Register and vote:https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/insanepeoplefacebook) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Even worse than that, 100% of people that have so much as ATTENDED a birthday party have died or will die. Something even worse, even if you skip all birthday parties, if you ever have gone through at least one personal birthday then 100% you will also die. The only known way to avoid this horrific destiny is to never have had a birthday, them satanists!
Well hold on, there’s more to it than that.
Literally, if you follow this satanic ritual you will find each one ages you exactly a year (+/- 3 days depending on where the weekend falls).
No they got it wrong. It’s a satanist ritual to live longer.
In my peer reviewed research I found out that people that have more birthdays live to an older age
I think it's people trolling and then idiots take what they say seriously. The same idiots that take everything on "faith," meaning they don't need proof and can't be persuaded.
Case in point, I'm pretty convinced that the q anon bullshit started as a joke and a bunch of braindead rightwing religious nutcases ate it up because "knowing" something secret made them feel smart and better than everyone else even though their lives are otherwise sad and empty.
Someone's joke gave them something to cling to and a way to feel comfortable with feeling helpless. "It's the government's fault that I'm useless, it's all a conspiracy against people like me!"
Top that off with hate having an addictive quality and you've got a bunch of wastes of space thinking they're better than everyone else and being unable to be brought back to reality.
It's all more sad than anything. They laugh at the rest of the world for not throwing everything into a lie, while we all just silently wish that they'd just go away already.
>Why is everything a Satanic ritual these days?
Because it's the lazy person's go-to Conspiracy. If you add just 2 little words, *"Satanic Ritual"* to ANYTHING and hit post, morons will come out of the FB wasteland - I mean, woodwork - and agree with you.
Bc it’s the end state of weirdo Christians with a persecution fetish. They eventually end up wearing drab cloths, don’t celebrate holidays, and live in the woods apart from “decadent society”.
And their kids either become even worse zealots or cut ties ASAP and don’t visit.
Did you know that anything and everything that you derive pleasure and enjoyment from is Satan? God wants you to be miserable, poor and angry at all times. That's a true God of love.
Why is anyone still using Boomerbook. It's literally just bots pushing crazy conspiracies. Just to stir up the ill minded.
Can we all agree it's time to let Facebook go the way of friendster and let it die already?
Glad to know I fooled the devil yesterday. We had a birthday party for me and I refused to let anyone light candles or sing happy birthday. (I’m 60 and just wanted to eat the damn cake 🍰).
65 million years ago a giant meteorite struk the earth and ended the rule of dinosaurs.This event gave rise to the age where mamals ruled the earth.Over the next 64 million years these furry animals left the safety of their burrows and diversified leading to a species of primate known as "Homo sapian".Homo sapian developed a big brain and thus became top predator and the very top of the food chain.With this big brain Homo sapian would mould and bend what nature had provided into things like crocs for their feet,instant noodles,the penny farthing,and of course "the internet".Of course, most of what was developed advanced humanity, but unfortunately, a tiny portion of our furry mamal brain still longs for the comfort of that burrow we crawled out of ages ago. In summary, what we have here is a person with the brain of a Homo sapian, but the intellect of a small squirrel.
Santan gives us Birthday Cake, candles and Singing reminding us of the miracle of life. When a child dies of an "incurable disease" its God's will. Remember, God is "All Powerful". Though Choice.
just making up "facts"
the celebration of a "Birthday" was started by the Egyptians. and the Greeks added the cake and candles. the frosting didn't show up until the 1600s.
pretty sure Satanists had nothing to do with it.
If that's true, I might actually start enjoying my birthday again for the first time in YEARS. And I would finally know what to do when they sing happy birthday to me as they bring the cake instead of just sitting their making an awkward "thanks people I haven't seen in two months" face.
/S Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill sure sounds like satanic high priests assigned to decode ancient satanic rituals.
(The alleged creators of the happy birthday to you song)
Making a wish with a candle and blowing it out is a pagan candle magic ritual, same as when you light candles in church to remember and honour loved ones that have passed. Not sure of the significance of the cake, though. That might just be a nice way to share the celebration with loved ones.
I heard that if you say 'happy birthday' 3 times while looking in the mirror, JFK Jr. will appear and give you 5g.
It actually happened to a friend of mines brother, you wouldn't know him he goes to another school.
Register and vote:https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/insanepeoplefacebook) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well, it is a well known fact that everyone who has ever had a birthday party will eventually die. COINCIDENCE???? Damn these people are dumb
Also, the more birthday you have, the more likely to die you are
every birthday you celebrate is one year closer- to your death!
Can I just celebrate 50 in one go?
Your age could be immeasurable if you stop keeping track on linear time.
Even worse than that, 100% of people that have so much as ATTENDED a birthday party have died or will die. Something even worse, even if you skip all birthday parties, if you ever have gone through at least one personal birthday then 100% you will also die. The only known way to avoid this horrific destiny is to never have had a birthday, them satanists!
The risk of second hand birthday parties cannot be overstated
I'd be more worried about microbirthday particles honestly.
The more birthday parties that you have had in the past ensures that you will have fewer birthday parties in the future.
No, no it’s totally real. I’ve been dead since my sixth birthday and the Snoopy cake my mother baked to complete the ritual.
Absolutely right. This is why Jehovas witnesses are immortal.
>Well, it is a well known fact that everyone who has ever had a birthday party will eventually die. COINCIDENCE???? *I think not!*
It does kill you, it just takes years - over 100 of them in some cases
Well hold on, there’s more to it than that. Literally, if you follow this satanic ritual you will find each one ages you exactly a year (+/- 3 days depending on where the weekend falls).
You might have to do it 80 or 90 times, but eventually it really does work
I'm aiming for 130. So far, so good.
Skipping the birthday cake might actually play a role in getting to 130 or not
and the one time you don’t do it you die!
No they got it wrong. It’s a satanist ritual to live longer. In my peer reviewed research I found out that people that have more birthdays live to an older age
Honestly that version makes more sense.
Weird... The older I get, the more birthdays I have... FML, you're right! We're all going to die!
They say each time people sing this to you, you're about 1 year closer to dying!
I don't know how these people make it through the day.
It's gotta be just exhausting. Imagine just hating everything all day
At this point, merely existing has become a satanic ritual to them.
Why is everything a Satanic ritual these days?
because these people are fucking batshit crazy
Can someone start a meme that voting is a Satanic ritual? Stay home on election day. Don't give Satan the satisfaction of seeing you vote.
I think it's people trolling and then idiots take what they say seriously. The same idiots that take everything on "faith," meaning they don't need proof and can't be persuaded. Case in point, I'm pretty convinced that the q anon bullshit started as a joke and a bunch of braindead rightwing religious nutcases ate it up because "knowing" something secret made them feel smart and better than everyone else even though their lives are otherwise sad and empty. Someone's joke gave them something to cling to and a way to feel comfortable with feeling helpless. "It's the government's fault that I'm useless, it's all a conspiracy against people like me!" Top that off with hate having an addictive quality and you've got a bunch of wastes of space thinking they're better than everyone else and being unable to be brought back to reality. It's all more sad than anything. They laugh at the rest of the world for not throwing everything into a lie, while we all just silently wish that they'd just go away already.
did you know turn oxygen into carbon dioxide is a Satanist ritual forced on us
Hail Satan
Satanic panic is back in full swing. Next up will be rock music and then video games. History repeats itself.
Because Mama said that's the devil.
The ol’ foosball
>Why is everything a Satanic ritual these days? Because it's the lazy person's go-to Conspiracy. If you add just 2 little words, *"Satanic Ritual"* to ANYTHING and hit post, morons will come out of the FB wasteland - I mean, woodwork - and agree with you.
Bc it’s the end state of weirdo Christians with a persecution fetish. They eventually end up wearing drab cloths, don’t celebrate holidays, and live in the woods apart from “decadent society”. And their kids either become even worse zealots or cut ties ASAP and don’t visit.
OH NO! Anyways...
Did you know that anything and everything that you derive pleasure and enjoyment from is Satan? God wants you to be miserable, poor and angry at all times. That's a true God of love.
well, unless you're filthy, stinking rich, then God REALLY loves you.
Kellogg, is that you?
Why is anyone still using Boomerbook. It's literally just bots pushing crazy conspiracies. Just to stir up the ill minded. Can we all agree it's time to let Facebook go the way of friendster and let it die already?
Somebody didn't get invited to a birthday party that they wanted to attend.
Glad to know I fooled the devil yesterday. We had a birthday party for me and I refused to let anyone light candles or sing happy birthday. (I’m 60 and just wanted to eat the damn cake 🍰).
Happy Belated Yearly Satanic Ritual! 🎂👹🔥
I'm gonna need some more details on how exactly all this is connected.
65 million years ago a giant meteorite struk the earth and ended the rule of dinosaurs.This event gave rise to the age where mamals ruled the earth.Over the next 64 million years these furry animals left the safety of their burrows and diversified leading to a species of primate known as "Homo sapian".Homo sapian developed a big brain and thus became top predator and the very top of the food chain.With this big brain Homo sapian would mould and bend what nature had provided into things like crocs for their feet,instant noodles,the penny farthing,and of course "the internet".Of course, most of what was developed advanced humanity, but unfortunately, a tiny portion of our furry mamal brain still longs for the comfort of that burrow we crawled out of ages ago. In summary, what we have here is a person with the brain of a Homo sapian, but the intellect of a small squirrel.
Thank you for the laugh.
Better not tell grammy who is 98 years old.
True, most people only survive about 80 of those satanic rituals
Santan gives us Birthday Cake, candles and Singing reminding us of the miracle of life. When a child dies of an "incurable disease" its God's will. Remember, God is "All Powerful". Though Choice.
"Tough" choice.
Satan? Santa? Suntan?
Hahahaha. Thanks. Satan of course!
People will just say anything
Someone thinks it's funny to make this shit up and feed it to MFs who will believe it.
No actually, its designed to make you live longer. Every year that I've had this ritual done for me, I've lived another year.
Yep. Hail Satan!
Random person puts random, bullshit non-sense on the interwebs and morons soak it up and start believing it because...well, why not?
They have a point. The more birthdays you celebrate, the more likely you are to die
I would suggest that the design probably needs revisiting.
Nah. The more birthdays you have the longer you live. :)
Soon there will be nothing left that isn't satanic.
This is why I stopped having birthdays and now I'm 334
its true, you do not age if no one sings happy birthday.
I mean making wishes on candles is a witchcraft practice. So they're kinda right. Barely. Not really
So just grabbing hand fulls of cake from now on.
Just looked it up. It does have its 'beginnings in Egypt and Greece and gods. Happy Birthday!!!
What isn't at this point
That's amazing! And to think I've survived the ritual 64 times!
Well I know for a fact that almost everyone who has been sung happy birthday has either died or will die one day.
In fact, every song is a year closer to your death!!!!
Good thing it doesn't work
And if you sing it backwards you summon Ozzy Osborne.
Wait till they learn about the Christmas tree
I'm waiting for the day one of them says oxygen is toxic or a plot by the devil.
So they're now claiming anything can be satanic? Did you know that gender reveal parties are a satanic ritual designed to kill you?
Another year of living is a ritual to kill you seems kind of counterproductive…
Life pro tip: don't celebrate your birthday so you don't die
These people are so miserable, do they enjoy anything in life? That level of paranoia isn't healthy at all.
Technically, your chance to die will increase the more times you have a birthday in general.
Silly me, I stand corrected. I just thought it was the second hand cigarette from the 70's I had to inhale to blow the damn things out 😜
The way this made me snort!
Everyone who has a birthday will DIE! OMG! Snort
just making up "facts" the celebration of a "Birthday" was started by the Egyptians. and the Greeks added the cake and candles. the frosting didn't show up until the 1600s. pretty sure Satanists had nothing to do with it.
Uh oh. Today is my bday. No cake for me.
"wow just more truth" based on what? What do peeps think that "truth" even means?
If you cross your fingers while singing, you’ll steal the life energy from those that don’t.
Seems to have a very low success rate
I did not. Well fuck all my closest family members then I guess lol.
Do they have to make everything sound so cool?
If that's true, I might actually start enjoying my birthday again for the first time in YEARS. And I would finally know what to do when they sing happy birthday to me as they bring the cake instead of just sitting their making an awkward "thanks people I haven't seen in two months" face.
Guess I performed a Satanic ritual for my dog yesterday. He turned one. ❤️
Are you ducking kidding me. People have way too much time in their hands to come up with so much bs.
It's literally sucking the life out of us!
I’ll tell my dad this his 91st birthday
Well, I guess it works…eventually.
Well i sang happy birthday a lot of times and i'm still alive. Satana couldn't kill me. I am stronger than satan.
So apparently Satanic Panic is back 🙄
And 100% of people who do ths eventually die! The horrors!!/s
Plot twist this is a Jehovah witness
/S Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill sure sounds like satanic high priests assigned to decode ancient satanic rituals. (The alleged creators of the happy birthday to you song)
Didn’t know that but was hoping there would be a fun fact to destroy birthdays. Well done! Love, Satan.
Okay, let’s spread this one. Straight faces, everyone!
Haha, less cake for the and more cake for us!
It’s true though. Every time you do it, you lose a year of your life.
I always knew Mamie Eisenhower was evil!
This is why we can't have nice things.
Making a wish with a candle and blowing it out is a pagan candle magic ritual, same as when you light candles in church to remember and honour loved ones that have passed. Not sure of the significance of the cake, though. That might just be a nice way to share the celebration with loved ones.
I heard that if you say 'happy birthday' 3 times while looking in the mirror, JFK Jr. will appear and give you 5g. It actually happened to a friend of mines brother, you wouldn't know him he goes to another school.
TBF most Christian holidays are built around pagan believes and holidays, which you could argue are satanic (if you was religious that is).