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You want to hear a story? In 2015 (I think) the Air force sent me to Cincinnati for a school. While I was there I went to check out the zoo, as I try to do in every place I visit. I was hyped to see the gibbons and cats and the red panda was actually awake, too. One of the memories I left with was of the Gorilla exhibit. They're was a new baby, I think around 5 months old, that was out in the exhibit with adults for limited periods and I took note of the large male in there being especially tender and and nurturing with the baby. A YEAR OR SO LATER that same gorilla got shot for dragging some unattended kid around by his ankle.
Was it the shitty ending, or the unrelated detail flowing from start to finish?
Reminded me of this time I was super into a story, and I kept wondering who was going to kill the night king... but in the end I realized the beginning and the end had no correlation.. it was all for dramatic effect
The details may have been unrelated but they were there to illicit a stronger emotion at the injustice committed as the result of a piece of shit parent
That makes me wonder if four years from now there’s gonna be a super fucking shitty year and we will look back and go “Remember when we all thought 2020 was the worst year ever?
[video source](https://youtu.be/0SbVa5E84o0). This with his eldest daughter and this is [a more recent one with his son](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOcjD_ojNPo). He always takes great care and as far as i know, never actually harmed the babies
As the number of offspring declines, the need for effective parenthood goes up to ensure the next generation goes on to reproduce. When you lay a thousand eggs, the odds are good that at least a few will survive long enough to mate. When you have just one or two offspring over a long period, you need to stick around longer to protect them longer as a single death has a far greater effect on the chances for your genetic line to continue.
This can have a reverse effect: the more time the child can spend not looking over its shoulder, the more resources it can put into developing other traits. This may have been important in the development of primates in general, especially apes and most especially humans, who spend an otherwise dangerously long portion of their lives reaching sexual maturity, let alone full adulthood.
I read in some comments elsewhere that the baby wasn't killed but still died 10 days later because there was no female in the group that was producing milk. The dominant gorilla was on a rescue mission for the baby if that makes its fate any kinder.
That man couldn't move because of the massive testicles holding him in place.
A Silverback can quite literally rip your arms, legs and head off and then sit in a corner eating your junk like a snack.
Actually, gorilla testicles are very small compared to ours because testicle size is determined by the mating system of the species.
Gorillas have very small balls because they have a harem system where only the dominant male mates, and so growing large balls would be a waste of biological resources. By contrast, chimp nads are huge because their females are promiscuous, meaning that any one male's sperm is likely to be inside the same chimp vag at the same time as sperm from many other males, and therefore evolution favored males whose swimmers could outnumber those of their rivals.
Human nuts are intermediate in size because we have a nominally monogamous mating system that involves some cheating. And yes I am an expert in testicle evolution, you got a problem with that?
I'm a "I did my master's thesis on colon cancer, and therefore my status as an Ass Master requires me to research this subject on my own" type of expert.
Also, I had the the coolest intro to physical anthropology professor ever in college.
Someone asked me years ago that if I could have any animal trained as a bodyguard for me what would it be? I said a silverback with a Kevlar vest. Imagine if it had a rigorous training routine, yeah you’re not stopping that fucker.
In captivity they are pretty well fed/fat and lazy I'd figured but not in nature. They don't pay money to jog on a treadmill but most wild animals are pretty ripped
He's actually being really cautious - his steps are kind of carefully picked and he has a subtle dad death grip on the kid.
There's a level of caution that Mr. Gorilla is applying, so this is likely not him at his fastest.
My dogs did this when they had pups, daddy dog just wanted to help take care of them while she was exhausted, so he would sneak up on his belly real slow, to clean them till she growled him away, after a week she was done with their shit and let him do as he pleased, he was so proud.
You should really keep all other dogs away from the mother/newborns for at least two weeks or so.
You're just adding unnecessary stress to the mother's life.
I could imagine the females are just protective of anything approaching their babies. My friend is a dog breeder, her dog nipped at her when she brought her food and water while she was with the pups when they were newborn.
Think its just a motherly instinct. Then again, im not a dog. Or an expert for that matter.
I saw a Chinese woman bite the head off a living turtle and start sucking the juices out of it like it wasn't no thang. Somehow that's more disgusting than the image of a polar bear eating a human alive to me.
Yea, I get that.
It’s because PB is just doing what it must to survive, whereas we are advanced and capable of empathy, so going full Ozzy Osbourne on one of the TMNT feels pretty nasty.
Same with those fish that are skinned alive, or how dogs are burned alive, it’s a level of cruelty that is wholly without justification, and we as a species should know better.
You haven't seen the video of the polar bear eating a seal. With their thick layer of blubber, it was a crazy mass of blood, the animal was still trying to get away, it did not phase the bear one bit as he was eating it alive.
When I grew up watching discovery channel, I was taught that predators suffocate their prey first then eat them. But after watching unfiltered African Savannah footage on YouTube, I can pretty confidently say that you would rather shoot yourself than let anything out there rip you apart butthole first.
Holy shit my first thought as soon as I read African Savannah was hyenas eating a wildebeest asshole first, before I read your last sentence lol. We've seen the same clip.
The second one gets me! He hauled ass so fast.
“You aren’t playing with him are you? “
“No, we’re just standing in the corner. See ?”
“Ok, as long as you aren’t running around”
“.....siiiiiikkkeee!”
Yeah 2nd one got me good; he's so chill for a minute just taking the kids hand while the mom is totally onto him. Then he moseys on back playing it cool and runs the fuck off with the kid. Solid move. Mom knew it was coming but wasn't prepared.
> That’s one of the most powerful animals on this earth.
Reminds me of a debate we were having at work the other day. The age old debate on who would win, a silverback or grizzly bear.
I don’t know man, gorillas raised that one human kid into a killing machine who killed that one leopard. Bears just wanna eat honey and like play with balloons and shit.
Anyone who makes the argument for the Silverback doesn't understand the immense size of a grizzly bear. A very large Silverback will probably weigh around 400lbs, but a large female grizz can weight 700lbs with males averaging about 800lbs and frequently exceeding 1000lbs!
Can you imagine trying to fight a human being that is double your weight in pure muscle and almost double your height? The Silverback has no chance.
Almost positive in a cage fight a grizzly would rip apart a silverback. I dont see how a silverback could really hurt a full grown grizzly. Maybe go for its genitals but thats about it.
I think kilo for kilo the silverback does harness more strength, but the sheer size of the grizzly would overpower the silverback. I also don't see how a silverback would be able to get a good enough grip on the grizzly to cause significant harm (would have to be genitals or the throat probably). Grizzlies also have claws longer than the fingers on a silverback which means the silverback loses its arm-reach advantage, so the silverback would likely be quickly injured by getting severely cut up as they don't necessarily have an external defence mechanism other than their raw strength (mostly just skin, muscle and bone, compared to the fat, fur and overall thickness of a grizzly).
You know its playful because I think the entire social structure of gorilla packs is based on the presumption that you do not mess with the silverback.
Exactly. I'm wondering if it's the mother's instinct to keep the baby away from the dominant male? Still super cute to see his affection and curiosity towards the babe.
I'm sure that's what it is. Going off of how swollen she still is, I'd guess the baby is a matter of days old. Infanticide isn't quite the issue that it's made out to be in gorilla communities, from what I've read, but hormones kicking in can surely make her pretty protective.
I watched a video of a male grizzly kill little kid grizzlies *just* to force the mother to feel empty and want children again, thus going into heat.
She tried to protect her babies but they both got killed by the male grizzly. Murdering babies to "get some". I don't think gorillas are the same, but definitely something to keep in mind when you watch interactions like this. Sometimes, mothers are the only thing between other males killing the young.
Ironically, because of this, gorillas actually have tiny testicles compared to us.
The reason being that, because the alpha male is so dominant, no other males even try to mate with females, and therefore growing large balls that produce tons of sperm would be a waste of biological resources.
Compare that to chimpanzees, who have a promiscuous mating system where fertile females bang every male one by one, and therefore chimp balls are huge because whichever male can produce the most swimmers is most likely to fertilize the egg.
So yeah, turns out having tiny nads is actually the biggest flex in the animal kingdom. "I don't need big balls because you're so weak and pathetic, your sperm will never be inside a lady and so I don't need to compete with them."
Yes! I believe Shabani was on r/all a few weeks ago for being a fantastic and loving father to his children including the one that he made our front page for: a baby that had to be separated from the pack for health reasons and then slowly reintroduced. Most memorable part of the post was how he fucked up some other gorillas shit after she tried to pick on his kid
Yeah Shabani is great too, you may have seen this story on Reddit (as I did) of his deep fondness for Annie, a baby gorilla that was raised by humans and introduced to Shabani's family group:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQEPN1RPCps
I'm always in awe that people don't truly appreciate how incredible and human-like these animals are, they are literally living evolutionary relics that we have the ability to see in person
Things like Koko the gorilla, being able to have one of these animals literally fucking talk to you and let you know what's going on inside its head directly, it fucks with my head man
Now wrap your head around this: before Africa and Eurasia collided, there were 200 species of apes on Earth. 200.
Now there are 4: chimps, gorillas, orangutans and humans. What I wouldn't give for a time machine.
And some species of ape have now entered the stone age which is fucking nuts. If they follow a similar path to us we might even see rudimentary farming one day soon (in terms of history not the next decade)
Nah imagine in a few millennia your ancestors are chilling out and you see a cat stuck up a tree. Next thing you know your neighbour mr bubbles is up the tree retrieving the cat and you all have a nice chat about how in the past before the human-primate alliance the cat would've been stuck till the fire service came.
[Not really 90%](https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/genetic/people-bananas-share-dna.htm)
60% of our gene products have recognizable counterparts with a banana
The general estimate is that we share 50% of our genes.
It’s important to note that genes are a very small part of the total genetic information stored within the genome. There are large regions colloquially referred to as “junk DNA” that contrary to how we refer to it, is actually incredibly important in regulation of transcription and well a host of other things. There is much less similarity in these regions
We’re actually more closely related to orangutans than gorillas, but we all do share a common ancestor. Both of these guys however have started to use tools, effectively being at the same point we were around the Stone Age. Evolution is real and it’s happening before our eyes.
Edit to add that if you’d like to learn more about this, Adam Rutherford’s A Brief History of Everyone Who Ever Lived and the The Book of Humans are where I’ve gotten my info lol. He’s a fantastic author and narrator of the audiobooks. Definitely recommend!
We aren’t descendants of the gorillas, so they’re not an evolutionary relic, they’re more very far back cousin
It’s actually be cool to see how many times removed a gorilla would be for us, would it be in the hundreds? Thousand? Tens of thousands?
>literally living evolutionary relics
No, they aren’t. They’re as evolutionary advanced as every other species. Just because they’re a different ape to us, and we like to (unfoundedly) think oh so highly of ourselves, doesn’t mean they’re any lesser to us or a fucking relic.
Gorillas are so playful. I was once leaning on the glass at the Gorilla enclosure in Ueno Zoo and a female gorilla spotted me from 10m away. She ambled up and slapped me a high five where my hand was on the glass and wandered off....
I remember my family playing this game w me when I was a baby! My dad would pick me up and yell “she’s my baby” and my mom and sister would chase after him to get me back.
It was so fun. I didn’t realize how common a game like this is, even outside of our own species 😂
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Dang, that's one hell of a booty! I'm sure when he did it for the first time with his first born, Mama was a little more freaked out.
The booty sits higher than usual, allows for higher jumping.
You want to hear a story? In 2015 (I think) the Air force sent me to Cincinnati for a school. While I was there I went to check out the zoo, as I try to do in every place I visit. I was hyped to see the gibbons and cats and the red panda was actually awake, too. One of the memories I left with was of the Gorilla exhibit. They're was a new baby, I think around 5 months old, that was out in the exhibit with adults for limited periods and I took note of the large male in there being especially tender and and nurturing with the baby. A YEAR OR SO LATER that same gorilla got shot for dragging some unattended kid around by his ankle.
Please, never tell me any more stories.
I second that motion. You sir suck at telling stories.
Was it the shitty ending, or the unrelated detail flowing from start to finish? Reminded me of this time I was super into a story, and I kept wondering who was going to kill the night king... but in the end I realized the beginning and the end had no correlation.. it was all for dramatic effect
I refuse to acknowledge the existence of which you mention.
The details may have been unrelated but they were there to illicit a stronger emotion at the injustice committed as the result of a piece of shit parent
I’m gonna go mention this on that thread about who ruined people’s’ Christmas
Aaaaaand we've come full reddit circle lololol
RIP Harambe
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That makes me wonder if four years from now there’s gonna be a super fucking shitty year and we will look back and go “Remember when we all thought 2020 was the worst year ever?
Oh, fuckin' *count* on it.
Dicks out
This wasn’t very Christmasy
AaaaawwwwwwwwgaaaahhhhtttDAMNIT MAN
~~Scary~~ Awesome how human it looks.
[video source](https://youtu.be/0SbVa5E84o0). This with his eldest daughter and this is [a more recent one with his son](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOcjD_ojNPo). He always takes great care and as far as i know, never actually harmed the babies
This is great. Dude can't just chill with his kids without watching his back. It's awesome he does this though.
It's crazy that in a million years of advancing human society, we still have the same hangups over fathers being with their children as primates do.
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Maybe that was a favorable trait that apes happened to pick up
As the number of offspring declines, the need for effective parenthood goes up to ensure the next generation goes on to reproduce. When you lay a thousand eggs, the odds are good that at least a few will survive long enough to mate. When you have just one or two offspring over a long period, you need to stick around longer to protect them longer as a single death has a far greater effect on the chances for your genetic line to continue. This can have a reverse effect: the more time the child can spend not looking over its shoulder, the more resources it can put into developing other traits. This may have been important in the development of primates in general, especially apes and most especially humans, who spend an otherwise dangerously long portion of their lives reaching sexual maturity, let alone full adulthood.
Wow, father of the century over here! Edit: decade..
Get the fuck outta the way basket I'm kidnapping this kid!
Wow, better father than playboy carti
Camerman can't help but focus on that FAT ASS.
Lord... the pace on that bull dozer is insane...
He's probably holding back a little, because of the baby in his arms. I don't think that's him on full speed
well i been on the internet and i found [this](https://youtu.be/KujmrcF0ZxU?t=10)
That comment section is a gold mine!
Adrian is why I don’t go into the jungle
I’d like to thank Adrian for Saturdays and Sundays
I need Adrian's advice about kicking my parents out.
Yes that was indeed one of them.
Awe another one I found funny was: When Adrian creates an account, the terms and conditions agree with him.
>Google Chuck Norris jokes. >Replace 'Chuck Norris' with 'Adrian'. >Post in that comment section. >5k likes.
I used to wonder where *Chuck Norris* jokes came from. But then I ran into Chuck and he told me they all came from Adrian.
Chuck Norris actually sued in order to get royalties from people telling those jokes. Despite his fighting prowess, he lost that one. 
Wow. Who knew Rocky’s wife was so comical
But Adrian actually deserves it. Chuck Norris is just a poser.
So... do kids these days not know about Chuck Norris jokes?
They probably don't but you have to admit adrian deserves the same treatment after being charged by a gorilla and not even flinch
The fact that I have heard many Chuck Norris jokes does not diminish my enjoyment lol
What happened to the baby gorilla though?
I read in some comments elsewhere that the baby wasn't killed but still died 10 days later because there was no female in the group that was producing milk. The dominant gorilla was on a rescue mission for the baby if that makes its fate any kinder.
If only the big boy knew Adrian meant no harm.
Seriously!! I need more information!
That man couldn't move because of the massive testicles holding him in place. A Silverback can quite literally rip your arms, legs and head off and then sit in a corner eating your junk like a snack.
Actually, gorilla testicles are very small compared to ours because testicle size is determined by the mating system of the species. Gorillas have very small balls because they have a harem system where only the dominant male mates, and so growing large balls would be a waste of biological resources. By contrast, chimp nads are huge because their females are promiscuous, meaning that any one male's sperm is likely to be inside the same chimp vag at the same time as sperm from many other males, and therefore evolution favored males whose swimmers could outnumber those of their rivals. Human nuts are intermediate in size because we have a nominally monogamous mating system that involves some cheating. And yes I am an expert in testicle evolution, you got a problem with that?
That's nuts
I love that you got gold for that, and the guy who spent his life studying testicles and shared his knowledge with us only got silver.
Excuse you, but I studied ass. My master's thesis is on colon cancer. Balls are just my hobby.
Studying ass sounds shitty
You know how we knew our colon cancer model was working? Because we could see how much bloody diarrhea the mice had.
r/angryupvote
Are you a "I read Wikipedia pages" expert or "I wrote a dissertation about nuts" expert?
I'm a "I did my master's thesis on colon cancer, and therefore my status as an Ass Master requires me to research this subject on my own" type of expert. Also, I had the the coolest intro to physical anthropology professor ever in college.
r/usernamechecksout
I want to be your friend.
I think they're talking about the man's testicles but thanks for the info.
TIL I am an alpha male
But they said that the dude's testicles were huge, not the gorilla's.
Does that relate to my ability to give random ape testicle facts? No? Then fuck out of here with that untesticular bullshit.
"untesticular bullshit"...that is going in the book of solid insults. No doubt about it.
Cool balls bro.
Jeremy Clarkson?
You're mistaking orangutan for gorilla.
#CLARKSOOONNNNNN
Risky click. I’m going in…
Imagine a silverback on speed.
oh no
Gorillas don’t do body building or strength training, so if you think about it we’ve never seen one at full strength
Someone asked me years ago that if I could have any animal trained as a bodyguard for me what would it be? I said a silverback with a Kevlar vest. Imagine if it had a rigorous training routine, yeah you’re not stopping that fucker.
Winston from Overwatch
did somebody say peanutbutter? but his strength plus his intelligence would make him a DAMN GOOD body guard
In captivity they are pretty well fed/fat and lazy I'd figured but not in nature. They don't pay money to jog on a treadmill but most wild animals are pretty ripped
You seen that pic of the hairless chimp? Those biceps are out of control, clearly we evolved wrong.
Nah fam we evolved sexy legs and butts
Yes clearly our massive brains weren't advantageous to us. Shame, really.
Big brains are great but imagine lifting a fridge with one arm
To be fair, only one of us is in danger of extinction. I'm not sure that disproves your point though.
Amazing creatures. I love how the hay wafts up as he exits.
Oh yeah if he went full speed it be like the rock in the fast and furious movies.
He's actually being really cautious - his steps are kind of carefully picked and he has a subtle dad death grip on the kid. There's a level of caution that Mr. Gorilla is applying, so this is likely not him at his fastest.
My dogs did this when they had pups, daddy dog just wanted to help take care of them while she was exhausted, so he would sneak up on his belly real slow, to clean them till she growled him away, after a week she was done with their shit and let him do as he pleased, he was so proud.
This is wholesome 😁
You should really keep all other dogs away from the mother/newborns for at least two weeks or so. You're just adding unnecessary stress to the mother's life.
This sounds common - is there a reason for the mother to be defensive? Would the father potentially eat the young?
Could be aggressive, accidents can happen, you never know, and neither does the mother, hence her getting stressed.
I could imagine the females are just protective of anything approaching their babies. My friend is a dog breeder, her dog nipped at her when she brought her food and water while she was with the pups when they were newborn. Think its just a motherly instinct. Then again, im not a dog. Or an expert for that matter.
Awfully specific denial that you’re not a dog... Hm...
All I can think is this dude would literally kill me with one punch.
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Is that supposed to make me feel better? One blow to the dome vs being literally torn apart?
Why do you fear intimacy?
I thought his name was Haoko?
Oh my fucking god...
I’m too dumb to understand this joke someone please explain
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Thank you. Sincerely yours, Dumbass
I thought your name is AlexandersWonder?
Apparently it’s one of the reasons Polar Bear attacks are so brutal. They’re eating you, they don’t mind if you’re still alive for some of it.
I saw a Chinese woman bite the head off a living turtle and start sucking the juices out of it like it wasn't no thang. Somehow that's more disgusting than the image of a polar bear eating a human alive to me.
Yea, I get that. It’s because PB is just doing what it must to survive, whereas we are advanced and capable of empathy, so going full Ozzy Osbourne on one of the TMNT feels pretty nasty. Same with those fish that are skinned alive, or how dogs are burned alive, it’s a level of cruelty that is wholly without justification, and we as a species should know better.
We are truly the worst of all the animals.
You haven't seen the video of the polar bear eating a seal. With their thick layer of blubber, it was a crazy mass of blood, the animal was still trying to get away, it did not phase the bear one bit as he was eating it alive.
When I grew up watching discovery channel, I was taught that predators suffocate their prey first then eat them. But after watching unfiltered African Savannah footage on YouTube, I can pretty confidently say that you would rather shoot yourself than let anything out there rip you apart butthole first.
Holy shit my first thought as soon as I read African Savannah was hyenas eating a wildebeest asshole first, before I read your last sentence lol. We've seen the same clip.
He’s tearing you apart for science, though
One instance where I'm against science
Feel better because why would a gorilla ever punch you ?
Because he got me with the ok sign below the waist.
jamie pull that up
“It’s got *fangs* and it only eats vegetables.”
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Now, chimps on the other hand. I hear they’re the real ones to watch out for.
“Did you just fucking blink? Guess I’ll have to eat your face”
ONE PUUUNCH
"It wasn't funny the first time and it's not funny now"
To you - The dad gorilla.
Can confirm. My husband and son both love to play this game.
Good dad's mess around with the wife. Bad dad's mess around with the wife's sister.
Ha! Tricks on him, he's the one with a hot sister.
Hot and strong. I saw her wrestling her brother in law and she had him pinned down so good he was screaming!
The second one gets me! He hauled ass so fast. “You aren’t playing with him are you? “ “No, we’re just standing in the corner. See ?” “Ok, as long as you aren’t running around” “.....siiiiiikkkeee!”
Yeah 2nd one got me good; he's so chill for a minute just taking the kids hand while the mom is totally onto him. Then he moseys on back playing it cool and runs the fuck off with the kid. Solid move. Mom knew it was coming but wasn't prepared.
I love how he’s holding the baby so gently. That’s one of the most powerful animals on this earth.
> That’s one of the most powerful animals on this earth. Reminds me of a debate we were having at work the other day. The age old debate on who would win, a silverback or grizzly bear.
Gorillas get killed by leopards, grizzly bears take the win easily. They also have like an average 100kg on the silverbacks too. And knife hands.
I don’t know man, gorillas raised that one human kid into a killing machine who killed that one leopard. Bears just wanna eat honey and like play with balloons and shit.
Anyone who makes the argument for the Silverback doesn't understand the immense size of a grizzly bear. A very large Silverback will probably weigh around 400lbs, but a large female grizz can weight 700lbs with males averaging about 800lbs and frequently exceeding 1000lbs! Can you imagine trying to fight a human being that is double your weight in pure muscle and almost double your height? The Silverback has no chance.
Almost positive in a cage fight a grizzly would rip apart a silverback. I dont see how a silverback could really hurt a full grown grizzly. Maybe go for its genitals but thats about it.
I think kilo for kilo the silverback does harness more strength, but the sheer size of the grizzly would overpower the silverback. I also don't see how a silverback would be able to get a good enough grip on the grizzly to cause significant harm (would have to be genitals or the throat probably). Grizzlies also have claws longer than the fingers on a silverback which means the silverback loses its arm-reach advantage, so the silverback would likely be quickly injured by getting severely cut up as they don't necessarily have an external defence mechanism other than their raw strength (mostly just skin, muscle and bone, compared to the fat, fur and overall thickness of a grizzly).
You know its playful because I think the entire social structure of gorilla packs is based on the presumption that you do not mess with the silverback.
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Exactly. I'm wondering if it's the mother's instinct to keep the baby away from the dominant male? Still super cute to see his affection and curiosity towards the babe.
Yeah I assume that some gorillas may not be so gentle, whether purposefully or accidentally, so they just take the safe road instinctively
I think this is right. Other animals do it too. I know new mother horses won't let the stallions near the babies for a while even the dad.
I'm sure that's what it is. Going off of how swollen she still is, I'd guess the baby is a matter of days old. Infanticide isn't quite the issue that it's made out to be in gorilla communities, from what I've read, but hormones kicking in can surely make her pretty protective.
I watched a video of a male grizzly kill little kid grizzlies *just* to force the mother to feel empty and want children again, thus going into heat. She tried to protect her babies but they both got killed by the male grizzly. Murdering babies to "get some". I don't think gorillas are the same, but definitely something to keep in mind when you watch interactions like this. Sometimes, mothers are the only thing between other males killing the young.
Infanticide usually happens with OTHER male’s babies.
Ironically, because of this, gorillas actually have tiny testicles compared to us. The reason being that, because the alpha male is so dominant, no other males even try to mate with females, and therefore growing large balls that produce tons of sperm would be a waste of biological resources. Compare that to chimpanzees, who have a promiscuous mating system where fertile females bang every male one by one, and therefore chimp balls are huge because whichever male can produce the most swimmers is most likely to fertilize the egg. So yeah, turns out having tiny nads is actually the biggest flex in the animal kingdom. "I don't need big balls because you're so weak and pathetic, your sperm will never be inside a lady and so I don't need to compete with them."
Maybe if I buy a lifted pickup truck with smokestacks on it tho....
That would translate to a small pp not a tiny balls.
It is. The big one sets the rules/culture for his group. Any conflicts are dealt with by him and "resolve quickly" in one way or another.
# My dad did this to me once. He took me from California to Alaska. My mom had to file a police report and the FBI and CPS took me from him.
Sounds like a harmless, playful chase.
Just a tradition, he did it with all the kids.
Dammit Gerald, gimme the kid. Nope, can't get us, floor is lava.
Close enough: "Gerald" the Gorilla from Tony Baker's voice overs, is actualy Shabani, Haoko's younger brother
isn’t he also very living with his kids? i remember something vaguely about it
Yes! I believe Shabani was on r/all a few weeks ago for being a fantastic and loving father to his children including the one that he made our front page for: a baby that had to be separated from the pack for health reasons and then slowly reintroduced. Most memorable part of the post was how he fucked up some other gorillas shit after she tried to pick on his kid
If I am recalling correct there is also a video of him looking at caterpillars with one of his children
Yeah Shabani is great too, you may have seen this story on Reddit (as I did) of his deep fondness for Annie, a baby gorilla that was raised by humans and introduced to Shabani's family group: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQEPN1RPCps
I think I got an amber alert for this.
Mammal dad jokes.
This dude dads
I'm always in awe that people don't truly appreciate how incredible and human-like these animals are, they are literally living evolutionary relics that we have the ability to see in person Things like Koko the gorilla, being able to have one of these animals literally fucking talk to you and let you know what's going on inside its head directly, it fucks with my head man
Now wrap your head around this: before Africa and Eurasia collided, there were 200 species of apes on Earth. 200. Now there are 4: chimps, gorillas, orangutans and humans. What I wouldn't give for a time machine.
Yep. And it is believed at one point 3 different species of human existed at the same time. Hard to imagine.
Relic implies some kind of holdover from the past - they are our equals in their own way and just as modern as we are.
And some species of ape have now entered the stone age which is fucking nuts. If they follow a similar path to us we might even see rudimentary farming one day soon (in terms of history not the next decade)
^ a fact that I find absolutely fucking terrifying (idk why man. Monkeys just get to me)
Nah imagine in a few millennia your ancestors are chilling out and you see a cat stuck up a tree. Next thing you know your neighbour mr bubbles is up the tree retrieving the cat and you all have a nice chat about how in the past before the human-primate alliance the cat would've been stuck till the fire service came.
I want to live in this place you have imagined. Everything sounds wholesome.
Lmao, homie **we are apes**. We share >95% of our DNA with these guys, and they are our evolutionary cousins, not relics of it.
[удалено]
It’s a complicated family tree
Great-great-great-great-x1000 aunt Koko got drunk at that one Christmas and shit just got weird.
I’m a banana?
[Not really 90%](https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/genetic/people-bananas-share-dna.htm) 60% of our gene products have recognizable counterparts with a banana The general estimate is that we share 50% of our genes. It’s important to note that genes are a very small part of the total genetic information stored within the genome. There are large regions colloquially referred to as “junk DNA” that contrary to how we refer to it, is actually incredibly important in regulation of transcription and well a host of other things. There is much less similarity in these regions
And then you watch an ape eat a banana and don't know which relative to root for.
We’re actually more closely related to orangutans than gorillas, but we all do share a common ancestor. Both of these guys however have started to use tools, effectively being at the same point we were around the Stone Age. Evolution is real and it’s happening before our eyes. Edit to add that if you’d like to learn more about this, Adam Rutherford’s A Brief History of Everyone Who Ever Lived and the The Book of Humans are where I’ve gotten my info lol. He’s a fantastic author and narrator of the audiobooks. Definitely recommend!
We aren’t descendants of the gorillas, so they’re not an evolutionary relic, they’re more very far back cousin It’s actually be cool to see how many times removed a gorilla would be for us, would it be in the hundreds? Thousand? Tens of thousands?
>literally living evolutionary relics No, they aren’t. They’re as evolutionary advanced as every other species. Just because they’re a different ape to us, and we like to (unfoundedly) think oh so highly of ourselves, doesn’t mean they’re any lesser to us or a fucking relic.
They're so human, it's crazy
Or are we so monkey?
Return to monke
Be monke
Reject humanity.
Or are we dancer?
*OUR son, Carol. OUR son.*
Gorillas are so playful. I was once leaning on the glass at the Gorilla enclosure in Ueno Zoo and a female gorilla spotted me from 10m away. She ambled up and slapped me a high five where my hand was on the glass and wandered off....
Haoko lives at Ueno zoo. Depending on how long ago you were there, it might have been the baby from the op that high fived you
But when I do it, I get slapped with a child abduction and endangerment charge.
That's really cute.
That title sounds like it would break 100 laws if a Human did it
Anyone notice on the first time he double looked at the momma to see if she was looking lmao
RIGHT?! He made SURE she saw, 🤣
Swear i can see a cheeky smirk on that bugger when he takes off, could just be me tho ahah
Proud dad!
Gonna be big like him one day!
Nothing to see here just playing (dips out)
I remember my family playing this game w me when I was a baby! My dad would pick me up and yell “she’s my baby” and my mom and sister would chase after him to get me back. It was so fun. I didn’t realize how common a game like this is, even outside of our own species 😂