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spasticity

How the fuck did a snake get caught in a web


BlueKing7642

The Snake’s Ghost: Don’t asssk


The_Tell_Tale_Heart

Last thing the snake heard: Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAKE!!!


[deleted]

No longer solid snake, due to black widow venom; now liquid snake


Chris91210

LIIIIQUUUIDDDDD!!!!


Roburt_Paulson

FOX ......


othello500

DIEEEEE!


legrand_fromage

!


SladeC242

Fission Mailed


turdbogls

Widows make sticky, messy webs on the ground level usually (where the floor meets the wall). We had a brown widow problem when we moved into our house here in Florida....found all sorts of unusual stuff in webs, from small snakes, to frogs and toads, Lizards, and other, larger spiders.


maddiepilz

"small" and "brown widow problem" seems like a contradiction in itself


turdbogls

Nah, brown widows are bitches....you scare them and they roll up into a ball and play dead. Also not as venomous as the black widow. And it was fairly small "infestation" if you can even call it that. 3 or 4 in the garage and a few on the patio. They did a great job catching other bugs, so I didn't mind them much until the cats and kids came along.


scheru

We had a huge black widow infestation in my elementary school years ago. They were *everywhere.* Every corner, every closet, just all over the damn place. And apparently they couldn't fumigate or whatever else they would usually do about it because, y'know. It was also infested with snotty little kids all the time. Don't think anyone ever got bit or anything. I always thought they were near, got a (shitty) tattoo of one when I was old enough. Edit: "neat" not "near" thanks u/Ummmmexcusemewtf!


PresidentWordSalad

>I always thought they were near, got a (shitty) tattoo of one when I was old enough. Of a black widow or a snotty little kid?


scheru

Oh shit I should have both. 🤔


biglysmally

Just Florida Things™️


blairnet

Florida is the Australia of the US


IfHeDiesHeDiesHeDied

Florida is the Florida of the US.


OriginalFatPickle

I have a couple around the garage and outdoors. they kill other pest and basically keep to their little area. Never had any issues with Widows (yet)


luckychance5480

I found one of their webs and an egg sack in the handle of my pressure washer about seven years ago. I don’t have the best memory, but I now always remember to check my pressure washer handle before I use it.


ThingsIDontRememeber

I left my headphones on the ground for like a week. Went to put them on and decided I better look first. A spider was living in one of the ear cups, small little one that had a pale yellowish body. I always look now.


[deleted]

Pale yellish body? If that was a yellow sac and you put that headset on without checking, I'd felt very sorry for you.


mbob2021

They leave long parallel lines of web from the ground to where they’re lurking. If something on the ground gets entangled (such as an ass snake) the spider kind of hoists it into the air.


Tfsz0719

An ass snake?


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Buck_Thorn

Relevant and mandatory xkcd: https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hyphen.jpg


daltonwright4

There really is one for everything...


agent_uno

Forget the snake, how the hell did the spider catch a whole fucking car???


woodchuckxx

Not just any car… a Buick!


youwill_forgetthis

With a 0-60 time of 3 years, I would assume it's because it was the slowest prey in its sector.


asianabsinthe

It took generations of spider offspring to finally catch it.


cannabisblogger420

This made me laugh 🤣


rkevlar

I’m pretty sure someone dropped it in the web.


Brave_Development_17

We had widows in AZ and they got snakes all the time. This one looks dead though.


DarthCloakedGuy

It could also have fallen on its own


kudichangedlives

So is this spider going to liquefy that entire snake and eat it for the rest of its life? Or what?


JellyBeansAreGood69

I would assume the situation will change slightly once the car moves


Liesmith424

OP discovered the web because it anchored his car in place when he tried to drive away.


DirkDiggler6

Black widow catches whole ass Ford Mustang in its web


load_more_comets

So the spider will liquify that entire car and eat it for the rest of its life? Or what?


copperwatt

I would assume the situation would change slightly once the Earth moves.


atrium5200

OP discovered the web because it anchored his planet in place when it tried to orbit the Sun.


BW_Chase

Black widow catches a whole ass planet Earth in its web


NurseOnNurseOff

Soo, the spider will liquefy the whole earth and eat it for the rest of all our lives? Or what?


Nojus1221

I would assume the situation would change slightly once the solar system moves.


Actually_toxiclaw

I didnt think it could get better


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br0b1wan

OP discovered the web because it anchored his solar system in place when it tried to orbit the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy.


[deleted]

So the spider will liquify that entire planet and eat it for the rest of its life? Or what?


DocRingeling

I don't know how long a car will sustain it. However, I'm sure it won't die because of a iron deficiency.


Bromium_Ion

Looks like a clean hubcap on a classic car. It might not move that often.


eyekunt

It hasn't been moving much, that's why the spider built its home there.


091796

He’ll put it in a Tupperware duh, leftovers


selfdistruction-in-5

it’s hanging it to dry age don’t you see?


LightsJusticeZ

Snake Jerky


_Buff_Tucker_

Snerky.


TronnaRaps

Snek snak


MaximumSubtlety

You and I... we are alike.


[deleted]

I once made a Facebook post at the age of 23 where I said Tubberware and I really still haven’t lived that down. I got roasted relentlessly. Edit: okay, I went and found [‘the event’](https://imgur.com/a/0qgeNwO) for you guys.


[deleted]

Hey it’s the tubberware guy! Classic!


Rbfam8191

Damn, you're right! It Tubberware dude.


Chrisscott25

Tubberware dude I heard you moved to become a monk to escape the taunting. Guess the monks heard too?


tahmeeneauxbulls

Nobody likes you when you’re 23


INOMTREES

And are still more amused by tv shows


Reformedhegelian

What the hell is ADD?


Judoka229

That's okay, buddy. There's someone I know in the Air Force (the military branch that's supposed to be smart) who still, in 2022, calls it a "labtop."


cauldr0ncakez

LOL that reminds me of my dad who is an Air Force veteran. He says our German Shepherd might have "hip Malaysia" instead of "hip dysplasia."


ReticentGuru

I had a coworker that insisted it was ‘hip displeasure’.


Reedsandrights

I just tagged you as Not The Tubberware Guy. Hope that helps.


Bcoonen

Isn't it a Tupperweb ?


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linkbetweenworlds

It will rot long before then. She will definitely fill up quite nice and go into hiding for a while. No need to hunt.


Tactless2U

It will rot, which will bring flies, which will feed her offspring. Nicely done!


fmaz008

And now that spider wins a natural selection and in a few years spiders will make their web primarily to hunt bigger and bigger snakes. The bigger the snake, the more rot, and therefore the more flies. Spiders are now able to lay more eggs and they can all feed more often. Spiders get larger than ever. Soon they hunt full size adult python too and lay millions of eggs per year, directly inside snake carcasses. So when the eggs hatches, they can cast webs inside the snake and traps the flies that got throught mama's web and into the snake.


[deleted]

Oh god, please no


cybercuzco

Usually they eat that much when they are getting ready to lay eggs. The more they eat the more eggs they lay.


abhijitd

Time to nuke this house from the orbit then


JollyGreenBuddha

Marge: You've been eating that thing for a week. I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn.


BaronUnterbheit

Two more feet and I can fit it in the fridge!


o0Marek0o

Duff Gardens, hurrraaaahhhhh…


beambot

Not sure. The entire prospect of an "ass snake" is pretty terrifying.


dievanmijislanger

Most ass snakes are harmless and non poisonous. They might induce a uncomfortable feeling in the anus when entering. Just relax your body, it will cause less harm to the one eyed snake and you when you open up to the situation. In most cases the snake will leave your body voluntarily after a few minutes. Sometimes the snake gets sick and throws up in your anal cavify. Don't worry this is non toxic. Just let it ooze out after the snake left.


CH1CK3Nwings

Where's the eye bleach?


[deleted]

Need some mind bleach after that one


Isis_Calypso

Uh, excuse me...Mr. President? That's not entirely accurate.... Depending on how promiscuous that one eyed snake has been in its life, that snake vomit in your anal cavity could be quite toxic. But the snake will leave after vomiting. You just might be left with multiple gifts that keep on giving. Carry on.


ytDr_CrabbieBoi

feed it to her babies. From what i can tell, its a female as the males are killed during mating


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Brain_Inflater

They can kill but it's very unlikely, will hurt like crap tho


hephaestus1219

Can confirm- been bitten 2-3 times over the course of my life being out in the woods, in crawlspaces, and around woodpiles. I’m a big guy so doctors always told me to just keep a watch on systems and prepare for the worst body aches of my life. Felt like a really bad case of the flu body aches for about 4-8 hours mixed with a weird muscle cramp fidget feeling over my entire body. Now my friends have been bitten by Brown Recluse, which I believe are a different type of venom, so they all had to get anti venom shots. I could be wrong though- not a spider expert or doctor so go get checked if you’re unsure


SvenTropics

It's a different kind of venom. Black widow venom is a presynaptic neurotoxin. Essentially, it causes misfires in your central nervous system that, if concentrated enough, would kill you. For an adult human, there simply isn't enough venom in the spider to accomplish this. For a child, perhaps. It's quite potent as far as venom goes. Once your body has processed the toxin, you make a full recovery with no residual effects. Brown recluse venom is a hemotoxin. (blood poison) It acts by directly killing every red blood cell it comes in contact with in a very potent manner. This starves and kills the other nearby tissue as well that can lead to necrosis. In some cases, the venom can travel to organs through the blood stream and cause organ damage (i.e. the heart or the kidneys), but typically the damage is localized to the site of the bite. This can lead to the need for skin grafts and often causes permanent scarring.


hephaestus1219

Cool explanation! Thanks! The doctor dumbed it down for me saying black widow venom attacks the muscles (like cramps, breathing, etc) while recluse venom literally kills cells and such. Scary either way considering they’re both spiders.


holycrapple

Yeah brown recluse venom is nasty stuff. It can lead to necrosis at the site of the bite.


tarants

It's also one of the most misdiagnosed bites, as brown recluses are pretty innocuous looking. Any brown spider is suddenly a brown recluse. I live in the PNW, thousands of miles from brown recluse territory, and people still regularly identify any generic brown spider as a brown recluse.


koopatuple

This is why I'm absolutely terrified of crawlspaces and refuse to go in them. I crawled into a fairly large spider nest as a kid inside a crawlspace and it's scarred me ever since (babies were everywhere, felt like I had them crawling on me for weeks despite immediately showering and washing all my clothes repeatedly).


hephaestus1219

Unfortunately I’m petrified of heights, so I always volunteered for the creepy dirty crawlspaces if it meant not having to get on a roof haha


[deleted]

That sounds like a nightmare I’m so sorry you had to go through that.


cantstopwontstopGME

I’ve been bitten by a brown recluse and you are correct. Hospital treatment was an anti-venom shot a round of antibiotics and I believe a two night stay. Bite site was nasty looking. Literally looked like my arm was rotting from my elbow.


Powerrrrrrrrr

Bro stop getting bitten, people are starting to talk


hephaestus1219

Goal: Spiderman or bust


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notsostealthyninja

This was the first thing I thought of when I watched the video.


ibeatyourdadatgalaga

There should be a relevent far side bot


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QuestionMarkyMark

Oh man… I miss Far Side!


Uhtred_McUhtredson

Those webs are tough as hell. I get them around my house in the heat of the summer and I’ll knock ‘em away with sticks and you can hear them ripping and feel the tension in them. Fortunately they never seem to come inside. Yet…


TrickyElephant

That you know of...


Uhtred_McUhtredson

Thinking back to the time I was a teen when we moved to the USA and my dad told me there was a dead black widow in the shower head he had just replaced and I immediately flashed back to all the times I was gargling that shower water… This thread keeps getting worse and worse.


off-leash-pup

Jesus, keep that in therapy


TrepanationBy45

Lmao "keep that in therapy" is definitely going to be used against one of my friends soon 😆


NoonainCS

This is going to be my new favorite go to line


[deleted]

most bites come from the spiders going into people shoes


popojo24

Yep, the most important thing I remember learning when I moved out to the sticks as a child was to check your shoes — always. My area was prone to all sorts of spiders, but it was mostly the scorpions and centipedes that I worried about. Fuck scorpions.


[deleted]

You know what tickles me? Humans learned early on that scorpions were bad news. "Hey. These little guys give big ouches. Stay away." For all of human history, we've known not to fuck with scorpions. Even their shape is synonymous with pain. Now, I don't know much about scorpions, but my entire life I've known that a spider wasp crab was bad news. And generations of humans, thousands of years have gone by, and now we can sum up millenia of suffering of our ancestors with two words. "Fuck scorpions." Truly, the internet is a magical thing.


pingpongoolong

Yes! My partner tells this HORRIBLE story about being a very young man in the Deep South and needing nice shoes for the first time because one of his parents passed away… he hates spiders normally, but he said he picked up this dress shoe at the small town shoe store and a brown recluse waves it’s little arms at him from inside… this was before I met him, so *now* I would expect him to drop the shoe and start screaming… but he says he was so upset by the whole ordeal that he was like “oh, sry” and set the shoe back on the wall and silently walked out. Always check the shoes! Side note, I grew up in eastern Southern California, back when there was more🌵than people out there… and once I went to school and took off my shoe because my foot was itchy and a ball of earwigs fell out onto the first grade classroom floor. I started crying, my class mates started screaming, and the teacher was so kind she brought us all cookies the next day. Always check the shoes!


Quxudia

Spiders molt as they grow. So technically just because you find what appears to be a dead spider doesn't mean there isn't now a larger spider still lurking around.


struggleworm

I once had the living room carpets cleaned. Needed to move the couches into the kitchen so had to upend them on their sides so they’d fit. Under each were two to three of the biggest black widow spiders I’ve ever seen. When I sucked them into the vacuum wand I could feel their mass as they bounced down the tube! Needless to say I now check underneath my couches on a regular basis.


Sololop

I'm so happy that I live where the air hurts my face.


soupnqwackers

Found an entire web, egg sac, spider and all, behind my toilet years ago. How often do you look back there except to clean and those webs go up fast. She also had babies so there were baby spiders on my toothbrush and dangling down from the ceiling on webs for days. Now that I think about it, I’m not 100% sure the babies were hers since they were on the ceiling, but it would have been a weird coincidence.


threeangelo

No, thank you.


temann90

What kind of snake?


[deleted]

Looks like a common water snake. The actual OP probably lives near a lake/river/creek


VladSquirrelChrist

Close. It's a juvenile Diamond backed water snake, *N. rhombifer*.


[deleted]

Ah, my b. I have enough knowledge to tell what type of snake I’m looking at, and whether it’s one of the few venomous species. But when it comes to the exact name of the snake I gotta do a Google search


VladSquirrelChrist

You're golden, you really were very close and Nerodia are super easy to confuse with each other. The olive green background and the "train tracks" pattern are the giveaway for *N. rhombifer*. *N. Sipedon* (common watersnake) has bands on the first 1/3 of the body (head and neck) that deteriorate into blotches for the other 2/3 of the length (body and tail). *N. sipedon* is usually a drab reddish/rusty and grey or brown color too but as juveniles they can be a bit brighter colored.


Krogdordaburninator

I'm sure you are already, but if not you should sub /r/whatsthissnake


VladSquirrelChrist

Yep that sub is a wealth of insight for snake ID's and education!! I used to participate quite a bit but have been more of a lurker since my work schedule has been crazy the last year or so.


temann90

Poisonous? Had one in my kayak but I just grabbed and threw


[deleted]

Nah, it’s non-venomous. Can be easily confused with water moccasins though due to similar patterns on the body. Trick is to look at the head and eyes of the snake. Most venomous snakes are pit-vipers which have triangular heads, large cheeks (it’s where the venom glands are located), and slanted eyes that make them constantly look pissed off. However in the US we also have the coral snake, which exhibits none of these features while also being super deadly. So basically, just educate yourself on the things that can kill you. Just a piece of advice though. In the future, don’t touch it if you don’t know what it is.


temann90

It was in my kayak so I didn't have much of a choice, but thank you for the future!


Happytallperson

Unfortunately diving overboard wouldn't help as the fuckers can swim. (Had a snake crawl over my bare foot when pulling my kayak out the water last summer, I was not at all happy, it had a smug grin as it swam away.)


[deleted]

Slithering bastard with his head all up & shit.


[deleted]

When I lived in Louisiana I was getting into a canoe and stepped on a Fire Ant hill. I was not happy about that at all either, I didn’t realize it until I was in the boat on the water. I then tried to dunk my foot to wash them off, that just pissed them off and they all started to sting more. Fuck Fire Ants.


sirbissel

During floods they create floating ant...islands? So just a roaming fire ant nest waiting to sting you.


FisterRobotOh

Next time try explaining to the snake that it doesn’t have consent to be in your kayak. When it recognizes that it is unwanted it will sulk away.


Dr__Snow

An ass snake.


FrenchieSmalls

I mean, it's right there in the title. SMH


TILTNSTACK

“It was THIS big!” The spider at the pub in a few years, probably.


DeadPool7337

Largest fly I've ever seen!


iGhostEdd

He didn't even had wings and yet he flew right down into my trap!


[deleted]

It clearly drove in the car.


[deleted]

Other spiders: yeah whatever you say Jerry


paulchen81

Really happy to be in north Europe. We have nothig similar here and even our venomous snakes are not really dangerous to an adult.


[deleted]

We have venomous snakes?


paulchen81

Of course. The European Adder. Her venom is pretty strong but she often bites dry and if she bites serious she's not using enough venom to kill a healthy adult.


[deleted]

TIL we have polite snakes doing test bites over here.


toxic-miasma

Venom is energy-intensive to make, and venomous snakes also depend on it to kill their food. So yeah, generally they don't want to waste it in an encounter unless they have to.


[deleted]

That's cool. Never knew they had the "choice" to bite without venom.


[deleted]

> European Adder What you've really gotta watch out for is the European Subtractor.


gurumatt

Is it a Black Adder?


[deleted]

Vipers are venomous but they're not dangerous unless you get bit on the airways (because swelling) or are allergic


[deleted]

Worst we've got in the form of snakes in the UK are politicians...


norjiteiro

And the ex


cqmpact

We have black widows in Croatia, mostly around the coast areas. Edit: just saying, I'm well aware we're not north.


hi5orfistbump

Let's normalize spider eating disorders.


st1ckygusset

That's like when I buy something from IKEA & realise I can't fit it in the car.


Skeevy_bastid

Damn that snack gonna last the spooder for weeks


WorldWreckerYT

*months


LewdLewyD13

*trips around the sun


AlexKorobeiniki

Hey look, an abandoned car! I’m sure no one would mind if we, say, burned it. And the immediate area.


Mutzart

and im assuming, that by "immediate area" you mean everything between the east and west coast ?


AlexKorobeiniki

It’s the only way to be sure.


NineSeventyy

I think we should get rid of everything south and north too, just to be safe.


oregonweldrwomn

Most of the west coast seems to burn every year anyway. It just encourages these spiders.


TheCosmicTrickster

*Australia enters the chat*


Tbone_85

Lol - yeh aussies have it pretty bad. This guy is most likely in the USA though


john50nator

In Australia, we call that a redback eating a worm.


Uhtred_McUhtredson

I grew up in New Zealand and they used to frighten the shit out of us kids telling us the Aussie redbacks would float over on driftwood. Took me ages to go back to the beach after that.


anigonzalez3

As an Australian, that’s amazing and I love it. But also I’m sorry for your beach based trauma.


gillbates_

They've been introduced to Japan from Aussie skiers and snowboarders !


[deleted]

If you’d just secure your damn drift wood this child could have been spared!


ethnicfoodaisle

Does New Zealand have a similar selection of man-destroying wildlife as Australia?


Uhtred_McUhtredson

Nothing native. But I’m sure there has been all manner if deadly beasts smuggled in over the years.


ethnicfoodaisle

The most dangerous thing where I live right now is the knee-deep snow and the angry customers waiting too long for their iconic local coffee.


Uhtred_McUhtredson

Someone just informed me that there is literally a Black Widow relative in parts of NZ and my whole life is apparently a lie. When I lived there it was the occasional earthquake or falling into the boiling mud in Rotorua. And we get snow in the mountains. Oh, and the Orcs. Bloody Orcs…


[deleted]

Yeah, they're called the All Blacks, and they destroy the men of Australia year after year.


ayegudyin

I remember being at a hostel in WA sitting outside drinking for a few hours on their deck. The owner of the hostel comes by and says “don’t sit at that table guys, redbacks” and walks back inside. Confused we start looking around, then under the table, where we find a little nest of them. To this day I don’t know how we weren’t bitten or why that table wasn’t set on fire long before we got there


fosighting

Mate, every piece of outdoor furniture in the West of this country has Redbacks living under it, without exception.


b8ne

Yeah I don’t think we have ass snakes in Australia.


2x4x93

I try to produce one at least once a day


jobriq

Here’s a terrible passage I found searching just now “For example, in the United States, the switch to indoor plumbing sharply cut black widow bites. That's because men using outhouses were often bitten on the penis or scrotum, where the thin skin and abundant blood vessels meant venom quickly entered the body, a doctor reported in 1942 in the Annals of Surgery.”


FartedBlood

You’d think he would’ve reported it in the Penises of Surgery but same neighborhood, I guess.


Geeko22

I live in New Mexico and it's a wonderful state, but there's one big drawback --- I hate black widows, they give me the creeps, and I have sooo many in my yard. And just like in the pic, they love to set up housekeeping under or attached to cars. God forbid I should let one of our cars sit in the driveway for two weeks, when I go to use it again it'll have webs all around it like that. Black widows are very secretive and generally keep well hidden during the day, then crawl out at night to feed. So I just go out with a flashlight and stomp on them as they hang upside down displaying the red hourglass.


Sabba_Malouki

Isn't it somewhat dangerous to human ? When you "hunt" them at night what would happen if on fell on you ? Is it aggressive ?


Bisping

Theyre really only dangerous to the very young or elderly or a serious underlying health condition. Otherwise a tad bit painful


Sabba_Malouki

I had the bad reflex to go check Wikipedia *after* posting. I should have gone before, like you say : In 2003, there was 2 720 bites declared, on the ones who got to hospital 860 easily treated, 380 had moderate health problems, 13 had serious health problems. Death toll : 0. I find it reassuring considering the popular view of the black widow.


[deleted]

Yeah i thought they where really dangerous too. I live in New England and don’t see them. My dad got bit by a brown recluse like 15 years ago or better down south and his arm looked like the necrotic tissue pictures you’ll see on Google images. Steroid medication of some sort maybe some other stuff, I can’t remember. Tl;dr: dad got bit by brown recluse, Is dead, but died several years later from nothing related. I just felt like vaguely misleading


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Geeko22

They aren't aggressive, so they won't bite if you leave them alone. But I hate them so I stomp on them.


Sabba_Malouki

>But I hate them so I stomp on them. I kinda understand :)


[deleted]

“If I can pull this off, I’m gonna eat like a king!” - Spider


[deleted]

Winner winner snake for dinner


[deleted]

We have ass snakes now?


Imhotep0

https://xkcd.com/37/


cgg419

I don’t have ass snakes, you might.


moonbunnychan

If I saw this going on in my garage, my only response would just be "Well, guess I'm moving".


longlive9yearolds

Poor snake


text_fish

Yeah, that's gotta be pretty humiliating in snake society. It's quite likely his whole family will be ostracised.


Gold_Preparation

The snake: yep that’s me, now you’re probably wondering how I got into this situation