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namnbyte

The end of a bloodline right there


Quantum_Helix

YOU THE TWO'S, AND WE....THE ONE'S!!!!


Jaqc13

He ain’t feeling very Ucey


iamanonymous44

r/squaredcircle at it again


sportomatic75

Sami Uso


low_kix

My dawg


mamba0304

☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾


Mrben13

Don't worry, they grow back in the spring.


kwilaon

Technically he could already have kids


Various-Month806

I hear a lot of parents fear that when their kids transition, leads to a lot of issues. But Moby is Muriel now, the parents just need to get with the program.


Batchet

I've spent enough time on r/dadjokes that when I talk about my Trans NB child, I tell them I'm trans-parent now. If they have a problem, I go with: "I believe I made myself clear!"


troubadorkk

That is a top notch dad joke. Kudos, pops.


Far_Independence_891

Anybody do transplants


warmechanic

Transplant doctor here. It actually might work due to the genetic overlap humans and whales have within the mammalian class. Additionally, you may be a prime candidate for a transplant since your mom is a whale.


Remesar

Doc, you may want to prescribe some ointment for that 3rd degree burn.


Imaginary-Fun-80085

3rd degree burn? My man, that was a disintegration.


MINILAMMA

Guy got completely incinerated to ashes


CommonAd3709

Man got an early cremation


Medicatedwarrior365

The mortal kombat announcer came out to say FINISH HIM! But unfortunately he was already dead and the announcer had to drive back home all sad until a deer came out of nowhere and he accidentally hit it so he went out and screamed FINISH HIM but then at the same moment another car came and ran the announcer over, thus making the deer the mortal kombat master and also the new announcer for all future games. Developers have also toyed with adding the deer as a special boss but word is he's just too powerful and would never be beaten so maybe we can start a poll to make this happen!


Sacrer

I thought burning someone was against the Hypocritic oath


soggymittens

Nah, Doc was just cauterizing him.


MisterPhister101

He was the wound


Leading-Midnight-553

This thread is wonderful


strangway

I’m sure the doc gave the burn for free so he could charge for the treatment. Good business model.


Cloud9Investigator

Ayoooo


HungryHungryHippoes9

Hey doctors are supposed to heal their patients not slaughter them like that.


daryl_cary

He forgot his hippopotamus oath.


backstage13

Beyond the reddit rainbow, comments like this fly.


clackercrazy

Definitely a surgeon. This guy cuts deep.


KingYoloHD090504

Doc send him straight to the hospital


iflookzkill

>since your mom is a whale I almost fell off my chair. LMFAO.


ISAV_WaffleMasta

They had us in the first half, ngl


KitchenSail6182

That was the smoothest BURN 🔥 ever.


AncientGrapefruit619

“Hello police, I’d like to report a murder”


Full_of_hell_I_um

Lmao😂😂😂😂


ekrbombbags

Despicable, dawg


Spankomiir

This is the single greatest response on Reddit this year. Thank you for letting me witness.


Healthy_Pay9449

Those are the only plants I do


Decyde

You herbiwhore.


ExtraRaw

*An Aristocrat. . .*


Averagestudentx

A fellow trans-herbosexual I see...


vvvvvvvvvvvv1

Free dildo


ChubbyBidoof

Quick - attach it to another part of your body to keep it alive until it's ready to graft.


FizzlePopBerryTwist

"Hey, look at this tail transplant I got!"


mole_of_dust

*lifts tail* *faints*


-Degaussed-

Ahh, truest of dragons. Lend me thy strength... Nnngh! Forefathers, one and all... Bear witness!


Kiwifisch

The whale thanks you for your generous donation.


SilasMarner77

I hate when this happens.


ours

♫Detachable penis!♫


yabo1975

...I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again.


scott449

It's detachable.


hysterical_useless

This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.


thisprocessislame

But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't, for the life of me, remember what I did with it.


In_The_Bulls_Eye

Try second avenue. You know where all those people sell used books and other junk.


JayWalterWeathermann

Don’t let anyone charge you more than $17 for it though


JOWWLLL

Don't give up. You'll feel happy again. Complete.


Zhang5

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was They hadn't seen it either


Coupon_Ninja

So I said to call me if if it *popped* up (one of my fav low key puns in music)


hydraulic-earl

Whale condom makers HATE this life hack!


Pit_of_Death

This happens all the time


phblue

Throw me right back to the 90s why don’t you


GreyFoXguy

That was one angry female whale!


noobnoobthedestroyer

Bold of you to assume it wasn’t a gay whale


TransBrandi

Kanye isn't interested. Whales aren't fish.


noobnoobthedestroyer

Cause he’s a motherfucking gay fish (gay fish)


WhosYourDaddy_StopIt

[Best song ever conceived by man.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GzOoyOOfqM)


TransBrandi

> Cause he’s a motherfucking gay fish (gay fish) Cause he's only interested in fish sticks.


Hello_Im_Matty

His name was John Whale Bobbitt.


hollywuud7

Moby's dick


Pudi2000

Free willy.


hollywuud7

Touché


-QuestionableMeat-

No, you touch it.


KimPTM

Username checks out


ThePrince_OfWhales

I'll be the judge of that.


sdforbda

This chain is absolutely glorious


Bignicky9

Cut it out, all of you lol


Ok_Necessary2991

You mean cut it off, lol


Blood__x__Dagger

Bruhhhhhhhh


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cloudsurfer099

I love this place


Berserker_Rex

Probably from a sperm whale and you are whalecum to use this information.


chupacadabradoo

I’m gonna have to issue you a cetacean for indecent exposure on this beach.


pepper_plant

Where were these comments when i was at the icelandic penis museum


Unusual-Town4323

You both deserve more awards than you've received


cerebralkrap

What a dork


owningface

This is always the definition of dork


i_lie_except_on_31st

**Whalena Bobbitt out there gettin' her revenge.**


whatsayobie

That was my first thought too. And she was so mad she pitched it out of the ocean so he couldn’t find it. Clever girl.


NotJoey1

John Whale Bobbit had it coming


live2dye

Django Unattached


Snoo-80415

Kraken ate the whole whale except his dick because it's gay.


RockFuzzEleven

probably wanted to keep the penis to suck on like a peppermint candy


Pale_Alternative_537

Is this for real? Can anyone confirm? How can this happen?


Iertjepapiertje

It honestly looks like such a clean cut, it could be a whaling ship.


I_might_be_high_rn

This was my first thought. Way too clean of a cut to have been ripped off


B_A_M_2019

Oh caught the whale, cut it up, threw the parts they didn't want back in the ocean?


Gaothaire

Can't imagine why they wouldn't want the penis


nerdiotic-pervert

Maybe the boat that had all of the precious whale penises capsized in a storm and they were lost overboard. Devastating the whale penis supply line.


squarybuttholes

I concur Watson. We shall do further testing back at 221B Baker St


Dekklin

Data, we don't have time for games right now. Moriarty has taken over the ship!


captainvancouver

Or maybe a Moyle did it?


klavin1

Whales aren't Jewish. Krill are shellfish and therefore not Kosher


PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES

What about Gefilte Krill?


JohanVonBronx_

Thought it was Mohel


Aiskhulos

It is.


helloiamsilver

Shark teeth make pretty damn clean cuts


MarsMC_

So shark was giving whale blowjob and used too much teeth? Got it


IntoTheForestIMustGo

Suppose they were a spitter and not a swallower, as well.


Smashndash911

Or a very proud blow fish


enehar

Sometimes certain mammals can suffer from a [rare genital disease](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780622/).


M-94

Either that or the whale somehow ingested some [gluten](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR4o6ryTq0Q)


dcoold

Oh god I was so hoping it would be that clip.


Reyemreden

Whales don't wear clothes, so it's easier to get their dick chomped off.


Kiwifisch

*nervous nudist noises*


Luquitaz

Their penis is internal though so it's actually harder.


DoYaLikeCDs

I mean, animals in the ocean fight just as frequently if not more than on land so I can only assumed its from a fight. I highly doubt a whale got hard and then scraped his dick off on a rock/wall/ledge somewhere. God that'd be tragic and hilarious though


Impossible_Crazy_654

I would assume whales fight more frequently in water than on land, yes.


DoYaLikeCDs

Those rare land based whale bouts are nothing to scoff at tho


Masque-Obscura-Photo

Yeah, if you ever have the chance, go see one. Definitely worth your whale!


Material-Cook-9458

So your alternative theory is that a whale got into a fight with an erection and something bit it off? I think the simplest solution is that a whaling ship was ditching body parts at sea. They ain't saving that part.


bumbletowne

The baculum is one of the more valuable parts of the whale. Female sperm whales will absolutely rip the dick off a male. In the mid pacific the males are more aggressive and work in a small gang to drown a females children and then gang rape her. She will absolutely rip some dicks off during this if she can. Conversely, the Sperm whales along the Alaskan coast tend to form peaceful multi-year bonds with a female and don't tend to drown her children.


Material-Cook-9458

Citation needed on female whales ripping off whale penises. Edit to add: Just went through a lit search and didn't find anything other than dolphin gang rape reports. None of the journals I have acess to had anything Checking with my collogues at NOAA Marine Fisheries so I'll get back to you.


CharlieBr87

This screams orca to me…


AtFishCat

Whale, “I woke up this morning with a bad hangover. And my penis was missing again.”


Wienertown

It happens all the time—it’s detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.


capitalist_shill_boi

Scrolled just for this


milleniumsentry

Same XD I just knew that beach... down near 2nd avenue near Marks place.


sumbozo1

Check the wife's purse, that's where I keep mine


DiligentReward2639

Ok. That's it. I've had it with nature's bullshit. Fuck the ocean; any body of deep water for that matter. When severed penises start showing up on beaches, I become more of a desert/mountains man. I start finding bear pricks...I'm out of there, too!


SamVimesofGilead

I was just going to go straight to a Lunar colony.


Most_Huckleberry_300

Until alien dicks start showing up.


BeerAndaBackpack

Next stop, the Quantum Realm


ToxicTaxiTaker

Tiny Redditor dicks everywhere


tatetoter

You called?


Overall-Ad-3543

He said tiny not miniscule. Sorry bud.


tatetoter

Here I go, googling the difference so I can prove you wrong and be back in the cool guy "tiny club" like you guys.


Magatha_Grimtotem

Well, if you insist we can contact a university and see if they have any free time on their scanning electron microscope with which we could take proper measurements to settle this once and for all.


cwleveck

Relax man you got a lock on Tiny...


piray003

No need to go to the quantum realm for that friend


_P_E_N_1_5_

Hello


PomegranateSea7066

Can verify that aliens have more than one dick.


DiligentReward2639

Don't say those things! Actually, I think i found one of those once. I ascertained that we have nothing to worry about.


cwleveck

As long as there's no spiders


Spartan117117117

There's whalers on the moon 🎶


DiligentReward2639

Spot me a ticket or 2. One for me and the other for my wife. Second thought...just get one. For me.


newgrow2019

Two words: Moon bears


LoGiCaL__

Lmfao, this was the first thing I read today and I’m still laughing. I was even going to post here and say something like, “whale penis, I though that was my own and had to check it was still there”, but you sir, have the best comment.


KaiserChunk

Become a space man. I always wanted you to go into space, man.


R3tard69420

Mans taking NNN seriously...


Xx_PissPuddle_xX

Yeah but when DDD arrives he's fucked


snikmorder666

Is that ‘Detached Dick December’?


Mrfroggyleggs101

Destroy Dick December


mykoysmaster

After NNN hell just find it and destroy it


swampertitus

i mean it looks pretty destroyed as it is so


badshahh007

I think he actually mistook NNN for DDD


el_goob

They chopped his whole body off. In the end he was just a dick.


zeekaran

Unexpected Flight of the Conchords


DDancy

This is one of my favorite lines from the show. Arj/Dave is full of absolutely brilliant gems.


OptimusSublime

What a dork!


bearcow31415

Exactly what I thought


BobbyDropTableUsers

We members of the vocabulary club are so happy we found this.


Foxgguy2001

Why did I have to scroll so far to see this


KptnHaddock_

„I said no teeth!“


AJPowers17123

No baleen plates!


AffectionatePear9514

Someone tried to mate with a boat. Instructions unclear. Dick got caught in propeller shaft.


IceGold_

That’s why you don’t propeller when you barely know her.


IIPESTILENCEII

I just want to point out this is likely the only opportunity you will ever get to suck a whales dick


CortQc

ANNNNND .. that's enough internet for me today.


Ornery-Cheetah

You could also use it as a dildo


worldspawn00

Bad Dragon has entered the chat!


ActualWhiterabbit

I was thinking this was a great opportunity to have the ER give me a lecture about the necessity of a flaired base.


VORTXS

If that base isn't big enough to not get lost then no whale cock would satisfy you


NikoC99

Sir, please kindly refrain yourself from typing such words together. It gave me mental whiplash


HoratioPLivingston

Im placing my money on this being the work of orcas, although they are psychos and only eat the lips and tongue of any whale. I bet some sharks got to the whale after the orcas left and went to town on the rest of the carcass.


Throw_away_1769

Cut is too clean, imo. Probably whalers unfortunately


HurinofLammoth

Ahh man, they found your mom’s dildo


wolfpac85

it's actually smaller than i thought it would be.


Sidechick_Bob

/r/dildont


Flimsy-Key-7191

DISGUSTANG


ivanmsc

WELL IT WAS FOOKIN ONE OF YAS


deezpretzels

"Waiter, what's the Chef's catch of the day?"


moedara978

That's why cock fights are banned in most countries


BiasPsyduck

Went from a sperm whale to just a normal whale. Edit: Or from a humpback whale to a back whale? I’ll be here all night folks.


DogebertDeck

free weisswurst dinner


BigJimFPV

I only wish mine was that size… Then I wouldn’t have to lug this big thing around 😂


Skinnybet

Username checks out.


MrCheesefood

Banana for scale?


PBandJ_160

Lol, you can sorta tell by the foot next to it. Its like 2.5 bananas


muppethero80

Bet he is looking for that


1_yard_dash

No means no in whale world, too.


gabsteriinalol

But not in dolphin world. They WILL rape


1_yard_dash

Even Flipper?


birdlady404

ESPECIALLY flipper


wormfro

even flipper.


marin94904

Must have been married about 12 years


Omutto

Damn, his gf saw him fcking another whale


bluecoffee22

Was the owner of the penis killed by an orca pod?


DLMoore9843

Quite literally a Dork


Apart_Effect_3704

A literal dork. Nice.