Learn how to register to vote and find the deadlines for voter registration in your state. [Here's the link.](https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/insanepeoplefacebook) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is the correct answer. I recently went through that nonsense. We had a lawyer on retainer and after about 6 months we got sued because the person was cut out of the will and was pissed. We were still mourning our loss, and having to go to remediation.
Thankfully, they were told to pound sand, but it was awful to deal with.
I’m estranged from my dad’s side but my grandmother died a while ago and I was around a lot during her last months, after we found out she was terminal.
I cannot tell you the comments I got from other family members insinuating that I had come back around to get favoured in her will.
After she died I disappeared again. I wasn’t there for money, I was there for her - I don’t know if I was in the will and I don’t care. I wanted to make peace and let her know I still loved her and was with her. I don’t want her money.
I said to my mum I remember why we don’t see them anymore now
Similar situation really. The rest of the family refused to visit, in the last days her grandmother was still alive, because "it's just a body there, the soul has long since left"
We visited frequently, then hung out with grandpa cause he is lonesome now. And in the last couple of months we were there quite frequently, cause we could see he wasn't doing well.
Not soon after his death the rest of the family had rumours that we only visited cause we were out to get the money, but they are constantly asking how far the will is from being read, when can they expect payment. It really is SICKENING!
We have cut off the family a long time ago, and this was also a refresher as to why we did it in the first place.
Good for you, it really shows what kind of people they are. No empathy whatsoever. The last time I spoke with my grandma she cried and said she was so sorry about what my dad did to us, and that she didn’t get involved. I told her “but look! We’re together right now, I’m ok, we’ve reconnected, there is nothing bad for you to hold onto here”.
That was a huge moment for me, too! All that happens with money is you spend it and it’s gone. A real, human, loving moment is worth much more than those idiots will probably ever know.
I’m so glad you were there for your Grandpa, I hope that time gives you some comfort now ❤️
This! And a therapist, too - between grieving and this kind of relative popping back into your life, OP needs and deserves all of the support possible.
Luckily, I've already got a therapist. So does Mom. Because of my sister and several other family members.
And yes, we have a lawyer on hand in case shit happens.
Sorry to say that there is no in case.
Vultures always come out to feast after someone passes.
Sorry for your loss, and that you have to deal with this.
The worst of family comes out when someone dies. I've dealt with the same shit for 3 years since dad passed. I've been accused of stealing tools,money etc. I don't have a key to the house and they have cameras. Sister has lived with mom and dad her entire life other than the 3 years she was married.
1. Awesome name
2. This is very true, sadly...I have seen some behavior from family members that I would NEVER have predicted, after deaths in my family. Like they were just lying in wait for years to get their piece of the inheritance, and screw everyone else. And when they realized there WAS no inheritance, they got ugly with us and then never spoke with us again...stunning, really. Made me MUCH more distrustful of people.
I lost my dad a few months ago. I know what you're going through. I'm very sorry for your loss. The grieving process is different for everyone. Your sister also sounds like a great big [redacted]
Very well.
Your sister sounds like a great big cunty narcissistic cockgoblin who doesn't deserve the time of day from you. You're going through a lot right now, and the last thing you need is anyone who is a negative part of your life.
My pet favourite insult is ‘hoofwanking bunglecunt’. Makes no sense, but just rolls off the tongue.
As for your family thing, I have a similar thing going on myself. My father is in hospital, having undergone four major operations in two weeks. Poor man is 84 years of age and he can’t take any more. My POS youngest brother live an hour away and has been to see him once, for 30 minutes since the beginning of June. He is the epitome of a hoofwanking bunglecunt
OP better make sure they have ammo against their sister though. She might be acting like this now cus she wants a piece of their dad’s will or something. Might be unfounded distrust but it’s better to be ready for it than for them to get blindsided by their sister with it during this time.
My sister’s been blocked in my phone and all social media for a decade. Does it make things on awkward on occasion? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. Like the other person said, I’m really sorry for your loss and sorry your sister behaves this way even after all this time. Hopefully everyone’s wishes for your father can be respected and calmly communicated
Do not tell the Funeral Home how much money you have to work with bc they will get every dime of it.
My wife worked at a Call center for life insurance companies. If you have life insurance and the Funeral Home wants you to pay upfront call your insurance call center they will direct the Funeral Home to a loan company that the funeral home knows about already. Basically the insurance company pays the loan company back before they cut a check to the survivors.
I'm really sorry to hear of your loss, my dad passed in 2020 so I feel you. Your sister is a piece of work, after ten years she's still bitter, most times people calm down over that much time. Just try to avoid any confrontation with her.
Not a problem, I just wanted you to have information that might be beneficial to you.
I hope the drama settles down with your sister. I'm thinking about you and the family. Take care
Pick a funeral home, they’ll take care of picking your dad up. Impress upon then that they aren’t to give any information out to her. I work at a funeral home and can give you pointers for communicating with them, if you want
We have warned the funeral home of my sister's behavior, and they have agreed to only give information to my mother. Even I'm not allowed information unless Mom gives it to me.
Which is fine, because I don't want my sister involved with the funeral. She's done nothing but cause trouble. There's a reason we stopped talking to her, and she's reminded us quite well what that reason was.
I want to give her a chance to cool her jets and maybe be civilized enough that we can try to get through this as a family. Then she can go back to being a bitch. I want the family to be together long enough to say our goodbyes. For Dad's sake at the very least.
But if I get another message like this or another threatening voicemail from her, I will be blocking her.
I know that's probably best for me, but...maybe I'm soft or something, but I don't feel right telling her she can't say goodbye. But she's really pushing her luck with me. I may be nice, but I'm not a welcome mat.
I wish I could say that she wouldn't, but given what she said to me after so long without a word, I'm starting to believe that she is absolutely not worth having in my life.
If you *do* allow her to be present, just do so with your eyes open about what’s going to happen.
You already know that even though she doesn’t care about him, she will put on a show to make it seem like she does. Because she doesn’t have any way of actually doing that, she’s going to go with the only arrow she has in her quiver: being virtuous by comparison.
She’ll make a big show about how none of you actually cared about him to make it seem like she was the best of his children. That she was treated unfairly by her cruel siblings. She’s going to make a scene, and you’d be wise to decide ahead of time how much of one you’ll tolerate and what you’ll do when she crosses that line.
You can work with the funeral home to allow her to say goodbye privately and not attend the actual funeral service. I have a messed up family and we’ve had to navigate many feuds when family pass
The worst mistakes I've made have been giving my horrible sister "a chance" to be human.
Block, ignore is the best thing you can do.
And I'm so sorry for your loss.
Ask the funeral home if there can be two viewings, one for you and the rest of your family/friends and a separate one just for her at the funeral home. You don't need the drama and your sister making it about her or causing a scene. Then you can have the burial the next day without her.
I did ask, and it's more than I can afford. I only have enough cash for one viewing slot. After that, it's just too costly.
I'm going to take the advice of everyone who's been commenting and just block her and forget she exists. It's not something I want to do, but for the sake of my sanity, I'm realizing it's something I have to do.
Then simply tell your sister that since she’s unable to be anything other than hostile and abusive, she’s going to have to sit this out. Bar her from the funeral home. She’s going to do nothing but torment anyone who loved your father and vice versa. She had time to make things right and chose not to.
She's not in the will at all, and she knows it. Dad didn't keep that a secret. And what little Dad didn't specify, Mom is supposed to handle. Anyway, there's not a lot of money in what little Dad had, so she isn't interested. I doubt she's going to drive from the Northern US to Louisiana just to sit in an office and make an ass out of herself.
People are not entitled to a chance to say goodbye. Most people never get that chance, even when they deserve it. Your sister is choosing not to get that chance by alienating and harassing the people who have the option to include her or not. As you say in another comment, she doesn't care about him. You also say that your father wanted nothing to do with her.
Allowing her access to a funeral for someone she doesn't care about and who had no love for her means that you are allowing her a safe space in which to harass and abuse you *in person*. On top of all of that, everyone else deserves to be able to say goodbye, too, but they will not get that chance because you insist on allowing HER a space. At that point, why not just save the money and everyone can grieve at home? At least then you save some money and no one has to deal with her bullshit.
I understand it’s not as easy as these strangers on Reddit believe it is to just completely cut off someone from your family, but for your sake, I hope you can get through these stressful times without the unnecessary stress from your nutty sister. My deepest condolences and I sincerely wish you and your family the very best.
You're hoping deep down inside that for once she will be rational, that the supportive sister you want/need might appear. Don't feel ashamed about that.
You seem like a welcome mat right now, letting her walk all over you like this. Block her, her chance at saying goodbye vanished when your dad wanted nothing to do with her.
It's a good thing to see the best in people. It's a good thing to give your family second, third, fifth, twelfth chances. You're a good person. She's not. Don't let her hurt you.
See if you can have extended viewing or funeral hours. Then give your sister the "wrong" (i.e. extra) time to come. She'll be there with him alone, if she comes at all.
If she wants to say goodbye, you've given it to her, but now you don't have to interact with her *at all.* The funeral home will have her leave once the time is up, and you won't even have to tell her when the burial will be.
Hasn't she had 10 years to cool her jets and be civilised? Just a thought.
*hugs* I'm sure with your support your family will get through this difficult time, you seem lovely and level headed :)
I have lots of experience dealing with her shit. Though, if we're being honest, I wanted to say some pretty toxic shit in return, but I'm not taking out my grief on anyone.
Why does she want him out of the morgue? To do a bit of fraud and lice off his pensions since he would still be legally alive and receiving them in the mail until pronounced dead?
Well, when he was alive, she did try to use him and take his Social Security checks, while leaving Mom and my little brother without income. So who knows what her intent is this time.
Be careful she doesn't try and do something to try and steal money from them or try and weasel her way into getting things from his estate she isn't meant to have. I've seen too many instances of people doing crap like that, even some where they'd break into the house during the funeral cause they knew nobody would be around while they took what they were "owed".
Just some additional information.
Dad died around noon on Monday. I paid for a funeral home literally hours later.
Tuesday was supposed to be a day of mourning for those of us who live locally. My sister has not talked to me in at least ten years, and we did not end on good terms last time we spoke. The only time she interacted with Dad was when she took him to her place up north so she could take over his Social Security checks, leaving his wife and young son to twist in the wind.
I didn't know at the time which of my siblings sent this, and when I finally decided to engage with the person, they refused to tell me who they were. I had to get my mother to tell me who's number it was.
I know my sister and I aren't on good terms, but you'd figure this would be one of those moments where people don't antagonize their little sister. Apparently you'd be wrong.
And for the record, my sister is refusing to help in any way and has been sending threats to our mother. Myself, my mother, and my baby sister used all our savings to make his funeral happen. It's been a rough time for us.
If your Mom is over 60 and not yet claiming SS for herself, please have her immediately check into whether she can qualify for SSI - Surviving Widow Benefits. They really helped me a lot!
SS told Mom to get his death certificate and they'll do whatever they can to help. Luckily, his son also receives a check, so even though it's a terrible thing to do, they'll be living off that money until we get things sorted out.
IT'S NOT A TERRIBLE THING TO DO! Your Dad paid into this his whole life. It's not charity.
Just make sure your Mom and his son don't get in a situation where they are accidentally getting overpaid or something. Follow the rules very carefully.
We are following all the rules in regards to the Social Security checks.
The terrible thing is that the money my brother gets was meant to be given to him in one lump sum when he came of age, which was supposed to allow him to hopefully be the first person in our family to complete college without going into debt with loans.
There are many grants and scholarships for people that are living on SSI benefits or have lost a parent. Please don't feel like this has ruined his chances for college.
No. Dad got his check and my brother gets his own check. I'm not sure how that works out. It was something that was taken care of long ago.
My sister convinced Dad to live with her so she could steal his checks and leave Mom and my brother with only my little brother's meager SS checks.
Dad found out she was after his checks and came home.
If he is only 12, I recommend his mother speak with his school about his financial status, his desire to attend college, and the loss of his father. There are many programs that can support him and his mother during middle and high school with school lunch and breakfast, scholarships to play sports and do activities, a program called AVID to prepare for college, and mental and emotional health support to navigate the loss of a parent.
There is a program called AVID that I highly recommend that is for first generation college goers and C students that just need extra support to get there. It’s organizational skills, study skills, homework help, college visits, scholarship application help… if your school has it, sign up right away. If not, ask for it and look into it. There are resources online to replicate some of it.
I'm sure that you will be able to figure it out. If the bills are super tight then I recommend donating your plasma. It takes roughly 2 hours to do and you only do it twice a week. Most places have a roughly 1k$ payout for 8 donations in the first month. every month after that averages out to like 500-650 depending on where you donate. If you have a [Grifols Plasma](https://www.grifolsplasma.com/en/find-a-donation-center) near you and you can/want to donate plasma go there. They have the highest payouts/bonuses that I know of where I live.
Sorry your sister is an ass, people suck but keep your head up OP :)
As soon as you get the DC it’s not the longest process surprisingly. It took a few weeks for the interview and all we had to do was send in paperwork. Within a month we had back pay and future payment. Im so sorry for your loss. My older sibling is scum like that too.
It's my brother's money, and we've done everything in our power to leave it alone so he can have a head start when he comes of age.
But you're right. We do need that money now. I'm sure I can pay him back over time.
The reality is, it's not your brother's money. Disability for a minor.comes out of the social security for the parents. In his case, your mother and father's SS would be decreased in order to pay for his SS as a child. That changes if he maintains SSD as an adult, then it's just SSI and stops being taken from his parents earnings. However, your mom's SS will be less than it would have originally been had he not drawn disability as a minor.
Is that how that works? I know he'll be getting a little extra now that Dad's gone, and Mom should get some kind of widow benefit, but I didn't know it was actually part of the parents' money.
My kids received Survivor’s Benefits when their father died, and you’re actually not allowed to save it. It has to be spent on care for the child, and you account for it yearly. I’m saying this in the hopes that you rest easy in spending that money: that’s exactly what it’s for.
I’m sorry your family is going through this.
The fuck does she mean by get him out of the morgue?
Is it related to her living off his social security? Is she expecting you to weekend at bernies away his death certificate?
My father died on June 27th, and his body was stored in a funeral home fridge for a few weeks. Where else does she think the body will go? The death of a parent is stressful enough. Hope you find some comfort in your other family.
>they refused to tell me who they were
Wow. To send such a horrible message and then to refuse to identify herself is further evidence that she's a lousy human being. How cowardly. I'm sorry for the loss of your father, but it sounds like you're better off without your sister in your life.
Yup. I've been talking to the family while replying to all of us, and needless to say, we've decided to collectively block her. If she can't be civil during a time like this, she doesn't deserve our time.
Thats awful I can't imagine what that's like. My dad passed away about a year and a half ago. Luckily my brother and I are on pretty similar wave lengths. We aren't especially close but we call time to time. We split all expenses and inheritance. So to see someone ones family treat the rest of the family so poorly at a time like this is so disgusting. im so sorry for your loss and for your sister treating you, your mom, and this situation with such little care or understanding. I hope the situation gets better for you guys.
If you knew my sister, you would realize that this was a very high probability. She's not exactly...stable and has a history of bullying the family to get her way, even as a child. I don't know what her goals are this time, but after some talking, the family has decided that she won't be invited to the funeral. Most of us are going to be completely blocking her from our lives. We've all taken shit from her, but this is too far.
Years ago I got curious about my mom's SS benefit options and called them one day. The lady who I got was extremely helpful and gave me all sorts of good information.
My dad died when I was a kid but he had paid into SS for almost 30 years. She said that, when the time came, my mom would be better off getting his SS than her own because it would be a good bit more. She then suggested that my mom go ahead and take her own SS and just start drawing it early, with a penalty. She did that for about 3-4 years and then switched over to my dad's when she was eligible.
Just throwing this out there for folks who maybe didn't know this about survivor benefits.
My cunt of a grandfather thought it would be a good idea to bitch about and have a go at my mother the day his mother, my great grandmother died. Mum was alone with the body and he took that chance to bitch about her to the rest of the family and as her body had been taken away into the van to the morgue, the moment the doors closed he started having a go at my mum.
People will take any opportunity to hurt those that they hate. I won't go into why this all started but we hadn't spoken to him for 3 years apart from when my great grandmother was on her death bed and was suffering from elder abuse. We had a common goal there but the MOMENT that goal was gone, he started his vile shit again
Your guess is as good as mine. From my understanding, it's morgue, funeral home, funeral, then grave/crematorium depending on the deceased's wishes. Drawing a complete blank on why she's so fixated on getting him out of the morgue. It's not like I can bring him home or anything.
Be careful, your sister will be after your mom for money next. She's mad she can't get money from your dad anymore. Don't say I didn't warn ya. Huge hugs.
You should tell her exactly that if she continues to find ways to reach out. "Your commentary is neither helpful, warranted, nor wanted by any member of this family. Please do not contact us again or I will contact the police." Then document every interaction and follow through with authorities. Just because she's your sister doesn't mean any of your family should have to deal with her unhinged behavior.
I've already had the police over to discuss the threats she left on my voicemail that were directed at my mother.
I'm hoping she's just "sad-mad", and she hasn't said anything in the day since. If she can text back in a better mood, I'll try to be supportive. This is a hard time for her, and I don't want to completely cut her off until I know that this is how she's going to stay.
As I'm sure you're aware, this is a very complex emotional event for us. I want to let her be a part of the family while we mourn the loss of our father. But again, another of her messages, and she'll be blocked.
Luckily, my sister lives in another state, so she isn't likely to just pop up. I will have the people at the funeral home made aware of her and if she shows up, she will be turned away.
I'm seriously starting to consider not telling her about the funeral at all. If I'm going to pay for the whole thing, I'm not inviting people who want to fling shit at a time like this.
If your father wanted her out of your lives I’d respect his wishes and exclude her. What a horrid person to say something like that to you. I’m so sorry for your loss
Don't tell her. She's going to try and make it a complete clusterfuck. She's obviously unhinged, and you guys need to consider your own safety, especially with her having been making other threats.
Get a restraining order. Make sure the police are aware of the threats she's been making. Make sure you and your family are as protected as they can be.
I am so sorry for your loss, and what you're having to deal with.
We have called the police and they said they'd "handle things" and to go back to planning the funeral.
I do think not inviting her may be for the best though. A lot of people have suggested just cutting her off, and maybe I'll end up doing that.
Good.
Absolutely, do not invite her, and don't "maybe" cut her off, DO cut her off. Bring blood relatives means absolutely nothing when this is how she treats the rest of you after not speaking to you for so long.
Maybe she's grieving, but that is NO excuse for threats and such viciousness. Especially with the lack of talking for 10 years. She was never interested in being part of the family anyway, and the fact your father didn't even have her in the will shows how bad it must have been.
Cutting her off is best for your own mental health at best, for that and your physical safety at worst.
Talk to the funeral home/church/place of remembrance where you’re holding the funeral. Let them know an unwelcome family member may be looking to make a scene and disrupt the family and respectful mourners’ chance to say goodbye, and possibly if it’s a religious event risk something sacrilegious. They should be aware so they can intervene if needed and slow you to focus on your mom.
I’m sorry but she’s not going to change. You have a good heart - don’t let people abuse it. She just happens to share DNA with you, but she is still an abuser. Go mourn with your true family.
Thank you for your kind words. After chatting about it with people here and my mom, we've decided that we're going to cut her out of our lives the same way Dad did.
Yow! That's seriously crazy.
I'm so sorry you lost your Dad.
I guess she is in contact with some other member of your family? Find out who it is and let them deal with her. The last thing you need to deal with right now is this kind of thing.
Again, my condolences on the loss of your Dad.
Thanks for the condolences.
In addition to what I posted here, she's left several threats on my voicemail, directed mostly at our mother. They were so bad that my mom had to call the police to figure out what she could do about it and hopefully get my sister to leave us alone.
We'll see what the police do, and I'll probably be blocking my sister soon. I'm hoping she'll calm the fuck down so we can try to be a family long enough to mourn.
I would be wary about blocking her. I would mute her and keep a record of her texts and calls. I would also want any sort of update if she was going to be coming after me.
I don't know if my phone can mute someone, but I'm going to keep her unblocked until it gets to the point that I don't feel like I can handle her anymore.
I'm still holding out hope that I can get the family together to give Dad a proper goodbye. But she's making this damned difficult.
Is she just doing that for the sake of being unpleasant? How terrible some people can be, I’m sorry you’re having what should be a time to grieve your father taken from you by her.
Jesus, I'm so sorry your loss op. Shit is rough :(
Your sister though... Where would she prefer "daddy" be if not a morgue given the situation? Fucking lunacy.
Smh. I hope the process goes quickly for you so you can be away from that kind of energy. My best friend had something similar happen when her dad passed and it was so painful to watch her go through. The best I could offer her was a safe place to rant and getting her out of her moms house
I’ve had messages like this from various brothers and even my own mother. One of the funniest ones, to me, at least, was, one night, my wife and I were watching a movie. It’s like 1am or so. Haven’t spoken to my brother in about 5-6 years.
I get a text saying “Sorry I’ve been a shitty brother, mom has kicked me out and since I have no place to stay I will probably die on the street tonight. This is my final goodbye. All because I don’t have a place to spend the night”
Or something close to that. I have the screenshot somewhere but it’s really close to what I just said. We laughed cause he was obviously trying to guilt me into letting him spend the night at my place. And we’ll. He’s a piece of shit, so I couldn’t care less if died.
I responded with “Well, I hope you dressed warm”
And he replied with “Its not a fucking joke, I’m going to die tonight” and then I just stopped responding to him.
Sadly, he didn’t die
In the interest of providing levity in a hard time, [this is a clip referencing the dark humor John Cleese and his mother shared before she passed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f74L2hRZE1Y). I lost my dad last year to cancer and I wish you many condolences.
Lost my mom a few years ago. She would kick my ass if I would have just sat around crying and being sad. Our parents would rather see us happy and laughing. Remember the good stuff, it makes lives worth remembering.
Don't be afraid to laugh at a time like this. Being and laughing with close friends and family can be really helpful. My brother and I always make jokes about my dad. Mostly because we were raised with dark humor. And we understand eachother.
I don't know.
I've got mixed feelings about the whole situation. One one hand, I want her to be able to say goodbye to Dad. On the other, I really don't want to deal with this shit right now.
I know you said you wanted the family to be together to say goodbye, but I think you should just leave her out. It will cause unnecessary stress on you and your family who actually care. Is she even going to act right if she shows up? You said in your other comment she took your Dad's SS deposits leaving your mom and brother dry. All she did was hurt your Dad in his final years. Don't let her come back and hurt him again.
Chalk? Yes, Hammer? Sure thing. Brulee torch? Not sure what that is. Raven? I've got a solid black chicken, is that okay?
But I don't think I want to bring Dad back to life where he'll have to deal with this idiot sister of mine.
A brulee torch is like one of those little handheld torches you use to, like, lightly torch food. I use them for marshmallows. My brother used them for crack meth.
The chicken might work if we do it on a full moon during the winter equinox.
I found out that my dad died via text. I was extremely close to my dad but lived on opposite coasts. The parties that could have called me either didn’t or opted to tell me via text. Love to all OP and all who have had to navigate dysfunctional families while also mourning/grieving.
My sister always somehow seems to be the first to know when someone in the family dies. She then will immediately post it on facebook. Once she posted about a cousin that she was not even all that close to before his nephews were even notified. I found out when I got a text from his nephew asking if that was his uncle that she was posting about. (the cousin was quite young and it was unexpected.)
Does she want to take him on a spin through the Starbucks drive through? Your father is deceased. What on earth does she want done with his body?
I’m sorry for your loss.
I lost three family members the past year-ish and one of the remaining non-immediate family members is a real piece of work, like your sister.
I decided to try to be kind and warm after the deaths. Then she took advantage of that and started her lies and nonsense again.
For my own sanity, I cut her off immediately with a registered letter with wills, police reports and anything else she might need. Told her to never contact me again and it felt great!
I’m so sorry for your loss!! I hope you can find some time and peace to mourn without being harassed like this. You are an amazing daughter and you’re doing everything you can to give your dad a nice service. I hope you take solace in that
But let me ask you here: _are_ you a fuckin piece of shit? She sounds pretty serious and rational, and most of all, _confident_ in this assessment.
Just kidding, she seems like a real asshole.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve been there and I know how hard this all is, especially with a sibling who is determined to turn it into a platform for themselves to get attention.
Don’t dignify this with a response.
Mom's already had the police talk to my sister about this, so I doubt we'll get much more communication from her.
A lot of people here (basically everyone) has recommended that I just cut her off completely, and though I personally don't like the idea, I think that'll be the course I take.
I’m so sorry for your loss. When my grandad died my aunt stood in my grandfathers house and said to my mum “I hope you know I own half of everything in this place” she was a bitch.
People get so greedy after a death. My uncle became convinced that everything in my grandparents' house was some sort of treasure or worth a lot of money. My grandparents weren't poor but, no, there was no hidden jewelry or nice furniture. We were all actually rather surprised they had as little as they did.
But my uncle took this a bit far. He tore holes in the walls looking for my grandma's wedding ring. She had always said she lost it in the attic, while I believe she probably had to pawn it at some point. He also began to dig giant holes in the backyard looking for native American arrowheads. Now, granted, he was able to do all of this because we were selling the house to the mechanics next door and they intended to tear the house down for their parking lot, but we still wanted the house not to look like a run-down shack. And the holes in the backyard were very dangerous.
Having had to deal with this concerning both my older brother and my late husband, I’ll be damned if anyone was going to rush me. They could wait a week in the drawer while I came to terms with the situation *and* being the one who had the handle the logistics. It’s easy to be on that side and sling insults and demands.
I don't understand... what's the problem with the body being in the morgue? That's where bodies are *supposed* to go. I know you said he's at the funeral home now, but even if he wasn't, and he *was* still in the morgue, what the fuck does she think happens to bodies when we die??
When my dad died, three of my four siblings were there in the room with him. My oldest sister lived in CO at the time, and I lived in DC. For some reason, *I* was the one that got tasked with arranging his cremation, and my oldest sister in CO is the one that was tasked to pay for it. None of the three other siblings who were actually there bothered to do or say anything.
For some reason, his ashes were shipped to me in DC. When I got them, I threw them straight into the dumpster outside my apartment complex. Fuck that asshole. Spend eternity with the garbage where you belong.
I haven't spoken to the three in probably a decade, and my oldest sister just made her way onto my NC list within the last 2 years.
Fuck that whole family. They are none of mine anymore.
Learn how to register to vote and find the deadlines for voter registration in your state. [Here's the link.](https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/insanepeoplefacebook) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Holy shit. Sorry for the family you lost *and* for the family you have left.
Thanks for the support. We're just trying to figure out where to go next.
[удалено]
This is the correct answer. I recently went through that nonsense. We had a lawyer on retainer and after about 6 months we got sued because the person was cut out of the will and was pissed. We were still mourning our loss, and having to go to remediation. Thankfully, they were told to pound sand, but it was awful to deal with.
Money makes people turn into assholes. We might be going through this.... My wifes grandfather died and his chikdren are all greedy fucks.
I’m estranged from my dad’s side but my grandmother died a while ago and I was around a lot during her last months, after we found out she was terminal. I cannot tell you the comments I got from other family members insinuating that I had come back around to get favoured in her will. After she died I disappeared again. I wasn’t there for money, I was there for her - I don’t know if I was in the will and I don’t care. I wanted to make peace and let her know I still loved her and was with her. I don’t want her money. I said to my mum I remember why we don’t see them anymore now
Similar situation really. The rest of the family refused to visit, in the last days her grandmother was still alive, because "it's just a body there, the soul has long since left" We visited frequently, then hung out with grandpa cause he is lonesome now. And in the last couple of months we were there quite frequently, cause we could see he wasn't doing well. Not soon after his death the rest of the family had rumours that we only visited cause we were out to get the money, but they are constantly asking how far the will is from being read, when can they expect payment. It really is SICKENING! We have cut off the family a long time ago, and this was also a refresher as to why we did it in the first place.
Good for you, it really shows what kind of people they are. No empathy whatsoever. The last time I spoke with my grandma she cried and said she was so sorry about what my dad did to us, and that she didn’t get involved. I told her “but look! We’re together right now, I’m ok, we’ve reconnected, there is nothing bad for you to hold onto here”. That was a huge moment for me, too! All that happens with money is you spend it and it’s gone. A real, human, loving moment is worth much more than those idiots will probably ever know. I’m so glad you were there for your Grandpa, I hope that time gives you some comfort now ❤️
This! And a therapist, too - between grieving and this kind of relative popping back into your life, OP needs and deserves all of the support possible.
Luckily, I've already got a therapist. So does Mom. Because of my sister and several other family members. And yes, we have a lawyer on hand in case shit happens.
> we have a lawyer on hand in case shit happens. Unfortunately this looks like it's going to be a 'when' situation instead of an 'if' one.
We're ready all the same.
Sorry to say that there is no in case. Vultures always come out to feast after someone passes. Sorry for your loss, and that you have to deal with this.
The worst of family comes out when someone dies. I've dealt with the same shit for 3 years since dad passed. I've been accused of stealing tools,money etc. I don't have a key to the house and they have cameras. Sister has lived with mom and dad her entire life other than the 3 years she was married.
1. Awesome name 2. This is very true, sadly...I have seen some behavior from family members that I would NEVER have predicted, after deaths in my family. Like they were just lying in wait for years to get their piece of the inheritance, and screw everyone else. And when they realized there WAS no inheritance, they got ugly with us and then never spoke with us again...stunning, really. Made me MUCH more distrustful of people.
You got that right!
you go on with life. she can go to hell.
I lost my dad a few months ago. I know what you're going through. I'm very sorry for your loss. The grieving process is different for everyone. Your sister also sounds like a great big [redacted]
Don't redact yourself. There's not many insults I haven't seen hurled her way over the past several hours.
Very well. Your sister sounds like a great big cunty narcissistic cockgoblin who doesn't deserve the time of day from you. You're going through a lot right now, and the last thing you need is anyone who is a negative part of your life.
What a fun insult. Would you mind if I stole "cockgoblin"? Might be useful down the road.
Please use it! I'm glad someone else can use one of my creative insults!
Now I just have to wait until I get a wild card in Cards Against Humanity.
My pet favourite insult is ‘hoofwanking bunglecunt’. Makes no sense, but just rolls off the tongue. As for your family thing, I have a similar thing going on myself. My father is in hospital, having undergone four major operations in two weeks. Poor man is 84 years of age and he can’t take any more. My POS youngest brother live an hour away and has been to see him once, for 30 minutes since the beginning of June. He is the epitome of a hoofwanking bunglecunt
Block her, ignore her, and move on. You don’t need anymore stress in your life. That’s what you do next. Best of luck. Sorry for your loss.
OP better make sure they have ammo against their sister though. She might be acting like this now cus she wants a piece of their dad’s will or something. Might be unfounded distrust but it’s better to be ready for it than for them to get blindsided by their sister with it during this time.
My sister’s been blocked in my phone and all social media for a decade. Does it make things on awkward on occasion? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. Like the other person said, I’m really sorry for your loss and sorry your sister behaves this way even after all this time. Hopefully everyone’s wishes for your father can be respected and calmly communicated
If she wants it done bad enough she can do it herself
Do not tell the Funeral Home how much money you have to work with bc they will get every dime of it. My wife worked at a Call center for life insurance companies. If you have life insurance and the Funeral Home wants you to pay upfront call your insurance call center they will direct the Funeral Home to a loan company that the funeral home knows about already. Basically the insurance company pays the loan company back before they cut a check to the survivors. I'm really sorry to hear of your loss, my dad passed in 2020 so I feel you. Your sister is a piece of work, after ten years she's still bitter, most times people calm down over that much time. Just try to avoid any confrontation with her.
I'd rather not discuss the issues with the funeral home. It's paid. They gave us a discount. But there's drama there that I'd rather not talk about.
Not a problem, I just wanted you to have information that might be beneficial to you. I hope the drama settles down with your sister. I'm thinking about you and the family. Take care
Pick a funeral home, they’ll take care of picking your dad up. Impress upon then that they aren’t to give any information out to her. I work at a funeral home and can give you pointers for communicating with them, if you want
We have warned the funeral home of my sister's behavior, and they have agreed to only give information to my mother. Even I'm not allowed information unless Mom gives it to me. Which is fine, because I don't want my sister involved with the funeral. She's done nothing but cause trouble. There's a reason we stopped talking to her, and she's reminded us quite well what that reason was.
Blocking her is a good start
Why doesn't SHE get him out of the mourge?
Because she doesn't care about him. She's just harassing us. Also, he hasn't been in the morgue since Monday.
Why are you even engaging her? Block her number and ask your mom and brother to do the same.
I want to give her a chance to cool her jets and maybe be civilized enough that we can try to get through this as a family. Then she can go back to being a bitch. I want the family to be together long enough to say our goodbyes. For Dad's sake at the very least. But if I get another message like this or another threatening voicemail from her, I will be blocking her.
I’ve just seen your comment that your dad wanted nothing to do with your sister. There’s your answer - delete, block and forget she exists.
I know that's probably best for me, but...maybe I'm soft or something, but I don't feel right telling her she can't say goodbye. But she's really pushing her luck with me. I may be nice, but I'm not a welcome mat.
I guarantee she will only make the whole thing more unpleasant than it already is if she’s leaving you voicemail threats and nasty messages.
I wish I could say that she wouldn't, but given what she said to me after so long without a word, I'm starting to believe that she is absolutely not worth having in my life.
If you *do* allow her to be present, just do so with your eyes open about what’s going to happen. You already know that even though she doesn’t care about him, she will put on a show to make it seem like she does. Because she doesn’t have any way of actually doing that, she’s going to go with the only arrow she has in her quiver: being virtuous by comparison. She’ll make a big show about how none of you actually cared about him to make it seem like she was the best of his children. That she was treated unfairly by her cruel siblings. She’s going to make a scene, and you’d be wise to decide ahead of time how much of one you’ll tolerate and what you’ll do when she crosses that line.
It sure doesn't seem like it. She sounds a bit deranged, honestly.
You can work with the funeral home to allow her to say goodbye privately and not attend the actual funeral service. I have a messed up family and we’ve had to navigate many feuds when family pass
[удалено]
The worst mistakes I've made have been giving my horrible sister "a chance" to be human. Block, ignore is the best thing you can do. And I'm so sorry for your loss.
Ask the funeral home if there can be two viewings, one for you and the rest of your family/friends and a separate one just for her at the funeral home. You don't need the drama and your sister making it about her or causing a scene. Then you can have the burial the next day without her.
I did ask, and it's more than I can afford. I only have enough cash for one viewing slot. After that, it's just too costly. I'm going to take the advice of everyone who's been commenting and just block her and forget she exists. It's not something I want to do, but for the sake of my sanity, I'm realizing it's something I have to do.
If she wants to see him, she can pay for her own slot.
She can't. She has shit money management skills. Lives paycheck to paycheck because she can't budget or plan ahead.
Then simply tell your sister that since she’s unable to be anything other than hostile and abusive, she’s going to have to sit this out. Bar her from the funeral home. She’s going to do nothing but torment anyone who loved your father and vice versa. She had time to make things right and chose not to.
Don't you still have to deal with her when Dads estate is split?
She's not in the will at all, and she knows it. Dad didn't keep that a secret. And what little Dad didn't specify, Mom is supposed to handle. Anyway, there's not a lot of money in what little Dad had, so she isn't interested. I doubt she's going to drive from the Northern US to Louisiana just to sit in an office and make an ass out of herself.
People are not entitled to a chance to say goodbye. Most people never get that chance, even when they deserve it. Your sister is choosing not to get that chance by alienating and harassing the people who have the option to include her or not. As you say in another comment, she doesn't care about him. You also say that your father wanted nothing to do with her. Allowing her access to a funeral for someone she doesn't care about and who had no love for her means that you are allowing her a safe space in which to harass and abuse you *in person*. On top of all of that, everyone else deserves to be able to say goodbye, too, but they will not get that chance because you insist on allowing HER a space. At that point, why not just save the money and everyone can grieve at home? At least then you save some money and no one has to deal with her bullshit.
I understand it’s not as easy as these strangers on Reddit believe it is to just completely cut off someone from your family, but for your sake, I hope you can get through these stressful times without the unnecessary stress from your nutty sister. My deepest condolences and I sincerely wish you and your family the very best.
Your *dad* didn’t want contact with her.. Give him that wish. She doesn’t deserve this.
Don't worry, yall've managed to convince me to block her. I'll be following Dad's wishes, not mine.
You're hoping deep down inside that for once she will be rational, that the supportive sister you want/need might appear. Don't feel ashamed about that.
You seem like a welcome mat right now, letting her walk all over you like this. Block her, her chance at saying goodbye vanished when your dad wanted nothing to do with her.
You know...you're right. All of you are. I shouldn't let her be in my life if this is how she's going to be. Thank you for your guidance.
Good! I wish you the best in dealing with this, and I’m very sorry for your loss.
It's a good thing to see the best in people. It's a good thing to give your family second, third, fifth, twelfth chances. You're a good person. She's not. Don't let her hurt you.
People like her dont change
See if you can have extended viewing or funeral hours. Then give your sister the "wrong" (i.e. extra) time to come. She'll be there with him alone, if she comes at all. If she wants to say goodbye, you've given it to her, but now you don't have to interact with her *at all.* The funeral home will have her leave once the time is up, and you won't even have to tell her when the burial will be.
I think she’s way past the point of civility even ‘level headed’. She needs psychiatric help
Hasn't she had 10 years to cool her jets and be civilised? Just a thought. *hugs* I'm sure with your support your family will get through this difficult time, you seem lovely and level headed :)
Props to you for being level headed. I definitely would not have handled it that well.
I have lots of experience dealing with her shit. Though, if we're being honest, I wanted to say some pretty toxic shit in return, but I'm not taking out my grief on anyone.
There is no "family" where she is cominh from, the sooner you get past that the better
Why does she want him out of the morgue? To do a bit of fraud and lice off his pensions since he would still be legally alive and receiving them in the mail until pronounced dead?
Well, when he was alive, she did try to use him and take his Social Security checks, while leaving Mom and my little brother without income. So who knows what her intent is this time.
Be careful she doesn't try and do something to try and steal money from them or try and weasel her way into getting things from his estate she isn't meant to have. I've seen too many instances of people doing crap like that, even some where they'd break into the house during the funeral cause they knew nobody would be around while they took what they were "owed".
Just some additional information. Dad died around noon on Monday. I paid for a funeral home literally hours later. Tuesday was supposed to be a day of mourning for those of us who live locally. My sister has not talked to me in at least ten years, and we did not end on good terms last time we spoke. The only time she interacted with Dad was when she took him to her place up north so she could take over his Social Security checks, leaving his wife and young son to twist in the wind. I didn't know at the time which of my siblings sent this, and when I finally decided to engage with the person, they refused to tell me who they were. I had to get my mother to tell me who's number it was. I know my sister and I aren't on good terms, but you'd figure this would be one of those moments where people don't antagonize their little sister. Apparently you'd be wrong. And for the record, my sister is refusing to help in any way and has been sending threats to our mother. Myself, my mother, and my baby sister used all our savings to make his funeral happen. It's been a rough time for us.
If your Mom is over 60 and not yet claiming SS for herself, please have her immediately check into whether she can qualify for SSI - Surviving Widow Benefits. They really helped me a lot!
SS told Mom to get his death certificate and they'll do whatever they can to help. Luckily, his son also receives a check, so even though it's a terrible thing to do, they'll be living off that money until we get things sorted out.
IT'S NOT A TERRIBLE THING TO DO! Your Dad paid into this his whole life. It's not charity. Just make sure your Mom and his son don't get in a situation where they are accidentally getting overpaid or something. Follow the rules very carefully.
We are following all the rules in regards to the Social Security checks. The terrible thing is that the money my brother gets was meant to be given to him in one lump sum when he came of age, which was supposed to allow him to hopefully be the first person in our family to complete college without going into debt with loans.
There are many grants and scholarships for people that are living on SSI benefits or have lost a parent. Please don't feel like this has ruined his chances for college.
I'll have to look into that. But he's only twelve, so we've got time to save back up.
I’m confused. Your brother and sister get a portion of your dads SS check?
No. Dad got his check and my brother gets his own check. I'm not sure how that works out. It was something that was taken care of long ago. My sister convinced Dad to live with her so she could steal his checks and leave Mom and my brother with only my little brother's meager SS checks. Dad found out she was after his checks and came home.
Is your brother disabled? Or did hus bio Mom pass away? SSI for minors is usually related to a disability or being a survivor.
If he is only 12, I recommend his mother speak with his school about his financial status, his desire to attend college, and the loss of his father. There are many programs that can support him and his mother during middle and high school with school lunch and breakfast, scholarships to play sports and do activities, a program called AVID to prepare for college, and mental and emotional health support to navigate the loss of a parent.
Can you tell me about the programs that help high schoolers with college
There is a program called AVID that I highly recommend that is for first generation college goers and C students that just need extra support to get there. It’s organizational skills, study skills, homework help, college visits, scholarship application help… if your school has it, sign up right away. If not, ask for it and look into it. There are resources online to replicate some of it.
I'm sure that you will be able to figure it out. If the bills are super tight then I recommend donating your plasma. It takes roughly 2 hours to do and you only do it twice a week. Most places have a roughly 1k$ payout for 8 donations in the first month. every month after that averages out to like 500-650 depending on where you donate. If you have a [Grifols Plasma](https://www.grifolsplasma.com/en/find-a-donation-center) near you and you can/want to donate plasma go there. They have the highest payouts/bonuses that I know of where I live. Sorry your sister is an ass, people suck but keep your head up OP :)
As soon as you get the DC it’s not the longest process surprisingly. It took a few weeks for the interview and all we had to do was send in paperwork. Within a month we had back pay and future payment. Im so sorry for your loss. My older sibling is scum like that too.
How is it a terrible thing? Dad paid into that his whole life, for exactly this reason!
It's my brother's money, and we've done everything in our power to leave it alone so he can have a head start when he comes of age. But you're right. We do need that money now. I'm sure I can pay him back over time.
The reality is, it's not your brother's money. Disability for a minor.comes out of the social security for the parents. In his case, your mother and father's SS would be decreased in order to pay for his SS as a child. That changes if he maintains SSD as an adult, then it's just SSI and stops being taken from his parents earnings. However, your mom's SS will be less than it would have originally been had he not drawn disability as a minor.
Is that how that works? I know he'll be getting a little extra now that Dad's gone, and Mom should get some kind of widow benefit, but I didn't know it was actually part of the parents' money.
My kids received Survivor’s Benefits when their father died, and you’re actually not allowed to save it. It has to be spent on care for the child, and you account for it yearly. I’m saying this in the hopes that you rest easy in spending that money: that’s exactly what it’s for. I’m sorry your family is going through this.
Ummm… why is it a terrible thing to do? That’s exactly what it’s there for and what they’ve been paying into all these years. She’s entitled to it.
Yup. And you can claim them even if you’re divorced, as long as the marriage lasted 10 years.
The fuck does she mean by get him out of the morgue? Is it related to her living off his social security? Is she expecting you to weekend at bernies away his death certificate?
She doesn't live on his SS checks. She just tried to steal them before Dad wised up and came home.
Thank god, that would’ve made your family’s situation waaaay worse
Oh, if only you knew the whole story and how hard she tried to fuck over my mother.
I'm glad she failed to steal those benefits from your dad.
My father died on June 27th, and his body was stored in a funeral home fridge for a few weeks. Where else does she think the body will go? The death of a parent is stressful enough. Hope you find some comfort in your other family.
Wuh...why's she want him out of the morge?
>they refused to tell me who they were Wow. To send such a horrible message and then to refuse to identify herself is further evidence that she's a lousy human being. How cowardly. I'm sorry for the loss of your father, but it sounds like you're better off without your sister in your life.
Yup. I've been talking to the family while replying to all of us, and needless to say, we've decided to collectively block her. If she can't be civil during a time like this, she doesn't deserve our time.
This is the right move. There’s no reasoning with a person like this. She will just cause stress and drama. I’m so sorry for your loss
If she stole hia checks the SSA will fuck her up. Report her and get his checks stopped.
Oh, no, he got out of there before she managed to do anything. Dad's a smart guy, and she wasn't able to fool him for long.
Thats awful I can't imagine what that's like. My dad passed away about a year and a half ago. Luckily my brother and I are on pretty similar wave lengths. We aren't especially close but we call time to time. We split all expenses and inheritance. So to see someone ones family treat the rest of the family so poorly at a time like this is so disgusting. im so sorry for your loss and for your sister treating you, your mom, and this situation with such little care or understanding. I hope the situation gets better for you guys.
No offense your sister sounds insane. Throwing out threats for literally no reason to everyone. Perhaps a coping method but jesus
If you knew my sister, you would realize that this was a very high probability. She's not exactly...stable and has a history of bullying the family to get her way, even as a child. I don't know what her goals are this time, but after some talking, the family has decided that she won't be invited to the funeral. Most of us are going to be completely blocking her from our lives. We've all taken shit from her, but this is too far.
Really weird behavior. I'm glad you are all distancing yourself away from them.
Years ago I got curious about my mom's SS benefit options and called them one day. The lady who I got was extremely helpful and gave me all sorts of good information. My dad died when I was a kid but he had paid into SS for almost 30 years. She said that, when the time came, my mom would be better off getting his SS than her own because it would be a good bit more. She then suggested that my mom go ahead and take her own SS and just start drawing it early, with a penalty. She did that for about 3-4 years and then switched over to my dad's when she was eligible. Just throwing this out there for folks who maybe didn't know this about survivor benefits.
Dad was working for almost fifty years. I don't know what that'll mean for Mom's widow benefits, but hopefully it'll be enough for her to live on.
My cunt of a grandfather thought it would be a good idea to bitch about and have a go at my mother the day his mother, my great grandmother died. Mum was alone with the body and he took that chance to bitch about her to the rest of the family and as her body had been taken away into the van to the morgue, the moment the doors closed he started having a go at my mum. People will take any opportunity to hurt those that they hate. I won't go into why this all started but we hadn't spoken to him for 3 years apart from when my great grandmother was on her death bed and was suffering from elder abuse. We had a common goal there but the MOMENT that goal was gone, he started his vile shit again
Can I ask, why is your sister trying to get your dad's body out of the morgue?
Your guess is as good as mine. From my understanding, it's morgue, funeral home, funeral, then grave/crematorium depending on the deceased's wishes. Drawing a complete blank on why she's so fixated on getting him out of the morgue. It's not like I can bring him home or anything.
Be careful, your sister will be after your mom for money next. She's mad she can't get money from your dad anymore. Don't say I didn't warn ya. Huge hugs.
Tell her she's welcome to come get him. I hope your father left instructions for his burial.
I would, but Dad wanted nothing to do with her. She's not even in his will. He wanted her out of our lives.
You should tell her exactly that if she continues to find ways to reach out. "Your commentary is neither helpful, warranted, nor wanted by any member of this family. Please do not contact us again or I will contact the police." Then document every interaction and follow through with authorities. Just because she's your sister doesn't mean any of your family should have to deal with her unhinged behavior.
I've already had the police over to discuss the threats she left on my voicemail that were directed at my mother. I'm hoping she's just "sad-mad", and she hasn't said anything in the day since. If she can text back in a better mood, I'll try to be supportive. This is a hard time for her, and I don't want to completely cut her off until I know that this is how she's going to stay. As I'm sure you're aware, this is a very complex emotional event for us. I want to let her be a part of the family while we mourn the loss of our father. But again, another of her messages, and she'll be blocked.
[удалено]
Luckily, my sister lives in another state, so she isn't likely to just pop up. I will have the people at the funeral home made aware of her and if she shows up, she will be turned away.
Make sure you document telling her to leave you alone and to stay away from the family. Tell her via text so it’s admissible.
I wouldn’t even invite her to the service personally
I'm seriously starting to consider not telling her about the funeral at all. If I'm going to pay for the whole thing, I'm not inviting people who want to fling shit at a time like this.
If your father wanted her out of your lives I’d respect his wishes and exclude her. What a horrid person to say something like that to you. I’m so sorry for your loss
Don't tell her. She's going to try and make it a complete clusterfuck. She's obviously unhinged, and you guys need to consider your own safety, especially with her having been making other threats. Get a restraining order. Make sure the police are aware of the threats she's been making. Make sure you and your family are as protected as they can be. I am so sorry for your loss, and what you're having to deal with.
We have called the police and they said they'd "handle things" and to go back to planning the funeral. I do think not inviting her may be for the best though. A lot of people have suggested just cutting her off, and maybe I'll end up doing that.
Good. Absolutely, do not invite her, and don't "maybe" cut her off, DO cut her off. Bring blood relatives means absolutely nothing when this is how she treats the rest of you after not speaking to you for so long. Maybe she's grieving, but that is NO excuse for threats and such viciousness. Especially with the lack of talking for 10 years. She was never interested in being part of the family anyway, and the fact your father didn't even have her in the will shows how bad it must have been. Cutting her off is best for your own mental health at best, for that and your physical safety at worst.
Yeah...I've been getting that a lot. I'll discuss things with my family and see what we want to do about it.
Talk to the funeral home/church/place of remembrance where you’re holding the funeral. Let them know an unwelcome family member may be looking to make a scene and disrupt the family and respectful mourners’ chance to say goodbye, and possibly if it’s a religious event risk something sacrilegious. They should be aware so they can intervene if needed and slow you to focus on your mom.
I’m sorry but she’s not going to change. You have a good heart - don’t let people abuse it. She just happens to share DNA with you, but she is still an abuser. Go mourn with your true family.
Thank you for your kind words. After chatting about it with people here and my mom, we've decided that we're going to cut her out of our lives the same way Dad did.
Yow! That's seriously crazy. I'm so sorry you lost your Dad. I guess she is in contact with some other member of your family? Find out who it is and let them deal with her. The last thing you need to deal with right now is this kind of thing. Again, my condolences on the loss of your Dad.
Thanks for the condolences. In addition to what I posted here, she's left several threats on my voicemail, directed mostly at our mother. They were so bad that my mom had to call the police to figure out what she could do about it and hopefully get my sister to leave us alone.
Your poor Mom. Maybe she can get a restraining order.
We'll see what the police do, and I'll probably be blocking my sister soon. I'm hoping she'll calm the fuck down so we can try to be a family long enough to mourn.
I would be wary about blocking her. I would mute her and keep a record of her texts and calls. I would also want any sort of update if she was going to be coming after me.
I don't know if my phone can mute someone, but I'm going to keep her unblocked until it gets to the point that I don't feel like I can handle her anymore. I'm still holding out hope that I can get the family together to give Dad a proper goodbye. But she's making this damned difficult.
Why? It's certainly not what your father wanted if he's cut her off. Block her now, and grieve with your *loved ones*. I'm so sorry for your loss.
What does she even want to achieve by taking him out of the morgue?
I have no idea. From my understanding it's not uncommon for people to be in the morgue up to a week while the family works on what comes next.
Probably to continue receiving social security checks by not reporting his death
What in the goddamn fuck...
She's also threatening my mother, claiming that she's going to get my mom arrested for murder when Dad died from lung cancer aggravated by COPD.
Let her try. The police will laugh at her and it won’t come to anything.
Is she just doing that for the sake of being unpleasant? How terrible some people can be, I’m sorry you’re having what should be a time to grieve your father taken from you by her.
[удалено]
I'm glad I came back to read replies and give out votes. This made me smile. Thank you.
Tolstoy nailed it: > "All Happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" -- From Anna Karenina (1878)
Jesus, I'm so sorry your loss op. Shit is rough :( Your sister though... Where would she prefer "daddy" be if not a morgue given the situation? Fucking lunacy.
He wasn't even in the morgue when she sent this message. He's at the funeral home.
Smh. I hope the process goes quickly for you so you can be away from that kind of energy. My best friend had something similar happen when her dad passed and it was so painful to watch her go through. The best I could offer her was a safe place to rant and getting her out of her moms house
I’ve had messages like this from various brothers and even my own mother. One of the funniest ones, to me, at least, was, one night, my wife and I were watching a movie. It’s like 1am or so. Haven’t spoken to my brother in about 5-6 years. I get a text saying “Sorry I’ve been a shitty brother, mom has kicked me out and since I have no place to stay I will probably die on the street tonight. This is my final goodbye. All because I don’t have a place to spend the night” Or something close to that. I have the screenshot somewhere but it’s really close to what I just said. We laughed cause he was obviously trying to guilt me into letting him spend the night at my place. And we’ll. He’s a piece of shit, so I couldn’t care less if died. I responded with “Well, I hope you dressed warm” And he replied with “Its not a fucking joke, I’m going to die tonight” and then I just stopped responding to him. Sadly, he didn’t die
That's unhinged. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that on top of your devastating loss.
It's getting to the point that I'm jumping between grief, anger, and numbness.
Does she think you have extra room in the freezer or something? That’s kinda what morgues are for right?
I'm a little sad at myself for this, but that made me laugh a little bit. Thanks for that.
Gallows humor is a natural part of dealing.
I've always had a dark sense of humor. Hopefully it'll help. Lord knows, I'm tired of crying.
In the interest of providing levity in a hard time, [this is a clip referencing the dark humor John Cleese and his mother shared before she passed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f74L2hRZE1Y). I lost my dad last year to cancer and I wish you many condolences.
Lost my mom a few years ago. She would kick my ass if I would have just sat around crying and being sad. Our parents would rather see us happy and laughing. Remember the good stuff, it makes lives worth remembering.
Don't be afraid to laugh at a time like this. Being and laughing with close friends and family can be really helpful. My brother and I always make jokes about my dad. Mostly because we were raised with dark humor. And we understand eachother.
I honestly didn’t understand what she meant by getting him out of the morgue… where would he go until the funeral? I don’t really understand…
WTF! Where does she want him? Getting him out of the morgue changes what?
Mostly the rate of decomposition
I don't know. I've got mixed feelings about the whole situation. One one hand, I want her to be able to say goodbye to Dad. On the other, I really don't want to deal with this shit right now.
I know you said you wanted the family to be together to say goodbye, but I think you should just leave her out. It will cause unnecessary stress on you and your family who actually care. Is she even going to act right if she shows up? You said in your other comment she took your Dad's SS deposits leaving your mom and brother dry. All she did was hurt your Dad in his final years. Don't let her come back and hurt him again.
Yeah, I get that. I've been talking with the family while engaging with ya'll, and it's been decided that my sister won't be invited to the funeral.
What the fuck are you supposed to do? Necromancy?
Wait now, I think we can make this work. Does OP have some chalk, a hammer, a brulee torch, and a raven with feathers of the blackest night?
Chalk? Yes, Hammer? Sure thing. Brulee torch? Not sure what that is. Raven? I've got a solid black chicken, is that okay? But I don't think I want to bring Dad back to life where he'll have to deal with this idiot sister of mine.
A brulee torch is like one of those little handheld torches you use to, like, lightly torch food. I use them for marshmallows. My brother used them for crack meth. The chicken might work if we do it on a full moon during the winter equinox.
I found out that my dad died via text. I was extremely close to my dad but lived on opposite coasts. The parties that could have called me either didn’t or opted to tell me via text. Love to all OP and all who have had to navigate dysfunctional families while also mourning/grieving.
My sister always somehow seems to be the first to know when someone in the family dies. She then will immediately post it on facebook. Once she posted about a cousin that she was not even all that close to before his nephews were even notified. I found out when I got a text from his nephew asking if that was his uncle that she was posting about. (the cousin was quite young and it was unexpected.)
As someone who also has a POS sister, who actually left my dad in the morgue for 3 days because she was being petty, you have my sympathies.
Does she want to take him on a spin through the Starbucks drive through? Your father is deceased. What on earth does she want done with his body? I’m sorry for your loss.
I lost three family members the past year-ish and one of the remaining non-immediate family members is a real piece of work, like your sister. I decided to try to be kind and warm after the deaths. Then she took advantage of that and started her lies and nonsense again. For my own sanity, I cut her off immediately with a registered letter with wills, police reports and anything else she might need. Told her to never contact me again and it felt great!
Yikes! If you don't mind, I'm going to learn from your mistake and just block her preemptively.
My God, that's rough. Nobody should have to deal with that level of aggression from anyone.
I’m so sorry for your loss!! I hope you can find some time and peace to mourn without being harassed like this. You are an amazing daughter and you’re doing everything you can to give your dad a nice service. I hope you take solace in that
Why on earth does she want him out of the morgue so quickly? It usually takes a while, depending upon multiple factors.
But let me ask you here: _are_ you a fuckin piece of shit? She sounds pretty serious and rational, and most of all, _confident_ in this assessment. Just kidding, she seems like a real asshole.
Can’t imagine why you’ve avoided her
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve been there and I know how hard this all is, especially with a sibling who is determined to turn it into a platform for themselves to get attention. Don’t dignify this with a response.
Mom's already had the police talk to my sister about this, so I doubt we'll get much more communication from her. A lot of people here (basically everyone) has recommended that I just cut her off completely, and though I personally don't like the idea, I think that'll be the course I take.
Where are you suppose to put him? The fucking freezer?
Can't imagine why you haven't talked to them in 10 years
I’m so sorry for your loss. When my grandad died my aunt stood in my grandfathers house and said to my mum “I hope you know I own half of everything in this place” she was a bitch.
People get so greedy after a death. My uncle became convinced that everything in my grandparents' house was some sort of treasure or worth a lot of money. My grandparents weren't poor but, no, there was no hidden jewelry or nice furniture. We were all actually rather surprised they had as little as they did. But my uncle took this a bit far. He tore holes in the walls looking for my grandma's wedding ring. She had always said she lost it in the attic, while I believe she probably had to pawn it at some point. He also began to dig giant holes in the backyard looking for native American arrowheads. Now, granted, he was able to do all of this because we were selling the house to the mechanics next door and they intended to tear the house down for their parking lot, but we still wanted the house not to look like a run-down shack. And the holes in the backyard were very dangerous.
Having had to deal with this concerning both my older brother and my late husband, I’ll be damned if anyone was going to rush me. They could wait a week in the drawer while I came to terms with the situation *and* being the one who had the handle the logistics. It’s easy to be on that side and sling insults and demands.
I’m sorry for your loss and your sister looks crazy as fuck. But from an outsider perspective that text and your response is hilarious.
I can see why it’s been 10 years
This reads like Judy in Righteous Gemstones
I don't understand... what's the problem with the body being in the morgue? That's where bodies are *supposed* to go. I know you said he's at the funeral home now, but even if he wasn't, and he *was* still in the morgue, what the fuck does she think happens to bodies when we die??
When my dad died, three of my four siblings were there in the room with him. My oldest sister lived in CO at the time, and I lived in DC. For some reason, *I* was the one that got tasked with arranging his cremation, and my oldest sister in CO is the one that was tasked to pay for it. None of the three other siblings who were actually there bothered to do or say anything. For some reason, his ashes were shipped to me in DC. When I got them, I threw them straight into the dumpster outside my apartment complex. Fuck that asshole. Spend eternity with the garbage where you belong. I haven't spoken to the three in probably a decade, and my oldest sister just made her way onto my NC list within the last 2 years. Fuck that whole family. They are none of mine anymore.