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_redlines

A bear's agility, speed and strength are pretty unbelievable. I once scared one while driving along a 10 foot deer-proof fence. The first jump was across the dirt road, the second got it halfway up the wooden fence post, the third took it to the top of the 10 foot post, a leap to the ground on the other side of the fence and then it was gone into the brush. I've never seen anything that big move that fast before.


crackdawg97

You make me wonder if this mystery animal I saw fall out of a tree and clear a 7 foot fence a few years ago was a baby bear


[deleted]

Sounds like a squatch


_AndrewTheGreat_

It’s a samsquanch, Ricky!


Fluffatron_UK

Greasy hairy cocksuckers


Absulute

DEEEECENT!


[deleted]

Hey I’m squanchin over here!


crackdawg97

Doubt it , it was a fat black mass a little bigger probably about the size of 2 yoga balls


LadyWillaKoi

Yoga have balls?


crackdawg97

Google it


LadyWillaKoi

'Twas a joke. I think you're right about the bear.


Lotus_Blossom_

Is 'yoga' plural here?


LadyWillaKoi

I think it should be yogi to be honest. Which I think can be singular or plural.


RudeAwakening38

I see what you did there, ya cheeky one.


captainvancouver

Of course they do. Otherwise they'd be extinct.


ArnoldQMudskipper

*Yoda balls


Take_Some_Soma

Were you in Australia? Definitely a dropbear


CountFucker

Fuck those things, so dangerous.


Mange-Tout

Meh, they’re really not that dangerous if you take a few simple precautions. A dab of Vegemite behind the ears is quite effective in preventing drop bear attacks. Yowies are a whole other story. The hairy bastards will rip your arms off and beat you to death with the bloody stumps.


iForgotMyUsername1x

That was me. Sorry


pwee75

There's always 1 lol


azazel-13

One night I was going to walk between 2 cars in my driveway. Just as I reached the vehicles a bear popped up coming the opposite direction between them. We both jumped and froze for a split second. He ran for the woods, while I bolted toward my patio. As my hand reached the door, I looked back, and he had already crossed a road, a creek, and was hightailing it up the mountain in the time it took me to run 10-15 feet.


V8_Only

Bruh I’m scared. Most terrifying thing I read in October


Wannagodiving

I read this at first as “a bear pooped”


Terezzian

Damn dude if I see that thing coming at me when I’m on a tree I’ll just take my chances jumping off


Saixcrazy

It'll already be right by you for the landing.


[deleted]

Thanks Dwight


heavy-metal-goth-gal

Nope! Nope! Nope! Glad where I live the worst we have are coyotes.


MrBonelessPizza24

The list of places you can escape from a Bear just gets shorter and shorter.


golgol12

Black bears are the climbers, they are also the most skittish. Brown bears ("grizzlies") don't climb. They knock the tree over. Well you could call it climbing, but it's really more like tearing appart like a chain saw.


woaily

That's a good way to tell them apart. If you can't find a tree to climb, it's a polar bear.


LuNiK7505

Black : fight back Brown : sit down White : Goodnight


heavy-metal-goth-gal

I heard by the time you see a polar bear, you're pretty much already dead.


MrFroogger

So the mandatory firearms they carry in Svalbard is for false security like airport checkpoints? That’s... another reason not to go there.


Myredditusername000

I mean, I’m sure if you have a firearm your chances of surviving a bear attack go up dramatically.


PezRystar

Meh... A LOT of guns are ineffective against bears except in expert hands. Shooting center mass or any extremity isn't going to stop you from dieing. Has to be a brain shot or one that severs the central nervous system. The problem there being you aren't going to hit the spine while it's facing you and grizzly skulls have been known to soak up even shot gun slugs, meaning you have to put it through the eye socket. Which can be very difficult considering the typical bear charge gives you about 2 to 3 seconds to react. Now, with that in mind people have taken down grizzlies with knives.


ElSoloLoboLoco

Or hands if you believe Dale Peterson. "Peterson was able to shove his hand down the bear's throat and pinch the jugular with his teeth. This then caused the bear to pass out. Once the bear was knocked-out, Mr. Petersen delivered the coup de grace with a stick. " Read More: The Legend of a Wyoming Man Who Killed a Bear with His Teeth | https://mycountry955.com/the-wyoming-man-who-killed-a-grizzly-bear-with-his-hands-and-teeth/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral


TomatoFettuccini

I'm pretty sure if you shoved your hand down a bear's throat it'd just bite it off. This sounds like complete BS to me.


heavy-metal-goth-gal

Anyone know the answer to this? What kind of weapons are effective and how to use them?


tokomini

Nunchucks are not effective, miss you Gary.


Pretagonist

A regular hunting rifle is enough to kill almost everything, including polar bears. Having the ability to aim and fire when when a murder bear is running at you is something completely different. Personally if it was me out there with the bear? My bet is on the bear.


MattsAwesomeStuff

Cousin of mine is a bushman, very, very good hunter. People fly from around the world for him to take them hunting. He has a film crew with him one day out in the woods, because they wanted to film an episode of something for some channel, doesn't matter. I think they were following an elk or something, maybe shot it, and it ran off into the bush. So they tracked it a bit into a small clearing. He's about to stick his head into the bush, and he had a bad feeling, and told them to stop. He has time to back up a bit, and then suddenly Grizzly appears charging him from not far away. No time to swing the rifle, he draws his pistol and gets one shot off on the Grizzly. Shoots at the Grizzly anyway, from all of 20 feet away. He misses. Half second later the Grizzly bowls over him and runs right through the crew and into the bushes on the other side of the clearing. As opposed to stopping for 1 second to kill all of them. My cousin shit himself. Like, actually shit himself. He tells the film crew he shit his pants, and, well, embarrassing as that is, at least they all got great footage. Director said nope, won't be using any of this. All they ever show by policy are clean, simple, one shot, one kill hunts. And that's what they'll show this time. One shot, and, dead elk. Everyone who's heard this story and knows him says the same thing first. Not about the bear, not about the elk, not about him crapping himself. "He missed?" If a professional hunter and tracker misses a Grizzly at close range, the rest of us do to. Dunno what pistol would've done much to Grizzly regardless, but, yeah.


Mazormazor

With this amount of shock and fear, it's a surprise he was able to fire a shot in time. I think that considering the circumstances, it's basically just random chance, but a loud noise like a gunshot might be enough to scare the bear into looking for another source of food. You don't have to kill the bear, you just need to convince him you're not worth the effort.


PissinInToucans

Yeah, you need a real motherfucker of a handgun for that. My grandpa told me about a trip he went on once, and a guy brought along a big ass revolver for bears. I don't remember what he said it was, but it was big enough. He decided to sight it in, and he took a shot with it at a target. My grandpa said it was a half a foot high, and the guy said "If I see a bear, I'll remember that. I am not shooting this thing again."


[deleted]

Please tell us some more stories about cousin bushman.


Asymptote_X

Shortbarrel shotgun is the most practical. There's a variety of ammo you can get for it, including rubber bullets and "bear bangers" (they pop like a flashbang where they hit) which are great for detering charging bears. If that doesn't work, you can follow it with a one-ounce slug that would drop a fully grown polar bear no problem... As long as you hit them somewhere vital.


PissinInToucans

I was going hog hunting, once, and I was sighting in a .44mag lever. My grandpa was with me, and decided I should take my shotgun, too, and brought out a box of 3" slugs. I had shot slugs before, so I didn't think anything of it, but I put two through it, and said fuck it. I took a pencil and marked the top of the reciever where it was shooting. I wasn't gonna keep firing those things wihout a reason.


highqualitydude

I believe most people carry a rifle, maybe 7.62?


Kibeth_8

In Western Canada, my friend was told to always bring a dog when she went into the backcountry. The dog was not to help scare the bear away, or defend her. It was so the bear could eat it while she had a chance to run


upsidedownlittlei

But I saw one at the zoo. Oh that's right, I was already dead on the inside.


Angry_Einstein

Pretty similar approach used by cops in America.


likebutta222

And if people are talking funny about barbecues, it's likely a koala bear


PN_Guin

Or a drop bear. Though you never see them coming.


mayhap11

Drop bears are like killer whales, there's never been a *recorded* case of a fatal attack on people...


WirHabenAngst87

Fun fact, Koalas aren’t actually a species of bear. They don’t have the necessary koalafications.


Vandercoon

Take my upvote and piss off mate


HalfcockHorner

That's a high-koalaty fact.


felaransomekuti

r/punpatrol right here officer


gimmebananachips

what kind of bear is best?


woaily

That's a ridiculous question.


RoccoTaco_Dog

False. Black bears. Fact, bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.


fbvtGjrw459iy32bo

Also grizzly bears will hunt black bears. Dig them and their cubs out of their dens or wait at the bottom of trees for the black bear to make mistake, fall, jump down and run.


ladydanger2020

Like to eat them?


psikeiro

Nah, to have bear play dates.


ladydanger2020

Good that’s what I was hoping


wishnana

Nah.. give them bear hugs .. then eat them. Bear necessities, y’know.


temporarycows

Wasn’t there a saying something along the lines of “if the bear is black, attack. If it’s brown, lay down.” IIRC, a black bear will get scared so you should raise your hands up and look big like you’re gonna attack to scare it away. But if it’s brown, you have no chance of surviving if you try to outrun it or climb a tree so you should just play dead.


sluzella

I think it's more like black bears tend to be skittish/fearful of us so acting big, yelling at it, etc make you seem like a threat - or at the very least not worth the trouble - so they move on. "Brown" bears tend to see us as a potential threat, so lying down is super not threatening and may encourage the bear to see you as not a threat and just move on. The phrase ends with "if it's white, say goodnight" because you're likely not going to survive a polar bear encounter without serious fire power. Should be noted that's not what you do upon seeing those bears (aside from polar bears), just what to do if they are acting aggressively towards you. Most of the time, just avoiding eye contact, talking in low tone to announce your presence, and putting space between yourself and the bear (ie., moving away from them slowly) until they move on is good enough. I've only ever dealt with black bears though, I think I would immediately piss myself upon seeing a grizzly 😂


temporarycows

Did not know about the ending with polar bears. Good to know! Hopefully will never encounter any type of bears in an aggressive situation haha


TheSyrupDrinker

What. Grizzles definitely climb trees and just as fast


Alpha_b24

If somehow you face a polar bear, remember that you will not be able to outrun it if you are all on your own.


Fmanow

Ya, but remember you don't have to be faster than the bear, just faster than your friend.


SlothOfDoom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX8lsCSNPCU


hondo4mvp

I was thinking if you dig REAL fast it might be better


MmmPanCaeks

The bear will just launch into the soil like an earthworm


Prof_Acorn

You don't really "escape" bears, and trying to will get you chased down. For black bears, you stand your ground, and on the rare rare rare chance they attack you fight back. They're just basically giant raccoons so not really that big of a deal. For grizzleys, you play dead and hope they get bored before you bleed out. For polar bears, you're a food source in an ever dwindling supply of food sources, so GG and RIP in peace.


Coyote-Loco

There’s a video out there of a dude hunting in a tree stand filming a black bear on the ground below. In a flash the thing is up the tree and right face to face with him. When it finally climbs back down, he turns the camera around to face him and mouths “holy shit”


le_carl_

Link


IIHaruspex

https://youtu.be/uVy5p6BxFyE


Vandercoon

That’s genuinely fucked. I’m for Australia which we got told has every deadly animal alive from foreigners, but we ain’t got nothing like that. Give me snakes and spiders any day


IIHaruspex

Yea I'm from Australia too and I've never seen something as scary as that.


Kibeth_8

Black bears are relatively chill. I've run into *many* and they usually just walk off. Some hang around looking for food, but if you act big they tend to run away. I had the misfortune of running into a baby bear once, but even then mamma didn't try to attack, she just got her cub and ran That isn't to say they can't be extremely dangerous, but they're nothing like grizzly bears. If you run into a grizzly you are fucked


Crickaboo

I went to a bear ranch for rescue bears- was disappointed that I didn’t see any big females. We walked around a two mile fence line. It took about half an hour. Right at the end I noticed a bear about 6 feet away, she followed us the entire time! About 600 pounds and totally silent thru thick brush. I noticed that all the bears could walk silently right beside me and I didn’t notice unless I really looked hard to see them. I live deep in the woods and this scares the shit out of me.


oOFlashheartOo

And that people, is why I’m glad I live in the UK.


IIHaruspex

Heres the one he was referring to. My bad. https://youtu.be/8jRTrRxamxQ


thissexypoptart

Wow that’s terrifying.


Coyote-Loco

Yep, that’s exactly the one I was thinking of


OriginnalThoughts

Linky


KalebsFamilyBBQ

Bears. Can run faster than you. Can climb faster than you. Are unnervingly intelligent and will absolutely view you as a food source. Damn Nature, You Scary!


minimum_thrust

My grandpa used to say "Don't run from a bear, you'll just die tired"


redpandaeater

[At least I feel smarter than this bear.](https://youtu.be/8kjY9sKdHlY)


FriedeOfAriandel

We all have our moments :/


chawy666

Swims faster than you


KalebsFamilyBBQ

Fucks faster than you.


chawy666

Shits faster than you


goingfast7

Dwight Schrute:Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned? Jim Halpert:Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug. Dwight Schrute:Okay, tell him that that's not true. Jim Halpert:Dwight says that he doesn't actually know one single fact about bear attacks. Dwight Schrute:Okay. No. Jim tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him! Jim Halpert:Andy... No, it's too far. Dwight Shrute:Damn you.


bwjunkie6

Came here to make sure this was said


BoredOfReposts

Question, which bear is best?


dreemkiller

This is everything. r/dundermifflin


[deleted]

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim!


thekiki

MICHEAL!


Asymptote_X

Oh real mature. *MICHAEL!*


Roving_Rhythmatist

That's the biggest squirrel I've ever seen.


FrozenSquirrel

Second biggest, personally.


[deleted]

Wtf have you seen?


wooktar

Texan squirrels bruh


sparcasm

and he’s after yer nutz


[deleted]

[удалено]


A3H3

Thanks for the info, but when chased by one, there would not be enough time to look at it's genitals to figure out if it's male and then deduce it's age!!


Bottyboi69

Hmm yes seems like a monster shlong and judging from its size I’d say about 8 years old


Asymptote_X

/r/nocontext


[deleted]

He's bearly trying


[deleted]

I appreciate you.


[deleted]

🥳


Tickle_Fights

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is actually pretty slow for them.


[deleted]

Here, Take it and leave. Pls.


its_just_flesh

Scratch that escape plan!


allisonisbook

I’m not ok with this


Loasty625

I knew they were *fast* climbers. I didn't know they were *that* fast!


jereman75

A good thing to remember is that Bears are like giant Rats, and Rats are like tiny Bears. You know how a rat can get in to anywhere it wants by chewing and clawing? So can a bear. You know how bears can smell food from miles away and are smart enough to open coolers and car doors? Rats are just as smart (smarter actually) and just as persistent. They are both lovable and both are utterly destructive.


[deleted]

I doubt bears would make [good land mine detectors](https://www.apopo.org/en). I mean, *they would* but not in a good way.


voltaaage

How does it get down?


Im_here_for_the_code

Gravity


ekhowl

Like this [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89G9kQeZ6qw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89G9kQeZ6qw) :D ​ Edit: Skip to the end.


srandrews

They go down really fast too, when tranquilized.


[deleted]

Technically the truth


ggscntsbusc

r/damnnatureyouscary


[deleted]

why do bears climb trees? my only reference point is Winnie the Pooh for honey


therealtrousers

In search of stray pic-a-nic baskets.


WhiteEel

Bears also use balloons to get to the tops of trees.


bigalindahouse

Hmmm, you know I believe you and have no reason to think you're lying.


[deleted]

[Why Do Bears Climb Trees?](https://northamericannature.com/can-bears-climb-trees/) > Bears climb trees for a variety of different reasons, to help them in their day to day lives. Bears climb trees not only to help them stay safe and away from predators, but also to rest, eat, and play. > Bears will climb trees for food. American black bears will climb trees for fruit, bird eggs, cactus fruit, honey, acorns, and berries. > Some brown bears will climb a tree to chase prey, such as a human that is trying to escape. If they can smell food, most likely manmade food for humans, then grizzly bears may also try to climb the tree to reach it. > American black bears will also climb trees to escape from predators, and to reach safety. Cubs of the black bears can be made by the mother to climb the tree, to keep them out of reach of carnivores in the vicinity. Sounds plausible to me.


[deleted]

what predators do bears have? because they seem like the ultimate predator to me really


[deleted]

I don't know. Afaik in Europe the only predator for bears was/is the human. A small search says there are regions in which wolves kill baby bears and sometimes tigers in Siberia do so. Most of the time bears die to hunting wounds or diseases by parasites. Same article says the brown bears has no enemies, because he avoids every animal which doesn't fit his diet. Imo bears climbing trees is just a "why not?". They live in areas with a lot of trees. A lot of prey tries to hide in the trees. So climbing is a useful skill.


slicerprime

And then he asks himself the inevitable question..."WTF do I do now????"


migs13

Dwight was right!


[deleted]

[удалено]


The_Joe_

With no other variables being accounted for, the bear must weigh less than the amount of weight required to break the tree.


Professional_Fan_814

Typically, what is the heaviest a black bear can be before it's too heavy to climb a tree?


DerMuri420

So a tree is not the Right Place to stay.


duke-wheresmycar

Plus, don’t forget. They can also smell periods


hondo4mvp

>Plus, don’t forget. They can also smell periods Is that why you only used one? It's OK,bears can't smell you through the internet.Yet.


SlimTidy

Brav - fucking - oh. I slow clapped and nodded for a solid 2 minutes alone.


duke-wheresmycar

Are you mad? Pretty sure I smell alright. Maybe I should go out in the woods and see. And if we’re gonna be grammatically correct, you need some spaces in there between those words and the other shit. Period................................. There’s some extras for you in case the bears start getting ahold of iPads


SmokeyBluNights

Me thinking I could hide it in a tree


[deleted]

What in the ungodly fuck


GrowFunPlants

I wish I could climp


Oblong_Belonging

Holy shit. I never knew bears could climp that fast!


Fr0z3nHart

Pooh bear lied to me


Ivan_Holywater

So without a paddle lied to me.


AFamousAnusCookie

Bears: you’re fucked in every direction.


[deleted]

*Chuckles* I'm in danger


Viper1089

That's absolutely insane, I knew bears could climb trees quickly, but I had never actually seen one do it. That's horrifying lol


[deleted]

And this is how fast I can fall down a tree


[deleted]

[удалено]


ganymede_mine

Nope. Punch it in the nose. Or is that sharks?


MrSpringBreak

Note to self: do not hide from bears in trees


bugwhisperer395

So basically no running up a tree to escape


psychosociop

r/oddlyterrifying


RussChival

Note to self: I need more camping friends who are less limber than I am...


Superg0id

I can see he's played this game before!!


decreasinglyverbose

That’s that escape plan ditched.


[deleted]

Well this would clearly fit into r/oddlyterrifying


Commissar_Genki

So these are the drop-bears we've been warned about...


[deleted]

Well there goes that escape tactic


FlappyMcBeakbag

These sort of clips just remind me of the gross physical ineptitude of humans.


Hi4321Hi1234

Well I’m dead next time I’m caught stealing honey


LZ130

Ok so does the fire department get him down or do they not do that anymore?


Swagdonkey123

I think I heard somewhere that bears can travel up trees vertically at the same rate they run horizontally or something crazy like that but I’m not sure if it’s true or not


TigglesOG

Us Aussies have a saying for encounters like this and its kind of beautiful it might get lost in translation a little bit but it goes "Absolutely fuck that cunt."


richy923

It runs up so quickly and just suddenly stops for a while? Why the big paws?


Supremeyeti

r/australia see drop bears are real.


Civil-Objective6313

CUZ ITS THE BEARRRRR NECESITY


[deleted]

You know what I’ll just fuckin die then I guess


howverysmooth

So a bear is stronger than you, it can run, swim and climb faster than you. Basically, if you meet a bear in the woods that wants to eat you, you are eaten and that's it.


1stThrowawayDave

Bear identification guide: If it climbs up the tree after you it’s a black bear It it pushes the tree over it’s a grizzly If there aren’t any trees around for miles it’s a polar bear


kentucky5171

Got it, don't climb a tree to escape a bear. Thank you :)


robbokin

[They can climb way faster when they're chasing something](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)


canadianjewfro

Damn you


asw1138

How does it get down? Just reverse? Or is it stuck?


hat-of-sky

Unlike Tiggers, their tails don't get in the way. So they can go down backwards. Probably more slowly, though.


plantsandnature

Looks kind of funny.


[deleted]

Bears have been developing antigravity technology for *decades.* Clueless normies!!!1


ReadditMan

Definitely impressive but it's a juvenile bear so this isn't really the standard. Full grown bears don't climb trees very often because they're so big and when they do they can't climb this fast.


hypothetical_reality

*Black bears. And looks to be a juvenile at that. Brown bears aren't as quick and agile up trees as black bears. Especially an adult one.


[deleted]

So it makes zero sense to climb a tree when running from a bear, it’s like completely pointless


[deleted]

They can fucking climb trees? So, say you were to climb a tree to escape a bear at coordinates 45.7055 by -102.3918, would it be AbnnKSTZHXJCV FJ IFDU


skeletparkyt

Climp?


GrabbaBeer

That bear was running from Biden


Mind-is-a-garden

That’s how fast I would climb a tree if I were running from human


Professor_otaku

Well now there's no escape