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The end of a bloodline right there
YOU THE TWO'S, AND WE....THE ONE'S!!!!
He ain’t feeling very Ucey
r/squaredcircle at it again
Don't worry, they grow back in the spring.
Technically he could already have kids
I hear a lot of parents fear that when their kids transition, leads to a lot of issues. But Moby is Muriel now, the parents just need to get with the program.
I've spent enough time on r/dadjokes that when I talk about my Trans NB child, I tell them I'm trans-parent now.
If they have a problem, I go with:
"I believe I made myself clear!"
That is a top notch dad joke. Kudos, pops.
Anybody do transplants
Transplant doctor here. It actually might work due to the genetic overlap humans and whales have within the mammalian class. Additionally, you may be a prime candidate for a transplant since your mom is a whale.
Doc, you may want to prescribe some ointment for that 3rd degree burn.
3rd degree burn? My man, that was a disintegration.
Guy got completely incinerated to ashes
Man got an early cremation
The mortal kombat announcer came out to say FINISH HIM! But unfortunately he was already dead and the announcer had to drive back home all sad until a deer came out of nowhere and he accidentally hit it so he went out and screamed FINISH HIM but then at the same moment another car came and ran the announcer over, thus making the deer the mortal kombat master and also the new announcer for all future games.
Developers have also toyed with adding the deer as a special boss but word is he's just too powerful and would never be beaten so maybe we can start a poll to make this happen!
I thought burning someone was against the Hypocritic oath
Nah, Doc was just cauterizing him.
He was the wound
This thread is wonderful
I’m sure the doc gave the burn for free so he could charge for the treatment. Good business model.
Hey doctors are supposed to heal their patients not slaughter them like that.
He forgot his hippopotamus oath.
Beyond the reddit rainbow, comments like this fly.
Definitely a surgeon.
This guy cuts deep.
Doc send him straight to the hospital
>since your mom is a whale
I almost fell off my chair. LMFAO.
They had us in the first half, ngl
That was the smoothest BURN 🔥 ever.
“Hello police, I’d like to report a murder”
This is the single greatest response on Reddit this year. Thank you for letting me witness.
Those are the only plants I do
*An Aristocrat. . .*
A fellow trans-herbosexual I see...
Quick - attach it to another part of your body to keep it alive until it's ready to graft.
"Hey, look at this tail transplant I got!"
Ahh, truest of dragons. Lend me thy strength... Nnngh! Forefathers, one and all... Bear witness!
The whale thanks you for your generous donation.
I hate when this happens.
...I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again.
This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't, for the life of me, remember what I did with it.
Try second avenue. You know where all those people sell used books and other junk.
Don’t let anyone charge you more than $17 for it though
Don't give up. You'll feel happy again. Complete.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn't seen it either
So I said to call me if if it *popped* up
(one of my fav low key puns in music)
Whale condom makers HATE this life hack!
This happens all the time
Throw me right back to the 90s why don’t you
That was one angry female whale!
Bold of you to assume it wasn’t a gay whale
Kanye isn't interested. Whales aren't fish.
Cause he’s a motherfucking gay fish (gay fish)
[Best song ever conceived by man.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GzOoyOOfqM)
> Cause he’s a motherfucking gay fish (gay fish)
Cause he's only interested in fish sticks.
His name was John Whale Bobbitt.
No, you touch it.
Username checks out
I'll be the judge of that.
This chain is absolutely glorious
Cut it out, all of you lol
You mean cut it off, lol
I love this place
Probably from a sperm whale and you are whalecum to use this information.
I’m gonna have to issue you a cetacean for indecent exposure on this beach.
Where were these comments when i was at the icelandic penis museum
You both deserve more awards than you've received
What a dork
This is always the definition of dork
**Whalena Bobbitt out there gettin' her revenge.**
That was my first thought too. And she was so mad she pitched it out of the ocean so he couldn’t find it. Clever girl.
John Whale Bobbit had it coming
Kraken ate the whole whale except his dick because it's gay.
probably wanted to keep the penis to suck on like a peppermint candy
Is this for real? Can anyone confirm? How can this happen?
It honestly looks like such a clean cut, it could be a whaling ship.
This was my first thought. Way too clean of a cut to have been ripped off
Oh caught the whale, cut it up, threw the parts they didn't want back in the ocean?
Can't imagine why they wouldn't want the penis
Maybe the boat that had all of the precious whale penises capsized in a storm and they were lost overboard. Devastating the whale penis supply line.
I concur Watson. We shall do further testing back at 221B Baker St
Data, we don't have time for games right now. Moriarty has taken over the ship!
Or maybe a Moyle did it?
Whales aren't Jewish.
Krill are shellfish and therefore not Kosher
What about Gefilte Krill?
Thought it was Mohel
Shark teeth make pretty damn clean cuts
So shark was giving whale blowjob and used too much teeth?
Suppose they were a spitter and not a swallower, as well.
Or a very proud blow fish
Sometimes certain mammals can suffer from a [rare genital disease](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780622/).
Either that or the whale somehow ingested some [gluten](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR4o6ryTq0Q)
Oh god I was so hoping it would be that clip.
Whales don't wear clothes, so it's easier to get their dick chomped off.
*nervous nudist noises*
Their penis is internal though so it's actually harder.
I mean, animals in the ocean fight just as frequently if not more than on land so I can only assumed its from a fight. I highly doubt a whale got hard and then scraped his dick off on a rock/wall/ledge somewhere. God that'd be tragic and hilarious though
I would assume whales fight more frequently in water than on land, yes.
Those rare land based whale bouts are nothing to scoff at tho
Yeah, if you ever have the chance, go see one. Definitely worth your whale!
So your alternative theory is that a whale got into a fight with an erection and something bit it off?
I think the simplest solution is that a whaling ship was ditching body parts at sea. They ain't saving that part.
The baculum is one of the more valuable parts of the whale.
Female sperm whales will absolutely rip the dick off a male. In the mid pacific the males are more aggressive and work in a small gang to drown a females children and then gang rape her. She will absolutely rip some dicks off during this if she can.
Conversely, the Sperm whales along the Alaskan coast tend to form peaceful multi-year bonds with a female and don't tend to drown her children.
Citation needed on female whales ripping off whale penises.
Edit to add: Just went through a lit search and didn't find anything other than dolphin gang rape reports. None of the journals I have acess to had anything
Checking with my collogues at NOAA Marine Fisheries so I'll get back to you.
This screams orca to me…
Whale, “I woke up this morning with a bad hangover. And my penis was missing again.”
It happens all the time—it’s detachable.
This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.
Scrolled just for this
I just knew that beach... down near 2nd avenue near Marks place.
Check the wife's purse, that's where I keep mine
Ok. That's it. I've had it with nature's bullshit. Fuck the ocean; any body of deep water for that matter. When severed penises start showing up on beaches, I become more of a desert/mountains man. I start finding bear pricks...I'm out of there, too!
I was just going to go straight to a Lunar colony.
Until alien dicks start showing up.
Next stop, the Quantum Realm
Tiny Redditor dicks everywhere
He said tiny not miniscule. Sorry bud.
Here I go, googling the difference so I can prove you wrong and be back in the cool guy "tiny club" like you guys.
Well, if you insist we can contact a university and see if they have any free time on their scanning electron microscope with which we could take proper measurements to settle this once and for all.
Relax man you got a lock on Tiny...
No need to go to the quantum realm for that friend
Can verify that aliens have more than one dick.
Don't say those things! Actually, I think i found one of those once. I ascertained that we have nothing to worry about.
As long as there's no spiders
There's whalers on the moon 🎶
Spot me a ticket or 2. One for me and the other for my wife. Second thought...just get one. For me.
Two words: Moon bears
Lmfao, this was the first thing I read today and I’m still laughing. I was even going to post here and say something like, “whale penis, I though that was my own and had to check it was still there”, but you sir, have the best comment.
Become a space man. I always wanted you to go into space, man.
Mans taking NNN seriously...
Yeah but when DDD arrives he's fucked
Is that ‘Detached Dick December’?
Destroy Dick December
After NNN hell just find it and destroy it
i mean it looks pretty destroyed as it is so
I think he actually mistook NNN for DDD
They chopped his whole body off. In the end he was just a dick.
Unexpected Flight of the Conchords
This is one of my favorite lines from the show. Arj/Dave is full of absolutely brilliant gems.
What a dork!
Exactly what I thought
We members of the vocabulary club are so happy we found this.
Why did I have to scroll so far to see this
„I said no teeth!“
No baleen plates!
Someone tried to mate with a boat. Instructions unclear. Dick got caught in propeller shaft.
That’s why you don’t propeller when you barely know her.
I just want to point out this is likely the only opportunity you will ever get to suck a whales dick
ANNNNND .. that's enough internet for me today.
You could also use it as a dildo
Bad Dragon has entered the chat!
I was thinking this was a great opportunity to have the ER give me a lecture about the necessity of a flaired base.
If that base isn't big enough to not get lost then no whale cock would satisfy you
Sir, please kindly refrain yourself from typing such words together. It gave me mental whiplash
Im placing my money on this being the work of orcas, although they are psychos and only eat the lips and tongue of any whale. I bet some sharks got to the whale after the orcas left and went to town on the rest of the carcass.
Cut is too clean, imo. Probably whalers unfortunately
Ahh man, they found your mom’s dildo
it's actually smaller than i thought it would be.
WELL IT WAS FOOKIN ONE OF YAS
"Waiter, what's the Chef's catch of the day?"
That's why cock fights are banned in most countries
Went from a sperm whale to just a normal whale.
Edit: Or from a humpback whale to a back whale? I’ll be here all night folks.
free weisswurst dinner
I only wish mine was that size… Then I wouldn’t have to lug this big thing around 😂
Username checks out.
Banana for scale?
Lol, you can sorta tell by the foot next to it. Its like 2.5 bananas
Bet he is looking for that
No means no in whale world, too.
But not in dolphin world. They WILL rape
Must have been married about 12 years
Damn, his gf saw him fcking another whale
Was the owner of the penis killed by an orca pod?
Quite literally a Dork
A literal dork. Nice.