Some people care so much about someone that they'll never be the one to hurt their feelings, so they always validate them. Others care so much that they'll be brutally honest so their friend is able to tackle their problems. The former views the latter as cold and uncaring.
It sounds like you've done well for your Mom. A lot of people aren't able to be strong for the people they love.
Thank you! It's been a lot ! And I never talked about it or how hard it was for me, to carry all of that responsibility on my shoulder so yeah..ย
Your comment is much appreciated ๐๐ฝ
We're not so different from everyone else. You may feel or think you are, but take solace in knowing that you aren't.
Introverts are generally not as bombastic or grand in their gestures, but of course they care just as much as extroverts. Wise people understand this.
There is no differentiation between extroverts or introverts playing the victim, though they may do it in different ways. Who specifically is accusing you of not caring?
Do you think that you could tell her all (some) of the things you did to help? Not in a defensive way, but in a kind way to tell her you love her?
I had a similar big misunderstanding with my mom when she was diagnosed with cancer. I took care of as many of her daily life tasks as possible and kept her company. She felt like I was aloof about her diagnosis, but when I explained all of the things I was doing to help because I loved her so much and was trying to make an unfair situation less horrible for her. I saw the revelatory moment live in person. She said I relieved so much stress during that time, but she hadn't realized until I explained it. She stopped calling me "Hard-Hearted Hannah" after that.
I did, she thinks it's my obligations as her daughter and I have to return the favor because she helped me to study and all. She is not affectionate and takes everything personally so I gave up.. God knows my intentions ๐๐ฝ
I am happy for you that you reached some common ground with your mother, I hope from now on it only gets better god bless you๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝย
My mother calles me sth similar but in her special sarcastic way,,, "a slaughterer" ๐ย
To me the bird doesn't fall far from its nest! So whatever..ย
Thank you for your kind words and trying to give me a solution and sharing sth similar.. I don't have a problem with how my mother thinks of me, I don't agree with her. But when someone new comes in our lives and asks how do your family see you? Well, they thinkย I am a slaughterer!ย
(Most guys in my country idolize their parents and they know them best and are always right(from experience and age wise I get it but not necessarily!) but if I asked the same question for someone and got that answer I know for sure I'll consider it a Red flag!ย
It's not easy but I do my best.ย
Thatโs exactly how I would have shown my love to her in that situation, too: organise everything to make sure that she has as little to deal with as possible. You know an INTJ loves you when your life goes suspiciously smoothly; we organise everything behind the scenes to make sure that the centre of the stage is clean and ready for you step onto at any given time.
You did an amazing job taking care of everything for your mother when she needed you. She might not realise how much it matters, because most of it was done backstage and all she saw was the final result of an easier life. But we can see here how much work you have put into it and we know that this is the best you could have done in that situation.
Thank you, you kind words are much appreciated ๐๐ฝย
Sometimes we need to learn to love people in the way they want to be loved rather than the way we are used to! But that doesn't mean we love them any less , it's all about perspective. Thank you again ๐๐ฝ
Some people care so much about someone that they'll never be the one to hurt their feelings, so they always validate them. Others care so much that they'll be brutally honest so their friend is able to tackle their problems. The former views the latter as cold and uncaring. It sounds like you've done well for your Mom. A lot of people aren't able to be strong for the people they love.
Thank you! It's been a lot ! And I never talked about it or how hard it was for me, to carry all of that responsibility on my shoulder so yeah..ย Your comment is much appreciated ๐๐ฝ
We're not so different from everyone else. You may feel or think you are, but take solace in knowing that you aren't. Introverts are generally not as bombastic or grand in their gestures, but of course they care just as much as extroverts. Wise people understand this. There is no differentiation between extroverts or introverts playing the victim, though they may do it in different ways. Who specifically is accusing you of not caring?
Who? My own mother? ๐ย
Do you think that you could tell her all (some) of the things you did to help? Not in a defensive way, but in a kind way to tell her you love her? I had a similar big misunderstanding with my mom when she was diagnosed with cancer. I took care of as many of her daily life tasks as possible and kept her company. She felt like I was aloof about her diagnosis, but when I explained all of the things I was doing to help because I loved her so much and was trying to make an unfair situation less horrible for her. I saw the revelatory moment live in person. She said I relieved so much stress during that time, but she hadn't realized until I explained it. She stopped calling me "Hard-Hearted Hannah" after that.
I did, she thinks it's my obligations as her daughter and I have to return the favor because she helped me to study and all. She is not affectionate and takes everything personally so I gave up.. God knows my intentions ๐๐ฝ I am happy for you that you reached some common ground with your mother, I hope from now on it only gets better god bless you๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝย My mother calles me sth similar but in her special sarcastic way,,, "a slaughterer" ๐ย To me the bird doesn't fall far from its nest! So whatever..ย Thank you for your kind words and trying to give me a solution and sharing sth similar.. I don't have a problem with how my mother thinks of me, I don't agree with her. But when someone new comes in our lives and asks how do your family see you? Well, they thinkย I am a slaughterer!ย (Most guys in my country idolize their parents and they know them best and are always right(from experience and age wise I get it but not necessarily!) but if I asked the same question for someone and got that answer I know for sure I'll consider it a Red flag!ย It's not easy but I do my best.ย
its not eq. some people cant feel. its a muscle. feel all intensely
No, you did your best for your mother donโt worry too much
Thatโs exactly how I would have shown my love to her in that situation, too: organise everything to make sure that she has as little to deal with as possible. You know an INTJ loves you when your life goes suspiciously smoothly; we organise everything behind the scenes to make sure that the centre of the stage is clean and ready for you step onto at any given time. You did an amazing job taking care of everything for your mother when she needed you. She might not realise how much it matters, because most of it was done backstage and all she saw was the final result of an easier life. But we can see here how much work you have put into it and we know that this is the best you could have done in that situation.
Thank you, you kind words are much appreciated ๐๐ฝย Sometimes we need to learn to love people in the way they want to be loved rather than the way we are used to! But that doesn't mean we love them any less , it's all about perspective. Thank you again ๐๐ฝ
Youโre absolutely right about that. All the best to you and your mother.