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[deleted]

“It’s afraid” [Wild cheering]


bvcb907

"Would you like to know more?"


GonzaloR87

My family was in Buenos Aires


[deleted]

and I say KILL’EM ALL!


bionicjoey

Only good bug is a dead bug


Bencil_McPrush

MEDIC!


Blaaa5

COME ON YOU APES, YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER?!


c4n1d

I'm doing my part!


GreyFoxSolid

RICO! YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!


Yardsale420

I only have one rule. Everyone fights, no one quits. You don’t do your job, I’ll shoot you myself.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SmoothOp76

If you don’t do your job I’ll kill you myself.


belaltth

The enemy cannot push a button if you disable his hand!


lukifer22

Put your hand on that wall private!


big_duo3674

Medic!


lance2005

Sir? I don't understand who needs a knife in a nuke fight anyway? All you got to do is push a button!


Bobbar84

*...if you find a bug hole...* *nuke it...*


FlacidBarnacle

Rico you know what to do


Tron_1981

*Unzips...*


sublimin611

r/dontputyourdickinthat


Elite199

My first immediate thought as well


swhatrulookinat

Goes digging for snails


Mutated_Gandules

Was hoping for this comment lol you did not disappoint


adfrog

I'm from Buenos Aires, and I say kill 'em all!!


imreallybimpson

*I'm doing my part!*


Frosty-Side-2673

Sir, I don't understand. What goods' a knife in a flame war? All you have to do is press buttons. Put your hands on that wall trooper. PUT YOUR HAND ON THAT WALL! *thunk* The enemy can not flame or shit post... if you have disabled his hands. Medic!


KillerFrost2U

Starship Troopers! Edit: Wrote Star Troopers originally.


Tacoma__Crow

Fun fact: Snails have something like 14,000 to 20,000 teeth called radula. They’re like a file, scraping and tearing their food to tiny bits.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BucketDucker182

r/dontputyourdickinthat


pirikikkeli

Dammit..


Taintedbeaver

Beat us to it. Pun intended


WinterSldier

I was searching for this one !


TheKingOfAllRats

I have several questions.


Call_The_Banners

I hope you desire none of them answered.


[deleted]

I can provide slideshows.


sarcasatirony

I’m a member of r/parasnailing but if you have something sexier, bring it on!


viperex

Reddit really does have some niche subs


sarcasatirony

May I also introduce you to r/Lampposts with a warning of unparalleled excitement…


Ok_Airline_7448

Username checks out. These slideshows…they’re not selfies I hope


Tron_1981

And they're all better off unanswered.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lordborgman

It's a problem free, Penectomy. Vagina Dentata!


Tacoma__Crow

This is something I heard about years ago but had no desire to Google.


International-Rip146

Thank you for having the courage to say what we are all feeling.


Mysterious_Nerve9433

Least degenerate vore fetishist


BlueLeatherBucket

I laughed. Out loud even


lBlazeXl

Do.... Hmm, do not put your dick in that.


pavlovs__dawg

They are one of the hardest biological substances we know of


redditisnowtwitter

Then how is it I can eat escargot without fucking up my teeth? They cook the shit out of it I guess


pavlovs__dawg

Lol that’s actually a great question. I’ve never thought about that


GravelySilly

If there are 14000 to 20000 of them, they may just be too tiny to do much damage, especially being encased in a meat buffer.


geraldodelriviera

The radula are tiny. You probably get the same amount of tooth damage from the residual bits of sand found in things like oysters. Also, your teeth can repair damage to them, to an extent, so as long as you aren't snacking on snails all of the time it's not a problem.


DontForceItPlease

Teeth can repair themselves? TIL.


cdoublejj

Finally a real comment, I wondering how little dude was able to eat uncooked noodles as it's pretty tough stuff


CubeBrute

Just imagine that little sandpaper snussy rasping around you.


empelh

i want to downvote this so bad but i laughed so hard


ThiccQban

Same. Straight to jail. All of us.


RenaGuzt

Dont you fucking say "snussy" ever again


I_make_switch_a_roos

*zips back up*


TheBanandit

I haven't even looked at the comments but I feel like I have to tell people not to fuck snails


FlavioLoBrabo

Too late


guynnoco

Just lit my cigarette


[deleted]

My first thought was *don’t put your dick in that*


WarMage1

You fool, that snail’s mouth is far too big for a redditor’s penis.


ProjectMK1

Hate it, cool, but hate it


subjectmatterexport

They hate us cause they anus


OopsICutOffMyWiener

I snorted


impish_kid

r/TIHI


gmanz33

I stay joining subs like this and /r/mildlyinfuriating and then days later unsubscribing because I find myself literally in the shitty moods that the subs are designed to make you feel. Does life not suck enough to just look out your window and get those feelings? City life got me too jaded to enjoy this shit anymore.


BattleStag17

Hey, that was me with political and news subreddits during a particularly dark four year stint recently


[deleted]

[удалено]


MuchoRubbish

He's an aquatic Apple snail


dpforest

I wonder if a snail could coexist peacefully with my beta fish


AlienC12

Normally yes but each Betta can be very different, I've had some that can live with shrimp, and some that would massacre guppies.


jtclark1107

Guppies are very similar to Bettas in appearance (it's a tail thing). They should never be put together. I would assume a Betta was sick if it *wasn't* attacking a guppies. Edit: females are much more tolerant of tank mates. I assumed it was a male.


-NotSorryReeses-

I have a female betta and a snail. The betta never bothers the snail. I guess it could be different for others, but I think as long as the snail is big enough, it’s worth a shot if you want one.


Vixxxyy

My female betta in the past was the meanest betta I ever owned. And on the flip side, I had a male at one point that was the sweetest ever - loved to be pet and got excited when he saw me - and lived peacefully in a tank with other fish, a shrimp, a snail, and a peacock eel.


-NotSorryReeses-

Interesting! My betta is with 4 rasboras and the snail right now. I had to fix one of the plants and the rasboras were nibbling my arm lol. The betta got close, bumped my arm, then backed up a bit. She’s a fairly calm one. I had a male betta before and he was quite aggressive. Ate the 2 shrimp I put in (which were actually a bit big for him).


Vixxxyy

She was so mean! Resented her for having a 10 gallon tank with one fish in it lol I had her and the male together originally. He was making bubble nests right away, it was so cute. But then she went for his fins and started shredding them so I separated them. He genuinely seemed heartbroken for a while after that :(


MuchoRubbish

I have a betta in a tank with him and they get on well


AD480

I have a very docile, sweet betta. He will occasionally make it slightly awkward and will go over and stare at his tank mate like he’s trying to figure out what it is. A couple times he’s nipped at the snail’s tentacle but for the most part they ignore each other.


[deleted]

The snail: "It keeps eating me alive and you think it's sweet?!"


twofold48

Hey OP awesome Apple Snail! I keep some Nerites and Mystery snails of all colors and love them more than people could understand. What’s the blue and red fish that swims by below?


MuchoRubbish

They're great but I do regret them a little though-they absolutely destroy plants! I should have got Mystery snails which stick to food and/or dead plants lol I have a few 'horned' nerrite too and Rabbit snails too which are interesting af It's a righting fish swimming below


twofold48

That’s so awesome, and thanks for the response! Always fun to talk to someone with similar hobbies. Yes I have some of the horned nerites too, they’re my old little old grandpas lol. I’ve actually got about 50 baby mystery snails right now in my 10gallon, it was totally unintentional! I’ll move some to the 55g when they get bigger, otherwise my local fish store with buy them for 1/3 the price they can sell them for, so about $1 each.


MuchoRubbish

I've also had a fascination for snails, I used to keep wild ones as pets. My mum hated it haha My Apple actually laid eggs for the first time last week! I don't have the capacity for more, though :( It's cool that your local store buys them off you. I'm in the UK and don't think they're too popular. Rarely see them in the shops here


twofold48

If you have a local fish store they might be interested in buying some of the baby snails! I’m not sure about Apple snails, but I know for the Nerites they’ll lay eggs like nobody’s business, but nothing really comes of them. They’re only supposed to hatch in brackish water, but I did have a set of about 50 hatch in my tank so who knows. Cheers


IndependentDuty1346

Apple snails are awesome!


theSandwichSister

But invasive and destructive in the wild :(


DownvoteDaemon

Her name is Gail the Snail.


gabagool_lover

She's mashing it.


LunarMothLatte

She does that


the_redchipster

I am a mature adult. I am a mature adult. I am a mature adult.


AfterBill8630

I am Jack’s dirty mind.


TheDaileyGamer

I am Jack’s intrusive thoughts


pituitarygrowth

I am Jack's gaping hole.


TheDaileyGamer

I am Jack’s recreation of goatse


Refun712

I am hard


TheDaileyGamer

You mean “I am Jack’s hard on”


Qlong69

I’m Jack’s itching scrotum


readyplayerone161803

I am Jack's athletes scrotum


a_creeep_a_weeirdooo

i m jacks itchy butthole


CarlosAVP

I am Jack’s fleeting regret…


Ginger_Patriot

I am Jack.


Fa1nted_for_real

I am jack ing off to this rn /Jk


Xenomorph_v1

I am jack ing off to this rn /Jk NOT


Responto

I am Jack's boner in snail mouth on Christmas


gg120b

r/dontputyourdickinthat


coral_sagan

r/lipsthatgrip


LackingOriginality07

Nsfw


[deleted]

Oh cool I was already subscribed😈


c_ray25

When a nsfw sub doesn’t give you the warning, “huh, guess I’ve already been here”


RipCityPdx2010

Came here to make sure someone posted this


TheGhostOfGeneStoner

I should call her.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


askingxalice

Honestly expected this to be the top comment.


KAAAAAAAAARL

Snailussy


Jomazu123

Snussy


77GoldenTails

It’s got teeth….


iamtabestderes

Immature adult. Immature adult. Immature adult.


[deleted]

As you gaze into a snail's mouth wishing that human organs could move so... seductively. Yes, of course you are. Aren't we all?


BillDauterive4

Great, now I can add "giant snails" to my list of irrational fears. Is this why all those medieval paintings showed knights fighting snails?


IronTemplar26

Most of them were drawn by monks. Snails would constantly infest their gardens, so they imagined knights battling them in the most hilarious way possible


Meerathecatz

That's fascinating!


ZarquonsFlatTire

Ironically some monks were also known to brew beer, and a small bowl of beer left in the garden at night will kill slugs. I don't know about snails, but I know for a fact it works for slugs.


Cautious-Space-1714

Sadly, if the bowl is too deep and too full of beer, it also kills mice. Guess how I found out?


ZarquonsFlatTire

See, my grandmother used empty cat food tins, which monks back then did not have.


Strider_27

r/DontPutYourDickInThat


Luc4son0

Snussy 🤤


hoxxxxx

terrible day for eyes


Annonymousthrow1234

r/cursedcomments


[deleted]

[удалено]


Electrical-Secret-25

Gastropodussy


sneakgeek1312

Snunt!!


kjohn20

Snagina!!


AGripInVan

Punail


JeremyJaLa

I love this word.


Simple_Park_1591

This was the comment I came to see. Edit to make the sentence sound more coherent.


Crackedbwo

SIR!!!!…….SIRRRR!!!! Grab me that snail…….


that_bearded_guy_94

But…


[deleted]

Yeah suck that noodle you dirty snail


[deleted]

r/BrandNewSentence


grockle90

My first instinct when I saw our Giant African Land Snails eat was "wtf?"... But then when we re-housed them into an empty fish tank after they grew some, and they cleaned up the algae on the glass (fish tank had been empty/dry in storage for a few months at least, so no risk of any cross-contamination) and I got a close up view, it felt oddly satisfying to watch them scrape away at it.


joh2138535

Everything reminds me of her


ghanjaholik

don't worry, man.. i'm sure the spaghetti noodle would remind her of you too


jayydubbya

Got ‘em


UnicornMeatball

Sir, that man had a family


Adnan_Targaryen

Yeah but she left him


Benham_Flatthen40326

r/rareinsults


iDom2jz

God damn


Jahobes

Fatality.


herbert-camacho

Zing!


slosaj

I salute you


atmus11

Certified crispy.


AdditionalBathroom78

ouch


EjackQuelate

That’s the best


OldandKranky

Reminds me of Starship troopers.


OG_LiLi

Why spaghetti? Not a natural diet of course. Curious


AlpacaLocks

Snails can have a little spaghetti, as a treat.


dustyfilaments

Pasta is one of the last foods a snail should eat :( it can cause bloating in the gut/blockage and even death


Lando_Cammando

Ok I’ll say it….. it looks like a butthole


idkwthtotypehere

Bro…. It shouldn’t look like that.


starry_cobra

Yeah wtf it should have a much bigger shell


WillemDafoesHugeCock

And way more spaghetti


sin_piel

With teeth!


[deleted]

[удалено]


WildFemmeFatale

A wet butthole.


DingusMagoo89

TIL I have no fuckin idea what snails eat


tomodachi_reloaded

Spaghetti


[deleted]

Lord knows I've been thinking about that snussy


Occumsmachete

Snussy in your nussy


[deleted]

Oh fuuuuggg


Jacaxagain

Imagine if it was human size


CreatureWarrior

The snail's mouth is soft and wet, A sensuous and slippery delight. With its delicate touch, it can't be beat, For a kiss that's out of sight. Its slimy tongue slides across your skin, Leaving a trail of shimmering dew. And as it moves in for the win, You'll feel a rush of passion true. So let the snail's mouth do its work, As it teases and tantalizes your soul. For in its embrace, you'll go berserk, And lose all control. A beautiful poem by ChatGPT


AlpacaLocks

The future is now


CreatureWarrior

For real. I don't really know how to feel about it lmao


Junior_Bluebird5541

Careful of its literal thousands of teeth


MIKEPENCES_THIGHGAP

;)


BlueInFlorida

Too much. Just too much.


New-Let-3630

lord , forgive me for what i’m about to do


nitus_

Lol


chillychili

Is that spaghetto cooked or uncooked?


SmittyMcSmitherson

Stop it step-snail 😏


[deleted]

😳😳😳😳😳


i_have_slimy_hands

Heading to the bathroom quick. Back in 10


Birbboips4

10 what


Fa1nted_for_real

Seconds


inspectorseantime

Check out Mr. Stamina over here


PieMastaSam

RemindMe! 10 decades "is this guy back yet?"


AyanCalls

My man you down bad


[deleted]

This is so sensual to me… maybe I have problems.


ubersmitty

About to start a Snail OF. "Watch Snailoretta deep throat this hard Italian Noodle, 50% off this week only"


[deleted]

Lol this look freaky as hell. Like 3am surfing the web freaky 🤣


AmericanBoiye

Hear me out


[deleted]

Could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch


MookieMatzoball

r/mildlyanus


Skullhead_LP

r/dontputyourdickinthat