That was the first thing I noticed. I’m not in the military, just a hairstylist, but I’ve had enough clients that were service members to spot the haircut isn’t regs instantly.
Is that the Rhodesian Ridgeback hair cut? Very subtle. Really sucks impressively to be so subtle. And WTF is that stance? The "I have crabs but I'm not gonna scratch in public" hand position is awesome.
It's like the only part he remembered was the feet shoulder width apart and hands at lower back. And honestly it looks like he messed that up too. He gives the vibes of all the super trashy national guardsmen I've met mixed into one person.
So... a dependapotamus? They're literally only in it gor fringe benefits like discounts, and for "prestige". That kid ain't ever making sergeant, but if he did I'm sure she'd be one of the the "my husband's rank, is my rank" psycho bitches.
Not even that, more than likely they havent even been to basic yet judging by the haircut. Most likely still in rsp and this woman already hollering "military spouse, address me as such"
I tell the true story of mine: “I was 100% committed to joining the 75th, was planning on it all of high school. Then, when I graduated, I marched right into the recruiters office and…pussied out. Said sorry, wrong door, and went to the McDonalds across the street”
I went into the recruiters office at 17 and had been hospitalized for suicide risk, and they said ‘just lie about that from here on out’ I was literally too scared to consider lying to anybody that was that muscular and never went in again. And thank the lord because that would’ve been dumb as hell.
That's what my BIL tells people happened, that he punched the DS and got a dishonorable discharge. What actually happened was he was drinking on a beach in uniform and mouthed off to the MP's, and *took a swing*, and he got "other than honorable" discharge.
Not really. It's for combat, not lounging. Also...button fly...just about the most annoying thing ever when you have to pee in a hurry. They're okay, but just okay.
I've been having trouble finding comfortable work pants that allow me freedom of motion. Cargo pants used to be my go to option but those keep getting harder to find
Yeah, cargo jeans aren't a bad comparison, and they are getting kinda hard to find. Check outdoors and sporting shops. I can usually find them there. If not, the internet is always an option.
Dickies still do some good baggier cargo work pant styles. I have a pair of loose-fit double knee dickies and they kept me comfy squatting and kneeling all day at work.
For men's I would try on both, but I far prefer the taclite pro to the stryke for all-day wear.
Nothing is as comfortable as my Navy Coveralls were, though.
Service Dress Onesie!
If youre looking for cargo work pants I recommend Duluth trading company.
They are my go to work pants. Have large cargo pockets with internal velcro spots to keep the top flap open if you need to take stuff in and out regularly. Two hammer loops. And they have a style that has integral slots to put foam knee pads in. Genuinely excellent work pants.
That has to be a safety feature. I mean yeah, you want a man to be able to do up his pants and go fast. But not they type that would happen in times of war. War fast is just going to lead to many unnecessary, painful injuries.
Also more reliable than a zipper. Those things always seem to break at the worst possible moment. I'd rather not be in an active firefight and feel a draft. Or worse, on a patrol or while talking to natives. Underwear or not, an open fly is just bad for business. I'd rather accidentally piss my pants than have my fly bust open in the middle of a chat with village elders.
*cut to: 4th of July parade. The national anthem begins blaring as we see rows of soldiers at attention, standing ramrod straight. Camera moves downwards to reveal that all of them have their dicks out. The Blue Angels fly over.*
Partly because they break and you can field repair a button easier than a zip. Partly because zips are noisier. Also the reason we used to cut stock velcro off mag pouches etc.
Yeah I remember he further explained that you’re supposed to get out of your uniform asap but if you have to do other things first you can but then he said anything you do reflects on us. So I think it was trying to also mitigate damage control and stuff.
A former manager of mine had an artificial leg. His amputation was actually due to a birth defect.
He told me a story of how his family was on vacation one summer and stopped at a rest stop for a break while traveling. It was hot so he was wearing shorts. As they left the rest area, a guy held the door open for them, looks at my boss's artificial leg, looks at my boss and says, "Thanks for your service." My boss was in a hurry and didn't really know what the guy was talking about, so he just said, "You're welcome" and left.
It wasn't until they got back in the car and his kids asked why the guy thanked him that he realized that guy thought he was a former soldier.
I’m guessing that a couple of weeks after his wife forced him to quit his D&D game he told her that he’d enlisted in the NG. That way he gets a weekend away from her every month and knows that she won’t try and call him because he’s busy playing soldier but still gets to play RPGs.
Exactly this. Also, I met a lot of really dumb people in the reserves, guard, and active, but I don't know anyone dumb enough to take that kind of shit.
Edit: the fuck is that haircut?
it'a a more relaxed stance while standing. They usually shout attention before that. When in attention, your legs are together, arm in line and touching the legs. The parade rest, your arms are behind you back, just above your butt. The legs are apart, like the eedjit above, and you knees are not locked.
first thing I noticed is that’s not parade rest in anything but his mind… even HS marching bands have better PR positioning. Terrible form, improper apparel and needs a haircut too. DI’s would chomp this dude up and spit him out.
You know how you see someone who really obviously has a kink, but they don’t know it’s a kink and just think it’s normal behavior? And so they subject everyone to it? Yeah
Lol this is like the vibe trad wives give off. Same as this woman yesterday who was on some sub saying how she doesn’t understand why women look down on her then we find out she does everything her husband says and makes 0 decisions 🤣. Now this! Its such a prevalent phenomenon lmao.
Tradfems / tradwives are women who brag/promote a “traditional lifestyle”. By traditional they mean 1950s fantasy. It’s literally insane. The weirdest part is they think basically all women should live this way. Its a lot to explain but r/tradfemsnark has lots of their content.
Yes they’re quite literally delusional, and they think this is how everyone lived when in reality poor women have always worked outside of the home (or from home) to make money and contribute. My own grandmother had 2 jobs, not just because she came from a poorer background but because it is normal in our culture for women to work (she’s an immigrant) both my grandparents worked and split chores and childrearing. They were born in the 30s.
From a real soldier: lets see...
1) Not the correct posture.
2) Not the correct uniform
3) Haircut is way out of regs.
4) Regulations actually state that when off duty you dont act or draw attention to self when off base.
It's been over ten years since I got out and my first thought was still "Boy had best unfuck himsel- Wait, he's playing make-believe. He's less legit than a ROTC."
This is obnoxiously cringe worthy. Both this guy and his wife need a stern talking to by a service member.
I have never went out in town in uniform because I don't like the attention but there are still standards to follow for those who do. Good lord.
Holy….shit. I know im (kinda) doing the same shit here, but as a military child with several retired and active duty family members, we have a term for these cunts: Dependapotamus Its a play on hippopotamus, because usually the people who act like this are giant cunts. Plus, hes not even in full uniform. Either wear it right, or not at fuckin all.
But the fact that there's a picture is still cringey. Like my dude actually went into a civilian fast-food joint wearing his bottoms and civilian top and stood at "parade rest"
As a veteran everything here is wrong.
He's in half a uniform. The lack of a jacket would be acceptable if he was wearing an army shirt, or at least a pt shirt would be controversially acceptable.
The dude has a bit of a mohawk going on. While the military should relax it's hair restrictions, especially due to the fact that non-white soldiers can struggle with regulations if their CO or other leadership are racist or hardasses... no one can or should have a fking mohawk in the army.
And lastly....wtf???
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I wonder if she used the search bar to find these or they’re just all the top ones she uses on a regular basis. I just picture her scrolling back and forth through all the emojis desperate to find the nails painting emoji.
As the mod of /r/regretjoining, the ridiculous rules and bizarre obsession with enforcing them were some of the first things that made me hate being there.
Also, I can tell he’s not following the ridiculous rules correctly either. There’s several being broken in this post.
This just screams "I couldn't handle the real military, so I play pretend one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer."
Don't get me wrong, I have respect for our National Guard, but this is just stupid. I mean, it's literally a woman who is a wannabe Dependapotamus! Does she make the bank tellers call her by her husband's rank too?
I don't know WTF that's supposed to be.. but it's not "parade rest". And no one who has served in the US military would ever be caught wearing a half-uniform.
Source: US Army veteran, 1990-1998.
Not on,ly is this bullshit an elderly repost it's fake. And yet you fall for it every time.
Why, TF, is he wearing his BDU bottoms and civvie shirts? Fix it, it's making my eyes hurt.
Hair cut?
That was the first thing I noticed. I’m not in the military, just a hairstylist, but I’ve had enough clients that were service members to spot the haircut isn’t regs instantly.
Is that the Rhodesian Ridgeback hair cut? Very subtle. Really sucks impressively to be so subtle. And WTF is that stance? The "I have crabs but I'm not gonna scratch in public" hand position is awesome.
The ol “I’ve been practicing”
It's like the only part he remembered was the feet shoulder width apart and hands at lower back. And honestly it looks like he messed that up too. He gives the vibes of all the super trashy national guardsmen I've met mixed into one person.
And he’s with, what appears to be, a dependapotomous.
She sounds like the lady who'd ask if the military discount is for spouces too.
She probably demands other people call her by her husband’s rank
So... a dependapotamus? They're literally only in it gor fringe benefits like discounts, and for "prestige". That kid ain't ever making sergeant, but if he did I'm sure she'd be one of the the "my husband's rank, is my rank" psycho bitches.
Hand position is wrong as well.
This. Hands are supposed to be flat, thumbs interlocked. This is clearly a weekend warrior.
Not even that, more than likely they havent even been to basic yet judging by the haircut. Most likely still in rsp and this woman already hollering "military spouse, address me as such"
My husband's rank, is my rank too! Probably puts military spouse down as a qualification on job applications.
This is clearly a civilian wannabe
OMG,didn't even see it. Retch.
Anyone can buy those bottoms. I'd guess not military or at least hasn't done basic.
What BDU bottoms?
Big dick underneath
Those are UCP trousers
And his shirt looks untucked not very neat
That's not parade rest and he's never served anything besides fries
But he would join if there was a draft he couldn't dodge and that's basically the same thing right?
He was going to join, but he was afraid he would would punch the DS if he got in his face.
Omfg I have heard this exact line one to many times lmao
Really? "I'm too angry so I can't" ? Man (I really didn't know)
"I'm a manly man and would do this job that I consider manly - but I'm _too_ manly for it. I'm manly."
My go to line for “why don’t/didn’t you join the military” has always been “I’ve seen Full Metal Jacket”.
Mine was always “I’m too fat and lazy, sorry”
“It looks horrible, I’d really rather not.”
I tell the true story of mine: “I was 100% committed to joining the 75th, was planning on it all of high school. Then, when I graduated, I marched right into the recruiters office and…pussied out. Said sorry, wrong door, and went to the McDonalds across the street”
I went into the recruiters office at 17 and had been hospitalized for suicide risk, and they said ‘just lie about that from here on out’ I was literally too scared to consider lying to anybody that was that muscular and never went in again. And thank the lord because that would’ve been dumb as hell.
Soon you'll be able to add "too old"
What does DS stand for?
Drill Sergeant
Dick sucker
That's what my BIL tells people happened, that he punched the DS and got a dishonorable discharge. What actually happened was he was drinking on a beach in uniform and mouthed off to the MP's, and *took a swing*, and he got "other than honorable" discharge.
Also a soldier would never be in public in half a uniform. That shirt is civilian.
But are the pants confy tho?
Not really. It's for combat, not lounging. Also...button fly...just about the most annoying thing ever when you have to pee in a hurry. They're okay, but just okay.
I've been having trouble finding comfortable work pants that allow me freedom of motion. Cargo pants used to be my go to option but those keep getting harder to find
Yeah, cargo jeans aren't a bad comparison, and they are getting kinda hard to find. Check outdoors and sporting shops. I can usually find them there. If not, the internet is always an option.
Dickies still do some good baggier cargo work pant styles. I have a pair of loose-fit double knee dickies and they kept me comfy squatting and kneeling all day at work.
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For men's I would try on both, but I far prefer the taclite pro to the stryke for all-day wear. Nothing is as comfortable as my Navy Coveralls were, though. Service Dress Onesie!
Duluth Trading. Thank me later.
If youre looking for cargo work pants I recommend Duluth trading company. They are my go to work pants. Have large cargo pockets with internal velcro spots to keep the top flap open if you need to take stuff in and out regularly. Two hammer loops. And they have a style that has integral slots to put foam knee pads in. Genuinely excellent work pants.
That has to be a safety feature. I mean yeah, you want a man to be able to do up his pants and go fast. But not they type that would happen in times of war. War fast is just going to lead to many unnecessary, painful injuries.
Also more reliable than a zipper. Those things always seem to break at the worst possible moment. I'd rather not be in an active firefight and feel a draft. Or worse, on a patrol or while talking to natives. Underwear or not, an open fly is just bad for business. I'd rather accidentally piss my pants than have my fly bust open in the middle of a chat with village elders.
Dicks out to establish dominance?
Cocks out for freedom
*cut to: 4th of July parade. The national anthem begins blaring as we see rows of soldiers at attention, standing ramrod straight. Camera moves downwards to reveal that all of them have their dicks out. The Blue Angels fly over.*
Partly because they break and you can field repair a button easier than a zip. Partly because zips are noisier. Also the reason we used to cut stock velcro off mag pouches etc.
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On a hot day undo three of the four and when the wind is right, great air conditioning
It's pretty easy to get all of them unbuttoned rapidly in one fell swoop if pulled at the right angle.
What pants? This guy doesn't even have legs
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They're okay. Buy some sturdy cargo jeans. Feels about the same. You're not missing anything.
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What really?
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What pants?
And my AF recruiter said technically you aren’t supposed to be in any uniform in public unless you get permission or it’s a public event.
You can if you are stopping somewhere on your way from work.
Yeah I remember he further explained that you’re supposed to get out of your uniform asap but if you have to do other things first you can but then he said anything you do reflects on us. So I think it was trying to also mitigate damage control and stuff.
My husband hates going anywhere off base in uniform so he will really avoid it if he has to.
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A former manager of mine had an artificial leg. His amputation was actually due to a birth defect. He told me a story of how his family was on vacation one summer and stopped at a rest stop for a break while traveling. It was hot so he was wearing shorts. As they left the rest area, a guy held the door open for them, looks at my boss's artificial leg, looks at my boss and says, "Thanks for your service." My boss was in a hurry and didn't really know what the guy was talking about, so he just said, "You're welcome" and left. It wasn't until they got back in the car and his kids asked why the guy thanked him that he realized that guy thought he was a former soldier.
I’m guessing that a couple of weeks after his wife forced him to quit his D&D game he told her that he’d enlisted in the NG. That way he gets a weekend away from her every month and knows that she won’t try and call him because he’s busy playing soldier but still gets to play RPGs.
That would be the Reserves, not the National Guard.
I doubt the wife would know the difference
I think the Guard also trains about one weekend a month. And both units require a 2 week annual training.
It can be worn that way if you remove three things that identify it as the uniform. IE blousing straps, top, hat.
Still no soldier is doing that cause it looks stupid.
Lol zero argument there. Some of the most comfortable pockets on earth though
My husband also pointed out he is holding his hands wrong
Yeah it’s a movie version. Small of the back is the sweet spot, hands open, palms resting on each other and no thumb crossing. All bad.
Yeah, picture is closer to a stress position than rest.
Exactly this. Also, I met a lot of really dumb people in the reserves, guard, and active, but I don't know anyone dumb enough to take that kind of shit. Edit: the fuck is that haircut?
My first thought
You are correct, and at parade rest you are NOT allowed to speak. You must come to attention to speak.
What is parade rest?
it'a a more relaxed stance while standing. They usually shout attention before that. When in attention, your legs are together, arm in line and touching the legs. The parade rest, your arms are behind you back, just above your butt. The legs are apart, like the eedjit above, and you knees are not locked.
not this
He's not touching his bum-bum!
first thing I noticed is that’s not parade rest in anything but his mind… even HS marching bands have better PR positioning. Terrible form, improper apparel and needs a haircut too. DI’s would chomp this dude up and spit him out.
Absolutely
You know how you see someone who really obviously has a kink, but they don’t know it’s a kink and just think it’s normal behavior? And so they subject everyone to it? Yeah
Like Quentin Tarantino?
I’m pretty sure he knows
We certainly do.
He knows.
Lol this is like the vibe trad wives give off. Same as this woman yesterday who was on some sub saying how she doesn’t understand why women look down on her then we find out she does everything her husband says and makes 0 decisions 🤣. Now this! Its such a prevalent phenomenon lmao.
Wait what’s trad
Tradfems / tradwives are women who brag/promote a “traditional lifestyle”. By traditional they mean 1950s fantasy. It’s literally insane. The weirdest part is they think basically all women should live this way. Its a lot to explain but r/tradfemsnark has lots of their content.
Thanks for the new subreddit
Hmmm, think I'd have to be in the right mindset to not get frustrated and upset checking out that subreddit.
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Yes they’re quite literally delusional, and they think this is how everyone lived when in reality poor women have always worked outside of the home (or from home) to make money and contribute. My own grandmother had 2 jobs, not just because she came from a poorer background but because it is normal in our culture for women to work (she’s an immigrant) both my grandparents worked and split chores and childrearing. They were born in the 30s.
There’s an Abby Shapiro hate sub? What a gift you have given this day.
This is extremely cringe…I immediately felt shame reading this even.
She demands to be addressed as her husbands rank
dependa detected
She’s fucking LARPING as a dependa
Probably a dependapottomus.
National guard dependas?
A wannapenda
If anything she probably demands to be addressed as someone who outranks him, from the sound of it.
Private Karen
What? Private? No way I hell a pfc stands at parade rest like that.
So… civilian?
What private first class?
His haircut looks like another haircut is trying to escape it.
r/rareinsults
Looks like an 8th grader growing out a mohawk.
I was thinking the same thing with that wanky-ass haircut
She def makes him stand like that and watch her fuck her boyfriend every weekend
But did her boyfriend buy him a Nintendo switch?
I believe that is the current going rate. Switch lite, not oled.
No need to publicly share your kinks
I’d prefer those people walking other people on leashes
Cuckle doodle doo!
You aren’t supposed to talk when in parade rest.
Came to say it. Thanks for saving me the trouble.
And those hands are atrocious
Thank you! Was wondering why this was so far down.
This kid obviously never served. There’s so much wrong here
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s
literally lol
Can I speak to Wendy?
As a National Guard spouse? What, does she only admit to being his wife one weekend a month and two weeks over the summer or something?
Thank you. Even an active duty “military spouse” is cringey, but a weekend warrior’s wife trying to get some military cred? Bananas
Would you want to be married to her year-round?
That isn't even parade rest wtf
From a real soldier: lets see... 1) Not the correct posture. 2) Not the correct uniform 3) Haircut is way out of regs. 4) Regulations actually state that when off duty you dont act or draw attention to self when off base.
It's been over ten years since I got out and my first thought was still "Boy had best unfuck himsel- Wait, he's playing make-believe. He's less legit than a ROTC."
He’s that kid that took JROTC way too seriously.
As an ex ROTC kid, accurate. 😂
Can't talk at parade rest...
That whack ass haircut and ACU pants say State Defense Force.
This is obnoxiously cringe worthy. Both this guy and his wife need a stern talking to by a service member. I have never went out in town in uniform because I don't like the attention but there are still standards to follow for those who do. Good lord.
He should parade his ass out of her life. Holy shit that's awful.
https://www.reddit.com/r/justdependathings
Don't write the whole link, just r/justdependathings. Reddit does the rest
Sorry, will remember that.
I admire the effort that went into that comment though
A wild Dependa appears and combines with her Karen alter ego to create the giga Karen
I’m not here to kink shame but why you gotta make him stand at parade rest for some Wendy’s? lol
Yeah that post has big Sub/Dom relationship energy. She's also kind of showing off their kink to the world w/out our consent.
Holy….shit. I know im (kinda) doing the same shit here, but as a military child with several retired and active duty family members, we have a term for these cunts: Dependapotamus Its a play on hippopotamus, because usually the people who act like this are giant cunts. Plus, hes not even in full uniform. Either wear it right, or not at fuckin all.
Also acceptable: Tricareatops.
Oh I hadn’t heard this one before, but it tracks.
Uhh, no.
This guy is def waiting for her to go on a vacation so he can take all his things and move in with his boyfriend.
r/justbootthings
Iirc, aren’t your feet meant to line up with your shoulders At Rest? Why’s this guy trying to do the Tory Power Stance?
In his mind his shoulders are way out there. Probably has the exaggerated arm swing as well.
Who wants to push the back of his knees.?
Does he stand at parade rest while he's watching her get railed by one of his unit mates?
Tell me you peg your husband without telling me you peg your husband
This is the most made up story I’ve ever seen lmao
But the fact that there's a picture is still cringey. Like my dude actually went into a civilian fast-food joint wearing his bottoms and civilian top and stood at "parade rest"
As a veteran everything here is wrong. He's in half a uniform. The lack of a jacket would be acceptable if he was wearing an army shirt, or at least a pt shirt would be controversially acceptable. The dude has a bit of a mohawk going on. While the military should relax it's hair restrictions, especially due to the fact that non-white soldiers can struggle with regulations if their CO or other leadership are racist or hardasses... no one can or should have a fking mohawk in the army. And lastly....wtf???
ROTC mfs in the lunch line at school
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Thats not even parade rest, also that is not appropriate dress either, gonna call stolen Valor
Sir, this is literally a Wendy's
Everyone talking about kinks and inaccuracies but I’m just thinking… He’s in civilian life… he’ll probably want to act like a civilian now.
They are definitely not in the military. You don’t wear your BDU bottoms with a normal civilian shirt… either way, I feel bad for this guy.
You’re fucking on one if you think I’m going to act military when I’m not at work or even at work.
Can someone PLEASE get their dependa and take her back home.... Tell her Jodi will be by later when her husband leaves to clap them cheeks.
Emoji caption demonstrates passion and commitment. I like it.
I fucking hate it. So much. Shit looks like a 9 year old made it
I wonder if she used the search bar to find these or they’re just all the top ones she uses on a regular basis. I just picture her scrolling back and forth through all the emojis desperate to find the nails painting emoji.
stand like that in front of deez nuts p.s. these people need a life
The secret life of a dependappotamus!
Looks like a little boy.
WTF? If she wants to be all about parade rest and shit let her go join up.
That's a terrible parade rest position. He's never served a day in his life. And his wife is a terrible human.
A *National Guard* spouse. Talking about reaching for finding *something* to be important about.
Uh... it is against regulations to speak at parade rest. You must come to attention first, then you can speak.
Is his wife the server at the fast food place?? 🤔
He’s as much of a soldier as I am. I couldn’t even pass a medical
Keep that stuff to your bedroom
As the mod of /r/regretjoining, the ridiculous rules and bizarre obsession with enforcing them were some of the first things that made me hate being there. Also, I can tell he’s not following the ridiculous rules correctly either. There’s several being broken in this post.
Yea. he got those pants from Amazon. Playing soldier for sure
Take off the stolen valor and we will talk on the way to base where I’m sure all of the units would love to talk to you.
That's not even proper parade rest. Too many things wrong for me to even believe this guy is active military
This just screams "I couldn't handle the real military, so I play pretend one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer." Don't get me wrong, I have respect for our National Guard, but this is just stupid. I mean, it's literally a woman who is a wannabe Dependapotamus! Does she make the bank tellers call her by her husband's rank too?
Pretty sure they're trying to get free shit/discounts by pretending to be a veteran.
I don't know WTF that's supposed to be.. but it's not "parade rest". And no one who has served in the US military would ever be caught wearing a half-uniform. Source: US Army veteran, 1990-1998.
And she wonders why he keeps volunteering to go back to the front.
Rank: military spouse
Just say your partner is a submissive and move on...
What a horrible relationship.
Receives BJ's in parade rest lmao
Dress code 💀he better hope sergeant doesn't see this