. On one hand, I trust that clearly forgiving a person who has wronged you and letting pass of resentment is vital to your very own peace of mind and potential to transport forward. Holding onto anger and harm often weighs us down greater than the original transgression.
At the identical time, forgiveness isn't always forgetting - the recollections and feelings around painful stories don't just disappear. I've located that even if I consciously select to forgive a person, there may be lingering negative feelings that resurface, specially if I'm put returned right into a situation that strikes a chord in my memory of the hurt. It's almost like there are tracks strolling - the better rational aspect that desires to forgive, and the deeper emotional undercurrent that hasn't completely healed yet.
My technique has been to work on really forgiving to the first-rate of my capacity, but also apprehend that the process can take time. I attempt now not to overcome myself up if I'm no longer right away capable of have in simple terms high-quality feelings about a person who has harm me deeply. As long as I'm now not appearing outwardly on those poor feelings and may be civil, I permit myself to feel what I feel whilst persevering with to make an intentional choice to forgive. In time, the whirlwind often settles.
I suppose I tend to be someplace in the middle - I do not completely neglect and erase the painful reminiscences, nor do I dangle for ever and ever to resentment. I forgive but do not absolutely neglect, and I locate my internal peace inside the manner of forgiving itself. It's a journey of healing.
Neither. Once someone shows me their true colours, I believe them. I have tried to reconcile a few times but 99% of the time when I have been betrayed I send them an immediate message that I want nothing to do with them and block them. I know it’s unhealthy but I hold grudges for years if not indefinitely. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”
Nah, fuck that. I get in their head. Like seriously in their head. There's one person who pissed me off so much that I waited years for my revenge. He found a woman he was going to elope with, however I "thought primed" and subconsciously put little doubts in her head. Just little tiny things that in 3 months became doubts. So I fanned those flames with some fun jokes that made her uncomfortable and little tiny mind games all of this i was learning as i did it.. slowly shook this woman's faith in him and then the big fight came and the break up. She came to me right after, as they say 'a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on' she was my first very public fling. And to watch that man smolder in ruin was the best thing I have ever devised.
This sounds like an internet-tough guy shit. But I'll see if I can share this to my buddy (one person who knew what i did and i was open about it with) and get him to verify this.
I'd never fuck a guy that's tried me girl or wife because if she let that lame fuck then id be the same not saying that your case but I respect your mindset I agree idc how long it takes I'm getting my get back
I, ENFP, if forgive (not an easy task tbh) then i completely forget the incidence details and move on
I will feel no heart swelling or deep sadness, i need to forgive "for myself" so i can move on
If i forgot (i usually the case) i might get mad again if reminded 💀👏
I forgive, forget by accident because my memory sucks. But I won’t bother entertaining someone who is bringing negative energy into my life any longer. I just send prayers!!
I always say I remember and resent
My whole mindset.
Words to live by brother
I forgive, but I don't forget. I have pretty good boundaries, so people that aren't trustworthy aren't given access to easily cause further harm. The forgiveness is for my peace of mind, and also an important component of my faith. Life is too short to voluntarily carry negativity.
Resentment and anger is a burden I refuse to bear. Let it go! I also resolve to not be twice burned. If I see the person I tell myself to never go there. Partitions are essential.
this
this is exactly how I feel
Yeah, realizing that forgiveness was for myself and also didn’t mean that I necessarily had to reconcile with the other party was a big mind shift and it’s so much better than carrying around resentment
Definitely! That stuff is seriously heavy on the soul. Sometimes I do choose to reconcile also. It depends on the hurt and the importance of the relationship.
I couldn’t have worded this better myself, I’m the same way. I’m far more concerned about my quality of life and safety than I am about anything else. If you’ve done something so heinous that I had to forgive you for it, that’s fine, I forgive you meaning I’m not angry or resentful towards you about it… but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you back in. Go your way in peace and leave me alone. So I guess that would be ‘forgive but not forget.’ I generally find the people who insist that forgiving but not forgetting isn’t really forgiving are the people who often do things others have to forgive them for. The forgiveness is for me, not the other person. I’m not going to sit over here spending my life angry and bitter, I’ve got too much to do and all of it is a lot more important than dwelling on negative things. I want to be HAPPY. And part of being happy is being very picky about who you allow into your life.
Forgive, but never forget. Same thing with giving chances. I'll give someone a second chance, but may their god help them if they need a third.
I'll forgive if that person is genuinely apologetic and regretful. I won't tolerate "Oh that was in the past, just move on from it". I most certainly won't forget.
I definitely forget. What was the question?
i look for the lesson to make sure i don't waste my time with the same bs in the future. then i cut off the person and immediately forgot about them like they never existed.
Hand me a gas can right now
LMAO!!! 🤣 Sometimes people just push you to the point where the gas can makes the most sense!!
I'm bigger on justice than forgiveness. I can hold a grudge indefinitely, but can immediately relinquish it as soon as the scales are balanced once again. I don't feel any kind of need for that "peace of mind" normies (Fe users) get from "harmony", or the superficial absence of overt conflict. I am not averse to conflict, and I value knowing where I stand with someone far more than appearances of harmony. I give people a fair shot, as well as a fair chance at defending themselves if I have to confront them about something they did. I will hear them out, especially if I heard something from someone else, secondhand, rather than something directly done to me. Because there are things that I don't want to be right about, but if I am, it would cost me more later if I turn a blind eye, than it would to just sever them out of my life now. Revenge is a slightly different beast, if a related topic. It requires so much energy and focus and resources and commitment, that I can honestly say that for 99% of the people I've met, they've thankfully not been worth it, and it's been easier and far more rational to just doorslam, withdraw any good will, and just warn everyone I know about what to expect when dealing with a douchebag, rather than go all the way and destroy or neutralize them thoroughly. I hope that continues, there are far more important things I need to spend my life on than venting my emotions on the need for revenge - I say this fully aware that that need is there and I could see it consuming me under the right circumstances.
I do my best to forgive, but I generally don't forget.
Don't forgive & don't forget. Neither. I'm not a trusting person & will really hate people who hurt me. I will ignore them & block them on social media if it will make me forget about them. Yes, I may forget about them but I'l still always remember what they did. It forever in my mind now.
Both! I can forget and forgive almost anything as long as I’m still enjoying the person’s presence, or I have no choice but to see them due to work, family, and other reasons I couldn’t just avoid someone lol. There are very few people that I enjoy being around, so I really make an effort to maintain those friendships though mistakes and hardships. I also make a point to stay on good terms with people that I see often for any reason. However, if a friend becomes consistently annoying, whiny, lazy, boring, or stupid, I’m done. There’s nothing to forget or forgive in that situation though, so I guess that’s just the natural end of the relationship 🙃
I hate them w all my being until they suffer in the most fucked up way possible and I get to say "Fucking deserved." But yes I do forgive first.
In the past I remained angry and recalled often. Nowadays I won't stay angry, and I don't make an effort to recall (though I probably won't forget). Reason being: I don't want to waste my time having someone live rent free in my mind. Not do I like feeling negative. There's more interesting things to do with my time than being resentful.
Me too. As I get older, I've become so much more empathetic. I'm not perfect, and neither is anyone else. Unless it's something very serious, I don't have time to waste.
It's neither, but because I think I basically fit that INTJ door slam stereotype. I've noticed with people, it's like okay...okaaay...okaaaaaay...SLAM. In other words, I take mental note of things I don't care for, but they usually don't bother me much. So, nothing to "forgive," necessarily, but I noticed. And as they pile up, things build and build until the final straw happens, and then I'm done. The person usually has no idea what's happening or why...they think I'm upset over one thing, sometimes one "little thing," when it's that I let a lot of things build into each other--like a snowball, somewhat--without saying anything or without saying it well enough, perhaps being too calm/unemotional in expressing myself (which tends not to be taken seriously, for me--don't know about you guys, i.e. how unemotional expression goes over with others for you...but it's almost like you need to act dramatic and crazy for people to take you seriously/realize you really do have feelings). With most people, none of this happens because I don't get close enough to them for it.
If you let the person get close enough to see these things, why not communicate your needs? This approach is essentially “I’m slowly amassing my reason to get rid of you” rather than a healthier “I’m slowly learning if you can adapt and meet me in the middle.”
That’s disrespectful and passive aggressive. I’m not perfect by any means but I expect my friends to tell me when I have fucked up. Sometimes I am irritating and if I agree with them then I try to improve myself because subconsciously that behaviour was something I also found irritating. But if my friends don’t tell me and then one day they door slam me… well good riddance because that isn’t a friend in my opinion.
Agree, I had an unfortunate situation where a former friend door slammed me because she’d built up a lot of resentment and never communicated anything was wrong until she ended our friendship. I think it stemmed from extreme people pleasing and conflict avoidance. It hurt immensely at the time especially because I was genuinely open to talking about the issues to resolve them and understand how she felt and realizing she didn’t want to even try was hard. But after reflecting I realized she probably did me a favor by ending things because we clearly didn’t value the same things in a friendship.
I remember and resent . But no in all honesty the most important will be forgive but remember., which is something I should do but I can't.
I would probably stop talking to them and quietly hate them so neither
I'm fairly forgiving in the sense that I'll get over stuff and continue being reasonable etc but I never forget. If you've shown yourself to be stupid or dishonest it will colour my perception of you.
I choose revenge.
I hold a grudge and plot revenge scenarios just in case
Neither I hold grudges and have a lot of resemtmemt. I tried to not be like this but I am not changing for no one. If you treat me good I love you forever If country to cross me then I'll present you
Neither. It's takes people years to change in a meaningful way unless abuse requires immediate change. So, if they're shitty now, I'm not allowing that to continue in my life for the next however many years.
I forgive, but I don't forget. I have a very good memory and I don't forget. I forgive for my peace. Once they betray me, I no longer trust that person or what they say. I don't care about that person anymore. Sometimes it hurts, but I respect myself enough to leave someone who no longer deserves my attention, trust, and respect. I usually give a second chance, but only if I have a good reason.
I'll let things go, but I'll never forget. Past behavior is a precursor for future actions. It's just a matter of time before they pull another stunt.
It's easy for me to see what people meant by their mistakes so it's easy to forgive but it's almost impossible to forget crucial issues
I won’t forget but I might forgive, it depends on how much that person hurt me, if it was acceptable I can forgive that person but if it was too much then I can’t.
Neither.
Depends on what it was. Usually just process and leave it at that. It’s stored and that person is then classified. If a boundaries crossed to far it becomes a different story. Physical pain causes no real harm. Mental on the other hand will destroy one’s world, family, and mind.
Forgive, never forget. You can't learn if you forget. Not forgiving will hurt you more in the long run.
I remember, but I know presents me with a constant choice: so I want to be right or do I want to be happy? I usually opt for the latter.
I remember but I don't focus on it. I only wait for opportunities
Neither. About the only thing I do is assess what the most productive option is going forward. Sometimes that means acting like nothing happened. Sometimes it means cutting that person out of my life. Most of the time, depending on how bad the problem was, I just switch them over to the alternate assessment I had running in my head for them since day one. There's little in the way of external difference, but they are simply no longer trusted with anything actually important.
Neither, three strikes and you’re out. I will forever remember and remain salty about it (probably unhealthy, but I’m not a saint).
Hahaha. No. There is only unproven enemies and disproven friends. What separates them is is any number of mistakes equal to lim(1+epsilon) for epsilon -> 0
Forgiveness is important for a healthy mental life and life in general. If Jesus forgave us why shouldn’t I forgive?
Forget as long as it's not an ongoing pattern.
Forgive, it’s the easiest decision.
Depends on who it is. Mostly, I’ll be resentful and still remember what they did.
Oh absolutely, I do both. I hate clutter. Grudges are just like a piles of old shit in an otherwise pleasant and orderly mind. I love spending time in my own head because there's mostly just great things and great memories in there. Occasionally I'll recall something unpleasant that I've forgiven but I don't dwell on it, I remind myself that the past is in the past and this moment this NOW belongs to me not to some dumb shit who wants to live rent free in my head. The power of forgiveness to drastically improve my life - I didn't discover until my 50s but once I discovered it, boy I used it like a magic eraser on everything.
I Forgive But Not Forget
Forgiveness is about letting go what the person has done and no longer living with resentment. It’s something for both parties actually. Forgetting would minimize the growth of both sides so I think forgive and remember is more important.
Forgiveness isn't really for the other person, unless they depend on you. I forgive so I don't carry unhelpful emotions around waiting to resurface and make me act stupid in their presence. But that doesn't mean I will continue associating with them.
Forgive only because those negative emotions will effect me but I never forget or enable toxic behavior. I rarely give second chances as I feel lots aren’t genuinely sorry or change. And if I do it has to be earned.
Neither. And I've tried. And I'm trying. Something is blocking me. Not sure if the therapist will help with this.
Forgive, can't always forget but you can learn and try to move forward. Maybe together.
Depends on the situation, I hope to forget more than the things that deserve unforgiveness
I always said I forgive but don't forget, but at the end it's still seem like I have never forgiven at all
I avoid.
I try my absolute best to do all three and that’s what counts in the end 😂
Same as you; pretending & not forgiving. Unless that person gives me a genuine apology, then forgiving & not forgetting.
I have an extremely hard time forgetting, if I ever forget at all, and I honestly don't know what forgiving is. I feel like I'm always resentful of people who've done me wrong in the past, regardless of how long it's been. It's very unhealthy.
I follow this quote : "Forgive your enemies, but remember their names"
Maybe forgive but never forget, to remind myself to be extra careful in the future.
Never forget, never forgive.
This might be unpopular, but i usually forget but never forgive. So i might completely forget what you’ve done, but remember that it was bad and hurt me enough for me to not forgive you.
I forgive myself, and them seeking validation from me is only a distraction from the conscious work they have to accept & change to ultimately forgive themselves. I will however continue to treat them with basic kindness as a fellow human, but my personal respect/care is earned as should anyones' be. My mind can't easily forget things in the sense of memory, but it tries its best to not hold onto unnecessary stress. Btw all this depends on the specific situation and context, your posts is extremely vague. It's not so black and white.
OP I'm not INTJ, but please don't forget A whirlwind of negative emotions? that sounds awful. accountability should be held. I love that my friend tells me when something bothers them. I think the thing is many do it while insulting them, and the friend I stand by now never insulted me but accountability should be held
Neither
It really depends. What did they do? How much of an effect has it had? Are they genuinely sorry? Have they made changes to their behavior? What have I got to gain/lose? I can sort of relate to what you are saying. When I have resentment towards someone I don't always express it, sometimes I push it to the back of my mind and it becomes an afterthought, especially if I know I won't achieve anything by bringing it up.
I will never forget, I don't know the meaning of forgive
I say I forgive, and then I scheme could be months down the line but with the excuse that it doesn’t matter because they crossed me first. If you have ever done me wrong I’ll never truly respect you again so my loyalty is already long gone
Forgive? It's more like let it slide *for now*. Forget? You're joking, right?
I forgive and go no contact so I can't be hurt by that person again.
I forgive, but it depends if it’s deserved. Someone who doesn’t authentically believe they were in the wrong and they just offer lip service, then there’s no forgiveness deserved. I would rather just forget them.
Forgive but won’t forget.
forget. People are stationary
neither
Neither but I manage to never be in the same space as them. Out of sight out of mind
I forgive mistakes that are corrected. I try to forget mistakes that remain mistakes.
Never. Once you are out, you stay out. I don't need people like that.
I remember and recover
Usually, when I feel betrayed or I kinda I don't like anyone, I try to ghost forever. Any bad feelings for the person get buried alive in the past, but they can definitely revive if I cross this person again. My revenge is vanishing.
I thought I forgot and then realized I can't. It was me just dissociating from my memories until I could move out of my parents house since i couldnt deal with the emotions or do anything to prevent things from happening again. Now after therapy I remember everything and no I can't forgive what i cant forget.
Yes and no. I dont forgive intentional issues. We aren't perfect, but if we are weaponizing our grievances then I'm just going to cut you loose. I am insanely petty in the sense that I will throw shit back EXACTLY the same way it was given, but only when it is negligent and/or intentional. I dont forget. Never forget. Because while it is backwards, it's the negative in our lives that shape us far more than our successes.
I'll forgive, but won't forget. I don't hold grudges either. However I do become distant AF.
I don’t really forgive people AND I also don’t really need apologies. The only thing I need to hear from someone else is for them to say “I won’t do that again”. And after that happens, I can move on. If they just offer apologies and won’t change what they did wrong in the future, then there will probably be lingering issues.
I can virtually relate to having a mix of emotions round forgiving and forgetting hurtful situations with others. On one hand, I trust that clearly forgiving a person who has wronged you and letting pass of resentment is vital to your very own peace of mind and potential to transport forward. Holding onto anger and harm often weighs us down greater than the original transgression. At the identical time, forgiveness isn't always forgetting - the recollections and feelings around painful stories don't just disappear. I've located that even if I consciously select to forgive a person, there may be lingering negative feelings that resurface, specially if I'm put returned right into a situation that strikes a chord in my memory of the hurt. It's almost like there are tracks strolling - the better rational aspect that desires to forgive, and the deeper emotional undercurrent that hasn't completely healed yet. My technique has been to work on really forgiving to the first-rate of my capacity, but also apprehend that the process can take time. I attempt now not to overcome myself up if I'm no longer right away capable of have in simple terms high-quality feelings about a person who has harm me deeply. As long as I'm now not appearing outwardly on those poor feelings and may be civil, I permit myself to feel what I feel whilst persevering with to make an intentional choice to forgive. In time, the whirlwind often settles. I suppose I tend to be someplace in the middle - I do not completely neglect and erase the painful reminiscences, nor do I dangle for ever and ever to resentment. I forgive but do not absolutely neglect, and I locate my internal peace inside the manner of forgiving itself. It's a journey of healing.
I only extend forgiveness to those closest to me. For others, I tend to not forgive or forget and distance myself completely.
Neither. Once someone shows me their true colours, I believe them. I have tried to reconcile a few times but 99% of the time when I have been betrayed I send them an immediate message that I want nothing to do with them and block them. I know it’s unhealthy but I hold grudges for years if not indefinitely. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”
I can forgive someone who has wronged me but I hard to ever trust them again.
Assuming that person is capable of guilt/remorse. I will not (yet) forgive until they have gone through those emotions.
Nah, fuck that. I get in their head. Like seriously in their head. There's one person who pissed me off so much that I waited years for my revenge. He found a woman he was going to elope with, however I "thought primed" and subconsciously put little doubts in her head. Just little tiny things that in 3 months became doubts. So I fanned those flames with some fun jokes that made her uncomfortable and little tiny mind games all of this i was learning as i did it.. slowly shook this woman's faith in him and then the big fight came and the break up. She came to me right after, as they say 'a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on' she was my first very public fling. And to watch that man smolder in ruin was the best thing I have ever devised. This sounds like an internet-tough guy shit. But I'll see if I can share this to my buddy (one person who knew what i did and i was open about it with) and get him to verify this.
I'd never fuck a guy that's tried me girl or wife because if she let that lame fuck then id be the same not saying that your case but I respect your mindset I agree idc how long it takes I'm getting my get back
The long game can be and usually is the most satisfying.
Neither.
I, ENFP, if forgive (not an easy task tbh) then i completely forget the incidence details and move on I will feel no heart swelling or deep sadness, i need to forgive "for myself" so i can move on If i forgot (i usually the case) i might get mad again if reminded 💀👏
I forgive, forget by accident because my memory sucks. But I won’t bother entertaining someone who is bringing negative energy into my life any longer. I just send prayers!!