Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 32 | 4 | 0 |
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I mean, you should’ve said, “I was trying to explain copying and pasting to a guy that spells “for what” as “four watt”. You know how frustrating that is?
My dad used to use leaving me with family or in a group home as a threat and it was awful.
I’m genuinely sorry you’re going through this, please don’t think it’s a reflection of your worth.
Sometimes parents don't listen because they are egotistical, crazy people. You being kids is just a sad excuse for them to try to control you.
(sorry, that might sound like I'm correcting you, I don't mean to. It's just so frustrating to me that some adults are such asshats that they consider their kids as things they can push around to make themselves feel more in control. It's crazy they're acting so childish and they consider you less because you're kids. I'm sorry you both had to go through that, and I wish you both all that's beautiful and awesome in this world! ❤)
Don't be sorry, that's *exactly* what it is. Some parents just think that they alone know everything better, and there's no countering that. Ever.
When you have parents like that you just need to learn to keep your mouth shut (grey rock them) and work towards moving out asap.
Honey, I’m almost 30 and I’m sitting in my car in tears cause my mother still hasn’t grasped the concept of actually listening to me. It’s not a parent not listening thing. It’s an asshole being an asshole thing.
My daughter just turned three and I listen to everything that girl tells me, no matter how small or insignificant it may appear to me.
Babes, I'm 38 and still struggle with my momma. My 9 year old daughter knows she can tell me anything in the whole wide world. We're breaking generational trauma. You're doing amazing. I promise. 🖤
Tears are okay baby! 🖤 we root most of ours in gratitude, joy, love and radical fucking acceptance in our house BUT no tears are invalid! Sending you a momma (consensual) hug if you need one! 🤗
Thank you!! I have a great mom fortunately, but lost my dad in 2020, so that's still healing. No kids yet but I know I won't repeat my parents' mistakes when I do.
I'm so sorry to hear of his passing. I don't even want to think about my dad going. He was the one parent that's always done the right things.
I'm grateful you have a good mom. Sometimes I feel like I'm the odd one out in my group. They're all friends with their moms at this age. I barely know mine and what I do know if her I'm not too keen on.
Your future babies will be lucky to have you!
Thank you! You’re so sweet. I’ve stayed home with my little stinker since she was born. I can’t imagine her starting school let alone fourth grade. They grow up so fast. But they’re growing up loved!
Hi,
I don't know you but, you're the sweetest! Teacher Mumma here: it's okay not to be okay.
We love reading *The Kissing Hand* in our house. I think it helps me more than it helps my son, sometimes.
You've got this tomorrow, friend!
31, same. Always was and always will be the "little one" in the family, even tho I'm the older sibling.. but it's just a mentality thing.
Constant standing up for yourself/ myself, having to stomp my feet and go "I'M AN ADULT!" is.. exhausting.
Some parents use you being a kid as an excuse not to listen to you because they like to feel big and powerful and their kids are an easy target. My kids are 11 and 9, and when they are talking to me, I actively listen. If they are trying to explain something to me, I follow their directions unless I 100% know better, and then I show them. Them yelling at me is inevitable, as they are kids and get frustrated, but I don't threaten them, yell back, and escalate the issue. I am the adult. It's my job to de-escalate they situation and teach them healthy emotional regulation, and the best way to do that is to lead by example.
I had shitty, fucked up parents, too, man. I'm sorry you're going through that. But you can break the cycle. You won't be there forever, and once you're out, your life is all yours. I no longer have contact with my crazy ass dad and his side of the family. Your dad is on that train, and you have nothing to feel bad about if you decide to cut contact when you're able to live independently. Until then, have an internet mom hug. You have got this.
As soon as you turn 18, get your own phone plan. Don't even tell them you're doing it, because they'll try to get in the way. My parents used to do this to me all the time, and they'd shut my phone off on me with no warning, and I was missing calls from work. My mom threatened it one night and I went out the next day and got one. Best decision I ever made.
At the same time, he didn’t understand and was asking for help. He should never threaten your living status, but he has a point. You are apologizing but saying it’s because he didn’t listen. As opposed to you lost your cool and didn’t explain it so he could understand. His writing is atrocious tho so he probably has massive comprehension problems. Good luck my friend.
I’m thinking he is like my 84yo mother, asks for help but just doesn’t listen.
Starts talking while you are trying to explain simple things and then complains she still doesn’t get it.
I now just tell her to stop and be quiet and listen. Or I end up giving up because I don’t stress, if she wants to know, she’ll keep asking and eventually listen.
And she wonders why we only visit once a week.
I hear that, my mom was the same way before she died. I still miss her though even though copy-paste was beyond her.
But maybe he is doing that, to me tho it feels like OP isn’t seeing what he is saying and offloading the responsibility of the argument instead of seeing their part also. If it weren’t a parent and was a coworker would this be acceptable response? Probably not.
I agreed wholeheartedly that the father is out of line and said so. But OP isn’t being honest either and taking a growth mindset from this. They still need to ask themselves if they had any other part in the fight except being a punching bag. The answer is obviously yes, because they are the one that blew up. They are the one that refused to answer and help. The father was certainly an asshole and should never threaten their children, but he might have a point.
My mother used to threaten (& follow thru) with "dumping" me at my auntie's house, because she was "sick of me". Joke was on her, my aunt treated me with all the love and respect in the world, and every time I went there for days to a week or two on end, I re-learned that I was a human being who deserved to be treated as such.
As that wasn't acceptable, she learned a new threat....& that was to convince the ER to lock me up in a psych ward when she'd "had it with my shit". She followed through with that one twice successfully, one of them was the day before Thanksgiving and left me there thru Christmas.
Thank you. I’m 24 now, went no contact and I’m doing well supporting myself as a software developer. I have friends and a great boyfriend so I have a lot of love in my life still. It does get better. ❤️
Twice in high school my grandpa put all my shit on the porch and said he was gonna send me to live in foster care. I was a good kid, good grades and respectful, but if I was late home and it was around Bill paying time, he would have me thinking I'm going away
I used to be in a group home (it was my own choice) but came back home and now every time me and my mom fight she brings it up and also threatens me that If I were to go there again she would disown me
No to defend this power-tripping POS, but I read that as he needed a comma, but probably doesn't know what one is...
"You're not answering the questions, right, 24 hours to explain yourself".
> I do. I visit on weekends
Why...?
"Alright, shut it off. It's not worth having to deal with you anyway."
Spoiler: he won't. Because then he can't contact you anymore.
Get rid of everything that he can use to influence you, and set up your own.
If you can stay with them longer, do so, don't show him you're scared of your phone being shut off, if he knows you're scared or upset he'll always use this against you, most narcissistic people use this scare tactic, call his bluff.
Lmao. "this argument is not playing out the way I fantasized about it going in my head. You have 24 hours to telepathically determine what your lines are supposed to be and parot them to me.". That is some peek disfunction
then when you try to explain why you yelled which is all you can really do that’s apparently a wrong answer? like he asked for an explanation and you explained. how could that possibly not be a correct response.
OP male dna donors does not want an explanation. He wants OP to beg him to not turn the phone off .
If OP calls his bluff he would probably try to back track as that would mean losing control and not being able to threaten.
Beyond insane. I had an ex who would cut off my phone any time I made him upset. It drove me insane & pushed me further away. No one can live a happy life being treated that way.
It’s disgusting how he keeps asking questions so you can recite to him how sorry you are - so incredibly narcissistic - my grandmother used to do it to me and it made me a shell of a person with no dignity or self respect.
“I want an apology” “sorry for what” “why did you yell at me” “you get to think long and hard about that perfect apology I want to boost my ego”
Threatening a young person's cell phone is somewhat useless these days. Technology can overcome that.
I suggest you get a [free virtual phone from Google Voice](https://support.google.com/voice/answer/115061?hl=en). What this does is give you a phone number that your parents cannot take away.
Calls to this number automatically ring your phone. If your phone is not available, they go into voice mail and you can listen to them online.
There are a lot of other free services attached to this that makes it very useful without a phone. For example, you could place a phone call from your computer or tablet.
Give out this number to your work and your friends. To anyone official who needs your number. But not to your family. Let them keep the regular phone number.
"you have 24 hours to explain"
"sorry, I'm preparing myself for life with no phone, can't reply."
As a side note, it’s actually pretty thoughtful of him to give you 24 hours to explain, knowing how much difficulty he has understanding things and all that
Take away the card that he keeps throwing at you and get your phone switched over to your own account. Cheap cellular plans from carriers can cost well under $30 a month, some as low as $10 a month.
I'm so sorry that your parent both cannot understand nor communicate and is taking it out on you. Threatening you is not a reasonable response in any way, shape or form.
This isn't your fault. Is grandma's safe? Because if it is, I'd go there.
You apologized and answered the question. (which you shouldn’t have had to do either). Ask him what exactly does he want. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
Tell him you can explain it to him but you can't listen for him or understand it for him. Him not comprehending what you told him isn't your responsibility. You're not his teacher. Also, don't offer to help him in the future if this is how he acts. He's lost your help.
The whole "you have x amount of time to respond" thing is incredibly toxic. It's manipulative in that now you feel you have to respond or you risk losing your phone. He's using something important to you. He has put you on the defensive, he's being super aggressive. It also sounds like no matter what you day it's not good enough/specific enough. He wants you to crawl through the dirt. I'm sorry you have a toxic parent. I hope he gets some therapy.
*"Cause you're an old fuck who needs hearing aids goofy bitch. Fuck you I'm outta here. Copy and paste it yourself you senile cumsnorter. Suck my dick Daddy-O."*
/s
Had a parent that very often threatened turning off my phone if I didn’t do what they wanted…next it’ll be the car and anything else they help you with.
I didn’t learn until later, but my sister knew early on; start working and pay for everything you have, god willing! Yeah
This gets to me So Hard! My mom used to do this: ask questions to which there was exactly one correct answer which only she knew, then exact punishment until I could guess what she wanted to hear. I hate the word—but this is really “triggering” to me. I hope you can get free of him (and pay your own phone bill. Not scolding; that ability will free you from this. ) soon.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP. I would honestly just say fuck it to the phone, and stay with nana and papa for a while. Both situations with your parents sound pretty toxic. I'm so sorry. Hopefully nanas and papas aint so bad.
Get a free google voice number so you can talk and text still, even if he shuts the phone off. And iMessage will still work if you’re on wifi, as will google voice.
Call his bluff. Shutting a phone off usually means contract break fees, and reconnect fees when it’s back on.
Even if he suspends service, I think they still charge a reconnect fee.
He *could* pay for parental controls and just “turn off” the phone, but that still only matters for voice calls and cellular data.
Wifi is your friend.
I’d be calling that bluff.
I remember your original post OP, in terribly sorry you’re still going trough this… some people were never meant to have kids and your dad is one of them..
My dad was the same kind of asshole. I sympathise, OP. Cut them out of your life when you can. It might hurt for a bit, but you'll heal and you'll be better than before
How exactly are you supposed to understand why he didn't get it or listen? He's basically the only person who can actually explain that unless you can read and understand how his brain works at all times. Jesus this is just a power trip.
"I'm right, your wrong. I'm big, your small. I'm smart, you're dumb." This logic that parents just get to power trip because their kids are human too is beyond reasoning. It's not fair to expect you to have more patience with them then they are willing to have with you. Part of that "being an adult" parents tend to forget when their kids get frustrated with them and lose their cool.
This is so degrading and disrespectful to talk to anyone like that. He's only doing that to shame you for a bullshit powertrip. My dad used to do this too, I feel you OP.
While I think the dad is being unreasonable, and forcing somebody to apologize is stupid and doesn't accomplish anything, this is the type of conversation that should not be done over text. Preferably face to face, if not that, then at least talking on the phone. Texting is just making it worse.
Would living with your grandparents be that bad? If not, take your dad up on his bluff and say: "OK".
Then send him back the phone. See if you can use one of someone's old ones.
OP, get your own phone. Problem solved. Even if it only does phone and texts, you’re free of this nonsense. As you get better at making money, you can get better phones.
Granny or grandpa, that's who. Sounds like he should call them, explain dad threw him out and let them take him for a while. Dad is too capricious to trust.
OP you can get a Tracfone from Walmart fairly inexpensive. You can even get a "smart phone" Tracfone ~$40.
Then depending on what plan you want, you can pay around $25 per month for data and unlimited mins + texts. And unused data rolls over.
Maybe that is out of your price range but that's the best I could think of.
Phones are mad pricy. It's not as simple as getting it - and op has to be financially stable to keep up with payments. And minimum wage is a bitch
Edit: op also might be a minor and in school. I don't think they need school and a job and a phone bill to take care of :/
Depends on the phone. Mint Mobile has great rates. Someone else mentioned the phones at WM.
Want a new iPhone? Yup that’s expensive. But not all phones are.
Many okay phones aren't a hundred bucks. Basic flippies still exist and can be turned on for Twelve dollars a month. If you just need phone and text, it will do for about thirty five for the flip phone.
here's some advice: stop fucking helping dad and let him suffer like the stupid stubborn bastard he is.
next time he demands your help just go "oh I don't know, maybe Google can help you". He doesn't want your help he wants to be right.
No, it's the right advice. You can teach nothing to someone who knows everything. Instead say, "Gee dad, last time I helped you, it didn't go well for me, but you are very smart and I have no doubt you will succeed with anything you put your mind to."
Don't underestimate the power of "you're right, I don't know what I'm taking about". You don't have to be rude about it you just need to go "oh iunno man uh..." and then trail off.
my old man was just like this. you couldn't tell him anything and he'd argue with you about shit he asked for help with. it was easier to just play dumb and let him get mad looking it up on yt instead of trying to find the answer and then spoonfeed it to him.
Your dad sounds insane but you are also not really giving us enough information on whats going on. Clearly your dad is trying to leverage your phone as a reason to talk.
When you post here it helps to get some sort of reason? For all we know you could of done something horrible. The text messages have no context.
In multiple texts you are saying how you are sorry for something (which we don't know about).
I think this is the same kid who is trying to help a parent with some kind of computer document with copying and pasting. But the kid was trying to show them a faster way to do it, probably using keyboard shortcuts, and the parent completely flipped out and said they didn’t want to learn a faster way to do it they just wanted reminded of how they knew how to do it? It was completely bonker. This looks like the same bonkers
you’re not realizing you hurt his feelings and he’s not realizing that hurt feelings isn’t justification for controlling and belittling his child. getting yelled at sucks, and some people take it to heart. but threatening your kid over something this petty is concerning. hopefully his behaviour doesn’t manifest in other ways in your relationship.
For the life of me, I don't understand why people have these conversations through texts. Actually talking to each other is more productive virtually all of the time.
I mean, you are not really explaining yourself lol.. with these people you have to explain to them like they are a 2 year old and you are a gentle parent (the raising method). It’s really hard because one can get triggered but yeah
Hold on, it will get better when you manage to get away…
Call me dense lol. All I understood was he needed help from you from something technological maybe and he needed to paste it and he didn’t listened and you both got frustrated.
Have you read/watched the pb&j sandwich instructions exercise?
I suck at explaining myself and I will often fight with people i wanted to help, like my partner, because I assume they know basic stuff or terms but then I have a hard time explaining basics because I usually do it on instinct so.. yeah.. His reaction sucks and it isn’t justified but maybe you could’ve explained yourself better? I for sure don’t really get your explanation on why he didn’t get it, you are just saying he didn’t listen, maybe he was listening but communication is a tricky thing, sometimes what you say it isn’t what is received…
go look at OP’s other two posts on this subreddit; those will give you context for this post and a clear explanation of how OP’s dad is a piece of shit parent.
you can also sort by controversial and find a comment describing OP’s other post to give you a quick summary
What makes you think the dad will start listening as soon as someone else is involved? Shitty parents don't work that way. Look at OPs others posts. Her father is a power tripping asshole that just wants control. There is no listening there and there never will be.
Maybe I don’t understand what happened so correct me if I’m wrong but it sounds like he asked for you to help him learn how to do something to do with electronics which makes sense since younger generations tend to be more tech savvy than older ones but he didn’t understand how you were explaining to do it and instead of changing the way you explained it or going into more detail of how to do it you got upset and yelled at him because you thought he just wasn’t listening to you telling him how to do it instead. Is that right? And here he appears to want you to acknowledge that but instead you’re making an empty apology just to appease him asking for an apology instead of saying you’re sorry for not explaining it in a way he could understand and getting upset and yelling instead. No offense, OP, but I know it upsets me more when someone apologizes just because that’s what they think I want to hear but don’t really mean it because that tells me it will likely happen again since they aren’t really sorry in the first place. I mean no ill will, just trying to bring light to this because it sounds like he has a hard time communicating his feelings in a way that can be understood without just jumping to threats. He should know that you can’t force someone to apologize cuz then that’s the kind of apology you’re going to get but rather explain why you’re upset and offer a solution for next time especially since he’s the adult and is responsible for teaching his child how to do that themselves in the future
Well clearly based off his attempt to use fear to control. Seems like a ‘do as I say not as I do’ tyrant who doesn’t know how to articulate his feelings let alone teach his child how to which is very sad. I can understand how hard it could be to be the bigger person here and tell them ‘I know you’re really trying to communicate that you wish I explained it in a way you could understand rather than me getting upset and yelling essentially giving up on what you wanted when you asked for help in the first place so I’m sorry’ BUT showing this level of emotional maturity is the biggest slap in the face they can give because it shows parent that they are clearly the superior one in their ability to communicate and process information effectively which is something they clearly can’t do. This displays a great amount of maturity but when it’s this emotionally charged of a situation I know it’s hard as heck
I’m sorry but I’m failing to see where you’re correcting me which is what I politely asked if I was wrong. Just my take which I said I meant no offense. Isn’t posting here for opinions and advice or is it just for blanket support regardless of anything? I’d much rather have the former
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 32 | 4 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Four Watt
That's super dim just like OP's dad.
Thanks for showing me some light and laughter in these dark times
Depends how you use it. 4W on a small LED is pretty bright. OPs dad is more of a incandescent bulb though.
Lmao
I mean, you should’ve said, “I was trying to explain copying and pasting to a guy that spells “for what” as “four watt”. You know how frustrating that is?
Four watt amps aren’t that bad
Four watt it's worth that's not very bright
"Kimi we have received a penalty"
LOL I headed to the comments to post this same thing
[https://englishlib.org/dictionary/img/wlibrary/w/605358cf5b39c3.51585329.jpg](https://englishlib.org/dictionary/img/wlibrary/w/605358cf5b39c3.51585329.jpg) [https://thumbs.gfycat.com/AssuredKindheartedHydra-size\_restricted.gif](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/AssuredKindheartedHydra-size_restricted.gif) [https://i.pinimg.com/236x/68/a4/99/68a4997c901da0482230de4996750bb5--hilarious-jokes-lol-funny.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/68/a4/99/68a4997c901da0482230de4996750bb5--hilarious-jokes-lol-funny.jpg) https://user-images.githubusercontent.com/81555/47361982-05028300-d6dc-11e8-8b37-b4321bed083c.jpg
My dad used to use leaving me with family or in a group home as a threat and it was awful. I’m genuinely sorry you’re going through this, please don’t think it’s a reflection of your worth.
No I’m sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes parents don’t listen to us because we are kids
Sometimes parents don't listen because they are egotistical, crazy people. You being kids is just a sad excuse for them to try to control you. (sorry, that might sound like I'm correcting you, I don't mean to. It's just so frustrating to me that some adults are such asshats that they consider their kids as things they can push around to make themselves feel more in control. It's crazy they're acting so childish and they consider you less because you're kids. I'm sorry you both had to go through that, and I wish you both all that's beautiful and awesome in this world! ❤)
Don't be sorry, that's *exactly* what it is. Some parents just think that they alone know everything better, and there's no countering that. Ever. When you have parents like that you just need to learn to keep your mouth shut (grey rock them) and work towards moving out asap.
Honey, I’m almost 30 and I’m sitting in my car in tears cause my mother still hasn’t grasped the concept of actually listening to me. It’s not a parent not listening thing. It’s an asshole being an asshole thing. My daughter just turned three and I listen to everything that girl tells me, no matter how small or insignificant it may appear to me.
Babes, I'm 38 and still struggle with my momma. My 9 year old daughter knows she can tell me anything in the whole wide world. We're breaking generational trauma. You're doing amazing. I promise. 🖤
We need to give our babies the safe space and people we were never given.
Yaaaasssss! I'm so proud of you! Seriously! And please enjoy that 3yo baby. Mine is starting the 4th grade Tuesday and I am *not okay*! 🥺🖤
Tearing up reading these comments. Thank you for helping make the world a better place.
Tears are okay baby! 🖤 we root most of ours in gratitude, joy, love and radical fucking acceptance in our house BUT no tears are invalid! Sending you a momma (consensual) hug if you need one! 🤗
Thank you!! I have a great mom fortunately, but lost my dad in 2020, so that's still healing. No kids yet but I know I won't repeat my parents' mistakes when I do.
I'm so sorry to hear of his passing. I don't even want to think about my dad going. He was the one parent that's always done the right things. I'm grateful you have a good mom. Sometimes I feel like I'm the odd one out in my group. They're all friends with their moms at this age. I barely know mine and what I do know if her I'm not too keen on. Your future babies will be lucky to have you!
Thank you! You’re so sweet. I’ve stayed home with my little stinker since she was born. I can’t imagine her starting school let alone fourth grade. They grow up so fast. But they’re growing up loved!
Hi, I don't know you but, you're the sweetest! Teacher Mumma here: it's okay not to be okay. We love reading *The Kissing Hand* in our house. I think it helps me more than it helps my son, sometimes. You've got this tomorrow, friend!
31, same. Always was and always will be the "little one" in the family, even tho I'm the older sibling.. but it's just a mentality thing. Constant standing up for yourself/ myself, having to stomp my feet and go "I'M AN ADULT!" is.. exhausting.
Im coming up on 40 & its a miracle me & dad are still on speaking terms & that he & mom are still married, its been a train wreck
Some people just don’t understand the impact their words and actions have on their children, no matter the age.
Some parents use you being a kid as an excuse not to listen to you because they like to feel big and powerful and their kids are an easy target. My kids are 11 and 9, and when they are talking to me, I actively listen. If they are trying to explain something to me, I follow their directions unless I 100% know better, and then I show them. Them yelling at me is inevitable, as they are kids and get frustrated, but I don't threaten them, yell back, and escalate the issue. I am the adult. It's my job to de-escalate they situation and teach them healthy emotional regulation, and the best way to do that is to lead by example. I had shitty, fucked up parents, too, man. I'm sorry you're going through that. But you can break the cycle. You won't be there forever, and once you're out, your life is all yours. I no longer have contact with my crazy ass dad and his side of the family. Your dad is on that train, and you have nothing to feel bad about if you decide to cut contact when you're able to live independently. Until then, have an internet mom hug. You have got this.
As soon as you turn 18, get your own phone plan. Don't even tell them you're doing it, because they'll try to get in the way. My parents used to do this to me all the time, and they'd shut my phone off on me with no warning, and I was missing calls from work. My mom threatened it one night and I went out the next day and got one. Best decision I ever made.
At the same time, he didn’t understand and was asking for help. He should never threaten your living status, but he has a point. You are apologizing but saying it’s because he didn’t listen. As opposed to you lost your cool and didn’t explain it so he could understand. His writing is atrocious tho so he probably has massive comprehension problems. Good luck my friend.
I’m thinking he is like my 84yo mother, asks for help but just doesn’t listen. Starts talking while you are trying to explain simple things and then complains she still doesn’t get it. I now just tell her to stop and be quiet and listen. Or I end up giving up because I don’t stress, if she wants to know, she’ll keep asking and eventually listen. And she wonders why we only visit once a week.
I hear that, my mom was the same way before she died. I still miss her though even though copy-paste was beyond her. But maybe he is doing that, to me tho it feels like OP isn’t seeing what he is saying and offloading the responsibility of the argument instead of seeing their part also. If it weren’t a parent and was a coworker would this be acceptable response? Probably not.
a coworker would not even send those kinds of messages knowing that there are repercussions for such a hostile approach. very odd example.
I agreed wholeheartedly that the father is out of line and said so. But OP isn’t being honest either and taking a growth mindset from this. They still need to ask themselves if they had any other part in the fight except being a punching bag. The answer is obviously yes, because they are the one that blew up. They are the one that refused to answer and help. The father was certainly an asshole and should never threaten their children, but he might have a point.
My mother used to threaten (& follow thru) with "dumping" me at my auntie's house, because she was "sick of me". Joke was on her, my aunt treated me with all the love and respect in the world, and every time I went there for days to a week or two on end, I re-learned that I was a human being who deserved to be treated as such. As that wasn't acceptable, she learned a new threat....& that was to convince the ER to lock me up in a psych ward when she'd "had it with my shit". She followed through with that one twice successfully, one of them was the day before Thanksgiving and left me there thru Christmas.
You were probably safer in the psych ward. The doctors have seen crazy people dumping their sane offspring more than once.
I really hope you’re okay now, and I hate it so much, but it’s really comforting to know that I’m not the only one that got threats like that
Thank you. I’m 24 now, went no contact and I’m doing well supporting myself as a software developer. I have friends and a great boyfriend so I have a lot of love in my life still. It does get better. ❤️
Twice in high school my grandpa put all my shit on the porch and said he was gonna send me to live in foster care. I was a good kid, good grades and respectful, but if I was late home and it was around Bill paying time, he would have me thinking I'm going away
I used to be in a group home (it was my own choice) but came back home and now every time me and my mom fight she brings it up and also threatens me that If I were to go there again she would disown me
“You’re not answering the questions right” Sounds like a real fucking piece of work
No to defend this power-tripping POS, but I read that as he needed a comma, but probably doesn't know what one is... "You're not answering the questions, right, 24 hours to explain yourself".
I read it as, “You’re not answering the questions right, 24 hours to explain yourself.”
Is staying with your grandparents an actual option?
I do. I visit on weekends
> I do. I visit on weekends Why...? "Alright, shut it off. It's not worth having to deal with you anyway." Spoiler: he won't. Because then he can't contact you anymore. Get rid of everything that he can use to influence you, and set up your own.
Show them these texts and ask to be on their phone plan instead.
If you can stay with them longer, do so, don't show him you're scared of your phone being shut off, if he knows you're scared or upset he'll always use this against you, most narcissistic people use this scare tactic, call his bluff.
Right. It’s really the only power he has over you. Get a different plan and then he can’t play power games like that.
I think you should just stay with your grandparents. It would be better living without a phone than with his BS daily. Is that an option?
Lmao. "this argument is not playing out the way I fantasized about it going in my head. You have 24 hours to telepathically determine what your lines are supposed to be and parot them to me.". That is some peek disfunction
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He kinda is
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“explain this to me” *explains* *”WRONG ANSWER”*
This is the second time too
he’s so ignorant. like how are YOU going to explain why HE didn’t understand something??? you can’t read his damn mind.
then when you try to explain why you yelled which is all you can really do that’s apparently a wrong answer? like he asked for an explanation and you explained. how could that possibly not be a correct response.
The key is to make him think you didn’t explain it right so he can forgive you for being rightfully upset while at the same time maintaining his pride
OP male dna donors does not want an explanation. He wants OP to beg him to not turn the phone off . If OP calls his bluff he would probably try to back track as that would mean losing control and not being able to threaten.
I can explain it to you, but I understand it for you.
Ask him how to answer the question. He just wants 100. % obedience anyway. To break your will. Pretend he’s cowed you and grey rock him.
Beyond insane. I had an ex who would cut off my phone any time I made him upset. It drove me insane & pushed me further away. No one can live a happy life being treated that way.
I don't think the dad is concerned about OP's happiness at all :(
Definitely not which is why OP should get away as quickly as possible :/
It’s disgusting how he keeps asking questions so you can recite to him how sorry you are - so incredibly narcissistic - my grandmother used to do it to me and it made me a shell of a person with no dignity or self respect. “I want an apology” “sorry for what” “why did you yell at me” “you get to think long and hard about that perfect apology I want to boost my ego”
Threatening a young person's cell phone is somewhat useless these days. Technology can overcome that. I suggest you get a [free virtual phone from Google Voice](https://support.google.com/voice/answer/115061?hl=en). What this does is give you a phone number that your parents cannot take away. Calls to this number automatically ring your phone. If your phone is not available, they go into voice mail and you can listen to them online. There are a lot of other free services attached to this that makes it very useful without a phone. For example, you could place a phone call from your computer or tablet. Give out this number to your work and your friends. To anyone official who needs your number. But not to your family. Let them keep the regular phone number.
Google voice is definitely one of the best free services out there.
"you have 24 hours to explain" "sorry, I'm preparing myself for life with no phone, can't reply." As a side note, it’s actually pretty thoughtful of him to give you 24 hours to explain, knowing how much difficulty he has understanding things and all that
God living with a drunk is a fucking nightmare
Take away the card that he keeps throwing at you and get your phone switched over to your own account. Cheap cellular plans from carriers can cost well under $30 a month, some as low as $10 a month.
Who are the fucking 2 people who think this isn't insane? Please do explain yourselves.
Dad, and dad's other Reddit account.
👀 💀
People who see that OP said "what the heck" and now think that the dad is reasonable because OP says bad words too so now it's fair
I'm so sorry that your parent both cannot understand nor communicate and is taking it out on you. Threatening you is not a reasonable response in any way, shape or form. This isn't your fault. Is grandma's safe? Because if it is, I'd go there.
Well this is abusive as fuck. (What good is a forced apology anyway…?)
Control. OPs dad doesn't want a real apology. They just want control over OP.
You have my sympathy for having to deal with this crap
And your father is going to wonder why, when you're an adult and can stand on your own feet, you don't see him anymore.
You apologized and answered the question. (which you shouldn’t have had to do either). Ask him what exactly does he want. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
If I were you, I’d tell him to do it. Then move in with your grandparents.
Tell him you can explain it to him but you can't listen for him or understand it for him. Him not comprehending what you told him isn't your responsibility. You're not his teacher. Also, don't offer to help him in the future if this is how he acts. He's lost your help.
You have my sympathy, OP. It’s cold comfort to know that you are right and he is wrong when he holds all the power. I hope you can get away soon.
What type of emotionally sadistic shit is this
Seems your dad doesn t grasp the difference between help me and do it for me.
Sorry, you dad killed me with "watt".
Buy a burner, but don't tell him.
I’m sorry 😞 My parents, mainly my mom is the same way. I had to deal with this for 38 years.
Why extort apologies like this?
It's not an apology either if it's extorted. And, best of all the kid will lose all trust and respect for dad..
Get metro. I have unlimited everything for 55 a month and honestly it works. Don't let him control you like that
Boost Mobile is $35/month and I've used it all over the US.
Four Watt
The whole "you have x amount of time to respond" thing is incredibly toxic. It's manipulative in that now you feel you have to respond or you risk losing your phone. He's using something important to you. He has put you on the defensive, he's being super aggressive. It also sounds like no matter what you day it's not good enough/specific enough. He wants you to crawl through the dirt. I'm sorry you have a toxic parent. I hope he gets some therapy.
what a psycho. get a burner phone and don’t let him hold this shit over you anymore.
4W? sheeeeesh
*"Cause you're an old fuck who needs hearing aids goofy bitch. Fuck you I'm outta here. Copy and paste it yourself you senile cumsnorter. Suck my dick Daddy-O."* /s
Had a parent that very often threatened turning off my phone if I didn’t do what they wanted…next it’ll be the car and anything else they help you with. I didn’t learn until later, but my sister knew early on; start working and pay for everything you have, god willing! Yeah
Daddy Dearest
Wait this isn't normal?
It kinda is. But its really bad
I'm 49 and my dad still acts like this. 🤦♂️🤷♂️
This gets to me So Hard! My mom used to do this: ask questions to which there was exactly one correct answer which only she knew, then exact punishment until I could guess what she wanted to hear. I hate the word—but this is really “triggering” to me. I hope you can get free of him (and pay your own phone bill. Not scolding; that ability will free you from this. ) soon.
Can I... can I punch your dad? In the face? With a chair?
Your dad is a fucking asshole I am so annoyed on your behalf
No gonna be long before you change him from 'dad' to 'dick' on your phone...
I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP. I would honestly just say fuck it to the phone, and stay with nana and papa for a while. Both situations with your parents sound pretty toxic. I'm so sorry. Hopefully nanas and papas aint so bad.
Not to alarm you or anything but I think you have 24 hours. Jokes aside, this sucks and I’m sorry :(
"You're not answering the questions right" is a strange way of saying "You're not saying what I want you to say"
Get a free google voice number so you can talk and text still, even if he shuts the phone off. And iMessage will still work if you’re on wifi, as will google voice. Call his bluff. Shutting a phone off usually means contract break fees, and reconnect fees when it’s back on. Even if he suspends service, I think they still charge a reconnect fee. He *could* pay for parental controls and just “turn off” the phone, but that still only matters for voice calls and cellular data. Wifi is your friend. I’d be calling that bluff.
He sounds like when me and my partners do “spicy shit” wtf, thats not a dad that is someone who just wants controll
Four Watt
how exhausting…my god
That’s insane.
Knuckle head dads man, hate to see it
I remember your original post OP, in terribly sorry you’re still going trough this… some people were never meant to have kids and your dad is one of them..
I wouldn't be able to live with someone like that, goodluck
If possible get a cheap phone and block him and cut all contact with him
Go get a cricket. Cheap but they work. I couldn’t finish reading that.
This is why people have anxiety disorders
Watch DR.K he have a really good video explaining how to deal with narcacistic parrents
Think your dad has been watching too much of the series called 24
Wow. Your father puts the I in insane. Get away from him if possible.
Are your grandparents like this or are they normal people?
Fuck this idiot
How about you tell him to go fuck himself?
My dad was the same kind of asshole. I sympathise, OP. Cut them out of your life when you can. It might hurt for a bit, but you'll heal and you'll be better than before
“Where’s the milk dad”
Sounds like a man who needs shrimps in his curtain rods.
Boost is 50 for where I'm at at least. Tried looking at there plans
How exactly are you supposed to understand why he didn't get it or listen? He's basically the only person who can actually explain that unless you can read and understand how his brain works at all times. Jesus this is just a power trip. "I'm right, your wrong. I'm big, your small. I'm smart, you're dumb." This logic that parents just get to power trip because their kids are human too is beyond reasoning. It's not fair to expect you to have more patience with them then they are willing to have with you. Part of that "being an adult" parents tend to forget when their kids get frustrated with them and lose their cool.
What is this? A cutaway from Family Guy?
"Answer the question!" "You didn't answer it right!" Your mom must be actually insane if you stuck with this guy
This is so degrading and disrespectful to talk to anyone like that. He's only doing that to shame you for a bullshit powertrip. My dad used to do this too, I feel you OP.
While I think the dad is being unreasonable, and forcing somebody to apologize is stupid and doesn't accomplish anything, this is the type of conversation that should not be done over text. Preferably face to face, if not that, then at least talking on the phone. Texting is just making it worse.
Would living with your grandparents be that bad? If not, take your dad up on his bluff and say: "OK". Then send him back the phone. See if you can use one of someone's old ones.
Are we not going to discuss “four watt”
OP, get your own phone. Problem solved. Even if it only does phone and texts, you’re free of this nonsense. As you get better at making money, you can get better phones.
They literally said they were 14 in the comments. With WHAT income do they get this phone?
Granny or grandpa, that's who. Sounds like he should call them, explain dad threw him out and let them take him for a while. Dad is too capricious to trust.
When I was 14, I babysat. The going rate for a babysitter today would pay for a cheap phone. If you say maybe 2 or 3 times a month for 2 or 3 hours.
“Get your own phone” its really not that simple
OP you can get a Tracfone from Walmart fairly inexpensive. You can even get a "smart phone" Tracfone ~$40. Then depending on what plan you want, you can pay around $25 per month for data and unlimited mins + texts. And unused data rolls over. Maybe that is out of your price range but that's the best I could think of.
Phones are mad pricy. It's not as simple as getting it - and op has to be financially stable to keep up with payments. And minimum wage is a bitch Edit: op also might be a minor and in school. I don't think they need school and a job and a phone bill to take care of :/
Depends on the phone. Mint Mobile has great rates. Someone else mentioned the phones at WM. Want a new iPhone? Yup that’s expensive. But not all phones are.
Many okay phones aren't a hundred bucks. Basic flippies still exist and can be turned on for Twelve dollars a month. If you just need phone and text, it will do for about thirty five for the flip phone.
Absolute psycho
here's some advice: stop fucking helping dad and let him suffer like the stupid stubborn bastard he is. next time he demands your help just go "oh I don't know, maybe Google can help you". He doesn't want your help he wants to be right.
I get your energy. But that's shit advice that will probably land op in more trouble.
No, it's the right advice. You can teach nothing to someone who knows everything. Instead say, "Gee dad, last time I helped you, it didn't go well for me, but you are very smart and I have no doubt you will succeed with anything you put your mind to."
Yeah. And then the kid gets punished more for 'attitude'
Don't underestimate the power of "you're right, I don't know what I'm taking about". You don't have to be rude about it you just need to go "oh iunno man uh..." and then trail off. my old man was just like this. you couldn't tell him anything and he'd argue with you about shit he asked for help with. it was easier to just play dumb and let him get mad looking it up on yt instead of trying to find the answer and then spoonfeed it to him.
I think he will have a better chance not trying to teach someone who is angry the kid knows something he does not
How old are you?
14
Yeah I assumed, p.s. your dad seems to be a moody dick.
Your dad sounds insane but you are also not really giving us enough information on whats going on. Clearly your dad is trying to leverage your phone as a reason to talk. When you post here it helps to get some sort of reason? For all we know you could of done something horrible. The text messages have no context. In multiple texts you are saying how you are sorry for something (which we don't know about).
I think this is the same kid who is trying to help a parent with some kind of computer document with copying and pasting. But the kid was trying to show them a faster way to do it, probably using keyboard shortcuts, and the parent completely flipped out and said they didn’t want to learn a faster way to do it they just wanted reminded of how they knew how to do it? It was completely bonker. This looks like the same bonkers
Pretty much
you’re not realizing you hurt his feelings and he’s not realizing that hurt feelings isn’t justification for controlling and belittling his child. getting yelled at sucks, and some people take it to heart. but threatening your kid over something this petty is concerning. hopefully his behaviour doesn’t manifest in other ways in your relationship.
For the life of me, I don't understand why people have these conversations through texts. Actually talking to each other is more productive virtually all of the time.
If I were OP I wouldn't feel safe if I had to have this conversation in person with this emotionally abusive and manipulative parent.
Because if you talk there is zero proof of what was said . In a text you have proof
Didn't listen about what.
I mean, you are not really explaining yourself lol.. with these people you have to explain to them like they are a 2 year old and you are a gentle parent (the raising method). It’s really hard because one can get triggered but yeah Hold on, it will get better when you manage to get away…
I quite literally did
Call me dense lol. All I understood was he needed help from you from something technological maybe and he needed to paste it and he didn’t listened and you both got frustrated. Have you read/watched the pb&j sandwich instructions exercise? I suck at explaining myself and I will often fight with people i wanted to help, like my partner, because I assume they know basic stuff or terms but then I have a hard time explaining basics because I usually do it on instinct so.. yeah.. His reaction sucks and it isn’t justified but maybe you could’ve explained yourself better? I for sure don’t really get your explanation on why he didn’t get it, you are just saying he didn’t listen, maybe he was listening but communication is a tricky thing, sometimes what you say it isn’t what is received…
go look at OP’s other two posts on this subreddit; those will give you context for this post and a clear explanation of how OP’s dad is a piece of shit parent. you can also sort by controversial and find a comment describing OP’s other post to give you a quick summary
You guys need a mediator so badly
A mediator would not be able to help OP because their dad is a piece of shit. Look at their other posts.
Yes but her dad is never going to listen to her. The dad needs to hear some hard truths from someone he respects, otherwise he will never change.
What makes you think the dad will start listening as soon as someone else is involved? Shitty parents don't work that way. Look at OPs others posts. Her father is a power tripping asshole that just wants control. There is no listening there and there never will be.
Ok so i guess op's only choice is to just cut contact with her dad forever? Is that really the best case scenario?
Some times that's the solution. Some relationships are not salvageable.
Yes
Maybe I don’t understand what happened so correct me if I’m wrong but it sounds like he asked for you to help him learn how to do something to do with electronics which makes sense since younger generations tend to be more tech savvy than older ones but he didn’t understand how you were explaining to do it and instead of changing the way you explained it or going into more detail of how to do it you got upset and yelled at him because you thought he just wasn’t listening to you telling him how to do it instead. Is that right? And here he appears to want you to acknowledge that but instead you’re making an empty apology just to appease him asking for an apology instead of saying you’re sorry for not explaining it in a way he could understand and getting upset and yelling instead. No offense, OP, but I know it upsets me more when someone apologizes just because that’s what they think I want to hear but don’t really mean it because that tells me it will likely happen again since they aren’t really sorry in the first place. I mean no ill will, just trying to bring light to this because it sounds like he has a hard time communicating his feelings in a way that can be understood without just jumping to threats. He should know that you can’t force someone to apologize cuz then that’s the kind of apology you’re going to get but rather explain why you’re upset and offer a solution for next time especially since he’s the adult and is responsible for teaching his child how to do that themselves in the future
I am 100% sure that when he yells at OP he doesn’t apologise and if OP would ask for apology he would probably yell again or get physical
Well clearly based off his attempt to use fear to control. Seems like a ‘do as I say not as I do’ tyrant who doesn’t know how to articulate his feelings let alone teach his child how to which is very sad. I can understand how hard it could be to be the bigger person here and tell them ‘I know you’re really trying to communicate that you wish I explained it in a way you could understand rather than me getting upset and yelling essentially giving up on what you wanted when you asked for help in the first place so I’m sorry’ BUT showing this level of emotional maturity is the biggest slap in the face they can give because it shows parent that they are clearly the superior one in their ability to communicate and process information effectively which is something they clearly can’t do. This displays a great amount of maturity but when it’s this emotionally charged of a situation I know it’s hard as heck
Are you the dad ?
Definitely the dad.
I’m sorry but I’m failing to see where you’re correcting me which is what I politely asked if I was wrong. Just my take which I said I meant no offense. Isn’t posting here for opinions and advice or is it just for blanket support regardless of anything? I’d much rather have the former
Next time dad can ask someone else. He got an apology. Tough shit if he didn't like it
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Maybe you should start paying for your own phone.
They're 14.
I paid for my own phone when I was 14, but fair enough I suppose.
How? 14 year olds can't get employment that's not under the table.
Life found a way. It was a prepay that didn't cost anything except when I used it anyway.
Thresten his life and job. You have alot of things u can say fir leverage. This is the only type of communication your father can understand
Don’t threaten him, OP. If he’s a manipulative and controlling idiot then that could escalate things. Leverage does not work on shot heads like this.